Солнечные противоположности почти получают Xbox

00:00:08,383 --> 00:00:11,887

Eyes Wide Shut sex party/fundraiser

for UNICEF.

00:00:11,970 --> 00:00:14,139

The time-traveling glory hole

was a great touch.

00:00:14,223 --> 00:00:16,308

Dirty Randy's still going at it,

aren't you, bud?

00:00:16,391 --> 00:00:20,187

Oh, my dong inadvertently

caused the assassination of JFK.

00:00:20,270 --> 00:00:22,231

Wasn't that a B-story on Modern Family?

00:00:22,314 --> 00:00:25,025

That party sucked.

No one wanted to sacrifice Ragu.

00:00:25,108 --> 00:00:26,109

-(BLEATS)

- No way

00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:27,694

the petting zoo's gonna take him back

00:00:27,778 --> 00:00:29,363

with that haunted look in his eyes.

00:00:30,489 --> 00:00:32,032

(ECHOED EVIL LAUGHTER)

00:00:32,115 --> 00:00:33,283

(BLEATS)

00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:37,454

I finally did it.

I perfectly deboned this Branzino.

00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:40,457

It took me 147 tries.

But wait. Where is everyone?

00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:42,709

Party's over, man.

You took too long with the fish.

00:00:42,793 --> 00:00:44,795

I told you, just order Burger Lounge.

00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:48,340

Everyone at an orgy expects

to be eating Burger Lounge. Burger Lounge.

00:00:48,423 --> 00:00:49,716

Eat clean, fuck dirty.

00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:53,804

I guess I'll just enjoy this perfectly

deboned European sea bass by myself.

00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:55,639

(CHOKES)

00:00:57,015 --> 00:00:58,058

Should we save him?

00:00:58,141 --> 00:01:00,811

Yeah. I guess

give him the Shlorplich maneuver.

00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:03,814

(PANTING)

00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:07,234

Just for the record,

I was just pretending to choke.

00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:16,743

Oh, crap. The Pupa's blue.

00:01:16,827 --> 00:01:19,538

- Uh, what does that mean?

- You're the Pupa specialist.

00:01:19,621 --> 00:01:21,748

Right. And what does that mean?

00:01:22,457 --> 00:01:25,127

Aisha, access

the Pupa's informational color swatches.

00:01:25,210 --> 00:01:26,336

(AISHA BEEPS)

00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:29,256

KORVO: Okay, royal blue

means the Pupa has kennel cough.

00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:32,718

Cornflower blue means one of us

had a sex dream about the other one.

00:01:32,801 --> 00:01:34,803

Navy blue means his Hulu plan is expiring.

00:01:34,887 --> 00:01:36,805

Robin's-egg blue means we get a free Xbox.

00:01:36,889 --> 00:01:38,765

Pacific blue means we all die at midnight.

00:01:38,849 --> 00:01:39,933

(ALL GASP)

00:01:40,017 --> 00:01:41,977

We were so close to getting that Xbox.

00:01:43,145 --> 00:01:47,191

KORVO: Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia

until the asteroid hit.

00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:50,110

One hundred adults and their replicants

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were issued a Pupa

and escaped into the space,

00:01:52,738 --> 00:01:55,115

searching for new homes

on uninhabited worlds.

00:01:55,574 --> 00:01:58,493

We crashed on Earth, stranding us

on an already overpopulated planet.

00:01:58,577 --> 00:02:00,495

That's right.

I've been talking this whole time.

00:02:00,579 --> 00:02:02,289

I'm the one holding the Pupa.

My name's Korvo.

00:02:02,372 --> 00:02:04,208

This is... This is my show.

I just dropped the Pupa.

00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:06,001

Do you see me?

(STUTTERS) This is ridiculous.

00:02:06,084 --> 00:02:08,921

I hate Earth. It's a horrible home.

People are stupid.

00:02:09,004 --> 00:02:10,923

They love having robots do their jobs,

00:02:11,006 --> 00:02:12,925

but don't create a system

of universal income

00:02:13,008 --> 00:02:16,220

so they can have money after the robots

take their jobs. It makes no sense.

00:02:25,729 --> 00:02:28,440

- Let me break it down for you.

- Oh, yeah, baby. Break it down.

00:02:28,565 --> 00:02:30,108

- Break it down.

- Shut up, Terry.

00:02:30,192 --> 00:02:32,486

Since the Pupa's turned blue,

he's emitted a dust

00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:35,697

that triggers a mechanism

in our bodies that kills us in 12 hours.

00:02:35,781 --> 00:02:38,325

Ooh, stakes. People are listening now.

00:02:38,408 --> 00:02:40,118

After we die, the Pupa will eat us,

00:02:40,202 --> 00:02:43,372

evolve and terraform this planet

into the image of our home world.

00:02:43,455 --> 00:02:46,291

We're closer to completing the mission.

We're so good at this.

00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:49,253

I bet when I die,

I'll be so popular at school.

00:02:49,336 --> 00:02:51,964

Last year, Jeannie Scarlatos got crowned

homecoming queen

00:02:52,047 --> 00:02:53,966

after a moose kicked her in the heart.

00:02:54,049 --> 00:02:55,300

I've never died before.

00:02:55,384 --> 00:03:00,097

I have seen Weekend at Bernie's 100 times.

I guarantee it's gonna be hilarious.

00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:01,932

Dying is gonna be great for all of us.

00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:04,101

Let's gather our stuff

and burn it on the lawn.

00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:07,563

I don't want any humans touching my shit.

We could dig those pits we die in.

00:03:07,646 --> 00:03:11,400

- I gotta get my shovel back from Keith.

- Better hurry. Pupa's looking hungry.

00:03:18,490 --> 00:03:20,742

Keith, whatever you're doing, stop.

00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:23,203

Korvo. Hey, buddy.

Check out my new business.

00:03:23,287 --> 00:03:26,206

Fruit By Keith By The Foot.

I'm making my own fruit snacks.

00:03:26,331 --> 00:03:28,041

I don't have time for your antics.

00:03:28,125 --> 00:03:30,586

- Give me back my shovel.

- Okay. Digging a hole?

00:03:30,669 --> 00:03:34,131

I'm gonna be dying in 12 hours

and I need to dig my death hole.

00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:37,009

Oh, my God. Korvo, I'm so sorry.

Are you sick?

00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:40,637

No. It's complicated alien shit.

I'm not gonna explain it to a moron.

00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:42,973

I gotta say,

I'm impressed with your attitude.

00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:45,767

If I knew I was gonna die today,

I'd be freaking out.

00:03:45,851 --> 00:03:48,520

- What? Why?

- I mean, you know, death is so final.

00:03:48,604 --> 00:03:51,481

There's so much I feel like I need to do

before I die.

00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:53,609

What do you mean, "death is final"?

00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:59,156

Guys, after we burn our stuff,

let's salt the earth. Just for...

00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:03,410

- Stop. We were lied to about dying.

- Does this mean we get that Xbox?

00:04:03,493 --> 00:04:05,996

I call first dibs.

I wanna play the Moonlight LEGO game.

00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:09,082

- Do you know what YOLO means?

- Isn't that the white version of FUBU?

00:04:09,166 --> 00:04:11,293

No. Keith told me that when you die,

that's it.

00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:13,879

You don't get to do anything after.

You cease to exist.

00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:17,799

What? No. I watch a lot of cartoons,

and death is not a big deal.

00:04:17,883 --> 00:04:19,468

Those cartoons aren't accurate.

00:04:19,551 --> 00:04:21,887

We were supposed

to be living fulfilling lives.

00:04:21,970 --> 00:04:23,305

He's making fruit leather.

00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:26,099

I made fun of it until I tried some.

It's really good.

00:04:26,183 --> 00:04:27,851

But we're dying in 11 hours.

00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:32,356

How do we live full lives in the amount

of time it takes to digest a McFlurry?

00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:34,024

Maybe we're already fulfilled.

00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:38,320

One of my tweets did get a like

from Post Malone. He's pretty busy.

00:04:38,403 --> 00:04:41,114

Oh, my God. You're right.

Maybe we are fulfilled. To the ship.

00:04:41,198 --> 00:04:43,659

AISHA: The dictionary

defines fulfillment as,

00:04:43,742 --> 00:04:47,746

"Being satisfied or happy as a result of

fully developing one's character."

00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:50,624

Yeah, that sounds like us.

We've done that, I think.

00:04:50,707 --> 00:04:52,501

Ayeesh, pull up the fulfillment meters.

00:04:52,584 --> 00:04:54,294

-(BEEPS)

-(ALL GASP)

00:04:54,378 --> 00:04:56,255

Fuck-ass. Look. We're hardly fulfilled.

00:04:56,338 --> 00:04:58,298

Aisha, how much time

do we have until death?

00:04:58,382 --> 00:05:02,177

-11 hours, 43 minutes and 23 seconds.

- Oh, fuckers.

00:05:02,261 --> 00:05:05,138

Calm down. We have time to get fulfilled.

No time to waste.

00:05:05,222 --> 00:05:09,101

Everyone needs to write things that make

you fulfilled. You have one hour. Go.

00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:20,863

Why did we waste a whole hour

writing these ideas?

00:05:20,946 --> 00:05:24,283

I did mine in five minutes,

then googled up-kilt pictures.

00:05:24,366 --> 00:05:25,951

There's some big dongs in that.

00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:28,287

There's a lot of these.

"Learn how to crip walk.

00:05:28,370 --> 00:05:30,789

"Shoot an avenge porn.

Fight the Property Brothers."

00:05:30,873 --> 00:05:34,293

- The pink ones are mine.

- Crip walk dancing won't move the needle.

00:05:34,376 --> 00:05:36,712

We have to do what fulfills us most

in the least time.

00:05:36,795 --> 00:05:39,715

-"Win a Teen Choice Award"?

- It's the last step to winning an AGOT.

00:05:39,798 --> 00:05:42,176

Adult Video News,

Grammy, Oscar and Teen Choice.

00:05:42,259 --> 00:05:44,595

Part of an AGOT won't do.

You need the whole AGOT.

00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:46,388

-"End global warming"?

- That's mine.

00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:48,932

- It felt like something people talk about.

- Too easy.

00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:51,059

We could do that with

End Global Warming Ray.

00:05:51,143 --> 00:05:54,521

"Hunt down and kill Carmen Sandiego"?

Hell yeah. This one's mine.

00:05:54,605 --> 00:05:58,066

Fuck her, always rubbing it in

that she gets to travel for a living.

00:05:58,150 --> 00:06:01,153

"Help a group of kids win a sports

championship." That's it.

00:06:01,236 --> 00:06:03,113

Why would we care about that?

Sounds stupid.

00:06:03,197 --> 00:06:05,157

Hey, that's not stupid. That's my idea.

00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:08,368

We don't care about it. But if we do

care about it after we finish,

00:06:08,452 --> 00:06:10,954

we'll be fulfilled, like

Gordon Bombay in The Mighty Ducks.

00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:13,999

- Told you it wasn't stupid, Yumyulack.

- It was totally stupid, Jesse.

00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:17,586

But I figured out a way to make it cool.

Come on. No time to waste.

00:06:17,669 --> 00:06:20,172

AISHA: God damn.

You motherfuckers are back again?

00:06:20,255 --> 00:06:24,676

- Find us the nearest championship game.

-It's kinda out of season, but let me see.

00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:28,722

The closest option is a water polo

championship in Rio de Janeiro.

00:06:28,805 --> 00:06:31,683

-Y'all got swimming suits?

- Water polo is just wet hockey.

00:06:31,767 --> 00:06:32,768

It'll have to do.

00:06:32,851 --> 00:06:36,230

The Solar Opposites are going to Brazil

to get fulfilled.

00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:43,195

Stop that. We don't have time

for establishing shots.

00:06:43,278 --> 00:06:45,322

(WHISTLE BLOWS)

00:06:48,116 --> 00:06:51,495

That took too long. Let's find

the rag-taggers and get on with this.

00:07:05,509 --> 00:07:09,638

- Holy guacamole. Mama like.

- God damn it. None of them are rag-taggy.

00:07:09,721 --> 00:07:12,474

They swim all day.

Of course they look like Greek gods.

00:07:12,558 --> 00:07:15,060

Who cares? Pick a team.

I'll zap them with the Rag-Tag Ray.

00:07:15,811 --> 00:07:19,022

KORVO: Asthmatic and from

a C-list South American country? Boom.

00:07:23,735 --> 00:07:25,028

They're tagged to the rag.

00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:26,154

- You missed one.

- No.

00:07:26,238 --> 00:07:29,992

I just want to win for my dad.

He has butt cancer in his heart.

00:07:30,075 --> 00:07:32,286

I know you're super ragtag

and down on your luck,

00:07:32,369 --> 00:07:35,330

but if you follow our coaching

and work as a team, we can win.

00:07:35,414 --> 00:07:38,834

- Plus, we have to do this fast.

- I just wanna make my dad proud.

00:07:38,917 --> 00:07:41,837

- He got heart butt cancer from smoking.

- We get it.

00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:43,380

(BUZZER BLOWS)

00:07:50,053 --> 00:07:51,847

(CROWD CHEERING)

00:07:54,933 --> 00:07:56,310

(INAUDIBLE)

00:07:58,520 --> 00:07:59,813

(CROWD CHEERING)

00:08:09,907 --> 00:08:12,159

-(BUZZER BLOWS)

-(CROWD CHEERING)

00:08:17,539 --> 00:08:18,540

(BLOWS WHISTLE)

00:08:33,347 --> 00:08:35,849

-(BUZZER BLOWS)

-(CROWD CHEERING)

00:08:42,648 --> 00:08:44,441

I love you, butt cancer Dad.

00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:48,403

Thank you for making us champions,

but can you turn me back to young?

00:08:48,487 --> 00:08:51,782

I was so hot and had a beautiful voice

and got tons of pussy.

00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:54,284

We have to get back

and see how fulfilled we are.

00:08:54,368 --> 00:08:55,452

Hurry. Check the meters.

00:08:55,536 --> 00:08:57,955

- Are we fulfilled?

- I feel pretty dang satisfied.

00:08:58,038 --> 00:09:01,416

- Ah, shit. They've hardly moved at all.

- No, that should've worked.

00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:04,378

We wasted so much time

on that stupid water polo thing.

00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:06,129

Christ, the Pupa looks hungry.

00:09:07,089 --> 00:09:08,090

(GUN COCKING)

00:09:08,173 --> 00:09:11,093

I can't go down like this.

You're all holding me back.

00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:13,595

Fuck you guys.

I'm getting fulfilled by myself.

00:09:13,679 --> 00:09:15,264

- Here we go. Fuck you.

- Give me a slip.

00:09:15,347 --> 00:09:17,391

- Fuck you, losers.

- You little shit.

00:09:20,352 --> 00:09:22,104

TERRY: "Help an old lady

across the street."

00:09:22,187 --> 00:09:25,691

Why are all Korvo's ideas about doing

stuff to old ladies? Granny, stop.

00:09:26,817 --> 00:09:28,485

- You're hurting me.

- This is helping.

00:09:28,569 --> 00:09:31,196

I need to go to the bus

on the other side of the street.

00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:33,156

No time. I'm getting fulfilled.

00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:34,867

-(GROANS) What the fuck?

- Eat shit.

00:09:36,451 --> 00:09:40,205

"Teach someone to read." Stupid Jesse.

Why can't I do something awesome,

00:09:40,289 --> 00:09:42,624

like see how many grapes

I can fit in my mouth?

00:09:44,501 --> 00:09:47,254

- Now your baby can read. You're welcome.

- What? Why?

00:09:47,671 --> 00:09:51,425

- Now you can read. Getting fulfilled.

- I could already read. I'm a novelist.

00:09:51,508 --> 00:09:53,177

Now your hat can read.

00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:55,345

- Stop that. What are you doing?

- Your car can read.

00:09:55,429 --> 00:09:59,558

- Help. This alien is educating my things.

- Stop right there, you dirty alien.

00:09:59,641 --> 00:10:01,560

Oh, God. I can read?

What if I gain empathy?

00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:04,938

What if I learn to re-evaluate

my hardline conservative opinions?

00:10:05,022 --> 00:10:06,690

Oh, my God.

00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:11,111

I don't have much time so I have

to learn skydiving and get baptized.

00:10:11,195 --> 00:10:14,031

I'm certified by the FAA

and our Lord and Savior...

00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:15,991

Jesus Christ. (SCREAMING)

00:10:16,074 --> 00:10:18,368

Dunk your head in the holy water.

00:10:18,452 --> 00:10:21,747

Korvo, I now baptize you

in the name of the Father, Son and the...

00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:23,874

- Shit. I dropped the bowl.

- Fuck, fuck, fuck.

00:10:33,467 --> 00:10:36,178

- Looks like God was on our side.

-(PRIEST SCREAMS)

00:10:36,261 --> 00:10:38,430

Although his ways are mysterious.

00:10:39,765 --> 00:10:41,433

GUARD: What are you doing, little girl?

00:10:41,517 --> 00:10:44,144

I'm freeing the Willys, you dumb cracker.

00:10:47,272 --> 00:10:49,107

(ORCAS TRILL)

00:10:51,902 --> 00:10:54,112

Have fun being free, Willys.

00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:01,328

All right, Jake Slater,

you have been kissed.

00:11:01,411 --> 00:11:04,206

To be clear, this would

have fulfilled Jesse more than me.

00:11:04,289 --> 00:11:06,250

I've never been kissed like that before.

00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:08,919

- Will you go to prom with me?

- Depends on what you wear.

00:11:17,469 --> 00:11:18,637

(GRUNTS)

00:11:22,724 --> 00:11:25,185

- What the fuck are you doing here?

- Hello, Ms. Frankie.

00:11:25,269 --> 00:11:28,480

Yumyulack wanted to tell

you to "Go fuck yourself twice,

00:11:28,564 --> 00:11:30,440

"you has-been bag of stinky dog piss."

00:11:30,524 --> 00:11:34,653

- Hurtful, but continue.

- And Terry wanted to... Oh, hells, no.

00:11:34,736 --> 00:11:35,821

What is it?

