Обеденные шлемы Клервикса — Инопланетяне покинули Землю и прибыли на Клервикс 3. Там их тела потеряли человеческий облик и приняли естественное состояние. Эта планета выглядит идеальной, но на ней нужно вести себя максимально обычно и нельзя выделяться. Инопланетянам это даётся с трудом. Корво пытается произвести впечатление на местные власти, чтобы получить возможность жить на этой планете. Терри сомневается, что планета может быть настолько идеальной и пытается найти подвох.

Предыдущая серия S04 E12 Потрясающе романтический солнечно противоположный специальный выпуск на День святого Валентина

Следующая серия S05 E02 Бесконечная история медового месяца

Обеденные шлемы Клервикса

The Clervixian Dinner Helmets

Сезон: 05Серия: 01

Описание

Инопланетяне покинули Землю и прибыли на Клервикс 3. Там их тела потеряли человеческий облик и приняли естественное состояние. Эта планета выглядит идеальной, но на ней нужно вести себя максимально обычно и нельзя выделяться. Инопланетянам это даётся с трудом. Корво пытается произвести впечатление на местные власти, чтобы получить возможность жить на этой планете. Терри сомневается, что планета может быть настолько идеальной и пытается найти подвох.

Субтитры

00:00:15,850 --> 00:00:18,390 Давай, Корво, у тебя получится.
00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:20,824 Ты всё сможешь, мой король.
00:00:22,360 --> 00:00:25,712 Получилось, Корво. Твой человеческий анус сросся.
00:00:25,720 --> 00:00:26,940 Ты снова нормальный.
00:00:26,950 --> 00:00:29,376 Я думал, ты навсегда останешься человеком.
00:00:29,380 --> 00:00:33,496 Особенно учитывая, что я, Джесси и Терри за секунду снова стали шлорпианцами.
00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:35,080 Да, приятно снова стать синим,
00:00:35,090 --> 00:00:38,400 хотя из всех людских приблуд, по анусу я буду скучать сильнее всего.
00:00:38,410 --> 00:00:39,488 Прощай, мой друг.
00:00:39,490 --> 00:00:44,032 Не понимаю, мы были людьми, а теперь мы снова шлорпианцы. Как так? Ну серьёзно?
00:00:44,040 --> 00:00:45,020 Терри, угомонись.
00:00:45,030 --> 00:00:48,152 Нет! Я хочу знать ответ! Мне нужен ответ!
00:00:48,160 --> 00:00:51,064 Никаких тебе «ранее в сериале»! Я не понимаю, в чём дело.
00:00:51,070 --> 00:00:53,050 Я новый зритель, я вообще не в курсе!
00:00:53,060 --> 00:00:55,048 Он «Отчаянно Задомохозяился»! Хватайте!
00:00:55,050 --> 00:00:57,368 Отстаньте! Отпустите меня!
00:00:58,400 --> 00:00:59,930 Я спокоен, ладно? Всё нормально.
00:00:59,940 --> 00:01:01,328 Честно?
00:01:01,810 --> 00:01:02,760 Да.
00:01:02,770 --> 00:01:04,344 Но правда, как так вышло?
00:01:04,350 --> 00:01:08,352 Если вкратце, Пупа так долго не терраформировал Землю,
00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:13,010 что ваши шлорпианские тела начали адаптировать вас к среде и превращать в людей.
00:01:13,050 --> 00:01:14,860 Но почему мы больше не на Земле?
00:01:14,870 --> 00:01:17,330 Я-то знаю, но вдруг Терри так и не понял.
00:01:17,340 --> 00:01:22,144 Чтобы трансформация не стала перманентной, вы покинули Землю и прилетели на Клервикс-3.
00:01:22,150 --> 00:01:25,620 И в новой атмосфере ваши тела трансформировались обратно.
00:01:25,630 --> 00:01:27,656 Значит, можно вернуться на Землю?
00:01:27,660 --> 00:01:31,210 Наверное. Если вы правда хотите обратно на эту паршивую планетёнку.
00:01:31,220 --> 00:01:33,340 Трансформация случается только раз.
00:01:33,350 --> 00:01:34,576 Мы туда не вернёмся!
00:01:34,580 --> 00:01:37,890 Блин, нафиг так орать? Да ещё и туда, где у меня были уши.
00:01:37,900 --> 00:01:43,020 Я нечасто говорю так бесцеремонно, но эта планета — настоящее сисяо.
00:01:43,030 --> 00:01:47,872 Да, эта планета крута, как парочка натуральных стоячих дынек.
00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:49,940 Это место буквально как рай.
00:01:49,950 --> 00:01:53,730 Нет штрафов за парковку, их аналог «МакРиба» продаётся круглый год,
00:01:53,740 --> 00:01:55,152 экология не засрана,
00:01:55,160 --> 00:01:57,650 и тут нет уховёрток и сороконожек, как на Земле.
00:01:57,660 --> 00:02:00,240 И всем кажется, что у меня крутой и эротичный голос,
00:02:00,250 --> 00:02:04,330 особенно, когда я говорю что-то экзотическое, типа «Шебойган».
00:02:04,340 --> 00:02:05,580 Клервикс-3 рулит!
00:02:05,590 --> 00:02:09,250 Самый популярный спорт тут — прятки, по сути, это охота за головами.
00:02:09,260 --> 00:02:12,630 А значит, тут я крутой спортсмен. И вы, задроты, не забывайте об этом.
00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:14,200 Даже Пупе тут нравится.
00:02:14,210 --> 00:02:15,530 Он вернулся в свой цвет,
00:02:15,540 --> 00:02:18,940 перезапустил процесс терраформировАния и, кажется, учится читать.
00:02:18,990 --> 00:02:19,840 Миленько!
00:02:19,850 --> 00:02:23,120 Терри Энн, ты согласен, что эта планета С-И-С-Я-О?
00:02:23,130 --> 00:02:26,832 О да, малыш. Эта планета офигенная, вообще без б.
00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:29,600 В ресторанах только кабинки, никаких столиков.
00:02:29,610 --> 00:02:34,656 Есть книжные, чтобы листать журналы, а «Звёздные войны» тут реально были войной.
00:02:34,660 --> 00:02:38,008 Так что я теперь не просто задрот, а выдающийся историк.
00:02:38,010 --> 00:02:40,610 Когда мы прибыли, местные даже дали тебе прозвище.
00:02:40,620 --> 00:02:42,400 Как там было? «Пропеллер»?
00:02:42,410 --> 00:02:43,370 Да, я Пропеллер.
00:02:43,380 --> 00:02:45,448 Я всегда мечтал о прозвище, и вот.
00:02:45,450 --> 00:02:46,750 Пропеллер.
00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:47,984 Полный ништяк.
00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:48,910 Тогда решено.
00:02:48,920 --> 00:02:51,920 Солнечные противоположности остаются на Клервиксе-3.
00:02:51,930 --> 00:02:53,072 Ура!
00:02:53,510 --> 00:02:58,670 Планета Шлорп была просто идеальной, пока на неё не грохнулся астероид...
00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:03,128 Сотне взрослых особей и их репликантам выдали по пупе и отправили в космос,
00:03:03,130 --> 00:03:05,720 на поиски необитаемого мира, нашего нового дома.
00:03:05,730 --> 00:03:09,390 Мы рухнули на Землю, планету, кишащую людьми.
00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:11,816 Потом натворили кучу фигни и улетели.
00:03:11,820 --> 00:03:13,900 И теперь мы живём на Клервиксе-3,
00:03:13,910 --> 00:03:15,900 замечательной, идеальной планете.
00:03:15,910 --> 00:03:17,696 Да-да, это мой голос.
00:03:17,700 --> 00:03:19,464 Я держу Пупу, меня зовут Корво.
00:03:19,470 --> 00:03:22,328 Я уронил Пупу, но это ничего, потому что планета — огонь.
00:03:22,330 --> 00:03:24,512 Мне реально не на что жаловаться.
00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:27,400 Терри тоже тут нравится. Больше мы не противоположности.
00:03:27,410 --> 00:03:28,771 Но название осталось.
00:03:28,780 --> 00:03:31,920 СОЛНЕЧНЫЕ ПРОТИВОПОЛОЖНОСТИ
00:03:35,970 --> 00:03:37,500 Так, время презентации.
00:03:37,510 --> 00:03:40,464 Мы живём на Клервиксе-3 уже несколько месяцев,
00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:42,760 было много забавных приключений.
00:03:42,770 --> 00:03:44,376 Но сейчас всё серьёзно.
00:03:44,380 --> 00:03:47,480 Сегодня к нам придёт верховный судья,
00:03:47,490 --> 00:03:50,090 чтобы решить, достойны ли мы постоянного гражданства.
00:03:50,100 --> 00:03:55,168 Я в жизни часто встречалась с судьями, но на этот раз ставки реально верховно высоки.
00:03:55,170 --> 00:03:57,640 Да, он решит, сможем ли мы тут остаться,
00:03:57,650 --> 00:04:00,610 и чтобы всё прошло гладко, я разработал подробный план.
00:04:00,620 --> 00:04:04,072 Наша задача — выкрутить своё обаяние на максимум,
00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:07,464 но самое главное при этом не быть чересчур «экстра».
00:04:07,470 --> 00:04:11,290 Всё потому, что три столпа клервиксианского общества — это...
00:04:11,300 --> 00:04:14,336 Простота, обыденность и средние способности.
00:04:14,340 --> 00:04:19,590 Быть «экстра» на этой планете — преступление, поэтому нам придётся себя сдерживать.
00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:23,256 Корво, милый, не хочу указывать, но тебе не кажется, что это кринж?
00:04:23,260 --> 00:04:24,520 Я думала, это ту мач.
00:04:24,530 --> 00:04:26,190 Экстра — это не кринж и не ту мач.
00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:30,144 Эта планета в восьми световых годах от Земли, так что по трендам мы впереди.
00:04:30,150 --> 00:04:31,752 Экстра — это типа круто.
00:04:31,760 --> 00:04:32,480 Зашибись!
00:04:32,490 --> 00:04:35,190 Не смейте! Давать пятюню — тоже экстра!
00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:38,020 У каждого из вас будет важное задание.
00:04:38,030 --> 00:04:40,610 Джесси, ты приготовишь традиционный суп из морга.
00:04:40,620 --> 00:04:43,520 Это безвкусная жижа комнатной температуры без комков.
00:04:43,530 --> 00:04:45,700 Если там будут комки, нам кабзда.
00:04:45,710 --> 00:04:52,040 У меня куча идей, потому что я смотрела «Медведя» по FX на Hulu по подписке Disney Interstellar.
00:04:52,050 --> 00:04:56,580 Всё это чересчур! Готовь чётко по рецепту и ни в коем случае не упоминай про Hulu.
00:04:56,590 --> 00:04:57,260 Да, шеф.
00:04:57,290 --> 00:05:00,081 Ямюляк, ты выучишь и исполнишь акапельную версию
00:05:00,090 --> 00:05:04,340 традиционного клервиксианского планетарного гимна на средней громкости.
00:05:04,350 --> 00:05:05,640 Не вопрос!
00:05:05,650 --> 00:05:10,600 И наконец, Терри, ты купишь обязательные клервиксианские обеденные шлемы.
00:05:10,610 --> 00:05:12,600 Эти ребята во время еды с безопасностью не шутят.
00:05:12,610 --> 00:05:15,620 Я живу, чтобы шопиться, и шоплюсь, чтобы жить!
00:05:15,630 --> 00:05:19,650 Сегодня жизненно важно выполнить все эти задания. На этом всё.
00:05:19,660 --> 00:05:22,110 Всем спасибо, хорошего дня и удачи.
00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:22,780 ВЫ ПОСМОТРЕЛИ ПРЕЗЕНТАЦИЮ «СИДЕТЬ, КОРВО, СИДЕТЬ»
00:05:22,790 --> 00:05:24,570 Ладно, по местам, по местам.
00:05:24,580 --> 00:05:26,816 Неделя была сложной, но у нас получилось.
00:05:26,820 --> 00:05:28,320 Снимем отличный сериал!
00:05:28,330 --> 00:05:30,200 Молодец, молодец, молодец.
00:05:30,210 --> 00:05:33,880 Терри, помоги переставить мебель. Слишком много диагоналей.
00:05:33,890 --> 00:05:35,584 Это считается тут экстрауглом.
00:05:35,590 --> 00:05:39,496 В общем, я промолчал при репликантах, потому что они сучёныши,
00:05:39,500 --> 00:05:42,460 но тебе не кажется, что эта планета слишком идеальная?
