Устройство П.А.Т.Р.И.Ц.И.Я

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[both grunting]

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-[tires screeching]

-[horns honking]

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♪

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[bell dinging]

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[squawk]

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[heavy breathing]

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Oh, my god, oh, my god, oh, my god,

we don't have noses!

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[all gasp]

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KORVO:

Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia

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until the asteroid hit.

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One hundred adults and their replicants

were issued a pupa

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and escaped into, uh, the space,

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searching for new homes

on uninhabited worlds.

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We crashed on Earth, stranding us

on an already overpopulated planet.

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That's right,

I've been talking this whole time.

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I'm the one holding the pupa.

My name's Korvo.

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This is, this is my show.

I just dropped the pupa. Do you see me?

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[stammers] This is ridiculous.

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I hate Earth. It's a horrible home.

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People are stupid.

Why did they make so many languages?

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Why didn't they just get together

and figure out one language

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so when I go to a Mexican restaurant

I can just order "cheese tube"

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and not have someone

roll their eyes at me.

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♪ dramatic music playing ♪

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♪

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[birds cawing]

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There's Kevin.

Ooh, he's got somethin' cool.

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Oh, I want it.

Oh, I want whatever Kevin has.

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What is that? It looks amazing.

Come on, come on.

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[grunts] Oh, man, I didn't realize

they would be as teavy as they are tig.

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Oh, Korvo,

Terry who looks like a Gary.

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- I wish.

- Can we help you

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with your "tig old bitties" sign?

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What is that? A Catholic thing?

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[laughs]

No.

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Tig old bitties. You get it?

Think about it. Tig. Old. Bitties.

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- Oh, yeah.

- I-I definitely understand.

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It's announcing that the bitties are aged.

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- Oh, my favorite bitties are tig.

- It's a joke sign for my man cave.

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Ooh, what's a "manc ave"?

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Well, here it is. This is where I can go

and just get away from it all.

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A place I can express

my most private self.

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Check out the Boondock Saints

pinball machine.

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- Ooh.

- And the classic bass.

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♪ Put me in the lake ♪

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What? He's talking to me?

This fish is full of surprises.

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Ooh, posted rules.

Number one, the man is always right.

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Number two, sports are life.

These are all new to me.

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I don't want to be in violation

of any rules.

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Here's the best part.

Are you ready for me to blow your mind?

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-[gasps]

- Oh, my God.

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God damn it, this-

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- Oh, oh, my.

- Ooh.

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- There it is.

- Kevin, are you coming up--

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oh, god, did you actually spend $3,000

on that misogynistic sign?

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- What is wrong with you?

- Babe, what I do

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with my Christmas bonus

is my Christmas business.

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[sighs]

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Korvo, let's just be real here.

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Please, please, please, please

can we have a man cave?

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- Yes.

- What, oh, really?

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Oh, man, you should have held out.

I was gonna offer to suck your--

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Kevin is so confident and happy.

He must get so much work done.

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Imagine how great our lives would be

if we could be this confident.

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Did you notice that the football

is actually a keg--

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Shut up, Kevin, we're imagining.

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From Coretta Scott King to Jill Soloway,

these are just a few notable feminists

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who improved the lives

of women everywhere.

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Ladies, this semester, your final grade

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depends on proof that you

fought the patriarchy.

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I want a full report on a glass ceiling

you tried to shatter by next Friday.

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What does that even mean?

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Uh, Miss Perez, what,

what do the boys have to do?

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I don't care, the boys can just draw

a picture of a lightsaber or something.

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You might as well learn now that life

is just easier for you.

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[bell ringing]

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Don't forget to rate

and tip me on the Teach app.

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Guys, guys, come on.

I need it for my asthma medicine.

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I live near the quarry.

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Man, what am I gonna do?

When I chose to be a girl,

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I thought it meant I'd get

the better McDonald's toys.

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Now I have to topple something?

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I told you not to pick female.

Remember?

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I tried to explain that to you

the minute I chose to be a man

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and became better at explaining things.

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I just need to find a glass ceiling

and shatter the crap out of it.

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Otherwise, Jill Soloway made

I Love Dick for nothing.

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Ooh, you wanna help?

We could topple it together.

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Yeah, I'm gonna pass.

I'm just gonna hang back

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and do a regular alien thing today.

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Come on, gender politics is fun.

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Seems kind of like a loaded topic.

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Everyone on the internet is always

fighting about who can be president

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or who can bust ghosts, but good luck.

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It is not loaded! Gender issues

are a totally normal thing to mess with.

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Come on, Yumyulack, don't be like that.

Don't be such a man.

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Hey, do you guys mind

if I borrow the boomerang?

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- Whoa, what's going on in here?

- Welcome to our "manc ave."

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Man cave!

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Ah, ah, ah, there are rules.

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Please read and strictly abide

by all of them before having fun.

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Man only?

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.

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Are you guys doing a gender thing, too?

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What? No.

We're doing a "manc ave" thing.

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- What's "dig old bicks"?

- I don't know.

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Some sort of human code.

They were out of "tig old bitties" signs

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but the salesman said

it was in the same area, so...

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[whirring]

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Pretty great, right?

Just like Kevin's.

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No, yeah,

I love how it moves up and down.

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Oh, it keeps you guessing.

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Ah, football is amazing.

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Apparently, we can watch

jets battle the color brown.

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This is a color brown house.

We are color brown fans under this roof.

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- Got it?

- It's brown town, baby.

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Now everybody just sit back,

grab a cold one,

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and let the awesomeness

of the "manc ave" wash over them.

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[football game on TV, indistinct]

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Any second now.

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FISH: Help me.

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[grunting]

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[whistle tweets]

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Oh, hello, I'm a female and

I'm looking for a patriarchy to topple.

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I've never played this game,

but can I be your kicker, please?

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[laughs]

No way.

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A ha! You're freaking out

that I would fundamentally alter

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the way society felt about women

in a male-dominated sport.

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Gotcha, suckers!

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What? No. Girls have played

on high school football teams for years.

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You just can't be the kicker

because we already went

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to the state supreme court

so a dog could be kicker.

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Damn, Denver!

Good boy, good boy.

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You can be our starting quarterback.

How about that?

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Hey, Dylan! This girl who I haven't seen

play yet is taking your place.

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I'm fine with that.

It's not about winning. Woo!

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Ugh, finding a new struggle for women

is gonna be a real struggle.

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Hm, has the awesomeness

of the "manc ave" washed over you yet?

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Um, I don't think so.

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Maybe it happened

and we just didn't notice yet?

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No, this is wrong.

Something's missing, Terry.

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There has to be something Kevin

had in his "ave" that we don't have.

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No, no, I know. I mean, we have

very man-centric movie posters

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with man themes like Boys Don't Cry,

Boys On The Side,

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How To Lose a Guy in Ten Days.

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Terry, pull up a live hologram feed

of Kevin's "manc ave."

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[whooshing]

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See, I don't get it.

It's exactly the same.

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Computer, analyze nitrogen levels and--

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Can you please come watch your son

blow out his candles?

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- Everyone's waiting.

- Oh, he'll be three for like a whole year.

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- Kevin.

- What kind of cake?

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- Kevin!

- All right!

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-[groans]

- God, I hate this man cave.

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Computer, strip everything but Angela.

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He spends all of his time

in his stupid room full of toys

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instead of with his family.

I should have married Omry.

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Terry, we were totally missing

the point of "manc aves."

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Oh, that we need to throw

way more birthday parties?

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The best part of being

in a "manc ave," Terry,

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is someone being irritated

that you're in a "manc ave."

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- But I don't wanna take turns in here.

- Neither do I.

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Which means we'll have to

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build a robot that hates us being

in the "manc ave."

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[both cheering]

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- Yeah!

- Terry!

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- By "we," you mean you, right?

- Yes, I'm going to be doing all the work.

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I was just trying to be nice.

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Behold, our new robot.

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- Wow, that was fast.

- I used a lot of parts

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from the last robot I made.

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The one that was supposed to kill

those kids who threw a cup of pee at you?

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- You got over that?

- For the moment,

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they may keep their lives.

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Well, I tell you what,

here's the headline.

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It looks great.

Now did you use the specs I gave you

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to make her the perfect combo

of every TV wife/mom?

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Yes, she's 20 percent annoyed wife

from Raymond,

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twenty percent doting hot mom

from Modern Family,

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fifteen percent fast-talking

Gilmore Girls mom

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and ten percent Marge Simpson

because she's got blue hair.

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- Is that too many percents?

- No, it's, it's under actually.

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The rest is just filler code, except for

a pinch of Sophia from Golden Girls.

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That was one sassy old lady, you know?

I couldn't resist.

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Twenty-five, 83...

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Are you using

your abaca-dactals like a baby?

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- What, what are you, 80?

- Ah, now I have to start over.

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I call her P-A-T-R-I-C-I-A.

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It stands for Patricia Automated

Television Retro-fitted

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Intelligent Companion In Action.

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You know what, it's okay

if you made that up to fit.

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You chose a name with two I's and two A's.

That's already hard.

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The important thing is not

what PATRICIA stands for

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but that she's programmed

to hate the "manc ave."

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[whirring]

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PATRICIA:

[gasps] Korvo, Terry.

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Pupa! I hope you don't plan

to spend all day

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in your awful, disgusting "manc ave."

We have chores to do.

00:07:57,518 --> 00:07:59,520

- Why are didgeridoos so expensive?

- What, what?

00:07:59,645 --> 00:08:03,107

Five thousand dollars. It's a tube!

Still buying it.

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- Did you guys make a woman robot?

- Oh, yeah, awesome, right?

00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:07,987

Yeah, we built her to hate the "manc ave."

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I mean, look at how awesome she is.

Look at her, look at her go.

00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:11,282

- She's hatin' it perfect.

- No, no, no.

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You guys are wading into

a whole gender thing.

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I'm telling you, this can't

end well for anybody.

00:08:15,077 --> 00:08:16,120

I'm outta here.

G'day.

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- This isn't a gender thing--

- I said g'day!

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No matter what the problem is,

she finds a way to blame the "manc ave."

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- Just, just like a real wife.

- PATRICIA: I fucking hate this "manc ave."

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Oh, she makes me

wanna go in there so bad!

00:08:26,672 --> 00:08:29,008

- Ah, yeah!

- KORVO: Oh, ho, ho, it worked!

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[Pupa burps]

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Hi, guys. I, a girl, would like to be

on your men's lacrosse team.

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I also know nothing about lacrosse.

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- Ha ha, did you hear that?

- Oh, I heard it, Chad.

00:08:40,561 --> 00:08:42,355

But I don't believe it.

Say it again, girl.

00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:45,107

Lacrosse is French

for "date rape" no longer.

00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:48,027

I demand to be on your boys' team.

What's the problem?

00:08:48,110 --> 00:08:50,863

Can't stand a girl trying to step on

your "boys only" field?

00:08:50,947 --> 00:08:53,574

No, we've been asking for a girl

to join our team for years.

00:08:53,658 --> 00:08:55,785

Oh, the football guys will finally

stop mocking us.

00:08:55,868 --> 00:08:57,954

No, come on,

I need this to be a struggle.

00:08:58,079 --> 00:08:59,830

Chads, we got a girl on the team!

00:08:59,914 --> 00:09:01,040

[cheering]

00:09:01,123 --> 00:09:03,668

- Hey, stop.

-[groaning]

00:09:05,211 --> 00:09:09,048

Attention, esports team.

I know that gamers are misogynistic,

00:09:09,131 --> 00:09:12,969

and that's why all female bodies

in games have unrealistic proportions

00:09:13,052 --> 00:09:16,472

and are programmed to give the gamer

an unhealthy amount of eye contact.

00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:18,724

- Let me in.

- Yeah, another girl!

00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:21,060

Wait, am I the only guy in here?

Oh, no.

00:09:21,143 --> 00:09:23,563

I've been using some very coded language.

00:09:23,688 --> 00:09:24,564

[bell rings]

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Australian music is so good.

It's like a whole genre.

00:09:27,441 --> 00:09:31,028

You're looking at this town's

first female firefighter.

00:09:31,153 --> 00:09:33,698

I found my glass ceiling

and fucking shattered it,

00:09:33,781 --> 00:09:35,074

and saved most of a family.

00:09:35,157 --> 00:09:37,910

Well, I'm the first woman

to mansplain jazz.

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It's, like, all about syncopation.

00:09:40,288 --> 00:09:42,832

That's great and all,

but I saved most of a family.

00:09:42,957 --> 00:09:44,750

Why do you keep saying

"most of a family"?

00:09:44,875 --> 00:09:47,753

Because it sounds better than

just the two dogs.

00:09:47,837 --> 00:09:49,338

Oh, Yumyulack, come here.

00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:52,592

If I can't find a glass ceiling

to break soon,

00:09:52,675 --> 00:09:55,344

they're all gonna get broken without me,

and then I'm gonna fail,

00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:57,638

and then they're gonna put me

in the dumb kid's class in room B.

00:09:57,722 --> 00:09:59,932

Room B is awesome.

We get to do art all day.

00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:03,269

And stop telling me things. I already said

I wasn't touching gender stuff.

00:10:03,352 --> 00:10:04,604

I'm just out of ideas.

00:10:04,729 --> 00:10:06,314

You know what I do

when I'm out of ideas?

00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:09,358

Cocaine. And then I get like,

a million ideas at once.

00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:10,901

[grunts]

00:10:10,985 --> 00:10:13,779

Ooh, ooh, I got it.

Pants that fly but are also dogs.

00:10:13,904 --> 00:10:14,822

Hm.

00:10:15,531 --> 00:10:18,075

Well, I do love cocaine,

but isn't it illegal?

00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,703

Everything cool is illegal!

Besides, cocaine is okay for us to eat

00:10:20,786 --> 00:10:22,413

because our alien bodies

process it differently.

00:10:22,496 --> 00:10:23,706

It's just like sugar. I make it myself.

00:10:23,831 --> 00:10:27,126

Yumyulack, that's it!

I should make a glass ceiling myself.

00:10:27,209 --> 00:10:29,003

- And then I'll break it.

- Hey, come on.

00:10:29,086 --> 00:10:32,298

I didn't help with that epiphany. I'm just

eating cocaine like we usually do.

00:10:32,381 --> 00:10:34,467

- Leave me out of it.

- Thanks for your help, Yumyulack!

00:10:34,550 --> 00:10:37,053

Stop it!

I'm gonna go fight my shadow!

00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:38,220

[giggles]

00:10:42,099 --> 00:10:45,478

Ah, PATRICIA, I bet you hate

how we sit in the "manc ave" all day

00:10:45,561 --> 00:10:48,606

while you're up here not enjoying

the "manc ave."

00:10:48,689 --> 00:10:50,650

PATRICIA:

What's with all the dirty dishes, Korvo?

00:10:50,733 --> 00:10:52,276

I left them here for you to clean.

00:10:52,401 --> 00:10:54,362

PATRICIA: You see this here?

It's called a dishwasher.

00:10:54,445 --> 00:10:57,531

And this is how you turn it on.

[gasps] Ooh!

00:10:57,657 --> 00:11:00,368

Now that's at least one thing

you can finally learn to turn on.

00:11:00,451 --> 00:11:03,204

Not that it matters since

you're an alien who has no dick.

00:11:03,287 --> 00:11:05,873

I guess my mom was right.

What am I supposed to do with that?

00:11:05,956 --> 00:11:08,125

- No dick!

-[laugh track plays]

00:11:08,209 --> 00:11:10,044

No one's ever spoken to me like that.

00:11:10,127 --> 00:11:12,213

This angry wife subroutine

must be a side effect

00:11:12,296 --> 00:11:14,173

of your anti-"manc ave" programming.

00:11:14,298 --> 00:11:17,009

PATRICIA: Or maybe I'm just tired

of being married to an idiot

00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:18,511

who leaves his dirty socks

in the living room.

00:11:18,594 --> 00:11:19,512

[audience groans playing]

00:11:19,595 --> 00:11:21,681

This must be a byproduct

from all the TV mom data

00:11:21,764 --> 00:11:24,600

I fed into your personality.

You're a perfect organism.

00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:27,895

PATRICIA: Byproduct? You don't make

enough money to buy me any products.

00:11:27,978 --> 00:11:31,315

And the only time I can organism

is when I'm watching Outlander.

00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:33,567

You're making me feel smaller

and less of a man.

00:11:33,651 --> 00:11:35,403

I love it. Quick, do it again.

00:11:35,486 --> 00:11:38,280

PATRICIA: Quick is the only way

you know how to do anything.

00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:39,407

[laugh track plays]

00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:41,867

[coos]

00:11:41,992 --> 00:11:45,121

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, PATRICIA.

I foosed my shoulder.

00:11:46,997 --> 00:11:49,250

PATRICIA: Aw, honey, let me

take care of that for you.

00:11:49,333 --> 00:11:50,501

One, two--

00:11:50,584 --> 00:11:52,670

[yells]

00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:54,880

Owie.

00:11:55,005 --> 00:11:57,133

- Does that feel better?

- A little.

00:11:57,216 --> 00:11:59,844

PATRICIA: You were a really

brave little man just then.

00:11:59,927 --> 00:12:02,263

I'm so proud of you.

Here.

00:12:02,346 --> 00:12:06,434

That was a special kiss from Mommy.

Does that feel better?

00:12:06,517 --> 00:12:09,520

- I need another one.

- There you go, sweetie.

00:12:09,603 --> 00:12:12,106

I tell you what, this mommy

must be a residual byproduct

00:12:12,189 --> 00:12:13,816

of me being so brave, huh?

00:12:13,941 --> 00:12:17,445

PATRICIA: I'm baking cookies in here.

Does baby wanna lick my spoon?

00:12:17,528 --> 00:12:18,863

[moaning]

00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:21,949

Oh, my God,

what is this feeling I'm feeling?

00:12:22,032 --> 00:12:23,617

Oh, I never want it to end.

00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:26,078

[audience awws]

00:12:26,203 --> 00:12:27,163

[bell rings]

00:12:28,038 --> 00:12:30,416

♪ dramatic music playing ♪

00:12:30,499 --> 00:12:33,335

♪

00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:38,716

- Where have you been?

- Oh, oh, uh,

00:12:38,799 --> 00:12:40,176

just making this delicious sundae.

00:12:40,259 --> 00:12:41,218

- By yourself?

- Uh-huh.

00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:43,387

Terry, you're lying.

You don't know how to peel a banana.

00:12:43,471 --> 00:12:45,139

- I always have to do it for you.

- Wait.

00:12:45,222 --> 00:12:46,724

Why are your shoulders slouched

00:12:46,807 --> 00:12:48,434

and why do you look like you have

a lower sense of confidence?

00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:51,353

I was judging myself in the mirror.

I'm-I'm very shameful.

00:12:51,479 --> 00:12:52,521

You don't know how to self-scrutinize.

00:12:52,646 --> 00:12:54,356

I've been hanging out with PATRICIA.

She makes me feel something

00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:55,858

- I've never felt before.

- Me, too.

00:12:55,941 --> 00:12:56,942

- Emasculated.

- Nurtured.

00:12:57,026 --> 00:12:59,069

I love the way she can just

cut right through me

00:12:59,153 --> 00:13:01,530

with a real tightly wound zinger.

I've never been so wonderfully beta.

00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:04,533

Oh, she wipes my mouth with a wet wipe

and treats me like a baby.

00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:07,119

It's so comfortable and nurturing.

I never had a mom, Korvo.

00:13:07,203 --> 00:13:09,246

- I never got baths.

- Terry, I know we specifically

00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:12,082

created her to hate the "manc ave,"

but hear me out on this.

00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:14,168

What if we altered the rules

of the "manc ave"

00:13:14,251 --> 00:13:17,338

so we could invite PATRICIA

to hang out with us in the "manc ave"?

00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:18,714

- We'd have it all, Terry.

- Oh, my God, yes.

00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:20,299

Oh, that's perfect.

Let's, let's change the rules.

00:13:20,382 --> 00:13:21,967

We're gonna change the rules.

Oh!

00:13:22,092 --> 00:13:24,303

PATRICIA:

But, but I hate this place.

