Стол для игры в пинг-понг

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UN ORIGINAL DE HULU

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♪

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¡Chicos, chicos, chicos, miren esto!

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Tengo la diana original

de Cheers en eBay.

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¡Solo costó 100.000 dólares!

Voy a colgarlo.

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Ey, pensé que Korvo dijo

que no debías arrojar metal en la casa

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después de que le clavaras

el cuchillo de mantequilla en el ojo.

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¡Estos son dardos famosos!

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Lo que Korvo no sepa

no le hará daño.

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Miren esto. ¡Dios mío!

[Korvo se queja]

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[todos gritando]

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- ¡Dios mío!

- ¡Jesús santo!

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Ve a por el rayo que arregla la voz.

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Lo siento, grandulón. ¡Fue mi culpa!

[Korvo con arcadas]

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Lo arreglaremos en un santiamén.

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[continúa con arcadas]

[zumbido de láser]

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[jadea]

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[con acento británico]

Les dije que no arrojaran metal aquí.

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Vamos a llegar tarde al trabajo.

¡Dejen de molestar!

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Oigan, ¿Korvo suena un poco raro?

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Esta cosa no debe estar calibrada.

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- Déjame intentarlo de nuevo.

- ¡No!

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No. Esto funciona para mí.

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KORVO: Muy bien, andando, andando,

vamos a movernos.

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Odio llegar tarde.

Me hace sentir acalorado y raro.

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Me haces sentir a mí acalorado y raro.

KORVO: ¿Qué fue eso?

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¡Nada! ¡Ya voy, cariño!

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[puerta se cierra]

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Esperen, ¿su voz va

a ser así de ahora en adelante?

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Sí, pero a mí me suena

más o menos igual.

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Nadie se va a dar cuenta.

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KORVO:

El planeta Schlorp era una utopía perfecta

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hasta que se estrelló el asteroide.

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Cien adultos y sus réplicas

recibieron una Pupa

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y escaparon al... espacio,

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en busca de nuevos hogares

en mundos deshabitados.

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Nosotros chocamos en la Tierra,

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y quedamos varados

en un mundo ya sobrepoblado.

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Así es, yo he estado hablando

todo este tiempo.

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Soy el que sostiene al Pupa.

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Me llamo Korvo.

Este es mi programa.

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¡Joder, se me acaba de caer el Pupa!

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Ah, esto es ridículo.

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Odio la Tierra.

Es un hogar horrible.

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La gente es estúpida y confusa.

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Así es como suena mi voz ahora.

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No me importa si es discordante. Supérenlo.

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Y ese rayo cambiador de voz

tiene cronitones,

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así que así es como voy

a sonar también en los flashbacks.

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¡Si tienen un problema con eso,

pues mala suerte!

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¡Se llama ciencia!

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♪

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EN VENTA

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KORVO:

Muy bien, amigos shlorpianos. Se acabó.

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Esta nave está arreglada, de verdad.

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Al fin podemos irnos

de este planeta de mierda para siempre.

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Sé que dije esas mismas palabras

varias veces antes,

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pero esta vez pasará de verdad.

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Aplaudan, todos, aplaudan.

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[todos aplaudiendo y vitoreando]

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¡Bravo, Korvo!

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De verdad, te esforzaste

y arrastraste nuestros traseros

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hasta la línea de llegada.

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Y nos aguantaste

tanta porquería nuestra por el camino.

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Sin embargo, persististe.

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Un aplauso para el K-Man.

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K-Man te quiere, amigo.

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Sí, los últimos meses han sido terribles,

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reparando la nave los fines de semana,

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esforzándome en ese aburrido

trabajo de oficina

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para darle al Pupa

estructura y normalidad,

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pero ha merecido la pena,

porque ahora está mejor.

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- ¿Cierto, Pupa?

- ¡Pixar!

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Mm, de vuelta a las terribles

habilidades lingüísticas,

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justo como me gusta.

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Juntamos nuestras entradas para

el Skee-Ball y te compramos algo.

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Es una camiseta lisa con cuello en V.

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¡Ah! Siempre quise una con cuello en V,

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pero nunca pensé que me quedaría bien.

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Korvo, cariño,

todo te queda bien.

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¡Muéstranos ese sexy esternón, cariño, oh!

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- Guau.

- Ah, qué V más profunda.

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Volemos este agujero infernal.

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[nave espacial zumbando y silbando]

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TODOS: [coreando] ¡Korvo, Korvo,

Korvo, Korvo, Korvo, Korvo!

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HOMBRE: ¡Korvo, Korvo!

[Korvo grita]

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¿Me estás tomando el pelo?

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[suspira] Lo siento,

debo haberme quedado dormido.

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¿Estaba dando

una presentación o algo así?

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Tú estabas dando una presentación.

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Carajo, cierto.

Lo siento, continuaré.

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En conclusión, el informe sobre

las hojas se retrasará indefinidamente.

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Encargamos un estudio

de tres millones de dólares

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y aparentemente

las hojas se pegan a las ramas.

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Todos estos años, y creo que

el calentamiento global no es un mito.

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Si no alcanzamos

nuestra cuota de rastrillos este mes,

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habrá que hacer recortes.

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TODOS:

Ah...

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Perdón, sí, solo para entender

lo que acaba de decir.

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¿Por qué carajo

nos importan los rastrillos?

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Porque somos una empresa de rastrillos.

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¡Parece que los Solar Opposites

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trabajan en una aburrida

empresa de rastrillos ahora!

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[golpe de cabeza]

[mujer grita]

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[ruedas chirriando]

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- [golpe]

- Guau.

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[sorbiendo]

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Jesse, Yumyulack, apúrense,

van a perder el autobús.

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[bosteza]

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Tuve que quedarme

despierta toda la noche

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terminando mi diorama

del sistema solar para clase.

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Maldita ciencia.

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Bien, estamos tratando de ser normales

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y eso suena bastante

normal si me preguntas.

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¿Qué carajo son todos

estos planetas extra?

00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:06,413

Los invisibles

que los humanos aún no conocen aún.

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Tierra Cuatro, Megan el Planeta

y Su-Ano.

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No podemos hablarle a la gente de ellos.

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¡Son invisibles por una razón!

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Haz un sistema solar normal.

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¿Otra vez atún y palitos de zanahoria?

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Ah, esta basura es asquerosa.

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Es un almuerzo normal.

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La única otra opción es

la mantequilla de bellota,

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olvida todos los otros frutos secos.

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Que se jodan los niños

alérgicos a los frutos secos.

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¡Debería ser

la supervivencia del más fuerte!

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No mataremos compañeros de clase.

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¡Tenemos que mantenerlo

básico para el Pupa!

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Mira lo feliz que es

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con su actividad

de enriquecimiento totalmente normal.

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Nuestras miserables vidas

le están dando estructura.

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No querrás que vuelva a convertirse

en un vapor de angustia adolescente, ¿no?

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¿Como todo eso que fue un gran problema

a finales del año pasado? ¿Recuerdan?

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- No, gracias.

- No, eso fue horrible.

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Entonces vayan y tengan

un día normal en la escuela.

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Sigan la corriente.

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Terry, vamos.

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Lo siento, me desperté

con sensación de que era miércoles

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¡y es solo lunes!

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No podemos llegar tarde.

00:04:49,873 --> 00:04:52,459

El Sr. Sarner empieza a sospechar

que no estoy por los rastrillos.

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Sarner es un imbécil.

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- Serías mucho mejor jefe que él.

- Sí, obviamente.

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Ese tonto tiene suerte

de que sea una persona normal,

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o ya le habría usurpado el trasero.

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Usurpa esa basura, Korvo.

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- AMBOS: ¡Guau!

- Sí, amigo.

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- Amiguito.

- Oh. Hola.

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♪ música de suspenso ♪

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KORVO:

Demonios, ¿ves eso?

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Amiguito y el Pupa

se tratando como el carajo.

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Lo siento, estoy usando

"como el carajo" mucho.

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Es como que no puedo parar.

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- Deben haber tenido una pelea.

- Como el carajo.

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Oh, tal vez ese pequeño imbécil

se mudará pronto.

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No puedo esperar que lo haga.

00:05:18,569 --> 00:05:19,945

Cuando lo conocimos,

pensé que iba a ser

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como esas cosas recurrentes,

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pero ahora solo

se siente como un remanente.

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Oh.

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Dios mío. ¿Por qué carajo

caminan del brazo?

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¿Están saliendo?

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No, es mi corréplica.

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Están totalmente saliendo, asqueroso.

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Son como Oldboy.

00:05:35,294 --> 00:05:37,171

No, solo estamos usando

partes de nutrientes

00:05:37,171 --> 00:05:39,923

en nuestros codos para intercambiar

información. Miren.

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♪ música dramática ♪

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TODAS:

¡Iuu!

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¡No se supone que intercambies

jugos con tu hermano!

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Esto es totalmente normal.

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Eso dices.

Es una aberración.

00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:49,808

¡Se dan por los codos!

00:05:49,808 --> 00:05:50,809

Miren, todos.

00:05:50,809 --> 00:05:52,102

Se dan por los codos.

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- Se dan por los codos.

- Ah, cielos,

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no sabía que éramos raros.

00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:57,566

Tal vez deberíamos dejar

de hacerlo en público por un tiempo.

00:05:57,566 --> 00:05:59,359

No, tenemos que dejar

de vernos en público por completo.

00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:00,611

Somos radiactivos ahora.

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Esta cosa de "se dan por los codos"

se sabrá. Te lo aseguro.

00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:04,364

Sí que suena creíble.

00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:06,533

Todavía podemos pasar el rato, ¿cierto?

00:06:07,451 --> 00:06:08,202

¿Yum?

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Ah, cielos.

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[teléfono sonando]

00:06:13,582 --> 00:06:15,834

[teclas chasqueando]

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- [pitido de computadora]

- ¿Cambiar mi contraseña de nuevo?

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No, no lo haré.

00:06:19,796 --> 00:06:20,964

¡Nadie va a adivinar

00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:23,759

"National guion Lampoons

guion VanPassword69"!

00:06:23,759 --> 00:06:25,260

Janice me está volviendo loco.

00:06:25,260 --> 00:06:28,013

Me ha contado el mismo chiste

todos los días por dos semanas.

00:06:28,013 --> 00:06:31,350

Es como uno de esos largos

y elaborados chistes sin chiste

00:06:31,350 --> 00:06:32,726

como el humor de Maria Bamford.

00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,770

Y siempre termina llorando

porque atropellaron a su esposo

00:06:34,770 --> 00:06:36,355

hace un año.

00:06:36,355 --> 00:06:37,940

Terry, no creo que sea una broma.

00:06:37,940 --> 00:06:38,941

Eso es lo que digo.

00:06:38,941 --> 00:06:42,027

Estoy harto de forzar una risa falsa

cada vez que acuna una foto de boda.

00:06:42,027 --> 00:06:43,445

Es incómodo.

¡Ni siquiera es gracioso!

00:06:43,445 --> 00:06:46,240

Demos un paseo hasta el Coffee Bean

y te compro un café.

00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:47,324

Eso siempre te calma.

00:06:47,324 --> 00:06:48,659

¡No quiero

que me vuelvas a hablar, Janice!

00:06:48,659 --> 00:06:49,868

¡No eres Maria Bamford!