00:11:40,075 --> 00:11:43,954

I hear your heart beat

to the beat of the drums

00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:47,165

- I'm watching you.

- But I'm dancing like you're not.

00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:51,003

(WHIMPERS)

00:11:51,879 --> 00:11:53,338

(CRIES)

00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:56,592

Like we're gonna die young

00:11:57,634 --> 00:11:59,094

(GRUNTING)

00:11:59,178 --> 00:12:00,846

(BABY CRYING)

00:12:02,347 --> 00:12:04,600

We're gonna die young

00:12:04,683 --> 00:12:06,768

(TRUCK BEEPING)

00:12:07,644 --> 00:12:10,147

Let's make the most of the night...

00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:12,441

(DOGS BARKING)

00:12:14,776 --> 00:12:16,028

(MOANS)

00:12:17,738 --> 00:12:19,656

Damn it, Frankie. I'm on the clock.

00:12:22,784 --> 00:12:25,704

Wait. Samantha, don't get on that plane.

I love you.

00:12:25,787 --> 00:12:29,124

- What. Me? I don't know you.

- I love you more than anything...

00:12:29,208 --> 00:12:31,168

-(HORN HONKS)

-(SCREAMS) Ow!

00:12:31,835 --> 00:12:33,754

Livin' hard just like we should

00:12:33,837 --> 00:12:36,798

Don't care who's watchin'

when we tearin' it up

00:12:36,882 --> 00:12:37,883

You know

00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:40,594

That magic that we got, nobody can touch

00:12:40,677 --> 00:12:41,678

Fo' sho'

00:12:41,762 --> 00:12:44,056

Lookin' for some trouble tonight

00:12:44,139 --> 00:12:45,140

Yeah

00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:48,435

Take my hand, I'll show you the wild side

00:12:48,519 --> 00:12:53,482

Let's make the most of the night

like we're gonna die young

00:12:54,608 --> 00:12:56,443

TERRY: Man, that was some good fulfilling.

00:12:56,527 --> 00:12:58,487

I'm so fulfill, I'm gonna yack.

00:12:58,570 --> 00:13:01,573

Let's not start tugging

each other's non-existent dicks.

00:13:01,657 --> 00:13:04,618

- We don't know if it worked.

- I have a feeling I'm fulfilled.

00:13:04,701 --> 00:13:07,120

I didn't give a woman

six-and-a-half orgasms for nothing.

00:13:07,204 --> 00:13:10,457

Aisha, pull up our fulfillment meters

and prepare to be impressed.

00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:13,418

TERRY: Mostly? What the fuck?

00:13:13,502 --> 00:13:15,963

What? I don't understand.

We did all our slips.

00:13:16,046 --> 00:13:17,673

-(PHONE BUZZES)

- My word of the day.

00:13:17,756 --> 00:13:21,510

Today's word is dilatory,

meaning moving at less than normal speed.

00:13:21,593 --> 00:13:24,471

I'll use it in a sentence.

I am dilatory all the time

00:13:24,555 --> 00:13:26,598

because I'm kind of lazy

and fucking stupid.

00:13:26,682 --> 00:13:27,724

-(AISHA DINGS)

- Ooh.

00:13:28,976 --> 00:13:31,270

Oh, my God. I'm fulfilled. I did it.

I feel amazing.

00:13:31,353 --> 00:13:34,064

I YOLO'd and you didn't. You're Yo-Losers.

00:13:36,024 --> 00:13:38,110

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where's that button?

00:13:40,445 --> 00:13:43,031

Fuck you, fuck you and fuck you.

00:13:43,115 --> 00:13:45,450

- Shut up, Terry. You suck.

- Yeah, shut up.

00:13:45,534 --> 00:13:47,452

Make me, you unfulfilled motherfucker.

00:13:47,536 --> 00:13:49,496

Woah, woah! (SCREAMING)

00:13:51,874 --> 00:13:55,210

Geez, he really splatted.

It wasn't even that much of a fall.

00:13:55,294 --> 00:13:56,420

That's my B, guys.

00:13:57,129 --> 00:14:00,090

Stop licking Terry's blood, you Ragu.

Show some respect.

00:14:00,174 --> 00:14:04,052

Wait. When Terry died, it looks like

his fulfillment points transferred to me.

00:14:04,136 --> 00:14:05,470

I'm almost fulfilled now.

00:14:05,554 --> 00:14:09,516

Holy shit. I guess we're in a "there-can-

be-only-one-Highlander-type situation."

00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:11,476

I thought that show was about a hot nurse

00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:13,729

who goes back in time

to get her ass eaten out.

00:14:13,812 --> 00:14:14,897

That's Outlander.

00:14:14,980 --> 00:14:17,149

Highlander means if one of us

kills the other two,

00:14:17,232 --> 00:14:18,901

we'd be fulfilled before we die.

00:14:18,984 --> 00:14:21,320

- That tracks.

- But we'd never kill each other.

00:14:21,403 --> 00:14:22,696

We're a family.

00:14:22,779 --> 00:14:25,449

- That's what we all think.

- Sure. A family.

00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:28,869

I'm gonna go mourn Terry

in another part of the house.

00:14:28,952 --> 00:14:32,331

I'm gonna go do some Solar Opposite stuff.

00:14:32,414 --> 00:14:35,334

And I am going to go

write a Rotten Tomatoes

00:14:35,417 --> 00:14:37,461

user review of Thor: The Dark World

00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:40,547

so people can know my thoughts

on that particular Thor movie.

00:14:43,217 --> 00:14:46,303

It's so great that we're not preparing

to kill each other.

00:15:00,817 --> 00:15:03,320

Hey, beautiful. You ready to fuck shit up?

00:15:07,032 --> 00:15:10,285

Damn it. Why did I design this to

only turn when you go backwards?

00:15:13,789 --> 00:15:14,873

Perfect.

00:15:15,874 --> 00:15:17,334

Aisha, I need that magic potion.

00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:20,254

The one we keep in Narnia?

We promised we would never go back.

00:15:20,337 --> 00:15:23,507

No. The secret magic potion

that Jewish wizard taught me. Hurry.

00:15:24,842 --> 00:15:26,844

(CHANTING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

00:15:29,805 --> 00:15:31,390

Oh! (GRUNTING)

00:15:38,856 --> 00:15:40,774

No fair. You have a tank?

00:15:40,858 --> 00:15:43,986

Yeah. I'm gonna blast you

and develop the shit out of my character.

00:15:44,069 --> 00:15:47,155

Maybe that would have worked

before I made my magic me's.

00:15:47,239 --> 00:15:48,448

Come on out, boys.

00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:53,161

- That's not fair.

- Jesse, aren't you trying to kill us too?

00:15:53,245 --> 00:15:55,664

Gosh, no. I'd never do that to my family.

00:15:55,747 --> 00:15:57,916

Typical Jesse. So stupid.

00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:00,460

- Ow!

- Ah!

00:16:00,544 --> 00:16:05,007

Psych. I Home Alone'd the whole house.

Welcome to hell, boys.

00:16:06,341 --> 00:16:08,010

Die, you creepy little Korvos.

00:16:08,093 --> 00:16:09,803

(MINI KORVOS SCREAM)

00:16:13,432 --> 00:16:14,933

(GRUNTING)

00:16:20,439 --> 00:16:22,316

-(MINI KORVOS YELL)

-(GRUNTS)

00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:31,033

Try getting all those feathers off of you.

00:16:37,915 --> 00:16:39,082

(YELLS)

00:16:43,629 --> 00:16:44,963

(TOY TRAIN WHISTLES)

00:16:45,047 --> 00:16:46,340

I'm gonna kill that kid.

00:16:46,715 --> 00:16:47,883

(YELLING)

00:16:49,927 --> 00:16:51,803

Come out here, normal-sized Korvo.

00:16:51,887 --> 00:16:54,598

- It's time for me to finish you.

- Not quite yet.

00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:56,683

-(WHISTLES)

-(LOUD FOOTSTEPS)

00:16:57,726 --> 00:17:01,146

Meet Ogre Korvo.

Or as I like to call him, Orgo.

00:17:01,230 --> 00:17:02,397

(GROWLS)

00:17:13,867 --> 00:17:15,035

(SCREAMS)

00:17:24,419 --> 00:17:27,256

- Oh, my God. Yumyulack is dead.

-(RAGU BLEATS)

00:17:27,339 --> 00:17:31,426

- My brother from another toe mother.

- Yeah, I killed him and you're next.

00:17:31,510 --> 00:17:32,928

(SOBBING)

00:17:35,472 --> 00:17:36,682

Wait. What are we doing?

00:17:36,765 --> 00:17:39,935

This is wrong. Should we be killing

each other to get these points?

00:17:40,018 --> 00:17:42,312

I was just thinking the same thing.

00:17:42,396 --> 00:17:45,232

We should have spent these last

12 hours with each other

00:17:45,315 --> 00:17:47,359

enjoying the company of family.

00:17:47,442 --> 00:17:49,486

I'm sorry, Jesse. You're right.

00:17:51,321 --> 00:17:55,242

Korvo, I'm scared. Is dying gonna hurt?

00:17:55,325 --> 00:17:58,161

No. I think it'll be peaceful.

Like falling asleep.

00:17:58,245 --> 00:18:00,914

Well, I'm glad that at least

we'll die together.

00:18:00,998 --> 00:18:04,918

Maybe spending time with people you love

is what gives your life meaning,

00:18:05,002 --> 00:18:06,003

not some bucket list

00:18:06,086 --> 00:18:09,047

or making a teacher come so hard

she loses feeling in her left side.

00:18:09,131 --> 00:18:12,509

Korvo, that's beautiful.

Come here, you big lug.

00:18:18,098 --> 00:18:22,644

No, Korvo. My last booby trap.

I forgot all about it. I'm so sorry.

00:18:23,312 --> 00:18:24,563

- No!

-(DEVICE BEEPS)

00:18:24,646 --> 00:18:26,273

Wait.

00:18:27,941 --> 00:18:30,861

I'm fulfilled. It feels amazing.

00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:33,697

I'm fulfilled, mother-scratchers.

00:18:34,865 --> 00:18:38,035

But I only have a minute left.

I got to do this right.

00:18:38,118 --> 00:18:42,915

Korvo said it's all about family.

It's time to bring this baby full circle.

00:18:54,009 --> 00:18:55,135

Goodbye, Pupa.

00:18:55,219 --> 00:18:58,514

Remember not to eat us too fast

or you'll get a tummy ache.

00:19:02,684 --> 00:19:04,353

Any moment now.

00:19:06,688 --> 00:19:09,191

Maybe that old clock

was just a little fast.

00:19:14,238 --> 00:19:18,575

Cripes. Did I kill our family

for no reason? I hate when...

00:19:18,659 --> 00:19:19,660

Holy...

00:19:38,887 --> 00:19:40,806

Look at that Pupa, eating our fruit.

00:19:40,889 --> 00:19:43,433

Maybe save some and make a jam,

you little fatty.

00:19:43,517 --> 00:19:44,685

All right, what next?

00:19:44,768 --> 00:19:47,646

Is the Pupa gonna terraform the world

once he's eaten the fruit?

00:19:47,729 --> 00:19:49,231

You're the Pupa specialist.

00:19:49,314 --> 00:19:53,235

Right. I meant for everyone else

who doesn't know what the Pupa does.

00:19:53,318 --> 00:19:55,988

Jesus, Terry, no.

There's more steps in his evolution.

00:19:56,071 --> 00:19:58,866

This is just step eight or nine.

I don't know.

00:19:58,949 --> 00:20:01,869

Look at him go. You were a hungry

little Pupa, weren't you?

00:20:01,952 --> 00:20:03,871

Pupa, suck the sap off my trunk.

00:20:03,954 --> 00:20:05,789

Woah, you're all trees now?

00:20:05,873 --> 00:20:08,292

Of course we are.

We died and came back as trees.

00:20:08,417 --> 00:20:11,295

- Why do you sound surprised?

-'Cause it's fucking crazy.

00:20:11,378 --> 00:20:14,590

When humans die, we turn into rotten mush.

We don't come back as trees.

00:20:14,673 --> 00:20:17,259

Okay, smart ass.

Where did all the trees come from?

00:20:17,342 --> 00:20:19,761

- They're everywhere.

- I don't know. Those are just trees.

00:20:19,845 --> 00:20:23,473

So human death operates by different rules

and we didn't have to get fulfilled?

00:20:23,557 --> 00:20:24,558

I guess not.

00:20:24,641 --> 00:20:26,518

We destroyed our house

'cause of your shit.

00:20:26,602 --> 00:20:29,271

- How was I supposed to know?

- Fuck you, Keith. You suck.

00:20:29,354 --> 00:20:32,900

And your Fruit By Keith By The Foot

tastes like Poop By Keith From The Butt.

00:20:32,983 --> 00:20:34,651

I wasted my hidden tank because of you.

00:20:34,735 --> 00:20:36,945

Jesus Christ. Calm down.

I thought you were dying.

00:20:37,029 --> 00:20:40,407

- You're a piece of shit, Keith. Fuck you.

- Die, die.

00:20:40,490 --> 00:20:42,284

When we grow our legs back,

we'll kill you.

00:20:42,367 --> 00:20:43,827

- Yeah.

- I was trying to help.

00:20:43,911 --> 00:20:46,288

You better move.

You better change your identity.

00:20:46,371 --> 00:20:49,041

We're gonna spend our lives

hunting your stupid ass.

00:20:49,166 --> 00:20:50,876

AISHA: Wow! It turns out

00:20:50,959 --> 00:20:54,463

hating on Keith together

was what finally fulfilled them all.

00:20:54,546 --> 00:20:55,881

I feel so fulfilled.

00:20:55,964 --> 00:20:57,424

- Me too.

- This is amazing.

00:20:57,508 --> 00:20:59,968

We should've just been

tormenting Keith all along.

00:21:00,052 --> 00:21:02,137

It's so nice to be fulfilled as a family.

00:21:02,221 --> 00:21:06,016

I can already see my feet start to form.

You better pack it up, you little bitch.

00:21:06,099 --> 00:21:08,852

You don't know how many seasons

we're gonna have. We're aliens.

00:21:08,936 --> 00:21:11,480

We could grow into trees

and come back season after season.

00:21:11,563 --> 00:21:14,316

- And cut your eyes out.

- I'm gonna kick you in the dick.

00:21:14,399 --> 00:21:15,609

-(LAUGHS)

- What a little bitch.

00:21:15,692 --> 00:21:19,279

All in all this was a pretty

satisfying end to our day.

00:21:19,363 --> 00:21:22,115

That's actually kind of the end

of our whole year.

00:21:22,199 --> 00:21:24,743

- What a run. We did a lot this year.

- That's the end?

00:21:24,826 --> 00:21:27,329

We ran around worrying about death.

That's how we go out?

00:21:27,412 --> 00:21:30,207

What else do you want,

some fucking hacky holiday special?

00:21:30,290 --> 00:21:33,544

I would never in a million years

do something as lame and cash grabby

00:21:33,627 --> 00:21:35,337

as a Solar Opposites holiday special.

00:21:35,420 --> 00:21:38,298

- The Solar Opposites have integrity.

- That's right. We do.

00:21:38,382 --> 00:21:41,009

We would never sacrifice that

for anything. Hold on.

00:21:41,093 --> 00:21:42,803

I'm getting a text from Hulu.

00:21:43,262 --> 00:21:44,263

Huh.

00:21:44,346 --> 00:21:47,641

What does it say, Korvo?

Is it about our integrity?

00:21:48,016 --> 00:21:49,935

Sort of. God damn it.

00:21:51,061 --> 00:21:53,272

(CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYS)

00:21:56,733 --> 00:21:58,777

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

00:00:05,917 --> 00:00:09,567

Секс-вечеринка в стиле

«С широко закрытыми глазами»

00:00:09,588 --> 00:00:11,938

по сбору средств

для ЮНИСЕФ прошла успешно.

00:00:11,981 --> 00:00:14,144

И дыра для путешествия во времени

придала изюминку.

00:00:14,185 --> 00:00:16,266

Грязный Рэнди еще занят ею?

00:00:16,291 --> 00:00:20,200

Я невольно влияю

на убийство Джона Кеннеди.

00:00:20,231 --> 00:00:22,053

Это же из «Американской семейки».

00:00:22,087 --> 00:00:25,079

Дурацкая вечеринка.

Никто не принёс в жертву Рагу.

00:00:25,608 --> 00:00:29,086

С таким безумным взглядом

его не возьмут обратно в зоопарк.

00:00:33,373 --> 00:00:34,318

Я наконец справился.

00:00:34,352 --> 00:00:37,468

Я удалил кости из этого си-и-ибаса.

00:00:37,505 --> 00:00:40,725

Я сделал 147 попыток, но…

Стойте. Где все?

00:00:40,762 --> 00:00:42,722

Вечеринка закончена.

Ты слишком долго возился с рыбой.

00:00:42,758 --> 00:00:44,976

Я же предлагал заказать бургеры.

00:00:44,997 --> 00:00:47,444

На оргиях всегда едят бургеры.

00:00:47,487 --> 00:00:49,835

Бургеры: ешь чисто, отрывайся грязно.

00:00:49,877 --> 00:00:53,777

Съем этого идеально очищенного

от костей европейского окуня сам.

00:00:57,231 --> 00:00:58,121

Спасём его?

00:00:58,147 --> 00:01:00,129

Да, используй приём Шлорплиха.

00:01:03,892 --> 00:01:05,608

Прошу заметить: я просто

00:01:06,281 --> 00:01:07,478

сделал вид, что подавился.

00:01:15,224 --> 00:01:17,066

Ну вот, Пупа синий.

00:01:17,497 --> 00:01:19,484

— Что это значит?

— Ты специалист по Пупе!

00:01:19,540 --> 00:01:21,878

Да... А что это значит?

00:01:22,455 --> 00:01:25,364

Аиша, покажи информацию

по смене цвета Пупы.

00:01:26,826 --> 00:01:29,218

Так. Ярко-синий означает,

что у Пупы кашель.

