Многократный увеличитель

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The booster manifold is misaligned.

00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:12,220

Man, hey, I took this quiz to find out

what Jet-Skis fit my personality

00:00:12,303 --> 00:00:14,764

and turns out, all of them do.

Look at this.

00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:16,891

- KORVO: Ah, Terry, help!

- Oh, I'm sorry.

00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:18,143

- Oh, my beautiful body.

- Oh, God.

00:00:18,226 --> 00:00:19,894

Put me in the thing, Terry.

Put me in the medical thing.

00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:21,396

I don't--I don't know

what you're talking about.

00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:22,897

- The thing with the red light.

- What thing, which thing, what thing?

00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:24,149

- Which thing? Point to the thing.

- Right there.

00:00:24,232 --> 00:00:25,525

Oh, God, I'm slipping away.

My one regret.

00:00:25,650 --> 00:00:27,444

I didn't read enough manuals.

Tell everyone you know

00:00:27,569 --> 00:00:30,739

to take the time to read more manuals

or they'll regret--

00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:32,407

Ah!

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[pained groans]

00:00:35,910 --> 00:00:37,454

[machine beeping, whirring]

00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:38,455

[ding]

00:00:38,538 --> 00:00:39,622

[air hissing]

00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:41,583

That didn't seem too bad, honestly.

00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:45,420

You are so annoying. I'm up there doing

dangerous work. You have to be careful.

00:00:45,503 --> 00:00:48,298

I already said that it didn't seem

too bad. What else do you need, man?

00:00:48,423 --> 00:00:50,050

We're supposed to be

working together to survive,

00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:52,969

- and you, you just, you make it worse.

- All right, look, breathe.

00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:55,805

The only thing that matters

is today we're gettin' a Jet-Ski.

00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:58,141

By this afternoon, we're gonna be

jumpin' the wake,

00:00:58,224 --> 00:01:00,268

gleamin' the cube, dockin' the dog.

00:01:00,351 --> 00:01:03,188

Bologna sandwich in one hand,

and a, and a Mountain Dew in the other.

00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:06,024

Oh, I have been looking forward

to the gleaming the cube part.

00:01:06,107 --> 00:01:08,443

I've gleamed many items before,

but never a cube.

00:01:08,526 --> 00:01:10,779

It's gonna be fun in the sun

from now on.

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A Jet-Ski is exactly

what you need to relax.

00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:15,033

You're right.

I-I need to stop stressing out so much.

00:01:15,116 --> 00:01:18,578

I'm gooblering more than Zortex

at the Camoodian Eve parade.

00:01:18,661 --> 00:01:21,664

- Poof, whatever that means.

- Why are your jeans in the freezer?

00:01:21,790 --> 00:01:24,959

Jen Garner had an Insta all about

cleaning your jeans like freezing sushi.

00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:28,671

How am I supposed to enjoy

the one Diet Dr. Pepper

00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:32,217

I allow myself a day

with blue fucking ice cubes?

00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:34,177

[yells]

00:01:34,302 --> 00:01:36,137

[retches]

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Um, hey, little fella.

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[screams]

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Get fucked!

00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:50,568

- What the hell was that?

- A red goobler.

00:01:50,652 --> 00:01:52,112

What, what do the red ones do?

00:01:52,237 --> 00:01:54,405

I don't know.

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KORVO:

Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia.

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Until the asteroid hit.

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One hundred adults and their replicants

were issued a Pupa

00:02:02,997 --> 00:02:05,083

and escaped into, uh, the space,

00:02:05,208 --> 00:02:07,919

searching for new homes

on uninhabited worlds.

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We crashed on Earth, stranding us

on an already overpopulated planet.

00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:12,924

That's right,

I've been talking this whole time.

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I'm the one holding the Pupa.

My name's Korvo.

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This is-- this is my show.

I just dropped the Pupa.

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Do you see me?

This, this is ridiculous.

00:02:18,555 --> 00:02:20,473

I hate Earth.

It's a horrible home.

00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:22,767

People are stupid.

Everyone claims to like old people

00:02:22,851 --> 00:02:24,269

but they're not fucking them.

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I fuck old people all the time.

They love me.

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♪ dramatic music playing ♪

00:02:28,481 --> 00:02:30,859

♪

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Hey, at lunch, do you wanna

see what happens

00:02:35,697 --> 00:02:36,990

if we drink all the sodas at once?

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There's a Coke Zero chance

I wanna do that.

00:02:39,742 --> 00:02:41,828

I have to focus on getting in

with the cool kids.

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There's an opening

at their lunch table now.

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- Ricky Smalling's in an iron lung.

- Ricky was super cool.

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He was dating two of the Stacis.

Each Staci is worth like ten Rebeccas.

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You think you can fill that power vacuum?

00:02:53,298 --> 00:02:55,925

My plan is to just slip into the seat,

do nothing,

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then eventually, it'll seem normal

that I'm there.

00:02:57,969 --> 00:02:59,762

- It worked for Hulu.

- Hopefully, they'll invite me

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to Cooper Barn's party

and I'll learn so much about humanity.

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Because that's the only reason

I'm doing it. You know, for science.

00:03:04,434 --> 00:03:06,561

Keep your mouth shut.

Don't ruin this for me.

00:03:06,644 --> 00:03:10,440

Well, if you're getting in with them,

I'm getting in with the Stacis.

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[quietly]

'Cause I'm afraid of them.

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Okay, so I'm paraphrasing here.

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You know I love when

you motherfucking paraphrase.

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- Give it to me, baby.

- Most gooblers are passive non-verbal

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stress creatures who dance and sing

and wander off

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to go see the world or whatever they do.

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The red gooblers only appear

every 100,000th goobler.

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I knew you gooblered too much.

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[shouting]

Why are you always so stressed?

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Why, why, why?

Come on, tell me, man.

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- Why? Tell me.

- Red gooblers are lethal.

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Their sole goal in life

is to kill the host

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either by direct violence

or by stressing them out so much

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that their body goes into something

called fetal shock.

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It's where your brain turns into

a baby and then you die.

00:03:43,264 --> 00:03:45,600

- Well, good luck with that, baby brain.

- This is your fault.

00:03:45,683 --> 00:03:48,436

At least half of these gooblers

were because of stupid shit you've done.

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Okay, okay, look.

Don't make another red goobler.

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He probably already forgot

about you anyway. Gooblers are dumb.

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[tapping on glass]

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-"I'm going to mill you"?

- Oh, my God.

00:03:56,319 --> 00:03:58,363

- I think he means kill.

-[cackles]

00:04:02,283 --> 00:04:04,327

♪ dramatic music playing ♪

00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:07,372

♪

00:04:08,373 --> 00:04:09,415

[school bell rings]

00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:12,335

All right, some of you may have

noticed you're going through changes.

00:04:12,418 --> 00:04:15,046

Like Paul over here.

It's okay, Paul.

00:04:15,129 --> 00:04:17,632

Puberty is something

that happens to all of us.

00:04:17,715 --> 00:04:21,511

It's completely natural

and if you're like me, comes very early.

00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:24,973

I mean, I'm not ashamed to admit

I got my period at six years old.

00:04:25,056 --> 00:04:26,683

Oh, no.

Oh, oh.

00:04:28,393 --> 00:04:31,271

[gasps]

Puberty!

00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:34,649

[gasps] Staci K.

[gasps] Staci F.

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Staci G. is out.

00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:38,069

She went into the woods

to look for Slenderman.

00:04:38,152 --> 00:04:40,238

Ugh, she's such a slut for Slenderman.

00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:43,116

What the fuck are you doing

in our bathroom, weirdo?

00:04:43,241 --> 00:04:45,952

First, I'm gonna make up

a mean nickname for you.

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And then, she's gonna force you

to eat a tampon.

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I've been slow cooking it all day.

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-[whispers] In my vagina.

- Uh...

00:04:55,044 --> 00:04:56,379

uh, oh!

00:04:58,131 --> 00:04:59,048

[both gasp]

00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:02,635

Wow, you are, like, so beautiful.

00:05:02,719 --> 00:05:05,763

I'm sure you get asked this all the time,

but can I touch your face?

00:05:05,847 --> 00:05:11,894

Uh, I do not get asked that all the time,

and yeah. Touch away, Staci K.

00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:14,564

- Aiden, Braden, Jaeden, Mark.

- Dude, that's Ricky's seat.

00:05:14,647 --> 00:05:16,024

Was Ricky's seat.

00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:20,153

So I'm at Benihana with my parents,

and my Juul dies.

00:05:20,236 --> 00:05:21,654

And I'm like, oh, shit.

00:05:21,738 --> 00:05:24,991

But then I realize,

I can just vape the onion steam.

00:05:25,116 --> 00:05:27,952

Hey, you guys. Cool headphones.

What are you listening to? The sex?

00:05:28,036 --> 00:05:29,746

[quietly]

I need to tell you something.

00:05:29,871 --> 00:05:31,289

Ugh, this table's weak now.

00:05:31,372 --> 00:05:33,249

Let's go recharge our headphones

and jerk off.

00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,335

All right, fellas, keep it tight.

I love you.

00:05:35,418 --> 00:05:38,421

I mean, okay.

You just blew that for me!

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I was totally in.

This is my cool kid table.

00:05:41,549 --> 00:05:43,509

You gotta find your own

cool kids to hang with.

00:05:43,593 --> 00:05:46,220

- Like, those guys.

- Those are cool kids?

00:05:46,304 --> 00:05:50,308

Yeah. I heard Lady Gaga wore

that same cone to the Latin Grammys.

00:05:50,391 --> 00:05:52,226

So awesome.

Good luck.

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♪ dramatic music playing ♪

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♪

00:05:59,984 --> 00:06:00,985

Okay, you ready?

00:06:01,819 --> 00:06:04,655

We gotta meet the guy

selling us the Jet-Ski in an hour.

00:06:04,739 --> 00:06:06,741

His name is Trent.

I mean, how Trent is that?

00:06:06,824 --> 00:06:08,618

Yes, Terry,

I'm almost finished fortifying the house

00:06:08,701 --> 00:06:10,453

in case that

little red butthole comes back.

00:06:10,536 --> 00:06:13,081

Oh, right, yeah, I should probably

seal up all my hidden doors then.

00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:15,166

- What hidden doors?

- I only have a couple, don't worry.

00:06:15,291 --> 00:06:17,001

♪ dramatic music playing ♪

00:06:17,126 --> 00:06:20,296

♪

00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,969

Terry, that Wetzel's is a money pit.

It doesn't have any foot traffic.

00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:28,846

It takes a year for a business

to be profitable, okay?

00:06:28,930 --> 00:06:31,557

But free pretzel day

is right around the corner.

00:06:33,601 --> 00:06:35,645

♪ dramatic music playing ♪

00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:37,063

[screeching]

00:06:39,565 --> 00:06:40,566

[gunshot]

00:06:45,863 --> 00:06:47,281

[clamoring]

00:06:47,365 --> 00:06:49,951

- Hey, watch the nose. It's new.

- Fuck you, Craig.

00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:52,245

Listen to me.

You're not gonna believe this.

00:06:52,328 --> 00:06:55,540

I just had such a good experience

with two girls in the bathroom,

00:06:55,623 --> 00:06:59,293

- and it's all because of this.

- Nobody cares. What the hell is that?

00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:03,506

That's what I've been trying to tell you.

It's my special flower.

00:07:03,589 --> 00:07:05,633

♪ uplifting music playing ♪

00:07:05,716 --> 00:07:08,553

♪

00:07:10,555 --> 00:07:14,392

- I'm sorry I hit you in the nads, man.

- No. I'm sorry I called your mom fat.

00:07:14,475 --> 00:07:16,394

I know she just got stung

by a bunch of bees.

00:07:18,729 --> 00:07:21,149

- You did this.

- Yep, totally her fault.

00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:24,277

Should we bully her until she decides

to pursue a career in the arts?

00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:25,319

No, man, she's cool.

00:07:25,403 --> 00:07:27,321

Jesse, you should come

to the big party tonight.

00:07:27,405 --> 00:07:29,699

- See you there?

- Ha, you betcha.

00:07:29,824 --> 00:07:32,326

I really hate that I have to

sell this baby.

00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:34,704

I can't believe the court made me

choose between her and my kids.

00:07:34,787 --> 00:07:37,790

Now this can do sick flips, right?

I mean, they have to be really sick.

00:07:37,915 --> 00:07:40,501

Oh, yeah, they're sick, dude.

We had some great times together.

00:07:40,585 --> 00:07:42,753

Ah, I just want to make sure

she goes to a good home, you know?

00:07:42,837 --> 00:07:44,630

-[loud bang]

- Red goobler got a gun!

00:07:45,381 --> 00:07:48,634

That was a car backfiring, dude.

Is someone huntin' you?

00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:50,511

I'm not sure

that's the right home environment

00:07:50,595 --> 00:07:52,138

for a refined vehicle like this.

00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:54,390

No, no, no, don't worry, look.

The only thing we're hunting for

00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:56,517

- is a great deal, Trent.

- I hear that.

00:07:56,601 --> 00:07:58,394

[chuckles]

Hey, you guys want to sit on this honey?

00:07:58,519 --> 00:07:59,687

- Yes, yes, yes, yes.

- Obviously.

00:07:59,770 --> 00:08:01,272

- Me first.

- No, I'm going first, Terry.

00:08:01,355 --> 00:08:02,482

The fuck out of my way!

00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:06,402

- Why do you have to ruin everything?

- The flower saved the day.

00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,571

Damn it, I'm gonna tell Korvo and Terry.

00:08:08,654 --> 00:08:11,324

They're gonna chop it right off your head

and no one will like you anymore.

00:08:11,407 --> 00:08:13,075

No, don't, please don't tell them.

00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:16,078

When I get home,

I'm going to ruin your life.

00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:18,539

Not if I get there first.

00:08:18,664 --> 00:08:19,832

[horns honking]

00:08:19,957 --> 00:08:21,959

♪ dramatic music playing ♪

00:08:22,043 --> 00:08:25,004

♪

00:08:31,469 --> 00:08:32,428

Ah!

00:08:36,474 --> 00:08:37,642

[glass shatters]

00:08:37,725 --> 00:08:38,851

[woman screams]

00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:40,895

Ah!

00:08:42,563 --> 00:08:43,814

Yeah!

00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:44,815

[screaming]

00:08:44,899 --> 00:08:46,359

Oh, god, oh, help me.

00:08:46,442 --> 00:08:48,444

[groaning]

00:08:52,031 --> 00:08:53,783

Shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo.

Oh, no.

00:08:53,908 --> 00:08:54,784

[siren wails]

00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:01,666

He's lost too much of

what I'm really hoping is blood.

00:09:01,791 --> 00:09:02,708

[monitor flatlines]

00:09:02,833 --> 00:09:04,043

No!

00:09:04,919 --> 00:09:07,213

No, no!

00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:12,510

- Thanks for saving my life, I guess.

- Thanks for not dying.

00:09:12,593 --> 00:09:14,929

I'm still gonna tattle!

00:09:15,012 --> 00:09:16,138

Ah, jeez.

00:09:16,264 --> 00:09:18,224

♪ somber music playing ♪

00:09:18,307 --> 00:09:21,644

♪

00:09:21,769 --> 00:09:22,937

[imitating motor]

00:09:24,146 --> 00:09:26,023

- Yeah.

- Wait till you get her on the water.

00:09:26,148 --> 00:09:27,525

This goes on the water?

What?

00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:29,860

You know what, this feels right.

Yeah.

00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:33,239

- I'm gonna sell her to you guys.

- Uh, so should we take her now?

00:09:33,322 --> 00:09:36,450

You mind if I drop her off?

I just wanted to get one last ride in.

00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:40,413

- I got the red goobler.

- Wait, are you guys weird?

00:09:40,496 --> 00:09:41,914

No, no, no.

Look, okay.

00:09:41,998 --> 00:09:44,542

We've been playing a game of tag with

our best friends for the past 20 years.

00:09:44,625 --> 00:09:46,168

It's actually brought us

much closer together.

00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:49,297

We'll see you at our house later.

Thanks for the Jet-Ski. You're cool. Bye!

00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:51,340

♪ dramatic music playing ♪

00:09:51,465 --> 00:09:54,427

♪

00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:04,145

[auctioneering]

00:10:04,228 --> 00:10:05,605

...SpongeBob SquarePants...

00:10:05,688 --> 00:10:07,565

[auctioneering]

00:10:09,942 --> 00:10:12,361

Oof, I am sorry. I freaked out a little.

00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,739

But the good news is

we have secured the Jet-Ski

00:10:14,822 --> 00:10:17,074

and it looks like the red goobler is gone.

00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:19,535

Terry, did you poach eggs?

00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:22,079

No, I only like scrambled, fried,

hard boiled, soft boiled,

00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:23,956

sunny side, over easy,

over medium, over hard,

00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:25,708

Easter, green, Benedict,

McMuffin and deviled.

00:10:25,791 --> 00:10:27,793

- The red goobler was here!

- Oh, I also like frittatas.

00:10:29,420 --> 00:10:30,838

How did he get in?

00:10:30,963 --> 00:10:32,673

♪ dramatic music playing ♪

00:10:32,798 --> 00:10:34,800

He's whispering to

the memory foam mattress, Terry.

00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:36,761

What is he telling it?

What does that mattress remember?

00:10:36,844 --> 00:10:38,471

He unboxed my "Hunger Games" Funkos.

00:10:38,554 --> 00:10:40,931

Ah, I was saving President Snow

for my YouTube channel.

00:10:41,015 --> 00:10:42,475

Now it's not even worth half a Phasma.

00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:44,727

He's filling up our DVR

with "Madame Secretary."

00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:46,228

- That's a mom show.

- The son of a bitch

00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:48,230

- took my jeans out of the freezer.

- Uh, I did that.

00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:49,940

Oh, my God, Trent is gonna be here soon.

00:10:50,024 --> 00:10:52,026

If he sees that and thinks someone

has asked me to blow them,

00:10:52,109 --> 00:10:53,653

there's no way

he's gonna sell us the Jet-Ski.

00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:55,780

No, no, no, no.

Easy, big guy. Don't get stressed.

00:10:55,863 --> 00:10:57,740

That's what he wants, okay?

We still have time to clean it up.

00:10:57,823 --> 00:10:59,742

We can't tell the replicants

anything about the red goobler.

00:10:59,825 --> 00:11:01,202

I know Yumyulack will have night terrors

00:11:01,285 --> 00:11:02,912

and he'll end up

sleeping in our bed again.

00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:05,039

- Terry, Korvo.

- Please don't tell them.

00:11:05,122 --> 00:11:06,916

I prom...

[gasps]

00:11:06,999 --> 00:11:08,584

Yumyulack, look.

00:11:08,709 --> 00:11:11,712

- I got one, too. It's beautiful.

- Meh.

00:11:11,796 --> 00:11:13,422

We have to hide these

from Korvo and Terry.

00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:15,383

It'll freak them out.

Terry will have night terrors

00:11:15,466 --> 00:11:17,134

and he'll end up sleeping

in one of our beds again.