00:05:42,470 --> 00:05:45,408 Хочешь сказать, что Клервикс-3 только кажется идеальным домом,
00:05:45,410 --> 00:05:50,640 но на самом деле у него есть тайное двойное дно, о котором мы узнаем, когда будет поздно?
00:05:50,650 --> 00:05:53,060 Не знал, что так говорят. Но да, я именно об этом.
00:05:53,070 --> 00:05:58,150 Да, говорят, поэтому я внимательно следил. И будь тут двойное дно, я бы уже его заметил.
00:05:58,160 --> 00:06:02,672 Клервикс-3 — это милейшая планета, полная противоположность дну.
00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:03,208 Тут круто.
00:06:03,210 --> 00:06:04,536 Но мы даже не осмотрелись.
00:06:04,540 --> 00:06:08,020 Вдруг что-то ужасное откроется через 8—10 серий?
00:06:08,030 --> 00:06:10,792 Терри, соберись. Твоя задача — обеденные шлемы.
00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:15,260 Ладно, ладно. Обещаю об этом не упоминать и даже не думать.
00:06:15,270 --> 00:06:17,520 Я на 100% уверен, что тут есть двойное дно.
00:06:17,530 --> 00:06:20,856 Займись делом! Чтобы без перебора.
00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:27,820 ЕСЛИ ВЫ НЕ ПРОТИВ, Я ПОСУЖУ
00:06:28,390 --> 00:06:30,300 Иисус Кристофер Кэттэн.
00:06:30,310 --> 00:06:32,510 Столько барахла — это чересчур.
00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:35,168 Куча брелоков из поездки в Санта-Фе,
00:06:35,170 --> 00:06:37,660 картинки из второго сезона «Человека в высоком замке»
00:06:37,670 --> 00:06:39,800 и все твои детские игрушки, Пупа.
00:06:39,810 --> 00:06:40,384 Спокойно.
00:06:40,390 --> 00:06:42,440 Я не про развивающего пеликана сейчас.
00:06:42,450 --> 00:06:44,360 Минутку, это что, экстралуч?
00:06:44,370 --> 00:06:47,500 Из всех наших лучей вы бросили тут именно этот?
00:06:47,510 --> 00:06:49,752 Гадство! Нас отдрагонболили!
00:06:49,790 --> 00:06:51,888 Привет, я просто иду. Ничего такого.
00:06:51,890 --> 00:06:52,890 Чмоки. Всё, пока.
00:06:52,900 --> 00:06:54,056 А ну-ка стоять.
00:06:54,060 --> 00:06:56,120 Я что, чувствую запах эстрагона?
00:06:56,130 --> 00:07:00,170 Я просто хотела доработать суп, чтобы подмазать верховного судью.
00:07:00,180 --> 00:07:02,130 Нет! Подмазывать — это тоже экстра.
00:07:02,140 --> 00:07:02,910 Ладно.
00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:06,190 Но ты сам знаешь, что с тех пор, как меня укусила крыса из «Рататуя»,
00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:09,216 я проклята всегда готовить с душой.
00:07:09,430 --> 00:07:11,640 Ох! Ямюляк, что ты с собой сотворил?
00:07:11,650 --> 00:07:15,930 Я хочу исполнить клервиксианский планетарный гимн в стиле Blue Man Group.
00:07:15,940 --> 00:07:18,568 Нет, это перебор. И почему ты красный?
00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:20,536 Да, раз я был синим, то решил
00:07:20,540 --> 00:07:24,360 покраситься в противоположный цвет!
00:07:24,370 --> 00:07:25,820 Судье это понравится.
00:07:25,830 --> 00:07:26,780 Нет, не понравится.
00:07:26,790 --> 00:07:28,150 Я же просил не мудрить.
00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:30,248 Иди вымойся в раковине в подвале.
00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:33,096 Ты не понимаешь искусство!
00:07:34,070 --> 00:07:35,480 Отличные новости!
00:07:35,490 --> 00:07:36,824 Ага, ты купил шлемы?
00:07:36,830 --> 00:07:39,500 Нет, дурашка. Я нашёл признаки двойного дна.
00:07:39,510 --> 00:07:40,580 - Что? - Зацени.
00:07:40,590 --> 00:07:43,728 На каждом углу деревья с камерами, они за нами следят.
00:07:43,730 --> 00:07:46,250 Тут явно происходит что-то мутное.
00:07:46,260 --> 00:07:49,460 На Земле тоже были камеры, но что-то ты не возбухал.
00:07:49,470 --> 00:07:52,720 Да, потому что все там превращают личную жизнь в товар.
00:07:52,730 --> 00:07:54,944 Это ещё не говорит ни о каком двойном дне.
00:07:54,950 --> 00:07:58,080 Это камеры контроля скорости. А теперь топай за шлемами.
00:07:58,090 --> 00:08:01,712 Ну и ладно! Но дерево с камерами я оставлю, потому что мне впадлу!
00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:04,840 Тук-тук. Приветствуем, и приятных вам оборотов, солары.
00:08:04,850 --> 00:08:07,440 Да это же наши соседи, Бликс и Вордженто.
00:08:07,450 --> 00:08:09,740 Приветствуем, и приятных вам оборотов тоже.
00:08:09,750 --> 00:08:11,780 Что это за дичь про приятные обороты?
00:08:11,790 --> 00:08:14,740 Здесь так здороваются. Ты умрёшь, если начнёшь слушать?
00:08:14,750 --> 00:08:15,120 Чего?
00:08:15,130 --> 00:08:17,184 Поздоровайся, они такие же, как мы.
00:08:17,190 --> 00:08:18,280 Пофигу. Ладно.
00:08:18,290 --> 00:08:19,440 Как ваши обороты?
00:08:20,070 --> 00:08:21,576 О, это же Пропеллер!
00:08:23,930 --> 00:08:26,080 Я чуть не забыл про своё крутое прозвище.
00:08:26,090 --> 00:08:28,550 На тупой Земле у меня такого не было.
00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:33,888 Корво, мы слышали, к вам идёт верховный судья, поэтому пришли молча и спокойно вас поддержать.
00:08:33,890 --> 00:08:36,390 Даже робота своего взяли, Джей-Кей Севенса.
00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:38,350 Боже, только не Джей-Кей Севенс.
00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:41,040 Ну почему он всегда такой бесячий?
00:08:41,050 --> 00:08:44,480 Простите, мы всё ещё учим его, чтобы не был экстра.
00:08:44,490 --> 00:08:48,384 Он ведёт себя, как надоедливый персонаж, добавленный в пятом сезоне,
00:08:48,390 --> 00:08:50,896 который просто помогает продавать мерч.
00:08:52,330 --> 00:08:54,840 Скажите своему роботу, чтобы не ломал наши вещи.
00:08:54,850 --> 00:08:56,632 Тогда он устроит истерику.
00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:58,660 Лучше, если он просто сам утомится.
00:08:58,670 --> 00:09:00,696 Его поведение — это перебор.
00:09:00,710 --> 00:09:03,296 Я знаю. Пупа, отведи его в свою комнату
00:09:03,300 --> 00:09:06,792 и покажи игрушечный набор «Три билборда на границе Эббинга, Миссури».
00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:07,680 Нет!
00:09:07,690 --> 00:09:11,840 А я разрешу почитать историю революции с точки зрения левых.
00:09:36,690 --> 00:09:39,000 Хорошо, что у меня есть научный топор.
00:09:40,210 --> 00:09:42,560 Верховный судья! А вы рано.
00:09:42,570 --> 00:09:46,580 Приветствую, и приятных оборотов. Я всегда прихожу рано, чтобы не задерживаться.
00:09:46,610 --> 00:09:48,848 Да, задерживаться — это перебор.
00:09:48,850 --> 00:09:52,170 Приятных вам оборотов, господин судья, ваше верховенство и...
00:09:52,180 --> 00:09:53,848 Как мне лучше вас называть?
00:09:53,850 --> 00:09:58,072 Зовите как угодно, только не зовите на поздний ужин.
00:09:58,770 --> 00:09:59,568 Вот это шутканул.
00:09:59,570 --> 00:10:01,240 Верховный судья круче всех.
00:10:01,250 --> 00:10:03,310 Да, что ж, неплохо, сэр.
00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:07,008 Подобные шутки считаются приемлемыми на Клервиксе-3.
00:10:07,010 --> 00:10:10,064 Главное, чтобы без перебора. Без намёка на экстра.
00:10:10,070 --> 00:10:12,240 Ну, рад, что вы пришли. Надеюсь, я...
00:10:12,250 --> 00:10:14,448 Проверка начинается.
00:10:14,540 --> 00:10:16,872 Ваше обиталище кажется простым.
00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:18,110 Не вижу тут перебора.
00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:19,320 Очень рад это слышать.
00:10:19,330 --> 00:10:21,656 Но не подумайте, не экстрарад.
00:10:22,540 --> 00:10:24,830 А что это за экстрастранный звук?
00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:26,728 А, это я просто чихнул.
00:10:26,730 --> 00:10:28,936 Это всегда похоже на грохот сковородок,
00:10:28,940 --> 00:10:32,760 но я чихаю с закрытым ртом, поэтому ничего не видно.
00:10:32,770 --> 00:10:33,380 Блин!
00:10:33,390 --> 00:10:35,712 Я вспомнил, что оставил на кухне ложку.
00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:38,896 Оставайтесь здесь, посмотрите нашу обычную книгу,
00:10:38,900 --> 00:10:41,296 там просто страницы с числами.
00:10:41,980 --> 00:10:43,504 О, число восемь.
00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:45,512 Старое доброе 37.
00:10:45,690 --> 00:10:48,304 733. Вот это число.
00:10:48,310 --> 00:10:49,560 - Джесси? - Да, шеф.
00:10:49,570 --> 00:10:50,816 Это ещё что за хрень?
00:10:50,820 --> 00:10:54,140 В супе из морга два ингредиента: морг и воздух.
00:10:54,150 --> 00:10:57,032 Я хотела сделать всё идеально и слегка увлеклась.
00:10:57,040 --> 00:10:58,128 Вот, просто попробуй.
00:10:58,130 --> 00:10:59,050 - Нет! - Давай!
00:10:59,060 --> 00:11:00,470 - Сказал нет. - Корво, давай.
00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:01,848 - Нет! Нет, хватит. - Попробуй!
00:11:01,850 --> 00:11:04,256 Открой хлебало и попробуй суп!
00:11:05,020 --> 00:11:07,080 Джесси... Это потрясающе.
00:11:07,090 --> 00:11:09,330 А теперь вылей и сделай безвкусный.
00:11:09,340 --> 00:11:11,260 - Да, шеф! - И не говори так!
00:11:11,270 --> 00:11:12,288 Что это там в духовке?
00:11:12,290 --> 00:11:16,728 Я приготовила для верховного судьи особую закуску — Разрывную сырную бомбу.
00:11:16,730 --> 00:11:18,752 И вкус у неё просто бомба. Ты понял?
00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:19,680 Если честно, то нет.
00:11:19,690 --> 00:11:21,472 Быстро от неё избавься.
00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:23,220 Отличные новости. Я достал шлемы.
00:11:23,230 --> 00:11:24,680 Отлично, хоть что-то по плану.
00:11:24,710 --> 00:11:27,430 Прости, слово пропустил. Я не достал шлемы.
00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:29,352 Но зато достал вот что.
00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:32,480 Ну что это вообще за трындец такой?
00:11:32,490 --> 00:11:35,110 Клервиксианский космический бизон.
00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:38,240 Мне кажется, это как-то связано с двойным дном.
00:11:38,250 --> 00:11:39,592 Нет никакого дна!
00:11:39,630 --> 00:11:43,712 Но этот мелкий засранец был генно-модифицирован.
00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:44,912 Ахни, если нужно.
00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:45,910 - Дорогу! - Терри!
00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:48,080 Их кормят химикатами, и они влияют на нас.
00:11:48,090 --> 00:11:51,160 Ты вот чувствуешь себя похотливым, но стерильным? Я точно да.
00:11:51,190 --> 00:11:53,130 На Земле коров тоже модифицируют.
00:11:53,140 --> 00:11:54,552 Нет тут заговора.
00:11:54,560 --> 00:11:57,000 Просто все пользуются другими существами.
00:11:57,010 --> 00:11:58,896 А я вижу тут какие-то ниточки.
00:11:58,900 --> 00:12:01,380 Нужна только ниточка потолще, которая их все свяжет.
00:12:01,390 --> 00:12:02,680 И я вот-вот её найду.
