Платиновый Beyblade Burst 800 Takara Tomy Edition

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♪

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♪

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[school bell rings]

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- Just got some work done

on my sleeve, check it out.

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It's the tribal symbol for "Digiorno."

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- It's so cool that it's not delivery.

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ANNOUNCER: [over PA system]

Attention students.

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As we do every month,

it's time to announce

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the winner of Best Couple.

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Give it up for Annie and Yumyulack!

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[all grumbling]

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- Fuck yeah, brah.

- Fuckin' told you, son.

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- All y'all bitches need

to pay up right now.

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- Bae, what's going on here?

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- Bae, there's something

I have to tell you.

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- Bae, you can tell me anything

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within the 2000-5000 Hz frequency range.

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Otherwise, it's just static.

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- Bae, everyone at school

decided to place a bet

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that I'm so hot, I could win

Best Couple with anyone,

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even a Q-tip-shaped, rough draft

Pixar-looking motherfucker like you.

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- Oh.

- But there's one thing I didn't bet on.

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Actually falling in love with you.

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- I can't frickin' believe this.

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- It's okay if you're mad. I get it.

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- I'm not mad. I didn't know

you could bet on high school stuff!

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That's awesome!

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[grunts]

I'm gonna gamble on everything!

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- I don't think that's the lesson

you should be--

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- It's time to get all Molly's Game

up in this bitch!

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KORVO:

Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia.

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Until the asteroid hit.

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One hundred adults and their replicants

were issued a Pupa

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and escaped into, uh, the space,

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searching for new homes

on uninhabited worlds.

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We crashed on Earth, stranding us

on an already overpopulated planet.

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That's right,

I've been talking this whole time.

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I'm the one holding the Pupa.

My name's Korvo.

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This is-- this is my show.

I just dropped the Pupa. Do you see me?

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[stammers] This is ridiculous.

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I hate Earth. It's a horrible home.

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People are stupid and confusing.

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They get so excited about going to Mars.

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Have you ever been to Mars?

I-I-I went to Mars one time.

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Not so cool. Not even a Starbucks.

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♪

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[scraping]

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- Feel, Korvy! These Ped Eggs are amazing!

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I scraped all the plaque off my feet,

and I can taste the floor again!

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- Terry, you got your flakes

all over the floor. That's disgusting.

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[doorbell rings]

[both gasp]

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- Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!

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- If this is what I think it is,

I'm going to literally shit my teeth off.

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- It's here!

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Our one-of-a-kind Crystal Skull

Vodka-brand bullet signed by Mark Hamill

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that we won from that auction on eBay!

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- She's more beautiful

than I ever imagined.

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- Let's go get some photos so I can make

my bullet group on Facebook

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seethe with jealousy.

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Who's got the most collectable

ammunition now, Denise?

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Ya fat bitch!

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Ooh! Let's go take a photo

like we're in Charlie's Angels!

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- Don't mind me, just channeling

hard Lucy Liu vibes over here.

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- Wait, we're not doing

the Kristen Stewart one?

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- No! That's two reboots too far.

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[gunshot]

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- No! Fuck! Our bullet!

I shot our priceless bullet!

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- Goddammit, Terry!

That bullet was one of a kind!

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You don't just find vodka merch

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signed by stars

of Uber Eats commercials every day!

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- Wait, I can see it!

- What?

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- I shot it straight up,

and my eyesight is really good

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because I masturbate a lot.

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- Don't stop staring at it.

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Is-is it coming down yet?

- It's not a shitty "shoot in the air

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when the Dodgers win

the World Series"-type bullet, Korvo.

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This thing is aerodynamic as hell.

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it's gonna be up there for a while!

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KORVO: Shit. Keep an eye on it!

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We have to catch it before it hits

the ground and loses half its value.

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- Okay, It's still going up.

I can do this.

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Just make sure nothing distracts me.

- I'm on it!

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[grunts]

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- What's with the comically large

suit of armor?

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- We have an amazing plan!

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It's for Cherie.

It'll make her look huge, right?

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- I mean, yeah, if she can move in it.

Who's she fighting?

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- It's designed to inspire,

not for battle.

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She can wear it when she takes over

as leader of the Wall.

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- We're thinking of calling her

"The Duchess."

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Eh? It's good, right?

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- Are you hearing this?

This is just the Duke all over again!

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No, when she tells everyone she's back

and Tim's dead, she has to be herself.

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- I know these people.

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They want someone divine,

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someone larger than life to lead them,

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like Cher or Peanut,

the Jeff Dunham puppet.

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- She's already coming back from the dead.

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- Which is why the suit

will seal the deal.

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- But they deserve an honest leader.

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Someone accessible,

like George Washington or Dr. Dre.

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Early Dre, not sellout Dre.

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Although, he does make

a damn good headphone.

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- All I know is we have

to keep Pezlie out of it.

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She needs to stay hidden and safe.

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- We all agree on that.

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Nobody needs to know

about this little angel.

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- So, which is it going to be?

Lead as yourself--

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- Or as a savior?

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In a bangin' suit of armor.

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[school bell rings]

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- Yummers, you okay?

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I heard about what happened with Annie.

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I'm assuming you're going to do

some fucked up sci-fi revenge now?

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- Nah, I'm fine.

- Wait, really?

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- The only thing I'm upset about

is that it took me this long

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to figure out people can make money

off dumb high school bets.

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- Well, silver lining:

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now that you're single, you could come

to the JV Mock Model UN tomorrow with me.

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Or maybe we can float around together

in my Lakitu cloud?

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I bought it with the club Nintendo points

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the government sent out

during the recession.

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- Hell no.

I don't do afterschool activities.

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I am an afterschool activity.

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[laughing]

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- Hey, look, it's fucknut number one.

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- What's up, turdsquirt?

- Good one.

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I heard about the betting, and I want in.

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- Aw, the baby thinks he can bet

with the big boys.

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- Nobody wins a social politics bet

against Mark and Clark Hamburger.

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What do you got?

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- Fifty bucks says those

totally different kids over there,

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the princess, the brain, the bad boy,

the athlete, and the freak,

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will never become friends.