00:06:49,868 --> 00:06:51,119

[llorando]

00:06:51,328 --> 00:06:53,163

Jesse, ¿quieres que te partamos

un trozo de esta galleta

00:06:53,163 --> 00:06:55,374

de mantequilla de bellota

que estamos compartiendo?

00:06:55,374 --> 00:06:56,667

Claro, tomaré un pedazo.

00:06:56,667 --> 00:06:58,502

Oye, gracias por dejarme sentarme contigo.

00:06:58,502 --> 00:07:00,420

Oímos que dejaste de salir

con tu hermano pequeño.

00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,548

Traicionar a la familia es mega genial.

00:07:02,548 --> 00:07:05,425

Era raro cuando lo hacían

en los codos del otro.

00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:08,178

Bueno, Yumyulack y yo ya no hacemos eso.

00:07:08,178 --> 00:07:10,889

O hablar o pensar el uno en el otro

día por medio.

00:07:10,889 --> 00:07:11,515

Eso es seguro.

00:07:11,515 --> 00:07:14,142

No hay nada mejor que meterte

con tu hermano pequeño.

00:07:14,142 --> 00:07:15,143

Ah, bien.

00:07:15,143 --> 00:07:17,145

No sabía que eso

era una cosa que se hacía.

00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:18,063

Ah, sí.

00:07:18,063 --> 00:07:20,774

Puse una GoPro en un sombrero tejano

y retransmití en directo

00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:23,443

a mi hermano pequeño Conner

alisándose el vello púbico.

00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:25,445

Lo arruiné totalmente.

00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:27,531

Tuvo que mudarse con Gram-Gram en Suecia.

00:07:27,531 --> 00:07:30,534

Me parece un poco severo.

Pero aún estoy aprendiendo

00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:32,661

cómo es una relación

normal entre hermanos.

00:07:32,661 --> 00:07:34,580

Se parece a esconder

un gramo de metanfetamina.

00:07:34,580 --> 00:07:35,914

en el casillero de mi hermano.

00:07:35,914 --> 00:07:38,292

Ahora va a la escuela en la cárcel.

[ríe]

00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:40,544

Entonces, ¿cómo vas

a meterte con Yumyulack?

00:07:40,544 --> 00:07:42,963

No lo sé.

El listón parece muy alto.

00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:45,924

Ay, Dios mío, deberías hacerlo

en el baile Sobre el Mar.

00:07:45,924 --> 00:07:49,261

Demonios, sí. Humillar a ese tipo

delante de todos sus nuevos amigos.

00:07:49,261 --> 00:07:50,929

¡Si es que tiene alguno!

00:07:50,929 --> 00:07:51,722

[todas ríen]

00:07:51,722 --> 00:07:53,140

Esa es buena, Jesse.

00:07:54,266 --> 00:07:55,934

SALÓN DE PROFESORES

00:07:55,934 --> 00:07:57,561

[cigarro ardiendo]

00:07:57,561 --> 00:07:59,229

Estoy tan contento

de haber encontrado mi tribu.

00:07:59,229 --> 00:08:01,106

¿Este es el ambiente normal aquí?

00:08:01,106 --> 00:08:02,733

Sí, fumamos en cadena,

00:08:02,733 --> 00:08:04,985

contamos los días

que faltan para la pensión

00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:07,196

e imitamos a los estudiantes más tontos.

00:08:07,196 --> 00:08:08,780

"Eh, soy Greg Simmons.

00:08:08,780 --> 00:08:10,240

acabé en los pantalones.

00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:12,242

viendo Romeo y Julieta en clase".

00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:14,286

[todos riendo]

00:08:14,286 --> 00:08:15,412

[Yumyulack tose]

00:08:15,412 --> 00:08:17,497

Para la última hora,

pondremos Seabiscuit

00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:19,666

y nos escabulliremos

a Islands para Mahalo Hour.

00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:20,709

¡Claro que sí!

00:08:20,709 --> 00:08:23,170

¡El último en llegar

me compra un té helado de Big Island!

00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:25,672

[campanilla del elevador]

00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:26,924

[puertas del elevador chirriando]

00:08:27,508 --> 00:08:30,385

Mm, Me encanta el hielo...

¿Qué estás haciendo?

00:08:30,385 --> 00:08:31,970

Estoy haciendo

que tarde lo máximo posible

00:08:31,970 --> 00:08:33,013

en volver a la oficina.

00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:35,557

Odio mucho estar allí, Korvo.

Prefiero estar en el ascensor.

00:08:35,557 --> 00:08:38,185

Supongo que tenemos que aceptar

el hecho de que el trabajo es aburrido.

00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:39,520

No hay forma de evitarlo.

00:08:40,521 --> 00:08:43,398

♪ música de triunfo ♪

[trabajadores celebrando]

00:08:44,942 --> 00:08:46,026

Toma esto.

00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:49,780

♪

00:08:49,780 --> 00:08:50,822

Oye, ¿quieren ayudar?

00:08:50,822 --> 00:08:52,533

Guau, ¿qué es eso?

00:08:52,533 --> 00:08:53,575

Es ping pong.

00:08:53,575 --> 00:08:55,160

Ping ping.

00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:57,246

¿Y este es un lugar de negocios?

00:08:57,246 --> 00:08:59,957

Ah, sí. Somos un centro

de llamadas para Bed, Bath & Beyond.

00:08:59,957 --> 00:09:03,001

Uf, suena como el trabajo

más aburrido como el carajo que hay.

00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:05,921

Solía serlo, hasta que nuestro jefe

nos compró esta mesa maravillosa.

00:09:05,921 --> 00:09:07,464

¿Su jefe se las compró?

00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:10,175

¿La mesa de ping ping

es parte oficial de la oficina?

00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:11,677

¡Sí, este trabajo es genial!

00:09:12,553 --> 00:09:13,971

- ¡Ping ping!

- ¡Ping ping!

00:09:13,971 --> 00:09:15,889

- Mire, el hecho es...

- Cuelga el teléfono.

00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:17,724

Terry y yo encontramos una forma

de resolver nuestros problemas.

00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:18,767

¿Qué problemas?

00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:21,395

Solo necesitamos

una cosa súper importante de usted.

00:09:21,395 --> 00:09:23,146

Redoble de tambores.

♪ banda de música marchando ♪

00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:24,982

¿Quiénes son estos chicos?

00:09:24,982 --> 00:09:27,067

- ¿Cómo...?

- Cómprenos una mesa de ping ping.

00:09:27,693 --> 00:09:29,361

No.

♪ trombón triste ♪

00:09:29,361 --> 00:09:30,195

Salgan de aquí, carajo.

00:09:30,195 --> 00:09:32,322

Si no conseguimos la mesa,

no les pagaremos.

00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:36,869

¡Chicos! Esa era una llamada importante.

00:09:36,869 --> 00:09:37,828

La cosa es así, Sarner.

00:09:37,828 --> 00:09:40,622

El ambiente de trabajo

que creó apesta.

00:09:40,622 --> 00:09:43,083

Nuestra investigación muestra que

el ambiente es mejor en otras oficinas,

00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:45,252

oficinas con ping ping.

00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:47,296

Una mesa de ping pong

sería demasiado perturbador.

00:09:47,296 --> 00:09:48,297

No lo aceptaré.

00:09:48,297 --> 00:09:50,674

Bueno, Terry, creo que

el Sr. Sarner ha sido claro y...

00:09:50,674 --> 00:09:52,885

Medimos un lugar perfecto para ella

en la sala de calderas.

00:09:52,885 --> 00:09:55,012

No deberían bajar

a la sala de calderas.

00:09:55,012 --> 00:09:56,430

Es extremadamente peligroso.

00:09:56,430 --> 00:09:57,472

¿Eh, Wendy?

00:09:57,472 --> 00:09:59,474

Hola, siento mucho

que se haya cortado.

00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:02,978

Korvo, amigo, ¿por qué carajo

no me ayudaste?

00:10:02,978 --> 00:10:04,188

Sé cómo conseguir la mesa de ping ping,

00:10:04,188 --> 00:10:05,981

pero requerirá

un poco de intriga de alto nivel.

00:10:05,981 --> 00:10:07,065

Vamos.

00:10:07,691 --> 00:10:08,567

[puerta zumba]

00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:13,030

Aisha, trae el set de intrigas

donde nos gusta fumar y armar intrigas.

00:10:13,030 --> 00:10:15,824

AISHA: Guau, nada de:

"Aisha, ¿cómo va tu día?".

00:10:15,824 --> 00:10:16,617

¿Vamos directo al grano?

00:10:16,617 --> 00:10:17,951

Sabes que te quiero.

Lo lamento.

00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:19,536

AISHA:

¿Lo lamentas porque lo lamentas

00:10:19,536 --> 00:10:21,330

o porque te dije la verdad?

00:10:21,330 --> 00:10:21,997

Ambos.

00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:26,168

Oh, oh, oh, me voy a poner

algo más de intriga.

00:10:28,629 --> 00:10:31,757

Ese imbécil no sabe cómo hacer

que sus empleados se sientan valorados.

00:10:31,757 --> 00:10:33,592

Si tu fueras el jefe,

una mesa de ping ping genial

00:10:33,592 --> 00:10:35,552

sería tu primera compra.

00:10:35,552 --> 00:10:37,971

[quejido] No me digas,

pero ese no es el mundo en el que vivimos.

00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:40,307

- Así que luchamos.

- Guau, cuello en V, ¿eh?

00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:42,434

No te burles de mí.

Me siento inseguro de esto.

00:10:42,434 --> 00:10:43,560

No, me encanta.

00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:45,395

Especialmente cuando

tu pecho esté más definido.

00:10:45,395 --> 00:10:46,522

Lo siento, sigue con la intriga.

00:10:46,522 --> 00:10:49,233

Sarner dijo que somos los únicos

empleados que quieren ping ping.

00:10:49,233 --> 00:10:52,152

Pero si probamos que nuestros compañeros

también exigen ping ping,

00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:54,196

¡entonces él será encajonado

por su propia lógica!

00:10:54,196 --> 00:10:56,740

Ah, ¡pero todos en la oficina

son unos imbéciles!

00:10:56,740 --> 00:10:58,408

Hice una lista de nuestros

compañeros más estúpidos

00:10:58,408 --> 00:10:59,451

y con más amigos.

00:10:59,451 --> 00:11:01,161

Si conseguimos que apoyen el ping ping,

00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:02,371

el resto se alineará.

00:11:02,371 --> 00:11:05,374

Pero todos nos odian guion están celosos

guion quiere acostarse conmigo.

00:11:05,374 --> 00:11:06,708

Entonces los motivamos.

00:11:08,585 --> 00:11:10,420

TERRY:

El primero de la lista es Doug.

00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:12,130

Siempre está hablando

de lo mucho que le gustan

00:11:12,130 --> 00:11:14,091

las barritas vintage Mr. Big

de Shaquille O'Neal.

00:11:16,885 --> 00:11:19,137

KORVO: Pim y Jam. Claramente

enamorados el uno del otro,

00:11:19,137 --> 00:11:20,931

pero Jam tiene un estúpido

novio que no le gusta a nadie

00:11:20,931 --> 00:11:23,058

y Pim es demasiado tonto

para hacer algo al respecto.

00:11:23,058 --> 00:11:25,394

[Jam suspira]

Solo necesita un empujoncito.

00:11:25,394 --> 00:11:28,605

No puedo creer que mi novio

me engañe con esta puta fea.

00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:33,402

TERRY:

Luego, está la gran estúpida de Janice.