00:12:02,690 --> 00:12:06,040 И кстати, Джесс, что бы ты ни готовила, пахнет очешуенно.
00:12:06,050 --> 00:12:06,912 Спасибо, шеф.
00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:10,144 Терри, единственное, что тебе надо найти, это, сука, шлемы!
00:12:10,150 --> 00:12:11,280 Чего?
00:12:11,290 --> 00:12:14,150 То, что ты должен был купить. Обеденные шлемы.
00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:16,304 Впервые слышу, но ладно, поищу.
00:12:16,310 --> 00:12:18,650 Обеденные каски на башку.
00:12:22,420 --> 00:12:25,160 Они тут говорят «гу» вместо «му»!
00:12:25,370 --> 00:12:27,976 В этом точно замешаны власти.
00:12:28,470 --> 00:12:30,784 Да какого ж Скриллекса?
00:12:34,070 --> 00:12:36,540 Ямюляк, почему ты до сих пор красный? И что это такое?
00:12:36,550 --> 00:12:39,456 Я исполню планетарный гимн в стиле Реджи Уоттса.
00:12:39,460 --> 00:12:40,540 Реджи Уоттса!
00:12:40,550 --> 00:12:41,970 Ого, а не перебор?
00:12:41,980 --> 00:12:43,220 Перебор?
00:12:43,230 --> 00:12:45,664 Это и есть перебор! Что ты делаешь?
00:12:45,670 --> 00:12:48,456 Заново открываю искусство. Судье понравится.
00:12:48,460 --> 00:12:50,000 Так, всё! Кыш!
00:12:50,030 --> 00:12:53,384 Так! Нет! Кыш! Кыш! Так! Нет! Кыш!
00:12:54,350 --> 00:12:56,576 Да где же верховный судья?
00:12:56,820 --> 00:12:59,780 Корво, у вас весьма невыдающаяся уборная.
00:12:59,790 --> 00:13:02,860 Напор воды скромный, туалетная бумага допустимая.
00:13:02,870 --> 00:13:07,450 Ну, если вам понравилась уборная, то понравится и карманное измерение.
00:13:07,460 --> 00:13:09,344 - Ни к чему, я уверен... - Вперёд!
00:13:09,500 --> 00:13:10,648 Хватит!
00:13:11,430 --> 00:13:12,896 Моё! Моё!
00:13:23,810 --> 00:13:25,552 Ямюляк, прекрати!
00:13:26,690 --> 00:13:28,800 Все офигеют от моих труб!
00:13:28,810 --> 00:13:30,850 Нет! Это же совсем перебор!
00:13:30,860 --> 00:13:34,690 Сукин сыр! Я случайно подожгла фитиль на Разрывной сырной бомбе!
00:13:34,700 --> 00:13:35,592 Сейчас рванёт!
00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:37,880 Вы, сука, издеваетесь?
00:13:48,670 --> 00:13:51,024 Мы только что избежали катастрофы.
00:13:52,670 --> 00:13:55,736 Ай, голова. И почему на мне не было шлема?
00:13:57,430 --> 00:13:58,420 Какого тут?..
00:13:58,430 --> 00:14:01,968 Похоже, пока меня не было, ваш дом превратился в экстра.
00:14:01,970 --> 00:14:03,760 Моя судейская штучка!
00:14:03,890 --> 00:14:04,704 Так, ладно.
00:14:04,710 --> 00:14:10,760 Мы можем весь день притворяться скучными и обычными, но правда в том, что мы и правда экстра.
00:14:10,770 --> 00:14:12,970 Мы любим эту планету и хотим остаться,
00:14:12,980 --> 00:14:15,368 но если нам нет здесь места такими, какие мы есть,
00:14:15,370 --> 00:14:19,024 то мы найдём другую, не столь идеальную планету.
00:14:19,620 --> 00:14:25,150 Хотя мы, клервиксианцы не любим экстра, фейки мы не любим гораздо сильнее.
00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:29,376 Быть фейком — это быть экстра, а вы точно не такие.
00:14:29,380 --> 00:14:30,432 Вы понимаете?
00:14:30,440 --> 00:14:31,280 Вообще нет.
00:14:31,290 --> 00:14:34,540 Именно из-за этих странностей нам и нужно столько судей.
00:14:34,550 --> 00:14:39,480 В общем, я провозглашаю вас и ваших родных гражданами Клервикса-3.
00:14:39,490 --> 00:14:41,000 Можете скромно отпраздновать.
00:14:41,010 --> 00:14:42,520 - Ура! Огонь. - Класс.
00:14:42,550 --> 00:14:44,460 Я нашёл обеденные шлемы!
00:14:44,470 --> 00:14:46,880 Они больше не нужны. Мы официальные граждане.
00:14:46,890 --> 00:14:47,608 Круто.
00:14:47,610 --> 00:14:52,192 А ещё я нашёл чудовище, которое тайно управляло планетой из подземного логова.
00:14:53,070 --> 00:14:55,470 Развяжи меня!
00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:59,056 Поаплодируем Зазлару, повелителю разума!
00:15:04,610 --> 00:15:07,256 Терри, тупица, это обычный повелитель.
00:15:07,260 --> 00:15:09,050 Да? Стоп, ты что, его знаешь?
00:15:09,060 --> 00:15:09,860 Лично нет.
00:15:09,870 --> 00:15:13,620 Это раса пришельцев, которая славится своей хитростью и коварством.
00:15:13,630 --> 00:15:15,660 Их представитель на Земле — Крис Энджел.
00:15:15,670 --> 00:15:17,870 Ага! Я же говорил, что это заговор!
00:15:17,880 --> 00:15:22,216 Заз, скажи то же, что сказал в автобусе. Вам понравится. Он отличный рассказчик.
00:15:22,220 --> 00:15:26,504 История Зазлара началась четыре тысячелетия назад.
00:15:26,510 --> 00:15:31,010 Я был юной, едва вылупившейся особью, пролетающей у Ориона...
00:15:31,020 --> 00:15:32,090 Тормози давай.
00:15:32,100 --> 00:15:34,408 Есть короткая версия, как ты оказался здесь,
00:15:34,410 --> 00:15:37,010 захватил власть, шпионил с помощью камер,
00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:39,770 усмирял население с помощью химических бизонов
00:15:39,780 --> 00:15:43,520 и запретил всё экстра, потому что так проще всеми управлять?
00:15:43,570 --> 00:15:46,256 Виновен по всем пунктам.
00:15:46,830 --> 00:15:48,824 Но вот кое-что ты упустил.
00:15:48,830 --> 00:15:52,700 Раз уж вы меня раскрыли, то обязаны умереть.
00:15:53,950 --> 00:15:55,330 Слава Зазлару!
00:15:55,340 --> 00:15:57,040 Слава Зазлару!
00:16:12,530 --> 00:16:13,860 «КТО ПРАВИТ МИРОМ?» НОАМ ХОМСКИЙ
00:16:19,860 --> 00:16:22,960 Я владел этой планетой целые сотни лет!
00:16:22,970 --> 00:16:27,190 Ну же, мои подданные, освободите своего повелителя!
00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:28,940 Терри, баррикадируем окно!
00:16:28,950 --> 00:16:31,800 Но тогда будет диагональ, это разве не экстраугол?
00:16:31,810 --> 00:16:33,740 Теперь тебе на это не насрать?
00:16:33,750 --> 00:16:34,384 Ага.
00:16:34,390 --> 00:16:36,160 Чтоб тебя, Терри, это ты виноват.
00:16:36,170 --> 00:16:40,728 Если бы не стал копать, мы бы жили в блаженном неведении на идеальной планете!
00:16:41,260 --> 00:16:42,620 Для меня она не идеальная!
00:16:42,630 --> 00:16:45,632 Вам с репликантами тут нравится, а по мне — это отстой.
00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:49,160 Тупые пришельцы не понимают моих отсылок к ситкомам
00:16:49,170 --> 00:16:51,010 и ещё прозвище дали это дебильное,
00:16:51,020 --> 00:16:51,960 «Пропеллер».
00:16:51,970 --> 00:16:56,550 Ну повертел я слегка задом в первый день здесь. Так что, сразу прозвище давать?
00:16:56,560 --> 00:17:00,232 Я просто не очень хорошо вытер свой человеческий зад после туалета.
00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:02,880 И знаешь что? Вокруг очка очень чешется.
00:17:02,890 --> 00:17:05,760 Так что им стоило назвать меня «Зудящий зад».
00:17:05,790 --> 00:17:08,070 О чём ты? Ты же сказал, тебе нравится.
00:17:08,080 --> 00:17:09,780 Так я просто соврал!
00:17:09,790 --> 00:17:11,016 Я ж офигенный актёр.
00:17:11,020 --> 00:17:13,864 Помнишь, я прошёл мастер-класс Скута Макнейри?
00:17:13,870 --> 00:17:16,184 Да, он отлично сыграл в «Нарко: Мексика».
00:17:16,190 --> 00:17:19,410 Я всегда ругал тебя за ненависть к Земле. И тут я был бы лицемером.
00:17:19,420 --> 00:17:22,410 Ох, Терри, чудесный ты кусок дебила. Я ведь это обожаю.
00:17:22,420 --> 00:17:22,980 Правда?
00:17:22,990 --> 00:17:26,432 Отсутствие принципов поддерживает нашу страсть.
00:17:28,930 --> 00:17:32,670 Народ, может хватит этой эмоциональной фигни? Помогите нам.
00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:34,720 Одно слово, и я отфигачу его трубой!
00:17:34,730 --> 00:17:37,260 Если я умру, они выйдут из-под контроля.
00:17:37,270 --> 00:17:40,140 Тогда вся эта планета погрузится в хаос.
00:17:40,150 --> 00:17:43,020 В жопу себе погрузи, сучёнок гладко выбритый!
00:17:43,030 --> 00:17:46,080 Ладно, тогда заключим сделку.
00:17:48,090 --> 00:17:49,040 Мы слушаем.
00:17:49,050 --> 00:17:51,856 Вы позволите мне и дальше тайно управлять планетой,
00:17:51,860 --> 00:17:56,150 а я сделаю вас королями. И не буду повелевать вашими разумами.
00:17:56,160 --> 00:18:01,248 Телами, возможно, самую малость, но разумы трогать не буду.
00:18:01,300 --> 00:18:03,584 Хорошее предложение. Остаёмся?
00:18:03,590 --> 00:18:05,710 Мне нравится жить на этой планете.
00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:08,720 С таким эротичным голосом, я как Рози Перес на Клервиксе.
00:18:08,730 --> 00:18:10,250 Я тоже тащусь!
00:18:10,260 --> 00:18:12,000 Всё, Ямюляк, хватит уже петь.
00:18:12,010 --> 00:18:13,670 Ты не Пинк. Ну что, Теральд?
00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:14,984 Будешь королём?
00:18:15,230 --> 00:18:18,550 Ну, если... все этого правда хотят...
00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:20,512 то я останусь.
00:18:20,730 --> 00:18:23,890 Мы согласны при одном небольшом условии.
00:18:23,900 --> 00:18:25,810 Терри не будут звать Пропеллером.
00:18:25,820 --> 00:18:29,810 Простите, унизительные прозвища — часть моего великого замысла.
00:18:29,820 --> 00:18:33,230 Считайте это небольшой платой за жизнь в раю.
00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:37,088 И посмотрите на него, его ж только раскрутить.
00:18:37,090 --> 00:18:39,180 Ничего, не страшно. Я в норме.
00:18:39,190 --> 00:18:40,080 Сделке конец!
00:18:40,090 --> 00:18:43,440 Вы отказываетесь от рая из-за какого-то прозвища?
00:18:43,450 --> 00:18:47,250 Нет, ведь если медвежонок Терри не счастлив, то это и не рай.
00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:51,056 Это самая дебильная хрень, которую я только слышал.
00:18:51,060 --> 00:18:54,210 Орда! В атаку!
00:18:57,980 --> 00:18:58,970 Знаешь что, Заз?
00:18:58,980 --> 00:19:02,576 Ты вот всем запрещаешь быть экстра, но посмотри-ка на себя.
00:19:02,580 --> 00:19:05,620 И вообще, ты кринжовый, что капец.
00:19:05,630 --> 00:19:06,500 ЭКСТРА/ОБЫЧНЫЙ
00:19:06,850 --> 00:19:08,480 Нет!
00:19:08,490 --> 00:19:11,860 Я превращаюсь в противоположность
00:19:11,870 --> 00:19:14,650 того, что значит экстра!
