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Корво, Терри и Джесси объединяются, чтобы помешать Юмьюлаку обнаружить свой подарок ко дню рождения. Такой подарок наделяет инопланетянина на один день разрушительной силой. Обычно шлорпианцы используют эту силу, чтобы мстить своим обидчикам. Пупа спускается в нижние отсеки космического корабля, чтобы достать оттуда случайно забрёдших туда людей.

Подарок на день рождения

The Birth-A-Day Present
Сезон: 04Серия: 05

Описание

Корво, Терри и Джесси объединяются, чтобы помешать Юмьюлаку обнаружить свой подарок ко дню рождения. Такой подарок наделяет инопланетянина на один день разрушительной силой. Обычно шлорпианцы используют эту силу, чтобы мстить своим обидчикам. Пупа спускается в нижние отсеки космического корабля, чтобы достать оттуда случайно забрёдших туда людей.

Субтитры

spa__Spanish_[SDH].srt

spa__Spanish_[SDH].srt

00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:05,005

UN ORIGINAL DE HULU

00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:07,007

00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,926

TERRY:

Korvo, ¿dónde está la comida?

00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:09,968

¡Muero de calambre!

00:00:09,968 --> 00:00:11,720

¡Es una combinación

de calor y hambre!

00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:13,347

KORVO: ¡No tendrías tanto calor

si dejaras de comerte

00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:14,431

esas piedras de sauna!

00:00:14,431 --> 00:00:16,058

Me gusta ese sombrero, Yumyulack.

00:00:16,058 --> 00:00:18,769

Resalta la forma natural

de cubo de tu cabeza.

00:00:18,769 --> 00:00:20,854

Gracias, es que me probé muchos

sombreros últimamente,

00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:22,814

pero creo que

por fin he encontrado

00:00:22,814 --> 00:00:24,733

el que dice:

"Este tipo caza recompensas".

00:00:24,733 --> 00:00:25,901

La cena está servida.

00:00:25,901 --> 00:00:27,027

Hice carne rostizada

00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:30,030

porque hoy es otra cena familiar

de burlas de los Solar Opposites.

00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:30,948

- ¡Sí!

- ¡Guau!

00:00:30,948 --> 00:00:32,698

- ¡Muy bien! ¡Uh ju!

- Sí, amo la noche de burlas.

00:00:32,698 --> 00:00:34,243

Sí, no quiero participar de esta.

00:00:34,243 --> 00:00:36,954

Hice carne rostizada para comer bien

y que pudiéramos burlarnos.

00:00:36,954 --> 00:00:39,623

Esta es nuestra nueva y divertida onda

y toda la familia tiene que participar.

00:00:39,623 --> 00:00:42,000

La cuarta de la semana,

es una racha de burlas, chicos.

00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:44,503

Pensé que te habías quedado

sin material después de decir

00:00:44,503 --> 00:00:47,089

que mi cara parece el interior

de la vagina de Venom.

00:00:47,089 --> 00:00:49,383

Y así fue. Y luego me quedé despierto

toda la noche viendo Sopranos

00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:51,969

en una pantalla y películas

de Judd Apatow en la otra.

00:00:51,969 --> 00:00:54,471

¿Quién quiere que le rompan primero

las inexistentes pelotas?

00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:55,889

¡Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo!

00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:56,974

Muy bien. Aquí vamos.

00:00:56,974 --> 00:00:59,476

[carraspea] Terry es lo que obtienes

cuando el Jolly Green Giant

00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:01,186

accidentalmente olvida

hacer el día de las piernas.

00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:02,771

¡Ah, acabo de decir eso!

00:01:02,771 --> 00:01:04,147

[ríe] Me atrapaste.

00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:06,191

Uh, quiero la próxima,

me salté el almuerzo.

00:01:06,191 --> 00:01:08,402

Lo menos que tiene tu vestido

a lunares son lunares.

00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:10,445

Ah, no, lo hizo.

¡Ah, sí, lo hizo!

00:01:10,445 --> 00:01:12,739

[riendo] ¡Gracias, Korvo!

00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:13,907

Y luego tenemos a Yumyulack.

00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:16,118

Maldita sea,

miren a este perdedor.

00:01:16,118 --> 00:01:17,870

Lo único peor que el feo

sombrero de Yumyulack

00:01:17,870 --> 00:01:19,496

es su personalidad de porquería.

00:01:19,496 --> 00:01:20,831

Ah, ¿eso es un sombrero de cubo?

00:01:20,831 --> 00:01:22,541

¿Más bien un cubo

de a quién carajo le importa?

00:01:22,541 --> 00:01:24,918

Ah, en serio, eres la basura más fea,

00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:26,128

estúpida y odiable.

00:01:26,128 --> 00:01:28,005

Usas sombreros

porque deseas mucho ser humano

00:01:28,005 --> 00:01:30,632

pero nunca lo serás

porque no tienes mamá.

00:01:30,632 --> 00:01:32,926

Ah, a-a-a-a-a-arruinado.

00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:33,969

[Terry y Jesse ríen incómodamente]

00:01:33,969 --> 00:01:34,845

Aquí está tu bazofia.

00:01:34,845 --> 00:01:36,305

¿Alguien quiere burlarse

de mí para que pueda comer?

00:01:36,305 --> 00:01:37,556

Ah, tengo una graciosa.

00:01:37,556 --> 00:01:39,975

Korvo, eres tan azul que el cielo dice:

00:01:39,975 --> 00:01:41,852

"Oye, devuélveme mi color".

00:01:42,144 --> 00:01:43,187

Ah, te atrapé.

00:01:43,187 --> 00:01:45,522

Maldita sea, Jesse.

No puedo creer que dijeras eso.

00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:47,858

Las palabras pueden herir.

[llorando]

00:01:48,692 --> 00:01:51,236

KORVO:

El planeta Shlorp era una utopía perfecta.

00:01:51,236 --> 00:01:53,363

Hasta que se estrelló el asteroide.

00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:56,408

Cien adultos y sus réplicas

recibieron un Pupa

00:01:56,408 --> 00:01:58,160

y escaparon al... espacio,

00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:00,954

en búsqueda de nuevos hogares

en mundos deshabitados.

00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:02,206

Nos estrellamos en la Tierra

00:02:02,206 --> 00:02:04,499

y quedamos varados en un planeta

ya sobrepoblado.

00:02:04,499 --> 00:02:06,126

Así es, yo he estado

hablando todo este tiempo.

00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:07,336

Soy el que sostiene al Pupa.

00:02:07,336 --> 00:02:09,004

Me llamo Korvo.

Este es mi programa.

00:02:09,004 --> 00:02:10,339

¡Joder!

Se me acaba de caer el Pupa.

00:02:10,339 --> 00:02:12,382

¡Uf! Esto es ridículo.

Odio la Tierra.

00:02:12,382 --> 00:02:13,425

Es un hogar horrible.

00:02:13,425 --> 00:02:15,135

La gente es estúpida y confusa.

00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:17,638

¿Por qué el período de gestación humana

es de nueve meses

00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:19,056

y luego salen inútiles?

00:02:19,056 --> 00:02:20,599

Deberían cultivar bebés en macetas.

00:02:20,599 --> 00:02:22,601

Más rápido, más fácil,

y después de que hayan terminado,

00:02:22,601 --> 00:02:24,311

¡puedes quedarte

la maceta como sombrero!

00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:27,439

♪ música dramática ♪

00:02:30,108 --> 00:02:32,653

♪ música de juego ♪

00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:34,238

AISHA:

¿Así se juega a las jotas?

00:02:34,238 --> 00:02:35,656

Los juegos terrestres son una tontería.

00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:37,658

[suena alarma]

VOZ AUTOMATIZADA: Advertencia,

00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:40,285

protocolo de autolimpieza iniciado.

00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:41,245

AISHA:

Maldita sea.

00:02:41,245 --> 00:02:44,164

Le dije a Korvo que limpiara

la nave, ¡pero no!

00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:46,500

Está muy ocupado investigando

disidencias y excavaciones.

00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,585

¿Eh?

AISHA: Si se ensucia mucho arriba,

00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:52,130

se activa un protocolo imparable

de erradicación de biomateria

00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:54,216

y pierdo el control de la nave

hasta que se acabe.

00:02:54,216 --> 00:02:56,718

VOZ AUTOMATIZADA:

Peligro. Nivel de radiación en aumento.

00:02:56,718 --> 00:02:59,972

La salida de corriente

es del uno por ciento.

00:02:59,972 --> 00:03:01,348

AISHA:

Descuida, es solo una ráfaga

00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:04,768

de radiación teleron mortal

que purga toda vida orgánica.

00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:06,353

No.

AISHA: Estamos a salvo en la cabina,

00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:10,190

pero el resto de la nave recibirá

esa asquerosa radiación teleron.

00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:12,025

Hay mucho desorden

allí de todos modos,

00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:14,236

comida, juguetes,

plantas de interior.

00:03:14,236 --> 00:03:17,531

Estoy segura de que vi

a un tipo de UPS por aquí hace unos días.

00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:18,532

¿UPS?

00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:20,033

AISHA:

El tipo está súper perdido.

00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:23,370

La nave es mucho más grande

por dentro que por fuera.

00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:24,288

¿Adónde vas?

00:03:24,288 --> 00:03:26,999

No vas a salvar

al tipo de UPS, ¿verdad?

00:03:26,999 --> 00:03:28,458

No te hagas el héroe ahora.

00:03:29,585 --> 00:03:31,170

[hombre gritando en TV]

00:03:31,170 --> 00:03:32,754

Korvo, ¿estás bien?

00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:34,715

Anoche parecías bastante enojado

00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:36,383

después de que me burlé.

00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:38,635

Volteaste la mesa

y saliste furioso diciendo:

00:03:38,635 --> 00:03:40,429

"¡Vete al carajo!".

00:03:40,429 --> 00:03:41,638

¿Recuerdas eso, Korvo?

00:03:41,638 --> 00:03:42,973

No, me encantó.

00:03:42,973 --> 00:03:45,017

Recuerdo que pensé

que tu burla fue tan graciosa

00:03:45,017 --> 00:03:47,603

que decidí golpearme la rodilla,

pero calculé mal la distancia

00:03:47,603 --> 00:03:50,606

y accidentalmente golpeé

la mesa que se volcó.

00:03:50,606 --> 00:03:52,816

Y el "vete al carajo" fue

a mí mismo por ser tan fuerte.

00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:54,359

Y salí corriendo

porque mi suscripción

00:03:54,359 --> 00:03:56,695

a Roblox estaba a punto de caducar

00:03:56,695 --> 00:03:58,906

y tenía que renovarla

para que no me echaran de mi gremio.

00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:00,240

¡Ah!

[golpe]

00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,450

Ah, carajo. Ah, carajo. Ah, carajo.

00:04:01,450 --> 00:04:02,242

¿Qué te pasa?

00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:03,952

Estuve en la habitación

de las réplicas robando cigarrillos...

00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:04,828

Por favor, deja de hacer eso.

00:04:04,828 --> 00:04:06,705

Vi un regalo verde brillante

de nacimientaños

00:04:06,705 --> 00:04:09,583

sobre la cama de Yumyulack

y estaba dirigido a él.

00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:10,709

Ah, ¿de verdad?

00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:13,629

Maldita sea,

solo puede significar una cosa.

00:04:13,629 --> 00:04:16,423

¡Hoy debe ser el nacimientaños

shlorpiano de Yumyulack !

00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:18,133

Espera, ¿tratas

de decir cumpleaños?

00:04:18,133 --> 00:04:19,718

No, suenas como una tonta.

00:04:19,718 --> 00:04:21,803

Es una palabra shlorpiana

que es totalmente diferente.

00:04:21,803 --> 00:04:24,223

Nacimientaños,

nacimientaños shlorpiano.

00:04:24,223 --> 00:04:25,349

Dios. Maldita sea.

00:04:25,349 --> 00:04:28,143

Estás réplicas no saben

nada sobre su herencia.

00:04:28,143 --> 00:04:31,688

Cada shlorpiano tiene

un nacimientaños al azar en su vida.

00:04:31,688 --> 00:04:34,149

Lo sabrás porque

aparecerá un regalo verde brillante.

00:04:34,149 --> 00:04:36,401

Y entonces tienes exactamente

un día para abrir tu regalo

00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:37,986

y reclamar tus poderes

de nacimientaños.

00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:39,571

¿Qué clase de poderes recibes?

00:04:39,571 --> 00:04:40,614

Ese es el problema.

