Супер гублеры

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UN ORIGINAL DE HULU

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♪

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♪ música suave ♪

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Ah, ¿en serio, Hamsterdam?

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¡Carajo!

Me debes un millón de dólares

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porque hay muchos Hamsters

holandeses que viven allí.

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¿Cómo vas a ganar

al Monopoly: The Wire Edition

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si nunca viste la serie?

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¿Por qué no te quejas

de tu McNutty de peltre?

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Eso es lo que te pone

en lugares de porquería.

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Por favor, dame un ocho.

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¡Llévame a ese bar donde

los estibadores bebían huevos!

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¡Maldita sea!

¿Hamsterdam otra vez?

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¡Bienvenida al infierno, Jessica!

¡Ja ja ja!

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¡Ahora paga,

pequeña delincuente!

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¡Pero no me queda dinero! ¡Uh!

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¡Odio este estúpido juego!

¡Hay demasiada presión!

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[tose, tiene arcadas]

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[ambos suspiran con asombro]

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[golpe]

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[Yumyulack/Terry/Korvo suspiran]

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¿Es un Bobo Blanco?

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Es un gran acontecimiento.

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Estoy por ganar un juego

de mesa por primera vez.

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KORVO:

El planeta Shlorp era una utopía perfecta

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hasta que se estrelló el asteroide.

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Cien adultos y sus réplicas

recibieron un Pupa

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y escaparon al... espacio,

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en busca de nuevos hogares

en mundos deshabitados.

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Nos estrellamos en la Tierra

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y quedamos varados en un planeta

ya sobrepoblado.

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Así es, yo he estado hablando

todo este tiempo.

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Soy el que sostiene al Pupa.

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Me llamo Korvo.

Este es mi programa.

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¡Joder, se me acaba

de caer el Pupa!

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Ah. Esto es ridículo.

Odio la Tierra.

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Es un hogar horrible.

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La gente es estúpida y confusa.

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Tienen un restaurante

llamado Applebee's

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y no llaman

a sus aperitivos apple-ritivos.

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¡Eso es una idiotez!

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♪ música dramática ♪

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[bobo quejándose]

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Vaya, ¿cómo pudiste

toser un bobo tan asqueroso?

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Ni siquiera sabía que

se podían hacer blancos.

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Es del mismo tamaño

que el Bobo Rojo.

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Espera un momento.

¿Vas a decir "vete al carajo"

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e intentar matarnos?

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Oh, no,

no quiero ser una carga.

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No puedo ser una madre adolescente.

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¡Ni siquiera tengo

un tatuaje en el cuello!

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Esto no tiene sentido.

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¿Por qué Jesse y yo íbamos

a hacer bobos tan feos

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y ustedes no?

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Porque somos superiores

en todo...

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Carajo, espera un minuto.

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[bobo se queja]

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Olvidé que tosí un bobo

color lavanda la semana pasada.

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- ¿Tenía que informar de eso?

- ¡Sí!

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¡Mi Bobo Rojo sigue por ahí

conspirando para matarme!

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¡Estas cosas pueden ser peligrosas!

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Mm, no parecen peligrosos.

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Ah, sí, sí,

eso eso, justo ahí.

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Dámelo. A papá le gusta.

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Este debe ser un Bobo Romántico,

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porque yo soy tan romántico.

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Eso es un bobo

cachondo del demonio,

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y lo sabes bien.

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¿Así que todos tenemos nuevos

bobo excepto Terry?

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¿Qué sentido tiene eso?

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Se supone que tenemos

que informar de los bobos raros, ¿eh?

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¡No me digas

que tú también tosiste uno!

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No lo hice.

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Bueno, gracias

a nuestros dioses shlorpianos...

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- Hice cinco.

- ¿Qué?

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¡Y aquí están

los bobos de Terry!

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- Bobo Clepto.

- Bobo Disco Criterion.

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[se queja] Bobo Envidioso.

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Bobo Bebé

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porque a Terry le encanta decir

"bebéeeee", "bebéeeeee".

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Bobo Kimmie.

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Volví a ver

Padres forzosos tres veces

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y luego vomité ese pequeño chicle.

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Vaya, chicos.

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¿Por qué estamos haciendo todos

estos bobos coloridos ahora?

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Bueno, esa es

una pregunta tonta, Jessica.

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Actúas como si no supieras

nada de anatomía shlorpiana.

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Obviamente, cada 100.000 veces que

nos estresamos y hacemos un bobo,

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aparece uno grande y rojo.

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Pero ninguno de estos es rojo.

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Muy bien, yo tampoco sé

qué carajo pasa.

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Todos agarren sus bobos

y vamos a preguntarle a Aisha.

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Odio cuando tenemos que preguntar

cosas a la nave,

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nos hace ver como tontos.

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BOBO LAVANDA:

[se queja] Ah, sí.

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♪ música etérea ♪

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¡Pupa! ¿Cómo sigues

consiguiendo Starbursts?

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Sabes que esos de plátano

y kiwi te dan pesadillas a lo Tron.

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¿Alguna vez has pensado que,

en lugar de dedicarte

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a esos largos e innecesariamente

complicados planes

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para conseguir caramelos

o silbatos de Harry Potter,

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podrías utilizar ese enorme

cerebro de Pupa

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para hacer del mundo

un lugar mejor?

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Sí, Pupa, la satisfacción

que obtienes

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de hacer del mundo

un lugar mejor sabría mucho mejor

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que cualquier Starbursts viejo.

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AISHA:

Muy bien, tontos,

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prepárense para aprender

algo de Shlorpiano 101.

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[proyector sonando]

[pitido de cuenta regresiva]

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NARRADOR SHLORPIANO:

El cuerpo shlorpiano está diseñado

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para eliminar el exceso de acumulación

emocional con la emisión de bobos,

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pequeñas criaturas danzantes

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que mantienen sus productos

químicos no deseados en sus vientres.

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Los bobos se emiten,

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y luego bailarán

su adorable y pequeña giga,

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hasta que mueran.

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Sin embargo, si un shlorpiano tiene

demasiadas emociones negativas,

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el sistema Bobo

producirá un Súper Bobo.

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Más grande,

más malo, más inteligente,

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el Súper Bobo está diseñado

para eliminar a los shlorpianos

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con problemas emocionales,

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eliminándolos del equipo

de terraformación,

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protegiendo en última

instancia a la misión.

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¡Vete al carajo!

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NARRADOR SHLORPIANO:

Si haces un Súper Bobo,

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es mejor dejar que te mate,

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para que tu equipo pueda comer

los nutrientes de tu cuerpo.

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Esperen, ¿así que todos estos

pequeños van a crecer para matarnos?

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No puede ser.

El mío era un bobo por estrés.

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Estos son todos muy agradables.

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¡Cuando crezca,

ya vas a ver, bebéeeee!

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[todos los bobos gritando]

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Bobo.

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[todos gritan]

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Estos Súper Bobos

son espeluznantes.

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Tenemos que hacer algo.

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Quiero averiguar

qué es mi bobo

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antes de hacer algo.

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¿Qué emoción estaba teniendo demasiado?

00:04:40,531 --> 00:04:43,075

¿Ser un rayo de sol en un día nublado?

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Quizás sea una mala idea,

pero debemos hacer algo.

00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:48,038

¿Y si los tiramos en el contenedor

detrás de Pizza Hut?

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Bien, ese es un buen plan.

00:04:49,540 --> 00:04:50,332

¡Sí!

00:04:50,332 --> 00:04:52,209

Basándonos en lo que

dijo Yumyulack,

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deberíamos ponerlos

en bolsas de basura

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antes de tirarlos

al contenedor detrás de Pizza Hut.

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Mmm, me gusta mucho esta idea.

Ahora a buscarlos.

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Quiero tenerlos en ese contenedor

antes de que empiecen a apuñalarnos.

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[bobos gritando]

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[bobos golpeando]

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♪ música dramática ♪

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[grita] ¡Ah! No me pongas

en la bolsa, mejillas dulces.

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Ah, pequeña Kimmie.

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¡Korvo, detente! ¡Cambié de opinión!

No puedo matar a mis bobos.

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¿Qué? ¿Por qué no?

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¡Porque son como mis hijos,

maldita sea!

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Y son muy lindos,

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y no están tratando

de matar a nadie todavía.

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¡Pronto lo harán!

00:05:21,989 --> 00:05:24,408

Ah, yo tampoco

quiero matar a los míos.

00:05:24,408 --> 00:05:26,285

Solo mira la definición pélvica.

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Saben, tal vez algunos

puedan cambiar sus vidas

00:05:28,954 --> 00:05:30,289

con un poco de amor y atención.

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El maldito cristal nos acaba de decir

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que si no hacemos algo crecerán

y luego nos matarán.

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La muerte por bobo es

una forma muy baja de morir.

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¡Idea! Podemos enviarlos

al Rancho Cuoco-monga

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de Kaley Cuoco para Bestias

Varias y Dónde Abandonarlas.

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Inventar algo estúpido

no ayudará, Terry.

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¡Lo sé,

pero esta vez digo la verdad!

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Es un rancho de rescate de no matar,

propiedad de Kaley Cuoco de Priceline.

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Es donde he enviado

a todas las serpientes de Yumyulack.

00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:51,059

¿Están vivas?

00:05:51,059 --> 00:05:52,519

Me dijiste que les cortabas la cabeza

00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:55,022

y las dejabas en la acera de advertencia

para otras serpientes.

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¡Qué buena noticia!

00:05:56,106 --> 00:05:57,900

Terry, muy acertada tu idea.

Este es el plan.

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Todos empaquen sus cosas

y encuéntrenme en el auto.

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- Es hora de...

- ¡Esperen, esperen! ¿Puedo decirlo? ¿Sí?

00:06:01,945 --> 00:06:03,447

Por favor, ¿puedo decirlo? ¡Por favor!

00:06:03,447 --> 00:06:05,782

- ¡Korvo, por favor!

- Claro, amigo. Dilo.

00:06:05,782 --> 00:06:09,036

¡Los Solar Opposites

se van de viaje por carretera!

00:06:09,036 --> 00:06:10,662

¡Sí, bebéeeee!

00:06:10,662 --> 00:06:11,872

[bocina sonando]

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¡Todos a bordo del súper famoso

autobús Casi Famosos de Terry!

00:06:15,417 --> 00:06:18,545

Abróchense los cinturones

porque papá Terry hizo este autobús

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con el tema de su película

favorita de viajes por carretera, ¡Speed!

00:06:21,673 --> 00:06:23,926

¡Si vamos a menos de 50, explotamos!

00:06:23,926 --> 00:06:27,095

¿Se acuerdan? Dennis Hopper

tiene esa pequeña mano fea.

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[explosión]

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[golpes del metal]

00:06:30,182 --> 00:06:31,225

[suena bocina]

00:06:31,225 --> 00:06:33,227

¡Bueno, esta vez papá

nos consiguió un autobús normal

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con casi ninguna bomba, bebéeeee!

00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,022

¡Sí, bebéeeee!

00:06:38,023 --> 00:06:40,275

♪ música de rock ♪

00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:43,320

♪

00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:44,238

[mujer grita]

00:06:44,238 --> 00:06:46,156

[motor acelerando]

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♪

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♪

00:06:58,168 --> 00:06:59,086

[disparo de arma de plasma]

00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:01,880

[Solars y bobos riendo]

00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:04,675

♪ música de rock ♪

00:07:04,675 --> 00:07:07,761

Psst, oye, Yum. ¿Qué crees

que es mi bobo?

00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:09,638

¿Tal vez es como

un bobo dulce o algo así?

00:07:09,638 --> 00:07:12,266

¡Jess-ica, tu bobo

es un bobo para molestar!

00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:14,560

¡Ocupa mucho espacio,

y es un peso muerto

00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:16,562

sin nada que ofrecer al mundo,

y todos lo odian!

00:07:16,562 --> 00:07:18,230

Ah, bien. Quizás lo sea.

00:07:18,230 --> 00:07:20,232

¡Deja de jugar

con esa pistola, imbécil!

