Apple Pencil Pro

00:00:09,801 --> 00:00:12,554

How do they keep incrementally

improving products year after year?

00:00:12,638 --> 00:00:14,723

The Apple Pencil Pro is far superior

00:00:14,806 --> 00:00:16,808

to last year's disgusting

obsolete Apple Pencil.

00:00:16,934 --> 00:00:18,352

The new one can write in cursive.

00:00:18,435 --> 00:00:20,979

I literally saw Emily Dickinson

writing poetry with it,

00:00:21,063 --> 00:00:23,524

in the Apple TV+ show Dickinson

on my Apple TV.

00:00:23,607 --> 00:00:26,109

They have a YouTube branded Wi-Fi router.

00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:27,402

Wow! It's red!

00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:29,112

For every four bars of signal you get,

00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:31,323

Bono sends a pair of shoes

to a sea turtle.

00:00:31,406 --> 00:00:32,950

Hey. You looking for a repair or...

00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:35,285

Fetch me an Apple Pencil Pro,

Apple servant.

00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:37,246

You got it.

You want a charging necklace too?

00:00:37,329 --> 00:00:39,248

The pencil runs out of batteries

very fast.

00:00:39,331 --> 00:00:40,457

(SCREAMS)

00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:43,001

- Get away from me!

- Oh, my God, Pete. You okay?

00:00:43,085 --> 00:00:46,088

These are the psycho aliens

that tortured me in their dungeon.

00:00:46,213 --> 00:00:48,882

That's impossible. We turned our dungeon

into a Florida room.

00:00:48,966 --> 00:00:50,968

We've never even met

this fucking freak show.

00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:52,636

- Hello, sir.

- Don't touch me!

00:00:52,761 --> 00:00:54,346

Siri, call the cops.

00:00:54,429 --> 00:00:56,515

Playing Destiny's Child.

00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:02,479

That's them.

00:01:07,109 --> 00:01:08,652

He doesn't have a hole.

00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:10,445

We'll just have to make one.

00:01:10,529 --> 00:01:11,572

Hey, how's it going?

00:01:14,283 --> 00:01:16,994

The Solar Opposites are going to jail.

00:01:18,328 --> 00:01:22,332

KORVO: Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia

until the asteroid hit.

00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:25,085

One hundred adults and their replicants

00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:27,504

were issued a Pupa

and escaped into the space,

00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:30,215

searching for new homes

on uninhabited worlds.

00:01:31,049 --> 00:01:33,802

We crashed on Earth, stranding us

on an already overpopulated planet.

00:01:33,886 --> 00:01:35,679

That's right.

I've been talking this whole time.

00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:37,472

I'm the one holding the Pupa.

My name's Korvo.

00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:39,391

This is my show.

I just dropped the Pupa.

00:01:39,474 --> 00:01:41,226

Do you see me? This is ridiculous.

00:01:41,393 --> 00:01:44,563

I hate Earth. It's a horrible home.

People are stupid and confusing.

00:01:44,730 --> 00:01:46,315

Do they like Brendan Fraser or not?

00:01:46,398 --> 00:01:47,983

He's a good guy. Give him a chance.

00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:01,580

Chris Zakowski, 35.

00:02:01,705 --> 00:02:03,498

Mandy Sinclair, 28.

00:02:03,749 --> 00:02:05,709

Jeffrey Dean Dorgan, 33.

00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:08,212

Agnes Peterboard, 75 years old.

00:02:08,295 --> 00:02:10,255

Tomorrow would have been her birthday.

00:02:10,339 --> 00:02:13,133

Cool list, bro. I take my coffee

with a splash of mouse milk.

00:02:13,217 --> 00:02:16,094

Maybe you don't understand

what's happening here. You're done.

00:02:16,178 --> 00:02:17,513

I know you killed them.

00:02:17,596 --> 00:02:20,557

I was an executive story editor

on Bones Seasons Five through Nine.

00:02:20,682 --> 00:02:24,061

And let me tell you, friend,

that's a season wrap on Ethan.

00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:27,105

You never even got a bump

to co-producer? Pathetic.

00:02:27,231 --> 00:02:29,441

I bet they just stuck you

in the Bones joke room.

00:02:29,525 --> 00:02:31,985

We didn't have a joke room.

It was an innuendo room,

00:02:32,110 --> 00:02:33,820

and I was only there for the back nine.

00:02:35,572 --> 00:02:37,699

If you ever want to see

the halogen reptile lamp

00:02:37,783 --> 00:02:40,285

that Yumyulack uses

to simulate the light of day again,

00:02:40,452 --> 00:02:41,954

you better start cooperating.

00:02:42,037 --> 00:02:43,372

(YAWNS)

00:02:43,455 --> 00:02:44,831

Buddy, you got it all wrong.

00:02:44,957 --> 00:02:47,334

I'm gonna be walking out of here

and you're not.

00:02:47,417 --> 00:02:49,962

You think Tim and the Walldermen

are just gonna let you go?

00:02:50,045 --> 00:02:54,466

Oh, yeah, babe. Without me,

Tim is nothing. Nada, zero, zilch.

00:02:54,550 --> 00:02:55,551

Oh, wow!

00:02:55,634 --> 00:02:58,178

I didn't realize I was talking

to someone so important.

00:02:58,262 --> 00:03:02,015

You think Jesse gives us Clif Bars,

chewable Tylenol and Dasani water?

00:03:02,099 --> 00:03:06,812

Come on. All that protein and medicine

that you're used to, this guy.

00:03:06,895 --> 00:03:09,606

So, I'm supposed to believe

you're killing people during the week,

00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:12,234

then turning big and running errands

on the weekends?

00:03:12,317 --> 00:03:13,652

Oh, my God, you're so stupid.

00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:15,904

Listen. There is a hole

in the top of The Wall.

00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:17,823

It's been there since before the war.

00:03:17,906 --> 00:03:20,033

The Duke would use it to bring in

extra supplies

00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:21,785

to keep control of the population.

00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:24,037

A top secret hole

that we could use to escape, huh?

00:03:24,162 --> 00:03:26,790

You have quite the imagination, murderer.

00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:28,625

Broheim had an Amazon Fresh subscription.

00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:31,503

They'd throw deliveries on the roof

and I'd climb out to get them.

00:03:31,587 --> 00:03:34,339

Now I do the same thing

for my close personal friend, Tim.

00:03:34,798 --> 00:03:36,425

I'm sick of this bullshit!

00:03:36,508 --> 00:03:39,845

There's no hole in The Wall,

and I won't let you drag Tim's good name.

00:03:39,928 --> 00:03:41,138

In the before-before-time,

00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,682

I was a rock climbing instructor

at Bally's Total Fitness.

00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:44,808

Outside The Wall,

00:03:44,892 --> 00:03:47,519

the only thing I used to murder

was indoor climbing walls.

00:03:47,603 --> 00:03:48,729

And I care why?

00:03:48,812 --> 00:03:51,356

Once I got in here,

it's so much temptation.

00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:55,027

You know, so many potential victims

and no rock climbing to distract me.

00:03:55,110 --> 00:03:58,071

At first, I was going to kill myself.

That way I wouldn't murder anyone.

00:03:58,155 --> 00:04:00,574

But then you saved me.

00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:02,993

- What?

- You don't remember, do you?

00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:06,288

I'm the one who started

the flooding of the Nerds.

00:04:09,833 --> 00:04:12,586

My plan was to die in that Nerd pile

00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:14,546

and finally escape my impulses.

00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:19,593

But then, you saved me.

00:04:25,891 --> 00:04:28,352

- Oh, my God.

- That's when I knew I was special.

00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:30,812

You saved me so I could fulfil my destiny.

00:04:30,896 --> 00:04:33,106

-(LAUGHS) I'm a god.

- Shut up.

00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:34,316

I'm a god!

00:04:34,399 --> 00:04:36,318

(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)

00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:38,779

- MAN: Let's go. Let's do this.

- Well, that's my ride.

00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:42,241

Let's say there is some big conspiracy

to help you kill innocent people.

00:04:42,324 --> 00:04:45,327

But now you've told me the whole plan,

Mr. Total Fitness,

00:04:45,410 --> 00:04:46,662

so what happens next?

00:04:46,745 --> 00:04:48,747

I don't know. They'll probably kill you,

00:04:48,872 --> 00:04:50,666

- and then blame it on a cricket.

- What?

00:04:50,749 --> 00:04:52,709

How the hell do you know

about the cricket?

00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:54,962

These guys aren't exactly

creative geniuses.

00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:57,422

They always just blame it on a cricket.

00:04:59,007 --> 00:05:00,384

Has anyone mistreated you here?

00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:02,594

I'm not saying anything

until our lawyer gets here.

00:05:02,678 --> 00:05:05,848

Oh, my God. I'm your lawyer.

How many times must we go over this?

00:05:05,931 --> 00:05:07,724

Objection overruled, I rest my case.

00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:11,103

This isn't even a trial. Forget it.

Let me walk you through the accusations.

00:05:11,186 --> 00:05:13,522

And I gotta say they seem very specific.

00:05:13,605 --> 00:05:16,275

According to Peter,

the Okja-type character,

00:05:16,358 --> 00:05:18,318

this all started off

when Korvo got annoyed

00:05:18,402 --> 00:05:22,322

at an annual ribfest-styled block party

on the street outside your house.

00:05:26,535 --> 00:05:27,911

Pupa, put those ribs down.

00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:29,621

Goddammit, I hate this stupid ribfest.

00:05:29,705 --> 00:05:31,915

There's nowhere to park,

they play rib-jams all day,

00:05:31,999 --> 00:05:34,751

and some guy who is not me

always wins the best ribs competition.

00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:36,545

Why can't Korvo be a winner for once?

00:05:36,628 --> 00:05:39,673

You know, Korvo, you can take some

barbecue classes at The Learning Annex,

00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:42,509

or watch some YouTube videos,

chef-nap Paula Deen.

00:05:42,593 --> 00:05:45,220

Kidnapping people takes too long.

I'll just use sci-fi shit.

00:05:45,304 --> 00:05:47,931

LAWYER: The prosecution claims

Korvo created a giant pig thing

00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:51,018

that self-cooked racks of

award-winning ribs out of its chest,

00:05:51,101 --> 00:05:53,604

whose blood tasted like

delicious barbecue sauce,

00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,939

and when struck, shat out all the fixins.

00:05:56,064 --> 00:05:58,400

KORVO: Damn it.

That sounds like something I would do.

00:05:58,483 --> 00:05:59,902

Right down to the fixin' shits.

00:05:59,985 --> 00:06:03,030

Where am I? What am I? Are you my dad?

00:06:03,488 --> 00:06:05,449

Help! No!

00:06:05,574 --> 00:06:06,617

(GROANS)

00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,535

- Mmm! That's good rib.

-(GASPS)

00:06:08,619 --> 00:06:10,454

Could use a little barbecue sauce, though.

00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:11,872

Oh, no!

00:06:11,955 --> 00:06:14,374

LAWYER: Korvo won

five straight ribfest gold medals,

00:06:14,458 --> 00:06:18,003

dethroning Lizzo's cousin Ribo

as the ribfest champion.

00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:19,087

Please let me go.

00:06:19,171 --> 00:06:22,257

I need a potluck-worth of your shit

for a church event tonight.

00:06:22,341 --> 00:06:25,344

Korvo, wait. I need Peter to help me

with my math homework.

00:06:25,469 --> 00:06:27,679

He's not gonna be able to focus

if he's screaming.

00:06:27,763 --> 00:06:29,723

What's the X in this equation? Tell me!

00:06:29,806 --> 00:06:32,518

Hi, guys, are we having a...

Oh, my God, what's that?

00:06:32,601 --> 00:06:35,145

Please, little girl. These guys are crazy.

You gotta help me.

00:06:35,229 --> 00:06:36,897

Don't worry little guy. Jesse is here.

00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:38,273

You have to let him go.

00:06:38,357 --> 00:06:41,485

You can't just keep a creature

trapped in your basement and torture it.

00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:44,863

You clearly don't understand how important

it is to win rib contests.

00:06:44,947 --> 00:06:46,114

(SCREAMS)

00:06:46,782 --> 00:06:47,908

Oh, God.

00:06:47,991 --> 00:06:49,868

Come watch me do donuts on the front lawn.

00:06:49,952 --> 00:06:52,371

I finally figured it out.

Turns out it's a circle.

00:06:52,454 --> 00:06:53,497

- All right.

- Awesome!

00:06:56,458 --> 00:06:57,876

(GRUNTING)

00:06:58,710 --> 00:06:59,753

(FARTS)

00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,256

(ALL WHOOPING)

00:07:02,965 --> 00:07:05,217

LAWYER: Peter escaped

while you were distracted by the donuts.

00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:08,178

He spent a few nights in the woods,

then he moved on with his life.

00:07:08,262 --> 00:07:09,763

Got his MFA in interpretive dance,

00:07:09,847 --> 00:07:11,056

couldn't find work, duh.

00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:14,142

So, he got a job at the Apple Store

with all the other MFAs.

00:07:14,226 --> 00:07:17,062

That story really did sound

like something we would do. Right?

00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:19,398

Yeah, it feels like something

we'd pitch to Hulu

00:07:19,481 --> 00:07:21,775

and they'd say,

"We don't understand, but go for it."

00:07:21,859 --> 00:07:24,236

But I don't remember any of it.

I never went to a ribfest

00:07:24,319 --> 00:07:26,321

or met this delicious

rib-looking Peter guy.

00:07:26,405 --> 00:07:29,449

Just because the story sounded like us

doesn't mean we did it.

00:07:29,533 --> 00:07:31,368

Yeah, we 're good people.

Remember that time

00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,829

we turned that homeless guy's blood

into vitamin water?

00:07:33,912 --> 00:07:36,290

Or when we killed millions of bees

so people won't get stung?

00:07:36,373 --> 00:07:38,750

Yeah, we invented vaping.

That has to count for something.

00:07:38,834 --> 00:07:41,920

You're both right. We're great.

This was 100% not us.

00:07:42,004 --> 00:07:44,047

Well, Peter is a convincing witness.

00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:46,008

He's a big alien thing and you're aliens.

00:07:46,091 --> 00:07:47,843

It's not hard to think that you did this.

00:07:47,926 --> 00:07:49,178

What does that mean for us?

00:07:49,261 --> 00:07:50,971

It means you're fucked.

00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:55,642

This is your last chance

to let me go, buddy.

00:07:55,726 --> 00:07:57,978

They're coming.

Do you feel they're coming?

00:07:58,103 --> 00:07:59,813

It's all over you. Get ready. That hurt.

00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:03,192

Halk, calm down, big guy.

Don't do anything crazy.

00:08:03,275 --> 00:08:05,194

- Just put the Ring Pop knife down.

- Stay back.

00:08:05,277 --> 00:08:06,528

Let me kill him, please.

00:08:06,612 --> 00:08:07,988

- What are you doing?

- He's the killer.

00:08:08,071 --> 00:08:11,074

The seven was an L. It was upside down.

He lived in a fortune cookie.

00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:12,201

What are you talking about?

00:08:12,284 --> 00:08:13,827

If you caught the real killer, great.

00:08:13,911 --> 00:08:16,288

But if you kill him,

it'll make you a killer too.

00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:18,749

Stay back.

Don't take another fucking step.

00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:21,585

I bet prison isn't all that bad.

00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:24,296

I just have to bide my time

until I go to the Sorting Hat.

00:08:24,379 --> 00:08:25,464

Know what I'm saying?

00:08:25,547 --> 00:08:27,883

You're confusing prison

with the Harry Potter movies.

00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:30,427

Don't make assumptions.

He might have read the book.

00:08:30,511 --> 00:08:31,762

Fuck you. Even if he had,

00:08:31,887 --> 00:08:34,389

he couldn't avoid the cultural impact

of the movie.

00:08:34,473 --> 00:08:36,099

Come on. You wanna fight me?

00:08:36,391 --> 00:08:38,560

Does this mean

I don't get to be in Hufflepuff?

00:08:38,644 --> 00:08:39,728

(SCREAMS)

00:08:39,811 --> 00:08:41,230

Ow! Argh!

00:08:41,396 --> 00:08:42,397

God!

00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:43,899

What the fuck?

00:08:43,982 --> 00:08:47,528

Oh, no, please tell me you got

a backup crack pipe inside that butt.

00:08:47,611 --> 00:08:50,197

How does everyone in this prison

have so many shivs?

00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:52,574

They teach us shiv-making class

on weekends.

00:08:52,658 --> 00:08:54,368

- Why?

- You know what they say.

00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:56,578

Give a man a shiv, he shivs for a day.

00:08:56,662 --> 00:08:58,372

Now, teach a man to shiv...

00:08:58,455 --> 00:09:00,916

This place is horrible.

There is hardly any sushi,

00:09:00,999 --> 00:09:02,793

the guy making the sushi is a rapist,

00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:05,337

and he charges airport prices

before he shivs you.

00:09:05,420 --> 00:09:07,756

This is fucking bullshit.

We didn't do this to Peter.

00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:10,676

We're nice, Pupa-fearing,

Fox News-believing members of society.

00:09:10,759 --> 00:09:11,802

How did we get here then?

00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:15,097

There's only one explanation.

The Solar Opposites are getting set up.

00:09:15,180 --> 00:09:17,182

-(ALL GASP)

- Someone wanted to take us down.

00:09:17,266 --> 00:09:19,434

It's a conspiracy

and we can't trust anyone.

00:09:19,518 --> 00:09:22,187

- You think Peter's the mastermind?

- No way. Peter's the best.

00:09:22,271 --> 00:09:23,814

He has the face and ribs of an angel.

00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:26,525

How could you say that,

after everything Peter's been through?

00:09:26,608 --> 00:09:28,402

Seriously, Terry? Go fuck yourself.

00:09:28,485 --> 00:09:30,946

If sweet angel Peter didn't do it,

who did?

00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:33,824

Is there someone in our world

we offended in some way?

00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:36,702

Last week, Yumyulack and I

didn't want to take a History test.

00:09:36,785 --> 00:09:38,161

so we used the Bone Changer Ray

00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:41,498

to turn Miss Frankie's bones

into metal like Marvel's Wolverine.

00:09:41,582 --> 00:09:43,709

- What's happening to me?

- Hello, sweetie.

00:09:43,792 --> 00:09:46,753

Did you forget to take your keys

out of your pocket again?

00:09:46,837 --> 00:09:47,880

(GASPS)

00:09:48,380 --> 00:09:49,840

(SCREAMS)

00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:52,092

Jesus, that's grim.

Must have been Miss Frankie.

00:09:52,176 --> 00:09:55,137

Hold on. There was also this thing

with Roland last Tuesday.

00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:56,388

I just watched Toy Story 4,

00:09:56,471 --> 00:09:59,141

and I thought it'd be fun

to make someone's toys come alive.

00:09:59,224 --> 00:10:01,435

So, I zapped this guy's stuff

with our Make Alive Ray.

00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:04,188

Live motherfuckers. Live!

00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:06,481

Why is my stuff alive? What's happening?

00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:10,402

That's messed up, Terry.

But another viable suspect.

00:10:10,485 --> 00:10:11,778

- It could also be Matthew.

- Who?

00:10:11,862 --> 00:10:14,323

He's the neighborhood fuckboy

who hates me for no reason.

00:10:14,406 --> 00:10:15,657

He's kind of my nemesis.

00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:18,368

Matthew told me I wasn't allowed to wear

Christmas sweaters

00:10:18,452 --> 00:10:21,455

because I don't know anything about

Christmas, whatever the fuck that is.

00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:24,541

So I decided to shoot him

with the Sci-fi Holiday Cannon.

00:10:26,585 --> 00:10:29,755

Oh, God. No! I can't feel my soul!

00:10:30,672 --> 00:10:33,342

Who doesn't know

about Christmas now, you fuck?

00:10:33,425 --> 00:10:35,969

We just flashed back to

three really good options

00:10:36,053 --> 00:10:37,221

for who's framing us.

00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:39,306

Honestly, there could be hundreds more.

00:10:39,389 --> 00:10:42,726

Guys, stop. Think about it.

There's no way humans could do this.

00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:45,729

- They're dumb as fuck.

- Yum's right. They hella dumb.

00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:46,813

They're so budget.

00:10:46,897 --> 00:10:48,815

Stop trying to make "budget"

the new "basic".

00:10:48,899 --> 00:10:51,235

But yes, in this one instance,

they are budget.

00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:52,778

But someone did this to us.

00:10:52,861 --> 00:10:55,572

Someone who's smart, powerful,

handsome, loves animals,

00:10:55,656 --> 00:10:58,283

has cheekbones for days,

lots of time on their hands.

00:10:58,367 --> 00:10:59,993

Who could it be?

00:11:00,494 --> 00:11:01,787

- Obama!

- Dora the Explorer!

00:11:01,870 --> 00:11:04,039

Yes! Obama,

the pride of Occidental College.

00:11:04,122 --> 00:11:07,334

Motherfucker's been on our shit

ever since we out-windsurfed him in Cabo.

00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:09,461

We have to break out and clear our names.

00:11:09,545 --> 00:11:12,631

Hurray! The Solar Opposites

are staging a breakout.

00:11:15,968 --> 00:11:17,427

- Pupa, you up?

- Yes.

00:11:18,303 --> 00:11:19,638

(WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY)

00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:35,821

- Ta-da!

- ALL: Pupa!

00:11:39,449 --> 00:11:40,492

(ALL CHEERING)

00:11:40,576 --> 00:11:42,286

- Yes!

- Yes!

00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:43,745

(SIRENS WAILING)

00:11:43,829 --> 00:11:46,331

All right, the cops are after us.

That's enough Shawshank-ing.

00:11:46,790 --> 00:11:48,667

Wait. What the hell are these?