00:11:17,218 --> 00:11:18,928

What?

I thought you said it wasn't special.

00:11:19,011 --> 00:11:23,099

Yeah, but now I have one, so it's cool.

This is our ticket to Cooper Barn's party.

00:11:23,182 --> 00:11:24,016

They're coming.

00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:28,771

- So, how was, uh, how was your day?

- Fine.

00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:30,231

- How was your day?

- Equally fine.

00:11:30,314 --> 00:11:31,774

Yep, there's no such thing

as a red goobler.

00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:33,401

I was just saying the same thing

about head flowers.

00:11:33,484 --> 00:11:35,194

- KORVO AND YUMYULACK: What?

- TERRY AND JESSE: Nothing.

00:11:35,277 --> 00:11:37,363

I knew this day would come, but, man.

00:11:37,446 --> 00:11:40,324

It is hard to say good-bye to something

you have been inside of.

00:11:40,408 --> 00:11:42,535

- Oh.

- I, I meant metaphorically.

00:11:42,618 --> 00:11:44,745

- You know, whatever, dude.

- Okay, well, uh, good luck

00:11:44,829 --> 00:11:47,123

with that whole thing, Trent.

Um, we gotta go.

00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:48,749

We're late to get our backs waxed.

00:11:49,583 --> 00:11:51,752

Hurry, trap him in the garage.

00:11:52,837 --> 00:11:54,171

- Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, get him.

-[cackling]

00:11:54,255 --> 00:11:56,716

God damn it.

Shit, shit, grab him.

00:12:03,013 --> 00:12:06,434

[shuddering breaths]

A small red man did this.

00:12:06,517 --> 00:12:07,393

[gasping]

00:12:07,476 --> 00:12:10,396

And I don't mean that as, like,

derogatory toward little people.

00:12:10,479 --> 00:12:11,355

[groans]

00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:12,773

Or Native Americans, dude.

00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:14,942

He was just actually tiny and-- red--

00:12:15,025 --> 00:12:16,527

[groans]

00:12:16,610 --> 00:12:18,362

This is bad, Terry.

The red goobler set us up.

00:12:18,446 --> 00:12:20,156

What are we gonna do?

I can't go to prison.

00:12:20,239 --> 00:12:23,075

I don't have a butthole.

How will I smuggle in treats?

00:12:24,285 --> 00:12:27,079

I wish I could say this wasn't something

we see all the time.

00:12:27,204 --> 00:12:31,041

But this town has a real problem

with unexplained high-concept injuries.

00:12:31,125 --> 00:12:33,461

It's like we're cursed.

Damn.

00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:36,255

I'm sorry for your loss.

Was he a good friend?

00:12:36,380 --> 00:12:38,966

No, he was more than that.

He was a Jet-Ski.

00:12:39,091 --> 00:12:41,218

♪ dance music playing ♪

00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:43,679

Wow, our first real-life

high school party.

00:12:43,804 --> 00:12:45,598

It's just like I dreamed it would be.

00:12:45,681 --> 00:12:48,309

Look, Cooper Barn's already freaking out

that people are trashing his house.

00:12:48,392 --> 00:12:50,561

That's a family heirloom.

Get away from my dog.

00:12:50,644 --> 00:12:52,855

Brent, don't snort my dad's ashes.

Fuck!

00:12:52,980 --> 00:12:55,566

- Classic Cooper.

- So you hang out with the Stacis

00:12:55,649 --> 00:12:57,526

while I make my move on the podcast guys.

00:12:57,610 --> 00:13:00,321

I wanna be toxically entrenched

in a clique by 8:00.

00:13:01,071 --> 00:13:02,948

- Whoo, Jesse.

- Yas, Jesse.

00:13:03,073 --> 00:13:05,659

- Hey, what are you doing here?

- Oh, uh...

00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,077

[coughs]

00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:10,247

Dude, dude, dude,

psyched you're here, man.

00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:12,458

Love the headphones.

You're not a poser at all.

00:13:12,541 --> 00:13:14,418

Do you wanna buy a van with me?

We could do road trips.

00:13:14,502 --> 00:13:16,003

Oh, we could solve mys--

we could turn it into a food van.

00:13:16,086 --> 00:13:18,714

Oh, my God, I'm operating

at such a different level, bro.

00:13:18,839 --> 00:13:21,634

Um, I have read that a Nissan Odyssey

is a pretty sweet ride.

00:13:21,759 --> 00:13:24,053

Yeah, it is!

Get in here, bro.

00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:26,180

♪ dramatic music playing ♪

00:13:26,263 --> 00:13:29,141

♪

00:13:39,777 --> 00:13:41,862

I feel like the goobler's on my back.

Is he on my back?

00:13:41,946 --> 00:13:44,156

For the millionth time, no.

Wait, is he on my back?

00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:45,533

No, you're clear.

00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:47,326

Oh, man, is this

what life is like from now on?

00:13:47,409 --> 00:13:49,829

Just waiting for a ketchup packet

to stab us in the back?

00:13:49,954 --> 00:13:52,289

We have to take the fight to him.

Just like Kevin McCallister,

00:13:52,373 --> 00:13:54,291

we shall not go softly into the night.

00:13:54,375 --> 00:13:57,419

He could be anywhere. In the vents,

under a lampshade, the other side of town.

00:13:57,503 --> 00:13:59,171

Hey, think about it.

He's literally made of your stress.

00:13:59,255 --> 00:14:00,089

So?

00:14:00,172 --> 00:14:03,759

So he's probably hiding out in the

most stressful place you can imagine.

00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:05,302

[wolf howls]

00:14:05,386 --> 00:14:07,513

- This is your most stressful place?

- Yes.

00:14:07,596 --> 00:14:10,808

For starters, how do they stay in business

all year? It makes no sense financially.

00:14:10,891 --> 00:14:13,060

The whole place smells like the inside

of a plastic bag.

00:14:13,143 --> 00:14:15,354

And for some reason,

they sell marked-up PS4s.

00:14:15,437 --> 00:14:17,731

Plus I'm afraid of skeletons.

Ah! See?

00:14:17,815 --> 00:14:19,525

Wait a minute, he's here.

I can sense it.

00:14:19,608 --> 00:14:21,360

- Also, I can see him right there.

-[grunts]

00:14:21,485 --> 00:14:23,529

♪ dramatic music playing ♪

00:14:23,612 --> 00:14:26,031

♪

00:14:26,115 --> 00:14:28,325

Oh, great, now we have to pay for that.

00:14:29,076 --> 00:14:31,579

- Are you guys on molly?

- Molly is on molly,

00:14:31,662 --> 00:14:34,331

but the rest of us are on Jesse.

00:14:34,415 --> 00:14:36,041

You want some of this?

00:14:38,085 --> 00:14:41,255

Oh, yes, Jesse.

That's me, super cool.

00:14:41,380 --> 00:14:44,508

Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

All I'm saying is think about it.

00:14:44,633 --> 00:14:46,427

Are you thinking about it?

Are you fucking thinking about it?

00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:47,970

- What am I thinking about?

- Our trip to the woods.

00:14:48,053 --> 00:14:49,722

- Self-publishing an erotic cookbook.

- Getting married.

00:14:49,805 --> 00:14:51,098

Yes, yes, and I'm not saying no,

but I need to think about it.

00:14:51,223 --> 00:14:53,267

- I'm an idiot. I'm a fucking idiot.

- BOTH: Oh, yeah!

00:14:53,392 --> 00:14:54,476

Hey, you guys want to hear

a poem I just wrote?

00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:55,394

Fuck yes, dude!

00:14:56,937 --> 00:14:59,982

This is the greatest night ever.

I have a nickname.

00:15:00,065 --> 00:15:03,527

- They're calling me Yummy Bear.

- You are such a Yummy Bear.

00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:05,487

- That's so you.

- Right?

00:15:05,571 --> 00:15:08,032

Hey, uh, I'm sorry I've been such a dick.

00:15:08,115 --> 00:15:10,701

I know you just wanted to hang out

and I guess I was jealous.

00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:14,496

You were a dick.

But it's okay now.

00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:16,624

♪ dramatic music playing ♪

00:15:16,707 --> 00:15:19,335

♪

00:15:22,254 --> 00:15:24,256

[grunting]

00:15:27,885 --> 00:15:29,428

[cackles]

00:15:35,142 --> 00:15:37,186

The makeup here is marked up

1,000 percent.

00:15:37,269 --> 00:15:39,855

- All these costumes are so slutty.

- Keep it together, Korvo.

00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:41,690

He wants you stressed.

00:15:48,155 --> 00:15:49,281

[groans]

00:15:49,406 --> 00:15:51,116

- Fuck you!

- There he is, get him.

00:15:51,241 --> 00:15:52,618

[babbling]

00:15:53,535 --> 00:15:54,411

Where did he go?

00:15:54,536 --> 00:15:56,372

[Red Goobler cackling]

00:15:56,497 --> 00:15:58,999

Fuck, I hate this kind of place.

I hate mirrors, goddamn it.

00:15:59,124 --> 00:16:01,418

- This is so scary.

-[cackling]

00:16:05,297 --> 00:16:07,299

[cackling continues]

00:16:17,309 --> 00:16:20,270

So apparently I'm buying a van,

writing a cookbook,

00:16:20,354 --> 00:16:21,772

and maybe marrying Mark Melner.

00:16:21,855 --> 00:16:24,316

Lucky, I always thought

he'd make a good dad.

00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,402

Oh, hey, what's up, girl?

00:16:26,527 --> 00:16:27,528

[growls]

00:16:29,446 --> 00:16:30,739

[screams]

00:16:31,782 --> 00:16:33,701

What the heck?

Staci K?

00:16:34,910 --> 00:16:35,995

I'll kill you!

00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:38,163

[all growling]

00:16:44,336 --> 00:16:47,047

Oh, shit, your dumb pollen

must have mixed with my cool pollen

00:16:47,131 --> 00:16:48,298

and turned everyone into crazies.

00:16:48,424 --> 00:16:50,676

- Ah! Cripes.

- Come on, let's get out of here.

00:16:50,759 --> 00:16:52,428

[grunting]

00:17:01,186 --> 00:17:04,481

Stay calm. You're the man, Korvo.

You're a sexy hunk. Keep it together.

00:17:04,565 --> 00:17:06,692

TERRY: Korvo, where are you?

Don't stress, man.

00:17:06,775 --> 00:17:08,527

We can still get him.

Oh, my God!

00:17:08,610 --> 00:17:10,279

- What?

- They have mini Japanese Kit Kats

00:17:10,362 --> 00:17:11,238

in all sorts of flavors.

00:17:11,363 --> 00:17:13,073

[Red Goobler babbling]

00:17:15,492 --> 00:17:16,452

- No!

- Busted.

00:17:16,535 --> 00:17:18,412

- Check us out, bitch.

-[groans]

00:17:20,414 --> 00:17:22,374

♪ dramatic music playing ♪

00:17:22,458 --> 00:17:25,419

♪

00:17:33,552 --> 00:17:35,804

[rumbling]

00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,890

[animals clamoring]

00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:41,060

[Red Goobler babbling]

00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:44,563

Explain to me again why

we aren't just killing this A-hole.

00:17:44,646 --> 00:17:46,190

If we do then, in a way, he wins.

00:17:46,273 --> 00:17:48,609

Maybe by cutting him open

and studying his insides,

00:17:48,692 --> 00:17:51,278

I can learn how to control my stress

instead of just avoiding it.

00:17:51,361 --> 00:17:54,907

Aw, that's nice, Korvo. But I still say

we light this little cunt on fire.

00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:55,908

Oh, language, Terry.

00:17:55,991 --> 00:17:57,826

Sorry. I'm just all jacked up

on green tea Kit Kats.

00:17:57,910 --> 00:18:00,746

Uh, guys, we have a big problem

that Jesse caused.

00:18:00,829 --> 00:18:03,499

We grew flowers on our heads.

We know it's a puberty thing

00:18:03,582 --> 00:18:05,709

- and that we're turning into adults.

- What's "poo-berty"?

00:18:05,834 --> 00:18:09,004

You know, when humans grow hair

and bleed out of their penises and stuff.

00:18:09,129 --> 00:18:10,255

- Oh, my God.

- Oh, that's awful.

00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:12,257

- You're not a human.

You don't get to have a puberty.

00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:14,968

You grow into our size and then

eventually turn into a wise old tree.

00:18:15,052 --> 00:18:17,387

And if you're lucky,

someone uses your body to build a house.

00:18:17,471 --> 00:18:19,515

This is just fungus you get

from not washing your hands.

00:18:19,598 --> 00:18:21,642

- You gotta wash those hands.

- It's fine as long as you didn't let

00:18:21,725 --> 00:18:24,394

your pollens mix

and infect anyone, all right?

00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:27,356

The only way to stop this infection

is to inject the serum under their skin.

00:18:27,439 --> 00:18:29,942

But we can't let them bite us

or we'll turn crazy too.

00:18:30,025 --> 00:18:32,528

Which is why we have to use

these emergency medical weapons.

00:18:32,611 --> 00:18:34,363

- We get to cut people up?

- It doesn't hurt them.

00:18:34,446 --> 00:18:37,366

The cuts all heal themselves because

of the sci-fi goo the blades emit.

00:18:37,449 --> 00:18:39,034

- Lame.

- But wouldn't it be safer

00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:40,536

to use, like, a dart or something?

00:18:40,619 --> 00:18:41,787

You want to use a dart?

Okay, yeah.

00:18:41,870 --> 00:18:43,705

Go ahead, use a dart.

This is way cooler than a dart.

00:18:43,831 --> 00:18:46,583

Let's go stab some kids

and save some lives.

00:18:46,708 --> 00:18:47,876

♪ dramatic music playing ♪

00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,838

♪

00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:52,589

[screams]

00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:02,224

Thank you.

00:19:02,307 --> 00:19:03,851

Oh, eat it!

00:19:05,394 --> 00:19:07,104

- Yes!

- Thanks, man.

00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:14,653

I'm sorry, I'm healing you.

You're welcome, I love you.

00:19:14,778 --> 00:19:16,071

Wow, thanks.

00:19:28,584 --> 00:19:30,419

Don't worry, they won't

remember any of this.

00:19:30,502 --> 00:19:32,421

But they're gonna remember

I'm cool, right?

00:19:32,504 --> 00:19:35,340

No, at best,

they'll remember that you aren't.

00:19:44,975 --> 00:19:46,351

[grunting]

00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:57,529

- Oh, thanks, man.

- Yeah, no problem.

00:19:57,654 --> 00:19:59,656

♪ soft music playing ♪

00:20:00,741 --> 00:20:03,285

-[barking]

-[quacking]

00:20:13,378 --> 00:20:14,630

[bell rings]

00:20:14,713 --> 00:20:17,716

- Whoa, dude, what are you doing?

- Sitting with my party buds.

00:20:17,799 --> 00:20:19,593

- Last night was crazy, right?

- Bro.

00:20:19,718 --> 00:20:23,096

- This table's for air podders only.

- I could turn into a pod.

00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:26,308

No way, man.

Pod save this seat for someone else.

00:20:28,018 --> 00:20:31,313

Sorry, Yummy Bear.

Same thing happened to me with the Stacis.

00:20:31,396 --> 00:20:34,441

They told me to take my flat ass

back to Planet Mexico.

00:20:34,524 --> 00:20:36,818

Everyone who's awesome and cool

is such a jerk.

00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:39,529

I'm a jerk all the time,

but it never gets me anywhere.

00:20:39,613 --> 00:20:42,908

Hey, uh, we heard you guys

were at that crazy party last night.

00:20:43,033 --> 00:20:44,576

Who said it was crazy?

No one got stabbed.

00:20:44,660 --> 00:20:47,079

Oh, no, no, no.

We haven't been to any of those parties.

00:20:47,162 --> 00:20:48,580

We just want to hear about it.

00:20:48,705 --> 00:20:51,333

So first, we were all

hanging out at Barn's house.

00:20:51,416 --> 00:20:55,003

- Was it in a real barn?

- No, it was Cooper Barn's house.

00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:59,508

Apparently, cool kids

call each other by their last name.

00:20:59,591 --> 00:21:00,884

ALL: Ooh.

00:21:06,348 --> 00:21:08,767

-[Red Goobler babbling]

- Ah!

00:21:11,561 --> 00:21:13,605

♪ dramatic music playing ♪

00:21:13,689 --> 00:21:15,524

♪

00:21:18,610 --> 00:21:23,615

Wake up, you little slut.

It's time me and you had it out.

00:21:23,699 --> 00:21:25,492

What the?

00:21:25,575 --> 00:21:26,910

[gasps]

00:21:26,994 --> 00:21:29,871

No. No, no, no, no, no, no.

00:21:31,498 --> 00:21:34,668

- This is a regular goob--

- Terry, have you seen my tennis racket?

00:21:34,793 --> 00:21:37,337

I've noticed that women who play tennis

are particularly dominant.

00:21:37,421 --> 00:21:40,007

I have a better chance of

finding an assertive mate while--

00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:41,925

- What, where is the red goobler?

- I killed him.

00:21:42,050 --> 00:21:43,552

- Damn, Terry, that's cold.

- Yeah.

00:21:43,635 --> 00:21:46,138

I just, um, I knew as long

as he was alive,

00:21:46,221 --> 00:21:47,931

you would always worry

about him escaping,

00:21:48,015 --> 00:21:50,434

and I wanted you to have,

just, less stress in your life.

00:21:50,517 --> 00:21:52,853

I care about you, man.

So I chopped up his body

00:21:52,936 --> 00:21:55,939

and I fed it to the pigs,

and I shot the pigs into space.

00:21:56,064 --> 00:21:58,275

So don't worry, those pigs are safe.

No, they're not.

00:21:58,358 --> 00:22:00,777

That is the nicest thing

anyone's ever done for me.

00:22:00,861 --> 00:22:02,070

Thank you, Terry.

00:22:03,822 --> 00:22:06,199

Oh, I feel so relaxed.

I took a bath.

00:22:06,283 --> 00:22:08,118

Just a soak.

Didn't even wash my junk.

00:22:08,201 --> 00:22:10,329

Nobody's hunting me anymore

and it feels good, Terry.

00:22:10,412 --> 00:22:12,289

- It feels right.

- Uh, yep, feels great. Good night.

00:22:12,372 --> 00:22:15,584

Ah, I will now enjoy

the stress-free sleep of safety,

00:22:15,667 --> 00:22:17,878

knowing that no one out there

is playing the long game

00:22:17,961 --> 00:22:20,714

waiting for me to drop my guard,

or-or anything like that.

00:22:20,797 --> 00:22:21,882

Ah.

00:22:22,924 --> 00:22:24,760

[babbling]

00:22:28,221 --> 00:22:30,182

[seagulls cawing]

00:22:30,265 --> 00:22:32,309

♪ tense music playing ♪

00:22:32,392 --> 00:22:35,354

♪

00:22:40,525 --> 00:22:42,110

[cackling]

00:23:29,699 --> 00:23:31,076

Pew-pew, pew-pew-pew!

00:00:07,245 --> 00:00:08,870

Надо подтянуть трубу ускорителя.

