Священное неповторяющееся число

00:00:08,091 --> 00:00:10,427

We can finally leave this shithole planet

and find a good one

00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:11,512

the Pupa can terraform.

00:00:11,595 --> 00:00:15,140

Then we can grow more Shlorpians from

the seeds we have stored in the cryopods.

00:00:15,474 --> 00:00:18,018

So long, Earth suckers.

Enjoy the melting ice caps.

00:00:18,143 --> 00:00:19,937

I hope the combustion engine was worth it.

00:00:20,062 --> 00:00:25,859

Goodbye, oxygen-rich atmosphere.

Goodbye, puppies. Goodbye, Maroon 5.

00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:29,363

I'm glad we're finally going to a planet

that doesn't have stupid rules.

00:00:29,446 --> 00:00:33,033

Like saying "excuse me" after you fart.

You're supposed to say it before you fart.

00:00:33,158 --> 00:00:34,284

This fucking sucks.

00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:36,286

If I was team leader,

we'd be getting butter-drunk

00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:38,497

at Harry P land, loading up on wands.

00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:40,749

Well, tough titties. You're not.

Everyone, strap in.

00:00:40,832 --> 00:00:43,544

I'm going to activate the launch.

Jesse, what... What the hell is that?

00:00:43,627 --> 00:00:46,463

M&M's with the olives inside.

They're oily and sour.

00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:48,382

Give me that.

Every ounce of weight matters.

00:00:48,507 --> 00:00:51,134

Something this small could set us

off course and into the sun.

00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:53,929

(SIGHS IN RELIEF) We're back

to equilibrium. Launching now.

00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:55,973

(ENGINES POWERING UP)

00:00:56,181 --> 00:00:57,975

It's working. Wait.

00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:01,687

-(ON PHONE) Geek Squad. Michael speaking.

- This is Korvo, the alien.

00:01:01,770 --> 00:01:03,272

I'm calling to say, "Fuck you, Michael".

00:01:03,355 --> 00:01:05,732

You've been working on my Lenovo too

too many weeks now and you can

00:01:05,816 --> 00:01:07,651

- just shove it up your ass, Michael!

- MICHAEL: The Judge said you weren't

00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:08,735

supposed to call here anymore.

00:01:08,819 --> 00:01:11,154

Fuck you and fuck your whole squad

and I fucked your mom.

00:01:11,238 --> 00:01:12,239

- MICHAEL: Oh, Hey.

-(HANGS UP)

00:01:22,791 --> 00:01:25,043

-(ALARM BEEPING RAPIDLY)

- No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no.

00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,630

(SCREAMING IN AGONY)

00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:31,008

Yo, the balance was off.

00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:32,718

Did someone accidentally have

a penny in their pocket

00:01:32,801 --> 00:01:34,386

or a contact lens or a feather?

00:01:34,469 --> 00:01:36,346

I might have hidden some stuff

on the ship.

00:01:36,471 --> 00:01:37,973

Did it weigh more than a gram?

00:01:38,056 --> 00:01:39,391

-(CONSOLE BEEPS)

-(GASPS)

00:01:39,474 --> 00:01:43,437

What the hell? Bags of sand?

Bowling balls? Congo pinball machine?

00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:45,731

A lifetime supply of Silly Putty eggs?

00:01:45,814 --> 00:01:49,735

You needed to bring the entire series run

of Cops on DVD and VHS?

00:01:49,818 --> 00:01:51,778

Well, I didn't know what kind of player

the hotel would have.

00:01:51,862 --> 00:01:54,948

There is no hotel. Terry, you idiot.

It's a... An empty planet!

00:01:55,032 --> 00:01:56,992

This puts us right back

to where we were a year ago.

00:01:57,075 --> 00:01:59,453

Oh, my God.

Make a bigger deal about it, you poopie.

00:01:59,536 --> 00:02:02,664

- Yay! We're still trapped on Earth.

- Excuse me.

00:02:02,748 --> 00:02:03,749

(FARTS)

00:02:04,750 --> 00:02:09,004

KORVO: Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia

until the asteroid hit.

00:02:10,088 --> 00:02:14,218

One hundred adults and their replicants

were issued a Pupa and escaped into space,

00:02:14,301 --> 00:02:16,720

searching for new homes

on uninhabited worlds.

00:02:17,513 --> 00:02:20,516

We crashed on Earth, stranding us on

an already overpopulated planet.

00:02:20,599 --> 00:02:22,226

That's right.

I've been talking this whole time.

00:02:22,309 --> 00:02:24,895

I'm the one holding the Pupa.

My name's Korvo. This... This is my show.

00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:27,773

I just dropped the Pupa. Do you see me?

Ah... This is ridiculous.

00:02:27,856 --> 00:02:30,400

I hate Earth. It's a horrible home.

People are stupid.

00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:33,487

They're always thirsty, but they don't

drink their own piss. I don't get it.

00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:34,863

Just drink your own piss.

00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:44,456

Oh, yeah! They're making Succession cereal

with all the shapes.

00:02:44,540 --> 00:02:48,544

- Romans, Logans and purple Shivs.

- The autopilot's completely destroyed.

00:02:48,627 --> 00:02:50,921

We're gonna have to re-pilot

the whole thing.

00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:53,090

What is the distress detector

doing in the freezer?

00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:54,716

Oh, wouldn't stop beeping.

It was driving me nuts.

00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:57,010

It only beeps when it receives

a Shlorpian distress call.

00:02:57,094 --> 00:02:59,721

That means there's aliens from

the home world somewhere in this quadrant.

00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:03,016

- How long has this been beeping?

- A year? Or a year and a half maybe?

00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:05,102

Damn it, Terry. All right, come on.

We have to help them.

00:03:06,103 --> 00:03:08,939

They're probably on an M-class planet

somewhere in the Gamma sector...

00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:10,190

What the hell? They're on Earth.

00:03:10,274 --> 00:03:13,443

Looks like the Solar Opposites

are going to London.

00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:16,780

I can't believe we get to use

the hover platform.

00:03:16,947 --> 00:03:18,365

I thought that was a one-time thing.

00:03:18,448 --> 00:03:20,868

The Solar Opposites

are hovering to London!

00:03:20,951 --> 00:03:22,494

Would you stop saying that.

What does that even mean?

00:03:22,578 --> 00:03:24,371

I just think we should

be called "the Solar Opposites."

00:03:24,454 --> 00:03:27,082

No, that's stupid.

Where's Yumyulack and the Pupa?

00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:29,501

Damn it. How are we still so bad at this?

00:03:29,585 --> 00:03:31,461

Watching the Pupa

is your whole job, Terry.

00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:34,882

Don't worry. I'm sure Yumyulack's keeping

him real safe. What could go wrong?

00:03:34,965 --> 00:03:38,844

I guess as long as he doesn't let the Pupa

watch RoboCop again, it'll be fine.

00:03:39,178 --> 00:03:40,512

Dead or alive, you're coming with me.

00:03:40,596 --> 00:03:42,306

MAN: (ON TV) Suck my shitty tits, RoboCop.

00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:44,808

-(GUNSHOTS ON TV)

-(GASPS)

00:03:47,978 --> 00:03:49,563

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

00:03:50,314 --> 00:03:53,066

Jaeden, Aaden, Braden.

Still as cool as last year I see.

00:03:53,150 --> 00:03:55,194

We are, but our internal politics

have shifted.

00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:57,112

This year Jaeden is our leader.

I was demoted.

00:03:57,196 --> 00:03:58,530

You know, my adults are out of town.

00:03:58,614 --> 00:04:00,908

If you guys wanna hang at my place,

we could drink too much

00:04:00,991 --> 00:04:03,202

and maybe hurt our chances

of living past 65.

00:04:03,327 --> 00:04:06,246

A witch said I'm gonna die at 25 anyway,

so I guess I'm down.

00:04:06,330 --> 00:04:08,123

Silence. Your alpha speaks.

00:04:08,207 --> 00:04:10,584

Yumyulack, it'd be cool to throw

a sleepover party.

00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:14,046

- I decree that all cool kids will attend.

- But I thought you hated me.

00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:16,465

Dunking on you was

a policy of the Aaden era.

00:04:16,548 --> 00:04:18,091

Since then, we all went

to Christian summer camp

00:04:18,175 --> 00:04:19,801

and realized it's cool to be inclusive.

00:04:19,885 --> 00:04:23,847

It was Christian Slater's volleyball camp.

This'll be the coolest party of the year!

00:04:23,931 --> 00:04:27,518

(COOL KIDS CHANTING GIBBERISH)

00:04:30,729 --> 00:04:34,525

The Solar Opposites have made it to

London. Right. Shut up. Follow me.

00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:36,902

Oh, so now he's calling us

"the Solar Opposites"?

00:04:37,361 --> 00:04:39,154

Oh, I cannot wait

to meet these new aliens.

00:04:39,238 --> 00:04:42,032

Do you think they've been studying

hydron levels or stratospheric...

00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:44,826

Both sound so cool. It's hard to pick.

Hopefully both.

00:04:44,910 --> 00:04:46,453

Oh, my God. That would be amazing.

00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:49,790

-(DISTRESS DETECTOR BEEPING)

-(PIGEONS COOING)

00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:52,042

-(DISTRESS DETECTOR BEEPING RAPIDLY)

- Hmm.

00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:56,046

That's odd. Apparently, they live in

the sewer for some reason.

00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:02,511

(GASPS) Whoa.

00:05:02,594 --> 00:05:05,222

Damn. Look at that ship. It's nice.

00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:11,728

- Hello? Is anyone here in distress?

- What are you doing? Get in here.

00:05:12,604 --> 00:05:14,898

Uh, we were following a distress call.

00:05:15,023 --> 00:05:16,942

Doesn't seem like

you're in that much distress.

00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:20,279

I am Kabronius, team leader of this ship.

00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:25,117

This is Zelvod, my co-team leader,

and our replicants, Tivo and Damasculon.

00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:26,869

Are you crazy? Where are your masks?

00:05:26,952 --> 00:05:29,621

I didn't know we needed masks.

I've been breathing air for a year.

00:05:29,746 --> 00:05:30,998

(GASPS, COUGHING)

00:05:31,081 --> 00:05:34,293

No. The face masks are so you can

hide from the Terrans.

00:05:34,376 --> 00:05:38,005

We use these to walk amongst the Terrans

so they don't capture and dissect us.

00:05:38,088 --> 00:05:40,465

Where we live, in America,

we don't wear masks.

00:05:40,549 --> 00:05:42,134

We're noticeable almost all the time.

00:05:42,217 --> 00:05:44,678

Yeah, our ship sticks out of the top

of our house, and one time,

00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:48,307

we covered the whole town in ice lava.

So, they know us.

00:05:48,432 --> 00:05:51,643

But... But, you know, we also spend a lot

of time hiding from Terrans as well.

00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:52,769

No, we don't.

00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:54,855

Aren't you scared the government

will kidnap you?

00:05:54,938 --> 00:05:57,441

Yes, all the time. We have to be

very careful around Terrans.

00:05:57,524 --> 00:06:01,361

- They're the aliens. Am... Am I right?

- I never thought of it like that.

00:06:01,445 --> 00:06:04,281

- They really are.

- Can we show them the neutron array?

00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:08,243

Okay, okay. It's very nice.

We have a very nice neutron array.

00:06:08,327 --> 00:06:11,955

- Who calls it "Terra"?

- Yeah, these dorks are real Korvos.

00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:13,415

(BOTH LAUGH)

00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:18,212

And, of course, the end of any good

ship tour, the havacord meniscus.

00:06:18,295 --> 00:06:20,631

- Is this dual-sided?

- It is.

00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:24,384

- This guy knows his stuff.

- Oh, I wish I had a dual meniscus.

00:06:24,468 --> 00:06:26,887

- Ours only emits from the left.

- Ah, so great.

00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:30,265

Hey, guys. Do you wanna go eat

tikka masala and see some castles?

00:06:30,349 --> 00:06:32,309

- Maybe, uh, Ramsay some Gordons?

- Oh, yes!

00:06:32,434 --> 00:06:34,144

Let's go meet Pippa. Nobody gets her.

00:06:34,228 --> 00:06:35,395

(SCOFFS) No, no, no.

00:06:35,479 --> 00:06:38,232

We survive by creeping out at night

to find food in dumpsters.

00:06:38,315 --> 00:06:40,859

If we get spotted, we erase people's minds

with a memory zapper.

00:06:40,943 --> 00:06:42,611

Eventually we might infiltrate

the government,

00:06:42,694 --> 00:06:44,071

and try brainwashing some people.

00:06:44,154 --> 00:06:46,782

Wow! Then you could go

work in the government.

00:06:47,491 --> 00:06:49,326

This ship is so much nicer than ours.

00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:51,870

Not to mention our house is cluttered

with toys and magazines.

00:06:51,954 --> 00:06:56,208

Oh, we only allow Shlorpian items to stay

on the ship. It reminds us of home.

00:06:56,291 --> 00:06:58,627

- Hear that, Terry?

-"Hear that, Terry?" Shut up, bitch.

00:06:58,710 --> 00:07:01,338

We were about to start our hourly prayers.

Care to join?

00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:04,758

Eh. We only pray on Easter

or when we think we're about to die.

00:07:04,842 --> 00:07:06,343

And even then we don't really mean it.

00:07:06,510 --> 00:07:09,346

- I call dibs on the first 300 Psalms.

- No fair.

00:07:10,305 --> 00:07:13,642

It is so good to know that we aren't alone

in this dangerous world.

00:07:13,725 --> 00:07:17,187

Look, if you ever need a Shlorpian place

to stay, our hatch is open.

00:07:17,271 --> 00:07:20,148

We have tons of room

and all the eel trash you can eat.

00:07:20,232 --> 00:07:22,401

- Thank you. And may I just say...

00:07:22,484 --> 00:07:24,611

-(CAR HORN HONKS)

-(GROANS) Can we please go already?

00:07:24,695 --> 00:07:26,405

Sorry. I... I just wanted

to thank you for being...

00:07:26,488 --> 00:07:27,614

-(HORN HONKING)

- Korvo, I'm bored.

00:07:28,073 --> 00:07:29,658

Bye. Have fun.

00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:33,620

Looks like the Solar Opposites

are going to America!

00:07:34,329 --> 00:07:36,415

- Next time, we're flying.

- No. I like the platform.

00:07:36,498 --> 00:07:37,833

(KORVO SCREAMS)

00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:41,795

Can you believe those weirdo

British aliens pray every hour?

00:07:41,879 --> 00:07:44,131

Next time, let's ignore

the distress signal.

00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:47,217

Bunch of Jar Jar dinks.

"Meesa gonna hide from Terrans."

00:07:47,301 --> 00:07:49,469

Those Shlorpians were exactly the way

we're supposed to be.

00:07:49,553 --> 00:07:53,557

Sneaking out at night to dumpster dive

for trash food? "Meesa gonna eat trash."

00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:55,184

They're basic. We're extra.

00:07:55,267 --> 00:07:56,476

- They're basic.

- They were not.

00:07:56,727 --> 00:07:59,146

I'm honestly surprised they didn't

have a flying saucer.

00:07:59,229 --> 00:08:01,899

They were like a bunch of ALFs.

"Alone Loser Fucks."

00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:03,775

They honor the proud traditions

of the home world.

00:08:03,859 --> 00:08:05,277

And from now on, so do we.

00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:08,113

We're all meditating around

the obsidian candle tonight as a family.

00:08:08,238 --> 00:08:09,364

-(BOTH LAUGHING)

- Well, yeah, right. Pass.

00:08:09,448 --> 00:08:10,449

Hard pass.

00:08:10,532 --> 00:08:12,409

This is important.

It's who we are, our heritage.

00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:13,785

You've gone as native as we have.

00:08:13,869 --> 00:08:16,038

Yeah, you like Pizza Hut stuffed crust

as much as we do.

00:08:16,205 --> 00:08:18,207

You even bought a gym membership

and you never went.

00:08:18,290 --> 00:08:20,042

You're sort of like a fake alien,

you know?

00:08:20,209 --> 00:08:22,753

You two are fake aliens. (SOBBING)

00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:24,421

(CRYING)

00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:27,341

-(SIGHING) What are you doing?

- I'm moving to ye olde London town

00:08:27,424 --> 00:08:29,468

to live with the aliens

that appreciate me.

00:08:30,135 --> 00:08:32,221

That guy really turns on

a dime, doesn't he?

00:08:32,304 --> 00:08:33,555

He's tough to manage.

00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:37,059

We're so happy you've decided

to be a part of our mission, Korvo.

00:08:37,142 --> 00:08:41,605

You seem like a Shlorpian lasered

from the same zarb as us.

00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:44,566

Oh, it's nice to be around a team

that's preserved our culture

00:08:44,650 --> 00:08:46,777

and keeps our culture preserved, you know?

00:08:46,902 --> 00:08:49,905

Just think of this ship as

a comforting piece of the home world.

00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:53,325

Now let's circle round the Grangnar

and hit ourselves with ropes.

00:08:53,575 --> 00:08:55,327

That sounds wonderful.

00:08:55,577 --> 00:08:56,745

(ROARS)

00:08:56,828 --> 00:08:59,456

(ALL GROANING)

00:08:59,623 --> 00:09:00,832

It hurts so good.

00:09:00,916 --> 00:09:04,753

Are you sure your old teammates

are okay with you joining us?

00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:09,383

Something tells me they're already

regretting being dicks to me.

00:09:09,550 --> 00:09:12,261

I'm never taking off my

Poe Dameron jammies ever again.

00:09:12,344 --> 00:09:14,972

What are you gonna do now Korvo's dead?

I mean, gone.

00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:17,808

- I adopted a high-maintenance elderly dog.

-(BARKS)

00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:20,352

We're gonna have to spend a lot of time

cleaning out her ears,

00:09:20,435 --> 00:09:22,563

putting lotion in her butt,

squeezing the anals...

00:09:22,646 --> 00:09:24,857

All the responsibility

I've been begging for.

00:09:24,940 --> 00:09:26,108

(BARKS, WHIMPERS)

00:09:27,359 --> 00:09:30,362

- You wanna play with the gold machine?

- Korvo would hate that. Let's do it.

00:09:31,530 --> 00:09:32,739

-(BARKS)

-(GASPS)

00:09:36,869 --> 00:09:37,870

(TERRY AND JESSE LAUGHING)

00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:39,162

Whee!

00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:40,914

- JESSE: Whoo! (LAUGHS)

- Korvo would be so mad

00:09:41,039 --> 00:09:42,207

that I'm rolling in all this gold.

00:09:42,291 --> 00:09:45,836

I just canceled the family cell plan

and switched us over to Boost Mobile.

00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:47,462

It comes with Crackle Plus.

00:09:47,546 --> 00:09:50,382

They got all of Adam Sandler's

friends' movies but none of his.

00:09:50,507 --> 00:09:52,509

What the hell?

I thought you guys were in London.

00:09:52,593 --> 00:09:54,970

Korvo left the family

and I got a basset hound.

00:09:55,053 --> 00:09:56,054

I don't give a shit.

00:09:56,138 --> 00:09:58,682

A bunch of cool kids are coming over

for a sleepover this weekend.

00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:00,100

So can you please just be chill?

00:10:00,184 --> 00:10:02,895

Hey, maybe they'll wanna

have a gold fight.

00:10:03,478 --> 00:10:05,189

- Ow!

- Guys, don't embarrass me.

00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:06,356

- Ow, my tooth.

- No giving out gold.

00:10:11,653 --> 00:10:14,948

ZELVOD: This is amazing!

We're gonna be eating trash for a week.

00:10:15,073 --> 00:10:18,660

I didn't see any Terran soldiers.

I think we avoided detection.

00:10:18,744 --> 00:10:22,080

Uh... Uh, just a thought,

but maybe they aren't hunting you.

