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Аварийный урбанизатор
The Emergency Urbanizer
Сезон: 02Серия: 04
Описание
У репликантов начинаются летние каникулы и Терри и Корво начинают задумываться над тем как бы от них избавиться на это время. Соседка советует отправить их в летний лагерь. Вся компания отправляется в лагерь, но теряется в лесу. Инопланетянам приходится использовать урбанизатор, который создаёт в лесу мегаполис с деревянными жителями. Команда разделяется, чтобы заработать деньги на аренду машины, чтобы с её помощью найти свою машину. Джесси устраивается в индустрию моды, Юмьюлак становится брокером, Корво гангстером, а Терри хочет быть актёром, но зарабатывает проституцией. В это время в Стене Халк продолжает вести расследование загадочных убийств.
Субтитры
- 00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:11,094 Hey, Korvo, you care if I take a tiki nap in here?
- 00:00:11,178 --> 00:00:13,805 I don't know why it's easier to drink and sleep on the couch than in bed.
- 00:00:13,889 --> 00:00:15,724 - But, it is. - Go ahead, Terry.
- 00:00:15,807 --> 00:00:17,726 I'm just using the peace and quiet to recatalogue
- 00:00:17,809 --> 00:00:20,395 all ten thousand data spikes. It's so relaxing.
- 00:00:20,479 --> 00:00:22,773 (JESSE AND YUMYULACK GRUNTING)
- 00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:26,777 Terry, Korvo! Jesse got eyeliner all over my holocron and now it won't work.
- 00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:28,946 I'm experimenting with eyebrows!
- 00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:30,989 Stop judging us with your facial hair.
- 00:00:31,073 --> 00:00:33,659 What on Gorb's Grey Grible is going on here?
- 00:00:33,742 --> 00:00:35,118 All the cool girls have eyebrows and we don't have any.
- 00:00:35,202 --> 00:00:36,245 Jesse's stupid girl paint corrupted all my data
- 00:00:36,328 --> 00:00:37,412 and now three months of science is gone.
- 00:00:37,496 --> 00:00:38,747 I want a resting bitch face and a landing strip like Stacy K.
- 00:00:38,830 --> 00:00:40,582 Shut up! Why aren't you at school?
- 00:00:40,666 --> 00:00:43,168 - Double duh. School's closed. - Oh, great! What is it this time?
- 00:00:43,252 --> 00:00:46,964 Another one of their meaningless holidays like Apple Pie Day or Yom Kapper?
- 00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:49,550 No, it's summer. We learned about it last year, remember?
- 00:00:49,633 --> 00:00:51,593 - The whole ice lava thing? - No, what?
- 00:00:51,677 --> 00:00:53,387 I guess we'll just have to stomach one extra day
- 00:00:53,470 --> 00:00:55,347 of you taking up our adult space.
- 00:00:55,430 --> 00:00:57,140 Probably better than you being molested at that school.
- 00:00:57,224 --> 00:00:58,892 Summer break's three months long.
- 00:00:58,976 --> 00:01:00,060 -(YUMYULACK GRUNTS) - Aw, man!
- 00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:02,604 Three months? That's like, one <i>90 Day Fiancé.</i>
- 00:01:02,688 --> 00:01:05,232 Yeah, you better not be riding our crack like this the whole time.
- 00:01:05,315 --> 00:01:07,568 Summer is when we get to do anything we want.
- 00:01:07,651 --> 00:01:09,111 Like a screaming competition.
- 00:01:09,194 --> 00:01:11,738 - Go! -(BOTH SCREAMING)
- 00:01:11,822 --> 00:01:14,074 This summer thing is not gonna work for me, Terry.
- 00:01:14,157 --> 00:01:16,451 It's worse than the nightmare on Helms Street,
- 00:01:16,535 --> 00:01:18,829 which is what they call the time a porta-potty emptying truck
- 00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:20,581 tipped over on Ed Helms' private drive.
- 00:01:20,664 --> 00:01:21,748 Such a waste of poop.
- 00:01:21,832 --> 00:01:24,710 I don't want the replicants at home. I can't take three months of this, Terry.
- 00:01:24,793 --> 00:01:26,378 I like them for 45 minutes in the morning,
- 00:01:26,461 --> 00:01:28,213 and maybe a couple of hours at night, tops.
- 00:01:28,297 --> 00:01:29,965 Well, we obviously have to kill the replicants.
- 00:01:30,048 --> 00:01:32,342 It does make the most sense. We can always grow new ones.
- 00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:34,595 Let's do it quick, before we get too attached to these.
- 00:01:34,678 --> 00:01:36,972 What are we talkin', poison? Put 'em in a bag and throw them in a quarry?
- 00:01:37,055 --> 00:01:39,600 I was thinking we could maybe just shave some glass into their food.
- 00:01:39,683 --> 00:01:41,602 I could use my pillow as a silencer and shoot them in their sleep,
- 00:01:41,685 --> 00:01:43,103 right in their fuckin' face.
- 00:01:43,187 --> 00:01:46,023 Or, use the pillow for a good old-fashioned smothering.
- 00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:47,983 Just like the ones we see on TV and movies, Terry.
- 00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:50,861 Looks like the Solar Opposites are killing their replicants.
- 00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:53,238 Um, excuse me. Hi, Terry, Korvo.
- 00:01:53,322 --> 00:01:56,116 I couldn't help but overhear you debating different ways to kill your children.
- 00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:57,326 - That is correct. - Mind your own business,
- 00:01:57,409 --> 00:01:58,410 you old bowl of soup.
- 00:01:58,493 --> 00:02:00,704 Why don't you just send them to summer camp?
- 00:02:01,705 --> 00:02:04,374 Pretend we don't know anything and walk us through it.
- 00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:06,877 Thank God this camp thing came up.
- 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,879 Jesse and I were just about to kill you guys.
- 00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:10,881 What? We were about to kill you guys, too.
- 00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:13,091 That is so funny. Great minds think alike.
- 00:02:13,175 --> 00:02:15,511 ALL: Camp! Camp! Camp! Camp!
- 00:02:15,594 --> 00:02:17,638 TERRY: Hey! It's a camp thing.
- 00:02:18,597 --> 00:02:22,684 KORVO: <i>Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia until the asteroid hit.</i>
- 00:02:23,936 --> 00:02:26,230 <i>One hundred adults and their replicants were issued a Pupa</i>
- 00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:30,901 <i>and escaped into the space, searching for new homes on uninhabited worlds.</i>
- 00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:34,404 <i>We crashed on Earth, stranding us on an already overpopulated planet.</i>
- 00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:35,906 <i>That's right. I've been talking this whole time.</i>
- 00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:37,866 <i>I'm the one holding the Pupa. My name's Korvo.</i>
- 00:02:37,950 --> 00:02:40,160 <i>This is... This is my show. I just dropped</i><i>the Pupa. Do you see me?</i>
- 00:02:40,244 --> 00:02:43,288 <i>This is ridiculous. I hate Earth. It's a horrible home.</i>
- 00:02:43,372 --> 00:02:46,208 <i>People are stupid. I don't understand why people like daylight so much.</i>
- 00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:48,126 <i>It's so loud when it hits your skin.</i>
- 00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:56,552 YUMYULACK: Ooh, ooh! Camp sounds amazing.
- 00:02:56,635 --> 00:02:58,136 I'm excited to use my bounty hunting skills
- 00:02:58,220 --> 00:03:00,305 to hunt down and torture those who have captured the flag.
- 00:03:00,472 --> 00:03:02,724 And I'm excited for a sexual awakening.
- 00:03:02,808 --> 00:03:06,645 I heard last year Julia Howland went to camp a girl and came back a woman.
- 00:03:06,728 --> 00:03:08,480 But then it turned out it actually was a woman
- 00:03:08,564 --> 00:03:11,066 and they never found Julia's body. Crazy, huh?
- 00:03:11,149 --> 00:03:13,944 Well, I'm excited to perform something from <i>Angels in America</i> on talent night.
- 00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:16,613 I took out all the gay stuff and doubled the angels.
- 00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:18,365 You're not going to camp, Terry.
- 00:03:18,448 --> 00:03:20,534 The whole point is that we're gonna have the house to ourselves.
- 00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:22,870 - Are you still tiki drunk? - No.
- 00:03:22,953 --> 00:03:24,663 Terry, ta-take your next left.
- 00:03:34,131 --> 00:03:36,550 - JESSE: This is camp? - No, don't be dumb.
- 00:03:36,633 --> 00:03:38,010 It's much, much deeper in the woods.
- 00:03:38,093 --> 00:03:40,470 TERRY: Okay, guys, remember, we parked by trees.
- 00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:47,394 Halt. This is camp. Goodbye, we're leaving. Good luck.
- 00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:48,812 It... It looks the same as where we parked.
- 00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:52,024 Yeah, this just feels like the regular old woods. Where's camp?
- 00:03:52,107 --> 00:03:55,152 We talked to our creepy, bitchy neighbor for almost five minutes about this,
- 00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,487 so, I know for sure that this is camp.
- 00:03:57,571 --> 00:04:01,200 We leave you here for two or three weeks, you learn to swim or some shit,
- 00:04:01,283 --> 00:04:02,868 and then we come pick you up. The end.
- 00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:04,369 - Done and done. - Cool, works for me.
- 00:04:04,453 --> 00:04:06,038 We'll visit over parents weekend. Okay, bye.
- 00:04:06,121 --> 00:04:08,415 No, we won't. Terry, are you sure the car is this way?
- 00:04:08,498 --> 00:04:10,459 I took four units of pathfinding at the academy
- 00:04:10,542 --> 00:04:12,586 to prepare for life on dangerous alien worlds.
- 00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:14,296 I think I can walk us out of the woods.
- 00:04:17,132 --> 00:04:19,510 What the fuck, Terry? Just admit it, we’re lost.
- 00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:21,053 It’s just up here, I promise.
- 00:04:21,136 --> 00:04:23,764 Camp sucks. There’s not even a flag to capture.
- 00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:26,099 Hey, how long does it take to sexually awaken?
- 00:04:26,183 --> 00:04:29,436 I whittled a boyfriend to grind on, you know, for when it happens.
- 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:31,980 This is Nate Jacobs. We met at his bark-mitzvah.
- 00:04:32,064 --> 00:04:33,565 - Can we just go home? - Yes.
- 00:04:33,649 --> 00:04:34,775 - Except, we’re lost. - I knew it.
- 00:04:34,858 --> 00:04:37,236 All because you couldn’t stop drinking those stupid tiki drinks.
- 00:04:37,319 --> 00:04:39,988 They’re not stupid, I find my way out of the woods better when I’m drunk.
- 00:04:40,072 --> 00:04:42,741 You ever even had any of these? This one’s from a coconut.
- 00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:43,867 -(KORVO GRUNTS) - Aw...
- 00:04:43,951 --> 00:04:46,078 How can we possibly be lost? We have access
- 00:04:46,161 --> 00:04:48,455 to the most sophisticated tracking equipment in the quadrant.
- 00:04:48,539 --> 00:04:49,915 I left it in the car, okay?
- 00:04:49,998 --> 00:04:52,376 We’re gonna be trapped here until we die and I’ll never get to have
- 00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:56,129 a <i>Five Hundred Days of Summer</i> quirky romance with a manic pixie dream boy.
- 00:04:56,213 --> 00:04:58,549 Everybody calm down. I’m an expert trailblazer.
- 00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:02,386 We just have to follow the dimmest star, it’ll always lead directly South.
- 00:05:05,556 --> 00:05:07,307 All the stars are dim on this stupid planet.
- 00:05:07,391 --> 00:05:08,851 (GASPS) Why is there a branch through my shoulder?
- 00:05:08,934 --> 00:05:10,894 Because you said if we didn’t eat soon
- 00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:13,272 you were going to ram a branch through your shoulder.
- 00:05:13,355 --> 00:05:14,356 And that was six weeks ago.
- 00:05:14,439 --> 00:05:16,358 Oh, right! Yeah, I guess I’m in shock.
- 00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:21,738 There’s no question anymore. We have a serial killer on our hands.
- 00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:23,824 Whoa, we’re going straight to judging people
- 00:05:23,907 --> 00:05:25,701 just because of five identical murders?
- 00:05:25,784 --> 00:05:28,412 I’m not convinced. I still think a cricket did it.
- 00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:31,039 A cricket? Could a cricket kill five random men,
- 00:05:31,123 --> 00:05:33,542 surgically remove their organs, and place their corpses
- 00:05:33,625 --> 00:05:34,835 in the shape of a winky face?
- 00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:36,461 - Have you seen <i>Pinocchio?</i> -(CHUCKLES)
- 00:05:36,545 --> 00:05:38,172 Yeah. Who knows what they could accomplish
- 00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:40,465 if they put their minds to murdering. Or worse, their legs.
- 00:05:40,549 --> 00:05:42,926 Ooh, what if it’s two crickets working together?
- 00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:46,096 Or one original homicidal cricket, and then a copy cricket.
- 00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:48,849 Can I just throw out there that we probably just have
- 00:05:48,932 --> 00:05:52,311 one regular human murderer and not two genius level killer crickets?
- 00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:54,062 You’re letting your imagination run wild.
- 00:05:54,146 --> 00:05:58,192 You’re not an executive story editor on the hit Fox drama <i>Bones</i> anymore.
- 00:05:58,275 --> 00:05:59,526 This is real life.
- 00:05:59,610 --> 00:06:01,195 These are real people we’re talking about,
- 00:06:01,278 --> 00:06:04,489 not characters played by the eminently watchable Emily Deschanel.
- 00:06:04,573 --> 00:06:08,202 - Are you even listening to me? - No, there’s one thing I learned on <i>Bones,</i>
- 00:06:08,285 --> 00:06:10,412 it’s never get between Boreanaz and second dinner.
- 00:06:10,495 --> 00:06:15,167 But another thing was, go with your gut. And my gut says, we gotta move fast.
- 00:06:17,169 --> 00:06:19,630 Nate! Mwah. Mwah! Nate, you’re back.
- 00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:22,549 I missed you. Oh! Nate, not in front of my family.
- 00:06:22,633 --> 00:06:24,343 - We’re back where we started! - Are we gonna die out here?
- 00:06:24,426 --> 00:06:27,554 Wait! I can’t die yet. We haven’t even finished our camp story arc.
- 00:06:27,638 --> 00:06:28,764 What happens with all that?
- 00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:30,641 That’s not how life works, we’re not on TV.
- 00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,100 We’re starving to death in the woods,
- 00:06:32,184 --> 00:06:34,645 we don’t have time to learn the value of sharing or whatever.
- 00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,813 So, now instead of camp, it’s just a lost in the woods story?
- 00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:38,649 Would you stop trying to make it a story?
- 00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:40,275 We are lost in the woods, though.
- 00:06:40,359 --> 00:06:42,319 Not for long, we have one more option.
- 00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:45,781 It’s typically reserved to survive the most barren, inhospitable planets,
- 00:06:45,864 --> 00:06:49,284 but desperate times call for desperate measures. Yumyulack, it’s time.
- 00:06:49,368 --> 00:06:50,494 -(TERRY GROANS) - Are you sure?
- 00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:52,746 - We’re dying, we have to. - Uh, what are you talking about?
- 00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:55,791 The Emergency Urbanizer. It’s a life raft for the land.
- 00:06:55,874 --> 00:06:58,043 We only have one of these, we can never do it again.
- 00:06:58,126 --> 00:07:00,087 Quit wasting time, Yumyulack. We all know the stakes,
- 00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:02,756 they’ve been tapped multiple times. Just do it.
- 00:07:18,897 --> 00:07:20,107 (ALL YELP)
- 00:07:23,193 --> 00:07:24,361 (GASPING)
- 00:07:24,903 --> 00:07:26,154 -(HORN HONKS) -(SCREAMS)
- 00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:36,123 HALK: The seven on that scrap of paper. That's a clue.
- 00:07:36,248 --> 00:07:39,251 Our guy must live in Sector Seven. I can feel it in my bones.
- 00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:42,379 Episode 21. Never aired. Pre-empted by the killing of Bin Laden.
- 00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:44,882 Good episode, Bobby Cannavale guest starred as a pimp.
- 00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,800 (WHISPERING) Wow, I didn’t know crickets could use paper.
- 00:07:46,884 --> 00:07:48,594 You see how smart they are?
- 00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:56,310 Bingo. Somebody killed some shit up in this piece.
- 00:08:00,939 --> 00:08:03,317 - Freeze! -(GRUNTING)
- 00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,195 - He was reaching for something. - HALK: He was not!
- 00:08:06,278 --> 00:08:09,281 Yuh-huh, he was totally reaching for something. We saved your life.
- 00:08:09,364 --> 00:08:10,657 A "thank you" would be nice.
- 00:08:10,741 --> 00:08:12,159 We could have brought him in alive.
- 00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:14,953 Wait, whoa, whoa. Wait, whoa... We didn’t discuss that at all.
- 00:08:15,037 --> 00:08:16,914 We thought we were supposed to staple him immediately.
- 00:08:17,039 --> 00:08:20,250 You should be happy your theory was right. It wasn’t a cricket after all.
- 00:08:20,334 --> 00:08:21,710 And we got him.
- 00:08:21,793 --> 00:08:23,587 (BOTH CHEERING)
- 00:08:24,546 --> 00:08:27,216 Who knows where the car is at this point? It could take us days to find.
- 00:08:27,299 --> 00:08:31,053 Holy guacamole! What is this place?
- 00:08:31,136 --> 00:08:33,805 It’s complicated. There’s a tourist video station over there.
- 00:08:33,889 --> 00:08:35,140 C-Come on, we’ll go watch.
- 00:08:35,224 --> 00:08:37,809 <i>Howdy, I’m wood actor Wooden Harrelson,</i>
- 00:08:37,893 --> 00:08:39,311 star of the upcoming film
- 00:08:39,394 --> 00:08:41,939 <i>Now You Three Me: Escape from the Pokerver</i><i>se.</i>
- 00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:43,941 Welcome to The Wooden City,
- 00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:47,402 the most exciting, actually growing city in the world.
- 00:08:47,486 --> 00:08:49,905 The Wooden City is just like a regular city,
- 00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:54,076 except algorithmically generated from materials available in the woods.
- 00:08:54,159 --> 00:08:55,869 - Except the animals. -(MAN SCREAMS)
- 00:08:55,953 --> 00:08:58,205 They are real and they will kill you.
- 00:08:58,288 --> 00:09:01,166 Now if you’ll excuse me, I have an 8:30 at Dorsia.
- 00:09:01,250 --> 00:09:03,293 <i>That’s right, it’s not all forest puns here.</i>
- 00:09:03,377 --> 00:09:05,712 The good news, we’re not lost in the woods anymore.
- 00:09:05,796 --> 00:09:09,132 The bad news, we’re now lost in a giant big wooden city.
- 00:09:10,801 --> 00:09:13,303 We just need to make enough money to rent a car, so we can drive back
- 00:09:13,387 --> 00:09:15,931 to where we parked our actual car and get the hell out of here.
- 00:09:16,014 --> 00:09:17,975 Let’s split up and all get jobs, that way it’ll go faster.
- 00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:19,476 But shouldn’t we stick together?
- 00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:21,645 No, it would be faster if we all went and got our own jobs
- 00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:24,481 and made money as fast as possible. This isn’t a game. It's survival.
- 00:09:24,565 --> 00:09:27,150 Wait, wait, wait. Now the story isn’t about camp
- 00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:30,779 or being lost in the woods, it’s about surviving in the big city?
- 00:09:30,863 --> 00:09:33,574 Yeah, or it could be a <i>Godzilla</i> story, so keep your eyes open.
- 00:09:33,657 --> 00:09:35,242 Okay, I have a ton of notes.
- 00:09:35,325 --> 00:09:37,744 This is gonna be awesome! We’re in the big city!
- 00:09:37,828 --> 00:09:41,540 You can be anything you want out here, super hero, politician, orthodontist.
- 00:09:41,623 --> 00:09:43,375 I’m going to be a famous ten-figure actor
- 00:09:43,458 --> 00:09:45,460 and then maybe retire as a two-figure voice actor.
- 00:09:45,544 --> 00:09:47,171 Come on, kid, what have you always wanted to be?
- 00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:49,548 What’s your craziest dream? Spill it, we’re all havin’ fun.
- 00:09:49,631 --> 00:09:51,758 I have always wanted to work in fashion.
- 00:09:51,842 --> 00:09:54,720 I’m gonna work in finance because I’ve always wanted to be a shithead.
- 00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:57,681 That-a-boy, dream big. Okay, you all have your big city stories now.
- 00:09:57,764 --> 00:10:00,726 Remember, we just need money to get a car to get to our car.
- 00:10:00,809 --> 00:10:01,894 What are you gonna do?
- 00:10:01,977 --> 00:10:04,730 I-I don’t know yet. So, I’m just gonna walk around and look for a sign.
