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Многократный увеличитель
The Booster Manifold
Сезон: 01Серия: 04
Описание
Когда инопланетяне испытывают стресс, из их тел начинают выходить маленькие безобидные существа гублеры. Однако однажды Корво испытывает настолько сильный стресс, что из него выходит редкий большой красный агрессивный гублер, с которым инопланетянам теперь приходится справляться. В это время у репликантов на головах вырастают растения, которые Юмьюлак и Джесси принимают за половое созревание. Эти растения испускают некую пыльцу, которая делает людей, находящихся по близости, добрыми. Однако, когда пыльца Юмьюлака и Джесси смешивается, она оказывает на находящихся рядом людей негативное воздействие. Попутно Корво и Терри пытаются купить гидроцикл.
Субтитры
- 00:00:04,212 --> 00:00:06,923 Terry, will you hand me the deatomizer? The Phillips one.
- 00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,717 The booster manifold is misaligned.
- 00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:12,220 Man, hey, I took this quiz to find out what Jet-Skis fit my personality
- 00:00:12,303 --> 00:00:14,764 and turns out, all of them do. Look at this.
- 00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:16,891 - KORVO: Ah, Terry, help! - Oh, I'm sorry.
- 00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:18,143 - Oh, my beautiful body. - Oh, God.
- 00:00:18,226 --> 00:00:19,894 Put me in the thing, Terry. Put me in the medical thing.
- 00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:21,396 I don't--I don't know what you're talking about.
- 00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:22,897 - The thing with the red light. - What thing, which thing, what thing?
- 00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:24,149 - Which thing? Point to the thing. - Right there.
- 00:00:24,232 --> 00:00:25,525 Oh, God, I'm slipping away. My one regret.
- 00:00:25,650 --> 00:00:27,444 I didn't read enough manuals. Tell everyone you know
- 00:00:27,569 --> 00:00:30,739 to take the time to read more manuals or they'll regret--
- 00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:32,407 Ah!
- 00:00:32,532 --> 00:00:33,700 [pained groans]
- 00:00:35,910 --> 00:00:37,454 [machine beeping, whirring]
- 00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:38,455 [ding]
- 00:00:38,538 --> 00:00:39,622 [air hissing]
- 00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:41,583 That didn't seem too bad, honestly.
- 00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:45,420 You are so annoying. I'm up there doing dangerous work. You have to be careful.
- 00:00:45,503 --> 00:00:48,298 I already said that it didn't seem too bad. What else do you need, man?
- 00:00:48,423 --> 00:00:50,050 We're supposed to be working together to survive,
- 00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:52,969 - and you, you just, you make it worse. - All right, look, breathe.
- 00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:55,805 The only thing that matters is today we're gettin' a Jet-Ski.
- 00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:58,141 By this afternoon, we're gonna be jumpin' the wake,
- 00:00:58,224 --> 00:01:00,268 gleamin' the cube, dockin' the dog.
- 00:01:00,351 --> 00:01:03,188 Bologna sandwich in one hand, and a, and a Mountain Dew in the other.
- 00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:06,024 Oh, I have been looking forward to the gleaming the cube part.
- 00:01:06,107 --> 00:01:08,443 I've gleamed many items before, but never a cube.
- 00:01:08,526 --> 00:01:10,779 It's gonna be fun in the sun from now on.
- 00:01:10,862 --> 00:01:12,989 A Jet-Ski is exactly what you need to relax.
- 00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:15,033 You're right. I-I need to stop stressing out so much.
- 00:01:15,116 --> 00:01:18,578 I'm gooblering more than Zortex at the Camoodian Eve parade.
- 00:01:18,661 --> 00:01:21,664 - Poof, whatever that means. - Why are your jeans in the freezer?
- 00:01:21,790 --> 00:01:24,959 Jen Garner had an Insta all about cleaning your jeans like freezing sushi.
- 00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:28,671 How am I supposed to enjoy the one Diet Dr. Pepper
- 00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:32,217 I allow myself a day with blue fucking ice cubes?
- 00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:34,177 [yells]
- 00:01:34,302 --> 00:01:36,137 [retches]
- 00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:42,393 Um, hey, little fella.
- 00:01:42,519 --> 00:01:43,394 [screams]
- 00:01:44,854 --> 00:01:46,064 Get fucked!
- 00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:50,568 - What the hell was that? - A red goobler.
- 00:01:50,652 --> 00:01:52,112 What, what do the red ones do?
- 00:01:52,237 --> 00:01:54,405 I don't know.
- 00:01:55,031 --> 00:01:57,408 KORVO: <i>Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia.</i>
- 00:01:57,492 --> 00:01:59,369 <i>Until the asteroid hit.</i>
- 00:02:00,578 --> 00:02:02,914 <i>One hundred adults and their replicants were issued a Pupa</i>
- 00:02:02,997 --> 00:02:05,083 <i>and escaped into, uh, the space,</i>
- 00:02:05,208 --> 00:02:07,919 <i>searching for new homes on uninhabited worlds.</i>
- 00:02:08,002 --> 00:02:11,131 <i>We crashed on Earth, stranding us on an already overpopulated planet.</i>
- 00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:12,924 <i>That's right, I've been talking this whole time.</i>
- 00:02:13,007 --> 00:02:14,717 <i>I'm the one holding the Pupa. My name's Korvo.</i>
- 00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:16,427 <i>This is-- this is my show. I just dropped the Pupa.</i>
- 00:02:16,511 --> 00:02:18,471 <i>Do you see me? This, this is ridiculous.</i>
- 00:02:18,555 --> 00:02:20,473 <i>I hate Earth. It's a horrible home.</i>
- 00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:22,767 <i>People are stupid. Everyone claims to like old people</i>
- 00:02:22,851 --> 00:02:24,269 <i>but they're not fucking them.</i>
- 00:02:24,352 --> 00:02:26,312 <i>I fuck old people all the time. They love me.</i>
- 00:02:26,437 --> 00:02:28,398 ♪ dramatic music playing ♪
- 00:02:28,481 --> 00:02:30,859 <i>♪</i>
- 00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:35,613 Hey, at lunch, do you wanna see what happens
- 00:02:35,697 --> 00:02:36,990 if we drink all the sodas at once?
- 00:02:37,073 --> 00:02:39,659 There's a Coke Zero chance I wanna do that.
- 00:02:39,742 --> 00:02:41,828 I have to focus on getting in with the cool kids.
- 00:02:41,911 --> 00:02:43,413 There's an opening at their lunch table now.
- 00:02:43,496 --> 00:02:46,332 - Ricky Smalling's in an iron lung. - Ricky was super cool.
- 00:02:46,416 --> 00:02:50,545 He was dating two of the Stacis. Each Staci is worth like ten Rebeccas.
- 00:02:50,628 --> 00:02:53,173 You think you can fill that power vacuum?
- 00:02:53,298 --> 00:02:55,925 My plan is to just slip into the seat, do nothing,
- 00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:57,844 then eventually, it'll seem normal that I'm there.
- 00:02:57,969 --> 00:02:59,762 - It worked for Hulu. - Hopefully, they'll invite me
- 00:02:59,846 --> 00:03:02,098 to Cooper Barn's party and I'll learn so much about humanity.
- 00:03:02,223 --> 00:03:04,309 Because that's the only reason I'm doing it. You know, for science.
- 00:03:04,434 --> 00:03:06,561 Keep your mouth shut. Don't ruin this for me.
- 00:03:06,644 --> 00:03:10,440 Well, if you're getting in with them, I'm getting in with the Stacis.
- 00:03:10,523 --> 00:03:13,234 [quietly] 'Cause I'm afraid of them.
- 00:03:13,318 --> 00:03:14,777 Okay, so I'm paraphrasing here.
- 00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:16,571 You know I love when you motherfucking paraphrase.
- 00:03:16,654 --> 00:03:19,157 - Give it to me, baby. - Most gooblers are passive non-verbal
- 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:21,701 stress creatures who dance and sing and wander off
- 00:03:21,784 --> 00:03:23,786 to go see the world or whatever they do.
- 00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:26,497 The red gooblers only appear every 100,000th goobler.
- 00:03:26,581 --> 00:03:28,082 I knew you gooblered too much.
- 00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:30,001 [shouting] Why are you always so stressed?
- 00:03:30,084 --> 00:03:32,045 Why, why, why? Come on, tell me, man.
- 00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:34,339 - Why? Tell me. - Red gooblers are lethal.
- 00:03:34,422 --> 00:03:36,090 Their sole goal in life is to kill the host
- 00:03:36,174 --> 00:03:38,551 either by direct violence or by stressing them out so much
- 00:03:38,635 --> 00:03:40,887 that their body goes into something called fetal shock.
- 00:03:40,970 --> 00:03:43,181 It's where your brain turns into a baby and then you die.
- 00:03:43,264 --> 00:03:45,600 - Well, good luck with that, baby brain. - This is your fault.
- 00:03:45,683 --> 00:03:48,436 At least half of these gooblers were because of stupid shit you've done.
- 00:03:48,519 --> 00:03:50,563 Okay, okay, look. Don't make another red goobler.
- 00:03:50,647 --> 00:03:52,982 He probably already forgot about you anyway. Gooblers are dumb.
- 00:03:53,107 --> 00:03:54,400 [tapping on glass]
- 00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:56,236 -"I'm going to mill you"? - Oh, my God.
- 00:03:56,319 --> 00:03:58,363 - I think he means kill. -[cackles]
- 00:04:02,283 --> 00:04:04,327 ♪ dramatic music playing ♪
- 00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:07,372 <i>♪</i>
- 00:04:08,373 --> 00:04:09,415 [school bell rings]
- 00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:12,335 All right, some of you may have noticed you're going through changes.
- 00:04:12,418 --> 00:04:15,046 Like Paul over here. It's okay, Paul.
- 00:04:15,129 --> 00:04:17,632 Puberty is something that happens to all of us.
- 00:04:17,715 --> 00:04:21,511 It's completely natural and if you're like me, comes very early.
- 00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:24,973 I mean, I'm not ashamed to admit I got my period at six years old.
- 00:04:25,056 --> 00:04:26,683 Oh, no. Oh, oh.
- 00:04:28,393 --> 00:04:31,271 [gasps] Puberty!
- 00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:34,649 [gasps] Staci K. [gasps] Staci F.
- 00:04:34,732 --> 00:04:36,317 Staci G. is out.
- 00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:38,069 She went into the woods to look for Slenderman.
- 00:04:38,152 --> 00:04:40,238 Ugh, she's such a slut for Slenderman.
- 00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:43,116 What the fuck are you doing in our bathroom, weirdo?
- 00:04:43,241 --> 00:04:45,952 First, I'm gonna make up a mean nickname for you.
- 00:04:46,035 --> 00:04:49,038 And then, she's gonna force you to eat a tampon.
- 00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:52,166 I've been slow cooking it all day.
- 00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,961 -[whispers] In my vagina. - Uh...
- 00:04:55,044 --> 00:04:56,379 uh, oh!
- 00:04:58,131 --> 00:04:59,048 [both gasp]
- 00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:02,635 Wow, you are, like, so beautiful.
- 00:05:02,719 --> 00:05:05,763 I'm sure you get asked this all the time, but can I touch your face?
- 00:05:05,847 --> 00:05:11,894 Uh, I do not get asked that all the time, and yeah. Touch away, Staci K.
- 00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:14,564 - Aiden, Braden, Jaeden, Mark. - Dude, that's Ricky's seat.
- 00:05:14,647 --> 00:05:16,024 Was Ricky's seat.
- 00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:20,153 So I'm at Benihana with my parents, and my Juul dies.
- 00:05:20,236 --> 00:05:21,654 And I'm like, oh, shit.
- 00:05:21,738 --> 00:05:24,991 But then I realize, I can just vape the onion steam.
- 00:05:25,116 --> 00:05:27,952 Hey, you guys. Cool headphones. What are you listening to? The sex?
- 00:05:28,036 --> 00:05:29,746 [quietly] I need to tell you something.
- 00:05:29,871 --> 00:05:31,289 Ugh, this table's weak now.
- 00:05:31,372 --> 00:05:33,249 Let's go recharge our headphones and jerk off.
- 00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,335 All right, fellas, keep it tight. I love you.
- 00:05:35,418 --> 00:05:38,421 I mean, okay. You just blew that for me!
- 00:05:38,504 --> 00:05:41,466 I was totally in. This is my cool kid table.
- 00:05:41,549 --> 00:05:43,509 You gotta find your own cool kids to hang with.
- 00:05:43,593 --> 00:05:46,220 - Like, those guys. - Those are cool kids?
- 00:05:46,304 --> 00:05:50,308 Yeah. I heard Lady Gaga wore that same cone to the Latin Grammys.
- 00:05:50,391 --> 00:05:52,226 So awesome. Good luck.
- 00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:54,395 ♪ dramatic music playing ♪
- 00:05:54,479 --> 00:05:56,481 <i>♪</i>
- 00:05:59,984 --> 00:06:00,985 Okay, you ready?
- 00:06:01,819 --> 00:06:04,655 We gotta meet the guy selling us the Jet-Ski in an hour.
- 00:06:04,739 --> 00:06:06,741 His name is Trent. I mean, how Trent is that?
- 00:06:06,824 --> 00:06:08,618 Yes, Terry, I'm almost finished fortifying the house
- 00:06:08,701 --> 00:06:10,453 in case that little red butthole comes back.
- 00:06:10,536 --> 00:06:13,081 Oh, right, yeah, I should probably seal up all my hidden doors then.
- 00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:15,166 - What hidden doors? - I only have a couple, don't worry.
- 00:06:15,291 --> 00:06:17,001 ♪ dramatic music playing ♪
- 00:06:17,126 --> 00:06:20,296 ♪
- 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,969 Terry, that Wetzel's is a money pit. It doesn't have any foot traffic.
- 00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:28,846 It takes a year for a business to be profitable, okay?
- 00:06:28,930 --> 00:06:31,557 But free pretzel day is right around the corner.
- 00:06:33,601 --> 00:06:35,645 ♪ dramatic music playing ♪
- 00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:37,063 [screeching]
- 00:06:39,565 --> 00:06:40,566 [gunshot]
- 00:06:45,863 --> 00:06:47,281 [clamoring]
- 00:06:47,365 --> 00:06:49,951 - Hey, watch the nose. It's new. - Fuck you, Craig.
- 00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:52,245 Listen to me. You're not gonna believe this.
- 00:06:52,328 --> 00:06:55,540 I just had such a good experience with two girls in the bathroom,
- 00:06:55,623 --> 00:06:59,293 - and it's all because of this. - Nobody cares. What the hell is that?
- 00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:03,506 That's what I've been trying to tell you. It's my special flower.
- 00:07:03,589 --> 00:07:05,633 ♪ uplifting music playing ♪
- 00:07:05,716 --> 00:07:08,553 <i>♪</i>
- 00:07:10,555 --> 00:07:14,392 - I'm sorry I hit you in the nads, man. - No. I'm sorry I called your mom fat.
- 00:07:14,475 --> 00:07:16,394 I know she just got stung by a bunch of bees.
- 00:07:18,729 --> 00:07:21,149 - You did this. - Yep, totally her fault.
- 00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:24,277 Should we bully her until she decides to pursue a career in the arts?
- 00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:25,319 No, man, she's cool.
- 00:07:25,403 --> 00:07:27,321 Jesse, you should come to the big party tonight.
- 00:07:27,405 --> 00:07:29,699 - See you there? - Ha, you betcha.
- 00:07:29,824 --> 00:07:32,326 I really hate that I have to sell this baby.
- 00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:34,704 I can't believe the court made me choose between her and my kids.
- 00:07:34,787 --> 00:07:37,790 Now this can do sick flips, right? I mean, they have to be really sick.
- 00:07:37,915 --> 00:07:40,501 Oh, yeah, they're sick, dude. We had some great times together.
- 00:07:40,585 --> 00:07:42,753 Ah, I just want to make sure she goes to a good home, you know?
- 00:07:42,837 --> 00:07:44,630 -[loud bang] - Red goobler got a gun!
- 00:07:45,381 --> 00:07:48,634 That was a car backfiring, dude. Is someone huntin' you?
- 00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:50,511 I'm not sure that's the right home environment
- 00:07:50,595 --> 00:07:52,138 for a refined vehicle like this.
- 00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:54,390 No, no, no, don't worry, look. The only thing we're hunting for
- 00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:56,517 - is a great deal, Trent. - I hear that.
- 00:07:56,601 --> 00:07:58,394 [chuckles] Hey, you guys want to sit on this honey?
- 00:07:58,519 --> 00:07:59,687 - Yes, yes, yes, yes. - Obviously.
- 00:07:59,770 --> 00:08:01,272 - Me first. - No, I'm going first, Terry.
- 00:08:01,355 --> 00:08:02,482 The fuck out of my way!
- 00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:06,402 - Why do you have to ruin everything? - The flower saved the day.
- 00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,571 Damn it, I'm gonna tell Korvo and Terry.
- 00:08:08,654 --> 00:08:11,324 They're gonna chop it right off your head and no one will like you anymore.
- 00:08:11,407 --> 00:08:13,075 No, don't, please don't tell them.
- 00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:16,078 When I get home, I'm going to ruin your life.
- 00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:18,539 Not if I get there first.
- 00:08:18,664 --> 00:08:19,832 [horns honking]
- 00:08:19,957 --> 00:08:21,959 ♪ dramatic music playing ♪
- 00:08:22,043 --> 00:08:25,004 <i>♪</i>
- 00:08:31,469 --> 00:08:32,428 Ah!
- 00:08:36,474 --> 00:08:37,642 [glass shatters]
- 00:08:37,725 --> 00:08:38,851 [woman screams]
- 00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:40,895 Ah!
- 00:08:42,563 --> 00:08:43,814 Yeah!
- 00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:44,815 [screaming]
- 00:08:44,899 --> 00:08:46,359 Oh, god, oh, help me.
- 00:08:46,442 --> 00:08:48,444 [groaning]
- 00:08:52,031 --> 00:08:53,783 Shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo. Oh, no.
- 00:08:53,908 --> 00:08:54,784 [siren wails]
- 00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:01,666 He's lost too much of what I'm really hoping is blood.
- 00:09:01,791 --> 00:09:02,708 [monitor flatlines]
- 00:09:02,833 --> 00:09:04,043 No!
- 00:09:04,919 --> 00:09:07,213 No, no!
- 00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:12,510 - Thanks for saving my life, I guess. - Thanks for not dying.
- 00:09:12,593 --> 00:09:14,929 I'm still gonna tattle!
- 00:09:15,012 --> 00:09:16,138 Ah, jeez.
- 00:09:16,264 --> 00:09:18,224 ♪ somber music playing ♪
- 00:09:18,307 --> 00:09:21,644 <i>♪</i>
- 00:09:21,769 --> 00:09:22,937 [imitating motor]
- 00:09:24,146 --> 00:09:26,023 - Yeah. - Wait till you get her on the water.
- 00:09:26,148 --> 00:09:27,525 This goes on the water? What?
- 00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:29,860 You know what, this feels right. Yeah.
- 00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:33,239 - I'm gonna sell her to you guys. - Uh, so should we take her now?
- 00:09:33,322 --> 00:09:36,450 You mind if I drop her off? I just wanted to get one last ride in.
- 00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:40,413 - I got the red goobler. - Wait, are you guys weird?
- 00:09:40,496 --> 00:09:41,914 No, no, no. Look, okay.
- 00:09:41,998 --> 00:09:44,542 We've been playing a game of tag with our best friends for the past 20 years.
- 00:09:44,625 --> 00:09:46,168 It's actually brought us much closer together.
- 00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:49,297 We'll see you at our house later. Thanks for the Jet-Ski. You're cool. Bye!
- 00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:51,340 ♪ dramatic music playing ♪
- 00:09:51,465 --> 00:09:54,427 <i>♪</i>
- 00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:04,145 [auctioneering]
- 00:10:04,228 --> 00:10:05,605 ...SpongeBob SquarePants...
- 00:10:05,688 --> 00:10:07,565 [auctioneering]
- 00:10:09,942 --> 00:10:12,361 Oof, I am sorry. I freaked out a little.
- 00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,739 But the good news is we have secured the Jet-Ski
- 00:10:14,822 --> 00:10:17,074 and it looks like the red goobler is gone.