00:10:22,164 --> 00:10:23,165

(ALL LAUGHING)

00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:25,375

Yeah, right.

That sounds like human-lover talk.

00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:28,879

Hey, Korvo, why don't you recite

the holy number before we dig in?

00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:30,088

Oh, it's an honor.

00:10:30,172 --> 00:10:31,590

(CLEARS THROAT)

00:10:31,673 --> 00:10:35,385

Eight, seven, five, zero.

00:10:35,594 --> 00:10:38,805

Uh, it's zero and then (STAMMERS) four?

00:10:38,889 --> 00:10:41,517

No. Three. I'm sorry. I haven't said

the holy number for a while.

00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:42,893

What, you don't say it at home?

00:10:43,060 --> 00:10:46,063

Of course I do. It's just... Let me think.

Eight, seven, four...

00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:47,898

-(ALL LAUGHING)

- KORVO: ...five, seven.

00:10:48,023 --> 00:10:49,441

- You sound like a sproutling.

- KORVO: Six.

00:10:49,525 --> 00:10:50,526

(IMITATES KORVO, STAMMERING) "Four"?

00:10:50,609 --> 00:10:53,070

- It's a non-repeating number.

- You really have gone native.

00:10:53,195 --> 00:10:56,782

Oh, no. Am I the Terry of this team?

No, that's impossible.

00:10:56,865 --> 00:11:00,202

Are you narrating to yourself

like you're the star of a TV show?

00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:02,120

Oh, God. I am the Terry!

00:11:03,622 --> 00:11:04,790

Jesse, where do we keep money?

00:11:04,915 --> 00:11:07,376

We have a huge Postmates bill from

ordering all those ketchup packets.

00:11:07,543 --> 00:11:08,669

Can't we just use the gold machine?

00:11:08,794 --> 00:11:10,712

Whoa. Whoa. What... What's with you?

Are you poisoned?

00:11:10,796 --> 00:11:13,841

The dog is so high maintenance,

I didn't sleep at all.

00:11:13,924 --> 00:11:15,050

-(BARKS)

- Whoa!

00:11:15,133 --> 00:11:21,223

No! It thinks I'm a toy. But I'm not.

I just look like one.

00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:23,559

Oh, man. The whole thing

just turned to gold.

00:11:23,642 --> 00:11:26,478

How am I supposed to make gold now?

Stupid piece of crap.

00:11:26,562 --> 00:11:28,272

-(BANGING ON DOOR)

- Hey. This is Andrew from Postmates.

00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:29,565

You owe me $50,000.

00:11:29,648 --> 00:11:31,441

When did they get so intense

about billing?

00:11:31,567 --> 00:11:33,610

It turns out it's actually pretty hard

to get your side hustle on.

00:11:33,694 --> 00:11:34,695

(CAR HONKS)

00:11:34,778 --> 00:11:37,614

(GROANS) Without Korvo to fix our

gold machine or fight our creditors,

00:11:37,698 --> 00:11:39,157

I guess I gotta find a job.

00:11:40,826 --> 00:11:44,913

(SIGHS) The customer comes in, they pick

their cookie, they pick their ookie.

00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:47,249

- You weigh it, you charge them.

- When do I get paid?

00:11:47,332 --> 00:11:50,836

End of the month, but...

But you get free ookie after closing,

00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:52,838

'cause it gets crusty if we don't use it.

00:11:53,172 --> 00:11:54,173

(BOYS LAUGHING)

00:11:54,256 --> 00:11:56,300

Hey, stop limping the biscuits.

You have to pay for that.

00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:57,384

(SCREAMS)

00:11:58,051 --> 00:12:00,179

Kabronius, can I talk to you for a second?

00:12:00,262 --> 00:12:01,847

Well, of course, Korvo. What's up?

00:12:01,930 --> 00:12:04,641

I want this team to accept me

as a dedicated Shlorpian.

00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:07,477

Is there any role I can fill?

Do you need a ship repair guy?

00:12:07,561 --> 00:12:10,689

What we need is a Pupa specialist.

00:12:10,772 --> 00:12:13,859

Oh, where's your Pupa? I...

I could try that. I could do that.

00:12:13,942 --> 00:12:15,569

We don't have one.

00:12:15,652 --> 00:12:18,530

- What happened to it?

- We never had one to begin with.

00:12:18,614 --> 00:12:21,491

We left before they were fully designed.

Rich people don't wait for anything.

00:12:21,575 --> 00:12:24,077

You weren't assigned a Pupa

when you escaped the home world?

00:12:24,161 --> 00:12:26,079

No. It went a little differently for us.

00:12:26,455 --> 00:12:28,373

Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia.

00:12:28,457 --> 00:12:31,168

Some Shlorpians were workers,

bred for duty and servitude.

00:12:31,293 --> 00:12:32,294

KORVO: What? We were?

00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:35,881

KABRONIUS: Others were an unseen

ruling class of wealthy leisure addicts.

00:12:36,215 --> 00:12:40,344

Us rich aliens were given a heads-up about

the asteroid about a month before it hit.

00:12:40,594 --> 00:12:43,680

We bought expensive ships and left way,

way, way in advance.

00:12:44,473 --> 00:12:46,725

We landed on an already populated planet

00:12:46,808 --> 00:12:50,103

and have been waiting for one of

the Pupa crews to terraform it

00:12:50,187 --> 00:12:53,023

so we can get back to being rich.

00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:55,400

I've never heard of rich,

non-working Shlorpians.

00:12:55,484 --> 00:12:56,693

That's why it worked so great.

00:12:56,818 --> 00:12:59,363

If you don't have a Pupa,

then why do you need a specialist?

00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:00,822

We need a Pupa.

00:13:00,906 --> 00:13:03,951

Terry's clearly gone native.

He can't be a good guardian.

00:13:04,034 --> 00:13:06,912

I mean, wouldn't the Pupa be happier

with true Shlorpians,

00:13:06,995 --> 00:13:08,956

terraforming a fresh planet?

00:13:09,039 --> 00:13:10,290

It does sound better...

00:13:10,374 --> 00:13:14,962

We want you to rescue your Pupa,

bring it to us so we can have a new life.

00:13:15,087 --> 00:13:17,714

A new Shlorpian life.

00:13:17,798 --> 00:13:20,384

I'll... I'll do it. First, we must

Pupa-proof the ship.

00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:23,470

He likes to stick his nub in the sockets.

He'll eat anything blue.

00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:26,223

Man, I hate working at Ookie Cookie,

00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,976

it is way more demeaning

than the name implies.

00:13:29,059 --> 00:13:31,061

And these Poe Dameron jammies

are starting to stink.

00:13:31,186 --> 00:13:32,563

I think the basset hound hates me.

00:13:32,688 --> 00:13:35,691

It makes me wear this collar

and keeps burying me in the backyard.

00:13:35,816 --> 00:13:36,817

(GASPS) That's it.

00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:39,236

Okay, look, if we dress

and act like Korvo,

00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:41,029

maybe we'll be better

at taking care of ourselves.

00:13:41,113 --> 00:13:43,532

So we have to repair the ship

and complain a lot?

00:13:43,615 --> 00:13:44,783

Why did you say "That's it"?

00:13:44,867 --> 00:13:46,577

Oh, it's just always what I say when

I think of something.

00:13:46,660 --> 00:13:47,995

(SIGHS) Let's get to work.

00:13:50,747 --> 00:13:52,165

Okay, what would Korvo say?

00:13:52,249 --> 00:13:54,251

"Terry, stop sucking on cereal

and having fun."

00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:57,296

"No way. You're not my dad." "Do what

I fucking say." "I'll be in my room!"

00:13:57,379 --> 00:13:58,755

- I hate this.

- There you go.

00:13:58,839 --> 00:13:59,965

Now you're sounding like Korvo.

00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:03,760

All my cool friends are three hours late.

I think I gave them the wrong address.

00:14:03,844 --> 00:14:06,388

I'm taking the Yeet Detector

and going out to find them.

00:14:07,181 --> 00:14:09,558

YEET DETECTOR: Yeet, yeet, yeet.

00:14:09,933 --> 00:14:12,811

Terry hates dealing with the Pupa anyway.

He's gonna be so happy.

00:14:13,395 --> 00:14:14,813

- Hmm.

-(RINGING)

00:14:14,897 --> 00:14:17,941

Terry, why did I have to BoostTime you?

Did you sign up with Boost Mobile?

00:14:18,483 --> 00:14:20,277

(CUTTING OUT) Yes, it's just one of many

mistakes we've made since you left.

00:14:20,402 --> 00:14:22,905

Korvo, we messed up.

We really need you and miss you

00:14:22,988 --> 00:14:24,907

and I'm afraid I'm going

to get eaten by a dog.

00:14:24,990 --> 00:14:27,284

What dog? I told you no dogs in the house

until I figure out

00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:30,495

how to make them see me as the alpha.

Are you guys wearing ceremonial garb?

00:14:30,579 --> 00:14:32,414

Please come home. You were right.

You were right.

00:14:32,497 --> 00:14:34,374

We'll be better, Korvo. We miss you.

00:14:34,625 --> 00:14:37,211

You miss me? And if I came home,

you wouldn't shame me

00:14:37,294 --> 00:14:39,171

for not knowing the sacred

non-repeating number?

00:14:39,254 --> 00:14:41,215

No. What the fuck are you talking about?

00:14:41,298 --> 00:14:44,176

No, we need your help. (SOBBING)

We're pieces of shit without you.

00:14:44,301 --> 00:14:47,846

Wow. Admitting you're wrong, begging me to

help, calling yourselves pieces of shit.

00:14:47,930 --> 00:14:50,766

This is what I've wanted.

I'll be home soon. Stay miserable.

00:14:51,433 --> 00:14:54,019

YEET DETECTOR: Yeet, yeet, yeet, yeet,

yeet, yeet, yeet.

00:14:54,102 --> 00:14:57,689

Jaeden. You guys are accidentally partying

at the wrong house.

00:14:57,773 --> 00:14:59,608

Oh, man. He found us.

00:14:59,691 --> 00:15:02,194

Nobody wants to go to a sleepover

with an ugly blue alien

00:15:02,277 --> 00:15:03,320

that smells like a penis.

00:15:03,445 --> 00:15:06,573

I told you to have that sleepover so you

wouldn't find out about our party.

00:15:06,657 --> 00:15:08,742

But you said I was cool.

00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:12,037

(CHUCKLES) You're not. You suck.

And to add some injury to insult...

00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:13,539

Fuck you, you little blue bitch.

00:15:13,705 --> 00:15:14,957

-(SCREAMS)

-(COOL KIDS LAUGHING)

00:15:17,334 --> 00:15:19,461

Korvo, ready to scoop up the Pupa?

00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:21,296

I've changed my mind.

You can't have the Pupa.

00:15:21,380 --> 00:15:22,881

But, uh, isn't Terry an idiot?

00:15:22,965 --> 00:15:25,676

Yes, but he's a part of my team.

And it's my job to lead them.

00:15:25,759 --> 00:15:28,095

What about the plan?

When will you terraform

00:15:28,220 --> 00:15:30,514

so we can get back to

living our rich lives?

00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:31,890

You just have to keep doing

what you're doing

00:15:31,974 --> 00:15:33,600

and wait for the Pupa to evolve, like us.

00:15:33,684 --> 00:15:34,685

-(KABRONIUS GRUNTS)

-(KORVO GRUNTS, GROANS)

00:15:34,768 --> 00:15:36,353

- Kabronius. What the hell?

-(GRUNTS)

00:15:36,478 --> 00:15:38,146

(GRUNTS) Let me out of here.

00:15:38,230 --> 00:15:40,065

No. That Pupa belongs to us.

00:15:40,566 --> 00:15:42,693

-(STRAINING) Oh, you're heavy.

- Fuck you.

00:15:43,068 --> 00:15:45,028

Don't you touch my Pupa, you rich fucks.

00:15:45,904 --> 00:15:48,156

(STRAINING) Let me out of here.

00:15:48,407 --> 00:15:52,035

The Pupa will be happier

in a team of real Shlorpians.

00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:54,788

Fuck you, Zelvod. You're a piece of shit.

You hear me? Fuck all of you.

00:15:54,872 --> 00:15:56,206

You're a bunch of hacky ALFs.

00:15:58,876 --> 00:15:59,877

(RUMBLING)

00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:01,211

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

00:16:04,298 --> 00:16:09,011

Damn it. Wait. The sacred number.

Eight, five, nine, four, two...

00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:12,472

- Pupa detected. Coordinates locked.

-(DEVICE BEEPS)

00:16:13,265 --> 00:16:15,392

Five, two... Damn it. Six.

00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:19,104

Oh! I knew that stupid number

the whole time. Who's an idiot now?

00:16:19,313 --> 00:16:21,273

Fuck. Eight, five, seven, nine,

four, two...

00:16:23,525 --> 00:16:27,654

Alien climbing up out of the sewer, huh?

What a time to be alive!

00:16:27,779 --> 00:16:30,741

-(LAUGHING) Welcome to the UK.

- Which way to the Ferris wheel?

00:16:30,866 --> 00:16:33,118

Take you forever on foot, lad.

Come on, I'll give you a ride.

00:16:34,036 --> 00:16:35,037

(SIREN BLARING)

00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:40,167

(PEOPLE CLAMORING)

00:16:53,388 --> 00:16:55,432

I thought he was going to roll it

like a big wheel,

00:16:55,516 --> 00:16:59,311

but I guess that lack of creativity

is why I'm just a cop.

00:17:07,402 --> 00:17:10,822

- Give us your Pupa.

- Okay. Why?

00:17:10,906 --> 00:17:13,283

Talking is getting us nowhere.

Lethal force.

00:17:19,498 --> 00:17:23,377

Fuck you. You're never gonna get our Pupa.

Activate auto defenses.

00:17:23,794 --> 00:17:25,379

(RUMBLING)

00:17:25,462 --> 00:17:26,547

(ALARM BLARES)

00:17:36,932 --> 00:17:37,933

(PHALANXES GRUNT)

00:17:39,184 --> 00:17:45,983

On my count, unleash sci-fi hell.

Three, two, one.

00:17:54,783 --> 00:17:57,786

Jesus. Shit. That was the craziest battle

I've ever been in.

00:17:57,870 --> 00:18:01,290

And all in one unbroken take?

That must have cost a million dollars.

00:18:01,415 --> 00:18:03,792

Give us the Pupa

and we'll stop shooting at you.

00:18:03,876 --> 00:18:06,003

Let's just blast him and take the Pupa.

00:18:11,717 --> 00:18:14,887

Stop. Stop. You can have the Pupa, but we

need to tell you how to take care of it.

00:18:14,970 --> 00:18:16,680

If it dies, you won't get

to be rich and lazy.

00:18:16,805 --> 00:18:18,390

All right. Fine. You have 30 seconds.

00:18:19,349 --> 00:18:22,686

Korvo, the Pupa's like our baby.

You can't give him away.

00:18:22,769 --> 00:18:25,063

- Shut up. I'm team leader.

-(GASPS)

00:18:25,189 --> 00:18:26,273

And these guys have never seen

a Pupa before.

00:18:26,356 --> 00:18:27,357

So?

00:18:27,482 --> 00:18:30,027

In case this doesn't work,

go hide under the covers with this gun.

00:18:36,575 --> 00:18:39,244

Here's the Pupa. (STAMMERS) That's

the whole Pupa, right there.

00:18:39,369 --> 00:18:40,370

Wait.

00:18:40,746 --> 00:18:45,876

It's even cuter than I imagined.

It's an honor to meet you, oh, noble Pupa.

00:18:45,959 --> 00:18:47,878

The Pupa needs to be walked

four times a day.

00:18:47,961 --> 00:18:49,087

- KABRONIUS: Uh-huh.

- Don't forget, or she'll pee

00:18:49,213 --> 00:18:50,297

- where you don't want her to.

- KABRONIUS: Uh-huh.

00:18:50,422 --> 00:18:52,299

Make sure to wipe its tushy

with a wet wipe.

00:18:52,424 --> 00:18:54,218

You have to boil fresh chicken and rice

for her.

00:18:54,343 --> 00:18:55,969

- Uh-huh. Slow down.

- Fresh, or she gets hives.

00:18:56,053 --> 00:18:57,095

- Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah.

- Also,

00:18:57,179 --> 00:18:59,348

I'm so sorry, but her ears are a mess.

00:18:59,431 --> 00:19:00,641

- Slow down. Slow down.

- Wow!

00:19:00,724 --> 00:19:02,601

Way to not know the basics of Pupa care.

00:19:02,726 --> 00:19:04,353

Sir, how do we make it

evolve and terraform?

00:19:04,478 --> 00:19:07,231

If... If it's not terraforming, that just

means you aren't making it happy enough.

00:19:07,314 --> 00:19:10,984

We will dedicate our entire lives

to pleasing this creature.

00:19:11,109 --> 00:19:12,236

Okay, good luck.

00:19:12,319 --> 00:19:14,446

Oh, and every time it barks,

you have to punch yourself in the face.

00:19:14,530 --> 00:19:15,531

He's right. That's true.

00:19:17,908 --> 00:19:18,909

Ow!

00:19:19,660 --> 00:19:20,661

- Ah!

-(OBJECT SHATTERS)

00:19:20,869 --> 00:19:22,496

- Ah!

-(CONSOLE BEEPING)

00:19:22,913 --> 00:19:24,164

(WHINES, STRAINING)

00:19:24,248 --> 00:19:26,792

Ah, something just fell out

of its stinking hole.

00:19:26,875 --> 00:19:30,003

That must mean it's ready to

start terraforming.

00:19:30,087 --> 00:19:32,172

(ALL CHEERING)

00:19:32,256 --> 00:19:33,507

-(BARKS)

- ALL: Ow!

00:19:34,883 --> 00:19:36,134

What happened to you?

00:19:36,218 --> 00:19:39,847

The cool kids threw me in a tree,

so I'm gonna kill them with my satellite.

00:19:40,389 --> 00:19:42,391

(WEAPON POWERING UP)

00:19:42,474 --> 00:19:45,853

I thought you used that thing to look

for ladies sun-tanning on their roofs.

00:19:45,936 --> 00:19:47,729

Yeah, well now I'm gonna use it

to melt bullies.

00:19:47,813 --> 00:19:49,815

-(MAN CLEARS THROAT)

- Ahhh! Who are you?

00:19:49,982 --> 00:19:51,149

I'm Darryl. Here for the sleepover.

00:19:51,233 --> 00:19:53,235

-(GASPS) You are?

- Yeah. Y'all still doing that?

00:19:53,318 --> 00:19:55,863

- Nobody else showed up.

- Oh, good. I hate people anyway.

00:19:56,113 --> 00:19:59,950

So do I. Hey, you wanna see

the wall full of adults I've shrunk?

00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:01,118

Sure.

00:20:02,119 --> 00:20:05,581

- Oh, so it's like an ant farm, huh?

- Yeah, I know. It's dumb.

00:20:05,706 --> 00:20:06,874

No, no. I like it.

00:20:06,957 --> 00:20:10,252

Hey, you wanna play games on our phones

and talk shit about people?

00:20:10,335 --> 00:20:12,504

Yes. A billion times, yes.

00:20:13,881 --> 00:20:15,549

That was a crazy day.

00:20:15,632 --> 00:20:17,926

Hey, you know what? I'm just glad

everything is back to normal.

00:20:18,010 --> 00:20:22,598

We all learned a lesson. Feels good. Feels

good in here, and feels good down here.

00:20:22,681 --> 00:20:26,518

The lesson I learned today is to start

doubling down on being strict

00:20:26,602 --> 00:20:28,770

and being even more dedicated

to the mission than ever before.

00:20:28,854 --> 00:20:30,022

- Korvo, no.

- Yes, that way,

00:20:30,105 --> 00:20:32,983

I'll never feel like some other alien

is more orthodox than me ever again.

