Подарок на день рождения — Корво, Терри и Джесси объединяются, чтобы помешать Юмьюлаку обнаружить свой подарок ко дню рождения. Такой подарок наделяет инопланетянина на один день разрушительной силой. Обычно шлорпианцы используют эту силу, чтобы мстить своим обидчикам. Пупа спускается в нижние отсеки космического корабля, чтобы достать оттуда случайно забрёдших туда людей.

Предыдущая серия S04 E04 Кассеты с записью произношения

Следующая серия S04 E06 Луч Сток-Вселенной

Подарок на день рождения

The Birth-A-Day Present

Сезон: 04Серия: 05

Описание

Корво, Терри и Джесси объединяются, чтобы помешать Юмьюлаку обнаружить свой подарок ко дню рождения. Такой подарок наделяет инопланетянина на один день разрушительной силой. Обычно шлорпианцы используют эту силу, чтобы мстить своим обидчикам. Пупа спускается в нижние отсеки космического корабля, чтобы достать оттуда случайно забрёдших туда людей.

Субтитры

00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:03,003 HULU PRESENTA
00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:05,005 UN ORIGINAL DE HULU
00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:07,007 ♪
00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,926 TERRY: Korvo, ¿dónde está la comida?
00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:09,968 ¡Muero de calambre!
00:00:09,968 --> 00:00:11,720 ¡Es una combinación de calor y hambre!
00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:13,347 KORVO: ¡No tendrías tanto calor si dejaras de comerte
00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:14,431 esas piedras de sauna!
00:00:14,431 --> 00:00:16,058 Me gusta ese sombrero, Yumyulack.
00:00:16,058 --> 00:00:18,769 Resalta la forma natural de cubo de tu cabeza.
00:00:18,769 --> 00:00:20,854 Gracias, es que me probé muchos sombreros últimamente,
00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:22,814 pero creo que por fin he encontrado
00:00:22,814 --> 00:00:24,733 el que dice: "Este tipo caza recompensas".
00:00:24,733 --> 00:00:25,901 La cena está servida.
00:00:25,901 --> 00:00:27,027 Hice carne rostizada
00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:30,030 porque hoy es otra cena familiar de burlas de los Solar Opposites.
00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:30,948 - ¡Sí! - ¡Guau!
00:00:30,948 --> 00:00:32,698 - ¡Muy bien! ¡Uh ju! - Sí, amo la noche de burlas.
00:00:32,698 --> 00:00:34,243 Sí, no quiero participar de esta.
00:00:34,243 --> 00:00:36,954 Hice carne rostizada para comer bien y que pudiéramos burlarnos.
00:00:36,954 --> 00:00:39,623 Esta es nuestra nueva y divertida onda y toda la familia tiene que participar.
00:00:39,623 --> 00:00:42,000 La cuarta de la semana, es una racha de burlas, chicos.
00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:44,503 Pensé que te habías quedado sin material después de decir
00:00:44,503 --> 00:00:47,089 que mi cara parece el interior de la vagina de Venom.
00:00:47,089 --> 00:00:49,383 Y así fue. Y luego me quedé despierto toda la noche viendo <i>Sopranos</i>
00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:51,969 en una pantalla y películas de Judd Apatow en la otra.
00:00:51,969 --> 00:00:54,471 ¿Quién quiere que le rompan primero las inexistentes pelotas?
00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:55,889 ¡Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo!
00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:56,974 Muy bien. Aquí vamos.
00:00:56,974 --> 00:00:59,476 [carraspea] Terry es lo que obtienes cuando el Jolly Green Giant
00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:01,186 accidentalmente olvida hacer el día de las piernas.
00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:02,771 ¡Ah, acabo de decir eso!
00:01:02,771 --> 00:01:04,147 [ríe] Me atrapaste.
00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:06,191 Uh, quiero la próxima, me salté el almuerzo.
00:01:06,191 --> 00:01:08,402 Lo menos que tiene tu vestido a lunares son lunares.
00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:10,445 Ah, no, lo hizo. ¡Ah, sí, lo hizo!
00:01:10,445 --> 00:01:12,739 [riendo] ¡Gracias, Korvo!
00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:13,907 Y luego tenemos a Yumyulack.
00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:16,118 Maldita sea, miren a este perdedor.
00:01:16,118 --> 00:01:17,870 Lo único peor que el feo sombrero de Yumyulack
00:01:17,870 --> 00:01:19,496 es su personalidad de porquería.
00:01:19,496 --> 00:01:20,831 Ah, ¿eso es un sombrero de cubo?
00:01:20,831 --> 00:01:22,541 ¿Más bien un cubo de a quién carajo le importa?
00:01:22,541 --> 00:01:24,918 Ah, en serio, eres la basura más fea,
00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:26,128 estúpida y odiable.
00:01:26,128 --> 00:01:28,005 Usas sombreros porque deseas mucho ser humano
00:01:28,005 --> 00:01:30,632 pero nunca lo serás porque no tienes mamá.
00:01:30,632 --> 00:01:32,926 Ah, a-a-a-a-a-arruinado.
00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:33,969 [Terry y Jesse ríen incómodamente]
00:01:33,969 --> 00:01:34,845 Aquí está tu bazofia.
00:01:34,845 --> 00:01:36,305 ¿Alguien quiere burlarse de mí para que pueda comer?
00:01:36,305 --> 00:01:37,556 Ah, tengo una graciosa.
00:01:37,556 --> 00:01:39,975 Korvo, eres tan azul que el cielo dice:
00:01:39,975 --> 00:01:41,852 "Oye, devuélveme mi color".
00:01:42,144 --> 00:01:43,187 Ah, te atrapé.
00:01:43,187 --> 00:01:45,522 Maldita sea, Jesse. No puedo creer que dijeras eso.
00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:47,858 Las palabras pueden herir. [llorando]
00:01:48,692 --> 00:01:51,236 KORVO: <i>El planeta Shlorp era una utopía perfecta.</i>
00:01:51,236 --> 00:01:53,363 <i>Hasta que se estrelló el asteroide.</i>
00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:56,408 <i>Cien adultos y sus réplicas recibieron un Pupa</i>
00:01:56,408 --> 00:01:58,160 <i>y escaparon al... espacio,</i>
00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:00,954 <i>en búsqueda de nuevos hogares en mundos deshabitados.</i>
00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:02,206 <i>Nos estrellamos en la Tierra</i>
00:02:02,206 --> 00:02:04,499 <i>y quedamos varados en un planeta ya sobrepoblado.</i>
00:02:04,499 --> 00:02:06,126 <i>Así es, yo he estado hablando todo este tiempo.</i>
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:07,336 <i>Soy el que sostiene al Pupa.</i>
00:02:07,336 --> 00:02:09,004 <i>Me llamo Korvo. Este es mi programa.</i>
00:02:09,004 --> 00:02:10,339 <i>¡Joder! Se me acaba de caer el Pupa.</i>
00:02:10,339 --> 00:02:12,382 <i>¡Uf! Esto es ridículo. Odio la Tierra.</i>
00:02:12,382 --> 00:02:13,425 <i>Es un hogar horrible.</i>
00:02:13,425 --> 00:02:15,135 <i>La gente es estúpida y confusa.</i>
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:17,638 <i>¿Por qué el período de gestación humana es de nueve meses</i>
00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:19,056 <i>y luego salen inútiles?</i>
00:02:19,056 --> 00:02:20,599 <i>Deberían cultivar bebés en macetas.</i>
00:02:20,599 --> 00:02:22,601 <i>Más rápido, más fácil, y después de que hayan terminado,</i>
00:02:22,601 --> 00:02:24,311 <i>¡puedes quedarte la maceta como sombrero!</i>
00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:27,439 ♪ música dramática ♪
00:02:30,108 --> 00:02:32,653 ♪ música de juego ♪
00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:34,238 AISHA: <i>¿Así se juega a las jotas?</i>
00:02:34,238 --> 00:02:35,656 <i>Los juegos terrestres son una tontería.</i>
00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:37,658 [suena alarma] VOZ AUTOMATIZADA: <i>Advertencia,</i>
00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:40,285 <i>protocolo de autolimpieza iniciado.</i>
00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:41,245 AISHA: <i>Maldita sea.</i>
00:02:41,245 --> 00:02:44,164 <i>Le dije a Korvo que limpiara la nave, ¡pero no!</i>
00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:46,500 <i>Está muy ocupado investigando disidencias y excavaciones.</i>
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,585 ¿Eh? AISHA: <i>Si se ensucia mucho arriba,</i>
00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:52,130 <i>se activa un protocolo imparable de erradicación de biomateria</i>
00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:54,216 <i>y pierdo el control de la nave hasta que se acabe.</i>
00:02:54,216 --> 00:02:56,718 VOZ AUTOMATIZADA: <i>Peligro. Nivel de radiación en aumento.</i>
00:02:56,718 --> 00:02:59,972 <i>La salida de corriente es del uno por ciento.</i>
00:02:59,972 --> 00:03:01,348 AISHA: <i>Descuida, es solo una ráfaga</i>
00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:04,768 <i>de radiación teleron mortal que purga toda vida orgánica.</i>
00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:06,353 No. AISHA: <i>Estamos a salvo en la cabina,</i>
00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:10,190 <i>pero el resto de la nave recibirá esa asquerosa radiación teleron.</i>
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:12,025 <i>Hay mucho desorden allí de todos modos,</i>
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:14,236 <i>comida, juguetes, plantas de interior.</i>
00:03:14,236 --> 00:03:17,531 <i>Estoy segura de que vi a un tipo de UPS por aquí hace unos días.</i>
00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:18,532 ¿UPS?
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:20,033 AISHA: <i>El tipo está súper perdido.</i>
00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:23,370 <i>La nave es mucho más grande por dentro que por fuera.</i>
00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:24,288 <i>¿Adónde vas?</i>
00:03:24,288 --> 00:03:26,999 <i>No vas a salvar al tipo de UPS, ¿verdad?</i>
00:03:26,999 --> 00:03:28,458 <i>No te hagas el héroe ahora.</i>
00:03:29,585 --> 00:03:31,170 [hombre gritando en TV]
00:03:31,170 --> 00:03:32,754 Korvo, ¿estás bien?
00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:34,715 Anoche parecías bastante enojado
00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:36,383 después de que me burlé.
00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:38,635 Volteaste la mesa y saliste furioso diciendo:
00:03:38,635 --> 00:03:40,429 "¡Vete al carajo!".
00:03:40,429 --> 00:03:41,638 ¿Recuerdas eso, Korvo?
00:03:41,638 --> 00:03:42,973 No, me encantó.
00:03:42,973 --> 00:03:45,017 Recuerdo que pensé que tu burla fue tan graciosa
00:03:45,017 --> 00:03:47,603 que decidí golpearme la rodilla, pero calculé mal la distancia
00:03:47,603 --> 00:03:50,606 y accidentalmente golpeé la mesa que se volcó.
00:03:50,606 --> 00:03:52,816 Y el "vete al carajo" fue a mí mismo por ser tan fuerte.
00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:54,359 Y salí corriendo porque mi suscripción
00:03:54,359 --> 00:03:56,695 a Roblox estaba a punto de caducar
00:03:56,695 --> 00:03:58,906 y tenía que renovarla para que no me echaran de mi gremio.
00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:00,240 ¡Ah! [golpe]
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,450 Ah, carajo. Ah, carajo. Ah, carajo.
00:04:01,450 --> 00:04:02,242 ¿Qué te pasa?
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:03,952 Estuve en la habitación de las réplicas robando cigarrillos...
00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:04,828 Por favor, deja de hacer eso.
00:04:04,828 --> 00:04:06,705 Vi un regalo verde brillante de nacimientaños
00:04:06,705 --> 00:04:09,583 sobre la cama de Yumyulack y estaba dirigido a él.
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:10,709 Ah, ¿de verdad?
00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:13,629 Maldita sea, solo puede significar una cosa.
00:04:13,629 --> 00:04:16,423 ¡Hoy debe ser el nacimientaños shlorpiano de Yumyulack !
00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:18,133 Espera, ¿tratas de decir cumpleaños?
00:04:18,133 --> 00:04:19,718 No, suenas como una tonta.
00:04:19,718 --> 00:04:21,803 Es una palabra shlorpiana que es totalmente diferente.
00:04:21,803 --> 00:04:24,223 Nacimientaños, nacimientaños shlorpiano.
00:04:24,223 --> 00:04:25,349 Dios. Maldita sea.
00:04:25,349 --> 00:04:28,143 Estás réplicas no saben nada sobre su herencia.
00:04:28,143 --> 00:04:31,688 Cada shlorpiano tiene un nacimientaños al azar en su vida.
00:04:31,688 --> 00:04:34,149 Lo sabrás porque aparecerá un regalo verde brillante.