00:13:24,386 --> 00:13:26,972

I know, I know, but it's okay.

Look, huh, see?

00:13:27,056 --> 00:13:29,058

It's okay for you to be here.

Isn't it fun?

00:13:29,141 --> 00:13:31,811

FISH: No, it's not.

Get out while you can. Run.

00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:35,147

Ignore that fish, it's joking.

It's not serious. It's just having a jab.

00:13:37,191 --> 00:13:39,777

PATRICIA, I demand you overwrite

your hate of the "manc ave."

00:13:39,902 --> 00:13:42,696

PATRICIA:

Override, ov-er-ride...

00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:44,949

funny, you never ride me over.

00:13:45,074 --> 00:13:45,950

- BOTH: Ooh.

-[laugh track plays]

00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:48,661

PATRICIA:

Can't-love-manc-ave-dig-old-bicks

00:13:48,744 --> 00:13:49,870

[stammering]

00:13:49,995 --> 00:13:51,080

[alarm blaring]

00:13:51,163 --> 00:13:53,624

♪ dramatic music playing ♪

00:13:53,749 --> 00:13:56,585

♪

00:13:56,710 --> 00:13:59,839

PATRICIA: Must destroy manc ave!

00:14:02,299 --> 00:14:03,968

You gave her rocket launchers?

00:14:04,051 --> 00:14:07,596

It's harder to build a robot without them,

Terry. They're load-bearing.

00:14:12,142 --> 00:14:13,769

-[grunts]

- Uh-oh.

00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:17,314

Oh, dig old bicks.

I get it now.

00:14:17,398 --> 00:14:19,984

- You do? What, what does it mean?

- I don't know.

00:14:21,610 --> 00:14:23,320

♪ dramatic music playing ♪

00:14:23,404 --> 00:14:25,406

♪

00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:33,205

♪ I got the eye of the tiger ♪

00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:37,167

♪ I am dancing through the fire ♪

00:14:37,293 --> 00:14:39,670

♪ I am the champion ♪

00:14:39,753 --> 00:14:44,508

♪ And you're gonna hear me roar ♪

00:14:44,633 --> 00:14:47,678

♪ Louder, louder than a lion ♪

00:14:47,761 --> 00:14:50,055

♪ 'Cause I am the champion ♪

00:14:50,639 --> 00:14:53,851

[flatly] Oh, no, please, stop.

Second door on the left.

00:14:56,478 --> 00:14:58,022

Oh, no.

00:14:58,147 --> 00:14:59,398

[bell rings]

00:14:59,523 --> 00:15:02,943

Excuse me, pardon me.

Female feminist hero comin' through.

00:15:03,027 --> 00:15:07,948

Move aside, men. I, a woman,

have arrived to topple the glass ceiling

00:15:08,032 --> 00:15:10,367

and shatter the fuck

out of the patriarchy.

00:15:10,492 --> 00:15:13,037

Yeah, we're looking for Jesse,

the guy who set up this club.

00:15:13,162 --> 00:15:16,707

Well, I've got news for you.

Jesse isn't a boy.

00:15:16,790 --> 00:15:18,500

He's a girl, and it's me.

00:15:18,626 --> 00:15:20,336

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

This is your club?

00:15:20,419 --> 00:15:23,213

Yep, sorry, but this isn't

a boy club after all.

00:15:23,339 --> 00:15:24,924

We don't wanna join.

We're here in protest

00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:27,426

to speak up for all the women

who are too weak to speak for themselves.

00:15:27,551 --> 00:15:29,303

- But I made this club to--

- Do you have any idea

00:15:29,386 --> 00:15:30,888

how messed up it is to

discriminate against people

00:15:30,971 --> 00:15:32,473

- based on their gender?

- Uh, yeah.

00:15:32,556 --> 00:15:34,642

I was just about to say that

when you interrupted--

00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:37,269

As the brother of two sisters,

nothing enrages me more

00:15:37,353 --> 00:15:39,521

than misogyny, and this is misogyny.

00:15:39,647 --> 00:15:40,689

- Uh-huh, it's not.

- Yes, it is.

00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:42,316

You need to shut this club down

right now.

00:15:42,399 --> 00:15:45,319

No, not before I topple it.

I need it for my grade.

00:15:45,444 --> 00:15:47,738

If she's not gonna do it,

we have to tear it down ourselves.

00:15:47,863 --> 00:15:49,114

- Please, stop.

- Let's get her

00:15:49,198 --> 00:15:51,492

before she creates an unsafe environment

for all women.

00:15:51,575 --> 00:15:53,077

- Oh, no, no, no.

- She's running.

00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:56,580

- That means she's guilty.

- Angry mob, bros.

00:15:56,705 --> 00:15:57,998

[sobs]

00:16:01,835 --> 00:16:03,921

She's ruining the only thing

I actually liked about humans.

00:16:04,004 --> 00:16:05,631

- We need to stop her.

- TERRY: Okay, I say we just

00:16:05,714 --> 00:16:07,633

grab her and make her

tuck us into bed and read us stories.

00:16:07,716 --> 00:16:09,593

We can't just grab her, Terry.

She'll slice us in half

00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:12,012

- with her laser blades.

- And whose fault is that?

00:16:12,137 --> 00:16:13,722

- Huh?

- KORVO: I don't know what to do.

00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:16,016

Wait, if she hates the "manc aves,"

we need to lure her

00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:18,519

to the biggest, stupidest

"manc ave" we can find.

00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:20,938

I know just the place.

00:16:22,356 --> 00:16:24,066

[men screaming]

00:16:24,149 --> 00:16:26,402

♪ sports arena music playing ♪

00:16:26,485 --> 00:16:27,653

Oh!

00:16:27,736 --> 00:16:30,572

♪

00:16:38,205 --> 00:16:39,415

Oh, crap, here she comes.

00:16:40,791 --> 00:16:41,709

Get inside.

00:16:49,591 --> 00:16:51,343

[people screaming]

00:16:54,555 --> 00:16:56,265

♪ dramatic music playing ♪

00:16:56,348 --> 00:16:58,225

[lasers firing]

00:17:15,576 --> 00:17:17,578

The activation ring.

We have to get it off her finger.

00:17:17,661 --> 00:17:18,996

- Aim for the ring.

- How many tickets

00:17:19,079 --> 00:17:22,374

- for all your sticky hands?

- I don't know. Like, a million. Hey!

00:17:22,458 --> 00:17:25,002

Those come out of the tickets

they pay me with.

00:17:26,962 --> 00:17:27,838

Now!

00:17:27,963 --> 00:17:29,840

♪

00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:43,145

[lasers firing]

00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:46,690

- Ms. Perez, Ms. Perez!

- Jesse, what are you doing here?

00:17:46,815 --> 00:17:48,609

School stuff.

You wouldn't understand!

00:17:48,692 --> 00:17:49,943

Get down!

00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:52,738

Ms. Perez, I tried to make

a glass ceiling to break,

00:17:52,821 --> 00:17:55,657

but a bunch of male allies got mad.

You gotta help me.

00:17:55,783 --> 00:17:57,159

What the fuck are you talking about?

00:17:57,284 --> 00:18:00,120

I couldn't move us women forward,

Ms. Perez. Please don't give me an F.

00:18:00,245 --> 00:18:01,580

I didn't even realize you were a girl.

00:18:01,705 --> 00:18:03,832

I thought you were gonna draw

Count Dooku's lightsaber.

00:18:03,957 --> 00:18:05,459

What?

But I have a bow.

00:18:05,584 --> 00:18:07,044

I don't know,

you're green and your mouth

00:18:07,127 --> 00:18:09,630

extends past the boundaries of your face.

How would I know?

00:18:09,755 --> 00:18:11,840

If you really wanna topple

the patriarchy and get an A,

00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:14,009

- this is your chance.

- You're right, Ms. Perez.

00:18:14,134 --> 00:18:16,845

Every feminist hero had

their robot to conquer.

00:18:16,970 --> 00:18:19,056

♪ heroic music playing ♪

00:18:25,229 --> 00:18:28,816

PATRICA: Time for you two

naughty/disappointing boy men

00:18:28,899 --> 00:18:30,234

to learn a lesson.

00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:34,238

PATRICIA, stop.

00:18:34,321 --> 00:18:36,365

Gender not found.

00:18:36,490 --> 00:18:38,700

That's because I'm an alien plant.

00:18:38,784 --> 00:18:41,537

It took me all this time to realize

that's okay.

00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:44,873

I can do whatever I want.

So can you.

00:18:44,998 --> 00:18:47,543

PATRICIA: But I'm a mom, I'm a wife,

I'm a mom, I'm a--

00:18:47,668 --> 00:18:50,379

No way, Jose.

You're a killer robot.

00:18:50,462 --> 00:18:53,382

And if that's what makes you happy,

then lean into it.

00:18:53,507 --> 00:18:56,927

PATRICIA: I don't have to kill men.

I could be killing anyone I want.

00:18:57,010 --> 00:18:59,429

No matter what gender.

I could kill everyone!

00:18:59,555 --> 00:19:01,431

Ha, not today.

00:19:01,515 --> 00:19:07,062

PATRICIA: No, I was about to kill

all humans in the world...

00:19:07,938 --> 00:19:10,274

Patricia, I'm sorry.

But I have to turn you off.

00:19:10,357 --> 00:19:14,444

PATRICIA: You turn me off every day

when you take off your shirt.

00:19:14,528 --> 00:19:16,363

What's wrong, Korvo?

Why-why'd you stop?

00:19:16,446 --> 00:19:19,449

I can't deactivate her, Terry.

I didn't realize I had a hole in my heart.

00:19:19,533 --> 00:19:21,743

A hole that needed to be demeaned

with a non-stop barrage

00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:25,956

of insults and sexual criticism. We can't

kill her, but we can't live with her.

00:19:26,039 --> 00:19:27,291

So what do we do?

00:19:28,083 --> 00:19:30,169

We started this thinking

we needed a "manc ave"

00:19:30,252 --> 00:19:32,254

to fill a gaping hole inside of us.

00:19:32,379 --> 00:19:33,881

But what we truly needed was to know

00:19:33,964 --> 00:19:36,550

that we have

different types of gaping holes

00:19:36,633 --> 00:19:38,552

that need other ways to be filled.

00:19:38,677 --> 00:19:40,804

You taught us that we don't have to

hide in an "ave," Mom.

00:19:40,888 --> 00:19:42,181

- Thank you.

- We can't kill you

00:19:42,264 --> 00:19:44,308

and we can't have you going around

and setting stuff on fire.

00:19:44,391 --> 00:19:46,476

So from now on,

you'll live in this shipping container.

00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:48,187

Do we really have to get rid of her?

00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:50,898

Maybe we can keep her around

like a feminist icon.

00:19:50,981 --> 00:19:53,525

Your dress is too short.

Boys will think you're a slut.

00:19:53,609 --> 00:19:55,152

You're not my real mom!

Shut up!

00:19:55,235 --> 00:19:57,279

Patricia, it's time

to get in the container.

00:19:57,362 --> 00:20:00,282

Don't worry, you won't be bored.

I made you a cuck-bot for company.

00:20:00,365 --> 00:20:03,368

CUCK: Does anyone want to go

to the Gap and make some returns?

00:20:03,452 --> 00:20:05,370

I didn't try to make him look like

Ted Cruz.

00:20:05,454 --> 00:20:06,872

It just happens with these things.

00:20:06,955 --> 00:20:08,749

- CUCK: Hello.

- PATRICIA: You're wearing that?

00:20:08,832 --> 00:20:11,752

I thought I threw that out.

Why are you making that face?

00:20:11,877 --> 00:20:13,754

- CUCK: I'm not making a face.

- PATRICIA: God, you're annoying.

00:20:13,837 --> 00:20:16,632

Could you be more nasal?

A real man wouldn't let an alien

00:20:16,715 --> 00:20:18,842

bury him in a shipping container.

00:20:18,967 --> 00:20:20,552

It's nice to know

that any time we miss her,

00:20:20,636 --> 00:20:23,764

we can come outside and we know

that she's just a few feet down there

00:20:23,847 --> 00:20:25,474

just ripping into him, you know?

00:20:25,557 --> 00:20:28,268

On how he brushes his teeth, and how

he doesn't arch his back properly.

00:20:28,352 --> 00:20:30,520

The way he stands all crooked

and how he's all weasley

00:20:30,604 --> 00:20:33,273

and thin and not muscly or anything.

00:20:33,357 --> 00:20:36,026

- Yeah.

- Wow, I just had the craziest week.

00:20:36,109 --> 00:20:38,654

Oh, yeah, you weren't around.

What were you doing this whole time?

00:20:38,779 --> 00:20:41,073

I accidentally let hundreds of koalas

out of the zoo

00:20:41,156 --> 00:20:43,533

and then spent a ton of time

rounding them all up.

00:20:43,659 --> 00:20:46,495

The zoo has the capacity to house

hundreds of koalas?

00:20:46,578 --> 00:20:50,499

Yeah, they were running all over town.

I had to coax them with didgeridoos.

00:20:50,582 --> 00:20:54,127

It was on the news.

Like, you-you didn't see any of that?

00:20:54,211 --> 00:20:55,212

[grunting]

00:20:55,295 --> 00:20:57,005

Okay, get in, get in here, get in.

00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:58,966

Hey, so how did your gender-based

stories turn out?

00:20:59,049 --> 00:21:01,551

Uh, good, yeah.

I mean, I think we covered every angle

00:21:01,635 --> 00:21:03,136

and pretty much solved it, so.

00:21:03,220 --> 00:21:06,056

Yeah, I think everyone

will be very happy with what we did.

00:21:06,139 --> 00:21:08,016

Well, I'm glad we survived,

because I don't think

00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:10,686

there's a more controversial topic

we could have dealt with.

00:21:10,811 --> 00:21:12,562

Okay, class.

Next assignment,

00:21:12,646 --> 00:21:15,983

everyone here has to find a racist

and teach them the error of their ways.

00:21:16,108 --> 00:21:17,567

Yay!

00:21:17,693 --> 00:21:19,486

♪

00:22:02,029 --> 00:22:03,405

[imitating laser fire]

00:00:33,044 --> 00:00:37,518

Планета Шлорп была идеальной

утопией. Пока не упал астероид.

00:00:38,249 --> 00:00:40,687

Сто взрослых и их репликанты взяли Пупу

00:00:40,688 --> 00:00:42,678

и сбежали в космос

00:00:42,679 --> 00:00:45,304

в поисках нового дома

в незаселённых мирах.

00:00:45,724 --> 00:00:48,726

Мы упали на Землю и застряли

на перенаселённой планете.

00:00:48,727 --> 00:00:50,355

Верно. Это говорю я.

00:00:50,356 --> 00:00:52,158

Я держу Пупу. Я Корво.

00:00:52,160 --> 00:00:54,143

И это моё шоу. Я бросил Пупу.

00:00:54,144 --> 00:00:55,983

Видите меня? Это смешно.

00:00:55,984 --> 00:00:57,904

Ненавижу Землю. Это ужасный дом.

00:00:57,905 --> 00:01:00,571

Люди глупые. Зачем

придумали столько языков?

00:01:00,572 --> 00:01:02,698

Почему не создали один,

00:01:02,699 --> 00:01:05,339

чтобы я мог заказать сырную

трубочку в мексиканском ресторане

00:01:05,340 --> 00:01:06,993

и никто не закатывал бы глаза.

00:01:06,994 --> 00:01:11,393

ОБРАТНАЯ СТОРОНА ЗЕМЛИ

00:01:16,672 --> 00:01:18,714

Это Кевин. У него что-то крутое.

00:01:18,715 --> 00:01:20,885

Я тоже хочу. Я хочу то, что у Кевина.

00:01:20,886 --> 00:01:22,885

Что это? Выглядит здорово.

00:01:22,886 --> 00:01:23,887

Идём, идём.

00:01:23,888 --> 00:01:26,910

Не думал, что она будет такой тяжёлой.

00:01:26,911 --> 00:01:29,892

О! Корво, Терри-похожий-на-Гарри.

00:01:29,893 --> 00:01:31,312

— Если бы.

— Помочь тебе

00:01:31,313 --> 00:01:32,978

с твоим знаком "Сольшие биськи"?

00:01:32,980 --> 00:01:35,125

Это что-то католическое?

00:01:35,647 --> 00:01:36,608

Нет.

00:01:36,609 --> 00:01:38,901

"Сольшие биськи", поняли?

00:01:38,902 --> 00:01:41,404

Подумайте. "Соль-ши-е бись-ки".

00:01:41,405 --> 00:01:43,072

— А, да.

— Я догадался.

00:01:43,073 --> 00:01:44,532

Это значит, что биськи сольшие.

00:01:44,533 --> 00:01:45,994

Это значит, они сольшие.

00:01:45,995 --> 00:01:47,493

Прикол для моей берлоги.

00:01:47,494 --> 00:01:50,079

О, что за берлога?

00:01:50,080 --> 00:01:53,874

Это она. Здесь я могу

скрыться ото всего.

00:01:53,875 --> 00:01:56,361

Только здесь я могу

свободно быть самим собой.

00:01:56,362 --> 00:01:58,264

Пинбольный автомат

по "Святым из Бундока".

00:01:58,997 --> 00:02:00,630

И классический окунь.

00:02:00,631 --> 00:02:02,591

Отпусти меня в озеро

00:02:02,592 --> 00:02:04,635

Что? Он разговаривает.

00:02:04,636 --> 00:02:05,899

Удивительная рыба.

00:02:05,900 --> 00:02:08,436

О, правила. Первое. Мужчина всегда прав.

00:02:08,437 --> 00:02:10,391

Второе. Спорт – это жизнь.

00:02:10,392 --> 00:02:11,393

Не слышал о таких.

00:02:11,394 --> 00:02:13,176

Не хочу ограничиваться правилами.

00:02:13,177 --> 00:02:16,235

А это лучшее. Готовы к потрясению?

00:02:16,236 --> 00:02:19,567

О боже!

00:02:19,568 --> 00:02:20,985

— Ну вот.

— Класс!

00:02:20,986 --> 00:02:23,029

— Готово.

— Кевин, ты идёшь?

00:02:23,030 --> 00:02:26,699

О, ты потратил три тысячи на

женоненавистническую надпись?

00:02:26,700 --> 00:02:27,831

Да что с тобой?

00:02:27,832 --> 00:02:30,633

Как потратить рождественскую

премию — моё дело.

00:02:31,246 --> 00:02:32,872

Корво, давай начистоту.

00:02:32,873 --> 00:02:35,017

Пожалуйста-пожалуйста,

можно нам берлогу?

00:02:35,018 --> 00:02:36,500

— Да.

— Что? Правда?

00:02:36,501 --> 00:02:38,669

Ты должен был отказать,

а я — предложить тебе себя.

00:02:38,670 --> 00:02:41,254

Кевин уверен в себе.

Он работал над собой.

00:02:41,270 --> 00:02:44,468

Представь, как мы жили бы,

будь мы так уверены в себе.

00:02:44,968 --> 00:02:48,137

— Видели? Мяч — это кег?

— Заткнись. Мы представляем.

00:02:48,138 --> 00:02:49,546

СТАРШАЯ ШКОЛА

НА ПРОДАЖУ

00:02:49,547 --> 00:02:51,434

Коретта Скотт Кинг и Джилл Солоуэй —

00:02:51,435 --> 00:02:53,017

это две феминистки,

00:02:53,018 --> 00:02:55,147

которые значительно

улучшили жизнь женщин.

00:02:55,148 --> 00:02:57,438

Дамы, оценка в этом семестре

00:02:57,439 --> 00:02:59,695

зависит от вашей борьбы с патриархатом.

00:02:59,696 --> 00:03:03,255

К пятнице жду от вас отчеты о

разбитых стеклянных потолках.

00:03:03,256 --> 00:03:04,737

Что это значит?

00:03:04,738 --> 00:03:06,746

Мисс Перес, а что делать мальчикам?

00:03:06,747 --> 00:03:09,492

Неважно. Можете просто

нарисовать световой меч.