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[school bell rings]

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♪

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♪

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[laughing]

- Goddammit.

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But they're all so different

from each other!

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How could they form a bond?

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- Don't you know how high school works?

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- Pay up, taint hair.

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- He said pay up, stank wad.

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- I can't. We have a gold machine,

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but I got addicted

to girlfriend experiences last year

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and I made too much gold,

which reduced the scarcity,

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so now all gold is worthless.

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- Yeah, right, I've heard

that bullshit before.

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Looks like it's time to get burgered!

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- No! Stop burgering me!

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I can't breathe under all this

meat-themed bullying!

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Oh!

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T-t-triple or nothing?

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- What did you just say?

- Triple or nothing.

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Any bet. I choose.

- Deal.

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And this time, when you lose,

you better have that money,

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or we'll dig you out an asshole

just so we can fill it with firecrackers.

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[heavy breathing]

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- You a king, Terry.

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Let's get some Visine

on those squiggly pupils.

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[wind whooshing]

- Whoa, wind's shifting a bit.

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- It's probably hitting

the maximum height. Keep staring.

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- I got it.

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I got it.

[thuds]

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- Hey! Hey, fuckin' aliens!

Did you just touch my fucking car?

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- Calm down, Glen, it was an accident.

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Terry's keeping an eye on our

Crystal Skull vodka-brand bullet

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that we shot into the sky,

and his elbow lightly grazed your car

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as he was adjusting his position.

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- I don't know

what the fuck words you just said.

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All I know is nobody touches my car.

You got it?

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- That's all you know?

It's a miracle you've survived this long.

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- Gah!

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- Geez, Yum, you look wrecked.

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- Maybe because those sociopathic

Hamburger brothers

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are going to kill me

in the most homoerotic way possible.

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- I guess Mark's still upset

because he and his Betty just broke up.

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They murdered

an ophthalmologist last summer,

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and the guilt was too much to bear.

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- Wait, you understand

all this school social stuff?

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- Oh yeah, I love hot goss.

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At any one time,

I can name the five seniors

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with vodka-dipped tampons in their butts.

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- I think I will go with you to that

JV Mock Model UN meeting after all.

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- You want to spend time

doing the things I like,

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with no ulterior motive?

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- I don't know what "ulterior" means,

so I can honestly say "Hell yes!"

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- Yay!

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[school bell rings]

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[inaudible]

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♪

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♪

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♪

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[inaudible]

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♪

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[inaudible]

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♪

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♪

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♪

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♪

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♪

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♪

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- Holy shitballs.

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That's the sexiest

motherfucking Beyblade I've ever seen.

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- Oh, not just any Beyblade, Jesse.

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This is the Platinum Beyblade Burst 800,

Takara Tomy edition.

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- I gotta be honest,

I'm gooshing over here.

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- Get your dirty hands

off the merch, Pupa!

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[cackles]

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- Ooh.

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- This is going to take my gambling

to the next level!

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- Wait right here, Sister. We're just

packaging up your order right now.

00:08:09,948 --> 00:08:12,159

I threw in an extra Swedish Fish,

on the house.

00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:13,827

- May the bow be with you.

00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:16,163

- Look, whatever Cherie does,

I just ask that you support her.

00:08:16,163 --> 00:08:19,708

- Of course. Not everyone is comfortable

with sainthood.

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- She's been through a lot,

00:08:20,876 --> 00:08:23,545

but at her core,

she just wants to protect all of us.

00:08:23,545 --> 00:08:26,423

- Well, whatever she chooses,

the Wall will be stable and--

00:08:26,423 --> 00:08:28,008

[screaming]

00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:29,760

WOMAN: Tim!

MAN: Oh god, he's dead!

00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:30,802

- The cricket is back!

00:08:30,802 --> 00:08:32,346

- Tim... is dead!

00:08:33,305 --> 00:08:35,974

- Cherie? No, this isn't possible. How?

00:08:35,974 --> 00:08:37,726

- What is she doing?

- I don't know!

00:08:37,726 --> 00:08:41,104

- You're all grown-ass adults

who were shrunk down, just like me.

00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:42,731

And you deserve the truth.

00:08:42,731 --> 00:08:45,776

There is a hole in the back of the Wall!

00:08:45,776 --> 00:08:48,570

- No, no, not like this.

00:08:48,570 --> 00:08:50,822

- I know because Tim tried to kill me.

00:08:50,822 --> 00:08:53,450

He pushed me through that hole

into the backyard.

00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:56,328

For the past year,

I've been fighting my way back,

00:08:56,328 --> 00:08:57,663

fueled by revenge.

00:08:57,663 --> 00:09:01,166

But when I got here,

Tim was already sick and dying.

00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:03,794

He had convinced you

that this Wall was safe,

00:09:03,794 --> 00:09:05,546

when it was really a prison.

00:09:05,546 --> 00:09:07,923

That cycle ends now.

00:09:08,799 --> 00:09:13,303

Follow me. I'll show everyone

the hole to the backyard!

00:09:14,263 --> 00:09:17,391

[singing nasally]

♪ ...and you are the wind ♪

00:09:17,391 --> 00:09:19,893

♪ Under my sail ♪

00:09:20,519 --> 00:09:22,271

[booing]

00:09:22,271 --> 00:09:24,231

- Go bang a loveseat!

00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:25,774

[sobbing]

00:09:25,774 --> 00:09:27,526

- And now, for my talent,

00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:32,573

I own the Platinum Beyblade Burst 800,

Takara Tomy edition!

00:09:32,573 --> 00:09:34,741

The counter-clockwise spin

makes this Beyblade

00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:35,993

faster than any on the market,

00:09:35,993 --> 00:09:37,828

and this icy blue cyclone ridge here?

00:09:37,828 --> 00:09:39,079

That's all stamina, baby.

00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:40,789

This Beyblade won't stop for nothin'.

00:09:41,373 --> 00:09:42,583

Behold!

00:09:42,583 --> 00:09:44,585

ALL: Ooh!

