Кристаллизатор с кубической решёткой

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♪

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♪

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[snoring]

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[loud guitar riff playing]

- Aah!

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What the fuck is happening?

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- We just hit a major milestone.

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One hundred days without a fight!

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- We did it!

- It's official.

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The Solar Opposites finally get along.

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ALL:

Mmm.

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- No more fighting.

The dawn of a new era.

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- It really bugs me

how you chose to tell us.

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But since we're post-fight,

I'm letting it go.

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- So what do we do now?

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Obviously we should reward ourselves.

But how?

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I mean, pancakes and oral.

Crepes and rimming.

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- We do crepes and rimming too much.

It's-- it's not a treat anymore.

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But check out this commercial signal

I received on social media.

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YUMYULACK:

I love Little Mountain Lake.

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- We haven't been in so long.

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- You booked us a vacation. Oh!

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- You bet your fluid-filled sacs, I did.

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I already packed up all your shit.

We're leaving right now.

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- Wouldn't the hover platform be faster?

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- Yes, but we're unplugging this trip,

so all sci-fi stays home.

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And I left it all with Joey,

the homeschool kid from next door.

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[explosion booms]

[screaming]

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- There will be no divorce!

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Burn on the pyre

of your misfortune!

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KORVO:

Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia.

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Until the asteroid hit.

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One hundred adults and their replicants

were issued a Pupa

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and escaped into, uh, the space,

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searching for new homes

on uninhabited worlds.

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We crashed on Earth, stranding us

on an already overpopulated planet.

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That's right,

I've been talking this whole time.

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I'm the one holding the Pupa.

My name's Korvo.

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This is-- this is my show.

I just dropped the Pupa. Do you see me?

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[stammers]

This is ridiculous.

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I hate Earth.

It's a horrible home.

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People are stupid and confusing.

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They're always talking about brunch.

Brunch isn't real.

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It's either bread or crunch.

You can't have both.

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Pick a lane, idiots!

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♪

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♪ foreboding music playing ♪

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[fire crackling]

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- Hey, you gave him more than me!

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- Fuck you! I'm doing my best!

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- Gimme that.

[all shouting, grunting]

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- Order!

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There will be order

in the people's house!

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This is our second day

without power.

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If present conditions continue,

we're completely fucked.

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In three days' time,

The Wall will run out of food.

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In five days, water.

The lucky ones will freeze.

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- But, uh, when will be run out

of the tiny pieces of Snickers wrapper

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we use to wipe our tushes?

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- We're already down to fun size.

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[all gasp]

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I yield the floor to Nicole

who served as power minister

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in both the Tim

and Duke administrations.

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- After the revolution,

Tim and I figured out a way

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to patch into the wire

that powers the plug

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the replicants use for their TV.

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That wire must have frayed

or come loose.

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Either way, it needs

to be reconnected.

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- Great. Why haven't we

done it already?

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- Because it's on

the very bottom level.

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- Shit.

- Yeah.

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After the Duke's flood,

who knows what it's like down there.

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- Everyone who's gone down

either came back crazy--

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- Or didn't come back at all.

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- I've been down to those levels,

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but I need volunteers

to go with me.

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- Joe Sanders reporting for duty.

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I don't give a shit how crazy

those lower Wall folk are,

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I'll kill 'em all if it means

I get to take a hot shower.

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- Alright, Sanders.

Great energy. Thank you.

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Anyone else?

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Eyepatch guy.

You got to come with us.

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You look like a badass.

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- I got this eyepatch from playing

too much 3DS in the dark.

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- Okay, well, you're still coming.

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- So am I.

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If I'm going to freeze to death,

may as well be heroically.

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- We could use one more.

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- I like the Royal Blue.

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Unless you like the Regal Navy.

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- Halk, we need to-- Oh.

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Nova, hi. Do you mind

if I speak with your husband?

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Parliament business.

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- Of course. I'll be in the nursery.

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- We've been thinking

a lot about the future.

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Our future.

- Bullshit.

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If that were true,

you'd be coming with me

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instead of playing decorator.

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- I can't go on some suicide mission.

I have a life here.

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- And I don't?

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I'm leaving my... Pezlie behind

to do this,

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because there is no future for her,

or your wife,

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if we don't fix this.

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- I'm sorry, Cherie,

my hero days are behind me.

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- Do you even know

what you want to be instead?

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- A dancer. It's an old dream

of mine from college.

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Been working on my splits.

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[grunts]

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- That's great, Halk.

I'll see you around.

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- Hey, I never asked

to be a hero.

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- Nobody ever does.

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They just are.

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[door opens, closes]

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[eagle cries]

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[tires squealing]

[all scream]

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- Hey, you almost made me spill

my mayo fries,

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which I just invented

'cause I'm a fucking genius.

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Try. Try, try, try, try.

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- Ooh. It's the Little effing Mountain!

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ALL: [chanting] Little Mountain Lake!

Little Mountain Lake!

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Little Mountain Lake!

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♪ foreboding music playing ♪

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ALL: [chanting] Little Mountain Lodge!

Little Mountain Lodge!

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Little Mountain Lodge!

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[all cheering]

- We're here.

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I used the cubic lattice crystallizer

to make some fresh diamonds

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so we could tip everybody.

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- Do you have change

for a De Beers?

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You know what?

Take the whole corundum.

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- Thank you, Jesse.

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- See how he remembered my name?

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That's classy.

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- Terry, Korvo, Jesse, Yumyulack,

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welcome back to LML!