00:01:29,267 --> 00:01:32,696

Васильковый — что одному из нас

снился секс с кем-то из нас.

00:01:32,697 --> 00:01:34,958

Тёмно-синий — что подписка

на «Хулу» закончилась.

00:01:34,959 --> 00:01:36,958

Цвет яиц дрозда —

что нам дадут «Xbox».

00:01:36,959 --> 00:01:38,938

Морской — мы все умрём в полночь.

00:01:40,153 --> 00:01:42,187

Мы чуть не получили «Xbox».

00:01:43,210 --> 00:01:45,255

Планета Шлорп была идеальной утопией.

00:01:45,734 --> 00:01:47,395

Пока не упал астероид.

00:01:48,510 --> 00:01:50,945

Сто взрослых и их репликанты

взяли по Пупе

00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:52,626

и сбежали в космос

00:01:52,709 --> 00:01:55,316

в поисках нового дома

в незаселённых мирах.

00:01:55,927 --> 00:01:59,013

Мы упали на Землю

и застряли на перенаселённой планете.

00:01:59,014 --> 00:02:00,662

Я постоянно об этом твержу.

00:02:00,709 --> 00:02:02,471

Я держу Пупу. Я Корво.

00:02:02,499 --> 00:02:03,412

И это моё шоу.

00:02:03,433 --> 00:02:05,042

Я уронил Пупу. Видите меня?

00:02:05,300 --> 00:02:06,240

Это смешно.

00:02:06,289 --> 00:02:08,147

Ненавижу Землю. Это ужасный дом.

00:02:08,195 --> 00:02:09,109

Люди глупые.

00:02:09,145 --> 00:02:10,870

Они любят, когда за них работают роботы,

00:02:10,901 --> 00:02:12,843

но отказываются от базового дохода.

00:02:12,866 --> 00:02:15,117

Но из-за роботов у них не будет денег.

00:02:15,151 --> 00:02:16,238

Это нелогично.

00:02:16,246 --> 00:02:20,753

ОБРАТНАЯ СТОРОНА ЗЕМЛИ

00:02:26,176 --> 00:02:27,330

Ладно, я объясню.

00:02:27,345 --> 00:02:28,884

Да, детка, давай-давай.

00:02:28,916 --> 00:02:30,090

Замолчи, Терри.

00:02:30,129 --> 00:02:32,426

Став синим, Пупа начинает выделять пыль,

00:02:32,460 --> 00:02:34,284

которая запускает механизм,

00:02:34,303 --> 00:02:35,527

убивающий нас за 12 часов.

00:02:35,942 --> 00:02:38,263

Ну вот! Люди же сейчас слушают!

00:02:38,298 --> 00:02:39,870

Когда мы умрём, Пупа съест нас

00:02:39,907 --> 00:02:42,096

и терраформирует эту дурацкую планету

00:02:42,113 --> 00:02:43,306

по образу нашего мира.

00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:45,455

Значит, мы близки к завершению миссии.

00:02:45,475 --> 00:02:46,264

Мы молодцы.

00:02:46,290 --> 00:02:49,376

Когда я умру, я стану популярна в школе.

00:02:49,385 --> 00:02:52,072

В том году Дженни Скарлатос

сделали королевой бала

00:02:52,096 --> 00:02:53,944

после того, как лось ударил её в сердце.

00:02:54,389 --> 00:02:55,563

Я еще не умирал.

00:02:55,588 --> 00:02:57,894

Но я сто раз смотрел «Уик-энд у Берни».

00:02:57,925 --> 00:03:00,118

Гарантирую, это будет весело.

00:03:00,140 --> 00:03:01,966

Смерть станет подарком для всех нас.

00:03:02,002 --> 00:03:03,981

Давайте сожжём наши вещи на лужайке.

00:03:04,018 --> 00:03:05,949

Не хочу, чтобы люди трогали их,

когда я умру.

00:03:05,979 --> 00:03:08,940

И выкопаем ямы для нас.

Надо забрать лопату у Кита.

00:03:08,955 --> 00:03:11,564

Поторопись. Похоже, Пупа хочет есть.

00:03:18,630 --> 00:03:20,504

Кит, чем бы ты ни занимался, бросай всё.

00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:23,363

Корво! Привет.

Смотри. Мой новый бизнес:

00:03:23,383 --> 00:03:25,003

«Фрут-бай-фут» от Кита.

00:03:25,034 --> 00:03:26,381

Я делаю фруктовые снеки.

00:03:26,404 --> 00:03:28,010

Нет времени на твои выходки.

00:03:28,047 --> 00:03:30,602

— Верни лопату.

— Ладно. Копаешь яму?

00:03:30,635 --> 00:03:33,327

Если хочешь знать,

я умру через 12 часов.

00:03:33,362 --> 00:03:34,692

Нужно выкопать могилу.

00:03:34,723 --> 00:03:36,980

Господи. Корво,

мне очень жаль. Ты болен?

00:03:37,023 --> 00:03:38,762

Нет, это слишком сложно.

00:03:38,763 --> 00:03:40,484

Я не буду стоять здесь

и объяснять всё барану.

00:03:40,512 --> 00:03:43,071

Должен сказать,

я впечатлён твоим подходом.

00:03:43,094 --> 00:03:45,895

Если бы я узнал, что умру сегодня,

я бы спятил.

00:03:45,910 --> 00:03:48,712

— Что? Почему?

— Знаешь, смерть — это конец.

00:03:48,762 --> 00:03:51,563

Я еще столько всего должен сделать,

прежде чем умереть.

00:03:51,591 --> 00:03:53,338

Что значит «смерть — это конец»?

00:03:55,289 --> 00:03:57,901

Ребята, когда всё сожжём,

посыплем землю солью,

00:03:57,936 --> 00:03:59,526

— для безопасности.

— Стойте!

00:03:59,550 --> 00:04:01,270

Нам лгали о том, что будет после смерти!

00:04:01,314 --> 00:04:03,475

Значит, мы получим «Xbox»?

00:04:03,506 --> 00:04:05,993

Я первая! Хочу сыграть в «Лунный свет»!

00:04:06,035 --> 00:04:07,566

Нет! Слышали про ЖТР?

00:04:07,590 --> 00:04:09,074

Хип-хоп-одежда для белых?

00:04:09,119 --> 00:04:11,223

Нет! Кит сказал,

что когда умираешь, это конец.

00:04:11,266 --> 00:04:13,786

После смерти прекращаешь существовать.

00:04:13,824 --> 00:04:14,867

Что? Нет-нет-нет.

00:04:14,868 --> 00:04:17,754

Я смотрел много мультиков.

Смерть — это ерунда.

00:04:17,775 --> 00:04:19,601

Очевидно, в мультиках были неточности.

00:04:19,642 --> 00:04:21,832

Всё это время надо было жить

полной жизнью.

00:04:21,867 --> 00:04:23,335

А еще он выпускает фруктовую ленту.

00:04:23,351 --> 00:04:26,074

Я смеялся над ним, пока не попробовал.

00:04:26,094 --> 00:04:28,082

Но мы умрём через 11 часов.

00:04:28,133 --> 00:04:29,976

Как можно прожить полную жизнь

00:04:29,992 --> 00:04:32,331

за то время, что переваривается десерт?

00:04:32,369 --> 00:04:34,265

Эй! Может, мы уже пожили полной жизнью.

00:04:34,308 --> 00:04:37,094

Один из моих постов

перепостил Пост Мэлоун.

00:04:37,148 --> 00:04:38,452

А он важный человек.

00:04:38,453 --> 00:04:41,279

Ты права. Может, мы пожили

полной жизнью. На корабль!

00:04:41,280 --> 00:04:43,629

Согласно словарю,

«жить полной жизнью» значит

00:04:43,653 --> 00:04:47,844

«быть удовлетворённым или счастливым

в результате развития личности».

00:04:47,874 --> 00:04:49,711

Ладно, да. Похоже на нас.

00:04:49,721 --> 00:04:50,808

Это мы сделали.

00:04:50,830 --> 00:04:52,569

Аиша, показатель полноты жизни!

00:04:54,489 --> 00:04:56,685

Черт! Посмотрите! Наша жизнь не полная!

00:04:56,704 --> 00:04:58,282

Аиша, сколько у нас времени?

00:04:58,316 --> 00:05:01,017

11 часов 43 минуты и 23 секунды.

00:05:01,024 --> 00:05:01,928

— Ну вот!

— Черт!

00:05:01,955 --> 00:05:03,781

Так. Спокойно. Мы еще успеем.

00:05:03,823 --> 00:05:05,370

Будет классно. Не теряйте время.

00:05:05,399 --> 00:05:07,789

Каждый запишет всё,

что сделает его жизнь полной.

00:05:07,819 --> 00:05:09,107

У вас час. Вперёд!

00:05:18,846 --> 00:05:20,919

Зачем мы потратили на это целый час?

00:05:20,943 --> 00:05:22,159

Я записал всё за пять минут,

00:05:22,207 --> 00:05:24,373

а остальное время смотрел

снимки под килтами.

00:05:24,398 --> 00:05:26,032

Там было на что посмотреть.

00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:28,083

Сколько записок.

Научиться танцевать сиволк.

00:05:28,155 --> 00:05:29,647

Снимать порно.

00:05:29,677 --> 00:05:30,803

Избить «Братьев в недвижимости».

00:05:30,847 --> 00:05:32,281

Да! Розовые — мои!

00:05:32,297 --> 00:05:33,975

Сиволк нам не поможет.

00:05:34,003 --> 00:05:36,642

Нужно что-то,

что сделает нашу жизнь полной быстро.

00:05:36,667 --> 00:05:38,077

Получить премию «Выбор молодёжи»?

00:05:38,099 --> 00:05:39,710

Это последний шаг к победе:

00:05:39,734 --> 00:05:42,219

«Порно-Оскар», «Грэмми», «Оскар»

и «Выбор молодёжи».

00:05:42,257 --> 00:05:44,472

Победа в одном этапе не поможет.

00:05:44,491 --> 00:05:46,124

— Победить глобальное потепление?

— Это моя.

00:05:46,156 --> 00:05:48,199

Похоже, людей это беспокоит.

00:05:48,228 --> 00:05:51,158

Слишком просто. Можно взять луч

для победы над глобальным потеплением.

00:05:51,208 --> 00:05:53,286

Выследить и убить Кармен Сандиего.

00:05:53,311 --> 00:05:54,571

Да. Это моя.

00:05:54,592 --> 00:05:56,840

Кармен Сандиего всегда хвастается,

00:05:56,864 --> 00:05:58,123

что живёт за счёт путешествий.

00:05:58,165 --> 00:06:00,562

Помочь хилой команде выиграть чемпионат.

00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:01,565

— Точно!

— Что?

00:06:01,602 --> 00:06:03,087

Зачем нам это? Звучит глупо.

00:06:03,103 --> 00:06:05,249

Это не глупо! Это моя идея!

00:06:05,282 --> 00:06:06,378

Да. Нам это не нужно.

00:06:06,406 --> 00:06:09,335

Но вдруг это поможет

сделать нашу жизнь полной,

00:06:09,355 --> 00:06:11,030

как у Гордона Бомбея

в «Могучих утятах»?

00:06:11,057 --> 00:06:12,784

Я же говорила, идея не глупая!

00:06:12,827 --> 00:06:14,118

Совершенно глупая, Джесси.

00:06:14,147 --> 00:06:15,954

Это я придумал способ сделать её крутой.

00:06:15,980 --> 00:06:17,415

Идём. Время не ждёт.

00:06:17,784 --> 00:06:20,088

Черт! Вы опять вернулись?!

00:06:20,120 --> 00:06:22,069

Ты должна найти ближайший чемпионат.

00:06:22,081 --> 00:06:24,429

Так, сезон закончился, но посмотрим.

00:06:24,791 --> 00:06:27,434

Ближайший чемпионат — по водному поло

00:06:27,448 --> 00:06:29,641

в Рио-де-Жанейро.

У вас есть купальники?

00:06:30,007 --> 00:06:32,332

Водное поло — как мокрый хоккей.

Но что поделать.

00:06:32,363 --> 00:06:33,722

Пришельцы с «Обратной стороны земли»

00:06:33,747 --> 00:06:36,208

отправляются в Бразилию

за полной жизнью!

00:06:40,989 --> 00:06:43,547

Хватит. Нет времени

на крутые общие планы.

00:06:48,036 --> 00:06:49,373

О, это так далеко.

00:06:49,407 --> 00:06:51,747

Найдём хилую команду и покончим с этим.

00:07:05,477 --> 00:07:07,871

Святой гуакамоле, маме нравится.

00:07:07,901 --> 00:07:09,953

Черт. Они вовсе не хилые.

00:07:09,985 --> 00:07:12,462

Они весь день плавают

и выглядят как греческие боги.

00:07:12,490 --> 00:07:15,274

Плевать. Выберем команду,

и я выстрелю лучом хилости.

00:07:16,008 --> 00:07:19,052

Команда из Южной Америки

с астматиком? Бум.

00:07:23,921 --> 00:07:25,051

Теперь они хилые.

00:07:25,052 --> 00:07:26,252

— Пропустил одного.

— Нет.

00:07:26,283 --> 00:07:28,065

Я хочу победить ради отца.

00:07:28,101 --> 00:07:29,942

У него задний рак в сердце.

00:07:29,981 --> 00:07:32,361

Ладно. Знаю, вы суперхилые и невезучие,

00:07:32,382 --> 00:07:35,416

но если будете слушать нас

и работать как команда, мы справимся!

00:07:35,445 --> 00:07:37,017

И надо сделать это побыстрее.

00:07:37,022 --> 00:07:38,854

Хочу, чтобы отец гордился мной.

00:07:38,889 --> 00:07:40,765

У него задний рак в сердце

из-за курения.

00:07:40,781 --> 00:07:41,867

Мы поняли.

00:07:52,262 --> 00:07:53,974

ПАРАГВАЙ

00:08:42,593 --> 00:08:44,419

Я люблю тебя, папа.

00:08:45,134 --> 00:08:46,786

Спасибо, что сделали нас чемпионами.

00:08:46,821 --> 00:08:48,385

Но верните мне молодость.

00:08:48,428 --> 00:08:50,487

Я был красавцем с прекрасным голосом

00:08:50,511 --> 00:08:51,830

и толпой тёлок.

00:08:51,873 --> 00:08:54,051

Нет. Нам надо проверить полноту жизни.

00:08:54,273 --> 00:08:56,461

Быстрее! Посмотрим. Наши жизни полные?

00:08:56,486 --> 00:08:58,094

Я вполне удовлетворён.

00:08:58,116 --> 00:09:01,450

— О нет! Они почти не сдвинулись!

— Должно было сработать!

00:09:01,494 --> 00:09:04,411

Мы потратили столько времени

на это глупое водное поло!

00:09:04,443 --> 00:09:06,225

Похоже, Пупа очень голоден.

00:09:08,228 --> 00:09:09,378

Я не хочу умирать так!

00:09:09,801 --> 00:09:11,309

Знаете? Держите меня все!

00:09:11,338 --> 00:09:13,549

Отвалите, я буду жить полной жизнью!

00:09:13,628 --> 00:09:15,454

— Ладно. Дай сюда! Отвали!

— Отдай мне это!

00:09:15,489 --> 00:09:17,315

Пока, неудачники!

00:09:20,519 --> 00:09:22,068

Помочь старушке перейти улицу.

00:09:22,105 --> 00:09:24,786

Почему все идеи Корво касаются старушек?

00:09:24,806 --> 00:09:26,124

Эй, бабуля! Стой!

00:09:26,765 --> 00:09:28,501

— Мне больно!

— Нет, я помогаю.

00:09:28,502 --> 00:09:31,191

Мне нужно на автобус на другой стороне.

00:09:31,226 --> 00:09:32,486

Нет времени!

Я живу полной жизнью!

00:09:32,526 --> 00:09:35,006

— А! Какого черта! А!

— Придурок!

00:09:36,542 --> 00:09:38,947

Научить кого-нибудь читать.

Глупая Джесси.

00:09:38,972 --> 00:09:40,209

Почему нельзя проверить,

00:09:40,242 --> 00:09:42,179

сколько виноградин влезет в мой рот?

00:09:44,617 --> 00:09:46,373

Теперь он умеет читать. Не за что.

00:09:46,403 --> 00:09:47,361

Что? Зачем?

00:09:47,689 --> 00:09:49,364

И ты тоже! Я живу полной жизнью!

00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:51,698

Я умела читать. Я писательница.

00:09:51,939 --> 00:09:53,053

Твоя шляпа умеет.

00:09:53,054 --> 00:09:54,517

Хватит! Что ты делаешь?!

00:09:54,558 --> 00:09:55,576

— Твоя машина умеет!

— Помогите!

00:09:55,577 --> 00:09:57,548

Пришелец обучает мои вещи!

00:09:57,577 --> 00:09:59,201

Ни с места, грязный пришелец!

00:09:59,422 --> 00:10:01,555

Я могу читать?!

00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:03,472

Может, теперь я узнаю то,

что заставит меня переоценить

00:10:03,508 --> 00:10:04,855

мои консервативные взгляды?

00:10:05,132 --> 00:10:06,732

О боже!

00:10:07,568 --> 00:10:09,612

Нет времени.

Надо научиться прыгать с парашютом

00:10:09,652 --> 00:10:10,907

и покреститься одновременно.

00:10:10,929 --> 00:10:14,154

У меня сертификат от Управления авиации

и от нашего Господа и Спасителя.

00:10:14,181 --> 00:10:15,254

Иисусе!

00:10:16,202 --> 00:10:18,449

Окуни голову в святую воду!

00:10:18,532 --> 00:10:21,468

Корво, крещу тебя во имя Отца, Сына и…

00:10:21,497 --> 00:10:22,975

Черт! Я уронил миску!

00:10:23,012 --> 00:10:24,206

Черт-черт-черт!

00:10:33,790 --> 00:10:35,102

Похоже, Бог на нашей стороне.

00:10:36,224 --> 00:10:38,486

Хотя его пути неисповедимы.