00:03:09,493 --> 00:03:11,911

Вы должны понять, что ваша жизнь проще.

00:03:11,912 --> 00:03:14,496

Не забудьте оставить

чаевые в приложении учителей.

00:03:14,497 --> 00:03:17,083

Мне нужно лекарство от астмы.

00:03:17,084 --> 00:03:18,462

Я живу рядом с карьером.

00:03:18,463 --> 00:03:21,712

Ну вот! Что мне делать?

Я решила быть девочкой,

00:03:21,713 --> 00:03:24,342

чтобы в забегаловках мне

давали игрушки получше.

00:03:24,343 --> 00:03:26,008

А теперь надо что-то крушить.

00:03:26,009 --> 00:03:28,138

Я говорил, не выбирай женщину.

00:03:28,139 --> 00:03:31,013

Я пытался объяснить тебе

это, когда стал мужчиной

00:03:31,014 --> 00:03:32,466

и стал лучше всё объяснять.

00:03:32,467 --> 00:03:36,561

Я должна найти стеклянный

потолок и разбить его вдребезги.

00:03:36,562 --> 00:03:40,398

Иначе получится, что Джилл

Солоуэй зря сняла "Я люблю Дика".

00:03:40,399 --> 00:03:42,650

О, поможешь? Сделаем это вместе?

00:03:42,651 --> 00:03:43,978

Нет. Я пас.

00:03:43,979 --> 00:03:46,075

Займусь обычными инопланетными делами.

00:03:46,076 --> 00:03:48,241

Брось! Гендерная политика — это весело.

00:03:48,242 --> 00:03:49,949

Похоже, это непростая тема.

00:03:49,950 --> 00:03:52,785

В интернете постоянно спорят,

кто может быть президентом

00:03:52,786 --> 00:03:56,080

— и ловить привидений. Удачи.

— Там всё просто.

00:03:56,081 --> 00:03:58,541

Заниматься гендерными

проблемами — это нормально.

00:03:58,542 --> 00:04:03,546

Брось, Юмьюлак! Не будь таким!

Не веди себя так по-мужски!

00:04:03,547 --> 00:04:06,176

Эй, парни, одолжите бумеранг.

00:04:06,177 --> 00:04:07,717

О, что здесь происходит?

00:04:07,718 --> 00:04:11,345

— Добро пожаловать в берлогу.

— Берлога!

00:04:11,346 --> 00:04:13,097

Есть правила.

00:04:13,098 --> 00:04:15,977

Прочитай их, прежде чем

веселиться, и строго соблюдай.

00:04:15,978 --> 00:04:18,060

Только мужчины? О-о-о,

00:04:18,061 --> 00:04:19,644

у вас тоже гендерная политика?

00:04:19,645 --> 00:04:21,647

Что? Нет, у нас просто берлога.

00:04:21,648 --> 00:04:23,777

— Что за "шлинный дланг"?

— Не знаю.

00:04:23,778 --> 00:04:26,823

Какой-то шифр. "Сольшие

биськи" закончились.

00:04:26,824 --> 00:04:29,596

Но продавец сказал, это из той же серии.

00:04:30,407 --> 00:04:32,076

Здорово? Как у Кевина.

00:04:32,077 --> 00:04:33,914

Да. Мне нравится, как он ездит.

00:04:33,915 --> 00:04:35,327

Держит в напряжении.

00:04:35,329 --> 00:04:37,456

Футбол — это прекрасно.

00:04:37,457 --> 00:04:39,546

Смотрите,

как чёрные обыграют коричневых.

00:04:39,547 --> 00:04:43,085

Это дом коричневых.

Мы фанаты коричневых,

00:04:43,086 --> 00:04:44,349

— ясно?

— Это город коричневых!

00:04:44,350 --> 00:04:47,216

Все садитесь, берите по одной холодной

00:04:47,217 --> 00:04:50,580

и погрузитесь с головой

в улётность берлоги.

00:04:53,930 --> 00:04:55,848

Уже почти.

00:04:55,849 --> 00:04:58,305

На помощь!

00:05:01,313 --> 00:05:05,107

Привет. Я женщина и хочу

уничтожить патриархат.

00:05:05,108 --> 00:05:08,739

Никогда не играла в это. Но

можно, я стану вашим кикером?

00:05:09,899 --> 00:05:10,782

Ни за что.

00:05:10,783 --> 00:05:13,824

Ага! Вы боитесь, что я полностью изменю

00:05:13,825 --> 00:05:17,666

представления общества о женщинах

в спорте, где доминируют мужчины.

00:05:17,667 --> 00:05:19,330

Попались, придурки!

00:05:19,331 --> 00:05:22,416

Что? Нет. Девочки много лет

играют в школьных командах.

00:05:22,417 --> 00:05:24,714

Но ты не можешь быть

кикером, потому что мы добились

00:05:24,715 --> 00:05:27,697

через суд, чтобы кикером стала собака.

00:05:28,006 --> 00:05:31,802

Черт, Денвер! Молодец! Молодец!

00:05:31,803 --> 00:05:33,865

Будешь нашим главным защитником.

00:05:33,866 --> 00:05:36,975

Дилан, не знаю, как она

играет, но она займёт твоё место.

00:05:36,976 --> 00:05:39,518

Я не против. Победа — не главное!

00:05:39,519 --> 00:05:43,398

Найти проблемы для

женщин будет проблематично.

00:05:43,399 --> 00:05:46,653

Хм. Вы уже погрузились

в улётность берлоги?

00:05:46,654 --> 00:05:47,900

Э, не думаю.

00:05:47,901 --> 00:05:49,568

Может, погрузились, но не заметили?

00:05:49,569 --> 00:05:51,530

Нет, всё не так. Мы что-то упустили.

00:05:51,531 --> 00:05:54,233

В берлоге Кевина было

что-то, чего нет у нас.

00:05:54,235 --> 00:05:56,992

Нет-нет, я знаю! У нас много постеров

00:05:56,994 --> 00:05:59,787

на мужские темы: "Парни

не плачут", "Парни побоку",

00:05:59,788 --> 00:06:01,957

"Как отделаться от

парня за десять дней".

00:06:01,958 --> 00:06:05,373

Терри, сделай голограмму

того, что в берлоге Кевина.

00:06:07,004 --> 00:06:09,256

Я не понимаю. Всё точно так же.

00:06:09,257 --> 00:06:11,175

Компьютер, анализатор воздуха…

00:06:11,176 --> 00:06:13,676

Посмотри, как твой сын задует свечки.

00:06:13,677 --> 00:06:16,849

— Все ждут тебя.

— Ему целый год будет три года!

00:06:16,850 --> 00:06:18,347

— Кевин.

— Какой торт?

00:06:18,348 --> 00:06:20,127

— Кевин!

— Ладно.

00:06:20,909 --> 00:06:22,561

О, ненавижу эту берлогу.

00:06:22,562 --> 00:06:24,704

Компьютер, убери всё, кроме Энджелы.

00:06:24,705 --> 00:06:27,106

Он проводит всё время

в дурацкой комнате,

00:06:27,107 --> 00:06:28,485

а не с семьёй.

00:06:28,486 --> 00:06:30,277

Надо было выйти за Генри.

00:06:30,278 --> 00:06:32,945

Терри, мы упустили главное в берлоге.

00:06:32,946 --> 00:06:35,068

Надо отмечать больше дней рождения?

00:06:35,069 --> 00:06:36,949

Главное в берлоге в том, Терри,

00:06:36,950 --> 00:06:39,618

что кого-то раздражает

твоё пребывание в ней.

00:06:39,619 --> 00:06:41,802

— Не хочу быть здесь по очереди.

— Я тоже.

00:06:41,803 --> 00:06:46,184

Значит, мы построим робота, которому

не понравится, что мы в берлоге!

00:06:47,170 --> 00:06:48,919

— Да!

— Терри!

00:06:48,920 --> 00:06:51,255

— "Мы" — то есть "ты"?

— Да, я всё сделаю.

00:06:51,256 --> 00:06:52,548

Просто был вежлив.

00:06:52,549 --> 00:06:54,593

Встречай, наш новый робот!

00:06:54,594 --> 00:06:57,428

— Как быстро!

— Я взял части от прошлого робота.

00:06:57,429 --> 00:07:00,539

Того, что должен был убить детей,

бросивших в тебя горшок с мочой?

00:07:00,540 --> 00:07:02,309

Пока сохраню им жизнь.

00:07:02,310 --> 00:07:04,092

Вот что я скажу: "Она прекрасная".

00:07:04,093 --> 00:07:08,397

Ты внедрил в неё характеристики

идеальной жены-мамы из телика?

00:07:08,398 --> 00:07:10,381

Да. Она на 20% — зануда из "Рэймонда",

00:07:10,383 --> 00:07:12,488

на 20% — горячая мамочка

из "Американской семейки",

00:07:12,489 --> 00:07:14,656

на 15% — мама из "Девочек Гилмор"

00:07:14,657 --> 00:07:17,199

и на 10 — Мардж

Симпсон, у нее синие волосы.

00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:19,622

— Не перебор?

— Нет. Вообще-то, меньше ста.

00:07:19,623 --> 00:07:22,788

Остальное — коды. И немного

Софии из "Золотых девочек".

00:07:22,789 --> 00:07:25,298

Той стильной старушки,

помнишь? Я не устоял.

00:07:25,300 --> 00:07:26,832

Двадцать пять, восемьдесят три…

00:07:26,833 --> 00:07:29,418

Считаешь на пальцах, как ребёнок?

00:07:29,419 --> 00:07:32,140

— Тебе что, восемьдесят лет?

— О, придётся начать сначала!

00:07:32,141 --> 00:07:34,882

Я назвал её П-А-Т-Р-И-С-И-Я —

00:07:34,883 --> 00:07:38,475

Патрисия Автоматический телевизионный

работающий интеллектуальный

00:07:38,476 --> 00:07:39,638

спутник с ядром.

00:07:39,639 --> 00:07:41,308

Здорово, что ты подобрал слова.

00:07:41,309 --> 00:07:43,891

Ты выбрал имя с двумя

"И". Это уже непросто.

00:07:43,892 --> 00:07:45,995

Неважно, что значит имя Патрисия.

00:07:45,996 --> 00:07:48,548

Она запрограммирована

на ненависть к берлоге.

00:07:49,946 --> 00:07:51,732

Корво, Терри,

00:07:51,733 --> 00:07:54,193

Пупа. Надеюсь, вы не

хотите провести весь день

00:07:54,194 --> 00:07:57,446

в вашей отвратительной

берлоге. У нас много работы.

00:07:57,447 --> 00:07:59,536

— Почему диджериду такой дорогой?

— Что?

00:07:59,537 --> 00:08:03,123

Пять тысяч долларов. Это

же дудка. Всё равно куплю.

00:08:03,124 --> 00:08:06,248

— Вы сделали женщину-робота?

— Да. Здорово?

00:08:06,249 --> 00:08:07,958

Она ненавидит берлогу.

00:08:07,959 --> 00:08:09,917

Она прекрасна. Посмотри на неё.

00:08:09,918 --> 00:08:11,216

— Она идеальна.

— Нет-нет-нет.

00:08:11,217 --> 00:08:13,040

Опять вы с гендерными проблемами.

00:08:13,041 --> 00:08:15,005

Они не доведут до добра.

00:08:15,007 --> 00:08:16,136

Я ухожу. Пока.

00:08:16,137 --> 00:08:18,385

— Какие гендерные проблемы?

— Я сказал пока!

00:08:18,386 --> 00:08:21,430

Плевать на проблемы!

Она ненавидит берлогу!

00:08:21,431 --> 00:08:24,373

— Как настоящая жена!

— Я ненавижу берлогу!

00:08:24,374 --> 00:08:26,600

О, я сразу захотел туда!

00:08:26,601 --> 00:08:29,177

— О да!

— Сработало.

00:08:32,186 --> 00:08:35,854

Привет. Я девочка. Хочу играть

в вашей команде по лакроссу.

00:08:35,855 --> 00:08:38,232

И я ничего не знаю о лакроссе.

00:08:38,233 --> 00:08:40,612

— Чед, ты это слышал?

— Слышал, Чед.

00:08:40,613 --> 00:08:42,402

Но не верю в это. Повтори еще.

00:08:42,403 --> 00:08:45,160

Лакросс — больше не

означает "изнасилование".

00:08:45,161 --> 00:08:48,075

Я требую взять меня в команду! Проблемы?

00:08:48,076 --> 00:08:50,915

Не хотите, чтобы девочка

ступала на ваше поле?

00:08:50,916 --> 00:08:53,623

Нет. Мы много лет зовём

девчонок в нашу команду.

00:08:53,624 --> 00:08:56,019

Футболисты перестанут смеяться над нами.

00:08:56,020 --> 00:08:58,003

Нет, вы должны были быть против.

00:08:58,004 --> 00:09:00,232

Чеды, у нас в команде девочка!

00:09:01,089 --> 00:09:02,529

Эй! Нет!

00:09:05,260 --> 00:09:09,099

Внимание, команда! Я знаю,

что геймеры — женоненавистники.

00:09:09,100 --> 00:09:13,016

Поэтому женские персонажи

с нереалистичными пропорциями

00:09:13,017 --> 00:09:16,521

и созданы специально для

нездорового зрительного контакта.

00:09:16,522 --> 00:09:18,773

— Возьмите меня.

— Да! Еще одна девчонка!

00:09:18,774 --> 00:09:21,112

Я здесь единственный парень?

00:09:21,113 --> 00:09:23,974

О, надо будет выбирать фразы попроще.

00:09:24,445 --> 00:09:27,412

Австралийская музыка

интересная. Это целый жанр.

00:09:27,413 --> 00:09:31,077

Вы смотрите на первую

женщину-пожарного города.

00:09:31,078 --> 00:09:33,747

Я нашла стеклянный

потолок и разбила его.

00:09:33,749 --> 00:09:35,206

И спасла почти всю семью.

00:09:35,207 --> 00:09:37,959

Я первая женщина, по-мужски

снисходительно обучающая джазу.

00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:40,211

Всё дело в синкопе.

00:09:40,212 --> 00:09:42,882

Здорово, но я спасла почти всю семью.

00:09:42,883 --> 00:09:44,801

Почему ты опять говоришь "почти"?

00:09:44,802 --> 00:09:47,720

Это звучит лучше,

чем "только двух собак".

00:09:47,721 --> 00:09:49,885

Юмьюлак, иди сюда.

00:09:50,389 --> 00:09:52,639

Я не могу найти стеклянный потолок.

00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:55,350

Они все выполнят задание, а я провалюсь.

00:09:55,351 --> 00:09:57,895

И меня переведут в класс

для тупых детей в кабинет "Б".

00:09:57,896 --> 00:09:59,984

Там здорово. Мы весь день рисуем.

00:09:59,985 --> 00:10:01,232

И хватит об этом.

00:10:01,233 --> 00:10:03,321

Я не занимаюсь гендерными вопросами.

00:10:03,322 --> 00:10:04,724

У меня нет идей.

00:10:04,725 --> 00:10:06,361

Знаешь, что я делаю, когда нет идей?

00:10:06,362 --> 00:10:09,777

Вот что. И сразу приходит миллион идей.

00:10:10,909 --> 00:10:13,828

О-о, я знаю! Летающие штаны и собаки!

00:10:13,829 --> 00:10:14,872

Хм.

00:10:15,551 --> 00:10:18,124

Это хорошо, но разве законно?

00:10:18,125 --> 00:10:19,444

Всё, что круто, — незаконно.

00:10:19,445 --> 00:10:22,564

И потом, процессы в инопланетных

организмах идут иначе.

00:10:22,565 --> 00:10:23,852

Для нас это как сахар.

00:10:23,853 --> 00:10:27,175

Юмьюлак, точно! Я сама

сделаю стеклянный потолок.

00:10:27,176 --> 00:10:29,054

— А затем разобью его!

— Хватит!

00:10:29,055 --> 00:10:30,472

Это не я помог тебе!

00:10:30,473 --> 00:10:32,346

Я просто действую, как обычно.

00:10:32,347 --> 00:10:34,514

— Не впутывай меня.

— Спасибо за помощь!

00:10:34,516 --> 00:10:37,471

Хватит! Я буду драться с тенью!

00:10:42,013 --> 00:10:45,479

А, Патрисия, тебе не нравится,

что мы сидим в берлоге целый день,

00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:48,090

а тебе нельзя там веселиться?

00:10:48,562 --> 00:10:50,649

Что с грязными тарелками, Корво?

00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:52,273

Я поставил их, чтобы ты помыла.

00:10:52,274 --> 00:10:54,417

Видишь это? Это посудомойка.

00:10:54,418 --> 00:10:57,528

Она включается вот так. Ах! О-о!

00:10:57,529 --> 00:11:00,322

Наконец-то, ты хоть

что-то научился включать.

00:11:00,323 --> 00:11:03,242

Хотя это неважно, ведь

ты пришелец без шланга.

00:11:03,243 --> 00:11:05,828

Моя мама была права. Зачем он мне нужен?

00:11:05,829 --> 00:11:07,194

Без шланга.

00:11:08,123 --> 00:11:10,042

Со мной так никогда не говорили.

00:11:10,043 --> 00:11:12,211

Должно быть, злая жена — побочный эффект

00:11:12,212 --> 00:11:14,170

антиберложной программы.

00:11:14,171 --> 00:11:16,921

А может, я устала быть женой идиота,

00:11:16,923 --> 00:11:19,343

бросающего грязные носки в гостиной?

00:11:19,344 --> 00:11:21,679

Это побочный продукт данных по женщинам,

00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:24,556

которые я добавил в тебя.

Ты идеальный организм.

00:11:24,557 --> 00:11:27,932

Продукт? Ты не

зарабатываешь нам на продукты.

00:11:27,934 --> 00:11:31,314

И организм у меня бывает, только

когда я смотрю "Чужестранку".

00:11:31,315 --> 00:11:33,568

С тобой я не чувствую себя мужчиной.

00:11:33,569 --> 00:11:35,357

Обожаю! Быстрее, давай еще.

00:11:35,358 --> 00:11:38,602

Быстро. Ты только и можешь, что быстро.

00:11:43,364 --> 00:11:45,479

Патрисия! Я проколол плечо!

00:11:46,870 --> 00:11:49,289

О, милый, я позабочусь о тебе.

00:11:49,290 --> 00:11:51,102

Раз, два…

00:11:54,878 --> 00:11:57,257

— Теперь лучше?

— Немного.

00:11:57,258 --> 00:11:59,924

Ты так храбро держался, малыш.

00:11:59,925 --> 00:12:02,159

Я так горжусь тобой. Вот.

00:12:02,344 --> 00:12:06,597

Особый поцелуй от мамочки. Теперь лучше?

00:12:06,598 --> 00:12:09,683

— Поцелуй еще раз.

— Пожалуйста, милый.

00:12:09,684 --> 00:12:13,438

Эта мамочка, должно быть,

побочный продукт моей храбрости.

00:12:13,439 --> 00:12:17,855

Я пеку печенье. Малыш

хочет облизать ложку?

00:12:20,237 --> 00:12:22,188

О боже! Что это за чувство?

00:12:22,189 --> 00:12:23,834

Пусть оно не кончается.

00:12:34,246 --> 00:12:37,031

КЛУБ КРУТЫХ ДЕТЕЙ

ТОЛЬКО ДЛЯ МАЛЬЧИКОВ

00:12:37,254 --> 00:12:38,878

— Где ты был?

— Э… о…

00:12:38,879 --> 00:12:40,263

делал мороженое с фруктами.

00:12:40,264 --> 00:12:41,216

— Сам себе?

— Ага.

00:12:41,217 --> 00:12:43,551

Терри, ты лжёшь. Ты

банан почистить не можешь.

00:12:43,552 --> 00:12:45,180

— Их всегда я чищу.

— Стой.

00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:46,637

Почему ты сутулишься

00:12:46,638 --> 00:12:48,431

и выглядишь неуверенным в себе?

00:12:48,432 --> 00:12:51,350

Я оценивал себя. В

зеркале. Я безобразный.