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It's been two years

since your last visit.

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- Two years too long if you ask me.

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[all laugh]

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Ah, I love how funny I am here.

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- In honor of your return,

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we've upgraded you

to the Grand Moff suite.

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- Whoa! Grand Moff?

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That's the highest civilian rank

for a regional governor in the Empire.

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- Tastes great, right.

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Even if the room sucked,

I'd still stay here just for the coffee.

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[all laugh]

[Jesse spits]

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- Oh, Bill.

He loves to crack wise.

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Hi, we're the Johnsons.

Just came in from Des Plaines, Chicago.

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- Your bounty hunter outfit is sick.

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- Oh, uh, thanks. It's got

a neural shockwave pinned in the sleeve.

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- I can tell.

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- Look, let's skip the foreplay.

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Will you be our vacation friends?

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- Yes. A thousand times, yes.

- I thought you'd never ask.

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[Bill and Tracy laugh]

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- We're all checked in.

Who the fuck is this?

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- They're our vacay besties,

the Johnsons!

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- Yes, vacation friends!

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They're the perfect choice to regret later

having in all of our photographs.

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♪ upbeat music ♪

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♪ I found out long ago ♪

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♪ Oooohhhh ♪

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♪ It's a long way down

the Holiday Road ♪

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ALL:

Yeah! [all laugh]

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♪ Holiday Road ♪

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♪ Holiday Road ♪

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- Wow. I just invented

mayo fries today,

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and they already have

a whole restaurant for it.

00:06:06,909 --> 00:06:09,036

Little Mountain Lake is really

on the cutting edge.

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- Didn't that fried dough place

used to be here?

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- Oh. Remember when I liked

fried dough?

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Sounds so disgusting now.

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[both laugh]

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- Hello there, friend.

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Might I interest you

in our train museum?

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- I'm not into trains anymore.

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- You... aren't into trains?

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- No, it's been a sore spot ever since

Terry here tried to board me.

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- Well, I only did that because you turned

yourself into a train out of spite.

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- It was my hobby!

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- We brought tiki drinks.

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- Oh.

- Tracy, turn loose that rum swizzle.

00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:37,606

- Oh, Bill's back,

and he's brought tiki drinks!

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You got a friend in me, Bill.

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♪ ominous music ♪

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- We got a problem.

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- If she's crying, bounce.

Don't rock her. She hates rocking.

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She'll drink mouse milk,

but not too much, she gets gassy.

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Oh god, I'm sure

I'm forgetting something.

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- Hey, we got this.

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Pezlie is the most important thing

in this Wall.

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The Bowinian Order will guard her

with our lives.

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- Thank you, Sister.

You've been a lifesaver.

00:07:00,629 --> 00:07:02,297

Now hopefully

I can return the favor.

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[kisses]

[Pezlie giggles]

00:07:07,636 --> 00:07:09,972

Alright. Last chance to pussy out.

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- Not me.

I'm tough as they come.

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Check it out. I branded myself

with a hot staple.

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EYEPATCH GUY:

Is that the Lacoste logo?

00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:16,770

- It's all I know how to draw.

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The point is, I'm tough as shit.

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[Halk laughs]

[screams]

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- If you're worried about being tracked,

I'd quiet down.

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- I thought you didn't do

suicide missions.

00:07:24,278 --> 00:07:28,073

- Well, I don't,

but my insane friend needs backup.

00:07:31,743 --> 00:07:33,287

- Okay, stay close.

00:07:33,287 --> 00:07:35,914

These levels have been

off the grid for months.

00:07:35,914 --> 00:07:38,000

Who knows what's been growing

in the dark.

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- I hope there's a Starbucks

'cause I already have to take a shit.

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- Terry!

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- I never get tired

of how friendly everyone is.

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Hey! Hello! Hi there!

Follow me. I follow back!

00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:51,638

- And I am loving my vacation robe.

00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:54,683

It's a little bit coarser,

but in all the right spots.

00:07:54,683 --> 00:07:57,311

Huh, wasn't this

a train museum yesterday?

00:07:57,311 --> 00:07:59,479

- Sure was.

Now it's the Hall of Betrayals.

00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:01,982

Come on in!

First hundred guests get free ring pops.

00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:04,109

- Ring me, baby!

- Um, bury the lede much?

00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:05,819

[sucking]

00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:07,738

- This is a dece' collection

of betrayals

00:08:07,738 --> 00:08:10,866

Guy who killed Caesar, Jay Leno refusing

to give up The Tonight Show--

00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:13,160

Korvo, what am I looking at?

00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,579

- Uh, looks like it could possibly be me.

00:08:15,579 --> 00:08:17,080

It-it's really hard to tell.

00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:20,542

M-maybe getting boned by the Red Goobler

on his bachelor party last year.

00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:22,628

[laughs]

So weird that this is in here.

00:08:22,628 --> 00:08:24,880

Wasn't really even a betrayal.

00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:26,924

What's that look?

You said it didn't bother you!

00:08:26,924 --> 00:08:28,509

- Oh, well, I guess there's no chance

00:08:28,509 --> 00:08:31,136

I was just armoring myself

emotionally by--

00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:35,265

- Ah! I'm cumming harder

than I do with Terry!

00:08:35,265 --> 00:08:38,101

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

00:08:38,101 --> 00:08:41,563

- Oh, they have a Lando

and Han Solo exhibit, let-let's find that.

00:08:42,606 --> 00:08:45,108

- This one's cryptic.

