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Лавовый реактор
The Lavatic Reactor
Сезон: 01Серия: 05
Описание
У репликантов проблемы в школе. Директор угрожает выгнать их и перевести в военную школу, если они опоздают на занятия ещё хоть раз. Юмьюлак и Джесси ежедневно вовремя приходят в школу и сидят на всех уроках, но они не понимают, что летом во время каникул этого делать не нужно. Корво и Терри в свою очередь идут в университет. Терри хочет тусоваться и веселиться, а Корво рассчитывает узнать там что-нибудь новое. Терри замечает, что все умные люди скучные и использует против Корво отупляющий луч. По вине отупевшего Корво по городу растекается ледяная лава. Эту проблему приходится решать уже Терри.
Субтитры
- 00:00:04,045 --> 00:00:05,922 ♪
- 00:00:06,047 --> 00:00:07,507 Do you know why you're here?
- 00:00:07,632 --> 00:00:11,094 It's probably 'cause Yumyulack did something to get us in trouble,
- 00:00:11,177 --> 00:00:12,387 as per "uush."
- 00:00:12,470 --> 00:00:15,056 Oh, you mean something awesome you tattle on me for?
- 00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:18,059 - I'm no snitch! - Then why are you getting stitches?
- 00:00:18,143 --> 00:00:19,936 [both arguing]
- 00:00:20,061 --> 00:00:21,104 Oh my God, shut up!
- 00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:23,523 You both ruined the school year with your weird science.
- 00:00:23,606 --> 00:00:26,067 You trapped the chess team in an alternative dimension,
- 00:00:26,151 --> 00:00:28,361 reanimated all the fetal pigs, and we can't prove this,
- 00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:32,198 but we're reasonably confident that you gave Miss Kim a three-month period
- 00:00:32,282 --> 00:00:33,825 after she took away your glowing orb.
- 00:00:33,950 --> 00:00:35,535 - Snitch! - Not today!
- 00:00:35,618 --> 00:00:36,911 - Die! Die! Die! - No, you don't. No, you don't.
- 00:00:37,579 --> 00:00:40,498 Yumyulack, out of 180 days of school this year,
- 00:00:40,582 --> 00:00:42,584 you've been late 179 times.
- 00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:45,170 And Jesse, you've been late three times.
- 00:00:45,295 --> 00:00:47,714 - I'm a monster! - It's true, she is.
- 00:00:47,839 --> 00:00:51,301 If either of you are ever late or miss class ever again,
- 00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:52,761 then you will be expelled.
- 00:00:52,844 --> 00:00:55,221 Which means you'll have to go to military school,
- 00:00:55,305 --> 00:00:57,348 where the bullies will fuck you.
- 00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:01,061 And they make you shave your head.
- 00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:05,648 - But my hair defines me. - Then don't fuck up!
- 00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:08,485 [door closes]
- 00:01:08,568 --> 00:01:10,528 Oh, it's so hot when you yell at children.
- 00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:13,156 I dump a Dixie cup worth of fuck juice in my pants
- 00:01:13,239 --> 00:01:15,325 every time you put something on their permanent record.
- 00:01:15,408 --> 00:01:17,786 Oh, that shit follows them to college.
- 00:01:18,703 --> 00:01:20,872 Brace yourself. I saw this on Starz.
- 00:01:20,955 --> 00:01:23,124 Oh, what the fu--!
- 00:01:23,666 --> 00:01:25,043 KORVO: Terry, a-a little help.
- 00:01:25,126 --> 00:01:25,960 [Terry sighs]
- 00:01:26,044 --> 00:01:27,921 Really, you're too lazy to even look at me?
- 00:01:28,004 --> 00:01:30,006 Ohh, I'm limiting myself to three neck movements a day.
- 00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:30,924 I only got one left.
- 00:01:31,049 --> 00:01:33,885 We need to re-facet the dorsal prism, the lavatic reactor needs more Aa,
- 00:01:33,968 --> 00:01:35,470 and you paired your phone to the ship stereo
- 00:01:35,553 --> 00:01:36,763 and I don't know how to get it off.
- 00:01:36,846 --> 00:01:39,265 If I have to listen to the "Gone in 60 Seconds" soundtrack one more time--
- 00:01:39,390 --> 00:01:40,642 Oh man, you know I'm too dumb to help.
- 00:01:40,725 --> 00:01:43,895 Just zap yourself with the smart ray. It takes one second.
- 00:01:43,978 --> 00:01:47,899 Hard pass. Smart people are sad. Wait. Wh-what are you doing?
- 00:01:47,982 --> 00:01:50,944 Terry, get back here. Let me shoot you with the smart ray.
- 00:01:51,486 --> 00:01:52,487 [electricity zaps]
- 00:01:53,404 --> 00:01:54,572 - Ha ha! - Terry!
- 00:01:54,697 --> 00:01:55,949 I didn't know it would break that easy.
- 00:01:56,032 --> 00:01:58,868 Hey, can you please trap Jesse in the hell dimension? She sucks ass.
- 00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:01,579 No. That dimension is for work enemies and Ansel Elgort only.
- 00:02:01,663 --> 00:02:03,456 And for trash when we forget to put the bin out.
- 00:02:03,581 --> 00:02:04,999 Yumyulack got us in trouble again.
- 00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:07,418 And they for sure figured out that shit with the orb.
- 00:02:07,502 --> 00:02:09,921 Can I just quit school? What does it matter anyway?
- 00:02:10,004 --> 00:02:12,757 The Pupa is gonna evolve into its true form and destroy this planet.
- 00:02:12,841 --> 00:02:14,717 Can't I just watch TV until that happens?
- 00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:16,803 - Pepsi. - L-look, this thing is unpredictable.
- 00:02:16,886 --> 00:02:18,471 It could go off in a week or in a year.
- 00:02:18,555 --> 00:02:20,390 It just said "Pepsi." Who knows what's going on with it.
- 00:02:20,473 --> 00:02:22,517 Goddammit, Terry, you're supposed to know. You're the Pupa specialist.
- 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:23,935 - Whatever. - All right, you two, listen,
- 00:02:24,060 --> 00:02:26,020 school is important and it makes you smart,
- 00:02:26,104 --> 00:02:28,273 and being smart is more important than anything else ever.
- 00:02:28,356 --> 00:02:30,150 Counterpoint: Korvo's stupid.
- 00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:33,403 School is important 'cause it's super-fun and the stakes are super-low
- 00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:36,781 and there's tons of hot people there who want to party-slash-do finger stuff.
- 00:02:36,906 --> 00:02:38,491 Wait, Terry, you like school?
- 00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:39,951 Heck yeah, dum-dums, school rules!
- 00:02:40,076 --> 00:02:41,744 Really? You know, we could go to school too.
- 00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:42,704 Ah, I wish.
- 00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:45,373 There is a school for adults behind the cement factory, Terry.
- 00:02:45,456 --> 00:02:47,000 - There is? - Yes, we could go there.
- 00:02:47,083 --> 00:02:48,960 We could get smart and compete for the teacher's approval.
- 00:02:49,043 --> 00:02:51,754 Or we could meet cool girls, join a frat, and never work on the ship.
- 00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:53,840 Or you could learn responsibility, become a better person,
- 00:02:53,923 --> 00:02:55,133 and help me with the ship.
- 00:02:55,216 --> 00:02:58,219 Terry and Korvo, going to school for the exact same reasons.
- 00:02:58,928 --> 00:03:01,723 KORVO: <i>Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia.</i>
- 00:03:01,806 --> 00:03:03,183 <i>Until the asteroid hit.</i>
- 00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:06,895 <i>One hundred adults and their replicants were issued a Pupa</i>
- 00:03:06,978 --> 00:03:08,897 <i>and escaped into, uh, the space,</i>
- 00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:12,066 <i>searching for new homes on uninhabited worlds.</i>
- 00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:15,069 <i>We crashed on Earth, stranding us on an already overpopulated planet.</i>
- 00:03:15,153 --> 00:03:16,696 <i>That's right, I've been talking this whole time.</i>
- 00:03:16,779 --> 00:03:18,573 <i>I'm the one holding the Pupa. My name's Korvo.</i>
- 00:03:18,656 --> 00:03:20,867 <i>This is-- this is my show. I just dropped the Pupa. Do you see me?</i>
- 00:03:20,950 --> 00:03:22,368 [stammers] <i>This is ridiculous.</i>
- 00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:25,705 <i>I hate Earth. It's a horrible home. People are stupid.</i>
- 00:03:25,788 --> 00:03:27,248 <i>The second you point out Christ was an alien,</i>
- 00:03:27,332 --> 00:03:28,541 <i>they get all wound up and start yelling at you,</i>
- 00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:30,043 <i>even though he did a bunch of alien stuff.</i>
- 00:03:30,126 --> 00:03:32,128 <i>Get with it. It's-- it's no big duh.</i>
- 00:03:32,253 --> 00:03:36,674 ♪
- 00:03:39,802 --> 00:03:41,679 Hey, do I look cool? I think I look cool.
- 00:03:41,804 --> 00:03:44,182 - First day of school, baby. Whoo! - Terry, stop acting like a spaz
- 00:03:44,307 --> 00:03:45,225 and just be cool like me.
- 00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:48,853 - Spooky robes are not cool. - You're just jealous of my swish.
- 00:03:48,937 --> 00:03:50,188 [robe swishing]
- 00:03:50,313 --> 00:03:52,023 [quietly] God, that's so fucking cool.
- 00:03:52,148 --> 00:03:53,274 This is gonna be good for you, Terry.
- 00:03:53,358 --> 00:03:54,984 Maybe this will stop you from being lazy all the time.
- 00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:56,444 You know, I'm not gonna even respond to that
- 00:03:56,527 --> 00:03:58,154 because I'm too lazy to think of a response.
- 00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:00,782 Then why in God's name are you so excited to be at the school?
- 00:04:00,865 --> 00:04:02,492 Because I love classic college movies,
- 00:04:02,575 --> 00:04:05,662 like "Monsters University," "PCU," and "The Skulls."
- 00:04:05,745 --> 00:04:08,206 My plan is to do cool movie stuff and then just cheat off you
- 00:04:08,289 --> 00:04:09,249 at the end of the semester.
- 00:04:09,374 --> 00:04:11,751 You know, you need to learn to not take shortcuts all the time, Terry.
- 00:04:11,834 --> 00:04:13,962 How's that for me teeing up an episode arc for your character?
- 00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:16,089 You're the one who wanted me to zap myself with the smart gun.
- 00:04:16,214 --> 00:04:18,549 Now that's an example of an appropriate use of corner cutting, and I'll te--
- 00:04:18,633 --> 00:04:20,551 No, I won the argument. Better hurry or you're gonna be late.
- 00:04:20,635 --> 00:04:22,178 And then you'll have to take a shortcut to class,
- 00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:24,389 - and I know how much you hate those. -[school bell ringing]
- 00:04:24,472 --> 00:04:26,182 I like my notes in blue ink!
- 00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:33,022 Make way for my peep, beggar!
- 00:04:33,147 --> 00:04:35,275 - Not so fast! -[grunts]
- 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,694 - Get his bag. - SONNY: What the hell?
- 00:04:38,611 --> 00:04:41,990 - Well, this is interesting. - That belongs to The Duke.
- 00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:44,659 - Not anymore. - You're dead! You're all dead!
- 00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:46,369 Like my son, you tiny bastard!
- 00:04:46,452 --> 00:04:48,496 - No! We don't kill. -[Sonny gagging]
- 00:04:48,579 --> 00:04:51,749 That's what separates us from the people that do kill.
- 00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:53,668 We don't-- We do the opposite of what they do.
- 00:04:53,751 --> 00:04:55,378 In terms of killing, we don't.
- 00:04:55,461 --> 00:04:56,504 - Got it? -[grunts]
- 00:04:57,213 --> 00:04:59,632 JESSE: [voice echoing] Hello!
- 00:04:59,757 --> 00:05:03,803 - Fellow students, teachers, anyone? - Today's been a great day.
- 00:05:03,928 --> 00:05:05,763 No one's called me a "gay-lien,"
- 00:05:05,847 --> 00:05:07,390 and I didn't have to hide in the bathroom and pretend to have a butthole.
- 00:05:07,473 --> 00:05:09,851 - Yeah, because nobody's here. - Wait, what?
- 00:05:11,227 --> 00:05:13,229 Oh my God. I didn't even notice. What the hell?
- 00:05:13,354 --> 00:05:15,231 I think we're being tested.
- 00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:18,693 Principal Cooke is trying to see if we'll be late or go to class
- 00:05:18,776 --> 00:05:20,445 even when nobody's watching us.
- 00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:24,532 This must be what summer school is. An intense psychological mind game,
- 00:05:24,615 --> 00:05:27,368 not unlike the Academy award-winning film "Suicide Squad."
- 00:05:27,493 --> 00:05:30,788 - So don't get in my way! - You don't get in my way, buster.
- 00:05:30,872 --> 00:05:33,416 This is about to be the most epic challenge of our lives.
- 00:05:33,499 --> 00:05:34,917 I don't want you messing me up.
- 00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:37,086 [ringing]
- 00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:40,965 ♪ ominous music playing ♪
- 00:05:42,050 --> 00:05:44,010 [school bell rings]
- 00:05:44,093 --> 00:05:46,346 -[crunching] -[slurping]
- 00:05:47,638 --> 00:05:49,223 [school bell rings]
- 00:05:49,307 --> 00:05:52,143 [shoes squeaking]
- 00:05:54,812 --> 00:05:57,774 His name was Charles Paulson Ginsburg,
- 00:05:57,857 --> 00:06:02,320 but you may know him as the father of the video cassette recorder.
- 00:06:02,403 --> 00:06:04,822 I know him as the father of me.
- 00:06:04,947 --> 00:06:05,865 [laughs]
- 00:06:05,948 --> 00:06:08,910 Kegger at my place tonight. Real college experience.
- 00:06:08,993 --> 00:06:11,245 Beers and shots and we might even steal a police horse.
- 00:06:11,329 --> 00:06:12,705 I'd have to get a baby-sitter.
- 00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:15,375 Well, bring them kids, girl. We don't ID at Casa de Terry's.
- 00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:16,334 Terry, shut up.
- 00:06:16,459 --> 00:06:18,961 Delores, you gonna come and get tore up at my party?
- 00:06:19,087 --> 00:06:22,256 I have to go home and watch "NCIS."
- 00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:23,257 This sucks.
- 00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:26,511 No one's appreciated or even mentioned that I'm dressed exactly like Van Wilder,
- 00:06:26,594 --> 00:06:27,637 you know, the mentor of Taj.
- 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:31,015 - Will you please pay attention? - That's your job. Mine is to be awesome.
- 00:06:31,099 --> 00:06:32,767 I just missed what the C in VCR means.
- 00:06:32,850 --> 00:06:34,560 - It could mean anything. - Man, this is bullshit.
- 00:06:34,644 --> 00:06:36,396 College is supposed to be about partying all night
- 00:06:36,479 --> 00:06:38,439 and getting into legal trouble but my dad's a lawyer,
- 00:06:38,523 --> 00:06:40,316 so I'm walking away scot-free.
- 00:06:40,441 --> 00:06:42,026 Guess I have to step up my game.
- 00:06:43,361 --> 00:06:46,489 Ohh! Hey, hey, whoa, look out! Hey, I'm the Frisbee guy.
- 00:06:46,614 --> 00:06:48,866 Now let's say I have to repair a DVD player.
- 00:06:48,950 --> 00:06:52,620 - Is that the same as the VCR? - Ohh, I wish I knew it.
- 00:06:52,745 --> 00:06:55,206 Terry, stop it. Nobody likes Frisbee. You look like an idiot.
- 00:06:55,289 --> 00:06:57,542 Hey, does the Frisbee match the drapes?
- 00:06:57,625 --> 00:06:59,502 I don't know, do you have the balls to find out?
- 00:06:59,627 --> 00:07:01,879 ♪ hard rock music playing ♪
- 00:07:02,004 --> 00:07:04,006 ♪
- 00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:05,591 ♪
- 00:07:05,675 --> 00:07:08,177 Thank God we got the mattress with the fabric-encased coils.
- 00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:10,221 Otherwise, I'd be bouncing all over the place.
- 00:07:11,764 --> 00:07:14,725 Class is starting soon, Terry. Were you out all night partying again?
- 00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:17,145 Oh yeah, I was out all night looking for a party.
- 00:07:17,228 --> 00:07:19,188 Rumor had it the swim team was raging at The Rock
- 00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:20,857 but it was just two homeless guys dancing.
- 00:07:20,982 --> 00:07:23,651 Ugh. So Jesse, Yumyulack, how's school going for you two?
- 00:07:23,776 --> 00:07:26,612 I'm in the middle of this complicated psychological test
- 00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:29,282 not unlike the Academy award-wining film "Suicide Squad."
- 00:07:29,365 --> 00:07:32,201 Yeah. And none of the teachers are there to tell us what to do.
- 00:07:32,326 --> 00:07:33,828 I'm sure that's all part of the test.
- 00:07:33,911 --> 00:07:35,830 Probably just trying to get you to think outside the box.
- 00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:37,623 Oh, oh, oh, I don't mean to live <i>más</i> right now
- 00:07:37,707 --> 00:07:39,125 but instead of thinking outside the box,
- 00:07:39,208 --> 00:07:40,877 maybe they should be thinking outside the--
- 00:07:42,503 --> 00:07:45,631 Saying this goes against every fiber of my brotherness,
- 00:07:45,715 --> 00:07:46,966 but you know what we have to do.
- 00:07:47,049 --> 00:07:47,884 Knife fight!
- 00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:49,844 No, we can't hate each other like siblings.
- 00:07:49,927 --> 00:07:54,515 We have to hate each other academically. We have to be each other's teachers.
- 00:07:54,599 --> 00:07:57,268 Well, then look to your left and look to your right, motherfucker,
- 00:07:57,351 --> 00:07:59,729 'cause I'm about to matriculate your ass.
- 00:07:59,854 --> 00:08:02,940 Do you realize what this is? This has The Duke's whole empire.
- 00:08:03,024 --> 00:08:05,776 Food caches, secret passages, and ugh,
- 00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:08,404 he has his own personal '50s diner called Bop Bops.
- 00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:11,157 We can empty the stockpile and redistribute to the rest of the wall.
- 00:08:11,282 --> 00:08:13,951 And nobody will know it was us. It's the perfect crime.
- 00:08:14,076 --> 00:08:15,703 Just like in "Ocean's Thirteen."
- 00:08:15,828 --> 00:08:17,872 It's Elliott Gould's best work since the '70s.
- 00:08:17,955 --> 00:08:21,209 Guys, he was also great on "Friends."
- 00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:23,002 [school bell rings]
- 00:08:23,127 --> 00:08:25,046 Everyone, sit down and shut up,
- 00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:28,508 or I swear to God I'll have you back on the streets before lunch.
- 00:08:28,591 --> 00:08:30,760 I am gonna get real with you.
- 00:08:30,843 --> 00:08:34,847 I bet you didn't know Shakespeare was the original rapper.
- 00:08:34,972 --> 00:08:36,641 Oh, did Shakespeare live on Sedgwick Avenue
- 00:08:36,724 --> 00:08:39,560 with DJ Kool Herc in the Bronx five years before the Son of Sam?
- 00:08:39,685 --> 00:08:42,271 Yeah, sure, that's why Shakespeare's writing is like rap.
- 00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:44,565 Plus he made a bunch of money and sampled other playwrights
- 00:08:44,649 --> 00:08:45,608 without giving them any credit.
- 00:08:45,733 --> 00:08:48,027 - This makes me like Shakespeare. - Of course it does.
- 00:08:48,110 --> 00:08:52,114 My tough-yet-relatable teaching style is breaking through your emotional armor.
- 00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:53,032 And how.
- 00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:58,955 ♪ drumline music playing ♪
- 00:09:00,581 --> 00:09:02,083 - Aah! -[crashing]
- 00:09:02,166 --> 00:09:05,127 Terry, I'm trying to study, which is what you should be doing.
- 00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:08,089 I am. I'm studying how to get into a drumline, like in that movie "Whiplash."
- 00:09:08,172 --> 00:09:10,466 Do you have any idea what happens if you fail out of school, Terry?
- 00:09:10,591 --> 00:09:12,802 I assume it's some type of spanking situation.
- 00:09:12,927 --> 00:09:14,637 No, I thought school would give you some discipline.
- 00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:17,682 Instead, you've left me no other choice. If you fail, no more TV,
- 00:09:17,765 --> 00:09:21,352 no more video games, and no more Hulu, the subscription-based service.
- 00:09:21,435 --> 00:09:23,020 But Netflix doesn't have the Hulu production
- 00:09:23,104 --> 00:09:25,481 of the Hulu presentation of "The Looming Tower."
- 00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:28,234 How do I know what happens about "The Looming Tower," Korvo.
- 00:09:28,317 --> 00:09:29,360 That's the only way you'll learn.
- 00:09:29,443 --> 00:09:31,612 Can't you just make me glasses that allow me to see through people's bodies
- 00:09:31,696 --> 00:09:32,655 so I can cheat off of them.
- 00:09:32,780 --> 00:09:34,490 Obviously yes, but not in time for the test.
- 00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:36,784 Wait, no, I-I'm not helping you cut corners anymore.
- 00:09:36,867 --> 00:09:39,579 You have to do this on your own. That's that arc popping its head up again.
- 00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:41,497 Argh! Okay. Fine.
- 00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,332 I'll go get my books.
- 00:09:43,457 --> 00:09:46,043 Dammit, I can't even shoot myself with the smart ray.
- 00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:47,545 What am I gonna do?
- 00:09:47,628 --> 00:09:49,130 Pupa, you know you can't play with the dumb ray.
- 00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:52,925 If you shoot anyone, they'll become... super dumb and fun.
- 00:09:53,050 --> 00:09:54,302 Like me.
- 00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:57,138 Hah! This human math is honestly very easy.
- 00:09:57,221 --> 00:09:59,307 They haven't even found the number that comes before zero.
- 00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:01,934 - What are you doing with the dumb ray? - I'm holding it.
- 00:10:02,059 --> 00:10:03,519 Get dumb, motherfucker.
- 00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:05,438 Terry, we're only supposed to use that in emergencies,
- 00:10:05,521 --> 00:10:06,522 when we're overthinking things.
- 00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:07,648 That's what's happening right now.
- 00:10:07,773 --> 00:10:10,151 Please don't make me dumb. None of my podcasts are gonna make any sense.
- 00:10:10,234 --> 00:10:11,902 If you're dumb and I'm dumb, then we can be dumb together.
- 00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:13,529 But that plan is dumb.
- 00:10:13,654 --> 00:10:14,488 [grunts] Ow!
- 00:10:15,364 --> 00:10:17,533 Oh my gosh, Korvo. Are you okay?
- 00:10:19,910 --> 00:10:21,120 [zapping]
- 00:10:23,497 --> 00:10:26,959 -[Korvo moaning] - Hey, bud, how you feeling?
- 00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:28,044 Are you dumb now?