00:07:20,232 --> 00:07:21,149

[disparo]

[Korvo grita]

00:07:27,072 --> 00:07:30,033

JESSE: La satisfacción que obtienes

de hacer del mundo un lugar mejor

00:07:30,033 --> 00:07:33,495

sabría mucho mejor

que cualquier viejo Starbursts.

00:07:37,833 --> 00:07:40,878

No me importa cuántos gansos

se ahogaron en el alquitrán negro

00:07:40,878 --> 00:07:42,171

frente a la costa de Santa Bárbara,

00:07:42,171 --> 00:07:44,840

quiero mis plataformas petroleras

en funcionamiento para mañana

00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:46,967

o tus huérfanos adoptados

pueden morir de hambre.

00:07:47,676 --> 00:07:50,345

Ay, Dios. No puedes tener

la semana que viene libre, Alice.

00:07:50,345 --> 00:07:52,347

No me importa en qué etapa

esté tu cáncer.

00:07:52,347 --> 00:07:53,932

Sí, Srta. Brandy.

00:07:53,932 --> 00:07:54,892

[solloza]

00:07:56,852 --> 00:07:57,686

♪ música dramática ♪

[grita]

00:07:57,686 --> 00:07:59,897

¿Qué carajo se supone que eres?

00:07:59,897 --> 00:08:00,898

¡Fuera de aquí!

00:08:00,898 --> 00:08:01,857

Cocomelon.

00:08:01,857 --> 00:08:03,859

Cocom... eh...

¿De qué hablas?

00:08:03,859 --> 00:08:04,985

¡Dije que te fueras!

00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:06,445

[florero se rompe]

00:08:06,445 --> 00:08:08,906

♪ música dramática ♪

00:08:08,906 --> 00:08:09,615

[portazo]

00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:13,827

- PUPA: ¿Cocomelon?

- ¡Ah!

00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:16,163

¡Ay, Dios mío!

¿Qué quieres?

00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:19,625

♪ música de rock ♪

00:08:19,625 --> 00:08:21,376

LAS PELÍCULAS DE TRUFFAUT

00:08:21,376 --> 00:08:22,503

♪

00:08:22,503 --> 00:08:24,880

[bosteza] Solo 14 horas

más hasta el rancho,

00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:26,089

y podré conocer a Kaley.

00:08:26,507 --> 00:08:28,217

Un minuto. Falta algo.

00:08:28,217 --> 00:08:32,012

Uno, dos, cuatro, cinco. ¡Carajo!

¿Dónde está mi Bobo Clepto?

00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:34,139

Tal vez lo dejamos

en el local de comida escocesa

00:08:34,139 --> 00:08:34,932

en el que paramos.

00:08:34,932 --> 00:08:36,683

- ¿Quieres decir McDonald's?

- ¡Carajo!

00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:39,311

Probablemente todavía está allí,

robando todos los toppings del McFlurry.

00:08:39,311 --> 00:08:40,646

- Tenemos que volver.

- ¡No, Terry!

00:08:40,646 --> 00:08:41,522

Ya se nos hizo tarde

00:08:41,522 --> 00:08:43,524

porque pasamos mucho tiempo

en el McPlayPlace.

00:08:43,524 --> 00:08:45,400

Creo que mi bobo está creciendo.

00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:46,818

¿Cómo puedes perder tus bobos?

00:08:46,818 --> 00:08:48,445

¡Ese es el objetivo

de este viaje por carretera!

00:08:48,445 --> 00:08:51,114

Solo digo que si traes

a un hijo de perra a un PlayPlace,

00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:52,533

el hijo de perra va a jugar.

00:08:52,533 --> 00:08:55,160

[agua chapoteando]

00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:56,370

[puerta se abre, se cierra]

00:08:56,370 --> 00:08:59,957

♪ música dramática ♪

00:09:00,415 --> 00:09:02,000

- Cocomelon.

- ¡Carajo!

00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:03,252

De acuerdo, no eres real.

00:09:03,252 --> 00:09:04,461

Eres un efecto secundario

00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:06,630

de mis coronas vaginales

de gominola de ayahuasca Goop.

00:09:06,630 --> 00:09:09,091

Solo voy a tomar algunas

de mis píldoras de cuerno de rinoceronte

00:09:09,091 --> 00:09:11,468

que solo la gente rica tiene, y te irás.

00:09:11,468 --> 00:09:12,386

[píldoras tintinean]

[traga]

00:09:13,303 --> 00:09:15,097

- ¿Cocomelon?

- [grita] ¿Sabes qué?

00:09:15,097 --> 00:09:16,139

¡Al carajo!

00:09:16,139 --> 00:09:18,183

¿Cómo te atreves

a sentarte ahí juzgándome

00:09:18,183 --> 00:09:19,476

con tus ojos de monstruo de galleta?

00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:20,185

Cocomelon.

00:09:20,185 --> 00:09:21,687

No puedes juzgarme.

00:09:21,687 --> 00:09:25,274

¡Solo mis amantes pueden juzgarme

porque eso me excita!

00:09:25,274 --> 00:09:26,525

Elijo la soledad

00:09:26,525 --> 00:09:28,402

porque estuve enamorada antes y apesta.

00:09:28,402 --> 00:09:29,486

Cocomelon.

00:09:29,486 --> 00:09:31,905

- ¡Un minuto, eres feliz viviendo

en los suburbios de Kansas City,

- Cocomelon. Cocomelon.

00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:33,699

- y al siguiente,

tu amante sale en Clueless

- Cocomelon. Cocomelon.

00:09:33,699 --> 00:09:35,951

- y luego tiene

una carrera de actor de 30 años

- Cocomelon. Cocomelon.

00:09:35,951 --> 00:09:37,369

- y nunca envejece!

- ¡Cocomelon!

00:09:37,369 --> 00:09:40,122

¡Que te calles! ¡Me cansé de ti!

00:09:40,122 --> 00:09:43,834

[tira agua]

00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:50,382

[Brandy suspira]

00:09:50,382 --> 00:09:51,258

Cocomelon.

00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:53,010

[Brandy grita]

00:09:53,010 --> 00:09:56,680

♪ música de rock ♪

00:09:56,680 --> 00:10:01,643

♪

00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:03,937

"PARA BESTIAS VARIAS

Y DONDE ABANDONARLAS"

00:10:05,647 --> 00:10:07,441

♪ música animada ♪

00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:10,235

YUMYULACK: [suspira] ¡Ay, Dios!

¿Esa es Kaley Cuoco?

00:10:10,235 --> 00:10:11,987

No, esperen,

esta señora solo tiene una oreja.

00:10:11,987 --> 00:10:13,238

¡Kaley tiene dos orejas!

00:10:13,238 --> 00:10:15,699

¿Qué carajo? ¡Quiero abandonar

a mis animales con Kaley!

00:10:15,699 --> 00:10:18,994

Soy la doble de Kaley Cuoco,

Kwelly Cloakawoko.

00:10:18,994 --> 00:10:22,164

Perdí mi oreja cuando el anillo casero

de Linterna Verde de Sheldon explotó

00:10:22,164 --> 00:10:23,373

en el set de Big Bang.

00:10:23,373 --> 00:10:27,628

¡Bienvenidos al Rancho

Cuoco-monga de Kaley Cuoco!

00:10:27,628 --> 00:10:29,630

Dejemos a estas criaturas deformes,

00:10:29,630 --> 00:10:31,089

¡y les daré el recorrido!

00:10:32,508 --> 00:10:34,134

Recibimos a todos los animales

00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:35,719

que nadie más quiere tocar:

00:10:35,719 --> 00:10:39,014

ligres, lobos de mediana edad,

pitones albinas.

00:10:39,014 --> 00:10:39,973

YUMYULACK:

¡Mis serpientes!

00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:42,851

¡Anaconor y Lahissa, están bien!

00:10:42,851 --> 00:10:44,228

¿Qué les gustaría abandonar?

00:10:44,228 --> 00:10:46,104

Tenemos varios paquetes personalizables

00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:49,274

que van desde $29.99 a $8.57 millones.

00:10:49,274 --> 00:10:50,400

Seguro que esto

les pasa seguido,

00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,027

tenemos media docena

de Súper Bobos

00:10:52,027 --> 00:10:53,862

que acabarán matándonos,

así que, ya sabes,

00:10:53,862 --> 00:10:56,532

tenemos que dejarlos con ustedes

antes de que nos apuñalen.

00:10:56,532 --> 00:10:58,408

¿Media docena?

¿Se refiere a estos dos?

00:10:58,408 --> 00:11:00,244

No, nosotros... ¡Carajo!

00:11:00,244 --> 00:11:02,120

¡Jesse, tu bobo

engordó muchísimo!

00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:03,205

¿Por qué no dijiste nada?

00:11:03,205 --> 00:11:04,498

¡Lo hice, en el autobús!

00:11:04,498 --> 00:11:06,583

¡La próxima vez, habla, Messica!

00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:09,002

Si no fueras parte de mi misión,

te abandonaría aquí también.

00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:10,254

[Jesse gruñe]

00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:12,297

♪ música suave ♪

00:11:12,297 --> 00:11:14,466

Este es nuestro recinto más grande.

00:11:14,466 --> 00:11:16,218

Sus extrañas criaturas

serán tan felices

00:11:16,218 --> 00:11:18,053

como un animal abandonado

puede serlo aquí.

00:11:18,053 --> 00:11:19,429

[oso gruñe]

00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:20,556

Adelante, pequeño.

00:11:20,556 --> 00:11:24,393

Puedes hacerte el romántico

con lo que quieras adentro.

00:11:25,102 --> 00:11:25,769

Espera.

00:11:25,769 --> 00:11:27,187

Jesse, estas cosas

se van a volver contra nosotros.

00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:28,355

¿Podemos terminar con esto?

00:11:28,730 --> 00:11:30,774

Solo necesito saber lo que eres.

00:11:30,774 --> 00:11:32,651

¿De qué emoción tengo demasiada?

00:11:32,651 --> 00:11:35,737

¿A quién le importa?

¡Métete ahí, estúpido bobo!

00:11:35,737 --> 00:11:36,572

[puerta se cierra]

00:11:36,572 --> 00:11:39,408

Uf. Finalmente,

una situación de bobo que no termina

00:11:39,408 --> 00:11:41,827

en mí ser apuñalado

o tener relaciones sexuales en un casino.

00:11:41,827 --> 00:11:43,579

Adiós Bobo Blanco.

00:11:43,579 --> 00:11:45,038

Deben estar cansados.

00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:47,708

Puede pasar aquí la noche

en nuestra suite The Flight Attendant

00:11:47,708 --> 00:11:50,836

y relajarse con una taza post-abandono

de Cuoco caliente.

00:11:50,836 --> 00:11:52,588

Iuu. ¿Tienes que decirlo así?

00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:55,174

♪ música dramática ♪

00:11:55,174 --> 00:11:56,300

Esa es mi cornisa,

00:11:56,300 --> 00:11:58,427

y no te di permiso

para posarte ahí.

00:11:58,427 --> 00:11:59,219

¿Cocomelon?

00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:00,262

¡A ver si puedes esquivar

00:12:00,262 --> 00:12:02,848

todos estos caros

coleccionables de señora rica!

00:12:02,848 --> 00:12:06,435

El basquiaball de Basquiat.

¡El cráneo de Air Bud!

00:12:06,435 --> 00:12:08,896

¡Un fémur irlandés del Titanic!

[se queja]

00:12:08,896 --> 00:12:09,563

[Pupa grita]

00:12:09,563 --> 00:12:11,481

¡Antiguo tapón anal!

00:12:13,275 --> 00:12:16,069

¡Sí! ¡Ja ja ja!

00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:17,237

¡Vete al carajo!

00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:19,198

¡Soy libre de la tortura!

00:12:19,198 --> 00:12:20,032

[suspira]

00:12:20,032 --> 00:12:21,033

Cocomelon.

[grita]

00:12:21,033 --> 00:12:23,535

¡Ah! ¡Mi pierna! Dios.

00:12:23,535 --> 00:12:24,661

¡Socorro! ¡Socorro!

00:12:26,121 --> 00:12:28,081

¿Alguien me escucha?

00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:29,041

[se queja]

00:12:29,041 --> 00:12:30,334

Claro que no.