- 00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:19,535 Terry, did you poach eggs?
- 00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:22,079 No, I only like scrambled, fried, hard boiled, soft boiled,
- 00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:23,956 sunny side, over easy, over medium, over hard,
- 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:25,708 Easter, green, Benedict, McMuffin and deviled.
- 00:10:25,791 --> 00:10:27,793 - The red goobler was here! - Oh, I also like frittatas.
- 00:10:29,420 --> 00:10:30,838 How did he get in?
- 00:10:30,963 --> 00:10:32,673 ♪ dramatic music playing ♪
- 00:10:32,798 --> 00:10:34,800 He's whispering to the memory foam mattress, Terry.
- 00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:36,761 What is he telling it? What does that mattress remember?
- 00:10:36,844 --> 00:10:38,471 He unboxed my "Hunger Games" Funkos.
- 00:10:38,554 --> 00:10:40,931 Ah, I was saving President Snow for my YouTube channel.
- 00:10:41,015 --> 00:10:42,475 Now it's not even worth half a Phasma.
- 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:44,727 He's filling up our DVR with "Madame Secretary."
- 00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:46,228 - That's a mom show. - The son of a bitch
- 00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:48,230 - took my jeans out of the freezer. - Uh, I did that.
- 00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:49,940 Oh, my God, Trent is gonna be here soon.
- 00:10:50,024 --> 00:10:52,026 If he sees that and thinks someone has asked me to blow them,
- 00:10:52,109 --> 00:10:53,653 there's no way he's gonna sell us the Jet-Ski.
- 00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:55,780 No, no, no, no. Easy, big guy. Don't get stressed.
- 00:10:55,863 --> 00:10:57,740 That's what he wants, okay? We still have time to clean it up.
- 00:10:57,823 --> 00:10:59,742 We can't tell the replicants anything about the red goobler.
- 00:10:59,825 --> 00:11:01,202 I know Yumyulack will have night terrors
- 00:11:01,285 --> 00:11:02,912 and he'll end up sleeping in our bed again.
- 00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:05,039 - Terry, Korvo. - Please don't tell them.
- 00:11:05,122 --> 00:11:06,916 I prom... [gasps]
- 00:11:06,999 --> 00:11:08,584 Yumyulack, look.
- 00:11:08,709 --> 00:11:11,712 - I got one, too. It's beautiful. - Meh.
- 00:11:11,796 --> 00:11:13,422 We have to hide these from Korvo and Terry.
- 00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:15,383 It'll freak them out. Terry will have night terrors
- 00:11:15,466 --> 00:11:17,134 and he'll end up sleeping in one of our beds again.
- 00:11:17,218 --> 00:11:18,928 What? I thought you said it wasn't special.
- 00:11:19,011 --> 00:11:23,099 Yeah, but now I have one, so it's cool. This is our ticket to Cooper Barn's party.
- 00:11:23,182 --> 00:11:24,016 They're coming.
- 00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:28,771 - So, how was, uh, how was your day? - Fine.
- 00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:30,231 - How was your day? - Equally fine.
- 00:11:30,314 --> 00:11:31,774 Yep, there's no such thing as a red goobler.
- 00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:33,401 I was just saying the same thing about head flowers.
- 00:11:33,484 --> 00:11:35,194 - KORVO AND YUMYULACK: What? - TERRY AND JESSE: Nothing.
- 00:11:35,277 --> 00:11:37,363 I knew this day would come, but, man.
- 00:11:37,446 --> 00:11:40,324 It is hard to say good-bye to something you have been inside of.
- 00:11:40,408 --> 00:11:42,535 - Oh. - I, I meant metaphorically.
- 00:11:42,618 --> 00:11:44,745 - You know, whatever, dude. - Okay, well, uh, good luck
- 00:11:44,829 --> 00:11:47,123 with that whole thing, Trent. Um, we gotta go.
- 00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:48,749 We're late to get our backs waxed.
- 00:11:49,583 --> 00:11:51,752 Hurry, trap him in the garage.
- 00:11:52,837 --> 00:11:54,171 - Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, get him. -[cackling]
- 00:11:54,255 --> 00:11:56,716 God damn it. Shit, shit, grab him.
- 00:12:03,013 --> 00:12:06,434 [shuddering breaths] A small red man did this.
- 00:12:06,517 --> 00:12:07,393 [gasping]
- 00:12:07,476 --> 00:12:10,396 And I don't mean that as, like, derogatory toward little people.
- 00:12:10,479 --> 00:12:11,355 [groans]
- 00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:12,773 Or Native Americans, dude.
- 00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:14,942 He was just actually tiny and-- red--
- 00:12:15,025 --> 00:12:16,527 [groans]
- 00:12:16,610 --> 00:12:18,362 This is bad, Terry. The red goobler set us up.
- 00:12:18,446 --> 00:12:20,156 What are we gonna do? I can't go to prison.
- 00:12:20,239 --> 00:12:23,075 I don't have a butthole. How will I smuggle in treats?
- 00:12:24,285 --> 00:12:27,079 I wish I could say this wasn't something we see all the time.
- 00:12:27,204 --> 00:12:31,041 But this town has a real problem with unexplained high-concept injuries.
- 00:12:31,125 --> 00:12:33,461 It's like we're cursed. Damn.
- 00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:36,255 I'm sorry for your loss. Was he a good friend?
- 00:12:36,380 --> 00:12:38,966 No, he was more than that. He was a Jet-Ski.
- 00:12:39,091 --> 00:12:41,218 ♪ dance music playing ♪
- 00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:43,679 Wow, our first real-life high school party.
- 00:12:43,804 --> 00:12:45,598 It's just like I dreamed it would be.
- 00:12:45,681 --> 00:12:48,309 Look, Cooper Barn's already freaking out that people are trashing his house.
- 00:12:48,392 --> 00:12:50,561 That's a family heirloom. Get away from my dog.
- 00:12:50,644 --> 00:12:52,855 Brent, don't snort my dad's ashes. Fuck!
- 00:12:52,980 --> 00:12:55,566 - Classic Cooper. - So you hang out with the Stacis
- 00:12:55,649 --> 00:12:57,526 while I make my move on the podcast guys.
- 00:12:57,610 --> 00:13:00,321 I wanna be toxically entrenched in a clique by 8:00.
- 00:13:01,071 --> 00:13:02,948 - Whoo, Jesse. - Yas, Jesse.
- 00:13:03,073 --> 00:13:05,659 - Hey, what are you doing here? - Oh, uh...
- 00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,077 [coughs]
- 00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:10,247 Dude, dude, dude, psyched you're here, man.
- 00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:12,458 Love the headphones. You're not a poser at all.
- 00:13:12,541 --> 00:13:14,418 Do you wanna buy a van with me? We could do road trips.
- 00:13:14,502 --> 00:13:16,003 Oh, we could solve mys-- we could turn it into a food van.
- 00:13:16,086 --> 00:13:18,714 Oh, my God, I'm operating at such a different level, bro.
- 00:13:18,839 --> 00:13:21,634 Um, I have read that a Nissan Odyssey is a pretty sweet ride.
- 00:13:21,759 --> 00:13:24,053 Yeah, it is! Get in here, bro.
- 00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:26,180 ♪ dramatic music playing ♪
- 00:13:26,263 --> 00:13:29,141 <i>♪</i>
- 00:13:39,777 --> 00:13:41,862 I feel like the goobler's on my back. Is he on my back?
- 00:13:41,946 --> 00:13:44,156 For the millionth time, no. Wait, is he on my back?
- 00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:45,533 No, you're clear.
- 00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:47,326 Oh, man, is this what life is like from now on?
- 00:13:47,409 --> 00:13:49,829 Just waiting for a ketchup packet to stab us in the back?
- 00:13:49,954 --> 00:13:52,289 We have to take the fight to him. Just like Kevin McCallister,
- 00:13:52,373 --> 00:13:54,291 we shall not go softly into the night.
- 00:13:54,375 --> 00:13:57,419 He could be anywhere. In the vents, under a lampshade, the other side of town.
- 00:13:57,503 --> 00:13:59,171 Hey, think about it. He's literally made of your stress.
- 00:13:59,255 --> 00:14:00,089 So?
- 00:14:00,172 --> 00:14:03,759 So he's probably hiding out in the most stressful place you can imagine.
- 00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:05,302 [wolf howls]
- 00:14:05,386 --> 00:14:07,513 - This is your most stressful place? - Yes.
- 00:14:07,596 --> 00:14:10,808 For starters, how do they stay in business all year? It makes no sense financially.
- 00:14:10,891 --> 00:14:13,060 The whole place smells like the inside of a plastic bag.
- 00:14:13,143 --> 00:14:15,354 And for some reason, they sell marked-up PS4s.
- 00:14:15,437 --> 00:14:17,731 Plus I'm afraid of skeletons. Ah! See?
- 00:14:17,815 --> 00:14:19,525 Wait a minute, he's here. I can sense it.
- 00:14:19,608 --> 00:14:21,360 - Also, I can see him right there. -[grunts]
- 00:14:21,485 --> 00:14:23,529 ♪ dramatic music playing ♪
- 00:14:23,612 --> 00:14:26,031 <i>♪</i>
- 00:14:26,115 --> 00:14:28,325 Oh, great, now we have to pay for that.
- 00:14:29,076 --> 00:14:31,579 - Are you guys on molly? - Molly is on molly,
- 00:14:31,662 --> 00:14:34,331 but the rest of us are on Jesse.
- 00:14:34,415 --> 00:14:36,041 You want some of this?
- 00:14:38,085 --> 00:14:41,255 Oh, yes, Jesse. That's me, super cool.
- 00:14:41,380 --> 00:14:44,508 Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. All I'm saying is think about it.
- 00:14:44,633 --> 00:14:46,427 Are you thinking about it? Are you fucking thinking about it?
- 00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:47,970 - What am I thinking about? - Our trip to the woods.
- 00:14:48,053 --> 00:14:49,722 - Self-publishing an erotic cookbook. - Getting married.
- 00:14:49,805 --> 00:14:51,098 Yes, yes, and I'm not saying no, but I need to think about it.
- 00:14:51,223 --> 00:14:53,267 - I'm an idiot. I'm a fucking idiot. - BOTH: Oh, yeah!
- 00:14:53,392 --> 00:14:54,476 Hey, you guys want to hear a poem I just wrote?
- 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:55,394 Fuck yes, dude!
- 00:14:56,937 --> 00:14:59,982 This is the greatest night ever. I have a nickname.
- 00:15:00,065 --> 00:15:03,527 - They're calling me Yummy Bear. - You are such a Yummy Bear.
- 00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:05,487 - That's so you. - Right?
- 00:15:05,571 --> 00:15:08,032 Hey, uh, I'm sorry I've been such a dick.
- 00:15:08,115 --> 00:15:10,701 I know you just wanted to hang out and I guess I was jealous.
- 00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:14,496 You were a dick. But it's okay now.
- 00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:16,624 ♪ dramatic music playing ♪
- 00:15:16,707 --> 00:15:19,335 <i>♪</i>
- 00:15:22,254 --> 00:15:24,256 [grunting]
- 00:15:27,885 --> 00:15:29,428 [cackles]
- 00:15:35,142 --> 00:15:37,186 The makeup here is marked up 1,000 percent.
- 00:15:37,269 --> 00:15:39,855 - All these costumes are so slutty. - Keep it together, Korvo.
- 00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:41,690 He wants you stressed.
- 00:15:48,155 --> 00:15:49,281 [groans]
- 00:15:49,406 --> 00:15:51,116 - Fuck you! - There he is, get him.
- 00:15:51,241 --> 00:15:52,618 [babbling]
- 00:15:53,535 --> 00:15:54,411 Where did he go?
- 00:15:54,536 --> 00:15:56,372 [Red Goobler cackling]
- 00:15:56,497 --> 00:15:58,999 Fuck, I hate this kind of place. I hate mirrors, goddamn it.
- 00:15:59,124 --> 00:16:01,418 - This is so scary. -[cackling]
- 00:16:05,297 --> 00:16:07,299 [cackling continues]
- 00:16:17,309 --> 00:16:20,270 So apparently I'm buying a van, writing a cookbook,
- 00:16:20,354 --> 00:16:21,772 and maybe marrying Mark Melner.
- 00:16:21,855 --> 00:16:24,316 Lucky, I always thought he'd make a good dad.
- 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,402 Oh, hey, what's up, girl?
- 00:16:26,527 --> 00:16:27,528 [growls]
- 00:16:29,446 --> 00:16:30,739 [screams]
- 00:16:31,782 --> 00:16:33,701 What the heck? Staci K?
- 00:16:34,910 --> 00:16:35,995 I'll kill you!
- 00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:38,163 [all growling]
- 00:16:44,336 --> 00:16:47,047 Oh, shit, your dumb pollen must have mixed with my cool pollen
- 00:16:47,131 --> 00:16:48,298 and turned everyone into crazies.
- 00:16:48,424 --> 00:16:50,676 - Ah! Cripes. - Come on, let's get out of here.
- 00:16:50,759 --> 00:16:52,428 [grunting]
- 00:17:01,186 --> 00:17:04,481 Stay calm. You're the man, Korvo. You're a sexy hunk. Keep it together.
- 00:17:04,565 --> 00:17:06,692 TERRY: Korvo, where are you? Don't stress, man.
- 00:17:06,775 --> 00:17:08,527 We can still get him. Oh, my God!
- 00:17:08,610 --> 00:17:10,279 - What? - They have mini Japanese Kit Kats
- 00:17:10,362 --> 00:17:11,238 in all sorts of flavors.
- 00:17:11,363 --> 00:17:13,073 [Red Goobler babbling]
- 00:17:15,492 --> 00:17:16,452 - No! - Busted.
- 00:17:16,535 --> 00:17:18,412 - Check us out, bitch. -[groans]
- 00:17:20,414 --> 00:17:22,374 ♪ dramatic music playing ♪
- 00:17:22,458 --> 00:17:25,419 <i>♪</i>
- 00:17:33,552 --> 00:17:35,804 [rumbling]
- 00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,890 [animals clamoring]
- 00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:41,060 [Red Goobler babbling]
- 00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:44,563 Explain to me again why we aren't just killing this A-hole.
- 00:17:44,646 --> 00:17:46,190 If we do then, in a way, he wins.
- 00:17:46,273 --> 00:17:48,609 Maybe by cutting him open and studying his insides,
- 00:17:48,692 --> 00:17:51,278 I can learn how to control my stress instead of just avoiding it.
- 00:17:51,361 --> 00:17:54,907 Aw, that's nice, Korvo. But I still say we light this little cunt on fire.
- 00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:55,908 Oh, language, Terry.
- 00:17:55,991 --> 00:17:57,826 Sorry. I'm just all jacked up on green tea Kit Kats.
- 00:17:57,910 --> 00:18:00,746 Uh, guys, we have a big problem that Jesse caused.
- 00:18:00,829 --> 00:18:03,499 We grew flowers on our heads. We know it's a puberty thing
- 00:18:03,582 --> 00:18:05,709 - and that we're turning into adults. - What's "poo-berty"?
- 00:18:05,834 --> 00:18:09,004 You know, when humans grow hair and bleed out of their penises and stuff.
- 00:18:09,129 --> 00:18:10,255 - Oh, my God. - Oh, that's awful.
- 00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:12,257 - You're not a human. You don't get to have a puberty.
- 00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:14,968 You grow into our size and then eventually turn into a wise old tree.
- 00:18:15,052 --> 00:18:17,387 And if you're lucky, someone uses your body to build a house.
- 00:18:17,471 --> 00:18:19,515 This is just fungus you get from not washing your hands.
- 00:18:19,598 --> 00:18:21,642 - You gotta wash those hands. - It's fine as long as you didn't let
- 00:18:21,725 --> 00:18:24,394 your pollens mix and infect anyone, all right?
- 00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:27,356 The only way to stop this infection is to inject the serum under their skin.
- 00:18:27,439 --> 00:18:29,942 But we can't let them bite us or we'll turn crazy too.
- 00:18:30,025 --> 00:18:32,528 Which is why we have to use these emergency medical weapons.
- 00:18:32,611 --> 00:18:34,363 - We get to cut people up? - It doesn't hurt them.
- 00:18:34,446 --> 00:18:37,366 The cuts all heal themselves because of the sci-fi goo the blades emit.
- 00:18:37,449 --> 00:18:39,034 - Lame. - But wouldn't it be safer
- 00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:40,536 to use, like, a dart or something?
- 00:18:40,619 --> 00:18:41,787 You want to use a dart? Okay, yeah.
- 00:18:41,870 --> 00:18:43,705 Go ahead, use a dart. This is way cooler than a dart.
- 00:18:43,831 --> 00:18:46,583 Let's go stab some kids and save some lives.
- 00:18:46,708 --> 00:18:47,876 ♪ dramatic music playing ♪
- 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,838 <i>♪</i>
- 00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:52,589 [screams]
- 00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:02,224 Thank you.
- 00:19:02,307 --> 00:19:03,851 Oh, eat it!
- 00:19:05,394 --> 00:19:07,104 - Yes! - Thanks, man.
- 00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:14,653 I'm sorry, I'm healing you. You're welcome, I love you.
- 00:19:14,778 --> 00:19:16,071 Wow, thanks.
- 00:19:28,584 --> 00:19:30,419 Don't worry, they won't remember any of this.
- 00:19:30,502 --> 00:19:32,421 But they're gonna remember I'm cool, right?
- 00:19:32,504 --> 00:19:35,340 No, at best, they'll remember that you aren't.
- 00:19:44,975 --> 00:19:46,351 [grunting]
- 00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:57,529 - Oh, thanks, man. - Yeah, no problem.
- 00:19:57,654 --> 00:19:59,656 ♪ soft music playing ♪
- 00:20:00,741 --> 00:20:03,285 -[barking] -[quacking]
- 00:20:13,378 --> 00:20:14,630 [bell rings]
- 00:20:14,713 --> 00:20:17,716 - Whoa, dude, what are you doing? - Sitting with my party buds.
- 00:20:17,799 --> 00:20:19,593 - Last night was crazy, right? - Bro.
- 00:20:19,718 --> 00:20:23,096 - This table's for air podders only. - I could turn into a pod.
- 00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:26,308 No way, man. Pod save this seat for someone else.
- 00:20:28,018 --> 00:20:31,313 Sorry, Yummy Bear. Same thing happened to me with the Stacis.
- 00:20:31,396 --> 00:20:34,441 They told me to take my flat ass back to Planet Mexico.
- 00:20:34,524 --> 00:20:36,818 Everyone who's awesome and cool is such a jerk.
- 00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:39,529 I'm a jerk all the time, but it never gets me anywhere.
- 00:20:39,613 --> 00:20:42,908 Hey, uh, we heard you guys were at that crazy party last night.
- 00:20:43,033 --> 00:20:44,576 Who said it was crazy? No one got stabbed.
- 00:20:44,660 --> 00:20:47,079 Oh, no, no, no. We haven't been to any of those parties.
- 00:20:47,162 --> 00:20:48,580 We just want to hear about it.
- 00:20:48,705 --> 00:20:51,333 So first, we were all hanging out at Barn's house.
- 00:20:51,416 --> 00:20:55,003 - Was it in a real barn? - No, it was Cooper Barn's house.
- 00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:59,508 Apparently, cool kids call each other by their last name.
- 00:20:59,591 --> 00:21:00,884 ALL: Ooh.
- 00:21:06,348 --> 00:21:08,767 -[Red Goobler babbling] - Ah!
- 00:21:11,561 --> 00:21:13,605 ♪ dramatic music playing ♪
- 00:21:13,689 --> 00:21:15,524 <i>♪</i>
- 00:21:18,610 --> 00:21:23,615 Wake up, you little slut. It's time me and you had it out.
- 00:21:23,699 --> 00:21:25,492 What the?
- 00:21:25,575 --> 00:21:26,910 [gasps]
- 00:21:26,994 --> 00:21:29,871 No. No, no, no, no, no, no.
- 00:21:31,498 --> 00:21:34,668 - This is a regular goob-- - Terry, have you seen my tennis racket?
- 00:21:34,793 --> 00:21:37,337 I've noticed that women who play tennis are particularly dominant.
- 00:21:37,421 --> 00:21:40,007 I have a better chance of finding an assertive mate while--
- 00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:41,925 - What, where is the red goobler? - I killed him.