00:11:33,402 --> 00:11:36,488

Y todos sabemos que a esa aburrida

perra solo le importa una cosa.

00:11:36,905 --> 00:11:39,658

Este es el hombre que mató

a tu esposo y se fugó hace dos veranos.

00:11:39,658 --> 00:11:41,451

Firma nuestra petición y será tuyo.

00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:43,829

Así es. ¡Lo hice y lo volvería a hacer!

00:11:43,829 --> 00:11:44,830

[amartilla pistola]

00:11:44,830 --> 00:11:47,332

[pitidos de computadora]

00:11:50,335 --> 00:11:51,044

[portazo]

00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:52,921

Juego, set, partido, Sarner.

00:11:52,921 --> 00:11:54,339

Esas son palabras de ping ping.

00:11:54,339 --> 00:11:57,593

En tus manos hay una petición

firmada por todos en la oficina.

00:11:57,593 --> 00:12:00,512

El mensaje es claro:

sus trabajadores exigen el ping.

00:12:00,512 --> 00:12:02,264

La respuesta es no.

00:12:02,264 --> 00:12:04,808

Al carajo. Dijo que éramos

los únicos que queríamos el ping ping

00:12:04,808 --> 00:12:06,518

y lo atrapé con sus propias palabras.

00:12:06,518 --> 00:12:07,853

¡Todo su argumento se ha derrumbado!

00:12:07,853 --> 00:12:09,062

No importa.

00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:11,398

Me reuniré con la junta directiva

mañana por la tarde

00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:13,400

y harán una auditoría

completa de nuestros gastos.

00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,068

Y si no les gusta lo que ven,

00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:16,945

van a cerrar esta sucursal.

00:12:16,945 --> 00:12:19,573

No hay manera de que pueda justificar

una mesa de ping pong,

00:12:19,573 --> 00:12:22,743

y ya te he dicho que no es seguro

en la sala de calderas.

00:12:22,743 --> 00:12:24,703

¡Ahora salgan de mi oficina!

00:12:27,831 --> 00:12:29,875

AISHA:

Estás muy cerca, Pupa.

00:12:29,875 --> 00:12:30,709

[Pupa gruñe]

¿Quieres una pista?

00:12:30,709 --> 00:12:31,460

[puertas zumbando]

00:12:31,460 --> 00:12:32,794

Aisha, pregunta rápida.

00:12:32,794 --> 00:12:34,421

Uhh ¿dónde está

el Multiplicador Fálico?

00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:36,298

AISHA: Chica, ¿para qué

necesitas el rayo de pene?

00:12:36,298 --> 00:12:37,508

Mi broma de hermana mayor.

00:12:37,508 --> 00:12:40,302

Voy a cubrir a Yumyulack

de penes en el baile Sobre el Mar.

00:12:40,302 --> 00:12:42,137

AISHA: No puedes humillar

así a Yumyulack.

00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:43,514

Es un maldito célibe.

00:12:43,514 --> 00:12:46,308

[se mofa] En todo caso,

voy a ser suave con él.

00:12:46,308 --> 00:12:48,727

Deberías oír lo que

las Staci le hacen a sus hermanos.

00:12:48,727 --> 00:12:52,189

AISHA: La confianza es la clave para

mantener los codos abiertos y fluidos.

00:12:52,189 --> 00:12:54,608

Sin ella, se cerrarán para siempre,

como el agujero de un pendiente.

00:12:54,608 --> 00:12:55,943

¿Para siempre?

00:12:55,943 --> 00:12:58,320

¿Cómo es que esta es la primera

vez que escucho esto?

00:12:58,320 --> 00:12:58,987

[golpe de botella]

00:12:58,987 --> 00:13:00,239

[bocina de auto]

[neumáticos chirrían]

00:13:00,239 --> 00:13:02,866

Vete al carajo, Jesse.

[todos riendo]

00:13:02,866 --> 00:13:04,076

Extraterrestre estúpida.

00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:08,163

Voy a necesitar

ese rayo de penes ya mismo.

00:13:08,163 --> 00:13:10,916

[máquina chasqueando]

00:13:11,917 --> 00:13:14,294

AISHA: Son adolescentes,

hay que dejar que cometan errores.

00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:17,714

♪ música melodramática ♪

00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:18,966

[tragando]

00:13:23,345 --> 00:13:24,221

[chasquido de interruptor de luz]

00:13:26,223 --> 00:13:27,224

[sopla]

00:13:27,224 --> 00:13:32,646

RECUERDOS IMPORTANTES:

ABRIR SOLO POR RAZONES SENTIMENTALES

00:13:34,606 --> 00:13:35,607

[suspira]

00:13:36,275 --> 00:13:42,114

♪

00:13:42,739 --> 00:13:45,075

[ríe]

00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,329

Ustedes dos vengan conmigo.

00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:50,747

[teléfono sonando]

00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:56,003

He pensado mucho

en lo que dijeron y...

00:13:56,003 --> 00:13:56,628

[chasquido de interruptor de luz]

[gritos ahogados de Terry y Korvo]

00:13:56,628 --> 00:13:58,714

Sarner, hermoso bastardo.

00:13:58,714 --> 00:13:59,798

Conseguiste la mesa de ping ping.

00:13:59,798 --> 00:14:01,008

Pero la junta de directores.

00:14:01,008 --> 00:14:02,342

Dijiste que no podías justificarlo.

00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:03,468

No te preocupes por la junta.

00:14:03,468 --> 00:14:05,846

Sé algo perfecto que decir

para conseguir que firmen.

00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:07,806

Pero tengo una condición.

00:14:07,806 --> 00:14:09,683

- Que me den el primer partido.

- Trato hecho.

00:14:09,683 --> 00:14:12,019

¡Guau, al final eres

un tipo bastante bueno!

00:14:12,019 --> 00:14:14,855

Oye, trabajar con ustedes dos

hace que sea fácil ser bueno.

00:14:14,855 --> 00:14:15,689

KORVO: ¡Oh!

00:14:16,565 --> 00:14:18,317

[chorros de sangre]

¡Santo Dios!

00:14:18,317 --> 00:14:19,818

Guau, Sarner tenía razón.

00:14:19,818 --> 00:14:21,737

La sala de calderas es muy peligrosa.

00:14:22,112 --> 00:14:23,906

Digo, para él, no para nosotros.

00:14:23,906 --> 00:14:25,616

Así que supongo que ambos teníamos razón.

00:14:27,659 --> 00:14:29,328

[estudiantes riendo]

00:14:29,328 --> 00:14:30,829

Repasemos el plan.

00:14:30,829 --> 00:14:34,124

Todo comienza cuando el director Cooke

entregue los premios estudiantiles.

00:14:34,124 --> 00:14:36,585

Convencimos a todos de votar

por Yumyulack

00:14:36,585 --> 00:14:38,003

para el Cuerpo Más Mejorado.

00:14:38,003 --> 00:14:40,255

Y cuando sube

al escenario para aceptar...

00:14:40,255 --> 00:14:44,551

Lo asfixio con shlongs

como una hermana mayor normal.

00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:45,511

[Multiplicador Fálico chirriando]

00:14:46,053 --> 00:14:47,429

- Veo su cerebro.

- Estamos arruinados.

00:14:47,429 --> 00:14:48,514

- Veo su maldito cerebro.

- Estamos arruinados.

00:14:48,514 --> 00:14:49,515

¿Qué hacemos?

¿Qué hacemos?

00:14:49,515 --> 00:14:51,975

AISHA: ¿Qué trama de comedia

están tramando esta vez?

00:14:51,975 --> 00:14:53,227

Estamos en un aprieto, Aisha.

00:14:53,227 --> 00:14:56,396

En unas horas, la junta de directores

espera reunirse con el Sr. Sarner.

00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:58,982

AISHA: ¿Y ese es su trasero muerto

ahí en mi cubierta de Pretendo?

00:14:58,982 --> 00:15:01,318

Sí, ¡y ahora la junta nos quitará

la mesa de ping ping

00:15:01,318 --> 00:15:03,820

porque Sarner no estará allí

para decir algo perfecto y justificarlo!

00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:05,906

Ah, ¡aún no he podido jugar!

00:15:05,906 --> 00:15:07,908

AISHA:

¿Por qué no resucitan a este tipo

00:15:07,908 --> 00:15:09,576

para que pueda hablar

él mismo con la junta?

00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:12,204

Saben que tengo una manga entera

de esas bolas de Resurrección, ¿verdad?

00:15:12,204 --> 00:15:14,039

¿No pondría en peligro

el progreso de Pupa

00:15:14,039 --> 00:15:15,290

usar dispositivos de esa manera?

00:15:15,290 --> 00:15:17,084

AISHA:

Pero es solo una pequeña bolita.

00:15:17,084 --> 00:15:18,210

Sí, a mí me parece bien.

¿Korvo?

00:15:18,210 --> 00:15:21,046

También acepto es racionalización.

00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:24,174

Mm, qué rico.

[bolita crujiendo]

00:15:24,174 --> 00:15:25,092

Mastícala bien.

00:15:25,092 --> 00:15:26,134

Ñam, ñam, ñam.

00:15:26,134 --> 00:15:27,261

- [Sr. Sarner suspira]

- ¡Ah, carajo!

00:15:27,970 --> 00:15:30,138

Ah, carajo.

¿Me das otra bolita?

00:15:30,138 --> 00:15:31,640

[risita] Clásico.

00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:34,810

Y en la categoría Más Probable

que sea un Narco,

00:15:34,810 --> 00:15:38,897

ustedes, los estudiantes,

votaron por Rick Blaze.

00:15:38,897 --> 00:15:39,898

[estudiantes aplauden y vitorean]

00:15:39,898 --> 00:15:43,151

Rick también fue elegido

Mejor Rebotador.

00:15:43,151 --> 00:15:44,152

Aquí hay otro trofeo.

00:15:44,152 --> 00:15:46,822

Felicidades, detective Rick.

00:15:46,822 --> 00:15:47,614

Ah, solo Rick.

00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:50,617

Y ahora, un premio que quizás

deberíamos dejar de hacer...

00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:51,451

[chillido del multiplicador]

00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:53,954

Cuerpo más mejorado.

00:15:53,954 --> 00:15:56,415

¡Y el ganador es Yumyulack!

00:15:56,415 --> 00:15:58,208

¡Ay, Dios mío!

00:15:58,500 --> 00:15:59,459

¡Gracias!

00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:02,504

Ni siquiera sabía

que este cuerpo se podía mejorar.

00:16:02,504 --> 00:16:03,338

[grito ahogado de Pupa]

00:16:04,173 --> 00:16:07,593

♪ música dramática ♪

00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:09,303

EL PASADO

00:16:10,220 --> 00:16:11,680

[cataratas burbujeando]

00:16:13,348 --> 00:16:16,435

♪

00:16:18,395 --> 00:16:19,980

[agua salpicando]

00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:26,653

Deberían estar creciendo y prosperando

como el resto de la cosecha.

00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:28,864

¿Qué les pasa a estos dos?

00:16:28,864 --> 00:16:31,450

Mmm, tengo una idea más.

00:16:33,744 --> 00:16:37,456

♪ música dramática ♪

00:16:38,207 --> 00:16:39,291

[Multiplicador Fálico se apaga]

00:16:39,291 --> 00:16:41,001

¡No puedo hacerlo!

00:16:41,001 --> 00:16:43,545

Sabía que eras

una falsa Staci.