- 00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:31,130 I wanna watch the "Look Who's Talking" trilogy and eat hot dogs with ketchup.
- 00:10:31,213 --> 00:10:32,590 Yeah! Dab it!
- 00:10:34,216 --> 00:10:36,052 ♪
- 00:10:36,135 --> 00:10:37,970 I love getting beer in my body as fast as I can.
- 00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:39,096 Preaching to the choir, bro.
- 00:10:39,221 --> 00:10:41,015 Do you wanna buy everything on the McDonald's menu
- 00:10:41,098 --> 00:10:42,391 and smoosh it together into a big ball
- 00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:44,018 and then eat it with a knife and fork with me?
- 00:10:44,143 --> 00:10:46,646 Yes, a million times, yes.
- 00:10:47,188 --> 00:10:50,691 2Pac is like oxygen because we need him to live,
- 00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:52,652 while Sisqo is more like plutonium
- 00:10:52,735 --> 00:10:54,779 because he was kinda just a one-hit wonder
- 00:10:54,862 --> 00:10:56,238 that we've forgotten about.
- 00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:59,575 Wow, I never realized that every school subject is basically rap.
- 00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:02,370 That's the most rap thing you've said all day.
- 00:11:02,453 --> 00:11:03,412 - A plus. -[school bell rings]
- 00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,831 Oh crap. We're running out of time. It's my turn. Teach me now.
- 00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:09,251 Well, welcome to English 101. Everyone, pick up your textbook.
- 00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:13,130 Now throw it out! We won't be needing it. I teach from the heart.
- 00:11:13,255 --> 00:11:14,090 [Jesse grunts]
- 00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:15,925 Wait. Actually, go grab it from the trash.
- 00:11:16,008 --> 00:11:18,594 Yeah, we're gonna rely heavily on the text.
- 00:11:19,470 --> 00:11:21,389 - Now throw it out! - Oh, come on!
- 00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:22,640 KORVO: Rager at our place.
- 00:11:22,765 --> 00:11:26,102 Party starts at triple question marks and goes till 2:00 a.m.
- 00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:27,269 We have a hard out.
- 00:11:28,062 --> 00:11:29,980 ♪
- 00:11:30,106 --> 00:11:31,440 [scratching]
- 00:11:36,112 --> 00:11:37,738 [grunting]
- 00:11:42,326 --> 00:11:45,663 [grunting and panting]
- 00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:47,164 Grab onto here. Hold here.
- 00:11:47,289 --> 00:11:48,624 Spider! Nobody move.
- 00:11:48,749 --> 00:11:49,959 [growling]
- 00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:55,047 Fuck you, spider.
- 00:11:57,717 --> 00:12:00,261 ♪ hip-hop music playing ♪
- 00:12:00,344 --> 00:12:02,596 Ugh, why did we start the party at triple question mark?
- 00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:03,931 People have been rolling in all day.
- 00:12:04,014 --> 00:12:05,516 Who wants to see me smash this bottle.
- 00:12:05,599 --> 00:12:06,559 -[all cheering] -[bottle shatters]
- 00:12:06,642 --> 00:12:07,977 Yeah!
- 00:12:08,060 --> 00:12:10,730 Touch my robes. Someone touch my fucking robes.
- 00:12:11,313 --> 00:12:13,566 Okay, I got a 95, you got a 33.
- 00:12:13,649 --> 00:12:16,652 Ah, we passed, and we were at school every single day.
- 00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:19,155 - Yeah, we did it! - Yay!
- 00:12:20,614 --> 00:12:23,743 I said we were here every day!
- 00:12:24,618 --> 00:12:26,704 Hey, we did it. You can come out now.
- 00:12:26,787 --> 00:12:28,956 What are you waiting for?
- 00:12:29,039 --> 00:12:31,542 Huh. You'd think they'd be raring to get out here.
- 00:12:31,625 --> 00:12:34,211 Unless nobody's been watching us
- 00:12:34,295 --> 00:12:36,422 and when they said we couldn't miss a day of school,
- 00:12:36,505 --> 00:12:38,215 they meant when everyone else was here too.
- 00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:40,926 So we got along this whole time for no reason?
- 00:12:41,051 --> 00:12:43,012 I guess so. So, now what?
- 00:12:43,137 --> 00:12:44,472 You wanna trash the school with sci-fi stuff?
- 00:12:44,555 --> 00:12:45,389 Fuck yeah.
- 00:12:45,514 --> 00:12:47,141 [laughing] Hey, watch out!
- 00:12:47,266 --> 00:12:50,186 ♪ hard rock music playing ♪
- 00:12:50,311 --> 00:12:52,188 ♪
- 00:12:52,313 --> 00:12:53,564 - YUMYULACK: Ooh, yeah. Whoo! - JESSE: Yeah!
- 00:12:55,316 --> 00:12:56,150 [laughs]
- 00:12:57,818 --> 00:12:59,695 All right, one of us has to attach this to the door
- 00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:01,238 and get away before it detonates.
- 00:13:01,363 --> 00:13:03,783 I've been practicing avoiding explosions in my free time,
- 00:13:03,866 --> 00:13:05,201 - so I think I can pull it off. - No.
- 00:13:05,326 --> 00:13:09,622 In the before-fore, I was a 7-Eleven employee. A really bad one.
- 00:13:09,705 --> 00:13:12,291 I was mean to everyone, and I used to piss in the Slurpee machine.
- 00:13:12,374 --> 00:13:15,628 But things are different in here. In here, I can die a hero.
- 00:13:15,753 --> 00:13:16,754 Bryson, I just told you.
- 00:13:16,837 --> 00:13:18,506 Nobody has to die, because I think I can jump away
- 00:13:18,589 --> 00:13:20,841 - well before the explosion-- - Blaze of glory!
- 00:13:20,966 --> 00:13:22,301 TIM: Oh shit.
- 00:13:22,384 --> 00:13:23,511 - Run! Run, Bryson! - CHERIE: Bryson, run!
- 00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:25,012 - No! There's no time. -[beeping]
- 00:13:26,597 --> 00:13:28,015 Oh, okay. Actually, there may--
- 00:13:28,140 --> 00:13:29,016 - Aah! - Bryson!
- 00:13:32,394 --> 00:13:33,771 Holy shit!
- 00:13:33,854 --> 00:13:35,481 Ah. I'm alive.
- 00:13:35,564 --> 00:13:36,816 But I'm blind.
- 00:13:36,899 --> 00:13:38,275 You should have run. Why didn't you run?
- 00:13:38,359 --> 00:13:43,781 Oh no, my dick got blown off. I'm blind and I have no dick.
- 00:13:43,864 --> 00:13:45,658 - Oh. - Uh--
- 00:13:45,741 --> 00:13:47,701 Please, just leave.
- 00:13:47,785 --> 00:13:50,996 I'm blind and I have no dick.
- 00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:53,290 Hey, I found it.
- 00:13:53,374 --> 00:13:56,544 It was there all along. Just lower than I thought.
- 00:13:58,045 --> 00:13:59,213 Check this out, Terry. Watch.
- 00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:00,965 Wait, wait, wait. Don't you always tell me
- 00:14:01,048 --> 00:14:02,591 that pressing buttons on the ship can be dangerous?
- 00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:04,385 Don't be a little beeyatch.
- 00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:07,471 [screaming]
- 00:14:09,431 --> 00:14:12,059 - See, it's fine. - Man, I love dumb Korvo.
- 00:14:12,142 --> 00:14:14,019 Dude, Korvo, get over here and snort this with us.
- 00:14:14,144 --> 00:14:16,856 Oink-oink, mother-fuckah!
- 00:14:21,026 --> 00:14:23,487 [electricity crackling]
- 00:14:26,115 --> 00:14:28,534 [screams] Ice lava.
- 00:14:28,617 --> 00:14:29,869 It's freezing.
- 00:14:29,952 --> 00:14:31,787 Oh my God and then it burns.
- 00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:37,251 [people screaming]
- 00:14:40,212 --> 00:14:41,422 - JESSE: Ha ha, stop. -[laser beams firing]
- 00:14:41,505 --> 00:14:43,757 Don't laser me. That tickles.
- 00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:46,010 - Oh, I got you now. -[both scream]
- 00:14:48,012 --> 00:14:50,973 - Did we make ice lava? - I don't know. Maybe.
- 00:14:51,056 --> 00:14:52,016 - Ohh! - You're it.
- 00:14:52,141 --> 00:14:54,059 No fair. I was distracted.
- 00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:55,519 [both laughing]
- 00:14:55,644 --> 00:14:56,520 Korvo, what do we do?
- 00:14:56,645 --> 00:14:58,898 The hot cold lava that powers the ship is getting on everyone.
- 00:14:58,981 --> 00:15:00,608 Don't worry, I know what to do.
- 00:15:00,691 --> 00:15:01,692 [grunts]
- 00:15:01,775 --> 00:15:03,485 I'm boning an alien, bro.
- 00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:06,280 Stop being dumb. You're the only one who knows about ice lava.
- 00:15:06,405 --> 00:15:07,364 Terry, I know how to fix it.
- 00:15:07,448 --> 00:15:10,075 We just kick back and watch some movie trilogies.
- 00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:11,869 Th-this whole thing will sort itself out on its own.
- 00:15:11,994 --> 00:15:13,621 We don't have time for even one trilogy.
- 00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:14,997 Ugh. Who would have thought cutting corners
- 00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:16,415 and making you dumb would blow up like this.
- 00:15:16,540 --> 00:15:18,876 Maybe the second "Matrix" movie will help. They're better out of order.
- 00:15:18,959 --> 00:15:20,419 Maybe if I can learn how to fix the smart gun,
- 00:15:20,502 --> 00:15:22,171 I can zap you back into fixing the ship.
- 00:15:22,254 --> 00:15:24,673 [loudly] Stay here. I will make you smart again.
- 00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:26,926 Hey, just 'cause I'm dumb doesn't mean that I'm deaf.
- 00:15:28,552 --> 00:15:30,179 Come on. Come on.
- 00:15:30,262 --> 00:15:32,723 Ah, yes. Hey, the manual isn't too big.
- 00:15:32,806 --> 00:15:34,016 Aah! Ah, crap.
- 00:15:34,141 --> 00:15:35,976 Okay, Terry, you can do this.
- 00:15:36,060 --> 00:15:38,062 Focus. Learn. Be smart.
- 00:15:38,145 --> 00:15:40,814 KORVO: Damn, Morpheus, how'd you get those motherfucking sunglasses
- 00:15:40,898 --> 00:15:41,815 to stick to your face?
- 00:15:41,899 --> 00:15:44,026 Ooh, I gotta see that. No! No!
- 00:15:44,151 --> 00:15:45,361 Focus.
- 00:15:46,528 --> 00:15:48,656 Ooh! Once you know how to reroute the lava--
- 00:15:48,739 --> 00:15:51,325 Check it out, Terry, I'm a fucking Morpheus now.
- 00:15:51,408 --> 00:15:52,451 Watch out.
- 00:15:52,576 --> 00:15:55,204 I think we should invest in a racehorse because I want to go to Kentucky
- 00:15:55,287 --> 00:15:56,205 and wear a big old hat,
- 00:15:56,288 --> 00:15:57,915 and also I've got a great name for a racehorse.
- 00:15:57,998 --> 00:15:59,708 Get ready. Horseus.
- 00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:00,876 From the thing we were just talking about--
- 00:16:01,001 --> 00:16:01,961 Will you shut the hell up?
- 00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:03,629 I'm never gonna learn how to repair the smart gun.
- 00:16:03,712 --> 00:16:05,756 I'm only one chapter past the lavatic reactor.
- 00:16:05,881 --> 00:16:07,549 [gasps] Oh, holy crapsters.
- 00:16:07,675 --> 00:16:10,970 I accidentally learned how to repair the lavatic reactor.
- 00:16:12,346 --> 00:16:14,848 I just want you to know if I don't make it out of this,
- 00:16:14,932 --> 00:16:17,977 it has been the great honor of my life to come to Earth with you.
- 00:16:18,102 --> 00:16:19,478 Korvo, I love you--
- 00:16:19,603 --> 00:16:21,897 I'm gonna go hit a bullet with a hammer, Terry. U-S-A!
- 00:16:22,022 --> 00:16:23,649 U-S-A! U-S-A!
- 00:16:23,774 --> 00:16:26,026 ♪ dramatic music playing ♪
- 00:16:26,151 --> 00:16:28,779 ♪
- 00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:45,421 ♪
- 00:16:48,549 --> 00:16:50,134 Holy shit. I think I fixed it.
- 00:16:50,259 --> 00:16:52,636 I actually did something without taking a shortcut.
- 00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:53,846 W-w-what are you doing?
- 00:16:53,929 --> 00:16:55,556 Hey, whoa, whoa, I thought you were sending signals.
- 00:16:55,639 --> 00:16:57,599 What? No. Man, when does the dumb ray wear off?
- 00:16:57,683 --> 00:16:59,560 - I want White Castle. - Is this what I sound like all the time?
- 00:16:59,643 --> 00:17:01,395 Whoa, Terry, let's watch all the "Resident Evils."
- 00:17:01,478 --> 00:17:02,354 Yeah, that's me.
- 00:17:02,479 --> 00:17:04,273 -[both moaning] - Oh yes.
- 00:17:04,398 --> 00:17:06,066 God, I love the last week of summer break.
- 00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:08,360 This place is so nice when the kids are gone.
- 00:17:08,444 --> 00:17:10,821 After this, let's do reverse cowgirl in the theater.
- 00:17:10,904 --> 00:17:12,364 Then we're ass-eating in the chem lab.
- 00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:14,033 But I'm wearing open-toed sandals.
- 00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:15,325 -[both laughing] -[Ms. Frankie yelps]
- 00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:17,286 - Whoo! - What the fuck are you doing here?
- 00:17:17,369 --> 00:17:19,288 [both wailing]
- 00:17:19,371 --> 00:17:22,041 - Oh no! - We did what you said.
- 00:17:22,124 --> 00:17:25,252 We've been in our chairs every day at 7 a.m.
- 00:17:25,377 --> 00:17:26,879 How long have you been here on your own?
- 00:17:27,004 --> 00:17:29,173 - We're good students. We did-- - We were never late. We were on time.
- 00:17:29,298 --> 00:17:30,758 Mercy. Show us mercy.
- 00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:32,092 Go wait outside.
- 00:17:33,552 --> 00:17:36,930 What the fuck is wrong with those two? I don't care if they like each other.
- 00:17:37,014 --> 00:17:40,350 We didn't tell them to come in all summer! This is clearly abuse.
- 00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:42,895 Maybe no one will believe them. It's their word against ours.
- 00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:44,521 They found us humping in the lunch room.
- 00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:46,440 I was about to stick my tongue up your ass.
- 00:17:46,523 --> 00:17:49,443 Oh, Jesus. I guess we have to do the right thing.
- 00:17:49,526 --> 00:17:50,402 [groans]
- 00:17:50,527 --> 00:17:52,780 Okay, what will it take for you to keep your mouth shut?
- 00:17:52,863 --> 00:17:53,739 A thousand dollars?
- 00:17:53,864 --> 00:17:55,157 - We want A's, bitches. - We want A's.
- 00:17:55,282 --> 00:17:57,326 - That's it? In what? - In everything.
- 00:17:57,409 --> 00:18:00,370 So we give you the A's and we forget that this whole thing ever happened.
- 00:18:00,454 --> 00:18:02,581 Finger in the ass, the neglect, the eating of a--
- 00:18:02,664 --> 00:18:04,041 Congrats. You're both on the honor rolls.
- 00:18:04,124 --> 00:18:04,958 - Woo-hoo! - Yeah!
- 00:18:05,042 --> 00:18:06,293 - YUMYULACK: Honor roll, dude! - JESSE: Woo-hoo!
- 00:18:06,376 --> 00:18:07,211 [cheering continues]
- 00:18:07,294 --> 00:18:08,462 We've been bad.
- 00:18:08,545 --> 00:18:10,464 [both moaning]
- 00:18:14,718 --> 00:18:15,969 [machine powers up]
- 00:18:16,053 --> 00:18:18,013 [babies cooing, babbling]
- 00:18:18,138 --> 00:18:20,140 Man, gathering up the ashes of my victims
- 00:18:20,224 --> 00:18:23,727 and reconstituting them into babies is way more work than I thought it would be.
- 00:18:23,811 --> 00:18:25,938 But, hey, they get a second chance at life, so that's cool.
- 00:18:26,021 --> 00:18:27,022 What's up with you dorks?
- 00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:28,941 We caught the teachers eating each other's asses,
- 00:18:29,024 --> 00:18:30,776 so they gave us A's in all our classes.
- 00:18:30,859 --> 00:18:33,862 And we're best friends again. And we're out of Frosted Flakes.
- 00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:35,072 I'll pick some up tomorrow.
- 00:18:35,155 --> 00:18:37,533 Hey, uh, don't open the bathroom door because I locked Korvo in there
- 00:18:37,616 --> 00:18:38,534 until he gets smart again.
- 00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:40,119 KORVO: Let me out of here! There's an alien in here!
- 00:18:40,202 --> 00:18:41,411 Oh, wait, that's-- it's just me in the mirror.
- 00:18:41,537 --> 00:18:43,288 Wow, he sounds really stupid.
- 00:18:43,413 --> 00:18:45,499 Yeah, I shot him with the dumb gun like 10 times.
- 00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:47,626 Oh geez, that will take forever to wear off.
- 00:18:47,751 --> 00:18:48,961 Feel better, Korvo.
- 00:18:49,044 --> 00:18:51,255 Don't sleep face down or you might suffocate.
- 00:18:51,338 --> 00:18:54,299 KORVO: Let me out. Gal Gadot is a witch that was put into American society
- 00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:56,343 to make us all forget about the 2008 recession.
- 00:18:56,426 --> 00:18:58,011 Okay, buddy, very cool.
- 00:18:58,095 --> 00:19:00,097 KORVO: Let me out right now! I-I-I've got a hostage in here.
- 00:19:00,180 --> 00:19:01,390 [high-pitched voice] Help me, let me out.
- 00:19:01,473 --> 00:19:03,767 [normal voice] Don't worry, it's a joke. I'm doing both voices. Play along.
- 00:19:03,851 --> 00:19:05,477 [British accent] 'Ello, what are you two doing in here?
- 00:19:05,561 --> 00:19:06,770 [normal voice] Shh, hey, be quiet.
- 00:19:07,563 --> 00:19:10,440 ♪ ominous music playing ♪
- 00:19:10,566 --> 00:19:13,652 - It's empty. No, this is all wrong. - Come on, we have to get out of here.
- 00:19:13,735 --> 00:19:15,362 [clapping]
- 00:19:15,487 --> 00:19:17,030 You stupid fucks.
- 00:19:17,114 --> 00:19:19,992 What are you gonna do, Duke, take us all on? You're outnumbered.
- 00:19:21,869 --> 00:19:23,036 You see, Tim, my boy,
- 00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:24,997 this was the trap.
- 00:19:25,122 --> 00:19:29,376 Enrique and I set up the whole thing. The map, the Peep, everything.
- 00:19:29,501 --> 00:19:31,545 - Enrique, why? - You killed my son.
- 00:19:31,628 --> 00:19:35,007 The Duke might have pulled the trigger, but you dragged him into this whole thing.
- 00:19:35,132 --> 00:19:36,800 See, I'm a man of rules.
- 00:19:36,884 --> 00:19:39,720 It's rules that keep everyone alive in the wall.
- 00:19:39,803 --> 00:19:43,182 But when someone breaks said rules, you need a punishment.
- 00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:46,018 I found the perfect form of punishment.
- 00:19:46,101 --> 00:19:47,102 The Boo Hoo Hole.
- 00:19:47,227 --> 00:19:49,730 Tim, you ever heard of the Boo Hoo Hole.
- 00:19:50,564 --> 00:19:51,773 [screams]
- 00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:54,943 Noooo!
- 00:19:55,068 --> 00:19:57,905 I have different plans for you, Tim.
- 00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:04,786 These genius aliens are a billion times smarter than any man.
- 00:20:04,912 --> 00:20:07,831 They are truly worthy adversaries.
- 00:20:07,956 --> 00:20:08,957 [door opens]
- 00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:11,668 Thank you for letting me out. I'm feeling much smarter.
- 00:20:11,752 --> 00:20:12,836 I'm smart now. Thank you.
- 00:20:12,961 --> 00:20:15,088 Okay, we're all trusting you to be smart.
- 00:20:15,172 --> 00:20:16,965 And we all learned a lesson today,
- 00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:19,092 so let's all buckle down and be smart together
- 00:20:19,176 --> 00:20:20,177 and help repair the ship.
- 00:20:20,260 --> 00:20:22,012 What've you got there? Are those hyperdrive plans?
- 00:20:22,137 --> 00:20:24,389 Oh, Jesse, nice try. We don't even have a hyperdrive.
- 00:20:24,473 --> 00:20:27,100 No, no, no, this is my 700-page screenplay for "Ted 3."
- 00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:28,852 - You all have to give me notes. - Oh, fuck, he's still dumb.
- 00:20:28,936 --> 00:20:30,646 It's called "T3D." - It's not in 3 - D though.
- 00:20:30,729 --> 00:20:32,689 Ted and Wahlberg go on a treasure hunt and meet a witch.
- 00:20:32,773 --> 00:20:34,441 I copyrighted this with WGA-North.
- 00:20:34,524 --> 00:20:37,486 It takes place in the Harry Potter world in the future, where every city is Boston.
- 00:20:37,611 --> 00:20:40,197 Ben Affleck and Matt Damon are president. Papa John's has cool pizza.
- 00:20:40,322 --> 00:20:41,782 I'm gonna be a professional poker player.
- 00:20:41,907 --> 00:20:44,243 Let me out of the ropy bag. Free me from the ropy bag.
- 00:20:44,326 --> 00:20:47,162 It's nice to do stuff as a family.
- 00:20:47,287 --> 00:20:50,874 ♪ theme music playing ♪
- 00:20:50,958 --> 00:20:55,045 ♪
- 00:21:31,623 --> 00:21:33,000 [imitating laser fire]
- 00:00:04,016 --> 00:00:06,068 ПОСЛЕДНИЙ ЗВОНОК. ХОРОШИХ КАНИКУЛ. ВЫПУСКНОЙ ОТМЕНЕН. ДЕНЬГИ НЕ ВЕРНЕМ.
- 00:00:06,091 --> 00:00:07,951 Знаете, почему вы здесь?
- 00:00:08,046 --> 00:00:11,002 Вероятно, у нас опять проблемы из-за Юмьюлака.
- 00:00:11,108 --> 00:00:12,597 Как обычно.
- 00:00:12,632 --> 00:00:15,160 Я сделал что-то классное, а ты настучала?
- 00:00:15,186 --> 00:00:16,251 Я не ябеда!
- 00:00:16,267 --> 00:00:20,011 – Нет! Ты ябеда-корябеда! – Не трогай меня! Хватит!
- 00:00:20,120 --> 00:00:21,315 О, замолчите!