00:20:33,108 --> 00:20:36,195

Well, then I'm gonna double down on being

shallow and trashy just to cancel you out.

00:20:36,278 --> 00:20:38,363

- No, don't do that.

- I do what I want, son. I'm lil' Terry.

00:20:38,530 --> 00:20:40,157

- I'm team leader. That's an order.

- I don't care. I don't care. I don't care.

00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:41,783

- Fuck you, Terry.

- Can't hear you.

00:20:41,867 --> 00:20:42,910

-(GUNSHOT)

-(ALL GASP)

00:20:42,993 --> 00:20:44,828

Oh, Jesus. Was that the Pupa's gun?

00:20:44,912 --> 00:20:46,872

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

00:20:47,998 --> 00:20:50,751

Holy shit. The Pupa killed a RoboCop.

00:20:50,834 --> 00:20:53,253

Oh, I am so proud of you.

00:20:54,004 --> 00:20:56,006

(MUSIC PLAYING)

00:00:09,881 --> 00:00:11,545

и найти ту, которую Пупа

терраформирует.

00:00:11,630 --> 00:00:15,451

Там мы вырастим больше

шлорпиан из семян в криоподах.

00:00:15,536 --> 00:00:18,045

Всех благ, земляне.

Наслаждайтесь таяньем ледников.

00:00:18,130 --> 00:00:21,727

– Надеюсь, машины стоили того.

– Прощай, атмосфера с кислородом.

00:00:21,813 --> 00:00:25,918

Прощайте, щенки. Прощай, «Maroon 5»!

00:00:26,003 --> 00:00:29,298

Наконец-то мы летим на планету,

где нет этих глупых правил.

00:00:29,384 --> 00:00:32,332

Где надо будет извиняться

до того, как пукнул,

00:00:32,418 --> 00:00:34,255

– а не после этого.

– Неудачники!

00:00:34,341 --> 00:00:37,391

Если бы я был нашим капитаном,

мы бы давно уже напились

00:00:37,476 --> 00:00:39,679

– в парке Гарри Пэ.

– Что поделать, ты не лидер.

00:00:39,765 --> 00:00:42,164

Всем пристегнуться. Активирую запуск.

00:00:42,250 --> 00:00:45,344

– Джесси! Это ещё что?

– Конфеты с оливками.

00:00:45,430 --> 00:00:47,010

– Маслянистые и кислые.

– Дай-ка мне.

00:00:47,095 --> 00:00:51,608

Важен каждый грамм. Даже из-за них можно

сбиться с курса и улететь на солнце.

00:00:51,952 --> 00:00:53,948

Мы вернули равновесие. Стартуем.

00:00:56,259 --> 00:00:57,865

Получается! Стойте…

00:00:59,446 --> 00:01:01,678

– Гик-отряд, Майкл.

– Это Корво, пришелец.

00:01:01,764 --> 00:01:04,338

Я звоню, чтобы послать тебя.

Ты чинил мой компьютер

00:01:04,423 --> 00:01:06,927

много месяцев, а теперь можешь

оставить его себе, Майк.

00:01:07,013 --> 00:01:08,634

Судья запретил вам звонить.

00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:11,362

Да иди ты к чёрту

вместе со своим отрядом!

00:01:11,448 --> 00:01:13,056

О! Эй!

00:01:22,961 --> 00:01:25,129

Нет-нет-нет-нет! Нет-нет-нет-нет!

00:01:29,903 --> 00:01:32,431

Нет, что с равновесием?!

У кого-то в кармане затерялась

00:01:32,517 --> 00:01:34,263

монетка, или контактная линза, или перо?

00:01:34,349 --> 00:01:36,559

Я кое-что спрятал на корабле.

00:01:36,645 --> 00:01:38,285

Оно весит больше грамма?

00:01:39,702 --> 00:01:42,146

Что это?

Мешки с песком, шары для боулинга,

00:01:42,232 --> 00:01:45,657

пинбольный автомат и пожизненный

запас пластилиновых яиц?

00:01:45,742 --> 00:01:49,930

Тебе понадобился весь сериал

«Копы» на дивиди и кассетах?

00:01:50,015 --> 00:01:52,170

Я не знал, какой плеер будет в отеле.

00:01:52,255 --> 00:01:55,114

Там нет отеля, Терри, ты идиот!

Там пустая планета.

00:01:55,199 --> 00:01:56,825

Теперь мы в том же

положении, что и год назад.

00:01:56,910 --> 00:01:59,431

О господи, чего устраивать

из этого трагедию?!

00:01:59,516 --> 00:02:01,398

Да-а! Мы остаёмся на земле!

00:02:01,483 --> 00:02:03,100

Простите.

00:02:04,828 --> 00:02:06,790

Планета Шлорп была идеальной утопией.

00:02:07,264 --> 00:02:08,966

Пока не упал астероид.

00:02:10,121 --> 00:02:12,444

Сто взрослых и их репликанты

взяли по Пупе

00:02:12,530 --> 00:02:16,900

и сбежали в космос в поисках

нового дома в незаселённых мирах.

00:02:17,537 --> 00:02:20,504

Мы упали на Землю и застряли

на перенаселённой планете.

00:02:20,590 --> 00:02:22,217

Я постоянно об этом твержу.

00:02:22,303 --> 00:02:23,995

Я держу Пупу. Я Корво.

00:02:24,081 --> 00:02:26,333

И это моё шоу.

Я уронил Пупу. Видите меня?

00:02:26,484 --> 00:02:29,681

Это смешно. Ненавижу Землю.

Это ужасный дом.

00:02:29,825 --> 00:02:31,493

Люди глупые. Они хотят пить,

00:02:31,579 --> 00:02:34,976

но не пьют свою мочу.

Не понимаю, почему они не пьют мочу?

00:02:41,623 --> 00:02:44,314

О да. Они делают хлопья

по сериалу «Наследники»

00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:48,508

– в форме Романа, Логана и Шив.

– Автопилот полностью уничтожен.

00:02:48,594 --> 00:02:50,712

Придётся всё перепилотировать.

00:02:50,877 --> 00:02:53,067

Почему детектор сигнала

бедствия в морозильнике?

00:02:53,152 --> 00:02:54,736

Он всё время пикал. Я чуть не спятил.

00:02:54,821 --> 00:02:56,991

Он пикает, когда

получает сигнал бедствия.

00:02:57,075 --> 00:02:59,704

Пришельцы из родного

мира в этом квадранте.

00:02:59,788 --> 00:03:03,013

– Давно он пикает?

– Год. Или, может, полтора.

00:03:03,099 --> 00:03:05,173

Чёрт, Терри.

Ладно, идём, надо помочь им.

00:03:05,965 --> 00:03:08,858

Вероятно, они на планете

М-класса в секторе Гамма.

00:03:08,942 --> 00:03:11,996

– Что?! Они на Земле.

– Пришельцы «Обратной стороны Земли»

00:03:12,082 --> 00:03:13,668

направляются в Лондон!

00:03:14,540 --> 00:03:18,132

Поверить не могу, что мы используем

платформу на воздушной подушке!

00:03:18,216 --> 00:03:20,843

Пришельцы «Обратной стороны Земли»

летят в Лондон!

00:03:20,928 --> 00:03:22,517

Хватит. Что это вообще значит?

00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:24,187

Нам надо назваться

«Обратная сторона Земли».

00:03:24,272 --> 00:03:26,953

Нет, это глупо. Где Юмьюлак и Пупа?

00:03:27,718 --> 00:03:31,220

Чёрт. Почему с этим всегда проблемы?

Следить за Пупой – твоя работа, Терри.

00:03:31,304 --> 00:03:33,829

Не волнуйся, Юмьюлак проследит за ним.

00:03:33,913 --> 00:03:36,101

– Что может случиться?

– Если он не решит снова показать

00:03:36,185 --> 00:03:38,914

Пупе «Робокопа», всё будет в порядке.

00:03:39,153 --> 00:03:42,514

– Живой или мёртвый, ты идёшь со мной.

– Да пошёл ты, Робокоп!

00:03:50,286 --> 00:03:53,210

Джейден, Эйден, Брэйден.

Так же круты, как в том году.

00:03:53,296 --> 00:03:55,255

Да, но внутренняя политика сменилась.

00:03:55,341 --> 00:03:57,208

В этом году наш лидер – Джейден, не я.

00:03:57,294 --> 00:03:59,998

Предки уехали из города.

Если хотите, можно напиться у меня

00:04:00,083 --> 00:04:03,206

и уменьшить наши шансы

дожить до шестидесяти пяти.

00:04:03,290 --> 00:04:05,205

Ведьма сказала, я умру в двадцать пять.

00:04:05,289 --> 00:04:08,120

– Так что я за.

– Тишина. Главный скажет.

00:04:08,205 --> 00:04:10,619

Юмьюлак, было бы круто

устроить вечеринку с ночёвкой.

00:04:10,704 --> 00:04:14,249

– Все крутые парни будут.

– Но ты же ненавидишь меня?

00:04:14,335 --> 00:04:16,324

Издевательство над тобой

было политикой Эйдена.

00:04:16,409 --> 00:04:18,032

Но мы все съездили

в христианский летний лагерь

00:04:18,117 --> 00:04:21,821

и поняли, что отказ

от предубеждений – это круто.

00:04:22,060 --> 00:04:23,946

Это будет крутейшая вечеринка года.

00:04:30,901 --> 00:04:34,846

Пришельцы «Обратной стороны Земли»

в Лондоне! Ладно, за мной.

00:04:34,931 --> 00:04:37,138

Теперь он сам так нас называет?

00:04:37,274 --> 00:04:39,104

Не терпится встретиться с пришельцами.

00:04:39,189 --> 00:04:40,770

Думаете, они изучают гидронные уровни

00:04:40,855 --> 00:04:43,420

– или частицы?

– И то, и другое круто.

00:04:43,505 --> 00:04:46,691

– Трудно выбрать. Надеюсь, все изучают.

– О боже. Было бы потрясающе.

00:04:50,984 --> 00:04:52,682

Хм-м. Странно.

00:04:53,738 --> 00:04:56,430

Видимо, почему-то они

живут в канализации.

00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:05,525

О! Взгляните на корабль. Он прекрасен.

00:05:06,707 --> 00:05:09,372

Привет? Кто здесь попал в беду?

00:05:10,036 --> 00:05:11,869

Что вы делаете?! Заходите.

00:05:12,579 --> 00:05:14,920

Мы пришли на сигнал бедствия.

00:05:15,005 --> 00:05:16,901

Но непохоже, что вы в беде.

00:05:16,987 --> 00:05:20,290

Я Каброниус, командир корабля.

00:05:20,376 --> 00:05:22,489

Это Зелвод, второй командир,

00:05:22,575 --> 00:05:25,080

и наши репликанты Тиво и Дамаскулон.

00:05:25,166 --> 00:05:27,873

– Вы с ума сошли? Где ваши маски?

– Не знал, что нужны маски.

00:05:27,957 --> 00:05:29,645

Я дышу воздухом целый год.

00:05:30,900 --> 00:05:34,309

Нет, маски на лицо,

чтобы скрываться от терран.

00:05:34,395 --> 00:05:37,938

Мы ходим в них среди терран, чтобы

нас не схватили и не препарировали.

00:05:38,023 --> 00:05:42,032

Мы живём в Америке и не носим маски.

Мы на глазах у землян почти всё время.

00:05:42,117 --> 00:05:44,061

Да, наш корабль торчит из крыши дома,

00:05:44,146 --> 00:05:48,362

а однажды мы залили весь город

ледяной лавой. Так что они знают о нас.

00:05:48,446 --> 00:05:51,814

Но… но… мы всё равно

часто прячемся от терран.

00:05:51,900 --> 00:05:54,563

– Это не так.

– Не боитесь, что правительство похитит?

00:05:54,649 --> 00:05:57,414

Да, постоянно. Среди терран

надо быть очень осторожными.

00:05:57,499 --> 00:05:59,581

Они же пришельцы, я ведь прав?

00:05:59,666 --> 00:06:02,063

Никогда не думала об этом.

А ведь правда.

00:06:02,148 --> 00:06:04,660

Можно показать им нейтронную установку?

00:06:04,745 --> 00:06:08,216

Хорошо. У нас замечательная

нейтронная установка.

00:06:08,302 --> 00:06:11,926

– Кто называет её «Терра»?

– Да, они ботаники, как Корво.

00:06:13,702 --> 00:06:15,849

И в конце нашего тура по кораблю –

00:06:15,933 --> 00:06:17,931

хавакордовый мениск.

00:06:18,016 --> 00:06:22,679

– Он двусторонний?

– Точно! Парень знает в этом толк.

00:06:22,763 --> 00:06:25,665

Был бы у меня двусторонний мениск!

Наш излучает только слева.

00:06:25,750 --> 00:06:30,129

Прекрасно. Ребята, не хотите

поесть тикка-масала, посмотреть замки,

00:06:30,214 --> 00:06:33,181

– порамсим с Гордонами?

– О да! Встретимся с Пиппой.

00:06:33,265 --> 00:06:35,375

– Её никто не понимает.

– О нет-нет-нет.

00:06:35,459 --> 00:06:38,246

Мы выживаем, вылезая

по ночам за едой на помойку.

00:06:38,332 --> 00:06:40,772

Если нас заметили,

мы стираем память людей.

00:06:40,857 --> 00:06:43,932

Вообще-то, можно пробраться

в правительство и промыть людям мозги.

00:06:44,018 --> 00:06:46,834

О, тогда вы будете

работать в правительстве.

00:06:47,439 --> 00:06:49,276

Этот корабль лучше нашего,

00:06:49,362 --> 00:06:51,712

не говоря уж о том, что наш дом

завален игрушками и журналами.

00:06:51,797 --> 00:06:54,979

На корабле можно хранить

лишь шлорпианские предметы.

00:06:55,064 --> 00:06:56,990

– Это напоминает о доме.

– Слышал, Терри?

00:06:57,076 --> 00:06:58,733

«Слышал, Терри?» Замолчи.

00:06:58,819 --> 00:07:00,681

У нас сейчас ежечасная молитва.

00:07:00,767 --> 00:07:03,109

– Вы с нами?

– Мы молимся лишь на Пасху

00:07:03,194 --> 00:07:06,286

или когда думаем, что умрём.

И даже тогда не всерьёз.

00:07:06,371 --> 00:07:09,278

– Первые триста псалмов – мои!

– Нечестно!

00:07:10,224 --> 00:07:13,658

Приятно знать, что мы

не одни в этом опасном мире.

00:07:13,743 --> 00:07:16,166

Если понадобится приют

в шлорпианском месте,

00:07:16,252 --> 00:07:18,467

наш люк открыт. У нас полно комнат

00:07:18,551 --> 00:07:20,272

и столько помоев,

сколько сможете съесть.

00:07:20,357 --> 00:07:22,439

Спасибо. Я лишь хотел сказать…

00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:24,508

Может, мы уже полетим?

00:07:24,594 --> 00:07:26,500

Простите. Я хотел поблагодарить за…

00:07:26,752 --> 00:07:29,640

– Корво, мне скучно!

– Пока! Веселитесь!

00:07:29,726 --> 00:07:34,002

Пришельцы с «Обратной стороны Земли»

отправляются в Америку!

00:07:34,425 --> 00:07:36,585

– Надо летать самолётом.

– Я люблю платформы.

00:07:38,694 --> 00:07:41,835

Эти чудики, британские

пришельцы, молятся каждый час.

00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:44,156

Больше не отвечаем на сигналы бедствия.

00:07:44,241 --> 00:07:47,365

Джа-Джа-Тупинксы.

«Моя скрываться от терран!»

00:07:47,451 --> 00:07:49,589

Эти шлорпиане такие,

какими должны быть мы.

00:07:49,675 --> 00:07:52,139

Шнырять по ночам

по помойкам в поисках еды?

00:07:52,224 --> 00:07:54,233

– «Моя будет есть помои».

– Они примитивные.

00:07:54,327 --> 00:07:56,318

– А мы особенные.

– Неправда.

00:07:56,404 --> 00:07:59,169

Удивительно, что у них

нет летающего блюдца.

00:07:59,254 --> 00:08:02,004

Они как кучка Альфов. Полные неудачники.

00:08:02,089 --> 00:08:05,213

Они чтут традиции своего мира.

И с этой минуты мы тоже.

00:08:05,299 --> 00:08:08,643

Вечером мы будем медитировать

вокруг свечи, как одна семья.

00:08:08,728 --> 00:08:10,361

– Да ладно. Я пас.

– Я пас.

00:08:10,447 --> 00:08:13,623

– Это важно! Наша сущность, наследие.

– Ты стал местным, как и мы.

00:08:13,708 --> 00:08:16,104

Да, ты любишь пиццу

с корочкой, как и мы.

00:08:16,189 --> 00:08:18,075

Ты даже купил абонемент в спортзал.

00:08:18,161 --> 00:08:20,127

Ты ненастоящий пришелец.

00:08:20,213 --> 00:08:21,802

Это вы ненастоящие пришельцы!

00:08:24,344 --> 00:08:27,454

– Что ты делаешь?

– Переезжаю в старый Лондон.

00:08:27,548 --> 00:08:29,492

Буду жить с пришельцами,

которые меня ценят.

00:08:30,119 --> 00:08:33,401

– Какие перемены настроения.

– С ним трудно поладить.

00:08:33,842 --> 00:08:37,031

Мы рады, что ты решил стать

частью нашей миссии, Корво.

00:08:37,116 --> 00:08:41,617

Похоже, ты шлорпианин, сделанный

из того же зарба, что и мы.

00:08:41,702 --> 00:08:44,846

Как приятно быть в команде,

которая является хранительницей

00:08:44,930 --> 00:08:46,700

нашей культуры, вы знаете…

00:08:46,785 --> 00:08:49,852

Воспринимай этот корабль

как комфортный уголок родного мира.

00:08:49,937 --> 00:08:53,511

А теперь соберёмся вокруг грангнара,

чтобы бить себя верёвками.

00:08:53,596 --> 00:08:55,385

Звучит чудесно.

00:08:59,378 --> 00:09:01,808

– Как хорошо.

– Ты уверен...

00:09:01,961 --> 00:09:03,647

что твои товарищи не против...

00:09:03,924 --> 00:09:06,889

– что ты с нами?

– Что-то подсказывает мне...

00:09:07,198 --> 00:09:09,369

что они уже жалеют, что обидели меня.

00:09:09,455 --> 00:09:12,262

Я больше никогда не сниму

пижаму По Дэмерона.

00:09:12,347 --> 00:09:14,999

Что будешь делать теперь,

когда Корво умер, то есть ушёл?

00:09:15,084 --> 00:09:17,825

Я завела сложную в уходе старую собаку.

00:09:17,910 --> 00:09:20,391

Нам придётся тратить много

времени на чистку её ушей

00:09:20,476 --> 00:09:22,525

и смазывание лосьоном пятой точки.

00:09:22,611 --> 00:09:25,006

Это та ответственность,

которую я и хотела.

00:09:27,302 --> 00:09:30,324

– Поиграем со станком для золота?

– Корво был бы против. Давай!

00:09:39,667 --> 00:09:42,050

Корво разозлило бы,

что я катаюсь в золоте.

00:09:42,135 --> 00:09:43,777

Я отключила семейный тариф

00:09:43,862 --> 00:09:47,500

и перевела нас на «Буст-мобайл».

У них есть приложение.

00:09:47,586 --> 00:09:50,530

Там все фильмы друзей

Адама Сэндлера, но без него.

00:09:50,616 --> 00:09:52,494

В чём дело? Я думал, вы в Лондоне.

00:09:52,579 --> 00:09:54,970

Корво ушёл, а я завела бассет-хаунда.