00:00:08,871 --> 00:00:12,412

Я прошёл тест, чтобы узнать, какой

гидроцикл подходит моей личности.

00:00:12,414 --> 00:00:14,872

Оказывается, любой. Смотри.

00:00:15,250 --> 00:00:16,959

— А! Терри!

— О, прости.

00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:18,461

— Моё прекрасное тело!

— Боже!

00:00:18,462 --> 00:00:19,962

Положи туда, в медицинскую штуку.

00:00:19,963 --> 00:00:20,964

Не знаю, о чем ты. Какую еще штуку?

00:00:20,965 --> 00:00:22,512

— С красной лампочкой.

— Какую?

00:00:22,513 --> 00:00:23,966

Покажи точно.

00:00:23,967 --> 00:00:25,630

Боже, я распадаюсь. Жаль лишь,

00:00:25,631 --> 00:00:27,932

что я прочёл мало

инструкций. Скажи всем,

00:00:27,933 --> 00:00:30,810

чтобы читали больше

инструкций. Иначе… пожалеют…

00:00:30,811 --> 00:00:32,305

А-а!

00:00:40,067 --> 00:00:41,855

Всё было не так плохо.

00:00:41,985 --> 00:00:44,654

Не раздражай. У меня опасная работа.

00:00:44,655 --> 00:00:45,955

— Будь осторожнее.

— Я же сказал,

00:00:45,956 --> 00:00:48,366

всё было неплохо. Что еще нужно?

00:00:48,367 --> 00:00:50,390

Чтобы выжить, мы должны работать вместе.

00:00:50,391 --> 00:00:53,079

— А ты только мешаешь.

— Дыши глубже.

00:00:53,080 --> 00:00:55,915

Главное – что сегодня

мы получим гидроцикл.

00:00:55,916 --> 00:00:58,254

К обеду мы будем прыгать по волнам,

00:00:58,255 --> 00:01:00,294

укрощать стихию,

00:01:00,295 --> 00:01:03,261

с бутербродом в одной

руке и… и газировкой в другой.

00:01:03,262 --> 00:01:06,133

Я с нетерпением жду укрощения стихии.

00:01:06,134 --> 00:01:08,553

Я много раз укрощал, но не стихию.

00:01:08,554 --> 00:01:10,892

Отныне мы будем веселиться.

00:01:10,893 --> 00:01:13,099

Гидроцикл – именно то, что тебе нужно.

00:01:13,100 --> 00:01:15,283

Ты прав. Пора перестать так нервничать.

00:01:15,284 --> 00:01:18,483

Я гублерю больше, чем

Зортекс в канун Камудиана.

00:01:18,484 --> 00:01:20,481

Не знаю, что это значит.

00:01:20,482 --> 00:01:21,945

Почему твои джинсы здесь?

00:01:21,946 --> 00:01:25,033

Джен Гарнер выложила пост,

как очистить джинсы, заморозив их.

00:01:25,034 --> 00:01:28,781

И как я должен наслаждаться

единственной банкой газировки,

00:01:28,782 --> 00:01:32,768

которую позволяю себе в

день, с кубиками синего льда?!

00:01:39,877 --> 00:01:42,665

Привет, дружок.

00:01:44,798 --> 00:01:46,006

Отвалите!

00:01:47,004 --> 00:01:50,231

— Что это было?

— Это красный гублер.

00:01:50,446 --> 00:01:52,176

Что за красный гублер?

00:01:52,184 --> 00:01:54,679

Я не знаю.

00:01:55,434 --> 00:01:57,485

Планета Шлорп была идеальной утопией.

00:01:57,811 --> 00:01:59,642

Пока не упал астероид.

00:02:00,647 --> 00:02:03,024

Сто взрослых и их

репликанты взяли по Пупе

00:02:03,025 --> 00:02:04,944

и сбежали в космос

00:02:04,945 --> 00:02:07,571

в поисках нового дома

в незаселённых мирах.

00:02:08,155 --> 00:02:11,157

Мы упали на Землю и застряли

на перенаселённой планете.

00:02:11,158 --> 00:02:12,950

Это постоянно говорю я.

00:02:12,951 --> 00:02:14,754

Я держу Пупу. Я Корво.

00:02:14,755 --> 00:02:16,574

И это моё шоу. Я бросил Пупу.

00:02:16,575 --> 00:02:18,415

Видите меня? Это смешно.

00:02:18,416 --> 00:02:20,500

Ненавижу Землю. Это ужасный дом.

00:02:20,501 --> 00:02:22,835

Люди глупые. Все

говорят, что любят стариков,

00:02:22,836 --> 00:02:24,342

хотя терпеть не могут,

00:02:24,343 --> 00:02:26,410

а я люблю, поэтому старики любят меня.

00:02:26,533 --> 00:02:30,962

ОБРАТНАЯ СТОРОНА ЗЕМЛИ

00:02:34,039 --> 00:02:35,841

Проверим за обедом, что будет,

00:02:35,842 --> 00:02:37,221

если выпить всю газировку?

00:02:37,222 --> 00:02:39,878

У тебя нет шансов.

00:02:39,879 --> 00:02:42,046

Мне нужно подружиться

с крутыми ребятами.

00:02:42,047 --> 00:02:43,791

За их обеденным столом свободно место.

00:02:43,792 --> 00:02:46,552

— Рики Смоллинг на ИВЛ.

— Рики был очень крут.

00:02:46,553 --> 00:02:50,763

Он встречался с двумя Стэйси.

Каждая стоила десяти Ребекк.

00:02:50,765 --> 00:02:53,353

И ты рассчитываешь, что

сможешь заменить его?

00:02:53,354 --> 00:02:56,144

Мой план — занять его место,

сидеть, ничего не делать,

00:02:56,145 --> 00:02:58,023

и они ко мне привыкнут.

00:02:58,024 --> 00:02:59,859

— С режиссёром сработало.

— Надеюсь попасть

00:02:59,860 --> 00:03:02,274

на вечеринку к Куперу Барнсу

и расширить знания о людях.

00:03:02,275 --> 00:03:04,938

Это всё, что мне нужно. Ради науки.

00:03:04,939 --> 00:03:06,780

Только молчи. Не испорть мой план.

00:03:06,781 --> 00:03:10,653

Если ты подружишься с

ними, я подружусь со Стэйси.

00:03:10,654 --> 00:03:12,967

Потому что я боюсь их.

00:03:13,350 --> 00:03:14,724

Ладно. Скажу иначе.

00:03:14,725 --> 00:03:16,788

Люблю, когда ты говоришь иначе.

00:03:16,790 --> 00:03:19,274

— Давай, детка.

— Большинство гублеров пассивные,

00:03:19,275 --> 00:03:21,815

милые создания, которые танцуют, поют

00:03:21,816 --> 00:03:23,904

и хотят увидеть мир или что там еще.

00:03:23,905 --> 00:03:26,611

Красных гублеров один

на сто тысяч обычных.

00:03:26,612 --> 00:03:28,321

Я знал, что ты много гублеришь.

00:03:28,322 --> 00:03:30,115

Почему у тебя всегда стресс?

00:03:30,116 --> 00:03:32,117

Почему-почему? Ну же, скажи, почему?

00:03:32,118 --> 00:03:34,452

— Скажи!

— Красные гублеры смертоносны.

00:03:34,453 --> 00:03:36,204

Их цель — убить хозяина.

00:03:36,205 --> 00:03:38,666

Либо напрямую, либо

подвергнув его такому стрессу,

00:03:38,667 --> 00:03:41,001

что у него будет фетальный шок.

00:03:41,002 --> 00:03:43,265

Мозг станет как у ребёнка, и ты умрёшь.

00:03:43,266 --> 00:03:45,714

— Удачи с детским мозгом.

— Всё из-за тебя!

00:03:45,715 --> 00:03:48,579

Половина этих гублеров

была из-за твоих глупостей!

00:03:48,580 --> 00:03:50,678

Ладно-ладно. Не делай

нового красного гублера.

00:03:50,679 --> 00:03:53,406

Может, он скоро забудет

о тебе. Гублеры тупые.

00:03:54,516 --> 00:03:56,435

— "Я пробью тебя"?

— Боже.

00:03:56,436 --> 00:03:58,216

Он хотел сказать "прибью".

00:04:08,643 --> 00:04:12,408

Так. Кто-то из вас уже

заметил некоторые изменения.

00:04:12,409 --> 00:04:15,202

Например, Пол. Ничего, Пол.

00:04:15,203 --> 00:04:17,787

У всех бывает половое созревание.

00:04:17,788 --> 00:04:21,587

Это естественно. Возможно,

оно начнётся рано, как у меня.

00:04:21,588 --> 00:04:24,963

Мне не стыдно признаться. У

меня оно началось в шесть лет.

00:04:25,087 --> 00:04:26,966

О нет!

00:04:28,425 --> 00:04:31,093

Пубертат!

00:04:31,344 --> 00:04:34,472

Ах! Стейси Кей. Ах! Стейси Ф.

00:04:34,764 --> 00:04:36,432

Стэйси Джи нет.

00:04:36,433 --> 00:04:38,295

Она пошла в лес искать Слендермена.

00:04:38,296 --> 00:04:40,316

Она помешана на Слендермене.

00:04:40,317 --> 00:04:43,188

Что ты делаешь в нашем туалете, чудачка?

00:04:43,189 --> 00:04:46,068

Сначала я придумаю тебе

какое-нибудь прозвище,

00:04:46,069 --> 00:04:49,157

а потом она заставит тебя съесть тампон.

00:04:49,158 --> 00:04:52,239

Я мариновала его целый день.

00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:55,075

— Внутри себя.

— Э-э...

00:04:55,076 --> 00:04:56,664

э… о…

00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:02,750

Знаешь, ты такая красивая.

00:05:02,751 --> 00:05:05,880

Думаю, тебя все просят, но

можно потрогать твоё лицо?

00:05:05,881 --> 00:05:09,757

О. Меня об этом никто не просит. И да,

00:05:09,758 --> 00:05:11,636

потрогай, Стейси Кей.

00:05:11,968 --> 00:05:14,639

— Хейден, Брейден, Джейден, Марк.

— Это место Рика.

00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:16,266

Было место Рика.

00:05:16,681 --> 00:05:20,308

Сижу я в ресторане с

родителями, топливо закончилось,

00:05:20,309 --> 00:05:22,939

и тут вдруг понимаю:

00:05:22,940 --> 00:05:25,064

"О, я же могу попарить луковым паром".

00:05:25,065 --> 00:05:26,367

Привет, парни. Крутые наушники.

00:05:26,368 --> 00:05:28,067

Что слушаете? "Секс"?

00:05:28,068 --> 00:05:29,818

Я должна кое-что сказать.

00:05:29,819 --> 00:05:31,407

Этот стол стал убогим.

00:05:31,409 --> 00:05:33,364

Зарядим наушники и поваляем дурака.

00:05:33,365 --> 00:05:35,448

Парни! Подождите! Я люблю вас!

00:05:35,449 --> 00:05:38,535

То есть ладно. Ты всё испортила.

00:05:38,536 --> 00:05:41,580

Я был у цели. Это мой стол для крутых.

00:05:41,581 --> 00:05:43,624

А ты найди себе свой стол для крутых.

00:05:43,625 --> 00:05:46,334

— Вон как те.

— Они крутые?

00:05:46,335 --> 00:05:50,425

Да. Я слышал, леди Гага

надела такой же конус на «Грэмми».

00:05:50,426 --> 00:05:52,501

Вперёд. Удачи.

00:06:00,016 --> 00:06:01,265

Так. Готов?

00:06:01,851 --> 00:06:04,769

Продавец гидроциклов приедет через час.

00:06:04,770 --> 00:06:06,855

Его зовут Трент. Он в тренде, да?

00:06:06,856 --> 00:06:08,734

Да, Терри. Я почти доделал защиту

00:06:08,735 --> 00:06:10,442

на случай возвращения красного придурка.

00:06:10,443 --> 00:06:13,207

Да. Запечатаю мои потайные двери.

00:06:13,208 --> 00:06:15,697

— Какие это?

— Их всего пара штук.

00:06:24,416 --> 00:06:27,083

Терри, это лишнее. Туда

всё равно никто не ходит.

00:06:27,084 --> 00:06:29,307

Нужен год, чтобы бизнес стал доходным.

00:06:29,308 --> 00:06:31,555

День бесплатных кренделей за углом!

00:06:47,396 --> 00:06:49,898

— Эй! Полегче с носом! Он новый!

— Иди ты, Крейг!

00:06:49,899 --> 00:06:52,359

Послушай. Ты не поверишь в это.

00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:55,618

Я только что такое пережила

с двумя девочками в туалете.

00:06:55,619 --> 00:06:58,242

— И всё из-за этого.

— Всем плевать.

00:06:58,243 --> 00:06:59,366

Что это такое?

00:06:59,367 --> 00:07:01,368

Это я и пытаюсь тебе сказать.

00:07:01,369 --> 00:07:03,829

Это мой особенный цветок.

00:07:10,629 --> 00:07:12,630

— Прости, что ударил тебя.

— Нет.

00:07:12,631 --> 00:07:14,550

Ты прости, что назвал твою маму жирной.

00:07:14,551 --> 00:07:16,678

Её просто покусали пчёлы.

00:07:18,762 --> 00:07:21,263

— Это всё ты.

— Да. Это её вина.

00:07:21,264 --> 00:07:24,393

Давайте прессовать её, пока

она не решит стать художницей.

00:07:24,394 --> 00:07:25,434

Нет, она молодец.

00:07:25,435 --> 00:07:27,435

Джесси, приходи на вечеринку вечером.

00:07:27,436 --> 00:07:29,772

— Увидимся.

— Хорошо.

00:07:29,773 --> 00:07:32,399

Мне так жаль продавать эту малышку.

00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:34,781

Но суд заставил меня

выбирать между ней и детьми.

00:07:34,782 --> 00:07:37,863

На ней можно делать сальто? Я

имею в виду настоящее сальто.

00:07:37,864 --> 00:07:40,493

Да, еще какое. Нам было хорошо вместе.

00:07:40,494 --> 00:07:42,988

Хочу, чтобы она попала в хороший дом.

00:07:42,989 --> 00:07:44,977

У красного гублера пушка!

00:07:45,497 --> 00:07:48,749

Это выхлопная труба. За вами охотятся?

00:07:48,750 --> 00:07:50,709

Не думаю, что ваш дом подойдёт

00:07:50,710 --> 00:07:52,211

для такой прекрасной машины.

00:07:52,212 --> 00:07:54,795

Нет-нет-нет. Не волнуйся.

Мы охотимся лишь

00:07:54,796 --> 00:07:56,632

— за выгодной сделкой.

— Я вас услышал.

00:07:56,633 --> 00:07:58,637

Хотите сесть на неё?

00:07:58,638 --> 00:07:59,559

— Да-да-да.

— Конечно.

00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:01,387

— Я первый!

— Нет. Я первый, Терри!

00:08:01,388 --> 00:08:02,228

Отпусти меня!

00:08:02,229 --> 00:08:06,180

— Зачем ты всё испортила?

— Цветок меня спас.

00:08:06,601 --> 00:08:08,686

Черт. Я скажу Корво и Терри.

00:08:08,687 --> 00:08:11,670

Они срежут его, и ты

никому не будешь нравиться.

00:08:11,671 --> 00:08:13,195

Не надо, прошу, не говори им.

00:08:13,196 --> 00:08:16,151

Приедем домой — и я разрушу твою жизнь.

00:08:16,152 --> 00:08:18,821

Нет, если я приеду первой.

00:08:42,512 --> 00:08:44,091

Даа!

00:08:44,931 --> 00:08:46,680

А! Боже! О! На помощь!

00:08:51,980 --> 00:08:54,064

Кыш-кыш-кыш! О нет!

00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:01,947

Он потерял много… надеюсь, это кровь.

00:09:02,782 --> 00:09:03,991

Не-е-ет!

00:09:04,868 --> 00:09:07,496

Не-ет! Не-ет!

00:09:08,580 --> 00:09:11,129

Спасибо, что спасла мне жизнь, наверное.

00:09:11,130 --> 00:09:12,628

Спасибо, что не помер.

00:09:12,629 --> 00:09:14,004

Всё равно наябедничаю!

00:09:15,045 --> 00:09:16,420

Боже.

00:09:24,179 --> 00:09:26,098

— Да-а.

— Представь, что будет на воде.

00:09:26,099 --> 00:09:27,598

Она ездит по воде? Что?!

00:09:27,599 --> 00:09:29,937

Знаете, хорошо. Да.

00:09:29,938 --> 00:09:33,354

— Я продам её вам.

— Ну что? Можно забрать её?

00:09:33,355 --> 00:09:36,243

Я спущу её на воду? Хочу

проехать последний раз.

00:09:38,109 --> 00:09:40,530

— Я убил гублера!

— Нет. Вы странные.

00:09:40,531 --> 00:09:42,237

Нет-нет-нет.

00:09:42,239 --> 00:09:44,617

Мы уже двадцать лет

играем в салки с друзьями.

00:09:44,618 --> 00:09:46,418

Это очень сблизило нас.

00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:48,003

Увидимся позже. Спасибо за гидроцикл.

00:09:48,004 --> 00:09:49,212

Ты крут. Пока.

00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:56,402

БОЛЬШАЯ РЕДКОСТЬ

АКАДЕМИЯ КОЛЛЕКЦИОНЕРОВ

00:10:04,469 --> 00:10:05,807

Губка Боб квадратные штаны.

00:10:09,870 --> 00:10:12,372

Уф. Прости. Я запаниковал,

00:10:12,373 --> 00:10:14,751

но есть плюс. У нас теперь гидроцикл,

00:10:14,752 --> 00:10:16,709

и, похоже, с гублером покончено.

00:10:17,628 --> 00:10:19,546

Терри, ты сделал яйца пашот?

00:10:19,547 --> 00:10:22,017

Нет. Я люблю болтунью,

жареные, вкрутую, всмятку,

00:10:22,018 --> 00:10:23,967

в мешочек, средней прожарки, сильной,

00:10:23,968 --> 00:10:25,790

пасхальные, бенедикт и с пряностями.

00:10:25,791 --> 00:10:28,016

— Здесь был гублер!

— А еще омлет.

00:10:29,513 --> 00:10:31,264

Как он вошёл?

00:10:32,888 --> 00:10:35,056

Он шепчется с матрасом

с эффектом памяти.

00:10:35,057 --> 00:10:37,016

О чем? Что матрас запоминает?

00:10:37,017 --> 00:10:38,726

Он открыл фигурки из "Голодных игр"!

00:10:38,727 --> 00:10:41,187

Я берёг президента Сноу для ютуб-канала.

00:10:41,188 --> 00:10:42,731

Теперь его и за полцены не возьмут.

00:10:42,732 --> 00:10:45,867

Он скачал "Государственный секретарь",

сериал для домохозяек.

00:10:45,869 --> 00:10:48,488

— Он вынул мои джинсы из морозилки.

— Это я.

00:10:48,489 --> 00:10:50,196

Боже. Сейчас приедет Трент.