- 00:00:21,341 --> 00:00:23,503 Вы испортили учебный год своей наукой!
- 00:00:23,528 --> 00:00:26,222 Вы отправили команду по шахматам в другое измерение,
- 00:00:26,246 --> 00:00:27,815 оживили эмбрионов свиней!
- 00:00:27,887 --> 00:00:32,356 И уверен, это вы сделали месячные мисс Ким трёхмесячными,
- 00:00:32,382 --> 00:00:34,079 потому что она забрала ваш светящийся шар!
- 00:00:34,098 --> 00:00:35,693 – Ябеда! – Не в этот раз.
- 00:00:35,787 --> 00:00:37,027 – Да-да-да! – Нет! Не надо!
- 00:00:37,589 --> 00:00:40,661 Юмьюлак, из 180 учебных дней
- 00:00:40,687 --> 00:00:42,716 ты опоздал 179 раз!
- 00:00:42,742 --> 00:00:45,382 И Джесси, ты опоздала три раза!
- 00:00:45,408 --> 00:00:47,959 – Я чудовище! – Да. Чудовище.
- 00:00:47,986 --> 00:00:51,416 Если вы еще хоть раз опоздаете или прогуляете –
- 00:00:51,442 --> 00:00:52,792 вас исключат.
- 00:00:52,819 --> 00:00:55,321 А значит, вы отправитесь в военную школу,
- 00:00:55,347 --> 00:00:57,538 где вас вздуют деды.
- 00:00:58,468 --> 00:01:01,174 И заставят вас побрить головы.
- 00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:03,125 Но волосы – всё для меня!
- 00:01:03,186 --> 00:01:05,565 Тогда без фокусов!
- 00:01:08,014 --> 00:01:10,631 О, так круто, когда ты орёшь на детей.
- 00:01:10,657 --> 00:01:13,283 У меня трусы хоть отжимать можно,
- 00:01:13,309 --> 00:01:15,402 когда ты вносишь запись в их личное дело.
- 00:01:15,427 --> 00:01:17,804 И они пойдут с этим в колледж.
- 00:01:18,801 --> 00:01:21,018 Готовься. Видел в интернете.
- 00:01:21,044 --> 00:01:23,169 О, как классно.
- 00:01:23,637 --> 00:01:24,705 Терри, помоги мне.
- 00:01:24,706 --> 00:01:25,425 ИНСТРУМЕНТЫ
- 00:01:25,426 --> 00:01:27,774 Да? Даже лень взглянуть на меня?
- 00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:30,138 Я делаю три движения шеей в день.
- 00:01:30,164 --> 00:01:30,997 Осталось одно.
- 00:01:31,023 --> 00:01:34,108 Нужно подключить дорсальную призму, усилить реактор,
- 00:01:34,112 --> 00:01:35,620 а ты подключил телефон к стереосистеме,
- 00:01:35,621 --> 00:01:36,943 и его нельзя отключить.
- 00:01:36,947 --> 00:01:39,447 Еще раз услышу саундтрек к «Угнать за 60 секунд»...
- 00:01:39,450 --> 00:01:40,784 Я туп, чтобы помогать.
- 00:01:40,809 --> 00:01:42,942 Воспользуйся смарт-лучом.
- 00:01:42,968 --> 00:01:44,029 Это всего секунда.
- 00:01:44,055 --> 00:01:46,622 Нет уж. Умные – все зануды.
- 00:01:46,623 --> 00:01:47,993 Что ты делаешь?
- 00:01:48,020 --> 00:01:50,397 Терри, вернись. Дай выстрелить смарт-лучом.
- 00:01:53,520 --> 00:01:54,778 – Ха-ха! – Терри!
- 00:01:54,804 --> 00:01:56,337 Его так просто сломать?!
- 00:01:56,362 --> 00:01:59,024 Отправь Джесси в адское измерение. Она подхалимка.
- 00:01:59,049 --> 00:02:01,804 Это измерение только для врагов и Энсела Элгорта.
- 00:02:01,805 --> 00:02:03,563 И еще для мусора.
- 00:02:03,588 --> 00:02:05,106 Из-за Юмьюлака у нас снова проблемы.
- 00:02:05,132 --> 00:02:07,487 Они догадались про светящийся шар.
- 00:02:07,513 --> 00:02:10,045 Можно я брошу школу? Зачем она вообще?
- 00:02:10,071 --> 00:02:12,925 Пупа обретёт истинную форму и уничтожит планету.
- 00:02:12,951 --> 00:02:14,863 Можно я просто посмотрю телек?
- 00:02:14,889 --> 00:02:16,891 – Газировка. – Это не предугадать.
- 00:02:16,917 --> 00:02:18,591 Он может расти неделю, а может год.
- 00:02:18,617 --> 00:02:20,369 Кто знает, сколько он будет расти.
- 00:02:20,394 --> 00:02:22,593 Брось, Терри. Ты знаешь. Ты спец по Пупам.
- 00:02:22,618 --> 00:02:24,124 – Неважно. – Слушайте.
- 00:02:24,149 --> 00:02:26,067 Школа нужна. Она делает вас умнее.
- 00:02:26,093 --> 00:02:28,318 А быть умным важнее всего остального.
- 00:02:28,343 --> 00:02:30,423 Всё не так. Корво глупый.
- 00:02:30,449 --> 00:02:32,491 Школа нужна, потому что там весело
- 00:02:32,517 --> 00:02:33,414 и полно тех,
- 00:02:33,438 --> 00:02:36,832 кто любит устраивать вечеринки и делать разные штуки пальцами.
- 00:02:36,858 --> 00:02:38,588 Стой. Терри, ты любишь школу?
- 00:02:38,614 --> 00:02:40,078 Ну да. Школа – это круто.
- 00:02:40,104 --> 00:02:41,717 Правда? Мы можем пойти в школу.
- 00:02:41,743 --> 00:02:42,763 Ах. Если бы.
- 00:02:42,789 --> 00:02:45,544 За цементной фабрикой школа для взрослых, Терри.
- 00:02:45,570 --> 00:02:46,953 – Правда? – Да. Пойдём туда.
- 00:02:46,979 --> 00:02:49,040 Станем умными и добьёмся похвалы.
- 00:02:49,065 --> 00:02:50,716 Или найдём крутых девок
- 00:02:50,741 --> 00:02:51,736 и не будем чинить корабль.
- 00:02:51,762 --> 00:02:53,915 Или ты станешь ответственным, порядочным
- 00:02:53,940 --> 00:02:55,211 и поможешь мне с кораблём.
- 00:02:55,237 --> 00:02:58,239 Терри и Корво идут в школу по одним и тем же причинам.
- 00:02:59,384 --> 00:03:01,482 Планета Шлорп была идеальной утопией.
- 00:03:01,820 --> 00:03:03,563 Пока не упал астероид.
- 00:03:04,658 --> 00:03:07,064 Сто взрослых и их репликанты взяли Пупу
- 00:03:07,090 --> 00:03:08,933 и сбежали в космос
- 00:03:08,959 --> 00:03:11,253 в поисках нового дома в незаселённых мирах.
- 00:03:12,106 --> 00:03:15,108 Мы упали на Землю и застряли на перенаселённой планете.
- 00:03:15,109 --> 00:03:16,728 Верно. Это говорю я.
- 00:03:16,734 --> 00:03:18,534 Я держу Пупу. Я Корво.
- 00:03:18,535 --> 00:03:21,175 И это моё шоу. Я бросил Пупу. Видите меня?
- 00:03:21,199 --> 00:03:22,407 Это смешно.
- 00:03:22,408 --> 00:03:24,324 Ненавижу Землю. Это ужасный дом.
- 00:03:24,325 --> 00:03:25,325 Люди глупые.
- 00:03:25,326 --> 00:03:26,995 Если сказать им, что Христос – пришелец,
- 00:03:26,996 --> 00:03:28,643 они начинают орать.
- 00:03:28,668 --> 00:03:30,117 Хотя он сделал много всего инопланетного.
- 00:03:30,142 --> 00:03:32,213 Смиритесь. Это ерунда.
- 00:03:32,353 --> 00:03:34,573 ОБРАТНАЯ СТОРОНА ЗЕМЛИ
- 00:03:40,383 --> 00:03:42,025 Я круто выгляжу?
- 00:03:42,050 --> 00:03:44,375 – Да. Первый день в школе! – Терри, не будь придурком,
- 00:03:44,401 --> 00:03:45,342 будь крутым, как я.
- 00:03:45,346 --> 00:03:46,934 Жуткая мантия – не круто.
- 00:03:46,935 --> 00:03:48,790 Ты завидуешь, как она шуршит.
- 00:03:50,411 --> 00:03:52,265 Да, это же правда круто.
- 00:03:52,291 --> 00:03:53,313 Школа пойдёт тебе на пользу.
- 00:03:53,314 --> 00:03:55,103 Перестанешь лениться.
- 00:03:55,106 --> 00:03:56,566 Я даже отвечать на это не буду.
- 00:03:56,567 --> 00:03:58,124 Мне слишком лениво.
- 00:03:58,149 --> 00:04:00,906 Тогда почему тебе так нравится ходить в школу?
- 00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:02,650 Я люблю классические фильмы про колледж:
- 00:04:02,676 --> 00:04:05,283 «Университет монстров», «ППУ» и «Черепа».
- 00:04:06,075 --> 00:04:08,658 Я планирую развлечься, а потом всё списать у тебя
- 00:04:08,684 --> 00:04:09,372 в конце семестра.
- 00:04:09,398 --> 00:04:11,788 Не надо постоянно искать короткий путь, Терри.
- 00:04:11,789 --> 00:04:14,176 Может, тебе попробовать вести себя иначе?
- 00:04:14,201 --> 00:04:16,050 Ты сам хотел выстрелить в меня смарт-лучом.
- 00:04:16,075 --> 00:04:18,669 Укорачивать себе путь нужно до разумных пределов.
- 00:04:18,671 --> 00:04:20,671 Я победил. Поторопись. А то опоздаешь.
- 00:04:20,673 --> 00:04:22,272 И тогда придётся искать короткий путь,
- 00:04:22,297 --> 00:04:24,514 а ты это не любишь.
- 00:04:24,515 --> 00:04:26,372 Мне нравятся синие чернила!
- 00:04:30,898 --> 00:04:32,770 Пропусти мой джип, попрошайка.
- 00:04:33,759 --> 00:04:35,348 Не так быстро.
- 00:04:35,356 --> 00:04:36,955 – Бери рюкзак. – Какого черта?!
- 00:04:38,776 --> 00:04:41,982 – Это интересно. – Это принадлежит Герцогу.
- 00:04:42,008 --> 00:04:44,784 – Уже нет. – Тебе конец! Вам всем конец!
- 00:04:44,810 --> 00:04:46,612 Как и моему сыну, мерзавец.
- 00:04:46,638 --> 00:04:48,620 Нет! Мы не убиваем.
- 00:04:48,621 --> 00:04:51,868 Это отличает нас от тех людей, которые убивают.
- 00:04:51,871 --> 00:04:53,675 Мы делаем всё наоборот.
- 00:04:53,700 --> 00:04:55,500 Мы никого не убиваем.
- 00:04:55,501 --> 00:04:56,893 Ясно?
- 00:04:57,330 --> 00:04:59,349 Привет?
- 00:04:59,712 --> 00:05:02,962 Есть кто? Учителя? Кто-нибудь?
- 00:05:02,967 --> 00:05:04,028 Прекрасный день.
- 00:05:04,054 --> 00:05:05,232 Никто не обзывает замшельцем
- 00:05:05,257 --> 00:05:07,364 и не надо делать вид, что у меня есть зад.
- 00:05:07,389 --> 00:05:10,085 – Потому что здесь никого. – Стой. Что?
- 00:05:11,413 --> 00:05:13,314 О боже, я и не заметил. Почему?
- 00:05:13,315 --> 00:05:15,496 Думаю, нас тестируют.
- 00:05:15,522 --> 00:05:18,817 Директор Кук пытается узнать, опоздаем мы или пойдём в класс,
- 00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:20,535 даже если никто не следит.
- 00:05:20,561 --> 00:05:22,640 Вот как выглядит летняя школа.
- 00:05:22,666 --> 00:05:24,563 Психологическая интеллектуальная игра,
- 00:05:24,589 --> 00:05:27,369 не то что в фильме «Отряд самоубийц».
- 00:05:27,395 --> 00:05:29,023 Не стой на моём пути!
- 00:05:29,049 --> 00:05:31,007 Ты не стой на моём пути, придурок!
- 00:05:31,033 --> 00:05:33,437 Это будет самое суровое испытание в жизни.
- 00:05:33,463 --> 00:05:35,285 Не вздумай мешать мне.
- 00:05:55,121 --> 00:05:58,187 Его звали Чарльз Полсон Гинзбург,
- 00:05:58,188 --> 00:06:02,439 но вы знаете его как отца кассетного видеомагнитофона.
- 00:06:02,443 --> 00:06:05,012 А я знаю его как моего отца.
- 00:06:06,047 --> 00:06:09,047 У меня сегодня вечеринка. Как в настоящем колледже.
- 00:06:09,073 --> 00:06:11,327 Пиво и прочее. Украдём полицейскую тачку.
- 00:06:11,353 --> 00:06:12,619 Придётся найти няню.
- 00:06:12,645 --> 00:06:15,627 Приходи с детьми. В Казу де Терри пускают всех.
- 00:06:15,653 --> 00:06:16,354 Тс-с, замолчи.
- 00:06:16,380 --> 00:06:19,142 Долорес, приходи на вечеринку.
- 00:06:19,168 --> 00:06:22,381 Мне надо домой, смотреть «Морскую полицию».
- 00:06:22,407 --> 00:06:23,504 Отстой.
- 00:06:23,505 --> 00:06:25,070 Никто не оценил или даже не заметил,
- 00:06:25,096 --> 00:06:26,655 что я одет как Ван Уайлдер,
- 00:06:26,680 --> 00:06:28,913 – наставник Таджа. – Сосредоточься.
- 00:06:28,938 --> 00:06:31,192 Это твоя работа. А моя – быть прекрасным.
- 00:06:31,218 --> 00:06:32,971 Из-за тебя я пропустил,
- 00:06:32,997 --> 00:06:34,652 – что значит кассетный. – Это ерунда.
- 00:06:34,677 --> 00:06:36,395 Колледж для того, чтобы веселиться
- 00:06:36,420 --> 00:06:38,455 и получить проблемы с законом. Но мой отец – юрист,
- 00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:40,356 так что меня отпустят.
- 00:06:40,382 --> 00:06:42,465 Думаю, мне пора расти над собой.
- 00:06:43,342 --> 00:06:45,882 Э-эй, о-о! Осторожно!
- 00:06:45,908 --> 00:06:46,755 Тарелочки!
- 00:06:46,781 --> 00:06:48,945 Скажем, надо починить DVD-плеер.
- 00:06:48,948 --> 00:06:50,248 Это то же, что кассетник?
- 00:06:50,249 --> 00:06:52,699 О, если бы я знал.
- 00:06:52,700 --> 00:06:55,330 Терри, хватит! Никто не любит тарелочки! Ты как дурак!
- 00:06:55,331 --> 00:06:57,658 Эй, твои тарелочки в тон шторам?
- 00:06:57,665 --> 00:06:59,958 Не знаю. Хочешь посмотреть?
- 00:07:05,937 --> 00:07:08,317 Хорошо, что матрас с независимыми пружинами.
- 00:07:08,342 --> 00:07:10,332 А то я бы прыгал по всей кровати.
- 00:07:11,967 --> 00:07:14,939 Скоро занятия, Терри. Ты опять всю ночь развлекался?
- 00:07:14,965 --> 00:07:17,266 О да. Всю ночь искал вечеринку.
- 00:07:17,268 --> 00:07:19,309 Был слух, что в баре «Рок» будут пловцы,
- 00:07:19,310 --> 00:07:21,061 но там танцевали двое бездомных.
- 00:07:21,087 --> 00:07:24,025 Ладно. Джесси, Юмьюлак, что у вас в школе?
- 00:07:24,026 --> 00:07:26,733 Я прохожу сложный психологический тест,
- 00:07:26,734 --> 00:07:29,314 как в фильме «Отряд самоубийц», получивший «Оскара».
- 00:07:29,340 --> 00:07:32,473 Да. И учителей нет, чтобы подсказать, что делать.
- 00:07:32,499 --> 00:07:33,950 Это часть теста.
- 00:07:33,951 --> 00:07:35,621 Вас заставляют мыслить нестандартно.
- 00:07:35,646 --> 00:07:37,740 О-о-о! Не хочу всё выворачивать,
- 00:07:37,745 --> 00:07:39,207 но вместо того, чтобы мыслить нестандартно,
- 00:07:39,232 --> 00:07:41,089 может, им лучше...
- 00:07:42,662 --> 00:07:45,748 Я всеми фибрами души против этого,
- 00:07:45,753 --> 00:07:47,088 но ты знаешь, что мы должны сделать.
- 00:07:47,089 --> 00:07:47,839 За ножи!
- 00:07:47,840 --> 00:07:49,960 Нет. Не будем ненавидеть друг друга, как брат и сестра.
- 00:07:49,967 --> 00:07:52,240 Будем делать это академически.
- 00:07:52,266 --> 00:07:54,634 Станем друг другу учителями.
- 00:07:54,637 --> 00:07:57,297 Тогда внимательнее смотри по сторонам, придурок!
- 00:07:57,322 --> 00:07:59,922 Потому что я зачислю тебя в вуз!
- 00:07:59,948 --> 00:08:02,952 Вы знаете, что это? Это вся империя Герцога.
- 00:08:02,978 --> 00:08:05,898 Еда, потайные ходы и э...
- 00:08:05,900 --> 00:08:08,520 Его ресторан в стиле пятидесятых «Боп-Бопс».
- 00:08:08,526 --> 00:08:11,460 Опустошим его запасы и раздадим всей Стене.
- 00:08:11,486 --> 00:08:12,713 И никто не узнает, что это мы.
- 00:08:12,738 --> 00:08:14,025 Идеальное преступление.
- 00:08:14,051 --> 00:08:15,728 Как в «Тринадцати друзьях Оушена».
- 00:08:15,754 --> 00:08:17,962 Лучшая работа Эллиота Гулда с семидесятых.
- 00:08:17,988 --> 00:08:21,289 Парни, в «Друзьях» он тоже классный.
- 00:08:23,118 --> 00:08:25,061 Всем сесть и замолчать!
- 00:08:25,087 --> 00:08:28,572 Или клянусь, я выкину тебя на улицу еще до обеда.
- 00:08:28,598 --> 00:08:30,881 Я верну тебя на землю!
- 00:08:30,883 --> 00:08:34,822 Уверена, ты не знал, что Шекспир был первым рэпером.
- 00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:36,758 О, Шекспир жил
- 00:08:36,764 --> 00:08:39,643 с ди-джеем Кулом Герком в Бронксе пять лет до появления Сына Сэма?
- 00:08:39,644 --> 00:08:42,259 Да, точно. Поэтому стихи Шекспира как рэп.
- 00:08:42,285 --> 00:08:44,590 Плюс он заработал кучу денег
- 00:08:44,615 --> 00:08:45,693 на пьесах других драматургов.
- 00:08:45,718 --> 00:08:47,017 Мне нравится Шекспир.
- 00:08:47,041 --> 00:08:48,102 Разумеется.
- 00:08:48,107 --> 00:08:52,240 Мой жёсткий, но доходчивый стиль обучения пробивает эмоциональную броню.
- 00:08:52,266 --> 00:08:53,308 Еще как!
- 00:09:00,621 --> 00:09:01,683 А!
- 00:09:02,436 --> 00:09:05,444 Терри, я пытаюсь учиться. И ты займись тем же.
- 00:09:05,471 --> 00:09:07,417 Уже. Я учусь играть на барабанах,
- 00:09:07,418 --> 00:09:08,385 как в фильме «Одержимость».
- 00:09:08,411 --> 00:09:10,702 Представь, что будет, если ты вылетишь из школы.
- 00:09:10,708 --> 00:09:12,882 Полагаю, меня ждёт выволочка.
- 00:09:12,883 --> 00:09:14,939 Нет. Я думал, ты станешь дисциплинированным.
- 00:09:14,964 --> 00:09:16,311 Но ты не оставил выбора.
- 00:09:16,336 --> 00:09:17,806 Если тебя отчислят, забудь про телек,
- 00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:18,589 видеоигры
- 00:09:18,615 --> 00:09:21,529 и про подписку на канал «Хулу».
- 00:09:21,555 --> 00:09:23,164 Но «Нетфликс» не показывает то,
- 00:09:23,189 --> 00:09:25,730 что снимает «Хулу». А «Хулу» снимает «Призрачную башню».
- 00:09:25,731 --> 00:09:28,349 Как же я узнал, что там дальше, Корво?
- 00:09:28,357 --> 00:09:29,445 Тогда учись.
- 00:09:29,446 --> 00:09:31,929 Сделай мне очки, которые позволят видеть сквозь людей,
- 00:09:31,954 --> 00:09:32,842 чтобы списывать.
- 00:09:32,868 --> 00:09:34,696 Разумеется. Но к экзамену не успеть.
- 00:09:34,697 --> 00:09:36,903 Стой. Я не буду помогать тебе.
- 00:09:36,907 --> 00:09:39,524 Ты сделаешь всё сам. Тебе придётся принять этот вызов.
- 00:09:39,549 --> 00:09:41,670 А-а! Ладно. Да.
- 00:09:41,696 --> 00:09:43,410 Пойду за учебником.
- 00:09:43,779 --> 00:09:46,099 Я даже не могу попасть в себя смарт-лучом.
- 00:09:46,125 --> 00:09:47,425 Что делать?
- 00:09:47,614 --> 00:09:49,234 Пупа, нельзя играть с лучом глупости.
- 00:09:49,259 --> 00:09:52,961 Если ты в кого-нибудь попадёшь, он станет глупый и весёлым,
- 00:09:52,965 --> 00:09:54,805 как я.
- 00:09:55,115 --> 00:09:57,260 Их математика очень лёгкая.
- 00:09:57,261 --> 00:09:59,387 Они даже не нашли число, исходящее из нуля.
- 00:09:59,412 --> 00:10:01,824 – Зачем тебе луч глупости? – Я держу его.
- 00:10:01,850 --> 00:10:03,316 Получай, придурок!
- 00:10:03,641 --> 00:10:05,560 Терри, он лишь для крайних случаев,
- 00:10:05,561 --> 00:10:06,522 когда мы перемудрим.
- 00:10:06,548 --> 00:10:07,772 Сейчас как раз такой.
- 00:10:07,797 --> 00:10:10,022 Не делай меня глупым! Мои подкасты пропадут.
- 00:10:10,047 --> 00:10:12,061 Но мы сможем тупить вместе!
- 00:10:12,086 --> 00:10:13,192 Нет. Это глупый план.
- 00:10:13,548 --> 00:10:14,627 Ой!
- 00:10:15,535 --> 00:10:17,495 О боже, Корво. Ты в порядке?