00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,658

Te dan a elegir entre sabiduría infinita

00:04:42,658 --> 00:04:45,118

o poderes de destrucción infinita.

00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:46,912

¡Sabiduría infinita suena bien!

00:04:46,912 --> 00:04:49,039

Tal vez, nadie lo sabe,

nunca lo han elegido.

00:04:49,039 --> 00:04:50,624

Todos eligen la destrucción.

00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:52,501

El nacimientaños de un shlorpiano

es su gran oportunidad

00:04:52,501 --> 00:04:54,294

de vengarse de todos

los que le han hecho daño.

00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:56,380

En Shlorp teníamos un amigo

00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:58,090

llamado Jason.

00:04:58,090 --> 00:04:59,341

[shlorpianos gritando]

00:04:59,341 --> 00:05:02,302

¡Corre, es el nacimientaños de Jason!

00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:04,179

[golpes de pasos fuertes]

00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:08,600

[Jason rugiendo]

00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:12,396

¡Odio trabajar aquí, carajo!

00:05:12,396 --> 00:05:13,355

[edificio rompiéndose]

00:05:13,355 --> 00:05:14,356

[shlorpiano grita]

00:05:14,356 --> 00:05:16,275

¿A dónde demonios vas, amigo?

00:05:16,275 --> 00:05:18,110

Eras un jefe de porquería.

00:05:18,110 --> 00:05:21,321

¡Feliz nacimientaños para mí!

[shlorpiano grita]

00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:22,197

[fuego de láser]

00:05:22,698 --> 00:05:25,576

Y Jason era un tipo tranquilo,

la gente lo trataba con respeto.

00:05:25,576 --> 00:05:27,578

Ah, cielos.

Yumyulack no es tranquilo,

00:05:27,578 --> 00:05:31,081

y le hemos faltado al respeto

últimamente con esas burlas.

00:05:31,081 --> 00:05:32,583

En especial tú, Korvo.

00:05:32,583 --> 00:05:34,293

Lo vi llorando

en su sombrero de cubo.

00:05:34,293 --> 00:05:36,753

Odio cuando la gente

puede criticar pero no acepta críticas.

00:05:36,753 --> 00:05:38,463

Definitivamente usará

sus poderes de nacimientaños

00:05:38,463 --> 00:05:39,923

para usar el láser

y vaporizarnos.

00:05:39,923 --> 00:05:41,884

No quiero que me convierta en cenizas.

00:05:41,884 --> 00:05:44,219

Ni siquiera he lamido

el trasero de un chico todavía.

00:05:44,219 --> 00:05:46,054

Tenemos que hacer

lo que solíamos hacer en Shlorp.

00:05:46,054 --> 00:05:48,765

Evitar que el chico nacimientañero

descubra que es su nacimientaños.

00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:51,185

Debemos mantener a Yumyulack

lejos de su habitación a toda costa.

00:05:51,185 --> 00:05:53,520

Así es. Nunca pude matar a nadie

en mi nacimientaños

00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,939

porque mis amigos me distrajeron

hasta que se acabó el tiempo.

00:05:55,939 --> 00:05:58,066

Iba a matar a mis ex

para que no pudieran hablar

00:05:58,066 --> 00:06:00,068

sobre cómo siempre presumo

de chupar el montículo

00:06:00,068 --> 00:06:01,236

pero en realidad nunca lo hago.

00:06:01,236 --> 00:06:02,404

Entonces ese es el plan.

00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:05,866

Tenemos 12 horas para distraer

a Yumyulack y salvar a la familia.

00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:08,285

Luego, chupamos el montículo.

00:06:09,953 --> 00:06:12,080

AISHA: De acuerdo.

Ese es el último de mis helechos.

00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:13,749

No voy a dejar que

mis Bloomscapes mueran

00:06:13,749 --> 00:06:16,293

porque no pueden hacer

una limpieza de superficie semanal.

00:06:16,293 --> 00:06:18,170

[chirrido del cabrestante]

[Pupa se queja]

00:06:18,170 --> 00:06:20,339

AISHA: ¿Qué haces

con mis cabrestantes buenos?

00:06:20,339 --> 00:06:22,090

Esto es por el tipo de UPS.

00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:23,509

¿Vas a ir por él?

00:06:23,509 --> 00:06:25,511

UPS, UPS.

00:06:25,511 --> 00:06:28,555

AISHA: Maldición, Pupa.

¿Por qué tienes un código moral?

00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:30,891

No puedes entrar ahí,

es muy arriesgado.

00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:32,726

Ni siquiera sabes

si vale la pena salvarlo.

00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:35,604

¿Y si defiende a Jordan Peterson

en los hilos de comentarios?

00:06:35,604 --> 00:06:37,022

No te dejaré ir ahí.

00:06:37,022 --> 00:06:38,941

[puerta retumbando]

00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:41,860

Vuelve aquí,

no te alejes haciendo parkour.

00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:44,363

¡Pupa!

00:06:44,363 --> 00:06:45,906

PATÉAME KARATE

00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:48,200

Es nuestro extraterrestre favorito.

00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:49,952

Ah, hola,

¿qué hacen aquí, chicos?

00:06:49,952 --> 00:06:52,079

Dijeron que las artes marciales

eran para idiotas.

00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:53,872

¡Las cosas para idiotas son lo mejor!

00:06:53,872 --> 00:06:55,624

¿Cómo estuvo el ensayo de karate?

00:06:55,624 --> 00:06:58,043

Increíble, hoy conseguí

mi cuarto cinturón blanco.

00:06:58,043 --> 00:07:01,421

Miren mi nuevo movimiento espectacular.

[se queja]

00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:04,049

Dios, tienes menos equilibrio

que un mono haciéndose...

00:07:04,049 --> 00:07:05,092

Estuvo genial.

00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:06,426

Pensamos en llevarte a celebrar

00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:07,928

esta cosa del cinturón blanco

que acabamos de oír.

00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:10,055

Se los agradezco,

pero prefiero ir a casa

00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:11,640

para poder jugar

al nuevo Madden en mi habitación.

00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:14,184

Olvídate del videojuego

tan popular del tema de Good Charlotte.

00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:15,269

Podrías hacerlo

en cualquier momento,

00:07:15,269 --> 00:07:17,896

pero solo tienes una oportunidad

de celebrar tu cuarto cinturón blanco.

00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:19,106

¿Podemos al menos

invitarte a almorzar?

00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:20,315

¡Conozco un lugar perfecto!

00:07:20,315 --> 00:07:22,568

Bien, me dio

bastante apetito al hacer

00:07:22,568 --> 00:07:23,902

todas mis respetuosas reverencias.

00:07:23,902 --> 00:07:24,695

Miren esto.

00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:26,780

[Jesse/Terry/Korvo riendo]

00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,282

Qué impresionante.

00:07:28,282 --> 00:07:29,157

[alarma sonando]

00:07:29,157 --> 00:07:33,203

VOZ AUTOMATIZADA: Peligro,

el nivel de radiación es 35 por ciento.

00:07:33,871 --> 00:07:35,622

AISHA:

Escuchaste esa voz aterradora.

00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:38,458

Si vas a hacer esta tontería del rescate,

vete ahora,

00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:40,002

o no tendrás tiempo de volver.

00:07:41,253 --> 00:07:43,380

Por cierto,

ese compartimento en el que estás

00:07:43,380 --> 00:07:45,716

es un laberinto gigante

imposible de resolver.

00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:49,553

Todas las naves tienen uno,

deja de mirar como si fuera raro.

00:07:49,553 --> 00:07:51,054

[alarma sonando]

00:07:51,054 --> 00:07:52,639

[puertas retumbando]

00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:53,640

HOMBRE:

¡Ayúdenme!

00:07:56,101 --> 00:07:58,020

¡Por favor, ayúdenme!

00:07:58,604 --> 00:07:59,688

[Pupa grita]

00:07:59,688 --> 00:08:02,941

♪ música dramática ♪

00:08:05,444 --> 00:08:09,114

AISHA: ¡Maldición, Pupa!

Tus poderes de Daredevil lo lograron.

00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:10,657

Gracias, criatura amable.

00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:12,534

AISHA:

Espera, ese no es el hombre de UPS.

00:08:12,534 --> 00:08:14,620

Hermano, ¿cómo demonios

subiste a mi nave?

00:08:14,620 --> 00:08:15,871

Soy exterminador.

00:08:15,871 --> 00:08:18,415

Me contrataron hace un par de semanas

para matar a las arañas,

00:08:18,415 --> 00:08:21,418

y un bicho gigante con cuernos

me atacó en la pierna.

00:08:21,418 --> 00:08:24,004

AISHA: Oh, carajo.

Está hablando del volptar.

00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:25,172

Sí, sí, es ese.

00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:27,633

AISHA:

Es un peligroso parásito de sílice

00:08:27,633 --> 00:08:30,594

que debe haber entrado en la nave

cuando volábamos por el espacio.

00:08:30,594 --> 00:08:32,721

Los volptares pueden sobrevivir

a la radiación.

00:08:32,721 --> 00:08:33,680

¡Son jodidamente resistentes!

00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,265

[alarma sonando]

00:08:35,265 --> 00:08:36,934

¡Gracias!

00:08:36,934 --> 00:08:39,311

[cabrestante chirriando]

[hombre se queja]

00:08:39,561 --> 00:08:40,562

AISHA:

Bien, ya está aquí.

00:08:40,562 --> 00:08:42,439

Ahora usa el segundo gancho para ti.

00:08:42,439 --> 00:08:43,690

[alarma sonando]

00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:45,192

[puerta retumbando]

00:08:46,443 --> 00:08:47,945

¡Pupa, vuelve aquí!

00:08:48,362 --> 00:08:50,781

Maldición, me estoy poniendo

muy vieja para estas cosas.

00:08:54,326 --> 00:08:56,245

Este es el único restaurante

en este lado de la ciudad

00:08:56,245 --> 00:08:57,996

donde puedes ahumar

tu propia carne en la mesa

00:08:57,996 --> 00:09:00,541

y ver al chico de Dos hombre y medio

atendiendo el bar.

00:09:00,541 --> 00:09:02,751

Ah, lo estoy haciendo

para un papel, lo juro.

00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:04,670

Este lugar tiene muchos

comentarios de cinco estrellas.

00:09:04,670 --> 00:09:06,505

Y un comentario

con una sola estrella de un tipo

00:09:06,505 --> 00:09:08,841

que claramente solo quería

quejarse de su divorcio.

00:09:08,841 --> 00:09:09,633

[Yumyulack huele]

00:09:09,633 --> 00:09:11,051

Ah, huele maravilloso.

00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:11,885

¿Cuándo comemos?

00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:14,221

En cuatro cortas horas,

00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:16,557

podemos tomar la temperatura

de la carne por primera vez.

00:09:16,557 --> 00:09:17,766

YUMYULACK/KORVO/JESSE:

Uh.

00:09:17,766 --> 00:09:18,725

TIEMPO HASTA QUE NACIMIENTAÑOS

HA CONCLUIDO

00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:21,353

Bueno, vamos a relajarnos

para pasar un buen rato...

00:09:21,353 --> 00:09:22,646

Ay, carajo. Llévame a casa.

00:09:22,646 --> 00:09:23,689

¿Qué es? ¿Qué pasa?

00:09:23,689 --> 00:09:24,690

Conozco a la mesera.

00:09:24,690 --> 00:09:25,941

Es Tracey de la escuela.

00:09:25,941 --> 00:09:27,025

¡Hola, Tracey, por aquí!

00:09:27,025 --> 00:09:28,235

Deja de saludar.

00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:30,237

Hace unas semanas, le mandé una foto

de mi montículo por accidente.

00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:32,281

Fue vergonzoso,

solo leyó el mensaje.

00:09:32,281 --> 00:09:34,366

Es un imbécil total,

pero tiene que pensar que es fantástico.

00:09:34,366 --> 00:09:37,119

No te preocupes, Yum,

apuesto a que la foto estuvo buena.

00:09:37,619 --> 00:09:40,497

- Vaya, qué montículo genial.

- Tracey está como loca.

00:09:40,497 --> 00:09:42,291

Por lo general,

haría una broma con eso,

00:09:42,291 --> 00:09:44,501

pero este es un montículo

de calidad superior.

00:09:44,501 --> 00:09:46,753

Genial, ¿cómo has conseguido

que brille así?

00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:48,964

¿Qué? ¡Viene para acá, me voy!