00:16:43,545 --> 00:16:44,296

Dame eso.

00:16:44,296 --> 00:16:45,881

Lo haré yo misma.

00:16:45,881 --> 00:16:47,508

[rayo láser chillando, golpeteando]

00:16:49,426 --> 00:16:50,594

¡Ah, no!

00:16:50,594 --> 00:16:54,139

¡Estoy cubierta de penes

años antes de tiempo!

00:16:54,139 --> 00:16:55,390

¿Qué acaba de pasar?

00:16:55,390 --> 00:16:58,560

Las Staci querían que te hiciera

una broma, pero no me pareció bien.

00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:01,939

Siempre nos hemos cubierto las espaldas

y no voy a dejar de hacerlo ahora.

00:17:01,939 --> 00:17:03,524

Oh, gracias.

00:17:03,524 --> 00:17:07,444

Y el premio al Mejor Moño

es para... ¡Jesse!

00:17:07,444 --> 00:17:09,905

¿Yo? Eh, se dieron cuenta.

00:17:09,905 --> 00:17:11,031

YUMYULACK:

¡No!

00:17:11,031 --> 00:17:11,865

¿Por qué no?

00:17:12,574 --> 00:17:15,285

¿Eso es una trampa de tronco Ewok?

00:17:15,285 --> 00:17:16,912

Los profesores y yo

preparamos esos troncos

00:17:16,912 --> 00:17:19,665

para aplastarte la cabeza

cuando aceptaras Mejor Moño.

00:17:19,665 --> 00:17:20,707

Fue idea suya.

00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:22,251

Gracias por no haberlo hecho.

00:17:22,251 --> 00:17:24,419

Parece que se han esforzado mucho.

00:17:24,419 --> 00:17:26,213

El truco está en izarlo primero

como un gran tronco

00:17:26,213 --> 00:17:27,631

y luego cortarlo por la mitad.

00:17:27,631 --> 00:17:29,675

Ah, sí, ¡eso es pensar con la cabeza!

00:17:29,675 --> 00:17:32,594

No volverás a emborracharte

con nosotros en Islands.

00:17:32,594 --> 00:17:34,346

Pensábamos que eras uno de los nuestros.

00:17:34,346 --> 00:17:35,264

Pues no lo soy.

00:17:35,264 --> 00:17:36,974

Soy un shlorpiano.

00:17:36,974 --> 00:17:41,937

Y el ganador al Mejor Trombista,

Billy Hosenberg.

00:17:41,937 --> 00:17:43,564

[todos aplaudiendo]

00:17:44,356 --> 00:17:45,482

[todos suspiran con asombro]

00:17:45,482 --> 00:17:48,986

Muy bien, creo que

el premio es para Jackie Quilbard.

00:17:48,986 --> 00:17:50,904

¡Carajo, lo logré!

00:17:50,904 --> 00:17:52,823

Está muy elegante, Sr. Sarner.

00:17:52,823 --> 00:17:54,408

[grita] Tengo un cuerpo.

00:17:54,408 --> 00:17:56,493

Demonios.

¡Sí, lo resucitamos!

00:17:56,493 --> 00:17:59,913

Flotaba en el resplandor eterno

por un millón de años.

00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:01,415

Seguro, cálido.

00:18:01,415 --> 00:18:02,749

¡Necesitas recordar lo que iba a decir

00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:03,959

a la junta de directores

00:18:03,959 --> 00:18:06,170

para justificar el gasto

de una mesa de ping ping!

00:18:06,170 --> 00:18:08,005

He estado aquí antes.

00:18:08,005 --> 00:18:09,965

He hecho unas fichas

para ayudarlo a refrescar la memoria.

00:18:09,965 --> 00:18:12,676

"El ping ping aumenta la productividad

en un cincuenta por ciento".

00:18:12,676 --> 00:18:14,511

Es todo mentira, pero a ver si pasa.

00:18:14,511 --> 00:18:16,680

¿Cómo he vuelto

a este plano de la existencia?

00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:17,598

¿Quiere callarse?

00:18:17,598 --> 00:18:20,392

Literalmente a nadie le ha importado

lo que pasa después de morir.

00:18:20,392 --> 00:18:21,518

La junta está aquí.

00:18:21,518 --> 00:18:22,686

Necesito más tiempo, Terry.

00:18:22,686 --> 00:18:24,730

Sarner se está portando

como un bebé con su resurrección.

00:18:24,730 --> 00:18:26,857

Atravesé la montaña negra.

00:18:26,857 --> 00:18:28,525

¿Por qué volví?

00:18:28,525 --> 00:18:31,069

Bien, tendré que entretenerlos

con el viejo encanto.

00:18:33,363 --> 00:18:35,073

¿Dónde está Sarner?

No tenemos todo el día.

00:18:35,073 --> 00:18:36,742

¡Somos miembros de la junta!

00:18:36,742 --> 00:18:37,701

Está en camino.

00:18:37,701 --> 00:18:42,414

Pero antes quería que pasara

a hacer un breve preámbulo.

00:18:42,414 --> 00:18:44,416

Rastrillos, ¿de dónde vienen?

00:18:44,416 --> 00:18:45,584

¿Cómo se hacen?

00:18:45,584 --> 00:18:46,627

Cuando lo piensas,

00:18:46,627 --> 00:18:50,797

un rastrillo es solo un gran tenedor

para hojas.

00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:52,758

Lo que me lleva a mi siguiente pregunta.

00:18:52,758 --> 00:18:55,302

¿No somos solo una empresa

de ensaladas para césped?

00:18:55,302 --> 00:18:57,012

¿Qué demonios estás diciendo?

00:18:57,012 --> 00:18:58,764

Ah, miren a este tipo.

Quizás necesitas uno de estos

00:18:58,764 --> 00:19:00,182

para peinarte, ¿verdad?

00:19:00,182 --> 00:19:01,767

[todos ríen]

00:19:01,767 --> 00:19:03,685

Muy bien, me atrapaste.

Me atrapaste.

00:19:03,685 --> 00:19:04,853

[todos riendo]

00:19:04,853 --> 00:19:07,773

Sarner, me alegro de que por fin

te unas a nosotros.

00:19:07,773 --> 00:19:10,108

¡Soy la eternidad hecha finitud!

00:19:10,108 --> 00:19:11,527

[grita]

00:19:11,985 --> 00:19:14,154

Está haciendo referencia a Dune.

00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:15,656

La junta revisó sus libros

00:19:15,656 --> 00:19:17,699

y tengo que decir

que estamos decepcionados.

00:19:17,699 --> 00:19:19,409

¡No puedo estar aquí!

00:19:19,409 --> 00:19:20,953

No juegues a ganar simpatía.

00:19:20,953 --> 00:19:23,413

Prometiste recortar gastos,

pero ayer

00:19:23,413 --> 00:19:26,208

compraste una mesa de ping pong

con la tarjeta de la empresa.

00:19:26,208 --> 00:19:27,793

Todos estamos hechos de luz,

00:19:27,793 --> 00:19:29,336

¡y a esa luz volveré!

00:19:29,336 --> 00:19:30,671

[vidrio se rompe]

[grita]

00:19:30,671 --> 00:19:31,713

[golpe]

[alarma de auto sonando]

00:19:31,713 --> 00:19:34,383

Sabía que tenía que haber traído

un par de bolitas de más.

00:19:35,425 --> 00:19:38,303

Todos se ríen de nosotros,

pero no me importa.

00:19:38,303 --> 00:19:39,596

Que se vayan al carajo.

Esta es nuestra normalidad.

00:19:39,596 --> 00:19:42,266

Si los otros chicos supieran

lo que se siente con esta conexión,

00:19:42,266 --> 00:19:44,393

quizá no nos juzgarían tanto.

00:19:45,143 --> 00:19:46,019

[grito ahogado de Pupa]

00:19:46,562 --> 00:19:47,354

[campanilla]

00:19:47,354 --> 00:19:48,522

Ah.

00:19:48,522 --> 00:19:50,691

♪ música dramática ♪

00:19:50,691 --> 00:19:53,485

♪

00:19:53,485 --> 00:19:54,528

Ah.

00:19:57,698 --> 00:19:59,283

[inhala profundamente]

00:19:59,283 --> 00:20:00,492

[suspira]

00:20:00,492 --> 00:20:01,451

Ah, sí.

00:20:01,952 --> 00:20:05,747

[charla de radio

de policía indistinta]

00:20:06,623 --> 00:20:08,709

♪ música de suspenso ♪

00:20:08,709 --> 00:20:10,252

No creerás que esos policías

van a averiguar

00:20:10,252 --> 00:20:11,461

qué le pasó realmente a Sarner,

¿verdad?

00:20:11,461 --> 00:20:12,588

Espero que no, carajo.

00:20:12,588 --> 00:20:14,006

No podemos darle al Pupa

una vida normal

00:20:14,006 --> 00:20:15,716

si nos condenan

por homicidio involuntario.

00:20:15,716 --> 00:20:18,343

Bueno, venga lo que venga,

lo superaremos... juntos.

00:20:18,343 --> 00:20:19,261

Los policías se fueron.

00:20:19,261 --> 00:20:21,180

Les explicamos que la presión

de la industria del rastrillo

00:20:21,180 --> 00:20:23,765

fue demasiado para Sarner

y se suicidó por debilidad.

00:20:23,765 --> 00:20:27,102

¡Sí! Sarner era un cobarde

y nadie investigará a un extraterrestre.

00:20:27,102 --> 00:20:29,229

De acuerdo. Creemos que,

bajo un nuevo liderazgo,

00:20:29,229 --> 00:20:31,440

esta sucursal podría realmente cambiar.

00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:32,691

Me encantaría participar.

00:20:32,691 --> 00:20:36,320

Terry, nos gustó tu improvisación

de pánico, cuando nos entretuviste antes.

00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:38,780

¿Te gustaría ser

el nuevo director de la sucursal?

00:20:38,780 --> 00:20:40,741

¿Yo? ¿El jefe?

00:20:40,741 --> 00:20:42,242

¡Carajo, sí!

00:20:42,242 --> 00:20:44,620

¡Genial! Vamos a emborracharnos

en Islands para celebrarlo.

00:20:44,620 --> 00:20:46,330

Pero, pero...

Pero, Terry, iba a...

00:20:46,330 --> 00:20:48,081

Lo primero que tienes

que hacer es deshacerte

00:20:48,081 --> 00:20:49,917

de esa horrible mesa de ping pong.

00:20:49,917 --> 00:20:51,919

Sí, tienes razón, Wendy.

Es demasiado molesta.

00:20:51,919 --> 00:20:53,253

Korvo, ¡destruye esa cosa

mientras estoy fuera!

00:20:53,253 --> 00:20:55,005

Pero quería ir con ustedes.

00:20:55,005 --> 00:20:58,050

No. Es una orden oficial

de tu jefe.

00:20:58,050 --> 00:21:00,844

Así es: a partir de ahora,

yo soy el jefe, cariño.

00:21:00,844 --> 00:21:03,514

Bueno, no el Boss Baby,

pero soy tu jefe, cariño.

00:21:03,514 --> 00:21:05,349

¡Carajo, ahora quiero

una botella de leche, maldición!

00:21:05,349 --> 00:21:07,559

¡Que alguien me traiga leche

porque soy el maldito jefe, cariño!