- 00:10:24,567 --> 00:10:27,055 Приятель, как самочувствие?
- 00:10:27,081 --> 00:10:28,148 Ты поглупел?
- 00:10:28,174 --> 00:10:29,879 Хочу посмотреть трилогию «Уж кто бы говорил»
- 00:10:29,904 --> 00:10:31,075 и съесть хот-дог.
- 00:10:31,100 --> 00:10:32,642 Да! Так-то!
- 00:10:36,118 --> 00:10:37,923 Мне нравится пить пиво на скорость.
- 00:10:37,948 --> 00:10:39,100 И мне тоже, бро.
- 00:10:39,125 --> 00:10:40,926 Не хочешь купить всё меню в забегаловке,
- 00:10:40,951 --> 00:10:42,544 смешать в миске
- 00:10:42,570 --> 00:10:44,147 и съесть вместе со мной с ножом и вилкой?
- 00:10:44,172 --> 00:10:46,785 Да, миллион раз да.
- 00:10:47,191 --> 00:10:49,233 Тупак – как кислород.
- 00:10:49,234 --> 00:10:50,773 Он нужен нам для жизни.
- 00:10:50,777 --> 00:10:52,737 А вот Сиско, скорее, как плутоний.
- 00:10:52,738 --> 00:10:54,839 Он как артист одного хита,
- 00:10:54,865 --> 00:10:56,017 про которого все уже забыли.
- 00:10:56,498 --> 00:10:59,718 Никогда не думал, что каждый школьный предмет основан на рэпе.
- 00:10:59,750 --> 00:11:02,330 Это самое рэповое, что ты сказал за весь день.
- 00:11:02,331 --> 00:11:05,917 Пять. О, мы не успеваем. Моя очередь. Учи меня.
- 00:11:05,918 --> 00:11:07,667 Начинаем «Английский сто один».
- 00:11:07,668 --> 00:11:09,339 Все достаньте учебники.
- 00:11:09,340 --> 00:11:11,198 А теперь выбросьте их.
- 00:11:11,224 --> 00:11:13,733 Они нам не нужны. Я учу по памяти.
- 00:11:13,759 --> 00:11:15,965 Стой. Вообще-то, вынь его из помойки.
- 00:11:15,969 --> 00:11:18,791 Да, мы будем часто обращаться к тексту.
- 00:11:19,598 --> 00:11:21,534 – А теперь выброси! – О, хватит.
- 00:11:21,561 --> 00:11:22,737 Вечеринка у нас дома!
- 00:11:23,186 --> 00:11:26,122 Начинается не знаю во сколько и будет до двух ночи!
- 00:11:26,140 --> 00:11:27,994 Будет круто!
- 00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:47,305 Хватайся и держись.
- 00:11:47,331 --> 00:11:48,668 Паук! Замрите!
- 00:11:53,843 --> 00:11:55,305 Иди ты, паук!
- 00:12:00,347 --> 00:12:02,705 Почему мы не сказали точное время?
- 00:12:02,731 --> 00:12:04,013 Люди приходят весь день.
- 00:12:04,018 --> 00:12:05,796 Хотите увидеть, как я бью бутылку?
- 00:12:06,646 --> 00:12:07,689 Да!
- 00:12:07,896 --> 00:12:10,524 Потрогай мантию. Кто-нибудь, потрогайте её!
- 00:12:11,441 --> 00:12:13,651 Так. У меня девяносто пять. У тебя тридцать три.
- 00:12:13,652 --> 00:12:16,732 Ах, мы сдали! И каждый день ходили в школу!
- 00:12:16,738 --> 00:12:18,753 – Да! Мы молодцы! Ха-ха! – Да!
- 00:12:20,601 --> 00:12:23,919 Я сказала, мы были здесь каждый день!
- 00:12:24,621 --> 00:12:26,710 Эй! Мы справились! Можете выходить.
- 00:12:26,736 --> 00:12:28,238 Чего вы ждёте?
- 00:12:29,168 --> 00:12:31,498 Хах. Думаешь, они решили уйти?
- 00:12:31,524 --> 00:12:34,295 Может, за нами никто не следит?
- 00:12:34,298 --> 00:12:36,507 Может, они имели в виду не пропускать школу,
- 00:12:36,508 --> 00:12:38,610 когда все остальные тоже будут здесь.
- 00:12:38,637 --> 00:12:41,136 Мы ходили сюда всё это время зря?
- 00:12:41,162 --> 00:12:43,056 Думаю, да. И что теперь?
- 00:12:43,057 --> 00:12:44,721 Уничтожим школу научной фантастикой?
- 00:12:44,746 --> 00:12:45,788 Да!
- 00:12:46,056 --> 00:12:47,099 Осторожно!
- 00:12:52,010 --> 00:12:53,730 – Да! – Да!
- 00:12:56,272 --> 00:12:57,810 ЕДА
- 00:12:57,872 --> 00:12:59,818 Кто-то должен прикрепить это к двери
- 00:12:59,842 --> 00:13:01,238 и отбежать до взрыва.
- 00:13:01,264 --> 00:13:03,863 В свободное время я тренировался убегать от взрывов.
- 00:13:03,869 --> 00:13:05,456 – Я справлюсь. – Нет.
- 00:13:05,482 --> 00:13:07,895 В прежние времена я был сотрудником сети магазинов,
- 00:13:07,921 --> 00:13:09,036 плохим сотрудником.
- 00:13:09,041 --> 00:13:12,379 Я на всех ругался и мочился в автомат с напитками.
- 00:13:12,380 --> 00:13:15,731 Но здесь всё иначе. Здесь я умру как герой.
- 00:13:15,757 --> 00:13:16,632 Брайсон, я же сказал:
- 00:13:16,633 --> 00:13:18,593 никто не умрёт. Думаю, я успею отпрыгнуть
- 00:13:18,617 --> 00:13:20,837 – до взрыва. – В лучах славы!
- 00:13:20,863 --> 00:13:21,985 О черт.
- 00:13:22,570 --> 00:13:23,839 – Беги, беги, Брайсон! – Беги! Беги! Ну же!
- 00:13:23,864 --> 00:13:25,588 Нет! Нет времени!
- 00:13:26,809 --> 00:13:28,110 О, ладно. Может, и есть.
- 00:13:28,135 --> 00:13:29,547 – А-а-а! – Брайсон!
- 00:13:32,398 --> 00:13:33,856 О черт!
- 00:13:33,857 --> 00:13:35,566 Я жив!
- 00:13:35,567 --> 00:13:36,656 Но я ослеп!
- 00:13:36,682 --> 00:13:38,363 Надо было бежать. Почему ты стоял?
- 00:13:38,364 --> 00:13:41,109 О нет! Моё достоинство!
- 00:13:41,135 --> 00:13:43,620 Я слепой и без достоинства!
- 00:13:43,993 --> 00:13:45,862 Э...
- 00:13:45,869 --> 00:13:47,787 Прошу, уйдите.
- 00:13:47,788 --> 00:13:51,226 Я слепой и без достоинства.
- 00:13:51,542 --> 00:13:53,372 Эй, я нашёл его!
- 00:13:53,377 --> 00:13:56,587 Оно всё время было здесь! Только ниже, чем я думал.
- 00:13:58,048 --> 00:13:59,548 Смотри, Терри.
- 00:13:59,550 --> 00:14:00,814 Стой-стой-стой. Ты же говорил,
- 00:14:00,839 --> 00:14:02,666 нажимать кнопки на корабле опасно.
- 00:14:02,691 --> 00:14:04,600 Не будь дураком.
- 00:14:09,530 --> 00:14:12,201 – Видишь? Порядок. – Люблю глупого Корво.
- 00:14:12,227 --> 00:14:14,186 Эй, Корво, иди сюда. Понюхай с нами.
- 00:14:14,210 --> 00:14:16,997 Хрю-хрю, придурки!
- 00:14:27,262 --> 00:14:28,720 Ледяная лава!
- 00:14:28,746 --> 00:14:30,047 Она замерзает!
- 00:14:30,073 --> 00:14:31,785 Боже, и сжигает!
- 00:14:40,442 --> 00:14:41,496 Ха-ха! Стой!
- 00:14:41,522 --> 00:14:43,533 Не стреляй. Щекотно.
- 00:14:43,559 --> 00:14:45,150 О, попалась.
- 00:14:48,116 --> 00:14:50,746 – Это мы сделали лаву? – Не знаю. Может быть.
- 00:14:51,310 --> 00:14:52,310 – А! – Вода!
- 00:14:52,311 --> 00:14:54,506 Нечестно. Я отвлеклась.
- 00:14:55,625 --> 00:14:56,591 Корво, что мы наделали?
- 00:14:56,617 --> 00:14:59,049 Горяче-холодная лава разлилась повсюду.
- 00:14:59,074 --> 00:15:00,732 Не волнуйся. Я знаю, что делать.
- 00:15:01,779 --> 00:15:03,384 Я оседлал пришельца!
- 00:15:03,410 --> 00:15:04,822 Хватит глупостей.
- 00:15:04,823 --> 00:15:06,415 Лишь ты знаешь про ледяную лаву.
- 00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:07,446 Терри, я знаю, как всё исправить.
- 00:15:07,472 --> 00:15:10,161 Потусим и посмотрим трилогию.
- 00:15:10,162 --> 00:15:12,015 Всё рассосётся само собой.
- 00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:13,704 Нет времени и на один фильм.
- 00:15:13,707 --> 00:15:16,476 Кто знал, что если ты станешь глупым, всё закончится так?!
- 00:15:16,501 --> 00:15:18,998 Может, вторую часть «Матрицы»? Посмотрим не подряд.
- 00:15:19,023 --> 00:15:20,503 Может, я смогу починить смарт-пушку
- 00:15:20,507 --> 00:15:22,256 и выстрелю в тебя.
- 00:15:22,257 --> 00:15:24,757 Будь здесь. Я сделаю тебя умным.
- 00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:26,970 Эй, я глупый, а не глухой!
- 00:15:28,875 --> 00:15:30,174 Давай, давай.
- 00:15:30,494 --> 00:15:32,837 А, да! Эй, учебник небольшой.
- 00:15:32,863 --> 00:15:34,152 А! О черт.
- 00:15:34,191 --> 00:15:36,132 Ладно. Терри, ты справишься.
- 00:15:36,158 --> 00:15:38,120 Сосредоточься. Учись. Будь умным.
- 00:15:38,146 --> 00:15:40,896 Морфеус, как ты делаешь так, что солнечные очки
- 00:15:40,922 --> 00:15:41,802 прилипают к лицу?
- 00:15:41,828 --> 00:15:44,079 О, я должен это видеть. Нет, нет.
- 00:15:44,105 --> 00:15:45,406 Сосредоточься.
- 00:15:46,595 --> 00:15:48,713 О! Если перенаправить лаву...
- 00:15:48,739 --> 00:15:51,399 Смотри, Терри. Я теперь Морфеус.
- 00:15:51,425 --> 00:15:52,565 Осторожно.
- 00:15:53,051 --> 00:15:55,185 Надо купить скакуна. Хочу поехать в Кентукки
- 00:15:55,210 --> 00:15:56,221 и носить большую шляпу.
- 00:15:56,222 --> 00:15:57,977 Я придумал ему имя.
- 00:15:58,002 --> 00:15:59,807 Готов? Лошадеус.
- 00:15:59,808 --> 00:16:00,986 Это для скакуна.
- 00:16:01,011 --> 00:16:02,103 Ты замолчишь, наконец?
- 00:16:02,129 --> 00:16:03,877 Так я не починю смарт-пушку.
- 00:16:03,902 --> 00:16:05,939 Я прочитал лишь главу по реактору.
- 00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:07,765 Вот это да!
- 00:16:07,791 --> 00:16:10,796 Я случайно научился чинить лавоподобный реактор.
- 00:16:12,612 --> 00:16:14,950 Хочу, чтобы ты знал, если я не выживу:
- 00:16:14,951 --> 00:16:18,171 Для меня было большой честью прилететь на Землю с тобой.
- 00:16:18,197 --> 00:16:19,535 Корво, я люблю тебя.
- 00:16:19,536 --> 00:16:21,956 Хочу ударить молотком по пуле. США!
- 00:16:21,957 --> 00:16:23,704 США! США!
- 00:16:48,565 --> 00:16:50,300 Ну вот. Я починил его.
- 00:16:50,326 --> 00:16:52,739 Я сделал что-то, не срезая путь.
- 00:16:52,740 --> 00:16:53,934 Что ты делаешь?!
- 00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:55,407 Я думал, ты подаёшь сигналы.
- 00:16:55,408 --> 00:16:57,695 Что? Нет. Когда пройдёт действие луча?
- 00:16:57,699 --> 00:16:58,517 Хочу фастфуд.
- 00:16:58,542 --> 00:16:59,524 Я такой постоянно?
- 00:16:59,550 --> 00:17:01,489 О, Терри, посмотрим «Обитель зла»?
- 00:17:01,514 --> 00:17:02,607 Да, я такой.
- 00:17:03,354 --> 00:17:04,330 О да.
- 00:17:04,332 --> 00:17:06,169 Люблю последнюю неделю летних каникул.
- 00:17:06,170 --> 00:17:08,456 Здорово, когда здесь нет детей.
- 00:17:08,460 --> 00:17:10,920 После давай в позе наездницы,
- 00:17:10,921 --> 00:17:12,460 а потом в химической лаборатории.
- 00:17:12,464 --> 00:17:14,131 Но на мне сандалии.
- 00:17:15,141 --> 00:17:16,893 Что вы здесь делаете?!
- 00:17:19,387 --> 00:17:22,017 – О нет. – Мы сделали, как вы сказали.
- 00:17:22,043 --> 00:17:25,381 Мы приходим сюда каждый день в семь утра.
- 00:17:25,407 --> 00:17:27,038 И давно вы здесь одни?
- 00:17:27,064 --> 00:17:29,058 – Мы ни разу не опоздали. Правда. – Мы сделали, как нам сказали.
- 00:17:29,083 --> 00:17:30,743 Проявите сострадание.
- 00:17:30,769 --> 00:17:32,070 Ждите снаружи.
- 00:17:33,661 --> 00:17:35,604 Да что с ними такое?!
- 00:17:35,631 --> 00:17:37,175 Плевать, что они подружились.
- 00:17:37,199 --> 00:17:39,073 Мы не говорили им ходить сюда всё лето!
- 00:17:39,074 --> 00:17:40,574 Это насилие.
- 00:17:40,575 --> 00:17:43,022 Может, им не поверят. Наше слово против их.
- 00:17:43,047 --> 00:17:44,634 Они застали нас в столовой.
- 00:17:44,659 --> 00:17:46,488 Практически с поличным.
- 00:17:46,514 --> 00:17:47,634 О боже.
- 00:17:47,660 --> 00:17:49,463 Мы должны поступить правильно.
- 00:17:50,559 --> 00:17:53,006 Ладно. Сколько вы хотите за молчание?
- 00:17:53,032 --> 00:17:53,909 Тысячу долларов?
- 00:17:53,935 --> 00:17:55,277 – Мы хотим пятёрки! – Мы хотим пятёрки!
- 00:17:55,301 --> 00:17:57,206 – И всё? За что? – За всё.
- 00:17:57,232 --> 00:18:00,469 Мы ставим вам пятёрки, а вы забываете обо всём, что здесь было.
- 00:18:00,470 --> 00:18:02,785 Позу наездницы, насилие, поедание...
- 00:18:02,811 --> 00:18:04,241 Поздравляю, вы отличники.
- 00:18:04,266 --> 00:18:05,088 – Ура-а! – Да-а! У-у-у!
- 00:18:05,114 --> 00:18:06,848 – Я отличник! – У-у-у!
- 00:18:07,306 --> 00:18:08,551 Мы плохие.
- 00:18:18,152 --> 00:18:20,196 О, собирать прах моих жертв
- 00:18:20,222 --> 00:18:23,826 и вновь превращать их в младенцев оказалось труднее, чем я думал.
- 00:18:23,827 --> 00:18:26,036 Но у них есть второй шанс. Это круто.
- 00:18:26,037 --> 00:18:26,809 Что у вас?
- 00:18:26,835 --> 00:18:28,983 Мы застукали наших учителей в столовке,
- 00:18:29,009 --> 00:18:30,829 и теперь мы отличники.
- 00:18:30,856 --> 00:18:32,132 И мы снова друзья.
- 00:18:32,158 --> 00:18:33,960 И хлопья закончились.
- 00:18:33,962 --> 00:18:34,962 Я куплю завтра.
- 00:18:34,963 --> 00:18:37,631 Не открывайте дверь в ванную. Я запер там Корво,
- 00:18:37,632 --> 00:18:38,430 пока он не поумнеет.
- 00:18:38,431 --> 00:18:40,045 Выпустите! Здесь пришелец!
- 00:18:40,051 --> 00:18:41,623 О нет. Это я в зеркале.
- 00:18:41,649 --> 00:18:43,408 О-о, он правда поглупел.
- 00:18:43,434 --> 00:18:45,436 Да, я выстрелил в него раз десять.
- 00:18:45,461 --> 00:18:47,727 О, тогда это надолго.
- 00:18:47,753 --> 00:18:48,887 Держись, Корво.
- 00:18:48,913 --> 00:18:51,345 Не спи лицом вниз, иначе задохнёшься.
- 00:18:51,354 --> 00:18:54,402 Выпустите! Галь Гадот – ведьма. Её заслали в Америку,
- 00:18:54,403 --> 00:18:56,439 чтобы мы забыли о рецессии 2008-го.
- 00:18:56,443 --> 00:18:58,028 Да. Очень смешно.
- 00:18:58,029 --> 00:19:00,196 Выпустите меня! Меня взяли в заложники!
- 00:19:00,197 --> 00:19:01,277 На помощь! Помогите!
- 00:19:01,281 --> 00:19:03,869 Нет, это шутка. Это тоже говорил я. Подыграй.
- 00:19:03,870 --> 00:19:05,593 Привет, что вы здесь делаете?
- 00:19:05,619 --> 00:19:06,706 Эй, потише.
- 00:19:10,499 --> 00:19:12,508 Здесь пусто. Нет. Что-то не так.
- 00:19:12,534 --> 00:19:14,066 Так. Надо уходить.
- 00:19:15,119 --> 00:19:16,994 Вы придурки.
- 00:19:17,317 --> 00:19:20,258 Что ты сделаешь, Герцог, убьешь нас? Ты в меньшинстве.
- 00:19:21,938 --> 00:19:25,150 Понимаешь, Тим, малыш, это была ловушка.
- 00:19:25,177 --> 00:19:27,215 Мы с Энрике всё это подстроили:
- 00:19:27,224 --> 00:19:29,433 Карта, джип и прочее.
- 00:19:29,434 --> 00:19:31,813 – Энрике? Зачем? – Ты убил моего сына.
- 00:19:31,814 --> 00:19:33,269 Формально это сделал Герцог,
- 00:19:33,294 --> 00:19:35,400 но ты втянул его во всё это.
- 00:19:35,401 --> 00:19:37,012 Видишь, я соблюдаю правила.
- 00:19:37,038 --> 00:19:39,819 Стена существует только благодаря правилам.
- 00:19:39,820 --> 00:19:42,238 Но когда кто-то нарушает правила,
- 00:19:42,239 --> 00:19:43,239 его надо наказать.
- 00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:46,019 Я нашёл идеальное наказание,
- 00:19:46,045 --> 00:19:47,418 Дыру рыданий.
- 00:19:47,444 --> 00:19:50,196 Тим, ты слышал про Дыру рыданий?
- 00:19:52,078 --> 00:19:53,040 Не-е-ет!
- 00:19:55,293 --> 00:19:57,794 На тебя у меня другие планы, Тим.
- 00:20:01,058 --> 00:20:04,818 Эти пришельцы в миллион раз умнее любого человека.
- 00:20:05,244 --> 00:20:07,914 Они достойные соперники.
- 00:20:09,141 --> 00:20:11,729 Спасибо, что выпустили. Я стал умнее.
- 00:20:11,755 --> 00:20:12,953 Теперь я умный, спасибо.
- 00:20:12,980 --> 00:20:15,273 Ладно. Мы верим, что ты умный.
- 00:20:15,275 --> 00:20:16,968 Мы все извлекли урок.
- 00:20:16,994 --> 00:20:19,190 Давайте все возьмёмся за дело
- 00:20:19,216 --> 00:20:20,192 и починим корабль.
- 00:20:20,193 --> 00:20:22,234 Что это? Схемы гипердвигателя?
- 00:20:22,258 --> 00:20:24,490 Зря стараешься. У нас нет гипердвигателя.
- 00:20:24,491 --> 00:20:27,198 Нет-нет. Это мой сценарий «Третий лишний 3».
- 00:20:27,224 --> 00:20:28,790 – Жду ваши замечания. – Черт. Он еще глупый.
- 00:20:28,815 --> 00:20:30,675 Называется «T3D», но не в 3D.
- 00:20:30,701 --> 00:20:34,515 Тед и Уолберг ищут сокровища и встречают ведьму.
- 00:20:34,541 --> 00:20:36,500 Действие происходит в мире Гарри Поттера в будущем,
- 00:20:36,525 --> 00:20:37,462 где каждый город – Бостон.
- 00:20:37,488 --> 00:20:38,885 Бен Аффлек и Мэтт Дэймон – президенты.
- 00:20:38,886 --> 00:20:40,254 В пиццерии вкусная пицца.
- 00:20:40,255 --> 00:20:41,858 А я профессиональный игрок в покер.
- 00:20:41,883 --> 00:20:44,260 Выпустите! Освободите меня!
- 00:20:44,261 --> 00:20:46,720 Как здорово делать что-то с семьёй.
- 00:00:05,938 --> 00:00:07,528 Вы знаете, почему вы здесь?
- 00:00:07,528 --> 00:00:11,068 Наверное, у нас проблемы из-за того, что Юмьюлак снова что-то сделал.
- 00:00:11,068 --> 00:00:12,528 Как и обычно.
- 00:00:12,528 --> 00:00:15,078 Ты о чем-то классном, из-за чего ты меня сдала?
- 00:00:15,078 --> 00:00:16,078 Я не стукачка!
- 00:00:16,078 --> 00:00:18,078 Тогда почему тебя колотят, как стукача?
- 00:00:19,958 --> 00:00:21,248 О боже, заткнитесь!
- 00:00:21,248 --> 00:00:23,548 Вы оба уничтожили целый год учебы своими странными опытами!
- 00:00:23,548 --> 00:00:26,168 Вы заперли шахматистов в альтернативном измерении,
- 00:00:26,168 --> 00:00:28,468 реанимировали всех зародышей свиней, а мы не можем этого доказать,
- 00:00:28,468 --> 00:00:32,298 но мы точно уверены, что из-за вас у Мисс Ким месячные длились три месяца
- 00:00:32,298 --> 00:00:33,848 после того, как она отобрала вашу светящуюся сферу.
- 00:00:33,848 --> 00:00:35,638 - Стукачка! - Не сегодня!