00:09:44,585 --> 00:09:46,545

- I know this was supposed

to be a talent show,

00:09:46,545 --> 00:09:49,715

but that is the sweetest Beyblade

I've ever seen.

00:09:49,715 --> 00:09:51,592

Yumyulack wins!

00:09:51,592 --> 00:09:54,553

[cheering and applause]

00:09:54,553 --> 00:09:57,097

- Wow, Yumyulack!

That is one rare Beyblade.

00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:58,765

You must've cleaned up on all those bets!

00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:01,810

- Of course he did, because he knows

school drama better than anyone.

00:10:01,810 --> 00:10:03,854

How do you know so much

about the teenage heart?

00:10:03,854 --> 00:10:07,900

- Don't tell anyone, but you know

that uglier alien I hang out with, Jesse?

00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:10,360

She's a loser who's obsessed

with other people's lives.

00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:12,070

I tricked her into giving me intel.

00:10:12,070 --> 00:10:13,071

Smart, right?

00:10:13,572 --> 00:10:15,532

Oh shit. She's standing

right behind me, isn't she?

00:10:15,532 --> 00:10:17,784

Oh shit, she's behind

the curtain, isn't she?

00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,995

Oh shit. I accidentally

butt dialed her, didn't I?

00:10:19,995 --> 00:10:22,080

- No, man, she's hovering

above you in a Lakitu cloud.

00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:22,831

[gasps]

00:10:22,831 --> 00:10:26,418

- Wow. Here I am, in the Lakitu cloud

I wanted to share with you.

00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:30,047

But now? No way, Jose.

No more hanging out with this sucker.

00:10:30,047 --> 00:10:32,716

- Damn! I never would have bagged on you

if I knew I'd get caught!

00:10:32,716 --> 00:10:35,552

- Sweet talk like that isn't going

to work this time.

00:10:35,552 --> 00:10:36,595

[sobs]

00:10:36,595 --> 00:10:38,305

Don't follow me!

- Jesse!

00:10:38,305 --> 00:10:41,099

Don't waste that whole Lakitu cloud

on being sour!

00:10:41,099 --> 00:10:42,935

Come on! Let me use you!

00:10:42,935 --> 00:10:44,436

[Jesse sobbing]

00:10:44,436 --> 00:10:45,771

AISHA:

What's wrong, baby girl?

00:10:45,771 --> 00:10:48,398

Did someone finally notice

you have a Minnesota accent

00:10:48,398 --> 00:10:49,775

even though you're from outer space?

00:10:49,775 --> 00:10:51,944

- I thought Yumyulack and I were bonding,

00:10:51,944 --> 00:10:53,695

but he was just using me.

00:10:53,695 --> 00:10:54,988

AISHA: Hey, don't cry.

00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:57,032

Yumyulack's a piece of shit.

00:10:57,032 --> 00:10:58,784

We all hate his ass so much.

00:10:58,784 --> 00:10:59,743

- But he was right!

00:10:59,743 --> 00:11:01,995

I only pay attention

to other kids at school

00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:05,541

because I don't have

a crazy sexcapade of my own.

00:11:05,541 --> 00:11:08,627

AISHA: I got all sorts of sexcapades

in my cold metal innards,

00:11:08,627 --> 00:11:09,378

you want one?

00:11:09,378 --> 00:11:11,797

- Thanks, Aisha, but this is high school.

00:11:11,797 --> 00:11:13,924

I don't think you understand what we like.

00:11:13,924 --> 00:11:17,553

AISHA:

How about Korean pop sensations BTK?

00:11:17,553 --> 00:11:18,762

JESSE:

Wait, did you mean BTS?

00:11:18,762 --> 00:11:21,431

AISHA: I can't afford BTS,

get the fuck outta here.

00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:23,267

- I mean, I'd rather it be BTS.

00:11:23,267 --> 00:11:24,560

AISHA:

Do you wanna do seven minutes in heaven

00:11:24,560 --> 00:11:26,812

with a South Korean boy band or not?

00:11:26,812 --> 00:11:28,355

[deep breath]

00:11:28,689 --> 00:11:31,316

- Let's... get... awkward.

[cracks knuckles]

00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:34,152

♪

00:11:34,152 --> 00:11:35,237

[grunts]

00:11:35,237 --> 00:11:37,114

- It's hardly drifting at all.

We're looking good.

00:11:37,114 --> 00:11:39,533

- I'm going to put acupuncture needles

in your spine to keep you alert.

00:11:39,533 --> 00:11:40,659

- Bonus. Hit me.

- Goddammit.

00:11:40,659 --> 00:11:42,911

Hey! You're gonna need to get

off my property right now

00:11:42,911 --> 00:11:45,038

or shit is gonna get real-real

real fast.

00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:46,957

- We will, Glen.

As soon as our bullet comes down.

00:11:46,957 --> 00:11:49,668

- Yeah, chill out, Glen.

We're on collectible bullet business here.

00:11:49,668 --> 00:11:51,587

- Nobody disrespects the Glen.

00:11:51,587 --> 00:11:52,588

This ends now.

00:11:52,588 --> 00:11:54,798

Prepare for Glen Justice.

[cracks knuckles]

00:11:54,798 --> 00:11:56,967

Hey. Get off my property. Hey. Hey. Hey.

00:11:56,967 --> 00:11:58,510

- Cut it out! I'm trying to peep!

00:11:58,510 --> 00:11:59,261

- Glen, quit it!

00:11:59,261 --> 00:12:01,805

Your feeble slapping won't move

the needle, and you know it.

00:12:02,598 --> 00:12:04,349

[door opens, closes]

00:12:04,349 --> 00:12:06,560

- Oh-ho-ho, which bullet is it, Terry?

00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:07,477

[gunshot]

00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:08,604

That one?

[gunshots]

00:12:08,604 --> 00:12:09,980

One of those?

[gunshots]

00:12:09,980 --> 00:12:10,898

- Nice try.

00:12:10,898 --> 00:12:14,443

- Those bullets are way too cheap

to be seen from a distance, you asshole.