00:10:40,068 --> 00:10:41,035

Что ты делаешь, девочка?

00:10:41,066 --> 00:10:44,284

Я освобождаю Вилли, тупица!

00:10:51,977 --> 00:10:54,350

Наслаждайтесь свободой, Вилли!

00:10:59,055 --> 00:11:01,384

Ладно, Джейк Слейтер, тебя поцеловали.

00:11:01,420 --> 00:11:03,950

Но проясним: это больше

понравилось бы Джесси, чем мне.

00:11:04,301 --> 00:11:06,329

Меня никогда раньше так не целовали.

00:11:06,374 --> 00:11:07,594

Пойдёшь со мной на выпускной?

00:11:07,629 --> 00:11:08,930

Смотря что ты наденешь!

00:11:22,801 --> 00:11:25,157

— Что ты здесь делаешь?

— Здравствуйте, миссис Фрэнки.

00:11:25,225 --> 00:11:28,232

Юмьюлак хотел сказать вам:

«Спустите себя в унитаз дважды.

00:11:28,271 --> 00:11:30,469

От вас воняет, как от собачьей мочи».

00:11:30,501 --> 00:11:33,397

— Мне больно, но продолжай.

— А Терри хотел…

00:11:33,496 --> 00:11:35,714

— О нет.

— Что такое?

00:11:44,092 --> 00:11:45,353

Я тебя запомнил!

00:11:45,388 --> 00:11:47,055

Я танцую лучше вас!

00:12:17,935 --> 00:12:19,769

Фрэнки, у меня мало времени.

00:12:22,784 --> 00:12:25,726

Стой, Саманта!

Не садись в самолёт! Я люблю тебя!

00:12:25,765 --> 00:12:27,911

Что? Меня? Я вас не знаю!

00:12:27,929 --> 00:12:29,645

Я люблю тебя больше, чем кого…

00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:56,448

Вот это полная жизнь!

00:12:56,449 --> 00:12:58,434

Такая полная, что меня тошнит.

00:12:58,450 --> 00:13:01,593

Давайте не будем

бежать впереди паровоза.

00:13:01,618 --> 00:13:02,748

Мы не знаем, получилось ли у нас.

00:13:02,776 --> 00:13:04,623

Я чувствую, что моя жизнь полная.

00:13:04,659 --> 00:13:07,151

Я же не просто так довёл женщину

до оргазма шесть с половиной раз.

00:13:07,170 --> 00:13:10,511

Аиша, выведи наши показатели

полноты жизни.

00:13:11,752 --> 00:13:13,371

«Почти»?! Какого черта?!

00:13:13,393 --> 00:13:16,410

Не понимаю. Мы выполнили все желания.

00:13:16,446 --> 00:13:17,793

О, моё слово дня.

00:13:17,822 --> 00:13:19,514

Сегодня слово «нерасторопный»,

00:13:19,529 --> 00:13:21,680

то есть делающий всё медленнее,

чем обычно.

00:13:21,718 --> 00:13:24,555

Я использую его в предложении:

я нерасторопный,

00:13:24,575 --> 00:13:26,927

потому что я ленивый и тупой.

00:13:28,839 --> 00:13:31,384

О боже! Моя жизнь полная!

Я справился! Потрясающе!

00:13:31,408 --> 00:13:34,141

Я живу полной жизнью! А вы неудачники!

00:13:36,105 --> 00:13:37,779

О, да-да-да. Где эта кнопка?

00:13:40,499 --> 00:13:43,131

Отвали! Отвали! И ты отвали!

00:13:43,159 --> 00:13:44,624

Замолчи, Терри! Ты дурак!

00:13:44,654 --> 00:13:45,486

Да, замолчи.

00:13:45,530 --> 00:13:47,441

Заставьте меня, неудачники!

00:13:51,413 --> 00:13:53,239

Боже, он в лепёшку.

00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:55,370

Хотя здесь не так высоко.

00:13:55,371 --> 00:13:56,831

Это я виноват.

00:13:57,169 --> 00:13:59,975

Не лижи кровь Терри, Рагу.

Прояви уважение.

00:14:00,004 --> 00:14:01,481

Минутку. Когда Терри умер,

00:14:01,511 --> 00:14:04,037

похоже, его полная жизнь передалась мне.

00:14:04,074 --> 00:14:05,507

Теперь я живу почти полной жизнью.

00:14:05,529 --> 00:14:09,525

Думаю, это ситуация,

когда выживет лишь один, как в «Горце».

00:14:09,574 --> 00:14:11,921

А я думала,

там про сексуальную медсестру,

00:14:11,943 --> 00:14:13,975

которая возвращается во времени

ради утех.

00:14:13,996 --> 00:14:15,083

Нет. Это «Чужестранка».

00:14:15,084 --> 00:14:17,235

Если один из нас убьёт двух других,

00:14:17,262 --> 00:14:19,001

его жизнь станет полной.

00:14:19,002 --> 00:14:19,958

Ясно.

00:14:19,959 --> 00:14:21,397

Но мы никогда не убьём друг друга, так?

00:14:21,410 --> 00:14:22,827

Мы же семья.

00:14:22,855 --> 00:14:25,025

— Да, да. Мы так и подумали.

— Да. Мы семья.

00:14:25,620 --> 00:14:28,999

Я буду оплакивать Терри

в другой части дома.

00:14:29,022 --> 00:14:32,471

А я займусь делами

«Обратной стороны земли».

00:14:32,497 --> 00:14:35,999

А я напишу для сайта «Гнилые помидоры»

обзор на фильм

00:14:36,012 --> 00:14:37,446

«Тор: Царство тьмы».

00:14:37,475 --> 00:14:40,872

Тогда люди смогут узнать,

что я думаю об этом фильме.

00:14:43,296 --> 00:14:46,330

Прекрасно, что мы не собираемся

убивать друг друга.

00:15:00,944 --> 00:15:03,435

Прекрасно. Готова всё уничтожить?

00:15:07,381 --> 00:15:10,121

Почему я сделал поворот

только для заднего хода?

00:15:13,682 --> 00:15:14,821

Прекрасно.

00:15:15,897 --> 00:15:18,563

— Аиша, волшебное зелье.

— То, что мы храним в Нарнии?

00:15:18,581 --> 00:15:20,397

Мы обещали не возвращаться туда.

00:15:20,431 --> 00:15:22,712

Нет, зелье,

которому научил меня колдун-еврей.

00:15:22,756 --> 00:15:23,990

Быстро!

00:15:24,763 --> 00:15:26,668

Барух атах адонай

00:15:26,737 --> 00:15:28,773

експеллилумус левиоза…

00:15:38,950 --> 00:15:40,905

Так нечестно! У тебя танк?!

00:15:40,937 --> 00:15:42,201

Да. Я сотру вас в порошок

00:15:42,226 --> 00:15:44,036

и заживу полной жизнью!

00:15:44,078 --> 00:15:47,229

Может, это и сработало бы,

пока я не сделал волшебных меня.

00:15:47,287 --> 00:15:48,528

Выходите, мальчики!

00:15:50,113 --> 00:15:50,946

Это нечестно!

00:15:51,010 --> 00:15:53,051

Джесси, а ты? Ты не хочешь нас убить?

00:15:53,078 --> 00:15:55,717

Нет. Я бы не поступила так с семьёй.

00:15:55,748 --> 00:15:58,053

В этом вся Джесси. Тупица.

00:16:00,580 --> 00:16:03,026

Шутка! Теперь наш дом

как в фильме «Один дома»!

00:16:03,045 --> 00:16:05,132

Добро пожаловать в ад!

00:16:06,317 --> 00:16:08,741

Умрите, гадкие Корвёныши!

00:16:28,786 --> 00:16:31,139

Попробуйте снять с себя все эти перья!

00:16:45,003 --> 00:16:46,456

Я убью её.

00:16:49,743 --> 00:16:52,020

Выходи, настоящий Корво!

00:16:52,074 --> 00:16:54,457

— Пришло время прикончить тебя!

— Пока нет!

00:16:57,593 --> 00:16:58,985

Познакомься с огром Корво.

00:16:59,047 --> 00:17:01,116

Или как я называю его, Орго.

00:17:24,557 --> 00:17:26,901

Господи, Юмьюлак мёртв!

00:17:27,396 --> 00:17:29,577

Мой брат от другой матери!

00:17:29,605 --> 00:17:31,308

Да, я убил его. И ты следующая.

00:17:35,361 --> 00:17:37,368

Минутку. Что мы делаем? Это неправильно.

00:17:37,389 --> 00:17:40,084

Нужно ли убивать друг друга

ради этих дурацких баллов?

00:17:40,115 --> 00:17:42,392

Я думала о том же.

00:17:42,421 --> 00:17:45,202

Мы должны были провести

последние 12 часов друг с другом,

00:17:45,224 --> 00:17:47,401

наслаждаясь общением с семьёй.

00:17:47,436 --> 00:17:49,391

Прости, Джесси. Ты права.

00:17:51,278 --> 00:17:53,189

Корво, я боюсь.

00:17:53,231 --> 00:17:55,182

А умирать больно?

00:17:55,219 --> 00:17:58,248

Нет, думаю, всё пройдёт спокойно.

Мы просто заснём.

00:17:58,280 --> 00:18:00,990

Ладно. Я рада,

что мы хотя бы умрём вместе.

00:18:01,034 --> 00:18:04,783

Может, смысл жизни придаёт время,

проведённое с теми, кого любишь,

00:18:04,879 --> 00:18:07,047

а не дурацкий список

или секс с учительницей истории,

00:18:07,076 --> 00:18:09,202

от которого она перестаёт

чувствовать левую сторону тела?

00:18:09,227 --> 00:18:10,862

Корво, это прекрасно.

00:18:10,919 --> 00:18:12,572

Иди сюда, дубинушка.

00:18:17,981 --> 00:18:19,284

Нет, Корво!

00:18:19,307 --> 00:18:22,144

Моя последняя ловушка!

Я совсем забыла о ней!

00:18:22,187 --> 00:18:25,162

Прости! Нет!

00:18:25,229 --> 00:18:26,334

Стойте.

00:18:27,856 --> 00:18:29,594

Моя жизнь полна!

00:18:29,595 --> 00:18:30,986

Потрясающее чувство!

00:18:30,987 --> 00:18:33,770

Я живу полной жизнью, неудачники!

00:18:34,771 --> 00:18:36,661

Но мне осталась всего минута.

00:18:36,691 --> 00:18:38,082

Я должна сделать всё правильно.

00:18:38,119 --> 00:18:39,959

Корво сказал, всё дело в семье.

00:18:39,985 --> 00:18:42,904

Пора положить всему этому конец.

00:18:54,116 --> 00:18:55,158

Прощай, Пупа.

00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:58,585

Не ешь нас слишком быстро,

иначе заболит живот.

00:19:02,704 --> 00:19:04,483

Я умру в любой момент.

00:19:06,675 --> 00:19:09,394

Может, старые часы немного спешат.

00:19:13,677 --> 00:19:15,175

Ах, ну и ну.

00:19:15,266 --> 00:19:17,992

Я убила свою семью просто так?

Ненавижу, когда…

00:19:18,024 --> 00:19:19,484

Господи!

00:19:39,365 --> 00:19:41,094

Смотрите на Пупу.

Как он ест наши фрукты.

00:19:41,139 --> 00:19:43,589

Может, оставишь на джем, толстяк?

00:19:43,619 --> 00:19:45,182

Ладно, что теперь?

00:19:45,212 --> 00:19:47,756

Пупа терраформирует мир,

когда доест фрукты?

00:19:47,785 --> 00:19:49,727

— Ты же специалист по Пупе!

— Да-да-да.

00:19:49,755 --> 00:19:52,696

Это я для тех, кто не знает,

что произойдёт с Пупой.

00:19:52,709 --> 00:19:53,683

Терри. Нет.

00:19:53,712 --> 00:19:55,942

После этого его ждёт

еще много этапов эволюции.

00:19:55,962 --> 00:19:58,451

Это лишь восьмой этап.

Или девятый. Не знаю.

00:19:58,490 --> 00:20:01,861

Посмотрите на него.

Проголодался, Пупа, правда?

00:20:01,897 --> 00:20:04,027

Пупа, иди сюда, полижи мой ствол.

00:20:04,222 --> 00:20:06,135

Ух ты, теперь вы деревья?

00:20:06,164 --> 00:20:08,298

Разумеется. Мы умерли

и вернулись в виде деревьев.

00:20:08,322 --> 00:20:10,950

— Что странного?

— Это безумие!

00:20:10,987 --> 00:20:13,205

Когда люди умирают,

они превращаются в гниющую массу,

00:20:13,224 --> 00:20:14,619

а не в деревья.

00:20:14,647 --> 00:20:17,212

Ладно, умник. Но тогда откуда деревья?

00:20:17,231 --> 00:20:19,440

— Они повсюду.

— Не знаю. Просто деревья.

00:20:19,469 --> 00:20:21,543

Хочешь сказать, люди умирают по-другому,

00:20:21,562 --> 00:20:23,496

и нам не нужно было жить полной жизнью?!

00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:24,287

Думаю, нет.

00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:26,513

Из-за твоей ерунды мы разрушили наш дом!

00:20:26,543 --> 00:20:27,725

Откуда мне было знать?

00:20:27,750 --> 00:20:28,923

Иди к чёрту, Кит! Ты отстой!

00:20:28,962 --> 00:20:32,430

И твои фруктовые ленты воняют,

как использованная туалетная бумага!

00:20:32,448 --> 00:20:34,930

Из-за тебя я зря использовал

секретный танк!

00:20:34,954 --> 00:20:36,908

Успокойтесь! Я думал, вы умираете!

00:20:36,937 --> 00:20:38,285

Ты придурок, Кит! Убирайся!

00:20:39,591 --> 00:20:40,764

— Стойте!

— Умри! Умри!

00:20:40,786 --> 00:20:42,537

Когда вырастут ноги, мы убьём тебя!

00:20:42,573 --> 00:20:44,114

— Да, Кит!

— Я пытался помочь.

00:20:44,133 --> 00:20:46,249

Уходи, Кит! Смени имя и адрес!

00:20:46,282 --> 00:20:48,804

Мы всю жизнь

будем охотиться за тобой, болван!

00:20:49,349 --> 00:20:52,437

Ух ты! Совместная ненависть к Киту

00:20:52,476 --> 00:20:54,472

окончательно наполнила их жизни смыслом.

00:20:54,829 --> 00:20:56,505

— Я живу полной жизнью!

— Я тоже.

00:20:56,824 --> 00:20:59,579

Это потрясающе.

Надо было всегда издеваться над Китом.

00:20:59,609 --> 00:21:01,631

Прекрасно,

когда семья живёт полной жизнью.

00:21:02,710 --> 00:21:05,922

У меня начинают формироваться ноги,

так что собирай вещички, мерзавец!

00:21:05,951 --> 00:21:07,549

Ты не знаешь, сколько у нас

еще сезонов впереди, Кит!

00:21:07,571 --> 00:21:09,836

Мы пришельцы. Мы можем превращаться

в деревья и возвращаться

00:21:09,863 --> 00:21:10,955

сезон за сезоном.

00:21:10,983 --> 00:21:13,862

— Проваливай!

— Убирайся! Быстрее!

00:21:15,754 --> 00:21:16,867

Знаете, в итоге

00:21:16,890 --> 00:21:19,292

мы довольно неплохо закончили этот день.

00:21:19,350 --> 00:21:21,665

Да. Это еще и окончание года.

00:21:21,714 --> 00:21:23,709

Вот это жизнь! Мы столько успели!

00:21:23,742 --> 00:21:24,751

Стойте, это конец?

00:21:24,794 --> 00:21:27,087

Мы закончим на беготне

из-за опасений умереть?

00:21:27,115 --> 00:21:30,043

Да. А что ты хочешь?

Какой-нибудь дурацкий спецвыпуск?

00:21:30,054 --> 00:21:33,691

Я бы никогда за миллион лет не сделал бы

что-то такое банальное и прибыльное,

00:21:33,714 --> 00:21:35,320

как праздничный выпуск.

00:21:35,349 --> 00:21:37,393

Да, мы завоевали репутацию.

00:21:37,394 --> 00:21:38,479

Вот именно. У нас есть репутация.

00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:40,410

И мы не пожертвуем ею ради…

00:21:40,432 --> 00:21:41,170

Постойте.

00:21:41,191 --> 00:21:43,017

Сообщение от «Хулу».

00:21:44,330 --> 00:21:45,589

Что там пишут, Корво?

00:21:45,626 --> 00:21:47,837

Это о нашей репутации?

00:21:47,953 --> 00:21:50,106

Вроде того. Черт.

00:21:51,126 --> 00:21:54,151

ПРАЗДНУЙТЕ ДНИ «ХУЛУ»

С «ОБРАТНОЙ СТОРОНОЙ ЗЕМЛИ»

00:21:54,179 --> 00:21:56,655

ЭТО ПРАВДА!

МЫ СОГЛАСИЛИСЬ СДЕЛАТЬ ЭТО!

00:00:08,383 --> 00:00:11,887

Eyes Wide Shut sex party/fundraiser

for UNICEF.

00:00:11,970 --> 00:00:14,139

The time-traveling glory hole

was a great touch.

00:00:14,223 --> 00:00:16,308

Dirty Randy's still going at it,

aren't you, bud?

00:00:16,391 --> 00:00:20,187

Oh, my dong inadvertently

caused the assassination of JFK.

00:00:20,270 --> 00:00:22,231

Wasn't that a B-story on Modern Family?

00:00:22,314 --> 00:00:25,025

That party sucked.

No one wanted to sacrifice Ragu.

00:00:25,108 --> 00:00:26,109

No way

00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:27,694

the petting zoo's gonna take him back

00:00:27,778 --> 00:00:29,363

with that haunted look in his eyes.

00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:37,454

I finally did it.

I perfectly deboned this Branzino.

00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:40,457

It took me 147 tries.

But wait. Where is everyone?

00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:42,709

Party's over, man.

You took too long with the fish.

