Аварийный урбанизатор

00:00:11,178 --> 00:00:13,805

I don't know why it's easier to drink

and sleep on the couch than in bed.

00:00:13,889 --> 00:00:15,724

- But, it is.

- Go ahead, Terry.

00:00:15,807 --> 00:00:17,726

I'm just using the peace and quiet

to recatalogue

00:00:17,809 --> 00:00:20,395

all ten thousand data spikes.

It's so relaxing.

00:00:20,479 --> 00:00:22,773

(JESSE AND YUMYULACK GRUNTING)

00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:26,777

Terry, Korvo! Jesse got eyeliner all over

my holocron and now it won't work.

00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:28,946

I'm experimenting with eyebrows!

00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:30,989

Stop judging us with your facial hair.

00:00:31,073 --> 00:00:33,659

What on Gorb's Grey Grible

is going on here?

00:00:33,742 --> 00:00:35,118

All the cool girls have eyebrows

and we don't have any.

00:00:35,202 --> 00:00:36,245

Jesse's stupid girl paint

corrupted all my data

00:00:36,328 --> 00:00:37,412

and now three months of science is gone.

00:00:37,496 --> 00:00:38,747

I want a resting bitch face

and a landing strip like Stacy K.

00:00:38,830 --> 00:00:40,582

Shut up! Why aren't you at school?

00:00:40,666 --> 00:00:43,168

- Double duh. School's closed.

- Oh, great! What is it this time?

00:00:43,252 --> 00:00:46,964

Another one of their meaningless holidays

like Apple Pie Day or Yom Kapper?

00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:49,550

No, it's summer. We learned about it

last year, remember?

00:00:49,633 --> 00:00:51,593

- The whole ice lava thing?

- No, what?

00:00:51,677 --> 00:00:53,387

I guess we'll just have to stomach

one extra day

00:00:53,470 --> 00:00:55,347

of you taking up our adult space.

00:00:55,430 --> 00:00:57,140

Probably better than you being

molested at that school.

00:00:57,224 --> 00:00:58,892

Summer break's three months long.

00:00:58,976 --> 00:01:00,060

-(YUMYULACK GRUNTS)

- Aw, man!

00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:02,604

Three months?

That's like, one 90 Day Fiancé.

00:01:02,688 --> 00:01:05,232

Yeah, you better not be riding our crack

like this the whole time.

00:01:05,315 --> 00:01:07,568

Summer is when we get to do

anything we want.

00:01:07,651 --> 00:01:09,111

Like a screaming competition.

00:01:09,194 --> 00:01:11,738

- Go!

-(BOTH SCREAMING)

00:01:11,822 --> 00:01:14,074

This summer thing

is not gonna work for me, Terry.

00:01:14,157 --> 00:01:16,451

It's worse than the nightmare

on Helms Street,

00:01:16,535 --> 00:01:18,829

which is what they call the time

a porta-potty emptying truck

00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:20,581

tipped over on Ed Helms' private drive.

00:01:20,664 --> 00:01:21,748

Such a waste of poop.

00:01:21,832 --> 00:01:24,710

I don't want the replicants at home.

I can't take three months of this, Terry.

00:01:24,793 --> 00:01:26,378

I like them for 45 minutes in the morning,

00:01:26,461 --> 00:01:28,213

and maybe a couple

of hours at night, tops.

00:01:28,297 --> 00:01:29,965

Well, we obviously have

to kill the replicants.

00:01:30,048 --> 00:01:32,342

It does make the most sense.

We can always grow new ones.

00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:34,595

Let's do it quick, before we get

too attached to these.

00:01:34,678 --> 00:01:36,972

What are we talkin', poison? Put 'em

in a bag and throw them in a quarry?

00:01:37,055 --> 00:01:39,600

I was thinking we could maybe just shave

some glass into their food.

00:01:39,683 --> 00:01:41,602

I could use my pillow as a silencer

and shoot them in their sleep,

00:01:41,685 --> 00:01:43,103

right in their fuckin' face.

00:01:43,187 --> 00:01:46,023

Or, use the pillow for

a good old-fashioned smothering.

00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:47,983

Just like the ones

we see on TV and movies, Terry.

00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:50,861

Looks like the Solar Opposites

are killing their replicants.

00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:53,238

Um, excuse me. Hi, Terry, Korvo.

00:01:53,322 --> 00:01:56,116

I couldn't help but overhear you debating

different ways to kill your children.

00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:57,326

- That is correct.

- Mind your own business,

00:01:57,409 --> 00:01:58,410

you old bowl of soup.

00:01:58,493 --> 00:02:00,704

Why don't you just

send them to summer camp?

00:02:01,705 --> 00:02:04,374

Pretend we don't know anything

and walk us through it.

00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:06,877

Thank God this camp thing came up.

00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,879

Jesse and I were just

about to kill you guys.

00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:10,881

What? We were about to kill you guys, too.

00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:13,091

That is so funny. Great minds think alike.

00:02:13,175 --> 00:02:15,511

ALL: Camp! Camp! Camp! Camp!

00:02:15,594 --> 00:02:17,638

TERRY: Hey! It's a camp thing.

00:02:18,597 --> 00:02:22,684

KORVO: Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia

until the asteroid hit.

00:02:23,936 --> 00:02:26,230

One hundred adults and their replicants

were issued a Pupa

00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:30,901

and escaped into the space, searching

for new homes on uninhabited worlds.

00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:34,404

We crashed on Earth, stranding us

on an already overpopulated planet.

00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:35,906

That's right. I've been talking

this whole time.

00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:37,866

I'm the one holding the Pupa.

My name's Korvo.

00:02:37,950 --> 00:02:40,160

This is... This is my show. I just

droppedthe Pupa. Do you see me?

00:02:40,244 --> 00:02:43,288

This is ridiculous. I hate Earth.

It's a horrible home.

00:02:43,372 --> 00:02:46,208

People are stupid. I don't understand

why people like daylight so much.

00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:48,126

It's so loud when it hits your skin.

00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:56,552

YUMYULACK: Ooh, ooh!

Camp sounds amazing.

00:02:56,635 --> 00:02:58,136

I'm excited to use

my bounty hunting skills

00:02:58,220 --> 00:03:00,305

to hunt down and torture those

who have captured the flag.

00:03:00,472 --> 00:03:02,724

And I'm excited for a sexual awakening.

00:03:02,808 --> 00:03:06,645

I heard last year Julia Howland

went to camp a girl and came back a woman.

00:03:06,728 --> 00:03:08,480

But then it turned out it actually

was a woman

00:03:08,564 --> 00:03:11,066

and they never found Julia's body.

Crazy, huh?

00:03:11,149 --> 00:03:13,944

Well, I'm excited to perform something

from Angels in America on talent night.

00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:16,613

I took out all the gay stuff

and doubled the angels.

00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:18,365

You're not going to camp, Terry.

00:03:18,448 --> 00:03:20,534

The whole point is that we're gonna

have the house to ourselves.

00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:22,870

- Are you still tiki drunk?

- No.

00:03:22,953 --> 00:03:24,663

Terry, ta-take your next left.

00:03:34,131 --> 00:03:36,550

- JESSE: This is camp?

- No, don't be dumb.

00:03:36,633 --> 00:03:38,010

It's much, much deeper in the woods.

00:03:38,093 --> 00:03:40,470

TERRY: Okay, guys, remember,

we parked by trees.

00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:47,394

Halt. This is camp.

Goodbye, we're leaving. Good luck.

00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:48,812

It... It looks the same

as where we parked.

00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:52,024

Yeah, this just feels like

the regular old woods. Where's camp?

00:03:52,107 --> 00:03:55,152

We talked to our creepy, bitchy neighbor

for almost five minutes about this,

00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,487

so, I know for sure that this is camp.

00:03:57,571 --> 00:04:01,200

We leave you here for two or three weeks,

you learn to swim or some shit,

00:04:01,283 --> 00:04:02,868

and then we come pick you up. The end.

00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:04,369

- Done and done.

- Cool, works for me.

00:04:04,453 --> 00:04:06,038

We'll visit over parents weekend.

Okay, bye.

00:04:06,121 --> 00:04:08,415

No, we won't. Terry, are you sure

the car is this way?

00:04:08,498 --> 00:04:10,459

I took four units of pathfinding

at the academy

00:04:10,542 --> 00:04:12,586

to prepare for life

on dangerous alien worlds.

00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:14,296

I think I can walk us out of the woods.

00:04:17,132 --> 00:04:19,510

What the fuck, Terry?

Just admit it, we’re lost.

00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:21,053

It’s just up here, I promise.

00:04:21,136 --> 00:04:23,764

Camp sucks.

There’s not even a flag to capture.

00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:26,099

Hey, how long does it take

to sexually awaken?

00:04:26,183 --> 00:04:29,436

I whittled a boyfriend to grind on,

you know, for when it happens.

00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:31,980

This is Nate Jacobs.

We met at his bark-mitzvah.

00:04:32,064 --> 00:04:33,565

- Can we just go home?

- Yes.

00:04:33,649 --> 00:04:34,775

- Except, we’re lost.

- I knew it.

00:04:34,858 --> 00:04:37,236

All because you couldn’t stop drinking

those stupid tiki drinks.

00:04:37,319 --> 00:04:39,988

They’re not stupid, I find my way out

of the woods better when I’m drunk.

00:04:40,072 --> 00:04:42,741

You ever even had any of these?

This one’s from a coconut.

00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:43,867

-(KORVO GRUNTS)

- Aw...

00:04:43,951 --> 00:04:46,078

How can we possibly be lost?

We have access

00:04:46,161 --> 00:04:48,455

to the most sophisticated

tracking equipment in the quadrant.

00:04:48,539 --> 00:04:49,915

I left it in the car, okay?

00:04:49,998 --> 00:04:52,376

We’re gonna be trapped here

until we die and I’ll never get to have

00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:56,129

a Five Hundred Days of Summer quirky

romance with a manic pixie dream boy.

00:04:56,213 --> 00:04:58,549

Everybody calm down.

I’m an expert trailblazer.

00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:02,386

We just have to follow the dimmest star,

it’ll always lead directly South.

00:05:05,556 --> 00:05:07,307

All the stars are dim

on this stupid planet.

00:05:07,391 --> 00:05:08,851

(GASPS) Why is there a branch

through my shoulder?

00:05:08,934 --> 00:05:10,894

Because you said if we didn’t eat soon

00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:13,272

you were going to ram a branch

through your shoulder.

00:05:13,355 --> 00:05:14,356

And that was six weeks ago.

00:05:14,439 --> 00:05:16,358

Oh, right! Yeah, I guess I’m in shock.

00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:21,738

There’s no question anymore.

We have a serial killer on our hands.

00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:23,824

Whoa, we’re going straight

to judging people

00:05:23,907 --> 00:05:25,701

just because of five identical murders?

00:05:25,784 --> 00:05:28,412

I’m not convinced.

I still think a cricket did it.

00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:31,039

A cricket? Could a cricket

kill five random men,

00:05:31,123 --> 00:05:33,542

surgically remove their organs,

and place their corpses

00:05:33,625 --> 00:05:34,835

in the shape of a winky face?

00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:36,461

- Have you seen Pinocchio?

-(CHUCKLES)

00:05:36,545 --> 00:05:38,172

Yeah. Who knows what they could accomplish

00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:40,465

if they put their minds to murdering.

Or worse, their legs.

00:05:40,549 --> 00:05:42,926

Ooh, what if it’s two crickets

working together?

00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:46,096

Or one original homicidal cricket,

and then a copy cricket.

00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:48,849

Can I just throw out there

that we probably just have

00:05:48,932 --> 00:05:52,311

one regular human murderer

and not two genius level killer crickets?

00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:54,062

You’re letting your imagination run wild.

00:05:54,146 --> 00:05:58,192

You’re not an executive story editor

on the hit Fox drama Bones anymore.

00:05:58,275 --> 00:05:59,526

This is real life.

00:05:59,610 --> 00:06:01,195

These are real people we’re talking about,

00:06:01,278 --> 00:06:04,489

not characters played by the eminently

watchable Emily Deschanel.

00:06:04,573 --> 00:06:08,202

- Are you even listening to me?

- No, there’s one thing I learned on Bones,

00:06:08,285 --> 00:06:10,412

it’s never get between

Boreanaz and second dinner.

00:06:10,495 --> 00:06:15,167

But another thing was, go with your gut.

And my gut says, we gotta move fast.

00:06:17,169 --> 00:06:19,630

Nate! Mwah. Mwah!

Nate, you’re back.

00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:22,549

I missed you. Oh!

Nate, not in front of my family.

00:06:22,633 --> 00:06:24,343

- We’re back where we started!

- Are we gonna die out here?

00:06:24,426 --> 00:06:27,554

Wait! I can’t die yet. We haven’t even

finished our camp story arc.

00:06:27,638 --> 00:06:28,764

What happens with all that?

00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:30,641

That’s not how life works,

we’re not on TV.

00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,100

We’re starving to death in the woods,

00:06:32,184 --> 00:06:34,645

we don’t have time to learn

the value of sharing or whatever.

00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,813

So, now instead of camp,

it’s just a lost in the woods story?

00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:38,649

Would you stop trying to make it a story?

00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:40,275

We are lost in the woods, though.

00:06:40,359 --> 00:06:42,319

Not for long, we have one more option.

00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:45,781

It’s typically reserved to survive

the most barren, inhospitable planets,

00:06:45,864 --> 00:06:49,284

but desperate times call for

desperate measures. Yumyulack, it’s time.

00:06:49,368 --> 00:06:50,494

-(TERRY GROANS)

- Are you sure?

00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:52,746

- We’re dying, we have to.

- Uh, what are you talking about?

00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:55,791

The Emergency Urbanizer.

It’s a life raft for the land.

00:06:55,874 --> 00:06:58,043

We only have one of these,

we can never do it again.

00:06:58,126 --> 00:07:00,087

Quit wasting time, Yumyulack.

We all know the stakes,

00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:02,756

they’ve been tapped multiple times.

Just do it.

00:07:18,897 --> 00:07:20,107

(ALL YELP)

00:07:23,193 --> 00:07:24,361

(GASPING)

00:07:24,903 --> 00:07:26,154

-(HORN HONKS)

-(SCREAMS)

00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:36,123

HALK: The seven on that scrap of paper.

That's a clue.

00:07:36,248 --> 00:07:39,251

Our guy must live in Sector Seven.

I can feel it in my bones.

00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:42,379

Episode 21. Never aired.

Pre-empted by the killing of Bin Laden.

00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:44,882

Good episode, Bobby Cannavale

guest starred as a pimp.

00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,800

(WHISPERING) Wow, I didn’t know crickets

could use paper.

00:07:46,884 --> 00:07:48,594

You see how smart they are?

00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:56,310

Bingo. Somebody killed some shit

up in this piece.

00:08:00,939 --> 00:08:03,317

- Freeze!

-(GRUNTING)

00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,195

- He was reaching for something.

- HALK: He was not!

00:08:06,278 --> 00:08:09,281

Yuh-huh, he was totally reaching

for something. We saved your life.

00:08:09,364 --> 00:08:10,657

A "thank you" would be nice.

00:08:10,741 --> 00:08:12,159

We could have brought him in alive.

00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:14,953

Wait, whoa, whoa. Wait, whoa...

We didn’t discuss that at all.

00:08:15,037 --> 00:08:16,914

We thought we were supposed

to staple him immediately.

00:08:17,039 --> 00:08:20,250

You should be happy your theory was right.

It wasn’t a cricket after all.

00:08:20,334 --> 00:08:21,710

And we got him.

00:08:21,793 --> 00:08:23,587

(BOTH CHEERING)

00:08:24,546 --> 00:08:27,216

Who knows where the car is at this point?

It could take us days to find.

00:08:27,299 --> 00:08:31,053

Holy guacamole! What is this place?

00:08:31,136 --> 00:08:33,805

It’s complicated. There’s

a tourist video station over there.

00:08:33,889 --> 00:08:35,140

C-Come on, we’ll go watch.

00:08:35,224 --> 00:08:37,809

Howdy, I’m wood actor Wooden Harrelson,

00:08:37,893 --> 00:08:39,311

star of the upcoming film

00:08:39,394 --> 00:08:41,939

Now You Three Me:

Escape from the Pokerverse.

00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:43,941

Welcome to The Wooden City,

00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:47,402

the most exciting,

actually growing city in the world.

00:08:47,486 --> 00:08:49,905

The Wooden City is just like

a regular city,

00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:54,076

except algorithmically generated

from materials available in the woods.

00:08:54,159 --> 00:08:55,869

- Except the animals.

-(MAN SCREAMS)

00:08:55,953 --> 00:08:58,205

They are real and they will kill you.

00:08:58,288 --> 00:09:01,166

Now if you’ll excuse me,

I have an 8:30 at Dorsia.

00:09:01,250 --> 00:09:03,293

That’s right,

it’s not all forest puns here.

00:09:03,377 --> 00:09:05,712

The good news, we’re not lost

in the woods anymore.

00:09:05,796 --> 00:09:09,132

The bad news, we’re now lost

in a giant big wooden city.

00:09:10,801 --> 00:09:13,303

We just need to make enough money

to rent a car, so we can drive back

00:09:13,387 --> 00:09:15,931

to where we parked our actual car

and get the hell out of here.

00:09:16,014 --> 00:09:17,975

Let’s split up and all get jobs,

that way it’ll go faster.

00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:19,476

But shouldn’t we stick together?

00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:21,645

No, it would be faster

if we all went and got our own jobs

00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:24,481

and made money as fast as possible.

This isn’t a game. It's survival.

00:09:24,565 --> 00:09:27,150

Wait, wait, wait.

Now the story isn’t about camp

00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:30,779

or being lost in the woods,

it’s about surviving in the big city?

00:09:30,863 --> 00:09:33,574

Yeah, or it could be a Godzilla story,

so keep your eyes open.

00:09:33,657 --> 00:09:35,242

Okay, I have a ton of notes.

00:09:35,325 --> 00:09:37,744

This is gonna be awesome!

We’re in the big city!

00:09:37,828 --> 00:09:41,540

You can be anything you want out here,

super hero, politician, orthodontist.

00:09:41,623 --> 00:09:43,375

I’m going to be a famous ten-figure actor

00:09:43,458 --> 00:09:45,460

and then maybe retire

as a two-figure voice actor.

00:09:45,544 --> 00:09:47,171

Come on, kid, what have you

always wanted to be?

00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:49,548

What’s your craziest dream?

Spill it, we’re all havin’ fun.

00:09:49,631 --> 00:09:51,758

I have always wanted to work in fashion.

00:09:51,842 --> 00:09:54,720

I’m gonna work in finance because

I’ve always wanted to be a shithead.

00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:57,681

That-a-boy, dream big. Okay, you all

have your big city stories now.

00:09:57,764 --> 00:10:00,726

Remember, we just need money

to get a car to get to our car.

00:10:00,809 --> 00:10:01,894

What are you gonna do?

00:10:01,977 --> 00:10:04,730

I-I don’t know yet. So, I’m just gonna

walk around and look for a sign.

00:10:04,813 --> 00:10:07,399

Everyone, meet back here tonight

with all the money we’ve earned.

00:10:14,364 --> 00:10:16,950

MIRANDA: I wanted oak, not maple,

you stupid birch.

00:10:17,034 --> 00:10:18,702

(WOMAN SCREAMS) Help me!

00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:22,122

You’re fired.

Have a carried-off-by-a-hawk-life.

00:10:22,206 --> 00:10:23,457

- You!

-(GASPS) Me?

00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:26,543

You’re my assistant now.

Pick up those acorns and follow me.