- 00:21:42,050 --> 00:21:43,552 - Damn, Terry, that's cold. - Yeah.
- 00:21:43,635 --> 00:21:46,138 I just, um, I knew as long as he was alive,
- 00:21:46,221 --> 00:21:47,931 you would always worry about him escaping,
- 00:21:48,015 --> 00:21:50,434 and I wanted you to have, just, less stress in your life.
- 00:21:50,517 --> 00:21:52,853 I care about you, man. So I chopped up his body
- 00:21:52,936 --> 00:21:55,939 and I fed it to the pigs, and I shot the pigs into space.
- 00:21:56,064 --> 00:21:58,275 So don't worry, those pigs are safe. No, they're not.
- 00:21:58,358 --> 00:22:00,777 That is the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me.
- 00:22:00,861 --> 00:22:02,070 Thank you, Terry.
- 00:22:03,822 --> 00:22:06,199 Oh, I feel so relaxed. I took a bath.
- 00:22:06,283 --> 00:22:08,118 Just a soak. Didn't even wash my junk.
- 00:22:08,201 --> 00:22:10,329 Nobody's hunting me anymore and it feels good, Terry.
- 00:22:10,412 --> 00:22:12,289 - It feels right. - Uh, yep, feels great. Good night.
- 00:22:12,372 --> 00:22:15,584 Ah, I will now enjoy the stress-free sleep of safety,
- 00:22:15,667 --> 00:22:17,878 knowing that no one out there is playing the long game
- 00:22:17,961 --> 00:22:20,714 waiting for me to drop my guard, or-or anything like that.
- 00:22:20,797 --> 00:22:21,882 Ah.
- 00:22:22,924 --> 00:22:24,760 [babbling]
- 00:22:28,221 --> 00:22:30,182 [seagulls cawing]
- 00:22:30,265 --> 00:22:32,309 ♪ tense music playing ♪
- 00:22:32,392 --> 00:22:35,354 <i>♪</i>
- 00:22:40,525 --> 00:22:42,110 [cackling]
- 00:23:29,699 --> 00:23:31,076 <i>Pew-pew, pew-pew-pew!</i>
- 00:00:04,615 --> 00:00:07,244 Терри, подай мне диайтемайзер.
- 00:00:07,245 --> 00:00:08,870 Надо подтянуть трубу ускорителя.
- 00:00:08,871 --> 00:00:12,412 Я прошёл тест, чтобы узнать, какой гидроцикл подходит моей личности.
- 00:00:12,414 --> 00:00:14,872 Оказывается, любой. Смотри.
- 00:00:15,250 --> 00:00:16,959 — А! Терри! — О, прости.
- 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:18,461 — Моё прекрасное тело! — Боже!
- 00:00:18,462 --> 00:00:19,962 Положи туда, в медицинскую штуку.
- 00:00:19,963 --> 00:00:20,964 Не знаю, о чем ты. Какую еще штуку?
- 00:00:20,965 --> 00:00:22,512 — С красной лампочкой. — Какую?
- 00:00:22,513 --> 00:00:23,966 Покажи точно.
- 00:00:23,967 --> 00:00:25,630 Боже, я распадаюсь. Жаль лишь,
- 00:00:25,631 --> 00:00:27,932 что я прочёл мало инструкций. Скажи всем,
- 00:00:27,933 --> 00:00:30,810 чтобы читали больше инструкций. Иначе… пожалеют…
- 00:00:30,811 --> 00:00:32,305 А-а!
- 00:00:40,067 --> 00:00:41,855 Всё было не так плохо.
- 00:00:41,985 --> 00:00:44,654 Не раздражай. У меня опасная работа.
- 00:00:44,655 --> 00:00:45,955 — Будь осторожнее. — Я же сказал,
- 00:00:45,956 --> 00:00:48,366 всё было неплохо. Что еще нужно?
- 00:00:48,367 --> 00:00:50,390 Чтобы выжить, мы должны работать вместе.
- 00:00:50,391 --> 00:00:53,079 — А ты только мешаешь. — Дыши глубже.
- 00:00:53,080 --> 00:00:55,915 Главное – что сегодня мы получим гидроцикл.
- 00:00:55,916 --> 00:00:58,254 К обеду мы будем прыгать по волнам,
- 00:00:58,255 --> 00:01:00,294 укрощать стихию,
- 00:01:00,295 --> 00:01:03,261 с бутербродом в одной руке и… и газировкой в другой.
- 00:01:03,262 --> 00:01:06,133 Я с нетерпением жду укрощения стихии.
- 00:01:06,134 --> 00:01:08,553 Я много раз укрощал, но не стихию.
- 00:01:08,554 --> 00:01:10,892 Отныне мы будем веселиться.
- 00:01:10,893 --> 00:01:13,099 Гидроцикл – именно то, что тебе нужно.
- 00:01:13,100 --> 00:01:15,283 Ты прав. Пора перестать так нервничать.
- 00:01:15,284 --> 00:01:18,483 Я гублерю больше, чем Зортекс в канун Камудиана.
- 00:01:18,484 --> 00:01:20,481 Не знаю, что это значит.
- 00:01:20,482 --> 00:01:21,945 Почему твои джинсы здесь?
- 00:01:21,946 --> 00:01:25,033 Джен Гарнер выложила пост, как очистить джинсы, заморозив их.
- 00:01:25,034 --> 00:01:28,781 И как я должен наслаждаться единственной банкой газировки,
- 00:01:28,782 --> 00:01:32,768 которую позволяю себе в день, с кубиками синего льда?!
- 00:01:39,877 --> 00:01:42,665 Привет, дружок.
- 00:01:44,798 --> 00:01:46,006 Отвалите!
- 00:01:47,004 --> 00:01:50,231 — Что это было? — Это красный гублер.
- 00:01:50,446 --> 00:01:52,176 Что за красный гублер?
- 00:01:52,184 --> 00:01:54,679 Я не знаю.
- 00:01:55,434 --> 00:01:57,485 Планета Шлорп была идеальной утопией.
- 00:01:57,811 --> 00:01:59,642 Пока не упал астероид.
- 00:02:00,647 --> 00:02:03,024 Сто взрослых и их репликанты взяли по Пупе
- 00:02:03,025 --> 00:02:04,944 и сбежали в космос
- 00:02:04,945 --> 00:02:07,571 в поисках нового дома в незаселённых мирах.
- 00:02:08,155 --> 00:02:11,157 Мы упали на Землю и застряли на перенаселённой планете.
- 00:02:11,158 --> 00:02:12,950 Это постоянно говорю я.
- 00:02:12,951 --> 00:02:14,754 Я держу Пупу. Я Корво.
- 00:02:14,755 --> 00:02:16,574 И это моё шоу. Я бросил Пупу.
- 00:02:16,575 --> 00:02:18,415 Видите меня? Это смешно.
- 00:02:18,416 --> 00:02:20,500 Ненавижу Землю. Это ужасный дом.
- 00:02:20,501 --> 00:02:22,835 Люди глупые. Все говорят, что любят стариков,
- 00:02:22,836 --> 00:02:24,342 хотя терпеть не могут,
- 00:02:24,343 --> 00:02:26,410 а я люблю, поэтому старики любят меня.
- 00:02:26,533 --> 00:02:30,962 ОБРАТНАЯ СТОРОНА ЗЕМЛИ
- 00:02:34,039 --> 00:02:35,841 Проверим за обедом, что будет,
- 00:02:35,842 --> 00:02:37,221 если выпить всю газировку?
- 00:02:37,222 --> 00:02:39,878 У тебя нет шансов.
- 00:02:39,879 --> 00:02:42,046 Мне нужно подружиться с крутыми ребятами.
- 00:02:42,047 --> 00:02:43,791 За их обеденным столом свободно место.
- 00:02:43,792 --> 00:02:46,552 — Рики Смоллинг на ИВЛ. — Рики был очень крут.
- 00:02:46,553 --> 00:02:50,763 Он встречался с двумя Стэйси. Каждая стоила десяти Ребекк.
- 00:02:50,765 --> 00:02:53,353 И ты рассчитываешь, что сможешь заменить его?
- 00:02:53,354 --> 00:02:56,144 Мой план — занять его место, сидеть, ничего не делать,
- 00:02:56,145 --> 00:02:58,023 и они ко мне привыкнут.
- 00:02:58,024 --> 00:02:59,859 — С режиссёром сработало. — Надеюсь попасть
- 00:02:59,860 --> 00:03:02,274 на вечеринку к Куперу Барнсу и расширить знания о людях.
- 00:03:02,275 --> 00:03:04,938 Это всё, что мне нужно. Ради науки.
- 00:03:04,939 --> 00:03:06,780 Только молчи. Не испорть мой план.
- 00:03:06,781 --> 00:03:10,653 Если ты подружишься с ними, я подружусь со Стэйси.
- 00:03:10,654 --> 00:03:12,967 Потому что я боюсь их.
- 00:03:13,350 --> 00:03:14,724 Ладно. Скажу иначе.
- 00:03:14,725 --> 00:03:16,788 Люблю, когда ты говоришь иначе.
- 00:03:16,790 --> 00:03:19,274 — Давай, детка. — Большинство гублеров пассивные,
- 00:03:19,275 --> 00:03:21,815 милые создания, которые танцуют, поют
- 00:03:21,816 --> 00:03:23,904 и хотят увидеть мир или что там еще.
- 00:03:23,905 --> 00:03:26,611 Красных гублеров один на сто тысяч обычных.
- 00:03:26,612 --> 00:03:28,321 Я знал, что ты много гублеришь.
- 00:03:28,322 --> 00:03:30,115 Почему у тебя всегда стресс?
- 00:03:30,116 --> 00:03:32,117 Почему-почему? Ну же, скажи, почему?
- 00:03:32,118 --> 00:03:34,452 — Скажи! — Красные гублеры смертоносны.
- 00:03:34,453 --> 00:03:36,204 Их цель — убить хозяина.
- 00:03:36,205 --> 00:03:38,666 Либо напрямую, либо подвергнув его такому стрессу,
- 00:03:38,667 --> 00:03:41,001 что у него будет фетальный шок.
- 00:03:41,002 --> 00:03:43,265 Мозг станет как у ребёнка, и ты умрёшь.
- 00:03:43,266 --> 00:03:45,714 — Удачи с детским мозгом. — Всё из-за тебя!
- 00:03:45,715 --> 00:03:48,579 Половина этих гублеров была из-за твоих глупостей!
- 00:03:48,580 --> 00:03:50,678 Ладно-ладно. Не делай нового красного гублера.
- 00:03:50,679 --> 00:03:53,406 Может, он скоро забудет о тебе. Гублеры тупые.
- 00:03:54,516 --> 00:03:56,435 — "Я пробью тебя"? — Боже.
- 00:03:56,436 --> 00:03:58,216 Он хотел сказать "прибью".
- 00:04:08,643 --> 00:04:12,408 Так. Кто-то из вас уже заметил некоторые изменения.
- 00:04:12,409 --> 00:04:15,202 Например, Пол. Ничего, Пол.
- 00:04:15,203 --> 00:04:17,787 У всех бывает половое созревание.
- 00:04:17,788 --> 00:04:21,587 Это естественно. Возможно, оно начнётся рано, как у меня.
- 00:04:21,588 --> 00:04:24,963 Мне не стыдно признаться. У меня оно началось в шесть лет.
- 00:04:25,087 --> 00:04:26,966 О нет!
- 00:04:28,425 --> 00:04:31,093 Пубертат!
- 00:04:31,344 --> 00:04:34,472 Ах! Стейси Кей. Ах! Стейси Ф.
- 00:04:34,764 --> 00:04:36,432 Стэйси Джи нет.
- 00:04:36,433 --> 00:04:38,295 Она пошла в лес искать Слендермена.
- 00:04:38,296 --> 00:04:40,316 Она помешана на Слендермене.
- 00:04:40,317 --> 00:04:43,188 Что ты делаешь в нашем туалете, чудачка?
- 00:04:43,189 --> 00:04:46,068 Сначала я придумаю тебе какое-нибудь прозвище,
- 00:04:46,069 --> 00:04:49,157 а потом она заставит тебя съесть тампон.
- 00:04:49,158 --> 00:04:52,239 Я мариновала его целый день.
- 00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:55,075 — Внутри себя. — Э-э...
- 00:04:55,076 --> 00:04:56,664 э… о…
- 00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:02,750 Знаешь, ты такая красивая.
- 00:05:02,751 --> 00:05:05,880 Думаю, тебя все просят, но можно потрогать твоё лицо?
- 00:05:05,881 --> 00:05:09,757 О. Меня об этом никто не просит. И да,
- 00:05:09,758 --> 00:05:11,636 потрогай, Стейси Кей.
- 00:05:11,968 --> 00:05:14,639 — Хейден, Брейден, Джейден, Марк. — Это место Рика.
- 00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:16,266 Было место Рика.
- 00:05:16,681 --> 00:05:20,308 Сижу я в ресторане с родителями, топливо закончилось,
- 00:05:20,309 --> 00:05:22,939 и тут вдруг понимаю:
- 00:05:22,940 --> 00:05:25,064 "О, я же могу попарить луковым паром".
- 00:05:25,065 --> 00:05:26,367 Привет, парни. Крутые наушники.
- 00:05:26,368 --> 00:05:28,067 Что слушаете? "Секс"?
- 00:05:28,068 --> 00:05:29,818 Я должна кое-что сказать.
- 00:05:29,819 --> 00:05:31,407 Этот стол стал убогим.
- 00:05:31,409 --> 00:05:33,364 Зарядим наушники и поваляем дурака.
- 00:05:33,365 --> 00:05:35,448 Парни! Подождите! Я люблю вас!
- 00:05:35,449 --> 00:05:38,535 То есть ладно. Ты всё испортила.
- 00:05:38,536 --> 00:05:41,580 Я был у цели. Это мой стол для крутых.
- 00:05:41,581 --> 00:05:43,624 А ты найди себе свой стол для крутых.
- 00:05:43,625 --> 00:05:46,334 — Вон как те. — Они крутые?
- 00:05:46,335 --> 00:05:50,425 Да. Я слышал, леди Гага надела такой же конус на «Грэмми».
- 00:05:50,426 --> 00:05:52,501 Вперёд. Удачи.
- 00:06:00,016 --> 00:06:01,265 Так. Готов?
- 00:06:01,851 --> 00:06:04,769 Продавец гидроциклов приедет через час.
- 00:06:04,770 --> 00:06:06,855 Его зовут Трент. Он в тренде, да?
- 00:06:06,856 --> 00:06:08,734 Да, Терри. Я почти доделал защиту
- 00:06:08,735 --> 00:06:10,442 на случай возвращения красного придурка.
- 00:06:10,443 --> 00:06:13,207 Да. Запечатаю мои потайные двери.
- 00:06:13,208 --> 00:06:15,697 — Какие это? — Их всего пара штук.
- 00:06:24,416 --> 00:06:27,083 Терри, это лишнее. Туда всё равно никто не ходит.
- 00:06:27,084 --> 00:06:29,307 Нужен год, чтобы бизнес стал доходным.
- 00:06:29,308 --> 00:06:31,555 День бесплатных кренделей за углом!
- 00:06:47,396 --> 00:06:49,898 — Эй! Полегче с носом! Он новый! — Иди ты, Крейг!
- 00:06:49,899 --> 00:06:52,359 Послушай. Ты не поверишь в это.
- 00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:55,618 Я только что такое пережила с двумя девочками в туалете.
- 00:06:55,619 --> 00:06:58,242 — И всё из-за этого. — Всем плевать.
- 00:06:58,243 --> 00:06:59,366 Что это такое?
- 00:06:59,367 --> 00:07:01,368 Это я и пытаюсь тебе сказать.
- 00:07:01,369 --> 00:07:03,829 Это мой особенный цветок.
- 00:07:10,629 --> 00:07:12,630 — Прости, что ударил тебя. — Нет.
- 00:07:12,631 --> 00:07:14,550 Ты прости, что назвал твою маму жирной.
- 00:07:14,551 --> 00:07:16,678 Её просто покусали пчёлы.
- 00:07:18,762 --> 00:07:21,263 — Это всё ты. — Да. Это её вина.
- 00:07:21,264 --> 00:07:24,393 Давайте прессовать её, пока она не решит стать художницей.
- 00:07:24,394 --> 00:07:25,434 Нет, она молодец.
- 00:07:25,435 --> 00:07:27,435 Джесси, приходи на вечеринку вечером.
- 00:07:27,436 --> 00:07:29,772 — Увидимся. — Хорошо.
- 00:07:29,773 --> 00:07:32,399 Мне так жаль продавать эту малышку.
- 00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:34,781 Но суд заставил меня выбирать между ней и детьми.
- 00:07:34,782 --> 00:07:37,863 На ней можно делать сальто? Я имею в виду настоящее сальто.
- 00:07:37,864 --> 00:07:40,493 Да, еще какое. Нам было хорошо вместе.
- 00:07:40,494 --> 00:07:42,988 Хочу, чтобы она попала в хороший дом.
- 00:07:42,989 --> 00:07:44,977 У красного гублера пушка!
- 00:07:45,497 --> 00:07:48,749 Это выхлопная труба. За вами охотятся?
- 00:07:48,750 --> 00:07:50,709 Не думаю, что ваш дом подойдёт
- 00:07:50,710 --> 00:07:52,211 для такой прекрасной машины.
- 00:07:52,212 --> 00:07:54,795 Нет-нет-нет. Не волнуйся. Мы охотимся лишь
- 00:07:54,796 --> 00:07:56,632 — за выгодной сделкой. — Я вас услышал.
- 00:07:56,633 --> 00:07:58,637 Хотите сесть на неё?
- 00:07:58,638 --> 00:07:59,559 — Да-да-да. — Конечно.
- 00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:01,387 — Я первый! — Нет. Я первый, Терри!
- 00:08:01,388 --> 00:08:02,228 Отпусти меня!
- 00:08:02,229 --> 00:08:06,180 — Зачем ты всё испортила? — Цветок меня спас.
- 00:08:06,601 --> 00:08:08,686 Черт. Я скажу Корво и Терри.
- 00:08:08,687 --> 00:08:11,670 Они срежут его, и ты никому не будешь нравиться.
- 00:08:11,671 --> 00:08:13,195 Не надо, прошу, не говори им.
- 00:08:13,196 --> 00:08:16,151 Приедем домой — и я разрушу твою жизнь.
- 00:08:16,152 --> 00:08:18,821 Нет, если я приеду первой.
- 00:08:42,512 --> 00:08:44,091 Даа!
- 00:08:44,931 --> 00:08:46,680 А! Боже! О! На помощь!
- 00:08:51,980 --> 00:08:54,064 Кыш-кыш-кыш! О нет!
- 00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:01,947 Он потерял много… надеюсь, это кровь.
- 00:09:02,782 --> 00:09:03,991 Не-е-ет!
- 00:09:04,868 --> 00:09:07,496 Не-ет! Не-ет!
- 00:09:08,580 --> 00:09:11,129 Спасибо, что спасла мне жизнь, наверное.
- 00:09:11,130 --> 00:09:12,628 Спасибо, что не помер.
- 00:09:12,629 --> 00:09:14,004 Всё равно наябедничаю!
- 00:09:15,045 --> 00:09:16,420 Боже.
- 00:09:24,179 --> 00:09:26,098 — Да-а. — Представь, что будет на воде.
- 00:09:26,099 --> 00:09:27,598 Она ездит по воде? Что?!
- 00:09:27,599 --> 00:09:29,937 Знаете, хорошо. Да.
- 00:09:29,938 --> 00:09:33,354 — Я продам её вам. — Ну что? Можно забрать её?
- 00:09:33,355 --> 00:09:36,243 Я спущу её на воду? Хочу проехать последний раз.
- 00:09:38,109 --> 00:09:40,530 — Я убил гублера! — Нет. Вы странные.
- 00:09:40,531 --> 00:09:42,237 Нет-нет-нет.
- 00:09:42,239 --> 00:09:44,617 Мы уже двадцать лет играем в салки с друзьями.
- 00:09:44,618 --> 00:09:46,418 Это очень сблизило нас.
- 00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:48,003 Увидимся позже. Спасибо за гидроцикл.
- 00:09:48,004 --> 00:09:49,212 Ты крут. Пока.