00:10:50,197 --> 00:10:52,285

Если он увидит, что кто-то

просит меня взорвать его,

00:10:52,286 --> 00:10:53,908

он не продаст нам гидроцикл.

00:10:53,909 --> 00:10:56,035

Нет-нет-нет. Спокойно. Без паники.

00:10:56,036 --> 00:10:57,995

Он этого и ждёт. Мы всё уберём.

00:10:57,996 --> 00:10:59,997

Репликанты не должны знать о гублере.

00:10:59,998 --> 00:11:01,598

Юмьюлаку будут сниться кошмары,

00:11:01,599 --> 00:11:03,303

и он опять будет спать с нами.

00:11:03,304 --> 00:11:05,110

— Терри! Корво!

— Не говори им!

00:11:05,113 --> 00:11:07,067

Обещаю…

00:11:07,068 --> 00:11:08,693

Юмьюлак, смотри!

00:11:08,694 --> 00:11:12,030

— И у меня тоже! Какой красивый!

— Ме.

00:11:12,031 --> 00:11:13,532

Надо скрыть это от Корво и Терри.

00:11:13,533 --> 00:11:15,534

Они будут в шоке.

Терри замучают кошмары,

00:11:15,535 --> 00:11:17,244

и он ляжет спать с нами.

00:11:17,245 --> 00:11:19,085

Ты сказал, цветок — ерунда.

00:11:19,086 --> 00:11:21,123

Но теперь он у меня. И это круто.

00:11:21,124 --> 00:11:23,236

Это билет на вечеринку Купера Барнса.

00:11:23,237 --> 00:11:24,332

Они идут.

00:11:26,192 --> 00:11:28,821

— Ну что, как прошёл день?

— Классно.

00:11:28,822 --> 00:11:30,278

— А как ваш?

— Тоже классно.

00:11:30,279 --> 00:11:31,697

Да. Никакого гублера.

00:11:31,698 --> 00:11:33,406

И никаких цветов на голове.

00:11:33,407 --> 00:11:35,390

— Что?

— Ничего.

00:11:35,391 --> 00:11:37,412

Я знал, что этот день придёт.

00:11:37,413 --> 00:11:40,371

Но трудно прощаться с

тем, внутри чего ты был.

00:11:40,372 --> 00:11:42,581

— О!

— Я говорю образно.

00:11:42,583 --> 00:11:44,798

— Ладно. Неважно.

— Хорошо. Удачи, Трент.

00:11:44,799 --> 00:11:47,169

Нам пора.

00:11:47,170 --> 00:11:48,929

Надо сделать эпиляцию на спине.

00:11:49,590 --> 00:11:51,338

Запрём его в гараже.

00:11:52,718 --> 00:11:54,420

Черт. Держи его.

00:11:54,421 --> 00:11:56,227

Держи. Так. Хватай его.

00:12:04,007 --> 00:12:06,732

Это сделал красный человечек.

00:12:07,608 --> 00:12:10,651

Я вовсе не хочу унизить маленьких людей.

00:12:11,403 --> 00:12:12,823

Или коренных американцев.

00:12:12,824 --> 00:12:15,201

Просто он был крошечным.

00:12:16,575 --> 00:12:18,535

Плохо дело, Терри. Гублер подставил нас.

00:12:18,536 --> 00:12:20,318

Что делать? Я не пойду в тюрьму.

00:12:20,319 --> 00:12:22,896

У меня нет заднего

прохода. Как я пронесу еду?

00:12:24,166 --> 00:12:27,084

Я бы с радостью сказал,

что мы редко видим подобное.

00:12:27,085 --> 00:12:31,047

Но в этом городе проблемы с

необъяснимым травматизмом.

00:12:31,048 --> 00:12:33,507

Мы будто прокляты. Черт.

00:12:33,508 --> 00:12:36,261

Мои соболезнования.

Он был хорошим другом?

00:12:36,262 --> 00:12:39,181

Нет. Больше. Он был гидроциклом.

00:12:41,267 --> 00:12:43,684

Ух ты. Наша первая школьная вечеринка!

00:12:43,685 --> 00:12:45,189

Я о такой и мечтала.

00:12:45,190 --> 00:12:48,356

Купер Барнс уже злится

на тех, кто громит его дом.

00:12:48,357 --> 00:12:50,608

Это фамильная вещь! Отвали от собаки!

00:12:50,609 --> 00:12:52,861

Брент, не нюхай прах папы! Черт!

00:12:52,862 --> 00:12:55,618

— Типичный Купер.

— Твои Стэйси где-то здесь.

00:12:55,619 --> 00:12:57,574

А я пойду к парням с подкастом.

00:12:57,575 --> 00:13:00,494

Хочу сдружиться с ними до восьми часов.

00:13:00,953 --> 00:13:03,288

— О-о! Джесси!

— Да! Джесси!

00:13:03,289 --> 00:13:05,877

— Эй! Что ты здесь делаешь?

— О… э…

00:13:08,586 --> 00:13:10,368

Приятель, классно, что ты здесь.

00:13:10,369 --> 00:13:12,505

Отличные наушники. Ты вовсе не придурок.

00:13:12,506 --> 00:13:14,423

Давай с тобой купим

фургон. Будем путешествовать

00:13:14,424 --> 00:13:16,050

или продавать еду!

00:13:16,051 --> 00:13:18,719

Боже. Столько возможностей,

глаза разбегаются.

00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:21,885

Я читал, что фургон

"Одиссей" — неплохая вещь.

00:13:21,886 --> 00:13:24,552

Да. Идём, братишка.

00:13:40,028 --> 00:13:41,909

Кажется, у меня на спине гублер. Он там?

00:13:41,910 --> 00:13:44,208

В тысячный раз — нет. Стой. Он на мне?

00:13:44,209 --> 00:13:45,538

Нет. Всё чисто.

00:13:45,539 --> 00:13:47,419

Теперь всегда так будет?

00:13:47,420 --> 00:13:49,834

Будем ждать, что он

вонзит нам в спину кетчуп?

00:13:49,835 --> 00:13:52,378

Надо принять бой с ним.

Как Кевин Маккаллистер.

00:13:52,379 --> 00:13:54,339

Не будем тряпками.

00:13:54,340 --> 00:13:56,674

Он может быть где угодно:

в вентиляции, в тени лампы,

00:13:56,675 --> 00:13:58,498

— на другом конце города.

— Подумай.

00:13:58,499 --> 00:14:00,136

— Он создан из твоего стресса.

— И?

00:14:00,137 --> 00:14:03,726

Вероятно, он прячется там,

где ты больше всего напряжён.

00:14:05,518 --> 00:14:07,560

— Здесь ты больше всего напряжён?

— Да.

00:14:07,561 --> 00:14:09,650

За счет чего они живут целый год?

00:14:09,651 --> 00:14:10,980

Всё это никому не нужно.

00:14:10,981 --> 00:14:13,204

Здесь пахнет, как внутри

пластикового пакета.

00:14:13,205 --> 00:14:15,401

А еще они продают старые приставки.

00:14:15,402 --> 00:14:17,780

Плюс я боюсь скелетов. А! Видишь?

00:14:17,781 --> 00:14:19,572

Минутку. Он здесь. Я чувствую.

00:14:19,573 --> 00:14:21,674

А еще я вижу его.

00:14:26,079 --> 00:14:28,248

Класс. Придётся за это платить.

00:14:29,041 --> 00:14:31,631

— Вы что, под кайфом?

— Может, кто и под кайфом,

00:14:31,632 --> 00:14:34,379

а остальные под Джесси.

00:14:34,380 --> 00:14:36,219

Хочешь тоже?

00:14:38,050 --> 00:14:41,636

О да, Джесси. Точно. Это круто.

00:14:41,637 --> 00:14:44,514

Ням-ням-ням-ням-ням-ням-ням.

Подумай об этом.

00:14:44,515 --> 00:14:46,433

Ты думаешь об этом? Ты думаешь об этом?!

00:14:46,434 --> 00:14:47,516

— О чем это?

— Об эротической книге рецептов.

00:14:47,517 --> 00:14:48,936

— О походе в лес.

— О женитьбе.

00:14:48,937 --> 00:14:51,103

Да, я не отказываюсь.

Но мне надо подумать.

00:14:51,104 --> 00:14:53,230

— Я круглый дурак.

— Хо-хо! Да!

00:14:53,232 --> 00:14:55,175

Прочитать моё стихотворение?

00:14:55,176 --> 00:14:56,230

Да, друг.

00:14:57,069 --> 00:15:00,029

Это прекрасный вечер.

У меня есть прозвище.

00:15:00,030 --> 00:15:03,579

— Они зовут меня мишка Юмми.

— Ты точно похож.

00:15:03,580 --> 00:15:05,534

— Очень подходит.

— Да?

00:15:05,535 --> 00:15:08,079

Прости, что вёл себя как придурок.

00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:11,122

Ты лишь хотела повеселиться.

Думаю, я завидовал.

00:15:11,292 --> 00:15:14,752

М-м. Ты был придурком,

но теперь всё в порядке.

00:15:35,024 --> 00:15:37,233

Цены на косметику выше в тысячу раз.

00:15:37,234 --> 00:15:39,819

— А костюмы развратные.

— Держись, Корво.

00:15:39,820 --> 00:15:41,568

Он доводит тебя.

00:15:49,371 --> 00:15:51,329

— Идите вы!

— Вон он! Держи его!

00:15:53,568 --> 00:15:54,756

Куда он делся?

00:15:54,757 --> 00:15:56,487

КОМНАТА СМЕХА

00:15:56,618 --> 00:15:59,000

Ненавижу это место. Ненавижу зеркала.

00:15:59,009 --> 00:16:00,354

Здесь страшно.

00:16:17,435 --> 00:16:20,524

Я покупаю фургон, пишу кулинарную книгу

00:16:20,525 --> 00:16:22,065

и, возможно, женюсь на Марке Малнере.

00:16:22,066 --> 00:16:24,486

Повезло. Я думаю,

он будет хорошим отцом.

00:16:24,487 --> 00:16:26,860

Эй, привет, подруга.

00:16:31,909 --> 00:16:34,118

Что это? Стэйси Кей?

00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:36,489

Я убью тебя.

00:16:44,375 --> 00:16:47,340

Твоя дурацкая пыльца

смешалась с моей классной пыльцой

00:16:47,341 --> 00:16:48,684

и свела всех с ума.

00:16:48,685 --> 00:16:51,182

— О нет!

— Бежим! Уходим отсюда!

00:17:01,208 --> 00:17:03,002

Спокойно. Ты мужчина, Корво,

00:17:03,003 --> 00:17:04,671

привлекательный качок. Соберись.

00:17:04,672 --> 00:17:06,879

Корво, где ты? Не нервируй меня.

00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:08,719

Мы схватим его. О боже!

00:17:08,720 --> 00:17:10,466

— Что?

— Японские мини-батончики

00:17:10,467 --> 00:17:11,676

с разными вкусами!

00:17:15,514 --> 00:17:16,433

— Нет.

— Попался!

00:17:16,434 --> 00:17:18,231

Попробуй это!

00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:44,818

Объясни,

почему просто не убить мерзавца.

00:17:44,819 --> 00:17:46,273

Иначе он победит.

00:17:46,274 --> 00:17:48,694

Может,

если я разрежу его и изучу внутри,

00:17:48,695 --> 00:17:51,362

то научусь контролировать

стресс, а не избегать его.

00:17:51,364 --> 00:17:52,822

Прекрасно, Корво.

00:17:52,823 --> 00:17:54,698

Но я за то, чтобы сжечь поддонка.

00:17:54,699 --> 00:17:55,991

— Слова, Терри!

— Прости.

00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:57,827

Это всё батончики с зелёным чаем.

00:17:57,828 --> 00:18:00,835

Ребята. У нас проблемы из-за Джесси.

00:18:00,837 --> 00:18:03,582

У нас выросли цветы.

Мы знаем, это пубертат.

00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:05,846

— Мы становимся взрослыми.

— Что за пубертат?

00:18:05,847 --> 00:18:09,046

Ну, это когда у людей начинают

расти волосы в разных местах.

00:18:09,047 --> 00:18:10,135

— О боже.

— Это ужасно.

00:18:10,136 --> 00:18:12,279

Вы не люди. У вас не бывает пубертата.

00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:15,052

Вы дорастёте до нашего

размера и превратитесь в деревья.

00:18:15,053 --> 00:18:17,471

Если повезёт, из вас построят дом.

00:18:17,472 --> 00:18:19,598

Это грибок, потому что вы не моете руки.

00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:21,947

— Помойте руки.

— Не страшно, если вы

00:18:21,948 --> 00:18:24,428

не смешали пыльцу и никого не заразили.

00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:27,448

Единственный способ остановить

заразу — сделать подкожный укол.

00:18:27,449 --> 00:18:30,025

Но они не должны укусить

нас. Иначе мы тоже спятим.

00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:32,611

Используем медоружие

для экстренных случаев.

00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:34,595

— Мы препарируем их?

— Им не будет больно.

00:18:34,596 --> 00:18:37,451

Порезы сразу зарастут

из-за слизи на лезвиях.

00:18:37,452 --> 00:18:38,323

Скука.

00:18:38,324 --> 00:18:40,619

Разве использовать

дротики не безопаснее?

00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,761

Хочешь бросать дротики — вперёд.

00:18:42,762 --> 00:18:43,891

Но это круче дротиков.

00:18:43,892 --> 00:18:46,206

Остановим детей и спасём жизни.

00:19:01,063 --> 00:19:02,185

Спасибо.

00:19:02,301 --> 00:19:04,100

Вот вам.

00:19:05,223 --> 00:19:07,767

— Да!

— Спасибо.

00:19:11,152 --> 00:19:14,696

Простите. Я лечу вас.

Пожалуйста. Я люблю вас.

00:19:14,697 --> 00:19:16,325

Спасибо.

00:19:28,586 --> 00:19:30,505

Не бойся. Они этого не запомнят.

00:19:30,506 --> 00:19:32,505

Но они же запомнят, что я крутой?

00:19:32,506 --> 00:19:34,796

Нет. В лучшем случае, что ты не крутой.

00:19:54,732 --> 00:19:57,805

— О, спасибо.

— Нет проблем.

00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:17,883

— Приятель. Что ты делаешь?

— Сажусь с друзьями.

00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:19,636

Безумная была ночка, да?

00:20:19,637 --> 00:20:23,184

— Этот стол для тех, у кого капли.

— Я тоже могу стать каплей.

00:20:23,185 --> 00:20:26,456

Нет. Капли приберегли место для другого.

00:20:28,311 --> 00:20:31,398

Прости, мишка Юмми.

У меня со Стэйси так же.

00:20:31,399 --> 00:20:34,528

Они сказали мне убираться

обратно на планету Мексика.

00:20:34,529 --> 00:20:36,824

Все, кто красив и крут, — придурки.

00:20:36,825 --> 00:20:39,613

Я всегда придурок,

но мне это не помогает.

00:20:39,614 --> 00:20:42,951

Привет. Мы слышали, вы

были на той безумной вечеринке.

00:20:42,952 --> 00:20:44,694

Почему безумной? Все целы.

00:20:44,695 --> 00:20:47,166

О, нет-нет. Мы на такие

вечеринки не ходим.

00:20:47,167 --> 00:20:48,624

Хотели послушать о ней.

00:20:48,625 --> 00:20:51,418

Во-первых,

мы отрывались на хате у Барна.

00:20:51,419 --> 00:20:55,088

— У него настоящая хата?

— Нет. Обычный дом.

00:20:55,089 --> 00:20:59,592

Оказывается, все крутые ребята

называют друг друга по фамилиям.

00:20:59,593 --> 00:21:01,132

О-о...

00:21:12,204 --> 00:21:14,435

В КЕНИЮ, АФРИКА

00:21:18,528 --> 00:21:23,157

Проснись, мочалка. Нам

с тобой пора разобраться.

00:21:23,701 --> 00:21:25,319

Что?

00:21:26,996 --> 00:21:30,124

Нет. Нет-нет-нет-нет-нет.

00:21:31,500 --> 00:21:34,429

— Это обычный гублер.

— Терри, не видел мою ракетку?

00:21:34,621 --> 00:21:37,338

Я заметил, что в теннис

играют доминирующие женщины.

00:21:37,339 --> 00:21:40,049

Есть шанс найти напористую партнёршу.

00:21:40,051 --> 00:21:41,967

— Где красный гублер?

— Я убил его.

00:21:41,968 --> 00:21:43,598

— О, Терри. Круто.

— Да.

00:21:43,599 --> 00:21:46,222

Просто я знал, что пока он жив,

00:21:46,223 --> 00:21:47,932

ты будешь переживать, что он сбежит.

00:21:47,933 --> 00:21:50,518

А я хотел, чтобы у тебя

было меньше стресса.

00:21:50,519 --> 00:21:52,939

Я беспокоюсь. Я порубил его

00:21:52,941 --> 00:21:55,985

и скормил свиньям. А

свиней отправил в космос.

00:21:55,986 --> 00:21:58,318

Не волнуйся. Они в

безопасности. Хотя нет.

00:21:58,319 --> 00:22:00,868

Это лучшее, что для меня делали.

00:22:00,869 --> 00:22:02,321

Спасибо, Терри.

00:22:03,866 --> 00:22:06,367

О, мне так спокойно. Я принял ванну.

00:22:06,369 --> 00:22:08,207

Лежал. Даже ничего не помыл.

00:22:08,208 --> 00:22:11,000

Никто не охотится за

мной, и это хорошо, Терри.

00:22:11,001 --> 00:22:12,479

Да, класс. Я спать.

00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:15,668

Теперь я спокойно высплюсь,

00:22:15,669 --> 00:22:17,967

зная, что никто не затеял

со мной никакой игры

00:22:17,968 --> 00:22:20,908

и не ждёт, когда я потеряю бдительность.

00:22:37,258 --> 00:22:39,294

ПЛАНЫ УБИЙСТВА КОРВО

00:22:39,448 --> 00:22:40,907

КОРВО

00:00:07,198 --> 00:00:08,818

Коллекторный двигатель не отрегулирован.

00:00:08,818 --> 00:00:12,368

Слушай, я тут прошел тест

"Какой гидроцикл тебе подходит"

00:00:12,368 --> 00:00:14,618

и, похоже, мне подходит любой.

Ты только взгляни.

00:00:15,198 --> 00:00:16,908

- Терри, помоги!

- Ой, прости.

00:00:16,908 --> 00:00:18,418

- О, мое прекрасное тело!

- Боже мой.

00:00:18,418 --> 00:00:19,918

Положи меня в медицинский прибор, Терри.

00:00:19,918 --> 00:00:20,918

Я не... я не понимаю, о чем ты.

00:00:20,918 --> 00:00:22,458

- Штука с красной лампочкой.

- Что? Где? Какая лампочка?

00:00:22,458 --> 00:00:23,918

- Какой прибор? Покажи пальцем.

- Вот же он.

00:00:23,918 --> 00:00:25,548

О, Боже, я умираю.