00:12:31,001 --> 00:12:34,713

Estoy completamente sola...

por decisión propia.

00:12:35,297 --> 00:12:36,256

[sorben ruidosamente]

00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:38,592

¡Mm, este Cuoco caliente

es calabaza picante!

00:12:38,592 --> 00:12:39,718

¿No crees que es raro

00:12:39,718 --> 00:12:42,804

que ninguno de nosotros se dio cuenta

de lo que pasaba con mi bobo?

00:12:42,804 --> 00:12:45,140

Dios mío, a nadie le importa

esa estupidez del bobo.

00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:46,934

Quiero decir,

si tuviera que conocer la historia

00:12:46,934 --> 00:12:48,936

de todo lo que vomité,

estaría muy ocupado para escribir

00:12:48,936 --> 00:12:51,313

mi fan fiction del universo

expandido de Dolores Claiborne.

00:12:51,313 --> 00:12:52,564

Tal vez tengas razón.

00:12:52,564 --> 00:12:55,359

Voy a ir a decir adiós

a los bobos una vez más

00:12:55,359 --> 00:12:56,777

antes de Cuo-yamos.

00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:59,154

Dios mío, eres como Lisa Simpson.

00:12:59,154 --> 00:13:01,281

♪ música sombría ♪

00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:03,325

¿Bobo Blanco?

¿Estás despierto?

00:13:03,325 --> 00:13:05,994

[golpes de interruptores]

[golpes de luces]

00:13:06,912 --> 00:13:09,164

[Bobo Blanco ruge]

00:13:09,164 --> 00:13:10,374

[grito ahogado de Jesse]

00:13:10,374 --> 00:13:11,959

[Bobo Blanco gruñe]

00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:14,711

¡Dámelo! ¡A papá le gusta!

00:13:15,629 --> 00:13:16,880

¡Blanco, no!

00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:18,966

[Bobo Blanco se queja]

00:13:18,966 --> 00:13:20,050

[pared se rompe]

00:13:21,552 --> 00:13:22,553

[Bobo Blanco se queja]

00:13:24,054 --> 00:13:25,681

Saben, siempre pensé

que Kaley Cuoco era

00:13:25,681 --> 00:13:26,890

la Kristen Bell de los pobres,

00:13:26,890 --> 00:13:28,183

pero ahora la voy a promover

00:13:28,183 --> 00:13:30,769

a la Anna Faris

de las mujeres de clase media alta.

00:13:30,769 --> 00:13:32,980

- [crujido de rama]

- ¡Cállate! ¿Escuchaste eso?

00:13:33,605 --> 00:13:36,066

Usa la aplicación del fósforo único

de tu teléfono para darnos más luz.

00:13:36,066 --> 00:13:38,277

¡Claro! Listo.

Espero que esto funcione.

00:13:38,277 --> 00:13:39,486

La aplicación solo tiene

un fósforo

00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:41,697

antes de que salga un anuncio.

00:13:41,989 --> 00:13:42,614

¡Uf!

00:13:43,365 --> 00:13:45,158

♪ música tensa ♪

00:13:45,868 --> 00:13:46,869

TODOS:

¡Carajo!

00:13:46,869 --> 00:13:49,121

[Bobo Blanco gruñe]

00:13:49,913 --> 00:13:51,874

¡Socorro! ¡Me está abrazando!

¡Socorro! ¡Ayuda!

00:13:52,207 --> 00:13:54,877

¡El Bobo Blanco se escapó,

y ahora creo que sé qué pasó!

00:13:54,877 --> 00:13:56,628

¡Se comió a todos los otros bobos!

00:13:56,628 --> 00:13:58,130

¡Muchas gracias, Teniente Obvio!

00:13:58,380 --> 00:14:00,215

¡Maldita seas, Jessica Opposites!

00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:01,258

TERRY: ¡Ay, Dios mío!

YUMYULACK: ¡Carajo!

00:14:01,258 --> 00:14:01,717

[Bobo Blanco eructa]

00:14:01,717 --> 00:14:03,719

¡Tenemos que llegar

al centro de visitantes!

00:14:03,719 --> 00:14:05,220

[Bobo Blanco gruñe]

[Terry y Yumyulack se quejan]

00:14:05,220 --> 00:14:07,472

- ¡No!

- ¡Yummy!

00:14:07,472 --> 00:14:09,516

[Yumyulack grita]

00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:10,893

Parece que necesitamos

algo de velocidad.

00:14:10,893 --> 00:14:12,561

¡Por suerte me puse

mis Heelys! ¡Vamos!

00:14:14,021 --> 00:14:14,563

[lodo chapotea]

00:14:14,563 --> 00:14:16,607

¡Ah! Maldición, suciedad estúpida,

se metió en mis zapatillas.

00:14:16,607 --> 00:14:17,941

¡Corre, Terry!

00:14:17,941 --> 00:14:20,527

¡Lo estoy intentando!

¡Estos zapatos Heelys me traicionaron!

00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:21,486

[crujidos]

00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:23,488

¡Kwelly al rescate!

00:14:23,488 --> 00:14:24,406

[carrito de golf chirriando]

00:14:24,698 --> 00:14:27,576

¡Tienes que arreglar esto,

o Kaley va a enloquecer!

00:14:27,576 --> 00:14:28,577

[gritan]

00:14:29,328 --> 00:14:32,456

¡No puedo! ¡Ni siquiera sé

lo que representa mi bobo!

00:14:32,456 --> 00:14:34,291

¡Será mejor que encuentres

a alguien que pueda!

00:14:34,291 --> 00:14:35,375

¡Es imposible!

00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:37,544

Nuestra computadora

de la nave ni siquiera podía hacer... ¡Ah!

00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:38,629

¡Malditas serpientes!

00:14:38,629 --> 00:14:40,130

La sangre de serpiente nunca sale.

00:14:40,130 --> 00:14:41,924

Estos asientos van a quedar

rojos de por vida.

00:14:41,924 --> 00:14:44,134

Espera, Rojo. ¡Eso es!

00:14:44,134 --> 00:14:47,554

¡Dios, Kaley va a descontar

esas serpientes de mi pensión!

00:14:51,475 --> 00:14:53,477

♪ música dramática ♪

00:14:53,477 --> 00:14:55,687

DISTRITO GASLAMP

LA PARTE QUE HUELE A PIS

00:14:56,271 --> 00:14:57,731

[puerta se abre, se cierra]

00:14:57,731 --> 00:14:59,107

¿Cómo me encontraste?

00:14:59,107 --> 00:15:02,110

Instagram. Tienes que decirle

que no deje que la gente te etiquete.

00:15:02,110 --> 00:15:04,446

No puedo. Conseguimos mucho trabajo

gracias a las redes sociales.

00:15:04,446 --> 00:15:05,948

¿Podrías dejarme en paz?

00:15:05,948 --> 00:15:07,449

Me costó mucha tele-terapia,

00:15:07,449 --> 00:15:09,451

pero ya no intento matar a Korvo.

00:15:09,451 --> 00:15:12,162

¡Eso es genial! ¡Estoy orgullosa

de ti por hacer el trabajo arduo!

00:15:12,162 --> 00:15:13,956

Pero de verdad necesito tu ayuda.

00:15:13,956 --> 00:15:16,708

¿Hicieron algunos Súper Bobos

que se les fueron de las manos?

00:15:16,708 --> 00:15:17,626

¿Cómo lo supiste?

00:15:17,626 --> 00:15:20,587

Todos los bobos están conectados

a través del espectro emocional.

00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:22,798

Pude sentir su presencia

cuando los hicieron.

00:15:22,798 --> 00:15:26,260

Me atraen. Pero soy dueño

de mi propio destino.

00:15:26,260 --> 00:15:29,721

Elijo ser dueño de la quinta

microcervecería más popular de la ciudad.

00:15:29,721 --> 00:15:31,348

Lo siento, no puedo ayudarte.

00:15:31,348 --> 00:15:33,267

Pero mi Súper Bobo se comió a los otros,

00:15:33,267 --> 00:15:35,269

y se comió a Terry

y a Korvo y a Yumyulack,

00:15:35,269 --> 00:15:36,728

y ahora no sé qué hacer.

00:15:36,728 --> 00:15:38,522

- No es problema mío.

- Pero eres mi único...

00:15:38,522 --> 00:15:40,148

¡Korvo y Terry arruinaron mi vida!

00:15:40,148 --> 00:15:41,900

¡Convirtieron a mi prometida

en una rata!

00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:43,485

¡Ya lo superé, estoy fuera!

00:15:43,485 --> 00:15:45,654

Espera un momento, bobo.

00:15:45,654 --> 00:15:49,032

Si lo superaste, ¿por qué tu cervecería

se llama "Muere Korvo" en latín?

00:15:49,032 --> 00:15:49,867

¡Sal de aquí!

00:15:49,867 --> 00:15:52,786

¿Y por qué todos los nombres

de tus cervezas son violentos y abusivos?

00:15:52,786 --> 00:15:54,746

Por-Qué-Korvo-Todavía-Está- Vivo,

00:15:54,746 --> 00:15:57,416

Ipa Disparo en la Cabeza de Korvo, Stella.

00:15:57,416 --> 00:15:58,500

¡Dije que te fueras!

00:15:58,500 --> 00:16:00,377

[Jesse solloza]

00:16:00,377 --> 00:16:01,211

[puerta se abre, se cierra]

00:16:04,006 --> 00:16:06,133

[solloza, grita]

00:16:07,217 --> 00:16:08,385

[puerta se abre]

00:16:08,385 --> 00:16:09,720

Llévame con el bobo.

00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:11,430

¿Qué te hizo

cambiar de opinión?

00:16:11,430 --> 00:16:13,056

Puedo haber superado

las ganas de matar a Korvo,

00:16:13,056 --> 00:16:15,350

pero no permitiré

que otro bobo se lo coma

00:16:15,350 --> 00:16:16,435

en vez de mí.

00:16:16,435 --> 00:16:17,519

¡Funciona para mí!

00:16:18,812 --> 00:16:21,481

Solo te advierto

que es un viaje un poco largo.

00:16:24,443 --> 00:16:26,987

Sabes que Korvo y yo

tuvimos sexo en Las Vegas.

00:16:27,362 --> 00:16:28,822

Apuesto a que te preguntas cómo lo hice,

00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:31,283

ya que Korvo no tiene trasero

y yo no tengo pene.

00:16:31,283 --> 00:16:33,327

No, está bien, no necesito saberlo.

00:16:34,620 --> 00:16:36,205

Cavé un pequeño agujero en su trasero

00:16:36,205 --> 00:16:38,123

y usé una botella de champú como falo.

00:16:38,123 --> 00:16:39,875

- No dejaba de caerse...

- Mejor escuchemos

00:16:39,875 --> 00:16:41,627

un poco de música al azar, ¿sí?

00:16:41,627 --> 00:16:42,419

♪ música de rock pesado ♪

00:16:42,419 --> 00:16:43,295

♪ música tensa ♪

00:16:43,295 --> 00:16:45,923

¡Ah, maldita sea, de acuerdo!

00:16:45,923 --> 00:16:48,258

Me arrepiento

de la forma en que viví mi vida.

00:16:48,258 --> 00:16:50,427

Me miento a mí misma

sobre ser poderosa,

00:16:50,427 --> 00:16:52,596

pero soy tóxica y mandona,

00:16:52,596 --> 00:16:55,057

y por eso, estoy sola.

00:16:55,057 --> 00:16:56,975

Puedes ver lo infeliz que soy.

00:16:56,975 --> 00:16:58,560

Odio ser la ejecutiva

00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:00,729

que decidió que Exxon Mobil

debía preocuparse más

00:17:00,729 --> 00:17:02,689

por las ganancias que por las personas.

00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:04,233

¡Sí, esa fui yo!

00:17:04,233 --> 00:17:06,902

También fui la que hizo

que la insulina costara tanto,

00:17:06,902 --> 00:17:08,987

aunque básicamente

es gratis fabricarla.

00:17:08,987 --> 00:17:11,573

[solloza] Soy una basura.

00:17:12,491 --> 00:17:14,826

Soy una basura.