- 00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:56,402 БОЛЬШАЯ РЕДКОСТЬ АКАДЕМИЯ КОЛЛЕКЦИОНЕРОВ
- 00:10:04,469 --> 00:10:05,807 Губка Боб квадратные штаны.
- 00:10:09,870 --> 00:10:12,372 Уф. Прости. Я запаниковал,
- 00:10:12,373 --> 00:10:14,751 но есть плюс. У нас теперь гидроцикл,
- 00:10:14,752 --> 00:10:16,709 и, похоже, с гублером покончено.
- 00:10:17,628 --> 00:10:19,546 Терри, ты сделал яйца пашот?
- 00:10:19,547 --> 00:10:22,017 Нет. Я люблю болтунью, жареные, вкрутую, всмятку,
- 00:10:22,018 --> 00:10:23,967 в мешочек, средней прожарки, сильной,
- 00:10:23,968 --> 00:10:25,790 пасхальные, бенедикт и с пряностями.
- 00:10:25,791 --> 00:10:28,016 — Здесь был гублер! — А еще омлет.
- 00:10:29,513 --> 00:10:31,264 Как он вошёл?
- 00:10:32,888 --> 00:10:35,056 Он шепчется с матрасом с эффектом памяти.
- 00:10:35,057 --> 00:10:37,016 О чем? Что матрас запоминает?
- 00:10:37,017 --> 00:10:38,726 Он открыл фигурки из "Голодных игр"!
- 00:10:38,727 --> 00:10:41,187 Я берёг президента Сноу для ютуб-канала.
- 00:10:41,188 --> 00:10:42,731 Теперь его и за полцены не возьмут.
- 00:10:42,732 --> 00:10:45,867 Он скачал "Государственный секретарь", сериал для домохозяек.
- 00:10:45,869 --> 00:10:48,488 — Он вынул мои джинсы из морозилки. — Это я.
- 00:10:48,489 --> 00:10:50,196 Боже. Сейчас приедет Трент.
- 00:10:50,197 --> 00:10:52,285 Если он увидит, что кто-то просит меня взорвать его,
- 00:10:52,286 --> 00:10:53,908 он не продаст нам гидроцикл.
- 00:10:53,909 --> 00:10:56,035 Нет-нет-нет. Спокойно. Без паники.
- 00:10:56,036 --> 00:10:57,995 Он этого и ждёт. Мы всё уберём.
- 00:10:57,996 --> 00:10:59,997 Репликанты не должны знать о гублере.
- 00:10:59,998 --> 00:11:01,598 Юмьюлаку будут сниться кошмары,
- 00:11:01,599 --> 00:11:03,303 и он опять будет спать с нами.
- 00:11:03,304 --> 00:11:05,110 — Терри! Корво! — Не говори им!
- 00:11:05,113 --> 00:11:07,067 Обещаю…
- 00:11:07,068 --> 00:11:08,693 Юмьюлак, смотри!
- 00:11:08,694 --> 00:11:12,030 — И у меня тоже! Какой красивый! — Ме.
- 00:11:12,031 --> 00:11:13,532 Надо скрыть это от Корво и Терри.
- 00:11:13,533 --> 00:11:15,534 Они будут в шоке. Терри замучают кошмары,
- 00:11:15,535 --> 00:11:17,244 и он ляжет спать с нами.
- 00:11:17,245 --> 00:11:19,085 Ты сказал, цветок — ерунда.
- 00:11:19,086 --> 00:11:21,123 Но теперь он у меня. И это круто.
- 00:11:21,124 --> 00:11:23,236 Это билет на вечеринку Купера Барнса.
- 00:11:23,237 --> 00:11:24,332 Они идут.
- 00:11:26,192 --> 00:11:28,821 — Ну что, как прошёл день? — Классно.
- 00:11:28,822 --> 00:11:30,278 — А как ваш? — Тоже классно.
- 00:11:30,279 --> 00:11:31,697 Да. Никакого гублера.
- 00:11:31,698 --> 00:11:33,406 И никаких цветов на голове.
- 00:11:33,407 --> 00:11:35,390 — Что? — Ничего.
- 00:11:35,391 --> 00:11:37,412 Я знал, что этот день придёт.
- 00:11:37,413 --> 00:11:40,371 Но трудно прощаться с тем, внутри чего ты был.
- 00:11:40,372 --> 00:11:42,581 — О! — Я говорю образно.
- 00:11:42,583 --> 00:11:44,798 — Ладно. Неважно. — Хорошо. Удачи, Трент.
- 00:11:44,799 --> 00:11:47,169 Нам пора.
- 00:11:47,170 --> 00:11:48,929 Надо сделать эпиляцию на спине.
- 00:11:49,590 --> 00:11:51,338 Запрём его в гараже.
- 00:11:52,718 --> 00:11:54,420 Черт. Держи его.
- 00:11:54,421 --> 00:11:56,227 Держи. Так. Хватай его.
- 00:12:04,007 --> 00:12:06,732 Это сделал красный человечек.
- 00:12:07,608 --> 00:12:10,651 Я вовсе не хочу унизить маленьких людей.
- 00:12:11,403 --> 00:12:12,823 Или коренных американцев.
- 00:12:12,824 --> 00:12:15,201 Просто он был крошечным.
- 00:12:16,575 --> 00:12:18,535 Плохо дело, Терри. Гублер подставил нас.
- 00:12:18,536 --> 00:12:20,318 Что делать? Я не пойду в тюрьму.
- 00:12:20,319 --> 00:12:22,896 У меня нет заднего прохода. Как я пронесу еду?
- 00:12:24,166 --> 00:12:27,084 Я бы с радостью сказал, что мы редко видим подобное.
- 00:12:27,085 --> 00:12:31,047 Но в этом городе проблемы с необъяснимым травматизмом.
- 00:12:31,048 --> 00:12:33,507 Мы будто прокляты. Черт.
- 00:12:33,508 --> 00:12:36,261 Мои соболезнования. Он был хорошим другом?
- 00:12:36,262 --> 00:12:39,181 Нет. Больше. Он был гидроциклом.
- 00:12:41,267 --> 00:12:43,684 Ух ты. Наша первая школьная вечеринка!
- 00:12:43,685 --> 00:12:45,189 Я о такой и мечтала.
- 00:12:45,190 --> 00:12:48,356 Купер Барнс уже злится на тех, кто громит его дом.
- 00:12:48,357 --> 00:12:50,608 Это фамильная вещь! Отвали от собаки!
- 00:12:50,609 --> 00:12:52,861 Брент, не нюхай прах папы! Черт!
- 00:12:52,862 --> 00:12:55,618 — Типичный Купер. — Твои Стэйси где-то здесь.
- 00:12:55,619 --> 00:12:57,574 А я пойду к парням с подкастом.
- 00:12:57,575 --> 00:13:00,494 Хочу сдружиться с ними до восьми часов.
- 00:13:00,953 --> 00:13:03,288 — О-о! Джесси! — Да! Джесси!
- 00:13:03,289 --> 00:13:05,877 — Эй! Что ты здесь делаешь? — О… э…
- 00:13:08,586 --> 00:13:10,368 Приятель, классно, что ты здесь.
- 00:13:10,369 --> 00:13:12,505 Отличные наушники. Ты вовсе не придурок.
- 00:13:12,506 --> 00:13:14,423 Давай с тобой купим фургон. Будем путешествовать
- 00:13:14,424 --> 00:13:16,050 или продавать еду!
- 00:13:16,051 --> 00:13:18,719 Боже. Столько возможностей, глаза разбегаются.
- 00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:21,885 Я читал, что фургон "Одиссей" — неплохая вещь.
- 00:13:21,886 --> 00:13:24,552 Да. Идём, братишка.
- 00:13:40,028 --> 00:13:41,909 Кажется, у меня на спине гублер. Он там?
- 00:13:41,910 --> 00:13:44,208 В тысячный раз — нет. Стой. Он на мне?
- 00:13:44,209 --> 00:13:45,538 Нет. Всё чисто.
- 00:13:45,539 --> 00:13:47,419 Теперь всегда так будет?
- 00:13:47,420 --> 00:13:49,834 Будем ждать, что он вонзит нам в спину кетчуп?
- 00:13:49,835 --> 00:13:52,378 Надо принять бой с ним. Как Кевин Маккаллистер.
- 00:13:52,379 --> 00:13:54,339 Не будем тряпками.
- 00:13:54,340 --> 00:13:56,674 Он может быть где угодно: в вентиляции, в тени лампы,
- 00:13:56,675 --> 00:13:58,498 — на другом конце города. — Подумай.
- 00:13:58,499 --> 00:14:00,136 — Он создан из твоего стресса. — И?
- 00:14:00,137 --> 00:14:03,726 Вероятно, он прячется там, где ты больше всего напряжён.
- 00:14:05,518 --> 00:14:07,560 — Здесь ты больше всего напряжён? — Да.
- 00:14:07,561 --> 00:14:09,650 За счет чего они живут целый год?
- 00:14:09,651 --> 00:14:10,980 Всё это никому не нужно.
- 00:14:10,981 --> 00:14:13,204 Здесь пахнет, как внутри пластикового пакета.
- 00:14:13,205 --> 00:14:15,401 А еще они продают старые приставки.
- 00:14:15,402 --> 00:14:17,780 Плюс я боюсь скелетов. А! Видишь?
- 00:14:17,781 --> 00:14:19,572 Минутку. Он здесь. Я чувствую.
- 00:14:19,573 --> 00:14:21,674 А еще я вижу его.
- 00:14:26,079 --> 00:14:28,248 Класс. Придётся за это платить.
- 00:14:29,041 --> 00:14:31,631 — Вы что, под кайфом? — Может, кто и под кайфом,
- 00:14:31,632 --> 00:14:34,379 а остальные под Джесси.
- 00:14:34,380 --> 00:14:36,219 Хочешь тоже?
- 00:14:38,050 --> 00:14:41,636 О да, Джесси. Точно. Это круто.
- 00:14:41,637 --> 00:14:44,514 Ням-ням-ням-ням-ням-ням-ням. Подумай об этом.
- 00:14:44,515 --> 00:14:46,433 Ты думаешь об этом? Ты думаешь об этом?!
- 00:14:46,434 --> 00:14:47,516 — О чем это? — Об эротической книге рецептов.
- 00:14:47,517 --> 00:14:48,936 — О походе в лес. — О женитьбе.
- 00:14:48,937 --> 00:14:51,103 Да, я не отказываюсь. Но мне надо подумать.
- 00:14:51,104 --> 00:14:53,230 — Я круглый дурак. — Хо-хо! Да!
- 00:14:53,232 --> 00:14:55,175 Прочитать моё стихотворение?
- 00:14:55,176 --> 00:14:56,230 Да, друг.
- 00:14:57,069 --> 00:15:00,029 Это прекрасный вечер. У меня есть прозвище.
- 00:15:00,030 --> 00:15:03,579 — Они зовут меня мишка Юмми. — Ты точно похож.
- 00:15:03,580 --> 00:15:05,534 — Очень подходит. — Да?
- 00:15:05,535 --> 00:15:08,079 Прости, что вёл себя как придурок.
- 00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:11,122 Ты лишь хотела повеселиться. Думаю, я завидовал.
- 00:15:11,292 --> 00:15:14,752 М-м. Ты был придурком, но теперь всё в порядке.
- 00:15:35,024 --> 00:15:37,233 Цены на косметику выше в тысячу раз.
- 00:15:37,234 --> 00:15:39,819 — А костюмы развратные. — Держись, Корво.
- 00:15:39,820 --> 00:15:41,568 Он доводит тебя.
- 00:15:49,371 --> 00:15:51,329 — Идите вы! — Вон он! Держи его!
- 00:15:53,568 --> 00:15:54,756 Куда он делся?
- 00:15:54,757 --> 00:15:56,487 КОМНАТА СМЕХА
- 00:15:56,618 --> 00:15:59,000 Ненавижу это место. Ненавижу зеркала.
- 00:15:59,009 --> 00:16:00,354 Здесь страшно.
- 00:16:17,435 --> 00:16:20,524 Я покупаю фургон, пишу кулинарную книгу
- 00:16:20,525 --> 00:16:22,065 и, возможно, женюсь на Марке Малнере.
- 00:16:22,066 --> 00:16:24,486 Повезло. Я думаю, он будет хорошим отцом.
- 00:16:24,487 --> 00:16:26,860 Эй, привет, подруга.
- 00:16:31,909 --> 00:16:34,118 Что это? Стэйси Кей?
- 00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:36,489 Я убью тебя.
- 00:16:44,375 --> 00:16:47,340 Твоя дурацкая пыльца смешалась с моей классной пыльцой
- 00:16:47,341 --> 00:16:48,684 и свела всех с ума.
- 00:16:48,685 --> 00:16:51,182 — О нет! — Бежим! Уходим отсюда!
- 00:17:01,208 --> 00:17:03,002 Спокойно. Ты мужчина, Корво,
- 00:17:03,003 --> 00:17:04,671 привлекательный качок. Соберись.
- 00:17:04,672 --> 00:17:06,879 Корво, где ты? Не нервируй меня.
- 00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:08,719 Мы схватим его. О боже!
- 00:17:08,720 --> 00:17:10,466 — Что? — Японские мини-батончики
- 00:17:10,467 --> 00:17:11,676 с разными вкусами!
- 00:17:15,514 --> 00:17:16,433 — Нет. — Попался!
- 00:17:16,434 --> 00:17:18,231 Попробуй это!
- 00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:44,818 Объясни, почему просто не убить мерзавца.
- 00:17:44,819 --> 00:17:46,273 Иначе он победит.
- 00:17:46,274 --> 00:17:48,694 Может, если я разрежу его и изучу внутри,
- 00:17:48,695 --> 00:17:51,362 то научусь контролировать стресс, а не избегать его.
- 00:17:51,364 --> 00:17:52,822 Прекрасно, Корво.
- 00:17:52,823 --> 00:17:54,698 Но я за то, чтобы сжечь поддонка.
- 00:17:54,699 --> 00:17:55,991 — Слова, Терри! — Прости.
- 00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:57,827 Это всё батончики с зелёным чаем.
- 00:17:57,828 --> 00:18:00,835 Ребята. У нас проблемы из-за Джесси.
- 00:18:00,837 --> 00:18:03,582 У нас выросли цветы. Мы знаем, это пубертат.
- 00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:05,846 — Мы становимся взрослыми. — Что за пубертат?
- 00:18:05,847 --> 00:18:09,046 Ну, это когда у людей начинают расти волосы в разных местах.
- 00:18:09,047 --> 00:18:10,135 — О боже. — Это ужасно.
- 00:18:10,136 --> 00:18:12,279 Вы не люди. У вас не бывает пубертата.
- 00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:15,052 Вы дорастёте до нашего размера и превратитесь в деревья.
- 00:18:15,053 --> 00:18:17,471 Если повезёт, из вас построят дом.
- 00:18:17,472 --> 00:18:19,598 Это грибок, потому что вы не моете руки.
- 00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:21,947 — Помойте руки. — Не страшно, если вы
- 00:18:21,948 --> 00:18:24,428 не смешали пыльцу и никого не заразили.
- 00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:27,448 Единственный способ остановить заразу — сделать подкожный укол.
- 00:18:27,449 --> 00:18:30,025 Но они не должны укусить нас. Иначе мы тоже спятим.
- 00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:32,611 Используем медоружие для экстренных случаев.
- 00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:34,595 — Мы препарируем их? — Им не будет больно.
- 00:18:34,596 --> 00:18:37,451 Порезы сразу зарастут из-за слизи на лезвиях.
- 00:18:37,452 --> 00:18:38,323 Скука.
- 00:18:38,324 --> 00:18:40,619 Разве использовать дротики не безопаснее?
- 00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,761 Хочешь бросать дротики — вперёд.
- 00:18:42,762 --> 00:18:43,891 Но это круче дротиков.
- 00:18:43,892 --> 00:18:46,206 Остановим детей и спасём жизни.
- 00:19:01,063 --> 00:19:02,185 Спасибо.
- 00:19:02,301 --> 00:19:04,100 Вот вам.
- 00:19:05,223 --> 00:19:07,767 — Да! — Спасибо.
- 00:19:11,152 --> 00:19:14,696 Простите. Я лечу вас. Пожалуйста. Я люблю вас.
- 00:19:14,697 --> 00:19:16,325 Спасибо.
- 00:19:28,586 --> 00:19:30,505 Не бойся. Они этого не запомнят.
- 00:19:30,506 --> 00:19:32,505 Но они же запомнят, что я крутой?
- 00:19:32,506 --> 00:19:34,796 Нет. В лучшем случае, что ты не крутой.
- 00:19:54,732 --> 00:19:57,805 — О, спасибо. — Нет проблем.
- 00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:17,883 — Приятель. Что ты делаешь? — Сажусь с друзьями.
- 00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:19,636 Безумная была ночка, да?
- 00:20:19,637 --> 00:20:23,184 — Этот стол для тех, у кого капли. — Я тоже могу стать каплей.
- 00:20:23,185 --> 00:20:26,456 Нет. Капли приберегли место для другого.
- 00:20:28,311 --> 00:20:31,398 Прости, мишка Юмми. У меня со Стэйси так же.
- 00:20:31,399 --> 00:20:34,528 Они сказали мне убираться обратно на планету Мексика.
- 00:20:34,529 --> 00:20:36,824 Все, кто красив и крут, — придурки.
- 00:20:36,825 --> 00:20:39,613 Я всегда придурок, но мне это не помогает.
- 00:20:39,614 --> 00:20:42,951 Привет. Мы слышали, вы были на той безумной вечеринке.
- 00:20:42,952 --> 00:20:44,694 Почему безумной? Все целы.
- 00:20:44,695 --> 00:20:47,166 О, нет-нет. Мы на такие вечеринки не ходим.
- 00:20:47,167 --> 00:20:48,624 Хотели послушать о ней.
- 00:20:48,625 --> 00:20:51,418 Во-первых, мы отрывались на хате у Барна.
- 00:20:51,419 --> 00:20:55,088 — У него настоящая хата? — Нет. Обычный дом.
- 00:20:55,089 --> 00:20:59,592 Оказывается, все крутые ребята называют друг друга по фамилиям.
- 00:20:59,593 --> 00:21:01,132 О-о...
- 00:21:12,204 --> 00:21:14,435 В КЕНИЮ, АФРИКА
- 00:21:18,528 --> 00:21:23,157 Проснись, мочалка. Нам с тобой пора разобраться.
- 00:21:23,701 --> 00:21:25,319 Что?
- 00:21:26,996 --> 00:21:30,124 Нет. Нет-нет-нет-нет-нет.
- 00:21:31,500 --> 00:21:34,429 — Это обычный гублер. — Терри, не видел мою ракетку?
- 00:21:34,621 --> 00:21:37,338 Я заметил, что в теннис играют доминирующие женщины.
- 00:21:37,339 --> 00:21:40,049 Есть шанс найти напористую партнёршу.
- 00:21:40,051 --> 00:21:41,967 — Где красный гублер? — Я убил его.
- 00:21:41,968 --> 00:21:43,598 — О, Терри. Круто. — Да.
- 00:21:43,599 --> 00:21:46,222 Просто я знал, что пока он жив,
- 00:21:46,223 --> 00:21:47,932 ты будешь переживать, что он сбежит.
- 00:21:47,933 --> 00:21:50,518 А я хотел, чтобы у тебя было меньше стресса.
- 00:21:50,519 --> 00:21:52,939 Я беспокоюсь. Я порубил его
- 00:21:52,941 --> 00:21:55,985 и скормил свиньям. А свиней отправил в космос.
- 00:21:55,986 --> 00:21:58,318 Не волнуйся. Они в безопасности. Хотя нет.
- 00:21:58,319 --> 00:22:00,868 Это лучшее, что для меня делали.
- 00:22:00,869 --> 00:22:02,321 Спасибо, Терри.
- 00:22:03,866 --> 00:22:06,367 О, мне так спокойно. Я принял ванну.
- 00:22:06,369 --> 00:22:08,207 Лежал. Даже ничего не помыл.
- 00:22:08,208 --> 00:22:11,000 Никто не охотится за мной, и это хорошо, Терри.
- 00:22:11,001 --> 00:22:12,479 Да, класс. Я спать.