- 00:00:35,638 --> 00:00:36,928 - Умри! Умри! Умри! - Не дождешься.
- 00:00:37,598 --> 00:00:40,598 Юмьюлак, из 180 дней в этом году
- 00:00:40,598 --> 00:00:42,608 179 раз ты опаздывал.
- 00:00:42,608 --> 00:00:45,188 Джесси, а ты опаздывала 3 раза.
- 00:00:45,188 --> 00:00:47,738 - Я ужасна. - Да, так и есть.
- 00:00:47,738 --> 00:00:51,358 Если вы хоть раз опоздаете или пропустите урок,
- 00:00:51,358 --> 00:00:52,738 то вас исключат.
- 00:00:52,738 --> 00:00:55,288 А это значит, что вас отправят в военное училище,
- 00:00:55,288 --> 00:00:57,368 и там вам хорошенько достанется от задир.
- 00:00:58,498 --> 00:01:01,078 И вам придется побриться.
- 00:01:01,078 --> 00:01:02,748 Но мне так важна моя прическа!
- 00:01:03,288 --> 00:01:05,628 Так что не облажайтесь.
- 00:01:07,548 --> 00:01:10,258 Ты так горяч, когда кричишь на детей.
- 00:01:10,588 --> 00:01:13,218 Из меня течет как из ведра,
- 00:01:13,218 --> 00:01:15,308 когда ты пишешь что-то в их личное дело.
- 00:01:15,308 --> 00:01:17,768 О да, им это припомнят в колледже.
- 00:01:18,678 --> 00:01:20,938 Готовься. Я видел это на канале Starz.
- 00:01:20,938 --> 00:01:23,148 Что за...
- 00:01:23,648 --> 00:01:24,688 Терри, нужна помощь.
- 00:01:25,108 --> 00:01:26,228 Серьезно,
- 00:01:26,228 --> 00:01:27,528 тебе даже посмотреть на меня лень?
- 00:01:27,528 --> 00:01:30,068 Я ограничиваю себя до трех движений шеей в день.
- 00:01:30,068 --> 00:01:30,948 Осталось только одно.
- 00:01:30,948 --> 00:01:32,408 Нам нужно огранить дорсальную призму,
- 00:01:32,408 --> 00:01:33,948 лавовому реактору нужно больше энергии,
- 00:01:33,948 --> 00:01:35,448 а еще ты подсоединил телефон к стерео корабля,
- 00:01:35,448 --> 00:01:36,788 и я не знаю, как его отключить.
- 00:01:36,788 --> 00:01:39,288 Если я еще хоть раз услышу песню "Gone in 60 Seconds" ...
- 00:01:39,288 --> 00:01:40,708 Ты же знаешь, я слишком глуп, чтобы помочь.
- 00:01:40,708 --> 00:01:42,868 Просто направь на себя луч мудрости.
- 00:01:42,868 --> 00:01:43,918 Займет секунду.
- 00:01:43,918 --> 00:01:46,458 Откажусь. Умные люди обычно грустные.
- 00:01:46,458 --> 00:01:47,498 Подожи. Что ты делаешь?
- 00:01:47,998 --> 00:01:50,298 Терри, а ну вернись. Дай я выстрелю в тебя лучом мудрости.
- 00:01:53,388 --> 00:01:54,588 Терри!
- 00:01:54,588 --> 00:01:56,218 Я не знал, что он такой хрупкий.
- 00:01:56,218 --> 00:01:58,928 Эй, вы могли бы отправить Джесси в измерения ада? Она - остой.
- 00:01:58,928 --> 00:02:01,638 Нет, это измерение только для врагов и Энселя Эльгорта.
- 00:02:01,638 --> 00:02:03,478 И для мусора, который мы забываем выбросить.
- 00:02:03,478 --> 00:02:05,058 Из-за Юмьюлака у нас опять проблемы.
- 00:02:05,058 --> 00:02:07,438 И они уже начинают догадываться о сфере.
- 00:02:07,438 --> 00:02:09,988 Могу я просто бросить школу? Зачем она вообще?
- 00:02:09,988 --> 00:02:12,818 Пупа эволюционирует в свою истинную форму и уничтожит планету.
- 00:02:12,818 --> 00:02:14,778 Я что, не могу смотреть телевизор, пока это происходит?
- 00:02:14,778 --> 00:02:16,868 - Пепси. - Слушай, все это невозможно предугадать.
- 00:02:16,868 --> 00:02:18,538 Это может занять недели, годы.
- 00:02:18,538 --> 00:02:20,448 Оно только что сказало "Пепси". Кто знает, что с ним происходит.
- 00:02:20,448 --> 00:02:22,578 Черт возьми, Терри, ты-то должен знать. Ты же специалист по Пупам.
- 00:02:22,578 --> 00:02:23,958 - Ну и что. - Ладно, вы, двое, слушайте,
- 00:02:23,958 --> 00:02:26,078 школа важна и делает вас умнее.
- 00:02:26,078 --> 00:02:28,338 А быть умным - самое важное из всего.
- 00:02:28,338 --> 00:02:30,208 Контраргумент: Корво глупый.
- 00:02:30,208 --> 00:02:32,338 Школа важна, потому что это весело,
- 00:02:32,338 --> 00:02:33,378 нет никакой ответственности,
- 00:02:33,378 --> 00:02:36,798 а еще повсюду горячие цыпочки, которые хотят тусить и перепихнуться.
- 00:02:36,798 --> 00:02:38,558 Подожди, Терри, тебе нравится школа?
- 00:02:38,558 --> 00:02:39,968 Черт возьми, да, глупый! Школа рулит.
- 00:02:39,968 --> 00:02:41,768 Серьезно? Знаешь, мы тоже может пойти в школу.
- 00:02:41,768 --> 00:02:42,728 Я бы хотел.
- 00:02:42,728 --> 00:02:45,438 За цементным заводом есть школа для взрослых, Терри.
- 00:02:45,438 --> 00:02:46,898 - Такая есть? - Да, и мы можем пойти туда.
- 00:02:46,898 --> 00:02:49,018 Мы станем умными и будем сражаться за одобрение учителя.
- 00:02:49,018 --> 00:02:50,728 Или встретить клрутых девчонок, вступить в братство
- 00:02:50,728 --> 00:02:51,688 и больше не чинить корабль.
- 00:02:51,688 --> 00:02:53,858 Или ты можешь научиться ответственности, стать лучшим человеком
- 00:02:53,858 --> 00:02:55,198 и помочь мне с кораблем.
- 00:02:55,198 --> 00:02:58,238 Терри и Корво идут в школу по одной и той же причине.
- 00:02:59,278 --> 00:03:01,328 Планета Шлорп являлась идеальной утопией.
- 00:03:01,748 --> 00:03:03,208 До падения астероида.
- 00:03:04,578 --> 00:03:06,958 Сотня взрослых и репликантов улетели с планеты вместе с Пупой
- 00:03:06,958 --> 00:03:08,918 и отправились в космос
- 00:03:08,918 --> 00:03:11,298 в поисках нового дома на необитаемой планете.
- 00:03:12,048 --> 00:03:15,048 Мы упали на Землю и застряли на этой уже и так перенаселенной планете.
- 00:03:15,048 --> 00:03:16,678 Верно, это я говорил все это время.
- 00:03:16,678 --> 00:03:18,468 Я тот, который держут Пупу. Меня зовут Корво.
- 00:03:18,468 --> 00:03:20,888 Это... это мое шоу. Я только что уронил Пупу. Видите меня?
- 00:03:20,888 --> 00:03:22,348 Это просто смешно.
- 00:03:22,348 --> 00:03:24,268 Я ненавижу Землю. Это ужасный дом.
- 00:03:24,268 --> 00:03:25,268 Люди глупые.
- 00:03:25,268 --> 00:03:26,938 Стоит только сказать, что Иисус был пришельцем,
- 00:03:26,938 --> 00:03:28,558 как они обижаются и начинают на тебя орать,
- 00:03:28,558 --> 00:03:30,068 даже если он и вел себя как пришелец.
- 00:03:30,068 --> 00:03:32,148 Смиритесь уже. В чем проблема.
- 00:03:40,328 --> 00:03:42,078 Эй, я круто выгляжу? Думаю, да.
- 00:03:42,078 --> 00:03:44,198 - Первый день школы, детка. Ву-ху! - Терри, не веди себя, как придурок.
- 00:03:44,198 --> 00:03:45,288 И будь таким крутым, как я.
- 00:03:45,288 --> 00:03:46,868 Стремная роба - это не круто.
- 00:03:46,868 --> 00:03:48,668 Ты просто завидуешь тому, как она развивается.
- 00:03:50,208 --> 00:03:52,048 Как же чертовски круто.
- 00:03:52,048 --> 00:03:53,258 Тебе пойдет на пользу, Терри.
- 00:03:53,258 --> 00:03:55,048 Может, ты перестанешь быть таким ленивым.
- 00:03:55,048 --> 00:03:56,508 Знаешь, даже не буду отвечать на это,
- 00:03:56,508 --> 00:03:58,218 потому что мне слишком лень думать над ответом.
- 00:03:58,218 --> 00:04:00,848 Тогда почему ты так радумаешься, что пошел в школу?
- 00:04:00,848 --> 00:04:02,508 Потому что мне нравятся фильмы о колледжах.
- 00:04:02,508 --> 00:04:05,228 Например, "Университет монстров", "ППУ" и "Черепа".
- 00:04:06,018 --> 00:04:08,268 Я планирую поступать как в крутых фильмах, а потом списать у тебя
- 00:04:08,268 --> 00:04:09,268 в конце семестра.
- 00:04:09,268 --> 00:04:11,728 Не стоит постоянно искать легкие пути, Терри.
- 00:04:11,728 --> 00:04:13,978 Может, тебе начать эпизодную арку для твоего персонажа?
- 00:04:13,978 --> 00:04:16,108 Ты же сам хотел облучить меня лучом мудрости.
- 00:04:16,108 --> 00:04:18,608 А это уже пример правильного легкого пути, и скажу те...
- 00:04:18,608 --> 00:04:20,618 Нет, я выиграл. Поторопись, иначе опоздаешь.
- 00:04:20,618 --> 00:04:22,118 И тогда тебе придется списывать на уроках.
- 00:04:22,118 --> 00:04:24,448 А я знаю, как ты это ненавидишь.
- 00:04:24,448 --> 00:04:26,198 Мне нравится писать синими ручками!
- 00:04:30,918 --> 00:04:32,878 Дай пройти моей уточке, нищий.
- 00:04:33,168 --> 00:04:35,298 Не так быстро!
- 00:04:35,298 --> 00:04:36,628 - Возьми этот мешок. - Что за черт?
- 00:04:38,718 --> 00:04:42,008 - А это интересно. - Это принадлежил Герцогу.
- 00:04:42,008 --> 00:04:44,678 - Больше нет. - Вы покойники! Вы все покойники!
- 00:04:44,678 --> 00:04:46,428 Как мой сын, ублюдок!
- 00:04:46,428 --> 00:04:48,558 Нет! Мы не убиваем.
- 00:04:48,558 --> 00:04:51,808 Это отличает нас от тех, кто убивает.
- 00:04:51,808 --> 00:04:53,728 Мы не... Мы не делаем то, что делают они.
- 00:04:53,728 --> 00:04:55,438 Если это касается убийства, то мы этого не делаем.
- 00:04:55,438 --> 00:04:56,528 Понял?
- 00:04:57,278 --> 00:04:59,648 Привет!
- 00:04:59,648 --> 00:05:02,908 Ученики, учителя, кто-нибудь?
- 00:05:02,908 --> 00:05:03,828 Какой прекрасный был день.
- 00:05:03,828 --> 00:05:05,238 Никто не называл меня "гей-шельцем".
- 00:05:05,238 --> 00:05:07,248 И я не прятался в туалете и не делал вид, что у меня есть анус.
- 00:05:07,248 --> 00:05:09,118 - Да, потому что тут никого. - Стоп, что?
- 00:05:11,418 --> 00:05:13,248 О боже, я даже не заметил. Что за черт?
- 00:05:13,248 --> 00:05:15,378 Думаю, над нами ставят опыт.
- 00:05:15,378 --> 00:05:18,758 Директор Кук хочет посмотреть, опоздаем ли мы на урок,
- 00:05:18,758 --> 00:05:20,468 даже если никто не следит за нами.
- 00:05:20,468 --> 00:05:22,638 Наверное, так и работает летняя школа.
- 00:05:22,638 --> 00:05:24,598 Ужасный психологический опыт,
- 00:05:24,598 --> 00:05:27,388 прямо как фильм "Отряд самоубийц", который выиграл Оскар.
- 00:05:27,388 --> 00:05:29,058 Так что не мешайся!
- 00:05:29,058 --> 00:05:30,848 Это ты не мешайся, мудила.
- 00:05:30,848 --> 00:05:33,478 Это будет самый эпичный вызов в нашей жизни.
- 00:05:33,478 --> 00:05:34,938 Я не хочу, чтобы ты мне мешала.
- 00:05:55,128 --> 00:05:58,128 Его звали Чарльз Полсон Гинзбург,
- 00:05:58,128 --> 00:06:02,378 но вы можете знать его как отца видеомагнитофона.
- 00:06:02,378 --> 00:06:04,848 А я знаю его, как моего отца.
- 00:06:06,048 --> 00:06:09,058 Тусовка у меня вечером. Настоящий опыт колледжа.
- 00:06:09,058 --> 00:06:11,308 Пиво, шоты, а еще мы можем украсть полицейскую лошадь.
- 00:06:11,308 --> 00:06:12,518 Мне пришлось бы найти няню.
- 00:06:12,518 --> 00:06:15,518 Ну, тогда бери детей с собой. Терри не спрашивает возраст.
- 00:06:15,518 --> 00:06:16,268 Терри, заткнись.
- 00:06:16,268 --> 00:06:18,978 Делорес, хочешь пойти на мою вечеринку и набухаться?
- 00:06:18,978 --> 00:06:22,278 Я пойду домой и буду смотреть "Морская полиция: спецотдел".
- 00:06:22,278 --> 00:06:23,448 Остой.
- 00:06:23,448 --> 00:06:26,658 Никто даже внимания не обратил, что я одет как Вэн Уайлдер,
- 00:06:26,658 --> 00:06:28,738 - понимаешь, тайский наставник. - Вы могли бы не отвлекаться?
- 00:06:28,738 --> 00:06:31,078 Это твоя работа. Моя - быть крутым.
- 00:06:31,078 --> 00:06:32,788 Я прослушал, что значит М в ВМФ.
- 00:06:32,788 --> 00:06:34,618 - Это может значить что угодно. - Это какой-то отстой.
- 00:06:34,618 --> 00:06:36,458 В колледже все должны тусить всю ночь
- 00:06:36,458 --> 00:06:38,418 и нарушать закон, но мой отец - адвокат,
- 00:06:38,418 --> 00:06:40,338 так что у меня никаких проблем не будет.
- 00:06:40,338 --> 00:06:42,048 Похоже, я должен постараться.
- 00:06:43,338 --> 00:06:45,888 Эй, эй, аккуратнее!
- 00:06:45,888 --> 00:06:46,888 Я играю с фрисби!
- 00:06:46,888 --> 00:06:48,888 Давайте предположим, что мне надо починить DVD.
- 00:06:48,888 --> 00:06:50,178 Это то же самое, что и ВМФ?
- 00:06:50,178 --> 00:06:52,638 Хотел бы я знать.
- 00:06:52,638 --> 00:06:55,268 Терри, прекращай. Никому не нравится фрисби. Ты выглядишь как идиот.
- 00:06:55,268 --> 00:06:57,608 Эй, а фрисби подходит под шторы?
- 00:06:57,608 --> 00:06:59,518 Не знаю, рискнешь проверить?
- 00:07:05,988 --> 00:07:08,238 Как хорошо, что у нас матрасы такие устойчивые.
- 00:07:08,238 --> 00:07:10,238 Иначе бы я подпрыгивал каждый раз.
- 00:07:11,658 --> 00:07:14,748 Скоро начинаются уроки, Терри. Ты снова тусовался всю ночь?
- 00:07:14,748 --> 00:07:17,208 О да, я всю ночь искал вечеринку.
- 00:07:17,208 --> 00:07:19,248 Ходили слухи, кто команда по плаванию тусовались в "Скале",
- 00:07:19,248 --> 00:07:20,878 но оказалось, что это два танцующих бездомных.
- 00:07:20,878 --> 00:07:23,968 Итак, Джесси, Юмьюлак, как у вас дела в школе?
- 00:07:23,968 --> 00:07:26,678 Мы в самом центре психологического теста,
- 00:07:26,678 --> 00:07:29,348 прямо как фильм "Отряд самоубийц", который выиграл Оскар.
- 00:07:29,348 --> 00:07:32,218 Да. И в школе нет ни одного учителя, который сказал бы нам, что делать.
- 00:07:32,218 --> 00:07:33,888 Я уверен, что это часть теста.
- 00:07:33,888 --> 00:07:35,848 Возможно, они хотят, чтобы вы мыслили нестандартно.
- 00:07:35,848 --> 00:07:37,688 Не хочу, конечно, встревать,
- 00:07:37,688 --> 00:07:39,188 но вместо того, чтобы мыслить нестандартно,
- 00:07:39,188 --> 00:07:40,518 может, вам следует думать...
- 00:07:42,398 --> 00:07:45,698 Говорить это - против моих правил,
- 00:07:45,698 --> 00:07:47,028 но вы знаете, что нам нужно делать.
- 00:07:47,028 --> 00:07:47,778 Рыцарский турнир!
- 00:07:47,778 --> 00:07:49,908 Нет, мы не можем ненавидеть друг друга по-семейному.
- 00:07:49,908 --> 00:07:52,288 Мы должны ненавидеть друг друга академически.
- 00:07:52,288 --> 00:07:54,578 Мы должны быть учителями друг друга.
- 00:07:54,578 --> 00:07:57,328 Тогда посмотри налево, а потом посмотри направо, ублюдок,
- 00:07:57,328 --> 00:07:59,748 потому что я зачислю твою задницу.
- 00:07:59,748 --> 00:08:02,998 Вы понимаете, что это такое? Это вся империя Герцога.
- 00:08:02,998 --> 00:08:05,838 Склады еды, секретные проходы и, эм,
- 00:08:05,838 --> 00:08:08,468 у него есть личное кафе в стиле 50-ых Боп Бопс.
- 00:08:08,468 --> 00:08:11,178 Мы можем опустошить запасы и отдать их остальных жителям.
- 00:08:11,178 --> 00:08:12,758 И никто не узнает, что это мы.
- 00:08:12,758 --> 00:08:14,058 Идеальное преступление
- 00:08:14,058 --> 00:08:15,728 Прямо как в "13 друзей Оушена".
- 00:08:15,728 --> 00:08:17,938 Это лучшая работа Эллиота Гулда с 70-ых.
- 00:08:17,938 --> 00:08:21,228 Еще он отлично поработал с "Друзьями".
- 00:08:23,018 --> 00:08:25,068 Сядьте и заткнитесь.
- 00:08:25,068 --> 00:08:28,568 Или клянусь Богом, что вы окажетесь на улице еще до обеда.
- 00:08:28,568 --> 00:08:30,818 Я буду говорить серьезно.
- 00:08:30,818 --> 00:08:34,868 Я уверена, что вы не знали, что Шекспир был первым рэпером.
- 00:08:34,868 --> 00:08:36,708 Шекспир жил на Седвик авеню
- 00:08:36,708 --> 00:08:39,578 с диджеем Кулом Герком в Бронксе до Сына Сэма?
- 00:08:39,578 --> 00:08:42,338 Да, конечно, именно поэтому поэмы Шекспира читаются как рэп.
- 00:08:42,338 --> 00:08:44,628 А еще он заработал кучу денег и брал за основу других писателей,
- 00:08:44,628 --> 00:08:45,628 не упоминая их.
- 00:08:45,628 --> 00:08:46,918 Да я сам как Шекспир.
- 00:08:46,918 --> 00:08:48,048 Ну конечно.
- 00:08:48,048 --> 00:08:52,008 Мой стиль преподавания пробивается сквозь твою эмоциональную броню.
- 00:08:52,008 --> 00:08:53,048 И как.
- 00:09:02,438 --> 00:09:05,148 Терри, я пытаюсь учиться. И тебе бы стоило.
- 00:09:05,148 --> 00:09:07,358 Я учусь. Учусь, как стать барабанщиком.
- 00:09:07,358 --> 00:09:08,398 Как в фильме "Одержимость".
- 00:09:08,398 --> 00:09:10,488 Ты осознаешь, что будет, если тебя выгонят из школы, Терри?
- 00:09:10,488 --> 00:09:12,818 Думаю, меня сейчас будут отчитывать?
- 00:09:12,818 --> 00:09:14,698 Нет, я думал, что школа привьет тебе дисциплину.
- 00:09:14,698 --> 00:09:16,078 Но ты не оставил мне выбора.
- 00:09:16,078 --> 00:09:17,748 Если тебя выгонят, то никакого телевизора,
- 00:09:17,748 --> 00:09:19,998 никаких видеоигр и никакой
- 00:09:19,998 --> 00:09:21,418 подписки на Хулу.
- 00:09:21,418 --> 00:09:23,078 Но у Нетфликса нет фильмов от Хулу,
- 00:09:23,078 --> 00:09:25,668 например, "Призрачная башня".
- 00:09:25,668 --> 00:09:28,298 Как мне узнать, что произойдет в Призрачной башне, Корво?
- 00:09:28,298 --> 00:09:29,378 Только так ты научишься.
- 00:09:29,378 --> 00:09:31,678 А ты не можешь сделать мне очки, чтобы я мог видеь через тела людей,
- 00:09:31,678 --> 00:09:32,678 чтобы я мог списывать?
- 00:09:32,678 --> 00:09:34,548 Ну конечно, но не для теста.
- 00:09:34,548 --> 00:09:36,848 Стоп. Я больше не помогаю тебе мухлевать.
- 00:09:36,848 --> 00:09:39,478 Ты должен справиться сам. Это будет твоя арка.
- 00:09:39,478 --> 00:09:41,558 Ладно. Хорошо.
- 00:09:41,558 --> 00:09:43,358 Пойду за книгами.
- 00:09:43,358 --> 00:09:46,068 Черт, я даже не могу использовать луч мудрости.
- 00:09:46,068 --> 00:09:47,228 Что мне делать?
- 00:09:47,608 --> 00:09:49,148 Пупа, не играй с лучом тупости.
- 00:09:49,148 --> 00:09:52,908 Если ты в кого-то выстрелишь, то они станут тупыми и веселыми...
- 00:09:52,908 --> 00:09:54,278 Как я.
- 00:09:54,908 --> 00:09:57,198 Эта человеческая математика такая простая.
- 00:09:57,198 --> 00:09:59,368 Они даже не знают цифр до нуля.
- 00:09:59,368 --> 00:10:01,458 - Что ты делаешь с лучом тупости? - Я просто держу его.