- 00:10:04,813 --> 00:10:07,399 Everyone, meet back here tonight with all the money we’ve earned.
- 00:10:14,364 --> 00:10:16,950 MIRANDA: I wanted oak, not maple, you stupid birch.
- 00:10:17,034 --> 00:10:18,702 (WOMAN SCREAMS) Help me!
- 00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:22,122 You’re fired. Have a carried-off-by-a-hawk-life.
- 00:10:22,206 --> 00:10:23,457 - You! -(GASPS) Me?
- 00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:26,543 You’re my assistant now. Pick up those acorns and follow me.
- 00:10:26,627 --> 00:10:29,463 Oh, my God! Stop it! (SCREAMS)
- 00:10:30,088 --> 00:10:33,884 Five million? I don’t get outta bed for under ten, you stinky cock smoocher.
- 00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:37,554 Wow, that is, without a doubt, the coolest guy I have ever seen.
- 00:10:37,638 --> 00:10:39,473 Even the statues are cool. (SCREAMS)
- 00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:42,726 (PANTING)
- 00:10:46,730 --> 00:10:48,315 (GRUNTS)
- 00:10:48,398 --> 00:10:51,068 Ten million? I don’t get outta bed for under five...
- 00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:53,362 Wait, no. Ten million I will humbly accept.
- 00:10:53,445 --> 00:10:55,489 (ALL CHEERING)
- 00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:58,784 -(YUMYULACK GASPS) - Hey, dickless, you the new kid?
- 00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:00,202 Oh, uh... Yeah? Yes.
- 00:11:00,285 --> 00:11:03,914 Then pick up a fucking phone and make me some fucking money!
- 00:11:10,379 --> 00:11:11,797 (WOMAN SCREAMS)
- 00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:13,841 (MAN GRUNTS)
- 00:11:13,924 --> 00:11:15,217 (WOMAN GRUNTS)
- 00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:20,597 Hey, relax, kid. You done good. You done real good.
- 00:11:20,681 --> 00:11:22,683 Why don’t you come down and see me at the cab stand?
- 00:11:22,808 --> 00:11:24,726 We could use a kid like you.
- 00:11:24,810 --> 00:11:28,522 KORVO: <i>Ever since I could remember, I wanted to be a gangster.</i>
- 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:33,652 (MEN LAUGHING)
- 00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:35,988 (CLEARS THROAT) Hello.
- 00:11:36,071 --> 00:11:37,155 (SCREAMS)
- 00:11:37,239 --> 00:11:38,782 (GRUNTS) No!
- 00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:44,413 Ah... Oh, man. He was like, "You shot me, bro!"
- 00:11:44,496 --> 00:11:46,874 (LAUGHS) Yeah, 'cause you shot him.
- 00:11:46,957 --> 00:11:49,793 That was so classic. Boom, boom, you’re dead.
- 00:11:49,877 --> 00:11:51,503 Yo, what’s up your ass, <i>hombre?</i>
- 00:11:51,587 --> 00:11:54,715 You’re a Wall hero again. And just in time for Cherie Day.
- 00:11:54,798 --> 00:11:56,175 Something doesn’t feel right.
- 00:11:56,258 --> 00:12:00,137 What doesn’t feel right is you haven’t had enough fermented piss to celebrate!
- 00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:02,556 (BOTH LAUGH)
- 00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:07,477 Oh, I, um, just realized I left my favorite, uh, piss mug at home.
- 00:12:07,561 --> 00:12:09,313 Aw, man, go get it.
- 00:12:09,396 --> 00:12:11,148 (GRUNTS AND SIGHS)
- 00:12:13,358 --> 00:12:16,445 <i>They say love is blind When you’re of a hive mind</i>
- 00:12:16,528 --> 00:12:20,032 <i>But it’s hard to find that, honey, Since our numbers have declined</i>
- 00:12:20,115 --> 00:12:21,992 -(PANTS) - MALE PRODUCER: Next.
- 00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:25,120 You mean, like, next round of auditions? Typically that’s called a callback.
- 00:12:25,204 --> 00:12:28,165 Or, do you mean next step in the process which is what, wardrobe?
- 00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:30,000 That’s perfect because I have some thoughts on bees and wasps...
- 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:31,627 No. I meant next audition.
- 00:12:31,710 --> 00:12:35,130 You were wildly talentless in every way except making us feel embarrassed for you.
- 00:12:35,214 --> 00:12:37,883 Are you serious? I’m embarrassed for you,
- 00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:39,801 that you can’t see generational talent
- 00:12:39,885 --> 00:12:41,845 when it’s right in front of your fuckin' faces.
- 00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:44,681 Sweetie, the only chance you have at being referred to as "talent" is
- 00:12:44,765 --> 00:12:46,099 if you become a prostitute.
- 00:12:46,183 --> 00:12:49,144 A prostitute? Ha! I would never. Do you hear me? Never!
- 00:12:49,895 --> 00:12:51,980 It’s not a blow job, sweetie. It’s a blow career.
- 00:12:52,064 --> 00:12:53,857 You can’t just start at the top, you gotta... You got...
- 00:12:53,941 --> 00:12:55,817 Hey! You wanna have some fun, sugar?
- 00:12:55,901 --> 00:12:57,903 - How much? - Uh... Ten grand an hour.
- 00:12:57,986 --> 00:13:00,948 - No fuckin’ way. - Fine, fine, fine, 500 for two hours.
- 00:13:01,031 --> 00:13:02,533 Hands and mouth only. Best and final.
- 00:13:02,616 --> 00:13:05,077 (GRUNTS) A hundred an hour, buy two, get six free.
- 00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:06,787 No holes barred.
- 00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:08,997 A-A-All right, okay. Four bucks, clock’s off,
- 00:13:09,081 --> 00:13:11,500 you can pull my teeth out, bang me to Bethlehem and leave me for dead.
- 00:13:11,583 --> 00:13:13,627 My one request is that you get me drunk first.
- 00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:15,546 Or, I can do it sober, whatever.
- 00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:19,007 <i>I guess that’s just life in the big city.</i>
- 00:13:19,091 --> 00:13:21,677 <i>Would be a perfect line to say to launch into a montage.</i>
- 00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:23,679 Oh! Oh, my God, it’s happening.
- 00:13:33,105 --> 00:13:34,731 (YELPS)
- 00:13:38,819 --> 00:13:42,030 Nope, no, maybe, nope, no, too hippy, no, needs more brow,
- 00:13:42,114 --> 00:13:44,867 no, kill yourself, kill me, this is brilliant, get cancer,
- 00:13:44,950 --> 00:13:46,577 I love you, die in <i>World War Z.</i>
- 00:13:46,660 --> 00:13:49,913 Jesse, I don’t know what to say. Sorry for how things unfolded.
- 00:13:49,997 --> 00:13:52,624 If you would just let me explain. I’m ruined.
- 00:13:52,708 --> 00:13:56,587 (GRUNTS) Have yourself a slapped-in-the-face evening.
- 00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:58,130 (APPLAUDING)
- 00:13:58,964 --> 00:14:04,052 Fifty million bottles of champagne for our fifty million dollar man.
- 00:14:04,136 --> 00:14:07,514 Fifty million, that’s what I’m talking abouts!
- 00:14:07,598 --> 00:14:08,891 (PEOPLE CHEERING)
- 00:14:12,060 --> 00:14:13,478 Get out!
- 00:14:17,065 --> 00:14:20,569 All I wanted to do was get money to get a car to get to our car.
- 00:14:20,652 --> 00:14:22,905 Seemed so simple. (SCREAMS)
- 00:14:24,198 --> 00:14:28,410 And of course, you couldn’t be bothered to attend Yumyulack Jr.'s christening
- 00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:31,622 'cause you’re too busy putting your nose in a pile of cocaine
- 00:14:31,705 --> 00:14:34,416 and your dick in a pile of crack cocaine.
- 00:14:34,499 --> 00:14:37,586 Hey, what if I did fuck crack cocaine? What difference would it make?
- 00:14:37,669 --> 00:14:40,464 You don't know anything about me anymore, Cindeen.
- 00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:43,717 I know one thing about you. You’re about to be divorced!
- 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:46,178 I wish I’d never bought this wooden penis.
- 00:14:47,137 --> 00:14:49,431 Trip, the FBI’s here but we’re fine, right?
- 00:14:49,515 --> 00:14:51,058 Nothing to worry about? Trip?
- 00:14:51,141 --> 00:14:53,143 (CHUCKLES) Yeah, yeah, we’re fine, bud. Don’t even worry about it.
- 00:14:53,227 --> 00:14:55,062 Let ‘em do their thing. It’s all good. All good.
- 00:14:55,145 --> 00:14:58,607 Oh, my god, Trip! Oh!
- 00:14:58,690 --> 00:15:00,108 (PEOPLE CRYING)
- 00:15:00,192 --> 00:15:01,860 All right, everyone. Don’t panic.
- 00:15:01,944 --> 00:15:04,488 We’re gonna beat this. We’re gonna be just fine.
- 00:15:07,449 --> 00:15:09,034 (MAN SCREAMS)
- 00:15:11,036 --> 00:15:13,163 (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
- 00:15:18,210 --> 00:15:19,336 (KNOCKING AT DOOR)
- 00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:27,594 (PANTING)
- 00:15:27,678 --> 00:15:29,263 (WOLF BARKS AND GROWLS)
- 00:15:29,346 --> 00:15:30,430 (PANTS)
- 00:15:31,306 --> 00:15:32,724 (GASPS)
- 00:15:37,938 --> 00:15:40,816 -(WOLF GROWLS) - Son of a bitch. (GRUNTS)
- 00:15:41,859 --> 00:15:43,610 (GRUNTING)
- 00:15:49,283 --> 00:15:52,119 Oh, I’m trying to do a mafia story, you piece of shit.
- 00:15:52,202 --> 00:15:53,370 (BARKS)
- 00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:57,291 (WOLF BARKING)
- 00:15:57,749 --> 00:15:59,042 (SIGHS)
- 00:16:24,985 --> 00:16:25,986 Freeze!
- 00:16:27,321 --> 00:16:28,780 (PANTS)
- 00:16:32,451 --> 00:16:34,161 (GASPS AND GRUNTS)
- 00:16:39,082 --> 00:16:40,292 (GRUNTS)
- 00:16:42,628 --> 00:16:44,213 (PANTING)
- 00:16:44,838 --> 00:16:46,298 (GRUNTS)
- 00:16:49,968 --> 00:16:51,220 (GRUNTS)
- 00:16:54,348 --> 00:16:56,433 (PEOPLE SCREAMING)
- 00:17:02,564 --> 00:17:04,691 (GRUNTING)
- 00:17:10,822 --> 00:17:12,199 (SCREAMS)
- 00:17:15,869 --> 00:17:17,955 (SCREAMING)
- 00:17:27,256 --> 00:17:30,592 Oh! I simply adore your gown, Jesse.
- 00:17:30,676 --> 00:17:33,303 You truly are the queen of Wooden City fashion.
- 00:17:33,387 --> 00:17:35,931 - Whatever. - Congrats on all of your success.
- 00:17:36,014 --> 00:17:37,975 Who gives a shit? (GASPS)
- 00:17:39,768 --> 00:17:43,647 You guys came? It’s good to see you. How’s everyone doing?
- 00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:46,024 Me? Oh, I’m doing great. Started a big hedge fund,
- 00:17:46,108 --> 00:17:48,318 got an office at the top of the Squirrel Trade Center,
- 00:17:48,402 --> 00:17:51,029 played by the rules, nice guys finish first.
- 00:17:51,113 --> 00:17:53,824 What else can I say? No major issues personally or professionally.
- 00:17:53,907 --> 00:17:55,951 Ditto for me. Built myself a sweet little career
- 00:17:56,034 --> 00:17:58,287 in the customer service industry. I’m my own boss.
- 00:17:58,370 --> 00:18:00,747 So, I set my own hours, come and go as I please.
- 00:18:00,831 --> 00:18:02,958 Taking some risks with my attire, so be it.
- 00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:04,543 Who the fuck are you to judge?
- 00:18:04,626 --> 00:18:06,086 No judgements here. For I am...
- 00:18:06,169 --> 00:18:09,381 - Bleeding. - Bleeding? No, this is, uh, party sauce.
- 00:18:09,464 --> 00:18:11,675 I’m doing great also, so, don’t question me.
- 00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:15,137 Fell in with a great group of guys. We mostly do, uh, construction.
- 00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:17,598 My best friends are Jimmy The Trigger, Ronny Kills-A-Lot,
- 00:18:17,681 --> 00:18:19,057 and Guido The Stone Cold Psycho.
- 00:18:19,141 --> 00:18:22,644 I’m very happy for you all. Because as you can see,
- 00:18:22,728 --> 00:18:25,063 I’ve reached the pinnacle of the fashion world.
- 00:18:25,147 --> 00:18:27,983 All my dreams have come true and I’ve never been happier.
- 00:18:28,066 --> 00:18:30,736 I love it here. End of story.
- 00:18:31,528 --> 00:18:33,614 Well, I think I’m gonna take off.
- 00:18:33,697 --> 00:18:35,407 Yeah, I have a really important sales cum,
- 00:18:35,490 --> 00:18:37,659 I mean, conference balls. No, I mean team skeeting.
- 00:18:37,743 --> 00:18:40,579 Uh, shaft holder meeting. I mean, my shattered ass is healing.
- 00:18:40,662 --> 00:18:42,289 (BLABBERS) I’m shattering the glass ceiling.
- 00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:46,335 I-I should go as well. I’m pretty heavily party saucing. L-Losing strength.
- 00:18:46,418 --> 00:18:50,672 Wait, guys. The truth is, it may look like I’m doing well on the outside,
- 00:18:50,756 --> 00:18:54,218 but I’m very lonely. I miss you guys.
- 00:18:54,301 --> 00:18:57,012 I know we’re all deep into our separate lives,
- 00:18:57,095 --> 00:19:00,516 but I’d like it if you could stay. I mean, just for a little.
- 00:19:00,599 --> 00:19:02,267 To be honest, I flew too close to the sun.
- 00:19:02,351 --> 00:19:04,978 By which I mean, committed several financial crimes.
- 00:19:05,062 --> 00:19:07,606 Plus, I got divorced, company got raided by the FBI,
- 00:19:07,689 --> 00:19:09,233 and all my co-workers killed themselves.
- 00:19:09,316 --> 00:19:11,527 I’m hurt real bad. I-I just wanted to be a gangster,
- 00:19:11,610 --> 00:19:12,986 but I just kept getting attacked by wolves.
- 00:19:13,070 --> 00:19:15,364 I know this may come as a huge shock, but I haven’t been honest either.
- 00:19:15,447 --> 00:19:18,700 I’m a sex worker, and I let lonely tree men pay to fuck me.
- 00:19:18,784 --> 00:19:21,578 We got so wrapped up surviving in the big city,
- 00:19:21,662 --> 00:19:26,667 getting sucked into our new lives. But, are any of us really happy?
- 00:19:26,750 --> 00:19:29,545 I was happier when we were just a regular alien team.
- 00:19:29,628 --> 00:19:31,797 Not just a team, a team family.
- 00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:34,049 We all lost sight of our goal, making enough money
- 00:19:34,132 --> 00:19:36,802 to get back to our old life so we could all be together again.
- 00:19:36,885 --> 00:19:39,388 We’ve picked our path, and we can never go home again.
- 00:19:39,471 --> 00:19:41,682 Um, guys? The city’s on fire.
- 00:19:42,057 --> 00:19:44,268 KORVO: Jesus Christ, it's that flaming wolf that ran off.
- 00:19:44,351 --> 00:19:45,894 - W-We have to go home. - Wait a second.
- 00:19:45,978 --> 00:19:47,855 Is that our car? Way out there in the distance?
- 00:19:47,938 --> 00:19:49,231 Quick, before we burn alive.
- 00:19:49,314 --> 00:19:51,400 (PEOPLE SCREAMING)
- 00:19:51,483 --> 00:19:54,361 (GRUNTING AND SCREAMING)
- 00:19:57,447 --> 00:19:59,199 (PANTING)
- 00:20:05,664 --> 00:20:09,167 Bye, camp! I’ll miss you! See you next summer!
- 00:20:14,089 --> 00:20:16,633 (SIGHS) This is nice. I-I may have overreacted
- 00:20:16,717 --> 00:20:18,177 to you two being home from school.
- 00:20:18,260 --> 00:20:21,013 Sometimes it’s not awful to share the house with you.
- 00:20:21,096 --> 00:20:24,266 Yes, we did it! The Solar Opposites emotionally arced.
- 00:20:24,349 --> 00:20:26,560 -(IN ITALIAN ACCENT) Now that’s a story. - KORVO: Fuck you, no, it wasn’t.
- 00:20:26,643 --> 00:20:28,896 No, wait, we did arc. I-I’m proud of all of us.
- 00:20:28,979 --> 00:20:31,023 Just in time because we go back to school tomorrow.
- 00:20:31,106 --> 00:20:32,482 Oh, really? Th-Th-That’s a bummer.
- 00:20:32,566 --> 00:20:36,403 See, I knew you’d come around and want to spend more time with us.
- 00:20:36,486 --> 00:20:38,989 Oh, no. It’s a bummer because I thought summer was two more months
- 00:20:39,072 --> 00:20:40,115 and I already poisoned you.
- 00:20:40,199 --> 00:20:41,867 Ah, jeez! I’ll get the antidote.
- 00:20:41,950 --> 00:20:44,453 MALE ANNOUNCER: <i>The mysterious Wooden City that recently appeared out of nowhere</i>
- 00:20:44,536 --> 00:20:46,747 <i>tragically burned to the ground last week in a fire</i>
- 00:20:46,872 --> 00:20:48,540 <i>experts are calling inevitable.</i>
- 00:20:48,624 --> 00:20:50,918 I gotta be honest, I feel bad the Wooden City is gone.
- 00:20:51,001 --> 00:20:54,004 They had a really good Arby’s, to get fucked in.
- 00:20:54,087 --> 00:20:56,840 It’s for the best. The Wooden City turned us into our worst selves.
- 00:20:56,924 --> 00:20:58,300 We’re lucky it’s gone forever.
- 00:20:58,383 --> 00:21:01,637 <i>But miraculously it has grown back stronger than ever before,</i>
- 00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:04,348 <i>and will now be hosting the Summer Olympics in 2028.</i>
- 00:21:04,431 --> 00:21:05,516 - Wait, what’d they say? - Nothing!
- 00:21:05,599 --> 00:21:06,767 Nobody’s going back to the Wooden City.
- 00:21:06,850 --> 00:21:08,310 Now go to your room and take your antidote.
- 00:21:08,393 --> 00:21:10,103 Honestly, it might be too late.
- 00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:16,193 (SIGHS) It’s so peaceful here in the woods.
- 00:21:16,276 --> 00:21:18,362 Finally, some peace and quiet. Am I right?
- 00:21:18,445 --> 00:21:20,948 You know, without summer break, we would have never found this condo.
- 00:21:21,031 --> 00:21:24,117 (YAWNS) Sometimes life finds a way.
- 00:21:26,328 --> 00:21:27,621 -(MOOSE BELLOWS) - Shit, a moose! Terry, run!
- 00:21:27,704 --> 00:21:29,748 It's got me. It hurts. No!
- 00:21:29,831 --> 00:21:32,292 Oh, Jesus! Fuck, it bit my leg off. Clean off my body.
- 00:21:32,376 --> 00:21:34,044 - Korvo, help! - Put him down. Stop it!
- 00:21:34,127 --> 00:21:37,172 TERRY: Oh... Oh, it stinks. You never really know how bad moose stinks.
- 00:21:37,256 --> 00:21:38,882 Oh, it stinks like shit.
- 00:21:40,759 --> 00:21:42,845 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
- 00:22:25,053 --> 00:22:26,638 MALE VOICE: <i>Pew, pew! Pew, pew, pew! Pew, pew!</i>
- 00:22:26,722 --> 00:22:28,348 (GIBBERISH YELL)
- 00:00:08,615 --> 00:00:11,052 Корво. Ты не против, если я вздремну здесь?
- 00:00:11,076 --> 00:00:14,970 Не знаю, почему легче напиваться и засыпать на диване, а не в кровати.
- 00:00:14,996 --> 00:00:15,682 Ладно, Терри.
- 00:00:15,697 --> 00:00:17,109 А я воспользуюсь тишиной
- 00:00:17,109 --> 00:00:19,190 и снова составлю каталог десяти тысяч скачков данных.
- 00:00:19,376 --> 00:00:20,669 Это расслабляет.
- 00:00:22,754 --> 00:00:23,940 Терри! Корво!
- 00:00:23,964 --> 00:00:26,718 Джесси испачкала мне голокрон карандашом для глаз!
- 00:00:26,746 --> 00:00:28,903 Я экспериментирую с бровями.
- 00:00:28,927 --> 00:00:30,780 Заканчивай с волосами на лице!