- You fucking dick! That's you!

00:08:45,108 --> 00:08:46,652

I bought those Takis at the store,

00:08:46,652 --> 00:08:48,820

but someone ate them all

before I could even have one.

00:08:48,820 --> 00:08:50,197

You told me it was the Pupa!

00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:52,366

If that's true,

then explain this animatronic.

00:08:52,366 --> 00:08:54,493

- Yeah, I did it, okay!

I was eating my feelings.

00:08:54,493 --> 00:08:57,496

All the bad ones left over from when

you let the Red Goobler fuck you!

00:08:57,496 --> 00:08:59,456

- You're acting like

that's a bigger deal than the Takis.

00:08:59,456 --> 00:09:00,541

But it's not!

00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:03,126

- It all went according to plan.

00:09:03,126 --> 00:09:06,630

Whoever has eyes on the replicants,

start Phase Two.

00:09:07,673 --> 00:09:09,132

- Wow, it doesn't look as little

00:09:09,132 --> 00:09:10,926

when you're up

on the actual mountain, you know.

00:09:10,926 --> 00:09:13,345

- Relax, Yumyulack, you'll do great.

00:09:13,345 --> 00:09:15,347

[whispering] Get... out!

- Huh?

00:09:15,347 --> 00:09:16,557

- She means, "Get out!"

00:09:16,557 --> 00:09:18,600

Like, "Get on out down that mountain!"

00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:21,061

That's how we say it in Des Plaines.

Come on! The race is starting.

00:09:22,354 --> 00:09:23,355

[gun fires]

00:09:23,772 --> 00:09:24,982

♪

00:09:24,982 --> 00:09:25,983

[whooshing]

00:09:25,983 --> 00:09:28,026

♪

00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:30,237

♪

00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:31,572

[crowd cheering]

00:09:32,656 --> 00:09:36,159

- I'm the king of Little Mountain

and that little-ass lake!

00:09:36,159 --> 00:09:38,996

Hey, they spelled

my name wrong. Funyulack.

00:09:38,996 --> 00:09:41,707

Wait, Funyulack's

your pretend-o-deck version of me.

00:09:41,707 --> 00:09:42,708

That was fucked up.

00:09:42,708 --> 00:09:45,752

- Come on, you can't still be mad

about that. I tried to kill him.

00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:47,004

- But you killed me instead.

00:09:47,004 --> 00:09:49,798

- Whatever! You made me cheat

at the Olympics!

00:09:49,798 --> 00:09:52,593

- I don't make you do anything!

You delegate all our hijinks to me!

00:09:52,593 --> 00:09:54,303

- Fuck you! I do not!

00:09:55,429 --> 00:09:56,930

- Phase Two complete.

00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:59,516

But now we need

a new fucking Danielle.

00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,644

♪

00:10:02,644 --> 00:10:04,438

[all panting]

00:10:04,438 --> 00:10:05,939

- These maps are useless.

00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:08,525

Everything down here

is decayed and mucky.

00:10:10,068 --> 00:10:12,362

- Aw fuck! Die! Die! Die! Die!

00:10:12,362 --> 00:10:13,363

- It's plastic!

00:10:14,573 --> 00:10:15,741

HALK:

GI Joes.

00:10:15,741 --> 00:10:18,410

Too bad, they totally lose their value

when they're crucified.

00:10:21,622 --> 00:10:23,498

- Let's move.

We're being watched.

00:10:24,750 --> 00:10:27,794

- Uh, may-- maybe we should double back

and take the Boo-Hoo Hole to the bottom.

00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:29,963

It can't make you boo-hoo

as much as the name implies.

00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:32,925

- [scoffs] The Duke threw me down

the Boo-Hoo Hole. Once was enough.

00:10:32,925 --> 00:10:34,801

- It's full of spiders now anyway.

00:10:35,719 --> 00:10:37,471

- Pssh! How many action figures

are they gonna--

00:10:37,471 --> 00:10:39,181

Oh fuck, real head!

00:10:39,181 --> 00:10:41,308

- Oh man, it's Mark.

00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:43,101

Delivery guy,

went missing weeks ago.

00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:45,187

Used to pull his balls

out of his pants as a joke.

00:10:45,187 --> 00:10:47,147

He'd say, "Hey, look,

I got gum on my pants,"

00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:48,774

but it wasn't gum,

it was his scrotum.

00:10:48,774 --> 00:10:50,567

Still, he didn't deserve this.

00:10:50,567 --> 00:10:53,445

[indiscernible whispers]

00:10:53,862 --> 00:10:56,073

- Aw, man.

That cannot be sanitary.

00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:00,410

MAN: Please!

WOMAN: Water!

00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:01,495

WOMAN 2:

Water!

00:11:01,495 --> 00:11:03,914

[indiscernible muttering]

00:11:03,914 --> 00:11:05,666

[hissing]

- I'm gonna torch 'em!

00:11:05,666 --> 00:11:07,376

- No, they're too close, you'll burn us!

00:11:07,376 --> 00:11:09,711

- Go on! Git! Leave 'em alone!

00:11:09,711 --> 00:11:11,213

Take your muck and get out of here.

00:11:12,256 --> 00:11:13,966

- Thanks, pal.

Let's get you on your--

00:11:13,966 --> 00:11:15,008

What the fuck?

00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:17,636

- Just a mild case of muck foot.

Pretty common around here.

00:11:17,636 --> 00:11:20,889

- The name's Avocado Eggrolls.