00:09:55,056 --> 00:09:57,308

Мне плевать! Крутые парни придут

00:09:57,393 --> 00:09:59,877

с ночёвкой на выходные.

Вы можете вести себя нормально?

00:09:59,963 --> 00:10:02,917

Может, они захотят покидаться золотом?

00:10:03,709 --> 00:10:06,525

Не опозорьте меня. Не раздавайте золото!

00:10:11,687 --> 00:10:14,798

Потрясающе!

Мы сможем питаться помоями неделю!

00:10:15,084 --> 00:10:18,550

Я не видела солдат-терран.

Думаю, нас не заметили.

00:10:18,635 --> 00:10:21,967

Это лишь предположение,

но может, за вами не охотятся?

00:10:23,010 --> 00:10:25,356

Да, слова любителя людей.

00:10:25,543 --> 00:10:28,847

Эй, Корво, назови святое число,

прежде чем садиться есть.

00:10:28,932 --> 00:10:30,537

О, это большая честь.

00:10:31,807 --> 00:10:34,171

Восемь, семь, пять.

00:10:34,255 --> 00:10:38,752

Н-ноль… ноль, а потом… четыре?

00:10:38,838 --> 00:10:41,424

Нет, три. Простите.

Я ещё не назвал святое число.

00:10:41,509 --> 00:10:43,342

– Ты не называешь его дома?

– Конечно, называю.

00:10:43,428 --> 00:10:45,990

Дайте подумать. Восемь, семь, четыре...

00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:47,757

Нет, пять, семь, шесть...

00:10:47,864 --> 00:10:50,180

– Говоришь как побег.

– Ч-ч-ч-ч-четыре?

00:10:50,266 --> 00:10:53,108

– В нём не повторяются цифры.

– О, ты правда стал местным.

00:10:53,193 --> 00:10:55,753

О нет. Я стал Терри в этой команде?!

00:10:55,838 --> 00:10:58,466

– Это невозможно!

– Ты разговариваешь сам с собой,

00:10:58,551 --> 00:11:00,282

как звезда телешоу?

00:11:00,368 --> 00:11:02,274

Господи, я правда Терри!

00:11:03,748 --> 00:11:06,680

Джесси! Где у нас деньги?

Нам принесли огромный счёт

00:11:06,765 --> 00:11:08,811

– за пачки кетчупа.

– Используй станок для золота.

00:11:08,896 --> 00:11:10,473

Эй! Что с тобой? Ты отравилась?

00:11:10,558 --> 00:11:13,971

Собака требует столько внимания,

что я не спала всю ночь.

00:11:14,794 --> 00:11:16,541

Не-е-ет!

00:11:16,627 --> 00:11:18,423

Она думает, я игрушка!

00:11:18,509 --> 00:11:21,543

Но это не так! Я просто так выгляжу!

00:11:21,629 --> 00:11:23,546

О нет! Эта штука превратилась в золото!

00:11:23,632 --> 00:11:26,296

Как теперь делать золото?

Дурацкий кусок металла.

00:11:26,483 --> 00:11:29,550

Эй! Это Эндрю из доставки.

Вы должны пятьдесят долларов!

00:11:29,636 --> 00:11:31,540

С каких пор их так волнуют счета?

00:11:31,625 --> 00:11:33,619

Видимо, непросто найти подработку.

00:11:34,645 --> 00:11:36,633

Без Корво, который починил бы станок

00:11:36,718 --> 00:11:39,052

и разобрался с долгами,

придётся искать работу.

00:11:41,593 --> 00:11:43,887

Покупатели заходят, берут печенье,

00:11:43,973 --> 00:11:46,013

берут еченье, а ты берёшь деньги.

00:11:46,099 --> 00:11:48,477

– Да. А зарплата?

– В конце месяца. Но...

00:11:48,563 --> 00:11:50,873

после закрытия получаешь

бесплатное еченье.

00:11:50,959 --> 00:11:52,841

Оно всё равно засохнет.

00:11:53,729 --> 00:11:56,335

Хватит портить еченье! Оно платное!

00:11:58,079 --> 00:12:00,079

Каброниус, можно тебя на секунду?

00:12:00,164 --> 00:12:01,797

Конечно, Корво. В чём дело?

00:12:01,882 --> 00:12:04,673

Я-я-я хочу, чтобы команда

приняла меня как шлорпианина.

00:12:04,758 --> 00:12:07,704

Мне найдётся работа?

Починить вам корабль?

00:12:07,789 --> 00:12:10,619

Кто нам нужен – так

это специалист по Пупе.

00:12:10,705 --> 00:12:13,870

О, а где ваш Пупа?

Могу попробовать. Я смог бы.

00:12:13,956 --> 00:12:15,597

У нас нет Пупы.

00:12:15,683 --> 00:12:18,473

– Что с ним случилось?

– Его не было изначально.

00:12:18,558 --> 00:12:21,616

Мы улетели до того, как их придумали.

Богачи не ждут.

00:12:21,701 --> 00:12:23,962

Вы не взяли Пупу, когда

сбежали с планеты?

00:12:24,047 --> 00:12:26,144

Нет, у нас всё было по-другому.

00:12:26,230 --> 00:12:29,834

Планета Шлорп была идеальной утопией.

Там были шлорпиане-рабочие,

00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:32,147

– рождённые, чтобы трудиться.

– Что? Это мы?

00:12:32,233 --> 00:12:34,339

И был невидимый правящий класс богачей,

00:12:34,424 --> 00:12:35,997

привыкших отдыхать.

00:12:36,249 --> 00:12:39,006

Нас, богачей, предупредили об астероиде

00:12:39,091 --> 00:12:41,918

за месяц до его падения.

Мы купили дорогие корабли

00:12:42,004 --> 00:12:44,070

и улетели с планеты заранее.

00:12:44,519 --> 00:12:46,721

Мы прилетели на уже заселённую планету

00:12:46,806 --> 00:12:50,034

и ждали команду с Пупой,

чтобы терраформировать его

00:12:50,119 --> 00:12:52,786

и получить возможность

снова стать богатыми.

00:12:52,872 --> 00:12:55,380

Не слышал о богатых

неработающих шлорпианах.

00:12:55,465 --> 00:12:57,840

– Система работала.

– Если нет Пупы,

00:12:57,926 --> 00:13:00,838

– зачем специалист по нему?

– Нам нужен Пупа.

00:13:00,924 --> 00:13:03,974

Очевидно, Терри стал местным.

Он плохой хранитель.

00:13:04,059 --> 00:13:09,090

Пупе будет лучше терраформировать

свежую планету с истинными шлорпианами.

00:13:09,176 --> 00:13:12,430

– Звучит неплохо.

– Мы хотим, чтобы ты спас Пупу,

00:13:12,516 --> 00:13:15,135

принёс его нам, и мы начали новую жизнь.

00:13:15,220 --> 00:13:17,762

Новую шлорпианскую жизнь.

00:13:17,847 --> 00:13:20,433

Хорошо. Сначала защитим корабль от Пупы.

00:13:20,517 --> 00:13:23,603

Он суётся во все углубления.

И ест всё, что синего цвета.

00:13:24,124 --> 00:13:26,160

Мне не нравится работать

в печенье-еченье.

00:13:26,246 --> 00:13:28,940

Там всё гораздо унизительнее,

чем в названии.

00:13:29,025 --> 00:13:31,066

И пижама По Дэмерона провоняла.

00:13:31,152 --> 00:13:33,907

Бассет-хаунд ненавидит меня.

Он надел на меня ошейник

00:13:33,992 --> 00:13:36,815

– и хочет закопать на заднем дворе.

– Точно!

00:13:37,533 --> 00:13:39,241

Так. Если мы будем вести себя как Корво,

00:13:39,326 --> 00:13:41,118

то сможем заботиться о себе.

00:13:41,203 --> 00:13:43,495

Значит, нам надо чинить

корабль и постоянно ныть?

00:13:43,580 --> 00:13:45,524

– Зачем ты сказал «точно»?

– Я всегда...

00:13:45,608 --> 00:13:48,271

так говорю, когда о чём-то думаю.

За работу.

00:13:50,795 --> 00:13:54,255

Ладно. Что сказал бы Корво? «Терри,

хватит есть хлопья и веселиться!»

00:13:54,340 --> 00:13:56,382

«Нет, ты мне не отец!»

«Делай, что я сказал!»

00:13:56,467 --> 00:13:58,177

– «Я в свою комнату!»

– Ужасно.

00:13:58,261 --> 00:13:59,929

Вот теперь ты говоришь, как Корво.

00:14:00,013 --> 00:14:01,930

Мои крутые друзья

опаздывают на три часа.

00:14:02,015 --> 00:14:03,732

Думаю, я дал им неправильный адрес.

00:14:03,818 --> 00:14:06,320

Возьму прикол-детектор

и пойду искать их.

00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:09,686

Прикол-прикол-прикол…

00:14:10,020 --> 00:14:12,822

Терри не любит возиться с Пупой.

Он будет счастлив.

00:14:14,985 --> 00:14:18,320

Терри? Почему у меня новое приложение?

Ты перешёл на «Буст-мобайл»?

00:14:18,405 --> 00:14:20,252

Да. Это одна из многих наших ошибок!

00:14:20,338 --> 00:14:22,698

Корво, мы соскучились. Ты нужен нам.

00:14:22,784 --> 00:14:24,861

И я боюсь, что меня съест собака.

00:14:24,946 --> 00:14:26,820

Какая собака? Никаких собак,

00:14:26,918 --> 00:14:28,829

пока я не придумаю,

как заставить их слушаться меня.

00:14:28,914 --> 00:14:31,203

– Вы в церемониальных нарядах?

– Вернись домой.

00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:34,321

– Ты был прав. Ты был прав!

– Мы станем лучше, Корво. Мы скучаем.

00:14:34,407 --> 00:14:37,254

Вы правда скучаете? Если я вернусь,

вы не будете стыдить меня

00:14:37,339 --> 00:14:39,131

за незнание священного числа?

00:14:39,216 --> 00:14:41,175

Нет. О чём это ты?

00:14:41,259 --> 00:14:44,303

Нам нужна твоя помощь.

Без тебя мы полные нули!

00:14:44,388 --> 00:14:46,389

Ух ты. Признаёте ошибки,

умоляете помочь,

00:14:46,473 --> 00:14:48,890

называете себя нулями.

Всегда об этом мечтал!

00:14:48,974 --> 00:14:51,041

Я скоро, оставайтесь ничтожествами!

00:14:51,253 --> 00:14:54,019

Прикол-прикол-прикол-прикол-прикол...

00:14:54,105 --> 00:14:57,605

Джейден!

Ребята, вы случайно зашли не в тот дом.

00:14:57,689 --> 00:14:59,481

О нет. Он нашёл нас.

00:14:59,565 --> 00:15:01,174

Никто не хочет на вечеринку с ночёвкой

00:15:01,260 --> 00:15:03,398

к уродливому пришельцу,

от которого воняет.

00:15:03,484 --> 00:15:06,567

Я согласился на твою вечеринку,

чтобы ты не узнал про нашу.

00:15:06,652 --> 00:15:08,653

Но ты сказал, я крутой.

00:15:08,737 --> 00:15:10,362

Нет, ты отстой.

00:15:10,446 --> 00:15:13,388

И чтобы побольнее унизить тебя,

отвали, маленький синий придурок.

00:15:17,356 --> 00:15:19,495

Корво! Готов забрать Пупу?

00:15:19,580 --> 00:15:21,325

Я передумал. Вам нельзя Пупу.

00:15:21,409 --> 00:15:24,341

– Но разве Терри не придурок?

– Да, но он член моей команды.

00:15:24,427 --> 00:15:26,995

– Моя работа – руководить им.

– А как же наш план?

00:15:27,079 --> 00:15:30,426

Когда ты терраформируешься,

чтобы мы снова смогли жить как богачи?

00:15:30,512 --> 00:15:34,227

Вам просто надо жить как прежде и

ждать, когда Пупа станет таким, как мы.

00:15:34,791 --> 00:15:36,402

Каброниус! В чём дело?!

00:15:37,250 --> 00:15:40,174

– Выпустите меня!

– Нет. Пупа принадлежит нам.

00:15:40,524 --> 00:15:42,552

– О, ты тяжёлый.

– Иди к чёрту.

00:15:43,002 --> 00:15:45,379

Не трогайте моего Пупу,

богатые придурки!

00:15:47,090 --> 00:15:50,030

– Выпустите меня!

– Пупа будет счастлив

00:15:50,115 --> 00:15:52,095

в команде с настоящими шлорпианами.

00:15:52,180 --> 00:15:54,132

Иди ты, Зелвод! Придурок! Слышал меня?

00:15:54,217 --> 00:15:56,216

Вы все придурки! Кучка грязных Альфов!

00:16:04,261 --> 00:16:06,471

Чёрт. Стойте. Священное число…

00:16:06,555 --> 00:16:09,057

Восемь, пять, девять, четыре, два…

00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:12,513

Пупа обнаружен, координаты установлены.

00:16:13,184 --> 00:16:15,392

Пять, два… Чёрт. Шесть!

00:16:15,477 --> 00:16:17,726

Я всё время знал это дурацкое число!

00:16:17,811 --> 00:16:21,605

Кто теперь придурок? Чёрт.

Восемь, пять, семь, девять, четыре, два…

00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:25,890

Пришелец вылезает из канализации!

00:16:26,065 --> 00:16:28,000

Ну и времена настали!

00:16:28,816 --> 00:16:30,700

– Добро пожаловать.

– Где колесо обозрения?

00:16:30,786 --> 00:16:32,952

Пешком далеко. Я тебя подброшу.

00:16:53,636 --> 00:16:55,343

Я решил, что он хочет

катить его как колесо.

00:16:55,428 --> 00:16:57,383

Но думаю, я стал копом,

00:16:57,469 --> 00:16:59,477

потому что мне не хватает креативности.

00:17:07,429 --> 00:17:09,262

Отдайте нам Пупу.

00:17:09,799 --> 00:17:12,082

– Ладно. Зачем?

– Пустые разговоры.

00:17:12,168 --> 00:17:13,798

Смертельное оружие!

00:17:19,324 --> 00:17:21,309

К чёрту вас!

Вы ни за что не получите Пупу!

00:17:21,394 --> 00:17:23,405

Активировать автозащиту!

00:17:39,115 --> 00:17:42,806

По моей команде!

Устроим им технологичный ад!

00:17:42,936 --> 00:17:45,957

Три, два, один.

00:17:49,278 --> 00:17:54,385

Сидни, попроси ещё миллион, чтоб снять

сногсшибательную экшен-сцену. Майкл М.

00:17:54,630 --> 00:17:57,769

Боже. Это самая безумная битва,

в которой я участвовал!

00:17:57,854 --> 00:18:01,273

И всё это в одном кадре?

Должно быть, это стоило миллионы!

00:18:01,359 --> 00:18:03,792

Отдай нам Пупу, и мы прекратим обстрел.

00:18:03,878 --> 00:18:06,172

Давай взорвём его и возьмём Пупу.

00:18:11,581 --> 00:18:14,025

Стойте-стойте! Берите Пупу,

но мы должны рассказать,

00:18:14,110 --> 00:18:16,662

как заботиться о нём. Если он умрёт,

вы не станете богатыми.

00:18:16,748 --> 00:18:18,623

Ладно. У тебя тридцать секунд.

00:18:19,209 --> 00:18:21,412

Корво! Пупа нам как ребёнок.

00:18:21,497 --> 00:18:23,982

– Ты не можешь отдать его.

– Замолчи! Я командир!

00:18:25,351 --> 00:18:27,420

– А они в глаза не видели Пупу.

– И что?

00:18:27,601 --> 00:18:29,880

На всякий случай спрячься

под покрывалом с оружием.

00:18:36,593 --> 00:18:39,244

Вот Пупа. Э-э-это и есть Пупа, вот он.

00:18:39,330 --> 00:18:42,857

Стойте.

Он милее, чем я себе представлял.

00:18:42,943 --> 00:18:45,973

Познакомиться с тобой –

честь, благородный Пупа.

00:18:46,058 --> 00:18:47,887

Пупу нужно выгуливать

четыре раза в день.

00:18:47,973 --> 00:18:50,219

Не забудьте. Иначе он будет писаться.

00:18:50,303 --> 00:18:52,277

Вытирайте его влажными салфетками.

00:18:52,363 --> 00:18:54,396

Варите ему свежую курицу и рис.

00:18:54,481 --> 00:18:56,448

– Медленнее.

– Свежие. Иначе у него будет сыпь.

00:18:56,534 --> 00:18:59,295

А ещё сожалею,

но у него проблемы с ушами.

00:18:59,379 --> 00:19:02,806

– Помедленнее.

– Да вы не знаете основного про Пупу.

00:19:02,892 --> 00:19:04,523

Как заставить его терраформироваться?

00:19:04,607 --> 00:19:07,196

Если он не терраформируется,

значит, он не счастлив.

00:19:07,282 --> 00:19:11,131

Мы посвятим свои жизни тому,

чтобы это создание было довольно.

00:19:11,217 --> 00:19:13,081

Удачи. И когда он лает,

00:19:13,166 --> 00:19:15,542

– вы должны бить себя по лицу.

– Он прав. Это так.

00:19:24,245 --> 00:19:26,741

О! Что-то выпало

из его пахучего отверстия.

00:19:26,842 --> 00:19:30,215

Должно быть, он готов

терраформироваться!

00:19:34,842 --> 00:19:37,450

– Что с тобой случилось?

– Крутые парни забросили меня на дерево.

00:19:37,536 --> 00:19:40,001

Я убью их моим спутником.

00:19:42,435 --> 00:19:45,868

Я думала, с его помощью ты следишь

за дамами, загорающими на крышах.

00:19:45,954 --> 00:19:47,636

Да, а теперь расплавлю обидчиков.

00:19:49,003 --> 00:19:51,138

– А ты кто?

– Я Дэрил. Пришёл на вечеринку.

00:19:51,224 --> 00:19:53,102

– Да?

– Да. Она ещё идёт?

00:19:53,187 --> 00:19:55,854

– Больше никто не пришёл.

– Хорошо, ненавижу людей.

00:19:55,940 --> 00:19:59,935

Я тоже. Хочешь посмотреть мою стену

с людьми, которых я поймал?

00:20:00,021 --> 00:20:01,618

Хочу.

00:20:02,028 --> 00:20:03,993

О, похоже на муравьиную ферму.

00:20:04,078 --> 00:20:05,660

Да, знаю, глупо.

00:20:05,744 --> 00:20:08,917

Нет-нет-нет. Мне нравится.

Хочешь, поиграем на телефонах

00:20:09,002 --> 00:20:12,843

– и перемоем кому-нибудь косточки?

– Да. Разумеется, да.

00:20:13,888 --> 00:20:15,946

– Ну и денёк.

– Знаете?

00:20:16,031 --> 00:20:19,525

Я рад, что всё стало как прежде.

Мы все вынесли урок.

00:20:19,609 --> 00:20:22,586

Приятное ощущение здесь,

приятное ощущение здесь.

00:20:22,704 --> 00:20:26,398

Сегодня я понял, что мне

надо быть ещё строже

00:20:26,483 --> 00:20:28,756

и ещё больше, чем когда-либо,

посвятить себя миссии.

00:20:28,841 --> 00:20:30,605

– Корво, нет.

– Да! Тогда я буду знать,

00:20:30,689 --> 00:20:32,986

что нет более ортодоксальных

пришельцев, чем я.

00:20:33,072 --> 00:20:34,933

Тогда я стану ещё более тупым

00:20:35,017 --> 00:20:36,688

– для баланса с тобой.

– Нет! Не смей!

00:20:36,773 --> 00:20:39,617

– Делаю что хочу! Я Лил-Терри.

– Я командир. И это приказ!

00:20:39,710 --> 00:20:41,909

– Мне плевать-плевать-плевать.