00:21:07,559 --> 00:21:09,770

[Terry y los miembros de la junta ríen]

00:21:09,770 --> 00:21:12,147

¡Amo esta empresa!

00:21:12,147 --> 00:21:14,650

♪ música dramática ♪

00:21:56,483 --> 00:21:57,985

[simulando disparo láser]

00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:07,007

♪

00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,634

Guys, guys, guys, check it out!

00:00:08,634 --> 00:00:11,136

I got the original dartboard

from Cheers on eBay.

00:00:11,136 --> 00:00:14,014

It only cost $100,000!

I'm gonna put it up.

00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:16,725

Hey, I thought Korvo said

no more throwing metal in the house

00:00:16,725 --> 00:00:18,936

after you got that butter knife

stuck in his eye.

00:00:18,936 --> 00:00:20,354

These are famous darts!

00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:22,272

Whatever Korvo doesn't know

won't hurt him.

00:00:22,272 --> 00:00:23,982

Watch this. Oh, my God!

[Korvo grunts]

00:00:23,982 --> 00:00:26,610

[all shouting]

00:00:26,610 --> 00:00:27,903

- Oh, my God!

- Jesus!

00:00:27,903 --> 00:00:29,947

Go get the voice-fixing ray.

00:00:29,947 --> 00:00:32,073

I'm sorry, big guy. My bad!

[Korvo gagging]

00:00:32,073 --> 00:00:33,492

We'll get this fixed in a jiffy!

00:00:33,492 --> 00:00:35,619

[continues gagging]

[laser whirring]

00:00:35,619 --> 00:00:36,703

[panting]

00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:38,705

[British accent]

I told you not to throw metal around here.

00:00:38,705 --> 00:00:40,666

We're going to be late to work.

Stop buggering about!

00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:43,877

Hey, does Korvo sound a little off?

00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:45,254

This thing must not be calibrated.

00:00:45,254 --> 00:00:46,421

- Let me try again.

- No!

00:00:46,922 --> 00:00:49,174

No. This is working for me.

00:00:49,174 --> 00:00:51,260

KORVO: All right, chop chop,

let's get a move on.

00:00:51,260 --> 00:00:53,679

I hate being late.

It makes me feel hot and weird.

00:00:53,679 --> 00:00:56,098

You make me feel hot and weird.

KORVO: What was that?

00:00:56,098 --> 00:00:57,891

Nothing! Coming, sweetie!

00:00:57,891 --> 00:00:58,809

[door closes]

00:00:58,809 --> 00:01:01,353

Wait, is his voice just

gonna be like that from now on?

00:01:01,353 --> 00:01:03,397

Yeah, but it sounds

pretty much the same to me.

00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:04,857

Nobody's gonna notice.

00:01:08,819 --> 00:01:11,280

KORVO:

Planet Schlorp was a perfect utopia

00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:13,031

until the asteroid hit.

00:01:14,032 --> 00:01:16,410

One hundred adults and their replicants

were issued a Pupa

00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:18,245

and escaped into the-- space,

00:01:18,245 --> 00:01:21,164

searching for new homes

on uninhabited worlds.

00:01:21,164 --> 00:01:22,416

We crashed on Earth,

00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:24,334

stranding us on an already

overpopulated planet.

00:01:24,334 --> 00:01:26,044

That's right, I've been talking

this whole time.

00:01:26,044 --> 00:01:27,254

I'm the one holding the Pupa.

00:01:27,254 --> 00:01:28,881

My name's Korvo.

This is my show.

00:01:28,881 --> 00:01:30,465

Bollocks, I just dropped the Pupa!

00:01:30,465 --> 00:01:31,800

Oh, this is ridiculous.

00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:33,719

I hate Earth.

It's a horrible home.

00:01:33,719 --> 00:01:35,137

People are stupid and confusing.

00:01:35,137 --> 00:01:36,597

This is what my voice sounds like now.

00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:38,765

I don't care if it's jarring.

Get over it.

00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:40,434

And that voice-changer ray

has chronitons in it

00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:42,561

so this is what I'm going to sound like

in flashbacks too.

00:01:42,561 --> 00:01:44,104

You got a problem with that,

then tough shit!

00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:45,189

It's called science!

00:01:45,189 --> 00:01:48,317

♪

00:01:52,988 --> 00:01:54,823

KORVO:

Alright, fellow Shlorpians, this is it.

00:01:54,823 --> 00:01:56,825

The ship is fixed for real, real.

00:01:56,825 --> 00:01:59,077

Finally, we can leave

this piece of shit planet for good.

00:01:59,077 --> 00:02:01,288

I know I've said those exact words

multiple times before,

00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:02,956

but this time it's actually happening.

00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:03,790

Clap. Everyone, clap.

00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:06,543

[all clapping and cheering]

00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:08,128

Bravo, Korvo.

00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:10,255

You really sacked up

and dragged our sorry asses

00:02:10,255 --> 00:02:11,381

across the finish line.

00:02:11,381 --> 00:02:14,801

And you put up with so much BS

from us along the way.

00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:17,137

Nevertheless, you persisted.

00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:19,139

Gotta give it up for the K man.

00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:20,390

K Man feels you, dawg.

00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:22,142

Yes, the last few months

have been a bitch,

00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:23,560

repairing the ship on weekends,

00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:25,354

slogging through that

boring-ass office job

00:02:25,354 --> 00:02:27,231

to give the Pupa structure and normalcy,

00:02:27,231 --> 00:02:28,941

but it was worth it,

because he's all better now.

00:02:28,941 --> 00:02:30,692

- Right, Pupa?

- Pixar!

00:02:30,692 --> 00:02:32,694

Mm, back to terrible language skills,

00:02:32,694 --> 00:02:33,695

just the way I like it.

00:02:33,695 --> 00:02:36,448

We pooled our Skee-Ball tickets

and got you a little something.

00:02:36,448 --> 00:02:39,409

It's a plain T-shirt with a deep V.

00:02:39,409 --> 00:02:41,620

Oh! I always wanted a deep V,

00:02:41,620 --> 00:02:43,080

but I never thought I could pull it off.

00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:45,332

Korvo, honey,

you can pull anything off.

00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:48,168

Show us that sexy sternum, baby, oh!

00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:50,796

- Whoa.

- Ooh, that's a deep V.

00:02:50,796 --> 00:02:52,673

Let's blow this hellhole.

00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:54,258

[spaceship whirring and whooshing]

00:02:54,258 --> 00:02:59,596

ALL: [chanting] Korvo, Korvo, Korvo,

Korvo, Korvo, Korvo!

00:03:00,138 --> 00:03:02,307

MAN: Korvo, Korvo!

[Korvo screams]

00:03:02,307 --> 00:03:03,976

Are you freaking kidding me?

00:03:03,976 --> 00:03:06,478

[sighs] Sorry, I must have nodded off.

00:03:06,478 --> 00:03:08,522

Were you giving

a presentation or something?

00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,691

You were giving a presentation.

00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,901

Shit, right.

Sorry, I'll continue.

00:03:12,901 --> 00:03:16,572

In conclusion, uh, the leaf report

will be delayed indefinitely.

00:03:16,572 --> 00:03:18,073

We commissioned a $3 million study,

00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:20,742

and apparently the leaves

are just sticking to the branches.

00:03:20,742 --> 00:03:24,079

All these years, and I guess

global warming wasn't a myth.

00:03:24,079 --> 00:03:25,956

If we don't hit our rake quota this month,

00:03:25,956 --> 00:03:27,749

there will have to be cutbacks.

00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:28,667

ALL:

Aw.

00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:31,920

Sorry, yeah, just to dig in and unpack

some of what you said.

00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:34,965

Why in the fuck do we care about rakes?

00:03:34,965 --> 00:03:37,676

Because we're a rake company.

00:03:37,676 --> 00:03:41,847

Looks like the Solar Opposites

work at a boring rake company now.

00:03:41,847 --> 00:03:42,681

[head thuds]

[woman screams]

00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:45,809

[wheels squeaking]

00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:47,144

- [clatters]

- Whoa.

00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:50,105

[sucking]

00:03:50,105 --> 00:03:52,566

Jesse, Yumyulack, hurry up,

you're gonna miss the bus.

00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:53,609

[yawns]

00:03:53,609 --> 00:03:54,985

Had to stay up all night

00:03:54,985 --> 00:03:57,905

finishing my solar system diorama

for class.

00:03:57,905 --> 00:03:58,864

Goddamn science.

00:03:58,864 --> 00:04:00,073

Good, we're trying to be normal,

00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:02,201

and that sounds pretty

damn normal if you ask me.

00:04:02,201 --> 00:04:03,952

What the fuck are all these extra planets?

00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:06,413

The invisible ones

the humans don't know about yet.

00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:10,042

Earth Four,

Megan thee Planet, and Their-Anus.

00:04:10,042 --> 00:04:11,710

We can't tell people about those.

00:04:11,710 --> 00:04:13,086

They're invisible for a reason.

00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:14,546

Make a normal solar system.

00:04:14,546 --> 00:04:16,215

Tuna fish and carrot sticks again?

00:04:16,215 --> 00:04:17,758

Ah, this shit nasty.

00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:18,926

It's a normal lunch.

00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:20,469

The only other option is acorn butter.

00:04:20,469 --> 00:04:21,720

All the other nuts are off the table.

00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:23,722

Screw those kids with nut allergies.

00:04:23,722 --> 00:04:25,599

It should be survival of the fittest.

00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:27,226

No killing your classmates.

00:04:27,226 --> 00:04:29,311

We have to keep it basic AF

for the Pupa.

00:04:29,311 --> 00:04:30,312

Look how happy he is

00:04:30,312 --> 00:04:32,356

with his totally normal

enrichment activity.

00:04:32,356 --> 00:04:34,650

Our miserable lives

are giving him structure.

00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:37,402

You don't want him turning back

into a steam of teen angst again, do you?

00:04:37,402 --> 00:04:40,489

Like that whole thing that was a big deal

at the end of last year, remember?

00:04:40,489 --> 00:04:41,990

- No, thank you.

- No, that fucking sucked.

00:04:41,990 --> 00:04:43,575

Then go have a normal day at school.

00:04:43,575 --> 00:04:44,660

Stay the course.

00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:46,203

Terry, let's go.

00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:48,121

Sorry, I woke up with

a case of the Wednesdays,

00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:48,997

and it's only Monday.

00:04:48,997 --> 00:04:49,873

We can't be late.

00:04:49,873 --> 00:04:52,459

Mr. Sarner's starting to suspect

I'm not in it for the rakes.

00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:54,378

Man, Sarner is such a dick brain.

00:04:54,378 --> 00:04:55,754

You'd be a way better boss than him.

00:04:55,754 --> 00:04:56,380

Yeah, no duh.

00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:58,465

That fool's lucky I'm being normal AFF,

00:04:58,465 --> 00:04:59,925

or I'd have usurped his ass already.

00:04:59,925 --> 00:05:01,677

Yeah, usurp that shit, Korvo.

00:05:01,677 --> 00:05:03,846

- BOTH: Whoa!

- Yeah, buddy.

00:05:03,846 --> 00:05:05,222

- Little Buddy.

- Oh. Hey.

00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:07,474

♪ suspenseful music ♪

00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:08,392

KORVO:

Damn, you see that?

00:05:08,392 --> 00:05:10,769

Little Buddy and Pupa

were cold AF to each other.

00:05:10,769 --> 00:05:13,021

I'm, I'm sorry,

I'm using "AF" way too much.