'Cause I like avocados.

00:11:20,889 --> 00:11:21,890

- And eggrolls?

00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:23,559

- I fucking hate eggrolls!

00:11:23,976 --> 00:11:26,270

Anyhoo, I heard you're headed

to the bottom levels.

00:11:26,270 --> 00:11:29,106

You need a guide, old Avocado Eggrolls

will show you the way.

00:11:29,106 --> 00:11:32,109

- We don't have time

for this Skyrim side quest bullshit.

00:11:32,109 --> 00:11:33,110

He'll slow us down.

00:11:33,110 --> 00:11:36,363

- Hey, don't be ableist.

You already said the map was useless.

00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:38,615

Okay, Avocado, where to?

00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:43,412

- This is it.

Just right around this--

00:11:44,079 --> 00:11:45,831

[muttering]

00:11:46,248 --> 00:11:48,584

- I-I didn't sign up for this shit, man.

00:11:48,584 --> 00:11:50,043

We're gonna die down here!

00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:54,047

- Well, well, well,

what the muck do we have here?

00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:56,884

- I brought you some

real upper floor softies, Plat.

00:11:56,884 --> 00:12:00,095

- What the fuck, Avocado!

I carried you for two hours!

00:12:00,095 --> 00:12:02,347

- A real eggroll move, ya dumbass.

00:12:02,347 --> 00:12:03,932

[cackling]

00:12:03,932 --> 00:12:05,350

- Fucking muck people.

00:12:05,350 --> 00:12:07,186

- Muck people are people too,

you know.

00:12:07,186 --> 00:12:08,729

The upper Wall has forgotten us.

00:12:08,729 --> 00:12:11,315

Wall name is Platinum Stevie.

These are my people.

00:12:11,315 --> 00:12:14,776

I protect 'em, clean their mucky wounds,

feed them deodorant shavings.

00:12:14,776 --> 00:12:16,778

And in return, they do as I say.

00:12:16,778 --> 00:12:18,739

Like when I tell them to kill you!

00:12:19,781 --> 00:12:22,451

- Try it and I'll slice you up

like an onion volcano.

00:12:22,451 --> 00:12:25,204

- You're spicy.

Guess we're all gonna die today.

00:12:25,204 --> 00:12:27,748

- Whoa, whoa, whoa. We don't want

no quarrel with you, Platinum Stevie.

00:12:27,748 --> 00:12:29,041

We're just here to turn the power on.

00:12:29,041 --> 00:12:31,919

We don't want to interfere with whatever

muck life you've stirred up down here.

00:12:31,919 --> 00:12:34,338

You could help us.

- Ha! I'll never help you.

00:12:34,338 --> 00:12:37,382

Power on, power off:

it's all the same in the muck.

00:12:37,382 --> 00:12:38,425

Grab them!

00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:40,719

- What if we could offer you something?

Something that you don't have down here?

00:12:41,553 --> 00:12:43,096

What about a seat

in Parliament, huh?

00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:45,807

Your forgotten muck people could

be represented at the top of the Wall.

00:12:45,807 --> 00:12:48,685

- Platinum Stevie,

part of the inner circle, huh?

00:12:48,685 --> 00:12:49,686

Sounds nice.

00:12:49,686 --> 00:12:52,397

I bet you're saving

the best muck of all up there, aren't you?

00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:54,733

- Uh... metaphorically, sure.

00:12:54,733 --> 00:12:57,653

- You've got yourself a deal!

You are now my guests.

00:12:57,653 --> 00:13:00,072

You may have

safe muck harbor tonight.

00:13:00,072 --> 00:13:01,949

Tomorrow, I'll take you

where you want to go,

00:13:01,949 --> 00:13:04,201

and then you can take me up.

00:13:04,201 --> 00:13:07,162

BILL: So I spent all summer

fixing up that old Corvette.

00:13:07,162 --> 00:13:09,122

Korvo, you seem

mechanically minded.

00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:10,499

You ever tinker around

with a hot rod?

00:13:10,499 --> 00:13:12,751

- I have never once tinkered.

- Your butt tinkers.

00:13:12,751 --> 00:13:13,794

- What?

- Nothing.

00:13:13,794 --> 00:13:15,963

- [haltingly] Great job in the race today.

00:13:15,963 --> 00:13:17,840

- Thanks. Hey, you look great tonight.

00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:20,884

Did you change your eye color?

Or the shape of your head?

00:13:20,884 --> 00:13:22,719

- Ha ha ha. You're cute.

00:13:22,719 --> 00:13:24,221

- Would you like to hear

about our specials?

00:13:24,221 --> 00:13:26,723

First, we have a

Yumyulack-is-a-shitty-co-replicant

00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:28,517

who-smells-like-total-ass

grilled chicken

00:13:28,517 --> 00:13:31,395

served alongside a nice heap

of Jesse's-a-whiny-bitch

00:13:31,395 --> 00:13:33,355

who's-holding-Yumyulack-back

green beans.

00:13:33,355 --> 00:13:34,898

- Damn dawg, that's harsh.

- Whiny bitch?

00:13:34,898 --> 00:13:36,316

- And for dessert,

the Terry Berry tart.

00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:38,861

It's delicious,

but a real lazy piece of shit.

00:13:38,861 --> 00:13:40,237

- Oh, that one. I want that one.

00:13:40,237 --> 00:13:43,073

- I'll give you a minute to discuss.

Really think about what I said.

00:13:44,074 --> 00:13:47,119

- That was fucking weird.