– Иди к чёрту, Терри!

00:20:42,897 --> 00:20:44,817

Боже, это пистолет Пупы?

00:20:44,902 --> 00:20:46,842

Нет. Нет-нет-нет-нет-нет!

00:20:47,947 --> 00:20:49,555

Господи.

00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:53,225

– Пупа убил Робокопа.

– О, я так тобой горжусь.

00:00:08,030 --> 00:00:09,780

Наконец-то мы уберёмся с этой чертовой планеты

00:00:09,780 --> 00:00:11,570

и найдём хорошую, которую Пупа террареформирует.

00:00:11,570 --> 00:00:13,120

И мы вырастим больше шлорпианцев

00:00:13,120 --> 00:00:15,620

из семян, которые хранятся в криокамерах.

00:00:15,620 --> 00:00:18,120

До скорого, отстойные земляне. Удачи с тающими ледниками.

00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:19,830

Надеюсь, машинный двигатель стоил этого.

00:00:19,830 --> 00:00:23,000

Прощай, насыщенная кислородом атмосфера. Прощайте, щеночки.

00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:25,800

Прощайте, Maroon 5!

00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:29,340

Я рад, что мы наконец-то полетим на планету, где нет глупых правил,

00:00:29,340 --> 00:00:31,590

таких, как извиняться после того, как пукнул.

00:00:31,590 --> 00:00:33,140

Это надо говорить до того, как пукнул.

00:00:33,140 --> 00:00:34,350

Это просто отстой!

00:00:34,350 --> 00:00:37,390

Если бы я был главным, мы бы могли надраться в Мире Гарри Поттера

00:00:37,390 --> 00:00:38,680

и сражаться на палочках.

00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:40,770

Ну, к сожалению, ты не главный. А теперь пристегнитесь.

00:00:40,770 --> 00:00:42,190

Я начинаю запуск.

00:00:42,190 --> 00:00:43,560

Джесси! Что... что это за хрень?

00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:45,400

M&Ms с оливками.

00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:46,980

- Они такие оливковые и кислые.

- А ну отдай!

00:00:46,980 --> 00:00:48,440

Каждый грамм важен!

00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:50,030

Даже такая мелочь может сбить нас с курса,

00:00:50,030 --> 00:00:51,610

и мы влетим прямо в солнце.

00:00:51,610 --> 00:00:53,070

Мы снова сбалансированы.

00:00:53,070 --> 00:00:54,280

Запускаю.

00:00:56,580 --> 00:00:58,040

Работает! Стоп...

00:00:59,410 --> 00:01:00,660

Компания Geek Squad, говорит Майкл.

00:01:00,660 --> 00:01:03,210

Это пришелец Корво. Я звоню, чтобы послать тебя нахер, Майкл.

00:01:03,210 --> 00:01:05,210

Ты уже много недель не можешь починить мой Lenovo,

00:01:05,210 --> 00:01:06,920

а теперь ты можешь засунуть его себе в задницу.

00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:08,510

Судья сказал, что тебе больше нельзя сюда звонить.

00:01:08,510 --> 00:01:10,260

К черту тебя и твою компанию,

00:01:10,260 --> 00:01:11,380

А ещё я трахнул твою мать.

00:01:11,380 --> 00:01:12,340

Воу! Эй!

00:01:22,350 --> 00:01:24,900

Нет, нет, нет.

00:01:29,650 --> 00:01:31,070

Нет, с балансом было что-то не так.

00:01:31,070 --> 00:01:32,860

Кто-то случайно оставил пенни в кармане

00:01:32,860 --> 00:01:34,360

или контактную линзу, или перо?

00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:36,660

Возможно, я кое-что спрятал на корабле.

00:01:36,660 --> 00:01:38,330

И это весило больше грамма?

00:01:39,580 --> 00:01:42,160

Что за черт? Мешки с песком, шары для боулинга,

00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:45,710

игровой автомат Конго, пожизненный запас слаймов?

00:01:45,710 --> 00:01:49,750

И тебе нужны были все сезоны Полицейских на DVD и кассетах!

00:01:49,750 --> 00:01:51,880

Я не знал, какие у них в отеле будут проигрыватели.

00:01:51,880 --> 00:01:55,010

Там не будет отеля! Ты идиот, Терри! Это... это пустая планета.

00:01:55,010 --> 00:01:56,720

Из-за этого нам придётся начать все с начала.

00:01:56,720 --> 00:01:59,640

О боже, ну давай, поной об этом.

00:01:59,640 --> 00:02:01,390

Ура! Мы снова в ловушке на Земле!

00:02:01,390 --> 00:02:03,810

Извините.

00:02:04,810 --> 00:02:07,190

Планета Шлорп являлась идеальной утопией.

00:02:07,190 --> 00:02:09,230

До падения астероида.

00:02:10,070 --> 00:02:12,440

Сотня взрослых и репликантов улетели с планеты вместе с Пупой

00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:14,240

и отправились в космос

00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:16,910

в поисках нового дома на необитаемой планете.

00:02:17,570 --> 00:02:20,540

Мы упали на Землю и застряли на этой уже и так перенаселённой планете.

00:02:20,540 --> 00:02:22,250

Верно, это я говорил все это время.

00:02:22,250 --> 00:02:24,000

Я тот, который держут Пупу. Меня зовут Корво.

00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:26,460

Это... это моё шоу. Я только что уронил Пупу. Видите меня?

00:02:26,460 --> 00:02:27,880

Это просто смешно.

00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:29,840

Я ненавижу Землю. Это ужасный дом.

00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:31,590

Люди глупые. Они всегда хотят пить.

00:02:31,590 --> 00:02:33,260

Но они не пьют свою мочу. Я не понимаю.

00:02:33,260 --> 00:02:35,010

Просто выпейте свою мочу.

00:02:41,603 --> 00:02:44,353

Начали продавать хлопья Наследники всех форм:

00:02:44,353 --> 00:02:47,143

тут есть Романы, Логаны и фиолетовые Шивы.

00:02:47,143 --> 00:02:48,563

Автопилот просто уничтожен!

00:02:48,563 --> 00:02:50,943

Нам придётся все переделывать.

00:02:50,943 --> 00:02:53,113

Что детектор бедствий делает в морозилке?

00:02:53,113 --> 00:02:54,773

Он не прекращает пикать. Меня это сводит с ума.

00:02:54,773 --> 00:02:57,033

Он пикает только когда получает сигнал бедствия от шлорпианца!

00:02:57,033 --> 00:02:58,573

Это значит, что где-то в этом квадранте

00:02:58,573 --> 00:02:59,743

есть пришельцы с нашей родины.

00:02:59,743 --> 00:03:00,863

Как долго он пикал?

00:03:00,863 --> 00:03:03,073

Год? Может, полтора года?

00:03:03,073 --> 00:03:05,123

Черт возьми, Терри! Ладно, пошли, поможем им!

00:03:05,953 --> 00:03:08,963

Они, наверное, где-то на планете М в гамма-секторе.

00:03:08,963 --> 00:03:10,213

Что за черт, они на Земле!

00:03:10,213 --> 00:03:13,423

Похоже, Солнечные Противоположности полетят в Лондон!

00:03:14,503 --> 00:03:16,713

Не могу поверить, что мы используем парящую платформу.

00:03:16,713 --> 00:03:18,133

Я думала, что мы её только раз используем.

00:03:18,133 --> 00:03:20,973

Солярные Противоположности парят в Лондон!

00:03:20,973 --> 00:03:22,433

Может, хватит уже? Что это вообще значит?

00:03:22,433 --> 00:03:24,263

Нам надо называться "Солнечные противоположности".

00:03:24,263 --> 00:03:25,513

Нет, это глупо.

00:03:25,513 --> 00:03:27,023

Стоп, а где Юмьюлак и Пупа?

00:03:27,723 --> 00:03:29,603

Черт! Почему мы постоянно лажаем?

00:03:29,603 --> 00:03:31,193

Следить за Пупой - твоя работа, Терри.

00:03:31,193 --> 00:03:33,943

Не волнуйся. Я уверен, что Юмьюлак справится.

00:03:33,943 --> 00:03:34,983

Что может пойти не так?

00:03:34,983 --> 00:03:37,823

Наверное, пока он не даст Пупе посмотреть Робокопа,

00:03:37,823 --> 00:03:39,033

все... все будет в порядке.

00:03:39,033 --> 00:03:40,573

Ты пойдёшь со мной, живой или мёртвый!

00:03:40,573 --> 00:03:42,323

Пососи мои яйца, Робокоп!

00:03:50,043 --> 00:03:53,253

Джейден, Эйден, Брэйден. Как я вижу, вы все так же круты.

00:03:53,253 --> 00:03:55,293

Да, крутые, но наша политика слегка изменилась.

00:03:55,293 --> 00:03:57,213

Теперь Джейден - лидер. Меня понизили.

00:03:57,213 --> 00:03:58,553

Знаете, моих предков не будет в городе,

00:03:58,553 --> 00:04:00,973

Если вы хотите потусить у меня, то мы можем напиться

00:04:00,973 --> 00:04:03,223

и, возможно, уменьшить свои шансы дожить до 65.

00:04:03,223 --> 00:04:06,053

Все равно ведьма сказала, что я умру в 25, так что я за.

00:04:06,053 --> 00:04:08,143

Тишина. Говорит альфа.

00:04:08,143 --> 00:04:10,643

Юмьюлак, будет круто, если ты устроишь вечеринку.

00:04:10,643 --> 00:04:12,773

Я постановляю, что все крутые там будут.

00:04:12,773 --> 00:04:14,153

Но я думал, что вы меня ненавидите?

00:04:14,153 --> 00:04:16,363

Издеваться над тобой - это политика Эйдена.

00:04:16,363 --> 00:04:18,073

Потом мы попали в христианский летний лагерь

00:04:18,073 --> 00:04:19,823

и поняли, что надо быть инклюзивными.

00:04:19,823 --> 00:04:21,863

Это был волейбольный лагерь Христиана Слейтера.

00:04:21,863 --> 00:04:23,993

Это будет самая крутая вечеринка из всех!

00:04:30,873 --> 00:04:33,463

Солнечные противоположности добрались до Лондона!

00:04:33,463 --> 00:04:34,623

Ладно, заткнитесь и пошли за мной.

00:04:34,623 --> 00:04:37,253

А теперь он называет нас "Солнечные противоположности"?

00:04:37,253 --> 00:04:39,173

Так хочу встретить новых пришельцев.

00:04:39,173 --> 00:04:40,843

Как думаете, они изучали уровни гудрона

00:04:40,843 --> 00:04:42,223

или частицы стратосферы?

00:04:42,223 --> 00:04:44,843

Вау, и то, и то звучит так классно. Надеюсь, все вместе.

00:04:44,843 --> 00:04:46,473

О боже, будет так круто.

00:04:50,433 --> 00:04:52,683

Это странно.

00:04:53,693 --> 00:04:56,523

Похоже, они по какой-то причине живут в канализации.

00:05:02,613 --> 00:05:05,913

Черт, посмотрите на этот корабль... Как круто.

00:05:06,663 --> 00:05:09,283

Привет? Тут есть кто-нибудь в опасности?

00:05:09,993 --> 00:05:12,163

Что вы делаете? Быстрее заходите!

00:05:12,583 --> 00:05:15,043

Вы отправляли сигнал бедствия?

00:05:15,043 --> 00:05:16,963

Похоже, у вас не такое уж бедствие.

00:05:16,963 --> 00:05:20,343

Я Каброниус, лидер этой команды.

00:05:20,343 --> 00:05:22,593

Это Зелвод, мой помощник,

00:05:22,593 --> 00:05:25,223

а это наши репликанты Тиво и Дамаскулон.

00:05:25,223 --> 00:05:26,803

Вы с ума сошли? Где ваши маски?

00:05:26,803 --> 00:05:29,553

Я не знал, что нам нужны маски. Я дышал воздухом целый год!

00:05:29,553 --> 00:05:31,643

Нет.

00:05:31,643 --> 00:05:34,353

Маски нужны для того, чтобы скрываться от терранцев!

00:05:34,353 --> 00:05:36,313

Мы пользуемся ими, чтобы сливаться с терранцами,

00:05:36,313 --> 00:05:38,403

чтобы они не поймали и не вскрыли нас.

00:05:38,403 --> 00:05:40,403

Мы живём в Америке и не носим маски.

00:05:40,403 --> 00:05:42,073

Нас постоянно замечают.

00:05:42,073 --> 00:05:43,993

Да, наш корабль торчит из дома,

00:05:43,993 --> 00:05:47,113

а однажды из-за нас по всему городу разлилась ледяная лава.

00:05:47,113 --> 00:05:48,373

То есть, они знают о нас.

00:05:48,373 --> 00:05:51,583

Н-но знаете, мы тоже часто скрываемся от терранцев.

00:05:51,583 --> 00:05:52,583

Нет, неправда

00:05:52,583 --> 00:05:54,663

Вы не боитесь, что правительство похитит вас?

00:05:54,663 --> 00:05:57,503

Да, постоянно, нам надо вести себя осторожно среди терранцев.

00:05:57,503 --> 00:05:59,633

Это они инопланетяне, так ведь?

00:05:59,633 --> 00:06:02,253

Я никогда об этом не думала. А ведь верно.

00:06:02,253 --> 00:06:04,173

Мы можем показать им нейтронную установку?

00:06:04,173 --> 00:06:05,843

- Пожалуйста?

- Ладно, ладно.

00:06:05,843 --> 00:06:08,303

Она очень хорошая. У ас очень хорошая нейтронная установка.

00:06:08,303 --> 00:06:09,553

Кто зовёт её "Терра"?

00:06:09,553 --> 00:06:11,763

Да, эти придурки прямо как Корво.

00:06:13,683 --> 00:06:16,063

И, конечно, в конце нашего тура по кораблю

00:06:16,063 --> 00:06:18,143

мениск.

00:06:18,143 --> 00:06:19,353

Он двойной?

00:06:19,353 --> 00:06:22,903

Именно так. А этот парень разбирается в деле.

00:06:22,903 --> 00:06:24,443

Хотел бы я, чтобы у меня был двойной мениск.

00:06:24,443 --> 00:06:25,743

наш излучает только слева.

00:06:25,743 --> 00:06:27,453

Как здорово. Эй, ребята,

00:06:27,453 --> 00:06:30,283

может, поедим тикка масала и посмотрим на замки?

00:06:30,283 --> 00:06:31,833

Или, может, какого-нибудь Рамзи Гордона?

00:06:31,833 --> 00:06:34,243

О да! Давайте познакомимся с Пиппой. Никто её не понимает.

00:06:34,243 --> 00:06:37,003

Нет, нет, нет. Чтобы выжить, мы выбираемся отсюда ночью

00:06:37,003 --> 00:06:38,333

и ищем еду в мусорке.

00:06:38,333 --> 00:06:40,833

Если нас замечают, то мы стираем людям память лазером.

00:06:40,833 --> 00:06:42,593

Когда-нибудь мы проникнем в правительство

00:06:42,593 --> 00:06:44,053

и попробуем промывать мозги.

00:06:44,053 --> 00:06:47,013

Вау, тогда мы сможете работать в правительстве.

00:06:47,473 --> 00:06:49,303

Этот корабль намного лучше нашего,

00:06:49,303 --> 00:06:51,893

даже не учитывая, что у нас везде разбросаны игрушки и журналы.

00:06:51,893 --> 00:06:55,023

У нас тут на корабле только шлорпианские вещи,

00:06:55,023 --> 00:06:56,353

это напоминает нам о доме.

00:06:56,353 --> 00:06:58,443

- Ты это слышал, Терри?

- "Ты это слышал, Терри?" Заткнись уже.

00:06:58,773 --> 00:07:01,353

Давайте приступим к нашим молитвам. Присоединитесь?

00:07:01,353 --> 00:07:03,193

Мы молимся только в день Пасхи

00:07:03,193 --> 00:07:04,823

или когда думаем, что умрём.

00:07:04,823 --> 00:07:06,403

Но даже тогда вы не верим в это.

00:07:06,403 --> 00:07:08,493

Чур я пою первые 300 псалмов!

00:07:08,493 --> 00:07:09,283

Нечестно!

00:07:10,283 --> 00:07:13,663

Так приятно знать, что мы не одни в этом опасном мире.

00:07:13,663 --> 00:07:16,203

Слушай, если тебе понадобится шлорпианское место,

00:07:16,203 --> 00:07:17,293

мы будем рады.

00:07:17,293 --> 00:07:20,333

У нас множество комнат и куча съедобного мусора.

00:07:20,333 --> 00:07:22,253

Спасибо. Я хочу сказать, что...

00:07:22,253 --> 00:07:24,633

Мы можем же свалить отсюда?

00:07:24,633 --> 00:07:26,713

Простите. Я просто хотел поблагодарить вас за...

00:07:26,713 --> 00:07:28,133

Корво, мне скучно!

00:07:28,133 --> 00:07:29,673

Пока! Удачи!

00:07:29,673 --> 00:07:33,853

Похоже, Солнечные противоположности направляются в Америку!

00:07:34,513 --> 00:07:36,473

- В следующий раз мы полетим!

- Нет! Мне нравится платформа!

00:07:38,523 --> 00:07:41,853

Вы можете в это поверить? Эти стремные пришельцы из Великобритании молятся каждый час.

00:07:41,853 --> 00:07:44,193

Давайте в следующий раз игнорировать сигнал бедствия.

00:07:44,193 --> 00:07:47,403

Кучка Джа-Джа динксов. Моя прятаться от терранцев!

00:07:47,403 --> 00:07:49,743

Эти шлорпианцы ведут себя так, как и должны.

00:07:49,743 --> 00:07:52,203

Нужно выбираться ночью к мусорке за едой?

00:07:52,203 --> 00:07:53,533

Моя есть мусор.

00:07:53,533 --> 00:07:55,873

Они такие унылые. Мы классные, они унылые.

00:07:55,873 --> 00:07:56,493

Неправда!

00:07:56,493 --> 00:07:59,253

Я серьёзно удивлён, что у них нет летающей тарелки.

00:07:59,253 --> 00:08:02,043

Они как кучка АЛЬФов: Асоциальные Лицемерные Фигни.

00:08:02,043 --> 00:08:03,793

Они чтят гордые традиции нашего дома,

00:08:03,793 --> 00:08:05,253

а теперь будем и мы.

00:08:05,253 --> 00:08:07,423

Сегодня мы будем медитировать с обсидиановыми свечами,

00:08:07,423 --> 00:08:08,463

как настоящая семья.

00:08:08,463 --> 00:08:10,223

- Да, окей, пасс.

- Точно пасс.

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Это важно! Это наша суть! Это наше наследие.

00:08:12,383 --> 00:08:13,723

Ты стал таким же местным, как и мы.

00:08:13,723 --> 00:08:16,393

Да, тебе тоже нравится корочка от Пиццы Хат.

00:08:16,393 --> 00:08:18,273

Ты даже купил абонемент в зал и ни разу там не был.

00:08:18,273 --> 00:08:20,143

Ты словно ненастоящий пришелец, понимаешь.

00:08:20,143 --> 00:08:21,693

Это вы ненастоящие!

00:08:24,443 --> 00:08:25,733

Эм, что ты делаешь?

00:08:25,733 --> 00:08:27,363

Я переезжаю в старый добрый Лондон,

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чтобы жить с теми, кто меня ценит!

00:08:30,033 --> 00:08:32,323

Этот парень быстро все решил, да?

00:08:32,323 --> 00:08:33,573

Им сложно управлять.

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Мы так рады, что ты присоединился к нашей миссии, Корво.

00:08:37,243 --> 00:08:41,663

Ты словно из того же зарба, что и мы.

00:08:41,663 --> 00:08:44,543

Как хорошо быть в команде, уважающей свою культуру

00:08:44,543 --> 00:08:46,593

и сохраняющей её.