00:10:26,627 --> 00:10:29,463

Oh, my God! Stop it! (SCREAMS)

00:10:30,088 --> 00:10:33,884

Five million? I don’t get outta bed

for under ten, you stinky cock smoocher.

00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:37,554

Wow, that is, without a doubt,

the coolest guy I have ever seen.

00:10:37,638 --> 00:10:39,473

Even the statues are cool. (SCREAMS)

00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:42,726

(PANTING)

00:10:46,730 --> 00:10:48,315

(GRUNTS)

00:10:48,398 --> 00:10:51,068

Ten million? I don’t get outta bed

for under five...

00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:53,362

Wait, no. Ten million

I will humbly accept.

00:10:53,445 --> 00:10:55,489

(ALL CHEERING)

00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:58,784

-(YUMYULACK GASPS)

- Hey, dickless, you the new kid?

00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:00,202

Oh, uh... Yeah? Yes.

00:11:00,285 --> 00:11:03,914

Then pick up a fucking phone

and make me some fucking money!

00:11:10,379 --> 00:11:11,797

(WOMAN SCREAMS)

00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:13,841

(MAN GRUNTS)

00:11:13,924 --> 00:11:15,217

(WOMAN GRUNTS)

00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:20,597

Hey, relax, kid. You done good.

You done real good.

00:11:20,681 --> 00:11:22,683

Why don’t you come down

and see me at the cab stand?

00:11:22,808 --> 00:11:24,726

We could use a kid like you.

00:11:24,810 --> 00:11:28,522

KORVO: Ever since I could remember,

I wanted to be a gangster.

00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:33,652

(MEN LAUGHING)

00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:35,988

(CLEARS THROAT) Hello.

00:11:36,071 --> 00:11:37,155

(SCREAMS)

00:11:37,239 --> 00:11:38,782

(GRUNTS) No!

00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:44,413

Ah... Oh, man.

He was like, "You shot me, bro!"

00:11:44,496 --> 00:11:46,874

(LAUGHS) Yeah, 'cause you shot him.

00:11:46,957 --> 00:11:49,793

That was so classic.

Boom, boom, you’re dead.

00:11:49,877 --> 00:11:51,503

Yo, what’s up your ass, hombre?

00:11:51,587 --> 00:11:54,715

You’re a Wall hero again.

And just in time for Cherie Day.

00:11:54,798 --> 00:11:56,175

Something doesn’t feel right.

00:11:56,258 --> 00:12:00,137

What doesn’t feel right is you haven’t

had enough fermented piss to celebrate!

00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:02,556

(BOTH LAUGH)

00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:07,477

Oh, I, um, just realized

I left my favorite, uh, piss mug at home.

00:12:07,561 --> 00:12:09,313

Aw, man, go get it.

00:12:09,396 --> 00:12:11,148

(GRUNTS AND SIGHS)

00:12:13,358 --> 00:12:16,445

They say love is blind

When you’re of a hive mind

00:12:16,528 --> 00:12:20,032

But it’s hard to find that, honey,

Since our numbers have declined

00:12:20,115 --> 00:12:21,992

-(PANTS)

- MALE PRODUCER: Next.

00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:25,120

You mean, like, next round of auditions?

Typically that’s called a callback.

00:12:25,204 --> 00:12:28,165

Or, do you mean next step in the process

which is what, wardrobe?

00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:30,000

That’s perfect because I have

some thoughts on bees and wasps...

00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:31,627

No. I meant next audition.

00:12:31,710 --> 00:12:35,130

You were wildly talentless in every way

except making us feel embarrassed for you.

00:12:35,214 --> 00:12:37,883

Are you serious?

I’m embarrassed for you,

00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:39,801

that you can’t see generational talent

00:12:39,885 --> 00:12:41,845

when it’s right in front

of your fuckin' faces.

00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:44,681

Sweetie, the only chance you have

at being referred to as "talent" is

00:12:44,765 --> 00:12:46,099

if you become a prostitute.

00:12:46,183 --> 00:12:49,144

A prostitute? Ha! I would never.

Do you hear me? Never!

00:12:49,895 --> 00:12:51,980

It’s not a blow job, sweetie.

It’s a blow career.

00:12:52,064 --> 00:12:53,857

You can’t just start at the top,

you gotta... You got...

00:12:53,941 --> 00:12:55,817

Hey! You wanna have some fun, sugar?

00:12:55,901 --> 00:12:57,903

- How much?

- Uh... Ten grand an hour.

00:12:57,986 --> 00:13:00,948

- No fuckin’ way.

- Fine, fine, fine, 500 for two hours.

00:13:01,031 --> 00:13:02,533

Hands and mouth only. Best and final.

00:13:02,616 --> 00:13:05,077

(GRUNTS) A hundred an hour,

buy two, get six free.

00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:06,787

No holes barred.

00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:08,997

A-A-All right, okay.

Four bucks, clock’s off,

00:13:09,081 --> 00:13:11,500

you can pull my teeth out, bang me

to Bethlehem and leave me for dead.

00:13:11,583 --> 00:13:13,627

My one request is that

you get me drunk first.

00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:15,546

Or, I can do it sober, whatever.

00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:19,007

I guess that’s just life in the big city.

00:13:19,091 --> 00:13:21,677

Would be a perfect line

to say to launch into a montage.

00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:23,679

Oh! Oh, my God, it’s happening.

00:13:33,105 --> 00:13:34,731

(YELPS)

00:13:38,819 --> 00:13:42,030

Nope, no, maybe, nope, no,

too hippy, no, needs more brow,

00:13:42,114 --> 00:13:44,867

no, kill yourself, kill me,

this is brilliant, get cancer,

00:13:44,950 --> 00:13:46,577

I love you, die in World War Z.

00:13:46,660 --> 00:13:49,913

Jesse, I don’t know what to say.

Sorry for how things unfolded.

00:13:49,997 --> 00:13:52,624

If you would just let me explain.

I’m ruined.

00:13:52,708 --> 00:13:56,587

(GRUNTS) Have yourself

a slapped-in-the-face evening.

00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:58,130

(APPLAUDING)

00:13:58,964 --> 00:14:04,052

Fifty million bottles of champagne

for our fifty million dollar man.

00:14:04,136 --> 00:14:07,514

Fifty million,

that’s what I’m talking abouts!

00:14:07,598 --> 00:14:08,891

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

00:14:12,060 --> 00:14:13,478

Get out!

00:14:17,065 --> 00:14:20,569

All I wanted to do was get money

to get a car to get to our car.

00:14:20,652 --> 00:14:22,905

Seemed so simple. (SCREAMS)

00:14:24,198 --> 00:14:28,410

And of course, you couldn’t be bothered

to attend Yumyulack Jr.'s christening

00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:31,622

'cause you’re too busy putting your nose

in a pile of cocaine

00:14:31,705 --> 00:14:34,416

and your dick in a pile of crack cocaine.

00:14:34,499 --> 00:14:37,586

Hey, what if I did fuck crack cocaine?

What difference would it make?

00:14:37,669 --> 00:14:40,464

You don't know anything

about me anymore, Cindeen.

00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:43,717

I know one thing about you.

You’re about to be divorced!

00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:46,178

I wish I’d never bought this wooden penis.

00:14:47,137 --> 00:14:49,431

Trip, the FBI’s here

but we’re fine, right?

00:14:49,515 --> 00:14:51,058

Nothing to worry about? Trip?

00:14:51,141 --> 00:14:53,143

(CHUCKLES) Yeah, yeah, we’re fine, bud.

Don’t even worry about it.

00:14:53,227 --> 00:14:55,062

Let ‘em do their thing.

It’s all good. All good.

00:14:55,145 --> 00:14:58,607

Oh, my god, Trip! Oh!

00:14:58,690 --> 00:15:00,108

(PEOPLE CRYING)

00:15:00,192 --> 00:15:01,860

All right, everyone. Don’t panic.

00:15:01,944 --> 00:15:04,488

We’re gonna beat this.

We’re gonna be just fine.

00:15:07,449 --> 00:15:09,034

(MAN SCREAMS)

00:15:11,036 --> 00:15:13,163

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

00:15:18,210 --> 00:15:19,336

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:27,594

(PANTING)

00:15:27,678 --> 00:15:29,263

(WOLF BARKS AND GROWLS)

00:15:29,346 --> 00:15:30,430

(PANTS)

00:15:31,306 --> 00:15:32,724

(GASPS)

00:15:37,938 --> 00:15:40,816

-(WOLF GROWLS)

- Son of a bitch. (GRUNTS)

00:15:41,859 --> 00:15:43,610

(GRUNTING)

00:15:49,283 --> 00:15:52,119

Oh, I’m trying to do a mafia story,

you piece of shit.

00:15:52,202 --> 00:15:53,370

(BARKS)

00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:57,291

(WOLF BARKING)

00:15:57,749 --> 00:15:59,042

(SIGHS)

00:16:24,985 --> 00:16:25,986

Freeze!

00:16:27,321 --> 00:16:28,780

(PANTS)

00:16:32,451 --> 00:16:34,161

(GASPS AND GRUNTS)

00:16:39,082 --> 00:16:40,292

(GRUNTS)

00:16:42,628 --> 00:16:44,213

(PANTING)

00:16:44,838 --> 00:16:46,298

(GRUNTS)

00:16:49,968 --> 00:16:51,220

(GRUNTS)

00:16:54,348 --> 00:16:56,433

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

00:17:02,564 --> 00:17:04,691

(GRUNTING)

00:17:10,822 --> 00:17:12,199

(SCREAMS)

00:17:15,869 --> 00:17:17,955

(SCREAMING)

00:17:27,256 --> 00:17:30,592

Oh! I simply adore your gown, Jesse.

00:17:30,676 --> 00:17:33,303

You truly are the queen

of Wooden City fashion.

00:17:33,387 --> 00:17:35,931

- Whatever.

- Congrats on all of your success.

00:17:36,014 --> 00:17:37,975

Who gives a shit? (GASPS)

00:17:39,768 --> 00:17:43,647

You guys came? It’s good to see you.

How’s everyone doing?

00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:46,024

Me? Oh, I’m doing great.

Started a big hedge fund,

00:17:46,108 --> 00:17:48,318

got an office at the top

of the Squirrel Trade Center,

00:17:48,402 --> 00:17:51,029

played by the rules,

nice guys finish first.

00:17:51,113 --> 00:17:53,824

What else can I say? No major issues

personally or professionally.

00:17:53,907 --> 00:17:55,951

Ditto for me. Built myself

a sweet little career

00:17:56,034 --> 00:17:58,287

in the customer service industry.

I’m my own boss.

00:17:58,370 --> 00:18:00,747

So, I set my own hours,

come and go as I please.

00:18:00,831 --> 00:18:02,958

Taking some risks

with my attire, so be it.

00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:04,543

Who the fuck are you to judge?

00:18:04,626 --> 00:18:06,086

No judgements here. For I am...

00:18:06,169 --> 00:18:09,381

- Bleeding.

- Bleeding? No, this is, uh, party sauce.

00:18:09,464 --> 00:18:11,675

I’m doing great also,

so, don’t question me.

00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:15,137

Fell in with a great group of guys.

We mostly do, uh, construction.

00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:17,598

My best friends are Jimmy The Trigger,

Ronny Kills-A-Lot,

00:18:17,681 --> 00:18:19,057

and Guido The Stone Cold Psycho.

00:18:19,141 --> 00:18:22,644

I’m very happy for you all.

Because as you can see,

00:18:22,728 --> 00:18:25,063

I’ve reached the pinnacle

of the fashion world.

00:18:25,147 --> 00:18:27,983

All my dreams have come true

and I’ve never been happier.

00:18:28,066 --> 00:18:30,736

I love it here. End of story.

00:18:31,528 --> 00:18:33,614

Well, I think I’m gonna take off.

00:18:33,697 --> 00:18:35,407

Yeah, I have a really important sales cum,

00:18:35,490 --> 00:18:37,659

I mean, conference balls.

No, I mean team skeeting.

00:18:37,743 --> 00:18:40,579

Uh, shaft holder meeting.

I mean, my shattered ass is healing.

00:18:40,662 --> 00:18:42,289

(BLABBERS)

I’m shattering the glass ceiling.

00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:46,335

I-I should go as well. I’m pretty heavily

party saucing. L-Losing strength.

00:18:46,418 --> 00:18:50,672

Wait, guys. The truth is, it may look like

I’m doing well on the outside,

00:18:50,756 --> 00:18:54,218

but I’m very lonely. I miss you guys.

00:18:54,301 --> 00:18:57,012

I know we’re all deep

into our separate lives,

00:18:57,095 --> 00:19:00,516

but I’d like it if you could stay.

I mean, just for a little.

00:19:00,599 --> 00:19:02,267

To be honest, I flew too close to the sun.

00:19:02,351 --> 00:19:04,978

By which I mean,

committed several financial crimes.

00:19:05,062 --> 00:19:07,606

Plus, I got divorced, company got raided

by the FBI,

00:19:07,689 --> 00:19:09,233

and all my co-workers killed themselves.

00:19:09,316 --> 00:19:11,527

I’m hurt real bad.

I-I just wanted to be a gangster,

00:19:11,610 --> 00:19:12,986

but I just kept getting

attacked by wolves.

00:19:13,070 --> 00:19:15,364

I know this may come as a huge shock,

but I haven’t been honest either.

00:19:15,447 --> 00:19:18,700

I’m a sex worker, and I let lonely

tree men pay to fuck me.

00:19:18,784 --> 00:19:21,578

We got so wrapped up

surviving in the big city,

00:19:21,662 --> 00:19:26,667

getting sucked into our new lives.

But, are any of us really happy?

00:19:26,750 --> 00:19:29,545

I was happier when we were

just a regular alien team.

00:19:29,628 --> 00:19:31,797

Not just a team, a team family.

00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:34,049

We all lost sight of our goal,

making enough money

00:19:34,132 --> 00:19:36,802

to get back to our old life

so we could all be together again.

00:19:36,885 --> 00:19:39,388

We’ve picked our path,

and we can never go home again.

00:19:39,471 --> 00:19:41,682

Um, guys? The city’s on fire.

00:19:42,057 --> 00:19:44,268

KORVO: Jesus Christ, it's that

flaming wolf that ran off.

00:19:44,351 --> 00:19:45,894

- W-We have to go home.

- Wait a second.

00:19:45,978 --> 00:19:47,855

Is that our car?

Way out there in the distance?

00:19:47,938 --> 00:19:49,231

Quick, before we burn alive.

00:19:49,314 --> 00:19:51,400

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

00:19:51,483 --> 00:19:54,361

(GRUNTING AND SCREAMING)

00:19:57,447 --> 00:19:59,199

(PANTING)

00:20:05,664 --> 00:20:09,167

Bye, camp! I’ll miss you!

See you next summer!

00:20:14,089 --> 00:20:16,633

(SIGHS) This is nice.

I-I may have overreacted

00:20:16,717 --> 00:20:18,177

to you two being home from school.

00:20:18,260 --> 00:20:21,013

Sometimes it’s not awful

to share the house with you.

00:20:21,096 --> 00:20:24,266

Yes, we did it! The Solar Opposites

emotionally arced.

00:20:24,349 --> 00:20:26,560

-(IN ITALIAN ACCENT) Now that’s a story.

- KORVO: Fuck you, no, it wasn’t.

00:20:26,643 --> 00:20:28,896

No, wait, we did arc.

I-I’m proud of all of us.

00:20:28,979 --> 00:20:31,023

Just in time because

we go back to school tomorrow.

00:20:31,106 --> 00:20:32,482

Oh, really? Th-Th-That’s a bummer.

00:20:32,566 --> 00:20:36,403

See, I knew you’d come around

and want to spend more time with us.

00:20:36,486 --> 00:20:38,989

Oh, no. It’s a bummer because I thought

summer was two more months

00:20:39,072 --> 00:20:40,115

and I already poisoned you.

00:20:40,199 --> 00:20:41,867

Ah, jeez! I’ll get the antidote.

00:20:41,950 --> 00:20:44,453

MALE ANNOUNCER: The mysterious Wooden City

that recently appeared out of nowhere

00:20:44,536 --> 00:20:46,747

tragically burned to the ground last week

in a fire

00:20:46,872 --> 00:20:48,540

experts are calling inevitable.

00:20:48,624 --> 00:20:50,918

I gotta be honest, I feel bad

the Wooden City is gone.

00:20:51,001 --> 00:20:54,004

They had a really good Arby’s,

to get fucked in.

00:20:54,087 --> 00:20:56,840

It’s for the best. The Wooden City

turned us into our worst selves.

00:20:56,924 --> 00:20:58,300

We’re lucky it’s gone forever.

00:20:58,383 --> 00:21:01,637

But miraculously it has

grown back stronger than ever before,

00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:04,348

and will now be hosting

the Summer Olympics in 2028.

00:21:04,431 --> 00:21:05,516

- Wait, what’d they say?

- Nothing!

00:21:05,599 --> 00:21:06,767

Nobody’s going back to the Wooden City.

00:21:06,850 --> 00:21:08,310

Now go to your room

and take your antidote.

00:21:08,393 --> 00:21:10,103

Honestly, it might be too late.

00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:16,193

(SIGHS) It’s so peaceful here

in the woods.

00:21:16,276 --> 00:21:18,362

Finally, some peace and quiet. Am I right?

00:21:18,445 --> 00:21:20,948

You know, without summer break,

we would have never found this condo.

00:21:21,031 --> 00:21:24,117

(YAWNS) Sometimes life finds a way.

00:21:26,328 --> 00:21:27,621

-(MOOSE BELLOWS)

- Shit, a moose! Terry, run!

00:21:27,704 --> 00:21:29,748

It's got me. It hurts. No!

00:21:29,831 --> 00:21:32,292

Oh, Jesus! Fuck, it bit my leg off.

Clean off my body.

00:21:32,376 --> 00:21:34,044

- Korvo, help!

- Put him down. Stop it!

00:21:34,127 --> 00:21:37,172

TERRY: Oh... Oh, it stinks. You never

really know how bad moose stinks.

00:21:37,256 --> 00:21:38,882

Oh, it stinks like shit.

00:21:40,759 --> 00:21:42,845

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

00:22:25,053 --> 00:22:26,638

MALE VOICE: Pew, pew!

Pew, pew, pew! Pew, pew!

00:22:26,722 --> 00:22:28,348

(GIBBERISH YELL)

00:00:11,076 --> 00:00:14,970

Не знаю, почему легче напиваться и

засыпать на диване, а не в кровати.

00:00:14,996 --> 00:00:15,682

Ладно, Терри.

00:00:15,697 --> 00:00:17,109

А я воспользуюсь тишиной

00:00:17,109 --> 00:00:19,190

и снова составлю каталог

десяти тысяч скачков данных.

00:00:19,376 --> 00:00:20,669

Это расслабляет.

00:00:22,754 --> 00:00:23,940

Терри! Корво!

00:00:23,964 --> 00:00:26,718

Джесси испачкала мне

голокрон карандашом для глаз!

00:00:26,746 --> 00:00:28,903

Я экспериментирую с бровями.

00:00:28,927 --> 00:00:30,780

Заканчивай с волосами на лице!

00:00:30,804 --> 00:00:33,416

Ради серого грибля —

что здесь происходит?

00:00:33,442 --> 00:00:34,900

— У всех крутых девчонок есть брови...

— Дурацкие рисунки Джесси...

00:00:34,926 --> 00:00:35,866

— ...а у нас нет!

— ...повредили все данные!

00:00:35,891 --> 00:00:37,159

Три месяца работы насмарку!

00:00:37,185 --> 00:00:38,744

Я хочу такое же лицо,

как у Стэйси Кей!

00:00:38,770 --> 00:00:40,457

Тихо! Почему вы не в школе?

00:00:40,481 --> 00:00:42,083

Боже. Школа закрыта.