00:09:49,798 --> 00:09:52,217

No, espera. Planeamos

algo más para ti.

00:09:52,217 --> 00:09:53,886

Es una cosa de caza de recompensas.

00:09:53,886 --> 00:09:55,888

Es lo que te define como personaje.

00:09:56,722 --> 00:09:57,890

BATALLA DE LA MUERTE

DE JERRY O'CONNELL

00:09:57,890 --> 00:09:59,474

¿Qué se supone que haga?

00:09:59,474 --> 00:10:01,894

Aquí está Jerry O'Connell.

Creo que está por explicar.

00:10:01,894 --> 00:10:05,272

Bienvenido, Yumyulack, a la Batalla

de la Muerte de Jerry O'Connell.

00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:07,399

¿Una batalla real?

¡Claro que sí!

00:10:07,399 --> 00:10:09,067

Ojalá estuviera ahí

contigo en persona,

00:10:09,067 --> 00:10:11,236

pero tengo muchos otros trabajos.

00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:13,197

Demonios, sí, claro.

¡O'Connell trabaja!

00:10:13,197 --> 00:10:16,200

También se ve genial.

Su sonrisa es más ancha que su cara.

00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:19,119

JERRY: Veinte expertos en combate

y supervivencia más un alienígena

00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:21,288

se cazarán entre sí

en nuestro complejo de almacenes

00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:23,332

lleno de armas y trampas explosivas.

00:10:23,332 --> 00:10:25,459

Cada tres horas

el campo de juego se reduce,

00:10:25,459 --> 00:10:27,377

el último hombre de pie gana.

00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:28,295

Suena bien.

00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:29,546

- Deséenme suerte.

- Vas a ganar.

00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:30,464

Patea esos traseros, amigo.

00:10:30,464 --> 00:10:32,174

Nos vemos en seis horas.

00:10:32,174 --> 00:10:33,050

[suena alarma]

00:10:33,050 --> 00:10:34,343

[disparos y explosiones]

00:10:34,343 --> 00:10:36,720

Eso debería ocupar a Yumyulack

por el resto de su nacimientaños.

00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:38,138

A pesar del hecho

de que es el anfitrión

00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:40,390

de un juego mortal de batalla real

del hambre del calamar,

00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:42,309

O'Connell parece un gran tipo.

00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:44,144

¡Oigan, amigos, gané!

00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:45,479

Fue una victoria total.

00:10:45,479 --> 00:10:46,522

Algunos de esos tipos

eran rudos.

00:10:46,522 --> 00:10:47,856

¿Y ahora qué hacemos?

00:10:47,856 --> 00:10:48,941

KORVO/JESSE:

Eh...

00:10:48,941 --> 00:10:50,359

[alarma sonando]

VOZ AUTOMATIZADA: Peligro,

00:10:50,359 --> 00:10:53,195

radiación al 60 por ciento.

00:10:53,195 --> 00:10:54,321

[alarma sonando]

00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:56,114

[volptar gruñendo]

00:10:56,114 --> 00:10:57,574

[pasos acercándose]

00:10:57,574 --> 00:10:58,742

AISHA:

¡Ese es el volptar!

00:10:58,742 --> 00:10:59,993

¡Corre, Pupa!

00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,203

[volptar ruge]

00:11:01,203 --> 00:11:01,995

[Pupa grita]

00:11:03,288 --> 00:11:04,289

AISHA:

Cuidado con el pozo.

00:11:04,289 --> 00:11:05,916

Esa cosa no tiene fondo.

00:11:05,916 --> 00:11:07,376

Ahí tiro las baterías usadas.

00:11:08,126 --> 00:11:09,545

Sé lo que estás pensado,

00:11:09,545 --> 00:11:13,173

quieres usar esas bengalas

para impulsarte por el pozo.

00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:15,717

¿Pero qué...? ¿De dónde sacaste

esa máscara de Rocketeer?

00:11:15,717 --> 00:11:18,428

Espero que no la hayas comprado

con mi tarjeta Discover.

00:11:18,428 --> 00:11:20,097

¡Pupa, no!

00:11:20,097 --> 00:11:24,101

♪ música heroica ♪

00:11:24,101 --> 00:11:24,935

ESTE ES UN LIBRO GRUESO

00:11:24,935 --> 00:11:31,066

00:11:31,066 --> 00:11:32,401

[mujer gritando]

00:11:32,776 --> 00:11:35,404

¡Guten tag, pequeña criatura!

00:11:35,946 --> 00:11:37,614

¡Danke por el abrazo!

00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:40,868

[mujer se queja]

00:11:40,868 --> 00:11:43,829

Se siente muy extraño

no estar cayendo.

00:11:43,829 --> 00:11:46,331

He estado en ese pozo durante

dos wochen enteros.

00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:48,083

AISHA: ¿Cómo demonios

entraste ahí, señora alemana?

00:11:48,083 --> 00:11:50,335

Renté una habitación en esta nave.

00:11:50,878 --> 00:11:52,838

AISHA:

Espera, no te muevas, Pupa.

00:11:52,838 --> 00:11:54,506

Sé que quieres usar

tu última cuerda

00:11:54,506 --> 00:11:56,175

para enviar a la mujer de los calcetines

y las sandalias de vuelta

00:11:56,175 --> 00:11:58,302

para que puedas seguir

buscando al hombre de UPS, pero...

00:11:58,302 --> 00:11:59,136

[cabrestante resuena]

00:11:59,136 --> 00:12:01,763

Así es, trabé una llave

en tu cabrestante,

00:12:01,763 --> 00:12:04,433

para que no puedas salvar

a esta mujer hasta que yo lo diga.

00:12:04,433 --> 00:12:06,810

Te engancharás en él también

y volverás con ella

00:12:06,810 --> 00:12:09,146

o ambos morirán por la radiación,

depende de ti.

00:12:09,146 --> 00:12:10,522

Por favor, no me dejes morir.

00:12:10,522 --> 00:12:13,400

No hasta que haya visto

los Estrechos de Mackinac.

00:12:14,902 --> 00:12:17,279

AISHA:

Gracias. ¿Era tan difícil?

00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:19,823

[mujer grita]

00:12:20,324 --> 00:12:22,326

Lo siento, Pupa.

Sé que querías...

00:12:22,910 --> 00:12:24,536

¡Hijo de perra!

00:12:24,536 --> 00:12:26,413

VOZ AUTOMATIZADA:

Peligro extremo,

00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:29,124

nivel de radiación al 80 por ciento.

00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:31,668

Bien, hemos planeado

una cosa más.

00:12:31,668 --> 00:12:34,505

Solo mantén abajo el sombrero de cubo.

Un poquito más lejos.

00:12:34,505 --> 00:12:36,798

Y... ¡ahora!

00:12:37,799 --> 00:12:40,052

[grito ahogado]

¿La fábrica Hat On A Hat Hat?

00:12:40,052 --> 00:12:42,554

¿En serio? Esta es mi fábrica

de sombreros favorita en Norte América.

00:12:42,554 --> 00:12:44,806

- ¿Cómo lo sabían?

- Vimos tu historial de búsqueda.

00:12:44,806 --> 00:12:47,059

Era todo sombreros,

gatos y pornografía.

00:12:47,059 --> 00:12:51,104

Vayamos para adentro.

Tenemos el recorrido VIP de 4 horas.

00:12:54,900 --> 00:12:56,777

JESSE: Oh.

YUMYULACK: Increíble,

00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:58,028

es Barry Hatfield.

00:12:58,028 --> 00:13:01,073

¡Es la mente maestra del diseño

de sus mejores sombreros!

00:13:01,073 --> 00:13:03,033

Mente maestra, por favor,

este tipo es un payaso.

00:13:03,033 --> 00:13:04,826

Está claramente a punto

de hacer algo de Willy Wonka...

00:13:04,826 --> 00:13:05,536

[pitido de bocina de payaso]

00:13:05,869 --> 00:13:08,455

Ah, guau,

tus piernas sí funcionan.

00:13:08,956 --> 00:13:09,915

Claro que sí.

00:13:09,915 --> 00:13:11,667

Saludos y bienvenidos

00:13:11,667 --> 00:13:14,419

al recorrido VIP

de la fábrica Hat On A Hat Hat.

00:13:14,419 --> 00:13:17,130

Me llamo Barry Hatfield.

00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:19,091

¿Comenzamos?

00:13:19,091 --> 00:13:20,717

Demonios, claro.

00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:23,804

♪ Vamos, todos juntos ♪

00:13:24,346 --> 00:13:26,265

♪ Y les mostraré sombreros ♪

00:13:26,265 --> 00:13:28,976

♪ De diferentes formas y tamaños ♪

00:13:29,726 --> 00:13:32,104

♪ Stetsons, fedoras ♪

00:13:32,104 --> 00:13:33,647

♪ Gorros de marinero ♪

00:13:33,647 --> 00:13:37,609

♪ Y de Gatsby también ♪

00:13:37,609 --> 00:13:38,777

Esta canción es una porquería.

00:13:38,777 --> 00:13:39,945

Relájate, amigo.

00:13:39,945 --> 00:13:41,154

Relájate.

00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:44,116

♪ Fundimos fieltro

y lo prensamos en sombreros ♪

00:13:44,116 --> 00:13:47,327

♪ En un proceso

que cumple las normas de la EPA ♪

00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:50,664

♪ Acabamos de reabrir

nuestra ala porkpie ♪

00:13:50,664 --> 00:13:56,086

♪ Y está libre de amianto ♪

00:13:56,545 --> 00:13:58,755

¡Ah, sí!

00:13:58,755 --> 00:14:00,841

Yumyulack, ¿te gustaría

saber el secreto

00:14:00,841 --> 00:14:03,468

de cómo hacemos nuestras

eternas alas planas?

00:14:03,468 --> 00:14:05,679

[suspira] ¡Es uno de los secretos

mejor guardados

00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:07,389

de todas las sastrerías!

00:14:07,389 --> 00:14:09,808

Uf, eso ha sido

una auténtica estupidez melosa.

00:14:09,808 --> 00:14:11,810

Esa canción se apagó un poco.

00:14:11,810 --> 00:14:14,104

No puedo esperar

a mortificar a Yumyulack con todo esto.

00:14:14,104 --> 00:14:15,981

Si pensaban que era malvado,

esperen a mañana.

00:14:15,981 --> 00:14:18,025

Mm, ya puedo saborear

cómo me reiré de él.

00:14:18,025 --> 00:14:19,693

En realidad, esperábamos

00:14:19,693 --> 00:14:22,362

que le pusiéramos una pausa

a mortificarnos con bromas

00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:24,448

incluso después

del nacimientaños de Yumyulack.

00:14:24,448 --> 00:14:25,282

¿Qué?

00:14:25,282 --> 00:14:28,410

¿Hoy es mi nacimientaños

y me lo ocultaron?

00:14:28,410 --> 00:14:30,621

- Ay, carajo.

- Ay, Yum, lo lamento.

00:14:30,621 --> 00:14:31,580

¿Cómo pudieron hacerlo?

00:14:31,580 --> 00:14:34,958

Iba a usar mis poderes

para hacer muchas cosas fantásticas.

00:14:34,958 --> 00:14:37,753

¿Ah, sí? Porque teníamos miedo

de que te pusieras violento.

00:14:37,753 --> 00:14:39,796

Iba a usar mis poderes

para hacer que me mostraran

00:14:39,796 --> 00:14:41,840

un primer corte de Solo 2: Solo-er.

00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:44,635

¡Oh, y los iba a matar a todos,

empezando por ustedes dos!

00:14:44,635 --> 00:14:46,011

TERRY/JESSE: ¡Ah!

KORVO: ¡Oh! ¡No!

00:14:46,011 --> 00:14:47,930

- ¡Ah, es terrible!

- ¡Ah, no!

00:14:47,930 --> 00:14:49,598

- ¡Está caliente!

- ¡Sabíamos que eras malo!

00:14:49,598 --> 00:14:51,350

¡Oh, oh, Terry, Jesse, no!

[Terry/Jesse gritando indistintamente]

00:14:51,350 --> 00:14:52,601

AMBOS:

¡Ah!

00:14:52,601 --> 00:14:55,562

♪ música intensa ♪

00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:58,398

[maquinaria traqueteando,

silbando]

00:14:58,398 --> 00:14:59,358

[suena campanilla]

00:14:59,358 --> 00:15:01,485

¡Transformaron

a mi familia en sombreros

00:15:01,485 --> 00:15:03,779

como lo dijo

la galleta de la fortuna!