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Просто представь, что корабль - это приятный кусочек родины.

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А теперь давайте бегать вокруг грангнара и бить себя плетью.

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Звучит отлично.

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Как больно и приятно.

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А ты уверен...

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что твоя старая команда не против,

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что ты присоединился к нам?

00:09:05,443 --> 00:09:07,363

Что-то мне подсказывает,

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что они уже жалеют о том, как они ко мне относились.

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Я больше никогда не сниму пижаму По Дамерона!

00:09:12,323 --> 00:09:14,913

Эй, а ты что будешь делать, раз Корво мёртв, то есть, ушёл?

00:09:14,913 --> 00:09:17,823

Я взяла пожилую собаку, которая требует много внимания!

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Нам придётся тратить кучу времени на то, чтобы чистить ей уши,

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мазать кремом её задницу и заставлять её ходить в туалет.

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Я так мечтала о такой ответственности!

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Поиграем с автоматом для золота?

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Корво бы так злился. Давай!

00:09:39,803 --> 00:09:42,313

Корво бы так злился из-за того, что я катаюсь в золоте!

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Я только что отменила наш семейный тариф и подключилась к расширенному плану!

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Тут есть стриминговый сервис!

00:09:47,523 --> 00:09:50,523

У них есть все фильмы друзей Адама Сэндлера, а его фильмов нет.

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Какого черта? Я думал, что вы в Лондоне.

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Корво ушёл из семьи, а у меня теперь есть бассет-хаунд.

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Мне насрать!

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Ко мне на ночёвку в выходные придут крутые ребята,

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так что можете просто не высовываться?

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Эй, может, они хотят побросаться золотом?

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Не позорьте меня! Не надо раздавать золото!

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Здорово! Нам хватит этого мусора на неделю!

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Солдатов-терранцев тут нет,

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думаю, нас не заметили.

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Эм, я тут подумал, может, они и не охотятся за нами?

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Звучит так, словно кто-то тут любит людей.

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Эй, Корво, процитируй священное число перед тем, как мы будем копаться в мусоре?

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Это такая честь!

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8, 7, 5.

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0, эм.. 0, а потом... 4?

00:10:38,823 --> 00:10:41,493

Нет, 3. Простите, я давно не называл святые цифры.

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Что, ты не произносишь их дома?

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Конечно же произношу. Просто... Дайте мне подумать.

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8, 7, 4...

00:10:46,043 --> 00:10:48,003

Нет, 5, 7...

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Ты звучишь как младенец!

- "Ч-ч-четыре?"

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Там цифры не повторяются.

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Ты прямо как местный.

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О нет, я "Терри" этой команды?

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Ты обращаешься к себе, словно ты в каком-то тв-шоу?

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Божечки, я и есть Терри!

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Джесси! Где у нас деньги?

00:11:04,932 --> 00:11:07,352

Нам пришёл огромный счёт за доставку всего этого кетчупа.

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Может, просто расплатимся золотом?

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Эй, что с тобой? Ты отравилась?

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За собакой так тяжело ухаживать. Я вообще не спала.

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Нет!

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Он принимает меня за игрушку.

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Но я не игрушка.

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Просто так выгляжу.

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Машина сама превратилась в золото!

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Как она теперь сделает мне золото?

00:11:25,202 --> 00:11:26,292

Тупой кусок дерьма.

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Эй! Это Эндрю из доставки!

00:11:28,212 --> 00:11:29,542

Вы должны мне 50 000$.

00:11:29,542 --> 00:11:31,582

И чего он так переживает из-за денег?

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Кажется, на подработке много не заработаешь.

00:11:34,592 --> 00:11:37,632

У нас нет Корво, чтобы починить машину для золота и сразится с коллекторами.

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Кажется, пора найти работу.

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Клиент заходит, набирает печенье,

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выбирает крем, ты взвешиваешь все и рассчитываешь его.

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А когда зарплата?

00:11:47,142 --> 00:11:50,942

В конце месяца, но после работы можешь забирать остатки крема,

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а то он засыхает, если не использовать.

00:11:53,652 --> 00:11:55,982

Эй, хватит портить печенье! Сначала надо заплатить!

00:11:57,612 --> 00:12:00,112

Каброниус, можно тебя на секундочку?

00:12:00,112 --> 00:12:01,862

Конечно, Корво, в чем дело?

00:12:01,862 --> 00:12:04,702

Я хочу, чтобы вы приняли меня как истинного шлорпианца.

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Я могу чем-нибудь помочь? Вам нужен корабельный механик?

00:12:07,412 --> 00:12:10,672

Нам нужен специалист по Пупе.

00:12:10,672 --> 00:12:13,962

Где же ваш Пупа? Я могу быть таким специалистом.

00:12:13,962 --> 00:12:15,712

У нас его нет.

00:12:15,712 --> 00:12:16,802

Что же с ним случилось?

00:12:16,802 --> 00:12:18,592

У нас вообще никогда его не было.

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Мы улетели до того, как их создали.

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Богатые никого не ждут.

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Вам не выдали Пупу, когда вы улетали с родной планеты?

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Нет, у нас все было немного иначе.

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Планета Шлорп являлась идеальной утопией.

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Некоторые шлорпианцы были рабочими, созданными для порабощения.

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Что? Мы?

00:12:32,142 --> 00:12:34,232

Остальные были невидимым правящим классом

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богатых любителей ленивого отдыха.

00:12:36,232 --> 00:12:38,862

Нас, богатых инопланетян, предупредили об астероиде

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за месяц до его падения.

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Мы купили дорогущие корабли и улетели намного, намного раньше.

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Мы приземлились на уже заселённой планете

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и ждали, пока чей-нибудь чужой Пупа терраформирует,

00:12:50,252 --> 00:12:53,002

чтобы мы могли вернуться и снова жить в богатстве.

00:12:53,002 --> 00:12:55,462

Я никогда не слышал о богатых неработающих шлорпианцах.

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Так в этом весь смысл.

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Но если у вас нет Пупы, то зачем вам специалист?

00:12:59,382 --> 00:13:00,722

Нам нужен Пупа.

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Терри тут слишком обжился, он не сможет быть хорошим защитником.

00:13:04,052 --> 00:13:06,932

Разве Пупе не будет лучше с подлинными шлорпианцами

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терраформировать новую планету?

00:13:09,142 --> 00:13:10,142

Звучит и правда разумно.

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Мы хотим спасти вашего Пупу и

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привезти к нам, чтобы зажить новой жизнью.

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Новой шлорпианской жизнью.

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Я сделаю это. Сперва мы должны обезопасить корабль.

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Он любит везде совать свой нос.

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И ест все синее.

00:13:24,162 --> 00:13:26,242

Ненавижу работу в "Уки-Куки".

00:13:26,242 --> 00:13:28,992

Это ещё унизительней, чем кажется.

00:13:28,992 --> 00:13:31,122

А форма Джо Дэмерона начинает вонять.

00:13:31,122 --> 00:13:32,662

Кажется, эта собака ненавидит меня.

00:13:32,662 --> 00:13:35,922

Она заставила меня носить этот ошейник и закапывает меня в саду.

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Идея!

00:13:37,502 --> 00:13:39,302

Если мы оденемся и будем себя вести как Корво,

00:13:39,302 --> 00:13:41,172

возможно, сможем лучше позаботиться о себе.

00:13:41,172 --> 00:13:43,552

То есть, надо ремонтировать корабль и много жаловаться?

00:13:43,552 --> 00:13:45,012

Почему ты сказал, что это "идея"?

00:13:45,012 --> 00:13:46,722

Всегда так говорю, когда что-то придумываю.

00:13:46,722 --> 00:13:48,262

За дело.

00:13:50,772 --> 00:13:52,272

Так, что бы сказал Корво?

00:13:52,272 --> 00:13:54,312

"Терри! Хватит трескать хлопья и веселиться!"

00:13:54,312 --> 00:13:56,442

"Ты мне не отец".

"Делай, что я говорю!"

00:13:56,442 --> 00:13:58,232

"Я в свою комнату".

- Ненавижу все это.

00:13:58,232 --> 00:13:59,982

Вот так. Ты уже почти как Корво.

00:13:59,982 --> 00:14:01,982

Все мои крутые друзья опаздывают на три часа.

00:14:01,982 --> 00:14:03,862

Наверное, я дал им неправильный адрес!

00:14:03,862 --> 00:14:06,702

Я беру свой Херак Детектор и иду на их поиски.

00:14:07,492 --> 00:14:09,742

Херак. Херак. Херак.

00:14:09,742 --> 00:14:11,492

Вообще, Терри не любит возиться с Пупой.

00:14:11,492 --> 00:14:12,832

Он даже обрадуется.

00:14:14,962 --> 00:14:16,832

Терри? Почему вы звоните мне по BoostTime?

00:14:16,832 --> 00:14:18,332

Вы подключили Boost Mobile?

00:14:18,332 --> 00:14:20,342

Это лишь одна из ошибок, сделанных после твоего ухода!

00:14:20,342 --> 00:14:22,842

Корво, мы облажались. Ты нам очень нужен, тебя так не хватает,

00:14:22,842 --> 00:14:24,722

и я боюсь, что меня съест собака!

00:14:24,722 --> 00:14:26,762

Какая собака? Я же говорил вам, никаких собак в доме,

00:14:26,762 --> 00:14:28,892

пока я не выясню, как заставить их считать меня альфой!

00:14:28,892 --> 00:14:30,472

Вы напялили церемониальные плащи?

00:14:30,472 --> 00:14:32,392

Пожалуйста, возвращайся. Ты был прав. Во всем прав.

00:14:32,392 --> 00:14:34,352

Мы исправимся, Корво! Ты нам нужен!

00:14:34,352 --> 00:14:35,642

Я действительно нужен вам?

00:14:35,642 --> 00:14:37,312

И если я вернусь, вы не будете издеваться,

00:14:37,312 --> 00:14:39,192

что я не знаю священное неповторяющееся число?

00:14:39,192 --> 00:14:41,232

Нет. О чем ты, блин, вообще?

00:14:41,232 --> 00:14:42,322

Нам нужна твоя помощь.

00:14:42,322 --> 00:14:44,402

Без тебя мы просто куски дерьма!

00:14:44,402 --> 00:14:46,452

Вы признали свою неправоту, умоляете меня помочь,

00:14:46,452 --> 00:14:48,952

называете себя кусками дерьма... все, как я мечтал!

00:14:48,952 --> 00:14:50,872

Я скоро вернусь, оставайтесь жалкими!

00:14:51,282 --> 00:14:53,162

Хряк. Хряк. Хряк.

00:14:54,122 --> 00:14:57,672

Джейдан! Ребята, вы тусите не в том доме!

00:14:57,672 --> 00:14:59,542

Вот блин, он нас нашёл.

00:14:59,542 --> 00:15:02,172

Никто не хочет тусить с уродским тупым инопланетянином,

00:15:02,172 --> 00:15:03,462

от которого воняет письками.

00:15:03,462 --> 00:15:06,632

Я сказал тебе про ночёвку, чтобы ты не нашёл эту вечеринку.

00:15:06,632 --> 00:15:08,722

Но... ты же говорил, что я крутой.

00:15:08,722 --> 00:15:10,432

Это не так. Ты - отстой.

00:15:10,432 --> 00:15:11,932

И если этого для тебя мало,

00:15:11,932 --> 00:15:13,762

пошёл ты, маленький тупой сученок.

00:15:17,352 --> 00:15:19,522

Корво! Готов лететь за Пупой?

00:15:19,522 --> 00:15:21,402

Я передумал. Никакого вам Пупы.

00:15:21,402 --> 00:15:22,652

Но разве Терри не идиот?

00:15:22,652 --> 00:15:25,692

Да, но он часть моей команды. Я должен руководить ими.

00:15:25,692 --> 00:15:27,032

А как же наш план?

00:15:27,032 --> 00:15:30,412

Когда вы терраформируете планету, чтобы мы вернулись к своей секретной богатой жизни?

00:15:30,412 --> 00:15:31,822

Продолжайте в том же духе

00:15:31,822 --> 00:15:33,742

и ждите, как и мы, эволюцию Пупы.

00:15:34,792 --> 00:15:36,372

Каброниус! Какого черта!

00:15:37,252 --> 00:15:38,212

Выпусти меня отсюда!

00:15:38,212 --> 00:15:40,332

Нет! Пупа наш!

00:15:40,922 --> 00:15:42,842

- А ты тяжёленький.

- Катись к черту.

00:15:42,842 --> 00:15:45,382

Руки прочь от Пупы, богатенькие ублюдки!

00:15:47,221 --> 00:15:48,261

Выпустите меня отсюда!

00:15:48,261 --> 00:15:52,051

Пупе будет лучше в команде истинных шлорпианцев.

00:15:52,051 --> 00:15:54,221

Пошёл к черту, Зельвод! Ты кусок дерьма, слышишь?

00:15:54,221 --> 00:15:56,311

Пошли вы все к черту! Кучка тупиц!

00:16:04,191 --> 00:16:06,571

Вот блин! Секундочку, священное число.

00:16:06,571 --> 00:16:09,071

8, 5, 9, 4, 2...

00:16:10,411 --> 00:16:12,281

Пупа обнаружен, координаты зафиксированы.

00:16:13,201 --> 00:16:15,491

5, 2, черт, 6!

00:16:15,491 --> 00:16:17,831

Я помнил дурацкое число все это время.

00:16:17,831 --> 00:16:19,371

И кто теперь идиот?

00:16:19,371 --> 00:16:21,501

Черт! 8, 5, 7, 9, 4, 2...

00:16:23,501 --> 00:16:26,091

Инопланетянин вылез из канализации?

00:16:26,091 --> 00:16:28,841

В какое чудесное время мы живём!

00:16:28,841 --> 00:16:30,761

Добро пожаловать.

- Как пройти к колесу обозрения?

00:16:30,761 --> 00:16:33,391

Пешком слишком долго, солнце. Садись, подвезу.

00:16:53,621 --> 00:16:55,411

Я думал, он покатится внутри, как в большом колесе,

00:16:55,411 --> 00:16:59,661

но копом-то я стал, потому что у меня нет фантазии.

00:17:07,381 --> 00:17:09,801

Отдайте нам вашего Пупу.

00:17:09,801 --> 00:17:10,801

Ладно, а зачем?

00:17:10,801 --> 00:17:13,391

Так мы просто теряем время. Стрелять на поражение!

00:17:19,311 --> 00:17:21,441

Катитесь к черту, вам не заполучить нашего Пупу.

00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:23,441

Активировать автозащиту!

00:17:39,121 --> 00:17:42,661

По моей команде! Да разразится научно-фантастический ад!

00:17:43,081 --> 00:17:46,001

3, 2, 1...

00:17:49,171 --> 00:17:54,681

Сидни, попроси у Хулу ещё миллиончик баксов, чтобы нам хватило бюджета на съёмки этого офигенного экшена. Майк.

00:17:54,681 --> 00:17:57,851

Срань Господня! Это была самая крутецкая битва в моей жизни.

00:17:57,851 --> 00:17:59,351

Вся снятая одним непрерывным дублем!

00:17:59,351 --> 00:18:01,351

Обошлось, наверное, в миллион долларов!

00:18:01,351 --> 00:18:03,851

Отдайте нам Пупу, и мы прекратим огонь.

00:18:03,851 --> 00:18:06,151

Давайте просто убьём его и заберём Пупу.

00:18:11,611 --> 00:18:13,201

Остановитесь! Вы можете забрать Пупу,

00:18:13,201 --> 00:18:14,951

но нам нужно рассказать, как о нем заботиться.

00:18:14,951 --> 00:18:16,741

Если он умрёт, вы не будете богатыми и ленивыми.

00:18:16,741 --> 00:18:18,491

Ну ладно, хорошо. У вас 30 секунд.

00:18:19,241 --> 00:18:21,501

Корво! Пупа нам как ребёнок.

00:18:21,501 --> 00:18:22,661

Ты не можешь отдать его.

00:18:22,661 --> 00:18:23,961

Заткнись. Я главный в команде.

00:18:25,331 --> 00:18:26,881

Эти ребятки не знают, как выглядит Пупа.

00:18:26,881 --> 00:18:27,421

И что?

00:18:27,421 --> 00:18:30,171

Если не сработает, спрячься под одеялом с этой пушкой.

00:18:36,591 --> 00:18:39,301

Это Пупа. Так вот выглядит Пупа. Это он.

00:18:39,301 --> 00:18:40,721

Погодите-ка.

00:18:40,721 --> 00:18:43,141

Он даже милее, чем я думал.

00:18:43,141 --> 00:18:45,981

Это честь познакомиться с вами, о, благородный Пупа.

00:18:45,981 --> 00:18:47,981

Пупу нужно выгуливать четыре раза в день.

00:18:47,981 --> 00:18:50,361

Не забывайте, иначе он все у вас описает.

00:18:50,361 --> 00:18:52,361

Протирайте его попу влажными салфетками.

00:18:52,361 --> 00:18:54,441

Готовьте ему свежего цыплёнка с рисом.

00:18:54,441 --> 00:18:56,531

- Помедленнее.

- Свежего. Иначе у него будет сыпь.

00:18:56,531 --> 00:18:59,321

И ещё, прошу прощения, но с ушами тоже беда.

00:18:59,321 --> 00:19:00,331

Медленнее.

00:19:00,331 --> 00:19:03,041

Как можно не знать такие основы ухода за Пупой?

00:19:03,041 --> 00:19:04,711

Как заставить его терраформировать?

00:19:04,711 --> 00:19:07,251

Если он не терраформирует, значит, вы плохо стараетесь.

00:19:07,251 --> 00:19:11,251

Мы посвятим свои жизни служению этому существу.

00:19:11,251 --> 00:19:13,051

Удачки! И да, каждый раз, когда он гавкает,

00:19:13,051 --> 00:19:14,461

вы должны бить себя по лицу.

00:19:14,461 --> 00:19:15,631

Он прав, это так.

00:19:24,221 --> 00:19:26,851

Что-то выпало из его вонючего отверстия.

00:19:26,851 --> 00:19:29,771

Это значит, что он готов терраформировать!

00:19:34,901 --> 00:19:37,491

- Что с тобой случилось?

- Крутые дети забросили меня на дерево,

00:19:37,491 --> 00:19:39,991

так что я убью их своим спутником.

00:19:42,371 --> 00:19:45,911

А я думала, так ты подсматриваешь за загорающими на крышах дамочками.

00:19:45,911 --> 00:19:47,661

Да, но сейчас я сожгу им этих засранцев.

00:19:47,661 --> 00:19:49,581

Ты кто такой?

00:19:49,581 --> 00:19:51,211

Я Дэрил. Пришёл на ночёвку.

00:19:51,211 --> 00:19:53,131

- Правда?

- Да, она ещё не закончилась?

00:19:53,131 --> 00:19:55,921

- Никто больше не пришёл.

- Отлично, ненавижу людей.

00:19:55,921 --> 00:19:57,261

Я тоже!

00:19:57,261 --> 00:20:00,011

Хочешь посмотреть на стену, полную уменьшенных мною взрослых?

00:20:00,011 --> 00:20:02,051

Конечно.

00:20:02,051 --> 00:20:04,061

О, типа муравьиной фермы?

00:20:04,061 --> 00:20:05,771

Да, знаю, выглядит тупо.

00:20:05,771 --> 00:20:06,981

Нет-нет, мне нравится.

00:20:06,981 --> 00:20:10,351

Хочешь поиграть на телефоне и обсудить, какие люди дерьмовые?

00:20:10,351 --> 00:20:12,861

Да, миллион раз да.

00:20:13,901 --> 00:20:15,481

Сумасшедший денёк.

00:20:15,481 --> 00:20:18,031

Знаете что? Я рад, что все снова вернулось в норму.