00:00:42,107 --> 00:00:43,334

«Прекрасно». Что на этот раз?

00:00:43,358 --> 00:00:46,963

Опять бессмысленные праздники

вроде Дня яблочного пирога?

00:00:46,987 --> 00:00:49,549

Нет, лето. Так же было прошлым летом.

00:00:49,573 --> 00:00:50,716

Помнишь ледяную лаву?

00:00:50,740 --> 00:00:51,510

Нет, что?

00:00:51,534 --> 00:00:55,346

Думаю, лучше потерпеть

лишний день с вами.

00:00:55,370 --> 00:00:57,348

Это лучше, чем если над

вами надругаются в школе.

00:00:57,372 --> 00:00:58,892

Летние каникулы длятся три месяца.

00:00:59,473 --> 00:01:00,226

О нет.

00:01:00,250 --> 00:01:02,385

Три месяца?! Как сериал

«Виза невесты. Виза жениха»?

00:01:02,411 --> 00:01:05,314

Да. И лучше не доставайте нас.

00:01:05,338 --> 00:01:07,567

Лето — время, когда

мы делаем что хотим.

00:01:07,591 --> 00:01:09,593

— Например, состязаемся в крике.

— Давай!

00:01:11,812 --> 00:01:14,251

Мне не нравятся школьные

каникулы, Терри.

00:01:14,278 --> 00:01:16,534

Это хуже «Кошмара на улице Вязов».

00:01:16,558 --> 00:01:20,580

Так говорят, когда ассенизаторная

машина опрокидывается, налетев на вяз.

00:01:20,604 --> 00:01:21,581

Жаль экскременты.

00:01:21,605 --> 00:01:23,046

Не хочу, чтобы репликанты были дома.

00:01:23,072 --> 00:01:24,707

Я не выдержу три месяца.

00:01:24,733 --> 00:01:28,213

Мне хватает их сорок пять минут

с утра и пару часов вечером.

00:01:28,237 --> 00:01:29,964

Надо убить репликантов.

00:01:29,988 --> 00:01:32,425

Так будет лучше.

Мы всегда можем вырастить новых.

00:01:32,449 --> 00:01:34,750

Быстрее, пока не привязались к ним.

00:01:34,776 --> 00:01:35,761

Отравим?

00:01:35,785 --> 00:01:36,971

Положим в мешок и бросим в карьер?

00:01:36,995 --> 00:01:39,374

Я думал подбросить стекло им в еду.

00:01:39,401 --> 00:01:41,643

Можно застрелить их

через подушку во сне.

00:01:41,667 --> 00:01:42,822

Прямо в лицо.

00:01:42,848 --> 00:01:46,147

Или лучше удушить их этой подушкой.

00:01:46,171 --> 00:01:47,855

Как мы видели по телеку

и в фильмах, Терри.

00:01:47,881 --> 00:01:50,983

Пришельцы с «Обратной стороны

земли» убивают репликантов!

00:01:51,009 --> 00:01:53,279

Простите. Привет, Терри. Корво.

00:01:53,303 --> 00:01:56,533

Я случайно услышала ваш

спор о том, как убить детей.

00:01:56,557 --> 00:01:58,494

— Всё верно.

— Займись своими делами, старая галоша.

00:01:58,518 --> 00:02:00,936

Может, просто отправить

их в летний лагерь?

00:02:01,937 --> 00:02:04,148

Мы про это ничего не знаем. Рассказывай.

00:02:05,274 --> 00:02:06,876

Хорошо, что есть лагерь.

00:02:06,900 --> 00:02:08,920

Мы с Джесси уже хотели убить вас.

00:02:08,944 --> 00:02:10,829

Что?! Мы тоже хотели убить вас!

00:02:10,855 --> 00:02:13,133

Великие умы мыслят одинаково.

00:02:13,157 --> 00:02:15,927

Лагерь! Лагерь! Лагерь! Лагерь! Лагерь!

00:02:15,951 --> 00:02:17,661

В лагерь!

00:02:18,662 --> 00:02:21,098

Планета Шлорп была идеальной утопией.

00:02:21,122 --> 00:02:22,624

Пока не упал астероид.

00:02:23,959 --> 00:02:26,271

Сто взрослых и их

репликанты взяли по Пупе

00:02:26,295 --> 00:02:28,166

и сбежали в космос

00:02:28,192 --> 00:02:30,757

в поисках нового дома

в незаселённых мирах.

00:02:31,424 --> 00:02:34,362

Мы упали на Землю и застряли

на перенаселённой планете.

00:02:34,386 --> 00:02:36,072

Я постоянно об этом твержу.

00:02:36,096 --> 00:02:37,866

Я держу Пупу. Я Корво.

00:02:37,890 --> 00:02:40,285

И это моё шоу.

Я уронил Пупу. Видите меня?

00:02:40,309 --> 00:02:41,661

Это смешно.

00:02:41,685 --> 00:02:43,580

Ненавижу Землю. Это ужасный дом.

00:02:43,604 --> 00:02:44,331

Люди глупые.

00:02:44,355 --> 00:02:46,291

Почему они так любят солнечный свет?

00:02:46,315 --> 00:02:48,114

Он же громко стучит о кожу.

00:02:48,140 --> 00:02:52,015

ОБРАТНАЯ СТОРОНА ЗЕМЛИ

00:02:55,193 --> 00:02:56,258

Лагерь — это круто.

00:02:56,284 --> 00:02:58,176

Я использую свои навыки

охоты за головами

00:02:58,202 --> 00:03:00,388

и буду пытать тех, кто захватит флаг.

00:03:00,412 --> 00:03:02,737

А я жду полового пробуждения.

00:03:02,763 --> 00:03:05,393

Я слышала, Джулия Хоуланд в том

году поехала в лагерь девочкой,

00:03:05,417 --> 00:03:06,644

а вернулась женщиной.

00:03:06,668 --> 00:03:08,354

Но оказалось, что это

была другая женщина,

00:03:08,378 --> 00:03:10,914

а тело Джулии так и не нашли.

00:03:10,940 --> 00:03:14,194

А мне не терпится показать что-нибудь

из «Ангелов в Америке» на шоу талантов.

00:03:14,218 --> 00:03:16,613

Только удвою число ангелов.

00:03:16,637 --> 00:03:18,114

Ты не едешь в лагерь, Терри.

00:03:18,138 --> 00:03:20,575

Идея в том, чтобы дом

был в нашем распоряжении.

00:03:20,599 --> 00:03:22,035

Еще не протрезвел?

00:03:22,059 --> 00:03:23,078

Нет.

00:03:23,102 --> 00:03:24,342

Терри, поворачивай налево.

00:03:34,154 --> 00:03:35,298

Это лагерь?

00:03:35,322 --> 00:03:36,549

Нет, не глупи.

00:03:36,573 --> 00:03:37,926

Он глубже в лесу.

00:03:37,950 --> 00:03:39,863

Запомните: мы припарковались у деревьев.

00:03:43,747 --> 00:03:45,892

Стойте. Это лагерь.

00:03:45,916 --> 00:03:47,102

Пока. Мы уходим. Удачи.

00:03:47,126 --> 00:03:48,770

Но ничего не изменилось.

00:03:48,793 --> 00:03:50,897

Да, всё те же старые деревья.

00:03:50,921 --> 00:03:51,820

Где лагерь?

00:03:51,847 --> 00:03:55,110

Мы говорили о нём с нашей отвратительной

соседкой почти пять минут.

00:03:55,134 --> 00:03:57,587

Я точно знаю, что это лагерь.

00:03:57,613 --> 00:03:59,489

Мы оставляем вас здесь

на две-три недели.

00:03:59,513 --> 00:04:02,380

Учитесь плавать. А потом мы заберём вас.

00:04:02,406 --> 00:04:02,880

Точка.

00:04:02,907 --> 00:04:03,952

— Идёт.

— Круто, идёт.

00:04:03,976 --> 00:04:05,954

Мы заедем на выходных. Пока.

00:04:05,978 --> 00:04:08,248

Не заедем. Ты уверен, что машина там?

00:04:08,272 --> 00:04:10,458

Я прослушал четыре

курса по следопытству,

00:04:10,482 --> 00:04:12,544

чтобы подготовиться к

жизни в опасных мирах.

00:04:12,570 --> 00:04:14,302

Я выведу нас.

00:04:14,446 --> 00:04:16,997

СПУСТЯ ДВА ЧАСА

00:04:17,268 --> 00:04:19,522

Какого черта, Терри?

Признай, мы заблудились.

00:04:19,548 --> 00:04:20,760

Машина там, я знаю.

00:04:20,784 --> 00:04:23,596

Лагерь — отстой. Здесь даже флага нет.

00:04:23,620 --> 00:04:26,154

Как долго ждать полового пробуждения?

00:04:26,180 --> 00:04:29,477

Я уже выстрогала парня на

случай, когда это произойдёт.

00:04:29,501 --> 00:04:32,021

Это Нэйт Джейкобс.

Мы познакомились на бар-мицве.

00:04:32,047 --> 00:04:33,648

— Можно домой?

— Да.

00:04:33,672 --> 00:04:34,691

— Но мы заблудились.

— Так и знал!

00:04:34,715 --> 00:04:37,193

Потому что ты всё время

пьёшь эти дурацкие напитки.

00:04:37,217 --> 00:04:40,071

Они не дурацкие. Мне легче находить

путь из леса, когда я выпил.

00:04:40,095 --> 00:04:42,793

Ты хоть раз пробовал их? Этот из кокоса.

00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:45,452

Как мы могли заблудиться?

00:04:45,476 --> 00:04:48,414

У нас есть самое современное

оборудование в квадранте.

00:04:48,438 --> 00:04:49,581

Оно в машине.

00:04:49,605 --> 00:04:51,408

Мы останемся здесь до самой смерти,

00:04:51,434 --> 00:04:54,377

и у меня не будет романа

с парнем моей мечты,

00:04:54,401 --> 00:04:55,879

как в «Пятистах днях лета».

00:04:55,903 --> 00:04:58,465

Успокойтесь. Я эксперт-следопыт.

00:04:58,489 --> 00:05:00,300

Мы должны следовать за

самой тусклой звездой.

00:05:00,324 --> 00:05:02,468

Она всегда выводит на юг.

00:05:02,494 --> 00:05:05,464

СПУСТЯ ДВА МЕСЯЦА

00:05:05,490 --> 00:05:07,257

На этой планете все звёзды тусклые.

00:05:07,287 --> 00:05:08,723

Почему во мне ветка?

00:05:08,749 --> 00:05:10,912

Ты сказал, что если мы не

поедим в ближайшее время,

00:05:10,937 --> 00:05:13,227

ты воткнёшь себе ветку в плечо.

00:05:13,253 --> 00:05:14,230

И это шесть недель назад.

00:05:14,254 --> 00:05:16,150

А, да. Думаю, у меня шок.

00:05:18,642 --> 00:05:22,065

Нет сомнений: у нас

орудует серийный убийца.

00:05:22,096 --> 00:05:25,825

О, не будем судить о людях

по пяти одинаковым убийствам.

00:05:25,849 --> 00:05:26,951

Я всё же не уверен.

00:05:26,975 --> 00:05:28,480

Может, это сверчок?

00:05:28,506 --> 00:05:29,205

Сверчок?

00:05:29,229 --> 00:05:30,997

Сверчок может убить пять человек,

00:05:31,021 --> 00:05:32,458

вырезать органы

00:05:32,482 --> 00:05:34,793

и разложить тела в форме

подмигивающего смайлика?

00:05:34,817 --> 00:05:36,044

Ты смотрел «Пиноккио»?

00:05:36,068 --> 00:05:38,004

Да. Кто знает, что они могут,

00:05:38,028 --> 00:05:39,379

если им в голову придёт

мысль об убийстве.

00:05:39,405 --> 00:05:40,507

Или в ноги.

00:05:40,531 --> 00:05:42,550

Может, это два сверчка?

00:05:42,574 --> 00:05:46,054

Или один сверчок — убийца,

а второй — подражатель.

00:05:46,078 --> 00:05:50,141

Давайте предположим, что у нас

один обычный человек-убийца,

00:05:50,165 --> 00:05:52,268

а не два гениальных сверчка-убийцы.

00:05:52,292 --> 00:05:54,063

У тебя разыгралось воображение.

00:05:54,086 --> 00:05:58,108

Ты больше не главный

редактор сериала «Кости».

00:05:58,132 --> 00:05:59,317

Это реальная жизнь.

00:05:59,341 --> 00:06:01,236

Речь идёт о реальных людях,

00:06:01,260 --> 00:06:04,508

а не о киногероях, которых

сыграла Эмили Дешанель.

00:06:04,534 --> 00:06:05,865

Ты слушаешь меня?

00:06:05,889 --> 00:06:07,867

Нет.

Я кое-чему научился в сериале «Кости».

00:06:07,891 --> 00:06:10,495

Не вставать между

Бореаназом и вторым обедом.

00:06:10,521 --> 00:06:13,082

А еще слушать чутьё.

00:06:13,106 --> 00:06:15,149

А оно велит действовать быстро.

00:06:17,067 --> 00:06:18,670

Нэйт!

00:06:18,694 --> 00:06:20,683

Нэйт, ты вернулся. Я скучала.

00:06:21,142 --> 00:06:22,508

Нэйт! Не на глазах у семьи.

00:06:22,532 --> 00:06:24,342

— Всё сначала?!

— Мы умрём?

00:06:24,366 --> 00:06:25,468

Мне рано умирать!

00:06:25,492 --> 00:06:27,554

История с лагерем еще не закончилась.

00:06:27,578 --> 00:06:28,680

Что нам делать?

00:06:28,704 --> 00:06:30,682

В жизни другие правила. Это не телешоу.

00:06:30,706 --> 00:06:32,226

Мы умрём с голоду в лесу.

00:06:32,250 --> 00:06:34,561

У нас нет времени научиться делиться.

00:06:34,585 --> 00:06:36,970

Теперь история про блуждание по лесу?

00:06:36,996 --> 00:06:38,562

Хватит употреблять слово «история».

00:06:38,602 --> 00:06:40,223

Мы потерялись в лесу.

00:06:40,258 --> 00:06:42,318

Ненадолго. Есть еще один способ.

00:06:42,342 --> 00:06:45,697

Обычно его используют, чтобы выжить

на самых враждебных планетах.

00:06:45,721 --> 00:06:48,025

Но отчаянные времена

требуют отчаянных мер.

00:06:48,051 --> 00:06:49,243

Юмьюлак, пора.

00:06:49,267 --> 00:06:50,013

Ты уверен?

00:06:50,039 --> 00:06:51,202

Мы умираем. Ты должен.

00:06:51,226 --> 00:06:52,746

О чем это вы?

00:06:52,770 --> 00:06:54,490

Аварийный урбанайзер.

00:06:54,516 --> 00:06:55,727

Это спасательный плот.

00:06:55,753 --> 00:06:58,127

Он один. Его не использовать дважды.

00:06:58,151 --> 00:07:00,045

Не теряй время, Юмьюлак.

Мы знаем, каковы ставки.

00:07:00,069 --> 00:07:02,447

Они высоки. За дело.

00:07:33,531 --> 00:07:35,372

На обрывке бумаги семь.

00:07:35,396 --> 00:07:36,290

Это зацепка.

00:07:36,314 --> 00:07:39,376

Должно быть, он живёт в секторе семь.

Я чувствую это.

00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:40,835

Двадцать первая серия «Костей».

00:07:40,859 --> 00:07:42,545

Её не показали из-за

убийства Бен Ладена.

00:07:42,569 --> 00:07:44,964

Бобби Каннавале играл сутенёра.

00:07:44,990 --> 00:07:47,967

Не знал, что сверчки

пользуются бумагой.

00:07:53,323 --> 00:07:56,289

Бинго. В этом месте кого-то убили.

00:08:00,852 --> 00:08:02,687

Замри! Держи его! Держи!

00:08:04,489 --> 00:08:05,321

Он что-то доставал!

00:08:05,347 --> 00:08:06,027

Нет!

00:08:06,051 --> 00:08:08,126

Он точно что-то доставал.

00:08:08,152 --> 00:08:09,155

Мы спасли тебе жизнь.

00:08:09,179 --> 00:08:10,378

Мог бы сказал «спасибо».

00:08:10,404 --> 00:08:12,117

Могли бы взять его живым.

00:08:12,141 --> 00:08:15,079

Стой. Эй! Стой. Мы это не обсуждали.

00:08:15,103 --> 00:08:16,955

Мы думали, его надо замочить.

00:08:16,979 --> 00:08:18,791

Радуйся, что твоя теория верна.

00:08:18,815 --> 00:08:21,710

Это был не сверчок. Мы его убили!

00:08:24,278 --> 00:08:25,964

Кто знает, где теперь машина.

00:08:25,988 --> 00:08:27,257

На поиски уйдёт много дней.

00:08:27,281 --> 00:08:29,635

Святой гуакамоле!

00:08:29,659 --> 00:08:31,010

Что это за место?

00:08:31,034 --> 00:08:32,011

Трудно понять.

00:08:32,035 --> 00:08:33,806

Там есть стенд для туристов.

00:08:33,830 --> 00:08:35,123

Идемте посмотрим.

00:08:35,414 --> 00:08:37,767

Привет!

Я деревянный актёр Вуден Харрельсон,

00:08:37,791 --> 00:08:41,896

звезда нового фильма

«Иллюзия обмена».

00:08:42,102 --> 00:08:44,065

Добро пожаловать в Деревянный город,

00:08:44,089 --> 00:08:47,470

самый восхитительный и быстро

развивающийся город мира.

00:08:47,496 --> 00:08:49,863

Он точно такой же, как обычный город,

00:08:49,887 --> 00:08:54,159

только сделан из органических

материалов, доступных в лесу.

00:08:54,183 --> 00:08:55,411

Не считая животных.

00:08:55,435 --> 00:08:57,687

Они настоящие и убьют вас.

00:08:58,020 --> 00:09:01,125

А теперь простите, у

меня бронь в «Дорсии».

00:09:01,149 --> 00:09:03,419

Здесь интересуются не только деревом.

00:09:03,443 --> 00:09:05,836

Хорошая новость: мы

больше не блуждаем в лесу.

00:09:05,862 --> 00:09:08,741

Плохая новость: мы заблудились

в деревянном городе.

00:09:10,836 --> 00:09:12,469

Нам нужны деньги, чтобы

арендовать машину,

00:09:12,493 --> 00:09:15,889

доехать до нашей машины

и убраться отсюда.

00:09:15,913 --> 00:09:18,099

Разделимся и найдём работу. Так быстрее.

00:09:18,123 --> 00:09:19,184

А может, держаться вместе?

00:09:19,208 --> 00:09:23,229

Нет. Будет быстрее, если каждый

найдёт работу и заработает денег.

00:09:23,253 --> 00:09:24,440

Это выживание.

00:09:24,464 --> 00:09:25,691

Стой-стой-стой.

00:09:25,715 --> 00:09:28,777

Теперь вся эта история

касается не лагеря и леса,

00:09:28,801 --> 00:09:30,738

а выживания в большом городе?

00:09:30,761 --> 00:09:32,489

Да. А может коснуться Годзиллы,

00:09:32,513 --> 00:09:33,615

так что смотри в оба.

00:09:33,639 --> 00:09:35,159

У меня полно вопросов.

00:09:35,183 --> 00:09:36,744

Это будет здорово!

00:09:36,767 --> 00:09:37,911

Мы в большом городе!

00:09:37,935 --> 00:09:39,329

Здесь можно стать кем хочешь:

00:09:39,353 --> 00:09:41,664

супергероем, политиком, стоматологом.