00:17:14,826 --> 00:17:16,245

♪ música tensa se intensifica ♪

00:17:16,245 --> 00:17:17,120

[grito ahogado de Brandy]

00:17:18,664 --> 00:17:19,748

[llaman a la puerta]

00:17:19,748 --> 00:17:22,543

¿Sra. Brandy?

¿Pasó algo terrible?

00:17:22,543 --> 00:17:25,420

No me ha enviado ningún

mensaje racista en los últimos días.

00:17:25,420 --> 00:17:27,172

¡Alice! ¡Oh, Alice!

00:17:27,172 --> 00:17:29,758

Pagaré tus tratamientos

experimentales contra el cáncer.

00:17:29,758 --> 00:17:33,011

¡Ayudaré a salvar tu pueblo

que destruí con ese oleoducto!

00:17:33,011 --> 00:17:35,138

¡Quiero ser una mejor persona!

00:17:35,138 --> 00:17:38,141

Y todo gracias

a esta extraña criatura que...

00:17:38,141 --> 00:17:38,642

[suspira con asombro]

00:17:39,351 --> 00:17:40,769

Tal vez nunca estuvo realmente allí.

00:17:41,144 --> 00:17:42,187

[risita]

00:17:42,187 --> 00:17:45,357

¡Oh! Todo ese tiempo,

era mi conciencia.

00:17:45,357 --> 00:17:47,484

¡Solo estaba alucinando!

00:17:47,484 --> 00:17:50,028

¡Ah! ¿Y eso es bueno?

00:17:50,028 --> 00:17:54,324

¡No lo sé, pero ahora soy buena!

00:17:54,324 --> 00:17:56,159

¡Llamaré a todas las aerolíneas

00:17:56,159 --> 00:17:59,288

y haré más grandes

los asientos de todos los aviones!

00:18:00,414 --> 00:18:02,833

Ah, pensé que esto sería más

como el Barrio de Meester Rogers

00:18:02,833 --> 00:18:04,793

de Leighton Meester

Para Criaturas Marinas

00:18:04,793 --> 00:18:05,919

y Dónde Tirarlas.

00:18:05,919 --> 00:18:07,921

Cielos, estos nombres de rescate

de animales de celebridades

00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:09,256

se están poniendo

bastante complicados.

00:18:09,256 --> 00:18:11,258

¡Ay, no! ¿Qué está pasando?

00:18:11,925 --> 00:18:14,761

¡Espero que mi bobo

no haya asesinado a nadie más!

00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:15,721

[golpe]

[Jesse grita]

00:18:17,222 --> 00:18:18,724

♪ música dramática ♪

00:18:18,724 --> 00:18:20,392

[Bobo Blanco rugiendo]

00:18:20,392 --> 00:18:22,060

[Kwelly suspira, grita]

00:18:22,060 --> 00:18:23,478

Ah, carajo, sí, no,

00:18:23,478 --> 00:18:25,647

eso es definitivamente

un bobo de represión de la ira.

00:18:27,357 --> 00:18:28,609

[carrito de golf choca]

00:18:29,526 --> 00:18:32,029

Va a consumir a todos los demás

y te dejará para el final.

00:18:32,029 --> 00:18:32,863

Eso es lo que hacen.

00:18:32,863 --> 00:18:36,408

Pero no estoy reprimida

o enojada. ¡Estoy feliz!

00:18:36,408 --> 00:18:38,285

♪ música dramática ♪

00:18:38,285 --> 00:18:39,828

[Bobo Blanco eructa]

00:18:40,204 --> 00:18:43,207

¡Debes admitir que tienes un problema

antes de que todos muramos!

00:18:43,207 --> 00:18:46,502

¡Pero no tengo un problema!

Tiene que haber otra manera.

00:18:46,502 --> 00:18:49,171

Creo que puedo intentar hablarle

de bobo a bobo,

00:18:49,171 --> 00:18:50,714

usando palabras de bobo.

00:18:50,714 --> 00:18:53,842

Bobo. ¡Bobo bu bu bobo bu!

00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:57,971

¡Bobo bu bu bobo bobo bu!

00:18:59,515 --> 00:19:00,265

[Bobo Rojo grita]

00:19:00,557 --> 00:19:01,433

[grito ahogado]

00:19:01,433 --> 00:19:03,060

¡Espera! ¡Allá voy!

[Bobo Rojo gritando]

00:19:03,769 --> 00:19:04,895

¡Jesse, todo depende de ti!

00:19:04,895 --> 00:19:07,481

¡En el fondo sabes

con quién estás enojada!

00:19:07,481 --> 00:19:08,982

[Jesse grita]

00:19:10,526 --> 00:19:12,486

[Jesse gritando]

00:19:12,486 --> 00:19:14,404

Hola a todos.

00:19:14,404 --> 00:19:16,031

¡Jessica, tu estúpido bobo nos comió!

00:19:16,031 --> 00:19:17,616

¿Y ahora trajiste al Bobo Rojo?

00:19:17,616 --> 00:19:19,826

- ¡Vete al carajo!

- ¡Tú vete al carajo, grosero!

00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:22,120

¡Todo esto es culpa tuya!

¿Por qué apestas tanto?

00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:25,499

[gruñe] ¡Korvo, cierra... cierra...!

00:19:25,499 --> 00:19:27,125

¡Hazlo, Jesse! ¡Déjalo salir!

00:19:27,125 --> 00:19:29,545

¡Cierra tu mugrienta boca, Korvo!

00:19:29,545 --> 00:19:31,129

¡Es tu culpa que estés aquí!

00:19:31,129 --> 00:19:33,048

¡Si no fueras malo conmigo todo el tiempo,

00:19:33,048 --> 00:19:35,592

no tendría un maldito

bobo en primer lugar!

00:19:35,592 --> 00:19:38,804

¡Te convertiste en un bravucón

porque nunca me defiendo,

00:19:38,804 --> 00:19:40,931

pero eso cambia ahora!

00:19:40,931 --> 00:19:42,808

¡No soy un bravucón,

no trates de volver esto contra mí!

00:19:42,808 --> 00:19:44,935

¡Ya me harté!

00:19:44,935 --> 00:19:47,187

¡Eres grosero, egoísta

y malo conmigo todo el tiempo!

00:19:47,187 --> 00:19:50,148

¡Pero solo te odias a ti mismo,

y todos lo sabemos!

00:19:50,148 --> 00:19:51,775

¿No te caigo bien?

00:19:51,775 --> 00:19:53,986

No, para nada. No te soporto.

00:19:53,986 --> 00:19:54,862

¡Eres un asco!

00:19:54,862 --> 00:19:57,823

¡Nunca aprecias todo el trabajo

que hago en la casa,

00:19:57,823 --> 00:20:00,868

y nunca tengo una historia contigo!

00:20:00,868 --> 00:20:04,371

¡Bien, Jessica!

¡Podemos tener una historia si te calmas!

00:20:04,371 --> 00:20:09,251

¡Deja de llamarme Jessica!

¡Me llamo Jesse!

00:20:09,251 --> 00:20:10,043

[Bobo Blanco se queja, salpica]

00:20:10,043 --> 00:20:11,628

[todos se quejan]

00:20:12,171 --> 00:20:14,047

¡Somos libres! ¡Ja ja!

00:20:14,047 --> 00:20:15,674

¡Y mi bobo está bien!

00:20:15,674 --> 00:20:18,051

Ah, sí, bebé,

esto es de lo bueno.

00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:19,344

Jesse, tu ira.

00:20:19,344 --> 00:20:21,305

Expresarlo hizo que tu bobo explotara.

00:20:21,305 --> 00:20:24,183

Sí, eso es lo que pasa

si muestras un crecimiento real.

00:20:24,183 --> 00:20:25,642

¿Entonces por qué sigues por aquí?

00:20:25,642 --> 00:20:28,687

Porque eres un miope,

estresado pedazo de basura.

00:20:28,687 --> 00:20:29,771

Cierto.

00:20:29,771 --> 00:20:31,982

Me di cuenta de que si te tragas tu ira,

00:20:31,982 --> 00:20:32,983

te matará.

00:20:32,983 --> 00:20:35,652

Así que dejé que me tragara, y la maté.

00:20:35,652 --> 00:20:37,821

Espera, ¿entonces no estás

realmente enojada conmigo?

00:20:37,821 --> 00:20:40,324

Ah, sí que lo estoy.

¡Korvo, vete al carajo!

00:20:40,324 --> 00:20:42,075

¡Estoy muy orgulloso de ti!

00:20:42,576 --> 00:20:43,535

♪ música animada ♪

00:20:43,535 --> 00:20:45,287

DISTRITO GASLAMP

LA PARTE QUE AÚN HUELE A PIS

00:20:45,287 --> 00:20:46,413

[gente celebrando]

00:20:46,413 --> 00:20:49,208

♪ música animada ♪

00:20:49,208 --> 00:20:50,459

Gracias por tu ayuda, Chris.

00:20:50,459 --> 00:20:52,961

Nunca hubiera podido canalizar

mi rabia contra Korvo

00:20:52,961 --> 00:20:54,379

sin tu experiencia.

00:20:54,379 --> 00:20:57,466

Como dice el Rey Bobo,

¡ubi-bubi-bu!

00:20:57,466 --> 00:20:59,218

[bobos riendo]

00:20:59,218 --> 00:21:01,595

¿Dijo Rey Bobo?

¿Qué carajo es eso?

00:21:01,595 --> 00:21:03,889

Parece que a todos mis bobos

les encanta trabajar contigo.

00:21:03,889 --> 00:21:07,017

Sabes, hoy Jesse me enseñó

a ser fiel a mis sentimientos.

00:21:07,017 --> 00:21:08,060

Ahora estás a salvo,

00:21:08,060 --> 00:21:10,646

¡pero te cazaré y te mataré!

00:21:10,646 --> 00:21:11,730

¡No me amenaces!

00:21:11,730 --> 00:21:13,357

¡Ya lo hice, maldito!

00:21:13,357 --> 00:21:14,441

[todos riendo]

00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:16,527

¿Ah, sí? Pues adivina qué.

Nunca me matarás.

00:21:16,527 --> 00:21:17,986

Soy demasiado rápido

y demasiado inteligente.

00:21:17,986 --> 00:21:19,738

Y es mi turno de decir,

00:21:19,738 --> 00:21:20,989

¡vete al carajo!

00:21:20,989 --> 00:21:24,117

[vidrio se rompe]

[Korvo quejándose, gritando]

00:21:24,117 --> 00:21:27,162

¡Mi pierna!

¡Oh, Jesucristo, me duele!

00:21:27,162 --> 00:21:28,080

¡Socorro!

00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:30,040

¡Tengo la pierna clavada

en el vidrio mellado!

00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:33,293

¡Puedo sentirlo raspando

la cosa que tengo en lugar de un hueso!

00:21:33,794 --> 00:21:35,629

Cielos, está perdiendo mucha sangre.

00:21:35,629 --> 00:21:36,421

¿Deberíamos bajarlo?

00:21:36,421 --> 00:21:38,048

¡Sí! ¡Claro que deberíamos!

00:21:39,091 --> 00:21:40,008

En un minuto.

00:21:40,008 --> 00:21:41,260

[todos riendo]

00:21:41,260 --> 00:21:43,095

Ah. Hola, Pupa. ¿Qué tienes?

00:21:43,762 --> 00:21:45,806

¡Quiero ser mejor persona!

00:21:45,806 --> 00:21:47,766

¡Vaya, Pupes! ¡Lo lograste!

00:21:47,766 --> 00:21:50,936

¡Hiciste algo bueno por la humanidad

en vez buscar caramelos!

00:21:51,562 --> 00:21:53,856

Espera, ¿ya tienes

tres millones de suscriptores

00:21:53,856 --> 00:21:55,440

y un patrocinio de Starburst?

00:21:56,358 --> 00:21:58,986

[Korvo quejándose]

00:21:58,986 --> 00:22:00,529

KORVO:

¡Ay, ay! ¡Me duele!

00:22:00,529 --> 00:22:01,655

¡Pupa, vuelve aquí!

00:22:01,655 --> 00:22:04,116

¿Cómo se convirtió esto en un referéndum

sobre mí siendo un idiota?