00:11:49,251 --> 00:11:51,545

- Oh, God. Oh, no.

- OFFICER: You're surrounded.

00:11:51,628 --> 00:11:52,880

Come out with your hands up!

00:11:52,963 --> 00:11:54,673

Let's grab our stuff and get out of here.

00:11:54,756 --> 00:11:56,842

No, no, no. Look at the ribbons

and the certificates.

00:11:56,925 --> 00:11:58,051

Look at the fucking trophies.

00:11:58,135 --> 00:11:59,970

But I thought you didn't win

any rib contest.

00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:01,430

We must have erased our minds.

00:12:01,513 --> 00:12:03,640

We did do all that horrible stuff to Pete.

00:12:03,724 --> 00:12:05,142

Oh, God, we're monsters!

00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:07,853

No way. We're always using sci-fi stuff

to help people.

00:12:07,936 --> 00:12:09,771

No, we don't.

We're cowards and sneaky shits

00:12:09,855 --> 00:12:11,523

who use sci-fi to make our lives easier.

00:12:11,607 --> 00:12:12,733

No one was setting us up.

00:12:12,816 --> 00:12:15,027

We really just are horrible people.

I mean, aliens.

00:12:15,152 --> 00:12:18,739

Guys! This is your final warning,

before things get all "pew, pew, pew".

00:12:18,822 --> 00:12:20,490

What? People don't get that?

00:12:20,574 --> 00:12:21,700

Just to be clear,

00:12:21,783 --> 00:12:24,494

"pew, pew, pew" means we're gonna

be shooting bullets out of guns,

00:12:24,578 --> 00:12:27,497

not Star Wars lasers.

You guys got that, right?

00:12:27,623 --> 00:12:30,042

We're guilty of a lot,

but we can pay the price for Peter.

00:12:30,167 --> 00:12:32,044

We have to get arrested

and go back to prison.

00:12:32,127 --> 00:12:36,340

Hurray! The Solar Opposites

are taking responsibility!

00:12:37,382 --> 00:12:40,219

- Don't shoot. We're coming out.

- Hold your pew-pews.

00:13:00,239 --> 00:13:01,323

(SIGHS)

00:13:04,034 --> 00:13:05,577

- HALK: Tim!

- What the hell?

00:13:05,661 --> 00:13:07,621

Halk Hogam. What are you doing here?

00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:09,414

- We need to talk.

- Of course.

00:13:09,498 --> 00:13:11,500

Anything for the hero of Wall War I.

00:13:11,583 --> 00:13:13,335

Don't listen to him. He's gone crazy.

00:13:13,418 --> 00:13:16,129

- He's trying to ruin Cherie Day.

- I've got the real murderer.

00:13:16,213 --> 00:13:18,340

He claims to be a runner

who goes outside the Wall

00:13:18,423 --> 00:13:19,550

for celery sticks and gum.

00:13:19,633 --> 00:13:21,802

He says you and the Walldermen

protect him.

00:13:21,885 --> 00:13:23,971

What the hell?

You told me it was a cricket.

00:13:24,054 --> 00:13:25,806

They were trying to feed me

that line, too.

00:13:25,889 --> 00:13:29,101

So this is the man

who's been terrorizing my utopia.

00:13:29,184 --> 00:13:32,104

Yes. You assholes,

I told you Tim would want justice.

00:13:32,187 --> 00:13:34,857

My sweet Ethan.

You're supposed to help me.

00:13:34,940 --> 00:13:37,192

- What did you do, you stupid boy?

- Wait, what?

00:13:37,276 --> 00:13:39,611

I've been making The Wall a better place

for all of us.

00:13:39,695 --> 00:13:40,696

You knew?

00:13:40,779 --> 00:13:41,864

(SIGHS)

00:13:41,947 --> 00:13:43,949

I've known Ethan for a long time.

00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:46,410

And yes, there is a hole in the Wall.

00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:47,703

There is a way out.

00:13:48,871 --> 00:13:50,080

(HALK GASPS)

00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:51,290

My God.

00:13:51,373 --> 00:13:52,666

Ethan does runs for me.

00:13:52,749 --> 00:13:55,711

He gets medicine, food,

using a system The Duke set up.

00:13:55,794 --> 00:13:57,546

But I didn't know he was killing people.

00:13:57,629 --> 00:13:59,715

I was just exerting my will as a god.

00:13:59,798 --> 00:14:02,176

Hey, would you tell him, you guys,

that I'm a god.

00:14:02,259 --> 00:14:04,011

You guys knew this was happening?

00:14:04,094 --> 00:14:05,929

We just did what we thought you'd want.

00:14:06,013 --> 00:14:09,016

We were shielding you from the truth

so you could focus on leading us.

00:14:09,099 --> 00:14:11,977

What you've done goes against

everything we have fought for.

00:14:12,060 --> 00:14:14,354

But I know your hearts

are in the right place.

00:14:14,438 --> 00:14:15,856

- I won't punish you.

- What?

00:14:15,981 --> 00:14:17,566

That's not the way of The Wall.

00:14:17,649 --> 00:14:20,277

- Fuck no! They just can't walk away.

- BOTH: Thank you, Tim.

00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:23,363

But Ethan, we have to lock you up.

It's for your own good, my son.

00:14:23,447 --> 00:14:24,573

You can't lock me up

00:14:24,656 --> 00:14:27,034

'cause I'll just escape

and I'll kill all of you.

00:14:27,117 --> 00:14:28,243

Because I am a god.

00:14:28,327 --> 00:14:30,579

Halk, please let Ethan go

with the Walldermen.

00:14:30,662 --> 00:14:33,123

You have my word

he won't hurt anyone else.

00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:36,585

Ow!

00:14:36,668 --> 00:14:38,504

Take him to the holding chamber.

00:14:40,422 --> 00:14:41,924

I can get out of anything.

00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:44,301

I command you to release me.

00:14:45,427 --> 00:14:46,470

Let me go.

00:14:49,056 --> 00:14:50,599

What's that?

00:14:50,682 --> 00:14:52,267

Tim, what are you doing?

00:14:52,351 --> 00:14:54,394

Take the carb out, man. Let us out.

00:14:54,478 --> 00:14:57,439

I can't. You let Ethan get away

with sullying The Wall.

00:14:57,523 --> 00:14:59,650

The blood is on all your tiny hands.

00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:01,109

- Farewell, my friends.

- No, no.

00:15:03,195 --> 00:15:04,780

Oh, no!

00:15:04,863 --> 00:15:06,281

Magic Shell!

00:15:06,657 --> 00:15:08,200

(SCREAMS)

00:15:08,700 --> 00:15:09,785

(CHOKES)

00:15:10,494 --> 00:15:11,578

Not like this!

00:15:12,496 --> 00:15:13,997

No, no, no, no. No, no, Tim.

00:15:14,081 --> 00:15:16,667

Tim, I can stop killing.

I'm... I'm better now.

00:15:16,750 --> 00:15:18,168

No, no!

00:15:18,252 --> 00:15:19,795

(SCREAMS)

00:15:26,176 --> 00:15:28,512

I had no choice.

They were part of the old way,

00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:32,140

part of the problem. But you, Halk,

you can be part of the solution.

00:15:32,224 --> 00:15:33,308

Walk with me.

00:15:33,392 --> 00:15:35,185

Even if you didn't know

Ethan was a killer,

00:15:35,269 --> 00:15:37,813

you've kept the secret of the hole

this entire time.

00:15:37,896 --> 00:15:41,233

I'm not asking you to give me your trust,

but I owe you the truth.

00:15:41,316 --> 00:15:42,442

All of it.

00:15:42,526 --> 00:15:44,653

Hear me out,

then decide what you wanna do.

00:15:48,490 --> 00:15:50,659

Terry, Korvo, Yumyulack, Jesse,

00:15:50,742 --> 00:15:52,578

I find you guilty on all counts.

00:15:52,661 --> 00:15:54,705

I recommend you to be put to death.

00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:56,456

If anyone has an issue with this,

00:15:56,540 --> 00:15:58,584

speak now or forever hold your peace.

00:15:59,293 --> 00:16:00,544

I have something to say.

00:16:02,129 --> 00:16:04,131

Terry, the replicants and I have talked,

00:16:04,214 --> 00:16:06,508

and we believe that we should

be sentenced to death.

00:16:06,592 --> 00:16:07,593

We deserve it.

00:16:07,676 --> 00:16:10,512

Also, "speak now and forever hold

your peace" is for weddings.

00:16:10,596 --> 00:16:13,682

Folks, I didn't win the hit ABC

reality show America's Sexiest Judge

00:16:13,765 --> 00:16:15,851

just to be disrespected

in my own court space.

00:16:15,934 --> 00:16:18,478

- Now, for the deets on the execush...

- Stop!

00:16:20,230 --> 00:16:23,567

I believe the Solar Opposites

don't deserve to die.

00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:24,693

Whoa!

00:16:24,776 --> 00:16:26,153

I did not see that coming.

00:16:26,236 --> 00:16:29,072

It was that big rib monster

they trapped in the basement.

00:16:29,156 --> 00:16:31,909

But I had to keep it cool.

I mean, I was the sexy judge.

00:16:31,992 --> 00:16:33,118

Speak your truth, homie.

00:16:33,202 --> 00:16:35,537

Yes, they are really,

really terrible people.

00:16:35,621 --> 00:16:38,832

Which is why they deserve something worse

than the death penalty.

00:16:38,916 --> 00:16:41,001

If they die,

they'll only suffer for a moment.

00:16:41,084 --> 00:16:44,922

But if they live, they'll have to suffer

the guilt of what they've done forever.

00:16:45,005 --> 00:16:46,840

We can do that. I feel totes guilty.

00:16:46,924 --> 00:16:49,092

George, I am so sorry.

00:16:49,218 --> 00:16:51,595

There are punishments

that'll keep them in pain

00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:54,473

way longer than killing them.

Some real fucked-up stuff.

00:16:54,556 --> 00:16:56,683

Like here.

Check out this video on YouTube.

00:16:56,767 --> 00:16:59,269

Holy fuck, we never even did that

at my frat.

00:16:59,353 --> 00:17:01,855

We did get close though.

RIP Bryce. We miss you.

00:17:01,939 --> 00:17:05,526

If it's on YouTube, how bad can it be?

I bet it's just weird tickling.

00:17:06,735 --> 00:17:10,280

The aliens are going to put on gloves

filled with Brazilian bullet ants.

00:17:10,364 --> 00:17:12,616

The ants have the most painful venom

on Earth.

00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:15,202

And each glove has over 500 ants.

00:17:15,285 --> 00:17:17,287

The pain lasts for days.

00:17:18,580 --> 00:17:19,873

(ALL SCREAMING)

00:17:19,957 --> 00:17:22,376

- I deserve this.

- Me, too!

00:17:24,336 --> 00:17:26,505

(CROWD CHEERING)

00:17:42,855 --> 00:17:43,939

We did it!

00:17:45,649 --> 00:17:48,485

We out sci-fied

those piece-of-shit aliens.

00:17:48,610 --> 00:17:50,737

It was complicated as hell, but we did it.

00:17:50,821 --> 00:17:53,532

I can't remember.

Can you tell us how we did it again?

00:17:53,615 --> 00:17:56,076

I used the Bone Changer Ray

to turn a regular pig

00:17:56,159 --> 00:17:57,953

into that giant rib-filled monster.

00:17:58,036 --> 00:17:59,913

I brought some Solar Opposites masks

00:17:59,997 --> 00:18:02,374

from the Hulu stores

going-out-of-business sale.

00:18:02,457 --> 00:18:05,419

I also got 15 PEN15 pens

that are also dildos.

00:18:05,544 --> 00:18:07,546

Matthew, it was a genius idea

00:18:07,629 --> 00:18:10,883

to switch the Holiday Spirit Cannon

to Fourth of July mode.

00:18:10,966 --> 00:18:12,593

That's right. Pre-cooked ribs,

00:18:12,676 --> 00:18:15,429

coleslaw poop, and salt-rub tears.

00:18:16,805 --> 00:18:18,015

(GRUNTS)

00:18:18,599 --> 00:18:20,100

And, Roland, excellent call

00:18:20,184 --> 00:18:23,187

to use the Make Alive Ray

to really land the plane.

00:18:23,270 --> 00:18:25,439

Holy fuck. I'm aware of my existence.

00:18:25,606 --> 00:18:26,690

Your name's Peter.

00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:28,317

Peter?

00:18:28,609 --> 00:18:30,652

Geez, don't you know ice hockey?

00:18:30,736 --> 00:18:32,237

- Give me your pot.

- I'm Terry.

00:18:32,321 --> 00:18:33,739

I'm gonna do donuts in the yard.

00:18:33,822 --> 00:18:37,576

It was so easy to leave the harness

unbuckled during our fake family meeting

00:18:37,659 --> 00:18:39,036

so Peter could escape.

00:18:39,119 --> 00:18:40,329

(FARTS)

00:18:41,121 --> 00:18:44,541

Now those bitch-ass aliens

can pay for all their crimes.

00:18:44,625 --> 00:18:47,586

- Today, humanity wins!

-(BOTH CHEER)

00:18:47,669 --> 00:18:49,254

Shit! What have I done?

00:18:49,338 --> 00:18:54,551

- JESSE: The pain! I can feel in my organs.

-(CROWD CLAMORING)

00:18:55,219 --> 00:18:56,595

I'll get you.

00:18:56,678 --> 00:18:58,514

- We needed it.

- We're pieces of shit.

00:18:58,597 --> 00:19:00,390

We're big pieces of shitty shit.

00:19:01,225 --> 00:19:02,643

We'll never be mean again.

00:19:02,726 --> 00:19:04,520

We'll learn how to have empathy.

00:19:04,603 --> 00:19:06,271

We learned our lesson.

00:19:07,231 --> 00:19:09,107

Oh, my God. Look at this guy's shirt.

00:19:09,191 --> 00:19:11,318

That supposed to be

a Wayne's World parody?

00:19:11,401 --> 00:19:12,402

Is your name Mark?

00:19:13,111 --> 00:19:15,364

Those movies came out a million years ago.

00:19:15,447 --> 00:19:18,784

What kind of loser gets his name added

to a Wayne's World shirt?

00:19:18,867 --> 00:19:20,619

- You suck.

- That's so embarrassing.

00:19:20,702 --> 00:19:22,829

You're a real fucking idiot,

you know that?

00:19:22,913 --> 00:19:24,206

I can't even look at you.

00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:26,083

Get out of here, you fucking freak!

00:19:26,166 --> 00:19:28,043

Terry's right. Get out of here.

00:19:28,168 --> 00:19:29,169

KORVO: These ants feel bad,

00:19:29,253 --> 00:19:31,380

but shitting on humans

almost evens it out.

00:19:33,131 --> 00:19:36,760

Oh, wow. Look at this.

Good Cherie Day, everyone.

00:19:37,719 --> 00:19:39,137

That's perfect.

00:19:39,221 --> 00:19:40,597

Wow! (CHUCKLES)

00:19:41,348 --> 00:19:42,683

Good Cherie Day to you.

00:19:46,186 --> 00:19:49,690

I've never told anyone this,

but it's been eating away at me.

00:19:49,773 --> 00:19:53,360

Now is the time to tell the true story

of Cherie's death.

00:19:53,443 --> 00:19:55,529

The story you know, it's a lie.

00:19:56,071 --> 00:19:58,699

Yes, she was a hero

who helped me defeat The Duke.

00:19:58,782 --> 00:20:00,158

Yes, she was my lover,

00:20:00,242 --> 00:20:02,578

and, yes, we had a bunch of sex.

00:20:02,661 --> 00:20:04,913

- Pussy was popping. It was...

- Tim, please.

00:20:04,997 --> 00:20:08,000

- The Duke didn't kill her during the war.

- But then how...

00:20:08,083 --> 00:20:11,211

Cherie, she sees this hole,

this little piece of blue sky,

00:20:11,295 --> 00:20:13,547

and she snaps. She started talking crazy.

00:20:13,630 --> 00:20:16,008

She wants to force people

out into the backyard

00:20:16,091 --> 00:20:17,634

to let them get eaten by owls.

00:20:17,718 --> 00:20:19,553

I thought Cherie and I were

on the same page,

00:20:19,636 --> 00:20:21,597

but I realized she was just like The Duke.

00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:23,557

In the end, they both wanted chaos,

00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:27,060

and didn't stop to think about the lives

they would ruin on the way.

00:20:27,144 --> 00:20:28,520

She fought me.

00:20:29,062 --> 00:20:30,689

And I killed Cherie.

00:20:32,232 --> 00:20:34,651

I killed the love of my life

to save us all.

00:20:34,735 --> 00:20:36,153

No, don't say that.

00:20:36,236 --> 00:20:38,655

I should've never kept The Duke's

enforcers in power.

00:20:38,739 --> 00:20:41,742

All I did was change their name

to "The Walldermen". Clever.

00:20:41,825 --> 00:20:44,703

The point of keeping the hole a secret

was to protect people.

00:20:44,786 --> 00:20:46,205

Why are you telling me this?

00:20:46,288 --> 00:20:49,458

I never asked to be in charge

of this Wall. It weighs on a man.

00:20:49,541 --> 00:20:52,461

And I've been carrying that weight alone

for far too long.

00:20:52,544 --> 00:20:54,296

Now, we can bear it together.

00:20:54,838 --> 00:20:56,632

- What do you mean?

- I leave it up to you.

00:20:56,715 --> 00:20:58,217

You can tell everyone the truth.

00:20:58,300 --> 00:21:01,011

Life will change. It might be hard.

But that's life.

00:21:01,094 --> 00:21:03,555

Or, you can help me cover this up.

00:21:03,639 --> 00:21:06,975

We'll hide what Ethan did,

and life can continue.

00:21:08,018 --> 00:21:11,063

Either way, it feels good

to not be the man on top of it all.

00:21:12,022 --> 00:21:14,149

So Halk, what are you gonna do?

00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:21,281

Wallians, welcome to

the first annual Cherie Day!

00:21:22,324 --> 00:21:25,369

Before we get to celebrating

our fallen hero,

00:21:25,452 --> 00:21:27,913

there is an important announcement

to make.

00:21:27,996 --> 00:21:29,957

But you won't be hearing it from me.

00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:34,920

We captured the murderer. It was...

00:21:38,090 --> 00:21:41,343

A rogue cricket who got in The Wall.

00:21:41,468 --> 00:21:43,512

(ALL CHEERING)

00:21:43,595 --> 00:21:45,722

That's right. Thank you, Halk.

00:21:45,806 --> 00:21:47,724

You're a hero once again.

00:21:47,808 --> 00:21:53,438

We can now go back to life knowing

The Wall is safer than ever before.

00:21:53,522 --> 00:21:56,567

For Cherie. Cherie. Cherie.

00:21:56,650 --> 00:22:00,737

ALL: (CHANTING) Cherie! Cherie! Cherie!

00:22:01,864 --> 00:22:03,949

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

00:00:09,785 --> 00:00:12,551

Как им удается из года в год

улучшать свою продукцию?

00:00:12,684 --> 00:00:14,660

«Apple Pencil Pro» превосходит

00:00:14,685 --> 00:00:17,107

прошлогодний отвратительный

устаревший «Apple Pencil».

00:00:17,128 --> 00:00:18,276

Новый пишет курсивом.

00:00:18,307 --> 00:00:20,906

Я видел, как Эмили Дикинсон

писала им стихи

00:00:20,938 --> 00:00:23,592

на «Apple TV» в шоу «Дикинсон».

00:00:23,612 --> 00:00:26,253

У них есть роутер с брендом «U2»?

00:00:26,281 --> 00:00:27,471

Ух ты! Он красный!

00:00:27,508 --> 00:00:29,183

За каждые четыре полоски сигнала

00:00:29,207 --> 00:00:31,471

Боно отправляет пару ботинок

морским черепахам.

00:00:31,499 --> 00:00:33,063

Привет. Ищете б/у или…

00:00:33,095 --> 00:00:35,254

Неси «Apple Pencil Pro»,

служитель яблока.

00:00:35,291 --> 00:00:37,301

Ладно. Хотите зарядное ожерелье?

00:00:37,316 --> 00:00:39,754

У стилуса быстро заканчивается заря...

00:00:40,449 --> 00:00:41,715

Убирайтесь!

00:00:41,737 --> 00:00:43,082

— На помощь!

— Пит, ты в порядке?

00:00:43,085 --> 00:00:46,238

Это психи-пришельцы,

которые пытали меня в темнице!

00:00:46,265 --> 00:00:48,846

Невозможно.

Мы превратили темницу в веранду.

00:00:48,876 --> 00:00:50,974

Да. Мы никогда не встречали

этого чудака.

00:00:50,987 --> 00:00:52,677

— Привет, сэр…

— Не трогай меня!

00:00:52,714 --> 00:00:54,409

Сири, зови полицию!

00:00:54,430 --> 00:00:56,690

Включаю «Destiny's Child».

00:01:01,368 --> 00:01:02,671

Это они!

00:01:07,042 --> 00:01:10,475

— У него нет отверстия.

— Значит, надо его проделать.

00:01:10,782 --> 00:01:11,828

Как дела?

00:01:14,228 --> 00:01:17,358

Пришельцы с «Обратной стороны Земли»

идут в тюрьму!

00:01:18,291 --> 00:01:20,512

Планета Шлорп была идеальной утопией.

00:01:20,746 --> 00:01:22,310

Пока не упал астероид.

00:01:23,552 --> 00:01:25,981

Сто взрослых и их репликанты

взяли по Пупе

00:01:25,986 --> 00:01:27,786

и сбежали в космос

00:01:27,816 --> 00:01:30,325

в поисках нового дома

в незаселённых мирах.