00:09:41,688 --> 00:09:43,208

Я войду в десятку лучших актёров,

00:09:43,232 --> 00:09:45,473

а на пенсии займусь озвучкой.

00:09:45,499 --> 00:09:47,212

Кем ты всегда хотела стать?

00:09:47,236 --> 00:09:49,506

Твоя самая безумная мечта. Говори.

00:09:49,530 --> 00:09:51,841

Я хотела работать в мире моды.

00:09:51,865 --> 00:09:54,762

Я буду работать в финансах.

Всегда хотел быть негодяем.

00:09:54,786 --> 00:09:55,804

Большая мечта.

00:09:55,828 --> 00:09:57,680

Теперь у каждого есть история.

00:09:57,704 --> 00:10:00,768

Помните: нам нужны деньги на

машину, чтобы найти машину.

00:10:00,792 --> 00:10:01,728

А что будешь делать ты?

00:10:01,752 --> 00:10:04,748

Пока не знаю.

Пройдусь, поищу что-нибудь.

00:10:04,774 --> 00:10:07,455

Все встречаемся здесь

вечером с деньгами.

00:10:14,274 --> 00:10:16,871

Я хотела дуб, а не клён, тупица!

00:10:17,559 --> 00:10:18,796

На помощь!

00:10:18,820 --> 00:10:22,341

Ты уволена! Теперь тебя еще и орёл унёс!

00:10:22,365 --> 00:10:23,426

— Ты!

— Я?

00:10:23,450 --> 00:10:24,802

Теперь ты моя помощница.

00:10:24,826 --> 00:10:26,594

Возьми эти жёлуди и иди за мной.

00:10:26,618 --> 00:10:27,296

О боже!

00:10:27,322 --> 00:10:28,764

Хватит!

00:10:30,415 --> 00:10:34,185

Пять миллионов? Я не встаю из

кровати меньше, чем за десять!

00:10:34,209 --> 00:10:37,565

О, это самый крутой парень,

которого я когда-либо видел.

00:10:37,589 --> 00:10:38,922

Даже статуи крутые.

00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:51,036

Десять миллионов?

Я не встаю меньше, чем за пять…

00:10:51,060 --> 00:10:53,605

Стой. На десять я согласен.

00:10:57,160 --> 00:10:58,043

Эй, слюнтяй!

00:10:58,067 --> 00:11:00,211

— Ты новенький?

— Да? Да.

00:11:00,235 --> 00:11:03,782

Тогда бери телефон и

зарабатывай мне деньги!

00:11:17,420 --> 00:11:20,775

Эй, расслабься.

Ты молодец. Ты правда молодец.

00:11:20,799 --> 00:11:22,850

Приходи ко мне на стоянку такси.

00:11:22,876 --> 00:11:24,327

Ты нам пригодишься.

00:11:24,886 --> 00:11:26,781

Сколько себя помню,

00:11:26,805 --> 00:11:28,574

я хотел быть гангстером.

00:11:35,452 --> 00:11:36,068

Привет.

00:11:42,288 --> 00:11:44,417

А он говорит: «Ты попал в меня!»

00:11:45,313 --> 00:11:46,926

Да! Потому что ты попал в него.

00:11:46,950 --> 00:11:49,762

Классика. Бум-бум, и тебе конец.

00:11:49,786 --> 00:11:51,430

Да что с тобой, парень?

00:11:51,454 --> 00:11:52,848

Ты снова герой Стены.

00:11:52,872 --> 00:11:54,809

И как раз ко дню Шери.

00:11:54,833 --> 00:11:56,185

Здесь что-то не так.

00:11:56,209 --> 00:12:00,255

Просто у тебя нет забродившей

мочи, чтобы отпраздновать это!

00:12:03,508 --> 00:12:07,446

О, я…

оставил мою любимую кружку дома.

00:12:07,470 --> 00:12:08,847

Сходи за ней.

00:12:13,283 --> 00:12:16,412

Говорят, любовь слепа, когда

отбиваешься от коллектива.

00:12:16,438 --> 00:12:18,624

Но как непросто справиться,

00:12:18,648 --> 00:12:20,584

когда нас всё меньше и меньше…

00:12:21,575 --> 00:12:22,067

Следующий.

00:12:22,093 --> 00:12:23,629

То есть, следующий этап прослушивания?

00:12:23,653 --> 00:12:25,172

Обычно все перезванивают.

00:12:25,196 --> 00:12:28,007

Или вы хотели сказать «следующий номер»?

00:12:28,031 --> 00:12:30,094

Это отлично, потому что

у меня еще много идей…

00:12:30,118 --> 00:12:31,512

Нет. Следующий по очереди.

00:12:31,536 --> 00:12:35,057

Единственный твой талант — это

заставлять нас стыдиться за тебя.

00:12:35,081 --> 00:12:36,726

Вы серьезно?

00:12:36,750 --> 00:12:39,812

Это мне стыдно за вас.

Вы не можете разглядеть такой талант

00:12:39,836 --> 00:12:41,814

прямо у вас под носом!

00:12:41,838 --> 00:12:44,650

Милый, у тебя есть лишь

один шанс проявить талант —

00:12:44,674 --> 00:12:46,193

стать проституткой.

00:12:46,217 --> 00:12:49,137

Проституткой?!

Ха! Никогда! Слышали? Никогда!

00:12:50,053 --> 00:12:52,074

Это не работа. Это призвание.

00:12:52,098 --> 00:12:54,021

Нельзя просто начать с верхов, надо…

00:12:54,047 --> 00:12:55,870

Эй! Повеселимся, сладкий?

00:12:55,894 --> 00:12:58,080

— Сколько?

— Десять тысяч час.

00:12:58,104 --> 00:12:59,040

Ни за что.

00:12:59,064 --> 00:13:00,833

Ладно-ладно. Пятьсот за два часа.

00:13:00,857 --> 00:13:02,626

Только руки и рот.

00:13:02,650 --> 00:13:05,904

Сто в час. Если два — шесть бесплатно.

00:13:06,905 --> 00:13:09,008

Ладно-ладно. Четыре бакса.

00:13:09,032 --> 00:13:10,801

Можешь вынуть мне

зубы, загнать в Вифлеем

00:13:10,825 --> 00:13:11,511

и оставить там умирать.

00:13:11,535 --> 00:13:13,763

Одна просьба: сначала напои.

00:13:13,787 --> 00:13:15,413

Или я согласен трезвым.

00:13:16,915 --> 00:13:19,101

Такая уж жизнь в большом городе.

00:13:19,125 --> 00:13:21,669

Это идеальная фраза при монтаже.

00:13:22,584 --> 00:13:23,689

Боже, началось!

00:13:31,217 --> 00:13:33,178

СПЕЦИАЛЬНЫЙ ВХОД ДЛЯ ГАНГСТЕРОВ

00:13:38,875 --> 00:13:40,537

Нет. Нет. Может. Нет. Нет.

00:13:40,563 --> 00:13:42,458

Слишком. Нет. Нет лба. Нет.

00:13:42,482 --> 00:13:44,168

Убей себя. Убей меня. Гениально.

00:13:44,192 --> 00:13:46,629

Ужасно.

Мне нравится. Умри на войне с зомби.

00:13:46,653 --> 00:13:48,297

Джесси, не знаю, что сказать.

00:13:48,321 --> 00:13:49,840

Прости, что всё так произошло.

00:13:49,864 --> 00:13:52,009

Позволь мне всё объяснить.

00:13:52,033 --> 00:13:53,187

Я уничтожена!

00:13:53,214 --> 00:13:56,133

Желаю тебе весь вечер получать пощёчины.

00:13:58,915 --> 00:14:01,727

Пятьдесят миллионов бутылок шампанского

00:14:01,751 --> 00:14:04,230

для сотрудника, принёсшего

пятьдесят миллионов!

00:14:04,254 --> 00:14:07,858

Пятьдесят миллионов — вот это да!

00:14:10,049 --> 00:14:11,049

НАГРАДА ЗА ДОСТИЖЕНИЯ В МИРЕ МОДЫ

ДЖЕССИ НОСИТПРАДА

00:14:11,075 --> 00:14:12,028

СЕГОДНЯ ВЕЧЕРОМ

ПРИХОДИ И ОТПРАЗДНУЙ

00:14:12,053 --> 00:14:13,572

Убирайтесь.

00:14:17,142 --> 00:14:20,579

Я только хотела заработать

на машину и найти нашу.

00:14:20,603 --> 00:14:21,747

Это так просто.

00:14:24,232 --> 00:14:26,127

И разумеется, ты не смог найти время,

00:14:26,151 --> 00:14:28,462

чтобы присутствовать на

крещении Юмьюлака-младшего.

00:14:28,486 --> 00:14:34,385

Потому что ты слишком

занят наркотиками?

00:14:34,409 --> 00:14:36,387

А если я правда занят наркотиками?

00:14:36,411 --> 00:14:37,722

Какая тебе разница?

00:14:37,746 --> 00:14:40,328

Ты ничего обо мне не знаешь, Синдин!

00:14:40,354 --> 00:14:43,811

Я знаю о тебе одно: тебя ждёт развод!

00:14:43,835 --> 00:14:46,087

Зря я купил деревянное достоинство.

00:14:47,297 --> 00:14:49,358

Трип, здесь ФБР! Но ведь всё в порядке?

00:14:49,382 --> 00:14:51,027

Волноваться не о чем? Трип!

00:14:51,051 --> 00:14:53,154

Да, да, всё в порядке. Не переживай.

00:14:53,178 --> 00:14:55,114

Пусть делают свою работу. Всё хорошо.

00:14:55,138 --> 00:14:57,682

Господи, Трип!

00:15:00,341 --> 00:15:01,829

Ладно, все, без паники.

00:15:01,853 --> 00:15:04,147

Мы с этим справимся.

Мы все будем в порядке.

00:15:21,495 --> 00:15:22,787

НЕ ТЕРПИТСЯ УВИДЕТЬ ТЕБЯ

В ЭТОМ ПЛАТЬЕ ВЕЧЕРОМ.

00:15:22,813 --> 00:15:23,584

ПАРЕНЬ ИЗ МАШИНЫ

00:15:39,425 --> 00:15:40,444

Мерзавец!

00:15:44,580 --> 00:15:45,234

Черт!

00:15:49,734 --> 00:15:52,278

Я пытаюсь раскрутить историю

про мафию, тупое животное!

00:16:04,607 --> 00:16:06,477

СКЛАД ПЕЧЕНЬЯ ЛАКИ

00:16:18,559 --> 00:16:20,157

СЕГОДНЯ ЖДИ СЮРПРИЗА

00:16:25,116 --> 00:16:26,093

Замри!

00:17:04,229 --> 00:17:06,412

ДЕНЬ ШЕРИ

00:17:27,968 --> 00:17:30,658

Я в восторге от твоего платья, Джесси.

00:17:30,668 --> 00:17:33,481

Ты правда королева моды

Деревянного города.

00:17:33,505 --> 00:17:36,067

— Неважно.

— Поздравляю тебя с успехом.

00:17:36,093 --> 00:17:37,356

Кому это надо.

00:17:39,707 --> 00:17:42,392

Вы пришли? Рада вас видеть.

00:17:42,418 --> 00:17:43,673

Как у вас дела?

00:17:43,699 --> 00:17:44,992

У меня? О, прекрасно.

00:17:45,016 --> 00:17:48,287

Основал хедж-фонд, офис

в Беличьем торговом центре,

00:17:48,311 --> 00:17:49,456

играл по правилам.

00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:52,042

Хорошие парни занимают первые места.

Что еще?

00:17:52,066 --> 00:17:53,876

Больших проблем нет.

00:17:53,900 --> 00:17:54,532

У меня тоже.

00:17:54,558 --> 00:17:57,380

Построил неплохую карьеру в сфере услуг.

00:17:57,404 --> 00:18:00,759

Сам себе начальник.

Сам решаю, когда мне работать.

00:18:00,783 --> 00:18:03,053

Есть риски из-за моего

наряда, но ничего.

00:18:03,077 --> 00:18:04,584

Кто вы такие, чтобы судить.

00:18:04,610 --> 00:18:06,138

Никаких осуждений. У меня…

00:18:06,162 --> 00:18:07,939

— Кровь?

— Кровь? Нет. Это э…

00:18:08,578 --> 00:18:09,392

соус.

00:18:09,416 --> 00:18:11,602

У меня всё прекрасно. Не спрашивайте.

00:18:11,626 --> 00:18:13,312

Влился в большой коллектив.

00:18:13,336 --> 00:18:15,190

Мы занимаемся строительством.

00:18:15,214 --> 00:18:17,484

Мои лучшие друзья — Джимми

Курок, Ронни Убил-Многих

00:18:17,508 --> 00:18:19,008

и Гвидо Хладнокровный Псих.

00:18:19,300 --> 00:18:20,996

Я так рада за вас всех.

00:18:21,022 --> 00:18:24,949

Как видите, я достигла

вершины в мире моды.

00:18:24,973 --> 00:18:27,991

Все мои мечты воплотились.

Я никогда не была счастливее.

00:18:28,017 --> 00:18:30,227

Мне здесь нравится. На этом всё.

00:18:31,646 --> 00:18:33,500

Что ж, думаю, мне пора.

00:18:33,524 --> 00:18:35,334

Да, у меня важная сделка,

00:18:35,358 --> 00:18:36,503

то есть конференция.

00:18:36,527 --> 00:18:38,068

Я хотел сказать, групповое

катание на лыжах.

00:18:38,094 --> 00:18:40,589

Встреча борделевладельцев,

00:18:40,613 --> 00:18:42,217

то есть шахтовладельцев.

00:18:42,241 --> 00:18:43,386

Я тоже пойду.

00:18:43,412 --> 00:18:45,387

У меня сильное соусотечение.

00:18:45,411 --> 00:18:46,303

Теряю силу.

00:18:46,327 --> 00:18:47,320

Стойте! Ребята,

00:18:47,346 --> 00:18:50,725

со стороны можно подумать,

что у меня всё отлично,

00:18:50,749 --> 00:18:52,560

но я очень одинока.

00:18:52,584 --> 00:18:54,279

Я скучаю по вам.

00:18:54,305 --> 00:18:56,939

Я знаю, у каждого теперь своя жизнь,

00:18:56,963 --> 00:18:59,442

но я хочу, чтобы вы остались.

00:18:59,466 --> 00:19:00,484

Хоть ненадолго.

00:19:00,508 --> 00:19:02,447

Честно говоря, я слишком высоко взлетел.

00:19:02,473 --> 00:19:04,864

Совершил пару финансовых преступлений.

00:19:04,888 --> 00:19:07,491

Развёлся. Компанию захватило ФБР.

00:19:07,515 --> 00:19:09,327

А сотрудники покончили с собой.

00:19:09,350 --> 00:19:10,162

У меня серьезная рана.

00:19:10,186 --> 00:19:12,913

Я хотел стать гангстером,

но меня заели волки.

00:19:12,940 --> 00:19:15,415

Вы будете в шоке, но

я тоже был нечестен.

00:19:15,441 --> 00:19:18,627

Я работник секс-индустрии.

Мои клиенты — одинокие мужчины.

00:19:18,651 --> 00:19:21,542

Нас так затянуло выживание

в большом городе,

00:19:21,568 --> 00:19:23,717

засосала новая жизнь…

00:19:23,741 --> 00:19:26,720

Но кто из нас на самом деле счастлив?

00:19:26,744 --> 00:19:29,583

Я был счастливее, когда мы

были командой пришельцев.

00:19:29,611 --> 00:19:31,766

Не просто командой, семьёй.

00:19:31,790 --> 00:19:33,184

Мы забыли о цели:

00:19:33,208 --> 00:19:35,186

заработать денег, чтобы

вернуться к прежней жизни

00:19:35,210 --> 00:19:36,855

и снова быть вместе.

00:19:36,879 --> 00:19:39,523

Мы сбились с пути и

уже не вернёмся домой.

00:19:39,547 --> 00:19:41,633

Ребята, город горит!

00:19:42,369 --> 00:19:44,396

Господи! Горящий волк сбежал!

00:19:44,564 --> 00:19:45,821

— Бежим домой!

— Постойте.

00:19:45,845 --> 00:19:47,823

Это наша машина? Вон там, вдалеке!

00:19:47,847 --> 00:19:49,183

Быстрее, пока мы не сгорели!

00:20:05,532 --> 00:20:09,078

Пока, лагерь!

Я буду скучать! До следующего лета!

00:20:14,590 --> 00:20:15,557

Как хорошо.

00:20:15,583 --> 00:20:18,145

Я перегнул палку со

школьными каникулами.

00:20:18,169 --> 00:20:20,940

Иногда жить с вами в одном доме неплохо.

00:20:20,964 --> 00:20:22,317

Да, мы справились!

00:20:22,341 --> 00:20:24,361

Мы сумели создать эмоциональную арку.

00:20:24,385 --> 00:20:25,514

Вот так история!

00:20:25,540 --> 00:20:26,684

Черт. Нет, это не так.

00:20:26,710 --> 00:20:27,863

Стой. Мы сделали арку!

00:20:27,887 --> 00:20:28,948

Я горжусь нами.

00:20:28,972 --> 00:20:30,992

Вовремя. Завтра мы возвращаемся в школу.

00:20:31,015 --> 00:20:32,549

Правда? Как жаль.

00:20:32,575 --> 00:20:36,402

Я знала, что ты захочешь

проводить больше времени с нами.

00:20:36,428 --> 00:20:40,052

Нет. Я думал, что каникулы

еще два месяца, и отравил вас.

00:20:40,078 --> 00:20:41,752

Боже, где антидот?

00:20:41,776 --> 00:20:44,381

Загадочный Деревянный город,

неожиданно появившийся из ниоткуда,

00:20:44,405 --> 00:20:48,587

трагически сгорел дотла

на прошлой неделе.

00:20:48,613 --> 00:20:50,845

Мне жаль, что Деревянный город сгорел.

00:20:50,869 --> 00:20:53,947

В их забегаловках можно

было уединяться в туалете.

00:20:53,973 --> 00:20:57,018

Это к лучшему.

Он проявил наши худшие черты.

00:20:57,042 --> 00:20:58,269

Нам повезло, что всё закончилось.

00:20:58,295 --> 00:21:01,562

Удивительно, но город вырос

снова, больше, чем прежде.

00:21:01,588 --> 00:21:04,319

И он примет летние Олимпийские

игры двадцать восьмого года.

00:21:04,345 --> 00:21:05,276

— Что он сказал?

— Ничего.

00:21:05,300 --> 00:21:06,653

Никто туда не поедет.

00:21:06,677 --> 00:21:08,279

Иди прими противоядие.

00:21:08,309 --> 00:21:09,649

Хотя уже поздно.

00:21:13,326 --> 00:21:14,787

ДОМ, МИЛОЕ ПРИСТАНИЩЕ

00:21:14,813 --> 00:21:16,246

Здесь, в лесу, так тихо.

00:21:16,270 --> 00:21:18,241

Наконец-то покой и тишина.

00:21:18,267 --> 00:21:21,145

Без летних каникул мы

никогда не нашли бы этот дом.

00:21:21,984 --> 00:21:23,986

Иногда жизнь сама нас приводит.

00:21:26,505 --> 00:21:27,008

Лось!

00:21:27,034 --> 00:21:29,117

— Терри, бежим!

— Он схватил меня! Больно! Нет!

00:21:29,783 --> 00:21:31,852

Боже, он откусил мне ногу!

00:21:31,884 --> 00:21:33,556

— Отряхни моё тело!

— Корво, помоги!

00:21:33,582 --> 00:21:34,416

Отпусти его!

00:21:34,441 --> 00:21:35,431

От него воняет!

00:21:35,456 --> 00:21:37,389

Неужели лоси такие вонючие?