00:19:15,020 --> 00:19:17,690 Ну вы посмотрите. Самый обыкновенный фикус.
00:19:17,700 --> 00:19:18,424 Жестоко.
00:19:18,430 --> 00:19:19,860 Валим, пока нас не замочили.
00:19:19,870 --> 00:19:22,740 Моим разумом больше не повелевают!
00:19:22,750 --> 00:19:25,184 Теперь можно быть мудаком!
00:19:30,300 --> 00:19:33,170 Чёрт, планета мигом превратилась в настоящую помойку.
00:19:33,180 --> 00:19:35,300 Прямо как сериал «Хор» сразу после пилота.
00:19:35,310 --> 00:19:36,420 В один момент.
00:19:36,430 --> 00:19:38,470 Теперь нам надо найти новое жильё.
00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:41,024 Аиша, подбери планету в секторе четыре.
00:19:41,030 --> 00:19:42,550 И чтобы не было вампиров.
00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:44,180 Так, у нас два варианта.
00:19:44,190 --> 00:19:49,272 Ранее неизвестная планета-утопия, населённая существами, похожими на На'ви.
00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:50,080 Или Земля.
00:19:50,090 --> 00:19:52,690 На Землю нельзя. Там живут мои бывшие.
00:19:52,700 --> 00:19:55,520 И она на грани климатического и социального коллапса.
00:19:55,530 --> 00:19:57,696 Значит, выбираем вариант с утопией.
00:19:57,700 --> 00:19:59,780 Народ, готовьте нейронные отростки!
00:19:59,790 --> 00:20:01,272 Я вообще не против.
00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:04,048 Хотя бы не будет постоянной рекламы
00:20:04,050 --> 00:20:06,768 «Парка Юрского периода семь: Овираптор берёт выходной».
00:20:06,770 --> 00:20:08,896 Стоп, новый «Парк» выходит?
00:20:09,550 --> 00:20:13,290 Не переживай, я знакома с проектором со студии. Он сказал, фильм — отстой.
00:20:13,300 --> 00:20:17,520 Я думал, фильм «Господство» завершил шестисерийную арку, как планировал Спилберг.
00:20:17,530 --> 00:20:22,000 Значит, это будет новое приключение, которого ждали миллионы лет!
00:20:22,010 --> 00:20:23,296 Народ, да ладно.
00:20:23,300 --> 00:20:26,390 Без спойлеров, но они пытались в комедию, и у них ничего не вышло.
00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:28,270 Давайте полетим на планету получше.
00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:29,184 Значит, решено.
00:20:29,190 --> 00:20:34,016 Солнечные противоположности возвращаются на Землю и продлевают подписку.
00:20:39,080 --> 00:20:40,940 А я буду скучать по Клервиксу-3.
00:20:40,950 --> 00:20:44,328 Там все мои любимые рестораны. А к прозвищу я мог и привыкнуть.
00:20:44,330 --> 00:20:46,620 Завали хлебало, Терри, честное слово...
00:20:46,630 --> 00:20:47,550 Я Пропеллер.
00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:47,950 Нет!
00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:48,640 Пожалуйста.
00:20:48,650 --> 00:20:49,080 Нет!
00:20:49,090 --> 00:20:49,600 Терри!
00:20:49,610 --> 00:20:51,000 У тебя ноль принципов.
00:20:51,010 --> 00:20:52,160 Какой лицемер.
00:20:52,170 --> 00:20:54,744 Но я только привык к Пропеллеру, простите.
00:20:54,750 --> 00:20:55,750 Все мы меняемся.
00:20:55,760 --> 00:20:57,960 К любому прозвищу надо привыкнуть.
00:20:57,970 --> 00:21:04,128 Как теперь мне объяснять людям, что у меня зудит очко, если меня не называют Пропеллером?
00:21:04,130 --> 00:21:09,120 Переведено студией HDrezka Studio.

00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:18,393 Come on, Korvo, you can do it!
00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:20,020 You got this, my King.
00:00:21,730 --> 00:00:23,690 You did it, Korvo.
00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:25,567 Your human butthole's finally closed up.
00:00:25,567 --> 00:00:26,943 You're back to normal.
00:00:26,943 --> 00:00:29,237 I was starting to think you'd be human forever,
00:00:29,237 --> 00:00:31,281 especially since Jesse, Terry, and I have been back
00:00:31,281 --> 00:00:33,324 to being fully Shlorpian for a hot second now.
00:00:33,324 --> 00:00:34,951 Ah, yes, it's good to be blue again,
00:00:34,951 --> 00:00:36,369 though of all the human orifices,
00:00:36,369 --> 00:00:38,204 I shall miss <i>le</i> anus the most.
00:00:38,204 --> 00:00:39,372 Fair thee well, old friend.
00:00:39,372 --> 00:00:40,457 I don't get it. We were human,
00:00:40,457 --> 00:00:41,541 and now we're Shlorpian again?
00:00:41,541 --> 00:00:42,709 How did that happen? Seriously!
00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:43,960 What's the deal?
00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:46,087 - Terry! Calm down. - No, I want the answers!
00:00:46,087 --> 00:00:47,589 Give me the answers!
00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:49,466 There was no "previously on."
00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:51,051 I don't understand what's going on.
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:53,053 I'm a new viewer, and I don't understand what's going on.
00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:54,929 He's going <i>Real Housewives.</i> Grab him!
00:00:54,929 --> 00:00:57,182 Get off me! Let me go!
00:00:58,391 --> 00:00:59,934 I'm calm, okay? I'm calm. I'm good.
00:00:59,934 --> 00:01:02,312 You promise? Yes.
00:01:02,687 --> 00:01:04,397 But for real, how'd this happen?
00:01:04,397 --> 00:01:06,274 <i>So to recap, y'all had been on Earth</i>
00:01:06,274 --> 00:01:08,026 <i>so long without the Pupa terraforming,</i>
00:01:08,026 --> 00:01:10,612 <i>that your Shlorpian bodies started to adapt</i>
00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:12,864 <i>to the environment, and you turned human.</i>
00:01:12,864 --> 00:01:14,866 Uh, but why aren't we on Earth anymore?
00:01:14,866 --> 00:01:17,077 I know, but just in case Terry doesn't understand.
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:19,621 <i>To stop the transformation from becoming permanent,</i>
00:01:19,621 --> 00:01:22,332 <i>you left Earth and resettled on Clervix 3.</i>
00:01:22,332 --> 00:01:25,627 <i>The new atmosphere allowed your original bodies to reset.</i>
00:01:25,627 --> 00:01:27,462 Does this mean we can go back to Earth now?
00:01:27,462 --> 00:01:29,714 <i>I guess, if you really wanna go back</i>
00:01:29,714 --> 00:01:31,216 <i>to that trash-ass planet.</i>
00:01:31,216 --> 00:01:33,343 <i>The human transformation only happens once.</i>
00:01:33,343 --> 00:01:34,469 We are not going back!
00:01:34,469 --> 00:01:36,429 Geez. Aw, you yelled that so loud.
00:01:36,429 --> 00:01:37,889 And right in the place my ears would be.
00:01:37,889 --> 00:01:40,100 I don't often speak in such an unceremonious manner,
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:42,894 but this new planet is the tits.
00:01:42,894 --> 00:01:46,147 Oh, yeah, this planet is a set of big naturals,
00:01:46,147 --> 00:01:47,774 the top of the tatas.
00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:49,943 This place is a literal paradise.
00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:51,986 There's no parking tickets, the sandwich they have
00:01:51,986 --> 00:01:53,738 instead of the McRib is offered all year long,
00:01:53,738 --> 00:01:55,615 the environment hasn't been destroyed, and it isn't full of
00:01:55,615 --> 00:01:57,325 earwigs and centipedes like the last one.
00:01:57,742 --> 00:02:00,245 Everyone here thinks my voice is hot and sexy,
00:02:00,245 --> 00:02:04,332 especially when I say exotic stuff like "Sheboygan."
00:02:04,332 --> 00:02:05,583 Clervix 3 rules!
00:02:05,583 --> 00:02:06,960 The most popular sport is a version
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,044 of Hide and Seek, which is
00:02:08,044 --> 00:02:09,254 basically bounty hunting.
00:02:09,254 --> 00:02:11,005 So that means I'm a cool jock here.
00:02:11,005 --> 00:02:12,632 And you nerds better not forget it.
00:02:12,632 --> 00:02:14,092 Even the Pupa likes it here.
00:02:14,092 --> 00:02:15,552 He's reverted to his original color,
00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:17,387 restarting his terraforming process.
00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:18,721 {\an8}Plus, I think he's teaching himself to read.
00:02:18,721 --> 00:02:19,848 Cute!
00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:21,224 Terry Ann, you agree this planet is
00:02:21,224 --> 00:02:23,351 B-I-G T-I-T-T-Y, don't you?
00:02:23,351 --> 00:02:26,729 Oh, yeah, baby. It's a couple sweater stretchers for sure.
00:02:26,729 --> 00:02:28,106 The restaurants only have booths,
00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:29,607 no tables, just the way I like.
00:02:29,607 --> 00:02:30,900 Bookstores still exist, so I have
00:02:30,900 --> 00:02:32,277 somewhere to browse magazines,
00:02:32,277 --> 00:02:34,571 and <i>Star Wars</i> actually happened as a war here.
00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:36,281 So now instead of knowing pop culture trivia,
00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:37,866 I'm a learned historian.
00:02:37,866 --> 00:02:40,618 The folks here even gave you that nickname when we arrived.
00:02:40,618 --> 00:02:41,995 What was it again? Swizzle?
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,496 Yep, I'm Swizzle.
00:02:43,496 --> 00:02:45,290 I've always wanted a nickname, and now I've got one.
00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:46,749 Swizzle.
00:02:46,749 --> 00:02:47,834 Me to a T.
00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:49,043 Then it's settled.
00:02:49,043 --> 00:02:51,588 The Solar Opposites are staying on Clervix 3.
00:02:53,506 --> 00:02:55,925 <i>Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia,</i>
00:02:55,925 --> 00:02:58,178 <i>until the asteroid hit.</i>
00:02:58,678 --> 00:03:01,139 <i>One hundred adults and their replicants were issued a Pupa,</i>
00:03:01,139 --> 00:03:02,891 <i>and escaped into the... space,</i>
00:03:02,891 --> 00:03:05,727 <i>searching for new homes on uninhabited worlds.</i>
00:03:05,727 --> 00:03:06,978 <i>We crashed on Earth,</i>
00:03:06,978 --> 00:03:08,104 <i>stranding us on an already</i>
00:03:08,104 --> 00:03:09,397 <i>overpopulated planet.</i>
00:03:09,397 --> 00:03:10,481 <i>But then we did a bunch of stuff</i>
00:03:10,481 --> 00:03:11,649 <i>that ended up with us leaving Earth.</i>
00:03:11,649 --> 00:03:13,902 <i>And now we live on Clervix 3,</i>
00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:15,904 <i>which is a wonderful, perfect planet.</i>
00:03:15,904 --> 00:03:17,530 {\an8}<i>That's right, I've been talking this whole time.</i>
00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:19,365 {\an8}<i>I'm the one holding the Pupa. My name's Korvo.</i>
00:03:19,365 --> 00:03:22,243 {\an8}<i>I just dropped the Pupa, but it's okay because this planet is so nice.</i>
00:03:22,243 --> 00:03:24,412 {\an8}<i>I literally have nothing to complain about at all.</i>
00:03:24,412 --> 00:03:27,290 {\an8}<i>Terry likes it too, so we really aren't even Opposites anymore.</i>
00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:28,708 {\an8}<i>I hope the title still makes sense.</i>
00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:37,508 Alright, presentation time.
00:03:37,508 --> 00:03:39,052 As you know, we've been here on Clervix 3
00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:40,345 for a couple of months now,
00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:41,679 {\an8}and we've had a lot of funny adventures.
00:03:41,679 --> 00:03:42,764 {\an8}Ha, ha, ha, ha!
00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:44,224 {\an8}But it's time to get serious.
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:45,934 {\an8}This afternoon, the Supreme Adjudicator
00:03:45,934 --> 00:03:47,310 {\an8}will be visiting our home
00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:48,478 {\an8}to determine whether or not
00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:49,938 {\an8}to grant us permanent citizenship.
00:03:49,938 --> 00:03:51,940 {\an8}I've met a lot of adjudicators in my day,
00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:55,109 {\an8}but this is definitely the highest-stakes adjudicator yet.