00:12:14,443 --> 00:12:15,819

[school bell rings]

00:12:15,819 --> 00:12:17,446

- Bless your timeline with this, simps!

00:12:17,446 --> 00:12:21,241

Ya boy paid for this sick swag

with bets I won by myself!

00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:22,492

[cheering, laughing]

00:12:22,993 --> 00:12:24,453

[tires squealing]

00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:27,456

[screaming]

00:12:30,501 --> 00:12:32,794

- Oh. Where am I? Wha-what's going on?

00:12:32,794 --> 00:12:34,171

[screaming]

00:12:34,171 --> 00:12:37,216

- Scholastic Headquarters.

Or what's left of it anyway.

00:12:37,216 --> 00:12:38,008

- My eye!

00:12:38,008 --> 00:12:41,637

- The school book fair industry is dying

because of fucks like you.

00:12:41,637 --> 00:12:44,056

- W-what did I do? I can hardly even read!

00:12:44,056 --> 00:12:44,973

[groans]

00:12:44,973 --> 00:12:47,309

- When students spend

all their money on high school bets,

00:12:47,309 --> 00:12:49,144

they don't spend money on books.

00:12:49,144 --> 00:12:50,854

- Kids can do whatever they want

with their money.

00:12:50,854 --> 00:12:52,064

Scholastic doesn't own them.

00:12:52,064 --> 00:12:54,107

- Oh really? Bring him out.

00:12:54,775 --> 00:12:56,485

Meet Andy St. Clair.

00:12:56,485 --> 00:12:58,862

He started a fundraiser for the homeless.

00:12:58,862 --> 00:13:02,950

All his classmates donated

their allowances to that

00:13:02,950 --> 00:13:04,326

instead of Scholastic.

00:13:04,326 --> 00:13:05,702

Waldos? How many copies

00:13:05,702 --> 00:13:08,247

of If You Give A Mouse A Cookie

did that cost us?

00:13:11,083 --> 00:13:12,960

You have one week to get me my money,

00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:17,047

or it's "one fish, two fish,

dead fish... you fish."

00:13:17,047 --> 00:13:18,006

[gulps]

00:13:21,593 --> 00:13:23,136

[grunting]

00:13:23,887 --> 00:13:26,306

- There it is, the path to freedom.

00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,600

Nobody can keep it from you anymore.

00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:29,768

But it's dangerous.

00:13:29,768 --> 00:13:33,814

- Praise be unto Cherie

for showing us this Glory Hole.

00:13:33,814 --> 00:13:35,566

She should be our new leader!

00:13:35,566 --> 00:13:37,234

[cheering and applause]

00:13:37,234 --> 00:13:37,818

- No!

00:13:37,818 --> 00:13:40,487

No. I refuse. No more leaders.

00:13:40,487 --> 00:13:41,530

- But we need you.

00:13:41,530 --> 00:13:44,408

- Let me out of here! I need

to breathe fresh air and eat Chipotle!

00:13:44,950 --> 00:13:46,660

[screaming]

00:13:46,660 --> 00:13:47,744

[hoots]

00:13:47,744 --> 00:13:49,079

[crowd gasps]

00:13:49,079 --> 00:13:51,081

- I told you it was dangerous.

00:13:51,081 --> 00:13:53,500

Look, before you decide to leave,

just hear me out.

00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:56,295

What we need is a government of people

00:13:56,295 --> 00:13:58,463

elected by each level of the Wall.

00:13:59,047 --> 00:14:02,342

One you don't build with

mid-century modern cardboard houses

00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:05,053

or gardens made from Kind Bar seeds.

00:14:05,053 --> 00:14:07,848

We built it with people, with love,

00:14:07,848 --> 00:14:10,684

and with the motherfucking truth.

00:14:10,684 --> 00:14:14,104

[cheering and applause]

00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:15,606

- Jesse, where are you?

00:14:18,150 --> 00:14:20,152

Whoa, you're all that!

00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:23,864

- I did seven minutes in heaven with BTK,

00:14:23,864 --> 00:14:27,451

and then I did it again

for a full 14.

00:14:27,451 --> 00:14:31,455

I am a loser who cares

about other people's stories no more!

00:14:31,455 --> 00:14:33,207

- Jesse, you can't do this to me!

00:14:33,207 --> 00:14:35,000

- Sucks to suck, suckface!

00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:36,502

Eat this kitty with a spoon!

00:14:36,502 --> 00:14:38,212

- I'm sorry about everything.

00:14:38,212 --> 00:14:41,507

You were right, I got into betting

because I was hurt about Annie.

00:14:41,507 --> 00:14:42,591

I was never her bae.

00:14:42,591 --> 00:14:45,093

I was embarrassed to be a stupid joke,

and I was covering it up.

00:14:45,093 --> 00:14:48,472

But I took it too far.

And now Scholastic is on my ass.

00:14:48,472 --> 00:14:50,807

I gotta place the biggest bet

the school has ever seen,

00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:52,601

or a couple of Waldos are gonna make sure

00:14:52,601 --> 00:14:55,187

I have a terrible, horrible,

no good, very bad day.

00:14:55,187 --> 00:14:58,524

- I'm too evolved to care

about that stuff, Yumyulack.

00:14:58,524 --> 00:15:01,235

- I really did want to fly around

in that Lakitu cloud with you,

00:15:01,235 --> 00:15:02,402

and now I never will.

00:15:03,070 --> 00:15:04,279

- You really did?

00:15:04,279 --> 00:15:06,657

- Of course. That cloud can go anywhere.

00:15:07,241 --> 00:15:09,910

- I may not know what kids do

in high school anymore,

00:15:09,910 --> 00:15:11,495

[gasps] but I know who does.

00:15:11,495 --> 00:15:13,121

The movies.

- Really?

00:15:13,121 --> 00:15:14,957

Aren't they made by out-of-touch

rich old white guys?

00:15:14,957 --> 00:15:16,250

- Nah, they're super accurate.