Usually, they want our order right away.

00:13:47,744 --> 00:13:48,745

♪ ominous sting ♪

00:13:48,745 --> 00:13:51,498

♪

00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:55,169

♪

00:13:55,169 --> 00:13:57,629

♪

00:13:59,423 --> 00:14:00,716

[yawns]

00:14:00,716 --> 00:14:02,259

You know, it's been a long day.

00:14:02,259 --> 00:14:04,052

W-we're tired.

G-gonna call it a night.

00:14:04,052 --> 00:14:06,054

- Aw man, I was jonesin'

for that Terry tart.

00:14:06,054 --> 00:14:07,181

Can we get one to go? Korvo?

00:14:07,181 --> 00:14:08,932

- I'll be back, Danielle!

00:14:10,726 --> 00:14:12,519

- What the fudge, Korvo?

00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:14,563

- Who wants to dance

to some really loud music?

00:14:14,563 --> 00:14:16,690

MAN: [on radio] You're listening

to Satellite Satellite radio.

00:14:16,690 --> 00:14:18,609

Coming up, a block

of Disney-approved music.

00:14:18,609 --> 00:14:20,777

Listen. Something very fucking weird

is going on--

00:14:20,777 --> 00:14:23,238

- What? You like "fucking weird"?

Trust me, I know!

00:14:23,238 --> 00:14:24,448

- Stop yelling.

- Why?

00:14:24,448 --> 00:14:26,742

- It's the only way

to be heard over the music!

00:14:26,742 --> 00:14:28,660

- I'm using music

to drown out our voices.

00:14:28,660 --> 00:14:31,371

We're being spied on.

Everyone in that restaurant had earpieces.

00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:33,665

No one was eating their dinner.

They just kept staring at us.

00:14:33,665 --> 00:14:36,043

- Uh yeah,

these are rural people.

00:14:36,043 --> 00:14:38,045

Seeing city folk like us is a big deal

00:14:38,045 --> 00:14:40,506

'cause we're so much better dressed

and smarter than they is.

00:14:40,506 --> 00:14:41,507

- It's not just that.

00:14:41,507 --> 00:14:43,592

Since we got here,

everything has been catered to us.

00:14:43,592 --> 00:14:44,635

Haven't you noticed?

00:14:44,635 --> 00:14:47,763

- They did know about mayo fries

when I'd literally just invented it.

00:14:47,763 --> 00:14:49,765

- On Little Mountain,

Danielle hugged me real tight

00:14:49,765 --> 00:14:52,184

and said, "Get out,"

in a very intense way.

00:14:52,184 --> 00:14:54,895

And then at dinner, she was replaced

with a different Danielle.

00:14:54,895 --> 00:14:56,897

- Jesus, Yumyulack,

that's really fucking weird.

00:14:56,897 --> 00:14:58,273

Don't you think

you should've said something?

00:14:58,273 --> 00:14:59,566

- I'm saying it now! Damn!

00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:00,734

- Okay, shit, okay,

00:15:00,734 --> 00:15:02,736

I'm starting to feel like

we might be trapped in a Wicker Man,

00:15:02,736 --> 00:15:05,155

the movie, not that guy who up-sells us

at Pier One Imports.

00:15:05,155 --> 00:15:07,407

- Personally, I think we're trapped

in a Midsom-mar.

00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:08,450

YUMYULACK: What is that?

- It's pronounced "midsummer."

00:15:08,450 --> 00:15:10,410

- That's just a millennial-dusted

Wicker Man remake.

00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:11,828

- Nah, we're in a The Truman Show.

00:15:11,828 --> 00:15:13,372

- It doesn't matter what movie

we're trapped in.

00:15:13,372 --> 00:15:15,832

This town is out to get us.

We should get the fuck outta here.

00:15:15,832 --> 00:15:18,252

Somebody take notes, Jordan Peele's

gonna need to hear about this town.

00:15:19,253 --> 00:15:21,547

- Anyone seen Joe Sanders?

His bedroll's gone.

00:15:21,547 --> 00:15:23,757

- Yeah, yeah, I saw him take off

early this morning.

00:15:23,757 --> 00:15:25,342

High-tailed it back

to the upper levels.

00:15:25,342 --> 00:15:26,969

Said to tell you

"Game over, man"

00:15:26,969 --> 00:15:28,428

and "I'm too old for this shit."

00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:30,639

- Classic action movie coward stuff.

00:15:30,639 --> 00:15:32,683

- Eat your muck.

We leave for the bottom in ten minutes.

00:15:32,683 --> 00:15:35,394

- [slurping]

This stew is friggin' delicious!

00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:37,896

[coughs]

00:15:41,525 --> 00:15:43,569

- Psst, Eyepatch Guy.

- Dude, don't lick your fingers.

00:15:44,194 --> 00:15:45,195

[slurping]

00:15:46,405 --> 00:15:48,156

- This says Joe Sanders.

00:15:48,156 --> 00:15:50,659

You guys!

We're eating Joe Sanders!

00:15:52,744 --> 00:15:54,413

- Come on now, Platinum Stevie.

00:15:54,413 --> 00:15:56,373

Boiling folks,

serving them to their friends,

00:15:56,373 --> 00:15:58,375

that's no way to get yourself

into Parliament.

00:15:58,375 --> 00:16:01,545

- Don't Parl-splain to me.

I appreciate the offer, I do.

00:16:01,545 --> 00:16:03,297

And I was even gonna hold up my end.