00:03:55,109 --> 00:03:56,277 {\an8}Yeah, well, he's the one who decides
00:03:56,277 --> 00:03:57,654 {\an8}if we get to stay on this planet,
00:03:57,654 --> 00:03:58,988 {\an8}so to make sure everything goes smoothly,
00:03:58,988 --> 00:04:00,615 I've drafted a detailed plan.
00:04:00,615 --> 00:04:02,742 We will be conducting a full-scale charm offensive
00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:05,495 on the Supreme Adjudicator with our number-one priority being
00:04:05,495 --> 00:04:07,372 "to not be extra."
00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:11,292 And that's because the three pillars of Clervixian society are...
00:04:11,292 --> 00:04:14,420 "Simplicity," "blandness," and "generic competence."
00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:16,089 Being extra is a crime on this planet,
00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:17,632 and I know we've all dabbled in it before,
00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:19,592 but today we have to lock that shit down.
00:04:19,592 --> 00:04:21,427 {\an8}Korvy, babe, I don't wanna poke holes in this,
00:04:21,427 --> 00:04:23,137 {\an8}but isn't saying extra kind of cringe?
00:04:23,137 --> 00:04:24,681 {\an8}I thought it was cheugy.
00:04:24,681 --> 00:04:26,891 {\an8}Extra isn't cringe or cheugy because this planet
00:04:26,891 --> 00:04:28,309 {\an8}is eight light years from Earth,
00:04:28,309 --> 00:04:30,019 {\an8}so we're technically ahead of all trends.
00:04:30,019 --> 00:04:31,646 {\an8}"Extra" is bussin'.
00:04:31,646 --> 00:04:33,022 - Hell yeah! - Oh, don't do that!
00:04:33,439 --> 00:04:34,607 High fives are too extra!
00:04:35,191 --> 00:04:38,027 I have assigned each of you important jobs for today.
00:04:38,027 --> 00:04:40,613 Jesse! You'll make the traditional Clervixian Morg soup.
00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:42,824 It's a flavorless room temperature lumpless chowder.
00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:45,702 I repeat, if you put lumps in the chowder, we are fucked.
00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:48,121 {\an8}I've got tons of great dish prep ideas
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:50,290 {\an8}from watching <i>The Bear</i> on FX on Hulu
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:52,041 {\an8}on the Disney Interstellar bundle.
00:04:52,041 --> 00:04:53,501 All of that is way too extra.
00:04:53,501 --> 00:04:55,420 Stick to the recipe and whatever you do,
00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:56,587 don't bring up Hulu!
00:04:56,587 --> 00:04:57,672 Yes, Chef!
00:04:57,797 --> 00:04:59,048 Yumyulack, you will learn and perform
00:04:59,048 --> 00:05:01,551 an a cappella rendition of the medium-volume,
00:05:01,551 --> 00:05:04,345 moderately tempoed Clervixian Planetary Anthem.
00:05:04,345 --> 00:05:05,805 <i>♪ On it! ♪</i>
00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:08,141 And lastly, Terry, you will go purchase
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,476 the mandatory Clervixian dinner helmets.
00:05:10,476 --> 00:05:12,520 These guys play it safe as hell at mealtimes.
00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:15,398 I live to shop, and I shop to live!
00:05:15,398 --> 00:05:18,401 {\an8}It is vital we execute these assignments perfectly today,
00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:19,652 {\an8}and that's it.
00:05:19,861 --> 00:05:22,238 {\an8}Thank you for watching. Good night and good luck.
00:05:22,780 --> 00:05:24,574 {\an8}Okay, places. Places.
00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:26,701 {\an8}Look, guys. Tech week was hell, but we made it.
00:05:26,701 --> 00:05:28,328 {\an8}Let's have a great show, people!
00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:30,204 Got your back, got your back, got your back.
00:05:30,204 --> 00:05:31,956 {\an8}Terry, help me rearrange the furniture.
00:05:31,956 --> 00:05:33,708 {\an8}We've got too many diagonals in here.
00:05:33,708 --> 00:05:35,418 {\an8}That's the most extra type of angle.
00:05:35,418 --> 00:05:37,628 So, I-I didn't wanna say anything in front
00:05:37,628 --> 00:05:39,380 of the replicants because they're little bitches,
00:05:39,380 --> 00:05:42,467 but are you at all worried that this planet's, like, too perfect?
00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:44,344 Are you saying Clervix 3 only appears
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,387 to be an ideal home, but it actually has a secret,
00:05:46,387 --> 00:05:49,140 {\an8}evil, science fiction, seedy underbelly that we won't find out about
00:05:49,140 --> 00:05:50,641 {\an8}until it's too late for us to leave?
00:05:50,641 --> 00:05:51,809 {\an8}I didn't know that was a thing,
00:05:51,809 --> 00:05:53,144 {\an8}but, yes, that's exactly what I mean.
00:05:53,144 --> 00:05:54,771 {\an8}It is a thing, which I've been watching out for
00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:56,147 {\an8}this whole time.
00:05:56,147 --> 00:05:58,149 Any seedy underbellies would've surfaced by now.
00:05:58,149 --> 00:06:00,651 Clervix 3 is nothing but a nice, non-seedy,
00:06:00,651 --> 00:06:02,570 whatever the opposite of an underbelly is.
00:06:02,570 --> 00:06:04,447 - Top tummy. - But we haven't even looked around!
00:06:04,447 --> 00:06:06,449 How can we be sure something terrible won't be revealed
00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:07,909 in, like, 8 to 10 episodes?
00:06:07,909 --> 00:06:09,494 Terry! Focus! The dinner helmets must be
00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:10,787 your number-one priority.
00:06:10,787 --> 00:06:12,038 Okay! Okay.
00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:13,581 I promise I'm not even gonna think about
00:06:13,581 --> 00:06:15,083 or mention this again.
00:06:15,083 --> 00:06:17,460 Hundred percent there's a seedy underbelly up in this shit.
00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:20,088 Stay on task! Do not be extra.
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:30,306 Jesus H. Christopher Kattan.
00:06:30,306 --> 00:06:32,517 We have so much extra-seeming stuff.
00:06:32,517 --> 00:06:35,061 Look at all these souvenir keyrings from our trip to Santa Fe,
00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:37,563 these <i>Man in the High Castle</i> Season 2 FYC screeners,
00:06:37,563 --> 00:06:38,815 and all of your old baby toys, Pupa!
00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:40,358 Relax!
00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:42,318 {\an8}I don't mean your <i>Melissa and Doug</i> learning pelican.
00:06:42,318 --> 00:06:44,362 {\an8}Wait a sec, is this the Extra Ray?
00:06:44,695 --> 00:06:47,115 Of all the rays to leave lying around?
00:06:47,115 --> 00:06:49,367 Son of a bitch! We've been <i>Dragon Balled.</i>
00:06:49,784 --> 00:06:51,786 Hello! Just walking through. Nothing to see here.
00:06:51,786 --> 00:06:53,955 - Kisses. Okay, bye. - Hold it right there.
00:06:53,955 --> 00:06:55,832 Is that Tom Colicchio-brand tarragon I smell?
00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:57,959 I just wanted to zhuzh up the soup a little
00:06:57,959 --> 00:07:00,169 and impress the Supreme Adjudicator.
00:07:00,169 --> 00:07:02,130 No! Zhuzhing is Jewish for extra!
00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:04,132 Fine. But you know that ever since
00:07:04,132 --> 00:07:06,050 I got bit by the Ratatouille rat,
00:07:06,050 --> 00:07:08,803 I've been cursed to cook with soul.
00:07:09,178 --> 00:07:11,639 Oh! Yumyulack, what the hell have you done to yourself?
00:07:11,639 --> 00:07:14,058 I'm gonna do a Blue Man Group-inspired performance
00:07:14,058 --> 00:07:15,935 of the Clervixian Planetary Anthem.
00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:18,312 No, that's too extra. Also, why are you red?
00:07:18,312 --> 00:07:20,440 Yeah, since I'm blue already, I went with the
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:24,235 <i>♪ Opposite color on the spectrum Mm! ♪</i>
00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:25,611 The Supreme Adjudicator's gonna love it.
00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:26,779 No, he won't.
00:07:26,779 --> 00:07:28,156 I told you to keep it simple.
00:07:28,156 --> 00:07:30,116 Go wash yourself in the basement sink right now.
00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:32,535 <i>♪ You don't understand my art ♪</i>
00:07:32,535 --> 00:07:33,619 Ah!
00:07:33,619 --> 00:07:35,121 - Ah! - Great news!
00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:36,664 Ha, ha! You got the helmets?
00:07:36,664 --> 00:07:38,040 No, silly goose. I got evidence
00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:39,500 of the seedy underbelly.
00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:41,419 - What? - Check it out. These trees with cameras
00:07:41,419 --> 00:07:43,671 on them are on every corner, watching our every move.
00:07:43,671 --> 00:07:46,215 There is something sick and evil happening on this planet.
00:07:46,215 --> 00:07:48,092 They had cameras like this everywhere on Earth,
00:07:48,092 --> 00:07:49,469 and you never had a problem with it then.
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:51,429 Well, yeah, but that's because I was complicit
00:07:51,429 --> 00:07:52,722 in commodifying my privacy.
00:07:52,722 --> 00:07:54,807 This isn't evidence of a seedy underbelly.
00:07:54,807 --> 00:07:56,434 It's just for speeding tickets.
00:07:56,434 --> 00:07:57,977 Now get me those dinner helmets.
00:07:57,977 --> 00:08:00,062 Ugh. Fine, but I'm leaving the camera tree here
00:08:00,062 --> 00:08:01,647 because I'm too tired to drag it out.
00:08:01,647 --> 00:08:04,484 Knock, knock. Greetings and pleasant rotations, Solars.
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,194 Well, if it isn't our next-door neighbors
00:08:06,194 --> 00:08:07,445 Blix and Vorgento.
00:08:07,445 --> 00:08:09,739 Greetings and pleasant rotations to you both.
00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:11,782 What is this "greetings and rotations" horse shit?
00:08:11,782 --> 00:08:13,409 It's how you say hi here.
00:08:13,409 --> 00:08:14,744 Would it kill you to pay attention?
00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:16,204 - Say what? - Please just say hello.
00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:18,164 - These guys like you, Terry. - Whatever. Fine.
00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:21,083 - How's your rotaysh? - Ho, ho, it's Swizzle.
00:08:22,710 --> 00:08:24,712 Ha. Ha, ha. Yeah, I almost forgot
00:08:24,712 --> 00:08:26,088 about my awesome nickname.
00:08:26,088 --> 00:08:27,465 I never got one of those on stupid old Earth.
00:08:27,465 --> 00:08:28,549 Pew, pew.
00:08:28,549 --> 00:08:29,634 Korvo, we heard
00:08:29,634 --> 00:08:31,177 the Supreme Adjudicator is coming,
00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:33,679 so we thought we'd come lend you our bland, silent support.
00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:36,390 We even brought our robo, JK Sevens.
00:08:36,390 --> 00:08:38,351 Oh, God, not JK Sevens.
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,978 Why does he always have to make such an obnoxious entrance?
00:08:40,978 --> 00:08:44,357 Ugh, sorry. We're still training him to not be so extra.
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:45,900 He acts like a character who was added
00:08:45,900 --> 00:08:48,402 in the fifth season of a TV show who's very polarizing
00:08:48,402 --> 00:08:49,862 but has big merchandising potential.
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:53,658 Could you please stop your robot
00:08:53,658 --> 00:08:54,784 from destroying my house?
00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:56,494 Yeah, if we do, he'll just pitch a fit.
00:08:56,494 --> 00:08:58,663 We found it best to just let him tire himself out.
00:08:58,663 --> 00:09:00,456 He's just being so extra.
00:09:00,456 --> 00:09:02,500 I know. Pupa, why not take JK Sevens
00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:04,210 to your room and show him your lovely
00:09:04,335 --> 00:09:06,712 <i>Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri</i> Playmobil playset.
00:09:06,712 --> 00:09:07,922 No!
00:09:07,922 --> 00:09:09,715 I'll let you read more revisionist history
00:09:09,715 --> 00:09:11,259 from a leftist perspective.
00:09:24,438 --> 00:09:26,691 Ugh.
00:09:36,158 --> 00:09:38,327 Ah, thank God I had this sci-fi ax.
00:09:40,204 --> 00:09:42,373 Supreme Adjudicator! You're early!
00:09:42,373 --> 00:09:44,041 Greetings and pleasant rotations.
00:09:44,041 --> 00:09:46,460 I always arrive early so I don't have to stay late.
00:09:46,460 --> 00:09:48,796 Yeah, staying late is very extra.