00:15:16,250 --> 00:15:19,211

♪ You're the best around ♪

00:15:19,211 --> 00:15:21,421

♪ Nothing's gonna ever keep you down ♪

00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:23,924

♪ You're the best around ♪

00:15:24,341 --> 00:15:26,385

♪ Nothing's gonna ever keep you down ♪

00:15:26,385 --> 00:15:28,971

♪ You're the best around ♪

00:15:29,388 --> 00:15:30,472

♪ Nothing's gonna ever... ♪

00:15:30,472 --> 00:15:34,017

- Wow, I should have watched

'80s teen movies a long time ago!

00:15:34,017 --> 00:15:36,854

Now I know everything about school,

and how I'm going to get that money.

00:15:36,854 --> 00:15:38,814

Only tricky part is

where to find a teen wolf.

00:15:38,814 --> 00:15:40,315

- I've got you covered.

00:15:41,525 --> 00:15:43,193

- Brah, you really bet 50-to-1

00:15:43,193 --> 00:15:45,487

that all these things are gonna happen

at the game tonight?

00:15:45,487 --> 00:15:47,948

- Yeah, I did.

Because I believe in miracles.

00:15:47,948 --> 00:15:50,033

I believe there's magic

in this world and--

00:15:50,033 --> 00:15:52,244

- Holy shit, what an idiot!

- We'll take that bet!

00:15:52,244 --> 00:15:54,329

[all clamoring]

PUPA: Me! Me! Me! Me! Me! Me! Me!

00:15:54,997 --> 00:15:57,165

- No, Pupa. Don't bet on this.

It's a scam.

00:15:57,165 --> 00:15:58,041

[grunts]

00:15:59,334 --> 00:16:01,170

- Oh my god, Korvo. It's coming back down!

00:16:01,170 --> 00:16:03,213

Our bullet is coming home

to papa and papa!

00:16:03,213 --> 00:16:04,673

- I lined a bucket

with a bulletproof vest.

00:16:04,673 --> 00:16:07,217

- Oh yeah, my man! Thinking like that's

why you're team leader.

00:16:07,217 --> 00:16:08,302

It's getting closer! It's--

[tires squeal]

00:16:08,302 --> 00:16:09,094

Ohh!

00:16:09,094 --> 00:16:11,096

- Fuck yeah! Wooo!

00:16:11,096 --> 00:16:13,098

- No! I lost it! I lost it!

00:16:13,098 --> 00:16:14,850

- Fuck! Why did you do that, you asshole?

00:16:14,850 --> 00:16:17,186

- Because America, bitch.

I do what I want!

00:16:17,186 --> 00:16:19,688

Y'all are just dumb aliens,

and you need to respect cars

00:16:19,688 --> 00:16:21,565

if you're gonna live here!

Car culture rules!

00:16:21,565 --> 00:16:22,941

Eat my ass!

00:16:24,109 --> 00:16:25,611

[screams]

- Oh, there it is!

00:16:25,611 --> 00:16:27,487

It's in his foot!

- Yes! We got the bullet back!

00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:29,072

Glen's shattered foot bones cushioned it.

- Oh no!

00:16:29,072 --> 00:16:32,492

Help! I've been shot! Aliens shot me!

00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:33,452

Help!

00:16:33,869 --> 00:16:36,205

[giggles]

- You really think that was the best plan?

00:16:36,205 --> 00:16:37,497

To just give it all up?

00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:39,541

- I don't know, but I can't hide Pezlie

00:16:39,541 --> 00:16:41,001

while also being the leader.

00:16:41,001 --> 00:16:42,419

Secrets like that never last.

00:16:42,419 --> 00:16:44,546

- You know, people will go out that hole.

00:16:44,546 --> 00:16:46,423

They could get hurt.

- Yeah, they will.

00:16:46,423 --> 00:16:49,009

But that's part of the price

you pay for freedom.

00:16:49,635 --> 00:16:51,470

Nothing will be the same anymore.

00:16:51,470 --> 00:16:54,973

Yes, people will go and try to find

a way to get big again.

00:16:54,973 --> 00:16:57,518

I don't know if they'll make it

out of the side yard,

00:16:57,518 --> 00:16:59,144

but we are Wallians,

00:16:59,144 --> 00:17:01,104

resilience is what we do.

00:17:01,104 --> 00:17:04,650

Those who choose to stay are going

to build a better world.

00:17:04,650 --> 00:17:07,236

No one person is going to save us.

00:17:07,736 --> 00:17:09,863

We're going to save each other.

00:17:09,863 --> 00:17:10,864

[crowd chanting]

00:17:10,864 --> 00:17:14,034

♪

00:17:14,993 --> 00:17:16,537

- Hmm. They really cleaned it up.

00:17:16,537 --> 00:17:20,040

- Well, after all that talk

about not leading, here you are.

00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:22,042

- Blame it on level 12.

People wrote me in.

00:17:22,042 --> 00:17:22,960

[gavel banging]

00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:24,837

- Welcome! Please, take your seats.

00:17:24,837 --> 00:17:28,006

What an exciting

and historic moment for us all.

00:17:28,006 --> 00:17:31,677

So many lives were lost

on our journey to get this far.

00:17:31,677 --> 00:17:33,846

Souls we'll never forget.

00:17:34,513 --> 00:17:36,056

Life here can be hard.

00:17:36,056 --> 00:17:40,185

But with you, a stable government

for the first time ever,

00:17:40,185 --> 00:17:44,147

the people of the Wall

can finally live in peace.

00:17:44,147 --> 00:17:44,982

[electricity crackling]

00:17:44,982 --> 00:17:48,485

[people screaming]

00:17:52,030 --> 00:17:55,033

- Whoa, that alien is "Pretty in Pink."

00:17:55,033 --> 00:17:57,995

And I just "Came to America"

in my "Pants".

00:17:59,246 --> 00:18:00,122

[door opens]

00:18:02,332 --> 00:18:05,043

- Jesse, if I get killed today

by a beloved children's book character,

00:18:05,043 --> 00:18:07,754

I need you to know that I have

a secret family in Austin.

00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:10,340

You gotta track them down,

tell them I love them,

00:18:10,340 --> 00:18:12,217

and also that I'm an alien.