- 00:00:30,804 --> 00:00:33,416 Ради серого грибля — что здесь происходит?
- 00:00:33,442 --> 00:00:34,900 — У всех крутых девчонок есть брови... — Дурацкие рисунки Джесси...
- 00:00:34,926 --> 00:00:35,866 — ...а у нас нет! — ...повредили все данные!
- 00:00:35,891 --> 00:00:37,159 Три месяца работы насмарку!
- 00:00:37,185 --> 00:00:38,744 Я хочу такое же лицо, как у Стэйси Кей!
- 00:00:38,770 --> 00:00:40,457 Тихо! Почему вы не в школе?
- 00:00:40,481 --> 00:00:42,083 Боже. Школа закрыта.
- 00:00:42,107 --> 00:00:43,334 «Прекрасно». Что на этот раз?
- 00:00:43,358 --> 00:00:46,963 Опять бессмысленные праздники вроде Дня яблочного пирога?
- 00:00:46,987 --> 00:00:49,549 Нет, лето. Так же было прошлым летом.
- 00:00:49,573 --> 00:00:50,716 Помнишь ледяную лаву?
- 00:00:50,740 --> 00:00:51,510 Нет, что?
- 00:00:51,534 --> 00:00:55,346 Думаю, лучше потерпеть лишний день с вами.
- 00:00:55,370 --> 00:00:57,348 Это лучше, чем если над вами надругаются в школе.
- 00:00:57,372 --> 00:00:58,892 Летние каникулы длятся три месяца.
- 00:00:59,473 --> 00:01:00,226 О нет.
- 00:01:00,250 --> 00:01:02,385 Три месяца?! Как сериал «Виза невесты. Виза жениха»?
- 00:01:02,411 --> 00:01:05,314 Да. И лучше не доставайте нас.
- 00:01:05,338 --> 00:01:07,567 Лето — время, когда мы делаем что хотим.
- 00:01:07,591 --> 00:01:09,593 — Например, состязаемся в крике. — Давай!
- 00:01:11,812 --> 00:01:14,251 Мне не нравятся школьные каникулы, Терри.
- 00:01:14,278 --> 00:01:16,534 Это хуже «Кошмара на улице Вязов».
- 00:01:16,558 --> 00:01:20,580 Так говорят, когда ассенизаторная машина опрокидывается, налетев на вяз.
- 00:01:20,604 --> 00:01:21,581 Жаль экскременты.
- 00:01:21,605 --> 00:01:23,046 Не хочу, чтобы репликанты были дома.
- 00:01:23,072 --> 00:01:24,707 Я не выдержу три месяца.
- 00:01:24,733 --> 00:01:28,213 Мне хватает их сорок пять минут с утра и пару часов вечером.
- 00:01:28,237 --> 00:01:29,964 Надо убить репликантов.
- 00:01:29,988 --> 00:01:32,425 Так будет лучше. Мы всегда можем вырастить новых.
- 00:01:32,449 --> 00:01:34,750 Быстрее, пока не привязались к ним.
- 00:01:34,776 --> 00:01:35,761 Отравим?
- 00:01:35,785 --> 00:01:36,971 Положим в мешок и бросим в карьер?
- 00:01:36,995 --> 00:01:39,374 Я думал подбросить стекло им в еду.
- 00:01:39,401 --> 00:01:41,643 Можно застрелить их через подушку во сне.
- 00:01:41,667 --> 00:01:42,822 Прямо в лицо.
- 00:01:42,848 --> 00:01:46,147 Или лучше удушить их этой подушкой.
- 00:01:46,171 --> 00:01:47,855 Как мы видели по телеку и в фильмах, Терри.
- 00:01:47,881 --> 00:01:50,983 Пришельцы с «Обратной стороны земли» убивают репликантов!
- 00:01:51,009 --> 00:01:53,279 Простите. Привет, Терри. Корво.
- 00:01:53,303 --> 00:01:56,533 Я случайно услышала ваш спор о том, как убить детей.
- 00:01:56,557 --> 00:01:58,494 — Всё верно. — Займись своими делами, старая галоша.
- 00:01:58,518 --> 00:02:00,936 Может, просто отправить их в летний лагерь?
- 00:02:01,937 --> 00:02:04,148 Мы про это ничего не знаем. Рассказывай.
- 00:02:05,274 --> 00:02:06,876 Хорошо, что есть лагерь.
- 00:02:06,900 --> 00:02:08,920 Мы с Джесси уже хотели убить вас.
- 00:02:08,944 --> 00:02:10,829 Что?! Мы тоже хотели убить вас!
- 00:02:10,855 --> 00:02:13,133 Великие умы мыслят одинаково.
- 00:02:13,157 --> 00:02:15,927 Лагерь! Лагерь! Лагерь! Лагерь! Лагерь!
- 00:02:15,951 --> 00:02:17,661 В лагерь!
- 00:02:18,662 --> 00:02:21,098 Планета Шлорп была идеальной утопией.
- 00:02:21,122 --> 00:02:22,624 Пока не упал астероид.
- 00:02:23,959 --> 00:02:26,271 Сто взрослых и их репликанты взяли по Пупе
- 00:02:26,295 --> 00:02:28,166 и сбежали в космос
- 00:02:28,192 --> 00:02:30,757 в поисках нового дома в незаселённых мирах.
- 00:02:31,424 --> 00:02:34,362 Мы упали на Землю и застряли на перенаселённой планете.
- 00:02:34,386 --> 00:02:36,072 Я постоянно об этом твержу.
- 00:02:36,096 --> 00:02:37,866 Я держу Пупу. Я Корво.
- 00:02:37,890 --> 00:02:40,285 И это моё шоу. Я уронил Пупу. Видите меня?
- 00:02:40,309 --> 00:02:41,661 Это смешно.
- 00:02:41,685 --> 00:02:43,580 Ненавижу Землю. Это ужасный дом.
- 00:02:43,604 --> 00:02:44,331 Люди глупые.
- 00:02:44,355 --> 00:02:46,291 Почему они так любят солнечный свет?
- 00:02:46,315 --> 00:02:48,114 Он же громко стучит о кожу.
- 00:02:48,140 --> 00:02:52,015 ОБРАТНАЯ СТОРОНА ЗЕМЛИ
- 00:02:55,193 --> 00:02:56,258 Лагерь — это круто.
- 00:02:56,284 --> 00:02:58,176 Я использую свои навыки охоты за головами
- 00:02:58,202 --> 00:03:00,388 и буду пытать тех, кто захватит флаг.
- 00:03:00,412 --> 00:03:02,737 А я жду полового пробуждения.
- 00:03:02,763 --> 00:03:05,393 Я слышала, Джулия Хоуланд в том году поехала в лагерь девочкой,
- 00:03:05,417 --> 00:03:06,644 а вернулась женщиной.
- 00:03:06,668 --> 00:03:08,354 Но оказалось, что это была другая женщина,
- 00:03:08,378 --> 00:03:10,914 а тело Джулии так и не нашли.
- 00:03:10,940 --> 00:03:14,194 А мне не терпится показать что-нибудь из «Ангелов в Америке» на шоу талантов.
- 00:03:14,218 --> 00:03:16,613 Только удвою число ангелов.
- 00:03:16,637 --> 00:03:18,114 Ты не едешь в лагерь, Терри.
- 00:03:18,138 --> 00:03:20,575 Идея в том, чтобы дом был в нашем распоряжении.
- 00:03:20,599 --> 00:03:22,035 Еще не протрезвел?
- 00:03:22,059 --> 00:03:23,078 Нет.
- 00:03:23,102 --> 00:03:24,342 Терри, поворачивай налево.
- 00:03:34,154 --> 00:03:35,298 Это лагерь?
- 00:03:35,322 --> 00:03:36,549 Нет, не глупи.
- 00:03:36,573 --> 00:03:37,926 Он глубже в лесу.
- 00:03:37,950 --> 00:03:39,863 Запомните: мы припарковались у деревьев.
- 00:03:43,747 --> 00:03:45,892 Стойте. Это лагерь.
- 00:03:45,916 --> 00:03:47,102 Пока. Мы уходим. Удачи.
- 00:03:47,126 --> 00:03:48,770 Но ничего не изменилось.
- 00:03:48,793 --> 00:03:50,897 Да, всё те же старые деревья.
- 00:03:50,921 --> 00:03:51,820 Где лагерь?
- 00:03:51,847 --> 00:03:55,110 Мы говорили о нём с нашей отвратительной соседкой почти пять минут.
- 00:03:55,134 --> 00:03:57,587 Я точно знаю, что это лагерь.
- 00:03:57,613 --> 00:03:59,489 Мы оставляем вас здесь на две-три недели.
- 00:03:59,513 --> 00:04:02,380 Учитесь плавать. А потом мы заберём вас.
- 00:04:02,406 --> 00:04:02,880 Точка.
- 00:04:02,907 --> 00:04:03,952 — Идёт. — Круто, идёт.
- 00:04:03,976 --> 00:04:05,954 Мы заедем на выходных. Пока.
- 00:04:05,978 --> 00:04:08,248 Не заедем. Ты уверен, что машина там?
- 00:04:08,272 --> 00:04:10,458 Я прослушал четыре курса по следопытству,
- 00:04:10,482 --> 00:04:12,544 чтобы подготовиться к жизни в опасных мирах.
- 00:04:12,570 --> 00:04:14,302 Я выведу нас.
- 00:04:14,446 --> 00:04:16,997 СПУСТЯ ДВА ЧАСА
- 00:04:17,268 --> 00:04:19,522 Какого черта, Терри? Признай, мы заблудились.
- 00:04:19,548 --> 00:04:20,760 Машина там, я знаю.
- 00:04:20,784 --> 00:04:23,596 Лагерь — отстой. Здесь даже флага нет.
- 00:04:23,620 --> 00:04:26,154 Как долго ждать полового пробуждения?
- 00:04:26,180 --> 00:04:29,477 Я уже выстрогала парня на случай, когда это произойдёт.
- 00:04:29,501 --> 00:04:32,021 Это Нэйт Джейкобс. Мы познакомились на бар-мицве.
- 00:04:32,047 --> 00:04:33,648 — Можно домой? — Да.
- 00:04:33,672 --> 00:04:34,691 — Но мы заблудились. — Так и знал!
- 00:04:34,715 --> 00:04:37,193 Потому что ты всё время пьёшь эти дурацкие напитки.
- 00:04:37,217 --> 00:04:40,071 Они не дурацкие. Мне легче находить путь из леса, когда я выпил.
- 00:04:40,095 --> 00:04:42,793 Ты хоть раз пробовал их? Этот из кокоса.
- 00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:45,452 Как мы могли заблудиться?
- 00:04:45,476 --> 00:04:48,414 У нас есть самое современное оборудование в квадранте.
- 00:04:48,438 --> 00:04:49,581 Оно в машине.
- 00:04:49,605 --> 00:04:51,408 Мы останемся здесь до самой смерти,
- 00:04:51,434 --> 00:04:54,377 и у меня не будет романа с парнем моей мечты,
- 00:04:54,401 --> 00:04:55,879 как в «Пятистах днях лета».
- 00:04:55,903 --> 00:04:58,465 Успокойтесь. Я эксперт-следопыт.
- 00:04:58,489 --> 00:05:00,300 Мы должны следовать за самой тусклой звездой.
- 00:05:00,324 --> 00:05:02,468 Она всегда выводит на юг.
- 00:05:02,494 --> 00:05:05,464 СПУСТЯ ДВА МЕСЯЦА
- 00:05:05,490 --> 00:05:07,257 На этой планете все звёзды тусклые.
- 00:05:07,287 --> 00:05:08,723 Почему во мне ветка?
- 00:05:08,749 --> 00:05:10,912 Ты сказал, что если мы не поедим в ближайшее время,
- 00:05:10,937 --> 00:05:13,227 ты воткнёшь себе ветку в плечо.
- 00:05:13,253 --> 00:05:14,230 И это шесть недель назад.
- 00:05:14,254 --> 00:05:16,150 А, да. Думаю, у меня шок.
- 00:05:18,642 --> 00:05:22,065 Нет сомнений: у нас орудует серийный убийца.
- 00:05:22,096 --> 00:05:25,825 О, не будем судить о людях по пяти одинаковым убийствам.
- 00:05:25,849 --> 00:05:26,951 Я всё же не уверен.
- 00:05:26,975 --> 00:05:28,480 Может, это сверчок?
- 00:05:28,506 --> 00:05:29,205 Сверчок?
- 00:05:29,229 --> 00:05:30,997 Сверчок может убить пять человек,
- 00:05:31,021 --> 00:05:32,458 вырезать органы
- 00:05:32,482 --> 00:05:34,793 и разложить тела в форме подмигивающего смайлика?
- 00:05:34,817 --> 00:05:36,044 Ты смотрел «Пиноккио»?
- 00:05:36,068 --> 00:05:38,004 Да. Кто знает, что они могут,
- 00:05:38,028 --> 00:05:39,379 если им в голову придёт мысль об убийстве.
- 00:05:39,405 --> 00:05:40,507 Или в ноги.
- 00:05:40,531 --> 00:05:42,550 Может, это два сверчка?
- 00:05:42,574 --> 00:05:46,054 Или один сверчок — убийца, а второй — подражатель.
- 00:05:46,078 --> 00:05:50,141 Давайте предположим, что у нас один обычный человек-убийца,
- 00:05:50,165 --> 00:05:52,268 а не два гениальных сверчка-убийцы.
- 00:05:52,292 --> 00:05:54,063 У тебя разыгралось воображение.
- 00:05:54,086 --> 00:05:58,108 Ты больше не главный редактор сериала «Кости».
- 00:05:58,132 --> 00:05:59,317 Это реальная жизнь.
- 00:05:59,341 --> 00:06:01,236 Речь идёт о реальных людях,
- 00:06:01,260 --> 00:06:04,508 а не о киногероях, которых сыграла Эмили Дешанель.
- 00:06:04,534 --> 00:06:05,865 Ты слушаешь меня?
- 00:06:05,889 --> 00:06:07,867 Нет. Я кое-чему научился в сериале «Кости».
- 00:06:07,891 --> 00:06:10,495 Не вставать между Бореаназом и вторым обедом.
- 00:06:10,521 --> 00:06:13,082 А еще слушать чутьё.
- 00:06:13,106 --> 00:06:15,149 А оно велит действовать быстро.
- 00:06:17,067 --> 00:06:18,670 Нэйт!
- 00:06:18,694 --> 00:06:20,683 Нэйт, ты вернулся. Я скучала.
- 00:06:21,142 --> 00:06:22,508 Нэйт! Не на глазах у семьи.
- 00:06:22,532 --> 00:06:24,342 — Всё сначала?! — Мы умрём?
- 00:06:24,366 --> 00:06:25,468 Мне рано умирать!
- 00:06:25,492 --> 00:06:27,554 История с лагерем еще не закончилась.
- 00:06:27,578 --> 00:06:28,680 Что нам делать?
- 00:06:28,704 --> 00:06:30,682 В жизни другие правила. Это не телешоу.
- 00:06:30,706 --> 00:06:32,226 Мы умрём с голоду в лесу.
- 00:06:32,250 --> 00:06:34,561 У нас нет времени научиться делиться.
- 00:06:34,585 --> 00:06:36,970 Теперь история про блуждание по лесу?
- 00:06:36,996 --> 00:06:38,562 Хватит употреблять слово «история».
- 00:06:38,602 --> 00:06:40,223 Мы потерялись в лесу.
- 00:06:40,258 --> 00:06:42,318 Ненадолго. Есть еще один способ.
- 00:06:42,342 --> 00:06:45,697 Обычно его используют, чтобы выжить на самых враждебных планетах.
- 00:06:45,721 --> 00:06:48,025 Но отчаянные времена требуют отчаянных мер.
- 00:06:48,051 --> 00:06:49,243 Юмьюлак, пора.
- 00:06:49,267 --> 00:06:50,013 Ты уверен?
- 00:06:50,039 --> 00:06:51,202 Мы умираем. Ты должен.
- 00:06:51,226 --> 00:06:52,746 О чем это вы?
- 00:06:52,770 --> 00:06:54,490 Аварийный урбанайзер.
- 00:06:54,516 --> 00:06:55,727 Это спасательный плот.
- 00:06:55,753 --> 00:06:58,127 Он один. Его не использовать дважды.
- 00:06:58,151 --> 00:07:00,045 Не теряй время, Юмьюлак. Мы знаем, каковы ставки.
- 00:07:00,069 --> 00:07:02,447 Они высоки. За дело.
- 00:07:33,531 --> 00:07:35,372 На обрывке бумаги семь.
- 00:07:35,396 --> 00:07:36,290 Это зацепка.
- 00:07:36,314 --> 00:07:39,376 Должно быть, он живёт в секторе семь. Я чувствую это.
- 00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:40,835 Двадцать первая серия «Костей».
- 00:07:40,859 --> 00:07:42,545 Её не показали из-за убийства Бен Ладена.
- 00:07:42,569 --> 00:07:44,964 Бобби Каннавале играл сутенёра.
- 00:07:44,990 --> 00:07:47,967 Не знал, что сверчки пользуются бумагой.
- 00:07:53,323 --> 00:07:56,289 Бинго. В этом месте кого-то убили.
- 00:08:00,852 --> 00:08:02,687 Замри! Держи его! Держи!
- 00:08:04,489 --> 00:08:05,321 Он что-то доставал!
- 00:08:05,347 --> 00:08:06,027 Нет!
- 00:08:06,051 --> 00:08:08,126 Он точно что-то доставал.
- 00:08:08,152 --> 00:08:09,155 Мы спасли тебе жизнь.
- 00:08:09,179 --> 00:08:10,378 Мог бы сказал «спасибо».
- 00:08:10,404 --> 00:08:12,117 Могли бы взять его живым.
- 00:08:12,141 --> 00:08:15,079 Стой. Эй! Стой. Мы это не обсуждали.
- 00:08:15,103 --> 00:08:16,955 Мы думали, его надо замочить.
- 00:08:16,979 --> 00:08:18,791 Радуйся, что твоя теория верна.
- 00:08:18,815 --> 00:08:21,710 Это был не сверчок. Мы его убили!
- 00:08:24,278 --> 00:08:25,964 Кто знает, где теперь машина.
- 00:08:25,988 --> 00:08:27,257 На поиски уйдёт много дней.
- 00:08:27,281 --> 00:08:29,635 Святой гуакамоле!
- 00:08:29,659 --> 00:08:31,010 Что это за место?
- 00:08:31,034 --> 00:08:32,011 Трудно понять.
- 00:08:32,035 --> 00:08:33,806 Там есть стенд для туристов.
- 00:08:33,830 --> 00:08:35,123 Идемте посмотрим.
- 00:08:35,414 --> 00:08:37,767 Привет! Я деревянный актёр Вуден Харрельсон,
- 00:08:37,791 --> 00:08:41,896 звезда нового фильма «Иллюзия обмена».
- 00:08:42,102 --> 00:08:44,065 Добро пожаловать в Деревянный город,
- 00:08:44,089 --> 00:08:47,470 самый восхитительный и быстро развивающийся город мира.
- 00:08:47,496 --> 00:08:49,863 Он точно такой же, как обычный город,
- 00:08:49,887 --> 00:08:54,159 только сделан из органических материалов, доступных в лесу.
- 00:08:54,183 --> 00:08:55,411 Не считая животных.
- 00:08:55,435 --> 00:08:57,687 Они настоящие и убьют вас.
- 00:08:58,020 --> 00:09:01,125 А теперь простите, у меня бронь в «Дорсии».
- 00:09:01,149 --> 00:09:03,419 Здесь интересуются не только деревом.
- 00:09:03,443 --> 00:09:05,836 Хорошая новость: мы больше не блуждаем в лесу.
- 00:09:05,862 --> 00:09:08,741 Плохая новость: мы заблудились в деревянном городе.
- 00:09:10,836 --> 00:09:12,469 Нам нужны деньги, чтобы арендовать машину,
- 00:09:12,493 --> 00:09:15,889 доехать до нашей машины и убраться отсюда.
- 00:09:15,913 --> 00:09:18,099 Разделимся и найдём работу. Так быстрее.
- 00:09:18,123 --> 00:09:19,184 А может, держаться вместе?
- 00:09:19,208 --> 00:09:23,229 Нет. Будет быстрее, если каждый найдёт работу и заработает денег.
- 00:09:23,253 --> 00:09:24,440 Это выживание.
- 00:09:24,464 --> 00:09:25,691 Стой-стой-стой.
- 00:09:25,715 --> 00:09:28,777 Теперь вся эта история касается не лагеря и леса,
- 00:09:28,801 --> 00:09:30,738 а выживания в большом городе?
- 00:09:30,761 --> 00:09:32,489 Да. А может коснуться Годзиллы,
- 00:09:32,513 --> 00:09:33,615 так что смотри в оба.