00:05:13,021 --> 00:05:14,231

I kinda can't quit.

00:05:14,231 --> 00:05:15,649

- They must've had a falling out.

- AF.

00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:17,401

Oh, maybe that little fucker

will move out soon.

00:05:17,401 --> 00:05:18,569

I sure as shit hope so.

00:05:18,569 --> 00:05:19,945

When we met him,

I thought he'd be like

00:05:19,945 --> 00:05:21,280

this whole reoccurring thing,

00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:23,073

but now he just feels like a remnant.

00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:24,992

Oh.

00:05:24,992 --> 00:05:28,495

Oh, my lord, why the fuck

are you walking arm-in-arm?

00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:30,247

Are you, like, dating?

00:05:30,247 --> 00:05:31,832

No, she's my co-replicant.

00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:34,084

They're totally dating, gross.

00:05:34,084 --> 00:05:35,294

They're like Oldboy.

00:05:35,294 --> 00:05:37,171

Na-uh, we're just using nutrient parts

00:05:37,171 --> 00:05:39,923

in our elbows to exchange information. Look.

00:05:39,923 --> 00:05:41,675

♪ dramatic music ♪

00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:42,342

ALL:

Ew.

00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:45,554

You're not supposed to exchange juices

with your brother.

00:05:45,554 --> 00:05:46,763

This is totally normal.

00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:48,682

As if.

It's fucking freaky.

00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:49,808

Elbow fuckers!

00:05:49,808 --> 00:05:50,809

Look, everyone.

00:05:50,809 --> 00:05:52,102

They fuck elbows.

00:05:52,102 --> 00:05:53,562

- They fuck elbows, everybody.

- Ah, man,

00:05:53,562 --> 00:05:54,980

I didn't know we were weird.

00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:57,566

Maybe we should stop

porting in public for a while.

00:05:57,566 --> 00:05:59,359

No, we need to stop

hanging out entirely.

00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:00,611

We're radioactive right now.

00:06:00,611 --> 00:06:02,529

This "elbow fucker" thing's got legs.

I can tell.

00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:04,364

It does have a ring to it.

00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:06,533

But we could still hang out, right?

00:06:07,451 --> 00:06:08,202

Yum?

00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,079

Ah geez.

00:06:12,247 --> 00:06:13,582

[telephone ringing]

00:06:13,582 --> 00:06:15,834

[keys clacking]

00:06:15,834 --> 00:06:18,545

- [computer beeps]

- Reset my email password again?

00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:19,796

No, I'm not doing it.

00:06:19,796 --> 00:06:20,964

Nobody's going to guess

00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:23,759

"National dash Lampoons

dash VanPassword69."

00:06:23,759 --> 00:06:25,260

Janice is driving me crazy.

00:06:25,260 --> 00:06:28,013

She's told me the same joke

every day for two weeks.

00:06:28,013 --> 00:06:31,350

Ugh, it's like one of those long,

elaborate non-joke jokes,

00:06:31,350 --> 00:06:32,726

like the humor of Maria Bamford.

00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,770

And it always ends with her crying

about her husband

00:06:34,770 --> 00:06:36,355

getting hit by a car a year ago.

00:06:36,355 --> 00:06:37,940

Terry, I don't think that's a joke.

00:06:37,940 --> 00:06:38,941

That's what I'm saying.

00:06:38,941 --> 00:06:42,027

I'm sick of forcing out a fake laugh

every time she cradles a wedding photo.

00:06:42,027 --> 00:06:43,445

It's uncomfortable.

It's not even funny.

00:06:43,445 --> 00:06:46,240

Let's take a walk to the Coffee Bean

and get you a flat black.

00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:47,324

That always calms you down.

00:06:47,324 --> 00:06:48,659

Enough with the bits, Janice!

00:06:48,659 --> 00:06:49,868

You're not Maria Bamford!

00:06:49,868 --> 00:06:51,119

[sobs]

00:06:51,328 --> 00:06:53,163

Jesse, you want us

to break you off a piece

00:06:53,163 --> 00:06:55,374

of this acorn butter cracker

that we're all sharing?

00:06:55,374 --> 00:06:56,667

Sure, I'll take a shard.

00:06:56,667 --> 00:06:58,502

Hey, thanks for letting me sit with you.

00:06:58,502 --> 00:07:00,420

We heard you stopped hanging out

with your little brother.

00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,548

Betraying family is, like,

mega cool.

00:07:02,548 --> 00:07:05,425

That was weird when you guys

used to jizz into each other's elbows.

00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:08,178

Well, Yumyulack and I

don't do that anymore,

00:07:08,178 --> 00:07:10,889

or talk or think about each other

every second of the day.

00:07:10,889 --> 00:07:11,515

That's for sure.

00:07:11,515 --> 00:07:14,142

There's nothing better than fucking

with your little brother.

00:07:14,142 --> 00:07:15,143

Oh, okay.

00:07:15,143 --> 00:07:17,145

I didn't know that was

a thing that was done.

00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:18,063

Oh yeah.

00:07:18,063 --> 00:07:20,774

I put a GoPro in a 10-gallon hat

and live-streamed

00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:23,443

my little brother Conner

straightening his pubes.

00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:25,445

It fucking ruined him.

00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:27,531

He had to move in

with Gramgram in Sweden.

00:07:27,531 --> 00:07:30,534

That feels a tad harsh,

but I am still learning

00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:32,661

what a normal sibling

relationship looks like.

00:07:32,661 --> 00:07:34,580

It looks like hiding

a gram of crystal meth

00:07:34,580 --> 00:07:35,914

in my brother's locker.

00:07:35,914 --> 00:07:38,292

He goes to school

in jail now. [laughs]

00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:40,544

So how are you gonna fuck

with Yumyulack?

00:07:40,544 --> 00:07:42,963

I don't know.

The bar seems really high.

00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:45,924

Oh, my God, you should do it

at the Above the Sea dance.

00:07:45,924 --> 00:07:49,261

Fuck yeah. Humiliate that chode

in front of all of his new friends.

00:07:49,261 --> 00:07:50,929

If he even has any.

00:07:50,929 --> 00:07:51,722

[all laughing]

00:07:51,722 --> 00:07:53,140

Good one, Jesse.

00:07:55,934 --> 00:07:57,561

[cigar sizzling]

00:07:57,561 --> 00:07:59,229

I'm so glad I found my tribe.

00:07:59,229 --> 00:08:01,106

Is this the normal vibe in here?

00:08:01,106 --> 00:08:02,733

Yeah, we mostly chain smoke,

00:08:02,733 --> 00:08:04,985

count down the days

until our pension kicks in,

00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:07,196

and do impressions of the dumber students.

00:08:07,196 --> 00:08:08,780

"Dur, I'm Greg Simmons.

00:08:08,780 --> 00:08:10,240

I shot a load in my pants

00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:12,242

watching Romeo and Juliet

in class."

00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:14,286

[all laughing]

00:08:14,286 --> 00:08:15,412

[Yumyulack coughs]

00:08:15,412 --> 00:08:17,497

For last period, we're just

gonna put on Seabiscuit

00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:19,666

and duck out to Islands

for Mahalo Hour.

00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:20,709

Hell yeah, dawg.

00:08:20,709 --> 00:08:23,170

Last one there buys me

a Big Island Ice Tea.

00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:25,672

[elevator dings]

00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:26,924

[elevator doors whirring]

00:08:27,508 --> 00:08:30,385

Mm, I do love pebble ice.

What are you doing?

00:08:30,385 --> 00:08:31,970

I'm making it take

as long as possible

00:08:31,970 --> 00:08:33,013

to get back to the office.

00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:35,557

That's how much I hate it there, Korvo.

I'd rather be in the elevator.

00:08:35,557 --> 00:08:38,185

I guess we just have to accept the fact

that work is boring.

00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:39,520

There's absolutely no way around it.

00:08:40,521 --> 00:08:43,398

♪ triumphant music ♪

[workers cheering]

00:08:44,942 --> 00:08:46,026

Suck it.

00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:49,780

♪

00:08:49,780 --> 00:08:50,822

Hey, a little help.

00:08:50,822 --> 00:08:52,533

Whoa, what is that?

00:08:52,533 --> 00:08:53,575

It's ping pong.

00:08:53,575 --> 00:08:55,160

Ping ping.

00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:57,246

And this is a place of business?

00:08:57,246 --> 00:08:59,957

Oh yeah. We're a call center

for Bed, Bath, and Beyond.

00:08:59,957 --> 00:09:03,001

Oof, that sounds like

the most boring AF job there is.

00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:05,921

Used to be, until our boss

bought us this sweet-ass table.

00:09:05,921 --> 00:09:07,464

Your boss got this for you?

00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:10,175

The ping ping table is

an official part of the office?

00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:11,677

Oh yeah, this job rules.

00:09:12,553 --> 00:09:13,971

- Ping ping!

- Ping ping!

00:09:13,971 --> 00:09:15,889

- Look, the fact is--

- Get off the phone.

00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:17,724

Terry and I have found a way

to solve our problems.

00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:18,767

What problems?

00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:21,395

We just need one

super-important thing from you.

00:09:21,395 --> 00:09:23,146

Drum roll, please.

♪ marching band music ♪

00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:24,982

Who are these kids?

00:09:24,982 --> 00:09:27,067

- How did--

- Buy the office a ping ping table.

00:09:27,693 --> 00:09:29,611

No.

♪ sad trombone ♪

00:09:29,611 --> 00:09:30,445

Get the fuck out.

00:09:30,445 --> 00:09:32,322

If we don't get the table,

you don't get paid.

00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:36,869

Guys, that was an important call.

00:09:36,869 --> 00:09:37,828

Here's the tea, Sarner,

00:09:37,828 --> 00:09:40,622

the workplace environment

you created fucking sucks.

00:09:40,622 --> 00:09:43,083

Our research shows the vibe

is better at other offices,

00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:45,252

offices with ping ping.

00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:47,296

A ping pong table

would be too disruptive.

00:09:47,296 --> 00:09:48,297

It is not happening.

00:09:48,297 --> 00:09:50,674

Well, Terry, I think Mr. Sarner

has been clear and--

00:09:50,674 --> 00:09:52,885

We measured out a perfect spot

for it in the boiler room.

00:09:52,885 --> 00:09:55,012

You shouldn't be going down

to the boiler room.

00:09:55,012 --> 00:09:56,430

It's extremely dangerous.

00:09:56,430 --> 00:09:57,472

Uh, Wendy?

00:09:57,472 --> 00:09:59,474

Hi, so sorry we got disconnected.

00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:02,978

Korvo, my dude, why the fuck

didn't you have my back in there?

00:10:02,978 --> 00:10:04,188

I know how we get the ping ping,

00:10:04,188 --> 00:10:05,981

but it will require

some high-level scheming.

00:10:05,981 --> 00:10:07,065

Come on.

00:10:07,691 --> 00:10:08,567

[door whooshes]

00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:13,030

Aisha, bring up the scheming set

where we like to smoke and scheme.

00:10:13,030 --> 00:10:15,824

AISHA: Wow, no, "Hi, Aisha.

How's your day going?"

00:10:15,824 --> 00:10:16,617

Just right to business.

00:10:16,617 --> 00:10:17,951

You know I love you.

I'm sorry.

00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:19,536

AISHA:

Are you sorry 'cause you're sorry

00:10:19,536 --> 00:10:21,330

or because I called you out

on your bullshit?