00:18:12,718 --> 00:18:13,635

[whistle blows]

00:18:13,635 --> 00:18:17,055

♪

00:18:17,806 --> 00:18:19,600

[grunting]

00:18:21,059 --> 00:18:25,522

[howling]

00:18:26,940 --> 00:18:28,817

MAN:

Mrs. Perry is kissing Dylan!

00:18:28,817 --> 00:18:30,944

YUMYULACK: That's not part of the plan!

JESSE: Wait for it.

00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:33,322

- I'm not a student,

I'm an undercover journalist

00:18:33,322 --> 00:18:35,115

writing an expose on TILFs.

00:18:36,867 --> 00:18:38,577

- You stole our routine!

00:18:38,577 --> 00:18:41,872

You don't respect

our unconventional dancing style!

00:18:41,872 --> 00:18:43,207

[kicks thudding]

00:18:44,166 --> 00:18:46,043

- It's working! All we have to do

is win the big game!

00:18:46,043 --> 00:18:46,919

- Don't jinx it!

00:18:50,506 --> 00:18:52,633

[howling]

00:18:52,633 --> 00:18:54,885

YUMYULACK:

[gasps] Two Teen Wolfs!

00:18:54,885 --> 00:18:56,512

No, no, no, no, no!

00:18:56,512 --> 00:18:58,263

This can't be happening!

00:19:02,142 --> 00:19:02,726

[buzzer sounds]

00:19:03,936 --> 00:19:05,896

I am fucked!

- Oh shit!

00:19:07,189 --> 00:19:09,107

We gotta jet! Pronto, chachi!

00:19:09,107 --> 00:19:11,109

- Holy shit, who would have predicted

00:19:11,109 --> 00:19:12,903

that both teams would have a Teen Wolf?

00:19:12,903 --> 00:19:15,781

- So why the fuck would you make

a side bet with this little shit-stain

00:19:15,781 --> 00:19:16,657

that that would happen?

00:19:16,657 --> 00:19:17,950

He's taking all our money.

00:19:17,950 --> 00:19:19,993

- Fuck you, Clark.

- No, fuck you, Mark.

00:19:19,993 --> 00:19:21,995

You hamburgered the goddamn Hamburgers!

00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:23,038

- Take that back!

00:19:23,038 --> 00:19:26,708

[grunting]

00:19:28,377 --> 00:19:31,255

- If we hurry, we can jump in the river

and float to Mexico!

00:19:31,255 --> 00:19:32,464

- It'll take a couple of months,

00:19:32,464 --> 00:19:35,050

but it's hard to run

and plan at the same time!

00:19:35,592 --> 00:19:36,635

[both gasp]

00:19:38,011 --> 00:19:41,181

- Where's my $82,000.63?

00:19:41,181 --> 00:19:42,599

- I have the sixty-three cents

00:19:42,599 --> 00:19:45,978

and a great idea for an X-rated

Clifford the Big Red Dog parody

00:19:45,978 --> 00:19:48,939

you can have for free

as long as I retain the TV rights.

00:19:48,939 --> 00:19:51,024

- This is the Magic Knife Bus.

00:19:51,024 --> 00:19:53,235

Time for it to take

an educational adventure

00:19:53,235 --> 00:19:55,612

into the wonders of your chest!

00:19:56,196 --> 00:19:58,448

[screaming]

00:19:58,448 --> 00:19:59,950

- Pupa's in the house!

00:19:59,950 --> 00:20:02,661

- Pupa! You gotta spot me

some of that cash, quick!

00:20:02,661 --> 00:20:04,329

- Beyblade.

- What?

00:20:04,329 --> 00:20:06,206

No way. That Beyblade is worth

way more than--

00:20:06,206 --> 00:20:07,749

[screaming]

00:20:07,749 --> 00:20:10,043

- For cryin' out loud,

just give him the top!

00:20:10,043 --> 00:20:13,338

- It's a battle top

with a frost-powered cyclone ridge!

00:20:13,338 --> 00:20:15,674

- Stop Beysplaining

and just fuckin' do it.

00:20:15,674 --> 00:20:17,634

[groaning]

00:20:18,385 --> 00:20:20,470

- Next time, think twice before you fuck

00:20:20,470 --> 00:20:23,599

with the children's publishing cartel,

ya little shit rag.

00:20:23,599 --> 00:20:25,100

- Yay!

00:20:25,100 --> 00:20:26,059

[groaning]

00:20:26,059 --> 00:20:28,395

- What's the statute of limitations

on being indirectly involved

00:20:28,395 --> 00:20:29,521

in the shooting of a man's foot?

00:20:29,521 --> 00:20:30,689

- Bing says seven years,

00:20:30,689 --> 00:20:32,649

but Facebook is still saying

Biden lost the election.

00:20:32,649 --> 00:20:34,568

- Okay. All we have to do is

hide Glen away somewhere

00:20:34,568 --> 00:20:35,986

for seven years,

and we'll be in the clear.

00:20:35,986 --> 00:20:37,196

- Call an ambulance already!

00:20:37,196 --> 00:20:38,864

- Where can we hide someone

for seven years

00:20:38,864 --> 00:20:40,490

without anyone hearing him

scream for help?

00:20:40,490 --> 00:20:41,909

- Oh god, oh god.

00:20:41,909 --> 00:20:43,202

- We could--

00:20:43,202 --> 00:20:45,162

- Shoot him into orbit

in a Glen-sized cryochamber

00:20:45,162 --> 00:20:46,788

to circle the earth in suspended animation

00:20:46,788 --> 00:20:48,707

until the statute of limitations

has passed?

00:20:48,707 --> 00:20:50,167

- And then after that, we make out?

00:20:50,167 --> 00:20:51,376

- Maybe.

- That means no.

00:20:51,376 --> 00:20:53,295

- No, it means... maybe.

00:20:53,295 --> 00:20:55,464

- No, no, no. Stop, stop!

Don't do this! Please.

00:20:55,464 --> 00:20:58,008

In, in retrospect, I shouldn't

have fetishized my car.