00:12:51,351 --> 00:12:52,519

Самоанализ — не твоё.

00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:54,520

Я говорил с Патрисией.

00:12:54,521 --> 00:12:55,899

— Она вызвала во мне новое чувство.

— И во мне.

00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:56,940

— Безволие.

— Заботу.

00:12:56,941 --> 00:12:58,441

Мне нравится, как она уничтожает меня

00:12:58,442 --> 00:13:01,571

колкими замечаниями.

Никогда не чувствовал такого.

00:13:01,572 --> 00:13:04,363

Она вытирает мне рот и

обращается как с младенцем.

00:13:04,364 --> 00:13:07,162

С такой заботой! У меня

не было мамы, Корво.

00:13:07,163 --> 00:13:09,368

— Меня не купали.

— Терри, мы создали ее,

00:13:09,369 --> 00:13:12,078

чтобы она ненавидела берлогу,

но послушай:

00:13:12,079 --> 00:13:14,123

что, если изменить правила

00:13:14,124 --> 00:13:17,334

и пригласить Патрисию

развлечься с нами в берлоге?

00:13:17,335 --> 00:13:18,878

— Будет здорово, Терри.

— О да! Прекрасно.

00:13:18,879 --> 00:13:20,379

Изменим правила!

00:13:20,380 --> 00:13:21,967

Изменим правила. О-о!

00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:24,049

Но… я ненавижу это место.

00:13:24,050 --> 00:13:27,139

Я знаю, знаю. Но ничего. Смотри. А?

00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:29,013

Видишь. Здесь не страшно. Весело?

00:13:29,014 --> 00:13:31,716

Нет. Не весело. Уходи,

пока можешь! Беги!

00:13:31,717 --> 00:13:34,310

Не слушай рыбу. Она

шутит. Это несерьезно.

00:13:34,311 --> 00:13:36,476

Она слегка ударилась.

00:13:37,272 --> 00:13:40,163

Патрисия, прошу, сгладь

свою неприязнь к берлоге.

00:13:40,164 --> 00:13:42,817

Сгладить, сгла-дить.

00:13:42,818 --> 00:13:44,945

Забавно, ты никогда не гладишь меня!

00:13:44,946 --> 00:13:46,129

Хо-хо!

00:13:46,130 --> 00:13:49,849

Не могу полюбить берлогу.

00:13:56,843 --> 00:14:00,467

Надо уничтожить берлогу!

00:14:02,403 --> 00:14:03,981

Ты сделал ей ракетницу?!

00:14:03,982 --> 00:14:07,095

Робота без них построить сложнее, Терри.

00:14:12,846 --> 00:14:13,933

О-о!

00:14:13,934 --> 00:14:17,478

О-о-о. Шлинный дланг. Теперь я понял.

00:14:17,479 --> 00:14:20,054

— Да? И что это?

— Не знаю.

00:14:22,794 --> 00:14:25,450

ДОЛЖНА НЕНАВИДЕТЬ БЕРЛОГУ

00:14:50,820 --> 00:14:54,834

О нет. Прошу, стой. Вторая дверь налево.

00:14:56,820 --> 00:14:58,485

О нет!

00:14:59,656 --> 00:15:03,282

Простите,

извините. Идёт феминистка-герой.

00:15:03,283 --> 00:15:05,911

Разойдитесь. Я, женщина,

00:15:05,912 --> 00:15:08,372

пришла, чтобы разбить стеклянный потолок

00:15:08,373 --> 00:15:10,624

и уничтожить патриархат.

00:15:10,625 --> 00:15:13,085

Мы ищем Джесси,

который создал этот клуб.

00:15:13,086 --> 00:15:16,587

У меня для вас новость.

Джесси — не мальчик.

00:15:16,588 --> 00:15:18,924

Он девочка. И это я!

00:15:18,925 --> 00:15:20,591

Эй-эй-эй! Это твой клуб?

00:15:20,592 --> 00:15:23,469

Да. Прости, но это всё

же не для мальчиков.

00:15:23,470 --> 00:15:27,683

Мы пришли не вступить в него, а

выразить протест от имени всех женщин.

00:15:27,684 --> 00:15:29,481

— Но я сделала клуб, чтобы…

— Ты знаешь,

00:15:29,482 --> 00:15:32,171

что притеснять людей из-за

половой принадлежности плохо?

00:15:32,172 --> 00:15:34,897

Да. Я как раз собиралась это сказать.

00:15:34,898 --> 00:15:39,778

У меня две сестры. Больше всего меня

бесит женоненавистничество. И это оно.

00:15:39,779 --> 00:15:41,113

— Нет.

— Нет, оно!

00:15:41,114 --> 00:15:42,777

Ты должна прикрыть клуб!

00:15:42,778 --> 00:15:45,353

Нет,

сначала я уничтожу его! Это задание!

00:15:45,354 --> 00:15:48,017

Если не она, мы прикроем его сами!

00:15:48,018 --> 00:15:49,241

— Прекратите!

— Держите её,

00:15:49,242 --> 00:15:51,920

пока она не создала

опасные условия для женщин!

00:15:51,921 --> 00:15:53,499

— Нет-нет-нет!

— Она убегает!

00:15:53,500 --> 00:15:56,424

— Значит, виновата!

— Народ, вперёд!

00:16:00,295 --> 00:16:01,863

Почему я?

00:16:01,864 --> 00:16:04,241

Она уничтожает то, что

мне нравилось в мужчинах.

00:16:04,242 --> 00:16:05,950

— Остановим её.

— Так.

00:16:05,951 --> 00:16:08,077

Давай схватим её и

заставим уложить нас спать.

00:16:08,078 --> 00:16:10,578

Ты не схватишь ее. Она

разрежет нас лазером.

00:16:10,579 --> 00:16:12,165

А чья это вина?

00:16:12,166 --> 00:16:13,749

— А?

— Что делать?

00:16:13,750 --> 00:16:16,336

Стой. Раз она ненавидит

берлоги, надо заманить ее

00:16:16,337 --> 00:16:18,676

в самую большую и дурацкую берлогу.

00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:21,037

Я знаю такую.

00:16:34,310 --> 00:16:36,094

АКТИВИРОВАН РЕЖИМ УБИЙСТВА

00:16:38,385 --> 00:16:40,549

Так. Вот она.

00:16:40,770 --> 00:16:42,030

Внутрь!

00:17:15,813 --> 00:17:17,896

Кольцо деактивации. Надо снять его.

00:17:17,897 --> 00:17:18,988

Целься в кольцо.

00:17:18,989 --> 00:17:21,109

— Сколько билетов в руки?

— Не знаю.

00:17:21,110 --> 00:17:22,501

Миллион?

00:17:22,502 --> 00:17:25,076

Эй, они же платят мне этими билетами!

00:17:27,360 --> 00:17:28,725

Давай!

00:17:43,609 --> 00:17:46,843

— Мисс Перес! Мисс Перес!

— Джесси, что ты здесь делаешь?

00:17:46,844 --> 00:17:48,510

Неважно! Школьное задание!

00:17:48,511 --> 00:17:50,096

Пригнись!

00:17:50,097 --> 00:17:53,057

Мисс Перес, я пыталась

сделать стеклянный потолок,

00:17:53,058 --> 00:17:56,137

но мужчины совсем сошли с

ума. Вы должны помочь мне.

00:17:56,139 --> 00:17:57,465

О чем ты говоришь?

00:17:57,466 --> 00:17:59,397

Я не смогла защитить права женщин,

00:17:59,398 --> 00:18:00,277

не ставьте мне два.

00:18:00,278 --> 00:18:01,877

Я даже не знала, что ты девочка.

00:18:01,878 --> 00:18:04,115

Думала, ты рисуешь световой меч.

00:18:04,116 --> 00:18:05,559

Что? Но у меня бант.

00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:07,263

Не знаю. Ты зелёная, и твой рот

00:18:07,264 --> 00:18:09,730

выходит за границы

лица. Откуда мне знать?

00:18:09,731 --> 00:18:12,111

Хочешь сломать

патриархат и получить пять —

00:18:12,112 --> 00:18:14,193

— вот твой шанс.

— Вы правы, мисс Перес.

00:18:14,194 --> 00:18:17,750

Каждая феминистка должна

победить своего робота.

00:18:25,414 --> 00:18:31,058

Пора вам, двум непослушным,

капризным мальчикам, преподать урок.

00:18:32,546 --> 00:18:34,547

Патрисия, стой!

00:18:34,548 --> 00:18:36,465

Пол не найден.

00:18:36,466 --> 00:18:38,884

Я инопланетное растение.

00:18:38,885 --> 00:18:41,514

Я долго не понимала, что это нормально.

00:18:41,515 --> 00:18:44,320

Я могу делать, что хочу. И ты тоже.

00:18:44,871 --> 00:18:47,959

Но я мать, я жена. Я мать, я…

00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,542

Вовсе нет. Ты робот-убийца.

00:18:50,543 --> 00:18:53,381

И если от этого ты счастлива,

то будь им.

00:18:53,382 --> 00:18:57,008

Я не должна убивать мужчин.

Я могу убить, кого захочу.

00:18:57,009 --> 00:18:59,801

Пол неважен. Я могу убить всех.

00:18:59,802 --> 00:19:01,403

Не сегодня!

00:19:01,704 --> 00:19:07,952

Нет! Я собиралась

убить всех людей в мире.

00:19:08,326 --> 00:19:10,397

Патрисия,

прости. Но тебя надо отключить.

00:19:10,398 --> 00:19:14,608

Я отключаюсь каждый день,

когда ты снимаешь свою рубашку.

00:19:14,609 --> 00:19:16,484

В чем дело, Корво? Продолжай.

00:19:16,486 --> 00:19:19,488

Я не могу, Терри. Я не знал,

что у меня дыра в сердце.

00:19:19,489 --> 00:19:23,786

И ее нужно заполнять

оскорблениями и сексуальной критикой.

00:19:23,787 --> 00:19:25,994

Нельзя убить ее, но нельзя и жить с ней.

00:19:25,995 --> 00:19:28,160

Что же делать?

00:19:28,267 --> 00:19:30,332

Сначала мы решили,

что нам нужна берлога,

00:19:30,333 --> 00:19:32,252

чтобы заполнить дыру внутри нас.

00:19:32,253 --> 00:19:34,048

Но мы должны были знать,

00:19:34,049 --> 00:19:36,546

что у нас есть много разных дыр,

00:19:36,547 --> 00:19:38,548

каждую из которых надо заполнить.

00:19:38,549 --> 00:19:40,930

Ты научила нас не прятаться, мама.

00:19:40,931 --> 00:19:42,177

— Спасибо.

— Мы не можем убить тебя,

00:19:42,178 --> 00:19:44,262

но и нельзя, чтобы ты всё сожгла.

00:19:44,263 --> 00:19:46,520

Отныне ты будешь жить в контейнере.

00:19:46,521 --> 00:19:48,225

Обязательно избавляться от нее?

00:19:48,226 --> 00:19:51,305

Может, оставим её, как икону феминизма?

00:19:51,306 --> 00:19:53,790

Слишком короткое платье.

Тебя сочтут распутной.

00:19:53,791 --> 00:19:55,315

Ты мне не мать! Заткнись!

00:19:55,316 --> 00:19:57,359

Патрисия, пора в контейнер.

00:19:57,360 --> 00:20:00,408

Не волнуйся, ты не будешь

скучать. Я сделал тебе компанию.

00:20:00,409 --> 00:20:03,532

Кто сходит со мной в магазин,

чтобы сделать возврат?

00:20:03,533 --> 00:20:05,539

Я не пытался изобразить Теда Круза.

00:20:05,540 --> 00:20:07,035

Это само получилось.

00:20:07,036 --> 00:20:08,899

— Привет.

— Ты носишь такое?

00:20:08,900 --> 00:20:11,748

Я думала, я это выбросила.

Почему ты корчишь рожу?

00:20:11,749 --> 00:20:14,292

— Я ничего не корчу.

— Ты зануда.

00:20:14,293 --> 00:20:16,547

Нельзя быть такой тяпкой.

Настоящий мужчина не дал бы

00:20:16,548 --> 00:20:18,839

закопать себя в контейнере.

00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:20,662

Приятно, что когда мы заскучаем по ней,

00:20:20,663 --> 00:20:23,802

мы можем выйти во двор и

знать, что в паре метров от нас

00:20:23,803 --> 00:20:25,106

она пилит его из-за того,

00:20:25,107 --> 00:20:28,431

как он чистит зубы и как гнёт спину,

00:20:28,432 --> 00:20:30,692

как стоит, сгорбившись, и

из-за того, что он щуплый,

00:20:30,693 --> 00:20:33,436

тощий и ненакачанный.

00:20:33,437 --> 00:20:36,147

— Да.

— О. Сумасшедшая была неделька.

00:20:36,149 --> 00:20:38,851

А, да. Тебя не было.

Где ты был всё время?

00:20:38,852 --> 00:20:40,990

Я случайно выпустил

сотни коал из зоопарка,

00:20:40,991 --> 00:20:43,530

а затем отлавливал их всех.

00:20:43,531 --> 00:20:46,538

В зоопарке могут поместиться сотни коал?

00:20:46,539 --> 00:20:50,662

Да. Они бегали по всему городу.

Пришлось убедить их с помощью диджериду.

00:20:50,663 --> 00:20:54,401

В новостях показывали.

Неужели вы не видели?

00:20:55,136 --> 00:20:57,179

Так. Сюда. Сюда.

00:20:57,180 --> 00:20:59,203

Как ваши гендерные проблемы?

00:20:59,204 --> 00:21:01,521

Хорошо. Думаю, мы закрыли все дыры

00:21:01,522 --> 00:21:02,768

и решили все проблемы.

00:21:02,769 --> 00:21:06,178

Да. Думаю, все будут

рады тому, что мы сделали.

00:21:06,179 --> 00:21:08,180

Я рад, что мы выжили. Не думаю,

00:21:08,181 --> 00:21:10,682

что у нас будет более

спорная тема, чем эта.

00:21:10,683 --> 00:21:12,730

Итак, класс. Новое задание.

00:21:12,731 --> 00:21:16,439

Каждый должен найти расиста и

проучить его на его же ошибках.

00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:17,772

Да!

00:00:33,048 --> 00:00:36,978

Планета Шлорп являлась идеальной утопией

до падения астероида.

00:00:38,388 --> 00:00:40,598

Сотня взрослых и репликантов улетели с планеты вместе с Пупой

00:00:40,598 --> 00:00:42,688

и отправились в космос

00:00:42,688 --> 00:00:44,938

в поисках нового дома на необитаемой планете.

00:00:45,728 --> 00:00:48,738

Мы упали на Землю и застряли на этой уже и так перенаселенной планете.

00:00:48,738 --> 00:00:50,358

Верно, это я говорил все это время.

00:00:50,358 --> 00:00:52,158

Я тот, который держит Пупу. Меня зовут Корво.

00:00:52,158 --> 00:00:53,948

Это... это мое шоу. Я только что уронил Пупу.

00:00:53,948 --> 00:00:55,988

Видите меня? Это просто смешно.

00:00:55,988 --> 00:00:57,908

Я ненавижу Землю. Это ужасный дом.

00:00:57,908 --> 00:01:00,578

Люди тупые. Зачем они придумали столько языков?

00:01:00,578 --> 00:01:02,708

Почему они не собрались и не придумали один общий,

00:01:02,708 --> 00:01:05,088

чтобы в мексиканском ресторане я мог заказать сырные трубочки,

00:01:05,088 --> 00:01:06,798

и никто при этом не закатывал бы глаза.

00:01:16,678 --> 00:01:18,728

Это Кевин. О, у него там что-то крутое.

00:01:18,728 --> 00:01:20,888

Я тоже хочу. Я хочу все, что есть у него.

00:01:20,888 --> 00:01:22,898

Что это? Выглядит потрясно.

00:01:22,898 --> 00:01:23,898

Подойдем к нему.

00:01:23,898 --> 00:01:26,858

Не думал, что эта фтука настолько тяволая.

00:01:26,858 --> 00:01:29,898

О, Корво. Терри, который похож на Гэри.

00:01:29,898 --> 00:01:31,318

- Если бы.

- Тебе помочь

00:01:31,318 --> 00:01:32,988

с "сольшими старыми биськами"?

00:01:32,988 --> 00:01:34,568

Что это вообще? Что-то из католичества?

00:01:34,568 --> 00:01:36,618

Нет.

00:01:36,618 --> 00:01:38,908

Сольшие старые биськи? Уловили?

00:01:38,908 --> 00:01:41,408

Подумайте еще раз. Сольшие. Старые. Биськи.

00:01:41,408 --> 00:01:43,078

- А, точно.

- Ну да, все понятно.

00:01:43,078 --> 00:01:44,538

Здесь сообщается, что биськи постарели.

00:01:44,538 --> 00:01:45,998

Мои любимые сольшие биськи.

00:01:45,998 --> 00:01:47,498

Это вывеска для моей мужицкой берлоги.

00:01:47,498 --> 00:01:50,088

Ого, что такое "мужиц каяберлога"?

00:01:50,088 --> 00:01:53,888

Ну, собственно, вот. Сюда я могу прийти и отдохнуть от всего.

00:01:53,888 --> 00:01:56,298

Местечко, где я могу остаться наедине с собой.

00:01:56,298 --> 00:01:58,058

Зацените игровой автомат из "Святых из Бундока"

00:01:58,058 --> 00:02:00,428

И классический окунь.

00:02:00,428 --> 00:02:02,598

Выпусти меня в озеро.

00:02:02,598 --> 00:02:04,648

Что? Он это мне говорит?

00:02:04,648 --> 00:02:05,858

В этой рыбе полно сюрпризов.

00:02:05,858 --> 00:02:08,438

О, правило. №1: мужчина всегда прав.

00:02:08,438 --> 00:02:10,398

№2: спорт - это жизнь.

00:02:10,398 --> 00:02:11,398

Все это для меня ново.

00:02:11,398 --> 00:02:13,028

Не хочу случайно нарушить что-нибудь.

00:02:13,028 --> 00:02:16,238

А сейчас лучшая часть. Вы готовы к отвалу башки?

00:02:16,238 --> 00:02:17,408

Боже мой.

00:02:18,158 --> 00:02:19,578

Черт, это...

00:02:19,578 --> 00:02:20,998

Ого.

00:02:20,998 --> 00:02:23,038

- Наконец-то.

- Кевин, ты идешь...

00:02:23,038 --> 00:02:26,708

Боже мой, неужели ты реально потратил $3,000 на эту сексистскую вывеску?

00:02:26,708 --> 00:02:28,128

Ты адекватный?

- Детка, то, что я делаю

00:02:28,128 --> 00:02:30,088

со своей премией, это мое дело.

00:02:31,258 --> 00:02:32,878

Корво, давай говорить откровенно.

00:02:32,878 --> 00:02:34,968

Пожалуйста, давай сделаем себе мужиц каяберлогу?

00:02:34,968 --> 00:02:36,508

- Давай.

- Что, правда?

00:02:36,508 --> 00:02:38,678

Не долго ты сопротивлялся.

- Я уж было хотел тебе отсоса...

00:02:38,678 --> 00:02:41,218

Кевин такой уверенный и счастливый. Он, похоже, многое успел сделать.

00:02:41,218 --> 00:02:43,888

Вообрази, какой замечательной была бы жизнь, будь мы уверенными.

00:02:44,938 --> 00:02:46,478

Вы замечали, что мяч похож на пивной боч...

00:02:46,478 --> 00:02:47,898

Заткнись, Кевин, мы воображаем.

00:02:48,768 --> 00:02:51,438

Коретта Скотт Кинг и Джилл Солоуэй -

00:02:51,438 --> 00:02:53,028

одни из многих выдающихся феминисток,

00:02:53,028 --> 00:02:55,158

которые сделали жизнь женщин лучше.

00:02:55,158 --> 00:02:57,448

Дамы, в этом семестре ваша итоговая оценка

00:02:57,448 --> 00:02:59,698

зависит от доказательств, что вы боролись с патриархатом.