00:09:48,796 --> 00:09:52,174 Pleasant rotations, Lord Adjudicator, Your Supremeness, Your--
00:09:52,174 --> 00:09:53,759 W-w-what should I call you?
00:09:53,759 --> 00:09:55,428 You can call me whatever you want
00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:57,555 as long as you don't call me late for dinner.
00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:01,350 - He went there! - Supreme Adjudicator for the win!
00:10:01,350 --> 00:10:03,311 Yes, well, go-good one, sir.
00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:06,939 That is the caliber of joke that is acceptable here on Clervix 3:
00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:09,984 Straight down the middle. Not a hint of being extra.
00:10:09,984 --> 00:10:12,194 Well, it's nice to have you. I hope we can--
00:10:12,194 --> 00:10:14,030 The adjudication now begins.
00:10:14,530 --> 00:10:16,782 Your dwelling appears simple and tasteful.
00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:18,117 Not extra in the least.
00:10:18,117 --> 00:10:19,327 Oh, I'm delighted to hear that.
00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:20,995 But not extra delighted.
00:10:22,538 --> 00:10:24,832 What was that "extra-sounding" noise?
00:10:24,832 --> 00:10:26,584 Uh, that was a sneeze.
00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:28,878 My sneezes sound like lots of pans being dropped,
00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:30,296 and I do them with my mouth closed
00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:32,256 with no visual indication that it happened.
00:10:32,256 --> 00:10:33,382 Aw, shit!
00:10:33,382 --> 00:10:34,467 Uh, I just remembered I left
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:35,593 a spoon in the kitchen.
00:10:35,593 --> 00:10:37,011 Stay here and, uh,
00:10:37,011 --> 00:10:38,846 look through our very basic coffee table book
00:10:38,846 --> 00:10:40,473 that's just pages with numbers on them.
00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:43,184 Ah, the number eight.
00:10:43,184 --> 00:10:45,686 Good old number 37.
00:10:45,686 --> 00:10:48,230 733. Now that is a number.
00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:49,482 - Jesse! - Yes, Chef.
00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:50,816 What the shit's all this?
00:10:50,816 --> 00:10:52,902 The Morg Soup is supposed to be two ingredients:
00:10:52,902 --> 00:10:53,986 morg and air.
00:10:53,986 --> 00:10:55,529 I got a teeny bit carried away
00:10:55,529 --> 00:10:56,947 trying to make things perfect.
00:10:56,947 --> 00:10:58,532 - Here. You gotta try this. - No!
00:10:58,532 --> 00:10:59,742 - Come on! - I said no. No, no, no.
00:10:59,742 --> 00:11:01,452 - Korvo, please. Try it! - Nope, I won't.
00:11:01,452 --> 00:11:03,913 - Nope, stop it. - Open that yapper and sip this soup.
00:11:04,372 --> 00:11:07,083 Jesse, I-- That is delicious.
00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:09,335 Now throw it away and make the flavorless version immediately.
00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:10,836 - Yes, Chef! - Stop saying that.
00:11:10,836 --> 00:11:12,046 What the hell is in the oven?
00:11:12,046 --> 00:11:13,547 It's a special appeteaser
00:11:13,547 --> 00:11:14,965 I made for the Adjudicator
00:11:14,965 --> 00:11:16,592 called the "Pop Rocks Cheezit Bomb."
00:11:16,592 --> 00:11:18,594 When you taste it, it's "da bomb." Get it?
00:11:18,594 --> 00:11:19,679 To be honest, I don't.
00:11:19,804 --> 00:11:21,138 Just get rid of it now.
00:11:21,555 --> 00:11:23,224 Great news! Your boy got the helmets.
00:11:23,224 --> 00:11:24,475 Oh, thank God. Something's going right.
00:11:24,475 --> 00:11:25,768 Sorry, left out a word.
00:11:25,768 --> 00:11:27,436 Your boy don't got the helmets.
00:11:27,436 --> 00:11:28,896 But look what I do got.
00:11:30,189 --> 00:11:32,483 What in the actual fuck is that?
00:11:32,483 --> 00:11:35,111 This is a Clervixian space bison.
00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:37,029 And I think it's part of that secret seedy underbelly
00:11:37,029 --> 00:11:38,239 we're all fully obsessed with.
00:11:38,239 --> 00:11:39,532 There is no underbelly!
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,659 This little stinker here has been
00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:43,577 genetically modified!
00:11:43,577 --> 00:11:44,745 Gasp if you must.
00:11:44,745 --> 00:11:45,955 - Behind! - Terry!
00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:48,124 Someone's putting chemicals in their food and it's messing with our bodies.
00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:50,292 Like, have you felt really horny and really sterile lately?
00:11:50,292 --> 00:11:51,585 I know I have.
00:11:51,585 --> 00:11:53,129 They genetically modified the cows on earth.
00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:54,422 That's not a conspiracy.
00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:55,756 It's just the soulless pillage
00:11:55,756 --> 00:11:57,007 of a living creature's dignity.
00:11:57,007 --> 00:11:58,801 I'm seeing all the twisted threads here.
00:11:58,801 --> 00:12:00,052 The only part I'm missing is, you know,
00:12:00,052 --> 00:12:01,387 the bigger thread that connects them.
00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:02,680 But I'm close to uncovering it.
00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:04,390 B-T dubs, Jess, whatever you're making
00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:05,975 smells scrumplicious.
00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:07,059 Thank you, Chef!
00:12:07,059 --> 00:12:08,352 Terry, what you need to uncover is
00:12:08,352 --> 00:12:10,062 the fucking dinner helmets!
00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:11,147 The what? Ugh.
00:12:11,147 --> 00:12:12,898 The thing you're supposed to get.
00:12:12,898 --> 00:12:14,233 The dinner helmets.
00:12:14,358 --> 00:12:16,152 First time I'm hearing about it, but I'll look into it.
00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:18,654 Dinner hut muts.
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:22,366 Goo!
00:12:22,366 --> 00:12:24,410 They say goo instead of moo!
00:12:25,703 --> 00:12:27,496 Oh, this goes all the way to the top.
00:12:27,496 --> 00:12:30,916 Oh, what in the Skrillex?
00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:36,547 Yumyulack, why are you still red? And what is this?
00:12:36,547 --> 00:12:39,258 I'm gonna "Reggie Watts" the Planetary Anthem.
00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:41,969 Wow, extra much?
00:12:43,220 --> 00:12:45,556 It is extra. What are you doing?
00:12:45,556 --> 00:12:48,058 Redefining performance art. The Supreme Adjudicator's gonna love it.
00:12:48,058 --> 00:12:49,810 Ahh, no. Out.
00:12:53,564 --> 00:12:55,524 Where is the Supreme Adjudicator?
00:12:56,817 --> 00:12:58,277 Korvo, I commend you on a very
00:12:58,277 --> 00:12:59,779 not extra bathroom.
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:02,865 The water level was modest, toilet paper acceptable.
00:13:02,865 --> 00:13:04,533 Well, if you love the bathroom,
00:13:04,533 --> 00:13:07,453 you'll, uh, love our pocket dimension.
00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:09,038 - No need, I'm sure-- - In you go!
00:13:09,497 --> 00:13:10,498 Stop it!
00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:13,417 Mine! Mine!
00:13:23,677 --> 00:13:25,054 Yumyulack, cut it out!
00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:26,222 No!
00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:28,808 Everyone's gonna lose it for my tubes.
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,851 No! This is beyond extra.
00:13:30,851 --> 00:13:31,936 Oh, cheese.
00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:33,354 I accidentally triggered the countdown
00:13:33,354 --> 00:13:34,688 on my Pop Rocks Cheez-it Bomb.
00:13:34,688 --> 00:13:37,274 - It's gonna blow! - Are you fucking kidding me?!
00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:50,579 We just avoided a total disaster.
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:55,209 Ah, my head! If only we had our dinner helmets.
00:13:57,419 --> 00:13:58,420 What the...
00:13:58,420 --> 00:13:59,964 Seems things took a turn for the extra
00:13:59,964 --> 00:14:01,799 while I was gone.
00:14:01,924 --> 00:14:03,300 My adjudication thingy!
00:14:03,300 --> 00:14:06,345 Uh, okay, look, I spent all day pretending
00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:10,349 that we're boring and fit in, but the truth is we is extra.
00:14:10,766 --> 00:14:12,977 We love this planet, and we want to stay here,
00:14:12,977 --> 00:14:15,271 but if you don't think we fit in for who we really are,
00:14:15,271 --> 00:14:18,440 we'll find another planet that's not as perfect to call home.
00:14:19,608 --> 00:14:22,570 While we Clervixians don't like our citizens being "extra,"
00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:25,155 being fake is much, much worse.
00:14:25,155 --> 00:14:27,199 Being fake is actually being "extra,"
00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:28,868 which you are not.
00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:30,202 Does that make sense?
00:14:30,202 --> 00:14:31,287 It does not.
00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:32,788 Our confusing ways are why
00:14:32,788 --> 00:14:34,540 we need so many adjudicators.
00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:37,001 Anyway, I now declare you and your family
00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:39,378 to be permanent residents of Clervix 3.
00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:40,921 You may gently celebrate.
00:14:40,921 --> 00:14:42,214 - Whoa! - Cool.
00:14:42,214 --> 00:14:44,466 I found the dinner helmets!
00:14:44,466 --> 00:14:46,886 We don't need them anymore. We're official citizens.
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:48,721 Oh, okay. Well, I also found the monster
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,389 that's been secretly controlling this whole planet
00:14:50,389 --> 00:14:51,515 from a hidden underground lair.
00:14:52,975 --> 00:14:55,477 Unleash me!
00:14:55,477 --> 00:14:58,647 Put your hands together for Zazlaz the Mind Freak!
00:15:04,403 --> 00:15:07,156 Terry, you dumbass, this is a Mind Freak!
00:15:07,156 --> 00:15:09,867 - Right? Wait, you know this guy? - Not personally.
00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:11,702 It's an alien race known throughout the galaxy
00:15:11,702 --> 00:15:13,621 for their nefarious and diabolical nature.
00:15:13,621 --> 00:15:15,664 Their representative on Earth was Criss Angel.
00:15:15,664 --> 00:15:17,875 Ha. I told you there was an evil conspiracy.
00:15:17,875 --> 00:15:19,960 Zaz, tell him what you told me on the bus ride over.
00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:22,004 You-you're gonna love it. He's actually a really good storyteller.
00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:26,425 The tale of Zazlaz began four millennia ago.
00:15:26,425 --> 00:15:29,261 I was a cocooned hatchling then,
00:15:29,261 --> 00:15:31,013 tumbling through the Orion--
00:15:31,013 --> 00:15:32,097 Let me stop you right there.
00:15:32,097 --> 00:15:34,141 Is the short version that you landed on this planet
00:15:34,141 --> 00:15:35,559 and took it over and now you use
00:15:35,559 --> 00:15:36,894 the tree cameras to spy,
00:15:36,894 --> 00:15:38,228 keep the population docile
00:15:38,228 --> 00:15:39,772 by putting chemicals in the bison,
00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:41,315 and insist everything be not extra
00:15:41,315 --> 00:15:43,192 because it makes everyone easier to control?
00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:45,569 Guilty as charged.
00:15:46,820 --> 00:15:48,572 You just forgot one thing.
00:15:48,572 --> 00:15:52,701 By revealing me, you must now die.
00:15:53,661 --> 00:15:54,995 Hail Zazlaz!
00:15:55,412 --> 00:15:57,039 Hail Zazlaz!
00:16:19,853 --> 00:16:22,856 I've owned this planet for a hundred years.
00:16:22,856 --> 00:16:27,194 Come, my freakies, liberate your master!
00:16:27,194 --> 00:16:28,946 Terry, help me barricade the window with the furniture!
00:16:28,946 --> 00:16:30,823 But we'll have to put it at a diagonal angle.
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:31,907 Won't that be extra?
00:16:31,907 --> 00:16:33,742 Oh, now you care about that shit?
00:16:33,742 --> 00:16:34,827 - Yep. - Goddammit, Terry,
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:36,495 this is all your fault.
00:16:36,495 --> 00:16:37,830 If you hadn't fixated on digging up a conspiracy,
00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:38,998 we'd all be living in blissful ignorance
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:40,082 on a perfect planet.
00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:41,250 Aah!
00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:42,626 It wasn't perfect for me.
00:16:42,626 --> 00:16:44,294 Clervix was great for you and the replicants,
00:16:44,294 --> 00:16:45,546 but it sucked ass for me.