00:00:42,793 --> 00:00:44,795

I told you, just order Burger Lounge.

00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:48,340

Everyone at an orgy expects

to be eating Burger Lounge. Burger Lounge.

00:00:48,423 --> 00:00:49,716

Eat clean, fuck dirty.

00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:53,804

I guess I'll just enjoy this perfectly

deboned European sea bass by myself.

00:00:57,015 --> 00:00:58,058

Should we save him?

00:00:58,141 --> 00:01:00,811

Yeah. I guess

give him the Shlorplich maneuver.

00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:07,234

Just for the record,

I was just pretending to choke.

00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:16,743

Oh, crap. The Pupa's blue.

00:01:16,827 --> 00:01:19,538

- Uh, what does that mean?

- You're the Pupa specialist.

00:01:19,621 --> 00:01:21,748

Right. And what does that mean?

00:01:22,457 --> 00:01:25,127

Aisha, access

the Pupa's informational color swatches.

00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:29,256

Okay, royal blue

means the Pupa has kennel cough.

00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:32,718

Cornflower blue means one of us

had a sex dream about the other one.

00:01:32,801 --> 00:01:34,803

Navy blue means his Hulu plan is expiring.

00:01:34,887 --> 00:01:36,805

Robin's-egg blue means we get a free Xbox.

00:01:36,889 --> 00:01:38,765

Pacific blue means we all die at midnight.

00:01:40,017 --> 00:01:41,977

We were so close to getting that Xbox.

00:01:43,145 --> 00:01:47,191

Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia

until the asteroid hit.

00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:50,110

One hundred adults and their replicants

00:01:50,194 --> 00:01:52,654

were issued a Pupa

and escaped into the space,

00:01:52,738 --> 00:01:55,115

searching for new homes

on uninhabited worlds.

00:01:55,574 --> 00:01:58,493

We crashed on Earth, stranding us

on an already overpopulated planet.

00:01:58,577 --> 00:02:00,495

That's right.

I've been talking this whole time.

00:02:00,579 --> 00:02:02,289

I'm the one holding the Pupa.

My name's Korvo.

00:02:02,372 --> 00:02:04,208

This is... This is my show.

I just dropped the Pupa.

00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:06,001

Do you see me?

This is ridiculous.

00:02:06,084 --> 00:02:08,921

I hate Earth. It's a horrible home.

People are stupid.

00:02:09,004 --> 00:02:10,923

They love having robots do their jobs,

00:02:11,006 --> 00:02:12,925

but don't create a system

of universal income

00:02:13,008 --> 00:02:16,220

so they can have money after the robots

take their jobs. It makes no sense.

00:02:25,729 --> 00:02:28,440

- Let me break it down for you.

- Oh, yeah, baby. Break it down.

00:02:28,565 --> 00:02:30,108

- Break it down.

- Shut up, Terry.

00:02:30,192 --> 00:02:32,486

Since the Pupa's turned blue,

he's emitted a dust

00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:35,697

that triggers a mechanism

in our bodies that kills us in 12 hours.

00:02:35,781 --> 00:02:38,325

Ooh, stakes. People are listening now.

00:02:38,408 --> 00:02:40,118

After we die, the Pupa will eat us,

00:02:40,202 --> 00:02:43,372

evolve and terraform this planet

into the image of our home world.

00:02:43,455 --> 00:02:46,291

We're closer to completing the mission.

We're so good at this.

00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:49,253

I bet when I die,

I'll be so popular at school.

00:02:49,336 --> 00:02:51,964

Last year, Jeannie Scarlatos got crowned

homecoming queen

00:02:52,047 --> 00:02:53,966

after a moose kicked her in the heart.

00:02:54,049 --> 00:02:55,300

I've never died before.

00:02:55,384 --> 00:03:00,097

I have seen Weekend at Bernie's 100 times.

I guarantee it's gonna be hilarious.

00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:01,932

Dying is gonna be great for all of us.

00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:04,101

Let's gather our stuff

and burn it on the lawn.

00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:07,563

I don't want any humans touching my shit.

We could dig those pits we die in.

00:03:07,646 --> 00:03:11,400

- I gotta get my shovel back from Keith.

- Better hurry. Pupa's looking hungry.

00:03:18,490 --> 00:03:20,742

Keith, whatever you're doing, stop.

00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:23,203

Korvo. Hey, buddy.

Check out my new business.

00:03:23,287 --> 00:03:26,206

Fruit By Keith By The Foot.

I'm making my own fruit snacks.

00:03:26,331 --> 00:03:28,041

I don't have time for your antics.

00:03:28,125 --> 00:03:30,586

- Give me back my shovel.

- Okay. Digging a hole?

00:03:30,669 --> 00:03:34,131

I'm gonna be dying in 12 hours

and I need to dig my death hole.

00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:37,009

Oh, my God. Korvo, I'm so sorry.

Are you sick?

00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:40,637

No. It's complicated alien shit.

I'm not gonna explain it to a moron.

00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:42,973

I gotta say,

I'm impressed with your attitude.

00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:45,767

If I knew I was gonna die today,

I'd be freaking out.

00:03:45,851 --> 00:03:48,520

- What? Why?

- I mean, you know, death is so final.

00:03:48,604 --> 00:03:51,481

There's so much I feel like I need to do

before I die.

00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:53,609

What do you mean, "death is final"?

00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:59,156

Guys, after we burn our stuff,

let's salt the earth. Just for...

00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:03,410

- Stop. We were lied to about dying.

- Does this mean we get that Xbox?

00:04:03,493 --> 00:04:05,996

I call first dibs.

I wanna play the Moonlight LEGO game.

00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:09,082

- Do you know what YOLO means?

- Isn't that the white version of FUBU?

00:04:09,166 --> 00:04:11,293

No. Keith told me that when you die,

that's it.

00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:13,879

You don't get to do anything after.

You cease to exist.

00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:17,799

What? No. I watch a lot of cartoons,

and death is not a big deal.

00:04:17,883 --> 00:04:19,468

Those cartoons aren't accurate.

00:04:19,551 --> 00:04:21,887

We were supposed

to be living fulfilling lives.

00:04:21,970 --> 00:04:23,305

He's making fruit leather.

00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:26,099

I made fun of it until I tried some.

It's really good.

00:04:26,183 --> 00:04:27,851

But we're dying in 11 hours.

00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:32,356

How do we live full lives in the amount

of time it takes to digest a McFlurry?

00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:34,024

Maybe we're already fulfilled.

00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:38,320

One of my tweets did get a like

from Post Malone. He's pretty busy.

00:04:38,403 --> 00:04:41,114

Oh, my God. You're right.

Maybe we are fulfilled. To the ship.

00:04:41,198 --> 00:04:43,659

The dictionary

defines fulfillment as,

00:04:43,742 --> 00:04:47,746

"Being satisfied or happy as a result of

fully developing one's character."

00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:50,624

Yeah, that sounds like us.

We've done that, I think.

00:04:50,707 --> 00:04:52,501

Ayeesh, pull up the fulfillment meters.

00:04:54,378 --> 00:04:56,255

Fuck-ass. Look. We're hardly fulfilled.

00:04:56,338 --> 00:04:58,298

Aisha, how much time

do we have until death?

00:04:58,382 --> 00:05:02,177

-11 hours, 43 minutes and 23 seconds.

- Oh, fuckers.

00:05:02,261 --> 00:05:05,138

Calm down. We have time to get fulfilled.

No time to waste.

00:05:05,222 --> 00:05:09,101

Everyone needs to write things that make

you fulfilled. You have one hour. Go.

00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:20,863

Why did we waste a whole hour

writing these ideas?

00:05:20,946 --> 00:05:24,283

I did mine in five minutes,

then googled up-kilt pictures.

00:05:24,366 --> 00:05:25,951

There's some big dongs in that.

00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:28,287

There's a lot of these.

"Learn how to crip walk.

00:05:28,370 --> 00:05:30,789

"Shoot an avenge porn.

Fight the Property Brothers."

00:05:30,873 --> 00:05:34,293

- The pink ones are mine.

- Crip walk dancing won't move the needle.

00:05:34,376 --> 00:05:36,712

We have to do what fulfills us most

in the least time.

00:05:36,795 --> 00:05:39,715

-"Win a Teen Choice Award"?

- It's the last step to winning an AGOT.

00:05:39,798 --> 00:05:42,176

Adult Video News,

Grammy, Oscar and Teen Choice.

00:05:42,259 --> 00:05:44,595

Part of an AGOT won't do.

You need the whole AGOT.

00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:46,388

-"End global warming"?

- That's mine.

00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:48,932

- It felt like something people talk about.

- Too easy.

00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:51,059

We could do that with

End Global Warming Ray.

00:05:51,143 --> 00:05:54,521

"Hunt down and kill Carmen Sandiego"?

Hell yeah. This one's mine.

00:05:54,605 --> 00:05:58,066

Fuck her, always rubbing it in

that she gets to travel for a living.

00:05:58,150 --> 00:06:01,153

"Help a group of kids win a sports

championship." That's it.

00:06:01,236 --> 00:06:03,113

Why would we care about that?

Sounds stupid.

00:06:03,197 --> 00:06:05,157

Hey, that's not stupid. That's my idea.

00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:08,368

We don't care about it. But if we do

care about it after we finish,

00:06:08,452 --> 00:06:10,954

we'll be fulfilled, like

Gordon Bombay in The Mighty Ducks.

00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:13,999

- Told you it wasn't stupid, Yumyulack.

- It was totally stupid, Jesse.

00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:17,586

But I figured out a way to make it cool.

Come on. No time to waste.

00:06:17,669 --> 00:06:20,172

God damn.

You motherfuckers are back again?

00:06:20,255 --> 00:06:24,676

- Find us the nearest championship game.

-It's kinda out of season, but let me see.

00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:28,722

The closest option is a water polo

championship in Rio de Janeiro.

00:06:28,805 --> 00:06:31,683

-Y'all got swimming suits?

- Water polo is just wet hockey.

00:06:31,767 --> 00:06:32,768

It'll have to do.

00:06:32,851 --> 00:06:36,230

The Solar Opposites are going to Brazil

to get fulfilled.

00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:43,195

Stop that. We don't have time

for establishing shots.

00:06:48,116 --> 00:06:51,495

That took too long. Let's find

the rag-taggers and get on with this.

00:07:05,509 --> 00:07:09,638

- Holy guacamole. Mama like.

- God damn it. None of them are rag-taggy.

00:07:09,721 --> 00:07:12,474

They swim all day.

Of course they look like Greek gods.

00:07:12,558 --> 00:07:15,060

Who cares? Pick a team.

I'll zap them with the Rag-Tag Ray.

00:07:15,811 --> 00:07:19,022

Asthmatic and from

a C-list South American country? Boom.

00:07:23,735 --> 00:07:25,028

They're tagged to the rag.

00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:26,154

- You missed one.

- No.

00:07:26,238 --> 00:07:29,992

I just want to win for my dad.

He has butt cancer in his heart.

00:07:30,075 --> 00:07:32,286

I know you're super ragtag

and down on your luck,

00:07:32,369 --> 00:07:35,330

but if you follow our coaching

and work as a team, we can win.

00:07:35,414 --> 00:07:38,834

- Plus, we have to do this fast.

- I just wanna make my dad proud.

00:07:38,917 --> 00:07:41,837

- He got heart butt cancer from smoking.

- We get it.

00:08:42,648 --> 00:08:44,441

I love you, butt cancer Dad.

00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:48,403

Thank you for making us champions,

but can you turn me back to young?

00:08:48,487 --> 00:08:51,782

I was so hot and had a beautiful voice

and got tons of pussy.

00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:54,284

We have to get back

and see how fulfilled we are.

00:08:54,368 --> 00:08:55,452

Hurry. Check the meters.

00:08:55,536 --> 00:08:57,955

- Are we fulfilled?

- I feel pretty dang satisfied.

00:08:58,038 --> 00:09:01,416

- Ah, shit. They've hardly moved at all.

- No, that should've worked.

00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:04,378

We wasted so much time

on that stupid water polo thing.

00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:06,129

Christ, the Pupa looks hungry.

00:09:08,173 --> 00:09:11,093

I can't go down like this.

You're all holding me back.

00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:13,595

Fuck you guys.

I'm getting fulfilled by myself.

00:09:13,679 --> 00:09:15,264

- Here we go. Fuck you.

- Give me a slip.

00:09:15,347 --> 00:09:17,391

- Fuck you, losers.

- You little shit.

00:09:20,352 --> 00:09:22,104

"Help an old lady

across the street."

00:09:22,187 --> 00:09:25,691

Why are all Korvo's ideas about doing

stuff to old ladies? Granny, stop.

00:09:26,817 --> 00:09:28,485

- You're hurting me.

- This is helping.

00:09:28,569 --> 00:09:31,196

I need to go to the bus

on the other side of the street.

00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:33,156

No time. I'm getting fulfilled.

00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:34,867

- What the fuck?

- Eat shit.

00:09:36,451 --> 00:09:40,205

"Teach someone to read." Stupid Jesse.

Why can't I do something awesome,

00:09:40,289 --> 00:09:42,624

like see how many grapes

I can fit in my mouth?

00:09:44,501 --> 00:09:47,254

- Now your baby can read. You're welcome.

- What? Why?

00:09:47,671 --> 00:09:51,425

- Now you can read. Getting fulfilled.

- I could already read. I'm a novelist.

00:09:51,508 --> 00:09:53,177

Now your hat can read.

00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:55,345

- Stop that. What are you doing?

- Your car can read.

00:09:55,429 --> 00:09:59,558

- Help. This alien is educating my things.

- Stop right there, you dirty alien.

00:09:59,641 --> 00:10:01,560

Oh, God. I can read?

What if I gain empathy?

00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:04,938

What if I learn to re-evaluate

my hardline conservative opinions?

00:10:05,022 --> 00:10:06,690

Oh, my God.

00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:11,111

I don't have much time so I have

to learn skydiving and get baptized.

00:10:11,195 --> 00:10:14,031

I'm certified by the FAA

and our Lord and Savior...

00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:15,991

Jesus Christ.

00:10:16,074 --> 00:10:18,368

Dunk your head in the holy water.

00:10:18,452 --> 00:10:21,747

Korvo, I now baptize you

in the name of the Father, Son and the...

00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:23,874

- Shit. I dropped the bowl.

- Fuck, fuck, fuck.

00:10:33,467 --> 00:10:36,178

Looks like God was on our side.

00:10:36,261 --> 00:10:38,430

Although his ways are mysterious.

00:10:39,765 --> 00:10:41,433

What are you doing, little girl?

00:10:41,517 --> 00:10:44,144

I'm freeing the Willys, you dumb cracker.

00:10:51,902 --> 00:10:54,112

Have fun being free, Willys.

00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:01,328

All right, Jake Slater,

you have been kissed.

00:11:01,411 --> 00:11:04,206

To be clear, this would

have fulfilled Jesse more than me.

00:11:04,289 --> 00:11:06,250

I've never been kissed like that before.

00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:08,919

- Will you go to prom with me?

- Depends on what you wear.

00:11:22,724 --> 00:11:25,185

- What the fuck are you doing here?

- Hello, Ms. Frankie.

00:11:25,269 --> 00:11:28,480

Yumyulack wanted to tell

you to "Go fuck yourself twice,

00:11:28,564 --> 00:11:30,440

"you has-been bag of stinky dog piss."

00:11:30,524 --> 00:11:34,653

- Hurtful, but continue.

- And Terry wanted to... Oh, hells, no.

00:11:34,736 --> 00:11:35,821

What is it?

00:11:40,075 --> 00:11:43,954

I hear your heart beat

to the beat of the drums

00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:47,165

- I'm watching you.

- But I'm dancing like you're not.

00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:56,592

Like we're gonna die young

00:12:02,347 --> 00:12:04,600

We're gonna die young

00:12:07,644 --> 00:12:10,147

Let's make the most of the night...

00:12:17,738 --> 00:12:19,656

Damn it, Frankie. I'm on the clock.

00:12:22,784 --> 00:12:25,704

Wait. Samantha, don't get on that plane.

I love you.

00:12:25,787 --> 00:12:29,124

- What. Me? I don't know you.

- I love you more than anything...

00:12:29,208 --> 00:12:31,168

Ow!

00:12:31,835 --> 00:12:33,754

Livin' hard just like we should

00:12:33,837 --> 00:12:36,798

Don't care who's watchin'

when we tearin' it up

00:12:36,882 --> 00:12:37,883

You know

00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:40,594

That magic that we got, nobody can touch

00:12:40,677 --> 00:12:41,678

Fo' sho'

00:12:41,762 --> 00:12:44,056

Lookin' for some trouble tonight

00:12:44,139 --> 00:12:45,140

Yeah

00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:48,435

Take my hand, I'll show you the wild side

00:12:48,519 --> 00:12:53,482

Let's make the most of the night

like we're gonna die young

00:12:54,608 --> 00:12:56,443

Man, that was some good fulfilling.

00:12:56,527 --> 00:12:58,487

I'm so fulfill, I'm gonna yack.

00:12:58,570 --> 00:13:01,573

Let's not start tugging

each other's non-existent dicks.

00:13:01,657 --> 00:13:04,618

- We don't know if it worked.

- I have a feeling I'm fulfilled.

00:13:04,701 --> 00:13:07,120

I didn't give a woman

six-and-a-half orgasms for nothing.

00:13:07,204 --> 00:13:10,457

Aisha, pull up our fulfillment meters

and prepare to be impressed.

00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:13,418

Mostly? What the fuck?

00:13:13,502 --> 00:13:15,963

What? I don't understand.

We did all our slips.

00:13:16,046 --> 00:13:17,673

My word of the day.

00:13:17,756 --> 00:13:21,510

Today's word is dilatory,

meaning moving at less than normal speed.

00:13:21,593 --> 00:13:24,471

I'll use it in a sentence.

I am dilatory all the time

00:13:24,555 --> 00:13:26,598

because I'm kind of lazy

and fucking stupid.

00:13:26,682 --> 00:13:27,724

Ooh.