00:22:04,116 --> 00:22:07,578

[grita] ¡Esta era una historia de Jesse!

¿Por qué me castigan?

00:22:07,578 --> 00:22:09,246

¡No es justo! ¡Ay, ay!

00:22:10,747 --> 00:22:12,749

¡Bubi bubi dubi,

vete al carajo!

00:22:12,749 --> 00:22:17,337

♪ música dramática ♪

00:22:17,337 --> 00:22:20,507

♪

00:22:23,677 --> 00:22:26,847

♪

00:22:30,100 --> 00:22:33,353

♪

00:22:36,607 --> 00:22:39,818

♪

00:22:42,988 --> 00:22:46,158

♪

00:22:49,328 --> 00:22:54,124

♪

00:22:57,127 --> 00:22:58,629

[imitando fuego láser]

00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:07,007

♪

00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,342

♪ gentle music playing ♪

00:00:08,717 --> 00:00:10,511

Aw, man, Hamsterdam?

00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:12,346

Oh, shit!

You owe me a million dollars

00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:14,223

because there's a bunch

of Dutch Hamsters who live there.

00:00:14,223 --> 00:00:16,475

How the fuck are you winning

in Monopoly: The Wire Edition

00:00:16,475 --> 00:00:17,809

when you've never watched the show?

00:00:17,809 --> 00:00:19,436

Why don't you bitch

at your pewter McNutty,

00:00:19,436 --> 00:00:21,271

that's what keeps landing you

on shitty spots.

00:00:21,271 --> 00:00:22,564

Come on, gimme an eight,

00:00:22,564 --> 00:00:24,942

get me to that bar where

the dock workers drank eggs.

00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,611

Double dang it! Hamsterdam again?

00:00:27,611 --> 00:00:29,696

Welcome to hell, Jessica! Ha ha ha ha!

00:00:29,696 --> 00:00:30,989

Now pay up, you little delinquent!

00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:33,825

But I don't have any money left! Argh!

00:00:33,825 --> 00:00:37,371

I hate this stupid game.

There's too much pressure!

00:00:37,829 --> 00:00:39,456

[coughs, gags]

00:00:39,456 --> 00:00:40,207

[both gasp]

00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:42,876

[thuds]

00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:45,587

[all gasp]

Is that a White Goobler?

00:00:45,587 --> 00:00:47,005

This is a huge development.

00:00:47,256 --> 00:00:49,716

I'm about to win a board game

for the first time ever.

00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:53,178

KORVO:

Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia,

00:00:53,178 --> 00:00:55,138

until the asteroid hit.

00:00:55,681 --> 00:00:58,308

One hundred adults and their replicants

were issued a Pupa

00:00:58,308 --> 00:01:00,018

and escaped into the... space,

00:01:00,018 --> 00:01:02,729

searching for new homes

on uninhabited worlds.

00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:03,939

We crashed on Earth,

00:01:03,939 --> 00:01:05,983

stranding us on an already

overpopulated planet.

00:01:05,983 --> 00:01:07,901

That's right,

I've been talking this whole time.

00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:09,152

I'm the one holding the Pupa.

00:01:09,152 --> 00:01:10,904

My name is Korvo.

This is my show.

00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:12,239

Bollocks, I just dropped the Pupa.

00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:14,366

Ugh. This is ridiculous.

I hate Earth.

00:01:14,366 --> 00:01:15,409

It's a horrible home.

00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:16,994

People are stupid and confusing.

00:01:16,994 --> 00:01:18,579

They have a restaurant called Applebee's,

00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:21,039

and they don't call

their appetizers apple-tizers.

00:01:21,039 --> 00:01:22,165

That's bullshit!

00:01:22,165 --> 00:01:25,294

♪ dramatic music playing ♪

00:01:27,963 --> 00:01:28,714

[goobler moans]

00:01:28,714 --> 00:01:31,300

Dear God, how did you cough up

such a gross goobler?

00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:32,968

I didn't even know

we could make white ones.

00:01:32,968 --> 00:01:34,803

It's the same size

as the Red Goobler was.

00:01:34,803 --> 00:01:36,930

Wait a minute, are you going

to say "get fucked"

00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,182

and try to kill us?

00:01:38,182 --> 00:01:40,684

Oh, no, I don't want

to be a burden, you know?

00:01:40,684 --> 00:01:42,186

I can't be a teen mom.

00:01:42,186 --> 00:01:43,979

I don't even have a neck tattoo!

00:01:43,979 --> 00:01:45,063

This doesn't make any sense.

00:01:45,063 --> 00:01:47,024

Why would Jesse and I

make off-color gooblers

00:01:47,024 --> 00:01:47,900

and not you two?

00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:49,359

Because we're superior in every--

00:01:49,359 --> 00:01:50,903

Oh, shit, wait a minute.

00:01:51,403 --> 00:01:52,613

[goobler grumbles]

00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:56,825

Totally forgot that I coughed up

a lavender goobler last week.

00:01:56,825 --> 00:01:58,327

- Was I supposed to report that?

- Yes!

00:01:58,327 --> 00:02:00,537

My Red Goobler is still out there

plotting to kill me.

00:02:00,537 --> 00:02:01,830

These things could be dangerous!

00:02:01,830 --> 00:02:03,624

Hm, doesn't seem dangerous.

00:02:03,624 --> 00:02:06,126

Oh, yeah, yeah, that's it right there.

00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:07,836

Give it to me. Papa like.

00:02:07,836 --> 00:02:10,088

This must be a Romance Goobler,

00:02:10,088 --> 00:02:11,673

because I'm such a romantic and shit.

00:02:11,673 --> 00:02:13,634

That's a freaky little

shithead horny goobler,

00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:14,468

and you fucking know it.

00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:17,262

So we all have new gooblers

except Terry?

00:02:17,262 --> 00:02:18,388

How does that make sense?

00:02:18,388 --> 00:02:21,391

We're, uh, supposed

to report weird gooblers, huh?

00:02:21,391 --> 00:02:23,185

Don't tell me you coughed one up too!

00:02:23,185 --> 00:02:24,061

I did not.

00:02:24,061 --> 00:02:25,521

Well, thank our Shlorpian gods--

00:02:25,521 --> 00:02:27,439

- I made five.

- What?

00:02:27,439 --> 00:02:29,441

Terry's gooblers, sound off!

00:02:29,441 --> 00:02:32,194

- Klepto Goobler.

- Criterion Disk Goobler.

00:02:32,194 --> 00:02:34,029

[groans] Envy Goobler.

00:02:34,029 --> 00:02:35,155

Babe-yyyy Goobler

00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:37,950

'cause Terry loves saying

"babe-yyy," babe-yyy.

00:02:37,950 --> 00:02:38,992

Kimmy Goobler.

00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:40,953

I re-watched all

of Full House three times

00:02:40,953 --> 00:02:42,412

and then barfed that little chiclet up.

00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:43,247

Geez, guys.

00:02:43,247 --> 00:02:45,624

Why are we making all these

colorful goobs right now?

00:02:45,624 --> 00:02:47,292

Well, that's a dumb question, Jessica.

00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:49,753

You're acting like you don't know anything

about Shlorpian anatomy.

00:02:49,753 --> 00:02:52,548

Obviously, every 100,000 times

we stress out and goobler,

00:02:52,548 --> 00:02:53,924

one big red one shows up.

00:02:53,924 --> 00:02:55,050

But, none of these are red.

00:02:55,050 --> 00:02:56,885

Alright, fine, I don't know

what the fuck is going on either.

00:02:56,885 --> 00:02:59,012

Everyone grab your gooblers

and let's go ask AISHA.

00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:00,806

Fucking hate it when we have

to go ask the ship stuff,

00:03:00,806 --> 00:03:02,266

makes us look like such dummies.

00:03:02,266 --> 00:03:03,559

LAVENDER GOOBLER:

[grunts] Ooh, yeah.

00:03:03,559 --> 00:03:04,977

♪ ethereal music playing ♪

00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:07,729

Pupa! How do you keep getting

your paws on Starbursts?

00:03:07,729 --> 00:03:10,315

You know those kiwi banana ones

give you the Tron nightmares.

00:03:10,315 --> 00:03:11,942

Have you ever thought that,

like, instead of indulging

00:03:11,942 --> 00:03:14,236

in these long, needlessly

complicated schemes

00:03:14,236 --> 00:03:15,904

to get candy or Harry Potter whistles,

00:03:15,904 --> 00:03:17,823

that maybe you could use

that big-ass Pupa brain

00:03:17,823 --> 00:03:19,157

to make the world a better place?

00:03:19,157 --> 00:03:21,118

Yeah, Pupa, the satisfaction you get

00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:24,288

from making the world a better place

would taste way better

00:03:24,288 --> 00:03:26,206

than any old Starbursts.

00:03:26,957 --> 00:03:27,833

AISHA:

Alright, dummies,

00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:30,169

get ready to learn

some Shlorpian 101.

00:03:30,169 --> 00:03:33,755

[projector ticking]

[countdown beeping]

00:03:34,590 --> 00:03:36,341

SHLORPIAN NARRATOR:

The Shlorpian body is designed

00:03:36,341 --> 00:03:39,970

to remove excess emotional buildup

by emitting gooblers:

00:03:39,970 --> 00:03:41,263

small, dancing creatures

00:03:41,263 --> 00:03:44,600

which hold your unwanted chemicals

in their bellies.

00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:46,101

The gooblers are emitted

00:03:46,101 --> 00:03:48,562

and then will dance

their adorable little jig

00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:49,563

until they die.

00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:52,816

However, if a Shlorpian has

too many negative emotions,

00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:56,570

the Goobler system will produce

a Super Goobler.

00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,947

Larger, meaner, smarter:

00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:01,992

the Super Goobler is designed

to eliminate the Shlorpian

00:04:01,992 --> 00:04:03,535

with emotional problems,

00:04:03,535 --> 00:04:05,579

removing them from the terraforming team,

00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:07,331

ultimately protecting the mission.

00:04:07,331 --> 00:04:08,457

Get fucked!

00:04:08,832 --> 00:04:10,584

SHLORPIAN NARRATOR:

If you make a Super Goobler,

00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:12,586

it's best to allow it to kill you

00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:16,423

so the rest of your team

can dine on your body for nutrients.

00:04:17,174 --> 00:04:20,636

Wait, so all of these little guys

are gonna grow up to kill us?

00:04:20,636 --> 00:04:22,804

Well, that can't be right.

Mine was a stress goobler.

00:04:22,804 --> 00:04:24,056

These are all too nice.

00:04:24,056 --> 00:04:26,683

When I get bigger,

I'm gonna fuck you up, babe-yyy!

00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:28,060

[all goobers clamoring]

00:04:28,060 --> 00:04:29,061

Gooble.

00:04:29,061 --> 00:04:30,979

[Solars scream]

00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:33,649

Those Super Gooblers are creepy as fuck.

00:04:33,649 --> 00:04:34,483

We gotta do something.

00:04:34,483 --> 00:04:37,069

I kinda wanna figure out

what my goobler even is

00:04:37,069 --> 00:04:38,487

before we do anything.

00:04:38,487 --> 00:04:40,531

What emotion was I having too much of?

00:04:40,531 --> 00:04:43,075

Being a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day?

00:04:43,075 --> 00:04:45,786

Th-this is probably a bad pitch,

but maybe it'll get us going.

00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:48,038

What about if we throw them

in the dumpster behind Pizza Hut?

00:04:48,038 --> 00:04:49,540

Okay, that's the plan to beat.

00:04:49,540 --> 00:04:50,332

Yes!

00:04:50,332 --> 00:04:52,209

Building off of what

Yumyulack just said,

00:04:52,209 --> 00:04:53,961

we should put them in garbage bags

00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:56,213

before we throw them in the dumpster

behind Pizza Hut.

00:04:56,213 --> 00:04:59,174

Hmm, I'm liking this area a lot.

Now get to grabbing.

00:04:59,174 --> 00:05:01,802

I want to have them in that dumpster

before they start stabbing us.

00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:05,597

[gooblers clamoring, screaming]

00:05:05,597 --> 00:05:07,266

[gooblers thudding]

00:05:07,266 --> 00:05:09,351

♪ dramatic music playing ♪

00:05:09,351 --> 00:05:12,187

Ah! Don't put me in the bag!