00:01:30,997 --> 00:01:34,037

Мы упали на Землю и застряли

на перенаселённой планете.

00:01:34,056 --> 00:01:35,747

Я постоянно об этом твержу.

00:01:35,786 --> 00:01:37,518

Я держу Пупу. Я Корво.

00:01:37,543 --> 00:01:39,906

И это моё шоу. Я уронил Пупу.

Видите меня?

00:01:39,956 --> 00:01:41,261

Это смешно.

00:01:41,301 --> 00:01:43,224

Ненавижу Землю. Это ужасный дом.

00:01:43,255 --> 00:01:44,657

Люди глупые.

00:01:44,686 --> 00:01:46,385

Они любят Брендана Фрейзера или нет?

00:01:46,403 --> 00:01:47,972

Он хороший, дайте ему шанс.

00:01:48,012 --> 00:01:52,537

ОБРАТНАЯ СТОРОНА ЗЕМЛИ

00:01:59,752 --> 00:02:01,691

Крис Циковски, 35 лет.

00:02:01,719 --> 00:02:03,638

Мэнди Синклэр, 28 лет.

00:02:03,687 --> 00:02:05,566

Джеффри Дин Дорган, 33 года.

00:02:05,609 --> 00:02:08,330

Агнес Питерборт, 75 лет.

00:02:08,345 --> 00:02:10,211

Завтра у неё был бы день рождения.

00:02:10,225 --> 00:02:13,145

Круто, приятель.

Мне кофе с мышиным молоком.

00:02:13,171 --> 00:02:15,002

Может, ты не понимаешь, что происходит.

00:02:15,027 --> 00:02:16,109

Ты попался.

00:02:16,117 --> 00:02:17,396

Я знаю, ты убил их всех.

00:02:17,411 --> 00:02:20,576

Я был редактором сериала «Кости»

с 5 по 9 сезон.

00:02:20,614 --> 00:02:23,889

И позволь сказать тебе:

твой сезон закончен, Итан.

00:02:24,523 --> 00:02:27,259

Тебя не повысили до сопродюсера?

Печально.

00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:29,411

Тебя заперли в комнате шуток сериала?

00:02:29,436 --> 00:02:32,084

Не было комнаты шуток!

Была комната подтекста!

00:02:32,117 --> 00:02:33,893

И я там был совсем недолго.

00:02:35,642 --> 00:02:37,643

Хочешь снова увидеть галогеновую лампу,

00:02:37,675 --> 00:02:40,349

с помощью которой Юмьюлак

имитирует дневной свет, —

00:02:40,363 --> 00:02:41,881

лучше сотрудничай.

00:02:43,429 --> 00:02:44,889

Приятель, ты не так понял.

00:02:44,907 --> 00:02:47,330

Я выйду отсюда, а вот ты нет.

00:02:47,373 --> 00:02:49,954

Думаешь, Тим и старейшины Стены

отпустят тебя?

00:02:49,982 --> 00:02:52,323

Да, детка. Без меня Тим ничто.

00:02:52,352 --> 00:02:54,698

Ноль, зеро, пшик.

00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:58,265

О, не знал, что говорю

с таким важным человеком.

00:02:58,291 --> 00:03:01,676

Думаешь, Джесси даёт нам батончики,

жвачку и воду?

00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:02,934

Брось.

00:03:02,972 --> 00:03:06,071

А протеины и лекарства,

которые ты принимал?

00:03:06,102 --> 00:03:06,832

Это всё я.

00:03:06,833 --> 00:03:09,650

Я должен поверить,

будто в будние дни ты убиваешь людей,

00:03:09,686 --> 00:03:12,254

а на выходных занимаешься делами?

00:03:12,295 --> 00:03:13,477

Господи, ты такой тупой.

00:03:13,510 --> 00:03:15,983

Наверху Стены есть дыра.

00:03:16,020 --> 00:03:17,818

Она была там еще до войны.

00:03:17,845 --> 00:03:20,135

Герцог обеспечивал

дополнительное снабжение,

00:03:20,165 --> 00:03:21,699

чтобы контролировать население.

00:03:21,727 --> 00:03:23,948

Сверхсекретная дыра,

через которую можно сбежать?

00:03:23,949 --> 00:03:26,725

У тебя богатое воображение, убийца.

00:03:26,751 --> 00:03:28,962

Братишка заказывал продукты

через интернет.

00:03:28,992 --> 00:03:31,397

Их доставляли на крышу,

я вылезал и забирал.

00:03:31,432 --> 00:03:34,036

А теперь делаю то же

для моего друга Тима.

00:03:34,703 --> 00:03:36,551

С меня хватит этой чуши!

00:03:36,585 --> 00:03:37,607

Нет никакой дыры в Стене.

00:03:37,632 --> 00:03:39,856

И не смей пятнать доброе имя Тима.

00:03:39,884 --> 00:03:42,556

В прежние времена

я был инструктором по скалолазанию

00:03:42,591 --> 00:03:43,828

в фитнес-центре.

00:03:43,846 --> 00:03:47,409

Там я мог убивать только время

на скалолазной стенке.

00:03:47,438 --> 00:03:48,699

А мне-то что?

00:03:48,718 --> 00:03:51,317

Здесь у меня появилось

столько искушений,

00:03:51,338 --> 00:03:54,944

столько потенциальных жертв.

И нет скалолазания, которое отвлекло бы.

00:03:55,237 --> 00:03:58,156

Сначала я хотел убить себя.

Тогда я не убил бы никого.

00:03:58,157 --> 00:04:00,715

Но затем ты спас меня.

00:04:01,113 --> 00:04:03,041

— Что?

— Ты не помнишь, так?

00:04:03,061 --> 00:04:06,460

Это я устроил тот обвал конфет.

00:04:09,810 --> 00:04:14,578

Я планировал умереть в той куче конфет,

похоронив свои наклонности.

00:04:16,974 --> 00:04:19,560

Но ты спас меня.

00:04:25,836 --> 00:04:28,088

— Господи.

— Тогда я понял, что особенный.

00:04:28,137 --> 00:04:31,140

Ты спас меня, чтобы я выполнил

моё предназначение.

00:04:31,578 --> 00:04:32,575

Я бог!

00:04:32,590 --> 00:04:34,316

— Заткнись!

— Я бог!

00:04:36,809 --> 00:04:37,757

Заходите.

00:04:37,790 --> 00:04:38,884

Это за мной.

00:04:38,927 --> 00:04:40,837

Ладно. Допустим, есть заговор,

00:04:40,869 --> 00:04:42,306

помогающий тебе убивать невинных людей.

00:04:42,342 --> 00:04:45,531

Но ты сейчас всё рассказал мне,

мистер Фитнес.

00:04:45,562 --> 00:04:46,711

Что будет теперь?

00:04:46,749 --> 00:04:50,100

Они придут и убьют тебя,

а обвинят в этом сверчка.

00:04:50,121 --> 00:04:52,596

Что? Откуда ты знаешь про сверчка?

00:04:52,612 --> 00:04:54,779

Эти парни далеко не гении.

00:04:54,785 --> 00:04:56,582

Они во всём винят сверчка.

00:04:57,451 --> 00:04:58,952

ФЕДЕРАЛЬНАЯ ТЮРЬМА

00:04:59,083 --> 00:05:00,897

Вас здесь не притесняют?

00:05:00,932 --> 00:05:02,629

Я ничего не скажу без адвоката.

00:05:02,657 --> 00:05:04,284

Боже. Я ваш адвокат.

00:05:04,312 --> 00:05:06,044

Сколько еще раз повторять?

00:05:06,071 --> 00:05:07,702

Протестую. Я откладываю слушание.

00:05:07,722 --> 00:05:09,308

Мы не в суде... Забудьте.

00:05:09,357 --> 00:05:11,095

Объясню, в чём вас обвиняют.

00:05:11,096 --> 00:05:13,439

И должна сказать,

обвинения специфические.

00:05:13,481 --> 00:05:16,446

По словам Питера,

типа, похожего на Окчу,

00:05:16,460 --> 00:05:18,248

всё началось, когда Корво наскучил

00:05:18,269 --> 00:05:20,769

ежегодный праздник рёбрышек,

00:05:20,770 --> 00:05:22,547

проводившийся на улице у вашего дома.

00:05:26,483 --> 00:05:28,037

Пупа, положи рёбрышки.

00:05:28,072 --> 00:05:29,635

Ненавижу этот дурацкий праздник.

00:05:29,677 --> 00:05:32,032

Припарковаться негде,

весь день песни про рёбрышки.

00:05:32,061 --> 00:05:34,835

И кто-то другой побеждает

в конкурсе на лучшие рёбрышки.

00:05:34,878 --> 00:05:36,422

Почему Корво не победит хоть раз?

00:05:36,450 --> 00:05:39,652

Корво, можешь пойти на курсы барбекю

00:05:39,672 --> 00:05:42,561

или поучиться по видео в интернете

или у Полы Дин.

00:05:42,596 --> 00:05:44,968

Похищать Полу Дин — слишком долго.

Прибегну к науке.

00:05:45,003 --> 00:05:47,828

Обвинение заявляет,

что Корво создал гигантскую свинью,

00:05:47,829 --> 00:05:51,095

которая сама из себя готовит

первоклассные рёбрышки.

00:05:51,103 --> 00:05:53,601

Её кровь на вкус как соус барбекю,

00:05:53,627 --> 00:05:56,024

а если её ударить, выделяются специи.

00:05:56,038 --> 00:05:58,165

Черт, похоже, я мог такое сделать.

00:05:58,190 --> 00:05:59,944

И со специями тоже.

00:05:59,945 --> 00:06:01,780

Где я? Кто я?

00:06:01,825 --> 00:06:04,476

Ты мой отец? На помощь!

00:06:06,998 --> 00:06:08,383

Вкусно.

00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:10,213

Соус барбекю не помешал бы.

00:06:10,740 --> 00:06:11,933

О нет!

00:06:11,947 --> 00:06:14,387

Корво получил 5 золотых медалей

фестиваля рёбрышек,

00:06:14,414 --> 00:06:18,042

отобрал титул чемпиона у Риббо,

кузена Лиццо.

00:06:18,073 --> 00:06:19,157

Прошу, отпусти меня.

00:06:19,169 --> 00:06:22,307

Постой, мне нужна еда

для мероприятия в церкви вечером.

00:06:22,341 --> 00:06:25,515

Корво, стой!

Питер должен помочь мне с математикой.

00:06:25,563 --> 00:06:27,658

Он не сосредоточится,

если будет кричать.

00:06:27,692 --> 00:06:29,737

Чему равен икс в уравнении? Говори!

00:06:29,764 --> 00:06:30,954

Привет! Вечеринка в подвале?

00:06:30,961 --> 00:06:32,471

Боже, что это?

00:06:32,505 --> 00:06:35,184

Прошу, девочка! Они чокнутые!

Помоги мне!

00:06:35,199 --> 00:06:37,021

Не волнуйся, малыш. Джесси здесь.

00:06:37,183 --> 00:06:38,655

Отпустите его!

00:06:38,683 --> 00:06:41,415

Нельзя держать в подвале живое существо

и пытать его!

00:06:41,442 --> 00:06:44,286

Ты не понимаешь, как важно побеждать

на конкурсе рёбрышек.

00:06:46,774 --> 00:06:48,010

О боже!

00:06:48,046 --> 00:06:50,014

Посмотрите,

как я кручу пятаки на лужайке!

00:06:50,035 --> 00:06:52,434

Я наконец понял, как их делать!

Это просто круг!

00:06:52,447 --> 00:06:53,583

— Здорово!

— Ладно.

00:07:01,752 --> 00:07:02,996

Да!

00:07:02,997 --> 00:07:05,391

Питер сбежал,

пока вы отвлеклись на пятачки.

00:07:05,405 --> 00:07:06,964

Пару ночей он провёл в лесу,

00:07:06,988 --> 00:07:09,961

а затем стал

магистром искусств в танцах,

00:07:09,992 --> 00:07:12,421

но не смог найти работу,

поэтому пошёл работать в Apple

00:07:12,428 --> 00:07:14,150

вместе с остальными магистрами.

00:07:14,178 --> 00:07:17,682

Ладно. Похоже, мы действительно

могли всё это сделать, так?

00:07:17,719 --> 00:07:19,980

Да. Похоже, мы подали идею «Хулу»,

00:07:20,003 --> 00:07:21,835

они ответили:

«Мы ничего не поняли, но ладно».

00:07:21,862 --> 00:07:23,290

Но я ничего не помню.

00:07:23,310 --> 00:07:26,010

Я не был на фестивале рёбрышек.

И не знаю Питера.

00:07:26,043 --> 00:07:29,471

Да. То, что это в нашем духе,

не значит, что мы это сделали.

00:07:29,495 --> 00:07:30,600

Да, мы хорошие.

00:07:30,625 --> 00:07:32,501

Помните, как мы превратили

кровь бездомного

00:07:32,529 --> 00:07:33,444

в витаминную воду?

00:07:33,474 --> 00:07:35,247

Или как мы убили миллионы пчёл,

00:07:35,274 --> 00:07:36,264

чтобы они не кусались?

00:07:36,285 --> 00:07:38,845

Да, мы придумали вейпинг.

Это что-то значит.

00:07:38,846 --> 00:07:40,201

Вы правы. Мы прекрасные.

00:07:40,249 --> 00:07:41,932

Это точно были не мы.

00:07:41,953 --> 00:07:44,026

Питер — убедительный свидетель.

00:07:44,048 --> 00:07:46,050

И потом, он похож на пришельца,

а вы пришельцы.

00:07:46,051 --> 00:07:47,966

Напрашивается вывод — это вы.

00:07:47,987 --> 00:07:51,109

— Чем это нам грозит?

— Большими проблемами.

00:07:53,632 --> 00:07:55,574

Это твой последний шанс отпустить меня,

приятель.

00:07:55,608 --> 00:07:57,186

Они уже идут. Слышишь?

00:07:57,228 --> 00:07:59,052

Они идут. Тебе конец. Готовься.

00:07:59,054 --> 00:08:00,347

Больно.

00:08:00,924 --> 00:08:03,160

Халк. Успокойся, без глупостей.

00:08:03,187 --> 00:08:04,779

Опусти нож-пустышку.

00:08:04,794 --> 00:08:06,415

— Назад!

— Дайте мне убить его!

00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:07,914

— Что ты делаешь?

— Он убийца.

00:08:07,921 --> 00:08:09,721

Семёрка — это была перевернутая

буква «Л».

00:08:09,768 --> 00:08:11,126

Он жил среди печенья.

00:08:11,149 --> 00:08:12,182

О чем ты?

00:08:12,214 --> 00:08:13,902

Если ты поймал убийцу — прекрасно.

00:08:13,946 --> 00:08:16,278

Но если ты убьёшь его,

ты тоже станешь убийцей.

00:08:16,310 --> 00:08:18,721

Назад! Не приближайтесь!

00:08:20,068 --> 00:08:21,632

В тюрьме не так уж и плохо.

00:08:21,633 --> 00:08:24,416

Всё, что нужно, — просто ждать

своей очереди к распределяющей шляпе.

00:08:24,417 --> 00:08:25,283

Понимаешь?

00:08:25,284 --> 00:08:28,118

Ты путаешь тюрьму

с фильмами про Гарри Поттера.

00:08:28,145 --> 00:08:30,445

Не суди по себе. Может, он читал книгу.

00:08:30,482 --> 00:08:31,778

Отвали! Даже если так,

00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:34,302

ему не избежать

культурного влияния фильма.

00:08:34,727 --> 00:08:36,027

Давай, ударь меня!

00:08:36,614 --> 00:08:38,554

Значит, я не попаду в Пуффендуй?!

00:08:40,556 --> 00:08:42,529

Боже!

00:08:42,924 --> 00:08:43,945

Какого черта?

00:08:43,973 --> 00:08:47,453

О нет! Скажите, что у вас есть

запасная трубка для курева!

00:08:47,677 --> 00:08:49,806

Откуда у всех в тюрьме столько заточек?

00:08:49,845 --> 00:08:52,624

По выходным здесь проводят

мастер-класс по заточкам.

00:08:52,658 --> 00:08:54,483

— Зачем?!

— Юмьюлак, знаешь, как говорят:

00:08:54,506 --> 00:08:56,763

дай человеку заточку,

и он дойдёт до точки,

00:08:56,801 --> 00:08:58,343

а если научить его делать заточку…

00:08:58,902 --> 00:09:01,131

Это ужасное место.

Здесь даже суши нет.

00:09:01,153 --> 00:09:02,884

Парень, который готовит суши, —

насильник.

00:09:02,886 --> 00:09:05,379

Он называет заоблачные цены

и бьёт заточкой.

00:09:05,406 --> 00:09:07,771

Всё это чушь.

Мы не поступали так с Питером.

00:09:07,793 --> 00:09:10,775

Мы прекрасные, пупа-боязненные люди,

верящие «Fox News».

00:09:10,803 --> 00:09:11,888

Так почему мы здесь?

00:09:11,891 --> 00:09:14,745

Объяснение лишь одно. Нас подставили.

00:09:15,944 --> 00:09:17,265

Кто-то хотел избавиться от нас.

00:09:17,307 --> 00:09:19,010

Это заговор. Никому не верьте.

00:09:19,523 --> 00:09:21,217

Думаешь, Питер и есть организатор?

00:09:21,251 --> 00:09:23,616

Нет. Питер лучший.

У него лицо и рёбрышки ангела.

00:09:23,642 --> 00:09:26,510

Как ты можешь так говорить про Питера

после всего?

00:09:26,565 --> 00:09:28,458

Серьезно, Терри, отвали.

00:09:28,492 --> 00:09:30,916

Если это не ангел Питер, то кто?

00:09:31,002 --> 00:09:33,317

Есть в этом мире кто-то,

кого мы обидели?

00:09:33,332 --> 00:09:36,574

Мы с Юмьюлаком не хотели

сдавать тест по истории

00:09:36,586 --> 00:09:39,591

и с помощью превращателя костей

превратили кости миссис Фрэнки в металл,

00:09:39,626 --> 00:09:41,002

как у Росомахи.

00:09:41,050 --> 00:09:43,656

— Что это со мной?!

— Привет, милая.

00:09:43,664 --> 00:09:46,170

Опять забыла вытащить ключи из кармана?

00:09:50,101 --> 00:09:52,164

Ужасно. Это точно миссис Фрэнки.

00:09:52,168 --> 00:09:55,264

Постойте. В тот вторник

еще был инцидент с Роландом.

00:09:55,327 --> 00:09:56,883

Я посмотрел «Историю игрушек 4»

00:09:56,918 --> 00:09:59,031

и решил что-нибудь оживить.

00:09:59,062 --> 00:10:01,264

Поэтому обработал его вещи

оживляющим лучом.

00:10:01,291 --> 00:10:04,280

Живите! Живите!

00:10:04,315 --> 00:10:06,282

Почему вещи ожили? Что происходит?

00:10:08,114 --> 00:10:10,585

Ты напортачил, Терри.

Но есть еще подозреваемый.

00:10:10,592 --> 00:10:12,050

— Это Мэтью.

— Кто?

00:10:12,084 --> 00:10:15,716

Соседский мальчик,

который беспричинно ненавидит меня.

00:10:15,718 --> 00:10:18,544

Мэтью сказал,

что мне нельзя носить свитера

00:10:18,545 --> 00:10:21,695

с рождественскими рисунками,

потому что я ничего не знаю о Рождестве.

00:10:21,724 --> 00:10:24,214

И я выстрелил в него

из научной праздничной пушки.

00:10:26,566 --> 00:10:28,144

О! Боже! Нет!

00:10:28,231 --> 00:10:29,795

Я не чувствую душу!

00:10:30,696 --> 00:10:33,131

Что ты теперь скажешь про Рождество?

00:10:33,132 --> 00:10:36,416

Ладно. Мы только что

вспомнили трёх человек,

00:10:36,431 --> 00:10:37,418

которые могли подставить нас.

00:10:37,432 --> 00:10:39,269

А их может быть еще десятки сотен.

00:10:39,298 --> 00:10:40,744

Стойте. Подумайте.

00:10:40,779 --> 00:10:42,824

Люди не могли сделать такое.

00:10:42,858 --> 00:10:45,538

— Они тупые.

— Юм прав, они тупые.

00:10:45,558 --> 00:10:46,762

Бюджетные.

00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:48,926

Джесси, не пытайся придать

слову «бюджетные» новый смысл.

00:10:48,963 --> 00:10:51,030

Но да, есть такое. Они бюджетные.

00:10:51,064 --> 00:10:52,802

Кто-то подставил нас.

00:10:52,816 --> 00:10:54,848

Кто-то умный, могущественный, красивый,

00:10:54,876 --> 00:10:56,830

любящий животных, с красивыми скулами

00:10:56,844 --> 00:10:58,285

и свободным временем.

00:10:58,302 --> 00:11:00,042

Кто бы это мог быть?

00:11:00,595 --> 00:11:01,715

— Обама!

— Даша-путешественница!

00:11:01,742 --> 00:11:04,147

Да, Обама! Гордость колледжа Оксидентал!

00:11:04,183 --> 00:11:07,382

Он обозлился на нас после того,

как мы обошли его на сёрфинге.

00:11:07,404 --> 00:11:09,104

Сбежим и оправдаем себя.

00:11:09,139 --> 00:11:09,957

Ура!

00:11:09,982 --> 00:11:12,739

Пришельцы с «Обратной стороны Земли»

организуют побег!

00:11:15,951 --> 00:11:17,422

— Пупа, ты с нами?

— Да!

00:11:33,482 --> 00:11:34,588

Та-да!

00:11:34,743 --> 00:11:36,016

Пупа!