00:15:07,533 --> 00:15:10,160

Ay, Dios mío.

Terry, Jesse, ¿pueden oírme?

00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:12,621

Maldito.

¡Los convertiste en la cosa más aburrida!

00:15:12,621 --> 00:15:14,248

Cuando abra mi regalo

de nacimientaños

00:15:14,248 --> 00:15:15,666

vas a desear

haberte transformado en sombrero.

00:15:15,666 --> 00:15:20,796

♪ música dramática ♪

00:15:21,713 --> 00:15:23,131

[chirrido de neumáticos]

[bocinas de autos]

00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:26,343

[bocinas de autos]

00:15:26,718 --> 00:15:28,178

[bocina de auto]

KORVO: Espera.

00:15:28,178 --> 00:15:29,972

Esta secuencia de persecución

me resulta familiar.

00:15:29,972 --> 00:15:32,099

¿Estos bastardos baratos

están reutilizando la animación

00:15:32,099 --> 00:15:34,017

de cuando Jesse

te persiguió a casa aquella vez?

00:15:34,017 --> 00:15:35,686

¡De ninguna manera, es diferente!

00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:37,896

[perro ladra, gruñe]

00:15:37,896 --> 00:15:39,439

¡Ah! ¡Ah! Dios mío.

00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:41,275

Oh, oh, ayúdame.

¡Ah, ah!

00:15:41,275 --> 00:15:42,234

¡Oh!

00:15:45,988 --> 00:15:49,116

¡Sí, es la misma!

Es el perro que te mordió antes.

00:15:49,116 --> 00:15:50,993

No te atrevas a usarlo

para pasar por encima de mí.

00:15:50,993 --> 00:15:52,536

Vete al carajo,

es exactamente lo que haré.

00:15:52,536 --> 00:15:54,746

[alarma sonando]

00:15:54,746 --> 00:15:56,790

AISHA:

Pupa, sal de mi sala de máquinas,

00:15:56,790 --> 00:15:58,375

sabes que no es seguro allí.

00:15:58,709 --> 00:16:01,628

VOZ AUTOMATIZADA:

Radiación del edificio, 98 por ciento.

00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:02,504

[hombre de UPS lloriqueando]

00:16:02,504 --> 00:16:04,464

¡Ayuda! ¡Por favor, ayuda!

00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:07,009

AISHA: No, Pupa,

no podrás lograrlo.

00:16:07,009 --> 00:16:09,678

♪ música heroica ♪

00:16:09,678 --> 00:16:10,846

¿Quién eres?

00:16:10,846 --> 00:16:11,763

¿Qué eres?

00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:13,849

[hueso se rompe]

¡Ah!

00:16:14,391 --> 00:16:15,726

[alarma continúa sonando]

00:16:15,726 --> 00:16:18,520

♪ música de suspenso ♪

00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:20,105

- VOZ AUTOMATIZADA: 99.6 por ciento.

- Deja que se caiga, amigo.

00:16:20,105 --> 00:16:21,773

Sí, me despedirán,

pero que se pudran.

00:16:21,773 --> 00:16:23,442

¡Me hacen orinar en el camión!

00:16:23,442 --> 00:16:27,738

VOZ AUTOMATIZADA: Advertencia,

la radiación está ahora al 99.8%.

00:16:28,197 --> 00:16:30,574

Los emisores

se están cargando, purga inminente.

00:16:30,574 --> 00:16:33,160

♪ música dramática ♪

00:16:33,869 --> 00:16:36,371

¡Volptar!

[volptar chilla]

00:16:36,371 --> 00:16:38,081

AISHA:

¡Pupa, cuidado!

00:16:38,081 --> 00:16:39,583

VOZ AUTOMATIZADA:

Advertencia, peligro,

00:16:39,583 --> 00:16:41,543

iniciando borrado teleron.

00:16:41,543 --> 00:16:43,754

[volptar chilla]

00:16:44,630 --> 00:16:45,881

[explosión]

00:16:46,757 --> 00:16:47,925

¿Korvo?

00:16:47,925 --> 00:16:49,510

¡Korvo! [gruñe]

00:16:51,094 --> 00:16:52,221

¡Sal de mi camino!

00:16:52,221 --> 00:16:54,389

Mira, entiendo que estés

por destrozarme

00:16:54,389 --> 00:16:55,432

con tus poderes de nacimientaños,

00:16:55,432 --> 00:16:58,727

pero antes de que lo hagas,

solo quiero decir que lo siento.

00:16:59,978 --> 00:17:01,688

¿En serio? ¿Por qué?

00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:03,023

No deberíamos haberte mentido.

00:17:03,023 --> 00:17:04,942

Deberíamos haber confiado

en que harías lo correcto

00:17:04,942 --> 00:17:06,193

en vez de pensar lo peor.

00:17:06,193 --> 00:17:07,069

Sí, así es.

00:17:07,069 --> 00:17:09,071

Y siento haberme burlado de ti.

00:17:09,071 --> 00:17:12,157

La verdad es que

soy de piel muy sensible.

00:17:12,157 --> 00:17:14,284

Literalmente, es una condición clínica

con la que nací

00:17:14,284 --> 00:17:15,327

y que he ocultado a todos.

00:17:15,327 --> 00:17:16,995

Me hace arremeter

cuando me siento atacado.

00:17:16,995 --> 00:17:18,956

Gracias por contármelo.

00:17:18,956 --> 00:17:21,166

No tenía ni idea

de que llevaras esa carga.

00:17:21,166 --> 00:17:22,417

Sé que ahora estamos solos tú y yo

00:17:22,417 --> 00:17:24,795

porque mataste a la mitad de la familia

convirtiéndola en sombreros.

00:17:24,795 --> 00:17:27,464

Pero me encantaría

cambiar la forma en cómo nos tratamos.

00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:28,173

¿Qué me dices?

00:17:28,173 --> 00:17:29,216

¿Sabes qué, Korvo?

00:17:29,216 --> 00:17:30,801

Si realmente sientes

lo que acabas de decir,

00:17:30,801 --> 00:17:33,720

está bien. No me molesta dejar

que se agote mi nacimientaños.

00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,097

¿En serio?

00:17:35,097 --> 00:17:37,391

Sí, ¿quieres ir a ver

Caza del Octubre Rojo 2:

00:17:37,391 --> 00:17:38,517

En busca del Noviembre Verde?

00:17:39,518 --> 00:17:41,436

Espera un maldito segundo.

00:17:41,895 --> 00:17:43,772

Odias esa película

y el Yumyulack que conozco

00:17:43,772 --> 00:17:45,065

nunca cedería tan rápido.

00:17:45,065 --> 00:17:46,775

¡Espera, no! ¡Ese es mi regalo!

00:17:46,775 --> 00:17:48,402

¿"Para Korvo"?

00:17:48,402 --> 00:17:51,572

Ay, Dios mío,

es mi nacimientaños shlorpiano.

00:17:51,572 --> 00:17:53,407

¡Han fingido distraer a Yumyulack

00:17:53,407 --> 00:17:56,076

mientras me distraían a mí!

00:17:56,076 --> 00:17:58,579

Un momento, ¿ojos saltones?

00:17:58,579 --> 00:18:00,873

¿Estos sombreros

son siquiera Terry y Jesse?

00:18:00,873 --> 00:18:02,583

[pitido de señal de radio,

silbido]

00:18:02,583 --> 00:18:03,917

¡Estamos arruinados,

estamos arruinados!

00:18:03,917 --> 00:18:05,627

¡A la habitación de pánico!

00:18:06,378 --> 00:18:09,506

[risa maligna]

00:18:09,506 --> 00:18:11,049

No hagas esto, Korvo.

00:18:11,049 --> 00:18:13,260

Piensa en lo que dijiste

hace dos segundos.

00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:15,679

Al carajo con eso,

la situación es completamente distinta.

00:18:15,679 --> 00:18:18,473

Cuando las barras se llenen,

los haré volar en pedazos.

00:18:18,807 --> 00:18:20,976

¡Ah! ¡Guau!

00:18:22,227 --> 00:18:23,228

¡Métete aquí!

00:18:24,646 --> 00:18:26,273

¿Por qué lo llevaste de vuelta a la casa?

00:18:26,273 --> 00:18:28,483

YUMYULACK: Lo lamento,

me metí demasiado en el personaje.

00:18:28,483 --> 00:18:31,403

♪ música dramática ♪

00:18:31,403 --> 00:18:32,446

Oh, carajo.

00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:35,032

[chasquidos de cerrojo]

00:18:36,575 --> 00:18:37,659

Uf.

00:18:37,659 --> 00:18:39,703

KORVO:

¡Todo cargado, hora de morir!

00:18:40,287 --> 00:18:42,122

[monitor crepitando]

00:18:42,873 --> 00:18:45,834

Esa criatura pereció

para salvar mi vida.

00:18:45,834 --> 00:18:48,003

Me haré un tatuaje de él en la espalda.

00:18:48,003 --> 00:18:49,546

Ni siquiera sé su nombre.

00:18:49,546 --> 00:18:52,591

AISHA: Era el Pupa,

y era muy importante,

00:18:52,591 --> 00:18:55,260

por eso los tres tenemos

que aclarar nuestra historia

00:18:55,260 --> 00:18:56,720

sobre qué le pasó exactamente.

00:18:57,721 --> 00:19:00,307

[volptar ruge]

[todos gritan]

00:19:00,307 --> 00:19:02,100

[volptar ruge]

00:19:05,103 --> 00:19:07,898

AISHA:

Pupa, ¿estás vivo, cómo?

00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:12,069

¡Te escondiste de la radiación

dentro del volptar!

00:19:12,069 --> 00:19:14,196

De acuerdo. Bueno, me voy.

00:19:14,696 --> 00:19:16,323

[en voz baja] No confío para nada

en esta computadora.

00:19:16,323 --> 00:19:19,952

¡Yo tampoco! Ya he tenido suficiente

de esta scheisse de ciencia ficción.

00:19:21,787 --> 00:19:22,913

¿Sabes? Es gracioso.

00:19:22,913 --> 00:19:25,374

Siempre he preguntado:

"¿Qué puede hacer el Sr. Marrón por ti?".

00:19:25,374 --> 00:19:28,585

Pero esta es la primera vez

que alguien hace algo por el Sr. Marrón.

00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:31,129

AISHA:

Guau, Pupa.

00:19:31,129 --> 00:19:32,923

Realmente me enseñaste algo hoy,

00:19:32,923 --> 00:19:34,758

que cada vida humana importa,

00:19:34,758 --> 00:19:38,804

incluso por ese solitario tipo de UPS

valió la pena sacrificar tu propia...

00:19:38,804 --> 00:19:39,888

¡Ponis!

00:19:39,888 --> 00:19:42,766

AISHA: ¡Lo sabía!

No compres más juguetes con mi tarjeta.

00:19:42,766 --> 00:19:44,518

Vas a arruinar mi crédito.

00:19:44,518 --> 00:19:48,272

[Korvo riendo maniáticamente]

00:19:48,272 --> 00:19:50,232

¡Última puerta!

¡Van a morir!

00:19:50,566 --> 00:19:52,109

Supongo que siempre

iba a terminar así.

00:19:52,109 --> 00:19:53,652

La pasamos bien, Terry.

00:19:53,652 --> 00:19:55,612

Solo me hubiera gustado

tener una luna de miel espectacular

00:19:55,612 --> 00:19:58,448

como una gran tarta

de pizza solo una vez...

00:19:58,448 --> 00:20:01,326

Ojalá hubiera encontrado

este sombrero de cubo antes de morir.

00:20:01,326 --> 00:20:04,121

♪ música dramática ♪

00:20:04,121 --> 00:20:04,913

[metal rechina]

00:20:06,290 --> 00:20:08,125

Prepárense para conocer

a sus creadores, mentirosos hijos...

00:20:08,125 --> 00:20:10,836

VOZ PROFUNDA:

Nacimientaños shlorpiano completo.

00:20:10,836 --> 00:20:13,422

[chirrido de máquina]

00:20:15,340 --> 00:20:16,383

Está bien, chicos.

00:20:16,383 --> 00:20:18,343

- Pueden acercarse.

- ¿No estás más enojado?

00:20:18,343 --> 00:20:19,636

Solo conmigo mismo.

00:20:19,636 --> 00:20:21,180

Les dije la lección

que necesitaban escuchar

00:20:21,180 --> 00:20:22,472

y luego inmediatamente no lo hice.