Так жаль,

00:00:25,548 --> 00:00:27,878

что я так мало читал инструкции.

Скажи всем, чтобы

00:00:27,878 --> 00:00:30,758

они читали инструкции, иначе они пожалеют.

00:00:40,018 --> 00:00:41,608

Ну, все вроде бы прошло нормально.

00:00:41,938 --> 00:00:44,608

Ты меня так бесишь.

Я занимаюсь опасной работой.

00:00:44,608 --> 00:00:45,898

- Будь внимательнее!

- Я уже говорил,

00:00:45,898 --> 00:00:48,318

что все прошло нормально.

Что тебе еще от меня нужно?

00:00:48,318 --> 00:00:50,028

- Чтобы выжить, нам нужно работать сообща,

00:00:50,028 --> 00:00:53,028

а ты... из-за тебя все идет наперекосяк.

- Дыши, просто дыши.

00:00:53,028 --> 00:00:55,868

- Единственное, что имеет значение,

так это гидроцикл, который мы сегодня купим.

00:00:55,868 --> 00:00:58,208

Уже днем мы оседлаем волну,

00:00:58,208 --> 00:01:00,248

достигем невозможного, уйдем в отрыв.

00:01:00,248 --> 00:01:03,208

Сэндвич в одну руку

и... и газировку - во вторую.

00:01:03,208 --> 00:01:06,088

Ох, особенно сильно жду ту часть,

где мы достигаем невозможного.

00:01:06,088 --> 00:01:08,508

Я много чего в жизни достигал,

но невозможного - еще нет.

00:01:08,508 --> 00:01:10,838

С этой секунды нас ждет только

абсолютный релакс на солнышке.

00:01:10,838 --> 00:01:13,048

Все, что тебе для этого нужно, это гидроцикл.

00:01:13,048 --> 00:01:15,098

- Да, ты прав.

Мне пора прекращать так стрессовать.

00:01:15,098 --> 00:01:18,428

Из меня мисистиков выходит больше, чем из Зортекса перед Комудианским парадом.

00:01:18,428 --> 00:01:20,438

Уф, ничего не понял.

00:01:20,438 --> 00:01:21,688

Почему твои джинсы в морозилке?

00:01:21,688 --> 00:01:24,978

Это такой лайфхак из "Инсты"-

чистить джинсы заморозкой.

00:01:24,978 --> 00:01:28,738

И как, по-твоему, мне теперь насладиться

той единственной баночкой диетической Dr. Pepper,

00:01:28,738 --> 00:01:32,278

которую я раз в день позволяю себе выпить,

если весь лед, мать твою, теперь синий?

00:01:39,828 --> 00:01:42,418

Эм, привет, малютка.

00:01:44,748 --> 00:01:45,588

Пошел на хер!

00:01:46,958 --> 00:01:50,008

- Что это была за фигня?

- Это красный мисистик.

00:01:50,008 --> 00:01:52,128

И что в них такого?

00:01:52,128 --> 00:01:54,428

Понятия не имею.

00:01:55,388 --> 00:01:57,428

Планета Шлорп являлась идеальной утопией.

00:01:57,428 --> 00:01:59,388

До падения астероида.

00:02:00,598 --> 00:02:02,978

Сотня взрослых и репликантов улетели с планеты вместе с Пупой

00:02:02,978 --> 00:02:04,898

и отправились в космос

00:02:04,898 --> 00:02:07,318

в поисках нового дома на необитаемой планете.

00:02:08,108 --> 00:02:11,108

Мы упали на Землю и застряли на этой уже и так перенаселенной планете.

00:02:11,108 --> 00:02:12,898

Верно, это я говорил все это время.

00:02:12,898 --> 00:02:14,698

Я тот, который держут Пупу.

Меня зовут Корво.

00:02:14,698 --> 00:02:16,408

Это... это мое шоу. Я только что уронил Пупу. Видите меня?

00:02:16,408 --> 00:02:18,448

Это просто смешно.

00:02:18,448 --> 00:02:20,448

Я ненавижу Землю. Это ужасный дом.

00:02:20,448 --> 00:02:22,788

Люди такие глупые.

Все кричат, что любят стариков,

00:02:22,788 --> 00:02:24,288

но никто их не трахает.

00:02:24,288 --> 00:02:26,328

Вот я всегда трахаю стариков.

Они меня любят.

00:02:33,878 --> 00:02:35,678

Если хочешь, за ланчем мы можем

00:02:35,678 --> 00:02:37,048

выпить за раз всю газировку.

00:02:37,048 --> 00:02:39,718

В Cola Zero сахара больше, чем во мне желания делать это.

00:02:39,718 --> 00:02:41,888

Я собираюсь закорешиться с крутыми ребятами.

00:02:41,888 --> 00:02:43,478

За их столом появилось свободное местечко.

00:02:43,478 --> 00:02:46,398

- Рикки Смоллинг на аппарате искусственного дыхания.

- Рикки был суперкрутым.

00:02:46,398 --> 00:02:50,608

Он одновременно встречался с двумя Стейси.

А каждая Стейси - это как десять Ребекк.

00:02:50,608 --> 00:02:53,198

Думаешь, тебе под силу стать таким же крутым?

00:02:53,198 --> 00:02:55,988

Мой план в том, чтобы тихонько занять это место и сидеть молча,

00:02:55,988 --> 00:02:57,868

пока они не привыкнут, что я там сижу.

00:02:57,868 --> 00:02:59,698

- С Хулу это сработало.

- Надеюсь, они пригласят меня

00:02:59,698 --> 00:03:02,118

на вечеринку Купера Барна.

Мне нужно лучше узнать человечество.

00:03:02,118 --> 00:03:04,328

Это моя единственная причина.

Ну, знаешь, во имя науки.

00:03:04,328 --> 00:03:06,628

Держи свой рот на замке.

Не порти мне ничего.

00:03:06,628 --> 00:03:10,498

Ну, если ты собираешься подружиться с ними, то я тогда сдружусь с тремя Стейси.

00:03:10,498 --> 00:03:12,878

Потому что они меня пугают.

00:03:13,298 --> 00:03:14,668

Окей, скажу в двух словах.

00:03:14,668 --> 00:03:16,638

Ты же знаешь, я в восторге от твоих пересказов.

00:03:16,638 --> 00:03:19,218

- Давай, детка.

- Большинство месистиков - это пассивные молчаливые

00:03:19,218 --> 00:03:21,768

существа, которые появляются во время стресса, танцуют и поют,

00:03:21,768 --> 00:03:23,848

а затем разбредаются по миру, ну или типа того.

00:03:23,848 --> 00:03:26,558

Вероятность появления красного мисистика 1 : 100 000 мисистиков.

00:03:26,558 --> 00:03:28,268

Я знал, что у тебя был слишком долгий мисизм.

00:03:28,268 --> 00:03:30,068

Почему ты всегда такой нервный?

00:03:30,068 --> 00:03:32,068

Почему? Почему?!

Давай же, дружище, скажи мне.

00:03:32,068 --> 00:03:34,398

Почему? Расскажи.

Красные мисистики смертельно опасны.

00:03:34,398 --> 00:03:36,148

Их единственная цель - убить своего хозяина,

00:03:36,148 --> 00:03:38,618

либо применив силу,

либо доведя его до такого стресса,

00:03:38,618 --> 00:03:40,948

что в его теле начнется процесс,

называемый фетальным шоком.

00:03:40,948 --> 00:03:42,988

Это когда мозг превращается в ребенка,

и ты умираешь.

00:03:42,988 --> 00:03:45,658

- Что ж, удачи, ребенкомозг.

- Это все ты виноват.

00:03:45,658 --> 00:03:48,248

Как минимум половина мисистиков тут из-за того дерьма, что натворил ты.

00:03:48,248 --> 00:03:50,628

Ладно, успокойся, пока из тебя не вылез еще один красный мисистик.

00:03:50,628 --> 00:03:52,998

Он уже, наверное, и думать про тебя забыл.

Мисистики глупы.

00:03:54,458 --> 00:03:56,378

"Я тебя куплю".

- Ёбушки-воробушки.

00:03:56,378 --> 00:03:58,338

Думаю, он имел в виду "убью".

00:04:09,268 --> 00:04:12,358

Некоторые из вас уже, наверное, заметили,

что с вами происходят кое-какие изменения.

00:04:12,358 --> 00:04:15,148

Как, например, с Полом.

Это нормально, Пол.

00:04:15,148 --> 00:04:17,738

Переходный возраст случается с каждым из нас.

00:04:17,738 --> 00:04:21,528

Это естественный процесс. У многих, как,

например, у меня, он наступил достаточно рано.

00:04:21,528 --> 00:04:24,698

У меня вот месячные начались в шесть лет, и в этом нет ничего постыдного.

00:04:25,038 --> 00:04:26,708

‐ О, нет.

00:04:28,368 --> 00:04:30,828

Переходный возраст!

00:04:31,288 --> 00:04:34,208

Стейси К.

Стейси Ф.

00:04:34,708 --> 00:04:36,378

Сегодня без Стейси Г.

00:04:36,378 --> 00:04:38,008

Она в лесу, ищет Слендермена.

00:04:38,008 --> 00:04:40,258

Да уж, она просто одержима Слендерменом.

00:04:40,258 --> 00:04:43,138

Какого хрена ты делаешь в нашем туалете, чудила?

00:04:43,138 --> 00:04:46,018

Сначала я придумаю тебе позорное прозвище,

00:04:46,018 --> 00:04:49,098

А затем она заставит тебя съесть тампон.

00:04:49,098 --> 00:04:52,188

Я ношу его уже целый день

00:04:52,188 --> 00:04:55,028

в своей вагине.

00:04:58,818 --> 00:05:02,698

Вау, ты такая красотка.

00:05:02,698 --> 00:05:05,828

Тебе уже наверное, надоели с просьбами тебя потрогать, но... Можно я потрогаю твое лицо?

00:05:05,828 --> 00:05:09,708

Мне не надоели с такими просьбами, и да,

00:05:09,708 --> 00:05:11,368

ты можешь потрогать, Стейси К.

00:05:11,918 --> 00:05:14,588

- Эйден, Брейден, Джейден, Марк.

Чувак, это место Рикки.

00:05:14,588 --> 00:05:15,998

Это было место Рикки.

00:05:16,628 --> 00:05:20,258

Короче, я как-то сидел с родителями и хавал суши. И тут мой вейп сдох.

00:05:20,258 --> 00:05:22,888

И я такой: "Вот дерьмо".

Но потом понял,

00:05:22,888 --> 00:05:25,008

что можно просто покурить луковый пар.

00:05:25,008 --> 00:05:26,258

- Привет, парни.

Классные наушники.

00:05:26,258 --> 00:05:28,018

Что слушаете? Как кто-то трахается?

00:05:28,018 --> 00:05:29,768

Мне нужно тебе кое-что сказать.

00:05:29,768 --> 00:05:31,348

Теперь это стол для лохов.

00:05:31,348 --> 00:05:33,308

Погнали подзарядим наушники и подрочим.

00:05:33,308 --> 00:05:35,398

Лады, ребятки, еще пересечемся.

Люблю вас.

00:05:35,398 --> 00:05:38,488

В смысле, все ок.

Ты все испортила.

00:05:38,488 --> 00:05:41,528

Я только влился в их тусу.

Это был мой стол крутых ребят.

00:05:41,528 --> 00:05:43,568

Иди и найди себе своих крутых ребят.

00:05:43,568 --> 00:05:46,278

Типа тех парней.

- По-твоему, они крутые?

00:05:46,278 --> 00:05:50,368

Ну да. Я слышал, Леди Гага была в таком же воротнике на Латинской Грэмми.

00:05:50,368 --> 00:05:52,248

Круто же.

Удачи.

00:05:59,968 --> 00:06:01,008

Итак, ты готов?

00:06:01,798 --> 00:06:04,718

Через час у нас встреча с тем парнем, который продает гидроцикл.

00:06:04,718 --> 00:06:06,808

Его зовут Тренд. Звучит трендово, как считаешь?

00:06:06,808 --> 00:06:08,678

Хорошо, Терри, я почти закончил укреплять наш дом

00:06:08,678 --> 00:06:10,388

на случай, если этот красный засранец вернется.

00:06:10,388 --> 00:06:13,148

Да, ты прав. Пожалуй, мне стоит

замазать все наши скрытые ходы.

00:06:13,148 --> 00:06:15,188

- Какие скрытые ходы?

- Их всего несколько, не переживай.

00:06:24,358 --> 00:06:27,028

Терри, это кафе "У Ветцеля" - та еще долговая яма.

У них же совсем нет клиентов.

00:06:27,028 --> 00:06:28,908

Бизнесу нужно время,

чтобы начать приносить прибыль.

00:06:28,908 --> 00:06:30,948

Но скоро будет день бесплатных крендельков.

00:06:47,348 --> 00:06:49,848

- Эй, только не в нос. Он новый.

- Пошел на хер, Крейг.

00:06:49,848 --> 00:06:52,308

Послушай. Ты не поверишь.

00:06:52,308 --> 00:06:55,558

Я сейчас так мило пообщалась с двумя девочками в туалете,

00:06:55,558 --> 00:06:58,188

и все из-за этой штуки.

- Да всем плевать.

00:06:58,188 --> 00:06:59,318

Что это за херня?

00:06:59,318 --> 00:07:01,318

Это то, о чем я и пытаюсь тебе рассказать.

00:07:01,318 --> 00:07:03,568

Это мой особый цветочек.

00:07:10,578 --> 00:07:12,578

Прости, что врезал тебе по яйцам, приятель.

- Нет.

00:07:12,578 --> 00:07:14,498

Это ты прости, что я назвал твою маму жирной.

00:07:14,498 --> 00:07:16,418

На самом деле, я знаю,

что ее просто покусали пчелы.

00:07:18,708 --> 00:07:21,208

- Ты это сделала.

- Да, это полностью ее вина.

00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:24,338

Будем издеваться над ней до тех пор,

пока она не решит поступить на художника?

00:07:24,338 --> 00:07:25,378

- Нет, чувак, она крутая.

00:07:25,378 --> 00:07:27,388

Джесси, у нас тусовочка вечером намечается.

00:07:27,388 --> 00:07:29,718

- Придешь?

- По-любому.

00:07:29,718 --> 00:07:32,348

Не хочется мне продавать эту малышку.

00:07:32,348 --> 00:07:34,728

Не верится, что суд заставил выбирать между ней и моими детьми.

00:07:34,728 --> 00:07:37,808

На ней можно вытворять потрясно-крутецкие вещи?

Типа чтобы реально крутецкие.

00:07:37,808 --> 00:07:40,438

Да, конечно, чувак.

Что мы с ней только не вытворяли вместе.

00:07:40,438 --> 00:07:42,688

Понимаете, я просто хочу отдать ее в добрые руки.

00:07:42,688 --> 00:07:44,648

У красного мисистика пушка!

00:07:45,448 --> 00:07:48,698

Чувак, это просто автомобильный выхлоп.

За тобой кто-то охотится?

00:07:48,698 --> 00:07:50,658

В таком случае, такая домашняя обстановка

00:07:50,658 --> 00:07:51,948

явно не подходит для моей детки.

00:07:52,158 --> 00:07:54,448

Нет-нет, не беспокойся.

Сегодня мы охотимся

00:07:54,448 --> 00:07:56,578

только за выгодной сделкой.

- Понимаю вас.

00:07:56,578 --> 00:07:58,418

Ребятки, хотите оседлать эту крошку?

00:07:58,418 --> 00:07:59,328

Да! Определенно!

00:07:59,328 --> 00:08:01,338

- Я первый.

- Нет, Терри, я первый.

00:08:01,338 --> 00:08:02,168

А ну катись отсюда!

00:08:02,168 --> 00:08:05,918

- Почему ты вечно все портишь?

- Этот цветочек спас всех.

00:08:06,548 --> 00:08:08,638

Черт, я расскажу об этом Корво и Терри.

00:08:08,638 --> 00:08:11,388

Они сорвут это с твоей головы,

и тогда все снова перестанут тебя любить.

00:08:11,388 --> 00:08:13,138

Нет, пожалуйста, не рассказывай им.

00:08:13,138 --> 00:08:16,098

Как только я доберусь до дома,

я разрушу твою жизнь.

00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:19,078

Только если я не сделаю этого раньше.

00:08:44,878 --> 00:08:46,418

Божечки, помогите!

00:08:51,928 --> 00:08:53,808

Фу, фу, фу.

О, нет.

00:08:58,268 --> 00:09:01,688

Он потерял слишком много... эм, надеюсь, что крови.

00:09:02,728 --> 00:09:03,608

Нет!

00:09:04,818 --> 00:09:07,238

Нет! Нет!

00:09:08,528 --> 00:09:12,568

- Спасибо, что спасла мне жизнь.

- Спасибо, что не умер.

00:09:12,568 --> 00:09:13,738

Но я все равно настучу на тебя!

00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:16,158

Вот блин.

00:09:24,128 --> 00:09:26,048

- О, да.

- Это вы еще на воде не пробовали.

00:09:26,048 --> 00:09:27,548

Это может ездить по воде? Что?

00:09:27,548 --> 00:09:29,878

Знаете, вы вроде нормальные парни,

00:09:29,878 --> 00:09:33,298

так что я продам ее вам.

- Так мы типа ее сейчас забираем?

00:09:33,298 --> 00:09:35,928

Не против, если я сам привезу?

Хочу прокатиться в последний раз.

00:09:38,058 --> 00:09:40,478

- Я пристрелил красного мисистика.

- А вы, ребят, с придурью.

00:09:40,478 --> 00:09:42,188

- Нет, нет. Все в порядке.

00:09:42,188 --> 00:09:44,558

Просто мы уже лет двадцать играем с друганами в салки,

00:09:44,558 --> 00:09:46,228

И это неплохо так нас сблизило.

00:09:46,228 --> 00:09:47,818

Увидимся позже.

Спасибо за гидроцикл.

00:09:47,818 --> 00:09:48,858

Ты крутой! Пока!

00:10:04,418 --> 00:10:05,538

...Губка Боб Квадратные Штаны...

00:10:09,918 --> 00:10:12,428

Прости, я немного запаниковал.

00:10:12,428 --> 00:10:14,798

Но зато теперь у нас есть гидроцикл,

00:10:14,798 --> 00:10:16,558

и, кажется, красный мисистик наконец свалил.

00:10:17,678 --> 00:10:19,598

Терри, это твои яйца-пашот?

00:10:19,598 --> 00:10:22,058

Нет, я ем только болтунью,

жареные яйца, вкрутую, всмятку,

00:10:22,058 --> 00:10:24,018

глазунью, перевернутую глазунью с одной и двух сторон,

00:10:24,018 --> 00:10:25,728

пасхальные, фаршированные и яйца Бенедит.

00:10:25,728 --> 00:10:27,818

- Здесь был красный мисистик!

- О, еще я люблю омлет.

00:10:29,318 --> 00:10:30,858

- Как он пробрался внутрь?

00:10:32,698 --> 00:10:34,868

Он что-то шептал матрасу, запоминающему форму тела, Терри.