- 00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:15,668 Теперь я спокойно высплюсь,
- 00:22:15,669 --> 00:22:17,967 зная, что никто не затеял со мной никакой игры
- 00:22:17,968 --> 00:22:20,908 и не ждёт, когда я потеряю бдительность.
- 00:22:37,258 --> 00:22:39,294 ПЛАНЫ УБИЙСТВА КОРВО
- 00:22:39,448 --> 00:22:40,907 КОРВО
- 00:00:04,568 --> 00:00:07,198 Терри, подай деатомизатор. Который от "Phillips".
- 00:00:07,198 --> 00:00:08,818 Коллекторный двигатель не отрегулирован.
- 00:00:08,818 --> 00:00:12,368 Слушай, я тут прошел тест "Какой гидроцикл тебе подходит"
- 00:00:12,368 --> 00:00:14,618 и, похоже, мне подходит любой. Ты только взгляни.
- 00:00:15,198 --> 00:00:16,908 - Терри, помоги! - Ой, прости.
- 00:00:16,908 --> 00:00:18,418 - О, мое прекрасное тело! - Боже мой.
- 00:00:18,418 --> 00:00:19,918 Положи меня в медицинский прибор, Терри.
- 00:00:19,918 --> 00:00:20,918 Я не... я не понимаю, о чем ты.
- 00:00:20,918 --> 00:00:22,458 - Штука с красной лампочкой. - Что? Где? Какая лампочка?
- 00:00:22,458 --> 00:00:23,918 - Какой прибор? Покажи пальцем. - Вот же он.
- 00:00:23,918 --> 00:00:25,548 О, Боже, я умираю. Так жаль,
- 00:00:25,548 --> 00:00:27,878 что я так мало читал инструкции. Скажи всем, чтобы
- 00:00:27,878 --> 00:00:30,758 они читали инструкции, иначе они пожалеют.
- 00:00:40,018 --> 00:00:41,608 Ну, все вроде бы прошло нормально.
- 00:00:41,938 --> 00:00:44,608 Ты меня так бесишь. Я занимаюсь опасной работой.
- 00:00:44,608 --> 00:00:45,898 - Будь внимательнее! - Я уже говорил,
- 00:00:45,898 --> 00:00:48,318 что все прошло нормально. Что тебе еще от меня нужно?
- 00:00:48,318 --> 00:00:50,028 - Чтобы выжить, нам нужно работать сообща,
- 00:00:50,028 --> 00:00:53,028 а ты... из-за тебя все идет наперекосяк. - Дыши, просто дыши.
- 00:00:53,028 --> 00:00:55,868 - Единственное, что имеет значение, так это гидроцикл, который мы сегодня купим.
- 00:00:55,868 --> 00:00:58,208 Уже днем мы оседлаем волну,
- 00:00:58,208 --> 00:01:00,248 достигем невозможного, уйдем в отрыв.
- 00:01:00,248 --> 00:01:03,208 Сэндвич в одну руку и... и газировку - во вторую.
- 00:01:03,208 --> 00:01:06,088 Ох, особенно сильно жду ту часть, где мы достигаем невозможного.
- 00:01:06,088 --> 00:01:08,508 Я много чего в жизни достигал, но невозможного - еще нет.
- 00:01:08,508 --> 00:01:10,838 С этой секунды нас ждет только абсолютный релакс на солнышке.
- 00:01:10,838 --> 00:01:13,048 Все, что тебе для этого нужно, это гидроцикл.
- 00:01:13,048 --> 00:01:15,098 - Да, ты прав. Мне пора прекращать так стрессовать.
- 00:01:15,098 --> 00:01:18,428 Из меня мисистиков выходит больше, чем из Зортекса перед Комудианским парадом.
- 00:01:18,428 --> 00:01:20,438 Уф, ничего не понял.
- 00:01:20,438 --> 00:01:21,688 Почему твои джинсы в морозилке?
- 00:01:21,688 --> 00:01:24,978 Это такой лайфхак из "Инсты"- чистить джинсы заморозкой.
- 00:01:24,978 --> 00:01:28,738 И как, по-твоему, мне теперь насладиться той единственной баночкой диетической Dr. Pepper,
- 00:01:28,738 --> 00:01:32,278 которую я раз в день позволяю себе выпить, если весь лед, мать твою, теперь синий?
- 00:01:39,828 --> 00:01:42,418 Эм, привет, малютка.
- 00:01:44,748 --> 00:01:45,588 Пошел на хер!
- 00:01:46,958 --> 00:01:50,008 - Что это была за фигня? - Это красный мисистик.
- 00:01:50,008 --> 00:01:52,128 И что в них такого?
- 00:01:52,128 --> 00:01:54,428 Понятия не имею.
- 00:01:55,388 --> 00:01:57,428 Планета Шлорп являлась идеальной утопией.
- 00:01:57,428 --> 00:01:59,388 До падения астероида.
- 00:02:00,598 --> 00:02:02,978 Сотня взрослых и репликантов улетели с планеты вместе с Пупой
- 00:02:02,978 --> 00:02:04,898 и отправились в космос
- 00:02:04,898 --> 00:02:07,318 в поисках нового дома на необитаемой планете.
- 00:02:08,108 --> 00:02:11,108 Мы упали на Землю и застряли на этой уже и так перенаселенной планете.
- 00:02:11,108 --> 00:02:12,898 Верно, это я говорил все это время.
- 00:02:12,898 --> 00:02:14,698 Я тот, который держут Пупу. Меня зовут Корво.
- 00:02:14,698 --> 00:02:16,408 Это... это мое шоу. Я только что уронил Пупу. Видите меня?
- 00:02:16,408 --> 00:02:18,448 Это просто смешно.
- 00:02:18,448 --> 00:02:20,448 Я ненавижу Землю. Это ужасный дом.
- 00:02:20,448 --> 00:02:22,788 Люди такие глупые. Все кричат, что любят стариков,
- 00:02:22,788 --> 00:02:24,288 но никто их не трахает.
- 00:02:24,288 --> 00:02:26,328 Вот я всегда трахаю стариков. Они меня любят.
- 00:02:33,878 --> 00:02:35,678 Если хочешь, за ланчем мы можем
- 00:02:35,678 --> 00:02:37,048 выпить за раз всю газировку.
- 00:02:37,048 --> 00:02:39,718 В Cola Zero сахара больше, чем во мне желания делать это.
- 00:02:39,718 --> 00:02:41,888 Я собираюсь закорешиться с крутыми ребятами.
- 00:02:41,888 --> 00:02:43,478 За их столом появилось свободное местечко.
- 00:02:43,478 --> 00:02:46,398 - Рикки Смоллинг на аппарате искусственного дыхания. - Рикки был суперкрутым.
- 00:02:46,398 --> 00:02:50,608 Он одновременно встречался с двумя Стейси. А каждая Стейси - это как десять Ребекк.
- 00:02:50,608 --> 00:02:53,198 Думаешь, тебе под силу стать таким же крутым?
- 00:02:53,198 --> 00:02:55,988 Мой план в том, чтобы тихонько занять это место и сидеть молча,
- 00:02:55,988 --> 00:02:57,868 пока они не привыкнут, что я там сижу.
- 00:02:57,868 --> 00:02:59,698 - С Хулу это сработало. - Надеюсь, они пригласят меня
- 00:02:59,698 --> 00:03:02,118 на вечеринку Купера Барна. Мне нужно лучше узнать человечество.
- 00:03:02,118 --> 00:03:04,328 Это моя единственная причина. Ну, знаешь, во имя науки.
- 00:03:04,328 --> 00:03:06,628 Держи свой рот на замке. Не порти мне ничего.
- 00:03:06,628 --> 00:03:10,498 Ну, если ты собираешься подружиться с ними, то я тогда сдружусь с тремя Стейси.
- 00:03:10,498 --> 00:03:12,878 Потому что они меня пугают.
- 00:03:13,298 --> 00:03:14,668 Окей, скажу в двух словах.
- 00:03:14,668 --> 00:03:16,638 Ты же знаешь, я в восторге от твоих пересказов.
- 00:03:16,638 --> 00:03:19,218 - Давай, детка. - Большинство месистиков - это пассивные молчаливые
- 00:03:19,218 --> 00:03:21,768 существа, которые появляются во время стресса, танцуют и поют,
- 00:03:21,768 --> 00:03:23,848 а затем разбредаются по миру, ну или типа того.
- 00:03:23,848 --> 00:03:26,558 Вероятность появления красного мисистика 1 : 100 000 мисистиков.
- 00:03:26,558 --> 00:03:28,268 Я знал, что у тебя был слишком долгий мисизм.
- 00:03:28,268 --> 00:03:30,068 Почему ты всегда такой нервный?
- 00:03:30,068 --> 00:03:32,068 Почему? Почему?! Давай же, дружище, скажи мне.
- 00:03:32,068 --> 00:03:34,398 Почему? Расскажи. Красные мисистики смертельно опасны.
- 00:03:34,398 --> 00:03:36,148 Их единственная цель - убить своего хозяина,
- 00:03:36,148 --> 00:03:38,618 либо применив силу, либо доведя его до такого стресса,
- 00:03:38,618 --> 00:03:40,948 что в его теле начнется процесс, называемый фетальным шоком.
- 00:03:40,948 --> 00:03:42,988 Это когда мозг превращается в ребенка, и ты умираешь.
- 00:03:42,988 --> 00:03:45,658 - Что ж, удачи, ребенкомозг. - Это все ты виноват.
- 00:03:45,658 --> 00:03:48,248 Как минимум половина мисистиков тут из-за того дерьма, что натворил ты.
- 00:03:48,248 --> 00:03:50,628 Ладно, успокойся, пока из тебя не вылез еще один красный мисистик.
- 00:03:50,628 --> 00:03:52,998 Он уже, наверное, и думать про тебя забыл. Мисистики глупы.
- 00:03:54,458 --> 00:03:56,378 "Я тебя куплю". - Ёбушки-воробушки.
- 00:03:56,378 --> 00:03:58,338 Думаю, он имел в виду "убью".
- 00:04:09,268 --> 00:04:12,358 Некоторые из вас уже, наверное, заметили, что с вами происходят кое-какие изменения.
- 00:04:12,358 --> 00:04:15,148 Как, например, с Полом. Это нормально, Пол.
- 00:04:15,148 --> 00:04:17,738 Переходный возраст случается с каждым из нас.
- 00:04:17,738 --> 00:04:21,528 Это естественный процесс. У многих, как, например, у меня, он наступил достаточно рано.
- 00:04:21,528 --> 00:04:24,698 У меня вот месячные начались в шесть лет, и в этом нет ничего постыдного.
- 00:04:25,038 --> 00:04:26,708 ‐ О, нет.
- 00:04:28,368 --> 00:04:30,828 Переходный возраст!
- 00:04:31,288 --> 00:04:34,208 Стейси К. Стейси Ф.
- 00:04:34,708 --> 00:04:36,378 Сегодня без Стейси Г.
- 00:04:36,378 --> 00:04:38,008 Она в лесу, ищет Слендермена.
- 00:04:38,008 --> 00:04:40,258 Да уж, она просто одержима Слендерменом.
- 00:04:40,258 --> 00:04:43,138 Какого хрена ты делаешь в нашем туалете, чудила?
- 00:04:43,138 --> 00:04:46,018 Сначала я придумаю тебе позорное прозвище,
- 00:04:46,018 --> 00:04:49,098 А затем она заставит тебя съесть тампон.
- 00:04:49,098 --> 00:04:52,188 Я ношу его уже целый день
- 00:04:52,188 --> 00:04:55,028 в своей вагине.
- 00:04:58,818 --> 00:05:02,698 Вау, ты такая красотка.
- 00:05:02,698 --> 00:05:05,828 Тебе уже наверное, надоели с просьбами тебя потрогать, но... Можно я потрогаю твое лицо?
- 00:05:05,828 --> 00:05:09,708 Мне не надоели с такими просьбами, и да,
- 00:05:09,708 --> 00:05:11,368 ты можешь потрогать, Стейси К.
- 00:05:11,918 --> 00:05:14,588 - Эйден, Брейден, Джейден, Марк. Чувак, это место Рикки.
- 00:05:14,588 --> 00:05:15,998 Это было место Рикки.
- 00:05:16,628 --> 00:05:20,258 Короче, я как-то сидел с родителями и хавал суши. И тут мой вейп сдох.
- 00:05:20,258 --> 00:05:22,888 И я такой: "Вот дерьмо". Но потом понял,
- 00:05:22,888 --> 00:05:25,008 что можно просто покурить луковый пар.
- 00:05:25,008 --> 00:05:26,258 - Привет, парни. Классные наушники.
- 00:05:26,258 --> 00:05:28,018 Что слушаете? Как кто-то трахается?
- 00:05:28,018 --> 00:05:29,768 Мне нужно тебе кое-что сказать.
- 00:05:29,768 --> 00:05:31,348 Теперь это стол для лохов.
- 00:05:31,348 --> 00:05:33,308 Погнали подзарядим наушники и подрочим.
- 00:05:33,308 --> 00:05:35,398 Лады, ребятки, еще пересечемся. Люблю вас.
- 00:05:35,398 --> 00:05:38,488 В смысле, все ок. Ты все испортила.
- 00:05:38,488 --> 00:05:41,528 Я только влился в их тусу. Это был мой стол крутых ребят.
- 00:05:41,528 --> 00:05:43,568 Иди и найди себе своих крутых ребят.
- 00:05:43,568 --> 00:05:46,278 Типа тех парней. - По-твоему, они крутые?
- 00:05:46,278 --> 00:05:50,368 Ну да. Я слышал, Леди Гага была в таком же воротнике на Латинской Грэмми.
- 00:05:50,368 --> 00:05:52,248 Круто же. Удачи.
- 00:05:59,968 --> 00:06:01,008 Итак, ты готов?
- 00:06:01,798 --> 00:06:04,718 Через час у нас встреча с тем парнем, который продает гидроцикл.
- 00:06:04,718 --> 00:06:06,808 Его зовут Тренд. Звучит трендово, как считаешь?
- 00:06:06,808 --> 00:06:08,678 Хорошо, Терри, я почти закончил укреплять наш дом
- 00:06:08,678 --> 00:06:10,388 на случай, если этот красный засранец вернется.
- 00:06:10,388 --> 00:06:13,148 Да, ты прав. Пожалуй, мне стоит замазать все наши скрытые ходы.
- 00:06:13,148 --> 00:06:15,188 - Какие скрытые ходы? - Их всего несколько, не переживай.
- 00:06:24,358 --> 00:06:27,028 Терри, это кафе "У Ветцеля" - та еще долговая яма. У них же совсем нет клиентов.
- 00:06:27,028 --> 00:06:28,908 Бизнесу нужно время, чтобы начать приносить прибыль.
- 00:06:28,908 --> 00:06:30,948 Но скоро будет день бесплатных крендельков.
- 00:06:47,348 --> 00:06:49,848 - Эй, только не в нос. Он новый. - Пошел на хер, Крейг.
- 00:06:49,848 --> 00:06:52,308 Послушай. Ты не поверишь.
- 00:06:52,308 --> 00:06:55,558 Я сейчас так мило пообщалась с двумя девочками в туалете,
- 00:06:55,558 --> 00:06:58,188 и все из-за этой штуки. - Да всем плевать.
- 00:06:58,188 --> 00:06:59,318 Что это за херня?
- 00:06:59,318 --> 00:07:01,318 Это то, о чем я и пытаюсь тебе рассказать.
- 00:07:01,318 --> 00:07:03,568 Это мой особый цветочек.
- 00:07:10,578 --> 00:07:12,578 Прости, что врезал тебе по яйцам, приятель. - Нет.
- 00:07:12,578 --> 00:07:14,498 Это ты прости, что я назвал твою маму жирной.
- 00:07:14,498 --> 00:07:16,418 На самом деле, я знаю, что ее просто покусали пчелы.
- 00:07:18,708 --> 00:07:21,208 - Ты это сделала. - Да, это полностью ее вина.
- 00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:24,338 Будем издеваться над ней до тех пор, пока она не решит поступить на художника?
- 00:07:24,338 --> 00:07:25,378 - Нет, чувак, она крутая.
- 00:07:25,378 --> 00:07:27,388 Джесси, у нас тусовочка вечером намечается.
- 00:07:27,388 --> 00:07:29,718 - Придешь? - По-любому.
- 00:07:29,718 --> 00:07:32,348 Не хочется мне продавать эту малышку.
- 00:07:32,348 --> 00:07:34,728 Не верится, что суд заставил выбирать между ней и моими детьми.
- 00:07:34,728 --> 00:07:37,808 На ней можно вытворять потрясно-крутецкие вещи? Типа чтобы реально крутецкие.
- 00:07:37,808 --> 00:07:40,438 Да, конечно, чувак. Что мы с ней только не вытворяли вместе.
- 00:07:40,438 --> 00:07:42,688 Понимаете, я просто хочу отдать ее в добрые руки.
- 00:07:42,688 --> 00:07:44,648 У красного мисистика пушка!
- 00:07:45,448 --> 00:07:48,698 Чувак, это просто автомобильный выхлоп. За тобой кто-то охотится?
- 00:07:48,698 --> 00:07:50,658 В таком случае, такая домашняя обстановка
- 00:07:50,658 --> 00:07:51,948 явно не подходит для моей детки.
- 00:07:52,158 --> 00:07:54,448 Нет-нет, не беспокойся. Сегодня мы охотимся
- 00:07:54,448 --> 00:07:56,578 только за выгодной сделкой. - Понимаю вас.
- 00:07:56,578 --> 00:07:58,418 Ребятки, хотите оседлать эту крошку?
- 00:07:58,418 --> 00:07:59,328 Да! Определенно!
- 00:07:59,328 --> 00:08:01,338 - Я первый. - Нет, Терри, я первый.
- 00:08:01,338 --> 00:08:02,168 А ну катись отсюда!
- 00:08:02,168 --> 00:08:05,918 - Почему ты вечно все портишь? - Этот цветочек спас всех.
- 00:08:06,548 --> 00:08:08,638 Черт, я расскажу об этом Корво и Терри.
- 00:08:08,638 --> 00:08:11,388 Они сорвут это с твоей головы, и тогда все снова перестанут тебя любить.
- 00:08:11,388 --> 00:08:13,138 Нет, пожалуйста, не рассказывай им.
- 00:08:13,138 --> 00:08:16,098 Как только я доберусь до дома, я разрушу твою жизнь.
- 00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:19,078 Только если я не сделаю этого раньше.
- 00:08:44,878 --> 00:08:46,418 Божечки, помогите!
- 00:08:51,928 --> 00:08:53,808 Фу, фу, фу. О, нет.
- 00:08:58,268 --> 00:09:01,688 Он потерял слишком много... эм, надеюсь, что крови.
- 00:09:02,728 --> 00:09:03,608 Нет!
- 00:09:04,818 --> 00:09:07,238 Нет! Нет!
- 00:09:08,528 --> 00:09:12,568 - Спасибо, что спасла мне жизнь. - Спасибо, что не умер.
- 00:09:12,568 --> 00:09:13,738 Но я все равно настучу на тебя!
- 00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:16,158 Вот блин.
- 00:09:24,128 --> 00:09:26,048 - О, да. - Это вы еще на воде не пробовали.
- 00:09:26,048 --> 00:09:27,548 Это может ездить по воде? Что?
- 00:09:27,548 --> 00:09:29,878 Знаете, вы вроде нормальные парни,
- 00:09:29,878 --> 00:09:33,298 так что я продам ее вам. - Так мы типа ее сейчас забираем?
- 00:09:33,298 --> 00:09:35,928 Не против, если я сам привезу? Хочу прокатиться в последний раз.
- 00:09:38,058 --> 00:09:40,478 - Я пристрелил красного мисистика. - А вы, ребят, с придурью.
- 00:09:40,478 --> 00:09:42,188 - Нет, нет. Все в порядке.
- 00:09:42,188 --> 00:09:44,558 Просто мы уже лет двадцать играем с друганами в салки,
- 00:09:44,558 --> 00:09:46,228 И это неплохо так нас сблизило.
- 00:09:46,228 --> 00:09:47,818 Увидимся позже. Спасибо за гидроцикл.
- 00:09:47,818 --> 00:09:48,858 Ты крутой! Пока!
- 00:10:04,418 --> 00:10:05,538 ...Губка Боб Квадратные Штаны...