- 00:09:33,639 --> 00:09:35,159 У меня полно вопросов.
- 00:09:35,183 --> 00:09:36,744 Это будет здорово!
- 00:09:36,767 --> 00:09:37,911 Мы в большом городе!
- 00:09:37,935 --> 00:09:39,329 Здесь можно стать кем хочешь:
- 00:09:39,353 --> 00:09:41,664 супергероем, политиком, стоматологом.
- 00:09:41,688 --> 00:09:43,208 Я войду в десятку лучших актёров,
- 00:09:43,232 --> 00:09:45,473 а на пенсии займусь озвучкой.
- 00:09:45,499 --> 00:09:47,212 Кем ты всегда хотела стать?
- 00:09:47,236 --> 00:09:49,506 Твоя самая безумная мечта. Говори.
- 00:09:49,530 --> 00:09:51,841 Я хотела работать в мире моды.
- 00:09:51,865 --> 00:09:54,762 Я буду работать в финансах. Всегда хотел быть негодяем.
- 00:09:54,786 --> 00:09:55,804 Большая мечта.
- 00:09:55,828 --> 00:09:57,680 Теперь у каждого есть история.
- 00:09:57,704 --> 00:10:00,768 Помните: нам нужны деньги на машину, чтобы найти машину.
- 00:10:00,792 --> 00:10:01,728 А что будешь делать ты?
- 00:10:01,752 --> 00:10:04,748 Пока не знаю. Пройдусь, поищу что-нибудь.
- 00:10:04,774 --> 00:10:07,455 Все встречаемся здесь вечером с деньгами.
- 00:10:14,274 --> 00:10:16,871 Я хотела дуб, а не клён, тупица!
- 00:10:17,559 --> 00:10:18,796 На помощь!
- 00:10:18,820 --> 00:10:22,341 Ты уволена! Теперь тебя еще и орёл унёс!
- 00:10:22,365 --> 00:10:23,426 — Ты! — Я?
- 00:10:23,450 --> 00:10:24,802 Теперь ты моя помощница.
- 00:10:24,826 --> 00:10:26,594 Возьми эти жёлуди и иди за мной.
- 00:10:26,618 --> 00:10:27,296 О боже!
- 00:10:27,322 --> 00:10:28,764 Хватит!
- 00:10:30,415 --> 00:10:34,185 Пять миллионов? Я не встаю из кровати меньше, чем за десять!
- 00:10:34,209 --> 00:10:37,565 О, это самый крутой парень, которого я когда-либо видел.
- 00:10:37,589 --> 00:10:38,922 Даже статуи крутые.
- 00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:51,036 Десять миллионов? Я не встаю меньше, чем за пять…
- 00:10:51,060 --> 00:10:53,605 Стой. На десять я согласен.
- 00:10:57,160 --> 00:10:58,043 Эй, слюнтяй!
- 00:10:58,067 --> 00:11:00,211 — Ты новенький? — Да? Да.
- 00:11:00,235 --> 00:11:03,782 Тогда бери телефон и зарабатывай мне деньги!
- 00:11:17,420 --> 00:11:20,775 Эй, расслабься. Ты молодец. Ты правда молодец.
- 00:11:20,799 --> 00:11:22,850 Приходи ко мне на стоянку такси.
- 00:11:22,876 --> 00:11:24,327 Ты нам пригодишься.
- 00:11:24,886 --> 00:11:26,781 Сколько себя помню,
- 00:11:26,805 --> 00:11:28,574 я хотел быть гангстером.
- 00:11:35,452 --> 00:11:36,068 Привет.
- 00:11:42,288 --> 00:11:44,417 А он говорит: «Ты попал в меня!»
- 00:11:45,313 --> 00:11:46,926 Да! Потому что ты попал в него.
- 00:11:46,950 --> 00:11:49,762 Классика. Бум-бум, и тебе конец.
- 00:11:49,786 --> 00:11:51,430 Да что с тобой, парень?
- 00:11:51,454 --> 00:11:52,848 Ты снова герой Стены.
- 00:11:52,872 --> 00:11:54,809 И как раз ко дню Шери.
- 00:11:54,833 --> 00:11:56,185 Здесь что-то не так.
- 00:11:56,209 --> 00:12:00,255 Просто у тебя нет забродившей мочи, чтобы отпраздновать это!
- 00:12:03,508 --> 00:12:07,446 О, я… оставил мою любимую кружку дома.
- 00:12:07,470 --> 00:12:08,847 Сходи за ней.
- 00:12:13,283 --> 00:12:16,412 Говорят, любовь слепа, когда отбиваешься от коллектива.
- 00:12:16,438 --> 00:12:18,624 Но как непросто справиться,
- 00:12:18,648 --> 00:12:20,584 когда нас всё меньше и меньше…
- 00:12:21,575 --> 00:12:22,067 Следующий.
- 00:12:22,093 --> 00:12:23,629 То есть, следующий этап прослушивания?
- 00:12:23,653 --> 00:12:25,172 Обычно все перезванивают.
- 00:12:25,196 --> 00:12:28,007 Или вы хотели сказать «следующий номер»?
- 00:12:28,031 --> 00:12:30,094 Это отлично, потому что у меня еще много идей…
- 00:12:30,118 --> 00:12:31,512 Нет. Следующий по очереди.
- 00:12:31,536 --> 00:12:35,057 Единственный твой талант — это заставлять нас стыдиться за тебя.
- 00:12:35,081 --> 00:12:36,726 Вы серьезно?
- 00:12:36,750 --> 00:12:39,812 Это мне стыдно за вас. Вы не можете разглядеть такой талант
- 00:12:39,836 --> 00:12:41,814 прямо у вас под носом!
- 00:12:41,838 --> 00:12:44,650 Милый, у тебя есть лишь один шанс проявить талант —
- 00:12:44,674 --> 00:12:46,193 стать проституткой.
- 00:12:46,217 --> 00:12:49,137 Проституткой?! Ха! Никогда! Слышали? Никогда!
- 00:12:50,053 --> 00:12:52,074 Это не работа. Это призвание.
- 00:12:52,098 --> 00:12:54,021 Нельзя просто начать с верхов, надо…
- 00:12:54,047 --> 00:12:55,870 Эй! Повеселимся, сладкий?
- 00:12:55,894 --> 00:12:58,080 — Сколько? — Десять тысяч час.
- 00:12:58,104 --> 00:12:59,040 Ни за что.
- 00:12:59,064 --> 00:13:00,833 Ладно-ладно. Пятьсот за два часа.
- 00:13:00,857 --> 00:13:02,626 Только руки и рот.
- 00:13:02,650 --> 00:13:05,904 Сто в час. Если два — шесть бесплатно.
- 00:13:06,905 --> 00:13:09,008 Ладно-ладно. Четыре бакса.
- 00:13:09,032 --> 00:13:10,801 Можешь вынуть мне зубы, загнать в Вифлеем
- 00:13:10,825 --> 00:13:11,511 и оставить там умирать.
- 00:13:11,535 --> 00:13:13,763 Одна просьба: сначала напои.
- 00:13:13,787 --> 00:13:15,413 Или я согласен трезвым.
- 00:13:16,915 --> 00:13:19,101 Такая уж жизнь в большом городе.
- 00:13:19,125 --> 00:13:21,669 Это идеальная фраза при монтаже.
- 00:13:22,584 --> 00:13:23,689 Боже, началось!
- 00:13:31,217 --> 00:13:33,178 СПЕЦИАЛЬНЫЙ ВХОД ДЛЯ ГАНГСТЕРОВ
- 00:13:38,875 --> 00:13:40,537 Нет. Нет. Может. Нет. Нет.
- 00:13:40,563 --> 00:13:42,458 Слишком. Нет. Нет лба. Нет.
- 00:13:42,482 --> 00:13:44,168 Убей себя. Убей меня. Гениально.
- 00:13:44,192 --> 00:13:46,629 Ужасно. Мне нравится. Умри на войне с зомби.
- 00:13:46,653 --> 00:13:48,297 Джесси, не знаю, что сказать.
- 00:13:48,321 --> 00:13:49,840 Прости, что всё так произошло.
- 00:13:49,864 --> 00:13:52,009 Позволь мне всё объяснить.
- 00:13:52,033 --> 00:13:53,187 Я уничтожена!
- 00:13:53,214 --> 00:13:56,133 Желаю тебе весь вечер получать пощёчины.
- 00:13:58,915 --> 00:14:01,727 Пятьдесят миллионов бутылок шампанского
- 00:14:01,751 --> 00:14:04,230 для сотрудника, принёсшего пятьдесят миллионов!
- 00:14:04,254 --> 00:14:07,858 Пятьдесят миллионов — вот это да!
- 00:14:10,049 --> 00:14:11,049 НАГРАДА ЗА ДОСТИЖЕНИЯ В МИРЕ МОДЫ ДЖЕССИ НОСИТПРАДА
- 00:14:11,075 --> 00:14:12,028 СЕГОДНЯ ВЕЧЕРОМ ПРИХОДИ И ОТПРАЗДНУЙ
- 00:14:12,053 --> 00:14:13,572 Убирайтесь.
- 00:14:17,142 --> 00:14:20,579 Я только хотела заработать на машину и найти нашу.
- 00:14:20,603 --> 00:14:21,747 Это так просто.
- 00:14:24,232 --> 00:14:26,127 И разумеется, ты не смог найти время,
- 00:14:26,151 --> 00:14:28,462 чтобы присутствовать на крещении Юмьюлака-младшего.
- 00:14:28,486 --> 00:14:34,385 Потому что ты слишком занят наркотиками?
- 00:14:34,409 --> 00:14:36,387 А если я правда занят наркотиками?
- 00:14:36,411 --> 00:14:37,722 Какая тебе разница?
- 00:14:37,746 --> 00:14:40,328 Ты ничего обо мне не знаешь, Синдин!
- 00:14:40,354 --> 00:14:43,811 Я знаю о тебе одно: тебя ждёт развод!
- 00:14:43,835 --> 00:14:46,087 Зря я купил деревянное достоинство.
- 00:14:47,297 --> 00:14:49,358 Трип, здесь ФБР! Но ведь всё в порядке?
- 00:14:49,382 --> 00:14:51,027 Волноваться не о чем? Трип!
- 00:14:51,051 --> 00:14:53,154 Да, да, всё в порядке. Не переживай.
- 00:14:53,178 --> 00:14:55,114 Пусть делают свою работу. Всё хорошо.
- 00:14:55,138 --> 00:14:57,682 Господи, Трип!
- 00:15:00,341 --> 00:15:01,829 Ладно, все, без паники.
- 00:15:01,853 --> 00:15:04,147 Мы с этим справимся. Мы все будем в порядке.
- 00:15:21,495 --> 00:15:22,787 НЕ ТЕРПИТСЯ УВИДЕТЬ ТЕБЯ В ЭТОМ ПЛАТЬЕ ВЕЧЕРОМ.
- 00:15:22,813 --> 00:15:23,584 ПАРЕНЬ ИЗ МАШИНЫ
- 00:15:39,425 --> 00:15:40,444 Мерзавец!
- 00:15:44,580 --> 00:15:45,234 Черт!
- 00:15:49,734 --> 00:15:52,278 Я пытаюсь раскрутить историю про мафию, тупое животное!
- 00:16:04,607 --> 00:16:06,477 СКЛАД ПЕЧЕНЬЯ ЛАКИ
- 00:16:18,559 --> 00:16:20,157 СЕГОДНЯ ЖДИ СЮРПРИЗА
- 00:16:25,116 --> 00:16:26,093 Замри!
- 00:17:04,229 --> 00:17:06,412 ДЕНЬ ШЕРИ
- 00:17:27,968 --> 00:17:30,658 Я в восторге от твоего платья, Джесси.
- 00:17:30,668 --> 00:17:33,481 Ты правда королева моды Деревянного города.
- 00:17:33,505 --> 00:17:36,067 — Неважно. — Поздравляю тебя с успехом.
- 00:17:36,093 --> 00:17:37,356 Кому это надо.
- 00:17:39,707 --> 00:17:42,392 Вы пришли? Рада вас видеть.
- 00:17:42,418 --> 00:17:43,673 Как у вас дела?
- 00:17:43,699 --> 00:17:44,992 У меня? О, прекрасно.
- 00:17:45,016 --> 00:17:48,287 Основал хедж-фонд, офис в Беличьем торговом центре,
- 00:17:48,311 --> 00:17:49,456 играл по правилам.
- 00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:52,042 Хорошие парни занимают первые места. Что еще?
- 00:17:52,066 --> 00:17:53,876 Больших проблем нет.
- 00:17:53,900 --> 00:17:54,532 У меня тоже.
- 00:17:54,558 --> 00:17:57,380 Построил неплохую карьеру в сфере услуг.
- 00:17:57,404 --> 00:18:00,759 Сам себе начальник. Сам решаю, когда мне работать.
- 00:18:00,783 --> 00:18:03,053 Есть риски из-за моего наряда, но ничего.
- 00:18:03,077 --> 00:18:04,584 Кто вы такие, чтобы судить.
- 00:18:04,610 --> 00:18:06,138 Никаких осуждений. У меня…
- 00:18:06,162 --> 00:18:07,939 — Кровь? — Кровь? Нет. Это э…
- 00:18:08,578 --> 00:18:09,392 соус.
- 00:18:09,416 --> 00:18:11,602 У меня всё прекрасно. Не спрашивайте.
- 00:18:11,626 --> 00:18:13,312 Влился в большой коллектив.
- 00:18:13,336 --> 00:18:15,190 Мы занимаемся строительством.
- 00:18:15,214 --> 00:18:17,484 Мои лучшие друзья — Джимми Курок, Ронни Убил-Многих
- 00:18:17,508 --> 00:18:19,008 и Гвидо Хладнокровный Псих.
- 00:18:19,300 --> 00:18:20,996 Я так рада за вас всех.
- 00:18:21,022 --> 00:18:24,949 Как видите, я достигла вершины в мире моды.
- 00:18:24,973 --> 00:18:27,991 Все мои мечты воплотились. Я никогда не была счастливее.
- 00:18:28,017 --> 00:18:30,227 Мне здесь нравится. На этом всё.
- 00:18:31,646 --> 00:18:33,500 Что ж, думаю, мне пора.
- 00:18:33,524 --> 00:18:35,334 Да, у меня важная сделка,
- 00:18:35,358 --> 00:18:36,503 то есть конференция.
- 00:18:36,527 --> 00:18:38,068 Я хотел сказать, групповое катание на лыжах.
- 00:18:38,094 --> 00:18:40,589 Встреча борделевладельцев,
- 00:18:40,613 --> 00:18:42,217 то есть шахтовладельцев.
- 00:18:42,241 --> 00:18:43,386 Я тоже пойду.
- 00:18:43,412 --> 00:18:45,387 У меня сильное соусотечение.
- 00:18:45,411 --> 00:18:46,303 Теряю силу.
- 00:18:46,327 --> 00:18:47,320 Стойте! Ребята,
- 00:18:47,346 --> 00:18:50,725 со стороны можно подумать, что у меня всё отлично,
- 00:18:50,749 --> 00:18:52,560 но я очень одинока.
- 00:18:52,584 --> 00:18:54,279 Я скучаю по вам.
- 00:18:54,305 --> 00:18:56,939 Я знаю, у каждого теперь своя жизнь,
- 00:18:56,963 --> 00:18:59,442 но я хочу, чтобы вы остались.
- 00:18:59,466 --> 00:19:00,484 Хоть ненадолго.
- 00:19:00,508 --> 00:19:02,447 Честно говоря, я слишком высоко взлетел.
- 00:19:02,473 --> 00:19:04,864 Совершил пару финансовых преступлений.
- 00:19:04,888 --> 00:19:07,491 Развёлся. Компанию захватило ФБР.
- 00:19:07,515 --> 00:19:09,327 А сотрудники покончили с собой.
- 00:19:09,350 --> 00:19:10,162 У меня серьезная рана.
- 00:19:10,186 --> 00:19:12,913 Я хотел стать гангстером, но меня заели волки.
- 00:19:12,940 --> 00:19:15,415 Вы будете в шоке, но я тоже был нечестен.
- 00:19:15,441 --> 00:19:18,627 Я работник секс-индустрии. Мои клиенты — одинокие мужчины.
- 00:19:18,651 --> 00:19:21,542 Нас так затянуло выживание в большом городе,
- 00:19:21,568 --> 00:19:23,717 засосала новая жизнь…
- 00:19:23,741 --> 00:19:26,720 Но кто из нас на самом деле счастлив?
- 00:19:26,744 --> 00:19:29,583 Я был счастливее, когда мы были командой пришельцев.
- 00:19:29,611 --> 00:19:31,766 Не просто командой, семьёй.
- 00:19:31,790 --> 00:19:33,184 Мы забыли о цели:
- 00:19:33,208 --> 00:19:35,186 заработать денег, чтобы вернуться к прежней жизни
- 00:19:35,210 --> 00:19:36,855 и снова быть вместе.
- 00:19:36,879 --> 00:19:39,523 Мы сбились с пути и уже не вернёмся домой.
- 00:19:39,547 --> 00:19:41,633 Ребята, город горит!
- 00:19:42,369 --> 00:19:44,396 Господи! Горящий волк сбежал!
- 00:19:44,564 --> 00:19:45,821 — Бежим домой! — Постойте.
- 00:19:45,845 --> 00:19:47,823 Это наша машина? Вон там, вдалеке!
- 00:19:47,847 --> 00:19:49,183 Быстрее, пока мы не сгорели!
- 00:20:05,532 --> 00:20:09,078 Пока, лагерь! Я буду скучать! До следующего лета!
- 00:20:14,590 --> 00:20:15,557 Как хорошо.
- 00:20:15,583 --> 00:20:18,145 Я перегнул палку со школьными каникулами.
- 00:20:18,169 --> 00:20:20,940 Иногда жить с вами в одном доме неплохо.
- 00:20:20,964 --> 00:20:22,317 Да, мы справились!
- 00:20:22,341 --> 00:20:24,361 Мы сумели создать эмоциональную арку.
- 00:20:24,385 --> 00:20:25,514 Вот так история!
- 00:20:25,540 --> 00:20:26,684 Черт. Нет, это не так.
- 00:20:26,710 --> 00:20:27,863 Стой. Мы сделали арку!
- 00:20:27,887 --> 00:20:28,948 Я горжусь нами.
- 00:20:28,972 --> 00:20:30,992 Вовремя. Завтра мы возвращаемся в школу.
- 00:20:31,015 --> 00:20:32,549 Правда? Как жаль.
- 00:20:32,575 --> 00:20:36,402 Я знала, что ты захочешь проводить больше времени с нами.
- 00:20:36,428 --> 00:20:40,052 Нет. Я думал, что каникулы еще два месяца, и отравил вас.
- 00:20:40,078 --> 00:20:41,752 Боже, где антидот?
- 00:20:41,776 --> 00:20:44,381 Загадочный Деревянный город, неожиданно появившийся из ниоткуда,
- 00:20:44,405 --> 00:20:48,587 трагически сгорел дотла на прошлой неделе.
- 00:20:48,613 --> 00:20:50,845 Мне жаль, что Деревянный город сгорел.
- 00:20:50,869 --> 00:20:53,947 В их забегаловках можно было уединяться в туалете.
- 00:20:53,973 --> 00:20:57,018 Это к лучшему. Он проявил наши худшие черты.
- 00:20:57,042 --> 00:20:58,269 Нам повезло, что всё закончилось.
- 00:20:58,295 --> 00:21:01,562 Удивительно, но город вырос снова, больше, чем прежде.
- 00:21:01,588 --> 00:21:04,319 И он примет летние Олимпийские игры двадцать восьмого года.
- 00:21:04,345 --> 00:21:05,276 — Что он сказал? — Ничего.
- 00:21:05,300 --> 00:21:06,653 Никто туда не поедет.
- 00:21:06,677 --> 00:21:08,279 Иди прими противоядие.
- 00:21:08,309 --> 00:21:09,649 Хотя уже поздно.
- 00:21:13,326 --> 00:21:14,787 ДОМ, МИЛОЕ ПРИСТАНИЩЕ
- 00:21:14,813 --> 00:21:16,246 Здесь, в лесу, так тихо.
- 00:21:16,270 --> 00:21:18,241 Наконец-то покой и тишина.
- 00:21:18,267 --> 00:21:21,145 Без летних каникул мы никогда не нашли бы этот дом.
- 00:21:21,984 --> 00:21:23,986 Иногда жизнь сама нас приводит.
- 00:21:26,505 --> 00:21:27,008 Лось!
- 00:21:27,034 --> 00:21:29,117 — Терри, бежим! — Он схватил меня! Больно! Нет!
- 00:21:29,783 --> 00:21:31,852 Боже, он откусил мне ногу!
- 00:21:31,884 --> 00:21:33,556 — Отряхни моё тело! — Корво, помоги!