00:16:03,297 --> 00:16:05,465

But then late last night,

I got a hankerin',

00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:08,510

and I realized I'd rather eat you.

00:16:08,510 --> 00:16:11,847

Get them!

[grunting]

00:16:20,147 --> 00:16:22,858

You'll never escape the muck!

00:16:25,235 --> 00:16:27,404

- Wait! We forgot the Pupa!

- Did we leave him in the lodge?

00:16:27,404 --> 00:16:29,281

- I'm not sure we brought him at all.

Isn't he at home?

00:16:29,281 --> 00:16:32,117

- Aw geez. We left him

in the school betting story!

00:16:32,117 --> 00:16:34,620

- Beyblade! Beyblade! Beyblade!

00:16:34,620 --> 00:16:36,496

- Let's hope he's-- Shit!

[tires squealing]

00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:38,498

- Sorry, lane painting emergency!

00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:40,667

[tires squealing]

00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:43,795

- Nuclear power plant had a meltdown.

Go back to the Lodge!

00:16:47,007 --> 00:16:50,385

- Yumyulack, it's me,

the real Danielle Johnson.

00:16:50,385 --> 00:16:51,512

I love you!

00:16:51,512 --> 00:16:53,597

- I know she's a husk, but she's hot!

00:16:54,139 --> 00:16:56,016

[engine revving, tires squealing]

00:16:56,016 --> 00:16:57,768

- Don't worry,

I had Terry upgrade this bad boy

00:16:57,768 --> 00:16:59,311

with off-road capabilities last month.

00:16:59,311 --> 00:17:00,312

- Punch it!

00:17:02,231 --> 00:17:03,857

KORVO:

Goddammit, why are there skis?

00:17:03,857 --> 00:17:05,567

- You didn't tell me what kind

of road we'd be off of.

00:17:05,567 --> 00:17:07,194

- Dammit, Terry! Oh shit, run!

00:17:09,488 --> 00:17:10,614

[screaming]

00:17:14,493 --> 00:17:17,996

BILL: Terry, Korvo, Yumyulack,

Jesse, come back!

00:17:20,666 --> 00:17:22,918

- I always have sticks in my mouth

after tree-ing myself.

00:17:22,918 --> 00:17:25,504

- Okay, we gotta get outta here

before these hicks tie us up and eat us up

00:17:25,504 --> 00:17:27,798

or out or whatever.

- Hold on a second.

00:17:27,798 --> 00:17:30,551

How do we know

Korvo isn't behind all of this?

00:17:30,551 --> 00:17:31,468

- Why the hell would I be?

00:17:31,468 --> 00:17:34,346

- I don't know! You get butt hurt

about every little thing.

00:17:34,346 --> 00:17:37,349

You Now-You-Seed-Me'd us

with that magic stuff, remember?

00:17:37,349 --> 00:17:39,476

How do we know

you aren't doing a The Game?

00:17:39,476 --> 00:17:42,020

- I am not doing a The Game!

How fucking dare you?

00:17:42,020 --> 00:17:43,063

- Keep your voice down.

00:17:43,063 --> 00:17:45,482

They're going to catch us if we don't

stop fighting about shit from the past.

00:17:45,482 --> 00:17:48,735

- But this is how old shit festers

into new shit.

00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:51,697

We have to stop moving on

without properly apologizing.

00:17:51,697 --> 00:17:54,616

- Fine! I apologize for involving you all

in my brilliant magic trick.

00:17:54,616 --> 00:17:57,828

It wasn't my place to inject your lives

with a childlike sense of wonder.

00:17:57,828 --> 00:17:59,079

I'm so sorry.

00:17:59,079 --> 00:18:01,081

- Oh, and I'm sorry for getting

so bent outta shape

00:18:01,081 --> 00:18:03,333

over graphic depictions

of the Red Goobler blasting you

00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:04,334

behind my back.

00:18:04,334 --> 00:18:06,170

[sarcastically]

Look at us. Friends again.

00:18:06,170 --> 00:18:08,547

- No! This is what I'm talking about!

00:18:08,547 --> 00:18:10,716

We have core issues

to deal with, people!

00:18:10,716 --> 00:18:12,050

- Here's a core issue:

00:18:12,050 --> 00:18:14,052

how do we escape

without our sci-fi stuff?

00:18:14,052 --> 00:18:16,930

- I know I said we were unplugging,

but I did bring a small piece of sci-fi:

00:18:16,930 --> 00:18:17,931

my pocket laser.

00:18:18,974 --> 00:18:21,685

- Forgot I had it on me.

- Never go anywhere without it.

00:18:21,685 --> 00:18:23,979

- Terry, I assume you broke the rules

and brought something too?

00:18:24,438 --> 00:18:25,898

- Just in case things got kinky.

00:18:25,898 --> 00:18:27,816

- Ugh, I wish this trip had gone that way.

00:18:27,816 --> 00:18:29,193

Looks like we're gonna have

to fight our way out.

00:18:29,193 --> 00:18:30,611

Hurry up and make some weapons.

00:18:30,611 --> 00:18:32,696

[muck people shouting]

00:18:32,696 --> 00:18:35,157

- Muckers, it's time to get dirty!

00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:38,452

♪

00:18:39,119 --> 00:18:41,079

- [grunts] Shit!

- Halk!