- 00:10:01,958 --> 00:10:03,078 Стань тупым, ублюдок.
- 00:10:03,578 --> 00:10:05,498 Терри, мы должны использовать его только тогда,
- 00:10:05,498 --> 00:10:06,548 когда мы слишком думаем о чем-то.
- 00:10:06,548 --> 00:10:07,668 Сейчас именно это и происходит.
- 00:10:07,668 --> 00:10:10,048 Пожалуйста, не отупляй меня. Тогда мои подкасты будут бессмысленными.
- 00:10:10,048 --> 00:10:11,928 Если ты тупой и я тупой, то мы будет тупым вместе.
- 00:10:11,928 --> 00:10:13,138 Но это тупой план.
- 00:10:15,258 --> 00:10:17,348 Боже, Корво. Ты как?
- 00:10:23,648 --> 00:10:27,018 Эй, как ты себя чувствуешь?
- 00:10:27,018 --> 00:10:28,148 Ты теперь тупой?
- 00:10:28,148 --> 00:10:29,778 Я хочу посмотреть трилогию "Уж кто бы говорил"
- 00:10:29,778 --> 00:10:31,068 и есть хот-доги с кетчупом.
- 00:10:31,068 --> 00:10:32,608 Да! Сработало!
- 00:10:36,118 --> 00:10:38,028 Мне нравится пить столько пива, сколько могу.
- 00:10:38,028 --> 00:10:39,118 Я и сам так считаю, бро.
- 00:10:39,118 --> 00:10:40,908 Хочешь купить что-то из МакДональдса
- 00:10:40,908 --> 00:10:42,458 и смешать это в один комок,
- 00:10:42,458 --> 00:10:44,038 а потом съесть с помощью ножа и вилки?
- 00:10:44,038 --> 00:10:46,668 Да, миллион раз да.
- 00:10:47,168 --> 00:10:49,208 2Pac прямо как кислород,
- 00:10:49,208 --> 00:10:50,758 потому что он нам нужен для жизни,
- 00:10:50,758 --> 00:10:52,718 а Sisqo больше как плутоний,
- 00:10:52,718 --> 00:10:54,838 потому что его хватает лишь на раз,
- 00:10:54,838 --> 00:10:55,928 а потом мы о нем забываем.
- 00:10:55,928 --> 00:10:59,598 Вау, я даже не знал, что каждый предмет связан с рэпом.
- 00:10:59,598 --> 00:11:02,308 Это самое рэповое, что только можно было сказать.
- 00:11:02,308 --> 00:11:03,228 Пять с плюсом.
- 00:11:03,228 --> 00:11:05,898 Черт, у нас мало времени. Теперь моя очередь. Учи меня.
- 00:11:05,898 --> 00:11:07,648 Добро пожаловать в класс английского 101.
- 00:11:07,648 --> 00:11:09,318 Достаньте свои учебники.
- 00:11:09,318 --> 00:11:11,108 А тепер выбросите их!
- 00:11:11,108 --> 00:11:13,148 Нам они не нужны. Я буду учить от чистого сердца.
- 00:11:13,148 --> 00:11:15,948 Стоп. Ладно, достаньте их из мусорок.
- 00:11:15,948 --> 00:11:18,488 Наши задания будут основаны на тексте.
- 00:11:19,578 --> 00:11:21,408 - А теперь выбросите! - Да ладно!
- 00:11:21,408 --> 00:11:22,658 Потусим у нас.
- 00:11:23,208 --> 00:11:26,118 Вечеринка начинается в любое время и до двух ночи.
- 00:11:26,118 --> 00:11:27,328 Мы старались.
- 00:11:45,688 --> 00:11:47,188 Хватайтесь. Держитесь.
- 00:11:47,188 --> 00:11:48,648 Паук! Не двигайтесь!
- 00:11:53,778 --> 00:11:55,028 Иди к черту, паук.
- 00:12:00,328 --> 00:12:02,658 Почему мы не назначили конкретное время начала?
- 00:12:02,658 --> 00:12:03,998 Люди постоянно приходят.
- 00:12:03,998 --> 00:12:05,578 Кто хочет посмотреть, как я разобью бутылку?
- 00:12:06,618 --> 00:12:07,418 Да!
- 00:12:07,868 --> 00:12:10,748 Коснитесь моей робы. Коснитесь моей чертовой робы.
- 00:12:11,418 --> 00:12:13,628 Ладно, у меня 95, у тебя 33.
- 00:12:13,628 --> 00:12:16,718 Мы сдали, а также мы были в школе все время.
- 00:12:16,718 --> 00:12:19,178 - Да, мы сделали это! - Да!
- 00:12:20,598 --> 00:12:23,718 Я сказала, что мы были тут каждый день.
- 00:12:24,598 --> 00:12:26,768 Да, мы справились. Выходите уже.
- 00:12:26,768 --> 00:12:27,938 Чего вы ждете?
- 00:12:29,148 --> 00:12:31,518 Я думал, что они тут же повыскакивают отовсюду.
- 00:12:31,518 --> 00:12:34,278 Если только никто не следит за нами
- 00:12:34,278 --> 00:12:36,488 и когда они сказали, что мы не можем пропустить и дня,
- 00:12:36,488 --> 00:12:38,528 они имели в виду, что и остальные должны быть здесь.
- 00:12:38,528 --> 00:12:40,948 То есть, это все было бессмысленно?
- 00:12:40,948 --> 00:12:43,028 Похоже на то. И что теперь?
- 00:12:43,028 --> 00:12:44,538 Хочешь по-научному уничтожить эту школу?
- 00:12:44,538 --> 00:12:45,408 Черт возьми, да.
- 00:12:45,408 --> 00:12:47,158 Эй, аккуратнее!
- 00:12:52,128 --> 00:12:53,588 - О да! Ву-ху! - Да!
- 00:12:57,718 --> 00:12:59,758 Ладно, кто-то должен прикрепить это к двери
- 00:12:59,758 --> 00:13:01,258 и убраться перед тем, как оно сдетонирует.
- 00:13:01,258 --> 00:13:03,848 Я учился избегать взрывов все свое свободное время,
- 00:13:03,848 --> 00:13:05,218 - думаю, у меня получится. - Нет.
- 00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:07,928 Перед тем, как оказаться здесь, я работал в 7-Eleven.
- 00:13:07,928 --> 00:13:09,018 И работал я плохо.
- 00:13:09,018 --> 00:13:12,358 Я был грубым, а еще мочился в машину для коктейлей.
- 00:13:12,358 --> 00:13:15,648 Но тут все иначе. Здесь я могу умереть героем.
- 00:13:15,648 --> 00:13:16,608 Брайсон, я же только что сказал.
- 00:13:16,608 --> 00:13:18,568 Никто не умрет. Думаю, я смогу отскочить
- 00:13:18,568 --> 00:13:20,858 - до того, как все взорвется. - Лучи славы!
- 00:13:20,858 --> 00:13:21,738 О черт.
- 00:13:22,368 --> 00:13:23,528 - Беги, беги, Брайсон! - Брайсон, беги!
- 00:13:23,528 --> 00:13:25,038 Нет! У меня нет времени!
- 00:13:26,788 --> 00:13:28,038 Ладно, возможно, время есть...
- 00:13:28,038 --> 00:13:29,038 Брайсон!
- 00:13:32,378 --> 00:13:33,838 Черт возьми!
- 00:13:33,838 --> 00:13:35,548 Я жив.
- 00:13:35,548 --> 00:13:36,668 Но я ослеп.
- 00:13:36,668 --> 00:13:38,338 Ты должен был бежать. Почему ты не побежал.
- 00:13:38,338 --> 00:13:41,218 О нет, мне оторвало член.
- 00:13:41,218 --> 00:13:43,598 Я ослеп и у меня нет члена.
- 00:13:45,848 --> 00:13:47,768 Пожалуйста, уходите.
- 00:13:47,768 --> 00:13:50,978 Я ослеп и у меня нет члена.
- 00:13:51,518 --> 00:13:53,358 эй, я нашел его.
- 00:13:53,358 --> 00:13:56,568 Он был на месте. Просто ниже, чем я думал.
- 00:13:58,028 --> 00:13:59,528 Посмотри-ка сюда, Терри. Гляди.
- 00:13:59,528 --> 00:14:00,818 Подожди. Разве это не ты мне говорил,
- 00:14:00,818 --> 00:14:02,528 что нажимать на кнопки может быть опасно?
- 00:14:02,528 --> 00:14:04,408 Не будь таким занудой.
- 00:14:09,328 --> 00:14:12,118 - Видишь, все нормально. - Я люблю тупого Корво.
- 00:14:12,118 --> 00:14:14,038 Корво, подойди и снюхай это с нами.
- 00:14:14,038 --> 00:14:16,838 О да, черт возьми!
- 00:14:26,098 --> 00:14:28,598 Ледяная лава.
- 00:14:28,598 --> 00:14:29,928 Так холодно.
- 00:14:29,928 --> 00:14:31,768 О боже, а потом все горит.
- 00:14:40,108 --> 00:14:41,488 Ха-ха, прекрати.
- 00:14:41,488 --> 00:14:43,778 Не стреляй в меня. Щекотно.
- 00:14:43,778 --> 00:14:45,408 Попалась.
- 00:14:47,988 --> 00:14:50,618 - Мы создали ледяную лаву? - Не знаю. Может.
- 00:14:51,288 --> 00:14:52,288 Теперь ты водишь.
- 00:14:52,288 --> 00:14:53,868 Нечестно. Я отвлеклась.
- 00:14:55,538 --> 00:14:56,538 Корво, что нам делать?
- 00:14:56,538 --> 00:14:58,958 Горячей холодной лавы для заправки корабля все больше.
- 00:14:58,958 --> 00:15:00,668 Не волнуйся. Я знаю, что делать.
- 00:15:01,758 --> 00:15:03,548 Я нагибаю пришельца, бро.
- 00:15:03,548 --> 00:15:04,798 Прекрати быть тупым.
- 00:15:04,798 --> 00:15:06,298 Только ты разбираешься в ледяной лаве.
- 00:15:06,298 --> 00:15:07,468 Терри, я знаю, как все исправить.
- 00:15:07,468 --> 00:15:10,138 Надо просто посмотреть какую-нибудь трилогию.
- 00:15:10,138 --> 00:15:11,888 А тут все само исправится.
- 00:15:11,888 --> 00:15:13,688 У нас нет времени на трилогию.
- 00:15:13,688 --> 00:15:15,058 Кто знал, что если жизнь станет легче,
- 00:15:15,058 --> 00:15:16,438 а ты тупее, то стучится такое.
- 00:15:16,438 --> 00:15:18,938 Может, поможет вторая часть Матрицы. Их лучше смотреть не по порядку.
- 00:15:18,938 --> 00:15:20,478 Может, если я пойму, как починить луч мудрости,
- 00:15:20,478 --> 00:15:22,238 то я выстрелю в тебя и ты починишь корабль.
- 00:15:22,238 --> 00:15:24,738 Стой здесь. Я снова сделаю тебя умным.
- 00:15:24,738 --> 00:15:26,948 То, что я тупой, не значит, что я и глухой.
- 00:15:28,778 --> 00:15:29,988 Ну давай, давай.
- 00:15:30,448 --> 00:15:32,828 О да. Инструкция не такая уж и большая.
- 00:15:32,828 --> 00:15:34,038 Черт возьми!
- 00:15:34,038 --> 00:15:36,038 Ладно, Терри, у тебя получится.
- 00:15:36,038 --> 00:15:38,128 Концентрация. Учеба. Мозг.
- 00:15:38,128 --> 00:15:40,878 Черт, Морфиус, как эти гребаные очки
- 00:15:40,878 --> 00:15:41,758 вообще крепятся к твоему лицу?
- 00:15:41,758 --> 00:15:44,048 Я должен это видеть. Нет! Нет!
- 00:15:44,048 --> 00:15:44,878 Концентрация.
- 00:15:46,508 --> 00:15:48,718 Как только вы поймете, как перенаправить лаву...
- 00:15:48,718 --> 00:15:51,388 Посмотри, Терри. Я теперь гребаный Морфиус.
- 00:15:51,388 --> 00:15:52,468 Гляди.
- 00:15:53,018 --> 00:15:55,268 Думаю, я инвестирую в беговую лошадь, потому что я хочу в Кентуки,
- 00:15:55,268 --> 00:15:56,188 а еще носить старую шляпу.
- 00:15:56,188 --> 00:15:57,978 А еще у меня есть имя для этой лошади.
- 00:15:57,978 --> 00:15:59,768 Приготовься: Лошадиус.
- 00:15:59,768 --> 00:16:00,898 Это к тому, о чем мы говорили...
- 00:16:00,898 --> 00:16:02,028 Ты можешь заткнуться?
- 00:16:02,028 --> 00:16:03,818 Я никогда не пойму, как починить луч мудрости.
- 00:16:03,818 --> 00:16:05,778 Я прочитал только одну главу после лавового реактора.
- 00:16:05,778 --> 00:16:07,568 Черт возьми.
- 00:16:07,568 --> 00:16:10,408 Я случайно научился, как чинить лавовый реактор.
- 00:16:12,578 --> 00:16:14,908 Я просто хочу, чтобы ты знал, если я не справлюсь,
- 00:16:14,908 --> 00:16:17,998 то для меня было величайшей честью, что мы оказались на Земле вместе.
- 00:16:17,998 --> 00:16:19,498 Корво, я люблю тебя...
- 00:16:19,498 --> 00:16:21,918 Я врежу по пуле молотком, Терри. С-Ш-А!
- 00:16:21,918 --> 00:16:23,668 С-Ш-А! С-Ш-А!
- 00:16:48,528 --> 00:16:50,158 Черт возьми. Думаю, я починил.
- 00:16:50,158 --> 00:16:52,698 Я сделал что-то, не смухлевав.
- 00:16:52,698 --> 00:16:53,948 Что ты делаешь?
- 00:16:53,948 --> 00:16:55,368 Ой, я думал, что ты намекаешь мне на это.
- 00:16:55,368 --> 00:16:57,658 Что? Нет. Когда уже действите луча пройдет?
- 00:16:57,658 --> 00:16:59,618 - Я хочу бургеров. - Я тоже так звучу все время?
- 00:16:59,618 --> 00:17:01,458 Терри, давай посмотрим все части "Обителя зла".
- 00:17:01,458 --> 00:17:02,378 Да, это я.
- 00:17:02,378 --> 00:17:04,298 О да.
- 00:17:04,298 --> 00:17:06,128 Мне так нравится последняя неделя летних каникул.
- 00:17:06,128 --> 00:17:08,428 Это такое прекрасное место, когда нет детей.
- 00:17:08,428 --> 00:17:10,888 После этого давай сделаем обратную наездницу в театре.
- 00:17:10,888 --> 00:17:12,428 А потом мы будем вылизывать друг друга.
- 00:17:12,428 --> 00:17:14,098 Но на мне открытые сандали.
- 00:17:15,098 --> 00:17:16,518 Что вы тут делаете?
- 00:17:19,348 --> 00:17:22,108 - О нет! - Мы делали то, что вы говорили.
- 00:17:22,108 --> 00:17:25,278 Мы были за партой каждый день в 7 утра.
- 00:17:25,278 --> 00:17:26,898 И сколько времени вы тут провели?
- 00:17:26,898 --> 00:17:29,278 - Мы хорошие ученики. Мы... - Мы вообще не опаздывали. Мы были вовремя.
- 00:17:29,278 --> 00:17:30,778 Простите. Простите нас.
- 00:17:30,778 --> 00:17:32,068 Подождите снаружи.
- 00:17:33,658 --> 00:17:35,658 Что, блять, с ними не так?
- 00:17:35,658 --> 00:17:37,038 Мне неважно, нравятся ли они друг другу.
- 00:17:37,038 --> 00:17:39,038 Мы не сказали им, что летом не надо приходить!
- 00:17:39,038 --> 00:17:40,538 Это было неправильно.
- 00:17:40,538 --> 00:17:42,918 Может, никто им не поверит. Их слово против нашего.
- 00:17:42,918 --> 00:17:44,588 Они увидели, как мы зависаем в столовой.
- 00:17:44,588 --> 00:17:46,418 Я почти что был готов засунуть язык тебе в задницу.
- 00:17:46,418 --> 00:17:47,708 О боже.
- 00:17:47,708 --> 00:17:49,468 Похоже, мы должны поступить правильно.
- 00:17:50,428 --> 00:17:53,048 Что вы хотите за молчание?
- 00:17:53,048 --> 00:17:53,758 Тысячу долларов?
- 00:17:53,758 --> 00:17:55,178 - Мы хотим пятерки, сучки. - Мы хотим пятерки.
- 00:17:55,178 --> 00:17:57,268 - И это все? По какому предмету? - По всем.
- 00:17:57,268 --> 00:18:00,438 То есть, мы дадим вам пятерки и вы забудете обо всем этом.
- 00:18:00,438 --> 00:18:02,648 Палец в заднице, игнор, лизание...
- 00:18:02,648 --> 00:18:04,108 Поздравляю. Вы теперь отличники.
- 00:18:04,108 --> 00:18:04,978 - Ву-ху! - Да!
- 00:18:04,978 --> 00:18:06,148 - Отличники! - Ву-ху!
- 00:18:07,278 --> 00:18:08,528 Мы были такими плохими.
- 00:18:18,038 --> 00:18:20,208 Мда, собрать прах моих жертв
- 00:18:20,208 --> 00:18:23,788 и сделать из него детей, оказывается, было отличным решением.
- 00:18:23,788 --> 00:18:25,998 У них будет второй раз в жизни, это здорово.
- 00:18:25,998 --> 00:18:26,918 А у вас как жизнь?
- 00:18:26,918 --> 00:18:29,008 Мы застали своим учителей за вылизыванием задниц,
- 00:18:29,008 --> 00:18:30,838 поэтому они поставили нам пятерки по всем предметам.
- 00:18:30,838 --> 00:18:32,178 И мы снова лучшие друзья.
- 00:18:32,178 --> 00:18:33,928 И у нас закончились хлопья.
- 00:18:33,928 --> 00:18:34,928 Я куплю завтра.
- 00:18:34,928 --> 00:18:37,598 Эй, не открывайте дверь в ванную, я там запер Корво,
- 00:18:37,598 --> 00:18:38,388 пока он не станет умным.
- 00:18:38,388 --> 00:18:40,018 Выпустите меня! Тут пришелец!
- 00:18:40,018 --> 00:18:41,428 О, подождите, это... Это мое отражение.
- 00:18:41,428 --> 00:18:43,308 Вау, он звучит таким тупым.
- 00:18:43,308 --> 00:18:45,518 Я выстрелил в него из луча тупости раз десять.
- 00:18:45,518 --> 00:18:47,648 О боже, он еще долго будет отходить.
- 00:18:47,648 --> 00:18:48,898 Поправляйся, Корво.
- 00:18:48,898 --> 00:18:51,318 Не спи лицом вниз, можешь задохнуться.
- 00:18:51,318 --> 00:18:54,358 Выпустите меня. Галь Гадот - ведьма, которую внудрили в американское общество,
- 00:18:54,358 --> 00:18:56,408 чтобы мы все забыли про рецессию 2008 года.
- 00:18:56,408 --> 00:18:57,988 Ладно, приятель, очень круто.
- 00:18:57,988 --> 00:19:00,158 Выпустите меня прямо сейчас! У меня заложник!
- 00:19:00,158 --> 00:19:01,248 Помогите, выпустите меня.
- 00:19:01,248 --> 00:19:03,828 Не волнуйтесь, это шутка. Я говорил обоими голосами. Подыграйте.
- 00:19:03,828 --> 00:19:05,538 Привет, что вы там делаете?
- 00:19:05,538 --> 00:19:06,788 Эй, потише.
- 00:19:10,458 --> 00:19:12,588 Тут пусто. Что-то не так.
- 00:19:12,588 --> 00:19:13,508 Ладно, надо выбираться отсюда.
- 00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:17,258 Какие же вы тупицы.
- 00:19:17,258 --> 00:19:20,018 И что ты сделаешь, Герцог? Убьешь нас? Нас больше.
- 00:19:21,848 --> 00:19:23,058 Понимаешь, Тим, мальчик мой,
- 00:19:23,058 --> 00:19:25,018 это ловушка.
- 00:19:25,018 --> 00:19:27,188 Энрике и я придумали все это.
- 00:19:27,188 --> 00:19:29,398 Карта, уточка, все.
- 00:19:29,398 --> 00:19:31,778 - Энрике, почему? - Ты убил моего сына.
- 00:19:31,778 --> 00:19:35,358 Может, Герцог и нажал на курок, но ты втянул его во все это.
- 00:19:35,358 --> 00:19:36,868 Понимаешь, я человек правил.
- 00:19:36,868 --> 00:19:39,788 И правило заключается в том, чтобы все были в безопасности.
- 00:19:39,788 --> 00:19:42,198 Но когда кто-то нарушает эти правила,
- 00:19:42,198 --> 00:19:43,208 то его нужно наказать.
- 00:19:43,208 --> 00:19:46,078 Я придумал идеальное наказание.
- 00:19:46,078 --> 00:19:47,128 Дыра Бу Ху.
- 00:19:47,458 --> 00:19:49,748 Тим, ты слышал о Дыре Бу Ху?
- 00:19:52,008 --> 00:19:54,968 Не-ет!
- 00:19:54,968 --> 00:19:57,468 На тебя у меня другие планы, Тим.
- 00:20:01,058 --> 00:20:04,808 Эти пришельцы умнее людей в тысячи раз.
- 00:20:05,188 --> 00:20:07,848 Они достойные противники.
- 00:20:09,108 --> 00:20:11,818 Спасибо, что выпустили меня. Я чувствую себя умнее.
- 00:20:11,818 --> 00:20:12,858 Теперь я умный. Спасибо.
- 00:20:12,858 --> 00:20:15,238 Ладно, мы все верим, что ты умный.
- 00:20:15,238 --> 00:20:17,028 И мы все сегодня научились кое-чему,
- 00:20:17,028 --> 00:20:19,158 поэтому давайте соберемся и будем умными вместе.
- 00:20:19,158 --> 00:20:20,158 И поможем починить корабль.
- 00:20:20,158 --> 00:20:22,038 Так что там у тебя? Это смехы гипердвигателя?
- 00:20:22,038 --> 00:20:24,448 Джесси, хорошая попытка. У нас даже нет гипердвигателя.
- 00:20:24,448 --> 00:20:27,118 Нет, нет, нет, это мой сценарий для "Третий лишний 3" на 700 страниц.
- 00:20:27,118 --> 00:20:28,918 - Вы выскажете свое мнение. - Черт, он все еще тупой.
- 00:20:28,918 --> 00:20:30,708 Фильм будет называться "T3D". Он даже не в 3D.
- 00:20:30,708 --> 00:20:32,748 Тед и Уолберг отправятся за сокровищам, встречая ведьму.
- 00:20:32,748 --> 00:20:34,508 Моя работа защищена авторским правом.