- 00:21:33,582 --> 00:21:34,416 Отпусти его!
- 00:21:34,441 --> 00:21:35,431 От него воняет!
- 00:21:35,456 --> 00:21:37,389 Неужели лоси такие вонючие?
- 00:21:37,415 --> 00:21:39,250 О, это ужасно!
- 00:00:08,610 --> 00:00:11,070 Эй, Корво, ничего, если я прилягу тут с коктейлем?
- 00:00:11,070 --> 00:00:13,870 Не знаю, почему пить и спать на диване удобнее, чем на кровати.
- 00:00:13,870 --> 00:00:14,990 Но так и есть.
- 00:00:14,990 --> 00:00:15,700 Конечно, Терри.
- 00:00:15,700 --> 00:00:17,700 Я посижу тут, в тишине и спокойствии, буду перебирать
- 00:00:17,700 --> 00:00:19,370 все 10.000 наборов данных.
- 00:00:19,370 --> 00:00:20,670 Так расслабляет.
- 00:00:22,750 --> 00:00:23,960 Терри, Корво!
- 00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:26,000 Джесси испачкала подводкой мой голокрон,
- 00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:26,840 и теперь он не работает!
- 00:00:26,840 --> 00:00:28,920 Я пыталась сделать себе брови!
- 00:00:28,920 --> 00:00:30,800 Прекрати, твои брови осуждают нас!
- 00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:33,680 Какого черта тут происходит?!
- 00:00:37,270 --> 00:00:38,770 ...и посадочная полоса, как у Стейси К!
- 00:00:38,770 --> 00:00:40,480 Заткнитесь! Почему вы не в школе?!
- 00:00:40,480 --> 00:00:42,100 Ну так школа закрыта.
- 00:00:42,100 --> 00:00:43,350 Здорово, и что на этот раз?
- 00:00:43,350 --> 00:00:44,940 Очередной бесполезный праздник,
- 00:00:44,940 --> 00:00:46,980 как День яблочного пирога или Йом-Кипур?
- 00:00:46,980 --> 00:00:49,570 Нет, сейчас лето. Мы же столкнулись с этим в прошлом году, помните?
- 00:00:49,570 --> 00:00:50,740 Вся эта заваруха с ледяной лавой?
- 00:00:50,740 --> 00:00:51,530 Нет, что?
- 00:00:51,530 --> 00:00:53,570 Похоже, нам просто стоит вытерпеть ещё один день,
- 00:00:53,570 --> 00:00:55,370 когда вы будете нас терроризировать.
- 00:00:55,370 --> 00:00:57,370 Это лучше, чем если вас будут совращать в школе.
- 00:00:57,370 --> 00:00:58,910 Летние каникулы длятся 3 месяца.
- 00:00:58,910 --> 00:01:00,250 О черт.
- 00:01:00,250 --> 00:01:02,540 3 месяца? Это как один сезон Визы невесты!
- 00:01:02,540 --> 00:01:05,340 Да, и вам лучше не заваливать нас делами как обычно.
- 00:01:05,340 --> 00:01:07,590 Летом мы можем делать все, что хотим.
- 00:01:07,590 --> 00:01:09,590 - Например, конкурс крика! - Начали!
- 00:01:11,760 --> 00:01:14,510 Это лето меня доканает, Терри.
- 00:01:14,510 --> 00:01:16,550 Это хуже, чем Кошмар на улице Хелмса,
- 00:01:16,550 --> 00:01:18,890 так называется инцидент, когда илосос для биотуалетов
- 00:01:18,890 --> 00:01:20,600 опрокинулся на подъездной дороге Эда Хелмса.
- 00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:21,600 Какая трата какашек.
- 00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:23,140 Я не хочу, чтобы репликанты оставались дома!
- 00:01:23,140 --> 00:01:24,730 Я не выдержу три месяца этого, Терри!
- 00:01:24,730 --> 00:01:26,400 Они мне нравятся 45 минут по утрам
- 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:28,230 и, может, пару часов вечером. Это максимум.
- 00:01:28,230 --> 00:01:29,980 Очевидно, что нам придётся убить их.
- 00:01:29,980 --> 00:01:32,450 Да, звучит логично. Мы всегда можем вырастить новых.
- 00:01:32,450 --> 00:01:34,610 Давай сделаем это быстро, чтобы слишком не привязываться.
- 00:01:34,610 --> 00:01:35,780 Что будем делать? Яд?
- 00:01:35,780 --> 00:01:36,990 Засунем их в мешок и выбросим в карьер?
- 00:01:36,990 --> 00:01:39,620 Я подумал, что мы могли бы подсыпать немного стекла им в еду.
- 00:01:39,620 --> 00:01:41,660 Я могу взять подушку как глушитель и застрелить их во сне.
- 00:01:41,660 --> 00:01:43,120 Прямо в их чертовы лица.
- 00:01:43,120 --> 00:01:46,170 Или можно использовать подушку более старомодно: задушить.
- 00:01:46,170 --> 00:01:48,000 Прямо как мы видели по телевизору, Терри.
- 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:51,130 Похоже, Солнечные противоположности собираются убить своих репликантов!
- 00:01:51,130 --> 00:01:53,300 Эм, простите. Привет, Терри, Корво.
- 00:01:53,300 --> 00:01:56,550 Я не могла не подслушать, как вы обсуждаете способы убить своих детей.
- 00:01:56,550 --> 00:01:57,510 - Все верно. - Не суй нос,
- 00:01:57,510 --> 00:01:58,510 старая ты миска супа.
- 00:01:58,510 --> 00:02:00,930 Почему бы просто не отправить их в летний лагерь?
- 00:02:01,930 --> 00:02:04,140 Представь, что мы не знаем, что это, и объясни.
- 00:02:05,270 --> 00:02:06,900 Как хорошо, что мы узнали про этот лагерь.
- 00:02:06,900 --> 00:02:08,940 Джесси и я уже собирались убить вас.
- 00:02:08,940 --> 00:02:10,900 Что? Мы тоже собирались вас убить!
- 00:02:10,900 --> 00:02:13,150 Прикольно. Гении мыслят одинаково!
- 00:02:13,150 --> 00:02:14,570 Лагерь! Лагерь! Лагерь!
- 00:02:14,570 --> 00:02:15,950 Лагерь! Лагерь! Лагерь!
- 00:02:15,950 --> 00:02:17,660 Ура лагерю!
- 00:02:18,660 --> 00:02:21,120 Планета Шлорп являлась идеальной утопией.
- 00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:22,620 До падения астероида.
- 00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:26,290 Сотня взрослых и репликантов улетели с планеты вместе с Пупой
- 00:02:26,290 --> 00:02:28,330 и отправились в космос
- 00:02:28,330 --> 00:02:30,750 в поисках нового дома на необитаемой планете.
- 00:02:31,420 --> 00:02:34,380 Мы упали на Землю и застряли на этой уже и так перенаселённой планете.
- 00:02:34,380 --> 00:02:36,090 Верно, это я говорил все это время.
- 00:02:36,090 --> 00:02:37,890 Я тот, который держит Пупу. Меня зовут Корво.
- 00:02:37,890 --> 00:02:40,310 Это... это моё шоу. Я только что уронил Пупу. Видите меня?
- 00:02:40,310 --> 00:02:41,680 Это просто смешно.
- 00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:43,600 Я ненавижу Землю. Это ужасный дом.
- 00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:44,350 Люди глупые.
- 00:02:44,350 --> 00:02:46,310 Я не понимаю, почему людям так нравится дневной свет.
- 00:02:46,310 --> 00:02:48,100 Он просто оглушает, когда касается кожи.
- 00:02:54,781 --> 00:02:56,531 Лагерь звучит здорово.
- 00:02:56,531 --> 00:02:58,241 Я хочу применить свои навыки охотника за головами,
- 00:02:58,241 --> 00:03:00,451 буду охотиться и пытать тех, кто захватил флаг.
- 00:03:00,451 --> 00:03:02,741 Я так жду сексуального пробуждения.
- 00:03:02,741 --> 00:03:05,451 Я слышала, что в прошлом году Джулия Хоуланд поехала в лагерь
- 00:03:05,451 --> 00:03:06,711 и вернулась женщиной.
- 00:03:06,711 --> 00:03:08,421 Но потом оказалось, что это и была женщина,
- 00:03:08,421 --> 00:03:10,461 а тело Джулии так и не нашли.
- 00:03:10,461 --> 00:03:11,091 Безумие, да?
- 00:03:11,091 --> 00:03:14,261 Я хочу выступить с чем-то из Ангелов в Америке на шоу талантов.
- 00:03:14,261 --> 00:03:16,671 Я убрал все гейское и добавил больше ангелов.
- 00:03:16,671 --> 00:03:18,181 Ты не останешься в лагере, Терри!
- 00:03:18,181 --> 00:03:20,641 Смысл в том, что мы останемся дома одни.
- 00:03:20,641 --> 00:03:22,101 Ты все ещё пьян от коктейлей?
- 00:03:22,101 --> 00:03:23,141 Нет.
- 00:03:23,141 --> 00:03:24,311 Терри, поверни налево.
- 00:03:34,191 --> 00:03:35,361 Это лагерь?
- 00:03:35,361 --> 00:03:36,611 Нет, не тупи.
- 00:03:36,611 --> 00:03:37,991 Лагерь глубже в лесу.
- 00:03:37,991 --> 00:03:40,241 Ладно, запомните: мы припарковались у деревьев.
- 00:03:43,781 --> 00:03:45,951 Стоп. Это... лагерь.
- 00:03:45,951 --> 00:03:47,161 Пока, мы уходим. Удачи.
- 00:03:47,161 --> 00:03:48,831 Что... это место выглядит так же, как и место парковки.
- 00:03:48,831 --> 00:03:50,961 Да, тут все выглядит как в обычном лесу.
- 00:03:50,961 --> 00:03:51,791 Где лагерь?
- 00:03:51,791 --> 00:03:55,171 Мы говорили об этом с нашей стремной соседкой 5 минут,
- 00:03:55,171 --> 00:03:57,551 так что я точно знаю, что это лагерь.
- 00:03:57,551 --> 00:03:59,551 Мы оставим вас здесь на 2 или 3 недели,
- 00:03:59,551 --> 00:04:02,051 вы научитесь плавать или типа того, и тогда мы вас заберём.
- 00:04:02,051 --> 00:04:02,891 Конец.
- 00:04:02,891 --> 00:04:04,011 - Так точно. - Ну, сойдёт.
- 00:04:04,011 --> 00:04:06,021 Мы приедем к вам на выходных. Ладно, пока.
- 00:04:06,021 --> 00:04:08,311 Нет, не приедем. Терри, ты уверен, что машина в этой стороне?
- 00:04:08,311 --> 00:04:10,521 В академии я взял четыре курса по поиску пути,
- 00:04:10,521 --> 00:04:12,611 чтобы подготовиться к жизни на опасной чужой планете.
- 00:04:12,611 --> 00:04:14,401 Думаю, я могу вывести нас из леса.
- 00:04:17,321 --> 00:04:19,531 Что за черт, Терри? Просто признай, что мы заблудились!
- 00:04:19,531 --> 00:04:20,821 Мы почти на месте, я обещаю.
- 00:04:20,821 --> 00:04:23,661 Лагерь - отстой, тут даже нет флага для захвата.
- 00:04:23,661 --> 00:04:26,161 Эй, а как много времени занимает сексуальное пробуждение?
- 00:04:26,161 --> 00:04:29,541 Я выстрогала себе парня, чтобы тереться о его, когда это произойдёт, понимаете.
- 00:04:29,541 --> 00:04:31,961 Это Нейт Джейкобс. Мы познакомились на его бар-мицве.
- 00:04:31,961 --> 00:04:33,711 - Мы можешь просто пойти домой? - Да.
- 00:04:33,711 --> 00:04:34,751 - Но мы заблудились. - Я так и знал!
- 00:04:34,751 --> 00:04:37,251 Все из-за того, что ты постоянно пьёшь эти тупые коктейли.
- 00:04:37,251 --> 00:04:40,131 Они не тупые! Я лучше нахожу выход из леса, когда пьян.
- 00:04:40,131 --> 00:04:42,721 Ты когда-нибудь пил их? Этот с кокосом!
- 00:04:43,641 --> 00:04:45,511 Как мы могли заблудиться?
- 00:04:45,511 --> 00:04:48,471 У нас есть доступ к самому развитому оборудованию в квадранте.
- 00:04:48,471 --> 00:04:49,641 Я оставил его в машине.
- 00:04:49,641 --> 00:04:51,391 Мы застряли тут до самой смерти,
- 00:04:51,391 --> 00:04:54,441 и у меня никогда не будет странной романтики в стиле 500 дней лета
- 00:04:54,441 --> 00:04:55,941 с маниакальным мальчиком мечты!
- 00:04:55,941 --> 00:04:58,531 А ну успокоились. Я эксперт в выживании.
- 00:04:58,531 --> 00:05:00,361 Надо просто идти за самой тусклой звездой,
- 00:05:00,361 --> 00:05:02,451 она приведёт нас на юг.
- 00:05:05,451 --> 00:05:07,331 На этой тупой планете все звезды тусклые!
- 00:05:07,331 --> 00:05:08,791 Почему из моего плеча торчит ветка?
- 00:05:08,791 --> 00:05:10,961 Потому что ты сказал, что если скоро не поешь,
- 00:05:10,961 --> 00:05:13,291 то ты проткнёшь своё плечо веткой.
- 00:05:13,291 --> 00:05:14,291 И это было 6 недель назад.
- 00:05:14,291 --> 00:05:16,341 О да, точно. Думаю, у меня шок.
- 00:05:18,591 --> 00:05:22,131 Сомнений нет, у нас появился серийный убийца.
- 00:05:22,131 --> 00:05:23,971 Воу, мы начнём судить людей
- 00:05:23,971 --> 00:05:25,891 из-за пяти одинаковых убийств?
- 00:05:25,891 --> 00:05:27,011 Я в это не верю.
- 00:05:27,011 --> 00:05:28,431 Я все ещё думаю, что это кузнечик.
- 00:05:28,431 --> 00:05:29,271 Кузнечик?
- 00:05:29,271 --> 00:05:31,061 Мог ли кузнечик убить пятерых,
- 00:05:31,061 --> 00:05:32,521 аккуратно достать их органы
- 00:05:32,521 --> 00:05:34,851 и сложить их тела в подмигивающее лицо?
- 00:05:34,851 --> 00:05:36,111 Ты смотрел Пиноккио?
- 00:05:36,111 --> 00:05:38,071 Да. Кто знает, чего они могут достичь,
- 00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:39,441 если обратят свой взор на убийства.
- 00:05:39,441 --> 00:05:40,571 Или, что хуже, ноги.
- 00:05:40,571 --> 00:05:42,611 А что, если два кузнечика работают вместе?
- 00:05:42,611 --> 00:05:44,991 Или один настоящий кузнечик-убийца
- 00:05:44,991 --> 00:05:46,121 и кузнечик-самозванец.
- 00:05:46,121 --> 00:05:48,621 А можно просто напомнить, что у нас, скорее всего,
- 00:05:48,621 --> 00:05:50,201 один обычный убийца-человек,
- 00:05:50,201 --> 00:05:52,331 а не два гениальных убийцы-кузнечика.
- 00:05:52,331 --> 00:05:54,121 У тебя просто разыгралось воображение.
- 00:05:54,121 --> 00:05:58,171 Ты больше не исполнительный редактор сюжета драматического сериала "Кости".
- 00:05:58,171 --> 00:05:59,381 Это настоящая жизнь.
- 00:05:59,381 --> 00:06:01,301 Мы говорим про настоящих людей,
- 00:06:01,301 --> 00:06:04,511 а не о персонажах, которых сыграла выдающаяся Эмили Дешанель.
- 00:06:04,511 --> 00:06:05,931 Ты вообще меня слушаешь?
- 00:06:05,931 --> 00:06:07,931 Нет, если я что-то и узнал из сериала "Кости",
- 00:06:07,931 --> 00:06:10,431 то это то, что никогда не надо стоять между Борианазом и вторым ужином.
- 00:06:10,431 --> 00:06:13,141 Но я узнал ещё кое-что: доверять чутью.
- 00:06:13,141 --> 00:06:15,191 И моё чутье говорит, что стоит поторопиться.
- 00:06:17,101 --> 00:06:18,731 Нейт!
- 00:06:18,731 --> 00:06:20,691 Нейт, ты вернулся. Я так скучала.
- 00:06:20,691 --> 00:06:22,571 Нейт! Не перед семьёй.
- 00:06:22,571 --> 00:06:24,401 - Мы вернулись туда же? - Мы тут умрём?
- 00:06:24,401 --> 00:06:25,531 Стоп, мне ещё нельзя умирать!
- 00:06:25,531 --> 00:06:27,621 Мы ещё не закончили нашу арку с лагерем!
- 00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:28,741 Что же с ней будет?
- 00:06:28,741 --> 00:06:30,741 Жизнь не так работает, мы не в телевизоре.
- 00:06:30,741 --> 00:06:32,291 Мы умрём с голоду в лесу.
- 00:06:32,291 --> 00:06:34,621 У нас нет времени учиться тому, как важно делиться, или типа того.
- 00:06:34,621 --> 00:06:37,081 Значит, вместо лагеря у нас будет история о том, как мы заблудились?
- 00:06:37,081 --> 00:06:38,711 Может, хватит уже из всего делать историю?
- 00:06:38,711 --> 00:06:40,291 Но мы ведь и правда заблудились в лесу.
- 00:06:40,291 --> 00:06:42,381 Не надолго. У нас есть ещё один вариант.
- 00:06:42,381 --> 00:06:45,761 Эта штука обычно нужна для того, чтобы выжить на самых враждебных планетах,
- 00:06:45,761 --> 00:06:47,931 но отчаянные времена требуют отчаянных мер.
- 00:06:47,931 --> 00:06:49,301 Юмьюлак, пора.
- 00:06:49,301 --> 00:06:50,011 Ты уверен?
- 00:06:50,011 --> 00:06:51,261 Мы умираем, нам придётся.
- 00:06:51,261 --> 00:06:52,811 Эм... О чем это вы?
- 00:06:52,811 --> 00:06:54,431 Экстренный Урбанайзер.
- 00:06:54,431 --> 00:06:55,811 Это как спасательный плот, но город.
- 00:06:55,811 --> 00:06:58,191 У нас он только один, так что это единственный шанс.
- 00:06:58,191 --> 00:07:00,111 Хватит тратить время, Юмьюлак. Мы знаем, что на кону.
- 00:07:00,111 --> 00:07:02,481 Ими постоянно пользуются. Давай уже.
- 00:07:33,311 --> 00:07:35,431 Семёрка на этом клочке бумаги,
- 00:07:35,431 --> 00:07:36,351 это зацепка.
- 00:07:36,351 --> 00:07:39,441 Наш парень, должно быть, живёт в Секторе 7. Я нутром это чувствую.
- 00:07:39,441 --> 00:07:40,901 Серия 21, так и не была выпущена.
- 00:07:40,901 --> 00:07:42,611 Предвосхитила убийство Бен Ладена.
- 00:07:42,611 --> 00:07:44,981 Хорошая серия. Каннавале был приглашённой звездой, играл сутенёра.
- 00:07:44,981 --> 00:07:46,821 Вау, я не знал, что кузнечики используют бумагу.
- 00:07:46,821 --> 00:07:48,031 Видишь, какие они умные?
- 00:07:53,161 --> 00:07:56,331 Бинго. Кто-то явно тут убивал.
- 00:08:00,881 --> 00:08:02,711 Замри! Держи его! Держи!
- 00:08:05,051 --> 00:08:06,091 Он ничего не делал!
- 00:08:06,091 --> 00:08:08,011 Он точно тянулся к чему-то!
- 00:08:08,011 --> 00:08:09,221 Мы спасли твою жизнь!
- 00:08:09,221 --> 00:08:10,631 Можно было бы и поблагодарить.
- 00:08:10,631 --> 00:08:12,181 Мы могли оставить его в живых!
- 00:08:12,181 --> 00:08:15,141 Стоп, подожди, эй! Мы этого не обсуждали.
- 00:08:15,141 --> 00:08:17,021 Мы думали, что мы должны тут же его убить.
- 00:08:17,021 --> 00:08:18,851 Ты должен радоваться, что ты оказался прав.
- 00:08:18,851 --> 00:08:21,771 Это был не кузнечик. И мы его нашли!
- 00:08:21,771 --> 00:08:23,611 О да!
- 00:08:24,321 --> 00:08:26,031 Кто знает, где вообще наша машина.
- 00:08:26,031 --> 00:08:27,321 Мы можем днями искать.
- 00:08:27,321 --> 00:08:29,701 Вот это да!
- 00:08:29,701 --> 00:08:31,071 Что это за место?
- 00:08:31,071 --> 00:08:32,071 Все сложно.