- 00:10:09,918 --> 00:10:12,428 Прости, я немного запаниковал.
- 00:10:12,428 --> 00:10:14,798 Но зато теперь у нас есть гидроцикл,
- 00:10:14,798 --> 00:10:16,558 и, кажется, красный мисистик наконец свалил.
- 00:10:17,678 --> 00:10:19,598 Терри, это твои яйца-пашот?
- 00:10:19,598 --> 00:10:22,058 Нет, я ем только болтунью, жареные яйца, вкрутую, всмятку,
- 00:10:22,058 --> 00:10:24,018 глазунью, перевернутую глазунью с одной и двух сторон,
- 00:10:24,018 --> 00:10:25,728 пасхальные, фаршированные и яйца Бенедит.
- 00:10:25,728 --> 00:10:27,818 - Здесь был красный мисистик! - О, еще я люблю омлет.
- 00:10:29,318 --> 00:10:30,858 - Как он пробрался внутрь?
- 00:10:32,698 --> 00:10:34,868 Он что-то шептал матрасу, запоминающему форму тела, Терри.
- 00:10:34,868 --> 00:10:36,828 Что же он ему сказал? И что помнит этот матрас?
- 00:10:36,828 --> 00:10:38,538 Он распаковал мои фигурки из "Голодных игр".
- 00:10:38,538 --> 00:10:40,998 Я хотел выложить распаковку Президента Сноу на свой YouTube-канал.
- 00:10:40,998 --> 00:10:42,498 Теперь это абсолютно бесполезно.
- 00:10:42,498 --> 00:10:44,788 Он скачал нам на DVR "Мадам госсекретарь"
- 00:10:44,788 --> 00:10:46,128 - Это сериал для мамочек. - Сукин сын.
- 00:10:46,128 --> 00:10:48,298 - Он достал мои джинсы из морозилки. - Эм, нет, это я сделал.
- 00:10:48,298 --> 00:10:50,008 Божечки, Тренд скоро придет.
- 00:10:50,008 --> 00:10:52,088 Если он увидит надпись "Иди в жопу, Корво",
- 00:10:52,088 --> 00:10:53,718 то никогда не продаст нам гидроцикл.
- 00:10:53,718 --> 00:10:55,838 О, нет. Успокойся, не нервничай.
- 00:10:55,838 --> 00:10:57,798 Он этого и добивается. У нас еще есть время на уборку.
- 00:10:57,798 --> 00:10:59,808 Репликантам нельзя знать про красного мисистика.
- 00:10:59,808 --> 00:11:01,268 У Юмьюлака опять начнутся кошмары,
- 00:11:01,268 --> 00:11:02,928 и он снова придет спать к нам.
- 00:11:02,928 --> 00:11:05,018 - Терри, Корво. -Пожалуйста, не говори им ничего.
- 00:11:05,018 --> 00:11:06,978 Я обеща...
- 00:11:06,978 --> 00:11:08,608 Юмьюлак, смотри!
- 00:11:08,608 --> 00:11:11,938 У меня теперь тоже есть цветочек! Он такой красивый.
- 00:11:11,938 --> 00:11:13,448 Надо спрятать все от Корво и Терри,
- 00:11:13,448 --> 00:11:15,448 а то у Терри от страха опять начнутся ночные кошмары
- 00:11:15,448 --> 00:11:17,158 и он снова придет спать к кому-то из нас.
- 00:11:17,158 --> 00:11:18,988 Ты же говорил, что в цветочке нет ничего особенного.
- 00:11:18,988 --> 00:11:21,038 Да, но теперь у меня он тоже есть, так что это круто.
- 00:11:21,038 --> 00:11:24,038 - Это наш билет на вечеринку Купера Барна. - Они идут.
- 00:11:26,208 --> 00:11:28,838 - Ну, эм, как... как прошел день? - Нормально.
- 00:11:28,838 --> 00:11:30,298 - Как прошел ваш день? - Тоже нормально.
- 00:11:30,298 --> 00:11:31,708 Да, никаких красных мисистиков.
- 00:11:31,708 --> 00:11:33,418 - Ну да, и цветков на голове тоже.
- 00:11:33,418 --> 00:11:34,838 - Что?! - Ничего!
- 00:11:35,258 --> 00:11:37,428 Я знал, что этот день настанет.
- 00:11:37,428 --> 00:11:40,388 Но, знаете, трудно прощаться с тем, внутри чего ты побывал.
- 00:11:40,388 --> 00:11:42,598 - Оу. - Ну, в переносном смысле.
- 00:11:42,598 --> 00:11:44,808 - Не подумайте ничего такого. - Так, ладненько, удачи
- 00:11:44,808 --> 00:11:47,188 тебе во всем, Тренд. Эм, нам тоже уже пора.
- 00:11:47,188 --> 00:11:48,728 Уже опаздываем на эпиляцию спины.
- 00:11:49,608 --> 00:11:51,148 Давай, запрем его в гараже.
- 00:11:52,728 --> 00:11:54,238 Блин блинский, лови его.
- 00:11:54,238 --> 00:11:55,568 Твою мать, лови его быстрее.
- 00:12:02,988 --> 00:12:06,538 Это сделал маленький красный человечек.
- 00:12:07,618 --> 00:12:10,458 Я не пытаюсь унизить невысоких людей.
- 00:12:11,418 --> 00:12:12,838 Или коренных американцев.
- 00:12:12,838 --> 00:12:15,008 Просто он был маленьким и... красным.
- 00:12:16,588 --> 00:12:18,548 Все плохо, Терри. Красный мисистик подставил нас.
- 00:12:18,548 --> 00:12:20,218 Что нам теперь делать? Мне нельзя в тюрьму.
- 00:12:20,218 --> 00:12:22,598 У меня даже ануса нет. Как мне тайком таскать сладости?
- 00:12:24,178 --> 00:12:27,098 К сожалению, такое случается довольно часто.
- 00:12:27,098 --> 00:12:31,058 В этом городе постоянно находят кого-то с необъяснимыми травмами высокой степени тяжести.
- 00:12:31,058 --> 00:12:33,528 Как будто нас прокляли. Черт побери.
- 00:12:33,528 --> 00:12:36,278 Соболезную вашей утрате. Он был хорошим другом?
- 00:12:36,278 --> 00:12:38,988 Он был не просто другом. Он был гидроциклом.
- 00:12:41,278 --> 00:12:43,698 Вау, наша первая школьная вечеринка.
- 00:12:43,698 --> 00:12:45,118 Тут все так, как я себе и представляла.
- 00:12:45,118 --> 00:12:48,368 Смотри, Купер Барнс уже бесится, что все громят его дом.
- 00:12:48,368 --> 00:12:50,628 Это семейная реликвия. Отвали от моей собаки.
- 00:12:50,628 --> 00:12:52,878 Брент, хватит занюхивать прах моего отца. Блять!
- 00:12:52,878 --> 00:12:55,628 - Типичный Купер. - Ладно, пока ты будешь тусить вместе с тремя Стейси,
- 00:12:55,628 --> 00:12:57,588 я подкачу к тем фанатам подкастов.
- 00:12:57,588 --> 00:13:00,298 Я хочу закрепиться в их тусовке к 8 часам.
- 00:13:00,968 --> 00:13:03,308 - Это же Джесси. - Ура, Джесси.
- 00:13:03,308 --> 00:13:05,678 - Эй, ты чего здесь забыл? - Эм, я...
- 00:13:08,598 --> 00:13:10,308 Чувак, я так рад, что ты пришел.
- 00:13:10,308 --> 00:13:12,518 Крутые наушники. Никакой ты не выпендрежник.
- 00:13:12,518 --> 00:13:14,438 Может, купим фургон и начнем путешествовать?
- 00:13:14,438 --> 00:13:16,068 Ну или можем продавать еду.
- 00:13:16,068 --> 00:13:18,738 О Боже, чувак, у меня сейчас такие гениальные мысли в голове.
- 00:13:18,738 --> 00:13:21,658 Я где-то слышал, что Ниссан Одиссей - крутая тачка.
- 00:13:21,658 --> 00:13:24,118 Внатуре! Погнали со мной, чувак.
- 00:13:40,088 --> 00:13:41,888 Похоже, у меня на спине мисистик. Он на спине, да?
- 00:13:41,888 --> 00:13:44,218 В миллионный раз говорю - нет. Погоди-ка, он что, на моей спине?
- 00:13:44,218 --> 00:13:45,558 Нет, все в порядке.
- 00:13:45,558 --> 00:13:47,428 Блин, чувак, неужели наша жизнь теперь будет такой?
- 00:13:47,428 --> 00:13:49,848 Просто ждать, пока этот пакетик с кетчупом воткнет нам нож в спину?
- 00:13:49,848 --> 00:13:52,348 Мы должны сразиться с ним. Как Кевин из "Один дома".
- 00:13:52,348 --> 00:13:54,358 Хватит бегать от него.
- 00:13:54,358 --> 00:13:56,688 Он может быть где угодно. В вентиляции, под абажуром,
- 00:13:56,688 --> 00:13:57,938 на другом конце города. - Послушай,
- 00:13:57,938 --> 00:14:00,148 он же буквально сделан из стресса. - И что с того?
- 00:14:00,148 --> 00:14:03,528 Значит, он прячется в таком месте, которое вызывает у тебя самый сильный стресс.
- 00:14:05,528 --> 00:14:07,578 И это твое самое стрессовое место?
- 00:14:07,578 --> 00:14:09,658 Во-первых, как им удается избежать банкротства целый год?
- 00:14:09,658 --> 00:14:10,998 Это же финансово невыгодно.
- 00:14:10,998 --> 00:14:13,128 Тут пахнет как внутри пластикового пакета.
- 00:14:13,128 --> 00:14:15,418 А еще у них слишком завышены цены на PS4.
- 00:14:15,418 --> 00:14:17,798 И, к тому же, я боюсь скелетов. Ну вот, видел?
- 00:14:17,798 --> 00:14:19,588 Подождик-ка, он здесь. Я его чувствую.
- 00:14:19,588 --> 00:14:21,378 Ну, и еще я вижу его прям здесь.
- 00:14:26,098 --> 00:14:27,808 Замечательно, теперь придется платить за это.
- 00:14:29,058 --> 00:14:31,638 - Вы, ребят, под наркотой? - Под наркотой только Молли.
- 00:14:31,638 --> 00:14:34,398 Остальные под Джесси.
- 00:14:34,398 --> 00:14:36,018 Ты тоже хочешь?
- 00:14:38,068 --> 00:14:41,648 - О, да, Джесси. - Я крутышка.
- 00:14:41,648 --> 00:14:44,528 Я говорю, ты только подумай об этом.
- 00:14:44,528 --> 00:14:46,448 Ты думаешь? Ты, мать твою, думаешь об этом?
- 00:14:46,448 --> 00:14:47,528 - О чем я должен думать?
- 00:14:47,528 --> 00:14:48,948 Публикация развратной кулинарной книги.
- 00:14:48,948 --> 00:14:51,118 - Женитьба. - Да, да. Я не говорю нет, просто нужно подумать.
- 00:14:51,118 --> 00:14:53,248 - Я идиот, я такой идиот. - О, да.
- 00:14:53,248 --> 00:14:54,538 Прочитать стих, который я написал?
- 00:14:54,538 --> 00:14:55,418 Конечно да, чувак!
- 00:14:57,088 --> 00:15:00,048 Это лучшая ночь в моей жизни. Мне придумали прозвище.
- 00:15:00,048 --> 00:15:03,588 Они зовут меня Сладким Мишкой. Ты такой Сладкий Мишка.
- 00:15:03,588 --> 00:15:05,548 - Тебе так идет. - Вот именно.
- 00:15:05,548 --> 00:15:08,098 Хочу извиниться за то, что вел себя как мудак.
- 00:15:08,098 --> 00:15:10,678 Я знал, что ты хотела потусить и, наверное, просто завидовал.
- 00:15:11,308 --> 00:15:14,558 Ты и правда был мудаком. Но я тебя прощаю.
- 00:15:35,038 --> 00:15:37,248 Цены на косметику здесь просто зашкаливают.
- 00:15:37,248 --> 00:15:39,838 - И костюмы такие развратные. - Держи себя в руках, Корво.
- 00:15:39,838 --> 00:15:41,378 Он хочет, чтобы ты стрессовал.
- 00:15:49,388 --> 00:15:51,138 - Пошел в жопу! - Вот он, лови его.
- 00:15:53,348 --> 00:15:54,428 Куда он делся?
- 00:15:56,388 --> 00:15:59,018 Блять, ненавижу такие места. Ненавижу зеркала, черт бы их побрал.
- 00:15:59,018 --> 00:16:01,398 Меня это пугает.
- 00:16:17,208 --> 00:16:20,288 В общем, я куплю фургон, напишу кулинарную книгу,
- 00:16:20,288 --> 00:16:21,838 женюсь на Марке Мельнере.
- 00:16:21,838 --> 00:16:24,258 Везунчик. Я всегда считала, что из него выйдет хороший отец.
- 00:16:24,258 --> 00:16:26,418 Ой, детка, что с тобой?
- 00:16:31,678 --> 00:16:33,678 Какого черта? Стейси К.?
- 00:16:34,888 --> 00:16:36,058 Я убью тебя!
- 00:16:44,228 --> 00:16:47,108 Вот блин, похоже, что твоя отстойная пыльца смешалась с моей крутой пыльцой,
- 00:16:47,108 --> 00:16:48,408 и у всех поехала крыша.
- 00:16:48,408 --> 00:16:50,738 - Жесть! - Нужно отсюда выбираться.
- 00:17:01,078 --> 00:17:02,878 ‐ Спокойно, Корво, ты же мужик.
- 00:17:02,878 --> 00:17:04,548 Ты сексуальный жеребец. Возьми себя в руки.
- 00:17:04,548 --> 00:17:06,758 Корво, где ты? Не волнуйся, чувак.
- 00:17:06,758 --> 00:17:08,588 Мы еще можем его поймать. Божечки!
- 00:17:08,588 --> 00:17:10,338 - Что случилось? - У них есть мини Кит-Каты
- 00:17:10,338 --> 00:17:11,258 со всеми вкусами.
- 00:17:15,388 --> 00:17:16,308 - Нет! - Попался.
- 00:17:16,308 --> 00:17:17,888 Получай, сученыш!
- 00:17:42,378 --> 00:17:44,248 Объясни еще раз, почему бы нам просто его не убить.
- 00:17:44,248 --> 00:17:46,248 Если мы это сделаем, то он победил.
- 00:17:46,248 --> 00:17:48,668 Возможно, если мы разрежем его и изучим,
- 00:17:48,668 --> 00:17:51,338 я смогу научиться контролировать стресс, вместо того, чтобы избегать его.
- 00:17:51,338 --> 00:17:52,798 Это так мило, Корво.
- 00:17:52,798 --> 00:17:54,678 Но все же давай сожжем этого маленького засранца.
- 00:17:54,678 --> 00:17:55,968 - Что за выражения, Терри? - Прости.
- 00:17:55,968 --> 00:17:57,808 Меня просто так унесло с этих зеленых Кит-Катов.
- 00:17:57,808 --> 00:18:00,808 Ребят, у нас есть огромная проблема, в которой виновата Джесси.
- 00:18:00,808 --> 00:18:03,558 У нас на голове выросли цветы. Мы знаем, что это из-за переходного возраста,
- 00:18:03,558 --> 00:18:05,728 и мы становимся взрослыми. - Какой-какой возраст?
- 00:18:05,728 --> 00:18:09,028 Ну такой, когда у людей растут волосы, а из их пенисов течет кровь.
- 00:18:09,028 --> 00:18:10,108 - Господи. - Какая мерзость.
- 00:18:10,108 --> 00:18:12,198 Но ты же не человек. У тебя нет переходного возраста.
- 00:18:12,198 --> 00:18:15,028 Ты вырастешь до наших размеров, а потом однажды станешь мудрым старым деревом.
- 00:18:15,028 --> 00:18:17,448 И, если тебе повезет, кто-нибудь построит из твоего тела дом.
- 00:18:17,448 --> 00:18:19,578 А это - грибок, потому что вы не мыли руки.
- 00:18:19,578 --> 00:18:21,708 - Руки надо мыть. - Это не страшно, если вы, конечно,
- 00:18:21,708 --> 00:18:23,668 не смешали свою пыльцу и не заразили кого-нибудь.
- 00:18:24,418 --> 00:18:27,418 Единственный способ остановить инфекцию - занести сыворотку им под кожу.
- 00:18:27,418 --> 00:18:30,008 Не позволяйте им укусить себя, иначе тоже сойдете с ума.
- 00:18:30,008 --> 00:18:32,588 Поэтому мы используем экстренные медицинские инструменты.
- 00:18:32,588 --> 00:18:34,298 - Мы будем резать людей? - Им это не навредит.
- 00:18:34,298 --> 00:18:37,428 Все раны затянутся сами благодаря супержиже с лезвий.
- 00:18:37,428 --> 00:18:39,098 - Отстой. - Но не будет ли безопасней
- 00:18:39,098 --> 00:18:40,598 использовать дротики?
- 00:18:40,598 --> 00:18:41,768 Хочешь стрелять дротиками - ладно.
- 00:18:41,768 --> 00:18:43,728 Как хочешь, конечно. Но это куда круче дротиков.
- 00:18:43,728 --> 00:18:45,768 Пришло время тыкать в детишек и спасать их жизни.
- 00:19:00,788 --> 00:19:01,958 Спасибо.
- 00:19:02,288 --> 00:19:03,868 Получи!
- 00:19:05,288 --> 00:19:07,128 Да! - Спасибо, чувак.
- 00:19:11,128 --> 00:19:14,678 Простите, я так вас лечу. Не за что. Люблю вас.
- 00:19:14,678 --> 00:19:16,088 Вау, спасибо.
- 00:19:28,568 --> 00:19:30,478 Не парься, они все равно ничего не вспомнят.
- 00:19:30,478 --> 00:19:32,488 Но они же запомнят, что я крутой?
- 00:19:32,488 --> 00:19:34,488 Нет, в лучшем случае только то, что ты не крутой.
- 00:19:54,838 --> 00:19:57,548 - Спасибо, чувак. - Да без проблем.
- 00:20:14,858 --> 00:20:17,858 - Эй, чувак, ты что делаешь? - Хочу сесть со своими друганами.
- 00:20:17,858 --> 00:20:19,618 Чумовая была ночка, правда? - Бро,
- 00:20:19,618 --> 00:20:23,158 этот стол только для чуваков с крутыми наушниками. - Я могу превратиться в крутой наушник.
- 00:20:23,158 --> 00:20:26,118 Не выйдет, приятель. - Наушник уже забил это место для кое-кого другого.
- 00:20:28,288 --> 00:20:31,378 Мне жаль, Сладкий Мишка. У меня та же фигня с тремя Стейси.
- 00:20:31,378 --> 00:20:34,508 Они сказали, чтобы я уносила свою плоскую задницу обратно на планету Мехико.
- 00:20:34,508 --> 00:20:36,798 Все крутыши и крутышки на самом деле такие засранцы.
- 00:20:36,798 --> 00:20:39,588 Я постоянно веду себя как засранец, но почему-то еще не стал популярным.
- 00:20:39,588 --> 00:20:42,928 Ребят, я слышал, вы были на той безумной вечеринке.
- 00:20:42,928 --> 00:20:44,558 Безумной? Никто не пострадал.
- 00:20:44,558 --> 00:20:47,138 А, нет-нет-нет. Мы не были ни на одной из таких вечеринок.
- 00:20:47,138 --> 00:20:48,598 Мы просто хотели послушать о них.
- 00:20:48,598 --> 00:20:51,398 Ну, сначала мы все зависали дома у Барна.
- 00:20:51,398 --> 00:20:55,068 - У того самого Барна? - Да, у Купера Барна.
- 00:20:55,068 --> 00:20:59,568 Кстати говоря, крутые ребята называют друг друга по фамилиям.
- 00:21:18,508 --> 00:21:22,928 Просыпайся, маленькая шлюшка. Пора нам с тобой разобраться.
- 00:21:23,678 --> 00:21:25,098 Что за?
- 00:21:26,978 --> 00:21:29,898 Нет-нет-нет...
- 00:21:31,478 --> 00:21:34,108 - Это же обычный мисис... - Терри, ты не видел мою теннисную ракетку?