Sweet cheese!

00:05:12,187 --> 00:05:13,772

Oh, little Kimmy.

00:05:13,772 --> 00:05:16,358

Korvo, stop! I changed my mind!

I can't kill my gooblers.

00:05:16,358 --> 00:05:17,192

What? Why not?

00:05:17,192 --> 00:05:18,569

Because they're like

my children, dammit,

00:05:18,569 --> 00:05:19,570

and they're so cute

00:05:19,570 --> 00:05:20,988

and they aren't trying

to murder anyone yet!

00:05:20,988 --> 00:05:21,989

They will soon enough!

00:05:21,989 --> 00:05:24,408

Ah, I don't want to kill mine either.

00:05:24,408 --> 00:05:26,285

Just look at that pelvic definition.

00:05:26,285 --> 00:05:28,954

You know, maybe some of them

can turn their lives around

00:05:28,954 --> 00:05:30,289

with a little love and attention.

00:05:30,289 --> 00:05:31,623

The crystal just fucking told us

00:05:31,623 --> 00:05:34,084

if we don't do something, they'll grow up

and then kill our asses.

00:05:34,084 --> 00:05:36,295

Death by goobler

is such a lowbrow way to die.

00:05:36,295 --> 00:05:39,548

Light bulb, we can ship them off

to Kaley Cuoco's Rancho Cuocomonga

00:05:39,548 --> 00:05:41,466

for Miscellaneous Beasts

and Where to Abandon Them.

00:05:41,466 --> 00:05:43,385

Making something stupid up

won't help, Terry.

00:05:43,385 --> 00:05:45,095

I know, but this time

I'm telling the truth.

00:05:45,095 --> 00:05:48,348

It's a no-kill rescue ranch

owned by Priceline's Kaley Cuoco.

00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,225

It's where I've been sending

all of Yumyulack's snakes.

00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:51,059

They're alive?

00:05:51,059 --> 00:05:52,519

You told me you were

chopping off their heads

00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:55,022

and leaving them on the sidewalk

as a warning to other snakes.

00:05:55,022 --> 00:05:56,106

That's such great news!

00:05:56,106 --> 00:05:57,900

Terry, ya fucking nailed it.

This is the plan.

00:05:57,900 --> 00:05:59,776

Everyone, pack your shit

and meet me at the car.

00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:01,945

- It's time for the--

- Wait, wait, wait! Can I say it? Please!

00:06:01,945 --> 00:06:03,447

Please can I say it? Please?

00:06:03,447 --> 00:06:05,782

- Korvo, please!

- Sure, my guy. Go for it.

00:06:05,782 --> 00:06:09,036

The Solar Opposites

are going on a road trip!

00:06:09,036 --> 00:06:10,662

Yeah, babe-yyy!

00:06:10,662 --> 00:06:11,872

[horn honking]

00:06:12,581 --> 00:06:15,417

All aboard the Terry's Super Famous

Almost Famous Bus!

00:06:15,417 --> 00:06:18,545

Fasten your seatbelts 'cause

Daddy Terry tricked out this bus

00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:21,673

in the theme of his favorite

road trip movie, Speed!

00:06:21,673 --> 00:06:23,926

If we go under 50, we explode!

00:06:23,926 --> 00:06:27,095

Remember? Remember Dennis Hopper's

got that little fucked-up hand?

00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:28,222

[explosion booms]

00:06:28,222 --> 00:06:29,765

[metal clattering]

00:06:30,182 --> 00:06:31,225

[horn honks]

00:06:31,225 --> 00:06:33,227

Okay, this time Daddy got us

a regular bus

00:06:33,227 --> 00:06:35,395

with almost no bombs, babe-yyy!!

00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,022

Yeah, babe-yyy!

00:06:38,023 --> 00:06:40,275

♪ rock music playing ♪

00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:43,320

♪

00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:44,238

[woman screams]

00:06:44,238 --> 00:06:46,156

[engine revving]

00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:49,284

♪

00:06:58,168 --> 00:06:59,086

[plasma gun fires]

00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:01,880

[Solars and gooblers laughing, cheering]

00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:04,675

♪ rock music playing ♪

00:07:04,675 --> 00:07:07,761

Psst, hey, Yum, what do you think

my goobler is?

00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:09,638

Maybe it's like a sweet goobler

or something?

00:07:09,638 --> 00:07:12,266

Jess-ica, your goobler is

a goobler for sucking!

00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:14,560

It takes up a bunch of space,

and it's a deadweight piece of shit

00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:16,562

with nothing to offer the world

and everybody hates it.

00:07:16,562 --> 00:07:18,230

Oh, okay. Maybe that's it.

00:07:18,230 --> 00:07:20,232

Will you stop playing

with that gun, you little shit.

00:07:20,232 --> 00:07:21,149

[gunshot]

[Korvo shouts]

00:07:27,072 --> 00:07:30,033

JESSE: The satisfaction you get

from making the world a better place

00:07:30,033 --> 00:07:33,495

would taste way better

than any old Starbursts.

00:07:37,833 --> 00:07:40,878

I don't care how many geese

drowned in the black tar

00:07:40,878 --> 00:07:42,171

off the coast of Santa Barbara,

00:07:42,171 --> 00:07:44,840

I want my oil rigs

up and running by tomorrow

00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:46,967

or your adopted orphans can starve!

00:07:47,676 --> 00:07:50,345

Oh, Jesus Christ. You can't have

next week off, Alice.

00:07:50,345 --> 00:07:52,347

I don't care what stage your cancer is in.

00:07:52,347 --> 00:07:53,932

Yes, Miss Brandy.

00:07:53,932 --> 00:07:54,892

[sobs]

00:07:56,852 --> 00:07:57,686

♪ dramatic sting ♪

[shouts]

00:07:57,686 --> 00:07:59,897

What the fuck

are you supposed to be?

00:07:59,897 --> 00:08:00,898

Get out of here!

00:08:00,898 --> 00:08:01,857

Cocomelon.

00:08:01,857 --> 00:08:03,859

Cocom-- uh--

What are you talking about?

00:08:03,859 --> 00:08:04,985

I said get out!

00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:06,445

[vase shatters]

00:08:06,445 --> 00:08:08,906

♪ dramatic music playing ♪

00:08:08,906 --> 00:08:09,615

[door slams]

00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:13,827

- PUPA: Cocomelon.

- Ah!

00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:16,163

Oh, my God!

What do you want?

00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:19,625

♪ rock music playing ♪

00:08:19,625 --> 00:08:22,503

♪

00:08:22,503 --> 00:08:24,880

[yawns]

Only 14 more hours to the ranch

00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:26,089

and I get to meet Kaley.

00:08:26,507 --> 00:08:28,217

Wait a minute, something's missing.

00:08:28,217 --> 00:08:32,012

One, two, four, five. Oh, fuck,

where's my Klepto Goobler?

00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:34,139

Maybe we left him

at the local Scottish food place

00:08:34,139 --> 00:08:34,932

we stopped at.

00:08:34,932 --> 00:08:36,683

- You mean McDonald's?

- Fuck!

00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:39,311

He's probably still there,

stealing all the McFlurry toppings.

00:08:39,311 --> 00:08:40,646

- We have to go back.

- No, Terry!

00:08:40,646 --> 00:08:41,522

We're already running late

00:08:41,522 --> 00:08:43,524

because we spent so much time

in the McPlayPlace.

00:08:43,524 --> 00:08:45,400

I think my goobler's getting bigger?

00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:46,818

How could you lose your gooblers?

00:08:46,818 --> 00:08:48,445

That's the whole point of this road trip!

00:08:48,445 --> 00:08:51,114

All I'm sayin' is,

you bring a motherfucker to a PlayPlace,

00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:52,533

motherfucker gonna play.

00:08:52,533 --> 00:08:55,160

[water sloshing]

00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:56,370

[door opens, closes]

00:08:56,370 --> 00:08:59,957

♪ dramatic music playing ♪

00:09:00,415 --> 00:09:02,000

- Cocomelon?

- Jesus, shit!

00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:03,252

Okay, y-you're not real.

00:09:03,252 --> 00:09:04,461

Y-you're just a side effect

00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:06,630

of my Goop ayahuasca vaginal gummy crowns.

00:09:06,630 --> 00:09:09,091

I-I-I'm just gonna take some

of my rhino horn pills

00:09:09,091 --> 00:09:11,468

that only rich people have,

and you'll go away.

00:09:11,468 --> 00:09:12,386

[pills rattle]

[gulps]

00:09:13,303 --> 00:09:16,139

- Cocomelon.

- Ah! You know what, fuck this!

00:09:16,139 --> 00:09:18,183

How dare you sit there judging me

00:09:18,183 --> 00:09:19,476

with your Cookie Monster eyes?

00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:21,687

- Cocomelon.

- You can't judge me.

00:09:21,687 --> 00:09:25,274

Only my lovers can judge me

because that's what gets me off.

00:09:25,274 --> 00:09:26,525

I choose loneliness

00:09:26,525 --> 00:09:28,402

because I've been in love before,

and it sucks.

00:09:28,402 --> 00:09:29,486

Cocomelon.

00:09:29,486 --> 00:09:31,905

One minute you're happy

living in suburban Kansas City

00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:33,699

and the next your lover's in Clueless,

00:09:33,699 --> 00:09:35,951

then goes on to have

a 30-year acting career

00:09:35,951 --> 00:09:37,369

- and never ages!

- Cocomelon!

00:09:37,369 --> 00:09:40,122

Shut up! I am done with you!

00:09:40,122 --> 00:09:43,834

[toilet flushes]

00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:50,382

[Brandy gasps]

00:09:50,382 --> 00:09:51,258

Cocomelon.

00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:53,010

[Brandy screams]

00:09:53,010 --> 00:09:56,680

♪ rock music playing ♪

00:09:56,680 --> 00:10:03,937

♪

00:10:05,647 --> 00:10:07,441

♪ uplifting music playing ♪

00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:10,235

[gasps] Oh, my God!

Is that Kaley Cuoco?

00:10:10,235 --> 00:10:11,987

No, wait, this lady only has one ear.

00:10:11,987 --> 00:10:13,238

Kaley has two ears!

00:10:13,238 --> 00:10:15,699

What the fuck? I want

to abandon my animals with Kaley!

00:10:15,699 --> 00:10:18,994

I'm Kaley Cuoco's stunt double,

Kwelly Cloakawoko.

00:10:18,994 --> 00:10:22,164

I lost my ear when Sheldon's homemade

Green Lantern ring exploded

00:10:22,164 --> 00:10:23,373

on the Big Bang set.

00:10:23,373 --> 00:10:27,628

Welcome to Kaley Cuoco's

Rancho Cuocomonga!

00:10:27,628 --> 00:10:29,630

Let's get these

deformed creatures settled,

00:10:29,630 --> 00:10:31,089

and I'll give you the tour!

00:10:32,508 --> 00:10:35,719

We take all the fucked-up animals

no one else wants to touch:

00:10:35,719 --> 00:10:39,014

ligers, middle-aged wolves,

albino pythons.

00:10:39,014 --> 00:10:39,973

YUMYULACK:

My snakes!

00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:42,851

Anaconor and Lahissa,

you're thriving!

00:10:42,851 --> 00:10:44,228

What would you guys like to abandon?

00:10:44,228 --> 00:10:46,104

We have several customizable packages

00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:49,274

ranging from $29.99 to $8.57 million.

00:10:49,274 --> 00:10:52,027

I'm sure you get this a lot,

we have half a dozen Super Gooblers

00:10:52,027 --> 00:10:53,862

that'll eventually kill us

so, you know,

00:10:53,862 --> 00:10:56,532

gotta ditch them with you

before the stabby-stabby begins.

00:10:56,532 --> 00:10:58,408

A half dozen? You mean these two?

00:10:58,408 --> 00:11:00,244

No, we-- Oh, shit!

00:11:00,244 --> 00:11:02,120

Jesse, your goobler got fat as fuck!

00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:03,205

Why didn't you say anything?

00:11:03,205 --> 00:11:04,498

I did, on the bus!