00:10:34,868 --> 00:10:36,828

Что же он ему сказал?

И что помнит этот матрас?

00:10:36,828 --> 00:10:38,538

Он распаковал мои фигурки из "Голодных игр".

00:10:38,538 --> 00:10:40,998

Я хотел выложить распаковку Президента Сноу на свой YouTube-канал.

00:10:40,998 --> 00:10:42,498

Теперь это абсолютно бесполезно.

00:10:42,498 --> 00:10:44,788

Он скачал нам на DVR "Мадам госсекретарь"

00:10:44,788 --> 00:10:46,128

- Это сериал для мамочек.

- Сукин сын.

00:10:46,128 --> 00:10:48,298

- Он достал мои джинсы из морозилки.

- Эм, нет, это я сделал.

00:10:48,298 --> 00:10:50,008

Божечки, Тренд скоро придет.

00:10:50,008 --> 00:10:52,088

Если он увидит надпись "Иди в жопу, Корво",

00:10:52,088 --> 00:10:53,718

то никогда не продаст нам гидроцикл.

00:10:53,718 --> 00:10:55,838

О, нет. Успокойся, не нервничай.

00:10:55,838 --> 00:10:57,798

Он этого и добивается. У нас еще есть время на уборку.

00:10:57,798 --> 00:10:59,808

Репликантам нельзя знать про красного мисистика.

00:10:59,808 --> 00:11:01,268

У Юмьюлака опять начнутся кошмары,

00:11:01,268 --> 00:11:02,928

и он снова придет спать к нам.

00:11:02,928 --> 00:11:05,018

- Терри, Корво.

-Пожалуйста, не говори им ничего.

00:11:05,018 --> 00:11:06,978

Я обеща...

00:11:06,978 --> 00:11:08,608

Юмьюлак, смотри!

00:11:08,608 --> 00:11:11,938

У меня теперь тоже есть цветочек! Он такой красивый.

00:11:11,938 --> 00:11:13,448

Надо спрятать все от Корво и Терри,

00:11:13,448 --> 00:11:15,448

а то у Терри от страха опять начнутся ночные кошмары

00:11:15,448 --> 00:11:17,158

и он снова придет спать к кому-то из нас.

00:11:17,158 --> 00:11:18,988

Ты же говорил, что в цветочке нет ничего особенного.

00:11:18,988 --> 00:11:21,038

Да, но теперь у меня он тоже есть, так что это круто.

00:11:21,038 --> 00:11:24,038

- Это наш билет на вечеринку Купера Барна.

- Они идут.

00:11:26,208 --> 00:11:28,838

- Ну, эм, как... как прошел день?

- Нормально.

00:11:28,838 --> 00:11:30,298

- Как прошел ваш день?

- Тоже нормально.

00:11:30,298 --> 00:11:31,708

Да, никаких красных мисистиков.

00:11:31,708 --> 00:11:33,418

- Ну да, и цветков на голове тоже.

00:11:33,418 --> 00:11:34,838

- Что?!

- Ничего!

00:11:35,258 --> 00:11:37,428

Я знал, что этот день настанет.

00:11:37,428 --> 00:11:40,388

Но, знаете, трудно прощаться с тем, внутри чего ты побывал.

00:11:40,388 --> 00:11:42,598

- Оу.

- Ну, в переносном смысле.

00:11:42,598 --> 00:11:44,808

- Не подумайте ничего такого.

- Так, ладненько, удачи

00:11:44,808 --> 00:11:47,188

тебе во всем, Тренд.

Эм, нам тоже уже пора.

00:11:47,188 --> 00:11:48,728

Уже опаздываем на эпиляцию спины.

00:11:49,608 --> 00:11:51,148

Давай, запрем его в гараже.

00:11:52,728 --> 00:11:54,238

Блин блинский, лови его.

00:11:54,238 --> 00:11:55,568

Твою мать, лови его быстрее.

00:12:02,988 --> 00:12:06,538

Это сделал маленький красный человечек.

00:12:07,618 --> 00:12:10,458

Я не пытаюсь унизить невысоких людей.

00:12:11,418 --> 00:12:12,838

Или коренных американцев.

00:12:12,838 --> 00:12:15,008

Просто он был маленьким и... красным.

00:12:16,588 --> 00:12:18,548

Все плохо, Терри.

Красный мисистик подставил нас.

00:12:18,548 --> 00:12:20,218

Что нам теперь делать?

Мне нельзя в тюрьму.

00:12:20,218 --> 00:12:22,598

У меня даже ануса нет. Как мне тайком таскать сладости?

00:12:24,178 --> 00:12:27,098

К сожалению, такое случается довольно часто.

00:12:27,098 --> 00:12:31,058

В этом городе постоянно находят кого-то с необъяснимыми травмами высокой степени тяжести.

00:12:31,058 --> 00:12:33,528

Как будто нас прокляли. Черт побери.

00:12:33,528 --> 00:12:36,278

Соболезную вашей утрате.

Он был хорошим другом?

00:12:36,278 --> 00:12:38,988

Он был не просто другом.

Он был гидроциклом.

00:12:41,278 --> 00:12:43,698

Вау, наша первая школьная вечеринка.

00:12:43,698 --> 00:12:45,118

Тут все так, как я себе и представляла.

00:12:45,118 --> 00:12:48,368

Смотри, Купер Барнс уже бесится, что все громят его дом.

00:12:48,368 --> 00:12:50,628

Это семейная реликвия.

Отвали от моей собаки.

00:12:50,628 --> 00:12:52,878

Брент, хватит занюхивать прах моего отца.

Блять!

00:12:52,878 --> 00:12:55,628

- Типичный Купер.

- Ладно, пока ты будешь тусить вместе с тремя Стейси,

00:12:55,628 --> 00:12:57,588

я подкачу к тем фанатам подкастов.

00:12:57,588 --> 00:13:00,298

Я хочу закрепиться в их тусовке к 8 часам.

00:13:00,968 --> 00:13:03,308

- Это же Джесси.

- Ура, Джесси.

00:13:03,308 --> 00:13:05,678

- Эй, ты чего здесь забыл?

- Эм, я...

00:13:08,598 --> 00:13:10,308

Чувак, я так рад, что ты пришел.

00:13:10,308 --> 00:13:12,518

Крутые наушники.

Никакой ты не выпендрежник.

00:13:12,518 --> 00:13:14,438

Может, купим фургон и начнем путешествовать?

00:13:14,438 --> 00:13:16,068

Ну или можем продавать еду.

00:13:16,068 --> 00:13:18,738

О Боже, чувак, у меня сейчас

такие гениальные мысли в голове.

00:13:18,738 --> 00:13:21,658

Я где-то слышал, что Ниссан Одиссей - крутая тачка.

00:13:21,658 --> 00:13:24,118

Внатуре!

Погнали со мной, чувак.

00:13:40,088 --> 00:13:41,888

Похоже, у меня на спине мисистик.

Он на спине, да?

00:13:41,888 --> 00:13:44,218

В миллионный раз говорю - нет.

Погоди-ка, он что, на моей спине?

00:13:44,218 --> 00:13:45,558

Нет, все в порядке.

00:13:45,558 --> 00:13:47,428

Блин, чувак, неужели наша жизнь теперь будет такой?

00:13:47,428 --> 00:13:49,848

Просто ждать, пока этот пакетик с кетчупом воткнет нам нож в спину?

00:13:49,848 --> 00:13:52,348

Мы должны сразиться с ним. Как Кевин из "Один дома".

00:13:52,348 --> 00:13:54,358

Хватит бегать от него.

00:13:54,358 --> 00:13:56,688

Он может быть где угодно.

В вентиляции, под абажуром,

00:13:56,688 --> 00:13:57,938

на другом конце города.

- Послушай,

00:13:57,938 --> 00:14:00,148

он же буквально сделан из стресса.

- И что с того?

00:14:00,148 --> 00:14:03,528

Значит, он прячется в таком месте, которое вызывает у тебя самый сильный стресс.

00:14:05,528 --> 00:14:07,578

И это твое самое стрессовое место?

00:14:07,578 --> 00:14:09,658

Во-первых, как им удается избежать банкротства целый год?

00:14:09,658 --> 00:14:10,998

Это же финансово невыгодно.

00:14:10,998 --> 00:14:13,128

Тут пахнет как внутри пластикового пакета.

00:14:13,128 --> 00:14:15,418

А еще у них слишком завышены цены на PS4.

00:14:15,418 --> 00:14:17,798

И, к тому же, я боюсь скелетов.

Ну вот, видел?

00:14:17,798 --> 00:14:19,588

Подождик-ка, он здесь.

Я его чувствую.

00:14:19,588 --> 00:14:21,378

Ну, и еще я вижу его прям здесь.

00:14:26,098 --> 00:14:27,808

Замечательно, теперь придется платить за это.

00:14:29,058 --> 00:14:31,638

- Вы, ребят, под наркотой?

- Под наркотой только Молли.

00:14:31,638 --> 00:14:34,398

Остальные под Джесси.

00:14:34,398 --> 00:14:36,018

Ты тоже хочешь?

00:14:38,068 --> 00:14:41,648

- О, да, Джесси.

- Я крутышка.

00:14:41,648 --> 00:14:44,528

Я говорю, ты только подумай об этом.

00:14:44,528 --> 00:14:46,448

Ты думаешь? Ты, мать твою, думаешь об этом?

00:14:46,448 --> 00:14:47,528

- О чем я должен думать?

00:14:47,528 --> 00:14:48,948

Публикация развратной кулинарной книги.

00:14:48,948 --> 00:14:51,118

- Женитьба.

- Да, да. Я не говорю нет, просто нужно подумать.

00:14:51,118 --> 00:14:53,248

- Я идиот, я такой идиот.

- О, да.

00:14:53,248 --> 00:14:54,538

Прочитать стих, который я написал?

00:14:54,538 --> 00:14:55,418

Конечно да, чувак!

00:14:57,088 --> 00:15:00,048

Это лучшая ночь в моей жизни. Мне придумали прозвище.

00:15:00,048 --> 00:15:03,588

Они зовут меня Сладким Мишкой.

Ты такой Сладкий Мишка.

00:15:03,588 --> 00:15:05,548

- Тебе так идет.

- Вот именно.

00:15:05,548 --> 00:15:08,098

Хочу извиниться за то, что вел себя как мудак.

00:15:08,098 --> 00:15:10,678

Я знал, что ты хотела потусить и, наверное, просто завидовал.

00:15:11,308 --> 00:15:14,558

Ты и правда был мудаком. Но я тебя прощаю.

00:15:35,038 --> 00:15:37,248

Цены на косметику здесь просто зашкаливают.

00:15:37,248 --> 00:15:39,838

- И костюмы такие развратные.

- Держи себя в руках, Корво.

00:15:39,838 --> 00:15:41,378

Он хочет, чтобы ты стрессовал.

00:15:49,388 --> 00:15:51,138

- Пошел в жопу!

- Вот он, лови его.

00:15:53,348 --> 00:15:54,428

Куда он делся?

00:15:56,388 --> 00:15:59,018

Блять, ненавижу такие места.

Ненавижу зеркала, черт бы их побрал.

00:15:59,018 --> 00:16:01,398

Меня это пугает.

00:16:17,208 --> 00:16:20,288

В общем, я куплю фургон, напишу кулинарную книгу,

00:16:20,288 --> 00:16:21,838

женюсь на Марке Мельнере.

00:16:21,838 --> 00:16:24,258

Везунчик. Я всегда считала, что из него выйдет хороший отец.

00:16:24,258 --> 00:16:26,418

Ой, детка, что с тобой?

00:16:31,678 --> 00:16:33,678

Какого черта?

Стейси К.?

00:16:34,888 --> 00:16:36,058

Я убью тебя!

00:16:44,228 --> 00:16:47,108

Вот блин, похоже, что твоя отстойная пыльца смешалась с моей крутой пыльцой,

00:16:47,108 --> 00:16:48,408

и у всех поехала крыша.

00:16:48,408 --> 00:16:50,738

- Жесть!

- Нужно отсюда выбираться.

00:17:01,078 --> 00:17:02,878

‐ Спокойно, Корво, ты же мужик.

00:17:02,878 --> 00:17:04,548

Ты сексуальный жеребец.

Возьми себя в руки.

00:17:04,548 --> 00:17:06,758

Корво, где ты?

Не волнуйся, чувак.

00:17:06,758 --> 00:17:08,588

Мы еще можем его поймать.

Божечки!

00:17:08,588 --> 00:17:10,338

- Что случилось?

- У них есть мини Кит-Каты

00:17:10,338 --> 00:17:11,258

со всеми вкусами.

00:17:15,388 --> 00:17:16,308

- Нет!

- Попался.

00:17:16,308 --> 00:17:17,888

Получай, сученыш!

00:17:42,378 --> 00:17:44,248

Объясни еще раз,

почему бы нам просто его не убить.

00:17:44,248 --> 00:17:46,248

Если мы это сделаем, то он победил.

00:17:46,248 --> 00:17:48,668

Возможно, если мы разрежем его и изучим,

00:17:48,668 --> 00:17:51,338

я смогу научиться контролировать стресс, вместо того, чтобы избегать его.

00:17:51,338 --> 00:17:52,798

Это так мило, Корво.

00:17:52,798 --> 00:17:54,678

Но все же давай сожжем этого маленького засранца.

00:17:54,678 --> 00:17:55,968

- Что за выражения, Терри?

- Прости.

00:17:55,968 --> 00:17:57,808

Меня просто так унесло с этих зеленых Кит-Катов.

00:17:57,808 --> 00:18:00,808

Ребят, у нас есть огромная проблема, в которой виновата Джесси.

00:18:00,808 --> 00:18:03,558

У нас на голове выросли цветы.

Мы знаем, что это из-за переходного возраста,

00:18:03,558 --> 00:18:05,728

и мы становимся взрослыми.

- Какой-какой возраст?

00:18:05,728 --> 00:18:09,028

Ну такой, когда у людей растут волосы, а из их пенисов течет кровь.

00:18:09,028 --> 00:18:10,108

- Господи.

- Какая мерзость.

00:18:10,108 --> 00:18:12,198

Но ты же не человек.

У тебя нет переходного возраста.

00:18:12,198 --> 00:18:15,028

Ты вырастешь до наших размеров, а потом однажды станешь мудрым старым деревом.

00:18:15,028 --> 00:18:17,448

И, если тебе повезет, кто-нибудь построит из твоего тела дом.

00:18:17,448 --> 00:18:19,578

А это - грибок, потому что вы не мыли руки.

00:18:19,578 --> 00:18:21,708

- Руки надо мыть.

- Это не страшно, если вы, конечно,

00:18:21,708 --> 00:18:23,668

не смешали свою пыльцу и не заразили кого-нибудь.

00:18:24,418 --> 00:18:27,418

Единственный способ остановить инфекцию - занести сыворотку им под кожу.

00:18:27,418 --> 00:18:30,008

Не позволяйте им укусить себя, иначе тоже сойдете с ума.

00:18:30,008 --> 00:18:32,588

Поэтому мы используем экстренные медицинские инструменты.

00:18:32,588 --> 00:18:34,298

- Мы будем резать людей?

- Им это не навредит.

00:18:34,298 --> 00:18:37,428

Все раны затянутся сами благодаря супержиже с лезвий.

00:18:37,428 --> 00:18:39,098

- Отстой.

- Но не будет ли безопасней

00:18:39,098 --> 00:18:40,598

использовать дротики?

00:18:40,598 --> 00:18:41,768

Хочешь стрелять дротиками - ладно.

00:18:41,768 --> 00:18:43,728

Как хочешь, конечно.

Но это куда круче дротиков.

00:18:43,728 --> 00:18:45,768

Пришло время тыкать в детишек и спасать их жизни.

00:19:00,788 --> 00:19:01,958

Спасибо.

00:19:02,288 --> 00:19:03,868

Получи!

00:19:05,288 --> 00:19:07,128

Да!

- Спасибо, чувак.

00:19:11,128 --> 00:19:14,678

Простите, я так вас лечу.

Не за что. Люблю вас.

00:19:14,678 --> 00:19:16,088

Вау, спасибо.

00:19:28,568 --> 00:19:30,478

Не парься, они все равно ничего не вспомнят.

00:19:30,478 --> 00:19:32,488

Но они же запомнят, что я крутой?

00:19:32,488 --> 00:19:34,488

Нет, в лучшем случае только то, что ты не крутой.

00:19:54,838 --> 00:19:57,548

- Спасибо, чувак.

- Да без проблем.

00:20:14,858 --> 00:20:17,858

- Эй, чувак, ты что делаешь?

- Хочу сесть со своими друганами.

00:20:17,858 --> 00:20:19,618

Чумовая была ночка, правда?

- Бро,

00:20:19,618 --> 00:20:23,158

этот стол только для чуваков с крутыми наушниками.

- Я могу превратиться в крутой наушник.

00:20:23,158 --> 00:20:26,118

Не выйдет, приятель.

- Наушник уже забил это место для кое-кого другого.

00:20:28,288 --> 00:20:31,378

Мне жаль, Сладкий Мишка.

У меня та же фигня с тремя Стейси.

00:20:31,378 --> 00:20:34,508

Они сказали, чтобы я уносила свою плоскую задницу обратно на планету Мехико.

00:20:34,508 --> 00:20:36,798

Все крутыши и крутышки на самом деле такие засранцы.

00:20:36,798 --> 00:20:39,588

Я постоянно веду себя как засранец, но почему-то еще не стал популярным.

00:20:39,588 --> 00:20:42,928

Ребят, я слышал, вы были на той безумной вечеринке.

00:20:42,928 --> 00:20:44,558

Безумной? Никто не пострадал.

00:20:44,558 --> 00:20:47,138

А, нет-нет-нет. Мы не были ни на одной из таких вечеринок.

00:20:47,138 --> 00:20:48,598

Мы просто хотели послушать о них.

00:20:48,598 --> 00:20:51,398

Ну, сначала мы все зависали дома у Барна.

00:20:51,398 --> 00:20:55,068

- У того самого Барна?

- Да, у Купера Барна.

00:20:55,068 --> 00:20:59,568

Кстати говоря, крутые ребята называют друг друга по фамилиям.

00:21:18,508 --> 00:21:22,928

Просыпайся, маленькая шлюшка. Пора нам с тобой разобраться.

00:21:23,678 --> 00:21:25,098

Что за?

00:21:26,978 --> 00:21:29,898

Нет-нет-нет...

00:21:31,478 --> 00:21:34,108

- Это же обычный мисис...

- Терри, ты не видел мою теннисную ракетку?

00:21:34,688 --> 00:21:37,318

Я заметил, что в теннис играют преимущественно доминантные женщины.

00:21:37,318 --> 00:21:40,028

Это повышает мои шансы найти решительную самку...

00:21:40,028 --> 00:21:41,948

- Подожди-ка, а где красный мисистик?

- Я убил его.

00:21:41,948 --> 00:21:43,578

- Блин, Терри, это жестоко.

- Знаю.