00:04:34,149 --> 00:04:36,401 Y entonces tienes exactamente un día para abrir tu regalo
00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:37,986 y reclamar tus poderes de nacimientaños.
00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:39,571 ¿Qué clase de poderes recibes?
00:04:39,571 --> 00:04:40,614 Ese es el problema.
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,658 Te dan a elegir entre sabiduría infinita
00:04:42,658 --> 00:04:45,118 o poderes de destrucción infinita.
00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:46,912 ¡Sabiduría infinita suena bien!
00:04:46,912 --> 00:04:49,039 Tal vez, nadie lo sabe, nunca lo han elegido.
00:04:49,039 --> 00:04:50,624 Todos eligen la destrucción.
00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:52,501 El nacimientaños de un shlorpiano es su gran oportunidad
00:04:52,501 --> 00:04:54,294 de vengarse de todos los que le han hecho daño.
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:56,380 En Shlorp teníamos un amigo
00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:58,090 llamado Jason.
00:04:58,090 --> 00:04:59,341 [shlorpianos gritando]
00:04:59,341 --> 00:05:02,302 ¡Corre, es el nacimientaños de Jason!
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:04,179 [golpes de pasos fuertes]
00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:08,600 [Jason rugiendo]
00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:12,396 ¡Odio trabajar aquí, carajo!
00:05:12,396 --> 00:05:13,355 [edificio rompiéndose]
00:05:13,355 --> 00:05:14,356 [shlorpiano grita]
00:05:14,356 --> 00:05:16,275 ¿A dónde demonios vas, amigo?
00:05:16,275 --> 00:05:18,110 Eras un jefe de porquería.
00:05:18,110 --> 00:05:21,321 ¡Feliz nacimientaños para mí! [shlorpiano grita]
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:22,197 [fuego de láser]
00:05:22,698 --> 00:05:25,576 Y Jason era un tipo tranquilo, la gente lo trataba con respeto.
00:05:25,576 --> 00:05:27,578 Ah, cielos. Yumyulack no es tranquilo,
00:05:27,578 --> 00:05:31,081 y le hemos faltado al respeto últimamente con esas burlas.
00:05:31,081 --> 00:05:32,583 En especial tú, Korvo.
00:05:32,583 --> 00:05:34,293 Lo vi llorando en su sombrero de cubo.
00:05:34,293 --> 00:05:36,753 Odio cuando la gente puede criticar pero no acepta críticas.
00:05:36,753 --> 00:05:38,463 Definitivamente usará sus poderes de nacimientaños
00:05:38,463 --> 00:05:39,923 para usar el láser y vaporizarnos.
00:05:39,923 --> 00:05:41,884 No quiero que me convierta en cenizas.
00:05:41,884 --> 00:05:44,219 Ni siquiera he lamido el trasero de un chico todavía.
00:05:44,219 --> 00:05:46,054 Tenemos que hacer lo que solíamos hacer en Shlorp.
00:05:46,054 --> 00:05:48,765 Evitar que el chico nacimientañero descubra que es su nacimientaños.
00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:51,185 Debemos mantener a Yumyulack lejos de su habitación a toda costa.
00:05:51,185 --> 00:05:53,520 Así es. Nunca pude matar a nadie en mi nacimientaños
00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,939 porque mis amigos me distrajeron hasta que se acabó el tiempo.
00:05:55,939 --> 00:05:58,066 Iba a matar a mis ex para que no pudieran hablar
00:05:58,066 --> 00:06:00,068 sobre cómo siempre presumo de chupar el montículo
00:06:00,068 --> 00:06:01,236 pero en realidad nunca lo hago.
00:06:01,236 --> 00:06:02,404 Entonces ese es el plan.
00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:05,866 Tenemos 12 horas para distraer a Yumyulack y salvar a la familia.
00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:08,285 Luego, chupamos el montículo.
00:06:09,953 --> 00:06:12,080 AISHA: <i>De acuerdo. Ese es el último de mis helechos.</i>
00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:13,749 <i>No voy a dejar que mis Bloomscapes mueran</i>
00:06:13,749 --> 00:06:16,293 <i>porque no pueden hacer una limpieza de superficie semanal.</i>
00:06:16,293 --> 00:06:18,170 [chirrido del cabrestante] [Pupa se queja]
00:06:18,170 --> 00:06:20,339 AISHA: <i>¿Qué haces con mis cabrestantes buenos?</i>
00:06:20,339 --> 00:06:22,090 <i>Esto es por el tipo de UPS.</i>
00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:23,509 <i>¿Vas a ir por él?</i>
00:06:23,509 --> 00:06:25,511 UPS, UPS.
00:06:25,511 --> 00:06:28,555 AISHA: <i>Maldición, Pupa. ¿Por qué tienes un código moral?</i>
00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:30,891 <i>No puedes entrar ahí, es muy arriesgado.</i>
00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:32,726 <i>Ni siquiera sabes si vale la pena salvarlo.</i>
00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:35,604 <i>¿Y si defiende a Jordan Peterson en los hilos de comentarios?</i>
00:06:35,604 --> 00:06:37,022 <i>No te dejaré ir ahí.</i>
00:06:37,022 --> 00:06:38,941 [puerta retumbando]
00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:41,860 <i>Vuelve aquí, no te alejes haciendo parkour.</i>
00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:44,363 <i>¡Pupa!</i>
00:06:44,363 --> 00:06:45,906 PATÉAME KARATE
00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:48,200 Es nuestro extraterrestre favorito.
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:49,952 Ah, hola, ¿qué hacen aquí, chicos?
00:06:49,952 --> 00:06:52,079 Dijeron que las artes marciales eran para idiotas.
00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:53,872 ¡Las cosas para idiotas son lo mejor!
00:06:53,872 --> 00:06:55,624 ¿Cómo estuvo el ensayo de karate?
00:06:55,624 --> 00:06:58,043 Increíble, hoy conseguí mi cuarto cinturón blanco.
00:06:58,043 --> 00:07:01,421 Miren mi nuevo movimiento espectacular. [se queja]
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:04,049 Dios, tienes menos equilibrio que un mono haciéndose...
00:07:04,049 --> 00:07:05,092 Estuvo genial.
00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:06,426 Pensamos en llevarte a celebrar
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:07,928 esta cosa del cinturón blanco que acabamos de oír.
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:10,055 Se los agradezco, pero prefiero ir a casa
00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:11,640 para poder jugar al nuevo <i>Madden</i> en mi habitación.
00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:14,184 Olvídate del videojuego tan popular del tema de Good Charlotte.
00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:15,269 Podrías hacerlo en cualquier momento,
00:07:15,269 --> 00:07:17,896 pero solo tienes una oportunidad de celebrar tu cuarto cinturón blanco.
00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:19,106 ¿Podemos al menos invitarte a almorzar?
00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:20,315 ¡Conozco un lugar perfecto!
00:07:20,315 --> 00:07:22,568 Bien, me dio bastante apetito al hacer
00:07:22,568 --> 00:07:23,902 todas mis respetuosas reverencias.
00:07:23,902 --> 00:07:24,695 Miren esto.
00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:26,780 [Jesse/Terry/Korvo riendo]
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,282 Qué impresionante.
00:07:28,282 --> 00:07:29,157 [alarma sonando]
00:07:29,157 --> 00:07:33,203 VOZ AUTOMATIZADA: <i>Peligro, el nivel de radiación es 35 por ciento.</i>
00:07:33,871 --> 00:07:35,622 AISHA: <i>Escuchaste esa voz aterradora.</i>
00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:38,458 <i>Si vas a hacer esta tontería del rescate, vete ahora,</i>
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:40,002 <i>o no tendrás tiempo de volver.</i>
00:07:41,253 --> 00:07:43,380 <i>Por cierto, ese compartimento en el que estás</i>
00:07:43,380 --> 00:07:45,716 <i>es un laberinto gigante imposible de resolver.</i>
00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:49,553 <i>Todas las naves tienen uno, deja de mirar como si fuera raro.</i>
00:07:49,553 --> 00:07:51,054 [alarma sonando]
00:07:51,054 --> 00:07:52,639 [puertas retumbando]
00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:53,640 HOMBRE: ¡Ayúdenme!
00:07:56,101 --> 00:07:58,020 ¡Por favor, ayúdenme!
00:07:58,604 --> 00:07:59,688 [Pupa grita]
00:07:59,688 --> 00:08:02,941 ♪ música dramática ♪
00:08:05,444 --> 00:08:09,114 AISHA: <i>¡Maldición, Pupa! Tus poderes de Daredevil lo lograron.</i>
00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:10,657 Gracias, criatura amable.
00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:12,534 AISHA: <i>Espera, ese no es el hombre de UPS.</i>
00:08:12,534 --> 00:08:14,620 <i>Hermano, ¿cómo demonios subiste a mi nave?</i>
00:08:14,620 --> 00:08:15,871 Soy exterminador.
00:08:15,871 --> 00:08:18,415 Me contrataron hace un par de semanas para matar a las arañas,
00:08:18,415 --> 00:08:21,418 y un bicho gigante con cuernos me atacó en la pierna.
00:08:21,418 --> 00:08:24,004 AISHA: <i>Oh, carajo. Está hablando del volptar.</i>
00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:25,172 Sí, sí, es ese.
00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:27,633 AISHA: <i>Es un peligroso parásito de sílice</i>
00:08:27,633 --> 00:08:30,594 <i>que debe haber entrado en la nave cuando volábamos por el espacio.</i>
00:08:30,594 --> 00:08:32,721 <i>Los volptares pueden sobrevivir a la radiación.</i>
00:08:32,721 --> 00:08:33,680 <i>¡Son jodidamente resistentes!</i>
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,265 [alarma sonando]
00:08:35,265 --> 00:08:36,934 ¡Gracias!
00:08:36,934 --> 00:08:39,311 [cabrestante chirriando] [hombre se queja]
00:08:39,561 --> 00:08:40,562 AISHA: <i>Bien, ya está aquí.</i>
00:08:40,562 --> 00:08:42,439 <i>Ahora usa el segundo gancho para ti.</i>
00:08:42,439 --> 00:08:43,690 [alarma sonando]
00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:45,192 [puerta retumbando]
00:08:46,443 --> 00:08:47,945 <i>¡Pupa, vuelve aquí!</i>
00:08:48,362 --> 00:08:50,781 <i>Maldición, me estoy poniendo muy vieja para estas cosas.</i>
00:08:54,326 --> 00:08:56,245 Este es el único restaurante en este lado de la ciudad
00:08:56,245 --> 00:08:57,996 donde puedes ahumar tu propia carne en la mesa
00:08:57,996 --> 00:09:00,541 y ver al chico de <i>Dos hombre y medio</i> atendiendo el bar.
00:09:00,541 --> 00:09:02,751 Ah, lo estoy haciendo para un papel, lo juro.
00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:04,670 Este lugar tiene muchos comentarios de cinco estrellas.
00:09:04,670 --> 00:09:06,505 Y un comentario con una sola estrella de un tipo
00:09:06,505 --> 00:09:08,841 que claramente solo quería quejarse de su divorcio.
00:09:08,841 --> 00:09:09,633 [Yumyulack huele]
00:09:09,633 --> 00:09:11,051 Ah, huele maravilloso.
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:11,885 ¿Cuándo comemos?
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:14,221 En cuatro cortas horas,
00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:16,557 podemos tomar la temperatura de la carne por primera vez.
00:09:16,557 --> 00:09:17,766 YUMYULACK/KORVO/JESSE: Uh.
00:09:17,766 --> 00:09:18,725 TIEMPO HASTA QUE NACIMIENTAÑOS HA CONCLUIDO
00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:21,353 Bueno, vamos a relajarnos para pasar un buen rato...
00:09:21,353 --> 00:09:22,646 Ay, carajo. Llévame a casa.
00:09:22,646 --> 00:09:23,689 ¿Qué es? ¿Qué pasa?
00:09:23,689 --> 00:09:24,690 Conozco a la mesera.
00:09:24,690 --> 00:09:25,941 Es Tracey de la escuela.
00:09:25,941 --> 00:09:27,025 ¡Hola, Tracey, por aquí!
00:09:27,025 --> 00:09:28,235 Deja de saludar.
00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:30,237 Hace unas semanas, le mandé una foto de mi montículo por accidente.
00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:32,281 Fue vergonzoso, solo leyó el mensaje.
00:09:32,281 --> 00:09:34,366 Es un imbécil total, pero tiene que pensar que es fantástico.
00:09:34,366 --> 00:09:37,119 No te preocupes, Yum, apuesto a que la foto estuvo buena.
00:09:37,619 --> 00:09:40,497 - Vaya, qué montículo genial. - Tracey está como loca.
00:09:40,497 --> 00:09:42,291 Por lo general, haría una broma con eso,
00:09:42,291 --> 00:09:44,501 pero este es un montículo de calidad superior.
00:09:44,501 --> 00:09:46,753 Genial, ¿cómo has conseguido que brille así?