00:11:39,367 --> 00:11:40,963

Ура!

00:11:40,988 --> 00:11:42,508

— Да!

— Да!

00:11:43,849 --> 00:11:46,372

Копы едут. Хватит шоушенкничать.

00:11:47,232 --> 00:11:49,088

Стойте. Это еще что такое?

00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:50,919

Боже. О нет.

00:11:50,933 --> 00:11:52,949

Вы окружены!

Выходите с поднятыми руками!

00:11:52,950 --> 00:11:54,640

Ну же, Корво! Берём вещи и бежим!

00:11:54,665 --> 00:11:56,925

Нет-нет-нет! А ленточки и сертификаты!

00:11:56,948 --> 00:11:58,248

Посмотри на эти трофеи!

00:11:58,282 --> 00:12:00,017

Но ты же не побеждал в конкурсах.

00:12:00,033 --> 00:12:03,235

Должно быть, мы стёрли воспоминания.

И мы ужасно поступили с Питом.

00:12:03,263 --> 00:12:05,368

Боже. Мы чудовища!

00:12:05,398 --> 00:12:07,934

Нет, мы помогаем людям с помощью науки.

00:12:07,963 --> 00:12:11,581

Нет. Мы трусы, которые с помощью науки

облегчают жизнь.

00:12:11,611 --> 00:12:14,220

Никто нас не подставлял.

Мы просто ужасные люди.

00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:15,141

То есть, пришельцы.

00:12:15,146 --> 00:12:16,971

Ребята, это последнее предупреждение,

00:12:16,973 --> 00:12:19,002

прежде чем начать пиу-пиу-пиу.

00:12:19,189 --> 00:12:20,568

Стой. Что? Они не знают?

00:12:20,589 --> 00:12:21,851

Поясню.

00:12:21,858 --> 00:12:24,609

«Пиу-пиу-пиу» значит, что

мы будем стрелять из пистолетов,

00:12:24,629 --> 00:12:26,322

а не из лазера, как в «Звёздных войнах».

00:12:26,335 --> 00:12:27,501

Вы поняли?

00:12:27,522 --> 00:12:30,150

Мы виноваты, но можем искупить вину.

00:12:30,157 --> 00:12:32,084

Пусть нас арестуют и вернут в тюрьму.

00:12:32,105 --> 00:12:32,825

Ура!

00:12:32,850 --> 00:12:36,457

Пришельцы с «Обратной стороны Земли»

берут на себя ответственность!

00:12:37,418 --> 00:12:39,160

Не стреляйте, мы сдаёмся.

00:12:39,161 --> 00:12:40,363

Никаких «пиу-пиу».

00:12:44,344 --> 00:12:46,310

С ДНЁМ ШЕРИ!

00:13:04,033 --> 00:13:05,708

— Тим!

— В чем дело?

00:13:05,807 --> 00:13:07,712

Халк Хогам! Что ты здесь делаешь?

00:13:07,754 --> 00:13:08,680

Надо поговорить.

00:13:08,709 --> 00:13:11,543

Конечно, что угодно для героя

Первой стеновой.

00:13:11,564 --> 00:13:13,421

Не слушай его, Тим, он спятил.

00:13:13,444 --> 00:13:14,940

Хочет испортить День Шери!

00:13:14,967 --> 00:13:16,127

Я поймал настоящего убийцу.

00:13:16,155 --> 00:13:19,602

Он заявляет, что бегает за Стену

за сельдереем и жвачкой.

00:13:19,641 --> 00:13:21,795

И говорит, что вы защищаете его.

00:13:21,827 --> 00:13:23,880

Что это значит? Вы сказали, это сверчок.

00:13:23,914 --> 00:13:25,794

Мне они тоже вешали эту лапшу.

00:13:25,822 --> 00:13:29,063

Значит,

вот кто терроризирует мою утопию?

00:13:29,112 --> 00:13:30,583

Да. Мерзавцы.

00:13:30,584 --> 00:13:32,231

Я же сказал, Тим за справедливость.

00:13:32,237 --> 00:13:34,877

Мой милый Итан.

Ты должен был помогать мне.

00:13:34,890 --> 00:13:37,234

— Что ты натворил, тупица?

— Стой. Что?

00:13:37,262 --> 00:13:39,745

Я делал Стену лучше для всех нас.

00:13:39,766 --> 00:13:40,826

Ты знал?

00:13:41,905 --> 00:13:44,123

Я очень давно знаю Итана.

00:13:44,422 --> 00:13:46,389

И да, в Стене есть дыра.

00:13:46,522 --> 00:13:47,564

Есть выход.

00:13:50,338 --> 00:13:52,726

— Боже.

— Итан выходил,

00:13:52,730 --> 00:13:55,702

приносил лекарства, еду,

использовал систему Герцога.

00:13:55,762 --> 00:13:57,510

Но я не знал, что он убивает людей.

00:13:57,532 --> 00:13:59,709

Я лишь выполнял свою волю, как бог.

00:13:59,710 --> 00:14:02,244

Парни, скажите ему, что я бог.

00:14:02,281 --> 00:14:04,043

Вы знали о происходящем?

00:14:04,065 --> 00:14:05,945

Мы думали, ты так хочешь.

00:14:05,953 --> 00:14:09,115

Мы защищали тебя от правды,

чтобы ты спокойно работал.

00:14:09,130 --> 00:14:12,124

Ваш поступок противоречит тому,

за что мы боролись.

00:14:12,291 --> 00:14:14,560

Но я знаю, у вас есть сердца.

00:14:14,663 --> 00:14:15,965

— Я не накажу вас.

— Что?

00:14:15,966 --> 00:14:17,613

В Стене так не действуют.

00:14:17,618 --> 00:14:19,357

Нет! Они не могут просто уйти!

00:14:19,358 --> 00:14:20,453

— Спасибо, Тим.

— Спасибо за великодушие.

00:14:20,454 --> 00:14:22,097

Но, Итан, тебя придётся запереть.

00:14:22,132 --> 00:14:24,594

— Для твоего же блага.

— Вы не сможете!

00:14:24,636 --> 00:14:27,126

Я сбегу и убью всех вас!

00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:28,267

Потому что я бог!

00:14:28,275 --> 00:14:30,472

Халк, отпусти Итана со старейшинами.

00:14:30,503 --> 00:14:32,995

Даю слово, он больше никому не навредит.

00:14:36,633 --> 00:14:38,300

Отведите его в камеру.

00:14:40,339 --> 00:14:42,481

Я выберусь откуда угодно.

00:14:42,512 --> 00:14:44,435

Тебе придётся отпустить меня!

00:14:45,316 --> 00:14:46,688

Пустите!

00:14:49,010 --> 00:14:50,222

Что это?

00:14:50,713 --> 00:14:52,016

Тим! Что ты делаешь?

00:14:52,686 --> 00:14:54,426

Вынь затычку! Выпусти нас!

00:14:54,457 --> 00:14:57,551

Не могу. Вы позволили ему запачкать

доброе имя Стены.

00:14:57,572 --> 00:14:59,746

На ваших ручонках кровь.

00:14:59,747 --> 00:15:01,269

Пока, друзья.

00:15:03,101 --> 00:15:06,024

Нет! Быстро застывающий сироп!

00:15:10,391 --> 00:15:11,852

Только не это! Нет!

00:15:12,653 --> 00:15:14,016

Нет-нет-нет-нет, Тим!

00:15:14,043 --> 00:15:16,390

Я больше не буду убивать! Я стал лучше!

00:15:16,427 --> 00:15:17,632

Нет! Нет! Нет!

00:15:26,041 --> 00:15:27,260

У меня не было выбора.

00:15:27,261 --> 00:15:29,423

Они из старой системы

и создавали проблемы.

00:15:29,482 --> 00:15:33,443

Но ты, Халк, поможешь найти решение.

Идём со мной.

00:15:33,458 --> 00:15:35,137

Даже если ты не знал, что Итан — убийца,

00:15:35,165 --> 00:15:37,790

ты всё это время хранил в секрете дыру.

00:15:37,808 --> 00:15:39,397

Я не прошу тебя доверять мне,

00:15:39,419 --> 00:15:42,478

но я обязан рассказать тебе правду.

00:15:42,501 --> 00:15:44,722

Выслушай меня.

И тогда решишь, как поступить.

00:15:48,550 --> 00:15:50,657

Терри, Корво, Юмьюлак, Джесси.

00:15:50,685 --> 00:15:52,724

Я считаю вас виновными

по всем обвинениям.

00:15:52,763 --> 00:15:54,827

Рекомендую казнить вас.

00:15:54,859 --> 00:15:56,337

Если у кого-то есть возражения,

00:15:56,338 --> 00:15:58,847

говорите сейчас или замолчите навеки.

00:15:59,382 --> 00:16:01,418

Мне есть что сказать.

00:16:02,048 --> 00:16:03,966

Терри, репликанты и я всё обсудили.

00:16:03,967 --> 00:16:07,478

Мы считаем, мы заслужили смертную казнь.

00:16:07,479 --> 00:16:09,208

А фразу «Говорите сейчас

или замолчите навеки»

00:16:09,233 --> 00:16:10,326

произносят на свадьбах.

00:16:10,478 --> 00:16:13,653

Я не для того победил в реалити-шоу

«Самый привлекательный судья»,

00:16:13,688 --> 00:16:15,756

чтобы меня унижали в моём же суде.

00:16:15,777 --> 00:16:17,529

А теперь к деталям казни…

00:16:17,567 --> 00:16:18,609

Стойте!

00:16:20,181 --> 00:16:23,676

Я считаю, пришельцы не заслужили смерти.

00:16:23,705 --> 00:16:24,670

Ух ты!

00:16:25,127 --> 00:16:26,486

Такого я не предвидел.

00:16:26,507 --> 00:16:28,842

Это был большой монстр с рёбрышками,

которого они заточили в подвале.

00:16:28,869 --> 00:16:32,020

Но надо было сохранять хладнокровие.

00:16:32,064 --> 00:16:33,141

Говори, братишка.

00:16:33,168 --> 00:16:35,808

Да, они правда ужасные существа,

00:16:35,841 --> 00:16:38,634

поэтому заслуживают наказания

похуже смертной казни.

00:16:38,645 --> 00:16:40,786

Если они умрут,

то будут страдать лишь момент.

00:16:40,874 --> 00:16:44,601

А если останутся живы,

будут страдать от вины за содеянное.

00:16:44,633 --> 00:16:46,676

Это мы можем. Я чувствую муки совести.

00:16:46,718 --> 00:16:49,186

Джордж, мне очень жаль.

00:16:49,199 --> 00:16:54,504

Есть наказания, от которых им

будет больнее, чем от смерти.

00:16:54,541 --> 00:16:56,710

Например, вот. Я покажу вам.

Посмотрите это видео в интернете.

00:16:56,716 --> 00:16:59,304

Черт! Мы не делали такого

даже в студенчестве.

00:16:59,340 --> 00:17:01,900

Хотя было близко. Покойся с миром, Брюс.

00:17:02,134 --> 00:17:03,515

Что может быть на видео в интернете?

00:17:03,542 --> 00:17:05,253

Уверен, там просто щекотка.

00:17:06,319 --> 00:17:08,356

Пришельцы наденут перчатки

00:17:08,357 --> 00:17:10,149

с бразильскими муравьями.

00:17:10,170 --> 00:17:12,549

Их яд вызывает наибольшую боль.

00:17:12,583 --> 00:17:15,294

В каждой перчатке по 500 муравьёв.

00:17:15,331 --> 00:17:17,474

Боль длится много дней!

00:17:20,082 --> 00:17:22,379

— Я заслужил это!

— А-а-а-а! Я тоже!

00:17:22,398 --> 00:17:24,166

— О, как жалят!

— Спасибо, что делаете это!

00:17:43,096 --> 00:17:44,266

Мы справились!

00:17:45,661 --> 00:17:48,561

Мы по-научному разобрались

с этими пришельцами.

00:17:48,588 --> 00:17:50,981

Было невероятно сложно,

но мы справились.

00:17:51,014 --> 00:17:53,144

Я забыл. Напомни,

как мы это сделали?

00:17:53,181 --> 00:17:54,773

Я взяла превращатель костей

00:17:54,812 --> 00:17:57,995

и превратила свинью

в гигантского монстра с рёбрышками.

00:17:58,011 --> 00:18:01,397

А после купила маски пришельцев

«Обратной стороны Земли»

00:18:01,446 --> 00:18:05,512

в магазине «Хулу»,

который почти окончательно разорился.

00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:07,624

Мэтью, это была гениальная идея –

00:18:07,646 --> 00:18:10,650

переключить праздничную пушку

на 4-е июля.

00:18:10,679 --> 00:18:12,607

Верно. Рёбрышки,

00:18:12,684 --> 00:18:15,377

кровь из соуса барбекю

и салатные какашки.

00:18:18,566 --> 00:18:20,130

Роланд, прекрасный план –

00:18:20,131 --> 00:18:23,161

использовать оживляющий луч в конце.

00:18:23,330 --> 00:18:25,668

Черт! Я знаю, что существую.

00:18:25,708 --> 00:18:28,351

— Тебя зовут Питер.

— Пи-тер.

00:18:28,507 --> 00:18:30,912

— Хоккей на льду меня так заряжает.

— Сегодня я усвоила урок.

00:18:30,941 --> 00:18:33,552

Я Терри. Я буду делать пончики во дворе.

00:18:33,574 --> 00:18:36,889

Совсем нетрудно было

плохо пристегнуть Питера,

00:18:36,917 --> 00:18:38,505

чтобы он мог сбежать.

00:18:41,161 --> 00:18:44,581

Теперь эти пришельцы заплатят

за все свои преступления!

00:18:44,606 --> 00:18:46,395

Это победа человечества!

00:18:47,181 --> 00:18:49,204

Черт. Что я наделала?!

00:18:49,321 --> 00:18:51,560

Как больно!

00:18:51,587 --> 00:18:53,919

Боль по всему телу!

00:18:53,968 --> 00:18:54,904

У меня тоже!

00:18:54,945 --> 00:18:56,880

— Даже во внутреннем глазу!

— Но это хорошо!

00:18:56,913 --> 00:18:58,612

— Так было нужно!

— Мы мерзавцы!

00:18:58,641 --> 00:19:00,493

Мы законченные мерзавцы!

00:19:01,175 --> 00:19:02,707

Мы больше не будем злыми.

00:19:02,734 --> 00:19:04,514

Мы научимся сострадать.

00:19:04,515 --> 00:19:05,818

Мы усвоили урок.

00:19:07,235 --> 00:19:09,028

О, посмотрите на его футболку!

00:19:09,069 --> 00:19:11,292

Это пародия на «Мир Уэйна»?

00:19:11,366 --> 00:19:12,604

Тебя зовут Марк?

00:19:12,892 --> 00:19:15,016

Эти фильмы сняли сто лет назад!

00:19:15,020 --> 00:19:18,926

Только неудачники пишут своё имя

на футболке с «Миром Уэйна»!

00:19:18,947 --> 00:19:20,680

— Ты отстой!

00:19:20,723 --> 00:19:22,339

Тебе должно быть стыдно!

Настоящий придурок!

00:19:22,853 --> 00:19:27,640

Не могу это видеть!

Убирайся отсюда! Убирайся отсюда, чудик!

00:19:27,674 --> 00:19:28,878

Муравьи больно кусают,

00:19:28,913 --> 00:19:31,030

но наезды на людей заглушают боль.

00:19:33,091 --> 00:19:35,012

О, ты посмотри.

00:19:35,039 --> 00:19:36,846

Всех с Днём Шери.

00:19:37,766 --> 00:19:39,070

О, прекрасно!

00:19:39,138 --> 00:19:40,598

Ух ты.

00:19:41,343 --> 00:19:42,739

С Днём Шери вас.

00:19:46,168 --> 00:19:49,563

Я никому не рассказывал об этом,

но это гложет меня.

00:19:49,615 --> 00:19:53,177

Пришло время рассказать правду

о смерти Шери.

00:19:53,217 --> 00:19:56,025

Вся история – это ложь.

00:19:56,066 --> 00:19:58,809

Да. Она героиня,

и она помогла мне победить Герцога.

00:19:58,810 --> 00:20:02,607

Она была моей любовницей,

и да, мы с ней спали.

00:20:02,645 --> 00:20:05,002

— Это было…

— Тим, прошу…

00:20:05,235 --> 00:20:07,753

Герцог не убил её во время войны.

00:20:07,769 --> 00:20:09,656

— Тогда как…

— Шери увидела эту дыру,

00:20:09,699 --> 00:20:12,250

этот кусочек голубого неба и спятила.

00:20:12,251 --> 00:20:13,551

Она сошла с ума.

00:20:13,552 --> 00:20:15,940

Захотела заставить всех выйти

на задний двор,

00:20:15,944 --> 00:20:17,650

чтобы их съели совы.

00:20:17,686 --> 00:20:19,511

Я думал, наши взгляды с Шери совпадают.

00:20:19,513 --> 00:20:21,632

Но вдруг понял, что она была как Герцог.

00:20:21,664 --> 00:20:23,623

Они оба хотели хаоса,

00:20:23,652 --> 00:20:26,886

и их не останавливала мысль о том,

что они могут уничтожить чью-то жизнь.

00:20:26,976 --> 00:20:28,151

Она напала на меня,

00:20:29,257 --> 00:20:30,871

и я убил Шери.

00:20:32,263 --> 00:20:34,692

Я убил любовь всей моей жизни,

чтобы спасти нас.

00:20:34,698 --> 00:20:36,262

Нет, не говори так.

00:20:36,264 --> 00:20:38,758

Мне не надо было приводить к власти

соратников Герцога.

00:20:38,795 --> 00:20:41,520

Я просто стал называть их

старейшинами. Разумно.

00:20:41,575 --> 00:20:44,838

Но я хранил дыру в секрете,

чтобы защитить людей.

00:20:44,839 --> 00:20:46,483

Зачем ты рассказываешь мне это?

00:20:46,517 --> 00:20:48,255

Я не просил ставить меня во главе Стены.

00:20:48,323 --> 00:20:49,567

Это большой груз.

00:20:49,595 --> 00:20:52,397

И я нёс его один слишком долго.

00:20:52,486 --> 00:20:54,193

Теперь мы можем разделить его с тобой.

00:20:54,876 --> 00:20:55,700

О чем это ты?

00:20:55,708 --> 00:20:58,071

Выбор за тобой.

Можешь рассказать всем правду.

00:20:58,132 --> 00:21:00,969

Жизнь изменится.

Может, станет труднее, но такова жизнь.

00:21:01,190 --> 00:21:03,433

Или можешь помочь мне скрыть всё это.

00:21:03,590 --> 00:21:07,136

Мы скроем то, что сделал Итан.

И жизнь продолжится.

00:21:08,003 --> 00:21:09,284

Как бы то ни было, хорошо,

00:21:09,313 --> 00:21:11,180

что теперь всё это не в моих руках.

00:21:11,962 --> 00:21:14,444

Ну что, Халк, как ты поступишь?

00:21:16,648 --> 00:21:21,400

Жители Стены, добро пожаловать

на первый ежегодный День Шери.

00:21:22,328 --> 00:21:25,479

Перед началом празднования Дня Шери

00:21:25,509 --> 00:21:28,032

вас ожидает важное объявление.

00:21:28,075 --> 00:21:30,116

Но вы услышите его не от меня.

00:21:31,918 --> 00:21:33,795

Мы поймали убийцу.

00:21:33,866 --> 00:21:35,154

Это был

00:21:37,975 --> 00:21:41,518

сверчок, который забрался в Стену.

00:21:43,530 --> 00:21:45,834

Верно. Спасибо, Халк.

00:21:45,835 --> 00:21:47,761

Ты снова наш герой.

00:21:47,795 --> 00:21:50,143

Теперь мы можем вернуться к жизни, зная,

00:21:50,180 --> 00:21:53,515

что в Стене безопаснее, чем прежде.

00:21:53,566 --> 00:21:54,567

За Шери!

00:21:54,797 --> 00:21:56,671

Шери! Шери!

00:21:56,705 --> 00:21:57,748

Шери!

00:21:57,775 --> 00:21:59,688

Шери! Шери!

00:21:59,703 --> 00:22:01,789

Шери! Шери!

00:00:09,700 --> 00:00:12,370

Как у них получается из года в год улучшать технику?

00:00:12,370 --> 00:00:14,530

Apple Pencil Pro намного лучше,

00:00:14,530 --> 00:00:17,080

чем отвратительный, устаревший Apple Pencil.

00:00:17,080 --> 00:00:18,330

Новый может писать курсивом.

00:00:18,330 --> 00:00:20,960

Я буквально видел, как Эмили Дикинсон писала им стихи

00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:23,500

в сериале Дикинсон на канале Apple TV+ на моем Apple TV!

00:00:23,500 --> 00:00:26,210

У них есть Wi-fi роутер под брендом U2?

00:00:26,210 --> 00:00:27,420

Вау! Он красный.

00:00:27,420 --> 00:00:29,130

А за каждые четыре риски сигнала

00:00:29,130 --> 00:00:31,380

Боно отправляет обувь морским черепахам.

00:00:31,380 --> 00:00:32,930

Эй, вам нужно починить...

00:00:32,930 --> 00:00:35,260

Принеси мне Apple Pencil Pro, слуга Apple.

00:00:35,260 --> 00:00:37,270

Конечно. Возьмёте также заряжающее ожерелье?

00:00:37,270 --> 00:00:39,600

Карандаш очень быстро разряжа...

00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:41,690

Не подходите!

00:00:41,690 --> 00:00:42,980

- На помощь!

- О боже, Пит, ты в порядке?