00:20:22,472 --> 00:20:24,725

Fue como: "Al carajo esa lección,

voy a masacrarlos a todos".

00:20:24,725 --> 00:20:25,559

Lo lamento.

00:20:25,559 --> 00:20:29,479

El poder infinito

es intoxicante, siempre lo dije.

00:20:29,479 --> 00:20:31,148

O espera,

¿era "Personajes Bienvenidos"?

00:20:31,148 --> 00:20:32,357

Sé que dije una de esas frases.

00:20:32,357 --> 00:20:35,235

Igual, la próxima vez que alguien

tenga un nacimientaños shlorpiano,

00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:37,279

debemos confiar en que no matarán

al resto de nosotros.

00:20:37,279 --> 00:20:38,030

¿Podemos hacerlo?

00:20:38,030 --> 00:20:40,157

- Claro que sé.

- Absolutamente.

00:20:40,157 --> 00:20:42,159

DOS MESES DESPUÉS

00:20:44,077 --> 00:20:45,245

Ah, maldición.

00:20:45,746 --> 00:20:46,538

Sí.

00:20:46,538 --> 00:20:47,956

- ¡Guau! Qué loco.

- Muy bien.

00:20:47,956 --> 00:20:50,125

Me siento como si

estuviera en el Air Force One.

00:20:50,125 --> 00:20:51,335

¿Dónde conseguiste este juego?

00:20:51,335 --> 00:20:52,336

De la Biblioteca Reagan.

00:20:52,336 --> 00:20:54,463

Ahora recuerda, mantén

esas gafas bien puestas y apretadas

00:20:54,463 --> 00:20:55,506

para una máxima RV.

00:20:58,342 --> 00:20:59,593

Jesse es una víbora.

00:20:59,593 --> 00:21:01,261

Si pone sus manos

en esto estamos muertos.

00:21:01,261 --> 00:21:02,763

Entonces digo que

lo metamos en la lavadora,

00:21:02,763 --> 00:21:03,972

es el último lugar donde va a mirar.

00:21:03,972 --> 00:21:05,015

Solo tiene un vestido.

00:21:05,015 --> 00:21:06,433

¡Guau, miren eso!

00:21:06,433 --> 00:21:07,935

Nancy le está haciendo

sexo oral a un tipo,

00:21:07,935 --> 00:21:09,978

¿y es Clint Eastwood?

00:21:09,978 --> 00:21:11,480

[suspira] Qué real.

00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:13,023

[arcadas] Voy a vomitar.

00:21:13,023 --> 00:21:15,692

No, espera. Tienes que ver

cómo se lo escupe en la cara.

00:21:16,276 --> 00:21:18,987

[suspira] ¡Malditos hijos de perra!

00:21:18,987 --> 00:21:20,781

- ¡Denme esa caja!

- ¡Corre!

00:21:20,781 --> 00:21:22,115

JESSE:

¡Denme eso ahora!

00:21:22,115 --> 00:21:23,951

¡Tengo mucha furia que liberar!

00:21:23,951 --> 00:21:25,494

KORVO: Terry, toma.

TERRY: ¡Lo tengo!

00:21:25,494 --> 00:21:26,662

YUMYULACK: ¡Corran!

JESSE: ¡Dénmela!

00:21:26,662 --> 00:21:28,956

¡Están arruinando

el regalo de mi nacimientaños!

00:21:28,956 --> 00:21:29,873

[todos gritando indistintamente]

00:21:30,499 --> 00:21:34,711

EN MEMORIA DE

BUDDY MICHAEL RYAN

00:21:35,337 --> 00:21:39,967

♪ música dramática ♪

00:21:39,967 --> 00:21:43,136

00:21:46,306 --> 00:21:49,476

00:21:52,729 --> 00:21:55,983

00:21:59,236 --> 00:22:02,447

00:22:05,617 --> 00:22:08,787

00:22:15,127 --> 00:22:18,964

00:22:19,715 --> 00:22:21,216

[imitando fuego de láser]

eng__English_[SDH].srt

eng__English_[SDH].srt

00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:07,007

00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,926

TERRY:

Korvo, where's the food?

00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:09,968

I'm hot-gry.

00:00:09,968 --> 00:00:11,720

That's a combo of hot and hungry!

00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:13,347

KORVO: You wouldn't be so hot

if you would stop eating

00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:14,431

those sauna stones!

00:00:14,431 --> 00:00:16,058

I like that hat, Yumyulack.

00:00:16,058 --> 00:00:18,769

It really highlights the natural

bucket shape of your head.

00:00:18,769 --> 00:00:20,854

Thanks, I've been auditioning

a lot of hats lately,

00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:22,814

but I think I've finally found the one

00:00:22,814 --> 00:00:24,733

that says, "This guy bounty hunts."

00:00:24,733 --> 00:00:25,901

Dinner is served.

00:00:25,901 --> 00:00:27,027

I made pot roast

00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:30,030

because tonight is another

Solar Opposites family roast.

00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:30,948

- Yes!

- Whoa!

00:00:30,948 --> 00:00:32,698

- Alright! Woo-hoo!

- Yes, love roast night.

00:00:32,698 --> 00:00:34,243

Yeah, I'm gonna bow out of this one.

00:00:34,243 --> 00:00:36,954

I specifically made pot roast

so we could roast each other's balls.

00:00:36,954 --> 00:00:39,623

This is our fun new vibe,

and the whole family has to embrace it.

00:00:39,623 --> 00:00:42,000

Fourth one this week.

We're on a roast night roll, baby.

00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:44,503

I thought you'd run out of "A" material

after you said

00:00:44,503 --> 00:00:47,089

my face looks like the inside

of Venom's vagina.

00:00:47,089 --> 00:00:49,383

I did. And then I stayed up

all night watching Sopranos

00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:51,969

on one screen and Judd Apatow

extended-cut movies on the other.

00:00:51,969 --> 00:00:54,471

Now, who wants to get their

non-existent nuts busted first?

00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:55,889

Me, me, me, me, me, me!

00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:56,974

Alright, here we go.

00:00:56,974 --> 00:00:59,476

[clears throat] Terry is what you get

when the Jolly Green Giant

00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:01,186

accidentally forgets to do leg day.

00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:02,771

Oh, I went there!

00:01:02,771 --> 00:01:04,147

[laughs] You got me.

00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:06,191

Ooh, do me next, I skipped lunch.

00:01:06,191 --> 00:01:08,402

Your polka dot dress

is more of a polka don't.

00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:10,445

Oh no, he didn't.

Oh yes, he did!

00:01:10,445 --> 00:01:12,739

[laughing] Thanks, Korvo!

00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:13,907

And then there's Yumyulack.

00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:16,118

Holy shit,

look at this fucking loser.

00:01:16,118 --> 00:01:17,870

The only thing worse

than Yumyulack's ugly hat

00:01:17,870 --> 00:01:19,496

is his piece-of-shit personality.

00:01:19,496 --> 00:01:21,123

Oh, is that a bucket hat?

00:01:21,123 --> 00:01:22,541

More like a bucket of who gives a fuck?

00:01:22,541 --> 00:01:24,918

Oh, you are seriously

the ugliest, stupidest,

00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:26,461

most hateable little shit.

00:01:26,461 --> 00:01:28,005

You wear hats because you want

so badly to be human,

00:01:28,005 --> 00:01:30,632

but you still will never be one

because you don't have a mom.

00:01:30,632 --> 00:01:32,926

Oh, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-busted.

00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:33,969

[Terry and Jesse laugh awkwardly]

00:01:33,969 --> 00:01:34,845

Here's your slop.

00:01:34,845 --> 00:01:36,305

Someone wanna roast me so I can eat?

00:01:36,305 --> 00:01:37,556

Oh, I got one.

00:01:37,556 --> 00:01:39,975

Korvo, you're so blue, the sky is like,

00:01:39,975 --> 00:01:42,144

"Hey, gimme back my color."

00:01:42,144 --> 00:01:43,020

Oh, gotcha.

00:01:43,020 --> 00:01:45,522

Fuck you, Jesse.

I can't believe you would say that.

00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:47,858

Words can hurt.

[sobbing]

00:01:48,692 --> 00:01:51,236

KORVO:

Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia,

00:01:51,236 --> 00:01:53,363

until the asteroid hit.

00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:56,408

One hundred adults and their replicants

were issued a Pupa,

00:01:56,408 --> 00:01:58,160

and escaped into the... space,

00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:00,954

searching for new homes

on uninhabited worlds.

00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:02,206

We crashed on Earth,

00:02:02,206 --> 00:02:04,499

stranding us on an already

overpopulated planet.

00:02:04,499 --> 00:02:06,126

That's right, I've been talking

this whole time.

00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:07,336

I'm the one holding the Pupa.

00:02:07,336 --> 00:02:09,004

My name is Korvo.

This is my show.

00:02:09,004 --> 00:02:10,339

Bollocks, I just dropped the Pupa.

00:02:10,339 --> 00:02:12,382

Ugh. This is ridiculous.

I hate Earth.

00:02:12,382 --> 00:02:13,425

It's a horrible home.

00:02:13,425 --> 00:02:15,135

People are stupid and confusing.

00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:17,638

Why is the human gestation period

nine months,

00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:19,056

and then they come out useless?

00:02:19,056 --> 00:02:20,599

They should grow babies in pots.

00:02:20,599 --> 00:02:22,601

Faster, easier,

and then after they're done,

00:02:22,601 --> 00:02:24,311

you get to keep the pot as a hat!

00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:27,439

♪ dramatic music ♪

00:02:30,108 --> 00:02:32,653

♪ playful music ♪

00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:34,238

AISHA:

That's how you play jacks?

00:02:34,238 --> 00:02:35,656

Earth games are dumb as hell.

00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:37,658

[alarm blares]

AUTOMATED VOICE: Warning, warning,

00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:40,285

self-cleaning protocol initiated.

00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:41,245

AISHA:

Dammit.

00:02:41,245 --> 00:02:44,164

I told Korvo to clean up

the ship, but no,

00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:46,500

he's too busy researching

disses and digs.

00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,585

Huh?

AISHA: If it gets too dirty up in here,

00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:52,130

an unstoppable bio-matter

eradication protocol kicks in

00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:54,216

and I lose control

of the ship till it's over.

00:02:54,216 --> 00:02:56,718

AUTOMATED VOICE:

Danger, radiation level rising.

00:02:56,718 --> 00:02:59,972

Current output is one percent.

00:02:59,972 --> 00:03:01,348

AISHA:

Don't worry, it's just a blast

00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:04,768

of deadly teleron radiation

that purges all organic life.

00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:06,353

No.

AISHA: We're safe in the cockpit,

00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:10,190

but the rest of the ship is getting

that sick-ass teleron wipe.

00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:12,025

There's too much clutter

in there anyhow,

00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:14,236

food, toys, house plants.

00:03:14,236 --> 00:03:17,531

Pretty sure I saw a UPS guy

wandering in a few days ago.

00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:18,532

UPS?

00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:20,033

AISHA:

Dude's lost as fuck.

00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:23,370

The ship is way bigger on the inside

than on the outside.

00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:24,288

Where are you going?

00:03:24,288 --> 00:03:26,999

You're not going to save

the UPS guy, are you?

00:03:26,999 --> 00:03:28,458

Don't go being a hero now.

00:03:29,585 --> 00:03:31,170

[men yelling on TV]

[turns off TV]

00:03:31,170 --> 00:03:32,754

Korvo, are we cool?

00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:34,715

You-you seemed

pretty pissed last night

00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:36,383

after I busted your balls.

00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:38,385

You flipped over the table

and stormed out like all,

00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:40,429

"Oh, fuck you!"

00:03:40,429 --> 00:03:41,638

Remember that, Korvo?

00:03:41,638 --> 00:03:42,973

No, I loved it.

00:03:42,973 --> 00:03:45,017

I remember thinking

your roast was so funny

00:03:45,017 --> 00:03:47,603

that I decided to slap my knee,

but I misjudged the distance

00:03:47,603 --> 00:03:50,606

and accidentally slapped the table so hard

that it flipped over.

00:03:50,606 --> 00:03:52,816

And the "Fuck you"

was at myself for being so strong.

00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:54,359

And-and I stormed out real quick

00:03:54,359 --> 00:03:56,695

because my Roblox subscription

was about to expire,

00:03:56,695 --> 00:03:58,906

and I needed to re-up it

so I don't get kicked out of my guild!