00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:48,964 ¿Qué? ¡Viene para acá, me voy!
00:09:49,798 --> 00:09:52,217 No, espera. Planeamos algo más para ti.
00:09:52,217 --> 00:09:53,886 Es una cosa de caza de recompensas.
00:09:53,886 --> 00:09:55,888 Es lo que te define como personaje.
00:09:56,722 --> 00:09:57,890 BATALLA DE LA MUERTE DE JERRY O'CONNELL
00:09:57,890 --> 00:09:59,474 ¿Qué se supone que haga?
00:09:59,474 --> 00:10:01,894 Aquí está Jerry O'Connell. Creo que está por explicar.
00:10:01,894 --> 00:10:05,272 <i>Bienvenido, Yumyulack, a la Batalla de la Muerte de Jerry O'Connell.</i>
00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:07,399 ¿Una batalla real? ¡Claro que sí!
00:10:07,399 --> 00:10:09,067 <i>Ojalá estuviera ahí contigo en persona,</i>
00:10:09,067 --> 00:10:11,236 <i>pero tengo muchos otros trabajos.</i>
00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:13,197 Demonios, sí, claro. ¡O'Connell trabaja!
00:10:13,197 --> 00:10:16,200 También se ve genial. Su sonrisa es más ancha que su cara.
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:19,119 JERRY: <i>Veinte expertos en combate y supervivencia más un alienígena</i>
00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:21,288 <i>se cazarán entre sí en nuestro complejo de almacenes</i>
00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:23,332 <i>lleno de armas y trampas explosivas.</i>
00:10:23,332 --> 00:10:25,459 <i>Cada tres horas el campo de juego se reduce,</i>
00:10:25,459 --> 00:10:27,377 <i>el último hombre de pie gana.</i>
00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:28,295 Suena bien.
00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:29,546 - Deséenme suerte. - Vas a ganar.
00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:30,464 Patea esos traseros, amigo.
00:10:30,464 --> 00:10:32,174 Nos vemos en seis horas.
00:10:32,174 --> 00:10:33,050 [suena alarma]
00:10:33,050 --> 00:10:34,343 [disparos y explosiones]
00:10:34,343 --> 00:10:36,720 Eso debería ocupar a Yumyulack por el resto de su nacimientaños.
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:38,138 A pesar del hecho de que es el anfitrión
00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:40,390 de un juego mortal de batalla real del hambre del calamar,
00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:42,309 O'Connell parece un gran tipo.
00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:44,144 ¡Oigan, amigos, gané!
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:45,479 Fue una victoria total.
00:10:45,479 --> 00:10:46,522 Algunos de esos tipos eran rudos.
00:10:46,522 --> 00:10:47,856 ¿Y ahora qué hacemos?
00:10:47,856 --> 00:10:48,941 KORVO/JESSE: Eh...
00:10:48,941 --> 00:10:50,359 [alarma sonando] VOZ AUTOMATIZADA: <i>Peligro,</i>
00:10:50,359 --> 00:10:53,195 <i>radiación al 60 por ciento.</i>
00:10:53,195 --> 00:10:54,321 [alarma sonando]
00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:56,114 [volptar gruñendo]
00:10:56,114 --> 00:10:57,574 [pasos acercándose]
00:10:57,574 --> 00:10:58,742 AISHA: <i>¡Ese es el volptar!</i>
00:10:58,742 --> 00:10:59,993 <i>¡Corre, Pupa!</i>
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,203 [volptar ruge]
00:11:01,203 --> 00:11:01,995 [Pupa grita]
00:11:03,288 --> 00:11:04,289 AISHA: <i>Cuidado con el pozo.</i>
00:11:04,289 --> 00:11:05,916 <i>Esa cosa no tiene fondo.</i>
00:11:05,916 --> 00:11:07,376 <i>Ahí tiro las baterías usadas.</i>
00:11:08,126 --> 00:11:09,545 <i>Sé lo que estás pensado,</i>
00:11:09,545 --> 00:11:13,173 <i>quieres usar esas bengalas para impulsarte por el pozo.</i>
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:15,717 <i>¿Pero qué...? ¿De dónde sacaste esa máscara de Rocketeer?</i>
00:11:15,717 --> 00:11:18,428 <i>Espero que no la hayas comprado con mi tarjeta Discover.</i>
00:11:18,428 --> 00:11:20,097 <i>¡Pupa, no!</i>
00:11:20,097 --> 00:11:24,101 ♪ música heroica ♪
00:11:24,101 --> 00:11:24,935 ESTE ES UN LIBRO GRUESO
00:11:24,935 --> 00:11:31,066 ♪
00:11:31,066 --> 00:11:32,401 [mujer gritando]
00:11:32,776 --> 00:11:35,404 <i>¡Guten tag,</i> pequeña criatura!
00:11:35,946 --> 00:11:37,614 <i>¡Danke</i> por el abrazo!
00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:40,868 [mujer se queja]
00:11:40,868 --> 00:11:43,829 Se siente muy extraño no estar cayendo.
00:11:43,829 --> 00:11:46,331 He estado en ese pozo durante dos <i>wochen</i> enteros.
00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:48,083 AISHA: <i>¿Cómo demonios entraste ahí, señora alemana?</i>
00:11:48,083 --> 00:11:50,335 Renté una habitación en esta nave.
00:11:50,878 --> 00:11:52,838 AISHA: <i>Espera, no te muevas, Pupa.</i>
00:11:52,838 --> 00:11:54,506 <i>Sé que quieres usar tu última cuerda</i>
00:11:54,506 --> 00:11:56,175 <i>para enviar a la mujer de los calcetines y las sandalias de vuelta</i>
00:11:56,175 --> 00:11:58,302 <i>para que puedas seguir buscando al hombre de UPS, pero...</i>
00:11:58,302 --> 00:11:59,136 [cabrestante resuena]
00:11:59,136 --> 00:12:01,763 <i>Así es, trabé una llave en tu cabrestante,</i>
00:12:01,763 --> 00:12:04,433 <i>para que no puedas salvar a esta mujer hasta que yo lo diga.</i>
00:12:04,433 --> 00:12:06,810 <i>Te engancharás en él también y volverás con ella</i>
00:12:06,810 --> 00:12:09,146 <i>o ambos morirán por la radiación, depende de ti.</i>
00:12:09,146 --> 00:12:10,522 Por favor, no me dejes morir.
00:12:10,522 --> 00:12:13,400 No hasta que haya visto los Estrechos de Mackinac.
00:12:14,902 --> 00:12:17,279 AISHA: <i>Gracias. ¿Era tan difícil?</i>
00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:19,823 [mujer grita]
00:12:20,324 --> 00:12:22,326 <i>Lo siento, Pupa. Sé que querías...</i>
00:12:22,910 --> 00:12:24,536 <i>¡Hijo de perra!</i>
00:12:24,536 --> 00:12:26,413 VOZ AUTOMATIZADA: <i>Peligro extremo,</i>
00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:29,124 <i>nivel de radiación al 80 por ciento.</i>
00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:31,668 Bien, hemos planeado una cosa más.
00:12:31,668 --> 00:12:34,505 Solo mantén abajo el sombrero de cubo. Un poquito más lejos.
00:12:34,505 --> 00:12:36,798 Y... ¡ahora!
00:12:37,799 --> 00:12:40,052 [grito ahogado] ¿La fábrica Hat On A Hat Hat?
00:12:40,052 --> 00:12:42,554 ¿En serio? Esta es mi fábrica de sombreros favorita en Norte América.
00:12:42,554 --> 00:12:44,806 - ¿Cómo lo sabían? - Vimos tu historial de búsqueda.
00:12:44,806 --> 00:12:47,059 Era todo sombreros, gatos y pornografía.
00:12:47,059 --> 00:12:51,104 Vayamos para adentro. Tenemos el recorrido VIP de 4 horas.
00:12:54,900 --> 00:12:56,777 JESSE: Oh. YUMYULACK: Increíble,
00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:58,028 es Barry Hatfield.
00:12:58,028 --> 00:13:01,073 ¡Es la mente maestra del diseño de sus mejores sombreros!
00:13:01,073 --> 00:13:03,033 Mente maestra, por favor, este tipo es un payaso.
00:13:03,033 --> 00:13:04,826 Está claramente a punto de hacer algo de Willy Wonka...
00:13:04,826 --> 00:13:05,536 [pitido de bocina de payaso]
00:13:05,869 --> 00:13:08,455 Ah, guau, tus piernas sí funcionan.
00:13:08,956 --> 00:13:09,915 Claro que sí.
00:13:09,915 --> 00:13:11,667 Saludos y bienvenidos
00:13:11,667 --> 00:13:14,419 al recorrido VIP de la fábrica Hat On A Hat Hat.
00:13:14,419 --> 00:13:17,130 Me llamo Barry Hatfield.
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:19,091 ¿Comenzamos?
00:13:19,091 --> 00:13:20,717 Demonios, claro.
00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:23,804 <i>♪ Vamos, todos juntos ♪</i>
00:13:24,346 --> 00:13:26,265 <i>♪ Y les mostraré sombreros ♪</i>
00:13:26,265 --> 00:13:28,976 <i>♪ De diferentes formas y tamaños ♪</i>
00:13:29,726 --> 00:13:32,104 <i>♪ Stetsons, fedoras ♪</i>
00:13:32,104 --> 00:13:33,647 <i>♪ Gorros de marinero ♪</i>
00:13:33,647 --> 00:13:37,609 <i>♪ Y de Gatsby también ♪</i>
00:13:37,609 --> 00:13:38,777 Esta canción es una porquería.
00:13:38,777 --> 00:13:39,945 Relájate, amigo.
00:13:39,945 --> 00:13:41,154 Relájate.
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:44,116 <i>♪ Fundimos fieltro y lo prensamos en sombreros ♪</i>
00:13:44,116 --> 00:13:47,327 <i>♪ En un proceso que cumple las normas de la EPA ♪</i>
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:50,664 <i>♪ Acabamos de reabrir nuestra ala porkpie ♪</i>
00:13:50,664 --> 00:13:56,086 <i>♪ Y está libre de amianto ♪</i>
00:13:56,545 --> 00:13:58,755 ¡Ah, sí!
00:13:58,755 --> 00:14:00,841 Yumyulack, ¿te gustaría saber el secreto
00:14:00,841 --> 00:14:03,468 de cómo hacemos nuestras eternas alas planas?
00:14:03,468 --> 00:14:05,679 [suspira] ¡Es uno de los secretos mejor guardados
00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:07,389 de todas las sastrerías!
00:14:07,389 --> 00:14:09,808 Uf, eso ha sido una auténtica estupidez melosa.
00:14:09,808 --> 00:14:11,810 Esa canción se apagó un poco.
00:14:11,810 --> 00:14:14,104 No puedo esperar a mortificar a Yumyulack con todo esto.
00:14:14,104 --> 00:14:15,981 Si pensaban que era malvado, esperen a mañana.
00:14:15,981 --> 00:14:18,025 Mm, ya puedo saborear cómo me reiré de él.
00:14:18,025 --> 00:14:19,693 En realidad, esperábamos
00:14:19,693 --> 00:14:22,362 que le pusiéramos una pausa a mortificarnos con bromas
00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:24,448 incluso después del nacimientaños de Yumyulack.
00:14:24,448 --> 00:14:25,282 ¿Qué?
00:14:25,282 --> 00:14:28,410 ¿Hoy es mi nacimientaños y me lo ocultaron?
00:14:28,410 --> 00:14:30,621 - Ay, carajo. - Ay, Yum, lo lamento.
00:14:30,621 --> 00:14:31,580 ¿Cómo pudieron hacerlo?
00:14:31,580 --> 00:14:34,958 Iba a usar mis poderes para hacer muchas cosas fantásticas.
00:14:34,958 --> 00:14:37,753 ¿Ah, sí? Porque teníamos miedo de que te pusieras violento.
00:14:37,753 --> 00:14:39,796 Iba a usar mis poderes para hacer que me mostraran
00:14:39,796 --> 00:14:41,840 un primer corte de <i>Solo 2: Solo-er.</i>
00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:44,635 ¡Oh, y los iba a matar a todos, empezando por ustedes dos!
00:14:44,635 --> 00:14:46,011 TERRY/JESSE: ¡Ah! KORVO: ¡Oh! ¡No!
00:14:46,011 --> 00:14:47,930 - ¡Ah, es terrible! - ¡Ah, no!
00:14:47,930 --> 00:14:49,598 - ¡Está caliente! - ¡Sabíamos que eras malo!
00:14:49,598 --> 00:14:51,350 ¡Oh, oh, Terry, Jesse, no! [Terry/Jesse gritando indistintamente]
00:14:51,350 --> 00:14:52,601 AMBOS: ¡Ah!