- 00:21:34,688 --> 00:21:37,318 Я заметил, что в теннис играют преимущественно доминантные женщины.
- 00:21:37,318 --> 00:21:40,028 Это повышает мои шансы найти решительную самку...
- 00:21:40,028 --> 00:21:41,948 - Подожди-ка, а где красный мисистик? - Я убил его.
- 00:21:41,948 --> 00:21:43,578 - Блин, Терри, это жестоко. - Знаю.
- 00:21:43,578 --> 00:21:46,198 Я просто подумал, что пока он жив, ты
- 00:21:46,198 --> 00:21:47,908 будешь волноваться, чтобы он не сбежал,
- 00:21:47,908 --> 00:21:50,498 а я хотел, знаешь, чтобы в твоей жизни было меньше стресса.
- 00:21:50,498 --> 00:21:52,918 Я просто забочусь о тебе. Так что я покромсал его тело
- 00:21:52,918 --> 00:21:55,958 и скормил его свиньям. И запустил свиней в космос.
- 00:21:55,958 --> 00:21:58,298 Не волнуйся, свинки в безопасности. Вообще-то нет.
- 00:21:58,298 --> 00:22:00,838 Никто еще не делал для меня ничего трогательнее.
- 00:22:00,838 --> 00:22:02,088 Спасибо, Терри.
- 00:22:03,848 --> 00:22:06,348 Ох, чувствую себя так расслаблено. Я принял горячую ванну.
- 00:22:06,348 --> 00:22:08,178 Даже не стал мыть свою причиндалы.
- 00:22:08,178 --> 00:22:10,438 Больше никто не охотится за мной, и это круто, Терри.
- 00:22:10,438 --> 00:22:12,268 Ага, да, супер. Сладких снов.
- 00:22:12,268 --> 00:22:15,648 А сейчас я буду наслаждаться своим спокойным безопасным сном,
- 00:22:15,648 --> 00:22:17,938 зная, что никто не строит против меня козни,
- 00:22:17,938 --> 00:22:20,398 не ждет, пока я утрачу бдительность или типа того.
- 00:00:04,212 --> 00:00:06,923 Terry, will you hand me the deatomizer? The Phillips one.
- 00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,717 The booster manifold is misaligned.
- 00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:12,220 Man, hey, I took this quiz to find out what Jet-Skis fit my personality
- 00:00:12,303 --> 00:00:14,764 and turns out, all of them do. Look at this.
- 00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:16,891 - Ah, Terry, help! - Oh, I'm sorry.
- 00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:18,143 - Oh, my beautiful body. - Oh, God.
- 00:00:18,226 --> 00:00:19,894 Put me in the thing, Terry. Put me in the medical thing.
- 00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:21,396 I don't--I don't know what you're talking about.
- 00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:22,897 - The thing with the red light. - What thing, which thing, what thing?
- 00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:24,149 - Which thing? Point to the thing. - Right there.
- 00:00:24,232 --> 00:00:25,525 Oh, God, I'm slipping away. My one regret.
- 00:00:25,650 --> 00:00:27,444 I didn't read enough manuals. Tell everyone you know
- 00:00:27,569 --> 00:00:30,739 to take the time to read more manuals or they'll regret--
- 00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:32,407 Ah!
- 00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:41,583 That didn't seem too bad, honestly.
- 00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:45,420 You are so annoying. I'm up there doing dangerous work. You have to be careful.
- 00:00:45,503 --> 00:00:48,298 I already said that it didn't seem too bad. What else do you need, man?
- 00:00:48,423 --> 00:00:50,050 We're supposed to be working together to survive,
- 00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:52,969 - and you, you just, you make it worse. - All right, look, breathe.
- 00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:55,805 The only thing that matters is today we're gettin' a Jet-Ski.
- 00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:58,141 By this afternoon, we're gonna be jumpin' the wake,
- 00:00:58,224 --> 00:01:00,268 gleamin' the cube, dockin' the dog.
- 00:01:00,351 --> 00:01:03,188 Bologna sandwich in one hand, and a, and a Mountain Dew in the other.
- 00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:06,024 Oh, I have been looking forward to the gleaming the cube part.
- 00:01:06,107 --> 00:01:08,443 I've gleamed many items before, but never a cube.
- 00:01:08,526 --> 00:01:10,779 It's gonna be fun in the sun from now on.
- 00:01:10,862 --> 00:01:12,989 A Jet-Ski is exactly what you need to relax.
- 00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:15,033 You're right. I-I need to stop stressing out so much.
- 00:01:15,116 --> 00:01:18,578 I'm gooblering more than Zortex at the Camoodian Eve parade.
- 00:01:18,661 --> 00:01:21,664 - Poof, whatever that means. - Why are your jeans in the freezer?
- 00:01:21,790 --> 00:01:24,959 Jen Garner had an Insta all about cleaning your jeans like freezing sushi.
- 00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:28,671 How am I supposed to enjoy the one Diet Dr. Pepper
- 00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:32,217 I allow myself a day with blue fucking ice cubes?
- 00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:42,393 Um, hey, little fella.
- 00:01:44,854 --> 00:01:46,064 Get fucked!
- 00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:50,568 - What the hell was that? - A red goobler.
- 00:01:50,652 --> 00:01:52,112 What, what do the red ones do?
- 00:01:52,237 --> 00:01:54,405 I don't know.
- 00:01:55,031 --> 00:01:57,408 <i>Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia.</i>
- 00:01:57,492 --> 00:01:59,369 <i>Until the asteroid hit.</i>
- 00:02:00,578 --> 00:02:02,914 <i>One hundred adults and their replicants were issued a Pupa</i>
- 00:02:02,997 --> 00:02:05,083 <i>and escaped into, uh, the space,</i>
- 00:02:05,208 --> 00:02:07,919 <i>searching for new homes on uninhabited worlds.</i>
- 00:02:08,002 --> 00:02:11,131 <i>We crashed on Earth, stranding us on an already overpopulated planet.</i>
- 00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:12,924 <i>That's right, I've been talking this whole time.</i>
- 00:02:13,007 --> 00:02:14,717 <i>I'm the one holding the Pupa. My name's Korvo.</i>
- 00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:16,427 <i>This is-- this is my show. I just dropped the Pupa.</i>
- 00:02:16,511 --> 00:02:18,471 <i>Do you see me? This, this is ridiculous.</i>
- 00:02:18,555 --> 00:02:20,473 <i>I hate Earth. It's a horrible home.</i>
- 00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:22,767 <i>People are stupid. Everyone claims to like old people</i>
- 00:02:22,851 --> 00:02:24,269 <i>but they're not fucking them.</i>
- 00:02:24,352 --> 00:02:26,312 <i>I fuck old people all the time. They love me.</i>
- 00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:35,613 Hey, at lunch, do you wanna see what happens
- 00:02:35,697 --> 00:02:36,990 if we drink all the sodas at once?
- 00:02:37,073 --> 00:02:39,659 There's a Coke Zero chance I wanna do that.
- 00:02:39,742 --> 00:02:41,828 I have to focus on getting in with the cool kids.
- 00:02:41,911 --> 00:02:43,413 There's an opening at their lunch table now.
- 00:02:43,496 --> 00:02:46,332 - Ricky Smalling's in an iron lung. - Ricky was super cool.
- 00:02:46,416 --> 00:02:50,545 He was dating two of the Stacis. Each Staci is worth like ten Rebeccas.
- 00:02:50,628 --> 00:02:53,173 You think you can fill that power vacuum?
- 00:02:53,298 --> 00:02:55,925 My plan is to just slip into the seat, do nothing,
- 00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:57,844 then eventually, it'll seem normal that I'm there.
- 00:02:57,969 --> 00:02:59,762 - It worked for Hulu. - Hopefully, they'll invite me
- 00:02:59,846 --> 00:03:02,098 to Cooper Barn's party and I'll learn so much about humanity.
- 00:03:02,223 --> 00:03:04,309 Because that's the only reason I'm doing it. You know, for science.
- 00:03:04,434 --> 00:03:06,561 Keep your mouth shut. Don't ruin this for me.
- 00:03:06,644 --> 00:03:10,440 Well, if you're getting in with them, I'm getting in with the Stacis.
- 00:03:10,523 --> 00:03:13,234 'Cause I'm afraid of them.
- 00:03:13,318 --> 00:03:14,777 Okay, so I'm paraphrasing here.
- 00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:16,571 You know I love when you motherfucking paraphrase.
- 00:03:16,654 --> 00:03:19,157 - Give it to me, baby. - Most gooblers are passive non-verbal
- 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:21,701 stress creatures who dance and sing and wander off
- 00:03:21,784 --> 00:03:23,786 to go see the world or whatever they do.
- 00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:26,497 The red gooblers only appear every 100,000th goobler.
- 00:03:26,581 --> 00:03:28,082 I knew you gooblered too much.
- 00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:30,001 Why are you always so stressed?
- 00:03:30,084 --> 00:03:32,045 Why, why, why? Come on, tell me, man.
- 00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:34,339 - Why? Tell me. - Red gooblers are lethal.
- 00:03:34,422 --> 00:03:36,090 Their sole goal in life is to kill the host
- 00:03:36,174 --> 00:03:38,551 either by direct violence or by stressing them out so much
- 00:03:38,635 --> 00:03:40,887 that their body goes into something called fetal shock.
- 00:03:40,970 --> 00:03:43,181 It's where your brain turns into a baby and then you die.
- 00:03:43,264 --> 00:03:45,600 - Well, good luck with that, baby brain. - This is your fault.
- 00:03:45,683 --> 00:03:48,436 At least half of these gooblers were because of stupid shit you've done.
- 00:03:48,519 --> 00:03:50,563 Okay, okay, look. Don't make another red goobler.
- 00:03:50,647 --> 00:03:52,982 He probably already forgot about you anyway. Gooblers are dumb.
- 00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:56,236 -"I'm going to mill you"? - Oh, my God.
- 00:03:56,319 --> 00:03:58,363 I think he means kill.
- 00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:12,335 All right, some of you may have noticed you're going through changes.
- 00:04:12,418 --> 00:04:15,046 Like Paul over here. It's okay, Paul.
- 00:04:15,129 --> 00:04:17,632 Puberty is something that happens to all of us.
- 00:04:17,715 --> 00:04:21,511 It's completely natural and if you're like me, comes very early.
- 00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:24,973 I mean, I'm not ashamed to admit I got my period at six years old.
- 00:04:25,056 --> 00:04:26,683 Oh, no. Oh, oh.
- 00:04:28,393 --> 00:04:31,271 Puberty!
- 00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:34,649 Staci K. Staci F.
- 00:04:34,732 --> 00:04:36,317 Staci G. is out.
- 00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:38,069 She went into the woods to look for Slenderman.
- 00:04:38,152 --> 00:04:40,238 Ugh, she's such a slut for Slenderman.
- 00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:43,116 What the fuck are you doing in our bathroom, weirdo?
- 00:04:43,241 --> 00:04:45,952 First, I'm gonna make up a mean nickname for you.
- 00:04:46,035 --> 00:04:49,038 And then, she's gonna force you to eat a tampon.
- 00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:52,166 I've been slow cooking it all day.
- 00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,961 - In my vagina. - Uh...
- 00:04:55,044 --> 00:04:56,379 uh, oh!
- 00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:02,635 Wow, you are, like, so beautiful.
- 00:05:02,719 --> 00:05:05,763 I'm sure you get asked this all the time, but can I touch your face?
- 00:05:05,847 --> 00:05:11,894 Uh, I do not get asked that all the time, and yeah. Touch away, Staci K.
- 00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:14,564 - Aiden, Braden, Jaeden, Mark. - Dude, that's Ricky's seat.
- 00:05:14,647 --> 00:05:16,024 Was Ricky's seat.
- 00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:20,153 So I'm at Benihana with my parents, and my Juul dies.
- 00:05:20,236 --> 00:05:21,654 And I'm like, oh, shit.
- 00:05:21,738 --> 00:05:24,991 But then I realize, I can just vape the onion steam.
- 00:05:25,116 --> 00:05:27,952 Hey, you guys. Cool headphones. What are you listening to? The sex?
- 00:05:28,036 --> 00:05:29,746 I need to tell you something.
- 00:05:29,871 --> 00:05:31,289 Ugh, this table's weak now.
- 00:05:31,372 --> 00:05:33,249 Let's go recharge our headphones and jerk off.
- 00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,335 All right, fellas, keep it tight. I love you.
- 00:05:35,418 --> 00:05:38,421 I mean, okay. You just blew that for me!
- 00:05:38,504 --> 00:05:41,466 I was totally in. This is my cool kid table.
- 00:05:41,549 --> 00:05:43,509 You gotta find your own cool kids to hang with.
- 00:05:43,593 --> 00:05:46,220 - Like, those guys. - Those are cool kids?
- 00:05:46,304 --> 00:05:50,308 Yeah. I heard Lady Gaga wore that same cone to the Latin Grammys.
- 00:05:50,391 --> 00:05:52,226 So awesome. Good luck.
- 00:05:59,984 --> 00:06:00,985 Okay, you ready?
- 00:06:01,819 --> 00:06:04,655 We gotta meet the guy selling us the Jet-Ski in an hour.
- 00:06:04,739 --> 00:06:06,741 His name is Trent. I mean, how Trent is that?
- 00:06:06,824 --> 00:06:08,618 Yes, Terry, I'm almost finished fortifying the house
- 00:06:08,701 --> 00:06:10,453 in case that little red butthole comes back.
- 00:06:10,536 --> 00:06:13,081 Oh, right, yeah, I should probably seal up all my hidden doors then.
- 00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:15,166 - What hidden doors? - I only have a couple, don't worry.
- 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,969 Terry, that Wetzel's is a money pit. It doesn't have any foot traffic.
- 00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:28,846 It takes a year for a business to be profitable, okay?
- 00:06:28,930 --> 00:06:31,557 But free pretzel day is right around the corner.
- 00:06:47,365 --> 00:06:49,951 - Hey, watch the nose. It's new. - Fuck you, Craig.
- 00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:52,245 Listen to me. You're not gonna believe this.
- 00:06:52,328 --> 00:06:55,540 I just had such a good experience with two girls in the bathroom,
- 00:06:55,623 --> 00:06:59,293 - and it's all because of this. - Nobody cares. What the hell is that?
- 00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:03,506 That's what I've been trying to tell you. It's my special flower.
- 00:07:10,555 --> 00:07:14,392 - I'm sorry I hit you in the nads, man. - No. I'm sorry I called your mom fat.
- 00:07:14,475 --> 00:07:16,394 I know she just got stung by a bunch of bees.
- 00:07:18,729 --> 00:07:21,149 - You did this. - Yep, totally her fault.
- 00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:24,277 Should we bully her until she decides to pursue a career in the arts?
- 00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:25,319 No, man, she's cool.
- 00:07:25,403 --> 00:07:27,321 Jesse, you should come to the big party tonight.
- 00:07:27,405 --> 00:07:29,699 - See you there? - Ha, you betcha.
- 00:07:29,824 --> 00:07:32,326 I really hate that I have to sell this baby.
- 00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:34,704 I can't believe the court made me choose between her and my kids.
- 00:07:34,787 --> 00:07:37,790 Now this can do sick flips, right? I mean, they have to be really sick.
- 00:07:37,915 --> 00:07:40,501 Oh, yeah, they're sick, dude. We had some great times together.
- 00:07:40,585 --> 00:07:42,753 Ah, I just want to make sure she goes to a good home, you know?
- 00:07:42,837 --> 00:07:44,630 Red goobler got a gun!
- 00:07:45,381 --> 00:07:48,634 That was a car backfiring, dude. Is someone huntin' you?
- 00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:50,511 I'm not sure that's the right home environment
- 00:07:50,595 --> 00:07:52,138 for a refined vehicle like this.
- 00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:54,390 No, no, no, don't worry, look. The only thing we're hunting for
- 00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:56,517 - is a great deal, Trent. - I hear that.
- 00:07:56,601 --> 00:07:58,394 Hey, you guys want to sit on this honey?
- 00:07:58,519 --> 00:07:59,687 - Yes, yes, yes, yes. - Obviously.
- 00:07:59,770 --> 00:08:01,272 - Me first. - No, I'm going first, Terry.
- 00:08:01,355 --> 00:08:02,482 The fuck out of my way!
- 00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:06,402 - Why do you have to ruin everything? - The flower saved the day.
- 00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,571 Damn it, I'm gonna tell Korvo and Terry.
- 00:08:08,654 --> 00:08:11,324 They're gonna chop it right off your head and no one will like you anymore.
- 00:08:11,407 --> 00:08:13,075 No, don't, please don't tell them.
- 00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:16,078 When I get home, I'm going to ruin your life.
- 00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:18,539 Not if I get there first.
- 00:08:31,469 --> 00:08:32,428 Ah!
- 00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:40,895 Ah!
- 00:08:42,563 --> 00:08:43,814 Yeah!
- 00:08:44,899 --> 00:08:46,359 Oh, god, oh, help me.
- 00:08:52,031 --> 00:08:53,783 Shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo. Oh, no.
- 00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:01,666 He's lost too much of what I'm really hoping is blood.
- 00:09:02,833 --> 00:09:04,043 No!
- 00:09:04,919 --> 00:09:07,213 No, no!
- 00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:12,510 - Thanks for saving my life, I guess. - Thanks for not dying.
- 00:09:12,593 --> 00:09:14,929 I'm still gonna tattle!
- 00:09:15,012 --> 00:09:16,138 Ah, jeez.
- 00:09:24,146 --> 00:09:26,023 - Yeah. - Wait till you get her on the water.
- 00:09:26,148 --> 00:09:27,525 This goes on the water? What?
- 00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:29,860 You know what, this feels right. Yeah.
- 00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:33,239 - I'm gonna sell her to you guys. - Uh, so should we take her now?
- 00:09:33,322 --> 00:09:36,450 You mind if I drop her off? I just wanted to get one last ride in.
- 00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:40,413 - I got the red goobler. - Wait, are you guys weird?
- 00:09:40,496 --> 00:09:41,914 No, no, no. Look, okay.
- 00:09:41,998 --> 00:09:44,542 We've been playing a game of tag with our best friends for the past 20 years.
- 00:09:44,625 --> 00:09:46,168 It's actually brought us much closer together.
- 00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:49,297 We'll see you at our house later. Thanks for the Jet-Ski. You're cool. Bye!
- 00:10:04,228 --> 00:10:05,605 ...SpongeBob SquarePants...
- 00:10:09,942 --> 00:10:12,361 Oof, I am sorry. I freaked out a little.
- 00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,739 But the good news is we have secured the Jet-Ski
- 00:10:14,822 --> 00:10:17,074 and it looks like the red goobler is gone.
- 00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:19,535 Terry, did you poach eggs?
- 00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:22,079 No, I only like scrambled, fried, hard boiled, soft boiled,
- 00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:23,956 sunny side, over easy, over medium, over hard,
- 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:25,708 Easter, green, Benedict, McMuffin and deviled.
- 00:10:25,791 --> 00:10:27,793 - The red goobler was here! - Oh, I also like frittatas.
- 00:10:29,420 --> 00:10:30,838 How did he get in?
- 00:10:32,798 --> 00:10:34,800 He's whispering to the memory foam mattress, Terry.
- 00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:36,761 What is he telling it? What does that mattress remember?
- 00:10:36,844 --> 00:10:38,471 He unboxed my "Hunger Games" Funkos.
- 00:10:38,554 --> 00:10:40,931 Ah, I was saving President Snow for my YouTube channel.
- 00:10:41,015 --> 00:10:42,475 Now it's not even worth half a Phasma.
- 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:44,727 He's filling up our DVR with "Madame Secretary."
- 00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:46,228 - That's a mom show. - The son of a bitch
- 00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:48,230 - took my jeans out of the freezer. - Uh, I did that.
- 00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:49,940 Oh, my God, Trent is gonna be here soon.
- 00:10:50,024 --> 00:10:52,026 If he sees that and thinks someone has asked me to blow them,
- 00:10:52,109 --> 00:10:53,653 there's no way he's gonna sell us the Jet-Ski.
- 00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:55,780 No, no, no, no. Easy, big guy. Don't get stressed.
- 00:10:55,863 --> 00:10:57,740 That's what he wants, okay? We still have time to clean it up.