- 00:08:32,071 --> 00:08:33,871 Тут есть видео-станция для туристов.
- 00:08:33,871 --> 00:08:35,161 Пошли, посмотрим.
- 00:08:35,451 --> 00:08:37,831 Привет, я деревянный актёр Деревуди Харрельсон,
- 00:08:37,831 --> 00:08:39,331 звезда нового фильма:
- 00:08:39,331 --> 00:08:41,961 Иллюзия Самообмана: Побег из Покерверса.
- 00:08:41,961 --> 00:08:44,131 Добро пожаловать в Древосити.
- 00:08:44,131 --> 00:08:47,381 самый крутой, по-настоящему растущий город.
- 00:08:47,381 --> 00:08:49,921 Древосити - почти что обычный город.
- 00:08:49,921 --> 00:08:52,091 не считая того, что все сгенерировано
- 00:08:52,091 --> 00:08:54,221 из материалов, доступных в лесу.
- 00:08:54,221 --> 00:08:55,471 Не считая животных.
- 00:08:55,471 --> 00:08:57,721 Они настоящие и они убьют вас.
- 00:08:58,061 --> 00:09:01,191 А теперь прошу простить, у меня зарезервирован столик в Dorsia на 8:30.
- 00:09:01,191 --> 00:09:03,481 Все верно, тут не только древесные каламбуры.
- 00:09:03,481 --> 00:09:05,861 Хорошие новости: теперь мы не заблудились в лесу.
- 00:09:05,861 --> 00:09:08,731 Плохие новости: теперь мы потерялись в огромном деревянном городе.
- 00:09:10,741 --> 00:09:12,531 Нам нужно заработать денег и арендовать машину,
- 00:09:12,531 --> 00:09:14,911 чтобы доехать до места, где припаркована наша настоящая машина,
- 00:09:14,911 --> 00:09:15,951 и убраться отсюда подальше.
- 00:09:15,951 --> 00:09:18,161 Давайте разделимся и найдём работу. Так будет быстрее.
- 00:09:18,161 --> 00:09:19,251 Может, лучше держаться вместе?
- 00:09:19,251 --> 00:09:21,711 Нет. Будет быстрее, если мы все найдём работу по-отдельности
- 00:09:21,711 --> 00:09:23,291 и как можно быстрее заработаем.
- 00:09:23,291 --> 00:09:24,501 Это не игра. Это выживание.
- 00:09:24,501 --> 00:09:25,751 Стоп, стоп, стоп!
- 00:09:25,751 --> 00:09:28,841 То есть, теперь история не о лагере и не о том, что мы заблудились,
- 00:09:28,841 --> 00:09:30,801 а о выживании в большом городе?
- 00:09:30,801 --> 00:09:32,551 Да, а ещё это может быть история о Годзилле,
- 00:09:32,551 --> 00:09:33,681 так что... смотрите в оба.
- 00:09:33,681 --> 00:09:35,221 Ладно, у меня тысячи возражений.
- 00:09:35,221 --> 00:09:36,801 Будет круто!
- 00:09:36,801 --> 00:09:37,971 Мы в большом городе!
- 00:09:37,971 --> 00:09:39,391 Можно быть кем угодно:
- 00:09:39,391 --> 00:09:41,731 супергероем, политиком, ортодонтом.
- 00:09:41,731 --> 00:09:43,271 Я стану актёром-миллиардером,
- 00:09:43,271 --> 00:09:45,481 а потом, наверное, уйду на пенсию и буду зарабатывать на озвучке.
- 00:09:45,481 --> 00:09:47,271 Давай, кем ты всегда хотела быть?
- 00:09:47,271 --> 00:09:49,571 Какая у тебя самая безумная мечта? Ну же, будет весело.
- 00:09:49,571 --> 00:09:51,901 Я всегда хотела работать в мире моды.
- 00:09:51,901 --> 00:09:54,821 Я буду работать с финансами, потому что я всегда хотел быть мудаком.
- 00:09:54,821 --> 00:09:55,871 Все верно, мечтай по-крупному.
- 00:09:55,871 --> 00:09:57,741 Ладно, у всех вас есть свои истории большого города.
- 00:09:57,741 --> 00:10:00,831 Помните, нам просто нужно заработать, чтобы взять машину и добраться до нашей машины.
- 00:10:00,831 --> 00:10:01,791 А ты что будешь делать?
- 00:10:01,791 --> 00:10:04,751 Я-я ещё не знаю, но пройдусь и поищу какой-нибудь знак.
- 00:10:04,751 --> 00:10:07,631 Сегодня вечером встретимся здесь с заработанными деньгами!
- 00:10:14,300 --> 00:10:16,800 Я хотела дуб, а не клён, глупый ты сучок.
- 00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:18,850 Помогите!
- 00:10:18,850 --> 00:10:22,390 Ты уволена. Удачи с жизнью в гнезде ястреба.
- 00:10:22,390 --> 00:10:23,480 - Ты! - Я?
- 00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:24,850 Теперь ты моя помощница.
- 00:10:24,850 --> 00:10:26,650 Собери жёлуди и иди за мной.
- 00:10:26,650 --> 00:10:27,270 О боже!
- 00:10:27,270 --> 00:10:28,770 Прекрати!
- 00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:34,240 Пять миллионов? Я не встаю с кровати меньше чем за десять, дрочила чертов!
- 00:10:34,240 --> 00:10:37,620 Вау, я никогда не видел такого крутого парня.
- 00:10:37,620 --> 00:10:38,950 Тут даже статуи крутые.
- 00:10:48,630 --> 00:10:51,090 Десять миллионов? Я не встаю с кровати меньше чем за пять!
- 00:10:51,090 --> 00:10:53,630 Стоп, нет. Я смиренно приму 10 миллионов.
- 00:10:56,760 --> 00:10:58,090 Эй, кастрат!
- 00:10:58,090 --> 00:11:00,260 - Ты новенький? - Эм... Да? Да.
- 00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:03,810 Тогда подними гребаную трубку и начни уже приносить деньги!
- 00:11:17,450 --> 00:11:20,830 Эй, тише. Ты все правильно сделал. Все правильно.
- 00:11:20,830 --> 00:11:22,700 Почему бы тебе не пройти со мной в машину?
- 00:11:22,700 --> 00:11:24,370 Нам пригодятся такие, как ты.
- 00:11:24,910 --> 00:11:26,830 С самого детства
- 00:11:26,830 --> 00:11:28,630 я хотел быть гангстером.
- 00:11:34,630 --> 00:11:35,970 Эм. Привет.
- 00:11:41,680 --> 00:11:44,430 О боже, он такой типа: "Ты застрелил меня, бро!"
- 00:11:44,430 --> 00:11:46,980 Ха-ха, да! Потому что ты застрелил его.
- 00:11:46,980 --> 00:11:49,810 Просто классика. Бах-бах, ты мёртв.
- 00:11:49,810 --> 00:11:51,480 Эй, что не так, приятель?
- 00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:52,900 Ты снова герой Стены.
- 00:11:52,900 --> 00:11:54,860 И как раз скоро День Шери!
- 00:11:54,860 --> 00:11:56,240 Что-то здесь не так.
- 00:11:56,240 --> 00:11:58,030 Не так только то, что ты
- 00:11:58,030 --> 00:12:00,280 не пьёшь с нами перебродившую мочу!
- 00:12:03,540 --> 00:12:07,500 Кажется, забыл свою любимую кружку для мочи дома.
- 00:12:07,500 --> 00:12:08,870 Так сходи за ней!
- 00:12:13,250 --> 00:12:16,470 Говорят, что любовь слепа в этом разуме улья,
- 00:12:16,470 --> 00:12:18,680 И мёд найти все трудней,
- 00:12:18,680 --> 00:12:20,640 Становится меньше нас в этом безумье.
- 00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:21,970 Следующий.
- 00:12:21,970 --> 00:12:23,680 В смысле, следующий этап прослушивания?
- 00:12:23,680 --> 00:12:25,220 Вообще, это называется повторный вызов.
- 00:12:25,220 --> 00:12:28,060 Или вы про следующий шаг? Что это? Костюмы?
- 00:12:28,060 --> 00:12:30,150 Прекрасно, у меня уже есть парочка идей о пчёлах и осах...
- 00:12:30,150 --> 00:12:31,560 Нет. Следующий участник.
- 00:12:31,560 --> 00:12:33,400 У вас совершенно нет таланта, и вы не вызываете
- 00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:35,110 никаких чувств, кроме испанского стыда.
- 00:12:35,110 --> 00:12:36,780 Вы серьёзно?
- 00:12:36,780 --> 00:12:39,860 А мне стыдно за то, что вы не способны распознать прирождённый талант,
- 00:12:39,860 --> 00:12:41,870 когда он стоит прямо перед вашими грёбаными лицами!
- 00:12:41,870 --> 00:12:44,700 Милочка, тебя посчитают талантом, только если ты
- 00:12:44,700 --> 00:12:46,240 станешь проституткой.
- 00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:49,160 Проституткой? Ха! Да я никогда! Слышите меня? Никогда!
- 00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:52,130 Ты сосёшь не просто так, милая. Это все ради карьеры.
- 00:12:52,130 --> 00:12:54,460 Надо начинать с самых низов... Эй, ты!
- 00:12:54,460 --> 00:12:55,920 Эй, сладкий, не хочешь повеселиться?
- 00:12:55,920 --> 00:12:58,130 - Сколько? - Десять косарей в час.
- 00:12:58,130 --> 00:12:59,090 Ну нахер.
- 00:12:59,090 --> 00:13:00,880 Ну ладно, ладно. Пятьдесят штук за два часа.
- 00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:02,680 Руками и ртом. Окончательное предложение.
- 00:13:02,680 --> 00:13:05,930 Сотка за час. Платишь за два часа - шесть бесплатно. Можно все.
- 00:13:06,930 --> 00:13:09,060 Ну ладно, хорошо. Четыре бакса, без счётчика,
- 00:13:09,060 --> 00:13:10,850 можешь выбить мне зубы, избить до полусмерти,
- 00:13:10,850 --> 00:13:11,560 и бросить умирать.
- 00:13:11,560 --> 00:13:13,810 Единственное - сначала напои меня.
- 00:13:13,810 --> 00:13:15,440 Ну или я могу и по-трезвому.
- 00:13:16,940 --> 00:13:19,150 Такая вот она - жизнь в большом городе.
- 00:13:19,150 --> 00:13:21,700 Это была бы идеальная реплика для монтажа.
- 00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:23,740 О, Боже! Сейчас случится!
- 00:13:27,790 --> 00:13:31,160 ♪ В городе темно, ночь — финишная черта. ♪
- 00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:33,170 ♪ Пар в подземке, земля охвачена огнём. ♪
- 00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:40,590 Не-а, нет, возможно, точно нет, нет,
- 00:13:40,590 --> 00:13:42,510 слишком хиппово, нет бровей, нет,
- 00:13:42,510 --> 00:13:44,220 убей себя, убей меня, идеально,
- 00:13:44,220 --> 00:13:46,680 заболей раком, люблю тебя, умри в Войне миров Z.
- 00:13:46,680 --> 00:13:48,350 Джесси, даже не знаю, что сказать.
- 00:13:48,350 --> 00:13:49,890 Прости, что все так вышло.
- 00:13:49,890 --> 00:13:52,060 Позволь мне объяснить.
- 00:13:52,060 --> 00:13:53,100 Мне конец.
- 00:13:53,100 --> 00:13:56,020 Хорошего тебе получи-по-лицу вечера.
- 00:13:58,940 --> 00:14:01,780 Пятьдесят миллионов бутылок шампанского
- 00:14:01,780 --> 00:14:04,280 для нашего парня на 50 миллионов долларов!
- 00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:07,910 Пятьдесят лимонов, вот это я понимаю!
- 00:14:07,910 --> 00:14:11,960 ♪ И я голоден как волк ♪
- 00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:13,500 Пошли прочь.
- 00:14:17,170 --> 00:14:20,630 Я просто хотела заработать денег на машину до нашей машины.
- 00:14:20,630 --> 00:14:21,800 Все казалось так просто.
- 00:14:24,260 --> 00:14:26,180 И конечно, ты даже не соизволил
- 00:14:26,180 --> 00:14:28,510 прийти на крестины Юмьюлака-младшего,
- 00:14:28,510 --> 00:14:31,810 потому что был слишком занят, когда пихал в свой нос кокаин,
- 00:14:31,810 --> 00:14:34,440 а свой член - в крэк-кокаин!
- 00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:36,440 И что с того, что я трахал крэк-кокаин?
- 00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:37,770 Какая вообще разница?
- 00:14:37,770 --> 00:14:40,480 Ты ничего обо мне больше не знаешь, Синдин!
- 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:43,860 Одно я знаю наверняка: готовься к разводу!
- 00:14:43,860 --> 00:14:46,110 И зачем я только покупал тогда тот деревянный член?!
- 00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:49,410 Трип, тут ФБР! Но все же в порядке?
- 00:14:49,410 --> 00:14:51,080 Нам не о чем беспокоиться? Трип?
- 00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:53,210 Все будет хорошо. Не парься, приятель.
- 00:14:53,210 --> 00:14:55,170 Пусть делают, что хотят. Все хорошо.
- 00:14:55,170 --> 00:14:57,710 О, Боже! Трип!
- 00:15:00,130 --> 00:15:01,880 Ладно, ребят. Не паникуйте.
- 00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:04,170 Мы справимся. Все будет хорошо.
- 00:15:08,260 --> 00:15:10,220 ♪ Запахи и звуки ♪
- 00:15:10,220 --> 00:15:12,100 ♪ Я потерялся, я нашелся♪
- 00:15:12,100 --> 00:15:16,100 <i>"Джесси Носитпрада. Премия за достижения в моде".</i>
- 00:15:16,100 --> 00:15:17,650 ♪ Пройдись по черте ♪
- 00:15:19,360 --> 00:15:23,150 <i>"Хочу скорее увидеть тебя в этом платье. Тот парень из тачки".</i>
- 00:15:23,740 --> 00:15:25,320 ♪ Рот оживает ♪
- 00:15:39,500 --> 00:15:41,840 Сукин сын!
- 00:15:44,210 --> 00:15:45,220 Черт!
- 00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:52,310 Я тут пытаюсь в мафию влиться, ты, кусок дерьма!
- 00:16:24,709 --> 00:16:25,969 Стоять!
- 00:17:27,189 --> 00:17:30,739 Я в восторге от твоего платья, Джесси.
- 00:17:30,739 --> 00:17:33,569 Ты настоящая королева моды в этом городе.
- 00:17:33,569 --> 00:17:36,159 - Плевать. - Мои поздравления.
- 00:17:36,159 --> 00:17:37,999 Кому какое дело.
- 00:17:39,459 --> 00:17:42,459 Вы пришли? Я так рада вас видеть.
- 00:17:42,459 --> 00:17:43,669 Как у вас дела?
- 00:17:43,669 --> 00:17:45,089 У меня? У меня все отлично.
- 00:17:45,089 --> 00:17:47,259 Основал огромный хедж-фонд, офис на самом верху
- 00:17:47,259 --> 00:17:48,379 Белочного Торгового Центра,
- 00:17:48,379 --> 00:17:49,549 все по-честному.
- 00:17:49,549 --> 00:17:52,139 Хорошим парням везёт. Что ещё могу сказать?
- 00:17:52,139 --> 00:17:53,969 Никаких серьёзных проблем в семье или на работе.
- 00:17:53,969 --> 00:17:54,549 И у меня.
- 00:17:54,549 --> 00:17:57,469 Построил карьеру в сфере обслуживания клиентов.
- 00:17:57,469 --> 00:17:59,429 Сам себе босс, работаю, когда сам хочу,
- 00:17:59,429 --> 00:18:00,849 да и отдыхаю так же.
- 00:18:00,849 --> 00:18:03,149 Слегка провокационный наряд, ну и что.
- 00:18:03,149 --> 00:18:04,559 Кто вы такие, чтобы осуждать?
- 00:18:04,559 --> 00:18:06,229 Никаких осуждений. А у меня...
- 00:18:06,229 --> 00:18:07,779 - Кровь? - Какая кровь? Нет, это
- 00:18:07,779 --> 00:18:09,489 просто варенье.
- 00:18:09,489 --> 00:18:11,699 У меня тоже все отлично, чего тут спрашивать.
- 00:18:11,699 --> 00:18:13,409 Сошёлся с прекрасными ребятами,
- 00:18:13,409 --> 00:18:15,279 Занимаемся, в основном, строительством.
- 00:18:15,279 --> 00:18:17,579 Мои лучшие братаны - Джимми Курок, Ронни Всехубивай,
- 00:18:17,579 --> 00:18:19,079 и Гвидо-Хладнокровный-Психопат.
- 00:18:19,369 --> 00:18:20,999 Я так рада за вас всех.
- 00:18:20,999 --> 00:18:22,669 Потому что, как видите,
- 00:18:22,669 --> 00:18:25,039 Я достигла вершины мира моды.
- 00:18:25,039 --> 00:18:27,999 Все мои мечты сбылись, я ещё никогда не была так счастлива.
- 00:18:27,999 --> 00:18:30,209 Обожаю это все. Конец.
- 00:18:31,719 --> 00:18:33,589 Ну, мне, наверное, пора.
- 00:18:33,589 --> 00:18:35,429 Да, и меня ждёт важный член,
- 00:18:35,429 --> 00:18:36,599 То есть, корпоративная оргазмизация...
- 00:18:36,599 --> 00:18:37,759 нет, в смысле, важное сосание...
- 00:18:37,759 --> 00:18:39,059 эм, встреча минетатов...
- 00:18:39,059 --> 00:18:40,679 То есть, моя задница уже заживает,
- 00:18:40,679 --> 00:18:42,309 Короче, разбиваю стеклянный потолок.
- 00:18:42,309 --> 00:18:43,389 Мне тоже пора.
- 00:18:43,389 --> 00:18:45,479 Варенья слишком много вытекло.
- 00:18:45,479 --> 00:18:46,399 Теряю силы...
- 00:18:46,399 --> 00:18:47,269 Постойте! Ребят!
- 00:18:47,269 --> 00:18:50,819 Правда в том, что хотя все и выглядит отлично со стороны,
- 00:18:50,819 --> 00:18:52,649 мне очень одиноко.
- 00:18:52,649 --> 00:18:54,359 Я скучаю по вам.
- 00:18:54,359 --> 00:18:57,029 Знаю, каждый давно уже живёт собственной жизнью,
- 00:18:57,029 --> 00:18:59,539 но я была бы рада, если бы вы остались.
- 00:18:59,539 --> 00:19:00,579 Хотя бы ненадолго.
- 00:19:00,579 --> 00:19:02,499 Если честно, я взлетел слишком высоко.
- 00:19:02,499 --> 00:19:04,959 И совершил несколько финансовых преступлений.
- 00:19:04,959 --> 00:19:07,589 А ещё я развёлся, мою компанию накрыли федералы,
- 00:19:07,589 --> 00:19:09,419 а все коллеги покончили с собой.
- 00:19:09,419 --> 00:19:10,249 А я серьёзно ранен.
- 00:19:10,249 --> 00:19:13,009 Я просто хотел стать гангстером, но на меня постоянно нападали волки.
- 00:19:13,009 --> 00:19:15,339 Знаю, это повергнет вас в шок, но я говорил неправду.
- 00:19:15,339 --> 00:19:18,719 Я стал проституткой и позволяю одиноким мужчинам платить мне за секс.
- 00:19:18,719 --> 00:19:21,519 Нас так поглотило выживание в большом городе,
- 00:19:21,519 --> 00:19:23,809 затянуло в эти новые жизни,
- 00:19:23,809 --> 00:19:26,809 но разве мы по-настоящему счастливы?
- 00:19:26,809 --> 00:19:29,609 Я был куда счастливее в обычной команде инопланетян.
- 00:19:29,609 --> 00:19:31,859 Не просто команде, а семье.
- 00:19:31,859 --> 00:19:33,279 Мы забыли о главной цели:
- 00:19:33,279 --> 00:19:35,279 заработать денег, чтобы вернуться к прежней жизни,
- 00:19:35,279 --> 00:19:36,949 чтобы снова быть вместе.
- 00:19:36,949 --> 00:19:39,619 Мы выбрали свой путь, теперь вернуться домой нельзя.
- 00:19:39,619 --> 00:19:41,699 Эм, ребят? Город в огне.
- 00:19:42,409 --> 00:19:44,289 Срань Господня! Это пылает сбежавший волк!
- 00:19:44,289 --> 00:19:45,919 Нам нужно домой! - Секундочку.
- 00:19:45,919 --> 00:19:47,919 Это что, наша машина? Вон там, вдали?
- 00:19:47,919 --> 00:19:49,249 Быстрее, пока мы не сгорели живьём!
- 00:20:05,599 --> 00:20:09,149 Прощай, лагерь! Я буду скучать. Увидимся следующим летом!