- 00:20:34,508 --> 00:20:36,418 Действите происходит в будущем мира Гарри Поттера,
- 00:20:36,418 --> 00:20:37,508 где каждый город - Бостон.
- 00:20:37,508 --> 00:20:38,838 Бен Аффлек и Мэт Деймон - президенты.
- 00:20:38,838 --> 00:20:40,218 У Papa John's хорошая пицца.
- 00:20:40,218 --> 00:20:41,808 Я буду профессиональным игроком в покер.
- 00:20:41,808 --> 00:20:44,218 Выпустите меня из этого чертового мешка. Выпустите меня!
- 00:20:44,218 --> 00:20:46,688 Как здорово делать что-то вместе, как семья.
- 00:00:06,047 --> 00:00:07,507 Do you know why you're here?
- 00:00:07,632 --> 00:00:11,094 It's probably 'cause Yumyulack did something to get us in trouble,
- 00:00:11,177 --> 00:00:12,387 as per "uush."
- 00:00:12,470 --> 00:00:15,056 Oh, you mean something awesome you tattle on me for?
- 00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:18,059 - I'm no snitch! - Then why are you getting stitches?
- 00:00:20,061 --> 00:00:21,104 Oh my God, shut up!
- 00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:23,523 You both ruined the school year with your weird science.
- 00:00:23,606 --> 00:00:26,067 You trapped the chess team in an alternative dimension,
- 00:00:26,151 --> 00:00:28,361 reanimated all the fetal pigs, and we can't prove this,
- 00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:32,198 but we're reasonably confident that you gave Miss Kim a three-month period
- 00:00:32,282 --> 00:00:33,825 after she took away your glowing orb.
- 00:00:33,950 --> 00:00:35,535 - Snitch! - Not today!
- 00:00:35,618 --> 00:00:36,911 - Die! Die! Die! - No, you don't. No, you don't.
- 00:00:37,579 --> 00:00:40,498 Yumyulack, out of 180 days of school this year,
- 00:00:40,582 --> 00:00:42,584 you've been late 179 times.
- 00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:45,170 And Jesse, you've been late three times.
- 00:00:45,295 --> 00:00:47,714 - I'm a monster! - It's true, she is.
- 00:00:47,839 --> 00:00:51,301 If either of you are ever late or miss class ever again,
- 00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:52,761 then you will be expelled.
- 00:00:52,844 --> 00:00:55,221 Which means you'll have to go to military school,
- 00:00:55,305 --> 00:00:57,348 where the bullies will fuck you.
- 00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:01,061 And they make you shave your head.
- 00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:05,648 - But my hair defines me. - Then don't fuck up!
- 00:01:08,568 --> 00:01:10,528 Oh, it's so hot when you yell at children.
- 00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:13,156 I dump a Dixie cup worth of fuck juice in my pants
- 00:01:13,239 --> 00:01:15,325 every time you put something on their permanent record.
- 00:01:15,408 --> 00:01:17,786 Oh, that shit follows them to college.
- 00:01:18,703 --> 00:01:20,872 Brace yourself. I saw this on Starz.
- 00:01:20,955 --> 00:01:23,124 Oh, what the fu--!
- 00:01:23,666 --> 00:01:25,043 Terry, a-a little help.
- 00:01:26,044 --> 00:01:27,921 Really, you're too lazy to even look at me?
- 00:01:28,004 --> 00:01:30,006 Ohh, I'm limiting myself to three neck movements a day.
- 00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:30,924 I only got one left.
- 00:01:31,049 --> 00:01:33,885 We need to re-facet the dorsal prism, the lavatic reactor needs more Aa,
- 00:01:33,968 --> 00:01:35,470 and you paired your phone to the ship stereo
- 00:01:35,553 --> 00:01:36,763 and I don't know how to get it off.
- 00:01:36,846 --> 00:01:39,265 If I have to listen to the "Gone in 60 Seconds" soundtrack one more time--
- 00:01:39,390 --> 00:01:40,642 Oh man, you know I'm too dumb to help.
- 00:01:40,725 --> 00:01:43,895 Just zap yourself with the smart ray. It takes one second.
- 00:01:43,978 --> 00:01:47,899 Hard pass. Smart people are sad. Wait. Wh-what are you doing?
- 00:01:47,982 --> 00:01:50,944 Terry, get back here. Let me shoot you with the smart ray.
- 00:01:53,404 --> 00:01:54,572 - Ha ha! - Terry!
- 00:01:54,697 --> 00:01:55,949 I didn't know it would break that easy.
- 00:01:56,032 --> 00:01:58,868 Hey, can you please trap Jesse in the hell dimension? She sucks ass.
- 00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:01,579 No. That dimension is for work enemies and Ansel Elgort only.
- 00:02:01,663 --> 00:02:03,456 And for trash when we forget to put the bin out.
- 00:02:03,581 --> 00:02:04,999 Yumyulack got us in trouble again.
- 00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:07,418 And they for sure figured out that shit with the orb.
- 00:02:07,502 --> 00:02:09,921 Can I just quit school? What does it matter anyway?
- 00:02:10,004 --> 00:02:12,757 The Pupa is gonna evolve into its true form and destroy this planet.
- 00:02:12,841 --> 00:02:14,717 Can't I just watch TV until that happens?
- 00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:16,803 - Pepsi. - L-look, this thing is unpredictable.
- 00:02:16,886 --> 00:02:18,471 It could go off in a week or in a year.
- 00:02:18,555 --> 00:02:20,390 It just said "Pepsi." Who knows what's going on with it.
- 00:02:20,473 --> 00:02:22,517 Goddammit, Terry, you're supposed to know. You're the Pupa specialist.
- 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:23,935 - Whatever. - All right, you two, listen,
- 00:02:24,060 --> 00:02:26,020 school is important and it makes you smart,
- 00:02:26,104 --> 00:02:28,273 and being smart is more important than anything else ever.
- 00:02:28,356 --> 00:02:30,150 Korvo's stupid.
- 00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:33,403 School is important 'cause it's super-fun and the stakes are super-low
- 00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:36,781 and there's tons of hot people there who want to party-slash-do finger stuff.
- 00:02:36,906 --> 00:02:38,491 Wait, Terry, you like school?
- 00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:39,951 Heck yeah, dum-dums, school rules!
- 00:02:40,076 --> 00:02:41,744 Really? You know, we could go to school too.
- 00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:42,704 Ah, I wish.
- 00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:45,373 There is a school for adults behind the cement factory, Terry.
- 00:02:45,456 --> 00:02:47,000 - There is? - Yes, we could go there.
- 00:02:47,083 --> 00:02:48,960 We could get smart and compete for the teacher's approval.
- 00:02:49,043 --> 00:02:51,754 Or we could meet cool girls, join a frat, and never work on the ship.
- 00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:53,840 Or you could learn responsibility, become a better person,
- 00:02:53,923 --> 00:02:55,133 and help me with the ship.
- 00:02:55,216 --> 00:02:58,219 Terry and Korvo, going to school for the exact same reasons.
- 00:02:58,928 --> 00:03:01,723 <i>Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia.</i>
- 00:03:01,806 --> 00:03:03,183 <i>Until the asteroid hit.</i>
- 00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:06,895 <i>One hundred adults and their replicants were issued a Pupa</i>
- 00:03:06,978 --> 00:03:08,897 <i>and escaped into, uh, the space,</i>
- 00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:12,066 <i>searching for new homes on uninhabited worlds.</i>
- 00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:15,069 <i>We crashed on Earth, stranding us on an already overpopulated planet.</i>
- 00:03:15,153 --> 00:03:16,696 <i>That's right, I've been talking this whole time.</i>
- 00:03:16,779 --> 00:03:18,573 <i>I'm the one holding the Pupa. My name's Korvo.</i>
- 00:03:18,656 --> 00:03:20,867 <i>This is-- this is my show. I just dropped the Pupa. Do you see me?</i>
- 00:03:20,950 --> 00:03:22,368 <i>This is ridiculous.</i>
- 00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:25,705 <i>I hate Earth. It's a horrible home. People are stupid.</i>
- 00:03:25,788 --> 00:03:27,248 <i>The second you point out Christ was an alien,</i>
- 00:03:27,332 --> 00:03:28,541 <i>they get all wound up and start yelling at you,</i>
- 00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:30,043 <i>even though he did a bunch of alien stuff.</i>
- 00:03:30,126 --> 00:03:32,128 <i>Get with it. It's-- it's no big duh.</i>
- 00:03:39,802 --> 00:03:41,679 Hey, do I look cool? I think I look cool.
- 00:03:41,804 --> 00:03:44,182 - First day of school, baby. Whoo! - Terry, stop acting like a spaz
- 00:03:44,307 --> 00:03:45,225 and just be cool like me.
- 00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:48,853 - Spooky robes are not cool. - You're just jealous of my swish.
- 00:03:50,313 --> 00:03:52,023 God, that's so fucking cool.
- 00:03:52,148 --> 00:03:53,274 This is gonna be good for you, Terry.
- 00:03:53,358 --> 00:03:54,984 Maybe this will stop you from being lazy all the time.
- 00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:56,444 You know, I'm not gonna even respond to that
- 00:03:56,527 --> 00:03:58,154 because I'm too lazy to think of a response.
- 00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:00,782 Then why in God's name are you so excited to be at the school?
- 00:04:00,865 --> 00:04:02,492 Because I love classic college movies,
- 00:04:02,575 --> 00:04:05,662 like "Monsters University," "PCU," and "The Skulls."
- 00:04:05,745 --> 00:04:08,206 My plan is to do cool movie stuff and then just cheat off you
- 00:04:08,289 --> 00:04:09,249 at the end of the semester.
- 00:04:09,374 --> 00:04:11,751 You know, you need to learn to not take shortcuts all the time, Terry.
- 00:04:11,834 --> 00:04:13,962 How's that for me teeing up an episode arc for your character?
- 00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:16,089 You're the one who wanted me to zap myself with the smart gun.
- 00:04:16,214 --> 00:04:18,549 Now that's an example of an appropriate use of corner cutting, and I'll te--
- 00:04:18,633 --> 00:04:20,551 No, I won the argument. Better hurry or you're gonna be late.
- 00:04:20,635 --> 00:04:22,178 And then you'll have to take a shortcut to class,
- 00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:24,389 and I know how much you hate those.
- 00:04:24,472 --> 00:04:26,182 I like my notes in blue ink!
- 00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:33,022 Make way for my peep, beggar!
- 00:04:33,147 --> 00:04:35,275 Not so fast!
- 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,694 - Get his bag. - What the hell?
- 00:04:38,611 --> 00:04:41,990 - Well, this is interesting. - That belongs to The Duke.
- 00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:44,659 - Not anymore. - You're dead! You're all dead!
- 00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:46,369 Like my son, you tiny bastard!
- 00:04:46,452 --> 00:04:48,496 - No! We don't kill.
- 00:04:48,579 --> 00:04:51,749 That's what separates us from the people that do kill.
- 00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:53,668 We don't-- We do the opposite of what they do.
- 00:04:53,751 --> 00:04:55,378 In terms of killing, we don't.
- 00:04:55,461 --> 00:04:56,504 Got it?
- 00:04:57,213 --> 00:04:59,632 Hello!
- 00:04:59,757 --> 00:05:03,803 - Fellow students, teachers, anyone? - Today's been a great day.
- 00:05:03,928 --> 00:05:05,763 No one's called me a "gay-lien,"
- 00:05:05,847 --> 00:05:07,390 and I didn't have to hide in the bathroom and pretend to have a butthole.
- 00:05:07,473 --> 00:05:09,851 - Yeah, because nobody's here. - Wait, what?
- 00:05:11,227 --> 00:05:13,229 Oh my God. I didn't even notice. What the hell?
- 00:05:13,354 --> 00:05:15,231 I think we're being tested.
- 00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:18,693 Principal Cooke is trying to see if we'll be late or go to class
- 00:05:18,776 --> 00:05:20,445 even when nobody's watching us.
- 00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:24,532 This must be what summer school is. An intense psychological mind game,
- 00:05:24,615 --> 00:05:27,368 not unlike the Academy award-winning film "Suicide Squad."
- 00:05:27,493 --> 00:05:30,788 - So don't get in my way! - You don't get in my way, buster.
- 00:05:30,872 --> 00:05:33,416 This is about to be the most epic challenge of our lives.
- 00:05:33,499 --> 00:05:34,917 I don't want you messing me up.
- 00:05:54,812 --> 00:05:57,774 His name was Charles Paulson Ginsburg,
- 00:05:57,857 --> 00:06:02,320 but you may know him as the father of the video cassette recorder.
- 00:06:02,403 --> 00:06:04,822 I know him as the father of me.
- 00:06:05,948 --> 00:06:08,910 Kegger at my place tonight. Real college experience.
- 00:06:08,993 --> 00:06:11,245 Beers and shots and we might even steal a police horse.
- 00:06:11,329 --> 00:06:12,705 I'd have to get a baby-sitter.
- 00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:15,375 Well, bring them kids, girl. We don't ID at Casa de Terry's.
- 00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:16,334 Terry, shut up.
- 00:06:16,459 --> 00:06:18,961 Delores, you gonna come and get tore up at my party?
- 00:06:19,087 --> 00:06:22,256 I have to go home and watch "NCIS."
- 00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:23,257 This sucks.
- 00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:26,511 No one's appreciated or even mentioned that I'm dressed exactly like Van Wilder,
- 00:06:26,594 --> 00:06:27,637 you know, the mentor of Taj.
- 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:31,015 - Will you please pay attention? - That's your job. Mine is to be awesome.
- 00:06:31,099 --> 00:06:32,767 I just missed what the C in VCR means.
- 00:06:32,850 --> 00:06:34,560 - It could mean anything. - Man, this is bullshit.
- 00:06:34,644 --> 00:06:36,396 College is supposed to be about partying all night
- 00:06:36,479 --> 00:06:38,439 and getting into legal trouble but my dad's a lawyer,
- 00:06:38,523 --> 00:06:40,316 so I'm walking away scot-free.
- 00:06:40,441 --> 00:06:42,026 Guess I have to step up my game.
- 00:06:43,361 --> 00:06:46,489 Ohh! Hey, hey, whoa, look out! Hey, I'm the Frisbee guy.
- 00:06:46,614 --> 00:06:48,866 Now let's say I have to repair a DVD player.
- 00:06:48,950 --> 00:06:52,620 - Is that the same as the VCR? - Ohh, I wish I knew it.
- 00:06:52,745 --> 00:06:55,206 Terry, stop it. Nobody likes Frisbee. You look like an idiot.
- 00:06:55,289 --> 00:06:57,542 Hey, does the Frisbee match the drapes?
- 00:06:57,625 --> 00:06:59,502 I don't know, do you have the balls to find out?
- 00:07:05,675 --> 00:07:08,177 Thank God we got the mattress with the fabric-encased coils.
- 00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:10,221 Otherwise, I'd be bouncing all over the place.
- 00:07:11,764 --> 00:07:14,725 Class is starting soon, Terry. Were you out all night partying again?
- 00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:17,145 Oh yeah, I was out all night looking for a party.
- 00:07:17,228 --> 00:07:19,188 Rumor had it the swim team was raging at The Rock
- 00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:20,857 but it was just two homeless guys dancing.
- 00:07:20,982 --> 00:07:23,651 Ugh. So Jesse, Yumyulack, how's school going for you two?
- 00:07:23,776 --> 00:07:26,612 I'm in the middle of this complicated psychological test
- 00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:29,282 not unlike the Academy award-wining film "Suicide Squad."
- 00:07:29,365 --> 00:07:32,201 Yeah. And none of the teachers are there to tell us what to do.
- 00:07:32,326 --> 00:07:33,828 I'm sure that's all part of the test.
- 00:07:33,911 --> 00:07:35,830 Probably just trying to get you to think outside the box.
- 00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:37,623 Oh, oh, oh, I don't mean to live <i>más</i> right now
- 00:07:37,707 --> 00:07:39,125 but instead of thinking outside the box,
- 00:07:39,208 --> 00:07:40,877 maybe they should be thinking outside the--
- 00:07:42,503 --> 00:07:45,631 Saying this goes against every fiber of my brotherness,
- 00:07:45,715 --> 00:07:46,966 but you know what we have to do.
- 00:07:47,049 --> 00:07:47,884 Knife fight!
- 00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:49,844 No, we can't hate each other like siblings.
- 00:07:49,927 --> 00:07:54,515 We have to hate each other academically. We have to be each other's teachers.
- 00:07:54,599 --> 00:07:57,268 Well, then look to your left and look to your right, motherfucker,
- 00:07:57,351 --> 00:07:59,729 'cause I'm about to matriculate your ass.
- 00:07:59,854 --> 00:08:02,940 Do you realize what this is? This has The Duke's whole empire.
- 00:08:03,024 --> 00:08:05,776 Food caches, secret passages, and ugh,
- 00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:08,404 he has his own personal '50s diner called Bop Bops.
- 00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:11,157 We can empty the stockpile and redistribute to the rest of the wall.
- 00:08:11,282 --> 00:08:13,951 And nobody will know it was us. It's the perfect crime.
- 00:08:14,076 --> 00:08:15,703 Just like in "Ocean's Thirteen."
- 00:08:15,828 --> 00:08:17,872 It's Elliott Gould's best work since the '70s.
- 00:08:17,955 --> 00:08:21,209 Guys, he was also great on "Friends."
- 00:08:23,127 --> 00:08:25,046 Everyone, sit down and shut up,
- 00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:28,508 or I swear to God I'll have you back on the streets before lunch.
- 00:08:28,591 --> 00:08:30,760 I am gonna get real with you.
- 00:08:30,843 --> 00:08:34,847 I bet you didn't know Shakespeare was the original rapper.
- 00:08:34,972 --> 00:08:36,641 Oh, did Shakespeare live on Sedgwick Avenue
- 00:08:36,724 --> 00:08:39,560 with DJ Kool Herc in the Bronx five years before the Son of Sam?
- 00:08:39,685 --> 00:08:42,271 Yeah, sure, that's why Shakespeare's writing is like rap.
- 00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:44,565 Plus he made a bunch of money and sampled other playwrights
- 00:08:44,649 --> 00:08:45,608 without giving them any credit.
- 00:08:45,733 --> 00:08:48,027 - This makes me like Shakespeare. - Of course it does.
- 00:08:48,110 --> 00:08:52,114 My tough-yet-relatable teaching style is breaking through your emotional armor.
- 00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:53,032 And how.
- 00:09:00,581 --> 00:09:02,083 Aah!
- 00:09:02,166 --> 00:09:05,127 Terry, I'm trying to study, which is what you should be doing.
- 00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:08,089 I am. I'm studying how to get into a drumline, like in that movie "Whiplash."
- 00:09:08,172 --> 00:09:10,466 Do you have any idea what happens if you fail out of school, Terry?
- 00:09:10,591 --> 00:09:12,802 I assume it's some type of spanking situation.
- 00:09:12,927 --> 00:09:14,637 No, I thought school would give you some discipline.
- 00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:17,682 Instead, you've left me no other choice. If you fail, no more TV,
- 00:09:17,765 --> 00:09:21,352 no more video games, and no more Hulu, the subscription-based service.
- 00:09:21,435 --> 00:09:23,020 But Netflix doesn't have the Hulu production
- 00:09:23,104 --> 00:09:25,481 of the Hulu presentation of "The Looming Tower."
- 00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:28,234 How do I know what happens about "The Looming Tower," Korvo.
- 00:09:28,317 --> 00:09:29,360 That's the only way you'll learn.
- 00:09:29,443 --> 00:09:31,612 Can't you just make me glasses that allow me to see through people's bodies
- 00:09:31,696 --> 00:09:32,655 so I can cheat off of them.
- 00:09:32,780 --> 00:09:34,490 Obviously yes, but not in time for the test.
- 00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:36,784 Wait, no, I-I'm not helping you cut corners anymore.
- 00:09:36,867 --> 00:09:39,579 You have to do this on your own. That's that arc popping its head up again.
- 00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:41,497 Argh! Okay. Fine.
- 00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,332 I'll go get my books.
- 00:09:43,457 --> 00:09:46,043 Dammit, I can't even shoot myself with the smart ray.
- 00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:47,545 What am I gonna do?
- 00:09:47,628 --> 00:09:49,130 Pupa, you know you can't play with the dumb ray.
- 00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:52,925 If you shoot anyone, they'll become... super dumb and fun.
- 00:09:53,050 --> 00:09:54,302 Like me.
- 00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:57,138 Hah! This human math is honestly very easy.
- 00:09:57,221 --> 00:09:59,307 They haven't even found the number that comes before zero.
- 00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:01,934 - What are you doing with the dumb ray? - I'm holding it.
- 00:10:02,059 --> 00:10:03,519 Get dumb, motherfucker.
- 00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:05,438 Terry, we're only supposed to use that in emergencies,
- 00:10:05,521 --> 00:10:06,522 when we're overthinking things.
- 00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:07,648 That's what's happening right now.
- 00:10:07,773 --> 00:10:10,151 Please don't make me dumb. None of my podcasts are gonna make any sense.
- 00:10:10,234 --> 00:10:11,902 If you're dumb and I'm dumb, then we can be dumb together.
- 00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:13,529 But that plan is dumb.
- 00:10:13,654 --> 00:10:14,488 Ow!
- 00:10:15,364 --> 00:10:17,533 Oh my gosh, Korvo. Are you okay?
- 00:10:23,497 --> 00:10:26,959 Hey, bud, how you feeling?
- 00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:28,044 Are you dumb now?
- 00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:31,130 I wanna watch the "Look Who's Talking" trilogy and eat hot dogs with ketchup.
- 00:10:31,213 --> 00:10:32,590 Yeah! Dab it!
- 00:10:36,135 --> 00:10:37,970 I love getting beer in my body as fast as I can.
- 00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:39,096 Preaching to the choir, bro.
- 00:10:39,221 --> 00:10:41,015 Do you wanna buy everything on the McDonald's menu
- 00:10:41,098 --> 00:10:42,391 and smoosh it together into a big ball
- 00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:44,018 and then eat it with a knife and fork with me?
- 00:10:44,143 --> 00:10:46,646 Yes, a million times, yes.
- 00:10:47,188 --> 00:10:50,691 2Pac is like oxygen because we need him to live,
- 00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:52,652 while Sisqo is more like plutonium
- 00:10:52,735 --> 00:10:54,779 because he was kinda just a one-hit wonder
- 00:10:54,862 --> 00:10:56,238 that we've forgotten about.
- 00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:59,575 Wow, I never realized that every school subject is basically rap.
- 00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:02,370 That's the most rap thing you've said all day.
- 00:11:02,453 --> 00:11:03,412 A plus.
- 00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,831 Oh crap. We're running out of time. It's my turn. Teach me now.
- 00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:09,251 Well, welcome to English 101. Everyone, pick up your textbook.
- 00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:13,130 Now throw it out! We won't be needing it. I teach from the heart.
- 00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:15,925 Wait. Actually, go grab it from the trash.
- 00:11:16,008 --> 00:11:18,594 Yeah, we're gonna rely heavily on the text.