00:10:21,330 --> 00:10:21,997

Both.

00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:26,168

Oh, oh, oh, I'm gonna slip

into something more schemable.

00:10:28,629 --> 00:10:31,757

That turd has zero clue

how to make his employees feel valued.

00:10:31,757 --> 00:10:33,967

If you were the boss,

a rad ping ping table would be

00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:35,552

your first purchase.

00:10:35,552 --> 00:10:37,971

[grunts] No shit, but that's not

the world we live in,

00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:40,307

- so we fight.

- Whoa, deep V, huh?

00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:42,434

Don't make fun of me.

I'm feeling insecure about it.

00:10:42,434 --> 00:10:43,560

No, I love it.

00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:45,395

Especially once your chest

gets more defined.

00:10:45,395 --> 00:10:46,522

Sorry, continue scheming.

00:10:46,522 --> 00:10:49,233

Sarner said we're the only employees

who want ping ping.

00:10:49,233 --> 00:10:52,152

But if we can prove our co-workers

also demand ping ping,

00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:54,196

then he'll be boxed in by his own logic.

00:10:54,196 --> 00:10:56,740

Ah, but everyone

in the office is a sleemo.

00:10:56,740 --> 00:10:58,408

I made a list of our

stupidest co-workers

00:10:58,408 --> 00:10:59,451

with the most friends.

00:10:59,451 --> 00:11:01,161

If we can get them supporting ping ping,

00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:02,371

the rest will fall in line.

00:11:02,371 --> 00:11:05,374

But everyone hates slash is jealous

slash wants to sleep with me of us.

00:11:05,374 --> 00:11:06,708

Then we motivate them.

00:11:08,585 --> 00:11:10,420

TERRY:

First on the list is Doug.

00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:12,130

He's always talking

about how much he loves

00:11:12,130 --> 00:11:14,091

vintage Shaquille O'Neal Mr. Big bars.

00:11:16,885 --> 00:11:19,137

KORVO: Pim and Jam,

clearly in love with each other,

00:11:19,137 --> 00:11:20,931

but Jam has a stupid boyfriend

nobody likes,

00:11:20,931 --> 00:11:23,058

and Pim's too dopey

to do anything about it.

00:11:23,058 --> 00:11:25,394

[Jam gasps]

KORVO: All she needs is a little push.

00:11:25,394 --> 00:11:28,605

I can't believe my boyfriend

would cheat on me with this ugly whore.

00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:33,402

TERRY:

Then there's big, stupid Janice.

00:11:33,402 --> 00:11:36,488

And we all know that boring biatch

only cares about one thing.

00:11:36,905 --> 00:11:39,908

This is the man who killed your husband

in that hit-and-run two summers ago.

00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:41,451

Sign our petition and he's yours.

00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:43,829

That's right,

I did it and I'd do it again.

00:11:43,829 --> 00:11:44,830

[gun cocks]

00:11:44,830 --> 00:11:47,332

[computer beeping]

00:11:50,335 --> 00:11:51,044

[door slams open]

00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:52,921

Game, set, match, Sarner.

00:11:52,921 --> 00:11:54,339

Those are ping ping words.

00:11:54,339 --> 00:11:57,593

In your hands is a petition

signed by everyone in the office.

00:11:57,593 --> 00:12:00,512

The message is clear,

your workers demand the ping.

00:12:00,512 --> 00:12:02,264

The answer is still no.

00:12:02,264 --> 00:12:04,808

Fuck you. You said we were

the only ones who wanted ping ping

00:12:04,808 --> 00:12:06,518

and I've trapped you

with your own words.

00:12:06,518 --> 00:12:07,853

Your whole argument has collapsed.

00:12:07,853 --> 00:12:09,062

It doesn't matter.

00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:11,398

I'm meeting with the board

of directors tomorrow evening,

00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:13,400

and they're doing

a full audit of our expenses.

00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,068

And if they don't like what they see,

00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:16,945

they're gonna shut down this branch.

00:12:16,945 --> 00:12:19,573

There's no way I can justify

a ping pong table to them,

00:12:19,573 --> 00:12:22,743

and I already told you it is

not safe in the boiler room.

00:12:22,743 --> 00:12:24,703

Now get out of my office!

00:12:27,831 --> 00:12:29,875

AISHA:

You are so close, Pupa.

00:12:29,875 --> 00:12:30,709

[Pupa grunts]

You want a hint?

00:12:30,709 --> 00:12:31,460

[doors whirring]

00:12:31,460 --> 00:12:32,794

Aisha, quick question.

00:12:32,794 --> 00:12:34,421

Uh, where's the Phallic Multiplier?

00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:36,298

AISHA: Girl, what do you need

the dick ray for?

00:12:36,298 --> 00:12:37,508

My big-sister prank.

00:12:37,508 --> 00:12:40,302

I'm gonna cover Yumyulack in dicks

at the Above the Sea dance.

00:12:40,302 --> 00:12:42,137

AISHA: You can't humiliate

Yumyulack like that.

00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:43,514

He's an incel fuckface.

00:12:43,514 --> 00:12:46,308

Ha, if anything,

I'm going easy on the kid.

00:12:46,308 --> 00:12:48,727

You should hear what

the Stacis do to their little bros.

00:12:48,727 --> 00:12:52,189

AISHA: Trust is the key thing

to keep your elbow port open and flowing.

00:12:52,189 --> 00:12:53,982

Without it, they'll close up forever,

00:12:53,982 --> 00:12:54,858

like a earring hole.

00:12:54,858 --> 00:12:55,943

Forever?

00:12:55,943 --> 00:12:58,320

How come this is the first

I'm hearing about this now?

00:12:58,320 --> 00:12:58,987

[bottle shatters]

00:12:58,987 --> 00:13:00,239

[car honks]

[tires squeal]

00:13:00,239 --> 00:13:02,866

Fuck you, Jesse.

[all laughing]

00:13:02,866 --> 00:13:04,076

Stupid alien.

00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:08,163

I'm gonna need that dick ray ASAP.

00:13:08,163 --> 00:13:10,916

[machine clicking]

00:13:11,917 --> 00:13:14,294

AISHA: They're teens.

You gotta let them make mistakes.

00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:17,714

♪ melancholic music ♪

00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:18,966

[gulping]

00:13:23,345 --> 00:13:24,221

[light switch clicks]

00:13:26,223 --> 00:13:27,224

[blows]

00:13:27,224 --> 00:13:32,646

♪

00:13:34,606 --> 00:13:35,607

[sighs]

00:13:36,275 --> 00:13:42,114

♪

00:13:42,739 --> 00:13:45,075

[laughs]

00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,329

You two, come with me.

00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:50,747

[phone ringing]

00:13:52,541 --> 00:13:56,003

I did a lot of thinking

about what you said, and--

00:13:56,003 --> 00:13:56,628

[light switch clicks]

00:13:56,628 --> 00:13:58,714

Sarner, you beautiful bastard.

00:13:58,714 --> 00:13:59,798

You got the ping ping.

00:13:59,798 --> 00:14:01,008

But the board of directors.

00:14:01,008 --> 00:14:02,342

You said you couldn't justify it.

00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:03,468

Don't worry about the board.

00:14:03,468 --> 00:14:05,846

I know the perfect thing to say

to get them to sign off.

00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:07,806

But I do have one condition.

00:14:07,806 --> 00:14:09,683

- I get the first game.

- Deal.

00:14:09,683 --> 00:14:12,019

Wow, in the end, you actually are

a pretty good guy.

00:14:12,019 --> 00:14:14,855

Hey, working with you two

makes it easy to be good.

00:14:14,855 --> 00:14:15,689

KORVO: Oh!

00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:18,317

[blood spurts]

Jesus Christ!

00:14:18,317 --> 00:14:19,818

Whoa, Sarner was right.

00:14:19,818 --> 00:14:21,737

The boiler room is hella dangerous.

00:14:22,112 --> 00:14:23,906

I mean, for him, not us.

00:14:23,906 --> 00:14:25,616

So I guess we were both right.

00:14:27,659 --> 00:14:29,328

[students laughing]

00:14:29,328 --> 00:14:30,829

Let's go over the plan.

00:14:30,829 --> 00:14:34,124

It's all going down when Principal Cooke

presents the Student Awards.

00:14:34,124 --> 00:14:36,585

We convinced everyone

to vote Yumyulack

00:14:36,585 --> 00:14:38,003

for Most Improved Body.

00:14:38,003 --> 00:14:40,255

And when he goes

on stage to accept--

00:14:40,255 --> 00:14:44,551

I suffocate him in shlongs

like a normal big sister.

00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:45,511

[Phallic Multiplier whirring]

00:14:46,053 --> 00:14:47,429

- I see his brain.

- We are so fucked.

00:14:47,429 --> 00:14:48,514

- I see his fucking brain.

- We are so fucked.

00:14:48,514 --> 00:14:49,515

What do we do?

What do we do?

00:14:49,515 --> 00:14:51,975

AISHA: What kinda sitcom plot

you all devising this time?

00:14:51,975 --> 00:14:53,227

We're in a tight spot, Aisha.

00:14:53,227 --> 00:14:56,396

In a few hours, the board of directors

is expecting to meet with Mr. Sarner.

00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:58,982

AISHA: And that's his dead ass

over there on my Pretendo-deck?

00:14:58,982 --> 00:15:01,318

Yes, and now the board

will take our ping ping table away

00:15:01,318 --> 00:15:03,820

because Sarner won't be there

to say the perfect thing to justify it.

00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:05,906

Ah, I haven't even gotten to play yet.

00:15:05,906 --> 00:15:07,908

AISHA: Why don't y'all just bring

the dude back to life

00:15:07,908 --> 00:15:09,576

so he can talk

to the board himself?

00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:12,204

You know I got a whole sleeve

of those Resurrection Pellets, right?

00:15:12,204 --> 00:15:14,039

Wouldn't it jeopardize

the Pupa's progress

00:15:14,039 --> 00:15:15,290

to use sci-fi like that?

00:15:15,290 --> 00:15:17,084

AISHA:

I mean, it's just one little pellet.

00:15:17,084 --> 00:15:18,043

Yeah, I'm cool with that.

00:15:18,043 --> 00:15:20,420

- Korvo?

- I too accept this rationalization.

00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:23,507

Mm, yummy.

[pellet crunching]

00:15:23,507 --> 00:15:24,424

Chew it up good.

00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:25,551

Yum, yum, yum.

00:15:25,551 --> 00:15:27,010

- [Mr. Sarner gasps]

- Ah, fuck!

00:15:27,970 --> 00:15:30,138

Oh shit, can I get another pellet?

00:15:30,138 --> 00:15:31,640

[chuckles] Classic.

00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:34,810

And in the category

Most Likely to Be a Narc,

00:15:34,810 --> 00:15:38,897

you, the students, voted for Rick Blaze.

00:15:38,897 --> 00:15:39,898

[students applaud and cheer]

00:15:39,898 --> 00:15:43,151

Rick was also voted Best Rebounder.

00:15:43,151 --> 00:15:44,152

Here's another trophy.

00:15:44,152 --> 00:15:46,822

Congrats, Detective... Rick.

00:15:46,822 --> 00:15:47,614

Uh, just Rick.

00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:50,617

And now, an award

we should probably stop doing...

00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:51,451

[multiplier whirring]

00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:53,954

Most Improved Body.