00:20:58,008 --> 00:20:59,676

It's my fault. Help! It's my fault.

00:20:59,676 --> 00:21:01,762

Really, I'm insecure! Please, I'm sorry.

Please don't do this!

00:21:01,762 --> 00:21:02,888

- Think of it as your Eat Pray Love!

00:21:02,888 --> 00:21:05,307

- Help! Please, please.

I don't want to be in orbit!

00:21:05,307 --> 00:21:07,142

I don't want to be in orbit!

[rumbling]

00:21:07,142 --> 00:21:09,228

[whooshing]

00:21:10,437 --> 00:21:12,147

- Is he going to be okay up there?

00:21:12,147 --> 00:21:14,149

- Sure. My calculations are never wrong.

00:21:14,149 --> 00:21:16,693

Unless someone put

an unregistered satellite in orbit.

00:21:17,277 --> 00:21:18,362

[clanging]

00:21:19,029 --> 00:21:23,242

♪ foreboding music playing ♪

00:21:23,242 --> 00:21:27,955

♪

00:21:27,955 --> 00:21:30,457

♪

00:21:31,041 --> 00:21:33,001

Hold up those heels, Terry.

(shutter clicks)

00:21:33,001 --> 00:21:34,419

Yass, niece!

00:21:34,419 --> 00:21:37,422

- You know, you gotta admit

we make a pretty good team.

00:21:37,422 --> 00:21:38,966

- I don't know

which has brought us closer:

00:21:38,966 --> 00:21:40,926

our bullet or our OnlyFans.

00:21:41,426 --> 00:21:43,428

- Thanks for trying to save

my ass with Scholastic

00:21:43,428 --> 00:21:44,555

after I was such a dick.

00:21:44,555 --> 00:21:45,597

That was really cool of you.

00:21:45,597 --> 00:21:46,390

- I had to.

00:21:46,390 --> 00:21:48,851

You're the closest equivalent

I have to a brother.

00:21:48,851 --> 00:21:52,437

I just wish I knew where

that second Teen Wolf came from.

00:21:52,437 --> 00:21:53,814

Pupa lucked out.

00:21:53,814 --> 00:21:56,483

Without it, he would never

have gotten that Beyblade.

00:21:56,483 --> 00:21:59,152

- You think all those other kids

we forced into movie situations

00:21:59,152 --> 00:22:00,153

will turn out okay?

00:22:00,153 --> 00:22:02,239

- What do I look like, a fortune teller?

00:22:02,239 --> 00:22:03,282

Marone!

00:22:03,282 --> 00:22:05,242

- ♪ You know you make me wanna ♪

- ♪ Shout ♪

00:22:05,242 --> 00:22:07,077

- ♪ Lift my heels up and ♪

- ♪ Shout ♪

00:22:07,077 --> 00:22:08,829

- ♪ Throw my hands back and ♪

- ♪ Shout ♪

00:22:08,829 --> 00:22:10,539

- ♪ Kick my heels up and ♪

- ♪ Shout ♪

00:22:10,539 --> 00:22:12,124

- ♪ Come on now ♪

- ♪ Shout ♪

00:22:12,124 --> 00:22:13,625

- ♪ Take it easy ♪

- ♪ Shout ♪

00:22:13,625 --> 00:22:15,627

- ♪ Take it easy ♪

- ♪ Shout ♪

00:22:15,627 --> 00:22:17,462

- ♪ Take it easy ♪

- ♪ Shout ♪

00:22:17,462 --> 00:22:19,089

- ♪ A little bit softer now ♪

- ♪ Shout ♪

00:22:19,089 --> 00:22:20,841

- ♪ A little bit softer now ♪

- ♪ Shout ♪

00:22:20,841 --> 00:22:22,593

- ♪ A little bit softer now ♪

- ♪ Shout ♪

00:22:22,593 --> 00:22:24,386

- ♪ A little bit softer now ♪

- ♪ Shout ♪

00:22:24,386 --> 00:22:26,096

- ♪ A little bit softer now ♪

- ♪ Shout ♪

00:22:26,096 --> 00:22:27,806

- ♪ A little bit softer now ♪

- ♪ Shout ♪

00:22:27,806 --> 00:22:29,600

- ♪ A little bit softer now ♪

- ♪ Shout ♪

00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:31,310

- ♪ A little bit softer now ♪

- ♪ Shout ♪

00:22:31,310 --> 00:22:33,020

- ♪ A little bit softer now ♪

- ♪ Shout ♪

00:22:33,020 --> 00:22:34,771

- ♪ A little bit softer now ♪

- ♪ Shout ♪

00:22:34,771 --> 00:22:36,523

- ♪ A little bit softer now ♪

- ♪ Shout ♪

00:22:36,523 --> 00:22:38,317

- ♪ A little bit softer now ♪

- ♪ Shout ♪

00:22:38,317 --> 00:22:40,027

- ♪ A little bit softer now ♪

- ♪ Shout ♪

00:22:40,027 --> 00:22:41,945

- ♪ A little bit softer now ♪

- ♪ Shout ♪

00:22:41,945 --> 00:22:43,530

- ♪ A little bit softer now ♪

- ♪ Shout ♪

00:22:43,530 --> 00:22:45,490

- ♪ A little bit softer now ♪

- ♪ Shout ♪

00:22:46,700 --> 00:22:48,452

- ♪ Shout ♪

- ♪ A little bit louder now ♪

00:22:48,452 --> 00:22:50,204

- ♪ Shout ♪

- ♪ A little bit louder now ♪

00:22:50,204 --> 00:22:51,955

- ♪ Shout ♪

- ♪ A little bit louder now ♪

00:22:51,955 --> 00:22:53,707

- ♪ Shout ♪

- ♪ A little bit louder now ♪

00:22:53,707 --> 00:22:56,084

♪ foreboding music playing ♪

00:22:58,879 --> 00:23:02,299

[pulsing]

00:23:03,091 --> 00:23:04,676

[groaning]

00:23:04,676 --> 00:23:06,887

- Where am I? Where's my car?