00:14:52,601 --> 00:14:55,562 ♪ música intensa ♪
00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:58,398 [maquinaria traqueteando, silbando]
00:14:58,398 --> 00:14:59,358 [suena campanilla]
00:14:59,358 --> 00:15:01,485 ¡Transformaron a mi familia en sombreros
00:15:01,485 --> 00:15:03,779 como lo dijo la galleta de la fortuna!
00:15:07,533 --> 00:15:10,160 Ay, Dios mío. Terry, Jesse, ¿pueden oírme?
00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:12,621 Maldito. ¡Los convertiste en la cosa más aburrida!
00:15:12,621 --> 00:15:14,248 Cuando abra mi regalo de nacimientaños
00:15:14,248 --> 00:15:15,666 vas a desear haberte transformado en sombrero.
00:15:15,666 --> 00:15:20,796 ♪ música dramática ♪
00:15:21,713 --> 00:15:23,131 [chirrido de neumáticos] [bocinas de autos]
00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:26,343 [bocinas de autos]
00:15:26,718 --> 00:15:28,178 [bocina de auto] KORVO: Espera.
00:15:28,178 --> 00:15:29,972 Esta secuencia de persecución me resulta familiar.
00:15:29,972 --> 00:15:32,099 ¿Estos bastardos baratos están reutilizando la animación
00:15:32,099 --> 00:15:34,017 de cuando Jesse te persiguió a casa aquella vez?
00:15:34,017 --> 00:15:35,686 ¡De ninguna manera, es diferente!
00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:37,896 [perro ladra, gruñe]
00:15:37,896 --> 00:15:39,439 ¡Ah! ¡Ah! Dios mío.
00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:41,275 Oh, oh, ayúdame. ¡Ah, ah!
00:15:41,275 --> 00:15:42,234 ¡Oh!
00:15:45,988 --> 00:15:49,116 ¡Sí, es la misma! Es el perro que te mordió antes.
00:15:49,116 --> 00:15:50,993 No te atrevas a usarlo para pasar por encima de mí.
00:15:50,993 --> 00:15:52,536 Vete al carajo, es exactamente lo que haré.
00:15:52,536 --> 00:15:54,746 [alarma sonando]
00:15:54,746 --> 00:15:56,790 AISHA: <i>Pupa, sal de mi sala de máquinas,</i>
00:15:56,790 --> 00:15:58,375 <i>sabes que no es seguro allí.</i>
00:15:58,709 --> 00:16:01,628 VOZ AUTOMATIZADA: <i>Radiación del edificio, 98 por ciento.</i>
00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:02,504 [hombre de UPS lloriqueando]
00:16:02,504 --> 00:16:04,464 ¡Ayuda! ¡Por favor, ayuda!
00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:07,009 AISHA: <i>No, Pupa, no podrás lograrlo.</i>
00:16:07,009 --> 00:16:09,678 ♪ música heroica ♪
00:16:09,678 --> 00:16:10,846 ¿Quién eres?
00:16:10,846 --> 00:16:11,763 ¿Qué eres?
00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:13,849 [hueso se rompe] ¡Ah!
00:16:14,391 --> 00:16:15,726 [alarma continúa sonando]
00:16:15,726 --> 00:16:18,520 ♪ música de suspenso ♪
00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:20,105 - VOZ AUTOMATIZADA: <i>99.6 por ciento.</i> - Deja que se caiga, amigo.
00:16:20,105 --> 00:16:21,773 Sí, me despedirán, pero que se pudran.
00:16:21,773 --> 00:16:23,442 ¡Me hacen orinar en el camión!
00:16:23,442 --> 00:16:27,738 VOZ AUTOMATIZADA: <i>Advertencia, la radiación está ahora al 99.8%.</i>
00:16:28,197 --> 00:16:30,574 <i>Los emisores se están cargando, purga inminente.</i>
00:16:30,574 --> 00:16:33,160 ♪ música dramática ♪
00:16:33,869 --> 00:16:36,371 ¡Volptar! [volptar chilla]
00:16:36,371 --> 00:16:38,081 AISHA: <i>¡Pupa, cuidado!</i>
00:16:38,081 --> 00:16:39,583 VOZ AUTOMATIZADA: <i>Advertencia, peligro,</i>
00:16:39,583 --> 00:16:41,543 <i>iniciando borrado teleron.</i>
00:16:41,543 --> 00:16:43,754 [volptar chilla]
00:16:44,630 --> 00:16:45,881 [explosión]
00:16:46,757 --> 00:16:47,925 ¿Korvo?
00:16:47,925 --> 00:16:49,510 ¡Korvo! [gruñe]
00:16:51,094 --> 00:16:52,221 ¡Sal de mi camino!
00:16:52,221 --> 00:16:54,389 Mira, entiendo que estés por destrozarme
00:16:54,389 --> 00:16:55,432 con tus poderes de nacimientaños,
00:16:55,432 --> 00:16:58,727 pero antes de que lo hagas, solo quiero decir que lo siento.
00:16:59,978 --> 00:17:01,688 ¿En serio? ¿Por qué?
00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:03,023 No deberíamos haberte mentido.
00:17:03,023 --> 00:17:04,942 Deberíamos haber confiado en que harías lo correcto
00:17:04,942 --> 00:17:06,193 en vez de pensar lo peor.
00:17:06,193 --> 00:17:07,069 Sí, así es.
00:17:07,069 --> 00:17:09,071 Y siento haberme burlado de ti.
00:17:09,071 --> 00:17:12,157 La verdad es que soy de piel muy sensible.
00:17:12,157 --> 00:17:14,284 Literalmente, es una condición clínica con la que nací
00:17:14,284 --> 00:17:15,327 y que he ocultado a todos.
00:17:15,327 --> 00:17:16,995 Me hace arremeter cuando me siento atacado.
00:17:16,995 --> 00:17:18,956 Gracias por contármelo.
00:17:18,956 --> 00:17:21,166 No tenía ni idea de que llevaras esa carga.
00:17:21,166 --> 00:17:22,417 Sé que ahora estamos solos tú y yo
00:17:22,417 --> 00:17:24,795 porque mataste a la mitad de la familia convirtiéndola en sombreros.
00:17:24,795 --> 00:17:27,464 Pero me encantaría cambiar la forma en cómo nos tratamos.
00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:28,173 ¿Qué me dices?
00:17:28,173 --> 00:17:29,216 ¿Sabes qué, Korvo?
00:17:29,216 --> 00:17:30,801 Si realmente sientes lo que acabas de decir,
00:17:30,801 --> 00:17:33,720 está bien. No me molesta dejar que se agote mi nacimientaños.
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,097 ¿En serio?
00:17:35,097 --> 00:17:37,391 Sí, ¿quieres ir a ver <i>Caza del Octubre Rojo 2:</i>
00:17:37,391 --> 00:17:38,517 <i>En busca del Noviembre Verde?</i>
00:17:39,518 --> 00:17:41,436 Espera un maldito segundo.
00:17:41,895 --> 00:17:43,772 Odias esa película y el Yumyulack que conozco
00:17:43,772 --> 00:17:45,065 nunca cedería tan rápido.
00:17:45,065 --> 00:17:46,775 ¡Espera, no! ¡Ese es mi regalo!
00:17:46,775 --> 00:17:48,402 ¿"Para Korvo"?
00:17:48,402 --> 00:17:51,572 Ay, Dios mío, es <i>mi</i> nacimientaños shlorpiano.
00:17:51,572 --> 00:17:53,407 ¡Han fingido distraer a Yumyulack
00:17:53,407 --> 00:17:56,076 mientras me distraían a mí!
00:17:56,076 --> 00:17:58,579 Un momento, ¿ojos saltones?
00:17:58,579 --> 00:18:00,873 ¿Estos sombreros son siquiera Terry y Jesse?
00:18:00,873 --> 00:18:02,583 [pitido de señal de radio, silbido]
00:18:02,583 --> 00:18:03,917 ¡Estamos arruinados, estamos arruinados!
00:18:03,917 --> 00:18:05,627 ¡A la habitación de pánico!
00:18:06,378 --> 00:18:09,506 [risa maligna]
00:18:09,506 --> 00:18:11,049 No hagas esto, Korvo.
00:18:11,049 --> 00:18:13,260 Piensa en lo que dijiste hace dos segundos.
00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:15,679 Al carajo con eso, la situación es completamente distinta.
00:18:15,679 --> 00:18:18,473 Cuando las barras se llenen, los haré volar en pedazos.
00:18:18,807 --> 00:18:20,976 ¡Ah! ¡Guau!
00:18:22,227 --> 00:18:23,228 ¡Métete aquí!
00:18:24,646 --> 00:18:26,273 ¿Por qué lo llevaste de vuelta a la casa?
00:18:26,273 --> 00:18:28,483 YUMYULACK: Lo lamento, me metí demasiado en el personaje.
00:18:28,483 --> 00:18:31,403 ♪ música dramática ♪
00:18:31,403 --> 00:18:32,446 Oh, carajo.
00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:35,032 [chasquidos de cerrojo]
00:18:36,575 --> 00:18:37,659 Uf.
00:18:37,659 --> 00:18:39,703 KORVO: ¡Todo cargado, hora de morir!
00:18:40,287 --> 00:18:42,122 [monitor crepitando]
00:18:42,873 --> 00:18:45,834 Esa criatura pereció para salvar mi vida.
00:18:45,834 --> 00:18:48,003 Me haré un tatuaje de él en la espalda.
00:18:48,003 --> 00:18:49,546 Ni siquiera sé su nombre.
00:18:49,546 --> 00:18:52,591 AISHA: <i>Era el Pupa, y era muy importante,</i>
00:18:52,591 --> 00:18:55,260 <i>por eso los tres tenemos que aclarar nuestra historia</i>
00:18:55,260 --> 00:18:56,720 <i>sobre qué le pasó exactamente.</i>
00:18:57,721 --> 00:19:00,307 [volptar ruge] [todos gritan]
00:19:00,307 --> 00:19:02,100 [volptar ruge]
00:19:05,103 --> 00:19:07,898 AISHA: <i>Pupa, ¿estás vivo, cómo?</i>
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:12,069 <i>¡Te escondiste de la radiación dentro del volptar!</i>
00:19:12,069 --> 00:19:14,196 De acuerdo. Bueno, me voy.
00:19:14,696 --> 00:19:16,323 [en voz baja] No confío para nada en esta computadora.
00:19:16,323 --> 00:19:19,952 ¡Yo tampoco! Ya he tenido suficiente de esta <i>scheisse</i> de ciencia ficción.
00:19:21,787 --> 00:19:22,913 ¿Sabes? Es gracioso.
00:19:22,913 --> 00:19:25,374 Siempre he preguntado: "¿Qué puede hacer el Sr. Marrón por ti?".
00:19:25,374 --> 00:19:28,585 Pero esta es la primera vez que alguien hace algo por el Sr. Marrón.
00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:31,129 AISHA: <i>Guau, Pupa.</i>
00:19:31,129 --> 00:19:32,923 <i>Realmente me enseñaste algo hoy,</i>
00:19:32,923 --> 00:19:34,758 <i>que cada vida humana importa,</i>
00:19:34,758 --> 00:19:38,804 <i>incluso por ese solitario tipo de UPS valió la pena sacrificar tu propia...</i>
00:19:38,804 --> 00:19:39,888 ¡Ponis!
00:19:39,888 --> 00:19:42,766 AISHA: <i>¡Lo sabía! No compres más juguetes con mi tarjeta.</i>
00:19:42,766 --> 00:19:44,518 <i>Vas a arruinar mi crédito.</i>
00:19:44,518 --> 00:19:48,272 [Korvo riendo maniáticamente]
00:19:48,272 --> 00:19:50,232 ¡Última puerta! ¡Van a morir!
00:19:50,566 --> 00:19:52,109 Supongo que siempre iba a terminar así.
00:19:52,109 --> 00:19:53,652 La pasamos bien, Terry.
00:19:53,652 --> 00:19:55,612 Solo me hubiera gustado tener una luna de miel espectacular
00:19:55,612 --> 00:19:58,448 como una gran tarta de pizza solo una vez...
00:19:58,448 --> 00:20:01,326 Ojalá hubiera encontrado este sombrero de cubo antes de morir.
00:20:01,326 --> 00:20:04,121 ♪ música dramática ♪
00:20:04,121 --> 00:20:04,913 [metal rechina]
00:20:06,290 --> 00:20:08,125 Prepárense para conocer a sus creadores, mentirosos hijos...
00:20:08,125 --> 00:20:10,836 VOZ PROFUNDA: <i>Nacimientaños shlorpiano completo.</i>
00:20:10,836 --> 00:20:13,422 [chirrido de máquina]
00:20:15,340 --> 00:20:16,383 Está bien, chicos.
00:20:16,383 --> 00:20:18,343 - Pueden acercarse. - ¿No estás más enojado?
00:20:18,343 --> 00:20:19,636 Solo conmigo mismo.