00:18:42,915 --> 00:18:43,916

[grunts]

00:18:44,208 --> 00:18:45,209

[both scream]

00:18:45,918 --> 00:18:48,086

[grunting]

00:18:49,546 --> 00:18:50,797

[laughs]

00:18:53,759 --> 00:18:56,178

- Oh, I'm gonna enjoy noshing you,

00:18:56,178 --> 00:18:58,514

and then we're going to go up

floor by floor

00:18:58,514 --> 00:19:00,724

and eat all your friends.

00:19:03,185 --> 00:19:06,688

Everyone you care about is going

to get pooped out of my ass!

00:19:06,688 --> 00:19:08,148

[rumbling]

Huh?

00:19:08,482 --> 00:19:11,360

[screaming]

00:19:14,780 --> 00:19:15,781

[roars]

00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:19,034

[growling]

00:19:19,952 --> 00:19:22,204

[screeching]

00:19:22,204 --> 00:19:24,039

- What the hell is that thing?

00:19:26,291 --> 00:19:28,794

- Whatever it was,

it's not our problem anymore.

00:19:28,794 --> 00:19:31,630

- Once we get the power back on,

we gotta clean these levels out.

00:19:31,630 --> 00:19:33,048

[water dripping]

00:19:33,048 --> 00:19:34,633

- Hey, guys, the power room.

00:19:34,633 --> 00:19:36,301

I think it's right below us.

00:19:37,469 --> 00:19:40,556

- Sweep sector four again.

And hey, remember, don't harm them.

00:19:40,556 --> 00:19:41,682

[whooshing]

00:19:44,101 --> 00:19:45,394

[arrows whistling]

00:19:48,272 --> 00:19:50,065

- Please let us go home!

00:19:50,566 --> 00:19:52,776

[grunting]

00:19:52,776 --> 00:19:54,152

- Citizen's arrest, bitch!

00:19:54,152 --> 00:19:55,487

- Whoa. Guys!

00:19:57,072 --> 00:19:58,073

- Nobody move!

00:20:00,450 --> 00:20:02,160

- Back the fuck up!

Don't come any closer!

00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:03,245

But also, settle a bet,

00:20:03,245 --> 00:20:04,830

which "creepy townspeople movie"

are we in:

00:20:04,830 --> 00:20:07,124

Wicker Man, Truman Show,

or Midsommar?

00:20:07,124 --> 00:20:08,959

- None! Those are all super creepy!

00:20:08,959 --> 00:20:11,086

Little Mountain Lake exists only for you.

00:20:11,086 --> 00:20:13,005

It's been that way since your first visit.

00:20:13,005 --> 00:20:14,715

- What do you mean

it exists only "for us"?

00:20:14,715 --> 00:20:15,841

E-explain yourself!

00:20:15,841 --> 00:20:18,468

- On your first trip, you tipped us

millions of dollars in diamonds.

00:20:18,468 --> 00:20:19,469

We ran the math.

00:20:19,469 --> 00:20:21,597

By focusing on just your family,

00:20:21,597 --> 00:20:24,349

we make more than trying

to service tourists in general.

00:20:24,349 --> 00:20:25,684

- So we re-built the town

00:20:25,684 --> 00:20:27,519

and based the changes

around what you liked.

00:20:27,519 --> 00:20:29,104

- Then, you stopped coming.

00:20:29,104 --> 00:20:30,689

For two years.

00:20:30,689 --> 00:20:33,150

Our entire economy was

on the verge of collapse.

00:20:33,150 --> 00:20:34,568

Without you, we had nothing.

00:20:34,568 --> 00:20:37,446

- We hired a team of Russian hackers

to scrape your data,

00:20:37,446 --> 00:20:40,199

and then we built an algorithm

to determine your every need

00:20:40,199 --> 00:20:42,242

and spammed your

social media with ads.

00:20:42,242 --> 00:20:45,454

- That's why I got Little Mountain ads

on my OnlyFans.

00:20:45,454 --> 00:20:47,372

- Once you got here,

the algorithm determined

00:20:47,372 --> 00:20:49,541

that if you worked through

your issues at LML,

00:20:49,541 --> 00:20:51,376

you'd love it here even more!

00:20:51,376 --> 00:20:52,419

- Well, we don't love it!

00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:53,879

So you can take your algorithm

and shove it

00:20:53,879 --> 00:20:55,172

right up your crusty butthole!

00:20:55,172 --> 00:20:57,424

- Let this be a lesson.

You mess with the Solar Opposites,

00:20:57,424 --> 00:20:58,967

you pay with your fucking life!

00:21:00,135 --> 00:21:01,136

[engine revving]

00:21:03,722 --> 00:21:06,183

- Did we take it too far back there?

With all the killing?

00:21:06,183 --> 00:21:07,935

- I'd say we walked

right up to the line.

00:21:07,935 --> 00:21:11,230

- Well, the good news is,

now we have the whole six-hour ride home

00:21:11,230 --> 00:21:12,898

to talk through all our issues.

00:21:12,898 --> 00:21:15,359

- Didn't we do all that

when we apologized in the woods?

00:21:15,359 --> 00:21:19,196

- No! I'm talking about really

drilling down to the core issues

00:21:19,196 --> 00:21:20,781

so we can learn and grow.

00:21:20,781 --> 00:21:22,950

Like the algorithm wanted us to.

00:21:22,950 --> 00:21:24,576

- So we lost

our favorite vacation spot,

00:21:24,576 --> 00:21:26,370

and we're supposed to work

through our issues now?