00:21:37,415 --> 00:21:39,250

О, это ужасно!

00:00:11,070 --> 00:00:13,870

Не знаю, почему пить и спать на диване удобнее, чем на кровати.

00:00:13,870 --> 00:00:14,990

Но так и есть.

00:00:14,990 --> 00:00:15,700

Конечно, Терри.

00:00:15,700 --> 00:00:17,700

Я посижу тут, в тишине и спокойствии, буду перебирать

00:00:17,700 --> 00:00:19,370

все 10.000 наборов данных.

00:00:19,370 --> 00:00:20,670

Так расслабляет.

00:00:22,750 --> 00:00:23,960

Терри, Корво!

00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:26,000

Джесси испачкала подводкой мой голокрон,

00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:26,840

и теперь он не работает!

00:00:26,840 --> 00:00:28,920

Я пыталась сделать себе брови!

00:00:28,920 --> 00:00:30,800

Прекрати, твои брови осуждают нас!

00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:33,680

Какого черта тут происходит?!

00:00:37,270 --> 00:00:38,770

...и посадочная полоса, как у Стейси К!

00:00:38,770 --> 00:00:40,480

Заткнитесь! Почему вы не в школе?!

00:00:40,480 --> 00:00:42,100

Ну так школа закрыта.

00:00:42,100 --> 00:00:43,350

Здорово, и что на этот раз?

00:00:43,350 --> 00:00:44,940

Очередной бесполезный праздник,

00:00:44,940 --> 00:00:46,980

как День яблочного пирога или Йом-Кипур?

00:00:46,980 --> 00:00:49,570

Нет, сейчас лето. Мы же столкнулись с этим в прошлом году, помните?

00:00:49,570 --> 00:00:50,740

Вся эта заваруха с ледяной лавой?

00:00:50,740 --> 00:00:51,530

Нет, что?

00:00:51,530 --> 00:00:53,570

Похоже, нам просто стоит вытерпеть ещё один день,

00:00:53,570 --> 00:00:55,370

когда вы будете нас терроризировать.

00:00:55,370 --> 00:00:57,370

Это лучше, чем если вас будут совращать в школе.

00:00:57,370 --> 00:00:58,910

Летние каникулы длятся 3 месяца.

00:00:58,910 --> 00:01:00,250

О черт.

00:01:00,250 --> 00:01:02,540

3 месяца? Это как один сезон Визы невесты!

00:01:02,540 --> 00:01:05,340

Да, и вам лучше не заваливать нас делами как обычно.

00:01:05,340 --> 00:01:07,590

Летом мы можем делать все, что хотим.

00:01:07,590 --> 00:01:09,590

- Например, конкурс крика!

- Начали!

00:01:11,760 --> 00:01:14,510

Это лето меня доканает, Терри.

00:01:14,510 --> 00:01:16,550

Это хуже, чем Кошмар на улице Хелмса,

00:01:16,550 --> 00:01:18,890

так называется инцидент, когда илосос для биотуалетов

00:01:18,890 --> 00:01:20,600

опрокинулся на подъездной дороге Эда Хелмса.

00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:21,600

Какая трата какашек.

00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:23,140

Я не хочу, чтобы репликанты оставались дома!

00:01:23,140 --> 00:01:24,730

Я не выдержу три месяца этого, Терри!

00:01:24,730 --> 00:01:26,400

Они мне нравятся 45 минут по утрам

00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:28,230

и, может, пару часов вечером. Это максимум.

00:01:28,230 --> 00:01:29,980

Очевидно, что нам придётся убить их.

00:01:29,980 --> 00:01:32,450

Да, звучит логично. Мы всегда можем вырастить новых.

00:01:32,450 --> 00:01:34,610

Давай сделаем это быстро, чтобы слишком не привязываться.

00:01:34,610 --> 00:01:35,780

Что будем делать? Яд?

00:01:35,780 --> 00:01:36,990

Засунем их в мешок и выбросим в карьер?

00:01:36,990 --> 00:01:39,620

Я подумал, что мы могли бы подсыпать немного стекла им в еду.

00:01:39,620 --> 00:01:41,660

Я могу взять подушку как глушитель и застрелить их во сне.

00:01:41,660 --> 00:01:43,120

Прямо в их чертовы лица.

00:01:43,120 --> 00:01:46,170

Или можно использовать подушку более старомодно: задушить.

00:01:46,170 --> 00:01:48,000

Прямо как мы видели по телевизору, Терри.

00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:51,130

Похоже, Солнечные противоположности собираются убить своих репликантов!

00:01:51,130 --> 00:01:53,300

Эм, простите. Привет, Терри, Корво.

00:01:53,300 --> 00:01:56,550

Я не могла не подслушать, как вы обсуждаете способы убить своих детей.

00:01:56,550 --> 00:01:57,510

- Все верно.

- Не суй нос,

00:01:57,510 --> 00:01:58,510

старая ты миска супа.

00:01:58,510 --> 00:02:00,930

Почему бы просто не отправить их в летний лагерь?

00:02:01,930 --> 00:02:04,140

Представь, что мы не знаем, что это, и объясни.

00:02:05,270 --> 00:02:06,900

Как хорошо, что мы узнали про этот лагерь.

00:02:06,900 --> 00:02:08,940

Джесси и я уже собирались убить вас.

00:02:08,940 --> 00:02:10,900

Что? Мы тоже собирались вас убить!

00:02:10,900 --> 00:02:13,150

Прикольно. Гении мыслят одинаково!

00:02:13,150 --> 00:02:14,570

Лагерь! Лагерь! Лагерь!

00:02:14,570 --> 00:02:15,950

Лагерь! Лагерь! Лагерь!

00:02:15,950 --> 00:02:17,660

Ура лагерю!

00:02:18,660 --> 00:02:21,120

Планета Шлорп являлась идеальной утопией.

00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:22,620

До падения астероида.

00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:26,290

Сотня взрослых и репликантов улетели с планеты вместе с Пупой

00:02:26,290 --> 00:02:28,330

и отправились в космос

00:02:28,330 --> 00:02:30,750

в поисках нового дома на необитаемой планете.

00:02:31,420 --> 00:02:34,380

Мы упали на Землю и застряли на этой уже и так перенаселённой планете.

00:02:34,380 --> 00:02:36,090

Верно, это я говорил все это время.

00:02:36,090 --> 00:02:37,890

Я тот, который держит Пупу. Меня зовут Корво.

00:02:37,890 --> 00:02:40,310

Это... это моё шоу. Я только что уронил Пупу. Видите меня?

00:02:40,310 --> 00:02:41,680

Это просто смешно.

00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:43,600

Я ненавижу Землю. Это ужасный дом.

00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:44,350

Люди глупые.

00:02:44,350 --> 00:02:46,310

Я не понимаю, почему людям так нравится дневной свет.

00:02:46,310 --> 00:02:48,100

Он просто оглушает, когда касается кожи.

00:02:54,781 --> 00:02:56,531

Лагерь звучит здорово.

00:02:56,531 --> 00:02:58,241

Я хочу применить свои навыки охотника за головами,

00:02:58,241 --> 00:03:00,451

буду охотиться и пытать тех, кто захватил флаг.

00:03:00,451 --> 00:03:02,741

Я так жду сексуального пробуждения.

00:03:02,741 --> 00:03:05,451

Я слышала, что в прошлом году Джулия Хоуланд поехала в лагерь

00:03:05,451 --> 00:03:06,711

и вернулась женщиной.

00:03:06,711 --> 00:03:08,421

Но потом оказалось, что это и была женщина,

00:03:08,421 --> 00:03:10,461

а тело Джулии так и не нашли.

00:03:10,461 --> 00:03:11,091

Безумие, да?

00:03:11,091 --> 00:03:14,261

Я хочу выступить с чем-то из Ангелов в Америке на шоу талантов.

00:03:14,261 --> 00:03:16,671

Я убрал все гейское и добавил больше ангелов.

00:03:16,671 --> 00:03:18,181

Ты не останешься в лагере, Терри!

00:03:18,181 --> 00:03:20,641

Смысл в том, что мы останемся дома одни.

00:03:20,641 --> 00:03:22,101

Ты все ещё пьян от коктейлей?

00:03:22,101 --> 00:03:23,141

Нет.

00:03:23,141 --> 00:03:24,311

Терри, поверни налево.

00:03:34,191 --> 00:03:35,361

Это лагерь?

00:03:35,361 --> 00:03:36,611

Нет, не тупи.

00:03:36,611 --> 00:03:37,991

Лагерь глубже в лесу.

00:03:37,991 --> 00:03:40,241

Ладно, запомните: мы припарковались у деревьев.

00:03:43,781 --> 00:03:45,951

Стоп. Это... лагерь.

00:03:45,951 --> 00:03:47,161

Пока, мы уходим. Удачи.

00:03:47,161 --> 00:03:48,831

Что... это место выглядит так же, как и место парковки.

00:03:48,831 --> 00:03:50,961

Да, тут все выглядит как в обычном лесу.

00:03:50,961 --> 00:03:51,791

Где лагерь?

00:03:51,791 --> 00:03:55,171

Мы говорили об этом с нашей стремной соседкой 5 минут,

00:03:55,171 --> 00:03:57,551

так что я точно знаю, что это лагерь.

00:03:57,551 --> 00:03:59,551

Мы оставим вас здесь на 2 или 3 недели,

00:03:59,551 --> 00:04:02,051

вы научитесь плавать или типа того, и тогда мы вас заберём.

00:04:02,051 --> 00:04:02,891

Конец.

00:04:02,891 --> 00:04:04,011

- Так точно.

- Ну, сойдёт.

00:04:04,011 --> 00:04:06,021

Мы приедем к вам на выходных. Ладно, пока.

00:04:06,021 --> 00:04:08,311

Нет, не приедем. Терри, ты уверен, что машина в этой стороне?

00:04:08,311 --> 00:04:10,521

В академии я взял четыре курса по поиску пути,

00:04:10,521 --> 00:04:12,611

чтобы подготовиться к жизни на опасной чужой планете.

00:04:12,611 --> 00:04:14,401

Думаю, я могу вывести нас из леса.

00:04:17,321 --> 00:04:19,531

Что за черт, Терри? Просто признай, что мы заблудились!

00:04:19,531 --> 00:04:20,821

Мы почти на месте, я обещаю.

00:04:20,821 --> 00:04:23,661

Лагерь - отстой, тут даже нет флага для захвата.

00:04:23,661 --> 00:04:26,161

Эй, а как много времени занимает сексуальное пробуждение?

00:04:26,161 --> 00:04:29,541

Я выстрогала себе парня, чтобы тереться о его, когда это произойдёт, понимаете.

00:04:29,541 --> 00:04:31,961

Это Нейт Джейкобс. Мы познакомились на его бар-мицве.

00:04:31,961 --> 00:04:33,711

- Мы можешь просто пойти домой?

- Да.

00:04:33,711 --> 00:04:34,751

- Но мы заблудились.

- Я так и знал!

00:04:34,751 --> 00:04:37,251

Все из-за того, что ты постоянно пьёшь эти тупые коктейли.

00:04:37,251 --> 00:04:40,131

Они не тупые! Я лучше нахожу выход из леса, когда пьян.

00:04:40,131 --> 00:04:42,721

Ты когда-нибудь пил их? Этот с кокосом!

00:04:43,641 --> 00:04:45,511

Как мы могли заблудиться?

00:04:45,511 --> 00:04:48,471

У нас есть доступ к самому развитому оборудованию в квадранте.

00:04:48,471 --> 00:04:49,641

Я оставил его в машине.

00:04:49,641 --> 00:04:51,391

Мы застряли тут до самой смерти,

00:04:51,391 --> 00:04:54,441

и у меня никогда не будет странной романтики в стиле 500 дней лета

00:04:54,441 --> 00:04:55,941

с маниакальным мальчиком мечты!

00:04:55,941 --> 00:04:58,531

А ну успокоились. Я эксперт в выживании.

00:04:58,531 --> 00:05:00,361

Надо просто идти за самой тусклой звездой,

00:05:00,361 --> 00:05:02,451

она приведёт нас на юг.

00:05:05,451 --> 00:05:07,331

На этой тупой планете все звезды тусклые!

00:05:07,331 --> 00:05:08,791

Почему из моего плеча торчит ветка?

00:05:08,791 --> 00:05:10,961

Потому что ты сказал, что если скоро не поешь,

00:05:10,961 --> 00:05:13,291

то ты проткнёшь своё плечо веткой.

00:05:13,291 --> 00:05:14,291

И это было 6 недель назад.

00:05:14,291 --> 00:05:16,341

О да, точно. Думаю, у меня шок.

00:05:18,591 --> 00:05:22,131

Сомнений нет, у нас появился серийный убийца.

00:05:22,131 --> 00:05:23,971

Воу, мы начнём судить людей

00:05:23,971 --> 00:05:25,891

из-за пяти одинаковых убийств?

00:05:25,891 --> 00:05:27,011

Я в это не верю.

00:05:27,011 --> 00:05:28,431

Я все ещё думаю, что это кузнечик.

00:05:28,431 --> 00:05:29,271

Кузнечик?

00:05:29,271 --> 00:05:31,061

Мог ли кузнечик убить пятерых,

00:05:31,061 --> 00:05:32,521

аккуратно достать их органы

00:05:32,521 --> 00:05:34,851

и сложить их тела в подмигивающее лицо?

00:05:34,851 --> 00:05:36,111

Ты смотрел Пиноккио?

00:05:36,111 --> 00:05:38,071

Да. Кто знает, чего они могут достичь,

00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:39,441

если обратят свой взор на убийства.

00:05:39,441 --> 00:05:40,571

Или, что хуже, ноги.

00:05:40,571 --> 00:05:42,611

А что, если два кузнечика работают вместе?

00:05:42,611 --> 00:05:44,991

Или один настоящий кузнечик-убийца

00:05:44,991 --> 00:05:46,121

и кузнечик-самозванец.

00:05:46,121 --> 00:05:48,621

А можно просто напомнить, что у нас, скорее всего,

00:05:48,621 --> 00:05:50,201

один обычный убийца-человек,

00:05:50,201 --> 00:05:52,331

а не два гениальных убийцы-кузнечика.

00:05:52,331 --> 00:05:54,121

У тебя просто разыгралось воображение.

00:05:54,121 --> 00:05:58,171

Ты больше не исполнительный редактор сюжета драматического сериала "Кости".

00:05:58,171 --> 00:05:59,381

Это настоящая жизнь.

00:05:59,381 --> 00:06:01,301

Мы говорим про настоящих людей,

00:06:01,301 --> 00:06:04,511

а не о персонажах, которых сыграла выдающаяся Эмили Дешанель.

00:06:04,511 --> 00:06:05,931

Ты вообще меня слушаешь?

00:06:05,931 --> 00:06:07,931

Нет, если я что-то и узнал из сериала "Кости",

00:06:07,931 --> 00:06:10,431

то это то, что никогда не надо стоять между Борианазом и вторым ужином.

00:06:10,431 --> 00:06:13,141

Но я узнал ещё кое-что: доверять чутью.

00:06:13,141 --> 00:06:15,191

И моё чутье говорит, что стоит поторопиться.

00:06:17,101 --> 00:06:18,731

Нейт!

00:06:18,731 --> 00:06:20,691

Нейт, ты вернулся. Я так скучала.

00:06:20,691 --> 00:06:22,571

Нейт! Не перед семьёй.

00:06:22,571 --> 00:06:24,401

- Мы вернулись туда же?

- Мы тут умрём?

00:06:24,401 --> 00:06:25,531

Стоп, мне ещё нельзя умирать!

00:06:25,531 --> 00:06:27,621

Мы ещё не закончили нашу арку с лагерем!

00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:28,741

Что же с ней будет?

00:06:28,741 --> 00:06:30,741

Жизнь не так работает, мы не в телевизоре.

00:06:30,741 --> 00:06:32,291

Мы умрём с голоду в лесу.

00:06:32,291 --> 00:06:34,621

У нас нет времени учиться тому, как важно делиться, или типа того.

00:06:34,621 --> 00:06:37,081

Значит, вместо лагеря у нас будет история о том, как мы заблудились?

00:06:37,081 --> 00:06:38,711

Может, хватит уже из всего делать историю?

00:06:38,711 --> 00:06:40,291

Но мы ведь и правда заблудились в лесу.

00:06:40,291 --> 00:06:42,381

Не надолго. У нас есть ещё один вариант.

00:06:42,381 --> 00:06:45,761

Эта штука обычно нужна для того, чтобы выжить на самых враждебных планетах,

00:06:45,761 --> 00:06:47,931

но отчаянные времена требуют отчаянных мер.

00:06:47,931 --> 00:06:49,301

Юмьюлак, пора.

00:06:49,301 --> 00:06:50,011

Ты уверен?

00:06:50,011 --> 00:06:51,261

Мы умираем, нам придётся.

00:06:51,261 --> 00:06:52,811

Эм... О чем это вы?

00:06:52,811 --> 00:06:54,431

Экстренный Урбанайзер.

00:06:54,431 --> 00:06:55,811

Это как спасательный плот, но город.

00:06:55,811 --> 00:06:58,191

У нас он только один, так что это единственный шанс.

00:06:58,191 --> 00:07:00,111

Хватит тратить время, Юмьюлак. Мы знаем, что на кону.

00:07:00,111 --> 00:07:02,481

Ими постоянно пользуются. Давай уже.

00:07:33,311 --> 00:07:35,431

Семёрка на этом клочке бумаги,

00:07:35,431 --> 00:07:36,351

это зацепка.

00:07:36,351 --> 00:07:39,441

Наш парень, должно быть, живёт в Секторе 7. Я нутром это чувствую.

00:07:39,441 --> 00:07:40,901

Серия 21, так и не была выпущена.

00:07:40,901 --> 00:07:42,611

Предвосхитила убийство Бен Ладена.

00:07:42,611 --> 00:07:44,981

Хорошая серия. Каннавале был приглашённой звездой, играл сутенёра.

00:07:44,981 --> 00:07:46,821

Вау, я не знал, что кузнечики используют бумагу.

00:07:46,821 --> 00:07:48,031

Видишь, какие они умные?

00:07:53,161 --> 00:07:56,331

Бинго. Кто-то явно тут убивал.

00:08:00,881 --> 00:08:02,711

Замри! Держи его! Держи!

00:08:05,051 --> 00:08:06,091

Он ничего не делал!

00:08:06,091 --> 00:08:08,011

Он точно тянулся к чему-то!

00:08:08,011 --> 00:08:09,221

Мы спасли твою жизнь!

00:08:09,221 --> 00:08:10,631

Можно было бы и поблагодарить.

00:08:10,631 --> 00:08:12,181

Мы могли оставить его в живых!

00:08:12,181 --> 00:08:15,141

Стоп, подожди, эй! Мы этого не обсуждали.

00:08:15,141 --> 00:08:17,021

Мы думали, что мы должны тут же его убить.

00:08:17,021 --> 00:08:18,851

Ты должен радоваться, что ты оказался прав.

00:08:18,851 --> 00:08:21,771

Это был не кузнечик. И мы его нашли!

00:08:21,771 --> 00:08:23,611

О да!

00:08:24,321 --> 00:08:26,031

Кто знает, где вообще наша машина.

00:08:26,031 --> 00:08:27,321

Мы можем днями искать.

00:08:27,321 --> 00:08:29,701

Вот это да!

00:08:29,701 --> 00:08:31,071

Что это за место?

00:08:31,071 --> 00:08:32,071

Все сложно.

00:08:32,071 --> 00:08:33,871

Тут есть видео-станция для туристов.

00:08:33,871 --> 00:08:35,161

Пошли, посмотрим.