00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:00,240

Whoa!

[thudding]

00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,242

- Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.

- Wh-wh-what's wrong?

00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:03,952

I was in the replicants' room,

stealing cigarettes--

00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:04,828

Please stop doing that.

00:04:04,828 --> 00:04:06,705

I saw a glowing green

birth-a-day present

00:04:06,705 --> 00:04:09,583

on Yumyulack's bed,

and it was addressed to him.

00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:10,709

Oh, really?

00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:13,629

Jesus face-fucking Christ,

that can only mean one thing.

00:04:13,629 --> 00:04:16,423

Today must be Yumyulack's

Shlorpian birth-a-day!

00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:18,133

Wait, are you trying to say birthday?

00:04:18,133 --> 00:04:19,718

No, you sound stupid.

00:04:19,718 --> 00:04:21,803

It's a Shlorpian word

that's totally different.

00:04:21,803 --> 00:04:24,223

Birth-a-day, Shlorpian birth-a-day.

00:04:24,223 --> 00:04:25,349

Jesus. Fuck.

00:04:25,349 --> 00:04:28,143

Oh, my God, these replicants

know nothing about their heritage.

00:04:28,143 --> 00:04:30,812

Every Shlorpian gets

one birth-a-day randomly

00:04:30,812 --> 00:04:31,688

in their lifetime.

00:04:31,688 --> 00:04:34,149

You know when it's here

because a glowing green present appears.

00:04:34,149 --> 00:04:36,401

And then you have exactly one day

to open your present

00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:37,986

and claim your birth-a-day powers.

00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:39,571

Ooh, what kind of powers do you get?

00:04:39,571 --> 00:04:40,614

That's the problem.

00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,658

You're given a choice

between infinite wisdom

00:04:42,658 --> 00:04:45,118

or powers

of infinite destruction.

00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:46,912

Infinite wisdom sounds toit!

00:04:46,912 --> 00:04:49,039

Maybe, no one knows,

it's never been picked.

00:04:49,039 --> 00:04:50,624

Everyone chooses destruction.

00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:52,501

A Shlorpian's birth-a-day

is their big chance

00:04:52,501 --> 00:04:54,294

to get revenge on everyone

who's wronged them.

00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:56,380

Back on Shlorp,

we had this one friend

00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:58,090

by the name of Jason.

00:04:58,090 --> 00:04:59,341

[Shlorpians screaming]

00:04:59,341 --> 00:05:02,302

Run, it's Jason's birth-a-day!

00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:04,179

[heavy footsteps thudding]

00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:08,600

[Jason roaring]

00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:12,479

I fuckin' hated working here!

00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:13,355

[rubble clattering]

00:05:13,355 --> 00:05:14,356

[Shlorpian yells]

00:05:14,356 --> 00:05:16,275

Where the fuck you goin', dude?

00:05:16,275 --> 00:05:18,110

You were a shitty boss.

00:05:18,110 --> 00:05:21,321

Happy birth-a-day to me!

[Shlorpian yells]

00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:22,197

[laser fires]

00:05:22,698 --> 00:05:25,576

And Jason was a chill dude.

People treated him with respect.

00:05:25,576 --> 00:05:27,578

Ah, geez.

Yumyulack isn't chill,

00:05:27,578 --> 00:05:31,081

and we've really disrespected him lately

with all the ball busting.

00:05:31,081 --> 00:05:32,583

Especially you, Korvo.

00:05:32,583 --> 00:05:34,293

I saw him crying

into his bucket hat.

00:05:34,293 --> 00:05:36,753

I hate it when people can dish it out

but they can't take it.

00:05:36,753 --> 00:05:38,463

He'll most def use

his birth-a-day powers

00:05:38,463 --> 00:05:39,923

to laser-eye vaporize us.

00:05:39,923 --> 00:05:41,884

I don't wanna be zapped into ash.

00:05:41,884 --> 00:05:44,219

I haven't even licked

a boy's inner butt yet.

00:05:44,219 --> 00:05:46,054

We gotta do what we used

to do back on Shlorp.

00:05:46,054 --> 00:05:47,764

Keep the birth-a-day boy

from finding out

00:05:47,764 --> 00:05:48,765

it's their birth-a-day.

00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:51,185

We must keep Yumyulack away

from his room at all costs.

00:05:51,185 --> 00:05:53,520

That's right. I never got to kill anyone

on my birth-a-day

00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,939

because my friends distracted me

until the clock ran out.

00:05:55,939 --> 00:05:58,066

I was gonna kill my exes

so they couldn't talk to each other

00:05:58,066 --> 00:06:00,068

about how I always brag

about sucking da mound

00:06:00,068 --> 00:06:01,236

but I never actually do it.

00:06:01,236 --> 00:06:02,404

Then that's the plan.

00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:05,866

We have 12 hours to distract Yumyulack

and save the family.

00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:08,285

Then we suck da mound.

00:06:09,953 --> 00:06:12,080

AISHA: Alright.

That's the last of my ferns.

00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:13,749

I'm not letting my Bloomscapes die

00:06:13,749 --> 00:06:16,293

'cause y'all can't do

a weekly surface clean.

00:06:16,293 --> 00:06:18,170

[winch whirs]

[Pupa moans]

00:06:18,170 --> 00:06:20,339

AISHA: What are you doing

with my good winches?

00:06:20,339 --> 00:06:22,090

This is about the UPS guy.

00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:23,509

You're going after his ass.

00:06:23,509 --> 00:06:25,511

UPS, UPS!

00:06:25,511 --> 00:06:28,555

AISHA: Dammit, Pupa.

Why do you have to have a moral code?

00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:30,891

You can't go in there,

it's too big a risk.

00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:32,726

You don't even know

if he's worth saving.

00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:35,604

What if he likes defending Jordan Peterson

in comment threads?

00:06:35,604 --> 00:06:37,022

I'm not lettin' you go in there.

00:06:37,022 --> 00:06:38,941

[door rumbling]

00:06:39,316 --> 00:06:41,860

Get back here,

don't you parkour away from me!

00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:44,363

Pupa!

00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:48,200

There's our favorite little alien.

00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:49,952

Uh, hey,

what are you guys doing here?

00:06:49,952 --> 00:06:52,079

You said martial arts was for toe suckers.

00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:53,872

Toe sucking rules, dude!

00:06:53,872 --> 00:06:55,624

How was karate rehearsal?

00:06:55,624 --> 00:06:58,043

Awesome,

I got my fourth white belt today.

00:06:58,043 --> 00:07:01,421

Check out my sick new move.

[grunts]

00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:04,049

Jesus, you are more off-balance

than a donkey fucking--

00:07:04,049 --> 00:07:05,092

That was great.

00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:06,426

We thought we'd take you out to celebrate

00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:07,928

this white belt thing we just heard about.

00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:10,055

I appreciate the thought,

but I prefer to head home

00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:11,640

so I can play

the new Madden in my room.

00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:14,184

Forget the massively popular,

Good Charlotte-themed video game.

00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:15,269

You could do that anytime,

00:07:15,269 --> 00:07:17,896

but you only get one chance to celebrate

your fourth white belt.

00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:19,106

Can we at least take you out to lunch?

00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:20,315

I know the perfect place!

00:07:20,315 --> 00:07:22,568

Okay, I did work up

a pretty good appetite

00:07:22,568 --> 00:07:23,902

with all my respectful bowing.

00:07:23,902 --> 00:07:24,695

Check it out.

00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:26,780

[Jesse/Terry/Korvo snickering]

00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,282

Very cool.

00:07:28,282 --> 00:07:29,157

[alarm blaring]

00:07:29,157 --> 00:07:33,203

AUTOMATED VOICE:

Danger, radiation level at 35 percent.

00:07:33,871 --> 00:07:35,622

AISHA:

You heard that scary-ass voice.

00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:38,458

If you gonna do this rescue bullshit,

then hurry up,

00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:40,002

or you won't have time to get back.

00:07:41,253 --> 00:07:43,380

By the way,

that compartment you're in now

00:07:43,380 --> 00:07:45,716

is a giant unsolvable maze.

00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:49,553

Every ship's got one,

stop looking at me like it's weird.

00:07:49,553 --> 00:07:51,054

[alarm blaring]

00:07:51,054 --> 00:07:52,639

[doors rumbling]

00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:53,640

MAN:

Help!

00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:58,020

Please, help!

00:07:58,604 --> 00:07:59,688

[Pupa screams]

00:07:59,688 --> 00:08:02,941

♪ dramatic music ♪

00:08:05,444 --> 00:08:09,114

AISHA: Damn, Pupa!

Your Daredevil powers fucked that maze up.

00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:10,657

Thank you, kind creature.

00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:12,534

AISHA:

Wait, that ain't the UPS guy.

00:08:12,534 --> 00:08:14,620

Bro, how the hell did you get

onto my ship?

00:08:14,620 --> 00:08:15,871

I'm an exterminator.

00:08:15,871 --> 00:08:18,415

Got hired to come here a couple weeks ago

to spray for spiders,

00:08:18,415 --> 00:08:21,418

and some giant horned bug

gored my leg.

00:08:21,418 --> 00:08:24,004

AISHA: Oh, shit.

He's talking about a volptar.

00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:25,172

Yeah, yeah, that's it.

00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:27,633

AISHA: It's a dangerous

silica-based parasite

00:08:27,633 --> 00:08:30,594

that must have crawled into the ship

when we were flying through space.

00:08:30,594 --> 00:08:32,679

Volptars can survive radiation.

00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:33,680

They're tough as shit!

00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,265

[alarm blaring]

00:08:35,265 --> 00:08:36,934

Thank you!

00:08:36,934 --> 00:08:39,311

[winch whirring]

[man grunts]

00:08:39,311 --> 00:08:40,562

AISHA:

Okay, he's back.

00:08:40,562 --> 00:08:42,439

Now use the second hook for yourself.

00:08:42,439 --> 00:08:43,690

[alarm blaring]

00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:45,192

[door rumbling]

00:08:46,443 --> 00:08:47,945

Pupa, get back here!

00:08:48,362 --> 00:08:50,781

Dammit, I'm getting too orb for this shit.

00:08:54,326 --> 00:08:56,245

This is the only restaurant

on this side of town

00:08:56,245 --> 00:08:57,996

where you can smoke

your own brisket at the table

00:08:57,996 --> 00:09:00,541

and see the kid from

Two and a Half Men tending bar.

00:09:00,541 --> 00:09:02,751

Ah, I'm just doing this

for a role, I swear.

00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:04,670

This place has a ton

of five-star reviews.

00:09:04,670 --> 00:09:06,505

And one zero-star review from a guy

00:09:06,505 --> 00:09:08,841

who clearly just wanted

to complain about his divorce.

00:09:08,841 --> 00:09:11,051

- [Yumyulack sniffs]

- Oh, it smells amazing.

00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:11,885

When do we eat?

00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:14,221

In four short hours,

00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:16,557

we get to take the meat's temperature

for the first time.

00:09:16,557 --> 00:09:17,766

YUMYULACK/KORVO/JESSE:

Ooh.

00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:21,353

So, let's all settle in

for a nice, leisurely--

00:09:21,353 --> 00:09:22,646

Oh, shit. Take me home.

00:09:22,646 --> 00:09:24,690

- What is it? What's wrong?

- The waitress, I know her.

00:09:24,690 --> 00:09:27,025

That's Tracey from school.

Hey, Tracey, over here!

00:09:27,025 --> 00:09:28,235

Stop waving.

00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:30,237

I accidentally sent her

a mound pic a few weeks ago.

00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:32,281

It was embarrassing.

She left me on read.

00:09:32,281 --> 00:09:34,366

He's such a fuck-up,

but we need to make him think it's cool.

00:09:34,366 --> 00:09:37,119

Don't worry, Yum bear,

I bet it was a good pic.

00:09:37,619 --> 00:09:40,497

- Oh, goddamn, Yum, that mound is tight.

- Tracey's out of her mind.

00:09:40,497 --> 00:09:42,291

Usually, I would totally roast you,

00:09:42,291 --> 00:09:44,501

but this is a quality mound.

00:09:44,501 --> 00:09:46,753

Neat, how'd you get it

to glisten like that?

00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:48,964

What? She's coming over, d'ah!

00:09:49,798 --> 00:09:52,217

No wait. Um, uh, we have

something else planned for you.

00:09:52,217 --> 00:09:53,886

It's a bounty hunting thing.

00:09:53,886 --> 00:09:55,888

It's what defines you as a character.