00:20:18,031 --> 00:20:19,611

Мы все извлекли урок.

00:20:19,611 --> 00:20:21,321

Мне хорошо здесь и сейчас,

00:20:21,321 --> 00:20:22,661

и вот прямо здесь.

00:20:22,661 --> 00:20:26,541

Урок, который я извлёк, что нужно быть вдвое строже

00:20:26,541 --> 00:20:28,581

и ещё сильнее сконцентрироваться на нашей миссии.

00:20:28,581 --> 00:20:29,501

Корво, нет!

00:20:29,501 --> 00:20:31,381

Да! Чтобы больше не было инопланетян, которые

00:20:31,381 --> 00:20:32,831

переплюнут меня в консервативности!

00:20:32,831 --> 00:20:35,091

Ну тогда я стану вдвойне поверхностным и трешовым,

00:20:35,091 --> 00:20:36,051

чтобы уравновесить тебя.

00:20:36,051 --> 00:20:36,801

Нет, не делай этого!

00:20:36,801 --> 00:20:38,511

Я творю все, что хочу, Я ведь Терри.

00:20:38,511 --> 00:20:39,511

Я здесь главный! Это приказ!

00:20:39,511 --> 00:20:40,591

А мне пофиг. А мне пофиг.

00:20:40,591 --> 00:20:41,551

- Пошёл ты!

- Ничего не слышу.

00:20:42,891 --> 00:20:44,971

Божечки, это пистолет Пупы?

00:20:44,971 --> 00:20:47,021

Нет, нет, нет!

00:20:47,981 --> 00:20:49,641

Срань Господня.

00:20:49,641 --> 00:20:50,731

Пупа убил Робокопа!

00:20:50,731 --> 00:20:53,361

Я так тобой горжусь!

00:00:08,091 --> 00:00:10,427

We can finally leave this shithole planet

and find a good one

00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:11,512

the Pupa can terraform.

00:00:11,595 --> 00:00:15,140

Then we can grow more Shlorpians from

the seeds we have stored in the cryopods.

00:00:15,474 --> 00:00:18,018

So long, Earth suckers.

Enjoy the melting ice caps.

00:00:18,143 --> 00:00:19,937

I hope the combustion engine was worth it.

00:00:20,062 --> 00:00:25,859

Goodbye, oxygen-rich atmosphere.

Goodbye, puppies. Goodbye, Maroon 5.

00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:29,363

I'm glad we're finally going to a planet

that doesn't have stupid rules.

00:00:29,446 --> 00:00:33,033

Like saying "excuse me" after you fart.

You're supposed to say it before you fart.

00:00:33,158 --> 00:00:34,284

This fucking sucks.

00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:36,286

If I was team leader,

we'd be getting butter-drunk

00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:38,497

at Harry P land, loading up on wands.

00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:40,749

Well, tough titties. You're not.

Everyone, strap in.

00:00:40,832 --> 00:00:43,544

I'm going to activate the launch.

Jesse, what... What the hell is that?

00:00:43,627 --> 00:00:46,463

M&M's with the olives inside.

They're oily and sour.

00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:48,382

Give me that.

Every ounce of weight matters.

00:00:48,507 --> 00:00:51,134

Something this small could set us

off course and into the sun.

00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:53,929

We're back

to equilibrium. Launching now.

00:00:56,181 --> 00:00:57,975

It's working. Wait.

00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:01,687

-Geek Squad. Michael speaking.

- This is Korvo, the alien.

00:01:01,770 --> 00:01:03,272

I'm calling to say, "Fuck you, Michael".

00:01:03,355 --> 00:01:05,732

You've been working on my Lenovo too

too many weeks now and you can

00:01:05,816 --> 00:01:07,651

- just shove it up your ass, Michael!

-The Judge said you weren't

00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:08,735

supposed to call here anymore.

00:01:08,819 --> 00:01:11,154

Fuck you and fuck your whole squad

and I fucked your mom.

00:01:11,238 --> 00:01:12,239

Oh, Hey.

00:01:22,791 --> 00:01:25,043

No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no.

00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:31,008

Yo, the balance was off.

00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:32,718

Did someone accidentally have

a penny in their pocket

00:01:32,801 --> 00:01:34,386

or a contact lens or a feather?

00:01:34,469 --> 00:01:36,346

I might have hidden some stuff

on the ship.

00:01:36,471 --> 00:01:37,973

Did it weigh more than a gram?

00:01:39,474 --> 00:01:43,437

What the hell? Bags of sand?

Bowling balls? Congo pinball machine?

00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:45,731

A lifetime supply of Silly Putty eggs?

00:01:45,814 --> 00:01:49,735

You needed to bring the entire series run

of Cops on DVD and VHS?

00:01:49,818 --> 00:01:51,778

Well, I didn't know what kind of player

the hotel would have.

00:01:51,862 --> 00:01:54,948

There is no hotel. Terry, you idiot.

It's a... An empty planet!

00:01:55,032 --> 00:01:56,992

This puts us right back

to where we were a year ago.

00:01:57,075 --> 00:01:59,453

Oh, my God.

Make a bigger deal about it, you poopie.

00:01:59,536 --> 00:02:02,664

- Yay! We're still trapped on Earth.

- Excuse me.

00:02:04,750 --> 00:02:09,004

Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia

until the asteroid hit.

00:02:10,088 --> 00:02:14,218

One hundred adults and their replicants

were issued a Pupa and escaped into space,

00:02:14,301 --> 00:02:16,720

searching for new homes

on uninhabited worlds.

00:02:17,513 --> 00:02:20,516

We crashed on Earth, stranding us on

an already overpopulated planet.

00:02:20,599 --> 00:02:22,226

That's right.

I've been talking this whole time.

00:02:22,309 --> 00:02:24,895

I'm the one holding the Pupa.

My name's Korvo. This... This is my show.

00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:27,773

I just dropped the Pupa. Do you see me?

Ah... This is ridiculous.

00:02:27,856 --> 00:02:30,400

I hate Earth. It's a horrible home.

People are stupid.

00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:33,487

They're always thirsty, but they don't

drink their own piss. I don't get it.

00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:34,863

Just drink your own piss.

00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:44,456

Oh, yeah! They're making Succession cereal

with all the shapes.

00:02:44,540 --> 00:02:48,544

- Romans, Logans and purple Shivs.

- The autopilot's completely destroyed.

00:02:48,627 --> 00:02:50,921

We're gonna have to re-pilot

the whole thing.

00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:53,090

What is the distress detector

doing in the freezer?

00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:54,716

Oh, wouldn't stop beeping.

It was driving me nuts.

00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:57,010

It only beeps when it receives

a Shlorpian distress call.

00:02:57,094 --> 00:02:59,721

That means there's aliens from

the home world somewhere in this quadrant.

00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:03,016

- How long has this been beeping?

- A year? Or a year and a half maybe?

00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:05,102

Damn it, Terry. All right, come on.

We have to help them.

00:03:06,103 --> 00:03:08,939

They're probably on an M-class planet

somewhere in the Gamma sector...

00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:10,190

What the hell? They're on Earth.

00:03:10,274 --> 00:03:13,443

Looks like the Solar Opposites

are going to London.

00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:16,780

I can't believe we get to use

the hover platform.

00:03:16,947 --> 00:03:18,365

I thought that was a one-time thing.

00:03:18,448 --> 00:03:20,868

The Solar Opposites

are hovering to London!

00:03:20,951 --> 00:03:22,494

Would you stop saying that.

What does that even mean?

00:03:22,578 --> 00:03:24,371

I just think we should

be called "the Solar Opposites."

00:03:24,454 --> 00:03:27,082

No, that's stupid.

Where's Yumyulack and the Pupa?

00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:29,501

Damn it. How are we still so bad at this?

00:03:29,585 --> 00:03:31,461

Watching the Pupa

is your whole job, Terry.

00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:34,882

Don't worry. I'm sure Yumyulack's keeping

him real safe. What could go wrong?

00:03:34,965 --> 00:03:38,844

I guess as long as he doesn't let the Pupa

watch RoboCop again, it'll be fine.

00:03:39,178 --> 00:03:40,512

Dead or alive, you're coming with me.

00:03:40,596 --> 00:03:42,306

Suck my shitty tits, RoboCop.

00:03:50,314 --> 00:03:53,066

Jaeden, Aaden, Braden.

Still as cool as last year I see.

00:03:53,150 --> 00:03:55,194

We are, but our internal politics

have shifted.

00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:57,112

This year Jaeden is our leader.

I was demoted.

00:03:57,196 --> 00:03:58,530

You know, my adults are out of town.

00:03:58,614 --> 00:04:00,908

If you guys wanna hang at my place,

we could drink too much

00:04:00,991 --> 00:04:03,202

and maybe hurt our chances

of living past 65.

00:04:03,327 --> 00:04:06,246

A witch said I'm gonna die at 25 anyway,

so I guess I'm down.

00:04:06,330 --> 00:04:08,123

Silence. Your alpha speaks.

00:04:08,207 --> 00:04:10,584

Yumyulack, it'd be cool to throw

a sleepover party.

00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:14,046

- I decree that all cool kids will attend.

- But I thought you hated me.

00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:16,465

Dunking on you was

a policy of the Aaden era.

00:04:16,548 --> 00:04:18,091

Since then, we all went

to Christian summer camp

00:04:18,175 --> 00:04:19,801

and realized it's cool to be inclusive.

00:04:19,885 --> 00:04:23,847

It was Christian Slater's volleyball camp.

This'll be the coolest party of the year!

00:04:30,729 --> 00:04:34,525

The Solar Opposites have made it to

London. Right. Shut up. Follow me.

00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:36,902

Oh, so now he's calling us

"the Solar Opposites"?

00:04:37,361 --> 00:04:39,154

Oh, I cannot wait

to meet these new aliens.

00:04:39,238 --> 00:04:42,032

Do you think they've been studying

hydron levels or stratospheric...

00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:44,826

Both sound so cool. It's hard to pick.

Hopefully both.

00:04:44,910 --> 00:04:46,453

Oh, my God. That would be amazing.

00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:52,042

Hmm.

00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:56,046

That's odd. Apparently, they live in

the sewer for some reason.

00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:02,511

Whoa.

00:05:02,594 --> 00:05:05,222

Damn. Look at that ship. It's nice.

00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:11,728

- Hello? Is anyone here in distress?

- What are you doing? Get in here.

00:05:12,604 --> 00:05:14,898

Uh, we were following a distress call.

00:05:15,023 --> 00:05:16,942

Doesn't seem like

you're in that much distress.

00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:20,279

I am Kabronius, team leader of this ship.

00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:25,117

This is Zelvod, my co-team leader,

and our replicants, Tivo and Damasculon.

00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:26,869

Are you crazy? Where are your masks?

00:05:26,952 --> 00:05:29,621

I didn't know we needed masks.

I've been breathing air for a year.

00:05:31,081 --> 00:05:34,293

No. The face masks are so you can

hide from the Terrans.

00:05:34,376 --> 00:05:38,005

We use these to walk amongst the Terrans

so they don't capture and dissect us.

00:05:38,088 --> 00:05:40,465

Where we live, in America,

we don't wear masks.

00:05:40,549 --> 00:05:42,134

We're noticeable almost all the time.

00:05:42,217 --> 00:05:44,678

Yeah, our ship sticks out of the top

of our house, and one time,

00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:48,307

we covered the whole town in ice lava.

So, they know us.

00:05:48,432 --> 00:05:51,643

But... But, you know, we also spend a lot

of time hiding from Terrans as well.

00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:52,769

No, we don't.

00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:54,855

Aren't you scared the government

will kidnap you?

00:05:54,938 --> 00:05:57,441

Yes, all the time. We have to be

very careful around Terrans.

00:05:57,524 --> 00:06:01,361

- They're the aliens. Am... Am I right?

- I never thought of it like that.

00:06:01,445 --> 00:06:04,281

- They really are.

- Can we show them the neutron array?

00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:08,243

Okay, okay. It's very nice.

We have a very nice neutron array.

00:06:08,327 --> 00:06:11,955

- Who calls it "Terra"?

- Yeah, these dorks are real Korvos.

00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:18,212

And, of course, the end of any good

ship tour, the havacord meniscus.

00:06:18,295 --> 00:06:20,631

- Is this dual-sided?

- It is.

00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:24,384

- This guy knows his stuff.

- Oh, I wish I had a dual meniscus.

00:06:24,468 --> 00:06:26,887

- Ours only emits from the left.

- Ah, so great.

00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:30,265

Hey, guys. Do you wanna go eat

tikka masala and see some castles?

00:06:30,349 --> 00:06:32,309

- Maybe, uh, Ramsay some Gordons?

- Oh, yes!

00:06:32,434 --> 00:06:34,144

Let's go meet Pippa. Nobody gets her.

00:06:34,228 --> 00:06:35,395

No, no, no.

00:06:35,479 --> 00:06:38,232

We survive by creeping out at night

to find food in dumpsters.

00:06:38,315 --> 00:06:40,859

If we get spotted, we erase people's minds

with a memory zapper.

00:06:40,943 --> 00:06:42,611

Eventually we might infiltrate

the government,

00:06:42,694 --> 00:06:44,071

and try brainwashing some people.

00:06:44,154 --> 00:06:46,782

Wow! Then you could go

work in the government.

00:06:47,491 --> 00:06:49,326

This ship is so much nicer than ours.

00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:51,870

Not to mention our house is cluttered

with toys and magazines.

00:06:51,954 --> 00:06:56,208

Oh, we only allow Shlorpian items to stay

on the ship. It reminds us of home.

00:06:56,291 --> 00:06:58,627

- Hear that, Terry?

-"Hear that, Terry?" Shut up, bitch.

00:06:58,710 --> 00:07:01,338

We were about to start our hourly prayers.

Care to join?

00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:04,758

Eh. We only pray on Easter

or when we think we're about to die.

00:07:04,842 --> 00:07:06,343

And even then we don't really mean it.

00:07:06,510 --> 00:07:09,346

- I call dibs on the first 300 Psalms.

- No fair.

00:07:10,305 --> 00:07:13,642

It is so good to know that we aren't alone

in this dangerous world.

00:07:13,725 --> 00:07:17,187

Look, if you ever need a Shlorpian place

to stay, our hatch is open.

00:07:17,271 --> 00:07:20,148

We have tons of room

and all the eel trash you can eat.

00:07:20,232 --> 00:07:22,401

- Thank you. And may I just say...

00:07:22,484 --> 00:07:24,611

Can we please go already?

00:07:24,695 --> 00:07:26,405

Sorry. I... I just wanted

to thank you for being...

00:07:26,488 --> 00:07:27,614

Korvo, I'm bored.

00:07:28,073 --> 00:07:29,658

Bye. Have fun.

00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:33,620

Looks like the Solar Opposites

are going to America!

00:07:34,329 --> 00:07:36,415

- Next time, we're flying.

- No. I like the platform.

00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:41,795

Can you believe those weirdo

British aliens pray every hour?

00:07:41,879 --> 00:07:44,131

Next time, let's ignore

the distress signal.

00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:47,217

Bunch of Jar Jar dinks.

"Meesa gonna hide from Terrans."

00:07:47,301 --> 00:07:49,469

Those Shlorpians were exactly the way

we're supposed to be.

00:07:49,553 --> 00:07:53,557

Sneaking out at night to dumpster dive

for trash food? "Meesa gonna eat trash."

00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:55,184

They're basic. We're extra.

00:07:55,267 --> 00:07:56,476

- They're basic.

- They were not.

00:07:56,727 --> 00:07:59,146

I'm honestly surprised they didn't

have a flying saucer.

00:07:59,229 --> 00:08:01,899

They were like a bunch of ALFs.

"Alone Loser Fucks."

00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:03,775

They honor the proud traditions

of the home world.

00:08:03,859 --> 00:08:05,277

And from now on, so do we.

00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:08,113

We're all meditating around

the obsidian candle tonight as a family.

00:08:08,238 --> 00:08:09,364

Well, yeah, right. Pass.

00:08:09,448 --> 00:08:10,449

Hard pass.

00:08:10,532 --> 00:08:12,409

This is important.

It's who we are, our heritage.

00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:13,785

You've gone as native as we have.

00:08:13,869 --> 00:08:16,038

Yeah, you like Pizza Hut stuffed crust

as much as we do.

00:08:16,205 --> 00:08:18,207

You even bought a gym membership

and you never went.

00:08:18,290 --> 00:08:20,042

You're sort of like a fake alien,

you know?

00:08:20,209 --> 00:08:22,753

You two are fake aliens.

00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:27,341

- What are you doing?

- I'm moving to ye olde London town

00:08:27,424 --> 00:08:29,468

to live with the aliens

that appreciate me.

00:08:30,135 --> 00:08:32,221

That guy really turns on

a dime, doesn't he?

00:08:32,304 --> 00:08:33,555

He's tough to manage.

00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:37,059

We're so happy you've decided

to be a part of our mission, Korvo.

00:08:37,142 --> 00:08:41,605

You seem like a Shlorpian lasered

from the same zarb as us.

00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:44,566

Oh, it's nice to be around a team

that's preserved our culture

00:08:44,650 --> 00:08:46,777

and keeps our culture preserved, you know?

00:08:46,902 --> 00:08:49,905

Just think of this ship as

a comforting piece of the home world.

00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:53,325

Now let's circle round the Grangnar

and hit ourselves with ropes.

00:08:53,575 --> 00:08:55,327

That sounds wonderful.

00:08:59,623 --> 00:09:00,832

It hurts so good.

00:09:00,916 --> 00:09:04,753

Are you sure your old teammates

are okay with you joining us?

00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:09,383

Something tells me they're already

regretting being dicks to me.

00:09:09,550 --> 00:09:12,261

I'm never taking off my

Poe Dameron jammies ever again.

00:09:12,344 --> 00:09:14,972

What are you gonna do now Korvo's dead?

I mean, gone.

00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:17,808

I adopted a high-maintenance elderly dog.

00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:20,352

We're gonna have to spend a lot of time

cleaning out her ears,

00:09:20,435 --> 00:09:22,563

putting lotion in her butt,

squeezing the anals...

00:09:22,646 --> 00:09:24,857

All the responsibility

I've been begging for.

00:09:27,359 --> 00:09:30,362

- You wanna play with the gold machine?

- Korvo would hate that. Let's do it.

00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:39,162

Whee!

00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:40,914

- Whoo!

- Korvo would be so mad

00:09:41,039 --> 00:09:42,207

that I'm rolling in all this gold.

00:09:42,291 --> 00:09:45,836

I just canceled the family cell plan

and switched us over to Boost Mobile.

00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:47,462

It comes with Crackle Plus.

00:09:47,546 --> 00:09:50,382

They got all of Adam Sandler's

friends' movies but none of his.

00:09:50,507 --> 00:09:52,509

What the hell?

I thought you guys were in London.

00:09:52,593 --> 00:09:54,970

Korvo left the family

and I got a basset hound.

00:09:55,053 --> 00:09:56,054

I don't give a shit.

00:09:56,138 --> 00:09:58,682

A bunch of cool kids are coming over

for a sleepover this weekend.

00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:00,100

So can you please just be chill?

00:10:00,184 --> 00:10:02,895

Hey, maybe they'll wanna

have a gold fight.

00:10:03,478 --> 00:10:05,189

- Ow!

- Guys, don't embarrass me.

00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:06,356

- Ow, my tooth.

- No giving out gold.

00:10:11,653 --> 00:10:14,948

This is amazing!

We're gonna be eating trash for a week.

00:10:15,073 --> 00:10:18,660

I didn't see any Terran soldiers.

I think we avoided detection.

00:10:18,744 --> 00:10:22,080

Uh... Uh, just a thought,

but maybe they aren't hunting you.

00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:25,375

Yeah, right.

That sounds like human-lover talk.