- 00:20:14,189 --> 00:20:15,649 Как же хорошо.
- 00:20:15,649 --> 00:20:18,239 Похоже, я слишком остро отреагировал на ваше присутствие дома.
- 00:20:18,239 --> 00:20:21,029 Иногда не так уж и плохо проводить время с вами.
- 00:20:21,029 --> 00:20:22,409 Да, у нас получилось!
- 00:20:22,409 --> 00:20:24,449 Солнечные противоположности привязались к нам!
- 00:20:24,449 --> 00:20:25,659 Вот так история!
- 00:20:25,659 --> 00:20:26,749 Пошёл к черту. Ничего не...
- 00:20:26,749 --> 00:20:27,959 Хотя подожди, мы привязались!
- 00:20:27,959 --> 00:20:29,039 Я горжусь вами.
- 00:20:29,039 --> 00:20:31,089 Очень вовремя, нам завтра как раз в школу.
- 00:20:31,089 --> 00:20:32,749 Правда? Блин, отстой.
- 00:20:32,749 --> 00:20:36,419 Видишь, так и думала, что ты захочешь проводить с нами больше времени!
- 00:20:36,419 --> 00:20:39,009 Нет же, это отстой, потому что я думал, что до осени ещё два месяца,
- 00:20:39,009 --> 00:20:40,089 поэтому отравил вас.
- 00:20:40,089 --> 00:20:41,849 Вот черт, схожу за противоядием.
- 00:20:41,849 --> 00:20:44,469 Загадочный деревянный город, возникший из ниоткуда,
- 00:20:44,469 --> 00:20:46,269 на прошлой неделе трагически сгорел до тла
- 00:20:46,269 --> 00:20:48,559 в пожаре, который эксперты называют неизбежным.
- 00:20:48,559 --> 00:20:50,939 Если честно, мне даже жаль, что Древосити сгорел.
- 00:20:50,939 --> 00:20:52,519 у них были неплохие кафешки...
- 00:20:52,519 --> 00:20:54,029 чтобы тебя там оттрахали.
- 00:20:54,029 --> 00:20:57,109 Все к лучшему. Этот город пробудил худшее в нас.
- 00:20:57,109 --> 00:20:58,359 Повезло, что его больше нет...
- 00:20:58,359 --> 00:20:59,279 Но чудесным образом
- 00:20:59,279 --> 00:21:01,659 город вырос снова ещё крепче, чем раньше,
- 00:21:01,659 --> 00:21:04,369 и станет местом проведения Летних Олимпийских игр 2028.
- 00:21:04,369 --> 00:21:05,369 - Что они сказали? - Ничего!
- 00:21:05,369 --> 00:21:06,749 Никто не вернётся в Древосити.
- 00:21:06,749 --> 00:21:08,369 А теперь идите к себе и пейте антидот!
- 00:21:08,369 --> 00:21:09,579 Возможно, уже слишком поздно.
- 00:21:14,419 --> 00:21:16,339 Здесь, в лесу, так спокойно.
- 00:21:16,339 --> 00:21:18,299 Наконец-то немного тишины и покоя. Так ведь?
- 00:21:18,299 --> 00:21:21,179 Знаешь, если бы не летние каникулы, мы бы никогда не нашли эту квартирку.
- 00:21:22,049 --> 00:21:24,059 Иногда жизнь преподносит сюрпризы.
- 00:21:26,219 --> 00:21:27,099 Черт, лось!
- 00:21:27,099 --> 00:21:29,189 - Терри, беги! - Он поймал меня! Как больно! Нет!
- 00:21:29,849 --> 00:21:31,809 Чертов Иисус! Он меня за ногу укусил!
- 00:21:34,069 --> 00:21:35,529 Какая же вонь!
- 00:21:35,529 --> 00:21:37,149 Не знал, что лоси так воняют!
- 00:21:37,149 --> 00:21:38,989 Это хуже кучи дерьма!
- 00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:11,094 Hey, Korvo, you care if I take a tiki nap in here?
- 00:00:11,178 --> 00:00:13,805 I don't know why it's easier to drink and sleep on the couch than in bed.
- 00:00:13,889 --> 00:00:15,724 - But, it is. - Go ahead, Terry.
- 00:00:15,807 --> 00:00:17,726 I'm just using the peace and quiet to recatalogue
- 00:00:17,809 --> 00:00:20,395 all ten thousand data spikes. It's so relaxing.
- 00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:26,777 Terry, Korvo! Jesse got eyeliner all over my holocron and now it won't work.
- 00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:28,946 I'm experimenting with eyebrows!
- 00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:30,989 Stop judging us with your facial hair.
- 00:00:31,073 --> 00:00:33,659 What on Gorb's Grey Grible is going on here?
- 00:00:33,742 --> 00:00:35,118 All the cool girls have eyebrows and we don't have any.
- 00:00:35,202 --> 00:00:36,245 Jesse's stupid girl paint corrupted all my data
- 00:00:36,328 --> 00:00:37,412 and now three months of science is gone.
- 00:00:37,496 --> 00:00:38,747 I want a resting bitch face and a landing strip like Stacy K.
- 00:00:38,830 --> 00:00:40,582 Shut up! Why aren't you at school?
- 00:00:40,666 --> 00:00:43,168 - Double duh. School's closed. - Oh, great! What is it this time?
- 00:00:43,252 --> 00:00:46,964 Another one of their meaningless holidays like Apple Pie Day or Yom Kapper?
- 00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:49,550 No, it's summer. We learned about it last year, remember?
- 00:00:49,633 --> 00:00:51,593 - The whole ice lava thing? - No, what?
- 00:00:51,677 --> 00:00:53,387 I guess we'll just have to stomach one extra day
- 00:00:53,470 --> 00:00:55,347 of you taking up our adult space.
- 00:00:55,430 --> 00:00:57,140 Probably better than you being molested at that school.
- 00:00:57,224 --> 00:00:58,892 Summer break's three months long.
- 00:00:58,976 --> 00:01:00,060 Aw, man!
- 00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:02,604 Three months? That's like, one <i>90 Day Fiancé.</i>
- 00:01:02,688 --> 00:01:05,232 Yeah, you better not be riding our crack like this the whole time.
- 00:01:05,315 --> 00:01:07,568 Summer is when we get to do anything we want.
- 00:01:07,651 --> 00:01:09,111 Like a screaming competition.
- 00:01:09,194 --> 00:01:11,738 Go!
- 00:01:11,822 --> 00:01:14,074 This summer thing is not gonna work for me, Terry.
- 00:01:14,157 --> 00:01:16,451 It's worse than the nightmare on Helms Street,
- 00:01:16,535 --> 00:01:18,829 which is what they call the time a porta-potty emptying truck
- 00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:20,581 tipped over on Ed Helms' private drive.
- 00:01:20,664 --> 00:01:21,748 Such a waste of poop.
- 00:01:21,832 --> 00:01:24,710 I don't want the replicants at home. I can't take three months of this, Terry.
- 00:01:24,793 --> 00:01:26,378 I like them for 45 minutes in the morning,
- 00:01:26,461 --> 00:01:28,213 and maybe a couple of hours at night, tops.
- 00:01:28,297 --> 00:01:29,965 Well, we obviously have to kill the replicants.
- 00:01:30,048 --> 00:01:32,342 It does make the most sense. We can always grow new ones.
- 00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:34,595 Let's do it quick, before we get too attached to these.
- 00:01:34,678 --> 00:01:36,972 What are we talkin', poison? Put 'em in a bag and throw them in a quarry?
- 00:01:37,055 --> 00:01:39,600 I was thinking we could maybe just shave some glass into their food.
- 00:01:39,683 --> 00:01:41,602 I could use my pillow as a silencer and shoot them in their sleep,
- 00:01:41,685 --> 00:01:43,103 right in their fuckin' face.
- 00:01:43,187 --> 00:01:46,023 Or, use the pillow for a good old-fashioned smothering.
- 00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:47,983 Just like the ones we see on TV and movies, Terry.
- 00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:50,861 Looks like the Solar Opposites are killing their replicants.
- 00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:53,238 Um, excuse me. Hi, Terry, Korvo.
- 00:01:53,322 --> 00:01:56,116 I couldn't help but overhear you debating different ways to kill your children.
- 00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:57,326 - That is correct. - Mind your own business,
- 00:01:57,409 --> 00:01:58,410 you old bowl of soup.
- 00:01:58,493 --> 00:02:00,704 Why don't you just send them to summer camp?
- 00:02:01,705 --> 00:02:04,374 Pretend we don't know anything and walk us through it.
- 00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:06,877 Thank God this camp thing came up.
- 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,879 Jesse and I were just about to kill you guys.
- 00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:10,881 What? We were about to kill you guys, too.
- 00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:13,091 That is so funny. Great minds think alike.
- 00:02:13,175 --> 00:02:15,511 Camp! Camp! Camp! Camp!
- 00:02:15,594 --> 00:02:17,638 Hey! It's a camp thing.
- 00:02:18,597 --> 00:02:22,684 <i>Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia until the asteroid hit.</i>
- 00:02:23,936 --> 00:02:26,230 <i>One hundred adults and their replicants were issued a Pupa</i>
- 00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:30,901 <i>and escaped into the space, searching for new homes on uninhabited worlds.</i>
- 00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:34,404 <i>We crashed on Earth, stranding us on an already overpopulated planet.</i>
- 00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:35,906 <i>That's right. I've been talking this whole time.</i>
- 00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:37,866 <i>I'm the one holding the Pupa. My name's Korvo.</i>
- 00:02:37,950 --> 00:02:40,160 <i>This is... This is my show. I just dropped</i><i>the Pupa. Do you see me?</i>
- 00:02:40,244 --> 00:02:43,288 <i>This is ridiculous. I hate Earth. It's a horrible home.</i>
- 00:02:43,372 --> 00:02:46,208 <i>People are stupid. I don't understand why people like daylight so much.</i>
- 00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:48,126 <i>It's so loud when it hits your skin.</i>
- 00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:56,552 Ooh, ooh! Camp sounds amazing.
- 00:02:56,635 --> 00:02:58,136 I'm excited to use my bounty hunting skills
- 00:02:58,220 --> 00:03:00,305 to hunt down and torture those who have captured the flag.
- 00:03:00,472 --> 00:03:02,724 And I'm excited for a sexual awakening.
- 00:03:02,808 --> 00:03:06,645 I heard last year Julia Howland went to camp a girl and came back a woman.
- 00:03:06,728 --> 00:03:08,480 But then it turned out it actually was a woman
- 00:03:08,564 --> 00:03:11,066 and they never found Julia's body. Crazy, huh?
- 00:03:11,149 --> 00:03:13,944 Well, I'm excited to perform something from <i>Angels in America</i> on talent night.
- 00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:16,613 I took out all the gay stuff and doubled the angels.
- 00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:18,365 You're not going to camp, Terry.
- 00:03:18,448 --> 00:03:20,534 The whole point is that we're gonna have the house to ourselves.
- 00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:22,870 - Are you still tiki drunk? - No.
- 00:03:22,953 --> 00:03:24,663 Terry, ta-take your next left.
- 00:03:34,131 --> 00:03:36,550 - This is camp? - No, don't be dumb.
- 00:03:36,633 --> 00:03:38,010 It's much, much deeper in the woods.
- 00:03:38,093 --> 00:03:40,470 Okay, guys, remember, we parked by trees.
- 00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:47,394 Halt. This is camp. Goodbye, we're leaving. Good luck.
- 00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:48,812 It... It looks the same as where we parked.
- 00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:52,024 Yeah, this just feels like the regular old woods. Where's camp?
- 00:03:52,107 --> 00:03:55,152 We talked to our creepy, bitchy neighbor for almost five minutes about this,
- 00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,487 so, I know for sure that this is camp.
- 00:03:57,571 --> 00:04:01,200 We leave you here for two or three weeks, you learn to swim or some shit,
- 00:04:01,283 --> 00:04:02,868 and then we come pick you up. The end.
- 00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:04,369 - Done and done. - Cool, works for me.
- 00:04:04,453 --> 00:04:06,038 We'll visit over parents weekend. Okay, bye.
- 00:04:06,121 --> 00:04:08,415 No, we won't. Terry, are you sure the car is this way?
- 00:04:08,498 --> 00:04:10,459 I took four units of pathfinding at the academy
- 00:04:10,542 --> 00:04:12,586 to prepare for life on dangerous alien worlds.
- 00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:14,296 I think I can walk us out of the woods.
- 00:04:17,132 --> 00:04:19,510 What the fuck, Terry? Just admit it, we’re lost.
- 00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:21,053 It’s just up here, I promise.
- 00:04:21,136 --> 00:04:23,764 Camp sucks. There’s not even a flag to capture.
- 00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:26,099 Hey, how long does it take to sexually awaken?
- 00:04:26,183 --> 00:04:29,436 I whittled a boyfriend to grind on, you know, for when it happens.
- 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:31,980 This is Nate Jacobs. We met at his bark-mitzvah.
- 00:04:32,064 --> 00:04:33,565 - Can we just go home? - Yes.
- 00:04:33,649 --> 00:04:34,775 - Except, we’re lost. - I knew it.
- 00:04:34,858 --> 00:04:37,236 All because you couldn’t stop drinking those stupid tiki drinks.
- 00:04:37,319 --> 00:04:39,988 They’re not stupid, I find my way out of the woods better when I’m drunk.
- 00:04:40,072 --> 00:04:42,741 You ever even had any of these? This one’s from a coconut.
- 00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:43,867 Aw...
- 00:04:43,951 --> 00:04:46,078 How can we possibly be lost? We have access
- 00:04:46,161 --> 00:04:48,455 to the most sophisticated tracking equipment in the quadrant.
- 00:04:48,539 --> 00:04:49,915 I left it in the car, okay?
- 00:04:49,998 --> 00:04:52,376 We’re gonna be trapped here until we die and I’ll never get to have
- 00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:56,129 a <i>Five Hundred Days of Summer</i> quirky romance with a manic pixie dream boy.
- 00:04:56,213 --> 00:04:58,549 Everybody calm down. I’m an expert trailblazer.
- 00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:02,386 We just have to follow the dimmest star, it’ll always lead directly South.
- 00:05:05,556 --> 00:05:07,307 All the stars are dim on this stupid planet.
- 00:05:07,391 --> 00:05:08,851 Why is there a branch through my shoulder?
- 00:05:08,934 --> 00:05:10,894 Because you said if we didn’t eat soon
- 00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:13,272 you were going to ram a branch through your shoulder.
- 00:05:13,355 --> 00:05:14,356 And that was six weeks ago.
- 00:05:14,439 --> 00:05:16,358 Oh, right! Yeah, I guess I’m in shock.
- 00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:21,738 There’s no question anymore. We have a serial killer on our hands.
- 00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:23,824 Whoa, we’re going straight to judging people
- 00:05:23,907 --> 00:05:25,701 just because of five identical murders?
- 00:05:25,784 --> 00:05:28,412 I’m not convinced. I still think a cricket did it.
- 00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:31,039 A cricket? Could a cricket kill five random men,
- 00:05:31,123 --> 00:05:33,542 surgically remove their organs, and place their corpses
- 00:05:33,625 --> 00:05:34,835 in the shape of a winky face?
- 00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:36,461 Have you seen <i>Pinocchio?</i>
- 00:05:36,545 --> 00:05:38,172 Yeah. Who knows what they could accomplish
- 00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:40,465 if they put their minds to murdering. Or worse, their legs.
- 00:05:40,549 --> 00:05:42,926 Ooh, what if it’s two crickets working together?
- 00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:46,096 Or one original homicidal cricket, and then a copy cricket.
- 00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:48,849 Can I just throw out there that we probably just have
- 00:05:48,932 --> 00:05:52,311 one regular human murderer and not two genius level killer crickets?
- 00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:54,062 You’re letting your imagination run wild.
- 00:05:54,146 --> 00:05:58,192 You’re not an executive story editor on the hit Fox drama <i>Bones</i> anymore.
- 00:05:58,275 --> 00:05:59,526 This is real life.
- 00:05:59,610 --> 00:06:01,195 These are real people we’re talking about,
- 00:06:01,278 --> 00:06:04,489 not characters played by the eminently watchable Emily Deschanel.
- 00:06:04,573 --> 00:06:08,202 - Are you even listening to me? - No, there’s one thing I learned on <i>Bones,</i>
- 00:06:08,285 --> 00:06:10,412 it’s never get between Boreanaz and second dinner.
- 00:06:10,495 --> 00:06:15,167 But another thing was, go with your gut. And my gut says, we gotta move fast.
- 00:06:17,169 --> 00:06:19,630 Nate! Mwah. Mwah! Nate, you’re back.
- 00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:22,549 I missed you. Oh! Nate, not in front of my family.
- 00:06:22,633 --> 00:06:24,343 - We’re back where we started! - Are we gonna die out here?
- 00:06:24,426 --> 00:06:27,554 Wait! I can’t die yet. We haven’t even finished our camp story arc.
- 00:06:27,638 --> 00:06:28,764 What happens with all that?
- 00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:30,641 That’s not how life works, we’re not on TV.
- 00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,100 We’re starving to death in the woods,
- 00:06:32,184 --> 00:06:34,645 we don’t have time to learn the value of sharing or whatever.
- 00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,813 So, now instead of camp, it’s just a lost in the woods story?
- 00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:38,649 Would you stop trying to make it a story?
- 00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:40,275 We are lost in the woods, though.
- 00:06:40,359 --> 00:06:42,319 Not for long, we have one more option.
- 00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:45,781 It’s typically reserved to survive the most barren, inhospitable planets,
- 00:06:45,864 --> 00:06:49,284 but desperate times call for desperate measures. Yumyulack, it’s time.
- 00:06:49,368 --> 00:06:50,494 Are you sure?
- 00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:52,746 - We’re dying, we have to. - Uh, what are you talking about?
- 00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:55,791 The Emergency Urbanizer. It’s a life raft for the land.
- 00:06:55,874 --> 00:06:58,043 We only have one of these, we can never do it again.
- 00:06:58,126 --> 00:07:00,087 Quit wasting time, Yumyulack. We all know the stakes,
- 00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:02,756 they’ve been tapped multiple times. Just do it.
- 00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:36,123 The seven on that scrap of paper. That's a clue.
- 00:07:36,248 --> 00:07:39,251 Our guy must live in Sector Seven. I can feel it in my bones.
- 00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:42,379 Episode 21. Never aired. Pre-empted by the killing of Bin Laden.
- 00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:44,882 Good episode, Bobby Cannavale guest starred as a pimp.
- 00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,800 Wow, I didn’t know crickets could use paper.
- 00:07:46,884 --> 00:07:48,594 You see how smart they are?
- 00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:56,310 Bingo. Somebody killed some shit up in this piece.
- 00:08:00,939 --> 00:08:03,317 Freeze!
- 00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,195 - He was reaching for something. - He was not!
- 00:08:06,278 --> 00:08:09,281 Yuh-huh, he was totally reaching for something. We saved your life.
- 00:08:09,364 --> 00:08:10,657 A "thank you" would be nice.
- 00:08:10,741 --> 00:08:12,159 We could have brought him in alive.
- 00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:14,953 Wait, whoa, whoa. Wait, whoa... We didn’t discuss that at all.
- 00:08:15,037 --> 00:08:16,914 We thought we were supposed to staple him immediately.
- 00:08:17,039 --> 00:08:20,250 You should be happy your theory was right. It wasn’t a cricket after all.
- 00:08:20,334 --> 00:08:21,710 And we got him.
- 00:08:24,546 --> 00:08:27,216 Who knows where the car is at this point? It could take us days to find.
- 00:08:27,299 --> 00:08:31,053 Holy guacamole! What is this place?
- 00:08:31,136 --> 00:08:33,805 It’s complicated. There’s a tourist video station over there.
- 00:08:33,889 --> 00:08:35,140 C-Come on, we’ll go watch.
- 00:08:35,224 --> 00:08:37,809 <i>Howdy, I’m wood actor Wooden Harrelson,</i>
- 00:08:37,893 --> 00:08:39,311 star of the upcoming film
- 00:08:39,394 --> 00:08:41,939 <i>Now You Three Me: Escape from the Pokerver</i><i>se.</i>
- 00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:43,941 Welcome to The Wooden City,
- 00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:47,402 the most exciting, actually growing city in the world.
- 00:08:47,486 --> 00:08:49,905 The Wooden City is just like a regular city,
- 00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:54,076 except algorithmically generated from materials available in the woods.
- 00:08:54,159 --> 00:08:55,869 Except the animals.
- 00:08:55,953 --> 00:08:58,205 They are real and they will kill you.
- 00:08:58,288 --> 00:09:01,166 Now if you’ll excuse me, I have an 8:30 at Dorsia.
- 00:09:01,250 --> 00:09:03,293 <i>That’s right, it’s not all forest puns here.</i>
- 00:09:03,377 --> 00:09:05,712 The good news, we’re not lost in the woods anymore.