00:13:28,976 --> 00:13:31,270

Oh, my God. I'm fulfilled. I did it.

I feel amazing.

00:13:31,353 --> 00:13:34,064

I YOLO'd and you didn't. You're Yo-Losers.

00:13:36,024 --> 00:13:38,110

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where's that button?

00:13:40,445 --> 00:13:43,031

Fuck you, fuck you and fuck you.

00:13:43,115 --> 00:13:45,450

- Shut up, Terry. You suck.

- Yeah, shut up.

00:13:45,534 --> 00:13:47,452

Make me, you unfulfilled motherfucker.

00:13:47,536 --> 00:13:49,496

Woah, woah!

00:13:51,874 --> 00:13:55,210

Geez, he really splatted.

It wasn't even that much of a fall.

00:13:55,294 --> 00:13:56,420

That's my B, guys.

00:13:57,129 --> 00:14:00,090

Stop licking Terry's blood, you Ragu.

Show some respect.

00:14:00,174 --> 00:14:04,052

Wait. When Terry died, it looks like

his fulfillment points transferred to me.

00:14:04,136 --> 00:14:05,470

I'm almost fulfilled now.

00:14:05,554 --> 00:14:09,516

Holy shit. I guess we're in a "there-can-

be-only-one-Highlander-type situation."

00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:11,476

I thought that show was about a hot nurse

00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:13,729

who goes back in time

to get her ass eaten out.

00:14:13,812 --> 00:14:14,897

That's Outlander.

00:14:14,980 --> 00:14:17,149

Highlander means if one of us

kills the other two,

00:14:17,232 --> 00:14:18,901

we'd be fulfilled before we die.

00:14:18,984 --> 00:14:21,320

- That tracks.

- But we'd never kill each other.

00:14:21,403 --> 00:14:22,696

We're a family.

00:14:22,779 --> 00:14:25,449

- That's what we all think.

- Sure. A family.

00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:28,869

I'm gonna go mourn Terry

in another part of the house.

00:14:28,952 --> 00:14:32,331

I'm gonna go do some Solar Opposite stuff.

00:14:32,414 --> 00:14:35,334

And I am going to go

write a Rotten Tomatoes

00:14:35,417 --> 00:14:37,461

user review of The Dark World

00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:40,547

so people can know my thoughts

on that particular Thor movie.

00:14:43,217 --> 00:14:46,303

It's so great that we're not preparing

to kill each other.

00:15:00,817 --> 00:15:03,320

Hey, beautiful. You ready to fuck shit up?

00:15:07,032 --> 00:15:10,285

Damn it. Why did I design this to

only turn when you go backwards?

00:15:13,789 --> 00:15:14,873

Perfect.

00:15:15,874 --> 00:15:17,334

Aisha, I need that magic potion.

00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:20,254

The one we keep in Narnia?

We promised we would never go back.

00:15:20,337 --> 00:15:23,507

No. The secret magic potion

that Jewish wizard taught me. Hurry.

00:15:29,805 --> 00:15:31,390

Oh!

00:15:38,856 --> 00:15:40,774

No fair. You have a tank?

00:15:40,858 --> 00:15:43,986

Yeah. I'm gonna blast you

and develop the shit out of my character.

00:15:44,069 --> 00:15:47,155

Maybe that would have worked

before I made my magic me's.

00:15:47,239 --> 00:15:48,448

Come on out, boys.

00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:53,161

- That's not fair.

- Jesse, aren't you trying to kill us too?

00:15:53,245 --> 00:15:55,664

Gosh, no. I'd never do that to my family.

00:15:55,747 --> 00:15:57,916

Typical Jesse. So stupid.

00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:00,460

- Ow!

- Ah!

00:16:00,544 --> 00:16:05,007

Psych. I Home Alone'd the whole house.

Welcome to hell, boys.

00:16:06,341 --> 00:16:08,010

Die, you creepy little Korvos.

00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:31,033

Try getting all those feathers off of you.

00:16:45,047 --> 00:16:46,340

I'm gonna kill that kid.

00:16:49,927 --> 00:16:51,803

Come out here, normal-sized Korvo.

00:16:51,887 --> 00:16:54,598

- It's time for me to finish you.

- Not quite yet.

00:16:57,726 --> 00:17:01,146

Meet Ogre Korvo.

Or as I like to call him, Orgo.

00:17:24,419 --> 00:17:27,256

Oh, my God. Yumyulack is dead.

00:17:27,339 --> 00:17:31,426

- My brother from another toe mother.

- Yeah, I killed him and you're next.

00:17:35,472 --> 00:17:36,682

Wait. What are we doing?

00:17:36,765 --> 00:17:39,935

This is wrong. Should we be killing

each other to get these points?

00:17:40,018 --> 00:17:42,312

I was just thinking the same thing.

00:17:42,396 --> 00:17:45,232

We should have spent these last

12 hours with each other

00:17:45,315 --> 00:17:47,359

enjoying the company of family.

00:17:47,442 --> 00:17:49,486

I'm sorry, Jesse. You're right.

00:17:51,321 --> 00:17:55,242

Korvo, I'm scared. Is dying gonna hurt?

00:17:55,325 --> 00:17:58,161

No. I think it'll be peaceful.

Like falling asleep.

00:17:58,245 --> 00:18:00,914

Well, I'm glad that at least

we'll die together.

00:18:00,998 --> 00:18:04,918

Maybe spending time with people you love

is what gives your life meaning,

00:18:05,002 --> 00:18:06,003

not some bucket list

00:18:06,086 --> 00:18:09,047

or making a teacher come so hard

she loses feeling in her left side.

00:18:09,131 --> 00:18:12,509

Korvo, that's beautiful.

Come here, you big lug.

00:18:18,098 --> 00:18:22,644

No, Korvo. My last booby trap.

I forgot all about it. I'm so sorry.

00:18:23,312 --> 00:18:24,563

No!

00:18:24,646 --> 00:18:26,273

Wait.

00:18:27,941 --> 00:18:30,861

I'm fulfilled. It feels amazing.

00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:33,697

I'm fulfilled, mother-scratchers.

00:18:34,865 --> 00:18:38,035

But I only have a minute left.

I got to do this right.

00:18:38,118 --> 00:18:42,915

Korvo said it's all about family.

It's time to bring this baby full circle.

00:18:54,009 --> 00:18:55,135

Goodbye, Pupa.

00:18:55,219 --> 00:18:58,514

Remember not to eat us too fast

or you'll get a tummy ache.

00:19:02,684 --> 00:19:04,353

Any moment now.

00:19:06,688 --> 00:19:09,191

Maybe that old clock

was just a little fast.

00:19:14,238 --> 00:19:18,575

Cripes. Did I kill our family

for no reason? I hate when...

00:19:18,659 --> 00:19:19,660

Holy...

00:19:38,887 --> 00:19:40,806

Look at that Pupa, eating our fruit.

00:19:40,889 --> 00:19:43,433

Maybe save some and make a jam,

you little fatty.

00:19:43,517 --> 00:19:44,685

All right, what next?

00:19:44,768 --> 00:19:47,646

Is the Pupa gonna terraform the world

once he's eaten the fruit?

00:19:47,729 --> 00:19:49,231

You're the Pupa specialist.

00:19:49,314 --> 00:19:53,235

Right. I meant for everyone else

who doesn't know what the Pupa does.

00:19:53,318 --> 00:19:55,988

Jesus, Terry, no.

There's more steps in his evolution.

00:19:56,071 --> 00:19:58,866

This is just step eight or nine.

I don't know.

00:19:58,949 --> 00:20:01,869

Look at him go. You were a hungry

little Pupa, weren't you?

00:20:01,952 --> 00:20:03,871

Pupa, suck the sap off my trunk.

00:20:03,954 --> 00:20:05,789

Woah, you're all trees now?

00:20:05,873 --> 00:20:08,292

Of course we are.

We died and came back as trees.

00:20:08,417 --> 00:20:11,295

- Why do you sound surprised?

-'Cause it's fucking crazy.

00:20:11,378 --> 00:20:14,590

When humans die, we turn into rotten mush.

We don't come back as trees.

00:20:14,673 --> 00:20:17,259

Okay, smart ass.

Where did all the trees come from?

00:20:17,342 --> 00:20:19,761

- They're everywhere.

- I don't know. Those are just trees.

00:20:19,845 --> 00:20:23,473

So human death operates by different rules

and we didn't have to get fulfilled?

00:20:23,557 --> 00:20:24,558

I guess not.

00:20:24,641 --> 00:20:26,518

We destroyed our house

'cause of your shit.

00:20:26,602 --> 00:20:29,271

- How was I supposed to know?

- Fuck you, Keith. You suck.

00:20:29,354 --> 00:20:32,900

And your Fruit By Keith By The Foot

tastes like Poop By Keith From The Butt.

00:20:32,983 --> 00:20:34,651

I wasted my hidden tank because of you.

00:20:34,735 --> 00:20:36,945

Jesus Christ. Calm down.

I thought you were dying.

00:20:37,029 --> 00:20:40,407

- You're a piece of shit, Keith. Fuck you.

- Die, die.

00:20:40,490 --> 00:20:42,284

When we grow our legs back,

we'll kill you.

00:20:42,367 --> 00:20:43,827

- Yeah.

- I was trying to help.

00:20:43,911 --> 00:20:46,288

You better move.

You better change your identity.

00:20:46,371 --> 00:20:49,041

We're gonna spend our lives

hunting your stupid ass.

00:20:49,166 --> 00:20:50,876

Wow! It turns out

00:20:50,959 --> 00:20:54,463

hating on Keith together

was what finally fulfilled them all.

00:20:54,546 --> 00:20:55,881

I feel so fulfilled.

00:20:55,964 --> 00:20:57,424

- Me too.

- This is amazing.

00:20:57,508 --> 00:20:59,968

We should've just been

tormenting Keith all along.

00:21:00,052 --> 00:21:02,137

It's so nice to be fulfilled as a family.

00:21:02,221 --> 00:21:06,016

I can already see my feet start to form.

You better pack it up, you little bitch.

00:21:06,099 --> 00:21:08,852

You don't know how many seasons

we're gonna have. We're aliens.

00:21:08,936 --> 00:21:11,480

We could grow into trees

and come back season after season.

00:21:11,563 --> 00:21:14,316

- And cut your eyes out.

- I'm gonna kick you in the dick.

00:21:14,399 --> 00:21:15,609

What a little bitch.

00:21:15,692 --> 00:21:19,279

All in all this was a pretty

satisfying end to our day.

00:21:19,363 --> 00:21:22,115

That's actually kind of the end

of our whole year.

00:21:22,199 --> 00:21:24,743

- What a run. We did a lot this year.

- That's the end?

00:21:24,826 --> 00:21:27,329

We ran around worrying about death.

That's how we go out?

00:21:27,412 --> 00:21:30,207

What else do you want,

some fucking hacky holiday special?

00:21:30,290 --> 00:21:33,544

I would never in a million years

do something as lame and cash grabby

00:21:33,627 --> 00:21:35,337

as a Solar Opposites holiday special.

00:21:35,420 --> 00:21:38,298

- The Solar Opposites have integrity.

- That's right. We do.

00:21:38,382 --> 00:21:41,009

We would never sacrifice that

for anything. Hold on.

00:21:41,093 --> 00:21:42,803

I'm getting a text from Hulu.

00:21:43,262 --> 00:21:44,263

Huh.

00:21:44,346 --> 00:21:47,641

What does it say, Korvo?

Is it about our integrity?

00:21:48,016 --> 00:21:49,935

Sort of. God damn it.

00:00:07,118 --> 00:00:08,498

СМАЗКА

00:01:58,438 --> 00:01:59,478

ПРОДАНО

00:02:38,308 --> 00:02:40,018

УНИВЕРСИТЕТ ВКУСВИЛЛА

00:03:36,998 --> 00:03:40,498

«ФРУКТОВАЯ ЛЕНТА КИТА»

00:04:52,698 --> 00:04:54,068

НИ КАПЛИ, ЧУТОК, ТИПА ТОГО, ПОЧТИ, ВЫШКА

00:06:24,578 --> 00:06:28,168

БРАЗИЛИЯ

00:06:43,138 --> 00:06:45,558

ХУЛУТРОН

00:07:15,338 --> 00:07:17,798

ПАРАГВАЙ

00:07:41,828 --> 00:07:43,828

ВЕНГРИЯ 0:0 ПАРАГВАЙ

00:07:52,288 --> 00:07:53,088

ПАРАГВАЙ – 8 МЕСТО

00:07:53,088 --> 00:07:53,798

ПАРАГВАЙ – 7 МЕСТО

00:07:59,588 --> 00:08:00,638

ПАРАГВАЙ – 6 МЕСТО

00:08:00,638 --> 00:08:01,348

ПАРАГВАЙ – 5 МЕСТО

00:08:03,758 --> 00:08:04,768

ПАРАГВАЙ – 4 МЕСТО

00:08:04,768 --> 00:08:05,518

ПАРАГВАЙ – 3 МЕСТО

00:08:13,568 --> 00:08:15,398

ФИНАЛ

РОССИЯ 5:5 ПАРАГВАЙ

00:08:15,398 --> 00:08:17,568

ТАБАК

00:08:33,498 --> 00:08:34,498

ПОБЕДИЛ ПАРАГВАЙ

00:08:58,858 --> 00:09:00,318

ЧУТОК

00:12:09,128 --> 00:12:10,638

ПРИЮТ

00:12:44,338 --> 00:12:46,458

КОНКУРС ПО ПОЕДАНИЮ ПИРОГОВ

00:12:49,048 --> 00:12:51,718

ИМЕНИННИЦА

00:12:51,718 --> 00:12:52,638

ЕШЬ БОГАТЫХ!

00:13:28,088 --> 00:13:29,588

ВЫШКА

00:18:27,888 --> 00:18:27,928

ВЫШКА

00:20:48,778 --> 00:20:54,448

ВЫШКА

00:21:51,048 --> 00:21:54,678

УСТРОЙ СЕБЕ О-ХУЛУ-ИТЕЛЬНЫЙ ПРАЗДНИК

00:21:54,678 --> 00:21:56,618

ДА, ВАМ НЕ КАЖЕТСЯ, МЫ НА ЭТО СОГЛАСИЛИСЬ

00:00:05,964 --> 00:00:08,293

В целом, я бы сказала это была

довольно успешная

00:00:08,317 --> 00:00:11,838

секс-вечеринка С широко закрытыми

глазами "тире" сбор средств для UNICEF.

00:00:11,862 --> 00:00:14,048

Путешествующая во времени

glory hole была отличной идеей!

00:00:14,072 --> 00:00:16,301

По-моему, Грязный Рэнди всё ещё

увлечён процессом.

00:00:16,325 --> 00:00:20,180

Мой донг только что случайно

спровоцировал покушение на Кеннеди!

00:00:20,204 --> 00:00:21,973

В Современной семье вроде

такая же сюжетная линия, не?

00:00:21,997 --> 00:00:24,957

Вечеринка-отстой.

Никто не стал приносить в жертву Рагу.

00:00:25,627 --> 00:00:27,228

Ни один контактный зоопарк

не возьмёт его обратно

00:00:27,252 --> 00:00:28,962

с этим пустым взглядом.

00:00:33,382 --> 00:00:34,258

Я наконец-то сделал это!

00:00:34,283 --> 00:00:37,511

Идеально очистил бранзино от костей.

00:00:37,535 --> 00:00:40,722

С 147-ой попытки...

Стой, а где все?

00:00:40,746 --> 00:00:42,724

Чувак, вечеринка закончилась.

Ты слишком долго провозился с рыбой.

00:00:42,748 --> 00:00:44,852

А я говорил просто заказать

доставку Бургер Лаундж.

00:00:44,876 --> 00:00:47,521

На оргии все мечтают

съесть Бургер Лаундж.

00:00:47,545 --> 00:00:49,773

Бургер Лаундж:

Чистая еда, грязный трах.

00:00:49,797 --> 00:00:52,693

Полагаю, наслаждаться этим

великолепным филе Лаврака

00:00:52,717 --> 00:00:54,117

я буду один.

00:00:57,089 --> 00:00:58,156

Будем его спасать?

00:00:58,180 --> 00:01:00,224

Да, думаю стоит использовать

приём Шлорплиха.

00:01:03,925 --> 00:01:05,878

Чтоб вы знали, я просто

00:01:06,347 --> 00:01:07,675

притворялся, что подавился.

00:01:15,281 --> 00:01:17,134

Твою ж налево, Пупа посинел.

00:01:17,158 --> 00:01:19,511

- И что это значит?

- Ты же специалист по Пупам!

00:01:19,535 --> 00:01:22,163

Точно... а это что значит?

00:01:22,496 --> 00:01:25,458

Аиша, открой доступ к образцам

цвета Пупы.

00:01:27,126 --> 00:01:29,354

Так, королевский голубой значит,

что у Пупы "собачий кашель",

00:01:29,378 --> 00:01:32,733

васильковый - у кого-то из нас были

эротические фантазии о другом,

00:01:32,757 --> 00:01:34,902

морской синий, что истекает

подписка на Hulu,

00:01:34,926 --> 00:01:36,820

синий оттенка яйца дрозда -

бесплатный Xbox,

00:01:36,844 --> 00:01:38,970

Тихоокеанский синий означает,

что мы все умрём к полуночи!

00:01:40,181 --> 00:01:42,266

А мы были так близки к Xbox-у!

00:01:43,267 --> 00:01:45,228

Планета Шлорп была

совершенной утопией

00:01:45,728 --> 00:01:47,230

до падения астероида.

00:01:48,564 --> 00:01:50,876

Сотни взрослых и репликантов

получили Пупу

00:01:50,900 --> 00:01:52,920

и отправились в космос

00:01:52,944 --> 00:01:55,363

в поисках нового дома

на необитаемой планете.

00:01:56,030 --> 00:01:58,967

Мы упали на Землю и застряли на этой и

без того перенаселённой планете.

00:01:58,991 --> 00:02:00,719

Верно, это я говорил все это время.

00:02:00,743 --> 00:02:02,471

Я тот, что держит Пупу.