00:00:42,980 --> 00:00:46,150

Это те пришельцы-психопаты, которые пытали меня в своём подземелье!

00:00:46,150 --> 00:00:48,860

Это невозможно. Мы переделали наше подземелье во Флоридскую комнату.

00:00:48,860 --> 00:00:50,900

Да, мы вообще не знаем этого фрика.

00:00:50,900 --> 00:00:52,610

- Здравствуйте, сэр, я...

- Не прикасайся!

00:00:52,610 --> 00:00:54,320

Сири, вызывай копов!

00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:56,490

Включаю Destiny's Child.

00:01:01,290 --> 00:01:02,540

Это они!

00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:08,630

У него нет ануса.

00:01:08,630 --> 00:01:10,420

Придётся нам его создать.

00:01:10,420 --> 00:01:11,550

Ну что, как дела?

00:01:14,220 --> 00:01:17,260

Солнечные Противоположности отправляются в тюрьму!

00:01:18,260 --> 00:01:20,390

Планета Шлорп являлась идеальной утопией.

00:01:20,730 --> 00:01:22,230

До падения астероида.

00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:25,860

Сотня взрослых и репликантов улетели с планеты вместе с Пупой

00:01:25,860 --> 00:01:27,940

и отправились в космос

00:01:27,940 --> 00:01:30,280

в поисках нового дома на необитаемой планете.

00:01:31,030 --> 00:01:33,990

Мы упали на Землю и застряли на этой уже и так перенаселённой планете.

00:01:33,990 --> 00:01:35,740

Верно, это я говорил все это время.

00:01:35,740 --> 00:01:37,490

Я тот, который держит Пупу. Меня зовут Корво.

00:01:37,490 --> 00:01:39,910

Это... это моё шоу. Я только что уронил Пупу. Видите меня?

00:01:39,910 --> 00:01:41,330

Это просто смешно.

00:01:41,330 --> 00:01:43,250

Я ненавижу Землю. Это ужасный дом.

00:01:43,250 --> 00:01:44,750

Люди тупые и нелогичные.

00:01:44,750 --> 00:01:46,380

Так нравится им Брендан Фрейзер или нет?

00:01:46,380 --> 00:01:47,960

Он хороший парень. Дайте ему шанс.

00:01:59,726 --> 00:02:01,686

Крис Сиковски, 35.

00:02:01,686 --> 00:02:03,646

Мэнди Синклэр, 28.

00:02:03,646 --> 00:02:05,686

Джеффри Дин Дорган, 33.

00:02:05,686 --> 00:02:08,396

Агнес Питерборт, 75.

00:02:08,396 --> 00:02:10,236

Завтра был бы её день рождения.

00:02:10,236 --> 00:02:13,116

Крутой список, бро. Я выпью кофе с мышиным молоком.

00:02:13,116 --> 00:02:15,026

Вероятно, ты не понимаешь, что тут происходит.

00:02:15,026 --> 00:02:16,076

Тебе конец.

00:02:16,076 --> 00:02:17,446

Я знаю, что это ты их убил.

00:02:17,446 --> 00:02:20,576

Я был сценаристом с 5 по 9 сезон сериала "Кости".

00:02:20,576 --> 00:02:24,036

и тебе стоит знать, приятель, что там был сезон с Итаном!

00:02:24,036 --> 00:02:27,206

Тебя так и не повысили до со-продюсера? Как ничтожно.

00:02:27,206 --> 00:02:29,416

Думаю, они просто закинули тебя в отдел шуток.

00:02:29,416 --> 00:02:32,046

У нас не было отдела шуток, это был отдел инсинуации.

00:02:32,046 --> 00:02:34,046

И я был там всего лишь в 9 сезоне.

00:02:35,596 --> 00:02:37,596

Если хочешь ещё раз увидеть галогенную лампу для рептилий,

00:02:37,596 --> 00:02:40,426

с помощью которой Юмьюлак имитирует солнечный день,

00:02:40,426 --> 00:02:41,886

то тебе лучше начать сотрудничать.

00:02:41,886 --> 00:02:44,856

Приятель, ты крупно ошибаешься.

00:02:44,856 --> 00:02:47,316

Я отсюда выйду, а вот ты - нет.

00:02:47,316 --> 00:02:49,896

Думаешь, Тим и охранники позволят тебе уйти?

00:02:49,896 --> 00:02:52,396

О да, детка. Без меня Тим никто.

00:02:52,396 --> 00:02:54,656

Ноль, зеро, ничто.

00:02:54,656 --> 00:02:58,196

Вау, а я и не знал, что говорю с такой важной личностью.

00:02:58,196 --> 00:03:01,456

Думаешь, это Джесси даёт нам протеиновые батончики, парацетамол и бутилированную воду?

00:03:01,456 --> 00:03:02,916

Да ладно тебе.

00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:06,126

Весь тот протеин и лекарства, к которым ты так привык?

00:03:06,126 --> 00:03:06,786

Этот парень.

00:03:06,786 --> 00:03:09,626

То есть, я должен поверить, что ты убиваешь людей в будни,

00:03:09,626 --> 00:03:12,216

а потом выполняешь поручения по выходным?

00:03:12,216 --> 00:03:13,466

Боже, как же ты туп.

00:03:13,466 --> 00:03:15,966

Слушай, вверху Стены есть дыра.

00:03:15,966 --> 00:03:17,806

Она была там ещё до войны.

00:03:17,806 --> 00:03:20,136

Герцог проносил через неё припасы,

00:03:20,136 --> 00:03:21,766

чтобы контролировать население.

00:03:21,766 --> 00:03:23,886

Секретная дыра, через которую мы могли бы сбежать?

00:03:23,886 --> 00:03:26,766

Ну и воображение у тебя, убийца.

00:03:26,766 --> 00:03:28,936

У Брохайма была подписка на Amazon Fresh.

00:03:28,936 --> 00:03:31,356

Они забрасывали посылки на крышу, а я залезал туда и забирал их.

00:03:31,356 --> 00:03:33,856

Теперь я делаю то же самое для моего дорогого друга Тима.

00:03:34,736 --> 00:03:36,566

Я устал это слушать!

00:03:36,566 --> 00:03:39,826

В Стене нет никакой дыры, и даже не смей так говорить о Тиме.

00:03:39,826 --> 00:03:42,446

Перед попаданием сюда я был инструктором по скалолазанию

00:03:42,446 --> 00:03:43,786

в Bally's Total Fitness.

00:03:43,786 --> 00:03:45,996

Вне Стены нападал я только на

00:03:45,996 --> 00:03:47,496

стены для скалолазания.

00:03:47,496 --> 00:03:48,706

И зачем ты это рассказываешь?

00:03:48,706 --> 00:03:51,376

Когда я попал сюда, я получил такое искушение.

00:03:51,376 --> 00:03:54,836

Понимаешь, так много потенциальных жертв, и нет стены для скалолазания, чтобы отвлечься.

00:03:55,256 --> 00:03:58,046

Сначала я собирался убить себя. Таким образом я бы не убил никого.

00:03:58,046 --> 00:04:00,506

Но ты меня спас.

00:04:01,016 --> 00:04:03,016

- Что?

- О, так ты не помнишь?

00:04:03,016 --> 00:04:06,266

Именно я начал потоп хлопьев.

00:04:09,726 --> 00:04:14,396

Я хотел умереть в куче хлопьев и наконец подавить в себе эти желания.

00:04:16,946 --> 00:04:19,576

Но меня спас ты.

00:04:25,826 --> 00:04:28,326

- О боже.

- И тогда я понял, что я особенный.

00:04:28,326 --> 00:04:31,206

Ты спас меня, и я решил выполнить своё предназначение.

00:04:31,206 --> 00:04:32,546

Я бог!

00:04:32,546 --> 00:04:34,336

- Заткнись!

- Я бог!

00:04:36,296 --> 00:04:37,716

Пошли. Пошли сюда.

00:04:37,716 --> 00:04:38,836

- Покончим с этим.

- Ну, вот и все.

00:04:38,836 --> 00:04:40,796

Ладно, давай представим, что есть такая теория заговора,

00:04:40,796 --> 00:04:42,256

которая помогает тебе убивать невиновных.

00:04:42,256 --> 00:04:45,556

Но ты выдал мне весь план, мистер Total Fitness.

00:04:45,556 --> 00:04:46,636

И что дальше?

00:04:46,636 --> 00:04:48,806

Не знаю, думаю, они просто зайдут и убьют тебя,

00:04:48,806 --> 00:04:50,016

а потом обвинят кузнечика.

00:04:50,016 --> 00:04:52,686

Что? Откуда ты знаешь про кузнечика?

00:04:52,686 --> 00:04:54,776

Они не такие уж и изобретательные.

00:04:54,776 --> 00:04:57,396

Они всегда обвиняют кузнечика.

00:04:58,906 --> 00:05:00,816

Как к вам относились, пока вы сидели здесь?

00:05:00,816 --> 00:05:02,866

Я ничего не скажу, пока не увижу своего адвоката.

00:05:02,866 --> 00:05:04,326

Боже, я и есть ваш адвокат.

00:05:04,326 --> 00:05:05,826

Сколько мне ещё повторять это?

00:05:05,826 --> 00:05:07,706

Возражение, отклонено, мне больше нечего сказать.

00:05:07,706 --> 00:05:09,376

Это даже не процесс... Забудьте.

00:05:09,376 --> 00:05:11,036

Давайте я расскажу вам об обвинениях,

00:05:11,036 --> 00:05:13,496

и, должна сказать, они очень подробные.

00:05:13,496 --> 00:05:16,626

По словам Питера, напоминающего Окчу,

00:05:16,626 --> 00:05:18,256

все началось тогда, когда Корво разозлился

00:05:18,256 --> 00:05:20,756

по поводу вечеринки с рёбрышками

00:05:20,756 --> 00:05:22,466

на улице возле вашего дома...

00:05:26,426 --> 00:05:28,016

Пупа, а ну не ешь это вкусное рёбрышко!

00:05:28,016 --> 00:05:29,646

Черт возьми, ненавижу этот фест с рёбрышками.

00:05:29,646 --> 00:05:32,056

Негде парковаться, они целый день готовят,

00:05:32,056 --> 00:05:34,816

а ещё кто-то, кто не я, побеждает в конкурсе лучших рёбрышек!

00:05:34,816 --> 00:05:36,526

Почему не может победить Корво?

00:05:36,526 --> 00:05:38,566

Знаешь, Корво, ты можешь пройти курсы по барбекю

00:05:38,566 --> 00:05:41,406

в какой-нибудь академии, или посмотреть видео на ютубе,

00:05:41,406 --> 00:05:42,486

или похитить Полу Дин...

00:05:42,486 --> 00:05:45,196

Похищать людей - слишком долго, я просто использую науку!

00:05:45,196 --> 00:05:47,906

В обвинении написано, что Корво создал огромное существо-свинью,

00:05:47,906 --> 00:05:50,166

которое производит великолепные рёбрышки

00:05:50,166 --> 00:05:51,036

в своей грудной клетке.

00:05:51,036 --> 00:05:53,586

Его кровь на вкус как идеальный соус для барбекю,

00:05:53,586 --> 00:05:56,126

а если его ударить, то появляется гарнир.

00:05:56,126 --> 00:05:58,166

Черт, очень на меня похоже.

00:05:58,166 --> 00:05:59,876

Даже эта фигня с гарниром.

00:05:59,876 --> 00:06:01,926

Где я? К-кто я?

00:06:01,926 --> 00:06:04,466

Ты мой папа? У-и! На помощь!

00:06:05,716 --> 00:06:08,136

Какое хорошее рёбрышко.

00:06:08,136 --> 00:06:09,976

Но не хватает соуса барбекю.

00:06:10,686 --> 00:06:11,896

О нет!

00:06:11,896 --> 00:06:14,356

Корво выиграл пять золотых медалей,

00:06:14,356 --> 00:06:17,986

победив кузена Лиззо - Риббо, который раньше был чемпионом.

00:06:17,986 --> 00:06:19,106

Пожалуйста, отпусти меня.

00:06:19,106 --> 00:06:22,236

Замри, мне нужно много рёбрышек для сегодняшнего собрания в церкви.

00:06:22,236 --> 00:06:25,526

Корво, стой! Пусть Питер поможет мне с математикой.

00:06:25,526 --> 00:06:27,656

Он не сможет мне помочь, если будет орать.

00:06:27,656 --> 00:06:29,746

Что такое Х в этом уравнении? Скажи мне!

00:06:29,746 --> 00:06:30,916

Привет! У нас...

00:06:30,916 --> 00:06:32,496

О боже, что это?

00:06:32,496 --> 00:06:35,126

Пожалуйста, девочка! Они сумасшедшие. Помоги мне!

00:06:35,126 --> 00:06:36,876

Не волнуйся, Джесси рядом.

00:06:37,166 --> 00:06:38,626

Вы должны отпустить его!

00:06:38,626 --> 00:06:41,376

Нельзя держать кого-то в подвале и пытать их.

00:06:41,376 --> 00:06:44,466

Ты точно не понимаешь, как важно победить в конкурсе рёбрышек.

00:06:46,306 --> 00:06:48,266

О боже!

00:06:48,266 --> 00:06:50,016

Ребята! Посмотрите, как я буду делать пончики в газоне!

00:06:50,016 --> 00:06:52,386

Я наконец-то понял, как их делать. Оказывается, это круг!

00:06:52,386 --> 00:06:53,556

- Круто!

- Ладно.

00:07:00,316 --> 00:07:01,486

Иди к черту, газон!

00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:05,446

Питер сбежал, пока вы отвлеклись на пончики.

00:07:05,446 --> 00:07:08,196

Он провёл несколько ночей в лесу, потом решил жить дальше,

00:07:08,196 --> 00:07:09,906

получил танцевальное образование,

00:07:09,906 --> 00:07:12,246

не мог найти работу, а потом начал работать в Apple Store

00:07:12,246 --> 00:07:14,116

как и все другие люди с высшим образованием.

00:07:14,116 --> 00:07:16,246

Ладно, слушайте. Да, полное разоблачение, звучит как то,

00:07:16,246 --> 00:07:17,626

что мы бы сделали, верно?

00:07:17,626 --> 00:07:19,796

Да, это прямо то, что мы бы продали Hulu,

00:07:19,796 --> 00:07:21,756

а они бы ответили: "Мы не понимаем, но согласны".

00:07:21,756 --> 00:07:23,256

Но я не помню ничего такого.

00:07:23,256 --> 00:07:26,006

Я никогда не ходил на фест рёбрышек и никогда не встречал этого вкусного Питера.

00:07:26,006 --> 00:07:28,306

Да, только то, что это похоже на нас,

00:07:28,306 --> 00:07:29,426

не значит, что мы это сделали.

00:07:29,426 --> 00:07:30,596

Да, мы хорошие люди.

00:07:30,596 --> 00:07:32,476

Помните, как мы превратили кровь бездомного парня

00:07:32,476 --> 00:07:33,346

в витаминную воду?

00:07:33,346 --> 00:07:35,146

И-или когда мы убили миллионы пчёл,

00:07:35,146 --> 00:07:36,266

чтобы они не жалили людей?

00:07:36,266 --> 00:07:38,726

Да, а ещё мы изобрели вейпинг, это уж точно что-то да значит.

00:07:38,726 --> 00:07:40,146

Вы оба правы. Мы крутые.

00:07:40,146 --> 00:07:41,896

Это точно не мы!

00:07:41,896 --> 00:07:44,026

Ну, Питер звучит довольно убедительно.

00:07:44,026 --> 00:07:45,946

К тому же, он огромное странное существо, а вы странные пришельцы,

00:07:45,946 --> 00:07:47,826

так что в подобное легко поверить.

00:07:47,826 --> 00:07:49,156

И что это значит для нас?

00:07:49,156 --> 00:07:50,946

Это значит, что вам пиздец.

00:07:53,615 --> 00:07:55,625

Это последний шанс отпустить меня, приятель.

00:07:55,625 --> 00:07:57,335

Вот и они. Чувствуешь это?

00:07:57,335 --> 00:07:59,085

Чувствуешь их? Они идут. Для тебя все кончено. Готовься.

00:07:59,085 --> 00:07:59,795

Черт, больно же.

00:08:00,875 --> 00:08:03,165

Тише, успокойся. Не делай ничего безумного.

00:08:03,165 --> 00:08:04,715

Положи нож-колечко на пол.

00:08:04,715 --> 00:08:06,505

- Назад!

- Дайте мне убить его, пожалуйста!

00:08:06,505 --> 00:08:07,885

- Что ты делаешь?

- Он убийца!

00:08:07,885 --> 00:08:09,715

Семёрка на самом деле была буквой, просто перевёрнута.

00:08:09,715 --> 00:08:11,055

Он жил в печеньке с предсказанием.

00:08:11,055 --> 00:08:12,135

Стоп, о чем это ты?

00:08:12,135 --> 00:08:13,885

Если ты поймал настоящего убийцу, то круто.

00:08:13,885 --> 00:08:16,265

Но если ты убьёшь его, то и сам станешь убийцей.

00:08:16,265 --> 00:08:18,725

Назад! Ни шагу вперёд!

00:08:20,145 --> 00:08:21,645

Знаете, а тюрьма не так уж и хороша.

00:08:21,645 --> 00:08:24,315

Мне просто нужно подождать, а потом пойти к Распределяющей шляпе.

00:08:24,315 --> 00:08:25,155

Понимаете, о чем я?

00:08:25,155 --> 00:08:28,155

Ты путаешь тюрьму с фильмами о Гарри Поттере.

00:08:28,155 --> 00:08:30,445

Не делай такие предположения, он мог и книги прочитать.

00:08:30,445 --> 00:08:31,695

Иди к черту! Даже если бы и прочитал,

00:08:31,695 --> 00:08:34,325

то он все равно не мог избежать влияния фильмов!

00:08:34,325 --> 00:08:35,955

Ну давай, дерись со мной!

00:08:35,955 --> 00:08:38,535

Это значит, что я не попаду в Пуффендуй?

00:08:40,295 --> 00:08:42,375

Боже!

00:08:43,005 --> 00:08:43,915

Что за черт!

00:08:43,915 --> 00:08:47,505

О нет, пожалуйста, скажи мне, то у тебя есть запасная трубка в заднице.

00:08:47,505 --> 00:08:49,795

Как это у всех в тюрьме так много заточек.

00:08:49,795 --> 00:08:52,675

Ну, у них есть курсы по изготовлению заточек по выходным.

00:08:52,675 --> 00:08:54,425

- Зачем?

- Юмьюлак, знаешь, как они говорят:

00:08:54,425 --> 00:08:56,765

"Если дать человеку заточку, то он будет использовать её день".

00:08:56,765 --> 00:08:58,515

"Но если научить человека делать заточки..."

00:08:58,515 --> 00:08:59,935

Это просто ужасное место.

00:08:59,935 --> 00:09:01,105

Тут даже нет нормальных суши,

00:09:01,105 --> 00:09:02,855

а человек, который делает суши, - насильник.

00:09:02,855 --> 00:09:05,315

А ещё у него цены как в аэропорту, а потом он нападает на тебя с заточкой.

00:09:05,315 --> 00:09:07,695

Это просто бред. Я уверен, что мы этого всего не делали.

00:09:07,695 --> 00:09:10,735

Мы хорошие члены общества, которые боятся Пупу и верят Fox News.

00:09:10,735 --> 00:09:11,785

Тогда почему мы здесь?

00:09:11,785 --> 00:09:14,535

Тут есть только одно объяснение. Солнечных Противоположностей подставили.

00:09:15,785 --> 00:09:17,205

Кто-то хотел обвинить нас.

00:09:17,205 --> 00:09:18,955

Это заговор, и мы не можем никому доверять.

00:09:18,955 --> 00:09:21,205

Думаешь, Питер - злобный гений?

00:09:21,205 --> 00:09:23,795

Ну нет! Питер лучший. У него лицо и рёбрышки ангела.

00:09:23,795 --> 00:09:26,585

Как ты можешь так говорить про Питера после того, как он пережил все это?

00:09:26,585 --> 00:09:28,385

Серьёзно, Терри, иди ты нахер.

00:09:28,385 --> 00:09:30,925

Если милый ангел Питер этого не делал, то кто?

00:09:30,925 --> 00:09:33,305

Есть кто-то в этом мире, кого мы обидели?

00:09:33,305 --> 00:09:36,685

Эм, на прошлой неделе мы с Юмьюлаком не хотели сдавать тест по истории,

00:09:36,685 --> 00:09:39,685

поэтому мы с помощью Луча-Изменения-Костей прекратили кости Мисс Фрэнки в металл,

00:09:39,685 --> 00:09:40,685

прямо как Росомаха из Марвел.

00:09:41,475 --> 00:09:43,645

- Что со мной происходит?

- Привет, милочка!

00:09:43,645 --> 00:09:46,315

Вы снова забыли достать ключи из кармана?

00:09:50,115 --> 00:09:52,155

Вот это дичь. Это точно Мисс Фрэнки.

00:09:52,155 --> 00:09:55,115

Подождите, была ещё ситуация с Роландом в прошлый вторник...

00:09:55,445 --> 00:09:56,865

Мы только посмотрели Историю игрушек 4,

00:09:56,865 --> 00:09:59,035

и я думал, что будет смешно, если чьи-то игрушки оживут.

00:09:59,035 --> 00:10:01,285

Так что я выстрелил из оживляющего луча в вещи этого парня.

00:10:01,285 --> 00:10:04,335

Живите, ублюдки, живите!

00:10:04,335 --> 00:10:06,335

Почему мои вещи живые? Что происходит?

00:10:08,085 --> 00:10:10,465

Ну и подстава, Терри. У нас ещё один подозреваемый.