00:23:06,887 --> 00:23:10,224

- You're under arrest for flying

an unlicensed cryo pod

00:23:10,224 --> 00:23:11,683

in a residential nebula.

00:23:11,683 --> 00:23:13,435

- Punk.

[Glen grunts]

00:23:13,435 --> 00:23:14,978

♪ hard rock guitar riff plays ♪

00:23:14,978 --> 00:23:20,484

♪ dramatic theme playing ♪

00:23:20,484 --> 00:23:24,738

♪

00:23:59,314 --> 00:24:00,816

[mimicking laser fire]

00:00:07,106 --> 00:00:08,516

НЕ КОРМИТЕ ПРИЗРАКОВ

00:01:23,546 --> 00:01:25,576

ПРОДАНО

00:03:00,566 --> 00:03:02,166

ОДОБРЕНО HULU

00:06:59,896 --> 00:07:02,816

ИСПОЛЬЗУЮТ ЛИ ДИАНА И РИТА ПАЛЬЧИК?

00:07:05,646 --> 00:07:06,856

НЕ ОДОБРЕНО HULU

00:07:15,586 --> 00:07:19,516

ДЖИММИ НИКЕЛЬС ТРАХНЕТ: А. ДИВАН Б. ПИРОГ

В. ТВОЮ МАМКУ Г. ВСЁ ВЫШЕПЕРЕЧИСЛЕННОЕ

00:07:27,796 --> 00:07:30,616

РЕДКИЙ БЕЙБЛЭЙД

00:07:31,106 --> 00:07:32,536

У ТРЕЙСИ МЮЛЛЕРА ДВЕ МОШОНКИ

00:07:33,396 --> 00:07:34,536

ЭНТОНИ СМОЖЕТ ВЗЯТЬ ВЫХОДНОЙ

00:09:18,656 --> 00:09:22,226

ШОУ ТАЛАНТОВ

00:17:02,636 --> 00:17:04,506

ДЕНЬ ВЫБОРОВ!

00:17:04,616 --> 00:17:05,976

ГОЛОСУЙТЕ ЗДЕСЬ

00:17:05,976 --> 00:17:07,686

УРНА ДЛЯ БЮЛЛЕТЕНЕЙ

00:17:07,736 --> 00:17:10,526

СТЕНА

ВЫБОРЫ СЕГОДНЯ!

00:17:10,526 --> 00:17:12,396

ДОБРО ПОЖАЛОВАТЬ, ПРЕДСТАВИТЕЛИ СТЕНЫ!

00:18:24,326 --> 00:18:25,416

ИГРОК СТАНЕТ ВОЛЧОНКОМ

00:18:35,676 --> 00:18:36,726

ЖУРНАЛИСТ ПОД ПРИКРЫТИЕМ

00:18:43,206 --> 00:18:44,606

ДРАКА ЧИРЛИДЕРШ

00:19:02,226 --> 00:19:02,686

ФИНАЛ

00:19:02,686 --> 00:19:03,746

ХОЗЯЕВА

ГОСТИ

00:22:04,866 --> 00:22:06,596

ДЖИММИ НИКЕЛЬС ПОЛУЧИЛ РАБОТУ

В МЕБЕЛЬНОМ МАГАЗИНЕ «ЭШЛИ»

00:22:06,596 --> 00:22:07,886

ОН УМРЁТ, ТАК И НЕ ВСТРЕТИВ ЭШЛИ.

00:22:08,366 --> 00:22:11,636

ПОЛУЧЕННЫЕ ДЕНЬГИ ПОЗВОЛИЛИ МИСС ДРАГГЛ

УЙТИ ИЗ ИЗДАТЕЛЬСКОГО БИЗНЕСА

00:22:11,636 --> 00:22:12,906

И НАЧАТЬ СТРОИТЬ ШКОЛЫ В НИКАРАГУА

00:22:13,666 --> 00:22:16,746

ЭННИ ШЛЮХА

В ЖОПУ ЭННИ. Я НИКОГДА ЕЁ НЕ ПРОЩУ

00:22:17,136 --> 00:22:20,566

МАРК И КЛАРК ГАМБУРГЕГРЫ СДЕЛАЛИ ДНК-ТЕСТ

И УЗНАЛИ, ЧТО ОНИ НЕ БРАТЬЯ

00:22:20,626 --> 00:22:24,086

ОКАЗАЛОСЬ, ЧТО ОНИ ОТЕЦ И СЫН

00:22:24,086 --> 00:22:29,566

СТОП, ОНИ ОДНОГОДКИ НА ВИД

КАК ОНИ МОГУТ БЫТЬ ОТЦОМ И СЫНОМ?

00:22:29,566 --> 00:22:31,036

ЭТО, ТИПА, ШУТКА?

00:22:31,036 --> 00:22:34,546

ЛЕНИВЫЕ СЦЕНАРИСТЫ...

НО Я ПРОСТО ДЕЛАЮ СУБТИТРЫ, ОТКУДА МНЕ ЗНАТЬ?

00:22:34,546 --> 00:22:36,566

ИЗВИНИТЕ. ТЯЖЁЛЫЙ ДЕНЬ

00:22:36,566 --> 00:22:43,256

Я ДОЛЖЕН БЫЛ ДЕЛАТЬ СУБТИТРЫ К «ЗВЁЗДНЫМ ВОЙНАМ»,

НО РАБОТКУ СНОВА УВЕЛИ ИЗ-ПОД НОСА

00:22:43,256 --> 00:22:48,976

СУКА. НЕ ВЕРИТСЯ,

ЧТО НАЗВАЛ ДЕВОЧКУ ШЛЮХОЙ ПАРУ КАДРОВ НАЗАД

00:22:48,976 --> 00:22:51,296

О ЧЁМ Я ДУМАЛ? Я В РАЗДРАЕ

00:22:51,336 --> 00:22:53,656

Я БЛАГОДАРЕН ЗА ЭТУ РАБОТУ

ПОЖАЛУЙСТА, НЕ УВОЛЬНЯЙТЕ