00:21:26,370 --> 00:21:28,580

- That sounds way worse than

keeping our vacation spot

00:21:28,580 --> 00:21:30,332

and never working through our issues.

00:21:30,332 --> 00:21:31,708

- I do love algorithms.

00:21:31,708 --> 00:21:32,709

- I know you do.

00:21:35,003 --> 00:21:38,382

- Oh god, they're coming back

to finish us off!

00:21:38,382 --> 00:21:40,133

KORVO:

Stop cowering!

00:21:40,133 --> 00:21:41,677

After a short, angry drive,

00:21:41,677 --> 00:21:45,222

we realized that your algorithm

was spot-the-fuck-on.

00:21:45,222 --> 00:21:46,932

- You mean we were right

to help you?

00:21:46,932 --> 00:21:48,725

- No. The algorithm was right

to help us.

00:21:48,725 --> 00:21:50,477

Humans are disgusting

and messy and stupid.

00:21:50,477 --> 00:21:53,021

Algorithms are pure.

And I can't stay mad at math.

00:21:53,021 --> 00:21:55,190

- We've decided to keep vacationing

at Little Mountain Lake.

00:21:55,190 --> 00:21:56,191

But we have some demands.

00:21:56,191 --> 00:21:59,653

- Thank you, gracious aliens.

We'll do whatever you want.

00:21:59,653 --> 00:22:02,030

- First, put Little Mountain Lake

back the way it was

00:22:02,030 --> 00:22:03,323

when we first visited.

00:22:03,323 --> 00:22:06,660

And then we'll all pretend like

none of this ever happened.

00:22:06,660 --> 00:22:09,371

You didn't trap us,

we didn't slaughter 30 people.

00:22:09,371 --> 00:22:11,206

- And now I want the hotter Danielle!

00:22:11,206 --> 00:22:13,417

- And, most importantly,

no more spying

00:22:13,417 --> 00:22:15,460

or trying to get us to work

through our issues.

00:22:15,460 --> 00:22:18,297

Because we're never gonna grow or learn

or do any of that shit. You got it?

00:22:18,297 --> 00:22:19,798

Now take us to the algorithm.

00:22:22,176 --> 00:22:25,220

Poor algorithm. Little guy was just doing

what he was programmed to do.

00:22:25,220 --> 00:22:26,722

He's so well-designed.

00:22:26,722 --> 00:22:27,806

- It has to be done.

00:22:32,644 --> 00:22:34,938

[gunshot]

[screeching]

00:22:34,938 --> 00:22:36,190

- It was better this way.

00:22:36,190 --> 00:22:39,276

That algorithm was dead

the second we took away its data inputs.

00:22:40,277 --> 00:22:41,486

- Run free, algo.

00:22:41,945 --> 00:22:42,988

Run free.

00:22:44,406 --> 00:22:46,158

♪ foreboding music ♪

00:22:46,158 --> 00:22:50,245

♪

00:22:50,245 --> 00:22:51,955

- Can you fix it?

- Yeah, but it's weird.

00:22:51,955 --> 00:22:55,292

I expected there to be a clean break,

but this looks like it was chewed.

00:22:55,292 --> 00:22:56,585

[clattering]

- What the hell was that?

00:22:56,585 --> 00:22:57,628

CHERIE:

Stay on guard.

00:23:01,340 --> 00:23:02,883

- Here goes nothing.

00:23:03,550 --> 00:23:05,302

[whirring, rumbling]

00:23:05,302 --> 00:23:06,303

[electricity crackles]

- Woo!

00:23:06,303 --> 00:23:07,596

- Aah!

- Oh yeah.

00:23:07,596 --> 00:23:10,682

- Woo-hoo!

- Eyepatch Guy! You are the man!

00:23:10,682 --> 00:23:12,601

Yes!

- Not bad for a tiny huma--

00:23:12,601 --> 00:23:14,728

[screaming]

00:23:14,728 --> 00:23:15,729

[slurping]

00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:17,689

[Cherie gasps]

- Crap!

00:23:20,067 --> 00:23:21,860

[screeches]

00:23:21,860 --> 00:23:24,363

♪ theme music playing ♪

00:23:24,363 --> 00:23:28,325

♪

00:24:06,196 --> 00:24:07,698

[mimicking laser fire]

00:00:40,036 --> 00:00:42,676

«ГОРНОЕ ОЗЁРУШКО»

БРОНИРУЙТЕ УЖЕ СЕЙЧАС

00:01:21,826 --> 00:01:38,006

ПРОДАНО

00:01:45,976 --> 00:01:49,516

РАЗДАЧА ПАЙКОВ

00:02:23,466 --> 00:02:34,396

ЭЛЕКТРОСЕТЬ

00:05:54,056 --> 00:05:57,346

Я ПОКАКАЛА

НОЧЬ В ГОРАХ

00:06:02,566 --> 00:06:06,856

«КАРТОШКА СИНКО ДЕ МАЙО»

00:06:15,446 --> 00:06:20,456

ПОЕЗДА

00:07:19,226 --> 00:07:22,386

НЕ ВХОДИТЬ!

00:07:55,046 --> 00:08:01,936

ЗАЛ ПРЕДАТЕЛЬСТВ

00:09:33,836 --> 00:09:36,406

ФИНИШ

00:09:36,526 --> 00:09:38,896

СМЯХЮЛЯК

00:13:20,126 --> 00:13:22,576

НАСТОЯЩАЯ ДАНИЭЛА

00:15:46,396 --> 00:15:48,896

ДЖО САНДЕРС