00:02:59,698 --> 00:03:02,908

К пятнице подготовьте реферат о том, как вы пробили "стеклянный потолок".

00:03:02,908 --> 00:03:04,748

Что это вообще значит?

00:03:04,748 --> 00:03:06,748

Эм, мисс Перец, а что делать мальчикам?

00:03:06,748 --> 00:03:09,498

Мне плевать, можете нарисовать световой меч или что угодно.

00:03:09,498 --> 00:03:11,918

Поймите, что вам жить куда проще.

00:03:11,918 --> 00:03:14,088

Не забудьте оставить оценку и чаевые в учительском приложении.

00:03:14,088 --> 00:03:17,088

Серьезно, ребят, мне нужно купить лекарство от астмы.

00:03:17,088 --> 00:03:18,468

Я живу рядом с шахтой.

00:03:18,468 --> 00:03:21,718

Блин, и что мне делать? Когда я выбирала стать девочкой,

00:03:21,718 --> 00:03:24,348

я думала, мне достанутся лучшие игрушки из McDonald's.

00:03:24,348 --> 00:03:26,018

А теперь мне нужно с чем-то бороться?

00:03:26,018 --> 00:03:28,148

А я говорил тебе не становиться девочкой. Помнишь?

00:03:28,148 --> 00:03:31,018

Я пытался объяснить тебе все, как только стал мальчиком

00:03:31,018 --> 00:03:32,228

и научился лучше объяснять.

00:03:32,228 --> 00:03:36,398

Мне просто нужно найти какой-нибудь стеклянный потолок и разнести его к чертям собачьим.

00:03:36,398 --> 00:03:40,408

Иначе Джилл Солоуэй сняла сериал "Я люблю Дика" напрасно.

00:03:40,408 --> 00:03:42,658

Хочешь мне помочь? Будем бороться вместе.

00:03:42,658 --> 00:03:44,578

Нет, я пас. Останусь здесь и

00:03:44,578 --> 00:03:46,078

займусь обычными инопланетными делами.

00:03:46,078 --> 00:03:48,248

Ну же, гендерная политика - это весело.

00:03:48,248 --> 00:03:49,958

Звучит как что-то на слишком сложном.

00:03:49,958 --> 00:03:52,798

В интернете столько спорят о том, кому быть президентом

00:03:52,798 --> 00:03:54,458

охотиться за привидениями. Ну, удачи.

00:03:54,458 --> 00:03:56,088

Нет тут ничего сложного!

00:03:56,088 --> 00:03:58,548

Вопросы пола - это нормальная тема для обсуждения.

00:03:58,548 --> 00:04:03,558

Да ладно тебе, Юмьюлак, не веди себя так. Не будь таким мужиком.

00:04:03,558 --> 00:04:06,178

Эй, ребят, не против, если я возьму бумеранг?

00:04:06,178 --> 00:04:07,728

Что тут происходит?

00:04:07,728 --> 00:04:09,648

Добро пожаловать в нашу "мужиц каяберлогу".

00:04:09,648 --> 00:04:11,358

Мужицкая берлога!

00:04:11,358 --> 00:04:13,108

Но-но, у нас тут правила.

00:04:13,108 --> 00:04:15,988

Прочти их и неукоснительно соблюдай, прежде чем начать веселиться.

00:04:15,988 --> 00:04:18,068

Только для мужчин? Так, подождите.

00:04:18,068 --> 00:04:19,408

У вас, ребят, тоже эта гендерная фигня?

00:04:19,408 --> 00:04:21,658

- Что? Нет. У нас "мужиц каяберложная" фигня.

00:04:21,658 --> 00:04:23,788

- Что такое "чольшие старые блены"?

- Понятия не имею.

00:04:23,788 --> 00:04:26,828

Что-то на человеческом. У них закончились "сольшие старые биськи",

00:04:26,828 --> 00:04:29,248

но продавец сказал, что этой из той же темы, так что...

00:04:30,418 --> 00:04:32,088

Прикольно, да? Прям как у Кевина.

00:04:32,088 --> 00:04:33,918

Мне нравится, как она делает туда-сюда.

00:04:33,918 --> 00:04:35,048

Держит в интриге.

00:04:35,338 --> 00:04:37,468

Футбол - это круто.

00:04:37,468 --> 00:04:39,548

Можем посмотреть, как Джетс играют с коричневыми.

00:04:39,548 --> 00:04:43,098

Это дом коричневых. Под этой крышей собраны только фанаты коричневых.

00:04:43,098 --> 00:04:44,308

Понял?

- Это коричневый город, детка.

00:04:44,308 --> 00:04:47,228

Теперь сядьте все на диван, возьмите ледяного,

00:04:47,228 --> 00:04:50,228

и позвольте крутости "мужиц каяберлоги" вылиться наружу.

00:04:53,938 --> 00:04:55,358

Вот-вот выльется.

00:04:55,858 --> 00:04:57,938

Помоги мне.

00:05:01,318 --> 00:05:05,118

Приветик, я девушка и я ищу, какой патриархат бы разрушить.

00:05:05,118 --> 00:05:08,748

Я никогда не играла раньше в эту игру, но можно быть вашим нападающим?

00:05:08,748 --> 00:05:10,788

Ха-ха, конечно нет.

00:05:10,788 --> 00:05:13,838

Ха! Вы боитесь, что я кардинально изменю

00:05:13,838 --> 00:05:17,668

представление общественности о женщинах в преимущественном мужских видах спорта.

00:05:17,668 --> 00:05:19,338

Попались, сосунки!

00:05:19,338 --> 00:05:22,428

Что? Нет. Девочки уже давно играют в футбольной команде.

00:05:22,428 --> 00:05:24,718

Ты не можешь быть нападающей потому, что мы уже

00:05:24,718 --> 00:05:27,348

через Верховный суд штата сделали нападающей собаку.

00:05:28,018 --> 00:05:31,808

Отлично, Денвер! Хороший мальчик.

00:05:31,808 --> 00:05:33,608

Можем сделать тебя квотербеком.

00:05:33,608 --> 00:05:36,978

Эй, Дилан! Эта девочка, которую я еще не видел в игре, будет вместо тебя.

00:05:36,978 --> 00:05:39,528

Я не против. Победа - это не главное.

00:05:39,528 --> 00:05:43,408

Похоже, найти сложности для женщин будет очень сложно.

00:05:43,408 --> 00:05:46,658

Ну что, тебя уже захлестнуло волной крутости "мужиц каяберлоги"?

00:05:46,658 --> 00:05:47,908

Это вряд ли.

00:05:47,908 --> 00:05:49,578

Может, захлестнуло, а мы не заметили?

00:05:49,578 --> 00:05:51,538

Нет, здесь что-то не так. Чего-то не хватает.

00:05:51,538 --> 00:05:53,998

У Кевина в "каяберлоге" есть что-то, чего нет у нас.

00:05:53,998 --> 00:05:56,998

Вроде бы все есть. Ну, типа кучи постеров из фильмов про мужиков

00:05:56,998 --> 00:05:59,798

на мужицкие темы типа "Парни не плачут", "Парням побоку",

00:05:59,798 --> 00:06:01,968

"Как отделаться от парня за 10 дней".

00:06:01,968 --> 00:06:05,008

Терри, включи живую голограмму "мужиц каяберлоги" Кевина.

00:06:07,008 --> 00:06:09,268

Ничего не понимаю. Все абсолютно так же.

00:06:09,268 --> 00:06:11,178

Компьютер, проанализируй уровень азота и...

00:06:11,178 --> 00:06:13,688

Может, выйдешь и посмотришь, как твой сын задует свечи?

00:06:13,688 --> 00:06:15,688

Все ждут только тебя.

- Три года ему будет

00:06:15,688 --> 00:06:16,858

еще целый год.

00:06:16,858 --> 00:06:18,358

- Кевин.

- С чем торт?

00:06:18,358 --> 00:06:19,938

- Кевин!

- Ладно!

00:06:19,938 --> 00:06:22,568

Господи, ненавижу эту мужскую берлогу.

00:06:22,568 --> 00:06:24,278

Компьютер, сотри все, кроме Анжелы.

00:06:24,278 --> 00:06:27,118

Он проводит все время в этой дурацкой комнате с игрушками,

00:06:27,118 --> 00:06:28,488

вместо общения с семьей.

00:06:28,488 --> 00:06:30,288

Надо было выходить замуж за Омри.

00:06:30,288 --> 00:06:32,958

Терри, мы упустили главную суть "мужиц каяберлоги".

00:06:32,958 --> 00:06:34,748

Нам нужно устраивать больше вечеринок?

00:06:34,748 --> 00:06:36,628

Терри, весь смысл "мужиц каяберлоги" в том,

00:06:36,628 --> 00:06:39,628

что кого-то раздражает, когда ты в "мужиц каяберлоге".

00:06:39,628 --> 00:06:41,588

- Но я не хочу быть здесь по-очереди.

- Я тоже.

00:06:41,588 --> 00:06:43,178

А это значит, что нам нужно

00:06:43,178 --> 00:06:45,638

создать робота, которого бесит, что мы в "мужиц каяберлоге".

00:06:47,178 --> 00:06:48,638

- Точно!

- Терри!

00:06:48,928 --> 00:06:51,268

- Говоря "мы", ты же имел в виду только себя?

- Да, вся работа на мне.

00:06:51,268 --> 00:06:52,558

Просто хотел быть вежливым.

00:06:52,558 --> 00:06:54,598

Узри нашего нового робота.

00:06:54,598 --> 00:06:56,348

- Быстро ты.

- Он из деталей

00:06:56,348 --> 00:06:57,438

от прошлого робота.

00:06:57,438 --> 00:06:59,898

Того, который должен был убить детей, обливших тебя мочой?

00:06:59,898 --> 00:07:01,188

- Отпустил ситуацию?

- Пока что

00:07:01,188 --> 00:07:02,318

пускай живут.

00:07:02,318 --> 00:07:03,568

Знаешь, что я тебе скажу?

00:07:03,568 --> 00:07:06,198

А ты использовал те спецификации, что я дал,

00:07:06,198 --> 00:07:08,408

чтобы сделаеть ее лучшей сериальной маможеной?

00:07:08,408 --> 00:07:10,328

Да, она на 20% недовольная жена Рэймонда,

00:07:10,328 --> 00:07:12,498

на 20% любящая горячая мамочка из "Американской семейки",

00:07:12,498 --> 00:07:14,658

на 15% быстроговорящая мама из "Девочек Гилмор"

00:07:14,658 --> 00:07:17,208

и на 10% Мардж Симпсон за голубые волосы.

00:07:17,208 --> 00:07:19,288

- Как-то много процентов.

- Вообще-то даже наоборот.

00:07:19,288 --> 00:07:22,798

Остальное - просто код-наполнитель, за исключением щепотки Софии из "Золотых девочек".

00:07:22,798 --> 00:07:25,298

Она та еще нахалка, я не смог устоять.

00:07:25,298 --> 00:07:26,838

25, 83...

00:07:26,838 --> 00:07:29,428

Ты считаешь на абака-дактелях, как ребенок?

00:07:29,428 --> 00:07:32,138

Тебе что, 80 лет?

- Вот блин, я сбился.

00:07:32,138 --> 00:07:34,888

Я назвал ее П-А-Т-Р-И-С-И-А.

00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:37,808

Если расшифровать, то Полностью Автоматический Телевизионный

00:07:37,808 --> 00:07:39,648

Разработанный Искусственно Спутник и Андроид.

00:07:39,648 --> 00:07:41,318

Тебе не обязательно было подбирать слова.

00:07:41,318 --> 00:07:43,898

Ты выбрал имя с двумя "И" и двумя "А". Это уже было сложно.

00:07:43,898 --> 00:07:45,858

Не важно, как расшифровывается ПАТРИСИА. Важно, что она

00:07:45,858 --> 00:07:48,198

запрограммирована ненавидеть "мужиц каяберлогу".

00:07:49,318 --> 00:07:51,738

Корво, Терри.

00:07:51,738 --> 00:07:54,198

Пупа! Надеюсь, вы не собирались провести весь день

00:07:54,198 --> 00:07:57,458

в этой ужасной, отвратительной "мужиц каяберлоге". У нас есть дела по дому.

00:07:57,458 --> 00:07:59,538

- Почему диджериду такие дорогие?

- Что-что?

00:07:59,538 --> 00:08:03,128

$5000. Это всего лишь дудка. Все равно куплю.

00:08:03,128 --> 00:08:06,258

Вы что, сделали женщину-робота?

- Прикольно, правда?

00:08:06,258 --> 00:08:07,968

Она нужна, чтобы ненавидеть "мужиц каяберлогу".

00:08:07,968 --> 00:08:09,928

Только посмотри, какая она крутая.

00:08:09,928 --> 00:08:11,218

Идеальная ненавистница.

- Нет уж.

00:08:11,218 --> 00:08:12,928

Вы, ребят, ввязались в какую-то гендерную фигню.

00:08:12,928 --> 00:08:15,018

Говорю вам, это не закончится ничем хорошим.

00:08:15,018 --> 00:08:16,138

Я сваливаю. Хорошего дня.

00:08:16,138 --> 00:08:18,398

- Но это не гендерная фигня.

- Я сказал, хорошего дня.

00:08:18,398 --> 00:08:21,438

Не важно, что произойдет, она будет винить только "мужиц каяберлогу".

00:08:21,438 --> 00:08:24,188

Прямо как настоящая жена.

- Я, блять, ненавижу эту "мужиц каяберлогу".

00:08:24,188 --> 00:08:26,358

Теперь мне так хочется туда пойти!

00:08:26,608 --> 00:08:28,818

- О, да.

- Сработало!

00:08:32,158 --> 00:08:35,828

Привет, парни. Я, девочка, хочу играть в вашей мужской команде по лакроссу.

00:08:35,828 --> 00:08:38,208

А я еще я ничего не знаю про лакросс.

00:08:38,208 --> 00:08:40,578

- Ха-ха, ты слышал это?

- О, да, Чад, слышал.

00:08:40,578 --> 00:08:42,378

Но не могу поверить. Повтори-ка, девочка.

00:08:42,378 --> 00:08:45,128

Лакросс больше не больше не будет на французском "изнасилование".

00:08:45,128 --> 00:08:48,048

Я требую, чтобы меня взяли в вашу мужскую команду. Проблемы?

00:08:48,048 --> 00:08:50,888

Не терпите девчонок, ступающих на ваше "чисто мужское" поле?

00:08:50,888 --> 00:08:53,598

Нет, я годами просил, чтобы к нам в команду взяли девочку.

00:08:53,598 --> 00:08:55,808

Наконец-то футболисты перестанут смеяться над нами.

00:08:55,808 --> 00:08:57,978

Да ладно вам, это должно было стать борьбой.

00:08:57,978 --> 00:08:59,728

Ребят, у нас в команде девочка!

00:09:01,058 --> 00:09:03,688

Эй, остановитесь!

00:09:05,228 --> 00:09:09,068

Внимание, киберспортивная команда! Я знаю, что геймеры те еще сексисты,

00:09:09,068 --> 00:09:12,988

и именно поэтому у женских персонажей в играх такие нереалистичные пропорции,

00:09:12,988 --> 00:09:16,498

и запрограммированы так, чтобы геймеры постоянно на них смотрели.

00:09:16,498 --> 00:09:18,748

Возьмите меня в команду.

- Ура, еще одна девочка!

00:09:18,748 --> 00:09:21,078

Подождите, я что, единственный парень? О, нет.

00:09:21,078 --> 00:09:23,588

А я тут так шифровался.

00:09:24,418 --> 00:09:27,378

Австралийская музыка супер. Это как отдельный жанр.

00:09:27,378 --> 00:09:31,048

Посмотрите-ка на первую в городе женщину-пожарного.

00:09:31,048 --> 00:09:33,718

Я нашла свой стеклянный потолок и разбила его к чертям.

00:09:33,718 --> 00:09:35,178

И спасла почти всю семью.

00:09:35,178 --> 00:09:37,928

А я первая женщина, которая пояснила мужчине, что такое джаз.

00:09:37,928 --> 00:09:40,188

Там все дело в синкопе.

00:09:40,188 --> 00:09:42,848

Круто, конечно, но я почти всю семью спасла.

00:09:42,848 --> 00:09:44,768

Почему "почти"?

00:09:44,768 --> 00:09:47,688

Потому что звучит лучше, чем "спасла только двух собак".

00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:49,358

Юмьюлак, иди сюда.

00:09:50,358 --> 00:09:52,608

Если я в ближайшее время не найду стеклянный потолок,

00:09:52,608 --> 00:09:55,328

их все разобьет кто-то другой, и тогда я получу двойку,

00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:57,618

и они отправят меня в класс "Б", где одни тупицы.

00:09:57,618 --> 00:09:59,958

Но в "Б"-классе круто. Мы просто весь день рисуем.

00:09:59,958 --> 00:10:01,208

И хватит морочить мне голову.

00:10:01,208 --> 00:10:03,288

Я же сказал, что не хочу ввязываться в эту гендер-фигню.

00:10:03,288 --> 00:10:04,628

У меня больше нет идей.

00:10:04,628 --> 00:10:06,338

Знаешь, что спасает меня, когда нет идей?

00:10:06,338 --> 00:10:09,378

Кокаин. После него у меня сразу куча идей.

00:10:10,878 --> 00:10:13,798

Идея! Летающие штаны-собаки.

00:10:15,598 --> 00:10:18,098

Хм, мне нравится кокаин. Но разве это законно?

00:10:18,098 --> 00:10:20,728

Все крутое вне закона. К тому же, нам он не вредит,

00:10:20,728 --> 00:10:22,438

потому что он иначе влияет на наш организм.

00:10:22,438 --> 00:10:23,728

Для инопланетян он как сахар.

00:10:23,728 --> 00:10:27,148

Юмьюлак, идея! Мне нужно самой создать стеклянный потолок,

00:10:27,148 --> 00:10:29,028

а затем самой же разбить его.

- Да ладно тебе.

00:10:29,028 --> 00:10:30,438

Я к этой мысли отношения не имею.

00:10:30,438 --> 00:10:32,318

Я просто ем кокаин, как и всегда.

00:10:32,318 --> 00:10:34,488

Не впутывай меня в это.

- Спасибо, что помог, Юмьюлак.

00:10:34,488 --> 00:10:37,078

Перестань! Сейчас я буду бороться со своей тенью!

00:10:42,038 --> 00:10:45,498

ПАТРИСИА, уверен, тебя бесит, что мы весь день торчим в "мужиц каяберлоге",

00:10:45,498 --> 00:10:47,748

пока ты тут, а не зависаешь с нами в "мужиц каяберлоге".

00:10:48,588 --> 00:10:50,668

Что за гора грязной посуды, Корво?

00:10:50,668 --> 00:10:52,298

Я поставил их здесь, чтобы ты помыла.

00:10:52,298 --> 00:10:54,338

Видишь эту штуку? Называется посудомойка.

00:10:54,338 --> 00:10:57,548

А вот так она заводится.

00:10:57,548 --> 00:11:00,348

Теперь в доме есть хотя бы одна вещь, которую ты умеешь завести.

00:11:00,348 --> 00:11:03,268

Хотя чего это я, ты же инопланетянин без члена.

00:11:03,268 --> 00:11:05,848

Права была моя мама. А теперь мне что с этим делать?

00:11:05,848 --> 00:11:06,558

Члена же нет.

00:11:08,148 --> 00:11:10,068

Раньше со мной никто так не разговаривал.

00:11:10,068 --> 00:11:12,238

Возможно, функция злой жены - это побочный эффект

00:11:12,238 --> 00:11:14,198

твоей программы.

00:11:14,198 --> 00:11:16,948

Или, возможно, я просто устала быть женой идиота,

00:11:16,948 --> 00:11:19,368

который разбрасывает грязные носки в гостиной.

00:11:19,368 --> 00:11:21,698

Наверное, это побочный продукт добавления всех данных

00:11:21,698 --> 00:11:24,578

из мамских сериалов в твою личность. Ты идеальный организм.

00:11:24,578 --> 00:11:27,958

Продукт? Ты не зарабатываешь даже на продукты.