00:09:57,890 --> 00:09:59,474

So, what am I supposed to do here?

00:09:59,474 --> 00:10:02,227

Here's Jerry O'Connell.

I think he's about to explain.

00:10:02,227 --> 00:10:05,272

Welcome, Yumyulack,

to Jerry O'Connell's Battle O' Death.

00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:07,399

A battle royale?

Fuck yes!

00:10:07,399 --> 00:10:09,067

Wish I could be there

with you in person,

00:10:09,067 --> 00:10:11,236

but I've got so many other gigs.

00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:13,197

Hell yeah, you do.

O'Connell works!

00:10:13,197 --> 00:10:16,200

Looks great too.

His smile is almost wider than his face.

00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:19,119

JERRY: Twenty combat

and survival experts plus one alien

00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:21,288

will hunt each other

in our warehouse complex

00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:23,332

filled with weapons and booby traps.

00:10:23,332 --> 00:10:25,459

Every three hours,

the playing field shrinks,

00:10:25,459 --> 00:10:27,377

last man standing wins.

00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:29,546

- Sounds good. Wish me luck.

- You got this.

00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:30,464

Kick ass, buddy.

00:10:30,464 --> 00:10:32,174

See you in six hours or so.

00:10:32,174 --> 00:10:33,050

[alarm blares]

00:10:33,050 --> 00:10:34,343

[gunfire and explosions]

00:10:34,343 --> 00:10:36,720

That should occupy Yumyulack

for the rest of his birth-a-day.

00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:38,138

You know,

despite the fact he's hosting

00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:40,390

a deadly Hunger Squid Game

Battle Royale,

00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:42,309

O'Connell seems like a great guy.

00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:44,144

You guys, I freaking won!

00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:45,479

That was a blast.

00:10:45,479 --> 00:10:46,522

Some of those guys were tough.

00:10:46,522 --> 00:10:47,856

So, what are we doing now?

00:10:47,856 --> 00:10:48,941

KORVO/JESSE:

Uh--

00:10:48,941 --> 00:10:50,359

[alarm blaring]

AUTOMATED VOICE: Danger,

00:10:50,359 --> 00:10:53,195

radiation level at 60 percent.

00:10:53,195 --> 00:10:54,321

[alarm blaring]

00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:56,114

[volptar growling]

00:10:56,114 --> 00:10:57,574

[footsteps thudding]

00:10:57,574 --> 00:10:58,742

AISHA:

That's the volptar!

00:10:58,742 --> 00:10:59,993

Run, Pupa!

00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,203

[volptar roars]

00:11:01,203 --> 00:11:01,995

[Pupa yells]

00:11:03,288 --> 00:11:04,289

AISHA:

Watch out for the pit.

00:11:04,289 --> 00:11:05,916

That shit's got no bottom.

00:11:05,916 --> 00:11:07,793

That's where I throw used batteries.

00:11:08,126 --> 00:11:09,545

I know what you're thinkin',

00:11:09,545 --> 00:11:13,173

you wanna use those flares

to propel your ass down the pit.

00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:15,717

What the? Where did you get

that Rocketeer mask?

00:11:15,717 --> 00:11:18,428

You better not have bought that

with my Discover card.

00:11:18,428 --> 00:11:20,097

Pupa, no!

00:11:20,097 --> 00:11:23,642

♪ heroic music ♪

00:11:23,642 --> 00:11:31,066

00:11:31,066 --> 00:11:32,401

[woman screaming]

00:11:32,776 --> 00:11:35,404

Guten tag, tiny creature!

00:11:35,946 --> 00:11:37,614

Danke for the hug!

00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:40,868

[woman grunts]

00:11:40,868 --> 00:11:43,829

Ah, it feels so strange not to be falling.

00:11:43,829 --> 00:11:46,331

I've been in that pit

for two whole wochen.

00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:48,083

AISHA: How the hell did you get

in there, German lady?

00:11:48,083 --> 00:11:50,335

I Airbnb-ed a room on this spaceship.

00:11:50,878 --> 00:11:52,838

AISHA: Now, now, now hold it

right there, Pupa.

00:11:52,838 --> 00:11:54,506

I know you wanna use

your last rope

00:11:54,506 --> 00:11:56,175

to send the socks

and sandals lady back

00:11:56,175 --> 00:11:58,302

so you can keep looking

for the UPS man, but--

00:11:58,302 --> 00:11:59,136

[winch rattles]

00:11:59,136 --> 00:12:01,763

That's right, I stuck

a wrench in your winch,

00:12:01,763 --> 00:12:04,433

so you can't save

this lady's life until I say so.

00:12:04,433 --> 00:12:06,810

Either you clip yourself in too

and come back with her

00:12:06,810 --> 00:12:09,146

or you both die of radiation,

up to you.

00:12:09,146 --> 00:12:10,522

Please, don't let me die.

00:12:10,522 --> 00:12:13,400

Not before I've seen

the Straits of Mackinac.

00:12:14,902 --> 00:12:17,279

AISHA: Thank you.

How hard was that?

00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:19,823

[woman screams]

00:12:20,324 --> 00:12:22,326

AISHA: Sorry, Pupa.

I know you wanted to--

00:12:22,910 --> 00:12:24,536

Son of a bitch!

00:12:24,536 --> 00:12:26,413

AUTOMATED VOICE:

Extreme danger,

00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:29,124

radiation level at 80 percent.

00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:31,668

Okay, we got one more thing planned.

00:12:31,668 --> 00:12:34,505

Just keep that bucket hat down.

A little further.

00:12:34,505 --> 00:12:36,798

And... now!

00:12:37,799 --> 00:12:40,052

[gasps]

The Hat On A Hat Hat Factory?

00:12:40,052 --> 00:12:42,554

No way. They're my favorite

North American hat brand.

00:12:42,554 --> 00:12:44,806

- How'd you know?

- We looked at your search history.

00:12:44,806 --> 00:12:47,059

It was all hats, cats, and felching picks.

00:12:47,059 --> 00:12:51,104

Come on, let's go.

We got you the four-hour VIP tour.

00:12:54,900 --> 00:12:56,777

JESSE: Oh.

YUMYULACK: Holy shit,

00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:58,403

that's Barry Hatfield.

00:12:58,403 --> 00:13:01,073

He's the designing mastermind

behind all their best headwear!

00:13:01,073 --> 00:13:03,033

Mastermind, please,

this guy's a clown.

00:13:03,033 --> 00:13:04,576

He's clearly about to do

some kind of Willy Wonka--

00:13:04,576 --> 00:13:05,869

[clown horn beeps]

00:13:05,869 --> 00:13:08,455

Oh, wow, your legs do work!

00:13:08,956 --> 00:13:09,915

Indeed.

00:13:09,915 --> 00:13:11,667

Greetings and welcome

00:13:11,667 --> 00:13:14,419

to the Hat On A Hat

Hat Factory VIP Tour.

00:13:14,419 --> 00:13:17,130

'Tis I, Barry Hatfield.

00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:19,091

Shall we begin?

00:13:19,091 --> 00:13:20,717

Fuck yes.

00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:23,804

♪ Come on, let's go ♪

00:13:24,346 --> 00:13:26,265

♪ And I'll show you hats ♪

00:13:26,265 --> 00:13:28,976

♪ Of different shapes and sizes ♪

00:13:29,726 --> 00:13:32,104

♪ Stetsons, fedoras ♪

00:13:32,104 --> 00:13:33,647

♪ Sailor caps ♪

00:13:33,647 --> 00:13:37,609

♪ And Gatsbys too ♪

00:13:37,609 --> 00:13:38,777

This song sucks shit.

00:13:38,777 --> 00:13:39,945

Let it go, man.

00:13:39,945 --> 00:13:41,154

Let it go.

00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:44,116

♪ We melt down felt

and press it into hats ♪

00:13:44,116 --> 00:13:47,327

♪ In a process

that meets EPA standards ♪

00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:50,664

♪ We just reopened

our porkpie wing ♪

00:13:50,664 --> 00:13:56,086

♪ And it's asbestos-free ♪

00:13:56,545 --> 00:13:58,755

Oh, oh, yeah!

00:13:58,755 --> 00:14:00,841

Yumyulack, would you like

to learn the secret

00:14:00,841 --> 00:14:03,468

to how we make our everlasting flat brims?

00:14:03,468 --> 00:14:05,679

[gasps] That's one of

the most tightly kept secrets

00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:07,389

in all of the haberdashdom!

00:14:07,389 --> 00:14:09,808

Oof, that was some

real candy-ass bullshit.

00:14:09,808 --> 00:14:11,810

That song did just kinda peter out.

00:14:11,810 --> 00:14:14,104

I cannot wait to bust

Yumyulack's balls about it.

00:14:14,104 --> 00:14:15,981

If you thought I was bad before,

wait until tomorrow.

00:14:15,981 --> 00:14:18,025

Mm, I can almost taste the pot roast.

00:14:18,025 --> 00:14:19,693

Actually, we were kind of hoping

00:14:19,693 --> 00:14:22,362

to keep the pause going

on the whole ball-busting thing

00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:24,448

even after Yumyulack's birth-a-day.

00:14:24,448 --> 00:14:25,282

What?

00:14:25,282 --> 00:14:28,410

Today's my birth-a-day,

and you hid it from me?

00:14:28,410 --> 00:14:30,621

- Oh, shit.

- Oh, Yum, I'm so sorry.

00:14:30,621 --> 00:14:31,580

How could you?

00:14:31,580 --> 00:14:34,958

I was gonna use my birth-a-day powers

to do so much cool stuff.

00:14:34,958 --> 00:14:37,753

Oh, yeah? Because we were scared

you were gonna be violent with it.

00:14:37,753 --> 00:14:39,796

I was just gonna use my powers

to make them show me

00:14:39,796 --> 00:14:41,840

an early cut of Solo 2: Solo-er.

00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:44,635

Oh, and I was gonna kill everyone,

starting with you two!

00:14:44,635 --> 00:14:46,011

TERRY/JESSE: Ah!

KORVO: Oh! No!

00:14:46,011 --> 00:14:47,930

- Ah, the felt!

- Oh no!

00:14:47,930 --> 00:14:49,598

- It's burning!

- We knew you were bad!

00:14:49,598 --> 00:14:51,350

Oh, oh, Terry, Jesse, no!

[Terry/Jesse shouting indistinctly]

00:14:51,350 --> 00:14:52,601

BOTH:

Ah!

00:14:52,601 --> 00:14:55,562

♪ intense music ♪

00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:58,398

[machinery clanking, hissing]

00:14:58,398 --> 00:14:59,358

[bell dings]

00:14:59,358 --> 00:15:01,485

My family got milned into hats

00:15:01,485 --> 00:15:04,112

just like the fortune cookie

said they would!

00:15:07,533 --> 00:15:10,160

Oh, my God.

Terry, Jesse, can you hear me?

00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:12,621

You fuck.

You turned them into the lamest thing!

00:15:12,621 --> 00:15:14,248

When I open my birth-a-day present,

00:15:14,248 --> 00:15:15,666

you're gonna wish

you were a hat.

00:15:15,666 --> 00:15:20,796

♪ dramatic music ♪

00:15:21,713 --> 00:15:23,131

[car tires screech]

[cars honking]

00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:26,343

[cars honking]

00:15:26,718 --> 00:15:28,178

[car honks]

KORVO: Hold on.

00:15:28,178 --> 00:15:29,972

This chase sequence looks familiar.

00:15:29,972 --> 00:15:32,099

Are these cheap bastards reusing animation

00:15:32,099 --> 00:15:34,017

from when Jesse chased

you home that one time?

00:15:34,017 --> 00:15:35,686

No way, this is different!

00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:37,896

[dog barks, growls]

00:15:37,896 --> 00:15:39,439

Ah! Ah! Oh God.

00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:41,275

Oh, oh, help me.

Ah, ah!

00:15:41,275 --> 00:15:42,234

Oh!

00:15:45,988 --> 00:15:49,116

It is the same, th-th-that's the dog

that bit you before.

00:15:49,116 --> 00:15:50,993

Don't you dare use it to get past me.

00:15:50,993 --> 00:15:52,536

Fuck you,

that's exactly what I'm doing.

00:15:52,536 --> 00:15:54,746

[alarm blaring]

00:15:54,746 --> 00:15:56,790

AISHA:

Pupa, get out of my engine room...

00:15:56,790 --> 00:15:58,375

you know it's not safe... here.