Меня зовут Корво.

00:02:02,495 --> 00:02:03,348

Это моё шоу.

00:02:03,372 --> 00:02:04,890

Я только что уронил Пупу.

Видите меня?

00:02:04,914 --> 00:02:06,266

Это просто смешно.

00:02:06,290 --> 00:02:08,268

Я ненавижу Землю.

Это ужасный дом.

00:02:08,292 --> 00:02:09,145

Люди глупые.

00:02:09,169 --> 00:02:10,896

Им нравится, что роботы

выполняют за них работу,

00:02:10,920 --> 00:02:12,814

но не создают систему

универсальных доходов,

00:02:12,838 --> 00:02:15,192

чтобы у них были хоть какие-то деньги,

когда роботы отнимут их работу.

00:02:15,216 --> 00:02:16,258

Бессмыслица какая-то!

00:02:25,935 --> 00:02:27,287

Разломлю, пожалуй, для тебя

печать тайны!

00:02:27,311 --> 00:02:28,914

Давай, детка, разломай,

разломай полностью...

00:02:28,938 --> 00:02:30,123

Завались, Терри!

00:02:30,147 --> 00:02:32,459

С момента, как Пупа посинел,

он выделяет протеиновую пыль,

00:02:32,483 --> 00:02:34,253

которая запускает в наших телах

естественный механизм.

00:02:34,277 --> 00:02:35,504

Он убьёт нас в течение 12 часов.

00:02:35,528 --> 00:02:38,382

Ставки!

Теперь все внимательно слушают!

00:02:38,406 --> 00:02:39,925

После нашей смерти, Пупа съест нас,

00:02:39,949 --> 00:02:42,094

затем разовьётся и терраформирует

эту паршивую планету,

00:02:42,118 --> 00:02:43,387

по образу нашего родного мира.

00:02:43,411 --> 00:02:45,472

Верно! А это значит, что мы близки

к завершению миссии.

00:02:45,496 --> 00:02:46,307

И мы весьма хороши!

00:02:46,331 --> 00:02:49,268

Уверена, когда я умру,

стану очень популярна в школе!

00:02:49,292 --> 00:02:52,062

В прошлом году, Джени Скарлатос

стала королевой школьного бала

00:02:52,086 --> 00:02:53,981

после того, как лось лягнул её в сердце.

00:02:54,005 --> 00:02:55,566

Я ещё никогда не умирал!

00:02:55,590 --> 00:02:57,901

Но я сотню раз смотрел Уикенд у Берни

,

00:02:57,925 --> 00:03:00,112

так что отвечаю, будет уморительно.

00:03:00,136 --> 00:03:01,864

Думаю, умереть будет здорово для всех нас.

00:03:01,888 --> 00:03:03,991

Давайте соберём наши вещи и

сожжём на лужайке перед домом.

00:03:04,015 --> 00:03:05,951

Не хочу, чтобы людишки копались

в моём дерьме после смерти.

00:03:05,975 --> 00:03:07,369

А потом, выроем могилы,

в которых умрём.

00:03:07,393 --> 00:03:08,912

Надо забрать свою лопату у Кита.

00:03:08,936 --> 00:03:11,438

Лучше поторопись,

Пупа выглядит голодным.

00:03:18,654 --> 00:03:20,549

Кит, чем бы тупым ты сейчас

не занимался, сейчас же прекрати.

00:03:20,573 --> 00:03:23,302

Корво! Дружище, зацени

мой новый бизнес:

00:03:23,326 --> 00:03:25,012

"Фрукты Кита. Сделано ногами."

00:03:25,036 --> 00:03:26,305

Делаю собственные

фруктовые снеки.

00:03:26,329 --> 00:03:28,015

У меня нет времени на твои

чокнутые соседские выходки.

00:03:28,039 --> 00:03:28,892

Верни мою лопату.

00:03:28,916 --> 00:03:30,642

Ладно. Копаешь нору или

что-то вроде того?

00:03:30,666 --> 00:03:33,270

Если тебе так важно знать,

то я умру в течение 12 часов,

00:03:33,294 --> 00:03:34,396

и мне надо выкопать себе могилу.

00:03:34,420 --> 00:03:37,065

Господи. Корво, мне так жаль.

Ты болен?

00:03:37,089 --> 00:03:38,734

Не, это сложная инопланетная муть.

00:03:38,758 --> 00:03:40,485

Не собираюсь сидеть тут и объяснять

это какому-то придурку.

00:03:40,509 --> 00:03:43,071

Отмечу, что крайне потрясён

твои отношением.

00:03:43,095 --> 00:03:45,949

Если бы я знал, что скоро умру,

Я бы с ума сходил.

00:03:45,973 --> 00:03:46,701

Что? Почему?

00:03:46,725 --> 00:03:48,744

То есть, я хочу сказать,

что смерть подводит черту.

00:03:48,768 --> 00:03:51,538

Я бы столько всего хотел сделать

в жизни до своей смерти.

00:03:51,562 --> 00:03:53,648

Что ты имеешь ввиду

под "смерть подводит черту"?

00:03:55,316 --> 00:03:57,878

Ребята. После того, как сожжём всё,

давайте засолим Землю,

00:03:57,902 --> 00:03:59,546

- ну, в качестве меры безопасности.

- Ребята, остановитесь!

00:03:59,570 --> 00:04:01,131

Нам лгали насчёт того, что

происходит после смерти!

00:04:01,155 --> 00:04:03,467

Значит мы всё-таки получим Xbox?

00:04:03,491 --> 00:04:06,011

Чур я первая играю в

Moonlight от LEGO!

00:04:06,035 --> 00:04:07,596

Нет!

Знаешь, что такое ЖТР?

00:04:07,620 --> 00:04:09,097

Это разве не версия ФУБУ для белых?

00:04:09,121 --> 00:04:11,308

Кит только что сказал мне,

что на смерти всё заканчивается.

00:04:11,332 --> 00:04:12,476

после неё ничего не поделать!

00:04:12,500 --> 00:04:13,894

Ты прекращаешь существовать!

00:04:13,918 --> 00:04:14,895

Что? Не, не, не, не, не!

00:04:14,919 --> 00:04:17,856

Слушай, я видел много мультов:

смерть не такая уж проблема.

00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:19,608

Очевидно, эти мульты не очень

то достоверны!

00:04:19,632 --> 00:04:21,818

Всё это время, мы должны были

жить наполненной жизнью!

00:04:21,842 --> 00:04:23,362

Он даже сам делает

фруктовую пастилу,

00:04:23,386 --> 00:04:26,031

и я над ней подшучивал, пока

сам не попробовал - правда вкусно.

00:04:26,055 --> 00:04:28,075

Но мы умрём через 11 часов.

00:04:28,099 --> 00:04:29,952

И как нам прожить полную жизнь

00:04:29,976 --> 00:04:32,371

за то же время, пока

переваривается McFlurry?

00:04:32,395 --> 00:04:34,331

Может быть мы уже наполнены!

00:04:34,355 --> 00:04:37,167

Post Malone лайкнул один из моих твитов.

00:04:37,191 --> 00:04:38,418

А он довольно занят.

00:04:38,442 --> 00:04:41,129

Боже, ты права! Может мы уже

наполнены. На корабль!

00:04:41,153 --> 00:04:43,632

Словарь определяет"наполненность" как

00:04:43,656 --> 00:04:47,886

"состояние удовлетворения и счастья

в результате развития личности."

00:04:47,910 --> 00:04:49,805

Ну да, вполне относится к нам.

00:04:49,829 --> 00:04:50,848

По-моему, мы этого достигли.

00:04:50,872 --> 00:04:52,540

Аиш, выведи счётчики наполненности.

00:04:54,459 --> 00:04:56,687

Твою ж налево, только посмотри!

Мы почти пусты!

00:04:56,711 --> 00:04:58,313

Аиша, сколько времени осталось

до нашей смерти?

00:04:58,337 --> 00:05:00,983

Одиннадцать часов,

43 минуты, и 23 секунды.

00:05:01,007 --> 00:05:01,943

- Чёрт!

- Твою мать!

00:05:01,967 --> 00:05:03,777

Ладно, спокойно.

Ещё есть время преисполниться.

00:05:03,801 --> 00:05:05,362

Будет трудновато, но не

стоит терять время.

00:05:05,386 --> 00:05:07,823

Каждый, напишите список того,

что поможет вам наполниться.

00:05:07,847 --> 00:05:09,247

У вас один час. Вперёд!

00:05:18,357 --> 00:05:20,961

Зачем нам целый час тратить

на выписывание этих идей?

00:05:20,985 --> 00:05:23,213

Я закончил свой список за 5 минут,

а потом гуглил килты

00:05:23,237 --> 00:05:24,339

всё оставшееся время.

00:05:24,363 --> 00:05:25,966

Там есть даже большие старые донги.

00:05:25,990 --> 00:05:28,176

Боже, тут много всякого.

"Научись танцевать crip walk."

00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:29,636

"Снять мстительное порно."

00:05:29,660 --> 00:05:30,846

"Побить Братьев в Недвижимости."

00:05:30,870 --> 00:05:32,222

Розовенькие мои!

00:05:32,246 --> 00:05:33,932

Разучивание танцевальных

движений нам не поможет.

00:05:33,956 --> 00:05:35,642

Мы должны сделать что-то такое,

что наполнит нас больше всего

00:05:35,666 --> 00:05:36,643

за оставшееся время.

00:05:36,667 --> 00:05:38,020

Выиграть Teen Choice Award?

00:05:38,044 --> 00:05:39,688

Это последний шаг к победе в AGOT.

00:05:39,712 --> 00:05:42,274

Adult Video News - Grammy -

Oscar - Teen Choice.

00:05:42,298 --> 00:05:44,484

Часть наград AGOT не сработает.

Нужны все четыре.

00:05:44,508 --> 00:05:46,195

- Остановить глобальное потепление?

- Это моё.

00:05:46,219 --> 00:05:48,155

Не знаю, кажется это волнует

всех людей, верно?

00:05:48,179 --> 00:05:51,116

Слишком просто. Можно было давно

использовать Луч ОГП.

00:05:51,140 --> 00:05:53,327

Поохотиться и убить Кармен Сандиего.

00:05:53,351 --> 00:05:54,536

Да, черт возьми. Это моё.

00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:56,914

Чёрт бы его побрал, вечно

выпендривается тем, что

00:05:56,938 --> 00:05:58,123

зарабатывает на жизнь путешествиями!

00:05:58,147 --> 00:06:00,584

"Помочь группе хиленьких детей выиграть

спортивные соревнования."

00:06:00,608 --> 00:06:01,419

- То, что надо!

- Что?

00:06:01,443 --> 00:06:03,086

Почему тебя это волнует?

Даже звучит глупо.

00:06:03,110 --> 00:06:05,297

Эй, это не глупость,

это моя идея!

00:06:05,321 --> 00:06:06,381

Да, нам нет до этого дела.

00:06:06,405 --> 00:06:09,343

Но если для нас это будет важно, то

к концу, мы станем наполненными

00:06:09,367 --> 00:06:10,928

прямо как Гордон Бомбай

из Могучих утят!

00:06:10,952 --> 00:06:12,679

Я же говорила - это не глупо, Юмьюлак!

00:06:12,703 --> 00:06:14,139

Это было совершенно глупо, Джесси.

00:06:14,163 --> 00:06:16,016

Но затем я придумал способ,

сделать это крутым вариантом.

00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:17,643

Вперёд, не будем терять время.

00:06:17,667 --> 00:06:20,103

Черт возьми,

вы, дебилы, снова вернулись?

00:06:20,127 --> 00:06:22,064

Найди нам ближайшие

спортивные соревнования.

00:06:22,088 --> 00:06:24,423

Ладно, сейчас вроде не

сезон, но я попробую.

00:06:24,840 --> 00:06:27,444

Ближайший вариант -

соревнования по водному поло

00:06:27,468 --> 00:06:29,655

в Рио-де-Жанейро.

У вас всех есть плавки?

00:06:29,679 --> 00:06:32,324

Водное поло - это просто

мокрый хоккей. Должно сработать.

00:06:32,348 --> 00:06:36,268

Солнечные противоположности едут

в Бразилию, чтобы наполниться.

00:06:41,065 --> 00:06:43,233

Хватит! У нас нет времени на крутые

снимки из путешествия!

00:06:48,030 --> 00:06:49,341

На это ушло слишком много времени!

00:06:49,365 --> 00:06:51,200

Давайте найдём команду и

поскорее с этим разделаемся.

00:07:05,506 --> 00:07:07,901

Холе Гуакамоле!

00:07:07,925 --> 00:07:09,945

Чертом-два, среди них вообще нет хиленьких.

00:07:09,969 --> 00:07:12,322

Плавают целый день, конечно они будут

выглядеть как чертовы греческие боги!

00:07:12,346 --> 00:07:15,016

Какая разница? Просто выбери

команду и я запилю в них лучом.

00:07:16,100 --> 00:07:19,019

Астматик да ещё и из Южной Америки? Бум!

00:07:23,900 --> 00:07:24,960

Теперь они точно тряпки.

00:07:24,984 --> 00:07:26,295

- Ты пропустил одного.

- Точно нет.

00:07:26,319 --> 00:07:28,005

Я хочу выиграть ради своего папы.

00:07:28,029 --> 00:07:30,048

У него рак жопы в сердце.

00:07:30,072 --> 00:07:32,384

Ладно, ребята, я знаю, что вы слабы

и полагаетесь только на удачу,

00:07:32,408 --> 00:07:34,344

но если вы прислушаетесь к моим

советам и будете работать в команде,

00:07:34,368 --> 00:07:35,387

мы пройдём весь этот путь!

00:07:35,411 --> 00:07:37,014

Плюс, нам нужно сделать это

как можно быстрее.

00:07:37,038 --> 00:07:38,891

Я просто хочу, чтобы папа

мной гордился.

00:07:38,915 --> 00:07:40,851

Из-за курения у него начался сердечный рак жопы.

00:07:40,875 --> 00:07:41,917

Мы поняли.

00:08:42,687 --> 00:08:44,438

Я люблю тебя, папочка с раком жопы!

00:08:45,231 --> 00:08:46,792

Спасибо, что сделали нас чемпионами.

00:08:46,816 --> 00:08:48,460

Но не могли бы вы вернуть

мне молодость.

00:08:48,484 --> 00:08:50,504

Я был горяч,у меня

был прекрасный голос

00:08:50,528 --> 00:08:51,964

и море кисок.

00:08:51,988 --> 00:08:53,990

Нет, нам нужно вернуться и узнать,

насколько мы наполнились.

00:08:54,365 --> 00:08:56,510

Скорее! Проверь метрики.

Мы наполнены?

00:08:56,534 --> 00:08:58,053

Я чувствую себя чертовски

довольным!

00:08:58,077 --> 00:09:00,389

Дерьмо!

Они едва сдвинулись с места.

00:09:00,413 --> 00:09:01,473

Должно было сработать!

00:09:01,497 --> 00:09:04,434

Мы потратили так много

времени на это тупое поло.

00:09:04,458 --> 00:09:06,167

Господи Иисусе,

Пупа выглядит таким голодным.

00:09:08,170 --> 00:09:09,314

Я не могу закончить вот так!

00:09:09,338 --> 00:09:11,149

Знаете, что?

Это вы мне мешаете!

00:09:11,173 --> 00:09:13,652

К черту вас, я наполнюсь сам!

00:09:13,676 --> 00:09:15,404

- Мне пора. К черту вас!

00:09:15,428 --> 00:09:17,179

Пошли вы, лузеры!

00:09:20,391 --> 00:09:22,035

Помоги старушке перейти улицу.

00:09:22,059 --> 00:09:24,872

Почему все идеи Корво

связаны со старушками?

00:09:24,896 --> 00:09:26,296

Эй, бабуля, стой!

00:09:26,439 --> 00:09:28,458

- Ты делаешь мне больно!

- Нет, я помогаю!

00:09:28,482 --> 00:09:31,211

Мне нужно на автобус

на другой стороне улицы.

00:09:31,235 --> 00:09:32,504

Нет времени!

Я наполняюсь!

00:09:32,528 --> 00:09:34,906

- Какого черта!

- Поешь дерьма!

00:09:36,574 --> 00:09:38,969

Научить кого-то читать.

Тупая Джесси.

00:09:38,993 --> 00:09:40,220

Почему нельзя сделать что-то клёвое,

00:09:40,244 --> 00:09:42,205

типа как узнать сколько

виноградин влезет в рот?

00:09:44,624 --> 00:09:46,393

Теперь твой ребёнок умеет читать.

Всегда пожалуйста!

00:09:46,417 --> 00:09:47,335

Что? Зачем?

00:09:47,710 --> 00:09:49,521

Теперь ты можешь читать.

Наполняюсь!

00:09:49,545 --> 00:09:51,607

Я уже умела читать,

я известная писательница.

00:09:51,631 --> 00:09:53,025

Теперь твоя шляпа умеет читать!

00:09:53,049 --> 00:09:54,735

Прекрати!

Что ты делаешь?

00:09:54,759 --> 00:09:55,445

- Твоя машина умеет читать!

- Помогите!

00:09:55,469 --> 00:09:57,738

Этот пришелец обучает мои вещи!

00:09:57,762 --> 00:09:59,448

Прекрати сейчас же,

грязный пришелец!

00:09:59,472 --> 00:10:01,617

Боже, я умею читать?

А что, если у меня разовьётся эмпатия?

00:10:01,641 --> 00:10:03,493

Что если я узнаю то, что заставит

меня пересмотреть

00:10:03,517 --> 00:10:04,786

свои бескомпромиссные

консервативные взгляды?

00:10:04,810 --> 00:10:06,687

- О, Боже!

00:10:07,605 --> 00:10:09,666

У меня мало времени, поэтому я

хочу научиться скайдайвингу

00:10:09,690 --> 00:10:10,918

и принять крещение одновременно.

00:10:10,942 --> 00:10:14,171

Именем ФАУ и Нашего

Господа и Спасителя..