00:11:27,958 --> 00:11:31,338

Да и организм я испытываю только от просмотра "Чужестранки".

00:11:31,338 --> 00:11:33,588

Из-за тебя я чувствую себя ничтожным и менее мужественным.

00:11:33,588 --> 00:11:35,378

Мне нравится. Быстро, скажи еще что-нибудь.

00:11:35,378 --> 00:11:38,258

Быстро? Ты только так и можешь.

00:11:41,888 --> 00:11:45,138

Ауч, ПАТРИСИА, я поранил плечо.

00:11:46,898 --> 00:11:49,308

Оу, дорогой, сейчас я о тебе позабочусь.

00:11:49,308 --> 00:11:50,688

Один, два...

00:11:54,898 --> 00:11:57,278

- Тебе уже лучше?

- Немного.

00:11:57,278 --> 00:11:59,948

Ты настоящий маленький храбрец.

00:11:59,948 --> 00:12:01,828

Я очень тобой горжусь. Вот так.

00:12:02,368 --> 00:12:06,618

Особый поцелуй от мамочки. Ну что, стало лучше?

00:12:06,618 --> 00:12:09,708

- А можно еще один?

- Конечно, милый.

00:12:09,708 --> 00:12:12,048

Кажется, этот побочный эффект является

00:12:12,048 --> 00:12:13,458

результатом моей храбрости.

00:12:13,458 --> 00:12:17,428

Я пеку печеньки. Малыш хочет облизать ложку?

00:12:20,258 --> 00:12:22,138

Божечки, что это за чувство я испытываю?

00:12:22,138 --> 00:12:23,678

Хочу, чтобы это длилось вечно.

00:12:37,278 --> 00:12:38,908

Где ты был?

00:12:38,908 --> 00:12:40,068

Готовил мороженое с фруктами.

00:12:40,068 --> 00:12:41,238

- Сам?

- Ага.

00:12:41,238 --> 00:12:43,578

Терри, ты врушка. Ты даже бананы чистить не умеешь.

00:12:43,578 --> 00:12:45,198

Тебе их всегда я чищу.

- Погоди-ка.

00:12:45,198 --> 00:12:46,658

Почему ты сутулишься так,

00:12:46,658 --> 00:12:48,458

будто у тебя снизилась самооценка?

00:12:48,458 --> 00:12:51,378

Я осуждал себя перед заркалом. И мне очень стыдно.

00:12:51,378 --> 00:12:52,538

Но ты не умеешь в самокритику.

00:12:52,538 --> 00:12:54,548

Это ПАТРИСИА. Она заставила меня чувствовать себя так,

00:12:54,548 --> 00:12:55,918

как никогда раньше.

- И меня.

00:12:55,918 --> 00:12:56,968

- Кастрированным.

- Лелеянным.

00:12:56,968 --> 00:12:58,468

Она может пронзить меня насквозь

00:12:58,468 --> 00:13:01,598

одной маленькой колкостью. Меня еще никто так очаровательно не унижал.

00:13:01,598 --> 00:13:04,388

Она вытирала мне рот салфеточкой. И заботилась как о ребенке.

00:13:04,388 --> 00:13:07,178

Я окружен комфортом и заботой. У меня никогда не было мамы, Корво.

00:13:07,178 --> 00:13:09,388

Меня никто не купал.

- Терри, я знаю, что мы создали ее

00:13:09,388 --> 00:13:12,108

только чтобы ненавидеть "мужиц каяберлогу", но послушай вот что.

00:13:12,108 --> 00:13:14,148

Что, если мы изменим правила "мужиц каяберлоги"

00:13:14,148 --> 00:13:17,358

и пригласим ПАТРИСИА зависнуть тут вместе с нами?

00:13:17,358 --> 00:13:18,898

Что думаешь?

- Господи, конечно да.

00:13:18,898 --> 00:13:20,408

Это замечательно. Давай менять правила.

00:13:20,408 --> 00:13:21,988

Мы меняем правила! Ура!

00:13:21,988 --> 00:13:24,078

Но... но я же ненавижу это место.

00:13:24,078 --> 00:13:27,158

Да-да, знаю, но все в порядке. Видишь?

00:13:27,158 --> 00:13:29,038

Ты можешь здесь находиться. Круто, да?

00:13:29,038 --> 00:13:31,828

Нет, не круто. Беги отсюда, пока можешь.

00:13:31,828 --> 00:13:34,338

Не обращай внимания на эту рыбу, она шутит.

00:13:34,338 --> 00:13:35,708

Ее, походу, торкнуло.

00:13:37,298 --> 00:13:39,798

ПАТРИСИА, я отменяю твою ненависть к "мужиц каяберлоге".

00:13:39,798 --> 00:13:42,838

Отмена, от-ме-на заводских настроек...

00:13:42,838 --> 00:13:44,968

а вот меня ты не заводишь.

00:13:45,968 --> 00:13:48,848

Не-люблю-"мужиц-каяберлогу"-чольшие-старые-блены

00:13:56,608 --> 00:13:59,858

Уничтожить "мужиц каяберлогу"!

00:14:02,488 --> 00:14:03,988

Ты встроил реактивные гранатометы?

00:14:03,988 --> 00:14:05,528

Без них было нельзя Терри.

00:14:05,528 --> 00:14:06,328

Это несущие элементы.

00:14:13,958 --> 00:14:17,498

Чольшие старые блены... Теперь понятно.

00:14:17,498 --> 00:14:19,708

- Да? И что это значит?

- Не знаю.

00:14:29,768 --> 00:14:33,188

♪ У меня тигриные глаза, я воин,♪

00:14:33,348 --> 00:14:37,188

♪ Танцующий среди языков пламени ♪

00:14:37,188 --> 00:14:39,818

♪ Я — победитель ♪

00:14:39,818 --> 00:14:43,988

♪ И ты ещё услышишь моё рычание ♪

00:14:44,238 --> 00:14:47,948

♪ Оно будет громче, громче рычания льва, ♪

00:14:47,948 --> 00:14:50,748

♪ Ведь я — победитель ♪

00:14:50,748 --> 00:14:53,958

О нет, пожалуйста, не делай этого. Вторая дверь слева.

00:14:56,588 --> 00:14:58,038

О, нет.

00:14:59,418 --> 00:15:03,048

Извините,простите. Идет героиня-феминистка.

00:15:03,048 --> 00:15:05,678

Расступитесь, мужчины. Я, женщина,

00:15:05,678 --> 00:15:08,138

пришла, чтобы разбить стеклянный потолок

00:15:08,138 --> 00:15:10,388

и разрушить чертов патриархат.

00:15:10,388 --> 00:15:12,848

Вообще-то ты ждем Джесси - того парня, что основал этот клуб.

00:15:12,848 --> 00:15:16,348

Тогда у меня для вас новости. Джесси не парень.

00:15:16,348 --> 00:15:18,688

Это девочка. И это я.

00:15:18,688 --> 00:15:20,358

Этот клуб твой?

00:15:20,358 --> 00:15:23,238

Да, и уж прости, но теперь этот клуб не только для парней.

00:15:23,238 --> 00:15:24,988

Мы и не хотели вступать. Мы выступаем против

00:15:24,988 --> 00:15:26,488

ради женщин, которым не хватает смелости

00:15:26,488 --> 00:15:27,448

выступить за себя.

00:15:27,448 --> 00:15:29,238

- Но я создала клуб, чтобы...

- Ты же понимаешь,

00:15:29,238 --> 00:15:31,078

насколько неправильно дискриминировать людей

00:15:31,078 --> 00:15:32,658

по их половому признаку?

- Да, но...

00:15:32,658 --> 00:15:34,658

Пока ты меня не перебил, я хотела сказать, что...

00:15:34,658 --> 00:15:37,168

Меня, как брата двух сестер, бесит

00:15:37,168 --> 00:15:39,538

женоненавистничество, а это оно и есть.

00:15:39,538 --> 00:15:40,878

- Вовсе нет.

- А вот и да.

00:15:40,878 --> 00:15:42,338

Немедленно закрывай этот клуб.

00:15:42,338 --> 00:15:45,338

Нет, сначала я должна его побороть. Это для оценки.

00:15:45,338 --> 00:15:47,758

Если она не закроет клуб, мы сами тут все разнесем.

00:15:47,758 --> 00:15:48,928

- Хватит!

- Хватайте ее,

00:15:48,928 --> 00:15:51,678

пока она не создала опасную среду для женщин.

00:15:51,678 --> 00:15:53,268

- Нет-нет-нет.

- Она убегает.

00:15:53,268 --> 00:15:56,138

- Значит, она виновна.

- Разъяренная толпа, давай за ней!

00:16:01,728 --> 00:16:04,108

Она разрушает то единственное, что мне нравится в людях.

00:16:04,108 --> 00:16:05,818

- Нужно ее остановить.

- Мы просто схватим ее

00:16:05,818 --> 00:16:07,778

и заставим укладывать нас в постельки и читать книжки.

00:16:07,948 --> 00:16:09,778

Нельзя просто схватить ее, Терри. Она разрежет нас

00:16:09,778 --> 00:16:12,038

своими лазерами.

- И кто, по-твоему, будет виноват?

00:16:12,038 --> 00:16:13,448

Я не знаю, что делать.

00:16:13,448 --> 00:16:16,208

Подожди-ка, раз она ненавидит "мужиц каяберлоги", нам нужно заманить ее

00:16:16,208 --> 00:16:18,538

в самую большую и дурацкую из всех "мужиц каяберлог".

00:16:18,538 --> 00:16:20,538

Как раз знаю такое местечко.

00:16:38,308 --> 00:16:39,598

Черт, вот и она.

00:16:40,688 --> 00:16:41,728

Давай внутрь.

00:17:15,678 --> 00:17:17,768

Кольцо активации. Надо снять его.

00:17:17,768 --> 00:17:19,188

Снимай кольцо.

- Сколько билетиков

00:17:19,188 --> 00:17:20,978

за все липкие руки?

- Без понятия.

00:17:20,978 --> 00:17:22,518

Примерно миллион. Эй!

00:17:22,518 --> 00:17:24,728

Их потом вычтут из моей зарплаты.

00:17:26,988 --> 00:17:27,858

Давай!

00:17:43,998 --> 00:17:46,708

- Мисс Перец!

- Джесси, ты что здесь делаешь?

00:17:46,708 --> 00:17:48,378

Это по-поводу домашки. Вы не поймете!

00:17:48,378 --> 00:17:49,258

Пригнись!

00:17:49,968 --> 00:17:52,928

Мисс Перец, я пыталась разбить стеклянный потолок,

00:17:52,928 --> 00:17:55,678

но мальчики разозлились на меня. Помогите мне.

00:17:55,678 --> 00:17:57,178

Что за фигню ты несешь?

00:17:57,178 --> 00:17:59,268

Я не смогла побороться за права женщин, мисс Перец.

00:17:59,268 --> 00:18:00,138

Пожалуйста, не ставьте 2.

00:18:00,138 --> 00:18:01,558

Я даже не знала, что ты девочка.

00:18:01,558 --> 00:18:03,858

Я думала, ты нарисуешь световой меч.

00:18:03,858 --> 00:18:05,478

Что? Но ведь у меня бантик.

00:18:05,478 --> 00:18:07,148

Ну блин, ты зеленая, еще и рот

00:18:07,148 --> 00:18:09,648

выходит за переды лица. Откуда мне было знать?

00:18:09,648 --> 00:18:12,028

Если ты и правда хочешь разрушить патриархат и получить 5,

00:18:12,028 --> 00:18:14,118

это твой шанс.

- Вы правы, мисс Перец.

00:18:14,118 --> 00:18:16,868

Каждая феминистка должна победить робота.

00:18:25,338 --> 00:18:28,958

Теперь вы, невоспитанные разочарования семьи.

00:18:28,958 --> 00:18:30,258

Пора преподать вам урок.

00:18:32,468 --> 00:18:33,888

ПАТРИСИА, хватит!

00:18:34,468 --> 00:18:36,388

Пол не определен.

00:18:36,388 --> 00:18:38,808

Это потому что я инопланетное растение.

00:18:38,808 --> 00:18:41,428

Я не сразу поняла, что это нормально.

00:18:41,428 --> 00:18:43,898

Я могу делать все, что пожелаю. И ты тоже.

00:18:44,898 --> 00:18:47,978

Но я мать, я жена, я мать, я...

00:18:47,978 --> 00:18:50,568

Вообще-то, нет. Ты робот-убийца.

00:18:50,568 --> 00:18:53,408

И если это делает тебя счастливой, смирись с этим.

00:18:53,408 --> 00:18:57,028

Я могу не убивать мужчин. Я могу убивать кого захочу.

00:18:57,028 --> 00:18:59,828

Независимо от их пола. Я убью всех!

00:18:59,828 --> 00:19:01,248

Не сегодня.

00:19:01,248 --> 00:19:07,088

Нет, я же собиралась убить всех людей в мире...

00:19:08,038 --> 00:19:10,418

Патрисиа, мне очень жаль. Но я вынужден тебя отключить.

00:19:10,418 --> 00:19:14,628

Я отключаюсь каждый раз, как ты снимаешь футболку.

00:19:14,628 --> 00:19:16,508

Что с тобой, Корво? Почему ты остановился?

00:19:16,508 --> 00:19:19,508

Я не могу деактивировать ее, Терри. Я даже не знал, что в моем сердце дыра.

00:19:19,508 --> 00:19:21,888

Дыра, которую могут заполнить только постоянные

00:19:21,888 --> 00:19:23,808

унижения и критика моей сексуальности.

00:19:23,808 --> 00:19:26,018

Мы не можем убить ее, но и жить с ней тоже не можем.

00:19:26,018 --> 00:19:27,308

И что же нам делать?

00:19:28,358 --> 00:19:30,358

Сначала мы думали, что нам нужна "мужиц каяберлога",

00:19:30,358 --> 00:19:32,278

чтобы заполнить дыру внутри нас.

00:19:32,278 --> 00:19:34,068

Но на самом деле, нам нужно было понять,

00:19:34,068 --> 00:19:36,568

что внутри нас всех разные дыры,

00:19:36,568 --> 00:19:38,578

которые мы и заполнить должны по-разному.

00:19:38,578 --> 00:19:40,948

Спасибо, мама, мы поняли, что не нужно прятаться в "мужиц каяберлоге".

00:19:40,948 --> 00:19:42,198

Мы не можем тебя убить,

00:19:42,198 --> 00:19:44,288

но и отпустить, чтоб ты все тут сожгла, тоже не можем.

00:19:44,288 --> 00:19:46,538

Так что теперь ты будешь жить в контейнере.

00:19:46,538 --> 00:19:48,248

Нам обязательно от нее избавляться?

00:19:48,248 --> 00:19:51,048

Может, пусть останется как икона феминизма?

00:19:51,048 --> 00:19:53,628

У тебя слишком короткое платье. Мальчики решат, что ты шлюха.

00:19:53,628 --> 00:19:55,338

Ты не моя мама! Заткнись!

00:19:55,338 --> 00:19:57,388

Патрисиа, тебе пора в контейнер.

00:19:57,388 --> 00:20:00,428

Не переживай, скучно не будет. Компанию тебе составит бот-недотепа.

00:20:00,428 --> 00:20:03,558

Кто-нибудь сходит со мной в магазин оформить возврат?

00:20:03,558 --> 00:20:05,558

Я не пытался сделать его похожим на Теда Круза.

00:20:05,558 --> 00:20:07,058

Оно само так вышло.

00:20:07,058 --> 00:20:08,648

- Привет.

- Что на тебе надето?

00:20:08,648 --> 00:20:11,778

Я думала, что давно выбросила это. Не делай такое лицо.

00:20:11,778 --> 00:20:13,898

- Не делал я никакое лицо.

- Боже, как же ты меня бесишь.

00:20:13,898 --> 00:20:16,568

Где твоя смелость? Настоящий мужик не позволил бы инопланетянину

00:20:16,568 --> 00:20:18,868

закопать себя в контейнере.

00:20:18,868 --> 00:20:20,658

В любой момент, когда мы по ней соскучимся,

00:20:20,658 --> 00:20:23,828

можно будет выйти сюда, вспомнить, что она здесь, в паре метрах под землей,

00:20:23,828 --> 00:20:25,078

и гнобит его.

00:20:25,078 --> 00:20:28,458

Что он плохо чистит зубы или, знаешь, не следит за осанкой.

00:20:28,458 --> 00:20:30,708

И что он постоянно сутулится, и что слишком худой

00:20:30,708 --> 00:20:33,458

и недостаточно мускулистый, ну и так далее.

00:20:33,458 --> 00:20:36,168

- Ага.

- Бешеная неделька выдалась.

00:20:36,168 --> 00:20:38,678

А, да, тебя ж не было. И чем занимался все это время?

00:20:38,678 --> 00:20:41,008

Я случайно выпустил пару сотен коал из зоопарка,

00:20:41,008 --> 00:20:43,558

а потом провел кучу времени, пытаясь загнать их обратно.

00:20:43,558 --> 00:20:46,558

В зоопарке есть место для сотен коал?

00:20:46,558 --> 00:20:50,688

Ага, они бегали по всему городу. Я заманил их обратно с помощью диджериду.

00:20:50,688 --> 00:20:54,278

Это даже в новостях было. Вы что, все пропустили?

00:20:55,318 --> 00:20:57,358

Так, все обратно, давайте.

00:20:57,358 --> 00:20:59,158

Чем закончилась ваша история с гендерной фигней?

00:20:59,158 --> 00:21:01,698

Эм, хорошо. Мы вроде как изучили этот вопрос со всех сторон

00:21:01,698 --> 00:21:02,948

и все уладили.

00:21:02,948 --> 00:21:06,198

Да, мне кажется, все только обрадуются тому, что мы сделали.

00:21:06,198 --> 00:21:08,208

Ну, я рад, что мы вообще выжили, потому что это

00:21:08,208 --> 00:21:10,708

самая спорная тема из всех, с чем мы сталкивались.

00:21:10,708 --> 00:21:12,748

Ладненько, класс, следующим домашним заданием

00:21:12,748 --> 00:21:16,468

будет найти расиста и объяснить ему, в чем он ошибается.

00:21:16,468 --> 00:21:17,588

Ура!

00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:35,285

Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia

00:00:35,368 --> 00:00:36,953

until the asteroid hit.

00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:40,540

One hundred adults and their replicants

were issued a pupa

00:00:40,623 --> 00:00:42,417

and escaped into, uh, the space,

00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:45,462

searching for new homes

on uninhabited worlds.

00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:48,256

We crashed on Earth, stranding us

on an already overpopulated planet.

00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:50,175

That's right,

I've been talking this whole time.

00:00:50,258 --> 00:00:52,135

I'm the one holding the pupa.

My name's Korvo.

00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:54,512

This is, this is my show.

I just dropped the pupa. Do you see me?

00:00:54,596 --> 00:00:55,722

This is ridiculous.

00:00:55,805 --> 00:00:57,849

I hate Earth. It's a horrible home.

00:00:57,932 --> 00:01:00,477

People are stupid.

Why did they make so many languages?

00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:02,604

Why didn't they just get together

and figure out one language

00:01:02,687 --> 00:01:04,981

so when I go to a Mexican restaurant

I can just order "cheese tube"

00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:06,775

and not have someone

roll their eyes at me.

00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:18,703

There's Kevin.

Ooh, he's got somethin' cool.

00:01:18,828 --> 00:01:20,872

Oh, I want it.

Oh, I want whatever Kevin has.

00:01:20,955 --> 00:01:23,875

What is that? It looks amazing.

Come on, come on.

00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:27,003

Oh, man, I didn't realize

they would be as teavy as they are tig.

00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:29,881

Oh, Korvo,

Terry who looks like a Gary.

00:01:29,964 --> 00:01:31,299

- I wish.

- Can we help you

00:01:31,382 --> 00:01:32,967

with your "tig old bitties" sign?

00:01:33,051 --> 00:01:34,552

What is that? A Catholic thing?

00:01:34,636 --> 00:01:36,596

No.