00:15:53,954 --> 00:15:56,415

And the winner is Yumyulack.

00:15:56,415 --> 00:15:58,208

Oh, my God!

00:15:58,500 --> 00:15:59,459

Thank you!

00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:02,504

I, I didn't even know

this body could be improved.

00:16:02,504 --> 00:16:03,338

[Pupa gasps]

00:16:04,173 --> 00:16:07,593

♪ dramatic music ♪

00:16:10,220 --> 00:16:11,680

[waterfalls burbling]

00:16:13,348 --> 00:16:16,435

♪

00:16:18,395 --> 00:16:19,980

[water splattering]

00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:26,653

They should be growing and thriving

like the rest of the crowd.

00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:28,864

What's wrong with these two?

00:16:28,864 --> 00:16:31,450

Hmm, I have one more idea.

00:16:33,744 --> 00:16:37,456

♪ dramatic music ♪

00:16:38,207 --> 00:16:39,291

[Phallic Multiplier powers down]

00:16:39,291 --> 00:16:41,001

I can't do it!

00:16:41,001 --> 00:16:43,545

I knew you were a fake-ass Staci.

00:16:43,545 --> 00:16:44,296

Give me that.

00:16:44,296 --> 00:16:45,881

I'll do it myself.

00:16:45,881 --> 00:16:47,508

[laser beam zapping]

00:16:49,426 --> 00:16:50,594

Ah, no!

00:16:50,594 --> 00:16:54,139

I'm fucking covered in dicks

years too early!

00:16:54,139 --> 00:16:55,390

What just happened?

00:16:55,390 --> 00:16:58,560

The Stacis wanted me to prank you,

but it just didn't feel right.

00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:01,939

We've always had each other's backs

and I'm not gonna stop now.

00:17:01,939 --> 00:17:03,524

Oh, uh, thanks.

00:17:03,524 --> 00:17:07,444

And the award for Best Bow

goes to Jesse.

00:17:07,444 --> 00:17:09,905

Me? Aw, you guys noticed.

00:17:09,905 --> 00:17:11,031

YUMYULACK:

Don't!

00:17:11,031 --> 00:17:11,865

Why not?

00:17:12,574 --> 00:17:15,285

Is that an Ewok log trap?

00:17:15,285 --> 00:17:16,912

Me and the teachers set those logs up

00:17:16,912 --> 00:17:19,665

to smash your head like an AT-ST

when you accepted Best Bow.

00:17:19,665 --> 00:17:20,707

It was their idea.

00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:22,251

Thanks for not going through with it.

00:17:22,251 --> 00:17:24,419

Looks like you guys

worked really hard on that.

00:17:24,419 --> 00:17:26,213

The trick is to hoist it as one big log

00:17:26,213 --> 00:17:27,631

and then cut it in half.

00:17:27,631 --> 00:17:29,675

Oh yeah, that's thinking with your head.

00:17:29,675 --> 00:17:32,594

You are never getting drunk

with us at Islands again.

00:17:32,594 --> 00:17:34,346

We thought you were one of us.

00:17:34,346 --> 00:17:35,264

Well, I'm not.

00:17:35,264 --> 00:17:36,974

I'm a Shlorpian.

00:17:36,974 --> 00:17:41,937

And the winner for Best Trombone Player,

Billy Hosenberg.

00:17:41,937 --> 00:17:43,564

[all applauding]

00:17:44,356 --> 00:17:45,482

[all gasp]

00:17:45,482 --> 00:17:48,986

Alright, I guess the award goes

to Jackie Quilbard.

00:17:48,986 --> 00:17:50,904

Fuck yes, I did it!

00:17:50,904 --> 00:17:52,823

Looking snazzy, Mr. Sarner.

00:17:52,823 --> 00:17:54,408

[screams] I have a body.

00:17:54,408 --> 00:17:56,493

Fucking hell.

Yes, we brought you back to life.

00:17:56,493 --> 00:17:59,913

I was floating in the eternal glow

for a million years.

00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:01,415

Safe, warm.

00:18:01,415 --> 00:18:02,749

You need to remember

what you were going

00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:03,959

to say to the board

of directors

00:18:03,959 --> 00:18:06,170

to justify expensing a ping ping table.

00:18:06,170 --> 00:18:08,005

I've been here before.

00:18:08,005 --> 00:18:09,965

I've made some flashcards

to help jog your memory.

00:18:09,965 --> 00:18:12,676

"Ping ping increases productivity

by 50 percent."

00:18:12,676 --> 00:18:14,511

I mean, that's bullshit,

but let's see if it flies.

00:18:14,511 --> 00:18:16,680

How did I get back

on this plane of existence?

00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:17,598

Would you shut up?

00:18:17,598 --> 00:18:20,392

Literally no one has ever cared

about what happens after you die.

00:18:20,392 --> 00:18:21,518

The board is here.

00:18:21,518 --> 00:18:22,686

I need more time, Terry.

00:18:22,686 --> 00:18:24,730

Sarner's being a baby

about his resurrection.

00:18:24,730 --> 00:18:26,857

I traversed the black mountain.

00:18:26,857 --> 00:18:28,525

Why am I back?

00:18:28,525 --> 00:18:31,069

Okay, I'll just have to stall them

with the old razzle-dazzle.

00:18:33,363 --> 00:18:35,073

Where's Sarner?

We don't have all day.

00:18:35,073 --> 00:18:36,742

We're members of the board.

00:18:36,742 --> 00:18:37,701

He's on his way.

00:18:37,701 --> 00:18:42,414

But first, he wanted me to pop in

and give a brief preamble.

00:18:42,414 --> 00:18:44,416

Rakes, where do they come from?

00:18:44,416 --> 00:18:45,584

How do we make them?

00:18:45,584 --> 00:18:46,627

When you think about it,

00:18:46,627 --> 00:18:50,797

a rake is just a big fork for leaves.

00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:52,758

Which leads me to my next question.

00:18:52,758 --> 00:18:55,302

Aren't we just a salad company for lawns?

00:18:55,302 --> 00:18:57,012

What the hell are you rambling about?

00:18:57,012 --> 00:18:58,764

Oh, look at this guy.

You probably need one of these

00:18:58,764 --> 00:19:00,182

to comb your hair, am I right?

00:19:00,182 --> 00:19:01,767

[all laugh]

00:19:01,767 --> 00:19:03,685

Alright, you got me.

You got me.

00:19:03,685 --> 00:19:04,853

[all laughing]

00:19:04,853 --> 00:19:07,773

Sarner, so glad

you could finally join us.

00:19:07,773 --> 00:19:10,108

I am eternity made finite!

00:19:10,108 --> 00:19:11,527

[screams]

00:19:12,277 --> 00:19:14,154

He's, uh, referencing Dune.

00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:15,656

The board reviewed your books,

00:19:15,656 --> 00:19:17,699

and I have to say, we're disappointed.

00:19:17,699 --> 00:19:19,409

I can't be here!

00:19:19,409 --> 00:19:20,953

Don't play for sympathy.

00:19:20,953 --> 00:19:23,413

You promised to cut expenses,

but yesterday,

00:19:23,413 --> 00:19:26,208

you bought a ping pong table

on the company card.

00:19:26,208 --> 00:19:27,793

We are all made of light,

00:19:27,793 --> 00:19:29,336

and to that light I shall return!

00:19:29,336 --> 00:19:30,671

[glass shatters]

[screams]

00:19:30,671 --> 00:19:31,713

[car alarm blaring]

00:19:31,713 --> 00:19:34,383

I knew I should've brought

a couple of extra pellets.

00:19:35,425 --> 00:19:38,303

Everyone's laughing at us,

but I don't even care.

00:19:38,303 --> 00:19:39,596

Fuck 'em.

This is our normal.

00:19:39,596 --> 00:19:42,266

If the other kids knew

what this connection felt like,

00:19:42,266 --> 00:19:44,393

maybe they wouldn't be so judgmental.

00:19:45,143 --> 00:19:46,019

[Pupa gasps]

00:19:46,562 --> 00:19:47,354

[tinkles]

00:19:47,354 --> 00:19:48,522

Ooh.

00:19:48,522 --> 00:19:50,691

♪ dramatic music ♪

00:19:50,691 --> 00:19:53,485

♪

00:19:53,485 --> 00:19:54,528

Ah.

00:19:57,698 --> 00:19:59,283

[inhales deeply]

00:19:59,283 --> 00:20:00,492

[sighs]

00:20:00,492 --> 00:20:01,451

Ah, yeah.

00:20:01,952 --> 00:20:05,747

[indistinct police radio chatter]

00:20:06,623 --> 00:20:08,709

♪ suspenseful music ♪

00:20:08,709 --> 00:20:10,252

You don't think those cops

will piece together

00:20:10,252 --> 00:20:11,461

what really happened to Sarner, do you?

00:20:11,461 --> 00:20:12,588

Fuckin' hope not.

00:20:12,588 --> 00:20:14,006

We can't give the Pupa a normal life

00:20:14,006 --> 00:20:15,716

if we're convicted of felony manslaughter.

00:20:15,716 --> 00:20:18,343

Well, whatever comes,

we'll get through it, together.

00:20:18,343 --> 00:20:19,261

The cops are gone.

00:20:19,261 --> 00:20:21,180

We explained that the pressure

of the rake industry

00:20:21,180 --> 00:20:23,765

was too much for Sarner,

and he killed himself out of weakness.

00:20:23,765 --> 00:20:27,102

Yes, Sarner was a coward,

and no one should investigate any aliens.

00:20:27,102 --> 00:20:29,229

Agreed.

We think under new leadership,

00:20:29,229 --> 00:20:31,440

this branch could really

turn itself around.

00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:32,691

I'd love to throw my hat in.

00:20:32,691 --> 00:20:36,320

Terry, we liked your panicked ad-libbing

when you were stalling us earlier.

00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:38,780

How would you like to be

the new branch manager?

00:20:38,780 --> 00:20:40,741

Me, the boss?

00:20:40,741 --> 00:20:42,242

Fuck yes.

00:20:42,242 --> 00:20:44,620

Great, let's get blasted

at Islands to celebrate.

00:20:44,620 --> 00:20:46,330

But, but...

But, Terry, I was gonna--

00:20:46,330 --> 00:20:48,081

Your first order of business

will be to get rid

00:20:48,081 --> 00:20:49,917

of that godawful ping pong table.

00:20:49,917 --> 00:20:51,919

Yeah, you're on point, Wendy.

It's way too disruptive.

00:20:51,919 --> 00:20:53,253

Korvo, trash that thing while I'm out.

00:20:53,253 --> 00:20:55,005

But I wanted to come with you guys.

00:20:55,005 --> 00:20:58,050

No, that's an official order

from your boss.

00:20:58,050 --> 00:21:00,844

That's right, from now on,

I'm the boss, baby.

00:21:00,844 --> 00:21:03,514

Well, not the Boss Baby,

but I am your boss, baby.

00:21:03,514 --> 00:21:05,349

Fuck, now I want

a bottle of milk, damn it.

00:21:05,349 --> 00:21:07,559

Someone get me some milk

because I'm the fucking boss, baby.

00:21:07,559 --> 00:21:09,770

[Terry and board members laugh]

00:21:09,770 --> 00:21:12,147

I love this company!

00:21:12,147 --> 00:21:14,650

♪ dramatic music ♪

00:21:56,483 --> 00:21:57,985

[mimicking laser fire]