00:21:43,578 --> 00:21:46,198

Я просто подумал, что пока он жив, ты

00:21:46,198 --> 00:21:47,908

будешь волноваться, чтобы он не сбежал,

00:21:47,908 --> 00:21:50,498

а я хотел, знаешь, чтобы в твоей жизни было меньше стресса.

00:21:50,498 --> 00:21:52,918

Я просто забочусь о тебе.

Так что я покромсал его тело

00:21:52,918 --> 00:21:55,958

и скормил его свиньям. И запустил свиней в космос.

00:21:55,958 --> 00:21:58,298

Не волнуйся, свинки в безопасности.

Вообще-то нет.

00:21:58,298 --> 00:22:00,838

Никто еще не делал для меня ничего трогательнее.

00:22:00,838 --> 00:22:02,088

Спасибо, Терри.

00:22:03,848 --> 00:22:06,348

Ох, чувствую себя так расслаблено. Я принял горячую ванну.

00:22:06,348 --> 00:22:08,178

Даже не стал мыть свою причиндалы.

00:22:08,178 --> 00:22:10,438

Больше никто не охотится за мной, и это круто, Терри.

00:22:10,438 --> 00:22:12,268

Ага, да, супер. Сладких снов.

00:22:12,268 --> 00:22:15,648

А сейчас я буду наслаждаться своим спокойным безопасным сном,

00:22:15,648 --> 00:22:17,938

зная, что никто не строит против меня козни,

00:22:17,938 --> 00:22:20,398

не ждет, пока я утрачу бдительность или типа того.

00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,717

The booster manifold is misaligned.

00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:12,220

Man, hey, I took this quiz to find out

what Jet-Skis fit my personality

00:00:12,303 --> 00:00:14,764

and turns out, all of them do.

Look at this.

00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:16,891

- Ah, Terry, help!

- Oh, I'm sorry.

00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:18,143

- Oh, my beautiful body.

- Oh, God.

00:00:18,226 --> 00:00:19,894

Put me in the thing, Terry.

Put me in the medical thing.

00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:21,396

I don't--I don't know

what you're talking about.

00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:22,897

- The thing with the red light.

- What thing, which thing, what thing?

00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:24,149

- Which thing? Point to the thing.

- Right there.

00:00:24,232 --> 00:00:25,525

Oh, God, I'm slipping away.

My one regret.

00:00:25,650 --> 00:00:27,444

I didn't read enough manuals.

Tell everyone you know

00:00:27,569 --> 00:00:30,739

to take the time to read more manuals

or they'll regret--

00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:32,407

Ah!

00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:41,583

That didn't seem too bad, honestly.

00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:45,420

You are so annoying. I'm up there doing

dangerous work. You have to be careful.

00:00:45,503 --> 00:00:48,298

I already said that it didn't seem

too bad. What else do you need, man?

00:00:48,423 --> 00:00:50,050

We're supposed to be

working together to survive,

00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:52,969

- and you, you just, you make it worse.

- All right, look, breathe.

00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:55,805

The only thing that matters

is today we're gettin' a Jet-Ski.

00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:58,141

By this afternoon, we're gonna be

jumpin' the wake,

00:00:58,224 --> 00:01:00,268

gleamin' the cube, dockin' the dog.

00:01:00,351 --> 00:01:03,188

Bologna sandwich in one hand,

and a, and a Mountain Dew in the other.

00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:06,024

Oh, I have been looking forward

to the gleaming the cube part.

00:01:06,107 --> 00:01:08,443

I've gleamed many items before,

but never a cube.

00:01:08,526 --> 00:01:10,779

It's gonna be fun in the sun

from now on.

00:01:10,862 --> 00:01:12,989

A Jet-Ski is exactly

what you need to relax.

00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:15,033

You're right.

I-I need to stop stressing out so much.

00:01:15,116 --> 00:01:18,578

I'm gooblering more than Zortex

at the Camoodian Eve parade.

00:01:18,661 --> 00:01:21,664

- Poof, whatever that means.

- Why are your jeans in the freezer?

00:01:21,790 --> 00:01:24,959

Jen Garner had an Insta all about

cleaning your jeans like freezing sushi.

00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:28,671

How am I supposed to enjoy

the one Diet Dr. Pepper

00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:32,217

I allow myself a day

with blue fucking ice cubes?

00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:42,393

Um, hey, little fella.

00:01:44,854 --> 00:01:46,064

Get fucked!

00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:50,568

- What the hell was that?

- A red goobler.

00:01:50,652 --> 00:01:52,112

What, what do the red ones do?

00:01:52,237 --> 00:01:54,405

I don't know.

00:01:55,031 --> 00:01:57,408

Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia.

00:01:57,492 --> 00:01:59,369

Until the asteroid hit.

00:02:00,578 --> 00:02:02,914

One hundred adults and their replicants

were issued a Pupa

00:02:02,997 --> 00:02:05,083

and escaped into, uh, the space,

00:02:05,208 --> 00:02:07,919

searching for new homes

on uninhabited worlds.

00:02:08,002 --> 00:02:11,131

We crashed on Earth, stranding us

on an already overpopulated planet.

00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:12,924

That's right,

I've been talking this whole time.

00:02:13,007 --> 00:02:14,717

I'm the one holding the Pupa.

My name's Korvo.

00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:16,427

This is-- this is my show.

I just dropped the Pupa.

00:02:16,511 --> 00:02:18,471

Do you see me?

This, this is ridiculous.

00:02:18,555 --> 00:02:20,473

I hate Earth.

It's a horrible home.

00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:22,767

People are stupid.

Everyone claims to like old people

00:02:22,851 --> 00:02:24,269

but they're not fucking them.

00:02:24,352 --> 00:02:26,312

I fuck old people all the time.

They love me.

00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:35,613

Hey, at lunch, do you wanna

see what happens

00:02:35,697 --> 00:02:36,990

if we drink all the sodas at once?

00:02:37,073 --> 00:02:39,659

There's a Coke Zero chance

I wanna do that.

00:02:39,742 --> 00:02:41,828

I have to focus on getting in

with the cool kids.

00:02:41,911 --> 00:02:43,413

There's an opening

at their lunch table now.

00:02:43,496 --> 00:02:46,332

- Ricky Smalling's in an iron lung.

- Ricky was super cool.

00:02:46,416 --> 00:02:50,545

He was dating two of the Stacis.

Each Staci is worth like ten Rebeccas.

00:02:50,628 --> 00:02:53,173

You think you can fill that power vacuum?

00:02:53,298 --> 00:02:55,925

My plan is to just slip into the seat,

do nothing,

00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:57,844

then eventually, it'll seem normal

that I'm there.

00:02:57,969 --> 00:02:59,762

- It worked for Hulu.

- Hopefully, they'll invite me

00:02:59,846 --> 00:03:02,098

to Cooper Barn's party

and I'll learn so much about humanity.

00:03:02,223 --> 00:03:04,309

Because that's the only reason

I'm doing it. You know, for science.

00:03:04,434 --> 00:03:06,561

Keep your mouth shut.

Don't ruin this for me.

00:03:06,644 --> 00:03:10,440

Well, if you're getting in with them,

I'm getting in with the Stacis.

00:03:10,523 --> 00:03:13,234

'Cause I'm afraid of them.

00:03:13,318 --> 00:03:14,777

Okay, so I'm paraphrasing here.

00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:16,571

You know I love when

you motherfucking paraphrase.

00:03:16,654 --> 00:03:19,157

- Give it to me, baby.

- Most gooblers are passive non-verbal

00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:21,701

stress creatures who dance and sing

and wander off

00:03:21,784 --> 00:03:23,786

to go see the world or whatever they do.

00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:26,497

The red gooblers only appear

every 100,000th goobler.

00:03:26,581 --> 00:03:28,082

I knew you gooblered too much.

00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:30,001

Why are you always so stressed?

00:03:30,084 --> 00:03:32,045

Why, why, why?

Come on, tell me, man.

00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:34,339

- Why? Tell me.

- Red gooblers are lethal.

00:03:34,422 --> 00:03:36,090

Their sole goal in life

is to kill the host

00:03:36,174 --> 00:03:38,551

either by direct violence

or by stressing them out so much

00:03:38,635 --> 00:03:40,887

that their body goes into something

called fetal shock.

00:03:40,970 --> 00:03:43,181

It's where your brain turns into

a baby and then you die.

00:03:43,264 --> 00:03:45,600

- Well, good luck with that, baby brain.

- This is your fault.

00:03:45,683 --> 00:03:48,436

At least half of these gooblers

were because of stupid shit you've done.

00:03:48,519 --> 00:03:50,563

Okay, okay, look.

Don't make another red goobler.

00:03:50,647 --> 00:03:52,982

He probably already forgot

about you anyway. Gooblers are dumb.

00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:56,236

-"I'm going to mill you"?

- Oh, my God.

00:03:56,319 --> 00:03:58,363

I think he means kill.

00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:12,335

All right, some of you may have

noticed you're going through changes.

00:04:12,418 --> 00:04:15,046

Like Paul over here.

It's okay, Paul.

00:04:15,129 --> 00:04:17,632

Puberty is something

that happens to all of us.

00:04:17,715 --> 00:04:21,511

It's completely natural

and if you're like me, comes very early.

00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:24,973

I mean, I'm not ashamed to admit

I got my period at six years old.

00:04:25,056 --> 00:04:26,683

Oh, no.

Oh, oh.

00:04:28,393 --> 00:04:31,271

Puberty!

00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:34,649

Staci K.

Staci F.

00:04:34,732 --> 00:04:36,317

Staci G. is out.

00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:38,069

She went into the woods

to look for Slenderman.

00:04:38,152 --> 00:04:40,238

Ugh, she's such a slut for Slenderman.

00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:43,116

What the fuck are you doing

in our bathroom, weirdo?

00:04:43,241 --> 00:04:45,952

First, I'm gonna make up

a mean nickname for you.

00:04:46,035 --> 00:04:49,038

And then, she's gonna force you

to eat a tampon.

00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:52,166

I've been slow cooking it all day.

00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,961

- In my vagina.

- Uh...

00:04:55,044 --> 00:04:56,379

uh, oh!

00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:02,635

Wow, you are, like, so beautiful.

00:05:02,719 --> 00:05:05,763

I'm sure you get asked this all the time,

but can I touch your face?

00:05:05,847 --> 00:05:11,894

Uh, I do not get asked that all the time,

and yeah. Touch away, Staci K.

00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:14,564

- Aiden, Braden, Jaeden, Mark.

- Dude, that's Ricky's seat.

00:05:14,647 --> 00:05:16,024

Was Ricky's seat.

00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:20,153

So I'm at Benihana with my parents,

and my Juul dies.

00:05:20,236 --> 00:05:21,654

And I'm like, oh, shit.

00:05:21,738 --> 00:05:24,991

But then I realize,

I can just vape the onion steam.

00:05:25,116 --> 00:05:27,952

Hey, you guys. Cool headphones.

What are you listening to? The sex?

00:05:28,036 --> 00:05:29,746

I need to tell you something.

00:05:29,871 --> 00:05:31,289

Ugh, this table's weak now.

00:05:31,372 --> 00:05:33,249

Let's go recharge our headphones

and jerk off.

00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,335

All right, fellas, keep it tight.

I love you.

00:05:35,418 --> 00:05:38,421

I mean, okay.

You just blew that for me!

00:05:38,504 --> 00:05:41,466

I was totally in.

This is my cool kid table.

00:05:41,549 --> 00:05:43,509

You gotta find your own

cool kids to hang with.

00:05:43,593 --> 00:05:46,220

- Like, those guys.

- Those are cool kids?

00:05:46,304 --> 00:05:50,308

Yeah. I heard Lady Gaga wore

that same cone to the Latin Grammys.

00:05:50,391 --> 00:05:52,226

So awesome.

Good luck.

00:05:59,984 --> 00:06:00,985

Okay, you ready?

00:06:01,819 --> 00:06:04,655

We gotta meet the guy

selling us the Jet-Ski in an hour.

00:06:04,739 --> 00:06:06,741

His name is Trent.

I mean, how Trent is that?

00:06:06,824 --> 00:06:08,618

Yes, Terry,

I'm almost finished fortifying the house

00:06:08,701 --> 00:06:10,453

in case that

little red butthole comes back.

00:06:10,536 --> 00:06:13,081

Oh, right, yeah, I should probably

seal up all my hidden doors then.

00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:15,166

- What hidden doors?

- I only have a couple, don't worry.

00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,969

Terry, that Wetzel's is a money pit.

It doesn't have any foot traffic.

00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:28,846

It takes a year for a business

to be profitable, okay?

00:06:28,930 --> 00:06:31,557

But free pretzel day

is right around the corner.

00:06:47,365 --> 00:06:49,951

- Hey, watch the nose. It's new.

- Fuck you, Craig.

00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:52,245

Listen to me.

You're not gonna believe this.

00:06:52,328 --> 00:06:55,540

I just had such a good experience

with two girls in the bathroom,

00:06:55,623 --> 00:06:59,293

- and it's all because of this.

- Nobody cares. What the hell is that?

00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:03,506

That's what I've been trying to tell you.

It's my special flower.

00:07:10,555 --> 00:07:14,392

- I'm sorry I hit you in the nads, man.

- No. I'm sorry I called your mom fat.

00:07:14,475 --> 00:07:16,394

I know she just got stung

by a bunch of bees.

00:07:18,729 --> 00:07:21,149

- You did this.

- Yep, totally her fault.

00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:24,277

Should we bully her until she decides

to pursue a career in the arts?

00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:25,319

No, man, she's cool.

00:07:25,403 --> 00:07:27,321

Jesse, you should come

to the big party tonight.

00:07:27,405 --> 00:07:29,699

- See you there?

- Ha, you betcha.

00:07:29,824 --> 00:07:32,326

I really hate that I have to

sell this baby.

00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:34,704

I can't believe the court made me

choose between her and my kids.

00:07:34,787 --> 00:07:37,790

Now this can do sick flips, right?

I mean, they have to be really sick.

00:07:37,915 --> 00:07:40,501

Oh, yeah, they're sick, dude.

We had some great times together.

00:07:40,585 --> 00:07:42,753

Ah, I just want to make sure

she goes to a good home, you know?

00:07:42,837 --> 00:07:44,630

Red goobler got a gun!

00:07:45,381 --> 00:07:48,634

That was a car backfiring, dude.

Is someone huntin' you?

00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:50,511

I'm not sure

that's the right home environment

00:07:50,595 --> 00:07:52,138

for a refined vehicle like this.

00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:54,390

No, no, no, don't worry, look.

The only thing we're hunting for

00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:56,517

- is a great deal, Trent.

- I hear that.

00:07:56,601 --> 00:07:58,394

Hey, you guys want to sit on this honey?

00:07:58,519 --> 00:07:59,687

- Yes, yes, yes, yes.

- Obviously.

00:07:59,770 --> 00:08:01,272

- Me first.

- No, I'm going first, Terry.

00:08:01,355 --> 00:08:02,482

The fuck out of my way!

00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:06,402

- Why do you have to ruin everything?

- The flower saved the day.

00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,571

Damn it, I'm gonna tell Korvo and Terry.

00:08:08,654 --> 00:08:11,324

They're gonna chop it right off your head

and no one will like you anymore.

00:08:11,407 --> 00:08:13,075

No, don't, please don't tell them.

00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:16,078

When I get home,

I'm going to ruin your life.

00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:18,539

Not if I get there first.

00:08:31,469 --> 00:08:32,428

Ah!

00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:40,895

Ah!

00:08:42,563 --> 00:08:43,814

Yeah!

00:08:44,899 --> 00:08:46,359

Oh, god, oh, help me.

00:08:52,031 --> 00:08:53,783

Shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo.

Oh, no.

00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:01,666

He's lost too much of

what I'm really hoping is blood.

00:09:02,833 --> 00:09:04,043

No!

00:09:04,919 --> 00:09:07,213

No, no!

00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:12,510

- Thanks for saving my life, I guess.

- Thanks for not dying.

00:09:12,593 --> 00:09:14,929

I'm still gonna tattle!

00:09:15,012 --> 00:09:16,138

Ah, jeez.

00:09:24,146 --> 00:09:26,023

- Yeah.

- Wait till you get her on the water.

00:09:26,148 --> 00:09:27,525

This goes on the water?

What?

00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:29,860

You know what, this feels right.

Yeah.

00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:33,239

- I'm gonna sell her to you guys.

- Uh, so should we take her now?

00:09:33,322 --> 00:09:36,450

You mind if I drop her off?

I just wanted to get one last ride in.

00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:40,413

- I got the red goobler.

- Wait, are you guys weird?

00:09:40,496 --> 00:09:41,914

No, no, no.

Look, okay.

00:09:41,998 --> 00:09:44,542

We've been playing a game of tag with

our best friends for the past 20 years.

00:09:44,625 --> 00:09:46,168

It's actually brought us

much closer together.

00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:49,297

We'll see you at our house later.

Thanks for the Jet-Ski. You're cool. Bye!

00:10:04,228 --> 00:10:05,605

...SpongeBob SquarePants...

00:10:09,942 --> 00:10:12,361

Oof, I am sorry. I freaked out a little.

00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,739

But the good news is

we have secured the Jet-Ski

00:10:14,822 --> 00:10:17,074

and it looks like the red goobler is gone.

00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:19,535

Terry, did you poach eggs?

00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:22,079

No, I only like scrambled, fried,

hard boiled, soft boiled,

00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:23,956

sunny side, over easy,

over medium, over hard,

00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:25,708

Easter, green, Benedict,

McMuffin and deviled.

00:10:25,791 --> 00:10:27,793

- The red goobler was here!

- Oh, I also like frittatas.

00:10:29,420 --> 00:10:30,838

How did he get in?

00:10:32,798 --> 00:10:34,800

He's whispering to

the memory foam mattress, Terry.

00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:36,761

What is he telling it?

What does that mattress remember?

00:10:36,844 --> 00:10:38,471

He unboxed my "Hunger Games" Funkos.

00:10:38,554 --> 00:10:40,931

Ah, I was saving President Snow

for my YouTube channel.

00:10:41,015 --> 00:10:42,475

Now it's not even worth half a Phasma.

00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:44,727

He's filling up our DVR

with "Madame Secretary."

00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:46,228

- That's a mom show.

- The son of a bitch

00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:48,230

- took my jeans out of the freezer.

- Uh, I did that.

00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:49,940

Oh, my God, Trent is gonna be here soon.

00:10:50,024 --> 00:10:52,026

If he sees that and thinks someone

has asked me to blow them,

00:10:52,109 --> 00:10:53,653

there's no way

he's gonna sell us the Jet-Ski.

00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:55,780

No, no, no, no.

Easy, big guy. Don't get stressed.

00:10:55,863 --> 00:10:57,740

That's what he wants, okay?

We still have time to clean it up.

00:10:57,823 --> 00:10:59,742

We can't tell the replicants

anything about the red goobler.

00:10:59,825 --> 00:11:01,202

I know Yumyulack will have night terrors

00:11:01,285 --> 00:11:02,912

and he'll end up

sleeping in our bed again.

00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:05,039

- Terry, Korvo.

- Please don't tell them.