00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:28,879

Hey, Korvo, why don't you recite

the holy number before we dig in?

00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:30,088

Oh, it's an honor.

00:10:31,673 --> 00:10:35,385

Eight, seven, five, zero.

00:10:35,594 --> 00:10:38,805

Uh, it's zero and then four?

00:10:38,889 --> 00:10:41,517

No. Three. I'm sorry. I haven't said

the holy number for a while.

00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:42,893

What, you don't say it at home?

00:10:43,060 --> 00:10:46,063

Of course I do. It's just... Let me think.

Eight, seven, four...

00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:47,898

...five, seven.

00:10:48,023 --> 00:10:49,441

- You sound like a sproutling.

- Six.

00:10:49,525 --> 00:10:50,526

"Four"?

00:10:50,609 --> 00:10:53,070

- It's a non-repeating number.

- You really have gone native.

00:10:53,195 --> 00:10:56,782

Oh, no. Am I the Terry of this team?

No, that's impossible.

00:10:56,865 --> 00:11:00,202

Are you narrating to yourself

like you're the star of a TV show?

00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:02,120

Oh, God. I am the Terry!

00:11:03,622 --> 00:11:04,790

Jesse, where do we keep money?

00:11:04,915 --> 00:11:07,376

We have a huge Postmates bill from

ordering all those ketchup packets.

00:11:07,543 --> 00:11:08,669

Can't we just use the gold machine?

00:11:08,794 --> 00:11:10,712

Whoa. Whoa. What... What's with you?

Are you poisoned?

00:11:10,796 --> 00:11:13,841

The dog is so high maintenance,

I didn't sleep at all.

00:11:13,924 --> 00:11:15,050

Whoa!

00:11:15,133 --> 00:11:21,223

No! It thinks I'm a toy. But I'm not.

I just look like one.

00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:23,559

Oh, man. The whole thing

just turned to gold.

00:11:23,642 --> 00:11:26,478

How am I supposed to make gold now?

Stupid piece of crap.

00:11:26,562 --> 00:11:28,272

Hey. This is Andrew from Postmates.

00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:29,565

You owe me $50,000.

00:11:29,648 --> 00:11:31,441

When did they get so intense

about billing?

00:11:31,567 --> 00:11:33,610

It turns out it's actually pretty hard

to get your side hustle on.

00:11:34,778 --> 00:11:37,614

Without Korvo to fix our

gold machine or fight our creditors,

00:11:37,698 --> 00:11:39,157

I guess I gotta find a job.

00:11:40,826 --> 00:11:44,913

The customer comes in, they pick

their cookie, they pick their ookie.

00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:47,249

- You weigh it, you charge them.

- When do I get paid?

00:11:47,332 --> 00:11:50,836

End of the month, but...

But you get free ookie after closing,

00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:52,838

'cause it gets crusty if we don't use it.

00:11:54,256 --> 00:11:56,300

Hey, stop limping the biscuits.

You have to pay for that.

00:11:58,051 --> 00:12:00,179

Kabronius, can I talk to you for a second?

00:12:00,262 --> 00:12:01,847

Well, of course, Korvo. What's up?

00:12:01,930 --> 00:12:04,641

I want this team to accept me

as a dedicated Shlorpian.

00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:07,477

Is there any role I can fill?

Do you need a ship repair guy?

00:12:07,561 --> 00:12:10,689

What we need is a Pupa specialist.

00:12:10,772 --> 00:12:13,859

Oh, where's your Pupa? I...

I could try that. I could do that.

00:12:13,942 --> 00:12:15,569

We don't have one.

00:12:15,652 --> 00:12:18,530

- What happened to it?

- We never had one to begin with.

00:12:18,614 --> 00:12:21,491

We left before they were fully designed.

Rich people don't wait for anything.

00:12:21,575 --> 00:12:24,077

You weren't assigned a Pupa

when you escaped the home world?

00:12:24,161 --> 00:12:26,079

No. It went a little differently for us.

00:12:26,455 --> 00:12:28,373

Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia.

00:12:28,457 --> 00:12:31,168

Some Shlorpians were workers,

bred for duty and servitude.

00:12:31,293 --> 00:12:32,294

What? We were?

00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:35,881

Others were an unseen

ruling class of wealthy leisure addicts.

00:12:36,215 --> 00:12:40,344

Us rich aliens were given a heads-up about

the asteroid about a month before it hit.

00:12:40,594 --> 00:12:43,680

We bought expensive ships and left way,

way, way in advance.

00:12:44,473 --> 00:12:46,725

We landed on an already populated planet

00:12:46,808 --> 00:12:50,103

and have been waiting for one of

the Pupa crews to terraform it

00:12:50,187 --> 00:12:53,023

so we can get back to being rich.

00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:55,400

I've never heard of rich,

non-working Shlorpians.

00:12:55,484 --> 00:12:56,693

That's why it worked so great.

00:12:56,818 --> 00:12:59,363

If you don't have a Pupa,

then why do you need a specialist?

00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:00,822

We need a Pupa.

00:13:00,906 --> 00:13:03,951

Terry's clearly gone native.

He can't be a good guardian.

00:13:04,034 --> 00:13:06,912

I mean, wouldn't the Pupa be happier

with true Shlorpians,

00:13:06,995 --> 00:13:08,956

terraforming a fresh planet?

00:13:09,039 --> 00:13:10,290

It does sound better...

00:13:10,374 --> 00:13:14,962

We want you to rescue your Pupa,

bring it to us so we can have a new life.

00:13:15,087 --> 00:13:17,714

A new Shlorpian life.

00:13:17,798 --> 00:13:20,384

I'll... I'll do it. First, we must

Pupa-proof the ship.

00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:23,470

He likes to stick his nub in the sockets.

He'll eat anything blue.

00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:26,223

Man, I hate working at Ookie Cookie,

00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,976

it is way more demeaning

than the name implies.

00:13:29,059 --> 00:13:31,061

And these Poe Dameron jammies

are starting to stink.

00:13:31,186 --> 00:13:32,563

I think the basset hound hates me.

00:13:32,688 --> 00:13:35,691

It makes me wear this collar

and keeps burying me in the backyard.

00:13:35,816 --> 00:13:36,817

That's it.

00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:39,236

Okay, look, if we dress

and act like Korvo,

00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:41,029

maybe we'll be better

at taking care of ourselves.

00:13:41,113 --> 00:13:43,532

So we have to repair the ship

and complain a lot?

00:13:43,615 --> 00:13:44,783

Why did you say "That's it"?

00:13:44,867 --> 00:13:46,577

Oh, it's just always what I say when

I think of something.

00:13:46,660 --> 00:13:47,995

Let's get to work.

00:13:50,747 --> 00:13:52,165

Okay, what would Korvo say?

00:13:52,249 --> 00:13:54,251

"Terry, stop sucking on cereal

and having fun."

00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:57,296

"No way. You're not my dad." "Do what

I fucking say." "I'll be in my room!"

00:13:57,379 --> 00:13:58,755

- I hate this.

- There you go.

00:13:58,839 --> 00:13:59,965

Now you're sounding like Korvo.

00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:03,760

All my cool friends are three hours late.

I think I gave them the wrong address.

00:14:03,844 --> 00:14:06,388

I'm taking the Yeet Detector

and going out to find them.

00:14:07,181 --> 00:14:09,558

Yeet, yeet, yeet.

00:14:09,933 --> 00:14:12,811

Terry hates dealing with the Pupa anyway.

He's gonna be so happy.

00:14:13,395 --> 00:14:14,813

Hmm.

00:14:14,897 --> 00:14:17,941

Terry, why did I have to BoostTime you?

Did you sign up with Boost Mobile?

00:14:18,483 --> 00:14:20,277

Yes, it's just one of many

mistakes we've made since you left.

00:14:20,402 --> 00:14:22,905

Korvo, we messed up.

We really need you and miss you

00:14:22,988 --> 00:14:24,907

and I'm afraid I'm going

to get eaten by a dog.

00:14:24,990 --> 00:14:27,284

What dog? I told you no dogs in the house

until I figure out

00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:30,495

how to make them see me as the alpha.

Are you guys wearing ceremonial garb?

00:14:30,579 --> 00:14:32,414

Please come home. You were right.

You were right.

00:14:32,497 --> 00:14:34,374

We'll be better, Korvo. We miss you.

00:14:34,625 --> 00:14:37,211

You miss me? And if I came home,

you wouldn't shame me

00:14:37,294 --> 00:14:39,171

for not knowing the sacred

non-repeating number?

00:14:39,254 --> 00:14:41,215

No. What the fuck are you talking about?

00:14:41,298 --> 00:14:44,176

No, we need your help.

We're pieces of shit without you.

00:14:44,301 --> 00:14:47,846

Wow. Admitting you're wrong, begging me to

help, calling yourselves pieces of shit.

00:14:47,930 --> 00:14:50,766

This is what I've wanted.

I'll be home soon. Stay miserable.

00:14:51,433 --> 00:14:54,019

Yeet, yeet, yeet, yeet,

yeet, yeet, yeet.

00:14:54,102 --> 00:14:57,689

Jaeden. You guys are accidentally partying

at the wrong house.

00:14:57,773 --> 00:14:59,608

Oh, man. He found us.

00:14:59,691 --> 00:15:02,194

Nobody wants to go to a sleepover

with an ugly blue alien

00:15:02,277 --> 00:15:03,320

that smells like a penis.

00:15:03,445 --> 00:15:06,573

I told you to have that sleepover so you

wouldn't find out about our party.

00:15:06,657 --> 00:15:08,742

But you said I was cool.

00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:12,037

You're not. You suck.

And to add some injury to insult...

00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:13,539

Fuck you, you little blue bitch.

00:15:17,334 --> 00:15:19,461

Korvo, ready to scoop up the Pupa?

00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:21,296

I've changed my mind.

You can't have the Pupa.

00:15:21,380 --> 00:15:22,881

But, uh, isn't Terry an idiot?

00:15:22,965 --> 00:15:25,676

Yes, but he's a part of my team.

And it's my job to lead them.

00:15:25,759 --> 00:15:28,095

What about the plan?

When will you terraform

00:15:28,220 --> 00:15:30,514

so we can get back to

living our rich lives?

00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:31,890

You just have to keep doing

what you're doing

00:15:31,974 --> 00:15:33,600

and wait for the Pupa to evolve, like us.

00:15:34,768 --> 00:15:36,353

Kabronius. What the hell?

00:15:36,478 --> 00:15:38,146

Let me out of here.

00:15:38,230 --> 00:15:40,065

No. That Pupa belongs to us.

00:15:40,566 --> 00:15:42,693

- Oh, you're heavy.

- Fuck you.

00:15:43,068 --> 00:15:45,028

Don't you touch my Pupa, you rich fucks.

00:15:45,904 --> 00:15:48,156

Let me out of here.

00:15:48,407 --> 00:15:52,035

The Pupa will be happier

in a team of real Shlorpians.

00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:54,788

Fuck you, Zelvod. You're a piece of shit.

You hear me? Fuck all of you.

00:15:54,872 --> 00:15:56,206

You're a bunch of hacky ALFs.

00:16:04,298 --> 00:16:09,011

Damn it. Wait. The sacred number.

Eight, five, nine, four, two...

00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:12,472

Pupa detected. Coordinates locked.

00:16:13,265 --> 00:16:15,392

Five, two... Damn it. Six.

00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:19,104

Oh! I knew that stupid number

the whole time. Who's an idiot now?

00:16:19,313 --> 00:16:21,273

Fuck. Eight, five, seven, nine,

four, two...

00:16:23,525 --> 00:16:27,654

Alien climbing up out of the sewer, huh?

What a time to be alive!

00:16:27,779 --> 00:16:30,741

- Welcome to the UK.

- Which way to the Ferris wheel?

00:16:30,866 --> 00:16:33,118

Take you forever on foot, lad.

Come on, I'll give you a ride.

00:16:53,388 --> 00:16:55,432

I thought he was going to roll it

like a big wheel,

00:16:55,516 --> 00:16:59,311

but I guess that lack of creativity

is why I'm just a cop.

00:17:07,402 --> 00:17:10,822

- Give us your Pupa.

- Okay. Why?

00:17:10,906 --> 00:17:13,283

Talking is getting us nowhere.

Lethal force.

00:17:19,498 --> 00:17:23,377

Fuck you. You're never gonna get our Pupa.

Activate auto defenses.

00:17:39,184 --> 00:17:45,983

On my count, unleash sci-fi hell.

Three, two, one.

00:17:54,783 --> 00:17:57,786

Jesus. Shit. That was the craziest battle

I've ever been in.

00:17:57,870 --> 00:18:01,290

And all in one unbroken take?

That must have cost a million dollars.

00:18:01,415 --> 00:18:03,792

Give us the Pupa

and we'll stop shooting at you.

00:18:03,876 --> 00:18:06,003

Let's just blast him and take the Pupa.

00:18:11,717 --> 00:18:14,887

Stop. Stop. You can have the Pupa, but we

need to tell you how to take care of it.

00:18:14,970 --> 00:18:16,680

If it dies, you won't get

to be rich and lazy.

00:18:16,805 --> 00:18:18,390

All right. Fine. You have 30 seconds.

00:18:19,349 --> 00:18:22,686

Korvo, the Pupa's like our baby.

You can't give him away.

00:18:22,769 --> 00:18:25,063

Shut up. I'm team leader.

00:18:25,189 --> 00:18:26,273

And these guys have never seen

a Pupa before.

00:18:26,356 --> 00:18:27,357

So?

00:18:27,482 --> 00:18:30,027

In case this doesn't work,

go hide under the covers with this gun.

00:18:36,575 --> 00:18:39,244

Here's the Pupa. That's

the whole Pupa, right there.

00:18:39,369 --> 00:18:40,370

Wait.

00:18:40,746 --> 00:18:45,876

It's even cuter than I imagined.

It's an honor to meet you, oh, noble Pupa.

00:18:45,959 --> 00:18:47,878

The Pupa needs to be walked

four times a day.

00:18:47,961 --> 00:18:49,087

- Uh-huh.

- Don't forget, or she'll pee

00:18:49,213 --> 00:18:50,297

- where you don't want her to.

- Uh-huh.

00:18:50,422 --> 00:18:52,299

Make sure to wipe its tushy

with a wet wipe.

00:18:52,424 --> 00:18:54,218

You have to boil fresh chicken and rice

for her.

00:18:54,343 --> 00:18:55,969

- Uh-huh. Slow down.

- Fresh, or she gets hives.

00:18:56,053 --> 00:18:57,095

- Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah.

- Also,

00:18:57,179 --> 00:18:59,348

I'm so sorry, but her ears are a mess.

00:18:59,431 --> 00:19:00,641

- Slow down. Slow down.

- Wow!

00:19:00,724 --> 00:19:02,601

Way to not know the basics of Pupa care.

00:19:02,726 --> 00:19:04,353

Sir, how do we make it

evolve and terraform?

00:19:04,478 --> 00:19:07,231

If... If it's not terraforming, that just

means you aren't making it happy enough.

00:19:07,314 --> 00:19:10,984

We will dedicate our entire lives

to pleasing this creature.

00:19:11,109 --> 00:19:12,236

Okay, good luck.

00:19:12,319 --> 00:19:14,446

Oh, and every time it barks,

you have to punch yourself in the face.

00:19:14,530 --> 00:19:15,531

He's right. That's true.

00:19:17,908 --> 00:19:18,909

Ow!

00:19:19,660 --> 00:19:20,661

Ah!

00:19:20,869 --> 00:19:22,496

Ah!

00:19:24,248 --> 00:19:26,792

Ah, something just fell out

of its stinking hole.

00:19:26,875 --> 00:19:30,003

That must mean it's ready to

start terraforming.

00:19:32,256 --> 00:19:33,507

Ow!

00:19:34,883 --> 00:19:36,134

What happened to you?

00:19:36,218 --> 00:19:39,847

The cool kids threw me in a tree,

so I'm gonna kill them with my satellite.

00:19:42,474 --> 00:19:45,853

I thought you used that thing to look

for ladies sun-tanning on their roofs.

00:19:45,936 --> 00:19:47,729

Yeah, well now I'm gonna use it

to melt bullies.

00:19:47,813 --> 00:19:49,815

Ahhh! Who are you?

00:19:49,982 --> 00:19:51,149

I'm Darryl. Here for the sleepover.

00:19:51,233 --> 00:19:53,235

- You are?

- Yeah. Y'all still doing that?

00:19:53,318 --> 00:19:55,863

- Nobody else showed up.

- Oh, good. I hate people anyway.

00:19:56,113 --> 00:19:59,950

So do I. Hey, you wanna see

the wall full of adults I've shrunk?

00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:01,118

Sure.

00:20:02,119 --> 00:20:05,581

- Oh, so it's like an ant farm, huh?

- Yeah, I know. It's dumb.

00:20:05,706 --> 00:20:06,874

No, no. I like it.

00:20:06,957 --> 00:20:10,252

Hey, you wanna play games on our phones

and talk shit about people?

00:20:10,335 --> 00:20:12,504

Yes. A billion times, yes.

00:20:13,881 --> 00:20:15,549

That was a crazy day.

00:20:15,632 --> 00:20:17,926

Hey, you know what? I'm just glad

everything is back to normal.

00:20:18,010 --> 00:20:22,598

We all learned a lesson. Feels good. Feels

good in here, and feels good down here.

00:20:22,681 --> 00:20:26,518

The lesson I learned today is to start

doubling down on being strict

00:20:26,602 --> 00:20:28,770

and being even more dedicated

to the mission than ever before.

00:20:28,854 --> 00:20:30,022

- Korvo, no.

- Yes, that way,

00:20:30,105 --> 00:20:32,983

I'll never feel like some other alien

is more orthodox than me ever again.

00:20:33,108 --> 00:20:36,195

Well, then I'm gonna double down on being

shallow and trashy just to cancel you out.

00:20:36,278 --> 00:20:38,363

- No, don't do that.

- I do what I want, son. I'm lil' Terry.

00:20:38,530 --> 00:20:40,157

- I'm team leader. That's an order.

- I don't care. I don't care. I don't care.

00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:41,783

- Fuck you, Terry.

- Can't hear you.

00:20:42,993 --> 00:20:44,828

Oh, Jesus. Was that the Pupa's gun?

00:20:44,912 --> 00:20:46,872

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

00:20:47,998 --> 00:20:50,751

Holy shit. The Pupa killed a RoboCop.

00:20:50,834 --> 00:20:53,253

Oh, I am so proud of you.

00:02:44,512 --> 00:02:46,912

ХЛОПЬЯ ОТ ПРЕДКОВ

00:03:07,832 --> 00:03:10,202

СЕВЕРНАЯ ЕВРОПА

00:03:47,882 --> 00:03:50,032

ПРИНЕСТИ ФОТО ДЛЯ АЛЬБОМА ДО ВТОРНИКА!

ТОЛЬКО ПРИЛИЧНЫЕ!

00:04:46,612 --> 00:04:47,912

«СПАЙС ГЁРЛЗ»

00:04:47,912 --> 00:04:50,532

ПАМЯТИ ДЖЕКА-ПОТРОШИТЕЛЯ

00:11:39,311 --> 00:11:40,811

ТОРГОВЫЙ ЦЕНТР ГРЕТХЕН-ДАРТ

00:12:36,891 --> 00:12:38,771

АСТЕРОИД УПАДЁТ ЧЕРЕЗ: 30 ДНЕЙ

00:14:13,421 --> 00:14:14,531

ТЕРРИ

00:17:49,590 --> 00:17:54,550

СИДНИ, ПОПРОСИ У HULU ЛИШНИЙ МИЛЛИОН,

ЧТОБЫ МЫ МОГЛИ ПОЗВОЛИТЬ СЕБЕ ЭКШЕН-СЦЕНЫ!