00:10:14,195 --> 00:10:15,672

Господи Иисусе!

00:10:15,696 --> 00:10:18,467

Окунись головой в святую воду!

00:10:18,491 --> 00:10:21,511

Корво, именем Отца и Сына,

и Святого Духа ...

00:10:21,535 --> 00:10:22,930

Дерьмо, я уронил чашу!

00:10:22,954 --> 00:10:24,354

Черт!

00:10:33,548 --> 00:10:35,090

Кажется, Бог был на нашей стороне!

00:10:36,300 --> 00:10:38,469

Хотя пути его неисповедимы.

00:10:39,845 --> 00:10:41,073

Что ты делаешь, малышка?

00:10:41,097 --> 00:10:44,183

Освобождаю Вилли,

тупица!

00:10:51,983 --> 00:10:54,484

Повеселитесь на свободе, Вилли!

00:10:59,115 --> 00:11:01,426

Так, Джейк Слэтер, тебя поцеловали.

00:11:01,450 --> 00:11:03,929

На заметку, скорее это

больше подошло бы Джесси, не мне.

00:11:03,953 --> 00:11:06,390

Меня так раньше никто не целовал.

00:11:06,414 --> 00:11:07,474

Пойдёшь со мной на выпускной?

00:11:07,498 --> 00:11:08,957

Зависит от того, что ты наденешь!

00:11:22,889 --> 00:11:25,284

- Какого черта ты тут делаешь?

- Привет, Мисс Френки.

00:11:25,308 --> 00:11:28,245

Юмьюлак хотел сказать вам

"пошла на хер дважды,

00:11:28,269 --> 00:11:30,497

ты - мешок вонючей собачьей мочи."

00:11:30,521 --> 00:11:33,542

- Неприятно, но продолжайте.

- А Терри хотел...

00:11:33,566 --> 00:11:35,693

- О, нет.

- Что там?

00:11:44,076 --> 00:11:45,262

Я слежу за тобой!

00:11:45,286 --> 00:11:47,181

- Но я танцую так, как будто не смотришь!

00:12:17,985 --> 00:12:19,570

Черт, Френки.

Я на счётчике.

00:12:22,740 --> 00:12:25,844

Стой, Саманта"

Не улетай! Я Люблю тебя!

00:12:25,868 --> 00:12:28,013

Что? Меня?

Я не знаю тебя!

00:12:28,037 --> 00:12:29,162

Я люблю тебя больше всего, что я...

00:12:54,939 --> 00:12:56,458

Да это было потрясное наполнение!

00:12:56,482 --> 00:12:58,585

Я настолько преисполнена,

что готова блевануть.

00:12:58,609 --> 00:13:01,630

Давайте не будем передёргивать ещё

не существующие члены друг другу.

00:13:01,654 --> 00:13:02,714

Мы не знаем, сработало ли.

00:13:02,738 --> 00:13:04,675

У меня такое чувство,

что я полностью наполнен.

00:13:04,699 --> 00:13:07,177

Я не впустую ублажал женщину 6,5 часов.

00:13:07,201 --> 00:13:10,580

Аиша, выводи метрики и

будь готова удивиться.

00:13:11,831 --> 00:13:13,475

Почти?

Какого черта?

00:13:13,499 --> 00:13:16,436

Почему? Не понимаю, мы

ведь сделали всё по спискам.

00:13:16,460 --> 00:13:17,729

О, моё слово дня!

00:13:17,753 --> 00:13:19,523

Слово дня: медлительный.

00:13:19,547 --> 00:13:21,525

Означает, движущийся или выполняющий

что-то со скоростью, меньше обычной.

00:13:21,549 --> 00:13:22,776

Я использую его в предложении:

00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:24,528

Я всё время медлительный,

00:13:24,552 --> 00:13:26,655

потому что я вроде как ленивый

и чертовски тупой.

00:13:28,931 --> 00:13:31,410

Боже! Я наполнен! Я сделал это!

Чувствую себя потрясающе!

00:13:31,434 --> 00:13:32,744

Я ЖТР , а вы нет!

00:13:32,768 --> 00:13:34,185

Вы Ж- лузеры!

00:13:36,188 --> 00:13:38,941

Где там эта кнопка?

00:13:40,402 --> 00:13:43,130

Пошёл нахер! Пошёл нахер!

И ты пошла нахер!

00:13:43,154 --> 00:13:44,590

Заткнись, Терри! Ты отстой.

00:13:44,614 --> 00:13:45,550

Заткнись!

00:13:45,574 --> 00:13:47,384

Заставьте, непреисполненные дебилы!

00:13:51,495 --> 00:13:53,223

О, Боги, его реально размазало.

00:13:53,247 --> 00:13:55,267

Даже не так высоко падать.

00:13:55,291 --> 00:13:56,691

Эй, это мой "Би", ребят.

00:13:57,251 --> 00:14:00,147

Хватит слизывать кровь Терри, Рагу!

Выкажи хоть немного уважения!

00:14:00,171 --> 00:14:01,565

Минуточку.

Когда Терри умер,

00:14:01,589 --> 00:14:04,109

его баллы наполненности перешли ко мне.

00:14:04,133 --> 00:14:05,485

Теперь я почти наполнен.

00:14:05,509 --> 00:14:07,029

Срань Господня, кажется мы

в ситуации типа

00:14:07,053 --> 00:14:09,531

"выживет сильнейший" как в

Горце .

00:14:09,555 --> 00:14:11,783

Стой, я думала, что шоу было

о горячей медсестре

00:14:11,807 --> 00:14:13,994

которая возвращается в прошлое,

и там умирает?

00:14:14,018 --> 00:14:15,037

Нет, это Чужестранка.

00:14:15,061 --> 00:14:17,247

Горец означает,

что если один из нас убивает двоих,

00:14:17,271 --> 00:14:18,916

мы будем полностью наполнены,

прежде, чем умрём.

00:14:18,940 --> 00:14:19,834

Окей. Логично.

00:14:19,858 --> 00:14:21,418

Но мы ведь не станем убивать

друг друга, так?

00:14:21,442 --> 00:14:22,878

То есть, мы же - семья.

00:14:22,902 --> 00:14:24,987

- Мы все так думаем.

- Конечно. Семья.

00:14:25,655 --> 00:14:28,967

Я собираюсь оплакивать Терри

в другой части дома.

00:14:28,991 --> 00:14:32,471

Я пойду позанимаюсь всякими

пришельскими делами.

00:14:32,495 --> 00:14:36,016

А я пойду писать рецензию

на Rotten Tomatoes

00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:37,392

про Тор: Царство Тьмы.

00:14:37,416 --> 00:14:40,795

Чтобы люди смогли узнать мои мысли

насчёт именно этого фильма о Торе.

00:14:43,381 --> 00:14:46,424

Так здорово, что мы не собираемся

готовиться к убийству друг друга.

00:15:00,898 --> 00:15:03,484

Красотка, готова к встряске?

00:15:07,488 --> 00:15:10,116

Черт. Почему я сделал так, что разворот

выполняется только задним ходом?

00:15:13,744 --> 00:15:17,176

- Великолепно.

- Аиша, мне нужен тот волшебный эликсир.

00:15:17,201 --> 00:15:18,559

Тот, что хранится в Нарнии?

00:15:18,583 --> 00:15:20,394

Мы обещали, что никогда не вернёмся.

00:15:20,418 --> 00:15:22,771

Нет, секретный эликсир, которому

меня научил еврейский волшебник!

00:15:22,795 --> 00:15:24,195

Быстрее!

00:15:24,839 --> 00:15:26,775

Барух Ата Адонай

00:15:26,799 --> 00:15:28,885

Экспелиармус Левиосса...

00:15:38,978 --> 00:15:40,914

Не честно, у тебя есть танк!

00:15:40,938 --> 00:15:43,959

Да, и я собираюсь уничтожить вас,

чтобы моя личность укрепилась.

00:15:43,983 --> 00:15:47,170

Может быть это сработало бы до того,

как я создал своих волшебных клонов!

00:15:47,194 --> 00:15:48,594

Вперёд, мальчики!

00:15:50,197 --> 00:15:50,925

Не честно!

00:15:50,949 --> 00:15:53,051

Джесси, а ты что сделала?

Ты не попытаешься нас убить?

00:15:53,075 --> 00:15:55,804

Боже, нет.

Я бы никогда не поступила так с семьёй.

00:15:55,828 --> 00:15:58,039

Типичная Джесси. Так тупо.

00:16:00,541 --> 00:16:03,061

Псих!

Теперь всё как в "Один дома"!

00:16:03,085 --> 00:16:05,087

Добро пожаловать в Ад, мальчики!

00:16:06,380 --> 00:16:08,340

Сдохните, мерзкие мелки Корво!

00:16:28,319 --> 00:16:30,947

Попробуйте избавиться

от всех этих перьев!

00:16:45,169 --> 00:16:46,753

Убью этого ребёнка!

00:16:49,715 --> 00:16:52,027

Выходи, нормальный Корво!

00:16:52,051 --> 00:16:54,636

- Время тебя прикончить!

- Ещё не время!

00:16:57,473 --> 00:16:59,076

Встречайте огр-Корво.

00:16:59,100 --> 00:17:01,142

Или, как мне нравится его называть Орго!

00:17:24,500 --> 00:17:26,835

Боже, Юмьюлак мёртв!

00:17:27,546 --> 00:17:29,606

Мой брат от другой матери!

00:17:29,630 --> 00:17:31,298

Я убил его, а ты - следующая.

00:17:35,511 --> 00:17:37,406

Минутку. Что мы делаем?

Это как-то неправильно.

00:17:37,430 --> 00:17:39,992

Неужели мы правда должны убивать

друг друга за какие-то баллы?

00:17:40,016 --> 00:17:42,452

Я тоже об этом думала!

00:17:42,476 --> 00:17:45,205

Нам следовало провести эти

12 часов друг с другом,

00:17:45,229 --> 00:17:47,374

наслаждаясь времени в обществе семьи.

00:17:47,398 --> 00:17:49,525

Прости, Джесси.

Ты права.

00:17:51,319 --> 00:17:53,255

Корво, мне страшно.

00:17:53,279 --> 00:17:55,215

Умирать больно?

00:17:55,239 --> 00:17:58,218

Нет, я думаю, это будет мирно.

Как отход ко сну.

00:17:58,242 --> 00:18:00,971

Ну, я рада, что по крайней

мере мы умрём вместе.

00:18:00,995 --> 00:18:03,348

Знаешь, что?

Может быть время с любимыми людьми

00:18:03,372 --> 00:18:04,892

и есть то, что придаёт жизни смысл,

00:18:04,916 --> 00:18:07,686

а не какой-то дурацкий список дел

или ублажение училки истории так,

00:18:07,710 --> 00:18:10,939

- что у неё немеет левая сторона?

- Корво, это прекрасно.

00:18:10,963 --> 00:18:12,548

Иди сюда, здоровяк.

00:18:18,054 --> 00:18:19,281

Нет, Корво!

00:18:19,305 --> 00:18:21,950

Моя последняя ловушка,

я совсем о ней забыла!

00:18:21,974 --> 00:18:24,620

Прости! Нет!

00:18:24,644 --> 00:18:26,044

Стой!

00:18:28,022 --> 00:18:29,666

Я наполнена!

00:18:29,690 --> 00:18:31,001

Чувствую себя чудесно!

00:18:31,025 --> 00:18:33,819

Я наполнена, дибилоиды!

00:18:34,654 --> 00:18:36,798

Но осталась всего одна минута.

00:18:36,822 --> 00:18:38,133

Надо сделать всё правильно.

00:18:38,157 --> 00:18:40,010

Корво сказал, что это всё ради семьи.

00:18:40,034 --> 00:18:42,953

Пора малышу завершить полный цикл.

00:18:54,173 --> 00:18:55,150

Прощай, Пупа.

00:18:55,174 --> 00:18:58,678

Запомни, не ешь нас слишком

быстро, а то заболит животик.

00:19:02,723 --> 00:19:04,559

Теперь в любую секунду.

00:19:06,727 --> 00:19:09,438

Может эти старые часы

просто спешили.

00:19:13,734 --> 00:19:15,295

Черт,

00:19:15,319 --> 00:19:18,006

неужели я убила всю семью

просто так, ненавижу когда...

00:19:18,030 --> 00:19:19,430

Срань Го..

00:19:39,510 --> 00:19:41,196

Посмотрите как Пупа ест наши плоды.

00:19:41,220 --> 00:19:43,615

Может стоит оставить парочку

и сделать джем, ты, толстячок!

00:19:43,639 --> 00:19:45,242

Ладно, а дальше то что?

00:19:45,266 --> 00:19:47,744

Пупа терраформирует Землю,

когда наестся плодов?

00:19:47,768 --> 00:19:49,746

- Ты - специалист по Пупам!

00:19:49,770 --> 00:19:52,666

Я вроде как для тех, кто не

знает, что Пупа делает.

00:19:52,690 --> 00:19:53,667

Иисусе, Терри. Нет.

00:19:53,691 --> 00:19:55,919

Там намного больше шагов

в эволюции после этого.

00:19:55,943 --> 00:19:58,463

Это только восьмой. Или девятый, я не знаю.

00:19:58,487 --> 00:20:01,884

Смотрите на него. Ты оголодал,

малыш Пупа, не так ли?

00:20:01,908 --> 00:20:03,951

Пупа, иди-ка сюда и выпей

сок из моего ствола!

00:20:04,285 --> 00:20:06,096

Ого, так вы теперь все деревья?

00:20:06,120 --> 00:20:08,307

Конечно, да. Мы умерли и вернулись

в виде деревьев.

00:20:08,331 --> 00:20:10,976

- Чему ты удивлён?

- Тому, что это сумасшествие какое-то.

00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:13,187

Когда люди умирают, мы

просто превращаемся в гнилое месиво.

00:20:13,211 --> 00:20:14,646

И не становимся деревьями.

00:20:14,670 --> 00:20:17,191

Раз так, умник, откуда

тогда все эти деревья?

00:20:17,215 --> 00:20:18,026

То есть, они же повсюду.

00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:19,443

Я не знаю, это просто деревья.

00:20:19,467 --> 00:20:21,570

Ты говоришь, что человеческая смерть

подчиняется другим законам

00:20:21,594 --> 00:20:23,488

и мы не не должны были

наполняться перед смертью?

00:20:23,512 --> 00:20:24,282

Думаю, нет.

00:20:24,306 --> 00:20:26,575

Мы уничтожили свой дом

из-за твоего бреда, Кит!

00:20:26,599 --> 00:20:27,826

Откуда я мог знать?

00:20:27,850 --> 00:20:28,952

Пошёл ты, Кит!

Отстой!

00:20:28,976 --> 00:20:32,456

И твои "Фрукты от Кита. Сделано ногами"

на вкус как говно из твоей же задницы.

00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:35,042

Я потерял свой крутейший

секретный танк из-за тебя!

00:20:35,066 --> 00:20:37,044

Господи Боже, успокойтесь!

Я думал, вы умираете!

00:20:37,068 --> 00:20:38,337

Ты - кусок говна, Кит!

Пошёл ты!

00:20:39,654 --> 00:20:40,756

- Стой!

- Сдохни!

00:20:40,780 --> 00:20:42,549

Мы тебя убьём, как только отрастим ноги!

00:20:42,573 --> 00:20:44,092

- Я просто пытался помочь!

00:20:44,116 --> 00:20:46,261

Тебе лучше поторопиться, Кит!

И лучше сменить внешность!

00:20:46,285 --> 00:20:48,704

Мы проведём остаток своей жизни,

охотясь за твоей тупой задницей!

00:20:49,372 --> 00:20:52,434

Вау, выходит, что общая

ненависть к Китуr

00:20:52,458 --> 00:20:54,520

помогла вам достигнуть

абсолютной наполненности.

00:20:54,544 --> 00:20:56,522

- Чувствую себя таким наполненным!

- Я тоже!

00:20:56,546 --> 00:20:59,608

Это чудесно. Надо было

пытать Кита всем вместе.

00:20:59,632 --> 00:21:01,652

Так здорово, когда

вся семья наполнена.

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Я уже вижу, как начинают

формироваться мои ноги,

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так что тебе пока паковаться,

маленькая сучка!

00:21:05,930 --> 00:21:07,574

Ты не знаешь, сколько

сезонов тебе осталось, Кит!

00:21:07,598 --> 00:21:09,826

Мы - пришельцы. Можем стать деревьями

и возвращаться

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сезон за сезоном!

00:21:11,018 --> 00:21:12,079

Я вырежу твои глаза!

00:21:12,103 --> 00:21:13,144

Да, пну тебя по яйцам!

00:21:15,523 --> 00:21:16,833

Знаете, ребята, в целом,

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довольно приятный конец дня.

00:21:19,652 --> 00:21:21,755

Даже, если точнее, конец целого года.

00:21:21,779 --> 00:21:23,882

Да, чувак, что за поворот.

Мы много сделали в этом году.

00:21:23,906 --> 00:21:24,801

Стой, это что, правда конец?

00:21:24,825 --> 00:21:27,135

Мы просто бегали и боялись

смерти, вот так мы уходим?

00:21:27,159 --> 00:21:30,055

А чего ещё ты хотел? Какой-нибудь

тупой рождественский спецвыпуск?

00:21:30,079 --> 00:21:33,684

Я бы никогда, ни за что на свете не

сделал ничего настолько отстойного

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и гребущего бабло, как спецвыпуск

Солнечных Противоположностей.

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У Солнечных Противоположностей

есть достоинство.

00:21:37,420 --> 00:21:38,438

Верно.

Неподкупность!

00:21:38,462 --> 00:21:40,357

И мы бы никогда не

пожертвовали ей...

00:21:40,381 --> 00:21:41,192

Погоди, погоди.

00:21:41,216 --> 00:21:42,967

У меня тут сообщение от Hulu.

00:21:43,963 --> 00:21:45,608

Что там, Корво?

00:21:45,633 --> 00:21:48,028

Там о нашей неподкупности?

00:21:48,092 --> 00:21:50,426

Типа того. Чёрт побери.