00:10:10,465 --> 00:10:12,005

- Это может быть и Мэттью.

- Кто?

00:10:12,005 --> 00:10:14,465

Он наш сосед, который ненавидит меня без причины.

00:10:14,465 --> 00:10:15,715

Он мой заклятый враг.

00:10:15,715 --> 00:10:18,435

Мэттью сказал мне, что мне нельзя носить Рожденственские свитера,

00:10:18,435 --> 00:10:20,225

потому что я ничего не знаю про это Рожденство,

00:10:20,225 --> 00:10:21,435

что бы это ни значило.

00:10:21,645 --> 00:10:24,145

Так что я выстрелил в него из праздничной пушки.

00:10:26,735 --> 00:10:28,185

О боже! Нет!

00:10:28,185 --> 00:10:29,695

Я не чувствую свою душу!

00:10:30,695 --> 00:10:33,025

И кто теперь не знает про Рожденство, идиот?

00:10:33,025 --> 00:10:36,365

Ладно, вау, теперь у нас три варианта тех,

00:10:36,365 --> 00:10:37,405

кто может нас подставлять.

00:10:37,405 --> 00:10:39,285

Если честно, их несколько сотен.

00:10:39,285 --> 00:10:40,745

Да прекратите. Просто подумайте об этом.

00:10:40,745 --> 00:10:42,785

Люди точно не смогли бы сделать это.

00:10:42,785 --> 00:10:45,545

- Они чертовски тупые.

- Юм прав, они довольно тупые.

00:10:45,545 --> 00:10:46,795

Они такие бюджетные.

00:10:46,795 --> 00:10:48,965

Джесси, прекрати использовать слово "бюджетный" вместе "банальный".

00:10:48,965 --> 00:10:51,125

Но да, в этом случае они точно бюджетные.

00:10:51,125 --> 00:10:52,795

Но кто-то же все равно подставил нас.

00:10:52,795 --> 00:10:54,795

Кто-то умный, могущественный, красивый,

00:10:54,795 --> 00:10:56,805

любит животных, с идеальными скулами,

00:10:56,805 --> 00:10:58,265

и кучей свободного времени.

00:10:58,265 --> 00:10:59,935

Кто бы это мог быть?

00:10:59,935 --> 00:11:01,725

- Обама!

- Даша-путешественница!

00:11:01,725 --> 00:11:04,145

Да, Обама! Гордость Оксидентал-колледж.

00:11:04,145 --> 00:11:07,355

Этот говнюк злится на нас с тех пор, как мы обошли его в Кабо.

00:11:07,355 --> 00:11:09,145

Надо сбежать из тюрьмы и отбелить наши имена.

00:11:09,145 --> 00:11:12,605

Ура! Солнечные противоположности сбегают из тюрьмы!

00:11:15,945 --> 00:11:17,365

- Пупа, ты тут?

- Да.

00:11:34,715 --> 00:11:36,215

Пупа!

00:11:40,975 --> 00:11:42,435

- Да!

- Да!

00:11:43,845 --> 00:11:46,265

Так, все, копы на хвосте. Хватит Шоушенка.

00:11:47,225 --> 00:11:49,565

Стоп, что это за херня?

00:11:49,565 --> 00:11:50,895

Божечки. О, нет.

00:11:50,895 --> 00:11:51,815

Вы окружены!

00:11:51,815 --> 00:11:52,815

Выходите с поднятыми руками!

00:11:52,815 --> 00:11:54,565

Ладно, Корво! Собираем манатки и валим!

00:11:54,565 --> 00:11:56,865

Нет-нет-нет! Посмотрите на ленточки! И на сертификаты!

00:11:56,865 --> 00:11:58,235

Посмотрите на чертовы награды!

00:11:58,235 --> 00:12:00,035

Но я думала, ты не выигрывал никакой конкурс!

00:12:00,035 --> 00:12:01,405

Наверное, мы стёрли себе память.

00:12:01,405 --> 00:12:03,205

И мы сделали все эти ужасные вещи с Питом.

00:12:03,205 --> 00:12:05,325

Божечки! Мы монстры!

00:12:05,325 --> 00:12:07,835

Не может быть, мы используем научную фигню чтобы помогать людям!

00:12:07,835 --> 00:12:10,005

Нет, мы трусливые говнюки,

00:12:10,005 --> 00:12:11,585

которые только упрощают свою жизнь.

00:12:11,585 --> 00:12:14,295

Никто не подставлял нас, мы действительно ужасные люди.

00:12:14,295 --> 00:12:15,175

То есть, инопланетяне.

00:12:15,175 --> 00:12:16,925

Ребята, это последнее предупреждение,

00:12:16,925 --> 00:12:19,175

а потом мы будем делать пиф-паф.

00:12:19,175 --> 00:12:20,555

Стоп, что? Люди не поняли...

00:12:20,555 --> 00:12:21,765

Ладно, объясняю.

00:12:21,765 --> 00:12:24,635

Пиф-паф значит, что мы будем стрелять пулями,

00:12:24,635 --> 00:12:26,265

а не лазерами, как в "Звёздных Войнах".

00:12:26,265 --> 00:12:27,475

Понятно, да, ребят?

00:12:27,475 --> 00:12:30,065

Мы виноваты много в чем, но за поступок с Питером мы расплатимся.

00:12:30,065 --> 00:12:32,065

Надо сдаться полиции и вернуться в тюрьму.

00:12:32,065 --> 00:12:36,355

Ура! Солнечные противоположности несут ответственность!

00:12:37,445 --> 00:12:39,115

Не стреляйте, мы-мы-мы выходим.

00:12:39,115 --> 00:12:40,445

Уберите пиф-паф!

00:13:04,055 --> 00:13:05,805

- Тим!

- Какого черта?

00:13:05,805 --> 00:13:07,595

Халк Хоган, ты что здесь делаешь?

00:13:07,595 --> 00:13:08,725

Нужно поговорить!

00:13:08,725 --> 00:13:11,815

Конечно, что угодно для героя Первой Стенной Войны.

00:13:11,815 --> 00:13:13,565

Не слушай его, Тим. Он сошёл с ума.

00:13:13,565 --> 00:13:15,025

Он хочет сорвать праздник Шерри!

00:13:15,025 --> 00:13:16,145

Я поймал настоящего убийцу.

00:13:16,145 --> 00:13:18,405

Который утверждает, что бегал куда-то за Стену

00:13:18,405 --> 00:13:19,615

за сельдереем и жвачками.

00:13:19,615 --> 00:13:21,785

Сказал, что вы с охранниками защищаете его.

00:13:21,785 --> 00:13:23,945

Какого черта? Ты говорил мне, что это все сверчок.

00:13:23,945 --> 00:13:25,785

Меня они тоже пытались накормить этой ложью.

00:13:25,785 --> 00:13:29,075

Значит, это он держит в страхе мою утопию?

00:13:29,075 --> 00:13:30,495

Да. Вы, придурки,

00:13:30,495 --> 00:13:32,085

я же говорил, что Тим за справедливость!

00:13:32,085 --> 00:13:34,835

Мой дорогой Итан, ты должен был помогать мне.

00:13:34,835 --> 00:13:37,215

Что ты наделал, глупый мальчишка?

- Стоп, что?

00:13:37,215 --> 00:13:39,715

Я делал Стену лучшим местом для всех нас!

00:13:39,715 --> 00:13:41,925

Ты знал?

00:13:41,925 --> 00:13:43,925

Я знаю Итана уже давно.

00:13:44,385 --> 00:13:46,515

И да, в Стене есть дыра.

00:13:46,515 --> 00:13:47,845

Есть выход.

00:13:50,355 --> 00:13:52,645

- Боже мой.

- Итан выходил наружу.

00:13:52,645 --> 00:13:55,685

Он доставал лекарства, продукты, используя систему Герцога.

00:13:55,685 --> 00:13:57,525

Но я не знал, что он убивает людей.

00:13:57,525 --> 00:13:59,605

Я просто проявлял свою божественную волю!

00:13:59,605 --> 00:14:02,155

Эй, ребята, хоть вы скажите ему, что я Бог.

00:14:02,155 --> 00:14:03,985

Вы знали, что происходит?

00:14:03,985 --> 00:14:05,905

Мы просто делали то, что ты счёл бы правильным.

00:14:05,905 --> 00:14:07,365

Мы хотели оградить тебя от правды,

00:14:07,365 --> 00:14:08,995

чтобы ты смог сосредоточиться на деле.

00:14:08,995 --> 00:14:11,955

То, что вы сделали, идёт вразрез со всем, за что мы боролись!

00:14:12,285 --> 00:14:14,705

Я понимаю, вы делали это из добрых побуждений.

00:14:14,705 --> 00:14:15,955

Я не стану вас наказывать.

- Что?

00:14:15,955 --> 00:14:17,545

Это не в правилах Стены.

00:14:17,545 --> 00:14:19,215

Какого хрена? Они не могут просто уйти!

00:14:19,215 --> 00:14:20,255

- Спасибо, Тим.

- Спасибо за милосердие.

00:14:20,255 --> 00:14:22,045

Но, Итан, тебя придётся запереть.

00:14:22,045 --> 00:14:23,345

Это для твоего же блага, сынок.

00:14:23,345 --> 00:14:24,595

Ты не можешь меня запереть!

00:14:24,595 --> 00:14:27,135

Потому что я сбегу и убью вас всех!

00:14:27,135 --> 00:14:28,225

Потому что я Бог.

00:14:28,225 --> 00:14:30,435

Халк, прошу, отпусти Итана с охранниками.

00:14:30,435 --> 00:14:32,975

Даю тебе слово: он больше никому не навредит.

00:14:36,565 --> 00:14:38,485

Отведите его в удерживающую камеру.

00:14:40,355 --> 00:14:42,525

Я могу сбежать откуда угодно.

00:14:42,525 --> 00:14:44,235

Приказываю тебе отпустить меня!

00:14:44,825 --> 00:14:46,445

Отпустите меня!

00:14:49,035 --> 00:14:50,035

Что происходит?

00:14:50,575 --> 00:14:51,825

Тим! Ты что делаешь?

00:14:51,825 --> 00:14:54,375

Вытащи это! Выпусти нас!

00:14:54,375 --> 00:14:57,545

Вы позволите Итану сбежать, запятнав репутацию Стены.

00:14:57,545 --> 00:14:59,625

Эта кровь на ваших ручонках.

00:14:59,625 --> 00:15:01,085

Прощайте, друзья мои.

00:15:03,085 --> 00:15:06,215

О, нет, волшебная жижа!

00:15:10,385 --> 00:15:12,555

Не нравится мне это! Нет!

00:15:12,555 --> 00:15:13,975

Нет, Тим!

00:15:13,975 --> 00:15:16,645

Тим, я перестану убивать! Я изменился!

00:15:16,645 --> 00:15:19,145

Нет-нет-нет!

00:15:26,074 --> 00:15:27,244

У меня не было выбора.

00:15:27,244 --> 00:15:29,494

Они были частью старой системы, частью проблемы.

00:15:29,494 --> 00:15:32,284

Но ты, Халк, можешь стать частью её решения.

00:15:32,284 --> 00:15:33,414

Пойдём со мной.

00:15:33,414 --> 00:15:35,084

Пускай ты и не знал, что Итан - убийца,

00:15:35,084 --> 00:15:37,794

но ты держал в секрете этот проход.

00:15:37,794 --> 00:15:39,334

Я не прошу тебя довериться мне,

00:15:39,334 --> 00:15:41,464

но я доверяю тебе правду,

00:15:41,464 --> 00:15:42,464

всю правду.

00:15:42,464 --> 00:15:44,594

Выслушай меня, а потом решай, что ты с ней сделаешь.

00:15:48,384 --> 00:15:50,634

Терри, Корво, Юмьюлак, Джесси.

00:15:50,634 --> 00:15:52,724

Я признаю вас виновными по всем статьям.

00:15:52,724 --> 00:15:54,804

И приговариваю вас к смерти.

00:15:54,804 --> 00:15:56,224

Если кто-то не согласен,

00:15:56,224 --> 00:15:59,394

то пускай говорит сейчас, или же замолчит навеки.

00:15:59,394 --> 00:16:02,024

Я хочу кое-что сказать.

00:16:02,024 --> 00:16:03,854

Мы с Терри и репликантами все обсудили

00:16:03,854 --> 00:16:06,524

и считаем, что нас стоит приговорить к смерти.

00:16:06,524 --> 00:16:07,444

Мы заслуживаем этого.

00:16:07,444 --> 00:16:09,824

А ещё "говорите сейчас или же молчите навеки" для свадеб.

00:16:10,324 --> 00:16:13,574

Народ, я не для того выигрывал шоу "Самый сексуальный судья Америки",

00:16:13,574 --> 00:16:15,834

чтобы меня не уважали в собственном суде.

00:16:15,834 --> 00:16:17,874

Что же касается приговора...

00:16:17,874 --> 00:16:19,124

Остановитесь.

00:16:20,164 --> 00:16:23,584

Я считаю, что Солнечные противоположности не заслуживают смерти.

00:16:24,584 --> 00:16:26,424

Этого я не мог предугадать.

00:16:26,424 --> 00:16:28,804

Это чудовище с рёбрами, которое они запирали в подвале.

00:16:28,804 --> 00:16:30,094

Но нужно было держать лицо.

00:16:30,094 --> 00:16:31,884

Ну, типа, я же сексуальный судья.

00:16:31,884 --> 00:16:33,094

Говори свою правду, дружище.

00:16:33,094 --> 00:16:35,764

Да, они крайне, крайне ужасные люди,

00:16:35,764 --> 00:16:38,604

и поэтому они заслуживают что похуже смертной казни.

00:16:38,604 --> 00:16:40,984

Если они умрут, то будут страдать всего мгновение.

00:16:40,984 --> 00:16:42,984

Но если они выживут, то будут страдать от вины

00:16:42,984 --> 00:16:44,654

за содеянное всю жизнь.

00:16:44,654 --> 00:16:46,654

О, как раз то, что нужно. Я очень виноват.

00:16:46,654 --> 00:16:49,194

Джордж, прости меня.

00:16:49,194 --> 00:16:51,324

Есть наказания, которые будут причинять боль

00:16:51,324 --> 00:16:52,654

дольше, чем убийства.

00:16:52,654 --> 00:16:54,534

кое-что реально трэшовое.

00:16:54,534 --> 00:16:56,624

Вот, например, сейчас покажу. Тут видео с YouTube.

00:16:56,624 --> 00:16:59,294

Срань Господня, мы такого даже в братстве никогда не делали!

00:16:59,294 --> 00:17:01,834

Ну, если только похожее. Покойся с миром, Брайс. Мы будем скучать.

00:17:02,124 --> 00:17:03,504

Раз это есть на YouTube, все плохо?

00:17:03,504 --> 00:17:05,504

Надеюсь, нас просто пощекочут.

00:17:06,334 --> 00:17:08,294

На инопланетян наденут перчатки,

00:17:08,294 --> 00:17:10,134

в которых куча бразильских муравьев.

00:17:10,134 --> 00:17:12,554

Яд этих муравьев самый болезненный в мире,

00:17:12,554 --> 00:17:15,264

а в каждой перчатке более 500 муравьев.

00:17:15,264 --> 00:17:17,554

Боль будет длиться днями!

00:17:20,144 --> 00:17:22,394

- Я заслужил это!

- Я тоже!

00:17:22,394 --> 00:17:23,734

Кусаются!

00:17:23,734 --> 00:17:25,564

Ха-ха, да!

00:17:43,084 --> 00:17:43,874

Мы сделали это!

00:17:45,544 --> 00:17:48,504

Мы научно переиграли этих сраных инопланетян!

00:17:48,504 --> 00:17:50,964

Это было чертовски сложно, но у нас получилось!

00:17:50,964 --> 00:17:53,134

Напомни-ка мне, как мы это сделали!

00:17:53,134 --> 00:17:54,764

Я использовала Лазер Замены Костей,

00:17:54,764 --> 00:17:58,054

чтобы превратить обычную свинью в рёберного монстра.

00:17:58,054 --> 00:18:00,934

Купила маски с лицами Солнечных противоположностей в Hulu Store's

00:18:00,934 --> 00:18:02,434

по большой скидке.

00:18:02,434 --> 00:18:05,694

Ещё я купила 15 членов, точнее - дилдо.

00:18:05,694 --> 00:18:07,854

Мэттью, гениальной идеей было

00:18:07,854 --> 00:18:10,944

перенастроить праздничную пушку на 4 июля.

00:18:10,944 --> 00:18:12,694

Отлично. Приготовим рёбрышки.

00:18:12,694 --> 00:18:15,444

Какашки из капустного салата и маринад вместо слез.

00:18:18,574 --> 00:18:20,074

И, Роланд, отличное решение

00:18:20,074 --> 00:18:23,334

использовать Воскрешающий Лазер, чтобы завершить начатое.

00:18:23,334 --> 00:18:25,794

Срань Господня, я осознаю своё существование!

00:18:25,794 --> 00:18:28,504

- Тебя зовут Питер.

- Пи-тер?

00:18:28,504 --> 00:18:30,924

- Чуваки, а вы знали...

- Сегодня я извлёк урок.

00:18:30,924 --> 00:18:33,424

Я Терри! Я собираюсь пожарить пончики на заднем дворе!

00:18:33,424 --> 00:18:35,844

Я ослабила цепь во время

00:18:35,844 --> 00:18:38,264

нашего фальшивого семейного собрания, чтобы Питер сбежал.

00:18:41,014 --> 00:18:43,474

Теперь эти засранцы инопланетяне заплатят

00:18:43,474 --> 00:18:44,564

за все свои преступления!

00:18:44,564 --> 00:18:46,394

Сегодня победило человечество!

00:18:47,024 --> 00:18:49,234

Вот дерьмо! Что же я наделала?

00:18:49,234 --> 00:18:51,564

Господи, как больно!

00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:53,984

Они как будто кусают по всему телу!

00:18:53,984 --> 00:18:55,114

И меня тоже!

00:18:55,114 --> 00:18:56,534

- Даже в мой внутренний глаз!

- Но мы заслужили!

00:18:56,534 --> 00:18:58,614

Так нам и надо!

- Мы куски дерьма!

00:18:58,614 --> 00:19:00,574

Мы огромные куски дерьмового дерьма!

00:19:00,574 --> 00:19:02,744

Я больше никогда не буду плохим!

00:19:02,744 --> 00:19:04,454

Мы выучили, что такое эмпатия!

00:19:04,454 --> 00:19:05,704

Мы извлекли свой урок!

00:19:07,254 --> 00:19:08,924

Божечки, взгляните на футболку этого парня!

00:19:08,924 --> 00:19:11,384

Это пародия на "Мир Уэйна" что ли?

00:19:11,384 --> 00:19:13,004

Тебя зовут Марк?

00:19:13,004 --> 00:19:15,054

Эти фильмы вышли миллион лет назад!

00:19:15,054 --> 00:19:18,764

Ты что, лузер какой-то, чтобы лепить своё имя на футболку с "Миром Уэйна"?

00:19:18,764 --> 00:19:20,684

Ты - отстой!

- Ну и позор!

00:19:20,684 --> 00:19:22,224

Знаешь, ты настоящий идиот!

00:19:22,894 --> 00:19:26,144

Глаза бы мои тебя не видели, убирайся отсюда, чертов псих!

00:19:26,144 --> 00:19:27,434

Терри прав, убирайся отсюда!

00:19:27,434 --> 00:19:28,854

Эти муравьи так больно кусаются,

00:19:28,854 --> 00:19:31,024

но от обсирания людей мне становится легче!

00:19:32,564 --> 00:19:34,734

Вау, только посмотри на это.

00:19:34,734 --> 00:19:37,444

С Днём Шерри всех.

00:19:37,784 --> 00:19:39,154

Просто идеально.

00:19:41,324 --> 00:19:42,784

С Днём Шерри тебя.

00:19:46,204 --> 00:19:49,624

Я никогда никому не рассказывал, но это сжирает меня изнутри.

00:19:49,624 --> 00:19:53,214

Пора рассказать правду о смерти Шерри.

00:19:53,214 --> 00:19:56,094

То, что ты знаешь... это ложь.

00:19:56,094 --> 00:19:58,714

Да, она была героиней, что помогла мне победить Герцога.

00:19:58,714 --> 00:20:02,684

Да, она была моей любовницей, и да, мы с ней много трахались.

00:20:02,684 --> 00:20:04,894

Её мокрая киска была...

- Тим, прошу.

00:20:05,224 --> 00:20:07,974

Герцог не убивал её во время войны.

00:20:07,974 --> 00:20:09,684

- Но как тогда...

- Шерри увидела дыру,

00:20:09,684 --> 00:20:12,274

этот маленький кусочек голубого неба, и ей сорвало башню.

00:20:12,274 --> 00:20:13,524

Она стала нести какой-то бред.

00:20:13,524 --> 00:20:15,824

Она хотела заставить людей выйти во двор,

00:20:15,824 --> 00:20:17,734

чтобы их там сожрали совы.

00:20:17,734 --> 00:20:19,494

Я думал, мы с Шерри на одной стороне,

00:20:19,494 --> 00:20:21,704

но потом я понял, что она такая же, как Герцог.

00:20:21,704 --> 00:20:23,574

Оказалось, что они оба хотели хаоса

00:20:23,574 --> 00:20:25,374

и не думали о жизнях,

00:20:25,374 --> 00:20:26,994

которые могут сломать.

00:20:26,994 --> 00:20:28,084

Она дралась со мной.

00:20:29,254 --> 00:20:30,964

И я убил Шерри.

00:20:32,294 --> 00:20:34,634

Я убил любовь всей своей жизни, чтобы спасти всех нас.