00:08:35,451 --> 00:08:37,831

Привет, я деревянный актёр Деревуди Харрельсон,

00:08:37,831 --> 00:08:39,331

звезда нового фильма:

00:08:39,331 --> 00:08:41,961

Иллюзия Самообмана: Побег из Покерверса.

00:08:41,961 --> 00:08:44,131

Добро пожаловать в Древосити.

00:08:44,131 --> 00:08:47,381

самый крутой, по-настоящему растущий город.

00:08:47,381 --> 00:08:49,921

Древосити - почти что обычный город.

00:08:49,921 --> 00:08:52,091

не считая того, что все сгенерировано

00:08:52,091 --> 00:08:54,221

из материалов, доступных в лесу.

00:08:54,221 --> 00:08:55,471

Не считая животных.

00:08:55,471 --> 00:08:57,721

Они настоящие и они убьют вас.

00:08:58,061 --> 00:09:01,191

А теперь прошу простить, у меня зарезервирован столик в Dorsia на 8:30.

00:09:01,191 --> 00:09:03,481

Все верно, тут не только древесные каламбуры.

00:09:03,481 --> 00:09:05,861

Хорошие новости: теперь мы не заблудились в лесу.

00:09:05,861 --> 00:09:08,731

Плохие новости: теперь мы потерялись в огромном деревянном городе.

00:09:10,741 --> 00:09:12,531

Нам нужно заработать денег и арендовать машину,

00:09:12,531 --> 00:09:14,911

чтобы доехать до места, где припаркована наша настоящая машина,

00:09:14,911 --> 00:09:15,951

и убраться отсюда подальше.

00:09:15,951 --> 00:09:18,161

Давайте разделимся и найдём работу. Так будет быстрее.

00:09:18,161 --> 00:09:19,251

Может, лучше держаться вместе?

00:09:19,251 --> 00:09:21,711

Нет. Будет быстрее, если мы все найдём работу по-отдельности

00:09:21,711 --> 00:09:23,291

и как можно быстрее заработаем.

00:09:23,291 --> 00:09:24,501

Это не игра. Это выживание.

00:09:24,501 --> 00:09:25,751

Стоп, стоп, стоп!

00:09:25,751 --> 00:09:28,841

То есть, теперь история не о лагере и не о том, что мы заблудились,

00:09:28,841 --> 00:09:30,801

а о выживании в большом городе?

00:09:30,801 --> 00:09:32,551

Да, а ещё это может быть история о Годзилле,

00:09:32,551 --> 00:09:33,681

так что... смотрите в оба.

00:09:33,681 --> 00:09:35,221

Ладно, у меня тысячи возражений.

00:09:35,221 --> 00:09:36,801

Будет круто!

00:09:36,801 --> 00:09:37,971

Мы в большом городе!

00:09:37,971 --> 00:09:39,391

Можно быть кем угодно:

00:09:39,391 --> 00:09:41,731

супергероем, политиком, ортодонтом.

00:09:41,731 --> 00:09:43,271

Я стану актёром-миллиардером,

00:09:43,271 --> 00:09:45,481

а потом, наверное, уйду на пенсию и буду зарабатывать на озвучке.

00:09:45,481 --> 00:09:47,271

Давай, кем ты всегда хотела быть?

00:09:47,271 --> 00:09:49,571

Какая у тебя самая безумная мечта? Ну же, будет весело.

00:09:49,571 --> 00:09:51,901

Я всегда хотела работать в мире моды.

00:09:51,901 --> 00:09:54,821

Я буду работать с финансами, потому что я всегда хотел быть мудаком.

00:09:54,821 --> 00:09:55,871

Все верно, мечтай по-крупному.

00:09:55,871 --> 00:09:57,741

Ладно, у всех вас есть свои истории большого города.

00:09:57,741 --> 00:10:00,831

Помните, нам просто нужно заработать, чтобы взять машину и добраться до нашей машины.

00:10:00,831 --> 00:10:01,791

А ты что будешь делать?

00:10:01,791 --> 00:10:04,751

Я-я ещё не знаю, но пройдусь и поищу какой-нибудь знак.

00:10:04,751 --> 00:10:07,631

Сегодня вечером встретимся здесь с заработанными деньгами!

00:10:14,300 --> 00:10:16,800

Я хотела дуб, а не клён, глупый ты сучок.

00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:18,850

Помогите!

00:10:18,850 --> 00:10:22,390

Ты уволена. Удачи с жизнью в гнезде ястреба.

00:10:22,390 --> 00:10:23,480

- Ты!

- Я?

00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:24,850

Теперь ты моя помощница.

00:10:24,850 --> 00:10:26,650

Собери жёлуди и иди за мной.

00:10:26,650 --> 00:10:27,270

О боже!

00:10:27,270 --> 00:10:28,770

Прекрати!

00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:34,240

Пять миллионов? Я не встаю с кровати меньше чем за десять, дрочила чертов!

00:10:34,240 --> 00:10:37,620

Вау, я никогда не видел такого крутого парня.

00:10:37,620 --> 00:10:38,950

Тут даже статуи крутые.

00:10:48,630 --> 00:10:51,090

Десять миллионов? Я не встаю с кровати меньше чем за пять!

00:10:51,090 --> 00:10:53,630

Стоп, нет. Я смиренно приму 10 миллионов.

00:10:56,760 --> 00:10:58,090

Эй, кастрат!

00:10:58,090 --> 00:11:00,260

- Ты новенький?

- Эм... Да? Да.

00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:03,810

Тогда подними гребаную трубку и начни уже приносить деньги!

00:11:17,450 --> 00:11:20,830

Эй, тише. Ты все правильно сделал. Все правильно.

00:11:20,830 --> 00:11:22,700

Почему бы тебе не пройти со мной в машину?

00:11:22,700 --> 00:11:24,370

Нам пригодятся такие, как ты.

00:11:24,910 --> 00:11:26,830

С самого детства

00:11:26,830 --> 00:11:28,630

я хотел быть гангстером.

00:11:34,630 --> 00:11:35,970

Эм. Привет.

00:11:41,680 --> 00:11:44,430

О боже, он такой типа: "Ты застрелил меня, бро!"

00:11:44,430 --> 00:11:46,980

Ха-ха, да! Потому что ты застрелил его.

00:11:46,980 --> 00:11:49,810

Просто классика. Бах-бах, ты мёртв.

00:11:49,810 --> 00:11:51,480

Эй, что не так, приятель?

00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:52,900

Ты снова герой Стены.

00:11:52,900 --> 00:11:54,860

И как раз скоро День Шери!

00:11:54,860 --> 00:11:56,240

Что-то здесь не так.

00:11:56,240 --> 00:11:58,030

Не так только то, что ты

00:11:58,030 --> 00:12:00,280

не пьёшь с нами перебродившую мочу!

00:12:03,540 --> 00:12:07,500

Кажется, забыл свою любимую кружку для мочи дома.

00:12:07,500 --> 00:12:08,870

Так сходи за ней!

00:12:13,250 --> 00:12:16,470

Говорят, что любовь слепа в этом разуме улья,

00:12:16,470 --> 00:12:18,680

И мёд найти все трудней,

00:12:18,680 --> 00:12:20,640

Становится меньше нас в этом безумье.

00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:21,970

Следующий.

00:12:21,970 --> 00:12:23,680

В смысле, следующий этап прослушивания?

00:12:23,680 --> 00:12:25,220

Вообще, это называется повторный вызов.

00:12:25,220 --> 00:12:28,060

Или вы про следующий шаг? Что это? Костюмы?

00:12:28,060 --> 00:12:30,150

Прекрасно, у меня уже есть парочка идей о пчёлах и осах...

00:12:30,150 --> 00:12:31,560

Нет. Следующий участник.

00:12:31,560 --> 00:12:33,400

У вас совершенно нет таланта, и вы не вызываете

00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:35,110

никаких чувств, кроме испанского стыда.

00:12:35,110 --> 00:12:36,780

Вы серьёзно?

00:12:36,780 --> 00:12:39,860

А мне стыдно за то, что вы не способны распознать прирождённый талант,

00:12:39,860 --> 00:12:41,870

когда он стоит прямо перед вашими грёбаными лицами!

00:12:41,870 --> 00:12:44,700

Милочка, тебя посчитают талантом, только если ты

00:12:44,700 --> 00:12:46,240

станешь проституткой.

00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:49,160

Проституткой? Ха! Да я никогда!

Слышите меня? Никогда!

00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:52,130

Ты сосёшь не просто так, милая. Это все ради карьеры.

00:12:52,130 --> 00:12:54,460

Надо начинать с самых низов... Эй, ты!

00:12:54,460 --> 00:12:55,920

Эй, сладкий, не хочешь повеселиться?

00:12:55,920 --> 00:12:58,130

- Сколько?

- Десять косарей в час.

00:12:58,130 --> 00:12:59,090

Ну нахер.

00:12:59,090 --> 00:13:00,880

Ну ладно, ладно. Пятьдесят штук за два часа.

00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:02,680

Руками и ртом. Окончательное предложение.

00:13:02,680 --> 00:13:05,930

Сотка за час. Платишь за два часа - шесть бесплатно. Можно все.

00:13:06,930 --> 00:13:09,060

Ну ладно, хорошо. Четыре бакса, без счётчика,

00:13:09,060 --> 00:13:10,850

можешь выбить мне зубы, избить до полусмерти,

00:13:10,850 --> 00:13:11,560

и бросить умирать.

00:13:11,560 --> 00:13:13,810

Единственное - сначала напои меня.

00:13:13,810 --> 00:13:15,440

Ну или я могу и по-трезвому.

00:13:16,940 --> 00:13:19,150

Такая вот она - жизнь в большом городе.

00:13:19,150 --> 00:13:21,700

Это была бы идеальная реплика для монтажа.

00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:23,740

О, Боже! Сейчас случится!

00:13:27,790 --> 00:13:31,160

♪ В городе темно, ночь — финишная черта. ♪

00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:33,170

♪ Пар в подземке, земля охвачена огнём. ♪

00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:40,590

Не-а, нет, возможно, точно нет, нет,

00:13:40,590 --> 00:13:42,510

слишком хиппово, нет бровей, нет,

00:13:42,510 --> 00:13:44,220

убей себя, убей меня, идеально,

00:13:44,220 --> 00:13:46,680

заболей раком, люблю тебя, умри в Войне миров Z.

00:13:46,680 --> 00:13:48,350

Джесси, даже не знаю, что сказать.

00:13:48,350 --> 00:13:49,890

Прости, что все так вышло.

00:13:49,890 --> 00:13:52,060

Позволь мне объяснить.

00:13:52,060 --> 00:13:53,100

Мне конец.

00:13:53,100 --> 00:13:56,020

Хорошего тебе получи-по-лицу вечера.

00:13:58,940 --> 00:14:01,780

Пятьдесят миллионов бутылок шампанского

00:14:01,780 --> 00:14:04,280

для нашего парня на 50 миллионов долларов!

00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:07,910

Пятьдесят лимонов,

вот это я понимаю!

00:14:07,910 --> 00:14:11,960

♪ И я голоден как волк ♪

00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:13,500

Пошли прочь.

00:14:17,170 --> 00:14:20,630

Я просто хотела заработать денег на машину до нашей машины.

00:14:20,630 --> 00:14:21,800

Все казалось так просто.

00:14:24,260 --> 00:14:26,180

И конечно, ты даже не соизволил

00:14:26,180 --> 00:14:28,510

прийти на крестины Юмьюлака-младшего,

00:14:28,510 --> 00:14:31,810

потому что был слишком занят, когда пихал в свой нос кокаин,

00:14:31,810 --> 00:14:34,440

а свой член - в крэк-кокаин!

00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:36,440

И что с того, что я трахал крэк-кокаин?

00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:37,770

Какая вообще разница?

00:14:37,770 --> 00:14:40,480

Ты ничего обо мне больше не знаешь, Синдин!

00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:43,860

Одно я знаю наверняка: готовься к разводу!

00:14:43,860 --> 00:14:46,110

И зачем я только покупал тогда тот деревянный член?!

00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:49,410

Трип, тут ФБР! Но все же в порядке?

00:14:49,410 --> 00:14:51,080

Нам не о чем беспокоиться? Трип?

00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:53,210

Все будет хорошо. Не парься, приятель.

00:14:53,210 --> 00:14:55,170

Пусть делают, что хотят. Все хорошо.

00:14:55,170 --> 00:14:57,710

О, Боже! Трип!

00:15:00,130 --> 00:15:01,880

Ладно, ребят. Не паникуйте.

00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:04,170

Мы справимся. Все будет хорошо.

00:15:08,260 --> 00:15:10,220

♪ Запахи и звуки ♪

00:15:10,220 --> 00:15:12,100

♪ Я потерялся, я нашелся♪

00:15:12,100 --> 00:15:16,100

"Джесси Носитпрада. Премия за достижения в моде".

00:15:16,100 --> 00:15:17,650

♪ Пройдись по черте ♪

00:15:19,360 --> 00:15:23,150

"Хочу скорее увидеть тебя в этом платье. Тот парень из тачки".

00:15:23,740 --> 00:15:25,320

♪ Рот оживает ♪

00:15:39,500 --> 00:15:41,840

Сукин сын!

00:15:44,210 --> 00:15:45,220

Черт!

00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:52,310

Я тут пытаюсь в мафию влиться, ты, кусок дерьма!

00:16:24,709 --> 00:16:25,969

Стоять!

00:17:27,189 --> 00:17:30,739

Я в восторге от твоего платья, Джесси.

00:17:30,739 --> 00:17:33,569

Ты настоящая королева моды в этом городе.

00:17:33,569 --> 00:17:36,159

- Плевать.

- Мои поздравления.

00:17:36,159 --> 00:17:37,999

Кому какое дело.

00:17:39,459 --> 00:17:42,459

Вы пришли? Я так рада вас видеть.

00:17:42,459 --> 00:17:43,669

Как у вас дела?

00:17:43,669 --> 00:17:45,089

У меня? У меня все отлично.

00:17:45,089 --> 00:17:47,259

Основал огромный хедж-фонд, офис на самом верху

00:17:47,259 --> 00:17:48,379

Белочного Торгового Центра,

00:17:48,379 --> 00:17:49,549

все по-честному.

00:17:49,549 --> 00:17:52,139

Хорошим парням везёт. Что ещё могу сказать?

00:17:52,139 --> 00:17:53,969

Никаких серьёзных проблем в семье или на работе.

00:17:53,969 --> 00:17:54,549

И у меня.

00:17:54,549 --> 00:17:57,469

Построил карьеру в сфере обслуживания клиентов.

00:17:57,469 --> 00:17:59,429

Сам себе босс, работаю, когда сам хочу,

00:17:59,429 --> 00:18:00,849

да и отдыхаю так же.

00:18:00,849 --> 00:18:03,149

Слегка провокационный наряд, ну и что.

00:18:03,149 --> 00:18:04,559

Кто вы такие, чтобы осуждать?

00:18:04,559 --> 00:18:06,229

Никаких осуждений. А у меня...

00:18:06,229 --> 00:18:07,779

- Кровь?

- Какая кровь? Нет, это

00:18:07,779 --> 00:18:09,489

просто варенье.

00:18:09,489 --> 00:18:11,699

У меня тоже все отлично, чего тут спрашивать.

00:18:11,699 --> 00:18:13,409

Сошёлся с прекрасными ребятами,

00:18:13,409 --> 00:18:15,279

Занимаемся, в основном, строительством.

00:18:15,279 --> 00:18:17,579

Мои лучшие братаны - Джимми Курок, Ронни Всехубивай,

00:18:17,579 --> 00:18:19,079

и Гвидо-Хладнокровный-Психопат.

00:18:19,369 --> 00:18:20,999

Я так рада за вас всех.

00:18:20,999 --> 00:18:22,669

Потому что, как видите,

00:18:22,669 --> 00:18:25,039

Я достигла вершины мира моды.

00:18:25,039 --> 00:18:27,999

Все мои мечты сбылись, я ещё никогда не была так счастлива.

00:18:27,999 --> 00:18:30,209

Обожаю это все. Конец.

00:18:31,719 --> 00:18:33,589

Ну, мне, наверное, пора.

00:18:33,589 --> 00:18:35,429

Да, и меня ждёт важный член,

00:18:35,429 --> 00:18:36,599

То есть, корпоративная оргазмизация...

00:18:36,599 --> 00:18:37,759

нет, в смысле, важное сосание...

00:18:37,759 --> 00:18:39,059

эм, встреча минетатов...

00:18:39,059 --> 00:18:40,679

То есть, моя задница уже заживает,

00:18:40,679 --> 00:18:42,309

Короче, разбиваю стеклянный потолок.

00:18:42,309 --> 00:18:43,389

Мне тоже пора.

00:18:43,389 --> 00:18:45,479

Варенья слишком много вытекло.

00:18:45,479 --> 00:18:46,399

Теряю силы...

00:18:46,399 --> 00:18:47,269

Постойте! Ребят!

00:18:47,269 --> 00:18:50,819

Правда в том, что хотя все и выглядит отлично со стороны,

00:18:50,819 --> 00:18:52,649

мне очень одиноко.

00:18:52,649 --> 00:18:54,359

Я скучаю по вам.

00:18:54,359 --> 00:18:57,029

Знаю, каждый давно уже живёт собственной жизнью,

00:18:57,029 --> 00:18:59,539

но я была бы рада, если бы вы остались.

00:18:59,539 --> 00:19:00,579

Хотя бы ненадолго.

00:19:00,579 --> 00:19:02,499

Если честно, я взлетел слишком высоко.

00:19:02,499 --> 00:19:04,959

И совершил несколько финансовых преступлений.

00:19:04,959 --> 00:19:07,589

А ещё я развёлся, мою компанию накрыли федералы,

00:19:07,589 --> 00:19:09,419

а все коллеги покончили с собой.

00:19:09,419 --> 00:19:10,249

А я серьёзно ранен.

00:19:10,249 --> 00:19:13,009

Я просто хотел стать гангстером, но на меня постоянно нападали волки.

00:19:13,009 --> 00:19:15,339

Знаю, это повергнет вас в шок, но я говорил неправду.

00:19:15,339 --> 00:19:18,719

Я стал проституткой и позволяю одиноким мужчинам платить мне за секс.

00:19:18,719 --> 00:19:21,519

Нас так поглотило выживание в большом городе,

00:19:21,519 --> 00:19:23,809

затянуло в эти новые жизни,

00:19:23,809 --> 00:19:26,809

но разве мы по-настоящему счастливы?

00:19:26,809 --> 00:19:29,609

Я был куда счастливее в обычной команде инопланетян.

00:19:29,609 --> 00:19:31,859

Не просто команде, а семье.

00:19:31,859 --> 00:19:33,279

Мы забыли о главной цели:

00:19:33,279 --> 00:19:35,279

заработать денег, чтобы вернуться к прежней жизни,

00:19:35,279 --> 00:19:36,949

чтобы снова быть вместе.

00:19:36,949 --> 00:19:39,619

Мы выбрали свой путь, теперь вернуться домой нельзя.

00:19:39,619 --> 00:19:41,699

Эм, ребят? Город в огне.

00:19:42,409 --> 00:19:44,289

Срань Господня! Это пылает сбежавший волк!

00:19:44,289 --> 00:19:45,919

Нам нужно домой!

- Секундочку.

00:19:45,919 --> 00:19:47,919

Это что, наша машина? Вон там, вдали?

00:19:47,919 --> 00:19:49,249

Быстрее, пока мы не сгорели живьём!

00:20:05,599 --> 00:20:09,149

Прощай, лагерь! Я буду скучать. Увидимся следующим летом!

00:20:14,189 --> 00:20:15,649

Как же хорошо.