00:16:45,546 --> 00:16:47,006 The lame aliens here never laughed
00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:49,008 at my clever references to TGIF sitcoms,
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:51,010 and they gave me the worst nickname ever:
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:52,177 Swizzle.
00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:53,762 Just because I swizzled my butt a little bit
00:16:53,762 --> 00:16:55,264 when I walked around here on my first day,
00:16:55,264 --> 00:16:56,640 I get a nickname?
00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:58,267 And it was only on account I hadn't done a good job
00:16:58,267 --> 00:17:00,060 wiping my human butt after I took a dump.
00:17:00,060 --> 00:17:02,855 And guess what? It gets a little itchy around the rim.
00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:05,524 If anything, my nickname should be "Itchy Butt."
00:17:05,524 --> 00:17:07,818 What are you talking about? I thought you loved that nickname.
00:17:07,818 --> 00:17:09,778 I was lying.
00:17:09,778 --> 00:17:11,071 I'm just an amazing actor.
00:17:11,071 --> 00:17:12,614 Remember I took that YouTube masterclass
00:17:12,614 --> 00:17:13,741 taught by Scoot McNairy?
00:17:13,741 --> 00:17:15,951 Well, he was good on <i>Narcos: Mexico.</i>
00:17:15,951 --> 00:17:17,870 I always scolded you for hating on Earth.
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:19,413 If I did it here, I'd be a hypocrite.
00:17:19,413 --> 00:17:20,998 Oh, Terry, you beautiful idiot.
00:17:20,998 --> 00:17:22,416 I love when you're a hypocrite.
00:17:22,416 --> 00:17:23,876 - You do? - Your lack of principles
00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:25,711 is part of what keeps the flame burning.
00:17:28,922 --> 00:17:31,300 Uh, guys, can you wrap up your emotional beat
00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:32,676 and help us out over here?
00:17:32,676 --> 00:17:34,595 Say the word and I'll pipe this meat sack.
00:17:34,595 --> 00:17:37,264 If I die, my control is broken.
00:17:37,264 --> 00:17:40,142 This entire planet will descend into chaos.
00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:42,895 Descend my ass, you shaved bear-lookin' bitch.
00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:45,272 Okay, then let's make a deal.
00:17:47,941 --> 00:17:48,942 We're listening.
00:17:48,942 --> 00:17:50,110 If you let me go back
00:17:50,110 --> 00:17:51,820 to secretly running this planet,
00:17:51,820 --> 00:17:54,281 then all of you will live like kings.
00:17:54,281 --> 00:17:56,158 I promise to never freak your minds.
00:17:56,158 --> 00:18:00,871 I may rock your bodies, but I will steer clear of the minds.
00:18:01,371 --> 00:18:03,540 Uh, that was a good offer. Do we stay?
00:18:03,540 --> 00:18:05,709 I mean, I do like living on this planet.
00:18:05,709 --> 00:18:08,587 With my sexy voice, I'm like the Rosie Perez of Clervix.
00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:10,255 <i>♪ I like it too ♪</i>
00:18:10,255 --> 00:18:11,882 Oh, my God, Yumyulack, enough with the singing.
00:18:11,882 --> 00:18:13,675 You're not Pink. How about it, Terald?
00:18:13,675 --> 00:18:14,760 Wanna be a king?
00:18:15,219 --> 00:18:18,555 Um, well, if that's what everyone else wants,
00:18:18,555 --> 00:18:19,932 I'll stay.
00:18:20,599 --> 00:18:23,894 We'll accept on one small condition,
00:18:23,894 --> 00:18:25,813 no one can call Terry "Swizzle" anymore.
00:18:25,813 --> 00:18:29,817 Sorry. Diminutive nicknames are a part of my grand design.
00:18:29,817 --> 00:18:33,237 Consider it a small price to pay to live in paradise.
00:18:33,237 --> 00:18:34,321 Plus, look at him.
00:18:34,321 --> 00:18:36,615 He's all swizzle and no stick.
00:18:37,074 --> 00:18:39,910 - It's okay. It's fine. I'm fine. - No deal!
00:18:39,910 --> 00:18:43,288 You're throwing away paradise for a nickname?
00:18:43,288 --> 00:18:45,624 No, because if my Tear-bear isn't happy,
00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:47,251 then it isn't a paradise.
00:18:47,251 --> 00:18:51,004 That is the stupidest shit I have ever heard.
00:18:51,004 --> 00:18:54,216 My horde, attack!
00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:58,971 You know what, Zaz?
00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:00,264 You forbid anyone to be extra,
00:19:00,264 --> 00:19:02,266 but you're the most extra of anyone here.
00:19:02,266 --> 00:19:05,644 In fact, you're cringe as fuck.
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:08,480 No!
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:11,066 I'm turning whatever the opposite
00:19:11,859 --> 00:19:14,653 of extra is!
00:19:14,653 --> 00:19:16,196 Well, would you look at that?
00:19:16,196 --> 00:19:17,698 A basic-ass fiddle-leaf fig.
00:19:17,698 --> 00:19:19,867 - Brutal! - Let's haul ass before someone kills us.
00:19:19,867 --> 00:19:22,744 My mind, it isn't being freaked anymore.
00:19:22,744 --> 00:19:24,621 I can be an asshole now.
00:19:30,294 --> 00:19:33,172 Damn. The planet went to total shit really fast.
00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:35,299 Like every episode after the pilot of <i>Glee</i> fast.
00:19:35,299 --> 00:19:36,425 That is fast!
00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:38,468 Well, now we need to find a new place to live.
00:19:38,468 --> 00:19:40,888 AISHA, survey the sector for habitable worlds.
00:19:40,888 --> 00:19:42,556 One without vampires.
00:19:42,556 --> 00:19:44,183 <i>Okay, we got two options:</i>
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:47,019 <i>a previously unknown utopia planet full of sexy,</i>
00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:49,229 <i>Na'vi-like creatures.</i>
00:19:49,229 --> 00:19:50,814 <i>- Or Earth.</i> - Can't do Earth.
00:19:50,814 --> 00:19:52,691 Too many of my exes live there.
00:19:52,691 --> 00:19:54,109 And it's clearly on the precipice of climate
00:19:54,109 --> 00:19:55,611 and societal collapse.
00:19:55,611 --> 00:19:57,613 Sounds like we're going with the utopian option, then.
00:19:57,613 --> 00:19:59,781 Everyone, lotion up those neural tendrils.
00:19:59,781 --> 00:20:01,116 <i>Sounds good to me.</i>
00:20:01,116 --> 00:20:02,326 <i>At least on this planet,</i>
00:20:02,326 --> 00:20:03,744 <i>there won't be nonstop ads</i>
00:20:03,744 --> 00:20:06,622 <i>for</i> Jurassic Park 7: Oviraptor's Day Off.
00:20:06,622 --> 00:20:08,373 Wait, there's another JP coming out?
00:20:08,373 --> 00:20:10,292 <i>Mm-hmm! But don't worry.</i>
00:20:10,292 --> 00:20:13,295 <i>I know a digital projector at CAA who said it sucks.</i>
00:20:13,295 --> 00:20:14,880 I thought <i>Jurassic Park Dominion</i> finished
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:16,173 the original six-movie arc
00:20:16,173 --> 00:20:17,424 that Spielberg had always intended.
00:20:17,424 --> 00:20:19,009 That means that this one will be starting
00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:21,720 a whole new adventure 65 million years in the making!
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:23,222 Guys, come on.
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:25,182 <i>No spoilers, but this one tries to be a comedy,</i>
00:20:25,182 --> 00:20:26,391 <i>and it doesn't work.</i>
00:20:26,391 --> 00:20:28,268 <i>Please, let's go to the nicer planet.</i>
00:20:28,268 --> 00:20:30,979 Then it's settled. The Solar Opposites are going back to Earth
00:20:30,979 --> 00:20:33,482 and renewing their AMC Stubs memberships.
00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:40,948 You know, I'm gonna miss Clervix 3.
00:20:40,948 --> 00:20:42,574 All my favorite restaurants were there,
00:20:42,574 --> 00:20:44,409 plus I probably could've gotten used to that nickname.
00:20:44,409 --> 00:20:46,620 Shut the fuck up, Terry. I swear to God.
00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:47,955 - Call me Swizzle. - No.
00:20:47,955 --> 00:20:49,081 - Please? - No!
00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:50,999 - Terry! - You have zero principles!
00:20:50,999 --> 00:20:52,167 Such a hypocrite.
00:20:52,167 --> 00:20:54,586 But I just got used to Swizzle right now. I'm sorry!
00:20:54,586 --> 00:20:55,754 People can change!
00:20:55,754 --> 00:20:56,838 You gotta give it time
00:20:56,838 --> 00:20:58,048 for a nickname to grow on you.
00:20:58,048 --> 00:20:59,549 How else am I gonna immediately explain
00:20:59,549 --> 00:21:01,301 that I have a itchy butthole to people
00:21:01,301 --> 00:21:03,595 if I don't have Swizzle as my nickname?

00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:02,919 [♪ dramatic theme playing]
00:00:02,919 --> 00:00:07,007 ♪
00:00:08,299 --> 00:00:11,970 [♪ ominous music playing]
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:18,393 [Yumyulack] Come on, Korvo, you can do it!
00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:20,020 You got this, my King.
00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:21,730 - [Korvo groans] - [flatulence]
00:00:21,730 --> 00:00:23,690 - [cheering] - You did it, Korvo.
00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:25,567 Your human butthole's finally closed up.
00:00:25,567 --> 00:00:26,943 You're back to normal.
00:00:26,943 --> 00:00:29,237 I was starting to think you'd be human forever,
00:00:29,237 --> 00:00:31,281 especially since Jesse, Terry, and I have been back
00:00:31,281 --> 00:00:33,324 to being fully Shlorpian for a hot second now.
00:00:33,324 --> 00:00:34,951 Ah, yes, it's good to be blue again,
00:00:34,951 --> 00:00:36,369 though of all the human orifices,
00:00:36,369 --> 00:00:38,204 I shall miss <i>le</i> anus the most.
00:00:38,204 --> 00:00:39,372 Fair thee well, old friend.
00:00:39,372 --> 00:00:40,457 I don't get it. We were human,
00:00:40,457 --> 00:00:41,541 and now we're Shlorpian again?
00:00:41,541 --> 00:00:42,709 How did that happen? Seriously!
00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:43,960 What's the deal?
00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:46,087 - Terry! Calm down. - No, I want the answers!
00:00:46,087 --> 00:00:47,589 Give me the answers!
00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:49,466 There was no "previously on."
00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:51,051 I don't understand what's going on.
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:53,053 I'm a new viewer, and I don't understand what's going on.
00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:54,929 He's going <i>Real Housewives.</i> Grab him!
00:00:54,929 --> 00:00:57,182 - Get off me! Let me go! - [all grunting]
00:00:58,391 --> 00:00:59,934 I'm calm, okay? I'm calm. I'm good.
00:00:59,934 --> 00:01:02,312 - You promise? - [sighs] Yes.
00:01:02,687 --> 00:01:04,397 But for real, how'd this happen?
00:01:04,397 --> 00:01:06,274 [AISHA] <i>So to recap, y'all had been on Earth</i>
00:01:06,274 --> 00:01:08,026 <i>so long without the Pupa terraforming,</i>
00:01:08,026 --> 00:01:10,612 <i>that your Shlorpian bodies started to adapt</i>
00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:12,864 <i>to the environment, and you turned human.</i>
00:01:12,864 --> 00:01:14,866 Uh, but why aren't we on Earth anymore?
00:01:14,866 --> 00:01:17,077 I know, but just in case Terry doesn't understand.
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:19,621 [AISHA] <i>To stop the transformation from becoming permanent,</i>
00:01:19,621 --> 00:01:22,332 <i>you left Earth and resettled on Clervix 3.</i>
00:01:22,332 --> 00:01:25,627 <i>The new atmosphere allowed your original bodies to reset.</i>
00:01:25,627 --> 00:01:27,462 Does this mean we can go back to Earth now?
00:01:27,462 --> 00:01:29,714 [AISHA] <i>I guess, if you really wanna go back</i>
00:01:29,714 --> 00:01:31,216 <i>to that trash-ass planet.</i>
00:01:31,216 --> 00:01:33,343 <i>The human transformation only happens once.</i>
00:01:33,343 --> 00:01:34,469 We are not going back!
00:01:34,469 --> 00:01:36,429 Geez. Aw, you yelled that so loud.