00:11:04,498 --> 00:11:06,583

Next time speak up, Messica!

00:11:06,583 --> 00:11:09,002

If you weren't part of my mission,

I would abandon you here too.

00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:10,254

[Jesse groans]

00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:12,297

♪ gentle music playing ♪

00:11:12,297 --> 00:11:14,466

This is our largest enclosure.

00:11:14,466 --> 00:11:16,218

Your strange creatures should be as happy

00:11:16,218 --> 00:11:18,053

as an abandoned animal can ever be here.

00:11:18,053 --> 00:11:19,429

[bear growls]

00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:20,556

Go on, little guy.

00:11:20,556 --> 00:11:24,393

You can romance the fuck out

of whatever you want in there.

00:11:25,102 --> 00:11:25,769

Wait!

00:11:25,769 --> 00:11:27,187

Jesse, these things

are going to turn on us,

00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:28,355

can we wrap it up?

00:11:28,730 --> 00:11:30,774

I just need to know what you are.

00:11:30,774 --> 00:11:32,651

What emotion do I have too much of?

00:11:32,651 --> 00:11:35,737

Who cares! Get the fuck in there,

you stupid goobler.

00:11:35,737 --> 00:11:36,572

[door closes]

00:11:36,572 --> 00:11:39,408

Phew, finally, a goobler situation

that doesn't end

00:11:39,408 --> 00:11:41,827

in me getting stabbed

or having sex in a casino.

00:11:41,827 --> 00:11:43,579

Bye, White Goobler.

00:11:43,579 --> 00:11:45,038

You guys must be tired.

00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:47,708

You can stay here for the night

in our The Flight Attendant suite

00:11:47,708 --> 00:11:50,836

and relax with a post-abandonment cup

of hot Cuoco.

00:11:50,836 --> 00:11:52,588

Ew, do you have to say it that way?

00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:55,174

♪ dramatic music playing ♪

00:11:55,174 --> 00:11:56,300

That's my ledge,

00:11:56,300 --> 00:11:58,427

and I didn't give you permission

to perch there.

00:11:58,427 --> 00:11:59,219

Cocomelon?

00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:00,262

Let's see if you can dodge

00:12:00,262 --> 00:12:02,848

all these expensive

rich lady collectables!

00:12:02,848 --> 00:12:06,685

Basquiat's basquiaball.

Air Bud's skull!

00:12:06,685 --> 00:12:08,896

An Irish femur from the Titanic!

[grunts]

00:12:08,896 --> 00:12:09,563

[Pupa shouts]

00:12:09,563 --> 00:12:11,481

Ancient butt plug!

00:12:13,275 --> 00:12:16,069

Yes! Ha ha ha!

00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:17,237

Fuck you!

00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:19,198

I'm free from the torture!

00:12:19,198 --> 00:12:20,032

[sighs]

00:12:20,032 --> 00:12:21,033

- Cocomelon.

- Ah!

00:12:21,033 --> 00:12:23,535

Ow! My leg! Oh God.

00:12:23,535 --> 00:12:24,661

Help! Help!

00:12:26,121 --> 00:12:28,081

Can anybody hear me?

00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:29,041

[groans]

00:12:29,041 --> 00:12:30,334

Of course not.

00:12:31,001 --> 00:12:34,713

I'm all alone...

by my own design.

00:12:35,297 --> 00:12:36,256

[slurps]

00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:38,592

Mm, this hot Cuoco is pumpkin-spicy.

00:12:38,592 --> 00:12:39,718

Don't you think it's weird

00:12:39,718 --> 00:12:42,804

that none of us figured out

what my goobler's dealio was?

00:12:42,804 --> 00:12:45,140

Oh, my God, nobody cares

about the goobler shit.

00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:46,934

I mean, if I had

to figure out the backstory

00:12:46,934 --> 00:12:48,936

of everything I puked up,

I'd be too busy to write

00:12:48,936 --> 00:12:51,313

my Dolores Claiborne

expanded universe fan fiction.

00:12:51,313 --> 00:12:52,564

Maybe you're right.

00:12:52,564 --> 00:12:55,359

I'm gonna go say bye

to the gooblers one more time

00:12:55,359 --> 00:12:56,777

before we kwo-go.

00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:59,154

Oh, my God,

you're such a Lisa Simpson.

00:12:59,154 --> 00:13:01,281

♪ somber music playing ♪

00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:03,325

White Goobler? Are you awake?

00:13:03,325 --> 00:13:05,994

[switch thuds, lights thud]

00:13:06,912 --> 00:13:09,164

[White Goobler growls]

00:13:09,164 --> 00:13:10,374

[Jesse gasps]

00:13:10,374 --> 00:13:11,959

[White Goobler growls]

00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:14,711

Give it to me! Papa like!

00:13:15,629 --> 00:13:16,880

Whitey, no!

00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:18,966

[White Goobler groans]

00:13:18,966 --> 00:13:20,050

[wall crashes]

00:13:21,552 --> 00:13:22,553

[White Goobler groans]

[Jesse gasps]

00:13:24,054 --> 00:13:25,681

You know, I always thought

Kaley Cuoco was

00:13:25,681 --> 00:13:26,890

a poor man's Kristen Bell,

00:13:26,890 --> 00:13:28,183

but now I'm gonna upgrade her

00:13:28,183 --> 00:13:30,769

to an upper middle-class woman's

Anna Faris.

00:13:30,769 --> 00:13:32,980

- [branches snap]

- Shut up, did you hear that?

00:13:33,605 --> 00:13:36,066

Use the single match app on your phone

to get us some more light.

00:13:36,066 --> 00:13:38,277

Right! Steady.

Hope this works.

00:13:38,277 --> 00:13:41,697

The app only has one match

before it makes you watch an ad.

00:13:41,989 --> 00:13:42,698

Phew!

00:13:43,365 --> 00:13:45,158

♪ tense music playing ♪

00:13:45,868 --> 00:13:46,869

Oh, shit!

00:13:46,869 --> 00:13:48,787

[White Goobler groans]

00:13:49,913 --> 00:13:51,874

Help! It's hugging me!

Help! Help!

00:13:52,207 --> 00:13:54,877

The White Goobler got out,

and now I think I know what happened!

00:13:54,877 --> 00:13:56,628

It ate all the other gooblers!

00:13:56,628 --> 00:13:58,130

Thanks a lot, lieutenant obvious!

00:13:58,130 --> 00:14:00,299

Damn you, Jessica Opposites!

00:14:00,299 --> 00:14:01,717

TERRY: Oh, my God!

YUMYULACK: Oh, shit!

00:14:01,717 --> 00:14:03,719

We have to get to the visitor's center!

00:14:03,719 --> 00:14:05,220

[White Goobler groans]

[Terry and Yumyulack grunt]

00:14:05,220 --> 00:14:07,472

- No!

- Yummy bear!

00:14:07,472 --> 00:14:09,516

[Yumyulack screams]

00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:10,893

Looks like we need some speed.

00:14:10,893 --> 00:14:12,561

Luckily, I wore my Heelys! Come on!

00:14:14,021 --> 00:14:16,607

Ah!

Damn it, stupid dirt, getting in my 'ees.

00:14:16,607 --> 00:14:17,941

Run, Terry!

00:14:17,941 --> 00:14:20,527

I'm trying!

These Heely shoes betrayed me!

00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:21,486

[crunches]

00:14:21,486 --> 00:14:23,488

Kwelly to the rescue!

00:14:23,488 --> 00:14:24,406

[golf cart screeches]

00:14:24,698 --> 00:14:27,576

You gotta fix this,

or Kaley's gonna go ballistic!

00:14:27,576 --> 00:14:28,577

[shouts]

00:14:29,328 --> 00:14:32,456

I can't! I don't even know

what my goobler represents!

00:14:32,456 --> 00:14:34,291

You better find someone who can!

00:14:34,291 --> 00:14:35,375

That's impossible!

00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:37,544

Our ship computer couldn't even do-- Ah!

00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:38,629

Fuckin' snakes!

00:14:38,629 --> 00:14:40,130

Snake blood never comes out.

00:14:40,130 --> 00:14:41,924

These seats are gonna be red for life.

00:14:41,924 --> 00:14:44,134

Wait! Red. That's it!

00:14:44,134 --> 00:14:47,554

God, Kaley's gonna take

those snakes out of my pension!

00:14:51,475 --> 00:14:55,687

♪ dramatic music playing ♪

00:14:56,271 --> 00:14:57,731

[door opens, closes]

00:14:57,731 --> 00:14:59,107

How'd you find me?

00:14:59,107 --> 00:15:02,110

Instagram. You gotta tell it

not to let people tag you.

00:15:02,110 --> 00:15:04,446

I can't, we get a lot

of business through social.

00:15:04,446 --> 00:15:05,948

Would you just leave me alone?

00:15:05,948 --> 00:15:07,449

It took a lot of tele-therapy,

00:15:07,449 --> 00:15:09,451

but I'm not trying to kill Korvo anymore.

00:15:09,451 --> 00:15:12,162

That's great! I'm proud of you

for doing the hard work!

00:15:12,162 --> 00:15:13,956

But I really need your help.

00:15:13,956 --> 00:15:16,708

Did you make some super gooblers

that got out of hand?

00:15:16,708 --> 00:15:17,626

How did you know?

00:15:17,626 --> 00:15:20,587

All gooblers are connected

through the emotional spectrum.

00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:22,798

I could feel their presence

when you made them.

00:15:22,798 --> 00:15:26,260

I'm drawn to them.

But I'm the master of my own fate.

00:15:26,260 --> 00:15:29,721

I choose to own the fifth most popular

microbrewery in town.

00:15:29,721 --> 00:15:31,348

Sorry, I can't help you.

00:15:31,348 --> 00:15:33,267

But my super goob ate the others,

00:15:33,267 --> 00:15:35,269

and it ate Terry and Korvo and Yumyulack

00:15:35,269 --> 00:15:36,728

and now I don't know what to do.

00:15:36,728 --> 00:15:38,522

- Not my problem.

- But you're my only--

00:15:38,522 --> 00:15:40,148

Korvo and Terry ruined my life!

00:15:40,148 --> 00:15:41,900

They turned my fiancé into a rat!

00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:43,485

I'm over it, I'm out.

00:15:43,485 --> 00:15:45,654

Hold your red horses, goobs.

00:15:45,654 --> 00:15:49,032

If you're out, then why is your brewery

called Die Korvo in Latin?

00:15:49,032 --> 00:15:49,867

Get out!

00:15:49,867 --> 00:15:52,494

And why are all your beer names

so violent and abusive?

00:15:52,494 --> 00:15:54,746

Hefewei Is Korvo Still Alive,

00:15:54,746 --> 00:15:57,624

IPA Bullet in Korvo's Head. Stella.

00:15:57,624 --> 00:15:58,500

I said get out!

00:15:58,500 --> 00:16:00,377

[Jesse sobs]

00:16:00,377 --> 00:16:01,211

[door opens, closes]

00:16:04,006 --> 00:16:06,133

[sobs, shouts]

00:16:07,217 --> 00:16:08,385

[door opens]

00:16:08,385 --> 00:16:09,720

Take me to the goobler.

00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:11,430

What made you change your mind?

00:16:11,430 --> 00:16:13,056

I might be over killing Korvo,

00:16:13,056 --> 00:16:15,350

but god fuck me if I'll let

another goobler eat him

00:16:15,350 --> 00:16:16,435

instead of me.

00:16:16,435 --> 00:16:17,519

Works for me!

00:16:18,812 --> 00:16:21,481

Just gonna warn you.

It's kind of a long drive.

00:16:24,443 --> 00:16:26,987

So you know Korvo

and I hooked up in Vegas?

00:16:27,362 --> 00:16:28,822

I bet you're wondering how I did it,

00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:31,283

since Korvo doesn't have a butt

and I don't have a dick.

00:16:31,283 --> 00:16:33,327

Nah, it's okay, I don't need to know.

00:16:34,620 --> 00:16:36,205

I dug a little hole out of his butt

00:16:36,205 --> 00:16:38,123

and used a shampoo bottle as a phallus.

00:16:38,123 --> 00:16:39,875

- It kept falling off.