00:11:05,122 --> 00:11:06,916

I prom...

00:11:06,999 --> 00:11:08,584

Yumyulack, look.

00:11:08,709 --> 00:11:11,712

- I got one, too. It's beautiful.

- Meh.

00:11:11,796 --> 00:11:13,422

We have to hide these

from Korvo and Terry.

00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:15,383

It'll freak them out.

Terry will have night terrors

00:11:15,466 --> 00:11:17,134

and he'll end up sleeping

in one of our beds again.

00:11:17,218 --> 00:11:18,928

What?

I thought you said it wasn't special.

00:11:19,011 --> 00:11:23,099

Yeah, but now I have one, so it's cool.

This is our ticket to Cooper Barn's party.

00:11:23,182 --> 00:11:24,016

They're coming.

00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:28,771

- So, how was, uh, how was your day?

- Fine.

00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:30,231

- How was your day?

- Equally fine.

00:11:30,314 --> 00:11:31,774

Yep, there's no such thing

as a red goobler.

00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:33,401

I was just saying the same thing

about head flowers.

00:11:33,484 --> 00:11:35,194

- What?

- Nothing.

00:11:35,277 --> 00:11:37,363

I knew this day would come, but, man.

00:11:37,446 --> 00:11:40,324

It is hard to say good-bye to something

you have been inside of.

00:11:40,408 --> 00:11:42,535

- Oh.

- I, I meant metaphorically.

00:11:42,618 --> 00:11:44,745

- You know, whatever, dude.

- Okay, well, uh, good luck

00:11:44,829 --> 00:11:47,123

with that whole thing, Trent.

Um, we gotta go.

00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:48,749

We're late to get our backs waxed.

00:11:49,583 --> 00:11:51,752

Hurry, trap him in the garage.

00:11:52,837 --> 00:11:54,171

Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, get him.

00:11:54,255 --> 00:11:56,716

God damn it.

Shit, shit, grab him.

00:12:03,013 --> 00:12:06,434

A small red man did this.

00:12:07,476 --> 00:12:10,396

And I don't mean that as, like,

derogatory toward little people.

00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:12,773

Or Native Americans, dude.

00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:14,942

He was just actually tiny and-- red--

00:12:16,610 --> 00:12:18,362

This is bad, Terry.

The red goobler set us up.

00:12:18,446 --> 00:12:20,156

What are we gonna do?

I can't go to prison.

00:12:20,239 --> 00:12:23,075

I don't have a butthole.

How will I smuggle in treats?

00:12:24,285 --> 00:12:27,079

I wish I could say this wasn't something

we see all the time.

00:12:27,204 --> 00:12:31,041

But this town has a real problem

with unexplained high-concept injuries.

00:12:31,125 --> 00:12:33,461

It's like we're cursed.

Damn.

00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:36,255

I'm sorry for your loss.

Was he a good friend?

00:12:36,380 --> 00:12:38,966

No, he was more than that.

He was a Jet-Ski.

00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:43,679

Wow, our first real-life

high school party.

00:12:43,804 --> 00:12:45,598

It's just like I dreamed it would be.

00:12:45,681 --> 00:12:48,309

Look, Cooper Barn's already freaking out

that people are trashing his house.

00:12:48,392 --> 00:12:50,561

That's a family heirloom.

Get away from my dog.

00:12:50,644 --> 00:12:52,855

Brent, don't snort my dad's ashes.

Fuck!

00:12:52,980 --> 00:12:55,566

- Classic Cooper.

- So you hang out with the Stacis

00:12:55,649 --> 00:12:57,526

while I make my move on the podcast guys.

00:12:57,610 --> 00:13:00,321

I wanna be toxically entrenched

in a clique by 8:00.

00:13:01,071 --> 00:13:02,948

- Whoo, Jesse.

- Yas, Jesse.

00:13:03,073 --> 00:13:05,659

- Hey, what are you doing here?

- Oh, uh...

00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:10,247

Dude, dude, dude,

psyched you're here, man.

00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:12,458

Love the headphones.

You're not a poser at all.

00:13:12,541 --> 00:13:14,418

Do you wanna buy a van with me?

We could do road trips.

00:13:14,502 --> 00:13:16,003

Oh, we could solve mys--

we could turn it into a food van.

00:13:16,086 --> 00:13:18,714

Oh, my God, I'm operating

at such a different level, bro.

00:13:18,839 --> 00:13:21,634

Um, I have read that a Nissan Odyssey

is a pretty sweet ride.

00:13:21,759 --> 00:13:24,053

Yeah, it is!

Get in here, bro.

00:13:39,777 --> 00:13:41,862

I feel like the goobler's on my back.

Is he on my back?

00:13:41,946 --> 00:13:44,156

For the millionth time, no.

Wait, is he on my back?

00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:45,533

No, you're clear.

00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:47,326

Oh, man, is this

what life is like from now on?

00:13:47,409 --> 00:13:49,829

Just waiting for a ketchup packet

to stab us in the back?

00:13:49,954 --> 00:13:52,289

We have to take the fight to him.

Just like Kevin McCallister,

00:13:52,373 --> 00:13:54,291

we shall not go softly into the night.

00:13:54,375 --> 00:13:57,419

He could be anywhere. In the vents,

under a lampshade, the other side of town.

00:13:57,503 --> 00:13:59,171

Hey, think about it.

He's literally made of your stress.

00:13:59,255 --> 00:14:00,089

So?

00:14:00,172 --> 00:14:03,759

So he's probably hiding out in the

most stressful place you can imagine.

00:14:05,386 --> 00:14:07,513

- This is your most stressful place?

- Yes.

00:14:07,596 --> 00:14:10,808

For starters, how do they stay in business

all year? It makes no sense financially.

00:14:10,891 --> 00:14:13,060

The whole place smells like the inside

of a plastic bag.

00:14:13,143 --> 00:14:15,354

And for some reason,

they sell marked-up PS4s.

00:14:15,437 --> 00:14:17,731

Plus I'm afraid of skeletons.

Ah! See?

00:14:17,815 --> 00:14:19,525

Wait a minute, he's here.

I can sense it.

00:14:19,608 --> 00:14:21,360

Also, I can see him right there.

00:14:26,115 --> 00:14:28,325

Oh, great, now we have to pay for that.

00:14:29,076 --> 00:14:31,579

- Are you guys on molly?

- Molly is on molly,

00:14:31,662 --> 00:14:34,331

but the rest of us are on Jesse.

00:14:34,415 --> 00:14:36,041

You want some of this?

00:14:38,085 --> 00:14:41,255

Oh, yes, Jesse.

That's me, super cool.

00:14:41,380 --> 00:14:44,508

Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

All I'm saying is think about it.

00:14:44,633 --> 00:14:46,427

Are you thinking about it?

Are you fucking thinking about it?

00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:47,970

- What am I thinking about?

- Our trip to the woods.

00:14:48,053 --> 00:14:49,722

- Self-publishing an erotic cookbook.

- Getting married.

00:14:49,805 --> 00:14:51,098

Yes, yes, and I'm not saying no,

but I need to think about it.

00:14:51,223 --> 00:14:53,267

- I'm an idiot. I'm a fucking idiot.

- Oh, yeah!

00:14:53,392 --> 00:14:54,476

Hey, you guys want to hear

a poem I just wrote?

00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:55,394

Fuck yes, dude!

00:14:56,937 --> 00:14:59,982

This is the greatest night ever.

I have a nickname.

00:15:00,065 --> 00:15:03,527

- They're calling me Yummy Bear.

- You are such a Yummy Bear.

00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:05,487

- That's so you.

- Right?

00:15:05,571 --> 00:15:08,032

Hey, uh, I'm sorry I've been such a dick.

00:15:08,115 --> 00:15:10,701

I know you just wanted to hang out

and I guess I was jealous.

00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:14,496

You were a dick.

But it's okay now.

00:15:35,142 --> 00:15:37,186

The makeup here is marked up

1,000 percent.

00:15:37,269 --> 00:15:39,855

- All these costumes are so slutty.

- Keep it together, Korvo.

00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:41,690

He wants you stressed.

00:15:49,406 --> 00:15:51,116

- Fuck you!

- There he is, get him.

00:15:53,535 --> 00:15:54,411

Where did he go?

00:15:56,497 --> 00:15:58,999

Fuck, I hate this kind of place.

I hate mirrors, goddamn it.

00:15:59,124 --> 00:16:01,418

This is so scary.

00:16:17,309 --> 00:16:20,270

So apparently I'm buying a van,

writing a cookbook,

00:16:20,354 --> 00:16:21,772

and maybe marrying Mark Melner.

00:16:21,855 --> 00:16:24,316

Lucky, I always thought

he'd make a good dad.

00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,402

Oh, hey, what's up, girl?

00:16:31,782 --> 00:16:33,701

What the heck?

Staci K?

00:16:34,910 --> 00:16:35,995

I'll kill you!

00:16:44,336 --> 00:16:47,047

Oh, shit, your dumb pollen

must have mixed with my cool pollen

00:16:47,131 --> 00:16:48,298

and turned everyone into crazies.

00:16:48,424 --> 00:16:50,676

- Ah! Cripes.

- Come on, let's get out of here.

00:17:01,186 --> 00:17:04,481

Stay calm. You're the man, Korvo.

You're a sexy hunk. Keep it together.

00:17:04,565 --> 00:17:06,692

Korvo, where are you?

Don't stress, man.

00:17:06,775 --> 00:17:08,527

We can still get him.

Oh, my God!

00:17:08,610 --> 00:17:10,279

- What?

- They have mini Japanese Kit Kats

00:17:10,362 --> 00:17:11,238

in all sorts of flavors.

00:17:15,492 --> 00:17:16,452

- No!

- Busted.

00:17:16,535 --> 00:17:18,412

Check us out, bitch.

00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:44,563

Explain to me again why

we aren't just killing this A-hole.

00:17:44,646 --> 00:17:46,190

If we do then, in a way, he wins.

00:17:46,273 --> 00:17:48,609

Maybe by cutting him open

and studying his insides,

00:17:48,692 --> 00:17:51,278

I can learn how to control my stress

instead of just avoiding it.

00:17:51,361 --> 00:17:54,907

Aw, that's nice, Korvo. But I still say

we light this little cunt on fire.

00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:55,908

Oh, language, Terry.

00:17:55,991 --> 00:17:57,826

Sorry. I'm just all jacked up

on green tea Kit Kats.

00:17:57,910 --> 00:18:00,746

Uh, guys, we have a big problem

that Jesse caused.

00:18:00,829 --> 00:18:03,499

We grew flowers on our heads.

We know it's a puberty thing

00:18:03,582 --> 00:18:05,709

- and that we're turning into adults.

- What's "poo-berty"?

00:18:05,834 --> 00:18:09,004

You know, when humans grow hair

and bleed out of their penises and stuff.

00:18:09,129 --> 00:18:10,255

- Oh, my God.

- Oh, that's awful.

00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:12,257

- You're not a human.

You don't get to have a puberty.

00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:14,968

You grow into our size and then

eventually turn into a wise old tree.

00:18:15,052 --> 00:18:17,387

And if you're lucky,

someone uses your body to build a house.

00:18:17,471 --> 00:18:19,515

This is just fungus you get

from not washing your hands.

00:18:19,598 --> 00:18:21,642

- You gotta wash those hands.

- It's fine as long as you didn't let

00:18:21,725 --> 00:18:24,394

your pollens mix

and infect anyone, all right?

00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:27,356

The only way to stop this infection

is to inject the serum under their skin.

00:18:27,439 --> 00:18:29,942

But we can't let them bite us

or we'll turn crazy too.

00:18:30,025 --> 00:18:32,528

Which is why we have to use

these emergency medical weapons.

00:18:32,611 --> 00:18:34,363

- We get to cut people up?

- It doesn't hurt them.

00:18:34,446 --> 00:18:37,366

The cuts all heal themselves because

of the sci-fi goo the blades emit.

00:18:37,449 --> 00:18:39,034

- Lame.

- But wouldn't it be safer

00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:40,536

to use, like, a dart or something?

00:18:40,619 --> 00:18:41,787

You want to use a dart?

Okay, yeah.

00:18:41,870 --> 00:18:43,705

Go ahead, use a dart.

This is way cooler than a dart.

00:18:43,831 --> 00:18:46,583

Let's go stab some kids

and save some lives.

00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:02,224

Thank you.

00:19:02,307 --> 00:19:03,851

Oh, eat it!

00:19:05,394 --> 00:19:07,104

- Yes!

- Thanks, man.

00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:14,653

I'm sorry, I'm healing you.

You're welcome, I love you.

00:19:14,778 --> 00:19:16,071

Wow, thanks.

00:19:28,584 --> 00:19:30,419

Don't worry, they won't

remember any of this.

00:19:30,502 --> 00:19:32,421

But they're gonna remember

I'm cool, right?

00:19:32,504 --> 00:19:35,340

No, at best,

they'll remember that you aren't.

00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:57,529

- Oh, thanks, man.

- Yeah, no problem.

00:20:14,713 --> 00:20:17,716

- Whoa, dude, what are you doing?

- Sitting with my party buds.

00:20:17,799 --> 00:20:19,593

- Last night was crazy, right?

- Bro.

00:20:19,718 --> 00:20:23,096

- This table's for air podders only.

- I could turn into a pod.

00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:26,308

No way, man.

Pod save this seat for someone else.

00:20:28,018 --> 00:20:31,313

Sorry, Yummy Bear.

Same thing happened to me with the Stacis.

00:20:31,396 --> 00:20:34,441

They told me to take my flat ass

back to Planet Mexico.

00:20:34,524 --> 00:20:36,818

Everyone who's awesome and cool

is such a jerk.

00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:39,529

I'm a jerk all the time,

but it never gets me anywhere.

00:20:39,613 --> 00:20:42,908

Hey, uh, we heard you guys

were at that crazy party last night.

00:20:43,033 --> 00:20:44,576

Who said it was crazy?

No one got stabbed.

00:20:44,660 --> 00:20:47,079

Oh, no, no, no.

We haven't been to any of those parties.

00:20:47,162 --> 00:20:48,580

We just want to hear about it.

00:20:48,705 --> 00:20:51,333

So first, we were all

hanging out at Barn's house.

00:20:51,416 --> 00:20:55,003

- Was it in a real barn?

- No, it was Cooper Barn's house.

00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:59,508

Apparently, cool kids

call each other by their last name.

00:20:59,591 --> 00:21:00,884

Ooh.

00:21:06,348 --> 00:21:08,767

Ah!

00:21:18,610 --> 00:21:23,615

Wake up, you little slut.

It's time me and you had it out.

00:21:23,699 --> 00:21:25,492

What the?

00:21:26,994 --> 00:21:29,871

No. No, no, no, no, no, no.

00:21:31,498 --> 00:21:34,668

- This is a regular goob--

- Terry, have you seen my tennis racket?

00:21:34,793 --> 00:21:37,337

I've noticed that women who play tennis

are particularly dominant.

00:21:37,421 --> 00:21:40,007

I have a better chance of

finding an assertive mate while--

00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:41,925

- What, where is the red goobler?

- I killed him.

00:21:42,050 --> 00:21:43,552

- Damn, Terry, that's cold.

- Yeah.

00:21:43,635 --> 00:21:46,138

I just, um, I knew as long

as he was alive,

00:21:46,221 --> 00:21:47,931

you would always worry

about him escaping,

00:21:48,015 --> 00:21:50,434

and I wanted you to have,

just, less stress in your life.

00:21:50,517 --> 00:21:52,853

I care about you, man.

So I chopped up his body

00:21:52,936 --> 00:21:55,939

and I fed it to the pigs,

and I shot the pigs into space.

00:21:56,064 --> 00:21:58,275

So don't worry, those pigs are safe.

No, they're not.

00:21:58,358 --> 00:22:00,777

That is the nicest thing

anyone's ever done for me.

00:22:00,861 --> 00:22:02,070

Thank you, Terry.

00:22:03,822 --> 00:22:06,199

Oh, I feel so relaxed.

I took a bath.

00:22:06,283 --> 00:22:08,118

Just a soak.

Didn't even wash my junk.

00:22:08,201 --> 00:22:10,329

Nobody's hunting me anymore

and it feels good, Terry.

00:22:10,412 --> 00:22:12,289

- It feels right.

- Uh, yep, feels great. Good night.

00:22:12,372 --> 00:22:15,584

Ah, I will now enjoy

the stress-free sleep of safety,

00:22:15,667 --> 00:22:17,878

knowing that no one out there

is playing the long game

00:22:17,961 --> 00:22:20,714

waiting for me to drop my guard,

or-or anything like that.

00:22:20,797 --> 00:22:21,882

Ah.

00:23:29,699 --> 00:23:31,076

Pew-pew, pew-pew-pew!

00:00:39,954 --> 00:00:44,583

ДОБРО ПОЖАЛОВАТЬ НАЗАД, КОТТИК

00:02:10,669 --> 00:02:26,310

ПРОДАНО

00:03:53,772 --> 00:03:55,524

Я ВАС УЛЬЮ

00:04:08,245 --> 00:04:10,205

{\an8}ШКОЛА ИМЕНИ ДЖЭЙМСА ЭРЛА ДЖОНСА

00:04:08,245 --> 00:04:10,205

ОСВОБОДИТЕ ДЕНЬ: ОТКРЫТИЕ

ВРЕМЕННОЙ КАПСУЛЫ 3 МАРТА 2155

00:05:52,891 --> 00:05:54,059

КРУТЫШ

00:05:58,063 --> 00:06:00,982

САМ СЕБЕ КАСКАДЕР

00:06:23,838 --> 00:06:25,757

РОГАЛИКИ РОГАЛИНА

00:08:54,781 --> 00:08:56,449

БОЛЬНИЦА СВЯТОГО ДЖО

00:09:49,294 --> 00:09:56,801

АКАДЕМИЯ КОЛЛЕКЦИОНЕРОВ РЕДКОСТЕЙ

00:10:02,432 --> 00:10:04,392

(Говорит на аукционерском)

00:10:05,518 --> 00:10:09,606

(Говорит на аукционерском)

00:10:42,805 --> 00:10:44,641

ЗАПИСЬ: МАДАМ СЕКРЕТАРЬ

00:10:49,896 --> 00:11:02,909

ОТСОСИ, КОРВО

00:14:04,507 --> 00:14:06,634

ФОРЕВЕР 31

ОБОРОХЛО ДЛЯ ХЕЛЛОУИНА

00:14:06,634 --> 00:14:09,303

НУ ВЫ ПОНЯЛИ? ТИПА КАК ОБОРОТЕНЬ

00:15:54,408 --> 00:15:56,368

ЗАЛ ЗЕРКАЛ

00:17:01,058 --> 00:17:09,108

ГРОБ СО СКИДКОЙ

00:21:11,808 --> 00:21:14,019

АДРЕС: КЕНИЯ, АФРИКА

00:22:37,018 --> 00:22:38,269

ПЛАН УБИЙСТВА КОРВО

00:22:38,770 --> 00:22:40,397

КОРВО КОРВО КОРВО КОРВО КОРВО