00:20:34,634 --> 00:20:36,134

Нет... не говори так!

00:20:36,134 --> 00:20:38,674

Я не должен был поддерживать сторонников Герцога.

00:20:38,674 --> 00:20:41,554

Я всего-то сменил их названия на "охранников". Умно.

00:20:41,554 --> 00:20:44,684

Но все же я молчал про дыру, чтобы защитить людей.

00:20:44,684 --> 00:20:46,434

Зачем ты мне это рассказываешь?

00:20:46,434 --> 00:20:48,014

Я никогда не хотел быть главным на Стене.

00:20:48,014 --> 00:20:49,604

Это сильно давит.

00:20:49,604 --> 00:20:52,484

И я слишком долго тяну эту ношу один.

00:20:52,484 --> 00:20:54,234

Теперь мы можем её разделить.

00:20:54,854 --> 00:20:55,654

В каком смысле?

00:20:55,654 --> 00:20:58,194

Предоставляю это тебе: ты можешь рассказать всем правду.

00:20:58,194 --> 00:21:01,194

И жизнь изменится, станет сложнее. Но такова жизнь.

00:21:01,194 --> 00:21:03,534

Или ты можешь помочь мне сохранить тайну.

00:21:03,534 --> 00:21:07,244

Мы утаим все, что натворил Итан, и жизнь продолжится.

00:21:07,244 --> 00:21:09,244

В любом случае, приятно быть не единственным,

00:21:09,244 --> 00:21:11,044

кто все знает.

00:21:11,914 --> 00:21:14,294

Итак, Халк... Что собираешься сделать?

00:21:16,634 --> 00:21:20,844

Жители Стены! Добро пожаловать на первый ежегодный День Шерри!

00:21:22,344 --> 00:21:25,474

Прежде чем мы почтим память павшей героини,

00:21:25,474 --> 00:21:27,894

у нас есть важное объявление.

00:21:27,894 --> 00:21:29,854

Но услышите вы его не от меня.

00:21:31,894 --> 00:21:33,894

Мы поймали убийцу.

00:21:33,894 --> 00:21:34,854

Это был...

00:21:37,984 --> 00:21:41,864

подлый сверчок, пробравшийся в Стену.

00:21:43,574 --> 00:21:45,784

Отлично! Спасибо, Халк!

00:21:45,784 --> 00:21:47,784

Ты снова стал героем.

00:21:47,784 --> 00:21:50,124

Теперь мы можем вернуться к жизни, зная, что

00:21:50,124 --> 00:21:53,544

теперь в Стене стало ещё безопаснее!

00:21:53,544 --> 00:21:54,504

За Шерри!

00:21:54,504 --> 00:21:56,544

Шерри! Шерри!

00:21:56,544 --> 00:21:57,884

Шерри!

00:21:57,884 --> 00:21:59,714

Шерри! Шерри!

00:21:59,714 --> 00:22:01,714

Шерри! Шерри!

00:00:09,801 --> 00:00:12,554

How do they keep incrementally

improving products year after year?

00:00:12,638 --> 00:00:14,723

The Apple Pencil Pro is far superior

00:00:14,806 --> 00:00:16,808

to last year's disgusting

obsolete Apple Pencil.

00:00:16,934 --> 00:00:18,352

The new one can write in cursive.

00:00:18,435 --> 00:00:20,979

I literally saw Emily Dickinson

writing poetry with it,

00:00:21,063 --> 00:00:23,524

in the Apple TV+ show Dickinson

on my Apple TV.

00:00:23,607 --> 00:00:26,109

They have a YouTube branded Wi-Fi router.

00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:27,402

Wow! It's red!

00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:29,112

For every four bars of signal you get,

00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:31,323

Bono sends a pair of shoes

to a sea turtle.

00:00:31,406 --> 00:00:32,950

Hey. You looking for a repair or...

00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:35,285

Fetch me an Apple Pencil Pro,

Apple servant.

00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:37,246

You got it.

You want a charging necklace too?

00:00:37,329 --> 00:00:39,248

The pencil runs out of batteries

very fast.

00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:43,001

- Get away from me!

- Oh, my God, Pete. You okay?

00:00:43,085 --> 00:00:46,088

These are the psycho aliens

that tortured me in their dungeon.

00:00:46,213 --> 00:00:48,882

That's impossible. We turned our dungeon

into a Florida room.

00:00:48,966 --> 00:00:50,968

We've never even met

this fucking freak show.

00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:52,636

- Hello, sir.

- Don't touch me!

00:00:52,761 --> 00:00:54,346

Siri, call the cops.

00:00:54,429 --> 00:00:56,515

Playing Destiny's Child.

00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:02,479

That's them.

00:01:07,109 --> 00:01:08,652

He doesn't have a hole.

00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:10,445

We'll just have to make one.

00:01:10,529 --> 00:01:11,572

Hey, how's it going?

00:01:14,283 --> 00:01:16,994

The Solar Opposites are going to jail.

00:01:18,328 --> 00:01:22,332

Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia

until the asteroid hit.

00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:25,085

One hundred adults and their replicants

00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:27,504

were issued a Pupa

and escaped into the space,

00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:30,215

searching for new homes

on uninhabited worlds.

00:01:31,049 --> 00:01:33,802

We crashed on Earth, stranding us

on an already overpopulated planet.

00:01:33,886 --> 00:01:35,679

That's right.

I've been talking this whole time.

00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:37,472

I'm the one holding the Pupa.

My name's Korvo.

00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:39,391

This is my show.

I just dropped the Pupa.

00:01:39,474 --> 00:01:41,226

Do you see me? This is ridiculous.

00:01:41,393 --> 00:01:44,563

I hate Earth. It's a horrible home.

People are stupid and confusing.

00:01:44,730 --> 00:01:46,315

Do they like Brendan Fraser or not?

00:01:46,398 --> 00:01:47,983

He's a good guy. Give him a chance.

00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:01,580

Chris Zakowski, 35.

00:02:01,705 --> 00:02:03,498

Mandy Sinclair, 28.

00:02:03,749 --> 00:02:05,709

Jeffrey Dean Dorgan, 33.

00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:08,212

Agnes Peterboard, 75 years old.

00:02:08,295 --> 00:02:10,255

Tomorrow would have been her birthday.

00:02:10,339 --> 00:02:13,133

Cool list, bro. I take my coffee

with a splash of mouse milk.

00:02:13,217 --> 00:02:16,094

Maybe you don't understand

what's happening here. You're done.

00:02:16,178 --> 00:02:17,513

I know you killed them.

00:02:17,596 --> 00:02:20,557

I was an executive story editor

on Bones Seasons Five through Nine.

00:02:20,682 --> 00:02:24,061

And let me tell you, friend,

that's a season wrap on Ethan.

00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:27,105

You never even got a bump

to co-producer? Pathetic.

00:02:27,231 --> 00:02:29,441

I bet they just stuck you

in the Bones joke room.

00:02:29,525 --> 00:02:31,985

We didn't have a joke room.

It was an innuendo room,

00:02:32,110 --> 00:02:33,820

and I was only there for the back nine.

00:02:35,572 --> 00:02:37,699

If you ever want to see

the halogen reptile lamp

00:02:37,783 --> 00:02:40,285

that Yumyulack uses

to simulate the light of day again,

00:02:40,452 --> 00:02:41,954

you better start cooperating.

00:02:43,455 --> 00:02:44,831

Buddy, you got it all wrong.

00:02:44,957 --> 00:02:47,334

I'm gonna be walking out of here

and you're not.

00:02:47,417 --> 00:02:49,962

You think Tim and the Walldermen

are just gonna let you go?

00:02:50,045 --> 00:02:54,466

Oh, yeah, babe. Without me,

Tim is nothing. Nada, zero, zilch.

00:02:54,550 --> 00:02:55,551

Oh, wow!

00:02:55,634 --> 00:02:58,178

I didn't realize I was talking

to someone so important.

00:02:58,262 --> 00:03:02,015

You think Jesse gives us Clif Bars,

chewable Tylenol and Dasani water?

00:03:02,099 --> 00:03:06,812

Come on. All that protein and medicine

that you're used to, this guy.

00:03:06,895 --> 00:03:09,606

So, I'm supposed to believe

you're killing people during the week,

00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:12,234

then turning big and running errands

on the weekends?

00:03:12,317 --> 00:03:13,652

Oh, my God, you're so stupid.

00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:15,904

Listen. There is a hole

in the top of The Wall.

00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:17,823

It's been there since before the war.

00:03:17,906 --> 00:03:20,033

The Duke would use it to bring in

extra supplies

00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:21,785

to keep control of the population.

00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:24,037

A top secret hole

that we could use to escape, huh?

00:03:24,162 --> 00:03:26,790

You have quite the imagination, murderer.

00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:28,625

Broheim had an Amazon Fresh subscription.

00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:31,503

They'd throw deliveries on the roof

and I'd climb out to get them.

00:03:31,587 --> 00:03:34,339

Now I do the same thing

for my close personal friend, Tim.

00:03:34,798 --> 00:03:36,425

I'm sick of this bullshit!

00:03:36,508 --> 00:03:39,845

There's no hole in The Wall,

and I won't let you drag Tim's good name.

00:03:39,928 --> 00:03:41,138

In the before-before-time,

00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,682

I was a rock climbing instructor

at Bally's Total Fitness.

00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:44,808

Outside The Wall,

00:03:44,892 --> 00:03:47,519

the only thing I used to murder

was indoor climbing walls.

00:03:47,603 --> 00:03:48,729

And I care why?

00:03:48,812 --> 00:03:51,356

Once I got in here,

it's so much temptation.

00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:55,027

You know, so many potential victims

and no rock climbing to distract me.

00:03:55,110 --> 00:03:58,071

At first, I was going to kill myself.

That way I wouldn't murder anyone.

00:03:58,155 --> 00:04:00,574

But then you saved me.

00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:02,993

- What?

- You don't remember, do you?

00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:06,288

I'm the one who started

the flooding of the Nerds.

00:04:09,833 --> 00:04:12,586

My plan was to die in that Nerd pile

00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:14,546

and finally escape my impulses.

00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:19,593

But then, you saved me.

00:04:25,891 --> 00:04:28,352

- Oh, my God.

- That's when I knew I was special.

00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:30,812

You saved me so I could fulfil my destiny.

00:04:30,896 --> 00:04:33,106

- I'm a god.

- Shut up.

00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:34,316

I'm a god!

00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:38,779

- Let's go. Let's do this.

- Well, that's my ride.

00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:42,241

Let's say there is some big conspiracy

to help you kill innocent people.

00:04:42,324 --> 00:04:45,327

But now you've told me the whole plan,

Mr. Total Fitness,

00:04:45,410 --> 00:04:46,662

so what happens next?

00:04:46,745 --> 00:04:48,747

I don't know. They'll probably kill you,

00:04:48,872 --> 00:04:50,666

- and then blame it on a cricket.

- What?

00:04:50,749 --> 00:04:52,709

How the hell do you know

about the cricket?

00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:54,962

These guys aren't exactly

creative geniuses.

00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:57,422

They always just blame it on a cricket.

00:04:59,007 --> 00:05:00,384

Has anyone mistreated you here?

00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:02,594

I'm not saying anything

until our lawyer gets here.

00:05:02,678 --> 00:05:05,848

Oh, my God. I'm your lawyer.

How many times must we go over this?

00:05:05,931 --> 00:05:07,724

Objection overruled, I rest my case.

00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:11,103

This isn't even a trial. Forget it.

Let me walk you through the accusations.

00:05:11,186 --> 00:05:13,522

And I gotta say they seem very specific.

00:05:13,605 --> 00:05:16,275

According to Peter,

the Okja-type character,

00:05:16,358 --> 00:05:18,318

this all started off

when Korvo got annoyed

00:05:18,402 --> 00:05:22,322

at an annual ribfest-styled block party

on the street outside your house.

00:05:26,535 --> 00:05:27,911

Pupa, put those ribs down.

00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:29,621

Goddammit, I hate this stupid ribfest.

00:05:29,705 --> 00:05:31,915

There's nowhere to park,

they play rib-jams all day,

00:05:31,999 --> 00:05:34,751

and some guy who is not me

always wins the best ribs competition.

00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:36,545

Why can't Korvo be a winner for once?

00:05:36,628 --> 00:05:39,673

You know, Korvo, you can take some

barbecue classes at The Learning Annex,

00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:42,509

or watch some YouTube videos,

chef-nap Paula Deen.

00:05:42,593 --> 00:05:45,220

Kidnapping people takes too long.

I'll just use sci-fi shit.

00:05:45,304 --> 00:05:47,931

The prosecution claims

Korvo created a giant pig thing

00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:51,018

that self-cooked racks of

award-winning ribs out of its chest,

00:05:51,101 --> 00:05:53,604

whose blood tasted like

delicious barbecue sauce,

00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,939

and when struck, shat out all the fixins.

00:05:56,064 --> 00:05:58,400

Damn it.

That sounds like something I would do.

00:05:58,483 --> 00:05:59,902

Right down to the fixin' shits.

00:05:59,985 --> 00:06:03,030

Where am I? What am I? Are you my dad?

00:06:03,488 --> 00:06:05,449

Help! No!

00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,535

Mmm! That's good rib.

00:06:08,619 --> 00:06:10,454

Could use a little barbecue sauce, though.

00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:11,872

Oh, no!

00:06:11,955 --> 00:06:14,374

Korvo won

five straight ribfest gold medals,

00:06:14,458 --> 00:06:18,003

dethroning Lizzo's cousin Ribo

as the ribfest champion.

00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:19,087

Please let me go.

00:06:19,171 --> 00:06:22,257

I need a potluck-worth of your shit

for a church event tonight.

00:06:22,341 --> 00:06:25,344

Korvo, wait. I need Peter to help me

with my math homework.

00:06:25,469 --> 00:06:27,679

He's not gonna be able to focus

if he's screaming.

00:06:27,763 --> 00:06:29,723

What's the X in this equation? Tell me!

00:06:29,806 --> 00:06:32,518

Hi, guys, are we having a...

Oh, my God, what's that?

00:06:32,601 --> 00:06:35,145

Please, little girl. These guys are crazy.

You gotta help me.

00:06:35,229 --> 00:06:36,897

Don't worry little guy. Jesse is here.

00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:38,273

You have to let him go.

00:06:38,357 --> 00:06:41,485

You can't just keep a creature

trapped in your basement and torture it.

00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:44,863

You clearly don't understand how important

it is to win rib contests.

00:06:46,782 --> 00:06:47,908

Oh, God.

00:06:47,991 --> 00:06:49,868

Come watch me do donuts on the front lawn.

00:06:49,952 --> 00:06:52,371

I finally figured it out.

Turns out it's a circle.

00:06:52,454 --> 00:06:53,497

- All right.

- Awesome!

00:07:02,965 --> 00:07:05,217

Peter escaped

while you were distracted by the donuts.

00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:08,178

He spent a few nights in the woods,

then he moved on with his life.

00:07:08,262 --> 00:07:09,763

Got his MFA in interpretive dance,

00:07:09,847 --> 00:07:11,056

couldn't find work, duh.

00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:14,142

So, he got a job at the Apple Store

with all the other MFAs.

00:07:14,226 --> 00:07:17,062

That story really did sound

like something we would do. Right?

00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:19,398

Yeah, it feels like something

we'd pitch to Hulu

00:07:19,481 --> 00:07:21,775

and they'd say,

"We don't understand, but go for it."

00:07:21,859 --> 00:07:24,236

But I don't remember any of it.

I never went to a ribfest

00:07:24,319 --> 00:07:26,321

or met this delicious

rib-looking Peter guy.

00:07:26,405 --> 00:07:29,449

Just because the story sounded like us

doesn't mean we did it.

00:07:29,533 --> 00:07:31,368

Yeah, we 're good people.

Remember that time

00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,829

we turned that homeless guy's blood

into vitamin water?

00:07:33,912 --> 00:07:36,290

Or when we killed millions of bees

so people won't get stung?

00:07:36,373 --> 00:07:38,750

Yeah, we invented vaping.

That has to count for something.

00:07:38,834 --> 00:07:41,920

You're both right. We're great.

This was 100% not us.

00:07:42,004 --> 00:07:44,047

Well, Peter is a convincing witness.

00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:46,008

He's a big alien thing and you're aliens.

00:07:46,091 --> 00:07:47,843

It's not hard to think that you did this.

00:07:47,926 --> 00:07:49,178

What does that mean for us?

00:07:49,261 --> 00:07:50,971

It means you're fucked.

00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:55,642

This is your last chance

to let me go, buddy.

00:07:55,726 --> 00:07:57,978

They're coming.

Do you feel they're coming?

00:07:58,103 --> 00:07:59,813

It's all over you. Get ready. That hurt.

00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:03,192

Halk, calm down, big guy.

Don't do anything crazy.

00:08:03,275 --> 00:08:05,194

- Just put the Ring Pop knife down.

- Stay back.

00:08:05,277 --> 00:08:06,528

Let me kill him, please.

00:08:06,612 --> 00:08:07,988

- What are you doing?

- He's the killer.

00:08:08,071 --> 00:08:11,074

The seven was an L. It was upside down.

He lived in a fortune cookie.

00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:12,201

What are you talking about?

00:08:12,284 --> 00:08:13,827

If you caught the real killer, great.

00:08:13,911 --> 00:08:16,288

But if you kill him,

it'll make you a killer too.

00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:18,749

Stay back.

Don't take another fucking step.

00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:21,585

I bet prison isn't all that bad.

00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:24,296

I just have to bide my time

until I go to the Sorting Hat.

00:08:24,379 --> 00:08:25,464

Know what I'm saying?

00:08:25,547 --> 00:08:27,883

You're confusing prison

with the Harry Potter movies.

00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:30,427

Don't make assumptions.

He might have read the book.

00:08:30,511 --> 00:08:31,762

Fuck you. Even if he had,

00:08:31,887 --> 00:08:34,389

he couldn't avoid the cultural impact

of the movie.

00:08:34,473 --> 00:08:36,099

Come on. You wanna fight me?

00:08:36,391 --> 00:08:38,560

Does this mean

I don't get to be in Hufflepuff?

00:08:39,811 --> 00:08:41,230

Ow! Argh!

00:08:41,396 --> 00:08:42,397

God!

00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:43,899

What the fuck?

00:08:43,982 --> 00:08:47,528

Oh, no, please tell me you got

a backup crack pipe inside that butt.

00:08:47,611 --> 00:08:50,197

How does everyone in this prison

have so many shivs?

00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:52,574

They teach us shiv-making class

on weekends.

00:08:52,658 --> 00:08:54,368

- Why?

- You know what they say.

00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:56,578

Give a man a shiv, he shivs for a day.

00:08:56,662 --> 00:08:58,372

Now, teach a man to shiv...

00:08:58,455 --> 00:09:00,916

This place is horrible.

There is hardly any sushi,

00:09:00,999 --> 00:09:02,793

the guy making the sushi is a rapist,

00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:05,337

and he charges airport prices

before he shivs you.

00:09:05,420 --> 00:09:07,756

This is fucking bullshit.

We didn't do this to Peter.

00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:10,676

We're nice, Pupa-fearing,

Fox News-believing members of society.

00:09:10,759 --> 00:09:11,802

How did we get here then?

00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:15,097

There's only one explanation.

The Solar Opposites are getting set up.

00:09:15,180 --> 00:09:17,182

Someone wanted to take us down.

00:09:17,266 --> 00:09:19,434

It's a conspiracy

and we can't trust anyone.

00:09:19,518 --> 00:09:22,187

- You think Peter's the mastermind?

- No way. Peter's the best.

00:09:22,271 --> 00:09:23,814

He has the face and ribs of an angel.

00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:26,525

How could you say that,

after everything Peter's been through?

00:09:26,608 --> 00:09:28,402

Seriously, Terry? Go fuck yourself.

00:09:28,485 --> 00:09:30,946

If sweet angel Peter didn't do it,

who did?

00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:33,824

Is there someone in our world

we offended in some way?

00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:36,702

Last week, Yumyulack and I

didn't want to take a History test.

00:09:36,785 --> 00:09:38,161

so we used the Bone Changer Ray

00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:41,498

to turn Miss Frankie's bones

into metal like Marvel's Wolverine.

00:09:41,582 --> 00:09:43,709

- What's happening to me?

- Hello, sweetie.

00:09:43,792 --> 00:09:46,753

Did you forget to take your keys

out of your pocket again?

00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:52,092

Jesus, that's grim.

Must have been Miss Frankie.

00:09:52,176 --> 00:09:55,137

Hold on. There was also this thing

with Roland last Tuesday.

00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:56,388

I just watched Toy Story 4,

00:09:56,471 --> 00:09:59,141

and I thought it'd be fun

to make someone's toys come alive.

00:09:59,224 --> 00:10:01,435

So, I zapped this guy's stuff

with our Make Alive Ray.

00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:04,188

Live motherfuckers. Live!

00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:06,481

Why is my stuff alive? What's happening?

00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:10,402

That's messed up, Terry.

But another viable suspect.

00:10:10,485 --> 00:10:11,778

- It could also be Matthew.

- Who?

00:10:11,862 --> 00:10:14,323

He's the neighborhood fuckboy

who hates me for no reason.

00:10:14,406 --> 00:10:15,657

He's kind of my nemesis.

00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:18,368

Matthew told me I wasn't allowed to wear

Christmas sweaters

00:10:18,452 --> 00:10:21,455

because I don't know anything about

Christmas, whatever the fuck that is.

00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:24,541

So I decided to shoot him

with the Sci-fi Holiday Cannon.

00:10:26,585 --> 00:10:29,755

Oh, God. No! I can't feel my soul!

00:10:30,672 --> 00:10:33,342

Who doesn't know

about Christmas now, you fuck?