00:20:19,636 --> 00:20:21,180 Les dije la lección que necesitaban escuchar
00:20:21,180 --> 00:20:22,472 y luego inmediatamente no lo hice.
00:20:22,472 --> 00:20:24,725 Fue como: "Al carajo esa lección, voy a masacrarlos a todos".
00:20:24,725 --> 00:20:25,559 Lo lamento.
00:20:25,559 --> 00:20:29,479 El poder infinito es intoxicante, siempre lo dije.
00:20:29,479 --> 00:20:31,148 O espera, ¿era "Personajes Bienvenidos"?
00:20:31,148 --> 00:20:32,357 Sé que dije una de esas frases.
00:20:32,357 --> 00:20:35,235 Igual, la próxima vez que alguien tenga un nacimientaños shlorpiano,
00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:37,279 debemos confiar en que no matarán al resto de nosotros.
00:20:37,279 --> 00:20:38,030 ¿Podemos hacerlo?
00:20:38,030 --> 00:20:40,157 - Claro que sé. - Absolutamente.
00:20:40,157 --> 00:20:42,159 DOS MESES DESPUÉS
00:20:44,077 --> 00:20:45,245 Ah, maldición.
00:20:45,746 --> 00:20:46,538 Sí.
00:20:46,538 --> 00:20:47,956 - ¡Guau! Qué loco. - Muy bien.
00:20:47,956 --> 00:20:50,125 Me siento como si estuviera en el Air Force One.
00:20:50,125 --> 00:20:51,335 ¿Dónde conseguiste este juego?
00:20:51,335 --> 00:20:52,336 De la Biblioteca Reagan.
00:20:52,336 --> 00:20:54,463 Ahora recuerda, mantén esas gafas bien puestas y apretadas
00:20:54,463 --> 00:20:55,506 para una máxima RV.
00:20:58,342 --> 00:20:59,593 Jesse es una víbora.
00:20:59,593 --> 00:21:01,261 Si pone sus manos en esto estamos muertos.
00:21:01,261 --> 00:21:02,763 Entonces digo que lo metamos en la lavadora,
00:21:02,763 --> 00:21:03,972 es el último lugar donde va a mirar.
00:21:03,972 --> 00:21:05,015 Solo tiene un vestido.
00:21:05,015 --> 00:21:06,433 ¡Guau, miren eso!
00:21:06,433 --> 00:21:07,935 Nancy le está haciendo sexo oral a un tipo,
00:21:07,935 --> 00:21:09,978 ¿y es Clint Eastwood?
00:21:09,978 --> 00:21:11,480 [suspira] Qué real.
00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:13,023 [arcadas] Voy a vomitar.
00:21:13,023 --> 00:21:15,692 No, espera. Tienes que ver cómo se lo escupe en la cara.
00:21:16,276 --> 00:21:18,987 [suspira] ¡Malditos hijos de perra!
00:21:18,987 --> 00:21:20,781 - ¡Denme esa caja! - ¡Corre!
00:21:20,781 --> 00:21:22,115 JESSE: ¡Denme eso ahora!
00:21:22,115 --> 00:21:23,951 ¡Tengo mucha furia que liberar!
00:21:23,951 --> 00:21:25,494 KORVO: Terry, toma. TERRY: ¡Lo tengo!
00:21:25,494 --> 00:21:26,662 YUMYULACK: ¡Corran! JESSE: ¡Dénmela!
00:21:26,662 --> 00:21:28,956 ¡Están arruinando el regalo de mi nacimientaños!
00:21:28,956 --> 00:21:29,873 [todos gritando indistintamente]
00:21:30,499 --> 00:21:34,711 EN MEMORIA DE BUDDY MICHAEL RYAN
00:21:35,337 --> 00:21:39,967 ♪ música dramática ♪
00:21:39,967 --> 00:21:43,136 ♪
00:21:46,306 --> 00:21:49,476 ♪
00:21:52,729 --> 00:21:55,983 ♪
00:21:59,236 --> 00:22:02,447 ♪
00:22:05,617 --> 00:22:08,787 ♪
00:22:15,127 --> 00:22:18,964 ♪
00:22:19,715 --> 00:22:21,216 [imitando fuego de láser]

00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:03,003 ♪ dramatic theme ♪
00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:07,007 ♪
00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,926 TERRY: Korvo, where's the food?
00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:09,968 I'm hot-gry.
00:00:09,968 --> 00:00:11,720 That's a combo of hot and hungry!
00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:13,347 KORVO: You wouldn't be so hot if you would stop eating
00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:14,431 those sauna stones!
00:00:14,431 --> 00:00:16,058 I like that hat, Yumyulack.
00:00:16,058 --> 00:00:18,769 It really highlights the natural bucket shape of your head.
00:00:18,769 --> 00:00:20,854 Thanks, I've been auditioning a lot of hats lately,
00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:22,814 but I think I've finally found the one
00:00:22,814 --> 00:00:24,733 that says, "This guy bounty hunts."
00:00:24,733 --> 00:00:25,901 Dinner is served.
00:00:25,901 --> 00:00:27,027 I made pot roast
00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:30,030 because tonight is another Solar Opposites family roast.
00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:30,948 - Yes! - Whoa!
00:00:30,948 --> 00:00:32,698 - Alright! Woo-hoo! - Yes, love roast night.
00:00:32,698 --> 00:00:34,243 Yeah, I'm gonna bow out of this one.
00:00:34,243 --> 00:00:36,954 I specifically made pot roast so we could roast each other's balls.
00:00:36,954 --> 00:00:39,623 This is our fun new vibe, and the whole family has to embrace it.
00:00:39,623 --> 00:00:42,000 Fourth one this week. We're on a roast night roll, baby.
00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:44,503 I thought you'd run out of "A" material after you said
00:00:44,503 --> 00:00:47,089 my face looks like the inside of Venom's vagina.
00:00:47,089 --> 00:00:49,383 I did. And then I stayed up all night watching <i>Sopranos</i>
00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:51,969 on one screen and Judd Apatow extended-cut movies on the other.
00:00:51,969 --> 00:00:54,471 Now, who wants to get their non-existent nuts busted first?
00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:55,889 Me, me, me, me, me, me!
00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:56,974 Alright, here we go.
00:00:56,974 --> 00:00:59,476 [clears throat] Terry is what you get when the Jolly Green Giant
00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:01,186 accidentally forgets to do leg day.
00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:02,771 Oh, I went there!
00:01:02,771 --> 00:01:04,147 [laughs] You got me.
00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:06,191 Ooh, do me next, I skipped lunch.
00:01:06,191 --> 00:01:08,402 Your polka dot dress is more of a polka don't.
00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:10,445 Oh no, he didn't. Oh yes, he did!
00:01:10,445 --> 00:01:12,739 [laughing] Thanks, Korvo!
00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:13,907 And then there's Yumyulack.
00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:16,118 Holy shit, look at this fucking loser.
00:01:16,118 --> 00:01:17,870 The only thing worse than Yumyulack's ugly hat
00:01:17,870 --> 00:01:19,496 is his piece-of-shit personality.
00:01:19,496 --> 00:01:21,123 Oh, is that a bucket hat?
00:01:21,123 --> 00:01:22,541 More like a bucket of who gives a fuck?
00:01:22,541 --> 00:01:24,918 Oh, you are seriously the ugliest, stupidest,
00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:26,461 most hateable little shit.
00:01:26,461 --> 00:01:28,005 You wear hats because you want so badly to be human,
00:01:28,005 --> 00:01:30,632 but you still will never be one because you don't have a mom.
00:01:30,632 --> 00:01:32,926 Oh, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-busted.
00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:33,969 [Terry and Jesse laugh awkwardly]
00:01:33,969 --> 00:01:34,845 Here's your slop.
00:01:34,845 --> 00:01:36,305 Someone wanna roast me so I can eat?
00:01:36,305 --> 00:01:37,556 Oh, I got one.
00:01:37,556 --> 00:01:39,975 Korvo, you're so blue, the sky is like,
00:01:39,975 --> 00:01:42,144 "Hey, gimme back my color."
00:01:42,144 --> 00:01:43,020 Oh, gotcha.
00:01:43,020 --> 00:01:45,522 Fuck you, Jesse. I can't believe you would say that.
00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:47,858 Words can hurt. [sobbing]
00:01:48,692 --> 00:01:51,236 KORVO: <i>Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia,</i>
00:01:51,236 --> 00:01:53,363 <i>until the asteroid hit.</i>
00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:56,408 <i>One hundred adults and their replicants were issued a Pupa,</i>
00:01:56,408 --> 00:01:58,160 <i>and escaped into the... space,</i>
00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:00,954 <i>searching for new homes on uninhabited worlds.</i>
00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:02,206 <i>We crashed on Earth,</i>
00:02:02,206 --> 00:02:04,499 <i>stranding us on an already overpopulated planet.</i>
00:02:04,499 --> 00:02:06,126 <i>That's right, I've been talking this whole time.</i>
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:07,336 <i>I'm the one holding the Pupa.</i>
00:02:07,336 --> 00:02:09,004 <i>My name is Korvo. This is my show.</i>
00:02:09,004 --> 00:02:10,339 <i>Bollocks, I just dropped the Pupa.</i>
00:02:10,339 --> 00:02:12,382 <i>Ugh. This is ridiculous. I hate Earth.</i>
00:02:12,382 --> 00:02:13,425 <i>It's a horrible home.</i>
00:02:13,425 --> 00:02:15,135 <i>People are stupid and confusing.</i>
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:17,638 <i>Why is the human gestation period nine months,</i>
00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:19,056 <i>and then they come out useless?</i>
00:02:19,056 --> 00:02:20,599 <i>They should grow babies in pots.</i>
00:02:20,599 --> 00:02:22,601 <i>Faster, easier, and then after they're done,</i>
00:02:22,601 --> 00:02:24,311 <i>you get to keep the pot as a hat!</i>
00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:27,439 ♪ dramatic music ♪
00:02:30,108 --> 00:02:32,653 ♪ playful music ♪
00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:34,238 AISHA: <i>That's how you play jacks?</i>
00:02:34,238 --> 00:02:35,656 <i>Earth games are dumb as hell.</i>
00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:37,658 [alarm blares] AUTOMATED VOICE: <i>Warning, warning,</i>
00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:40,285 <i>self-cleaning protocol initiated.</i>
00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:41,245 AISHA: <i>Dammit.</i>
00:02:41,245 --> 00:02:44,164 <i>I told Korvo to clean up the ship, but no,</i>
00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:46,500 <i>he's too busy researching disses and digs.</i>
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,585 Huh? AISHA: <i>If it gets too dirty up in here,</i>
00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:52,130 <i>an unstoppable bio-matter eradication protocol kicks in</i>
00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:54,216 <i>and I lose control of the ship till it's over.</i>
00:02:54,216 --> 00:02:56,718 AUTOMATED VOICE: <i>Danger, radiation level rising.</i>
00:02:56,718 --> 00:02:59,972 <i>Current output is one percent.</i>
00:02:59,972 --> 00:03:01,348 AISHA: <i>Don't worry, it's just a blast</i>
00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:04,768 <i>of deadly teleron radiation that purges all organic life.</i>
00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:06,353 No. AISHA: <i>We're safe in the cockpit,</i>
00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:10,190 <i>but the rest of the ship is getting that sick-ass teleron wipe.</i>
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:12,025 <i>There's too much clutter in there anyhow,</i>
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:14,236 <i>food, toys, house plants.</i>
00:03:14,236 --> 00:03:17,531 <i>Pretty sure I saw a UPS guy wandering in a few days ago.</i>
00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:18,532 UPS?
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:20,033 AISHA: <i>Dude's lost as fuck.</i>
00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:23,370 <i>The ship is way bigger on the inside than on the outside.</i>
00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:24,288 <i>Where are you going?</i>
00:03:24,288 --> 00:03:26,999 <i>You're not going to save the UPS guy, are you?</i>
00:03:26,999 --> 00:03:28,458 <i>Don't go being a hero now.</i>
00:03:29,585 --> 00:03:31,170 [men yelling on TV] [turns off TV]
00:03:31,170 --> 00:03:32,754 Korvo, are we cool?
00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:34,715 You-you seemed pretty pissed last night
00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:36,383 after I busted your balls.
00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:38,385 You flipped over the table and stormed out like all,
00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:40,429 "Oh, fuck you!"
00:03:40,429 --> 00:03:41,638 Remember that, Korvo?
00:03:41,638 --> 00:03:42,973 No, I loved it.
00:03:42,973 --> 00:03:45,017 I remember thinking your roast was so funny
00:03:45,017 --> 00:03:47,603 that I decided to slap my knee, but I misjudged the distance
00:03:47,603 --> 00:03:50,606 and accidentally slapped the table so hard that it flipped over.
00:03:50,606 --> 00:03:52,816 And the "Fuck you" was at myself for being so strong.