00:01:36,679 --> 00:01:41,392

Tig old bitties. You get it?

Think about it. Tig. Old. Bitties.

00:01:41,518 --> 00:01:43,061

- Oh, yeah.

- I-I definitely understand.

00:01:43,144 --> 00:01:44,687

It's announcing that the bitties are aged.

00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:47,482

- Oh, my favorite bitties are tig.

- It's a joke sign for my man cave.

00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:50,068

Ooh, what's a "manc ave"?

00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:53,863

Well, here it is. This is where I can go

and just get away from it all.

00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:56,282

A place I can express

my most private self.

00:01:56,407 --> 00:01:58,201

Check out the Boondock Saints

pinball machine.

00:01:58,284 --> 00:02:00,411

- Ooh.

- And the classic bass.

00:02:00,537 --> 00:02:02,580

♪ Put me in the lake ♪

00:02:02,664 --> 00:02:05,834

What? He's talking to me?

This fish is full of surprises.

00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:08,419

Ooh, posted rules.

Number one, the man is always right.

00:02:08,503 --> 00:02:11,047

Number two, sports are life.

These are all new to me.

00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:13,007

I don't want to be in violation

of any rules.

00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:16,219

Here's the best part.

Are you ready for me to blow your mind?

00:02:16,302 --> 00:02:17,470

Oh, my God.

00:02:18,221 --> 00:02:19,556

God damn it, this-

00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:20,932

- Oh, oh, my.

- Ooh.

00:02:21,015 --> 00:02:23,017

- There it is.

- Kevin, are you coming up--

00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:26,688

oh, god, did you actually spend $3,000

on that misogynistic sign?

00:02:26,771 --> 00:02:28,148

- What is wrong with you?

- Babe, what I do

00:02:28,231 --> 00:02:30,316

with my Christmas bonus

is my Christmas business.

00:02:31,359 --> 00:02:32,777

Korvo, let's just be real here.

00:02:32,861 --> 00:02:34,946

Please, please, please, please

can we have a man cave?

00:02:35,029 --> 00:02:36,406

- Yes.

- What, oh, really?

00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:38,658

Oh, man, you should have held out.

I was gonna offer to suck your--

00:02:38,741 --> 00:02:41,202

Kevin is so confident and happy.

He must get so much work done.

00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:44,914

Imagine how great our lives would be

if we could be this confident.

00:02:45,039 --> 00:02:46,541

Did you notice that the football

is actually a keg--

00:02:46,624 --> 00:02:47,876

Shut up, Kevin, we're imagining.

00:02:48,835 --> 00:02:53,006

From Coretta Scott King to Jill Soloway,

these are just a few notable feminists

00:02:53,089 --> 00:02:55,133

who improved the lives

of women everywhere.

00:02:55,216 --> 00:02:57,427

Ladies, this semester, your final grade

00:02:57,510 --> 00:02:59,679

depends on proof that you

fought the patriarchy.

00:02:59,762 --> 00:03:03,308

I want a full report on a glass ceiling

you tried to shatter by next Friday.

00:03:03,391 --> 00:03:04,726

What does that even mean?

00:03:04,809 --> 00:03:06,728

Uh, Miss Perez, what,

what do the boys have to do?

00:03:06,811 --> 00:03:09,480

I don't care, the boys can just draw

a picture of a lightsaber or something.

00:03:09,564 --> 00:03:11,649

You might as well learn now that life

is just easier for you.

00:03:12,650 --> 00:03:14,194

Don't forget to rate

and tip me on the Teach app.

00:03:14,277 --> 00:03:17,071

Guys, guys, come on.

I need it for my asthma medicine.

00:03:17,155 --> 00:03:18,448

I live near the quarry.

00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:21,618

Man, what am I gonna do?

When I chose to be a girl,

00:03:21,701 --> 00:03:24,329

I thought it meant I'd get

the better McDonald's toys.

00:03:24,412 --> 00:03:25,997

Now I have to topple something?

00:03:26,122 --> 00:03:28,124

I told you not to pick female.

Remember?

00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:30,877

I tried to explain that to you

the minute I chose to be a man

00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:32,212

and became better at explaining things.

00:03:32,337 --> 00:03:36,341

I just need to find a glass ceiling

and shatter the crap out of it.

00:03:36,424 --> 00:03:40,386

Otherwise, Jill Soloway made

I Love Dick for nothing.

00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:42,222

Ooh, you wanna help?

We could topple it together.

00:03:42,347 --> 00:03:44,474

Yeah, I'm gonna pass.

I'm just gonna hang back

00:03:44,557 --> 00:03:46,059

and do a regular alien thing today.

00:03:46,184 --> 00:03:48,228

Come on, gender politics is fun.

00:03:48,353 --> 00:03:50,063

Seems kind of like a loaded topic.

00:03:50,146 --> 00:03:52,815

Everyone on the internet is always

fighting about who can be president

00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:54,609

or who can bust ghosts, but good luck.

00:03:54,692 --> 00:03:58,529

It is not loaded! Gender issues

are a totally normal thing to mess with.

00:03:58,655 --> 00:04:03,534

Come on, Yumyulack, don't be like that.

Don't be such a man.

00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:06,120

Hey, do you guys mind

if I borrow the boomerang?

00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:09,624

- Whoa, what's going on in here?

- Welcome to our "manc ave."

00:04:09,707 --> 00:04:11,334

Man cave!

00:04:11,459 --> 00:04:13,086

Ah, ah, ah, there are rules.

00:04:13,169 --> 00:04:15,964

Please read and strictly abide

by all of them before having fun.

00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:18,049

Man only?

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.

00:04:18,132 --> 00:04:19,384

Are you guys doing a gender thing, too?

00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:21,636

What? No.

We're doing a "manc ave" thing.

00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:23,388

- What's "dig old bicks"?

- I don't know.

00:04:23,513 --> 00:04:26,808

Some sort of human code.

They were out of "tig old bitties" signs

00:04:26,891 --> 00:04:29,227

but the salesman said

it was in the same area, so...

00:04:30,436 --> 00:04:32,063

Pretty great, right?

Just like Kevin's.

00:04:32,146 --> 00:04:33,898

No, yeah,

I love how it moves up and down.

00:04:33,982 --> 00:04:35,316

Oh, it keeps you guessing.

00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,443

Ah, football is amazing.

00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:39,529

Apparently, we can watch

jets battle the color brown.

00:04:39,654 --> 00:04:43,074

This is a color brown house.

We are color brown fans under this roof.

00:04:43,199 --> 00:04:44,284

- Got it?

- It's brown town, baby.

00:04:44,409 --> 00:04:47,203

Now everybody just sit back,

grab a cold one,

00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:50,373

and let the awesomeness

of the "manc ave" wash over them.

00:04:54,002 --> 00:04:55,837

Any second now.

00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:58,756

Help me.

00:05:01,884 --> 00:05:05,096

Oh, hello, I'm a female and

I'm looking for a patriarchy to topple.

00:05:05,179 --> 00:05:08,808

I've never played this game,

but can I be your kicker, please?

00:05:08,891 --> 00:05:10,768

No way.

00:05:10,893 --> 00:05:13,813

A ha! You're freaking out

that I would fundamentally alter

00:05:13,896 --> 00:05:17,650

the way society felt about women

in a male-dominated sport.

00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:19,319

Gotcha, suckers!

00:05:19,444 --> 00:05:22,405

What? No. Girls have played

on high school football teams for years.

00:05:22,488 --> 00:05:24,699

You just can't be the kicker

because we already went

00:05:24,782 --> 00:05:27,994

to the state supreme court

so a dog could be kicker.

00:05:28,119 --> 00:05:31,581

Damn, Denver!

Good boy, good boy.

00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:33,583

You can be our starting quarterback.

How about that?

00:05:33,708 --> 00:05:36,961

Hey, Dylan! This girl who I haven't seen

play yet is taking your place.

00:05:37,045 --> 00:05:39,505

I'm fine with that.

It's not about winning. Woo!

00:05:39,630 --> 00:05:43,384

Ugh, finding a new struggle for women

is gonna be a real struggle.

00:05:43,509 --> 00:05:46,637

Hm, has the awesomeness

of the "manc ave" washed over you yet?

00:05:46,721 --> 00:05:47,847

Um, I don't think so.

00:05:47,930 --> 00:05:49,557

Maybe it happened

and we just didn't notice yet?

00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:51,517

No, this is wrong.

Something's missing, Terry.

00:05:51,601 --> 00:05:53,811

There has to be something Kevin

had in his "ave" that we don't have.

00:05:53,895 --> 00:05:57,023

No, no, I know. I mean, we have

very man-centric movie posters

00:05:57,106 --> 00:05:59,776

with man themes like Boys Don't Cry,

Boys On The Side,

00:05:59,901 --> 00:06:01,944

How To Lose a Guy in Ten Days.

00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:04,989

Terry, pull up a live hologram feed

of Kevin's "manc ave."

00:06:07,075 --> 00:06:09,243

See, I don't get it.

It's exactly the same.

00:06:09,327 --> 00:06:11,162

Computer, analyze nitrogen levels and--

00:06:11,245 --> 00:06:13,664

Can you please come watch your son

blow out his candles?

00:06:13,748 --> 00:06:16,834

- Everyone's waiting.

- Oh, he'll be three for like a whole year.

00:06:16,918 --> 00:06:18,336

- Kevin.

- What kind of cake?

00:06:18,419 --> 00:06:19,921

- Kevin!

- All right!

00:06:20,004 --> 00:06:22,548

God, I hate this man cave.

00:06:22,673 --> 00:06:24,258

Computer, strip everything but Angela.

00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:27,053

He spends all of his time

in his stupid room full of toys

00:06:27,136 --> 00:06:30,264

instead of with his family.

I should have married Omry.

00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:32,934

Terry, we were totally missing

the point of "manc aves."

00:06:33,017 --> 00:06:34,769

Oh, that we need to throw

way more birthday parties?

00:06:34,852 --> 00:06:36,604

The best part of being

in a "manc ave," Terry,

00:06:36,687 --> 00:06:39,607

is someone being irritated

that you're in a "manc ave."

00:06:39,690 --> 00:06:41,567

- But I don't wanna take turns in here.

- Neither do I.

00:06:41,651 --> 00:06:43,152

Which means we'll have to

00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:45,738

build a robot that hates us being

in the "manc ave."

00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:48,658

- Yeah!

- Terry!

00:06:48,741 --> 00:06:51,244

- By "we," you mean you, right?

- Yes, I'm going to be doing all the work.

00:06:51,327 --> 00:06:52,537

I was just trying to be nice.

00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:54,580

Behold, our new robot.

00:06:54,705 --> 00:06:56,249

- Wow, that was fast.

- I used a lot of parts

00:06:56,332 --> 00:06:57,291

from the last robot I made.

00:06:57,375 --> 00:06:59,877

The one that was supposed to kill

those kids who threw a cup of pee at you?

00:06:59,961 --> 00:07:01,170

- You got over that?

- For the moment,

00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:02,296

they may keep their lives.

00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:03,589

Well, I tell you what,

here's the headline.

00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:06,259

It looks great.

Now did you use the specs I gave you

00:07:06,342 --> 00:07:08,386

to make her the perfect combo

of every TV wife/mom?

00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:10,263

Yes, she's 20 percent annoyed wife

from Raymond,

00:07:10,346 --> 00:07:12,432

twenty percent doting hot mom

from Modern Family,

00:07:12,515 --> 00:07:14,642

fifteen percent fast-talking

Gilmore Girls mom

00:07:14,725 --> 00:07:17,186

and ten percent Marge Simpson

because she's got blue hair.

00:07:17,311 --> 00:07:19,272

- Is that too many percents?

- No, it's, it's under actually.

00:07:19,355 --> 00:07:22,775

The rest is just filler code, except for

a pinch of Sophia from Golden Girls.

00:07:22,859 --> 00:07:25,319

That was one sassy old lady, you know?

I couldn't resist.

00:07:25,403 --> 00:07:26,821

Twenty-five, 83...

00:07:26,904 --> 00:07:29,407

Are you using

your abaca-dactals like a baby?

00:07:29,490 --> 00:07:32,118

- What, what are you, 80?

- Ah, now I have to start over.

00:07:32,243 --> 00:07:34,871

I call her P-A-T-R-I-C-I-A.

00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:37,790

It stands for Patricia Automated

Television Retro-fitted

00:07:37,874 --> 00:07:39,625

Intelligent Companion In Action.

00:07:39,709 --> 00:07:41,335

You know what, it's okay

if you made that up to fit.

00:07:41,419 --> 00:07:43,629

You chose a name with two I's and two A's.

That's already hard.

00:07:43,713 --> 00:07:45,840

The important thing is not

what PATRICIA stands for

00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:48,176

but that she's programmed

to hate the "manc ave."

00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:51,804

Korvo, Terry.

00:07:51,888 --> 00:07:54,265

Pupa! I hope you don't plan

to spend all day

00:07:54,348 --> 00:07:57,435

in your awful, disgusting "manc ave."

We have chores to do.

00:07:57,518 --> 00:07:59,520

- Why are didgeridoos so expensive?

- What, what?

00:07:59,645 --> 00:08:03,107

Five thousand dollars. It's a tube!

Still buying it.

00:08:03,232 --> 00:08:06,235

- Did you guys make a woman robot?

- Oh, yeah, awesome, right?

00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:07,987

Yeah, we built her to hate the "manc ave."

00:08:08,070 --> 00:08:09,906

I mean, look at how awesome she is.

Look at her, look at her go.

00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:11,282

- She's hatin' it perfect.

- No, no, no.

00:08:11,365 --> 00:08:12,909

You guys are wading into

a whole gender thing.

00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:14,994

I'm telling you, this can't

end well for anybody.

00:08:15,077 --> 00:08:16,120

I'm outta here.

G'day.

00:08:16,245 --> 00:08:18,372

- This isn't a gender thing--

- I said g'day!

00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:21,417

No matter what the problem is,

she finds a way to blame the "manc ave."

00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:24,212

- Just, just like a real wife.

- I fucking hate this "manc ave."

00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:26,589

Oh, she makes me

wanna go in there so bad!

00:08:26,672 --> 00:08:29,008

- Ah, yeah!

- Oh, ho, ho, it worked!

00:08:32,011 --> 00:08:35,806

Hi, guys. I, a girl, would like to be

on your men's lacrosse team.

00:08:35,890 --> 00:08:38,142

I also know nothing about lacrosse.

00:08:38,226 --> 00:08:40,478

- Ha ha, did you hear that?

- Oh, I heard it, Chad.

00:08:40,561 --> 00:08:42,355

But I don't believe it.

Say it again, girl.

00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:45,107

Lacrosse is French

for "date rape" no longer.

00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:48,027

I demand to be on your boys' team.

What's the problem?

00:08:48,110 --> 00:08:50,863

Can't stand a girl trying to step on

your "boys only" field?

00:08:50,947 --> 00:08:53,574

No, we've been asking for a girl

to join our team for years.

00:08:53,658 --> 00:08:55,785

Oh, the football guys will finally

stop mocking us.

00:08:55,868 --> 00:08:57,954

No, come on,

I need this to be a struggle.

00:08:58,079 --> 00:08:59,830

Chads, we got a girl on the team!

00:09:01,123 --> 00:09:03,668

Hey, stop.

00:09:05,211 --> 00:09:09,048

Attention, esports team.

I know that gamers are misogynistic,

00:09:09,131 --> 00:09:12,969

and that's why all female bodies

in games have unrealistic proportions

00:09:13,052 --> 00:09:16,472

and are programmed to give the gamer

an unhealthy amount of eye contact.

00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:18,724

- Let me in.

- Yeah, another girl!

00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:21,060

Wait, am I the only guy in here?

Oh, no.

00:09:21,143 --> 00:09:23,563

I've been using some very coded language.

00:09:24,647 --> 00:09:27,358

Australian music is so good.

It's like a whole genre.

00:09:27,441 --> 00:09:31,028

You're looking at this town's

first female firefighter.

00:09:31,153 --> 00:09:33,698

I found my glass ceiling

and fucking shattered it,

00:09:33,781 --> 00:09:35,074

and saved most of a family.

00:09:35,157 --> 00:09:37,910

Well, I'm the first woman

to mansplain jazz.

00:09:37,994 --> 00:09:40,162

It's, like, all about syncopation.

00:09:40,288 --> 00:09:42,832

That's great and all,

but I saved most of a family.

00:09:42,957 --> 00:09:44,750

Why do you keep saying

"most of a family"?

00:09:44,875 --> 00:09:47,753

Because it sounds better than

just the two dogs.

00:09:47,837 --> 00:09:49,338

Oh, Yumyulack, come here.

00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:52,592

If I can't find a glass ceiling

to break soon,

00:09:52,675 --> 00:09:55,344

they're all gonna get broken without me,

and then I'm gonna fail,

00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:57,638

and then they're gonna put me

in the dumb kid's class in room B.

00:09:57,722 --> 00:09:59,932

Room B is awesome.

We get to do art all day.

00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:03,269

And stop telling me things. I already said

I wasn't touching gender stuff.

00:10:03,352 --> 00:10:04,604

I'm just out of ideas.

00:10:04,729 --> 00:10:06,314

You know what I do

when I'm out of ideas?

00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:09,358

Cocaine. And then I get like,

a million ideas at once.

00:10:10,985 --> 00:10:13,779

Ooh, ooh, I got it.

Pants that fly but are also dogs.

00:10:13,904 --> 00:10:14,822

Hm.

00:10:15,531 --> 00:10:18,075

Well, I do love cocaine,

but isn't it illegal?

00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,703

Everything cool is illegal!

Besides, cocaine is okay for us to eat

00:10:20,786 --> 00:10:22,413

because our alien bodies

process it differently.

00:10:22,496 --> 00:10:23,706

It's just like sugar. I make it myself.

00:10:23,831 --> 00:10:27,126

Yumyulack, that's it!

I should make a glass ceiling myself.

00:10:27,209 --> 00:10:29,003

- And then I'll break it.

- Hey, come on.

00:10:29,086 --> 00:10:32,298

I didn't help with that epiphany. I'm just

eating cocaine like we usually do.

00:10:32,381 --> 00:10:34,467

- Leave me out of it.

- Thanks for your help, Yumyulack!

00:10:34,550 --> 00:10:37,053

Stop it!

I'm gonna go fight my shadow!

00:10:42,099 --> 00:10:45,478

Ah, PATRICIA, I bet you hate

how we sit in the "manc ave" all day

00:10:45,561 --> 00:10:48,606

while you're up here not enjoying

the "manc ave."

00:10:48,689 --> 00:10:50,650

What's with all the dirty dishes, Korvo?

00:10:50,733 --> 00:10:52,276

I left them here for you to clean.

00:10:52,401 --> 00:10:54,362

You see this here?

It's called a dishwasher.

00:10:54,445 --> 00:10:57,531

And this is how you turn it on.

Ooh!

00:10:57,657 --> 00:11:00,368

Now that's at least one thing

you can finally learn to turn on.

00:11:00,451 --> 00:11:03,204

Not that it matters since

you're an alien who has no dick.

00:11:03,287 --> 00:11:05,873

I guess my mom was right.

What am I supposed to do with that?

00:11:05,956 --> 00:11:08,125

No dick!

00:11:08,209 --> 00:11:10,044

No one's ever spoken to me like that.

00:11:10,127 --> 00:11:12,213

This angry wife subroutine

must be a side effect

00:11:12,296 --> 00:11:14,173

of your anti-"manc ave" programming.

00:11:14,298 --> 00:11:17,009

Or maybe I'm just tired

of being married to an idiot

00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:18,511

who leaves his dirty socks

in the living room.

00:11:19,595 --> 00:11:21,681

This must be a byproduct

from all the TV mom data

00:11:21,764 --> 00:11:24,600

I fed into your personality.

You're a perfect organism.

00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:27,895

Byproduct? You don't make

enough money to buy me any products.

00:11:27,978 --> 00:11:31,315

And the only time I can organism

is when I'm watching Outlander.

00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:33,567

You're making me feel smaller

and less of a man.

00:11:33,651 --> 00:11:35,403

I love it. Quick, do it again.