00:10:33,425 --> 00:10:35,969

We just flashed back to

three really good options

00:10:36,053 --> 00:10:37,221

for who's framing us.

00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:39,306

Honestly, there could be hundreds more.

00:10:39,389 --> 00:10:42,726

Guys, stop. Think about it.

There's no way humans could do this.

00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:45,729

- They're dumb as fuck.

- Yum's right. They hella dumb.

00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:46,813

They're so budget.

00:10:46,897 --> 00:10:48,815

Stop trying to make "budget"

the new "basic".

00:10:48,899 --> 00:10:51,235

But yes, in this one instance,

they are budget.

00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:52,778

But someone did this to us.

00:10:52,861 --> 00:10:55,572

Someone who's smart, powerful,

handsome, loves animals,

00:10:55,656 --> 00:10:58,283

has cheekbones for days,

lots of time on their hands.

00:10:58,367 --> 00:10:59,993

Who could it be?

00:11:00,494 --> 00:11:01,787

- Obama!

- Dora the Explorer!

00:11:01,870 --> 00:11:04,039

Yes! Obama,

the pride of Occidental College.

00:11:04,122 --> 00:11:07,334

Motherfucker's been on our shit

ever since we out-windsurfed him in Cabo.

00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:09,461

We have to break out and clear our names.

00:11:09,545 --> 00:11:12,631

Hurray! The Solar Opposites

are staging a breakout.

00:11:15,968 --> 00:11:17,427

- Pupa, you up?

- Yes.

00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:35,821

- Ta-da!

- Pupa!

00:11:40,576 --> 00:11:42,286

- Yes!

- Yes!

00:11:43,829 --> 00:11:46,331

All right, the cops are after us.

That's enough Shawshank-ing.

00:11:46,790 --> 00:11:48,667

Wait. What the hell are these?

00:11:49,251 --> 00:11:51,545

- Oh, God. Oh, no.

-You're surrounded.

00:11:51,628 --> 00:11:52,880

Come out with your hands up!

00:11:52,963 --> 00:11:54,673

Let's grab our stuff and get out of here.

00:11:54,756 --> 00:11:56,842

No, no, no. Look at the ribbons

and the certificates.

00:11:56,925 --> 00:11:58,051

Look at the fucking trophies.

00:11:58,135 --> 00:11:59,970

But I thought you didn't win

any rib contest.

00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:01,430

We must have erased our minds.

00:12:01,513 --> 00:12:03,640

We did do all that horrible stuff to Pete.

00:12:03,724 --> 00:12:05,142

Oh, God, we're monsters!

00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:07,853

No way. We're always using sci-fi stuff

to help people.

00:12:07,936 --> 00:12:09,771

No, we don't.

We're cowards and sneaky shits

00:12:09,855 --> 00:12:11,523

who use sci-fi to make our lives easier.

00:12:11,607 --> 00:12:12,733

No one was setting us up.

00:12:12,816 --> 00:12:15,027

We really just are horrible people.

I mean, aliens.

00:12:15,152 --> 00:12:18,739

Guys! This is your final warning,

before things get all "pew, pew, pew".

00:12:18,822 --> 00:12:20,490

What? People don't get that?

00:12:20,574 --> 00:12:21,700

Just to be clear,

00:12:21,783 --> 00:12:24,494

"pew, pew, pew" means we're gonna

be shooting bullets out of guns,

00:12:24,578 --> 00:12:27,497

not Star Wars lasers.

You guys got that, right?

00:12:27,623 --> 00:12:30,042

We're guilty of a lot,

but we can pay the price for Peter.

00:12:30,167 --> 00:12:32,044

We have to get arrested

and go back to prison.

00:12:32,127 --> 00:12:36,340

Hurray! The Solar Opposites

are taking responsibility!

00:12:37,382 --> 00:12:40,219

- Don't shoot. We're coming out.

- Hold your pew-pews.

00:13:04,034 --> 00:13:05,577

- Tim!

- What the hell?

00:13:05,661 --> 00:13:07,621

Halk Hogam. What are you doing here?

00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:09,414

- We need to talk.

- Of course.

00:13:09,498 --> 00:13:11,500

Anything for the hero of Wall War I.

00:13:11,583 --> 00:13:13,335

Don't listen to him. He's gone crazy.

00:13:13,418 --> 00:13:16,129

- He's trying to ruin Cherie Day.

- I've got the real murderer.

00:13:16,213 --> 00:13:18,340

He claims to be a runner

who goes outside the Wall

00:13:18,423 --> 00:13:19,550

for celery sticks and gum.

00:13:19,633 --> 00:13:21,802

He says you and the Walldermen

protect him.

00:13:21,885 --> 00:13:23,971

What the hell?

You told me it was a cricket.

00:13:24,054 --> 00:13:25,806

They were trying to feed me

that line, too.

00:13:25,889 --> 00:13:29,101

So this is the man

who's been terrorizing my utopia.

00:13:29,184 --> 00:13:32,104

Yes. You assholes,

I told you Tim would want justice.

00:13:32,187 --> 00:13:34,857

My sweet Ethan.

You're supposed to help me.

00:13:34,940 --> 00:13:37,192

- What did you do, you stupid boy?

- Wait, what?

00:13:37,276 --> 00:13:39,611

I've been making The Wall a better place

for all of us.

00:13:39,695 --> 00:13:40,696

You knew?

00:13:41,947 --> 00:13:43,949

I've known Ethan for a long time.

00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:46,410

And yes, there is a hole in the Wall.

00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:47,703

There is a way out.

00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:51,290

My God.

00:13:51,373 --> 00:13:52,666

Ethan does runs for me.

00:13:52,749 --> 00:13:55,711

He gets medicine, food,

using a system The Duke set up.

00:13:55,794 --> 00:13:57,546

But I didn't know he was killing people.

00:13:57,629 --> 00:13:59,715

I was just exerting my will as a god.

00:13:59,798 --> 00:14:02,176

Hey, would you tell him, you guys,

that I'm a god.

00:14:02,259 --> 00:14:04,011

You guys knew this was happening?

00:14:04,094 --> 00:14:05,929

We just did what we thought you'd want.

00:14:06,013 --> 00:14:09,016

We were shielding you from the truth

so you could focus on leading us.

00:14:09,099 --> 00:14:11,977

What you've done goes against

everything we have fought for.

00:14:12,060 --> 00:14:14,354

But I know your hearts

are in the right place.

00:14:14,438 --> 00:14:15,856

- I won't punish you.

- What?

00:14:15,981 --> 00:14:17,566

That's not the way of The Wall.

00:14:17,649 --> 00:14:20,277

- Fuck no! They just can't walk away.

- Thank you, Tim.

00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:23,363

But Ethan, we have to lock you up.

It's for your own good, my son.

00:14:23,447 --> 00:14:24,573

You can't lock me up

00:14:24,656 --> 00:14:27,034

'cause I'll just escape

and I'll kill all of you.

00:14:27,117 --> 00:14:28,243

Because I am a god.

00:14:28,327 --> 00:14:30,579

Halk, please let Ethan go

with the Walldermen.

00:14:30,662 --> 00:14:33,123

You have my word

he won't hurt anyone else.

00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:36,585

Ow!

00:14:36,668 --> 00:14:38,504

Take him to the holding chamber.

00:14:40,422 --> 00:14:41,924

I can get out of anything.

00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:44,301

I command you to release me.

00:14:45,427 --> 00:14:46,470

Let me go.

00:14:49,056 --> 00:14:50,599

What's that?

00:14:50,682 --> 00:14:52,267

Tim, what are you doing?

00:14:52,351 --> 00:14:54,394

Take the carb out, man. Let us out.

00:14:54,478 --> 00:14:57,439

I can't. You let Ethan get away

with sullying The Wall.

00:14:57,523 --> 00:14:59,650

The blood is on all your tiny hands.

00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:01,109

- Farewell, my friends.

- No, no.

00:15:03,195 --> 00:15:04,780

Oh, no!

00:15:04,863 --> 00:15:06,281

Magic Shell!

00:15:10,494 --> 00:15:11,578

Not like this!

00:15:12,496 --> 00:15:13,997

No, no, no, no. No, no, Tim.

00:15:14,081 --> 00:15:16,667

Tim, I can stop killing.

I'm... I'm better now.

00:15:16,750 --> 00:15:18,168

No, no!

00:15:26,176 --> 00:15:28,512

I had no choice.

They were part of the old way,

00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:32,140

part of the problem. But you, Halk,

you can be part of the solution.

00:15:32,224 --> 00:15:33,308

Walk with me.

00:15:33,392 --> 00:15:35,185

Even if you didn't know

Ethan was a killer,

00:15:35,269 --> 00:15:37,813

you've kept the secret of the hole

this entire time.

00:15:37,896 --> 00:15:41,233

I'm not asking you to give me your trust,

but I owe you the truth.

00:15:41,316 --> 00:15:42,442

All of it.

00:15:42,526 --> 00:15:44,653

Hear me out,

then decide what you wanna do.

00:15:48,490 --> 00:15:50,659

Terry, Korvo, Yumyulack, Jesse,

00:15:50,742 --> 00:15:52,578

I find you guilty on all counts.

00:15:52,661 --> 00:15:54,705

I recommend you to be put to death.

00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:56,456

If anyone has an issue with this,

00:15:56,540 --> 00:15:58,584

speak now or forever hold your peace.

00:15:59,293 --> 00:16:00,544

I have something to say.

00:16:02,129 --> 00:16:04,131

Terry, the replicants and I have talked,

00:16:04,214 --> 00:16:06,508

and we believe that we should

be sentenced to death.

00:16:06,592 --> 00:16:07,593

We deserve it.

00:16:07,676 --> 00:16:10,512

Also, "speak now and forever hold

your peace" is for weddings.

00:16:10,596 --> 00:16:13,682

Folks, I didn't win the hit ABC

reality show America's Sexiest Judge

00:16:13,765 --> 00:16:15,851

just to be disrespected

in my own court space.

00:16:15,934 --> 00:16:18,478

- Now, for the deets on the execush...

- Stop!

00:16:20,230 --> 00:16:23,567

I believe the Solar Opposites

don't deserve to die.

00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:24,693

Whoa!

00:16:24,776 --> 00:16:26,153

I did not see that coming.

00:16:26,236 --> 00:16:29,072

It was that big rib monster

they trapped in the basement.

00:16:29,156 --> 00:16:31,909

But I had to keep it cool.

I mean, I was the sexy judge.

00:16:31,992 --> 00:16:33,118

Speak your truth, homie.

00:16:33,202 --> 00:16:35,537

Yes, they are really,

really terrible people.

00:16:35,621 --> 00:16:38,832

Which is why they deserve something worse

than the death penalty.

00:16:38,916 --> 00:16:41,001

If they die,

they'll only suffer for a moment.

00:16:41,084 --> 00:16:44,922

But if they live, they'll have to suffer

the guilt of what they've done forever.

00:16:45,005 --> 00:16:46,840

We can do that. I feel totes guilty.

00:16:46,924 --> 00:16:49,092

George, I am so sorry.

00:16:49,218 --> 00:16:51,595

There are punishments

that'll keep them in pain

00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:54,473

way longer than killing them.

Some real fucked-up stuff.

00:16:54,556 --> 00:16:56,683

Like here.

Check out this video on YouTube.

00:16:56,767 --> 00:16:59,269

Holy fuck, we never even did that

at my frat.

00:16:59,353 --> 00:17:01,855

We did get close though.

RIP Bryce. We miss you.

00:17:01,939 --> 00:17:05,526

If it's on YouTube, how bad can it be?

I bet it's just weird tickling.

00:17:06,735 --> 00:17:10,280

The aliens are going to put on gloves

filled with Brazilian bullet ants.

00:17:10,364 --> 00:17:12,616

The ants have the most painful venom

on Earth.

00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:15,202

And each glove has over 500 ants.

00:17:15,285 --> 00:17:17,287

The pain lasts for days.

00:17:19,957 --> 00:17:22,376

- I deserve this.

- Me, too!

00:17:42,855 --> 00:17:43,939

We did it!

00:17:45,649 --> 00:17:48,485

We out sci-fied

those piece-of-shit aliens.

00:17:48,610 --> 00:17:50,737

It was complicated as hell, but we did it.

00:17:50,821 --> 00:17:53,532

I can't remember.

Can you tell us how we did it again?

00:17:53,615 --> 00:17:56,076

I used the Bone Changer Ray

to turn a regular pig

00:17:56,159 --> 00:17:57,953

into that giant rib-filled monster.

00:17:58,036 --> 00:17:59,913

I brought some Solar Opposites masks

00:17:59,997 --> 00:18:02,374

from the Hulu stores

going-out-of-business sale.

00:18:02,457 --> 00:18:05,419

I also got 15 PEN15 pens

that are also dildos.

00:18:05,544 --> 00:18:07,546

Matthew, it was a genius idea

00:18:07,629 --> 00:18:10,883

to switch the Holiday Spirit Cannon

to Fourth of July mode.

00:18:10,966 --> 00:18:12,593

That's right. Pre-cooked ribs,

00:18:12,676 --> 00:18:15,429

coleslaw poop, and salt-rub tears.

00:18:18,599 --> 00:18:20,100

And, Roland, excellent call

00:18:20,184 --> 00:18:23,187

to use the Make Alive Ray

to really land the plane.

00:18:23,270 --> 00:18:25,439

Holy fuck. I'm aware of my existence.

00:18:25,606 --> 00:18:26,690

Your name's Peter.

00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:28,317

Peter?

00:18:28,609 --> 00:18:30,652

Geez, don't you know ice hockey?

00:18:30,736 --> 00:18:32,237

- Give me your pot.

- I'm Terry.

00:18:32,321 --> 00:18:33,739

I'm gonna do donuts in the yard.

00:18:33,822 --> 00:18:37,576

It was so easy to leave the harness

unbuckled during our fake family meeting

00:18:37,659 --> 00:18:39,036

so Peter could escape.

00:18:41,121 --> 00:18:44,541

Now those bitch-ass aliens

can pay for all their crimes.

00:18:44,625 --> 00:18:47,586

Today, humanity wins!

00:18:47,669 --> 00:18:49,254

Shit! What have I done?

00:18:49,338 --> 00:18:54,551

The pain! I can feel in my organs.

00:18:55,219 --> 00:18:56,595

I'll get you.

00:18:56,678 --> 00:18:58,514

- We needed it.

- We're pieces of shit.

00:18:58,597 --> 00:19:00,390

We're big pieces of shitty shit.

00:19:01,225 --> 00:19:02,643

We'll never be mean again.

00:19:02,726 --> 00:19:04,520

We'll learn how to have empathy.

00:19:04,603 --> 00:19:06,271

We learned our lesson.

00:19:07,231 --> 00:19:09,107

Oh, my God. Look at this guy's shirt.

00:19:09,191 --> 00:19:11,318

That supposed to be

a Wayne's World parody?

00:19:11,401 --> 00:19:12,402

Is your name Mark?

00:19:13,111 --> 00:19:15,364

Those movies came out a million years ago.

00:19:15,447 --> 00:19:18,784

What kind of loser gets his name added

to a Wayne's World shirt?

00:19:18,867 --> 00:19:20,619

- You suck.

- That's so embarrassing.

00:19:20,702 --> 00:19:22,829

You're a real fucking idiot,

you know that?

00:19:22,913 --> 00:19:24,206

I can't even look at you.

00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:26,083

Get out of here, you fucking freak!

00:19:26,166 --> 00:19:28,043

Terry's right. Get out of here.

00:19:28,168 --> 00:19:29,169

These ants feel bad,

00:19:29,253 --> 00:19:31,380

but shitting on humans

almost evens it out.

00:19:33,131 --> 00:19:36,760

Oh, wow. Look at this.

Good Cherie Day, everyone.

00:19:37,719 --> 00:19:39,137

That's perfect.

00:19:39,221 --> 00:19:40,597

Wow!

00:19:41,348 --> 00:19:42,683

Good Cherie Day to you.

00:19:46,186 --> 00:19:49,690

I've never told anyone this,

but it's been eating away at me.

00:19:49,773 --> 00:19:53,360

Now is the time to tell the true story

of Cherie's death.

00:19:53,443 --> 00:19:55,529

The story you know, it's a lie.

00:19:56,071 --> 00:19:58,699

Yes, she was a hero

who helped me defeat The Duke.

00:19:58,782 --> 00:20:00,158

Yes, she was my lover,

00:20:00,242 --> 00:20:02,578

and, yes, we had a bunch of sex.

00:20:02,661 --> 00:20:04,913

- Pussy was popping. It was...

- Tim, please.

00:20:04,997 --> 00:20:08,000

- The Duke didn't kill her during the war.

- But then how...

00:20:08,083 --> 00:20:11,211

Cherie, she sees this hole,

this little piece of blue sky,

00:20:11,295 --> 00:20:13,547

and she snaps. She started talking crazy.

00:20:13,630 --> 00:20:16,008

She wants to force people

out into the backyard

00:20:16,091 --> 00:20:17,634

to let them get eaten by owls.

00:20:17,718 --> 00:20:19,553

I thought Cherie and I were

on the same page,

00:20:19,636 --> 00:20:21,597

but I realized she was just like The Duke.

00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:23,557

In the end, they both wanted chaos,

00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:27,060

and didn't stop to think about the lives

they would ruin on the way.

00:20:27,144 --> 00:20:28,520

She fought me.

00:20:29,062 --> 00:20:30,689

And I killed Cherie.

00:20:32,232 --> 00:20:34,651

I killed the love of my life

to save us all.

00:20:34,735 --> 00:20:36,153

No, don't say that.

00:20:36,236 --> 00:20:38,655

I should've never kept The Duke's

enforcers in power.

00:20:38,739 --> 00:20:41,742

All I did was change their name

to "The Walldermen". Clever.

00:20:41,825 --> 00:20:44,703

The point of keeping the hole a secret

was to protect people.

00:20:44,786 --> 00:20:46,205

Why are you telling me this?

00:20:46,288 --> 00:20:49,458

I never asked to be in charge

of this Wall. It weighs on a man.

00:20:49,541 --> 00:20:52,461

And I've been carrying that weight alone

for far too long.

00:20:52,544 --> 00:20:54,296

Now, we can bear it together.

00:20:54,838 --> 00:20:56,632

- What do you mean?

- I leave it up to you.

00:20:56,715 --> 00:20:58,217

You can tell everyone the truth.

00:20:58,300 --> 00:21:01,011

Life will change. It might be hard.

But that's life.

00:21:01,094 --> 00:21:03,555

Or, you can help me cover this up.

00:21:03,639 --> 00:21:06,975

We'll hide what Ethan did,

and life can continue.

00:21:08,018 --> 00:21:11,063

Either way, it feels good

to not be the man on top of it all.

00:21:12,022 --> 00:21:14,149

So Halk, what are you gonna do?

00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:21,281

Wallians, welcome to

the first annual Cherie Day!

00:21:22,324 --> 00:21:25,369

Before we get to celebrating

our fallen hero,

00:21:25,452 --> 00:21:27,913

there is an important announcement

to make.

00:21:27,996 --> 00:21:29,957

But you won't be hearing it from me.

00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:34,920

We captured the murderer. It was...

00:21:38,090 --> 00:21:41,343

A rogue cricket who got in The Wall.

00:21:43,595 --> 00:21:45,722

That's right. Thank you, Halk.

00:21:45,806 --> 00:21:47,724

You're a hero once again.

00:21:47,808 --> 00:21:53,438

We can now go back to life knowing

The Wall is safer than ever before.

00:21:53,522 --> 00:21:56,567

For Cherie. Cherie. Cherie.

00:21:56,650 --> 00:22:00,737

Cherie! Cherie! Cherie!

00:00:18,299 --> 00:00:23,429

МЭР ШОНДАЛЕНДА

00:00:56,549 --> 00:00:58,709

ПОЛИЦЕЙСКИЙ УЧАСТОК

00:01:02,509 --> 00:01:03,049

КОРВО

00:01:03,339 --> 00:01:03,749

ЯМЮЛЯК

00:01:03,749 --> 00:01:04,349

ДЖЕССИ

00:01:04,349 --> 00:01:04,869

ТЕРРИ

00:01:11,599 --> 00:01:13,649

ЛЕВЫЙ УКАЗАТЕЛЬНЫЙ ПАЛЕЦ

ЛЕВЫЙ БОЛЬШОЙ ПАЛЕЦ

00:01:33,579 --> 00:01:47,929

ПРОДАНО

00:04:57,455 --> 00:04:58,855

ФЕДЕРАЛЬНАЯ ТЮРЬМА

00:05:22,475 --> 00:05:24,105

ФЕСТИВАЛЬ РЁБРЫШЕК

00:08:18,774 --> 00:08:20,124

ФЕДЕРАЛЬНАЯ ТЮРЬМА

00:08:20,124 --> 00:08:28,064

НЕНАВИСТЬ

00:08:42,554 --> 00:08:47,384

СМЕРТЬ

00:11:31,474 --> 00:11:32,644

ФЕДЕРАЛЬНАЯ ТЮРЬМА

00:12:44,374 --> 00:12:46,414

С ДНЁМ ШЕРИ!

00:12:49,154 --> 00:12:51,894

РЫНОК

00:16:24,643 --> 00:16:31,863

ЧЕЗ

ЛИЧНЫЙ ДРЕССИРОВЩИК ДЛЯ СОБАК

00:17:05,513 --> 00:17:07,353

ОКРУЖНОЙ СУД

00:19:10,803 --> 00:19:12,903

МИР МАРКА

00:19:32,623 --> 00:19:34,723

С ДНЁМ ШЕРИ!

00:21:15,593 --> 00:21:17,463

С ДНЁМ ШЕРИ!