- Let's just listen

00:16:39,875 --> 00:16:41,627

to some random-ass music, huh?

00:16:41,627 --> 00:16:42,419

♪ hard rock music playing ♪

00:16:43,295 --> 00:16:45,923

Oh, god damn it, fine.

00:16:45,923 --> 00:16:48,258

I regret the way I lived my life.

00:16:48,258 --> 00:16:50,427

I lie to myself about being powerful,

00:16:50,427 --> 00:16:52,596

but I'm just toxic and bossy,

00:16:52,596 --> 00:16:55,057

and because of that, I'm alone.

00:16:55,057 --> 00:16:56,975

You can see how unhappy I am.

00:16:56,975 --> 00:16:58,560

I hate being the executive

00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:00,729

who decided Exxon Mobil should care more

00:17:00,729 --> 00:17:02,689

about profits than people.

00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:04,233

Yeah, that was me!

00:17:04,233 --> 00:17:06,902

I was also the one

who made insulin cost so much,

00:17:06,902 --> 00:17:08,987

though it's basically free to make.

00:17:08,987 --> 00:17:11,573

[sobs] I'm scum.

00:17:12,491 --> 00:17:14,826

I'm scum.

00:17:14,826 --> 00:17:16,245

♪ tense music intensifies ♪

00:17:16,245 --> 00:17:17,120

[Brandy gasps]

00:17:18,664 --> 00:17:19,748

[knocking at door]

00:17:19,748 --> 00:17:22,543

Miss Brandy?

Did something terrible happen?

00:17:22,543 --> 00:17:25,420

You haven't texted me anything racist

in the last few days.

00:17:25,420 --> 00:17:27,172

Alice! Oh, Alice!

00:17:27,172 --> 00:17:29,758

I'll pay for your experimental

cancer treatments.

00:17:29,758 --> 00:17:33,011

I'll help save your village

that I destroyed with that pipeline!

00:17:33,011 --> 00:17:35,138

I want to be a better person,

00:17:35,138 --> 00:17:38,141

and it's all thanks to this

strange creature that--

00:17:38,141 --> 00:17:38,642

[gasps]

00:17:39,351 --> 00:17:41,144

Maybe he was never really there.

00:17:41,144 --> 00:17:42,187

[chuckles]

00:17:42,187 --> 00:17:45,357

Oh! That whole time,

it was my conscience.

00:17:45,357 --> 00:17:47,484

I was just hallucinating!

00:17:47,484 --> 00:17:50,028

Oh! Is that good?

00:17:50,028 --> 00:17:54,324

I don't know, but I'm nice now!

00:17:54,324 --> 00:17:56,159

I'm calling all the airlines

00:17:56,159 --> 00:17:59,288

and making every plane seat bigger!

00:18:00,414 --> 00:18:02,833

Huh, I thought this would be

more like Leighton Meester's

00:18:02,833 --> 00:18:04,793

Meester Rogers' Neighborhood

For Sea Creatures

00:18:04,793 --> 00:18:05,919

and Where To Dump Them.

00:18:05,919 --> 00:18:07,921

Geez, these celeb animal rescue names

00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:09,256

are getting pretty sweaty.

00:18:09,256 --> 00:18:11,258

Oh, no! What's happening?

00:18:11,925 --> 00:18:14,761

I hope my goobler didn't do

a murder on anyone else!

00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:15,721

[thuds]

[Jesse screams]

00:18:17,222 --> 00:18:18,724

♪ dramatic music playing ♪

00:18:18,724 --> 00:18:20,392

[White Goobler groaning]

00:18:20,392 --> 00:18:22,060

[Kwelly gasps, screams]

00:18:22,060 --> 00:18:23,478

Oh, shit, yeah, no,

00:18:23,478 --> 00:18:25,647

that's definitely

an anger repression goobler.

00:18:27,357 --> 00:18:28,609

[golf cart crashes]

00:18:29,526 --> 00:18:32,029

She's gonna consume everyone else

and save you for last.

00:18:32,029 --> 00:18:32,863

That's what they do.

00:18:32,863 --> 00:18:36,408

But I'm not repressed or angry.

I'm happy!

00:18:36,408 --> 00:18:38,285

♪ dramatic music playing ♪

00:18:38,285 --> 00:18:39,828

[White Goobler belches]

00:18:40,204 --> 00:18:43,207

You need to admit you've got

a problem before we all die!

00:18:43,207 --> 00:18:46,502

But I don't have a problem!

There has to be another way.

00:18:46,502 --> 00:18:49,171

I guess I can try talking to her,

goobler to goobler,

00:18:49,171 --> 00:18:50,714

using goobler speak.

00:18:50,714 --> 00:18:53,842

Gooble. Gooble goo goo gooble goo!

00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:57,971

Gooble goo goo gooble booble goo!

00:18:59,515 --> 00:19:00,557

[Red Goobler shouts]

00:19:00,557 --> 00:19:01,433

[gasps]

00:19:01,433 --> 00:19:03,060

Hold on! I'm coming!

[Red Goobler screaming]

00:19:03,769 --> 00:19:04,895

Jesse, it's up to you,

00:19:04,895 --> 00:19:07,481

deep down you know who you're angry at!

00:19:07,481 --> 00:19:08,982

[Jesse screams]

00:19:10,526 --> 00:19:12,486

[Jesse screaming]

00:19:12,486 --> 00:19:14,404

Uh, hello, everybody.

00:19:14,404 --> 00:19:16,031

Jessica, your stupid goobler ate us,

00:19:16,031 --> 00:19:17,616

and now you brought

the Red Goobler into it!

00:19:17,616 --> 00:19:19,826

- Get fucked!

- You get fucked, you rude shit!

00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:22,120

This is all your fault!

Why do you suck so much?

00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:25,499

[growls] Korvo, shut-- shut--

00:19:25,499 --> 00:19:27,125

Get him, Jesse! Let it out!

00:19:27,125 --> 00:19:29,545

Shut your filthy mouth, Korvo!

00:19:29,545 --> 00:19:31,129

It's your fault you're in here!

00:19:31,129 --> 00:19:33,048

If you weren't being mean

to me all the time,

00:19:33,048 --> 00:19:35,592

I wouldn't have a fudgin' goobler

in the first place.

00:19:35,592 --> 00:19:38,804

You've turned into a bully

because I never fight back,

00:19:38,804 --> 00:19:40,931

but that changes now!

00:19:40,931 --> 00:19:42,808

I'm not a bully,

don't try and turn this on me!

00:19:42,808 --> 00:19:44,935

I'm not done!

00:19:44,935 --> 00:19:47,187

You're rude, selfish,

and mean to me all the time!

00:19:47,187 --> 00:19:50,148

But you just hate yourself,

and we all know it!

00:19:50,148 --> 00:19:51,775

You don't like me?

00:19:51,775 --> 00:19:53,986

No, I don't. I don't like you.

00:19:53,986 --> 00:19:54,862

You suck.

00:19:54,862 --> 00:19:57,823

You never appreciate all the work

I do around the house,

00:19:57,823 --> 00:20:00,868

and I never get a story with you ever!

00:20:00,868 --> 00:20:04,371

Fine, Jessica, we can have

a story if you calm down.

00:20:04,371 --> 00:20:09,251

Stop calling me Jessica!

My name is Jesse!

00:20:09,251 --> 00:20:10,043

[White Goobler groans, splatters]

00:20:10,043 --> 00:20:11,628

[all grunt]

00:20:12,171 --> 00:20:14,047

We're free! Ha ha!

00:20:14,047 --> 00:20:15,674

And my goobler's okay.

00:20:15,674 --> 00:20:18,051

Oh, yeah, baby, that's the good stuff.

00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:19,344

Jesse, your anger.

00:20:19,344 --> 00:20:21,305

Expressing it made your goobler explode.

00:20:21,305 --> 00:20:24,183

Yeah, that's what happens

if you actually show real growth.

00:20:24,183 --> 00:20:25,642

Then why are you still around?

00:20:25,642 --> 00:20:28,687

Because you're a myopic,

stressed-out piece of shit.

00:20:28,687 --> 00:20:29,771

Right.

00:20:29,771 --> 00:20:31,982

I realized that

if you swallow your anger,

00:20:31,982 --> 00:20:32,983

it will kill you.

00:20:32,983 --> 00:20:35,652

So I let her swallow me and I killed her.

00:20:35,652 --> 00:20:37,821

Wait, so you're not

actually angry with me?

00:20:37,821 --> 00:20:40,324

Oh, I'm angry. Korvo, get fucked!

00:20:40,324 --> 00:20:42,075

I'm so proud of you!

00:20:42,576 --> 00:20:43,535

♪ upbeat music playing ♪

00:20:43,535 --> 00:20:46,413

[crowd cheering]

00:20:46,413 --> 00:20:49,208

♪ upbeat music playing ♪

00:20:49,208 --> 00:20:50,459

Thanks for the help, Chris.

00:20:50,459 --> 00:20:52,961

I never could have channeled

my rage at Korvo

00:20:52,961 --> 00:20:54,379

without your expertise.

00:20:54,379 --> 00:20:57,466

As the King Goobler says,

oobie goobie goo!

00:20:57,466 --> 00:20:59,218

[gooblers laughing]

00:20:59,218 --> 00:21:01,595

Did he say King Goobler?

What the fuck is that?

00:21:01,595 --> 00:21:03,889

Looks like all my goobies

love working with you.

00:21:03,889 --> 00:21:07,017

You know, today Jesse taught me

to be true to my feelings.

00:21:07,017 --> 00:21:08,060

You're safe now,

00:21:08,060 --> 00:21:10,646

but I will hunt you down

and I will kill you.

00:21:10,646 --> 00:21:11,730

Don't you threaten me.

00:21:11,730 --> 00:21:13,690

I already did, you big bitch.

00:21:13,690 --> 00:21:14,441

[all laughing]

00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:16,527

Oh, yeah? Well, guess what?

You'll never kill me.

00:21:16,527 --> 00:21:17,986

I'm too fast and too smart.

00:21:17,986 --> 00:21:19,738

And it's my turn to say,

00:21:19,738 --> 00:21:21,198

get fucked!

00:21:21,198 --> 00:21:24,117

[glass shatters]

[Korvo groaning, screaming]

00:21:24,117 --> 00:21:27,162

My leg! Oh, Jesus Christ,

it fucking hurts!

00:21:27,162 --> 00:21:28,080

Help!

00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:30,040

I stabbed my leg

on the jagged glass.

00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:33,293

I can feel it scraping the thing

I have instead of a bone!

00:21:33,794 --> 00:21:35,629

Holy fuck, he's losing a lot of blood.

00:21:35,629 --> 00:21:38,048

- Should we get him down?

- Yes! Of course, we should!

00:21:39,091 --> 00:21:40,008

In a minute.

00:21:40,008 --> 00:21:41,260

[all laughing]

00:21:41,260 --> 00:21:43,095

Oh. Hey, Pupa, what you got?

00:21:43,762 --> 00:21:45,806

I wanna be a better person!

00:21:45,806 --> 00:21:47,766

Shit, Pupes! You did it!

00:21:47,766 --> 00:21:50,936

You did something good for humanity

instead of scheming for candy!

00:21:51,562 --> 00:21:53,856

Hold on, you already have

three million subscribers

00:21:53,856 --> 00:21:55,440

and a Starburst sponsorship?

00:21:56,358 --> 00:21:58,986

[Korvo groaning]

00:21:58,986 --> 00:22:00,529

KORVO:

Ow, ow! It hurts!

00:22:00,529 --> 00:22:01,655

Pupa, get back here!

00:22:01,655 --> 00:22:04,116

How did you turn this into a referendum

on me being a dick?

00:22:04,116 --> 00:22:07,578

[screams] This was a Jesse story!

Why am I being punished?

00:22:07,578 --> 00:22:09,246

It's not fair! Ow! Ow!

00:22:10,747 --> 00:22:12,749

Goobie goobie dooby, get fucked!

00:22:12,749 --> 00:22:17,337

♪ dramatic music playing ♪

00:22:17,337 --> 00:22:20,507

♪

00:22:57,127 --> 00:22:58,629

[mimicking laser fire]