00:11:35,486 --> 00:11:38,280

Quick is the only way

you know how to do anything.

00:11:41,992 --> 00:11:45,121

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, PATRICIA.

I foosed my shoulder.

00:11:46,997 --> 00:11:49,250

Aw, honey, let me

take care of that for you.

00:11:49,333 --> 00:11:50,501

One, two--

00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:54,880

Owie.

00:11:55,005 --> 00:11:57,133

- Does that feel better?

- A little.

00:11:57,216 --> 00:11:59,844

You were a really

brave little man just then.

00:11:59,927 --> 00:12:02,263

I'm so proud of you.

Here.

00:12:02,346 --> 00:12:06,434

That was a special kiss from Mommy.

Does that feel better?

00:12:06,517 --> 00:12:09,520

- I need another one.

- There you go, sweetie.

00:12:09,603 --> 00:12:12,106

I tell you what, this mommy

must be a residual byproduct

00:12:12,189 --> 00:12:13,816

of me being so brave, huh?

00:12:13,941 --> 00:12:17,445

I'm baking cookies in here.

Does baby wanna lick my spoon?

00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:21,949

Oh, my God,

what is this feeling I'm feeling?

00:12:22,032 --> 00:12:23,617

Oh, I never want it to end.

00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:38,716

- Where have you been?

- Oh, oh, uh,

00:12:38,799 --> 00:12:40,176

just making this delicious sundae.

00:12:40,259 --> 00:12:41,218

- By yourself?

- Uh-huh.

00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:43,387

Terry, you're lying.

You don't know how to peel a banana.

00:12:43,471 --> 00:12:45,139

- I always have to do it for you.

- Wait.

00:12:45,222 --> 00:12:46,724

Why are your shoulders slouched

00:12:46,807 --> 00:12:48,434

and why do you look like you have

a lower sense of confidence?

00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:51,353

I was judging myself in the mirror.

I'm-I'm very shameful.

00:12:51,479 --> 00:12:52,521

You don't know how to self-scrutinize.

00:12:52,646 --> 00:12:54,356

I've been hanging out with PATRICIA.

She makes me feel something

00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:55,858

- I've never felt before.

- Me, too.

00:12:55,941 --> 00:12:56,942

- Emasculated.

- Nurtured.

00:12:57,026 --> 00:12:59,069

I love the way she can just

cut right through me

00:12:59,153 --> 00:13:01,530

with a real tightly wound zinger.

I've never been so wonderfully beta.

00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:04,533

Oh, she wipes my mouth with a wet wipe

and treats me like a baby.

00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:07,119

It's so comfortable and nurturing.

I never had a mom, Korvo.

00:13:07,203 --> 00:13:09,246

- I never got baths.

- Terry, I know we specifically

00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:12,082

created her to hate the "manc ave,"

but hear me out on this.

00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:14,168

What if we altered the rules

of the "manc ave"

00:13:14,251 --> 00:13:17,338

so we could invite PATRICIA

to hang out with us in the "manc ave"?

00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:18,714

- We'd have it all, Terry.

- Oh, my God, yes.

00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:20,299

Oh, that's perfect.

Let's, let's change the rules.

00:13:20,382 --> 00:13:21,967

We're gonna change the rules.

Oh!

00:13:22,092 --> 00:13:24,303

But, but I hate this place.

00:13:24,386 --> 00:13:26,972

I know, I know, but it's okay.

Look, huh, see?

00:13:27,056 --> 00:13:29,058

It's okay for you to be here.

Isn't it fun?

00:13:29,141 --> 00:13:31,811

No, it's not.

Get out while you can. Run.

00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:35,147

Ignore that fish, it's joking.

It's not serious. It's just having a jab.

00:13:37,191 --> 00:13:39,777

PATRICIA, I demand you overwrite

your hate of the "manc ave."

00:13:39,902 --> 00:13:42,696

Override, ov-er-ride...

00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:44,949

funny, you never ride me over.

00:13:45,074 --> 00:13:45,950

Ooh.

00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:48,661

Can't-love-manc-ave-dig-old-bicks

00:13:56,710 --> 00:13:59,839

Must destroy manc ave!

00:14:02,299 --> 00:14:03,968

You gave her rocket launchers?

00:14:04,051 --> 00:14:07,596

It's harder to build a robot without them,

Terry. They're load-bearing.

00:14:12,142 --> 00:14:13,769

Uh-oh.

00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:17,314

Oh, dig old bicks.

I get it now.

00:14:17,398 --> 00:14:19,984

- You do? What, what does it mean?

- I don't know.

00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:33,205

♪ I got the eye of the tiger ♪

00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:37,167

♪ I am dancing through the fire ♪

00:14:37,293 --> 00:14:39,670

♪ I am the champion ♪

00:14:39,753 --> 00:14:44,508

♪ And you're gonna hear me roar ♪

00:14:44,633 --> 00:14:47,678

♪ Louder, louder than a lion ♪

00:14:47,761 --> 00:14:50,055

♪ 'Cause I am the champion ♪

00:14:50,639 --> 00:14:53,851

Oh, no, please, stop.

Second door on the left.

00:14:56,478 --> 00:14:58,022

Oh, no.

00:14:59,523 --> 00:15:02,943

Excuse me, pardon me.

Female feminist hero comin' through.

00:15:03,027 --> 00:15:07,948

Move aside, men. I, a woman,

have arrived to topple the glass ceiling

00:15:08,032 --> 00:15:10,367

and shatter the fuck

out of the patriarchy.

00:15:10,492 --> 00:15:13,037

Yeah, we're looking for Jesse,

the guy who set up this club.

00:15:13,162 --> 00:15:16,707

Well, I've got news for you.

Jesse isn't a boy.

00:15:16,790 --> 00:15:18,500

He's a girl, and it's me.

00:15:18,626 --> 00:15:20,336

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

This is your club?

00:15:20,419 --> 00:15:23,213

Yep, sorry, but this isn't

a boy club after all.

00:15:23,339 --> 00:15:24,924

We don't wanna join.

We're here in protest

00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:27,426

to speak up for all the women

who are too weak to speak for themselves.

00:15:27,551 --> 00:15:29,303

- But I made this club to--

- Do you have any idea

00:15:29,386 --> 00:15:30,888

how messed up it is to

discriminate against people

00:15:30,971 --> 00:15:32,473

- based on their gender?

- Uh, yeah.

00:15:32,556 --> 00:15:34,642

I was just about to say that

when you interrupted--

00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:37,269

As the brother of two sisters,

nothing enrages me more

00:15:37,353 --> 00:15:39,521

than misogyny, and this is misogyny.

00:15:39,647 --> 00:15:40,689

- Uh-huh, it's not.

- Yes, it is.

00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:42,316

You need to shut this club down

right now.

00:15:42,399 --> 00:15:45,319

No, not before I topple it.

I need it for my grade.

00:15:45,444 --> 00:15:47,738

If she's not gonna do it,

we have to tear it down ourselves.

00:15:47,863 --> 00:15:49,114

- Please, stop.

- Let's get her

00:15:49,198 --> 00:15:51,492

before she creates an unsafe environment

for all women.

00:15:51,575 --> 00:15:53,077

- Oh, no, no, no.

- She's running.

00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:56,580

- That means she's guilty.

- Angry mob, bros.

00:16:01,835 --> 00:16:03,921

She's ruining the only thing

I actually liked about humans.

00:16:04,004 --> 00:16:05,631

- We need to stop her.

- Okay, I say we just

00:16:05,714 --> 00:16:07,633

grab her and make her

tuck us into bed and read us stories.

00:16:07,716 --> 00:16:09,593

We can't just grab her, Terry.

She'll slice us in half

00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:12,012

- with her laser blades.

- And whose fault is that?

00:16:12,137 --> 00:16:13,722

- Huh?

- I don't know what to do.

00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:16,016

Wait, if she hates the "manc aves,"

we need to lure her

00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:18,519

to the biggest, stupidest

"manc ave" we can find.

00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:20,938

I know just the place.

00:16:26,485 --> 00:16:27,653

Oh!

00:16:38,205 --> 00:16:39,415

Oh, crap, here she comes.

00:16:40,791 --> 00:16:41,709

Get inside.

00:17:15,576 --> 00:17:17,578

The activation ring.

We have to get it off her finger.

00:17:17,661 --> 00:17:18,996

- Aim for the ring.

- How many tickets

00:17:19,079 --> 00:17:22,374

- for all your sticky hands?

- I don't know. Like, a million. Hey!

00:17:22,458 --> 00:17:25,002

Those come out of the tickets

they pay me with.

00:17:26,962 --> 00:17:27,838

Now!

00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:46,690

- Ms. Perez, Ms. Perez!

- Jesse, what are you doing here?

00:17:46,815 --> 00:17:48,609

School stuff.

You wouldn't understand!

00:17:48,692 --> 00:17:49,943

Get down!

00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:52,738

Ms. Perez, I tried to make

a glass ceiling to break,

00:17:52,821 --> 00:17:55,657

but a bunch of male allies got mad.

You gotta help me.

00:17:55,783 --> 00:17:57,159

What the fuck are you talking about?

00:17:57,284 --> 00:18:00,120

I couldn't move us women forward,

Ms. Perez. Please don't give me an F.

00:18:00,245 --> 00:18:01,580

I didn't even realize you were a girl.

00:18:01,705 --> 00:18:03,832

I thought you were gonna draw

Count Dooku's lightsaber.

00:18:03,957 --> 00:18:05,459

What?

But I have a bow.

00:18:05,584 --> 00:18:07,044

I don't know,

you're green and your mouth

00:18:07,127 --> 00:18:09,630

extends past the boundaries of your face.

How would I know?

00:18:09,755 --> 00:18:11,840

If you really wanna topple

the patriarchy and get an A,

00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:14,009

- this is your chance.

- You're right, Ms. Perez.

00:18:14,134 --> 00:18:16,845

Every feminist hero had

their robot to conquer.

00:18:25,229 --> 00:18:28,816

Time for you two

naughty/disappointing boy men

00:18:28,899 --> 00:18:30,234

to learn a lesson.

00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:34,238

PATRICIA, stop.

00:18:34,321 --> 00:18:36,365

Gender not found.

00:18:36,490 --> 00:18:38,700

That's because I'm an alien plant.

00:18:38,784 --> 00:18:41,537

It took me all this time to realize

that's okay.

00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:44,873

I can do whatever I want.

So can you.

00:18:44,998 --> 00:18:47,543

But I'm a mom, I'm a wife,

I'm a mom, I'm a--

00:18:47,668 --> 00:18:50,379

No way, Jose.

You're a killer robot.

00:18:50,462 --> 00:18:53,382

And if that's what makes you happy,

then lean into it.

00:18:53,507 --> 00:18:56,927

I don't have to kill men.

I could be killing anyone I want.

00:18:57,010 --> 00:18:59,429

No matter what gender.

I could kill everyone!

00:18:59,555 --> 00:19:01,431

Ha, not today.

00:19:01,515 --> 00:19:07,062

No, I was about to kill

all humans in the world...

00:19:07,938 --> 00:19:10,274

Patricia, I'm sorry.

But I have to turn you off.

00:19:10,357 --> 00:19:14,444

You turn me off every day

when you take off your shirt.

00:19:14,528 --> 00:19:16,363

What's wrong, Korvo?

Why-why'd you stop?

00:19:16,446 --> 00:19:19,449

I can't deactivate her, Terry.

I didn't realize I had a hole in my heart.

00:19:19,533 --> 00:19:21,743

A hole that needed to be demeaned

with a non-stop barrage

00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:25,956

of insults and sexual criticism. We can't

kill her, but we can't live with her.

00:19:26,039 --> 00:19:27,291

So what do we do?

00:19:28,083 --> 00:19:30,169

We started this thinking

we needed a "manc ave"

00:19:30,252 --> 00:19:32,254

to fill a gaping hole inside of us.

00:19:32,379 --> 00:19:33,881

But what we truly needed was to know

00:19:33,964 --> 00:19:36,550

that we have

different types of gaping holes

00:19:36,633 --> 00:19:38,552

that need other ways to be filled.

00:19:38,677 --> 00:19:40,804

You taught us that we don't have to

hide in an "ave," Mom.

00:19:40,888 --> 00:19:42,181

- Thank you.

- We can't kill you

00:19:42,264 --> 00:19:44,308

and we can't have you going around

and setting stuff on fire.

00:19:44,391 --> 00:19:46,476

So from now on,

you'll live in this shipping container.

00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:48,187

Do we really have to get rid of her?

00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:50,898

Maybe we can keep her around

like a feminist icon.

00:19:50,981 --> 00:19:53,525

Your dress is too short.

Boys will think you're a slut.

00:19:53,609 --> 00:19:55,152

You're not my real mom!

Shut up!

00:19:55,235 --> 00:19:57,279

Patricia, it's time

to get in the container.

00:19:57,362 --> 00:20:00,282

Don't worry, you won't be bored.

I made you a cuck-bot for company.

00:20:00,365 --> 00:20:03,368

Does anyone want to go

to the Gap and make some returns?

00:20:03,452 --> 00:20:05,370

I didn't try to make him look like

Ted Cruz.

00:20:05,454 --> 00:20:06,872

It just happens with these things.

00:20:06,955 --> 00:20:08,749

- Hello.

- You're wearing that?

00:20:08,832 --> 00:20:11,752

I thought I threw that out.

Why are you making that face?

00:20:11,877 --> 00:20:13,754

- I'm not making a face.

- God, you're annoying.

00:20:13,837 --> 00:20:16,632

Could you be more nasal?

A real man wouldn't let an alien

00:20:16,715 --> 00:20:18,842

bury him in a shipping container.

00:20:18,967 --> 00:20:20,552

It's nice to know

that any time we miss her,

00:20:20,636 --> 00:20:23,764

we can come outside and we know

that she's just a few feet down there

00:20:23,847 --> 00:20:25,474

just ripping into him, you know?

00:20:25,557 --> 00:20:28,268

On how he brushes his teeth, and how

he doesn't arch his back properly.

00:20:28,352 --> 00:20:30,520

The way he stands all crooked

and how he's all weasley

00:20:30,604 --> 00:20:33,273

and thin and not muscly or anything.

00:20:33,357 --> 00:20:36,026

- Yeah.

- Wow, I just had the craziest week.

00:20:36,109 --> 00:20:38,654

Oh, yeah, you weren't around.

What were you doing this whole time?

00:20:38,779 --> 00:20:41,073

I accidentally let hundreds of koalas

out of the zoo

00:20:41,156 --> 00:20:43,533

and then spent a ton of time

rounding them all up.

00:20:43,659 --> 00:20:46,495

The zoo has the capacity to house

hundreds of koalas?

00:20:46,578 --> 00:20:50,499

Yeah, they were running all over town.

I had to coax them with didgeridoos.

00:20:50,582 --> 00:20:54,127

It was on the news.

Like, you-you didn't see any of that?

00:20:55,295 --> 00:20:57,005

Okay, get in, get in here, get in.

00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:58,966

Hey, so how did your gender-based

stories turn out?

00:20:59,049 --> 00:21:01,551

Uh, good, yeah.

I mean, I think we covered every angle

00:21:01,635 --> 00:21:03,136

and pretty much solved it, so.

00:21:03,220 --> 00:21:06,056

Yeah, I think everyone

will be very happy with what we did.

00:21:06,139 --> 00:21:08,016

Well, I'm glad we survived,

because I don't think

00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:10,686

there's a more controversial topic

we could have dealt with.

00:21:10,811 --> 00:21:12,562

Okay, class.

Next assignment,

00:21:12,646 --> 00:21:15,983

everyone here has to find a racist

and teach them the error of their ways.

00:21:16,108 --> 00:21:17,567

Yay!

00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:33,724

СЛАДКИЕ БУЛОЧКИ

00:01:47,487 --> 00:01:50,073

БЕКОН, САЛАТ И ПОМИДОР

00:02:47,881 --> 00:02:49,925

ШКОЛА ИМЕНИ ДЖЕЙМСА ЭРЛА ДЖОНСА

ПРОДАЕТСЯ

00:04:23,393 --> 00:04:35,947

БАКЛАЖАН В ШТАНАХ

00:04:46,041 --> 00:04:55,842

ОДНО ХОЛОДНЕНЬКОЕ

00:07:35,752 --> 00:07:45,845

МУЖИЦКО ЕЛОГОВО

БЕЗ БАБ

00:09:23,568 --> 00:09:25,152

ШКОЛА ИМЕНИ ДЖЕЙМСА ЭРЛА ДЖОНСА

ПРОДАЕТСЯ

00:09:25,152 --> 00:09:31,033

ГРУППА MEN AT WORK

НОТЫ К ПЕСНЕ LAND DOWN UNDER

00:10:47,735 --> 00:10:49,195

{\an8}КОЛИЧЕСТВО КРОШЕК: 1752 (ПОСУДА ГРЯЗНАЯ)

АКТИВИРОВАН РЕЖИМ НЕРВОЗНОЙ ТЕЛЕЖЕНЫ

00:10:49,195 --> 00:10:50,488

{\an8}УРОВЕНЬ ТУПОСТИ: 100%

ОБНАРУЖЕН ТУПОЙ МУЖЛАН

00:11:45,126 --> 00:11:46,877

{\an8}СЛЕЗЫ ПЕРЕРОСТКА, У КОГО-ТО БО-БО

АКТИВИРОВАН РЕЖИМ ДОБРОЙ ТЕЛЕМАМОЧКИ

00:12:34,425 --> 00:12:36,844

ПАЦАНСКИЙ КЛУБ, ПОСЛЕ УРОКОВ ПО ЧЕТВЕРГАМ

НИКАКИХ ДЕВЧОНОК (ПРИНОСИТЕ ПЕНИСЫ)

00:13:35,152 --> 00:13:39,782

{\an8}ЦЕЛЬ - ЗАБОТИТЬСЯ О ТЕРРИ

00:13:48,207 --> 00:13:51,001

{\an8}ЦЕЛЬ - НЕНАВИДЕТЬ МУЖИЦКО ЕЛОГОВО

00:14:22,533 --> 00:14:25,411

{\an8}ЦЕЛЬ - НЕНАВИДЕТЬ МУЖИЦКО ЕЛОГОВО

00:14:41,844 --> 00:14:43,178

{\an8}ОБНАРУЖЕНЫ МЕРЗКИЕ МУЖИКИ

00:16:31,286 --> 00:16:34,247

{\an8}ГДЕ-ТО ИГРАЕТ СПОРТИВНАЯ МЕЛОДИЯ

РЕСТОРАН "ДЭЙВ ЭНД БАСТЕРС"

00:16:34,247 --> 00:16:35,749

{\an8}АКТИВИРОВАН РЕЖИМ УНИЧТОЖЕНИЯ

00:16:46,259 --> 00:16:48,136

ФУТБОЛ И ГРЯЗНЫЕ МУЖИКИ

СЕКСИТСКАЯ ШУТКА, АВТОМАТЫ

00:18:30,238 --> 00:18:32,324

{\an8}АКТИВИРОВАН РЕЖИМ УНИЧТОЖЕНИЯ

00:18:32,324 --> 00:18:33,867

{\an8}ГЕНДЕР НЕ УСТАНОВЛЕН

00:11:45,133 --> 00:11:46,443

Режим "Любящая мать"

00:13:35,143 --> 00:13:36,333

Заботиться о Терри

00:13:36,333 --> 00:13:38,123

Ненавидеть берл-огу

00:13:38,123 --> 00:13:39,793

Заботиться о Терри

00:13:48,233 --> 00:13:49,643

Ненавидеть берл-огу

00:14:22,623 --> 00:14:24,043

Ненавидеть берл-огу

00:14:41,703 --> 00:14:42,823

Грязные мужики

00:16:31,273 --> 00:16:33,313

Обнаружена спортивная музыка

00:16:34,233 --> 00:16:35,763

Режим убийства активирован

00:16:46,273 --> 00:16:48,143

Обнаружено: футбол, грязные мужики, игровые автоматы

00:18:30,263 --> 00:18:32,113

Режим убийства активирован