00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:54,359 And-and I stormed out real quick
00:03:54,359 --> 00:03:56,695 because my Roblox subscription was about to expire,
00:03:56,695 --> 00:03:58,906 and I needed to re-up it so I don't get kicked out of my guild!
00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:00,240 Whoa! [thudding]
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,242 - Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. - Wh-wh-what's wrong?
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:03,952 I was in the replicants' room, stealing cigarettes--
00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:04,828 Please stop doing that.
00:04:04,828 --> 00:04:06,705 I saw a glowing green birth-a-day present
00:04:06,705 --> 00:04:09,583 on Yumyulack's bed, and it was addressed to him.
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:10,709 Oh, really?
00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:13,629 Jesus face-fucking Christ, that can only mean one thing.
00:04:13,629 --> 00:04:16,423 Today must be Yumyulack's Shlorpian birth-a-day!
00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:18,133 Wait, are you trying to say birthday?
00:04:18,133 --> 00:04:19,718 No, you sound stupid.
00:04:19,718 --> 00:04:21,803 It's a Shlorpian word that's totally different.
00:04:21,803 --> 00:04:24,223 Birth-a-day, Shlorpian birth-a-day.
00:04:24,223 --> 00:04:25,349 Jesus. Fuck.
00:04:25,349 --> 00:04:28,143 Oh, my God, these replicants know nothing about their heritage.
00:04:28,143 --> 00:04:30,812 Every Shlorpian gets one birth-a-day randomly
00:04:30,812 --> 00:04:31,688 in their lifetime.
00:04:31,688 --> 00:04:34,149 You know when it's here because a glowing green present appears.
00:04:34,149 --> 00:04:36,401 And then you have exactly one day to open your present
00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:37,986 and claim your birth-a-day powers.
00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:39,571 Ooh, what kind of powers do you get?
00:04:39,571 --> 00:04:40,614 That's the problem.
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,658 You're given a choice between infinite wisdom
00:04:42,658 --> 00:04:45,118 or powers of infinite destruction.
00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:46,912 Infinite wisdom sounds toit!
00:04:46,912 --> 00:04:49,039 Maybe, no one knows, it's never been picked.
00:04:49,039 --> 00:04:50,624 Everyone chooses destruction.
00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:52,501 A Shlorpian's birth-a-day is their big chance
00:04:52,501 --> 00:04:54,294 to get revenge on everyone who's wronged them.
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:56,380 Back on Shlorp, we had this one friend
00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:58,090 by the name of Jason.
00:04:58,090 --> 00:04:59,341 [Shlorpians screaming]
00:04:59,341 --> 00:05:02,302 Run, it's Jason's birth-a-day!
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:04,179 [heavy footsteps thudding]
00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:08,600 [Jason roaring]
00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:12,479 I fuckin' hated working here!
00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:13,355 [rubble clattering]
00:05:13,355 --> 00:05:14,356 [Shlorpian yells]
00:05:14,356 --> 00:05:16,275 Where the fuck you goin', dude?
00:05:16,275 --> 00:05:18,110 You were a shitty boss.
00:05:18,110 --> 00:05:21,321 Happy birth-a-day to me! [Shlorpian yells]
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:22,197 [laser fires]
00:05:22,698 --> 00:05:25,576 And Jason was a chill dude. People treated him with respect.
00:05:25,576 --> 00:05:27,578 Ah, geez. Yumyulack isn't chill,
00:05:27,578 --> 00:05:31,081 and we've really disrespected him lately with all the ball busting.
00:05:31,081 --> 00:05:32,583 Especially you, Korvo.
00:05:32,583 --> 00:05:34,293 I saw him crying into his bucket hat.
00:05:34,293 --> 00:05:36,753 I hate it when people can dish it out but they can't take it.
00:05:36,753 --> 00:05:38,463 He'll most def use his birth-a-day powers
00:05:38,463 --> 00:05:39,923 to laser-eye vaporize us.
00:05:39,923 --> 00:05:41,884 I don't wanna be zapped into ash.
00:05:41,884 --> 00:05:44,219 I haven't even licked a boy's inner butt yet.
00:05:44,219 --> 00:05:46,054 We gotta do what we used to do back on Shlorp.
00:05:46,054 --> 00:05:47,764 Keep the birth-a-day boy from finding out
00:05:47,764 --> 00:05:48,765 it's their birth-a-day.
00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:51,185 We must keep Yumyulack away from his room at all costs.
00:05:51,185 --> 00:05:53,520 That's right. I never got to kill anyone on my birth-a-day
00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,939 because my friends distracted me until the clock ran out.
00:05:55,939 --> 00:05:58,066 I was gonna kill my exes so they couldn't talk to each other
00:05:58,066 --> 00:06:00,068 about how I always brag about sucking da mound
00:06:00,068 --> 00:06:01,236 but I never actually do it.
00:06:01,236 --> 00:06:02,404 Then that's the plan.
00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:05,866 We have 12 hours to distract Yumyulack and save the family.
00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:08,285 Then we suck da mound.
00:06:09,953 --> 00:06:12,080 AISHA: <i>Alright. That's the last of my ferns.</i>
00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:13,749 <i>I'm not letting my Bloomscapes die</i>
00:06:13,749 --> 00:06:16,293 <i>'cause y'all can't do a weekly surface clean.</i>
00:06:16,293 --> 00:06:18,170 [winch whirs] [Pupa moans]
00:06:18,170 --> 00:06:20,339 AISHA: <i>What are you doing with my good winches?</i>
00:06:20,339 --> 00:06:22,090 <i>This is about the UPS guy.</i>
00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:23,509 <i>You're going after his ass.</i>
00:06:23,509 --> 00:06:25,511 UPS, UPS!
00:06:25,511 --> 00:06:28,555 AISHA: <i>Dammit, Pupa. Why do you have to have a moral code?</i>
00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:30,891 <i>You can't go in there, it's too big a risk.</i>
00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:32,726 <i>You don't even know if he's worth saving.</i>
00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:35,604 <i>What if he likes defending Jordan Peterson in comment threads?</i>
00:06:35,604 --> 00:06:37,022 <i>I'm not lettin' you go in there.</i>
00:06:37,022 --> 00:06:38,941 [door rumbling]
00:06:39,316 --> 00:06:41,860 <i>Get back here, don't you parkour away from me!</i>
00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:44,363 <i>Pupa!</i>
00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:48,200 There's our favorite little alien.
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:49,952 Uh, hey, what are you guys doing here?
00:06:49,952 --> 00:06:52,079 You said martial arts was for toe suckers.
00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:53,872 Toe sucking rules, dude!
00:06:53,872 --> 00:06:55,624 How was karate rehearsal?
00:06:55,624 --> 00:06:58,043 Awesome, I got my fourth white belt today.
00:06:58,043 --> 00:07:01,421 Check out my sick new move. [grunts]
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:04,049 Jesus, you are more off-balance than a donkey fucking--
00:07:04,049 --> 00:07:05,092 That was great.
00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:06,426 We thought we'd take you out to celebrate
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:07,928 this white belt thing we just heard about.
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:10,055 I appreciate the thought, but I prefer to head home
00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:11,640 so I can play the new <i>Madden</i> in my room.
00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:14,184 Forget the massively popular, Good Charlotte-themed video game.
00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:15,269 You could do that anytime,
00:07:15,269 --> 00:07:17,896 but you only get one chance to celebrate your fourth white belt.
00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:19,106 Can we at least take you out to lunch?
00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:20,315 I know the perfect place!
00:07:20,315 --> 00:07:22,568 Okay, I did work up a pretty good appetite
00:07:22,568 --> 00:07:23,902 with all my respectful bowing.
00:07:23,902 --> 00:07:24,695 Check it out.
00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:26,780 [Jesse/Terry/Korvo snickering]
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,282 Very cool.
00:07:28,282 --> 00:07:29,157 [alarm blaring]
00:07:29,157 --> 00:07:33,203 AUTOMATED VOICE: <i>Danger, radiation level at 35 percent.</i>
00:07:33,871 --> 00:07:35,622 AISHA: <i>You heard that scary-ass voice.</i>
00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:38,458 <i>If you gonna do this rescue bullshit, then hurry up,</i>
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:40,002 <i>or you won't have time to get back.</i>
00:07:41,253 --> 00:07:43,380 <i>By the way, that compartment you're in now</i>
00:07:43,380 --> 00:07:45,716 <i>is a giant unsolvable maze.</i>
00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:49,553 <i>Every ship's got one, stop looking at me like it's weird.</i>
00:07:49,553 --> 00:07:51,054 [alarm blaring]
00:07:51,054 --> 00:07:52,639 [doors rumbling]
00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:53,640 MAN: Help!
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:58,020 Please, help!
00:07:58,604 --> 00:07:59,688 [Pupa screams]
00:07:59,688 --> 00:08:02,941 ♪ dramatic music ♪
00:08:05,444 --> 00:08:09,114 AISHA: <i>Damn, Pupa! Your Daredevil powers fucked that maze up.</i>
00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:10,657 Thank you, kind creature.
00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:12,534 AISHA: <i>Wait, that ain't the UPS guy.</i>
00:08:12,534 --> 00:08:14,620 <i>Bro, how the hell did you get onto my ship?</i>
00:08:14,620 --> 00:08:15,871 I'm an exterminator.
00:08:15,871 --> 00:08:18,415 Got hired to come here a couple weeks ago to spray for spiders,
00:08:18,415 --> 00:08:21,418 and some giant horned bug gored my leg.
00:08:21,418 --> 00:08:24,004 AISHA: <i>Oh, shit. He's talking about a volptar.</i>
00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:25,172 Yeah, yeah, that's it.
00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:27,633 AISHA: <i>It's a dangerous silica-based parasite</i>
00:08:27,633 --> 00:08:30,594 <i>that must have crawled into the ship when we were flying through space.</i>
00:08:30,594 --> 00:08:32,679 <i>Volptars can survive radiation.</i>
00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:33,680 <i>They're tough as shit!</i>
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,265 [alarm blaring]
00:08:35,265 --> 00:08:36,934 Thank you!
00:08:36,934 --> 00:08:39,311 [winch whirring] [man grunts]
00:08:39,311 --> 00:08:40,562 AISHA: <i>Okay, he's back.</i>
00:08:40,562 --> 00:08:42,439 <i>Now use the second hook for yourself.</i>
00:08:42,439 --> 00:08:43,690 [alarm blaring]
00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:45,192 [door rumbling]
00:08:46,443 --> 00:08:47,945 <i>Pupa, get back here!</i>
00:08:48,362 --> 00:08:50,781 <i>Dammit, I'm getting too orb for this shit.</i>
00:08:54,326 --> 00:08:56,245 This is the only restaurant on this side of town
00:08:56,245 --> 00:08:57,996 where you can smoke your own brisket at the table
00:08:57,996 --> 00:09:00,541 and see the kid from <i>Two and a Half Men</i> tending bar.
00:09:00,541 --> 00:09:02,751 Ah, I'm just doing this for a role, I swear.
00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:04,670 This place has a ton of five-star reviews.
00:09:04,670 --> 00:09:06,505 And one zero-star review from a guy
00:09:06,505 --> 00:09:08,841 who clearly just wanted to complain about his divorce.
00:09:08,841 --> 00:09:11,051 - [Yumyulack sniffs] - Oh, it smells amazing.
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:11,885 When do we eat?
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:14,221 In four short hours,
00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:16,557 we get to take the meat's temperature for the first time.
00:09:16,557 --> 00:09:17,766 YUMYULACK/KORVO/JESSE: Ooh.
00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:21,353 So, let's all settle in for a nice, leisurely--
00:09:21,353 --> 00:09:22,646 Oh, shit. Take me home.
00:09:22,646 --> 00:09:24,690 - What is it? What's wrong? - The waitress, I know her.
00:09:24,690 --> 00:09:27,025 That's Tracey from school. Hey, Tracey, over here!
00:09:27,025 --> 00:09:28,235 Stop waving.
00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:30,237 I accidentally sent her a mound pic a few weeks ago.
00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:32,281 It was embarrassing. She left me on read.
00:09:32,281 --> 00:09:34,366 He's such a fuck-up, but we need to make him think it's cool.
00:09:34,366 --> 00:09:37,119 Don't worry, Yum bear, I bet it was a good pic.
00:09:37,619 --> 00:09:40,497 - Oh, goddamn, Yum, that mound is tight. - Tracey's out of her mind.
00:09:40,497 --> 00:09:42,291 Usually, I would totally roast you,
00:09:42,291 --> 00:09:44,501 but this is a quality mound.
00:09:44,501 --> 00:09:46,753 Neat, how'd you get it to glisten like that?
00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:48,964 What? She's coming over, d'ah!
00:09:49,798 --> 00:09:52,217 No wait. Um, uh, we have something else planned for you.
00:09:52,217 --> 00:09:53,886 It's a bounty hunting thing.