- 00:11:19,470 --> 00:11:21,389 - Now throw it out! - Oh, come on!
- 00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:22,640 Rager at our place.
- 00:11:22,765 --> 00:11:26,102 Party starts at triple question marks and goes till 2:00 a.m.
- 00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:27,269 We have a hard out.
- 00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:47,164 Grab onto here. Hold here.
- 00:11:47,289 --> 00:11:48,624 Spider! Nobody move.
- 00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:55,047 Fuck you, spider.
- 00:12:00,344 --> 00:12:02,596 Ugh, why did we start the party at triple question mark?
- 00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:03,931 People have been rolling in all day.
- 00:12:04,014 --> 00:12:05,516 Who wants to see me smash this bottle.
- 00:12:06,642 --> 00:12:07,977 Yeah!
- 00:12:08,060 --> 00:12:10,730 Touch my robes. Someone touch my fucking robes.
- 00:12:11,313 --> 00:12:13,566 Okay, I got a 95, you got a 33.
- 00:12:13,649 --> 00:12:16,652 Ah, we passed, and we were at school every single day.
- 00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:19,155 - Yeah, we did it! - Yay!
- 00:12:20,614 --> 00:12:23,743 I said we were here every day!
- 00:12:24,618 --> 00:12:26,704 Hey, we did it. You can come out now.
- 00:12:26,787 --> 00:12:28,956 What are you waiting for?
- 00:12:29,039 --> 00:12:31,542 Huh. You'd think they'd be raring to get out here.
- 00:12:31,625 --> 00:12:34,211 Unless nobody's been watching us
- 00:12:34,295 --> 00:12:36,422 and when they said we couldn't miss a day of school,
- 00:12:36,505 --> 00:12:38,215 they meant when everyone else was here too.
- 00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:40,926 So we got along this whole time for no reason?
- 00:12:41,051 --> 00:12:43,012 I guess so. So, now what?
- 00:12:43,137 --> 00:12:44,472 You wanna trash the school with sci-fi stuff?
- 00:12:44,555 --> 00:12:45,389 Fuck yeah.
- 00:12:45,514 --> 00:12:47,141 Hey, watch out!
- 00:12:52,313 --> 00:12:53,564 - Ooh, yeah. Whoo! - Yeah!
- 00:12:57,818 --> 00:12:59,695 All right, one of us has to attach this to the door
- 00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:01,238 and get away before it detonates.
- 00:13:01,363 --> 00:13:03,783 I've been practicing avoiding explosions in my free time,
- 00:13:03,866 --> 00:13:05,201 - so I think I can pull it off. - No.
- 00:13:05,326 --> 00:13:09,622 In the before-fore, I was a 7-Eleven employee. A really bad one.
- 00:13:09,705 --> 00:13:12,291 I was mean to everyone, and I used to piss in the Slurpee machine.
- 00:13:12,374 --> 00:13:15,628 But things are different in here. In here, I can die a hero.
- 00:13:15,753 --> 00:13:16,754 Bryson, I just told you.
- 00:13:16,837 --> 00:13:18,506 Nobody has to die, because I think I can jump away
- 00:13:18,589 --> 00:13:20,841 - well before the explosion-- - Blaze of glory!
- 00:13:20,966 --> 00:13:22,301 Oh shit.
- 00:13:22,384 --> 00:13:23,511 - Run! Run, Bryson! - Bryson, run!
- 00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:25,012 No! There's no time.
- 00:13:26,597 --> 00:13:28,015 Oh, okay. Actually, there may--
- 00:13:28,140 --> 00:13:29,016 - Aah! - Bryson!
- 00:13:32,394 --> 00:13:33,771 Holy shit!
- 00:13:33,854 --> 00:13:35,481 Ah. I'm alive.
- 00:13:35,564 --> 00:13:36,816 But I'm blind.
- 00:13:36,899 --> 00:13:38,275 You should have run. Why didn't you run?
- 00:13:38,359 --> 00:13:43,781 Oh no, my dick got blown off. I'm blind and I have no dick.
- 00:13:43,864 --> 00:13:45,658 - Oh. - Uh--
- 00:13:45,741 --> 00:13:47,701 Please, just leave.
- 00:13:47,785 --> 00:13:50,996 I'm blind and I have no dick.
- 00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:53,290 Hey, I found it.
- 00:13:53,374 --> 00:13:56,544 It was there all along. Just lower than I thought.
- 00:13:58,045 --> 00:13:59,213 Check this out, Terry. Watch.
- 00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:00,965 Wait, wait, wait. Don't you always tell me
- 00:14:01,048 --> 00:14:02,591 that pressing buttons on the ship can be dangerous?
- 00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:04,385 Don't be a little beeyatch.
- 00:14:09,431 --> 00:14:12,059 - See, it's fine. - Man, I love dumb Korvo.
- 00:14:12,142 --> 00:14:14,019 Dude, Korvo, get over here and snort this with us.
- 00:14:14,144 --> 00:14:16,856 Oink-oink, mother-fuckah!
- 00:14:26,115 --> 00:14:28,534 Ice lava.
- 00:14:28,617 --> 00:14:29,869 It's freezing.
- 00:14:29,952 --> 00:14:31,787 Oh my God and then it burns.
- 00:14:40,212 --> 00:14:41,422 Ha ha, stop.
- 00:14:41,505 --> 00:14:43,757 Don't laser me. That tickles.
- 00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:46,010 Oh, I got you now.
- 00:14:48,012 --> 00:14:50,973 - Did we make ice lava? - I don't know. Maybe.
- 00:14:51,056 --> 00:14:52,016 - Ohh! - You're it.
- 00:14:52,141 --> 00:14:54,059 No fair. I was distracted.
- 00:14:55,644 --> 00:14:56,520 Korvo, what do we do?
- 00:14:56,645 --> 00:14:58,898 The hot cold lava that powers the ship is getting on everyone.
- 00:14:58,981 --> 00:15:00,608 Don't worry, I know what to do.
- 00:15:01,775 --> 00:15:03,485 I'm boning an alien, bro.
- 00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:06,280 Stop being dumb. You're the only one who knows about ice lava.
- 00:15:06,405 --> 00:15:07,364 Terry, I know how to fix it.
- 00:15:07,448 --> 00:15:10,075 We just kick back and watch some movie trilogies.
- 00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:11,869 Th-this whole thing will sort itself out on its own.
- 00:15:11,994 --> 00:15:13,621 We don't have time for even one trilogy.
- 00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:14,997 Ugh. Who would have thought cutting corners
- 00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:16,415 and making you dumb would blow up like this.
- 00:15:16,540 --> 00:15:18,876 Maybe the second "Matrix" movie will help. They're better out of order.
- 00:15:18,959 --> 00:15:20,419 Maybe if I can learn how to fix the smart gun,
- 00:15:20,502 --> 00:15:22,171 I can zap you back into fixing the ship.
- 00:15:22,254 --> 00:15:24,673 Stay here. I will make you smart again.
- 00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:26,926 Hey, just 'cause I'm dumb doesn't mean that I'm deaf.
- 00:15:28,552 --> 00:15:30,179 Come on. Come on.
- 00:15:30,262 --> 00:15:32,723 Ah, yes. Hey, the manual isn't too big.
- 00:15:32,806 --> 00:15:34,016 Aah! Ah, crap.
- 00:15:34,141 --> 00:15:35,976 Okay, Terry, you can do this.
- 00:15:36,060 --> 00:15:38,062 Focus. Learn. Be smart.
- 00:15:38,145 --> 00:15:40,814 Damn, Morpheus, how'd you get those motherfucking sunglasses
- 00:15:40,898 --> 00:15:41,815 to stick to your face?
- 00:15:41,899 --> 00:15:44,026 Ooh, I gotta see that. No! No!
- 00:15:44,151 --> 00:15:45,361 Focus.
- 00:15:46,528 --> 00:15:48,656 Ooh! Once you know how to reroute the lava--
- 00:15:48,739 --> 00:15:51,325 Check it out, Terry, I'm a fucking Morpheus now.
- 00:15:51,408 --> 00:15:52,451 Watch out.
- 00:15:52,576 --> 00:15:55,204 I think we should invest in a racehorse because I want to go to Kentucky
- 00:15:55,287 --> 00:15:56,205 and wear a big old hat,
- 00:15:56,288 --> 00:15:57,915 and also I've got a great name for a racehorse.
- 00:15:57,998 --> 00:15:59,708 Get ready. Horseus.
- 00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:00,876 From the thing we were just talking about--
- 00:16:01,001 --> 00:16:01,961 Will you shut the hell up?
- 00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:03,629 I'm never gonna learn how to repair the smart gun.
- 00:16:03,712 --> 00:16:05,756 I'm only one chapter past the lavatic reactor.
- 00:16:05,881 --> 00:16:07,549 Oh, holy crapsters.
- 00:16:07,675 --> 00:16:10,970 I accidentally learned how to repair the lavatic reactor.
- 00:16:12,346 --> 00:16:14,848 I just want you to know if I don't make it out of this,
- 00:16:14,932 --> 00:16:17,977 it has been the great honor of my life to come to Earth with you.
- 00:16:18,102 --> 00:16:19,478 Korvo, I love you--
- 00:16:19,603 --> 00:16:21,897 I'm gonna go hit a bullet with a hammer, Terry. U-S-A!
- 00:16:22,022 --> 00:16:23,649 U-S-A! U-S-A!
- 00:16:48,549 --> 00:16:50,134 Holy shit. I think I fixed it.
- 00:16:50,259 --> 00:16:52,636 I actually did something without taking a shortcut.
- 00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:53,846 W-w-what are you doing?
- 00:16:53,929 --> 00:16:55,556 Hey, whoa, whoa, I thought you were sending signals.
- 00:16:55,639 --> 00:16:57,599 What? No. Man, when does the dumb ray wear off?
- 00:16:57,683 --> 00:16:59,560 - I want White Castle. - Is this what I sound like all the time?
- 00:16:59,643 --> 00:17:01,395 Whoa, Terry, let's watch all the "Resident Evils."
- 00:17:01,478 --> 00:17:02,354 Yeah, that's me.
- 00:17:02,479 --> 00:17:04,273 Oh yes.
- 00:17:04,398 --> 00:17:06,066 God, I love the last week of summer break.
- 00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:08,360 This place is so nice when the kids are gone.
- 00:17:08,444 --> 00:17:10,821 After this, let's do reverse cowgirl in the theater.
- 00:17:10,904 --> 00:17:12,364 Then we're ass-eating in the chem lab.
- 00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:14,033 But I'm wearing open-toed sandals.
- 00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:17,286 - Whoo! - What the fuck are you doing here?
- 00:17:19,371 --> 00:17:22,041 - Oh no! - We did what you said.
- 00:17:22,124 --> 00:17:25,252 We've been in our chairs every day at 7 a.m.
- 00:17:25,377 --> 00:17:26,879 How long have you been here on your own?
- 00:17:27,004 --> 00:17:29,173 - We're good students. We did-- - We were never late. We were on time.
- 00:17:29,298 --> 00:17:30,758 Mercy. Show us mercy.
- 00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:32,092 Go wait outside.
- 00:17:33,552 --> 00:17:36,930 What the fuck is wrong with those two? I don't care if they like each other.
- 00:17:37,014 --> 00:17:40,350 We didn't tell them to come in all summer! This is clearly abuse.
- 00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:42,895 Maybe no one will believe them. It's their word against ours.
- 00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:44,521 They found us humping in the lunch room.
- 00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:46,440 I was about to stick my tongue up your ass.
- 00:17:46,523 --> 00:17:49,443 Oh, Jesus. I guess we have to do the right thing.
- 00:17:50,527 --> 00:17:52,780 Okay, what will it take for you to keep your mouth shut?
- 00:17:52,863 --> 00:17:53,739 A thousand dollars?
- 00:17:53,864 --> 00:17:55,157 - We want A's, bitches. - We want A's.
- 00:17:55,282 --> 00:17:57,326 - That's it? In what? - In everything.
- 00:17:57,409 --> 00:18:00,370 So we give you the A's and we forget that this whole thing ever happened.
- 00:18:00,454 --> 00:18:02,581 Finger in the ass, the neglect, the eating of a--
- 00:18:02,664 --> 00:18:04,041 Congrats. You're both on the honor rolls.
- 00:18:04,124 --> 00:18:04,958 - Woo-hoo! - Yeah!
- 00:18:05,042 --> 00:18:06,293 - Honor roll, dude! - Woo-hoo!
- 00:18:07,294 --> 00:18:08,462 We've been bad.
- 00:18:18,138 --> 00:18:20,140 Man, gathering up the ashes of my victims
- 00:18:20,224 --> 00:18:23,727 and reconstituting them into babies is way more work than I thought it would be.
- 00:18:23,811 --> 00:18:25,938 But, hey, they get a second chance at life, so that's cool.
- 00:18:26,021 --> 00:18:27,022 What's up with you dorks?
- 00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:28,941 We caught the teachers eating each other's asses,
- 00:18:29,024 --> 00:18:30,776 so they gave us A's in all our classes.
- 00:18:30,859 --> 00:18:33,862 And we're best friends again. And we're out of Frosted Flakes.
- 00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:35,072 I'll pick some up tomorrow.
- 00:18:35,155 --> 00:18:37,533 Hey, uh, don't open the bathroom door because I locked Korvo in there
- 00:18:37,616 --> 00:18:38,534 until he gets smart again.
- 00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:40,119 Let me out of here! There's an alien in here!
- 00:18:40,202 --> 00:18:41,411 Oh, wait, that's-- it's just me in the mirror.
- 00:18:41,537 --> 00:18:43,288 Wow, he sounds really stupid.
- 00:18:43,413 --> 00:18:45,499 Yeah, I shot him with the dumb gun like 10 times.
- 00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:47,626 Oh geez, that will take forever to wear off.
- 00:18:47,751 --> 00:18:48,961 Feel better, Korvo.
- 00:18:49,044 --> 00:18:51,255 Don't sleep face down or you might suffocate.
- 00:18:51,338 --> 00:18:54,299 Let me out. Gal Gadot is a witch that was put into American society
- 00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:56,343 to make us all forget about the 2008 recession.
- 00:18:56,426 --> 00:18:58,011 Okay, buddy, very cool.
- 00:18:58,095 --> 00:19:00,097 Let me out right now! I-I-I've got a hostage in here.
- 00:19:00,180 --> 00:19:01,390 Help me, let me out.
- 00:19:01,473 --> 00:19:03,767 Don't worry, it's a joke. I'm doing both voices. Play along.
- 00:19:03,851 --> 00:19:05,477 'Ello, what are you two doing in here?
- 00:19:05,561 --> 00:19:06,770 Shh, hey, be quiet.
- 00:19:10,566 --> 00:19:13,652 - It's empty. No, this is all wrong. - Come on, we have to get out of here.
- 00:19:15,487 --> 00:19:17,030 You stupid fucks.
- 00:19:17,114 --> 00:19:19,992 What are you gonna do, Duke, take us all on? You're outnumbered.
- 00:19:21,869 --> 00:19:23,036 You see, Tim, my boy,
- 00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:24,997 this was the trap.
- 00:19:25,122 --> 00:19:29,376 Enrique and I set up the whole thing. The map, the Peep, everything.
- 00:19:29,501 --> 00:19:31,545 - Enrique, why? - You killed my son.
- 00:19:31,628 --> 00:19:35,007 The Duke might have pulled the trigger, but you dragged him into this whole thing.
- 00:19:35,132 --> 00:19:36,800 See, I'm a man of rules.
- 00:19:36,884 --> 00:19:39,720 It's rules that keep everyone alive in the wall.
- 00:19:39,803 --> 00:19:43,182 But when someone breaks said rules, you need a punishment.
- 00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:46,018 I found the perfect form of punishment.
- 00:19:46,101 --> 00:19:47,102 The Boo Hoo Hole.
- 00:19:47,227 --> 00:19:49,730 Tim, you ever heard of the Boo Hoo Hole.
- 00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:54,943 Noooo!
- 00:19:55,068 --> 00:19:57,905 I have different plans for you, Tim.
- 00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:04,786 These genius aliens are a billion times smarter than any man.
- 00:20:04,912 --> 00:20:07,831 They are truly worthy adversaries.
- 00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:11,668 Thank you for letting me out. I'm feeling much smarter.
- 00:20:11,752 --> 00:20:12,836 I'm smart now. Thank you.
- 00:20:12,961 --> 00:20:15,088 Okay, we're all trusting you to be smart.
- 00:20:15,172 --> 00:20:16,965 And we all learned a lesson today,
- 00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:19,092 so let's all buckle down and be smart together
- 00:20:19,176 --> 00:20:20,177 and help repair the ship.
- 00:20:20,260 --> 00:20:22,012 What've you got there? Are those hyperdrive plans?
- 00:20:22,137 --> 00:20:24,389 Oh, Jesse, nice try. We don't even have a hyperdrive.
- 00:20:24,473 --> 00:20:27,100 No, no, no, this is my 700-page screenplay for "Ted 3."
- 00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:28,852 - You all have to give me notes. - Oh, fuck, he's still dumb.
- 00:20:28,936 --> 00:20:30,646 It's called "T3D." - It's not in 3 - D though.
- 00:20:30,729 --> 00:20:32,689 Ted and Wahlberg go on a treasure hunt and meet a witch.
- 00:20:32,773 --> 00:20:34,441 I copyrighted this with WGA-North.
- 00:20:34,524 --> 00:20:37,486 It takes place in the Harry Potter world in the future, where every city is Boston.
- 00:20:37,611 --> 00:20:40,197 Ben Affleck and Matt Damon are president. Papa John's has cool pizza.
- 00:20:40,322 --> 00:20:41,782 I'm gonna be a professional poker player.
- 00:20:41,907 --> 00:20:44,243 Let me out of the ropy bag. Free me from the ropy bag.
- 00:20:44,326 --> 00:20:47,162 It's nice to do stuff as a family.
- 00:00:03,941 --> 00:00:05,943 {\an8}ПОСЛЕДНИЙ УЧЕБНЫЙ ДЕНЬ! ХОРОШЕГО ЛЕТА!
- 00:00:03,941 --> 00:00:05,943 ВЫПУСКНОЙ ОТМЕНЁН ВОЗВРАТОВ НЕ БУДЕТ
- 00:00:05,943 --> 00:00:07,527 МИСТЕР КУК
- 00:00:36,932 --> 00:00:42,604 МИСТЕР КУК
- 00:00:47,734 --> 00:00:53,573 МИСТЕР КУК
- 00:00:58,495 --> 00:01:01,081 МИСТЕР КУК
- 00:01:07,546 --> 00:01:17,848 МИСТЕР КУК
- 00:01:24,688 --> 00:01:26,231 ИНСТРУМЕНТЫ
- 00:01:26,231 --> 00:01:30,944 ЕСТЬ МИЛФА?
- 00:03:14,506 --> 00:03:32,148 ПРОДАНО
- 00:03:41,700 --> 00:03:44,202 МЛАДШИЙ КОЛЛЕДЖ ИМЕНИ ЛУИСА ГОССЕТТА МЛАДШЕГО
- 00:04:24,826 --> 00:04:26,202 МЛАДШИЙ КОЛЛЕДЖ ИМЕНИ ЛУИСА ГОССЕТТА МЛАДШЕГО
- 00:04:39,966 --> 00:04:40,925 СХРОН С ЕДОЙ БОРДЕЛЬ
- 00:04:56,524 --> 00:04:59,652 {\an8}ПОСЛЕДНИЙ УЧЕБНЫЙ ДЕНЬ! ХОРОШЕГО ЛЕТА!
- 00:04:56,524 --> 00:04:59,652 ВЫПУСКНОЙ ОТМЕНЁН ВОЗВРАТОВ НЕ БУДЕТ
- 00:04:59,652 --> 00:05:01,404 СПАСИБО ЗА ОТЛИЧНЫЙ УЧЕБНЫЙ ГОД!
- 00:05:01,404 --> 00:05:03,823 ВАС ТУТ НЕ ДОЛЖНО БЫТЬ! КАНИКУЛЫ ТРИ МЕСЯЦА!
- 00:05:54,707 --> 00:05:57,293 МЛАДШИЙ КОЛЛЕДЖ ИМЕНИ ЛУИСА ГОССЕТТА МЛАДШЕГО
- 00:05:57,293 --> 00:06:04,842 ДОБРО ПОЖАЛОВАТЬ НА "ТЕОРЕТИЧЕСКИЙ КУРС РЕМОНТА ТВ И VCR"
- 00:06:16,437 --> 00:06:18,982 ПРИХОДИТЕ ПОТРЯСТИ КОСТЯМИ!
- 00:06:42,797 --> 00:06:44,382 МЛАДШИЙ КОЛЛЕДЖ ИМЕНИ ЛУИСА ГОССЕТТА МЛАДШЕГО
- 00:06:54,726 --> 00:06:58,396 МЛАДШИЙ КОЛЛЕДЖ ИМЕНИ ЛУИСА ГОССЕТТА МЛАДШЕГО
- 00:08:21,229 --> 00:08:23,022 {\an8}ПОСЛЕДНИЙ УЧЕБНЫЙ ДЕНЬ! ХОРОШЕГО ЛЕТА!
- 00:08:21,229 --> 00:08:23,022 ВЫПУСКНОЙ ОТМЕНЁН ВОЗВРАТОВ НЕ БУДЕТ
- 00:09:54,238 --> 00:09:55,905 ОТУПИТЕЛЬ
- 00:10:03,789 --> 00:10:04,206 БИБЛИЯ
- 00:10:46,665 --> 00:10:47,833 {\an8}ПОСЛЕДНИЙ УЧЕБНЫЙ ДЕНЬ! ХОРОШЕГО ЛЕТА!
- 00:10:46,665 --> 00:10:47,833 ВЫПУСКНОЙ ОТМЕНЁН ВОЗВРАТОВ НЕ БУДЕТ
- 00:12:56,170 --> 00:13:01,258 ЕДА
- 00:14:00,150 --> 00:14:04,405 ВНИМАНИЕ ОПАСНОСТЬ
- 00:14:09,326 --> 00:14:12,913 ВНИМАНИЕ ОПАСНОСТЬ
- 00:14:40,107 --> 00:14:41,066 БИБЛИОТЕКА
- 00:15:08,177 --> 00:15:11,889 МАТРИЦА
- 00:19:58,925 --> 00:20:02,470 ЕДА
- 00:00:03,933 --> 00:00:05,933 Последний учебный день! Хорошего лета! Выпускной отменён - деньги не возвращаем
- 00:04:40,093 --> 00:04:41,003 Запасы еды
- 00:05:57,293 --> 00:06:04,833 Добро пожаловать на теоретический курс по ремонту ТВ и видиков
- 00:10:03,073 --> 00:10:03,703 Молекулярная биология
- 00:10:03,703 --> 00:10:04,203 Библия
- 00:13:59,523 --> 00:14:01,463 Предупреждение об опасности
- 00:14:40,283 --> 00:14:41,063 Библиотека
Скриншоты