00:20:15,649 --> 00:20:18,239

Похоже, я слишком остро отреагировал на ваше присутствие дома.

00:20:18,239 --> 00:20:21,029

Иногда не так уж и плохо проводить время с вами.

00:20:21,029 --> 00:20:22,409

Да, у нас получилось!

00:20:22,409 --> 00:20:24,449

Солнечные противоположности привязались к нам!

00:20:24,449 --> 00:20:25,659

Вот так история!

00:20:25,659 --> 00:20:26,749

Пошёл к черту. Ничего не...

00:20:26,749 --> 00:20:27,959

Хотя подожди, мы привязались!

00:20:27,959 --> 00:20:29,039

Я горжусь вами.

00:20:29,039 --> 00:20:31,089

Очень вовремя, нам завтра как раз в школу.

00:20:31,089 --> 00:20:32,749

Правда? Блин, отстой.

00:20:32,749 --> 00:20:36,419

Видишь, так и думала, что ты захочешь проводить с нами больше времени!

00:20:36,419 --> 00:20:39,009

Нет же, это отстой, потому что я думал, что до осени ещё два месяца,

00:20:39,009 --> 00:20:40,089

поэтому отравил вас.

00:20:40,089 --> 00:20:41,849

Вот черт, схожу за противоядием.

00:20:41,849 --> 00:20:44,469

Загадочный деревянный город, возникший из ниоткуда,

00:20:44,469 --> 00:20:46,269

на прошлой неделе трагически сгорел до тла

00:20:46,269 --> 00:20:48,559

в пожаре, который эксперты называют неизбежным.

00:20:48,559 --> 00:20:50,939

Если честно, мне даже жаль, что Древосити сгорел.

00:20:50,939 --> 00:20:52,519

у них были неплохие кафешки...

00:20:52,519 --> 00:20:54,029

чтобы тебя там оттрахали.

00:20:54,029 --> 00:20:57,109

Все к лучшему. Этот город пробудил худшее в нас.

00:20:57,109 --> 00:20:58,359

Повезло, что его больше нет...

00:20:58,359 --> 00:20:59,279

Но чудесным образом

00:20:59,279 --> 00:21:01,659

город вырос снова ещё крепче, чем раньше,

00:21:01,659 --> 00:21:04,369

и станет местом проведения Летних Олимпийских игр 2028.

00:21:04,369 --> 00:21:05,369

- Что они сказали?

- Ничего!

00:21:05,369 --> 00:21:06,749

Никто не вернётся в Древосити.

00:21:06,749 --> 00:21:08,369

А теперь идите к себе и пейте антидот!

00:21:08,369 --> 00:21:09,579

Возможно, уже слишком поздно.

00:21:14,419 --> 00:21:16,339

Здесь, в лесу, так спокойно.

00:21:16,339 --> 00:21:18,299

Наконец-то немного тишины и покоя. Так ведь?

00:21:18,299 --> 00:21:21,179

Знаешь, если бы не летние каникулы, мы бы никогда не нашли эту квартирку.

00:21:22,049 --> 00:21:24,059

Иногда жизнь преподносит сюрпризы.

00:21:26,219 --> 00:21:27,099

Черт, лось!

00:21:27,099 --> 00:21:29,189

- Терри, беги!

- Он поймал меня! Как больно! Нет!

00:21:29,849 --> 00:21:31,809

Чертов Иисус! Он меня за ногу укусил!

00:21:34,069 --> 00:21:35,529

Какая же вонь!

00:21:35,529 --> 00:21:37,149

Не знал, что лоси так воняют!

00:21:37,149 --> 00:21:38,989

Это хуже кучи дерьма!

00:00:11,178 --> 00:00:13,805

I don't know why it's easier to drink

and sleep on the couch than in bed.

00:00:13,889 --> 00:00:15,724

- But, it is.

- Go ahead, Terry.

00:00:15,807 --> 00:00:17,726

I'm just using the peace and quiet

to recatalogue

00:00:17,809 --> 00:00:20,395

all ten thousand data spikes.

It's so relaxing.

00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:26,777

Terry, Korvo! Jesse got eyeliner all over

my holocron and now it won't work.

00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:28,946

I'm experimenting with eyebrows!

00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:30,989

Stop judging us with your facial hair.

00:00:31,073 --> 00:00:33,659

What on Gorb's Grey Grible

is going on here?

00:00:33,742 --> 00:00:35,118

All the cool girls have eyebrows

and we don't have any.

00:00:35,202 --> 00:00:36,245

Jesse's stupid girl paint

corrupted all my data

00:00:36,328 --> 00:00:37,412

and now three months of science is gone.

00:00:37,496 --> 00:00:38,747

I want a resting bitch face

and a landing strip like Stacy K.

00:00:38,830 --> 00:00:40,582

Shut up! Why aren't you at school?

00:00:40,666 --> 00:00:43,168

- Double duh. School's closed.

- Oh, great! What is it this time?

00:00:43,252 --> 00:00:46,964

Another one of their meaningless holidays

like Apple Pie Day or Yom Kapper?

00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:49,550

No, it's summer. We learned about it

last year, remember?

00:00:49,633 --> 00:00:51,593

- The whole ice lava thing?

- No, what?

00:00:51,677 --> 00:00:53,387

I guess we'll just have to stomach

one extra day

00:00:53,470 --> 00:00:55,347

of you taking up our adult space.

00:00:55,430 --> 00:00:57,140

Probably better than you being

molested at that school.

00:00:57,224 --> 00:00:58,892

Summer break's three months long.

00:00:58,976 --> 00:01:00,060

Aw, man!

00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:02,604

Three months?

That's like, one 90 Day Fiancé.

00:01:02,688 --> 00:01:05,232

Yeah, you better not be riding our crack

like this the whole time.

00:01:05,315 --> 00:01:07,568

Summer is when we get to do

anything we want.

00:01:07,651 --> 00:01:09,111

Like a screaming competition.

00:01:09,194 --> 00:01:11,738

Go!

00:01:11,822 --> 00:01:14,074

This summer thing

is not gonna work for me, Terry.

00:01:14,157 --> 00:01:16,451

It's worse than the nightmare

on Helms Street,

00:01:16,535 --> 00:01:18,829

which is what they call the time

a porta-potty emptying truck

00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:20,581

tipped over on Ed Helms' private drive.

00:01:20,664 --> 00:01:21,748

Such a waste of poop.

00:01:21,832 --> 00:01:24,710

I don't want the replicants at home.

I can't take three months of this, Terry.

00:01:24,793 --> 00:01:26,378

I like them for 45 minutes in the morning,

00:01:26,461 --> 00:01:28,213

and maybe a couple

of hours at night, tops.

00:01:28,297 --> 00:01:29,965

Well, we obviously have

to kill the replicants.

00:01:30,048 --> 00:01:32,342

It does make the most sense.

We can always grow new ones.

00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:34,595

Let's do it quick, before we get

too attached to these.

00:01:34,678 --> 00:01:36,972

What are we talkin', poison? Put 'em

in a bag and throw them in a quarry?

00:01:37,055 --> 00:01:39,600

I was thinking we could maybe just shave

some glass into their food.

00:01:39,683 --> 00:01:41,602

I could use my pillow as a silencer

and shoot them in their sleep,

00:01:41,685 --> 00:01:43,103

right in their fuckin' face.

00:01:43,187 --> 00:01:46,023

Or, use the pillow for

a good old-fashioned smothering.

00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:47,983

Just like the ones

we see on TV and movies, Terry.

00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:50,861

Looks like the Solar Opposites

are killing their replicants.

00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:53,238

Um, excuse me. Hi, Terry, Korvo.

00:01:53,322 --> 00:01:56,116

I couldn't help but overhear you debating

different ways to kill your children.

00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:57,326

- That is correct.

- Mind your own business,

00:01:57,409 --> 00:01:58,410

you old bowl of soup.

00:01:58,493 --> 00:02:00,704

Why don't you just

send them to summer camp?

00:02:01,705 --> 00:02:04,374

Pretend we don't know anything

and walk us through it.

00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:06,877

Thank God this camp thing came up.

00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,879

Jesse and I were just

about to kill you guys.

00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:10,881

What? We were about to kill you guys, too.

00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:13,091

That is so funny. Great minds think alike.

00:02:13,175 --> 00:02:15,511

Camp! Camp! Camp! Camp!

00:02:15,594 --> 00:02:17,638

Hey! It's a camp thing.

00:02:18,597 --> 00:02:22,684

Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia

until the asteroid hit.

00:02:23,936 --> 00:02:26,230

One hundred adults and their replicants

were issued a Pupa

00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:30,901

and escaped into the space, searching

for new homes on uninhabited worlds.

00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:34,404

We crashed on Earth, stranding us

on an already overpopulated planet.

00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:35,906

That's right. I've been talking

this whole time.

00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:37,866

I'm the one holding the Pupa.

My name's Korvo.

00:02:37,950 --> 00:02:40,160

This is... This is my show. I just

droppedthe Pupa. Do you see me?

00:02:40,244 --> 00:02:43,288

This is ridiculous. I hate Earth.

It's a horrible home.

00:02:43,372 --> 00:02:46,208

People are stupid. I don't understand

why people like daylight so much.

00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:48,126

It's so loud when it hits your skin.

00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:56,552

Ooh, ooh!

Camp sounds amazing.

00:02:56,635 --> 00:02:58,136

I'm excited to use

my bounty hunting skills

00:02:58,220 --> 00:03:00,305

to hunt down and torture those

who have captured the flag.

00:03:00,472 --> 00:03:02,724

And I'm excited for a sexual awakening.

00:03:02,808 --> 00:03:06,645

I heard last year Julia Howland

went to camp a girl and came back a woman.

00:03:06,728 --> 00:03:08,480

But then it turned out it actually

was a woman

00:03:08,564 --> 00:03:11,066

and they never found Julia's body.

Crazy, huh?

00:03:11,149 --> 00:03:13,944

Well, I'm excited to perform something

from Angels in America on talent night.

00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:16,613

I took out all the gay stuff

and doubled the angels.

00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:18,365

You're not going to camp, Terry.

00:03:18,448 --> 00:03:20,534

The whole point is that we're gonna

have the house to ourselves.

00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:22,870

- Are you still tiki drunk?

- No.

00:03:22,953 --> 00:03:24,663

Terry, ta-take your next left.

00:03:34,131 --> 00:03:36,550

- This is camp?

- No, don't be dumb.

00:03:36,633 --> 00:03:38,010

It's much, much deeper in the woods.

00:03:38,093 --> 00:03:40,470

Okay, guys, remember,

we parked by trees.

00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:47,394

Halt. This is camp.

Goodbye, we're leaving. Good luck.

00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:48,812

It... It looks the same

as where we parked.

00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:52,024

Yeah, this just feels like

the regular old woods. Where's camp?

00:03:52,107 --> 00:03:55,152

We talked to our creepy, bitchy neighbor

for almost five minutes about this,

00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,487

so, I know for sure that this is camp.

00:03:57,571 --> 00:04:01,200

We leave you here for two or three weeks,

you learn to swim or some shit,

00:04:01,283 --> 00:04:02,868

and then we come pick you up. The end.

00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:04,369

- Done and done.

- Cool, works for me.

00:04:04,453 --> 00:04:06,038

We'll visit over parents weekend.

Okay, bye.

00:04:06,121 --> 00:04:08,415

No, we won't. Terry, are you sure

the car is this way?

00:04:08,498 --> 00:04:10,459

I took four units of pathfinding

at the academy

00:04:10,542 --> 00:04:12,586

to prepare for life

on dangerous alien worlds.

00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:14,296

I think I can walk us out of the woods.

00:04:17,132 --> 00:04:19,510

What the fuck, Terry?

Just admit it, we’re lost.

00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:21,053

It’s just up here, I promise.

00:04:21,136 --> 00:04:23,764

Camp sucks.

There’s not even a flag to capture.

00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:26,099

Hey, how long does it take

to sexually awaken?

00:04:26,183 --> 00:04:29,436

I whittled a boyfriend to grind on,

you know, for when it happens.

00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:31,980

This is Nate Jacobs.

We met at his bark-mitzvah.

00:04:32,064 --> 00:04:33,565

- Can we just go home?

- Yes.

00:04:33,649 --> 00:04:34,775

- Except, we’re lost.

- I knew it.

00:04:34,858 --> 00:04:37,236

All because you couldn’t stop drinking

those stupid tiki drinks.

00:04:37,319 --> 00:04:39,988

They’re not stupid, I find my way out

of the woods better when I’m drunk.

00:04:40,072 --> 00:04:42,741

You ever even had any of these?

This one’s from a coconut.

00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:43,867

Aw...

00:04:43,951 --> 00:04:46,078

How can we possibly be lost?

We have access

00:04:46,161 --> 00:04:48,455

to the most sophisticated

tracking equipment in the quadrant.

00:04:48,539 --> 00:04:49,915

I left it in the car, okay?

00:04:49,998 --> 00:04:52,376

We’re gonna be trapped here

until we die and I’ll never get to have

00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:56,129

a Five Hundred Days of Summer quirky

romance with a manic pixie dream boy.

00:04:56,213 --> 00:04:58,549

Everybody calm down.

I’m an expert trailblazer.

00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:02,386

We just have to follow the dimmest star,

it’ll always lead directly South.

00:05:05,556 --> 00:05:07,307

All the stars are dim

on this stupid planet.

00:05:07,391 --> 00:05:08,851

Why is there a branch

through my shoulder?

00:05:08,934 --> 00:05:10,894

Because you said if we didn’t eat soon

00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:13,272

you were going to ram a branch

through your shoulder.

00:05:13,355 --> 00:05:14,356

And that was six weeks ago.

00:05:14,439 --> 00:05:16,358

Oh, right! Yeah, I guess I’m in shock.

00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:21,738

There’s no question anymore.

We have a serial killer on our hands.

00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:23,824

Whoa, we’re going straight

to judging people

00:05:23,907 --> 00:05:25,701

just because of five identical murders?

00:05:25,784 --> 00:05:28,412

I’m not convinced.

I still think a cricket did it.

00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:31,039

A cricket? Could a cricket

kill five random men,

00:05:31,123 --> 00:05:33,542

surgically remove their organs,

and place their corpses

00:05:33,625 --> 00:05:34,835

in the shape of a winky face?

00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:36,461

Have you seen Pinocchio?

00:05:36,545 --> 00:05:38,172

Yeah. Who knows what they could accomplish

00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:40,465

if they put their minds to murdering.

Or worse, their legs.

00:05:40,549 --> 00:05:42,926

Ooh, what if it’s two crickets

working together?

00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:46,096

Or one original homicidal cricket,

and then a copy cricket.

00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:48,849

Can I just throw out there

that we probably just have

00:05:48,932 --> 00:05:52,311

one regular human murderer

and not two genius level killer crickets?

00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:54,062

You’re letting your imagination run wild.

00:05:54,146 --> 00:05:58,192

You’re not an executive story editor

on the hit Fox drama Bones anymore.

00:05:58,275 --> 00:05:59,526

This is real life.

00:05:59,610 --> 00:06:01,195

These are real people we’re talking about,

00:06:01,278 --> 00:06:04,489

not characters played by the eminently

watchable Emily Deschanel.

00:06:04,573 --> 00:06:08,202

- Are you even listening to me?

- No, there’s one thing I learned on Bones,

00:06:08,285 --> 00:06:10,412

it’s never get between

Boreanaz and second dinner.

00:06:10,495 --> 00:06:15,167

But another thing was, go with your gut.

And my gut says, we gotta move fast.

00:06:17,169 --> 00:06:19,630

Nate! Mwah. Mwah!

Nate, you’re back.

00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:22,549

I missed you. Oh!

Nate, not in front of my family.

00:06:22,633 --> 00:06:24,343

- We’re back where we started!

- Are we gonna die out here?

00:06:24,426 --> 00:06:27,554

Wait! I can’t die yet. We haven’t even

finished our camp story arc.

00:06:27,638 --> 00:06:28,764

What happens with all that?

00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:30,641

That’s not how life works,

we’re not on TV.

00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,100

We’re starving to death in the woods,

00:06:32,184 --> 00:06:34,645

we don’t have time to learn

the value of sharing or whatever.

00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,813

So, now instead of camp,

it’s just a lost in the woods story?

00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:38,649

Would you stop trying to make it a story?

00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:40,275

We are lost in the woods, though.

00:06:40,359 --> 00:06:42,319

Not for long, we have one more option.

00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:45,781

It’s typically reserved to survive

the most barren, inhospitable planets,

00:06:45,864 --> 00:06:49,284

but desperate times call for

desperate measures. Yumyulack, it’s time.

00:06:49,368 --> 00:06:50,494

Are you sure?

00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:52,746

- We’re dying, we have to.

- Uh, what are you talking about?

00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:55,791

The Emergency Urbanizer.

It’s a life raft for the land.

00:06:55,874 --> 00:06:58,043

We only have one of these,

we can never do it again.

00:06:58,126 --> 00:07:00,087

Quit wasting time, Yumyulack.

We all know the stakes,

00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:02,756

they’ve been tapped multiple times.

Just do it.

00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:36,123

The seven on that scrap of paper.

That's a clue.

00:07:36,248 --> 00:07:39,251

Our guy must live in Sector Seven.

I can feel it in my bones.

00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:42,379

Episode 21. Never aired.

Pre-empted by the killing of Bin Laden.

00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:44,882

Good episode, Bobby Cannavale

guest starred as a pimp.

00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,800

Wow, I didn’t know crickets

could use paper.

00:07:46,884 --> 00:07:48,594

You see how smart they are?

00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:56,310

Bingo. Somebody killed some shit

up in this piece.

00:08:00,939 --> 00:08:03,317

Freeze!

00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,195

- He was reaching for something.

- He was not!

00:08:06,278 --> 00:08:09,281

Yuh-huh, he was totally reaching

for something. We saved your life.

00:08:09,364 --> 00:08:10,657

A "thank you" would be nice.

00:08:10,741 --> 00:08:12,159

We could have brought him in alive.

00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:14,953

Wait, whoa, whoa. Wait, whoa...

We didn’t discuss that at all.

00:08:15,037 --> 00:08:16,914

We thought we were supposed

to staple him immediately.

00:08:17,039 --> 00:08:20,250

You should be happy your theory was right.

It wasn’t a cricket after all.

00:08:20,334 --> 00:08:21,710

And we got him.

00:08:24,546 --> 00:08:27,216

Who knows where the car is at this point?

It could take us days to find.

00:08:27,299 --> 00:08:31,053

Holy guacamole! What is this place?

00:08:31,136 --> 00:08:33,805

It’s complicated. There’s

a tourist video station over there.

00:08:33,889 --> 00:08:35,140

C-Come on, we’ll go watch.

00:08:35,224 --> 00:08:37,809

Howdy, I’m wood actor Wooden Harrelson,

00:08:37,893 --> 00:08:39,311

star of the upcoming film

00:08:39,394 --> 00:08:41,939

Now You Three Me:

Escape from the Pokerverse.

00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:43,941

Welcome to The Wooden City,

00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:47,402

the most exciting,

actually growing city in the world.

00:08:47,486 --> 00:08:49,905

The Wooden City is just like

a regular city,

00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:54,076

except algorithmically generated

from materials available in the woods.

00:08:54,159 --> 00:08:55,869

Except the animals.

00:08:55,953 --> 00:08:58,205

They are real and they will kill you.

00:08:58,288 --> 00:09:01,166

Now if you’ll excuse me,

I have an 8:30 at Dorsia.

00:09:01,250 --> 00:09:03,293

That’s right,

it’s not all forest puns here.

00:09:03,377 --> 00:09:05,712

The good news, we’re not lost

in the woods anymore.