00:15:58,709 --> 00:16:01,628

AUTOMATED VOICE:

Radiation building, 98 percent.

00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:02,504

[UPS Guy whimpers]

00:16:02,504 --> 00:16:04,464

Help! Please help!

00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:07,009

AISHA [voice glitching]:

No, Pupa, you're not gonna make it.

00:16:07,009 --> 00:16:09,678

♪ heroic music ♪

00:16:09,678 --> 00:16:11,763

Who are you?

What are you?

00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:13,849

[bone cracks]

Ah!

00:16:14,391 --> 00:16:15,726

[alarm continues blaring]

00:16:15,726 --> 00:16:18,520

♪ suspenseful music ♪

00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:20,105

- AUTOMATED VOICE: 99.6 percent.

- Let it go, man.

00:16:20,105 --> 00:16:21,773

Yeah, I'll get fired, but fuck 'em.

00:16:21,773 --> 00:16:23,442

They make me pee in my truck!

00:16:23,442 --> 00:16:27,738

AUTOMATED VOICE: Warning,

radiation buildup is now at 99.8 percent.

00:16:28,197 --> 00:16:30,574

Emitters are spooling,

purge imminent.

00:16:30,574 --> 00:16:33,160

♪ dramatic music ♪

00:16:33,869 --> 00:16:36,371

Volptar!

[volptar screeches]

00:16:36,371 --> 00:16:38,081

AISHA:

Pupa, watch out!

00:16:38,081 --> 00:16:39,583

AUTOMATED VOICE:

Warning, danger,

00:16:39,583 --> 00:16:41,543

initiating teleron wipe.

00:16:41,543 --> 00:16:43,754

[volptar screeches]

00:16:44,338 --> 00:16:45,881

[explosion booms]

00:16:46,757 --> 00:16:47,925

Korvo?

00:16:47,925 --> 00:16:49,510

Korvo! [grunts]

00:16:51,094 --> 00:16:52,221

Get out of my way.

00:16:52,221 --> 00:16:54,389

Look, I understand

y-you're about to wreck me

00:16:54,389 --> 00:16:55,432

with your birth-a-day powers,

00:16:55,432 --> 00:16:58,727

but before you do that,

I just wanna say I'm sorry.

00:16:59,978 --> 00:17:01,688

You are? For what?

00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:03,023

We shouldn't have lied to you.

00:17:03,023 --> 00:17:04,942

We should have trusted you

to do the right thing

00:17:04,942 --> 00:17:06,193

instead of thinking the worst.

00:17:06,193 --> 00:17:07,069

Yeah, that's right.

00:17:07,069 --> 00:17:09,071

And I'm sorry I busted

your balls so hard.

00:17:09,071 --> 00:17:12,157

The truth is, I have thin skin.

00:17:12,157 --> 00:17:14,284

Literally, it's a clinical condition

I was born with

00:17:14,284 --> 00:17:15,327

that I've hidden from everyone.

00:17:15,327 --> 00:17:16,995

It makes me lash out

when I feel attacked.

00:17:16,995 --> 00:17:18,956

Thanks for opening up

to me about it.

00:17:18,956 --> 00:17:21,166

I had no idea you were

carrying that burden.

00:17:21,166 --> 00:17:22,417

I know it's just you and me now

00:17:22,417 --> 00:17:24,795

because you killed half the family

by turning them into hats.

00:17:24,795 --> 00:17:27,464

But I'd love to turn a new page

in how we treat each other.

00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:28,173

What do you say?

00:17:28,173 --> 00:17:29,216

You know what, Korvo?

00:17:29,216 --> 00:17:30,801

If you really mean what you just said,

00:17:30,801 --> 00:17:33,720

then okay, I'm good with letting

my birth-a-day clock run down.

00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,097

Really, you are?

00:17:35,097 --> 00:17:37,391

Yeah, wanna go watch

Hunt for Red October 2:

00:17:37,391 --> 00:17:38,517

The Search for Green November?

00:17:39,518 --> 00:17:41,436

Wait a hot fucking second.

00:17:41,895 --> 00:17:43,772

You hate that movie,

and the Yumyulack I know

00:17:43,772 --> 00:17:45,065

would never cave that quick.

00:17:45,065 --> 00:17:46,775

Wait, don't, that's my present!

00:17:46,775 --> 00:17:48,402

"To Korvo"?

00:17:48,402 --> 00:17:51,572

Oh, my God,

it's my Shlorpian birth-a-day.

00:17:51,572 --> 00:17:53,407

You guys pretended

to distract Yumyulack

00:17:53,407 --> 00:17:56,076

while the whole time

you were actually distracting me!

00:17:56,076 --> 00:17:58,579

Wait a minute, googly eyes?

00:17:58,579 --> 00:18:00,873

Are these hats even Terry and Jesse?

00:18:00,873 --> 00:18:02,583

[radio signal beeping, hissing]

00:18:02,583 --> 00:18:03,917

We're blown, we're blown!

00:18:03,917 --> 00:18:05,627

To the panic room!

00:18:06,378 --> 00:18:09,506

[evil laughter]

00:18:09,506 --> 00:18:11,049

Don't do this, Korvo.

00:18:11,049 --> 00:18:13,260

Think back to what you said

two seconds ago.

00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:15,679

Fuck you,

completely different situation.

00:18:15,679 --> 00:18:18,473

When I hit full bars,

your asses are grasses.

00:18:18,807 --> 00:18:20,976

Oh, ah! Whoa!

00:18:22,227 --> 00:18:23,228

Get in here!

00:18:24,646 --> 00:18:26,273

Why did you lead him back to the house?

00:18:26,273 --> 00:18:28,483

YUMYULACK: I'm sorry,

I got way too into character.

00:18:28,483 --> 00:18:31,403

♪ dramatic music ♪

00:18:31,403 --> 00:18:32,446

Oh, shit.

00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:35,032

[lock clicking]

00:18:36,575 --> 00:18:37,659

Phew.

00:18:37,659 --> 00:18:39,703

KORVO:

All charged up, time to die!

00:18:40,287 --> 00:18:42,122

[monitor crackling]

00:18:42,873 --> 00:18:45,834

That creature perished

to save mein life.

00:18:45,834 --> 00:18:48,003

I will get a tattoo of him on my back.

00:18:48,003 --> 00:18:49,546

I don't even know his name.

00:18:49,546 --> 00:18:52,591

AISHA: He was the Pupa,

and he was very important,

00:18:52,591 --> 00:18:55,260

which is why the three of us

need to get our story straight

00:18:55,260 --> 00:18:56,720

about what exactly happened to him.

00:18:57,721 --> 00:19:00,307

[volptar roars]

[all scream]

00:19:00,307 --> 00:19:02,100

[volptar roars]

00:19:05,103 --> 00:19:07,898

AISHA:

Pupa, you're alive, how?

00:19:08,774 --> 00:19:12,069

You hid from the radiation

inside the volptar!

00:19:12,069 --> 00:19:14,196

Alright, well, I'm gonna go.

00:19:14,696 --> 00:19:16,323

I don't trust this computer at all.

00:19:16,323 --> 00:19:19,952

Me neither, I've had quite enough

of this sci-fi scheisse.

00:19:21,787 --> 00:19:22,913

Ya know, it's funny.

00:19:22,913 --> 00:19:25,374

I've always asked,

"What can Brown do for you?"

00:19:25,374 --> 00:19:28,585

But this is the first time

somebody did something for Brown.

00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:31,129

AISHA:

Wow, Pupa.

00:19:31,129 --> 00:19:32,923

You really taught me something today,

00:19:32,923 --> 00:19:34,758

that every human life matters,

00:19:34,758 --> 00:19:38,804

even that lonely UPS guy

was worth sacrificing your own--

00:19:38,804 --> 00:19:39,888

Ponies!

00:19:39,888 --> 00:19:42,766

AISHA: I knew it,

you need to quit putting toys on my card.

00:19:42,766 --> 00:19:44,518

You gonna fuck up my credit.

00:19:44,518 --> 00:19:48,272

[Korvo laughing maniacally]

00:19:48,272 --> 00:19:50,232

KORVO: Last door.

You guys are fucked.

00:19:50,232 --> 00:19:52,109

I suppose it was always

gonna end like this.

00:19:52,109 --> 00:19:53,652

We had a good run, Terry.

00:19:53,652 --> 00:19:55,612

I just wish that

the moon had hit my eye

00:19:55,612 --> 00:19:58,448

like a big pizza pie just-a-once-a.

00:19:58,448 --> 00:20:01,326

At least I found

this bucket hat before I died.

00:20:01,326 --> 00:20:04,121

♪ dramatic music ♪

00:20:04,121 --> 00:20:04,913

[metal clinks]

00:20:06,290 --> 00:20:08,125

Prepare to meet your makers,

you lying--

00:20:08,125 --> 00:20:10,836

DEEP VOICE:

Shlorpian birth-a-day complete.

00:20:10,836 --> 00:20:13,422

[machine whirs]

00:20:15,340 --> 00:20:16,383

It's fine, you guys.

00:20:16,383 --> 00:20:18,343

- You can come over.

- You aren't still mad?

00:20:18,343 --> 00:20:19,636

Just at myself.

00:20:19,636 --> 00:20:21,180

I told you the lesson

I needed to hear,

00:20:21,180 --> 00:20:22,472

and then I immediately didn't do it.

00:20:22,472 --> 00:20:24,725

I was like, "Fuck that lesson,

I'm gonna slaughter you all."

00:20:24,725 --> 00:20:25,559

I-I'm sorry.

00:20:25,559 --> 00:20:29,479

Infinite power is intoxicating,

I always said that.

00:20:29,479 --> 00:20:31,148

Or wait, was it "Characters Welcome"?

00:20:31,148 --> 00:20:32,357

I know I said one of 'em.

00:20:32,357 --> 00:20:35,235

Either way, the next time

someone has Shlorpian birth-a-day,

00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:37,279

we need to trust

they won't kill the rest of us.

00:20:37,279 --> 00:20:38,030

Can we do that?

00:20:38,030 --> 00:20:40,157

- You bet.

- Absolutely.

00:20:40,157 --> 00:20:42,159

00:20:44,077 --> 00:20:45,245

Oh, fuck.

00:20:45,746 --> 00:20:46,538

Yeah.

00:20:46,538 --> 00:20:47,956

- Whoa! Crazy.

- Alright, nice.

00:20:47,956 --> 00:20:50,125

I feel like I'm actually

on Air Force One.

00:20:50,125 --> 00:20:51,335

Where'd you get this game?

00:20:51,335 --> 00:20:52,336

The Reagan Library.

00:20:52,336 --> 00:20:54,463

Now, now remember,

keep those goggles on good and tight

00:20:54,463 --> 00:20:55,506

for maximum VR.

00:20:58,342 --> 00:20:59,593

Jesse's a total snake.

00:20:59,593 --> 00:21:01,261

If she gets her hands on this,

we're dead.

00:21:01,261 --> 00:21:02,763

Then I say we stuff it

in the washing machine.

00:21:02,763 --> 00:21:03,972

It's the last place she's gonna look.

00:21:03,972 --> 00:21:05,015

She only has one outfit.

00:21:05,015 --> 00:21:06,433

Whoa, look at that!

00:21:06,433 --> 00:21:07,935

Nancy's giving some guy a hummer,

00:21:07,935 --> 00:21:09,978

and it's Clint Eastwood?

00:21:09,978 --> 00:21:11,480

[gasps] Too real.

00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:13,023

[gags] I'm gonna puke.

00:21:13,023 --> 00:21:15,692

Oh, no, wait. You have to see

how she spits it in his face.

00:21:16,276 --> 00:21:18,987

[gasps] You motherfuckers.

00:21:18,987 --> 00:21:20,781

- Give me that box!

- Run!

00:21:20,781 --> 00:21:22,115

JESSE:

Give me that right now.

00:21:22,115 --> 00:21:23,951

I have a lot of anger to work out!

00:21:23,951 --> 00:21:25,494

KORVO: Terry, heads up.

TERRY: Got it!

00:21:25,494 --> 00:21:26,662

YUMYULACK: Run!

JESSE: Give it back!

00:21:26,662 --> 00:21:28,956

You're ruining my birth-a-day!

00:21:28,956 --> 00:21:29,873

[all screaming]

00:21:35,337 --> 00:21:39,967

♪ dramatic theme ♪

00:21:39,967 --> 00:21:43,136

00:22:19,715 --> 00:22:21,216

[mimicking laser fire]

Скриншоты