- 00:10:57,823 --> 00:10:59,742 We can't tell the replicants anything about the red goobler.
- 00:10:59,825 --> 00:11:01,202 I know Yumyulack will have night terrors
- 00:11:01,285 --> 00:11:02,912 and he'll end up sleeping in our bed again.
- 00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:05,039 - Terry, Korvo. - Please don't tell them.
- 00:11:05,122 --> 00:11:06,916 I prom...
- 00:11:06,999 --> 00:11:08,584 Yumyulack, look.
- 00:11:08,709 --> 00:11:11,712 - I got one, too. It's beautiful. - Meh.
- 00:11:11,796 --> 00:11:13,422 We have to hide these from Korvo and Terry.
- 00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:15,383 It'll freak them out. Terry will have night terrors
- 00:11:15,466 --> 00:11:17,134 and he'll end up sleeping in one of our beds again.
- 00:11:17,218 --> 00:11:18,928 What? I thought you said it wasn't special.
- 00:11:19,011 --> 00:11:23,099 Yeah, but now I have one, so it's cool. This is our ticket to Cooper Barn's party.
- 00:11:23,182 --> 00:11:24,016 They're coming.
- 00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:28,771 - So, how was, uh, how was your day? - Fine.
- 00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:30,231 - How was your day? - Equally fine.
- 00:11:30,314 --> 00:11:31,774 Yep, there's no such thing as a red goobler.
- 00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:33,401 I was just saying the same thing about head flowers.
- 00:11:33,484 --> 00:11:35,194 - What? - Nothing.
- 00:11:35,277 --> 00:11:37,363 I knew this day would come, but, man.
- 00:11:37,446 --> 00:11:40,324 It is hard to say good-bye to something you have been inside of.
- 00:11:40,408 --> 00:11:42,535 - Oh. - I, I meant metaphorically.
- 00:11:42,618 --> 00:11:44,745 - You know, whatever, dude. - Okay, well, uh, good luck
- 00:11:44,829 --> 00:11:47,123 with that whole thing, Trent. Um, we gotta go.
- 00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:48,749 We're late to get our backs waxed.
- 00:11:49,583 --> 00:11:51,752 Hurry, trap him in the garage.
- 00:11:52,837 --> 00:11:54,171 Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, get him.
- 00:11:54,255 --> 00:11:56,716 God damn it. Shit, shit, grab him.
- 00:12:03,013 --> 00:12:06,434 A small red man did this.
- 00:12:07,476 --> 00:12:10,396 And I don't mean that as, like, derogatory toward little people.
- 00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:12,773 Or Native Americans, dude.
- 00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:14,942 He was just actually tiny and-- red--
- 00:12:16,610 --> 00:12:18,362 This is bad, Terry. The red goobler set us up.
- 00:12:18,446 --> 00:12:20,156 What are we gonna do? I can't go to prison.
- 00:12:20,239 --> 00:12:23,075 I don't have a butthole. How will I smuggle in treats?
- 00:12:24,285 --> 00:12:27,079 I wish I could say this wasn't something we see all the time.
- 00:12:27,204 --> 00:12:31,041 But this town has a real problem with unexplained high-concept injuries.
- 00:12:31,125 --> 00:12:33,461 It's like we're cursed. Damn.
- 00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:36,255 I'm sorry for your loss. Was he a good friend?
- 00:12:36,380 --> 00:12:38,966 No, he was more than that. He was a Jet-Ski.
- 00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:43,679 Wow, our first real-life high school party.
- 00:12:43,804 --> 00:12:45,598 It's just like I dreamed it would be.
- 00:12:45,681 --> 00:12:48,309 Look, Cooper Barn's already freaking out that people are trashing his house.
- 00:12:48,392 --> 00:12:50,561 That's a family heirloom. Get away from my dog.
- 00:12:50,644 --> 00:12:52,855 Brent, don't snort my dad's ashes. Fuck!
- 00:12:52,980 --> 00:12:55,566 - Classic Cooper. - So you hang out with the Stacis
- 00:12:55,649 --> 00:12:57,526 while I make my move on the podcast guys.
- 00:12:57,610 --> 00:13:00,321 I wanna be toxically entrenched in a clique by 8:00.
- 00:13:01,071 --> 00:13:02,948 - Whoo, Jesse. - Yas, Jesse.
- 00:13:03,073 --> 00:13:05,659 - Hey, what are you doing here? - Oh, uh...
- 00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:10,247 Dude, dude, dude, psyched you're here, man.
- 00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:12,458 Love the headphones. You're not a poser at all.
- 00:13:12,541 --> 00:13:14,418 Do you wanna buy a van with me? We could do road trips.
- 00:13:14,502 --> 00:13:16,003 Oh, we could solve mys-- we could turn it into a food van.
- 00:13:16,086 --> 00:13:18,714 Oh, my God, I'm operating at such a different level, bro.
- 00:13:18,839 --> 00:13:21,634 Um, I have read that a Nissan Odyssey is a pretty sweet ride.
- 00:13:21,759 --> 00:13:24,053 Yeah, it is! Get in here, bro.
- 00:13:39,777 --> 00:13:41,862 I feel like the goobler's on my back. Is he on my back?
- 00:13:41,946 --> 00:13:44,156 For the millionth time, no. Wait, is he on my back?
- 00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:45,533 No, you're clear.
- 00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:47,326 Oh, man, is this what life is like from now on?
- 00:13:47,409 --> 00:13:49,829 Just waiting for a ketchup packet to stab us in the back?
- 00:13:49,954 --> 00:13:52,289 We have to take the fight to him. Just like Kevin McCallister,
- 00:13:52,373 --> 00:13:54,291 we shall not go softly into the night.
- 00:13:54,375 --> 00:13:57,419 He could be anywhere. In the vents, under a lampshade, the other side of town.
- 00:13:57,503 --> 00:13:59,171 Hey, think about it. He's literally made of your stress.
- 00:13:59,255 --> 00:14:00,089 So?
- 00:14:00,172 --> 00:14:03,759 So he's probably hiding out in the most stressful place you can imagine.
- 00:14:05,386 --> 00:14:07,513 - This is your most stressful place? - Yes.
- 00:14:07,596 --> 00:14:10,808 For starters, how do they stay in business all year? It makes no sense financially.
- 00:14:10,891 --> 00:14:13,060 The whole place smells like the inside of a plastic bag.
- 00:14:13,143 --> 00:14:15,354 And for some reason, they sell marked-up PS4s.
- 00:14:15,437 --> 00:14:17,731 Plus I'm afraid of skeletons. Ah! See?
- 00:14:17,815 --> 00:14:19,525 Wait a minute, he's here. I can sense it.
- 00:14:19,608 --> 00:14:21,360 Also, I can see him right there.
- 00:14:26,115 --> 00:14:28,325 Oh, great, now we have to pay for that.
- 00:14:29,076 --> 00:14:31,579 - Are you guys on molly? - Molly is on molly,
- 00:14:31,662 --> 00:14:34,331 but the rest of us are on Jesse.
- 00:14:34,415 --> 00:14:36,041 You want some of this?
- 00:14:38,085 --> 00:14:41,255 Oh, yes, Jesse. That's me, super cool.
- 00:14:41,380 --> 00:14:44,508 Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. All I'm saying is think about it.
- 00:14:44,633 --> 00:14:46,427 Are you thinking about it? Are you fucking thinking about it?
- 00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:47,970 - What am I thinking about? - Our trip to the woods.
- 00:14:48,053 --> 00:14:49,722 - Self-publishing an erotic cookbook. - Getting married.
- 00:14:49,805 --> 00:14:51,098 Yes, yes, and I'm not saying no, but I need to think about it.
- 00:14:51,223 --> 00:14:53,267 - I'm an idiot. I'm a fucking idiot. - Oh, yeah!
- 00:14:53,392 --> 00:14:54,476 Hey, you guys want to hear a poem I just wrote?
- 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:55,394 Fuck yes, dude!
- 00:14:56,937 --> 00:14:59,982 This is the greatest night ever. I have a nickname.
- 00:15:00,065 --> 00:15:03,527 - They're calling me Yummy Bear. - You are such a Yummy Bear.
- 00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:05,487 - That's so you. - Right?
- 00:15:05,571 --> 00:15:08,032 Hey, uh, I'm sorry I've been such a dick.
- 00:15:08,115 --> 00:15:10,701 I know you just wanted to hang out and I guess I was jealous.
- 00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:14,496 You were a dick. But it's okay now.
- 00:15:35,142 --> 00:15:37,186 The makeup here is marked up 1,000 percent.
- 00:15:37,269 --> 00:15:39,855 - All these costumes are so slutty. - Keep it together, Korvo.
- 00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:41,690 He wants you stressed.
- 00:15:49,406 --> 00:15:51,116 - Fuck you! - There he is, get him.
- 00:15:53,535 --> 00:15:54,411 Where did he go?
- 00:15:56,497 --> 00:15:58,999 Fuck, I hate this kind of place. I hate mirrors, goddamn it.
- 00:15:59,124 --> 00:16:01,418 This is so scary.
- 00:16:17,309 --> 00:16:20,270 So apparently I'm buying a van, writing a cookbook,
- 00:16:20,354 --> 00:16:21,772 and maybe marrying Mark Melner.
- 00:16:21,855 --> 00:16:24,316 Lucky, I always thought he'd make a good dad.
- 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,402 Oh, hey, what's up, girl?
- 00:16:31,782 --> 00:16:33,701 What the heck? Staci K?
- 00:16:34,910 --> 00:16:35,995 I'll kill you!
- 00:16:44,336 --> 00:16:47,047 Oh, shit, your dumb pollen must have mixed with my cool pollen
- 00:16:47,131 --> 00:16:48,298 and turned everyone into crazies.
- 00:16:48,424 --> 00:16:50,676 - Ah! Cripes. - Come on, let's get out of here.
- 00:17:01,186 --> 00:17:04,481 Stay calm. You're the man, Korvo. You're a sexy hunk. Keep it together.
- 00:17:04,565 --> 00:17:06,692 Korvo, where are you? Don't stress, man.
- 00:17:06,775 --> 00:17:08,527 We can still get him. Oh, my God!
- 00:17:08,610 --> 00:17:10,279 - What? - They have mini Japanese Kit Kats
- 00:17:10,362 --> 00:17:11,238 in all sorts of flavors.
- 00:17:15,492 --> 00:17:16,452 - No! - Busted.
- 00:17:16,535 --> 00:17:18,412 Check us out, bitch.
- 00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:44,563 Explain to me again why we aren't just killing this A-hole.
- 00:17:44,646 --> 00:17:46,190 If we do then, in a way, he wins.
- 00:17:46,273 --> 00:17:48,609 Maybe by cutting him open and studying his insides,
- 00:17:48,692 --> 00:17:51,278 I can learn how to control my stress instead of just avoiding it.
- 00:17:51,361 --> 00:17:54,907 Aw, that's nice, Korvo. But I still say we light this little cunt on fire.
- 00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:55,908 Oh, language, Terry.
- 00:17:55,991 --> 00:17:57,826 Sorry. I'm just all jacked up on green tea Kit Kats.
- 00:17:57,910 --> 00:18:00,746 Uh, guys, we have a big problem that Jesse caused.
- 00:18:00,829 --> 00:18:03,499 We grew flowers on our heads. We know it's a puberty thing
- 00:18:03,582 --> 00:18:05,709 - and that we're turning into adults. - What's "poo-berty"?
- 00:18:05,834 --> 00:18:09,004 You know, when humans grow hair and bleed out of their penises and stuff.
- 00:18:09,129 --> 00:18:10,255 - Oh, my God. - Oh, that's awful.
- 00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:12,257 - You're not a human. You don't get to have a puberty.
- 00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:14,968 You grow into our size and then eventually turn into a wise old tree.
- 00:18:15,052 --> 00:18:17,387 And if you're lucky, someone uses your body to build a house.
- 00:18:17,471 --> 00:18:19,515 This is just fungus you get from not washing your hands.
- 00:18:19,598 --> 00:18:21,642 - You gotta wash those hands. - It's fine as long as you didn't let
- 00:18:21,725 --> 00:18:24,394 your pollens mix and infect anyone, all right?
- 00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:27,356 The only way to stop this infection is to inject the serum under their skin.
- 00:18:27,439 --> 00:18:29,942 But we can't let them bite us or we'll turn crazy too.
- 00:18:30,025 --> 00:18:32,528 Which is why we have to use these emergency medical weapons.
- 00:18:32,611 --> 00:18:34,363 - We get to cut people up? - It doesn't hurt them.
- 00:18:34,446 --> 00:18:37,366 The cuts all heal themselves because of the sci-fi goo the blades emit.
- 00:18:37,449 --> 00:18:39,034 - Lame. - But wouldn't it be safer
- 00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:40,536 to use, like, a dart or something?
- 00:18:40,619 --> 00:18:41,787 You want to use a dart? Okay, yeah.
- 00:18:41,870 --> 00:18:43,705 Go ahead, use a dart. This is way cooler than a dart.
- 00:18:43,831 --> 00:18:46,583 Let's go stab some kids and save some lives.
- 00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:02,224 Thank you.
- 00:19:02,307 --> 00:19:03,851 Oh, eat it!
- 00:19:05,394 --> 00:19:07,104 - Yes! - Thanks, man.
- 00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:14,653 I'm sorry, I'm healing you. You're welcome, I love you.
- 00:19:14,778 --> 00:19:16,071 Wow, thanks.
- 00:19:28,584 --> 00:19:30,419 Don't worry, they won't remember any of this.
- 00:19:30,502 --> 00:19:32,421 But they're gonna remember I'm cool, right?
- 00:19:32,504 --> 00:19:35,340 No, at best, they'll remember that you aren't.
- 00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:57,529 - Oh, thanks, man. - Yeah, no problem.
- 00:20:14,713 --> 00:20:17,716 - Whoa, dude, what are you doing? - Sitting with my party buds.
- 00:20:17,799 --> 00:20:19,593 - Last night was crazy, right? - Bro.
- 00:20:19,718 --> 00:20:23,096 - This table's for air podders only. - I could turn into a pod.
- 00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:26,308 No way, man. Pod save this seat for someone else.
- 00:20:28,018 --> 00:20:31,313 Sorry, Yummy Bear. Same thing happened to me with the Stacis.
- 00:20:31,396 --> 00:20:34,441 They told me to take my flat ass back to Planet Mexico.
- 00:20:34,524 --> 00:20:36,818 Everyone who's awesome and cool is such a jerk.
- 00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:39,529 I'm a jerk all the time, but it never gets me anywhere.
- 00:20:39,613 --> 00:20:42,908 Hey, uh, we heard you guys were at that crazy party last night.
- 00:20:43,033 --> 00:20:44,576 Who said it was crazy? No one got stabbed.
- 00:20:44,660 --> 00:20:47,079 Oh, no, no, no. We haven't been to any of those parties.
- 00:20:47,162 --> 00:20:48,580 We just want to hear about it.
- 00:20:48,705 --> 00:20:51,333 So first, we were all hanging out at Barn's house.
- 00:20:51,416 --> 00:20:55,003 - Was it in a real barn? - No, it was Cooper Barn's house.
- 00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:59,508 Apparently, cool kids call each other by their last name.
- 00:20:59,591 --> 00:21:00,884 Ooh.
- 00:21:06,348 --> 00:21:08,767 Ah!
- 00:21:18,610 --> 00:21:23,615 Wake up, you little slut. It's time me and you had it out.
- 00:21:23,699 --> 00:21:25,492 What the?
- 00:21:26,994 --> 00:21:29,871 No. No, no, no, no, no, no.
- 00:21:31,498 --> 00:21:34,668 - This is a regular goob-- - Terry, have you seen my tennis racket?
- 00:21:34,793 --> 00:21:37,337 I've noticed that women who play tennis are particularly dominant.
- 00:21:37,421 --> 00:21:40,007 I have a better chance of finding an assertive mate while--
- 00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:41,925 - What, where is the red goobler? - I killed him.
- 00:21:42,050 --> 00:21:43,552 - Damn, Terry, that's cold. - Yeah.
- 00:21:43,635 --> 00:21:46,138 I just, um, I knew as long as he was alive,
- 00:21:46,221 --> 00:21:47,931 you would always worry about him escaping,
- 00:21:48,015 --> 00:21:50,434 and I wanted you to have, just, less stress in your life.
- 00:21:50,517 --> 00:21:52,853 I care about you, man. So I chopped up his body
- 00:21:52,936 --> 00:21:55,939 and I fed it to the pigs, and I shot the pigs into space.
- 00:21:56,064 --> 00:21:58,275 So don't worry, those pigs are safe. No, they're not.
- 00:21:58,358 --> 00:22:00,777 That is the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me.
- 00:22:00,861 --> 00:22:02,070 Thank you, Terry.
- 00:22:03,822 --> 00:22:06,199 Oh, I feel so relaxed. I took a bath.
- 00:22:06,283 --> 00:22:08,118 Just a soak. Didn't even wash my junk.
- 00:22:08,201 --> 00:22:10,329 Nobody's hunting me anymore and it feels good, Terry.
- 00:22:10,412 --> 00:22:12,289 - It feels right. - Uh, yep, feels great. Good night.
- 00:22:12,372 --> 00:22:15,584 Ah, I will now enjoy the stress-free sleep of safety,
- 00:22:15,667 --> 00:22:17,878 knowing that no one out there is playing the long game
- 00:22:17,961 --> 00:22:20,714 waiting for me to drop my guard, or-or anything like that.
- 00:22:20,797 --> 00:22:21,882 Ah.
- 00:23:29,699 --> 00:23:31,076 <i>Pew-pew, pew-pew-pew!</i>
- 00:00:07,922 --> 00:00:14,178 ГИДРОЦИКЛЕТНЫЙ ДУХ
- 00:00:39,954 --> 00:00:44,583 ДОБРО ПОЖАЛОВАТЬ НАЗАД, КОТТИК
- 00:02:10,669 --> 00:02:26,310 ПРОДАНО
- 00:03:53,772 --> 00:03:55,524 Я ВАС УЛЬЮ
- 00:04:08,245 --> 00:04:10,205 {\an8}ШКОЛА ИМЕНИ ДЖЭЙМСА ЭРЛА ДЖОНСА
- 00:04:08,245 --> 00:04:10,205 ОСВОБОДИТЕ ДЕНЬ: ОТКРЫТИЕ ВРЕМЕННОЙ КАПСУЛЫ 3 МАРТА 2155
- 00:05:52,891 --> 00:05:54,059 КРУТЫШ
- 00:05:58,063 --> 00:06:00,982 САМ СЕБЕ КАСКАДЕР
- 00:06:23,838 --> 00:06:25,757 РОГАЛИКИ РОГАЛИНА
- 00:08:54,781 --> 00:08:56,449 БОЛЬНИЦА СВЯТОГО ДЖО
- 00:09:49,294 --> 00:09:56,801 АКАДЕМИЯ КОЛЛЕКЦИОНЕРОВ РЕДКОСТЕЙ
- 00:10:02,432 --> 00:10:04,392 (Говорит на аукционерском)
- 00:10:05,518 --> 00:10:09,606 (Говорит на аукционерском)
- 00:10:42,805 --> 00:10:44,641 ЗАПИСЬ: МАДАМ СЕКРЕТАРЬ
- 00:10:49,896 --> 00:11:02,909 ОТСОСИ, КОРВО
- 00:14:04,507 --> 00:14:06,634 ФОРЕВЕР 31 ОБОРОХЛО ДЛЯ ХЕЛЛОУИНА
- 00:14:06,634 --> 00:14:09,303 НУ ВЫ ПОНЯЛИ? ТИПА КАК ОБОРОТЕНЬ
- 00:15:54,408 --> 00:15:56,368 ЗАЛ ЗЕРКАЛ
- 00:17:01,058 --> 00:17:09,108 ГРОБ СО СКИДКОЙ
- 00:21:11,808 --> 00:21:14,019 АДРЕС: КЕНИЯ, АФРИКА
- 00:22:37,018 --> 00:22:38,269 ПЛАН УБИЙСТВА КОРВО
- 00:22:38,770 --> 00:22:40,397 КОРВО КОРВО КОРВО КОРВО КОРВО
- 00:04:08,263 --> 00:04:10,223 Напоминаем: 3 марта в 21.55 торжественное открытие капсулы времени
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