- 00:09:05,796 --> 00:09:09,132 The bad news, we’re now lost in a giant big wooden city.
- 00:09:10,801 --> 00:09:13,303 We just need to make enough money to rent a car, so we can drive back
- 00:09:13,387 --> 00:09:15,931 to where we parked our actual car and get the hell out of here.
- 00:09:16,014 --> 00:09:17,975 Let’s split up and all get jobs, that way it’ll go faster.
- 00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:19,476 But shouldn’t we stick together?
- 00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:21,645 No, it would be faster if we all went and got our own jobs
- 00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:24,481 and made money as fast as possible. This isn’t a game. It's survival.
- 00:09:24,565 --> 00:09:27,150 Wait, wait, wait. Now the story isn’t about camp
- 00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:30,779 or being lost in the woods, it’s about surviving in the big city?
- 00:09:30,863 --> 00:09:33,574 Yeah, or it could be a <i>Godzilla</i> story, so keep your eyes open.
- 00:09:33,657 --> 00:09:35,242 Okay, I have a ton of notes.
- 00:09:35,325 --> 00:09:37,744 This is gonna be awesome! We’re in the big city!
- 00:09:37,828 --> 00:09:41,540 You can be anything you want out here, super hero, politician, orthodontist.
- 00:09:41,623 --> 00:09:43,375 I’m going to be a famous ten-figure actor
- 00:09:43,458 --> 00:09:45,460 and then maybe retire as a two-figure voice actor.
- 00:09:45,544 --> 00:09:47,171 Come on, kid, what have you always wanted to be?
- 00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:49,548 What’s your craziest dream? Spill it, we’re all havin’ fun.
- 00:09:49,631 --> 00:09:51,758 I have always wanted to work in fashion.
- 00:09:51,842 --> 00:09:54,720 I’m gonna work in finance because I’ve always wanted to be a shithead.
- 00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:57,681 That-a-boy, dream big. Okay, you all have your big city stories now.
- 00:09:57,764 --> 00:10:00,726 Remember, we just need money to get a car to get to our car.
- 00:10:00,809 --> 00:10:01,894 What are you gonna do?
- 00:10:01,977 --> 00:10:04,730 I-I don’t know yet. So, I’m just gonna walk around and look for a sign.
- 00:10:04,813 --> 00:10:07,399 Everyone, meet back here tonight with all the money we’ve earned.
- 00:10:14,364 --> 00:10:16,950 I wanted oak, not maple, you stupid birch.
- 00:10:17,034 --> 00:10:18,702 Help me!
- 00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:22,122 You’re fired. Have a carried-off-by-a-hawk-life.
- 00:10:22,206 --> 00:10:23,457 - You! - Me?
- 00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:26,543 You’re my assistant now. Pick up those acorns and follow me.
- 00:10:26,627 --> 00:10:29,463 Oh, my God! Stop it!
- 00:10:30,088 --> 00:10:33,884 Five million? I don’t get outta bed for under ten, you stinky cock smoocher.
- 00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:37,554 Wow, that is, without a doubt, the coolest guy I have ever seen.
- 00:10:37,638 --> 00:10:39,473 Even the statues are cool.
- 00:10:48,398 --> 00:10:51,068 Ten million? I don’t get outta bed for under five...
- 00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:53,362 Wait, no. Ten million I will humbly accept.
- 00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:58,784 Hey, dickless, you the new kid?
- 00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:00,202 Oh, uh... Yeah? Yes.
- 00:11:00,285 --> 00:11:03,914 Then pick up a fucking phone and make me some fucking money!
- 00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:20,597 Hey, relax, kid. You done good. You done real good.
- 00:11:20,681 --> 00:11:22,683 Why don’t you come down and see me at the cab stand?
- 00:11:22,808 --> 00:11:24,726 We could use a kid like you.
- 00:11:24,810 --> 00:11:28,522 <i>Ever since I could remember, I wanted to be a gangster.</i>
- 00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:35,988 Hello.
- 00:11:37,239 --> 00:11:38,782 No!
- 00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:44,413 Ah... Oh, man. He was like, "You shot me, bro!"
- 00:11:44,496 --> 00:11:46,874 Yeah, 'cause you shot him.
- 00:11:46,957 --> 00:11:49,793 That was so classic. Boom, boom, you’re dead.
- 00:11:49,877 --> 00:11:51,503 Yo, what’s up your ass, <i>hombre?</i>
- 00:11:51,587 --> 00:11:54,715 You’re a Wall hero again. And just in time for Cherie Day.
- 00:11:54,798 --> 00:11:56,175 Something doesn’t feel right.
- 00:11:56,258 --> 00:12:00,137 What doesn’t feel right is you haven’t had enough fermented piss to celebrate!
- 00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:07,477 Oh, I, um, just realized I left my favorite, uh, piss mug at home.
- 00:12:07,561 --> 00:12:09,313 Aw, man, go get it.
- 00:12:13,358 --> 00:12:16,445 <i>They say love is blind When you’re of a hive mind</i>
- 00:12:16,528 --> 00:12:20,032 <i>But it’s hard to find that, honey, Since our numbers have declined</i>
- 00:12:20,115 --> 00:12:21,992 Next.
- 00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:25,120 You mean, like, next round of auditions? Typically that’s called a callback.
- 00:12:25,204 --> 00:12:28,165 Or, do you mean next step in the process which is what, wardrobe?
- 00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:30,000 That’s perfect because I have some thoughts on bees and wasps...
- 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:31,627 No. I meant next audition.
- 00:12:31,710 --> 00:12:35,130 You were wildly talentless in every way except making us feel embarrassed for you.
- 00:12:35,214 --> 00:12:37,883 Are you serious? I’m embarrassed for you,
- 00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:39,801 that you can’t see generational talent
- 00:12:39,885 --> 00:12:41,845 when it’s right in front of your fuckin' faces.
- 00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:44,681 Sweetie, the only chance you have at being referred to as "talent" is
- 00:12:44,765 --> 00:12:46,099 if you become a prostitute.
- 00:12:46,183 --> 00:12:49,144 A prostitute? Ha! I would never. Do you hear me? Never!
- 00:12:49,895 --> 00:12:51,980 It’s not a blow job, sweetie. It’s a blow career.
- 00:12:52,064 --> 00:12:53,857 You can’t just start at the top, you gotta... You got...
- 00:12:53,941 --> 00:12:55,817 Hey! You wanna have some fun, sugar?
- 00:12:55,901 --> 00:12:57,903 - How much? - Uh... Ten grand an hour.
- 00:12:57,986 --> 00:13:00,948 - No fuckin’ way. - Fine, fine, fine, 500 for two hours.
- 00:13:01,031 --> 00:13:02,533 Hands and mouth only. Best and final.
- 00:13:02,616 --> 00:13:05,077 A hundred an hour, buy two, get six free.
- 00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:06,787 No holes barred.
- 00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:08,997 A-A-All right, okay. Four bucks, clock’s off,
- 00:13:09,081 --> 00:13:11,500 you can pull my teeth out, bang me to Bethlehem and leave me for dead.
- 00:13:11,583 --> 00:13:13,627 My one request is that you get me drunk first.
- 00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:15,546 Or, I can do it sober, whatever.
- 00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:19,007 <i>I guess that’s just life in the big city.</i>
- 00:13:19,091 --> 00:13:21,677 <i>Would be a perfect line to say to launch into a montage.</i>
- 00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:23,679 Oh! Oh, my God, it’s happening.
- 00:13:38,819 --> 00:13:42,030 Nope, no, maybe, nope, no, too hippy, no, needs more brow,
- 00:13:42,114 --> 00:13:44,867 no, kill yourself, kill me, this is brilliant, get cancer,
- 00:13:44,950 --> 00:13:46,577 I love you, die in <i>World War Z.</i>
- 00:13:46,660 --> 00:13:49,913 Jesse, I don’t know what to say. Sorry for how things unfolded.
- 00:13:49,997 --> 00:13:52,624 If you would just let me explain. I’m ruined.
- 00:13:52,708 --> 00:13:56,587 Have yourself a slapped-in-the-face evening.
- 00:13:58,964 --> 00:14:04,052 Fifty million bottles of champagne for our fifty million dollar man.
- 00:14:04,136 --> 00:14:07,514 Fifty million, that’s what I’m talking abouts!
- 00:14:12,060 --> 00:14:13,478 Get out!
- 00:14:17,065 --> 00:14:20,569 All I wanted to do was get money to get a car to get to our car.
- 00:14:20,652 --> 00:14:22,905 Seemed so simple.
- 00:14:24,198 --> 00:14:28,410 And of course, you couldn’t be bothered to attend Yumyulack Jr.'s christening
- 00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:31,622 'cause you’re too busy putting your nose in a pile of cocaine
- 00:14:31,705 --> 00:14:34,416 and your dick in a pile of crack cocaine.
- 00:14:34,499 --> 00:14:37,586 Hey, what if I did fuck crack cocaine? What difference would it make?
- 00:14:37,669 --> 00:14:40,464 You don't know anything about me anymore, Cindeen.
- 00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:43,717 I know one thing about you. You’re about to be divorced!
- 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:46,178 I wish I’d never bought this wooden penis.
- 00:14:47,137 --> 00:14:49,431 Trip, the FBI’s here but we’re fine, right?
- 00:14:49,515 --> 00:14:51,058 Nothing to worry about? Trip?
- 00:14:51,141 --> 00:14:53,143 Yeah, yeah, we’re fine, bud. Don’t even worry about it.
- 00:14:53,227 --> 00:14:55,062 Let ‘em do their thing. It’s all good. All good.
- 00:14:55,145 --> 00:14:58,607 Oh, my god, Trip! Oh!
- 00:15:00,192 --> 00:15:01,860 All right, everyone. Don’t panic.
- 00:15:01,944 --> 00:15:04,488 We’re gonna beat this. We’re gonna be just fine.
- 00:15:38,922 --> 00:15:40,840 Son of a bitch.
- 00:15:49,283 --> 00:15:52,119 Oh, I’m trying to do a mafia story, you piece of shit.
- 00:16:24,985 --> 00:16:25,986 Freeze!
- 00:17:27,256 --> 00:17:30,592 Oh! I simply adore your gown, Jesse.
- 00:17:30,676 --> 00:17:33,303 You truly are the queen of Wooden City fashion.
- 00:17:33,387 --> 00:17:35,931 - Whatever. - Congrats on all of your success.
- 00:17:36,014 --> 00:17:37,975 Who gives a shit?
- 00:17:39,768 --> 00:17:43,647 You guys came? It’s good to see you. How’s everyone doing?
- 00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:46,024 Me? Oh, I’m doing great. Started a big hedge fund,
- 00:17:46,108 --> 00:17:48,318 got an office at the top of the Squirrel Trade Center,
- 00:17:48,402 --> 00:17:51,029 played by the rules, nice guys finish first.
- 00:17:51,113 --> 00:17:53,824 What else can I say? No major issues personally or professionally.
- 00:17:53,907 --> 00:17:55,951 Ditto for me. Built myself a sweet little career
- 00:17:56,034 --> 00:17:58,287 in the customer service industry. I’m my own boss.
- 00:17:58,370 --> 00:18:00,747 So, I set my own hours, come and go as I please.
- 00:18:00,831 --> 00:18:02,958 Taking some risks with my attire, so be it.
- 00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:04,543 Who the fuck are you to judge?
- 00:18:04,626 --> 00:18:06,086 No judgements here. For I am...
- 00:18:06,169 --> 00:18:09,381 - Bleeding. - Bleeding? No, this is, uh, party sauce.
- 00:18:09,464 --> 00:18:11,675 I’m doing great also, so, don’t question me.
- 00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:15,137 Fell in with a great group of guys. We mostly do, uh, construction.
- 00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:17,598 My best friends are Jimmy The Trigger, Ronny Kills-A-Lot,
- 00:18:17,681 --> 00:18:19,057 and Guido The Stone Cold Psycho.
- 00:18:19,141 --> 00:18:22,644 I’m very happy for you all. Because as you can see,
- 00:18:22,728 --> 00:18:25,063 I’ve reached the pinnacle of the fashion world.
- 00:18:25,147 --> 00:18:27,983 All my dreams have come true and I’ve never been happier.
- 00:18:28,066 --> 00:18:30,736 I love it here. End of story.
- 00:18:31,528 --> 00:18:33,614 Well, I think I’m gonna take off.
- 00:18:33,697 --> 00:18:35,407 Yeah, I have a really important sales cum,
- 00:18:35,490 --> 00:18:37,659 I mean, conference balls. No, I mean team skeeting.
- 00:18:37,743 --> 00:18:40,579 Uh, shaft holder meeting. I mean, my shattered ass is healing.
- 00:18:40,662 --> 00:18:42,289 I’m shattering the glass ceiling.
- 00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:46,335 I-I should go as well. I’m pretty heavily party saucing. L-Losing strength.
- 00:18:46,418 --> 00:18:50,672 Wait, guys. The truth is, it may look like I’m doing well on the outside,
- 00:18:50,756 --> 00:18:54,218 but I’m very lonely. I miss you guys.
- 00:18:54,301 --> 00:18:57,012 I know we’re all deep into our separate lives,
- 00:18:57,095 --> 00:19:00,516 but I’d like it if you could stay. I mean, just for a little.
- 00:19:00,599 --> 00:19:02,267 To be honest, I flew too close to the sun.
- 00:19:02,351 --> 00:19:04,978 By which I mean, committed several financial crimes.
- 00:19:05,062 --> 00:19:07,606 Plus, I got divorced, company got raided by the FBI,
- 00:19:07,689 --> 00:19:09,233 and all my co-workers killed themselves.
- 00:19:09,316 --> 00:19:11,527 I’m hurt real bad. I-I just wanted to be a gangster,
- 00:19:11,610 --> 00:19:12,986 but I just kept getting attacked by wolves.
- 00:19:13,070 --> 00:19:15,364 I know this may come as a huge shock, but I haven’t been honest either.
- 00:19:15,447 --> 00:19:18,700 I’m a sex worker, and I let lonely tree men pay to fuck me.
- 00:19:18,784 --> 00:19:21,578 We got so wrapped up surviving in the big city,
- 00:19:21,662 --> 00:19:26,667 getting sucked into our new lives. But, are any of us really happy?
- 00:19:26,750 --> 00:19:29,545 I was happier when we were just a regular alien team.
- 00:19:29,628 --> 00:19:31,797 Not just a team, a team family.
- 00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:34,049 We all lost sight of our goal, making enough money
- 00:19:34,132 --> 00:19:36,802 to get back to our old life so we could all be together again.
- 00:19:36,885 --> 00:19:39,388 We’ve picked our path, and we can never go home again.
- 00:19:39,471 --> 00:19:41,682 Um, guys? The city’s on fire.
- 00:19:42,057 --> 00:19:44,268 Jesus Christ, it's that flaming wolf that ran off.
- 00:19:44,351 --> 00:19:45,894 - W-We have to go home. - Wait a second.
- 00:19:45,978 --> 00:19:47,855 Is that our car? Way out there in the distance?
- 00:19:47,938 --> 00:19:49,231 Quick, before we burn alive.
- 00:20:05,664 --> 00:20:09,167 Bye, camp! I’ll miss you! See you next summer!
- 00:20:14,089 --> 00:20:16,633 This is nice. I-I may have overreacted
- 00:20:16,717 --> 00:20:18,177 to you two being home from school.
- 00:20:18,260 --> 00:20:21,013 Sometimes it’s not awful to share the house with you.
- 00:20:21,096 --> 00:20:24,266 Yes, we did it! The Solar Opposites emotionally arced.
- 00:20:24,349 --> 00:20:26,560 - Now that’s a story. - Fuck you, no, it wasn’t.
- 00:20:26,643 --> 00:20:28,896 No, wait, we did arc. I-I’m proud of all of us.
- 00:20:28,979 --> 00:20:31,023 Just in time because we go back to school tomorrow.
- 00:20:31,106 --> 00:20:32,482 Oh, really? Th-Th-That’s a bummer.
- 00:20:32,566 --> 00:20:36,403 See, I knew you’d come around and want to spend more time with us.
- 00:20:36,486 --> 00:20:38,989 Oh, no. It’s a bummer because I thought summer was two more months
- 00:20:39,072 --> 00:20:40,115 and I already poisoned you.
- 00:20:40,199 --> 00:20:41,867 Ah, jeez! I’ll get the antidote.
- 00:20:41,950 --> 00:20:44,453 <i>The mysterious Wooden City that recently appeared out of nowhere</i>
- 00:20:44,536 --> 00:20:46,747 <i>tragically burned to the ground last week in a fire</i>
- 00:20:46,872 --> 00:20:48,540 <i>experts are calling inevitable.</i>
- 00:20:48,624 --> 00:20:50,918 I gotta be honest, I feel bad the Wooden City is gone.
- 00:20:51,001 --> 00:20:54,004 They had a really good Arby’s, to get fucked in.
- 00:20:54,087 --> 00:20:56,840 It’s for the best. The Wooden City turned us into our worst selves.
- 00:20:56,924 --> 00:20:58,300 We’re lucky it’s gone forever.
- 00:20:58,383 --> 00:21:01,637 <i>But miraculously it has grown back stronger than ever before,</i>
- 00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:04,348 <i>and will now be hosting the Summer Olympics in 2028.</i>
- 00:21:04,431 --> 00:21:05,516 - Wait, what’d they say? - Nothing!
- 00:21:05,599 --> 00:21:06,767 Nobody’s going back to the Wooden City.
- 00:21:06,850 --> 00:21:08,310 Now go to your room and take your antidote.
- 00:21:08,393 --> 00:21:10,103 Honestly, it might be too late.
- 00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:16,193 It’s so peaceful here in the woods.
- 00:21:16,276 --> 00:21:18,362 Finally, some peace and quiet. Am I right?
- 00:21:18,445 --> 00:21:20,948 You know, without summer break, we would have never found this condo.
- 00:21:21,031 --> 00:21:24,117 Sometimes life finds a way.
- 00:21:26,328 --> 00:21:27,621 Shit, a moose! Terry, run!
- 00:21:27,704 --> 00:21:29,748 It's got me. It hurts. No!
- 00:21:29,831 --> 00:21:32,292 Oh, Jesus! Fuck, it bit my leg off. Clean off my body.
- 00:21:32,376 --> 00:21:34,044 - Korvo, help! - Put him down. Stop it!
- 00:21:34,127 --> 00:21:37,172 Oh... Oh, it stinks. You never really know how bad moose stinks.
- 00:21:37,256 --> 00:21:38,882 Oh, it stinks like shit.
- 00:22:25,053 --> 00:22:26,638 <i>Pew, pew! Pew, pew, pew! Pew, pew!</i>
- 00:04:14,390 --> 00:04:16,970 ДВА ЧАСА СПУСТЯ
- 00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:05,440 ДВА МЕСЯЦА СПУСТЯ
- 00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:20,330 УБИЙСТВА
- 00:11:30,849 --> 00:11:32,829 ТАКСИ И КО
- 00:12:13,219 --> 00:12:14,679 «ПЧЁЛЫ: МЮЗИКЛ»
- 00:12:13,219 --> 00:12:16,479 <i>Говорят, с коллективным разумом любовь слепа,</i>
- 00:12:16,479 --> 00:12:18,689 <i>но мёд нам искать всё сложнее,</i>
- 00:12:18,689 --> 00:12:20,479 <i>ведь наши ряды редеют!</i>
- 00:13:31,129 --> 00:13:35,159 ВХОД ДЛЯ БАНДИТОВ
- 00:14:09,939 --> 00:14:11,899 НАГРАДА МИРА МОДЫ ЗА ДОСТИЖЕНИЕ ВСЕЙ ЖИЗНИ ДЖЕССИ НОСИТПРАДА
- 00:15:11,649 --> 00:15:13,879 НАГРАДА МИРА МОДЫ ЗА ДОСТИЖЕНИЕ ВСЕЙ ЖИЗНИ ДЖЕССИ НОСИТПРАДА
- 00:15:21,449 --> 00:15:23,309 БЕЗУМНО ХОЧУ УВИДЕТЬ ТЕБЯ В ЭТОМ ПЛАТЬЕ ПАРЕНЬ ИЗ МАШИНЫ
- 00:15:59,029 --> 00:16:01,849 НАГРАДА МИРА МОДЫ ЗА ДОСТИЖЕНИЕ ВСЕЙ ЖИЗНИ ДЖЕССИ НОСИТПРАДА
- 00:16:04,638 --> 00:16:09,148 СКЛАД ПЕЧЕНЬЯ С ПРЕДСКАЗАНИЯМИ
- 00:16:16,968 --> 00:16:20,028 ЖДИ СЮРПРИЗА
- 00:21:13,238 --> 00:21:16,408 ДОМ, МИЛЫЙ ВТОРОЙ ДОМ
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