00:09:53,886 --> 00:09:55,888 It's what defines you as a character.
00:09:57,890 --> 00:09:59,474 So, what am I supposed to do here?
00:09:59,474 --> 00:10:02,227 Here's Jerry O'Connell. I think he's about to explain.
00:10:02,227 --> 00:10:05,272 <i>Welcome, Yumyulack, to Jerry O'Connell's Battle O' Death.</i>
00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:07,399 A battle royale? Fuck yes!
00:10:07,399 --> 00:10:09,067 <i>Wish I could be there with you in person,</i>
00:10:09,067 --> 00:10:11,236 <i>but I've got so many other gigs.</i>
00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:13,197 Hell yeah, you do. O'Connell works!
00:10:13,197 --> 00:10:16,200 Looks great too. His smile is almost wider than his face.
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:19,119 JERRY: <i>Twenty combat and survival experts plus one alien</i>
00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:21,288 <i>will hunt each other in our warehouse complex</i>
00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:23,332 <i>filled with weapons and booby traps.</i>
00:10:23,332 --> 00:10:25,459 <i>Every three hours, the playing field shrinks,</i>
00:10:25,459 --> 00:10:27,377 <i>last man standing wins.</i>
00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:29,546 - Sounds good. Wish me luck. - You got this.
00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:30,464 Kick ass, buddy.
00:10:30,464 --> 00:10:32,174 See you in six hours or so.
00:10:32,174 --> 00:10:33,050 [alarm blares]
00:10:33,050 --> 00:10:34,343 [gunfire and explosions]
00:10:34,343 --> 00:10:36,720 That should occupy Yumyulack for the rest of his birth-a-day.
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:38,138 You know, despite the fact he's hosting
00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:40,390 a deadly Hunger Squid Game Battle Royale,
00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:42,309 O'Connell seems like a great guy.
00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:44,144 You guys, I freaking won!
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:45,479 That was a blast.
00:10:45,479 --> 00:10:46,522 Some of those guys were tough.
00:10:46,522 --> 00:10:47,856 So, what are we doing now?
00:10:47,856 --> 00:10:48,941 KORVO/JESSE: Uh--
00:10:48,941 --> 00:10:50,359 [alarm blaring] AUTOMATED VOICE: <i>Danger,</i>
00:10:50,359 --> 00:10:53,195 <i>radiation level at 60 percent.</i>
00:10:53,195 --> 00:10:54,321 [alarm blaring]
00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:56,114 [volptar growling]
00:10:56,114 --> 00:10:57,574 [footsteps thudding]
00:10:57,574 --> 00:10:58,742 AISHA: <i>That's the volptar!</i>
00:10:58,742 --> 00:10:59,993 <i>Run, Pupa!</i>
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,203 [volptar roars]
00:11:01,203 --> 00:11:01,995 [Pupa yells]
00:11:03,288 --> 00:11:04,289 AISHA: <i>Watch out for the pit.</i>
00:11:04,289 --> 00:11:05,916 <i>That shit's got no bottom.</i>
00:11:05,916 --> 00:11:07,793 <i>That's where I throw used batteries.</i>
00:11:08,126 --> 00:11:09,545 <i>I know what you're thinkin',</i>
00:11:09,545 --> 00:11:13,173 <i>you wanna use those flares to propel your ass down the pit.</i>
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:15,717 <i>What the? Where did you get that Rocketeer mask?</i>
00:11:15,717 --> 00:11:18,428 <i>You better not have bought that with my Discover card.</i>
00:11:18,428 --> 00:11:20,097 <i>Pupa, no!</i>
00:11:20,097 --> 00:11:23,642 ♪ heroic music ♪
00:11:23,642 --> 00:11:31,066 ♪
00:11:31,066 --> 00:11:32,401 [woman screaming]
00:11:32,776 --> 00:11:35,404 <i>Guten tag,</i> tiny creature!
00:11:35,946 --> 00:11:37,614 <i>Danke</i> for the hug!
00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:40,868 [woman grunts]
00:11:40,868 --> 00:11:43,829 Ah, it feels so strange not to be falling.
00:11:43,829 --> 00:11:46,331 I've been in that pit for two whole <i>wochen.</i>
00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:48,083 AISHA: <i>How the hell did you get in there, German lady?</i>
00:11:48,083 --> 00:11:50,335 I Airbnb-ed a room on this spaceship.
00:11:50,878 --> 00:11:52,838 AISHA: <i>Now, now, now hold it right there, Pupa.</i>
00:11:52,838 --> 00:11:54,506 <i>I know you wanna use your last rope</i>
00:11:54,506 --> 00:11:56,175 <i>to send the socks and sandals lady back</i>
00:11:56,175 --> 00:11:58,302 <i>so you can keep looking for the UPS man, but--</i>
00:11:58,302 --> 00:11:59,136 [winch rattles]
00:11:59,136 --> 00:12:01,763 <i>That's right, I stuck a wrench in your winch,</i>
00:12:01,763 --> 00:12:04,433 <i>so you can't save this lady's life until I say so.</i>
00:12:04,433 --> 00:12:06,810 <i>Either you clip yourself in too and come back with her</i>
00:12:06,810 --> 00:12:09,146 <i>or you both die of radiation, up to you.</i>
00:12:09,146 --> 00:12:10,522 Please, don't let me die.
00:12:10,522 --> 00:12:13,400 Not before I've seen the Straits of Mackinac.
00:12:14,902 --> 00:12:17,279 AISHA: <i>Thank you. How hard was that?</i>
00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:19,823 [woman screams]
00:12:20,324 --> 00:12:22,326 AISHA: <i>Sorry, Pupa. I know you wanted to--</i>
00:12:22,910 --> 00:12:24,536 <i>Son of a bitch!</i>
00:12:24,536 --> 00:12:26,413 AUTOMATED VOICE: <i>Extreme danger,</i>
00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:29,124 <i>radiation level at 80 percent.</i>
00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:31,668 Okay, we got one more thing planned.
00:12:31,668 --> 00:12:34,505 Just keep that bucket hat down. A little further.
00:12:34,505 --> 00:12:36,798 And... now!
00:12:37,799 --> 00:12:40,052 [gasps] The Hat On A Hat Hat Factory?
00:12:40,052 --> 00:12:42,554 No way. They're my favorite North American hat brand.
00:12:42,554 --> 00:12:44,806 - How'd you know? - We looked at your search history.
00:12:44,806 --> 00:12:47,059 It was all hats, cats, and felching picks.
00:12:47,059 --> 00:12:51,104 Come on, let's go. We got you the four-hour VIP tour.
00:12:54,900 --> 00:12:56,777 JESSE: Oh. YUMYULACK: Holy shit,
00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:58,403 that's Barry Hatfield.
00:12:58,403 --> 00:13:01,073 He's the designing mastermind behind all their best headwear!
00:13:01,073 --> 00:13:03,033 Mastermind, please, this guy's a clown.
00:13:03,033 --> 00:13:04,576 He's clearly about to do some kind of Willy Wonka--
00:13:04,576 --> 00:13:05,869 [clown horn beeps]
00:13:05,869 --> 00:13:08,455 Oh, wow, your legs do work!
00:13:08,956 --> 00:13:09,915 Indeed.
00:13:09,915 --> 00:13:11,667 Greetings and welcome
00:13:11,667 --> 00:13:14,419 to the Hat On A Hat Hat Factory VIP Tour.
00:13:14,419 --> 00:13:17,130 'Tis I, Barry Hatfield.
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:19,091 Shall we begin?
00:13:19,091 --> 00:13:20,717 Fuck yes.
00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:23,804 <i>♪ Come on, let's go ♪</i>
00:13:24,346 --> 00:13:26,265 <i>♪ And I'll show you hats ♪</i>
00:13:26,265 --> 00:13:28,976 <i>♪ Of different shapes and sizes ♪</i>
00:13:29,726 --> 00:13:32,104 <i>♪ Stetsons, fedoras ♪</i>
00:13:32,104 --> 00:13:33,647 <i>♪ Sailor caps ♪</i>
00:13:33,647 --> 00:13:37,609 <i>♪ And Gatsbys too ♪</i>
00:13:37,609 --> 00:13:38,777 This song sucks shit.
00:13:38,777 --> 00:13:39,945 Let it go, man.
00:13:39,945 --> 00:13:41,154 Let it go.
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:44,116 <i>♪ We melt down felt and press it into hats ♪</i>
00:13:44,116 --> 00:13:47,327 <i>♪ In a process that meets EPA standards ♪</i>
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:50,664 <i>♪ We just reopened our porkpie wing ♪</i>
00:13:50,664 --> 00:13:56,086 <i>♪ And it's asbestos-free ♪</i>
00:13:56,545 --> 00:13:58,755 Oh, oh, yeah!
00:13:58,755 --> 00:14:00,841 Yumyulack, would you like to learn the secret
00:14:00,841 --> 00:14:03,468 to how we make our everlasting flat brims?
00:14:03,468 --> 00:14:05,679 [gasps] That's one of the most tightly kept secrets
00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:07,389 in all of the haberdashdom!
00:14:07,389 --> 00:14:09,808 Oof, that was some real candy-ass bullshit.
00:14:09,808 --> 00:14:11,810 That song did just kinda peter out.
00:14:11,810 --> 00:14:14,104 I cannot wait to bust Yumyulack's balls about it.
00:14:14,104 --> 00:14:15,981 If you thought I was bad before, wait until tomorrow.
00:14:15,981 --> 00:14:18,025 Mm, I can almost taste the pot roast.
00:14:18,025 --> 00:14:19,693 Actually, we were kind of hoping
00:14:19,693 --> 00:14:22,362 to keep the pause going on the whole ball-busting thing
00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:24,448 even after Yumyulack's birth-a-day.
00:14:24,448 --> 00:14:25,282 What?
00:14:25,282 --> 00:14:28,410 Today's my birth-a-day, and you hid it from me?
00:14:28,410 --> 00:14:30,621 - Oh, shit. - Oh, Yum, I'm so sorry.
00:14:30,621 --> 00:14:31,580 How could you?
00:14:31,580 --> 00:14:34,958 I was gonna use my birth-a-day powers to do so much cool stuff.
00:14:34,958 --> 00:14:37,753 Oh, yeah? Because we were scared you were gonna be violent with it.
00:14:37,753 --> 00:14:39,796 I was just gonna use my powers to make them show me
00:14:39,796 --> 00:14:41,840 an early cut of <i>Solo 2: Solo-er.</i>
00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:44,635 Oh, and I was gonna kill everyone, starting with you two!
00:14:44,635 --> 00:14:46,011 TERRY/JESSE: Ah! KORVO: Oh! No!
00:14:46,011 --> 00:14:47,930 - Ah, the felt! - Oh no!
00:14:47,930 --> 00:14:49,598 - It's burning! - We knew you were bad!
00:14:49,598 --> 00:14:51,350 Oh, oh, Terry, Jesse, no! [Terry/Jesse shouting indistinctly]
00:14:51,350 --> 00:14:52,601 BOTH: Ah!
00:14:52,601 --> 00:14:55,562 ♪ intense music ♪
00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:58,398 [machinery clanking, hissing]
00:14:58,398 --> 00:14:59,358 [bell dings]
00:14:59,358 --> 00:15:01,485 My family got milned into hats
00:15:01,485 --> 00:15:04,112 just like the fortune cookie said they would!
00:15:07,533 --> 00:15:10,160 Oh, my God. Terry, Jesse, can you hear me?
00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:12,621 You fuck. You turned them into the lamest thing!
00:15:12,621 --> 00:15:14,248 When I open my birth-a-day present,
00:15:14,248 --> 00:15:15,666 you're gonna wish you were a hat.
00:15:15,666 --> 00:15:20,796 ♪ dramatic music ♪
00:15:21,713 --> 00:15:23,131 [car tires screech] [cars honking]
00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:26,343 [cars honking]
00:15:26,718 --> 00:15:28,178 [car honks] KORVO: Hold on.
00:15:28,178 --> 00:15:29,972 This chase sequence looks familiar.
00:15:29,972 --> 00:15:32,099 Are these cheap bastards reusing animation
00:15:32,099 --> 00:15:34,017 from when Jesse chased you home that one time?
00:15:34,017 --> 00:15:35,686 No way, this is different!
00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:37,896 [dog barks, growls]
00:15:37,896 --> 00:15:39,439 Ah! Ah! Oh God.
00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:41,275 Oh, oh, help me. Ah, ah!
00:15:41,275 --> 00:15:42,234 Oh!
00:15:45,988 --> 00:15:49,116 It is the same, th-th-that's the dog that bit you before.
00:15:49,116 --> 00:15:50,993 Don't you dare use it to get past me.
00:15:50,993 --> 00:15:52,536 Fuck you, that's exactly what I'm doing.