00:09:05,796 --> 00:09:09,132

The bad news, we’re now lost

in a giant big wooden city.

00:09:10,801 --> 00:09:13,303

We just need to make enough money

to rent a car, so we can drive back

00:09:13,387 --> 00:09:15,931

to where we parked our actual car

and get the hell out of here.

00:09:16,014 --> 00:09:17,975

Let’s split up and all get jobs,

that way it’ll go faster.

00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:19,476

But shouldn’t we stick together?

00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:21,645

No, it would be faster

if we all went and got our own jobs

00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:24,481

and made money as fast as possible.

This isn’t a game. It's survival.

00:09:24,565 --> 00:09:27,150

Wait, wait, wait.

Now the story isn’t about camp

00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:30,779

or being lost in the woods,

it’s about surviving in the big city?

00:09:30,863 --> 00:09:33,574

Yeah, or it could be a Godzilla story,

so keep your eyes open.

00:09:33,657 --> 00:09:35,242

Okay, I have a ton of notes.

00:09:35,325 --> 00:09:37,744

This is gonna be awesome!

We’re in the big city!

00:09:37,828 --> 00:09:41,540

You can be anything you want out here,

super hero, politician, orthodontist.

00:09:41,623 --> 00:09:43,375

I’m going to be a famous ten-figure actor

00:09:43,458 --> 00:09:45,460

and then maybe retire

as a two-figure voice actor.

00:09:45,544 --> 00:09:47,171

Come on, kid, what have you

always wanted to be?

00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:49,548

What’s your craziest dream?

Spill it, we’re all havin’ fun.

00:09:49,631 --> 00:09:51,758

I have always wanted to work in fashion.

00:09:51,842 --> 00:09:54,720

I’m gonna work in finance because

I’ve always wanted to be a shithead.

00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:57,681

That-a-boy, dream big. Okay, you all

have your big city stories now.

00:09:57,764 --> 00:10:00,726

Remember, we just need money

to get a car to get to our car.

00:10:00,809 --> 00:10:01,894

What are you gonna do?

00:10:01,977 --> 00:10:04,730

I-I don’t know yet. So, I’m just gonna

walk around and look for a sign.

00:10:04,813 --> 00:10:07,399

Everyone, meet back here tonight

with all the money we’ve earned.

00:10:14,364 --> 00:10:16,950

I wanted oak, not maple,

you stupid birch.

00:10:17,034 --> 00:10:18,702

Help me!

00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:22,122

You’re fired.

Have a carried-off-by-a-hawk-life.

00:10:22,206 --> 00:10:23,457

- You!

- Me?

00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:26,543

You’re my assistant now.

Pick up those acorns and follow me.

00:10:26,627 --> 00:10:29,463

Oh, my God! Stop it!

00:10:30,088 --> 00:10:33,884

Five million? I don’t get outta bed

for under ten, you stinky cock smoocher.

00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:37,554

Wow, that is, without a doubt,

the coolest guy I have ever seen.

00:10:37,638 --> 00:10:39,473

Even the statues are cool.

00:10:48,398 --> 00:10:51,068

Ten million? I don’t get outta bed

for under five...

00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:53,362

Wait, no. Ten million

I will humbly accept.

00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:58,784

Hey, dickless, you the new kid?

00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:00,202

Oh, uh... Yeah? Yes.

00:11:00,285 --> 00:11:03,914

Then pick up a fucking phone

and make me some fucking money!

00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:20,597

Hey, relax, kid. You done good.

You done real good.

00:11:20,681 --> 00:11:22,683

Why don’t you come down

and see me at the cab stand?

00:11:22,808 --> 00:11:24,726

We could use a kid like you.

00:11:24,810 --> 00:11:28,522

Ever since I could remember,

I wanted to be a gangster.

00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:35,988

Hello.

00:11:37,239 --> 00:11:38,782

No!

00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:44,413

Ah... Oh, man.

He was like, "You shot me, bro!"

00:11:44,496 --> 00:11:46,874

Yeah, 'cause you shot him.

00:11:46,957 --> 00:11:49,793

That was so classic.

Boom, boom, you’re dead.

00:11:49,877 --> 00:11:51,503

Yo, what’s up your ass, hombre?

00:11:51,587 --> 00:11:54,715

You’re a Wall hero again.

And just in time for Cherie Day.

00:11:54,798 --> 00:11:56,175

Something doesn’t feel right.

00:11:56,258 --> 00:12:00,137

What doesn’t feel right is you haven’t

had enough fermented piss to celebrate!

00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:07,477

Oh, I, um, just realized

I left my favorite, uh, piss mug at home.

00:12:07,561 --> 00:12:09,313

Aw, man, go get it.

00:12:13,358 --> 00:12:16,445

They say love is blind

When you’re of a hive mind

00:12:16,528 --> 00:12:20,032

But it’s hard to find that, honey,

Since our numbers have declined

00:12:20,115 --> 00:12:21,992

Next.

00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:25,120

You mean, like, next round of auditions?

Typically that’s called a callback.

00:12:25,204 --> 00:12:28,165

Or, do you mean next step in the process

which is what, wardrobe?

00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:30,000

That’s perfect because I have

some thoughts on bees and wasps...

00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:31,627

No. I meant next audition.

00:12:31,710 --> 00:12:35,130

You were wildly talentless in every way

except making us feel embarrassed for you.

00:12:35,214 --> 00:12:37,883

Are you serious?

I’m embarrassed for you,

00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:39,801

that you can’t see generational talent

00:12:39,885 --> 00:12:41,845

when it’s right in front

of your fuckin' faces.

00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:44,681

Sweetie, the only chance you have

at being referred to as "talent" is

00:12:44,765 --> 00:12:46,099

if you become a prostitute.

00:12:46,183 --> 00:12:49,144

A prostitute? Ha! I would never.

Do you hear me? Never!

00:12:49,895 --> 00:12:51,980

It’s not a blow job, sweetie.

It’s a blow career.

00:12:52,064 --> 00:12:53,857

You can’t just start at the top,

you gotta... You got...

00:12:53,941 --> 00:12:55,817

Hey! You wanna have some fun, sugar?

00:12:55,901 --> 00:12:57,903

- How much?

- Uh... Ten grand an hour.

00:12:57,986 --> 00:13:00,948

- No fuckin’ way.

- Fine, fine, fine, 500 for two hours.

00:13:01,031 --> 00:13:02,533

Hands and mouth only. Best and final.

00:13:02,616 --> 00:13:05,077

A hundred an hour,

buy two, get six free.

00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:06,787

No holes barred.

00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:08,997

A-A-All right, okay.

Four bucks, clock’s off,

00:13:09,081 --> 00:13:11,500

you can pull my teeth out, bang me

to Bethlehem and leave me for dead.

00:13:11,583 --> 00:13:13,627

My one request is that

you get me drunk first.

00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:15,546

Or, I can do it sober, whatever.

00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:19,007

I guess that’s just life in the big city.

00:13:19,091 --> 00:13:21,677

Would be a perfect line

to say to launch into a montage.

00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:23,679

Oh! Oh, my God, it’s happening.

00:13:38,819 --> 00:13:42,030

Nope, no, maybe, nope, no,

too hippy, no, needs more brow,

00:13:42,114 --> 00:13:44,867

no, kill yourself, kill me,

this is brilliant, get cancer,

00:13:44,950 --> 00:13:46,577

I love you, die in World War Z.

00:13:46,660 --> 00:13:49,913

Jesse, I don’t know what to say.

Sorry for how things unfolded.

00:13:49,997 --> 00:13:52,624

If you would just let me explain.

I’m ruined.

00:13:52,708 --> 00:13:56,587

Have yourself

a slapped-in-the-face evening.

00:13:58,964 --> 00:14:04,052

Fifty million bottles of champagne

for our fifty million dollar man.

00:14:04,136 --> 00:14:07,514

Fifty million,

that’s what I’m talking abouts!

00:14:12,060 --> 00:14:13,478

Get out!

00:14:17,065 --> 00:14:20,569

All I wanted to do was get money

to get a car to get to our car.

00:14:20,652 --> 00:14:22,905

Seemed so simple.

00:14:24,198 --> 00:14:28,410

And of course, you couldn’t be bothered

to attend Yumyulack Jr.'s christening

00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:31,622

'cause you’re too busy putting your nose

in a pile of cocaine

00:14:31,705 --> 00:14:34,416

and your dick in a pile of crack cocaine.

00:14:34,499 --> 00:14:37,586

Hey, what if I did fuck crack cocaine?

What difference would it make?

00:14:37,669 --> 00:14:40,464

You don't know anything

about me anymore, Cindeen.

00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:43,717

I know one thing about you.

You’re about to be divorced!

00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:46,178

I wish I’d never bought this wooden penis.

00:14:47,137 --> 00:14:49,431

Trip, the FBI’s here

but we’re fine, right?

00:14:49,515 --> 00:14:51,058

Nothing to worry about? Trip?

00:14:51,141 --> 00:14:53,143

Yeah, yeah, we’re fine, bud.

Don’t even worry about it.

00:14:53,227 --> 00:14:55,062

Let ‘em do their thing.

It’s all good. All good.

00:14:55,145 --> 00:14:58,607

Oh, my god, Trip! Oh!

00:15:00,192 --> 00:15:01,860

All right, everyone. Don’t panic.

00:15:01,944 --> 00:15:04,488

We’re gonna beat this.

We’re gonna be just fine.

00:15:38,922 --> 00:15:40,840

Son of a bitch.

00:15:49,283 --> 00:15:52,119

Oh, I’m trying to do a mafia story,

you piece of shit.

00:16:24,985 --> 00:16:25,986

Freeze!

00:17:27,256 --> 00:17:30,592

Oh! I simply adore your gown, Jesse.

00:17:30,676 --> 00:17:33,303

You truly are the queen

of Wooden City fashion.

00:17:33,387 --> 00:17:35,931

- Whatever.

- Congrats on all of your success.

00:17:36,014 --> 00:17:37,975

Who gives a shit?

00:17:39,768 --> 00:17:43,647

You guys came? It’s good to see you.

How’s everyone doing?

00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:46,024

Me? Oh, I’m doing great.

Started a big hedge fund,

00:17:46,108 --> 00:17:48,318

got an office at the top

of the Squirrel Trade Center,

00:17:48,402 --> 00:17:51,029

played by the rules,

nice guys finish first.

00:17:51,113 --> 00:17:53,824

What else can I say? No major issues

personally or professionally.

00:17:53,907 --> 00:17:55,951

Ditto for me. Built myself

a sweet little career

00:17:56,034 --> 00:17:58,287

in the customer service industry.

I’m my own boss.

00:17:58,370 --> 00:18:00,747

So, I set my own hours,

come and go as I please.

00:18:00,831 --> 00:18:02,958

Taking some risks

with my attire, so be it.

00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:04,543

Who the fuck are you to judge?

00:18:04,626 --> 00:18:06,086

No judgements here. For I am...

00:18:06,169 --> 00:18:09,381

- Bleeding.

- Bleeding? No, this is, uh, party sauce.

00:18:09,464 --> 00:18:11,675

I’m doing great also,

so, don’t question me.

00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:15,137

Fell in with a great group of guys.

We mostly do, uh, construction.

00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:17,598

My best friends are Jimmy The Trigger,

Ronny Kills-A-Lot,

00:18:17,681 --> 00:18:19,057

and Guido The Stone Cold Psycho.

00:18:19,141 --> 00:18:22,644

I’m very happy for you all.

Because as you can see,

00:18:22,728 --> 00:18:25,063

I’ve reached the pinnacle

of the fashion world.

00:18:25,147 --> 00:18:27,983

All my dreams have come true

and I’ve never been happier.

00:18:28,066 --> 00:18:30,736

I love it here. End of story.

00:18:31,528 --> 00:18:33,614

Well, I think I’m gonna take off.

00:18:33,697 --> 00:18:35,407

Yeah, I have a really important sales cum,

00:18:35,490 --> 00:18:37,659

I mean, conference balls.

No, I mean team skeeting.

00:18:37,743 --> 00:18:40,579

Uh, shaft holder meeting.

I mean, my shattered ass is healing.

00:18:40,662 --> 00:18:42,289

I’m shattering the glass ceiling.

00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:46,335

I-I should go as well. I’m pretty heavily

party saucing. L-Losing strength.

00:18:46,418 --> 00:18:50,672

Wait, guys. The truth is, it may look like

I’m doing well on the outside,

00:18:50,756 --> 00:18:54,218

but I’m very lonely. I miss you guys.

00:18:54,301 --> 00:18:57,012

I know we’re all deep

into our separate lives,

00:18:57,095 --> 00:19:00,516

but I’d like it if you could stay.

I mean, just for a little.

00:19:00,599 --> 00:19:02,267

To be honest, I flew too close to the sun.

00:19:02,351 --> 00:19:04,978

By which I mean,

committed several financial crimes.

00:19:05,062 --> 00:19:07,606

Plus, I got divorced, company got raided

by the FBI,

00:19:07,689 --> 00:19:09,233

and all my co-workers killed themselves.

00:19:09,316 --> 00:19:11,527

I’m hurt real bad.

I-I just wanted to be a gangster,

00:19:11,610 --> 00:19:12,986

but I just kept getting

attacked by wolves.

00:19:13,070 --> 00:19:15,364

I know this may come as a huge shock,

but I haven’t been honest either.

00:19:15,447 --> 00:19:18,700

I’m a sex worker, and I let lonely

tree men pay to fuck me.

00:19:18,784 --> 00:19:21,578

We got so wrapped up

surviving in the big city,

00:19:21,662 --> 00:19:26,667

getting sucked into our new lives.

But, are any of us really happy?

00:19:26,750 --> 00:19:29,545

I was happier when we were

just a regular alien team.

00:19:29,628 --> 00:19:31,797

Not just a team, a team family.

00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:34,049

We all lost sight of our goal,

making enough money

00:19:34,132 --> 00:19:36,802

to get back to our old life

so we could all be together again.

00:19:36,885 --> 00:19:39,388

We’ve picked our path,

and we can never go home again.

00:19:39,471 --> 00:19:41,682

Um, guys? The city’s on fire.

00:19:42,057 --> 00:19:44,268

Jesus Christ, it's that

flaming wolf that ran off.

00:19:44,351 --> 00:19:45,894

- W-We have to go home.

- Wait a second.

00:19:45,978 --> 00:19:47,855

Is that our car?

Way out there in the distance?

00:19:47,938 --> 00:19:49,231

Quick, before we burn alive.

00:20:05,664 --> 00:20:09,167

Bye, camp! I’ll miss you!

See you next summer!

00:20:14,089 --> 00:20:16,633

This is nice.

I-I may have overreacted

00:20:16,717 --> 00:20:18,177

to you two being home from school.

00:20:18,260 --> 00:20:21,013

Sometimes it’s not awful

to share the house with you.

00:20:21,096 --> 00:20:24,266

Yes, we did it! The Solar Opposites

emotionally arced.

00:20:24,349 --> 00:20:26,560

- Now that’s a story.

- Fuck you, no, it wasn’t.

00:20:26,643 --> 00:20:28,896

No, wait, we did arc.

I-I’m proud of all of us.

00:20:28,979 --> 00:20:31,023

Just in time because

we go back to school tomorrow.

00:20:31,106 --> 00:20:32,482

Oh, really? Th-Th-That’s a bummer.

00:20:32,566 --> 00:20:36,403

See, I knew you’d come around

and want to spend more time with us.

00:20:36,486 --> 00:20:38,989

Oh, no. It’s a bummer because I thought

summer was two more months

00:20:39,072 --> 00:20:40,115

and I already poisoned you.

00:20:40,199 --> 00:20:41,867

Ah, jeez! I’ll get the antidote.

00:20:41,950 --> 00:20:44,453

The mysterious Wooden City

that recently appeared out of nowhere

00:20:44,536 --> 00:20:46,747

tragically burned to the ground last week

in a fire

00:20:46,872 --> 00:20:48,540

experts are calling inevitable.

00:20:48,624 --> 00:20:50,918

I gotta be honest, I feel bad

the Wooden City is gone.

00:20:51,001 --> 00:20:54,004

They had a really good Arby’s,

to get fucked in.

00:20:54,087 --> 00:20:56,840

It’s for the best. The Wooden City

turned us into our worst selves.

00:20:56,924 --> 00:20:58,300

We’re lucky it’s gone forever.

00:20:58,383 --> 00:21:01,637

But miraculously it has

grown back stronger than ever before,

00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:04,348

and will now be hosting

the Summer Olympics in 2028.

00:21:04,431 --> 00:21:05,516

- Wait, what’d they say?

- Nothing!

00:21:05,599 --> 00:21:06,767

Nobody’s going back to the Wooden City.

00:21:06,850 --> 00:21:08,310

Now go to your room

and take your antidote.

00:21:08,393 --> 00:21:10,103

Honestly, it might be too late.

00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:16,193

It’s so peaceful here

in the woods.

00:21:16,276 --> 00:21:18,362

Finally, some peace and quiet. Am I right?

00:21:18,445 --> 00:21:20,948

You know, without summer break,

we would have never found this condo.

00:21:21,031 --> 00:21:24,117

Sometimes life finds a way.

00:21:26,328 --> 00:21:27,621

Shit, a moose! Terry, run!

00:21:27,704 --> 00:21:29,748

It's got me. It hurts. No!

00:21:29,831 --> 00:21:32,292

Oh, Jesus! Fuck, it bit my leg off.

Clean off my body.

00:21:32,376 --> 00:21:34,044

- Korvo, help!

- Put him down. Stop it!

00:21:34,127 --> 00:21:37,172

Oh... Oh, it stinks. You never

really know how bad moose stinks.

00:21:37,256 --> 00:21:38,882

Oh, it stinks like shit.

00:22:25,053 --> 00:22:26,638

Pew, pew!

Pew, pew, pew! Pew, pew!

00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:05,440

ДВА МЕСЯЦА СПУСТЯ

00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:20,330

УБИЙСТВА

00:11:30,849 --> 00:11:32,829

ТАКСИ И КО

00:12:13,219 --> 00:12:14,679

«ПЧЁЛЫ: МЮЗИКЛ»

00:12:13,219 --> 00:12:16,479

Говорят, с коллективным разумом любовь слепа,

00:12:16,479 --> 00:12:18,689

но мёд нам искать всё сложнее,

00:12:18,689 --> 00:12:20,479

ведь наши ряды редеют!

00:13:31,129 --> 00:13:35,159

ВХОД ДЛЯ БАНДИТОВ

00:14:09,939 --> 00:14:11,899

НАГРАДА МИРА МОДЫ ЗА ДОСТИЖЕНИЕ ВСЕЙ ЖИЗНИ

ДЖЕССИ НОСИТПРАДА

00:15:11,649 --> 00:15:13,879

НАГРАДА МИРА МОДЫ ЗА ДОСТИЖЕНИЕ ВСЕЙ ЖИЗНИ

ДЖЕССИ НОСИТПРАДА

00:15:21,449 --> 00:15:23,309

БЕЗУМНО ХОЧУ УВИДЕТЬ ТЕБЯ В ЭТОМ ПЛАТЬЕ

ПАРЕНЬ ИЗ МАШИНЫ

00:15:59,029 --> 00:16:01,849

НАГРАДА МИРА МОДЫ ЗА ДОСТИЖЕНИЕ ВСЕЙ ЖИЗНИ

ДЖЕССИ НОСИТПРАДА

00:16:04,638 --> 00:16:09,148

СКЛАД ПЕЧЕНЬЯ С ПРЕДСКАЗАНИЯМИ

00:16:16,968 --> 00:16:20,028

ЖДИ СЮРПРИЗА

00:21:13,238 --> 00:21:16,408

ДОМ, МИЛЫЙ ВТОРОЙ ДОМ