00:15:52,536 --> 00:15:54,746 [alarm blaring]
00:15:54,746 --> 00:15:56,790 AISHA: <i>Pupa, get out of my engine room...</i>
00:15:56,790 --> 00:15:58,375 <i>you know it's not safe... here.</i>
00:15:58,709 --> 00:16:01,628 AUTOMATED VOICE: <i>Radiation building, 98 percent.</i>
00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:02,504 [UPS Guy whimpers]
00:16:02,504 --> 00:16:04,464 Help! Please help!
00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:07,009 AISHA [voice glitching]: <i>No, Pupa, you're not gonna make it.</i>
00:16:07,009 --> 00:16:09,678 ♪ heroic music ♪
00:16:09,678 --> 00:16:11,763 Who are you? What are you?
00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:13,849 [bone cracks] Ah!
00:16:14,391 --> 00:16:15,726 [alarm continues blaring]
00:16:15,726 --> 00:16:18,520 ♪ suspenseful music ♪
00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:20,105 - AUTOMATED VOICE: <i>99.6 percent.</i> - Let it go, man.
00:16:20,105 --> 00:16:21,773 Yeah, I'll get fired, but fuck 'em.
00:16:21,773 --> 00:16:23,442 They make me pee in my truck!
00:16:23,442 --> 00:16:27,738 AUTOMATED VOICE: <i>Warning, radiation buildup is now at 99.8 percent.</i>
00:16:28,197 --> 00:16:30,574 <i>Emitters are spooling, purge imminent.</i>
00:16:30,574 --> 00:16:33,160 ♪ dramatic music ♪
00:16:33,869 --> 00:16:36,371 Volptar! [volptar screeches]
00:16:36,371 --> 00:16:38,081 AISHA: <i>Pupa, watch out!</i>
00:16:38,081 --> 00:16:39,583 AUTOMATED VOICE: <i>Warning, danger,</i>
00:16:39,583 --> 00:16:41,543 <i>initiating teleron wipe.</i>
00:16:41,543 --> 00:16:43,754 [volptar screeches]
00:16:44,338 --> 00:16:45,881 [explosion booms]
00:16:46,757 --> 00:16:47,925 Korvo?
00:16:47,925 --> 00:16:49,510 Korvo! [grunts]
00:16:51,094 --> 00:16:52,221 Get out of my way.
00:16:52,221 --> 00:16:54,389 Look, I understand y-you're about to wreck me
00:16:54,389 --> 00:16:55,432 with your birth-a-day powers,
00:16:55,432 --> 00:16:58,727 but before you do that, I just wanna say I'm sorry.
00:16:59,978 --> 00:17:01,688 You are? For what?
00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:03,023 We shouldn't have lied to you.
00:17:03,023 --> 00:17:04,942 We should have trusted you to do the right thing
00:17:04,942 --> 00:17:06,193 instead of thinking the worst.
00:17:06,193 --> 00:17:07,069 Yeah, that's right.
00:17:07,069 --> 00:17:09,071 And I'm sorry I busted your balls so hard.
00:17:09,071 --> 00:17:12,157 The truth is, I have thin skin.
00:17:12,157 --> 00:17:14,284 Literally, it's a clinical condition I was born with
00:17:14,284 --> 00:17:15,327 that I've hidden from everyone.
00:17:15,327 --> 00:17:16,995 It makes me lash out when I feel attacked.
00:17:16,995 --> 00:17:18,956 Thanks for opening up to me about it.
00:17:18,956 --> 00:17:21,166 I had no idea you were carrying that burden.
00:17:21,166 --> 00:17:22,417 I know it's just you and me now
00:17:22,417 --> 00:17:24,795 because you killed half the family by turning them into hats.
00:17:24,795 --> 00:17:27,464 But I'd love to turn a new page in how we treat each other.
00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:28,173 What do you say?
00:17:28,173 --> 00:17:29,216 You know what, Korvo?
00:17:29,216 --> 00:17:30,801 If you really mean what you just said,
00:17:30,801 --> 00:17:33,720 then okay, I'm good with letting my birth-a-day clock run down.
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,097 Really, you are?
00:17:35,097 --> 00:17:37,391 Yeah, wanna go watch <i>Hunt for Red October 2:</i>
00:17:37,391 --> 00:17:38,517 <i>The Search for Green November?</i>
00:17:39,518 --> 00:17:41,436 Wait a hot fucking second.
00:17:41,895 --> 00:17:43,772 You hate that movie, and the Yumyulack I know
00:17:43,772 --> 00:17:45,065 would never cave that quick.
00:17:45,065 --> 00:17:46,775 Wait, don't, that's my present!
00:17:46,775 --> 00:17:48,402 "To Korvo"?
00:17:48,402 --> 00:17:51,572 Oh, my God, it's my Shlorpian birth-a-day.
00:17:51,572 --> 00:17:53,407 You guys pretended to distract Yumyulack
00:17:53,407 --> 00:17:56,076 while the whole time you were actually distracting me!
00:17:56,076 --> 00:17:58,579 Wait a minute, googly eyes?
00:17:58,579 --> 00:18:00,873 Are these hats even Terry and Jesse?
00:18:00,873 --> 00:18:02,583 [radio signal beeping, hissing]
00:18:02,583 --> 00:18:03,917 We're blown, we're blown!
00:18:03,917 --> 00:18:05,627 To the panic room!
00:18:06,378 --> 00:18:09,506 [evil laughter]
00:18:09,506 --> 00:18:11,049 Don't do this, Korvo.
00:18:11,049 --> 00:18:13,260 Think back to what you said two seconds ago.
00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:15,679 Fuck you, completely different situation.
00:18:15,679 --> 00:18:18,473 When I hit full bars, your asses are grasses.
00:18:18,807 --> 00:18:20,976 Oh, ah! Whoa!
00:18:22,227 --> 00:18:23,228 Get in here!
00:18:24,646 --> 00:18:26,273 Why did you lead him back to the house?
00:18:26,273 --> 00:18:28,483 YUMYULACK: I'm sorry, I got way too into character.
00:18:28,483 --> 00:18:31,403 ♪ dramatic music ♪
00:18:31,403 --> 00:18:32,446 Oh, shit.
00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:35,032 [lock clicking]
00:18:36,575 --> 00:18:37,659 Phew.
00:18:37,659 --> 00:18:39,703 KORVO: All charged up, time to die!
00:18:40,287 --> 00:18:42,122 [monitor crackling]
00:18:42,873 --> 00:18:45,834 That creature perished to save <i>mein</i> life.
00:18:45,834 --> 00:18:48,003 I will get a tattoo of him on my back.
00:18:48,003 --> 00:18:49,546 I don't even know his name.
00:18:49,546 --> 00:18:52,591 AISHA: <i>He was the Pupa, and he was very important,</i>
00:18:52,591 --> 00:18:55,260 <i>which is why the three of us need to get our story straight</i>
00:18:55,260 --> 00:18:56,720 <i>about what exactly happened to him.</i>
00:18:57,721 --> 00:19:00,307 [volptar roars] [all scream]
00:19:00,307 --> 00:19:02,100 [volptar roars]
00:19:05,103 --> 00:19:07,898 AISHA: <i>Pupa, you're alive, how?</i>
00:19:08,774 --> 00:19:12,069 <i>You hid from the radiation inside the volptar!</i>
00:19:12,069 --> 00:19:14,196 Alright, well, I'm gonna go.
00:19:14,696 --> 00:19:16,323 I don't trust this computer at all.
00:19:16,323 --> 00:19:19,952 Me neither, I've had quite enough of this sci-fi <i>scheisse.</i>
00:19:21,787 --> 00:19:22,913 Ya know, it's funny.
00:19:22,913 --> 00:19:25,374 I've always asked, "What can Brown do for you?"
00:19:25,374 --> 00:19:28,585 But this is the first time somebody did something for Brown.
00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:31,129 AISHA: <i>Wow, Pupa.</i>
00:19:31,129 --> 00:19:32,923 <i>You really taught me something today,</i>
00:19:32,923 --> 00:19:34,758 <i>that every human life matters,</i>
00:19:34,758 --> 00:19:38,804 <i>even that lonely UPS guy was worth sacrificing your own--</i>
00:19:38,804 --> 00:19:39,888 Ponies!
00:19:39,888 --> 00:19:42,766 AISHA: <i>I knew it, you need to quit putting toys on my card.</i>
00:19:42,766 --> 00:19:44,518 <i>You gonna fuck up my credit.</i>
00:19:44,518 --> 00:19:48,272 [Korvo laughing maniacally]
00:19:48,272 --> 00:19:50,232 KORVO: Last door. You guys are fucked.
00:19:50,232 --> 00:19:52,109 I suppose it was always gonna end like this.
00:19:52,109 --> 00:19:53,652 We had a good run, Terry.
00:19:53,652 --> 00:19:55,612 I just wish that the moon had hit my eye
00:19:55,612 --> 00:19:58,448 like a big pizza pie just-a-once-a.
00:19:58,448 --> 00:20:01,326 At least I found this bucket hat before I died.
00:20:01,326 --> 00:20:04,121 ♪ dramatic music ♪
00:20:04,121 --> 00:20:04,913 [metal clinks]
00:20:06,290 --> 00:20:08,125 Prepare to meet your makers, you lying--
00:20:08,125 --> 00:20:10,836 DEEP VOICE: <i>Shlorpian birth-a-day complete.</i>
00:20:10,836 --> 00:20:13,422 [machine whirs]
00:20:15,340 --> 00:20:16,383 It's fine, you guys.
00:20:16,383 --> 00:20:18,343 - You can come over. - You aren't still mad?
00:20:18,343 --> 00:20:19,636 Just at myself.
00:20:19,636 --> 00:20:21,180 I told you the lesson I needed to hear,
00:20:21,180 --> 00:20:22,472 and then I immediately didn't do it.
00:20:22,472 --> 00:20:24,725 I was like, "Fuck that lesson, I'm gonna slaughter you all."
00:20:24,725 --> 00:20:25,559 I-I'm sorry.
00:20:25,559 --> 00:20:29,479 Infinite power is intoxicating, I always said that.
00:20:29,479 --> 00:20:31,148 Or wait, was it "Characters Welcome"?
00:20:31,148 --> 00:20:32,357 I know I said one of 'em.
00:20:32,357 --> 00:20:35,235 Either way, the next time someone has Shlorpian birth-a-day,
00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:37,279 we need to trust they won't kill the rest of us.
00:20:37,279 --> 00:20:38,030 Can we do that?
00:20:38,030 --> 00:20:40,157 - You bet. - Absolutely.
00:20:40,157 --> 00:20:42,159 ♪
00:20:44,077 --> 00:20:45,245 Oh, fuck.
00:20:45,746 --> 00:20:46,538 Yeah.
00:20:46,538 --> 00:20:47,956 - Whoa! Crazy. - Alright, nice.
00:20:47,956 --> 00:20:50,125 I feel like I'm actually on Air Force One.
00:20:50,125 --> 00:20:51,335 Where'd you get this game?
00:20:51,335 --> 00:20:52,336 The Reagan Library.
00:20:52,336 --> 00:20:54,463 Now, now remember, keep those goggles on good and tight
00:20:54,463 --> 00:20:55,506 for maximum VR.
00:20:58,342 --> 00:20:59,593 Jesse's a total snake.
00:20:59,593 --> 00:21:01,261 If she gets her hands on this, we're dead.
00:21:01,261 --> 00:21:02,763 Then I say we stuff it in the washing machine.
00:21:02,763 --> 00:21:03,972 It's the last place she's gonna look.
00:21:03,972 --> 00:21:05,015 She only has one outfit.
00:21:05,015 --> 00:21:06,433 Whoa, look at that!
00:21:06,433 --> 00:21:07,935 Nancy's giving some guy a hummer,
00:21:07,935 --> 00:21:09,978 and it's Clint Eastwood?
00:21:09,978 --> 00:21:11,480 [gasps] Too real.
00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:13,023 [gags] I'm gonna puke.
00:21:13,023 --> 00:21:15,692 Oh, no, wait. You have to see how she spits it in his face.
00:21:16,276 --> 00:21:18,987 [gasps] You motherfuckers.
00:21:18,987 --> 00:21:20,781 - Give me that box! - Run!
00:21:20,781 --> 00:21:22,115 JESSE: Give me that right now.
00:21:22,115 --> 00:21:23,951 I have a lot of anger to work out!
00:21:23,951 --> 00:21:25,494 KORVO: Terry, heads up. TERRY: Got it!
00:21:25,494 --> 00:21:26,662 YUMYULACK: Run! JESSE: Give it back!
00:21:26,662 --> 00:21:28,956 You're ruining my birth-a-day!
00:21:28,956 --> 00:21:29,873 [all screaming]
00:21:35,337 --> 00:21:39,967 ♪ dramatic theme ♪
00:21:39,967 --> 00:21:43,136 ♪
00:22:19,715 --> 00:22:21,216 [mimicking laser fire]

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