00:01:36,429 --> 00:01:37,889 And right in the place my ears would be.
00:01:37,889 --> 00:01:40,100 I don't often speak in such an unceremonious manner,
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:42,894 but this new planet is the tits.
00:01:42,894 --> 00:01:46,147 Oh, yeah, this planet is a set of big naturals,
00:01:46,147 --> 00:01:47,774 the top of the tatas.
00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:49,943 This place is a literal paradise.
00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:51,986 There's no parking tickets, the sandwich they have
00:01:51,986 --> 00:01:53,738 instead of the McRib is offered all year long,
00:01:53,738 --> 00:01:55,615 the environment hasn't been destroyed, and it isn't full of
00:01:55,615 --> 00:01:57,325 earwigs and centipedes like the last one.
00:01:57,742 --> 00:02:00,245 Everyone here thinks my voice is hot and sexy,
00:02:00,245 --> 00:02:04,332 especially when I say exotic stuff like "Sheboygan."
00:02:04,332 --> 00:02:05,583 Clervix 3 rules!
00:02:05,583 --> 00:02:06,960 The most popular sport is a version
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,044 of Hide and Seek, which is
00:02:08,044 --> 00:02:09,254 basically bounty hunting.
00:02:09,254 --> 00:02:11,005 So that means I'm a cool jock here.
00:02:11,005 --> 00:02:12,632 And you nerds better not forget it.
00:02:12,632 --> 00:02:14,092 Even the Pupa likes it here.
00:02:14,092 --> 00:02:15,552 He's reverted to his original color,
00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:17,387 restarting his terraforming process.
00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:18,721 {\an8}Plus, I think he's teaching himself to read.
00:02:18,721 --> 00:02:19,848 {\an8}[Jesse] Cute!
00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:21,224 Terry Ann, you agree this planet is
00:02:21,224 --> 00:02:23,351 B-I-G T-I-T-T-Y, don't you?
00:02:23,351 --> 00:02:26,729 Oh, yeah, baby. It's a couple sweater stretchers for sure.
00:02:26,729 --> 00:02:28,106 The restaurants only have booths,
00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:29,607 no tables, just the way I like.
00:02:29,607 --> 00:02:30,900 Bookstores still exist, so I have
00:02:30,900 --> 00:02:32,277 somewhere to browse magazines,
00:02:32,277 --> 00:02:34,571 and <i>Star Wars</i> actually happened as a war here.
00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:36,281 So now instead of knowing pop culture trivia,
00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:37,866 I'm a learned historian.
00:02:37,866 --> 00:02:40,618 The folks here even gave you that nickname when we arrived.
00:02:40,618 --> 00:02:41,995 What was it again? Swizzle?
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,496 Yep, I'm Swizzle.
00:02:43,496 --> 00:02:45,290 I've always wanted a nickname, and now I've got one.
00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:46,749 Swizzle. [laughs]
00:02:46,749 --> 00:02:47,834 Me to a T.
00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:49,043 Then it's settled.
00:02:49,043 --> 00:02:51,588 The Solar Opposites are staying on Clervix 3.
00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:52,672 [cheering in unison]
00:02:53,506 --> 00:02:55,925 [Korvo] <i>Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia,</i>
00:02:55,925 --> 00:02:58,178 <i>until the asteroid hit.</i>
00:02:58,678 --> 00:03:01,139 <i>One hundred adults and their replicants were issued a Pupa,</i>
00:03:01,139 --> 00:03:02,891 <i>and escaped into the... space,</i>
00:03:02,891 --> 00:03:05,727 <i>searching for new homes on uninhabited worlds.</i>
00:03:05,727 --> 00:03:06,978 <i>We crashed on Earth,</i>
00:03:06,978 --> 00:03:08,104 <i>stranding us on an already</i>
00:03:08,104 --> 00:03:09,397 <i>overpopulated planet.</i>
00:03:09,397 --> 00:03:10,481 <i>But then we did a bunch of stuff</i>
00:03:10,481 --> 00:03:11,649 <i>that ended up with us leaving Earth.</i>
00:03:11,649 --> 00:03:13,902 <i>And now we live on Clervix 3,</i>
00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:15,904 <i>which is a wonderful, perfect planet.</i>
00:03:15,904 --> 00:03:17,530 {\an8}<i>That's right, I've been talking this whole time.</i>
00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:19,365 {\an8}<i>I'm the one holding the Pupa. My name's Korvo.</i>
00:03:19,365 --> 00:03:22,243 {\an8}<i>I just dropped the Pupa, but it's okay because this planet is so nice.</i>
00:03:22,243 --> 00:03:24,412 {\an8}<i>I literally have nothing to complain about at all.</i>
00:03:24,412 --> 00:03:27,290 {\an8}<i>Terry likes it too, so we really aren't even Opposites anymore.</i>
00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:28,708 {\an8}<i>I hope the title still makes sense.</i>
00:03:28,708 --> 00:03:31,920 [♪ dramatic music]
00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:37,508 [Korvo] Alright, presentation time.
00:03:37,508 --> 00:03:39,052 As you know, we've been here on Clervix 3
00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:40,345 for a couple of months now,
00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:41,679 {\an8}and we've had a lot of funny adventures.
00:03:41,679 --> 00:03:42,764 {\an8}Ha, ha, ha, ha!
00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:44,224 {\an8}But it's time to get serious.
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:45,934 {\an8}This afternoon, the Supreme Adjudicator
00:03:45,934 --> 00:03:47,310 {\an8}will be visiting our home
00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:48,478 {\an8}to determine whether or not
00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:49,938 {\an8}to grant us permanent citizenship.
00:03:49,938 --> 00:03:51,940 {\an8}I've met a lot of adjudicators in my day,
00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:55,109 {\an8}but this is definitely the highest-stakes adjudicator yet.
00:03:55,109 --> 00:03:56,277 {\an8}Yeah, well, he's the one who decides
00:03:56,277 --> 00:03:57,654 {\an8}if we get to stay on this planet,
00:03:57,654 --> 00:03:58,988 {\an8}so to make sure everything goes smoothly,
00:03:58,988 --> 00:04:00,615 I've drafted a detailed plan.
00:04:00,615 --> 00:04:02,742 We will be conducting a full-scale charm offensive
00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:05,495 on the Supreme Adjudicator with our number-one priority being
00:04:05,495 --> 00:04:07,372 "to not be extra."
00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:11,292 And that's because the three pillars of Clervixian society are...
00:04:11,292 --> 00:04:14,420 "Simplicity," "blandness," and "generic competence."
00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:16,089 Being extra is a crime on this planet,
00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:17,632 and I know we've all dabbled in it before,
00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:19,592 but today we have to lock that shit down.
00:04:19,592 --> 00:04:21,427 {\an8}Korvy, babe, I don't wanna poke holes in this,
00:04:21,427 --> 00:04:23,137 {\an8}but isn't saying extra kind of cringe?
00:04:23,137 --> 00:04:24,681 {\an8}I thought it was cheugy.
00:04:24,681 --> 00:04:26,891 {\an8}Extra isn't cringe or cheugy because this planet
00:04:26,891 --> 00:04:28,309 {\an8}is eight light years from Earth,
00:04:28,309 --> 00:04:30,019 {\an8}so we're technically ahead of all trends.
00:04:30,019 --> 00:04:31,646 {\an8}"Extra" is bussin'.
00:04:31,646 --> 00:04:33,022 - Hell yeah! - Oh, don't do that!
00:04:33,439 --> 00:04:34,607 High fives are too extra!
00:04:35,191 --> 00:04:38,027 I have assigned each of you important jobs for today.
00:04:38,027 --> 00:04:40,613 Jesse! You'll make the traditional Clervixian Morg soup.
00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:42,824 It's a flavorless room temperature lumpless chowder.
00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:45,702 I repeat, if you put lumps in the chowder, we are fucked.
00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:48,121 {\an8}I've got tons of great dish prep ideas
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:50,290 {\an8}from watching <i>The Bear</i> on FX on Hulu
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:52,041 {\an8}on the Disney Interstellar bundle.
00:04:52,041 --> 00:04:53,501 All of that is way too extra.
00:04:53,501 --> 00:04:55,420 Stick to the recipe and whatever you do,
00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:56,587 don't bring up Hulu!
00:04:56,587 --> 00:04:57,672 Yes, Chef!
00:04:57,797 --> 00:04:59,048 Yumyulack, you will learn and perform
00:04:59,048 --> 00:05:01,551 an a cappella rendition of the medium-volume,
00:05:01,551 --> 00:05:04,345 moderately tempoed Clervixian Planetary Anthem.
00:05:04,345 --> 00:05:05,805 <i>♪ On it! ♪</i>
00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:08,141 And lastly, Terry, you will go purchase
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,476 the mandatory Clervixian dinner helmets.
00:05:10,476 --> 00:05:12,520 These guys play it safe as hell at mealtimes.
00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:15,398 {\an8}[claps] I live to shop, and I shop to live!
00:05:15,398 --> 00:05:18,401 {\an8}It is vital we execute these assignments perfectly today,
00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:19,652 {\an8}and that's it.
00:05:19,861 --> 00:05:22,238 {\an8}Thank you for watching. Good night and good luck.
00:05:22,780 --> 00:05:24,574 {\an8}Okay, places. Places.
00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:26,701 {\an8}Look, guys. Tech week was hell, but we made it.
00:05:26,701 --> 00:05:28,328 {\an8}Let's have a great show, people!
00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:30,204 {\an8}[all in unison] Got your back, got your back, got your back.
00:05:30,204 --> 00:05:31,956 {\an8}Terry, help me rearrange the furniture.
00:05:31,956 --> 00:05:33,708 {\an8}We've got too many diagonals in here.
00:05:33,708 --> 00:05:35,418 {\an8}That's the most extra type of angle.
00:05:35,418 --> 00:05:37,628 So, I-I didn't wanna say anything in front
00:05:37,628 --> 00:05:39,380 of the replicants because they're little bitches,
00:05:39,380 --> 00:05:42,467 but are you at all worried that this planet's, like, too perfect?
00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:44,344 Are you saying Clervix 3 only appears
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,387 to be an ideal home, but it actually has a secret,
00:05:46,387 --> 00:05:49,140 {\an8}evil, science fiction, seedy underbelly that we won't find out about
00:05:49,140 --> 00:05:50,641 {\an8}until it's too late for us to leave?
00:05:50,641 --> 00:05:51,809 {\an8}I didn't know that was a thing,
00:05:51,809 --> 00:05:53,144 {\an8}but, yes, that's exactly what I mean.
00:05:53,144 --> 00:05:54,771 {\an8}It is a thing, which I've been watching out for
00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:56,147 {\an8}this whole time.
00:05:56,147 --> 00:05:58,149 Any seedy underbellies would've surfaced by now.
00:05:58,149 --> 00:06:00,651 Clervix 3 is nothing but a nice, non-seedy,
00:06:00,651 --> 00:06:02,570 whatever the opposite of an underbelly is.
00:06:02,570 --> 00:06:04,447 - Top tummy. - But we haven't even looked around!
00:06:04,447 --> 00:06:06,449 How can we be sure something terrible won't be revealed
00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:07,909 in, like, 8 to 10 episodes?
00:06:07,909 --> 00:06:09,494 Terry! Focus! The dinner helmets must be
00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:10,787 your number-one priority.
00:06:10,787 --> 00:06:12,038 Okay! Okay.
00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:13,581 I promise I'm not even gonna think about
00:06:13,581 --> 00:06:15,083 or mention this again.
00:06:15,083 --> 00:06:17,460 Hundred percent there's a seedy underbelly up in this shit.
00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:20,088 Stay on task! Do not be extra.
00:06:24,759 --> 00:06:28,388 [objects clattering]
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:30,306 [Korvo] Jesus H. Christopher Kattan.
00:06:30,306 --> 00:06:32,517 We have so much extra-seeming stuff.
00:06:32,517 --> 00:06:35,061 Look at all these souvenir keyrings from our trip to Santa Fe,
00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:37,563 these <i>Man in the High Castle</i> Season 2 FYC screeners,
00:06:37,563 --> 00:06:38,815 and all of your old baby toys, Pupa!
00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:40,358 {\an8}- [gasps] - [Korvo] Relax!
00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:42,318 {\an8}I don't mean your <i>Melissa and Doug</i> learning pelican.
00:06:42,318 --> 00:06:44,362 {\an8}Wait a sec, is this the Extra Ray?
00:06:44,695 --> 00:06:47,115 - Of all the rays to leave lying around? - [ray zaps]
00:06:47,115 --> 00:06:49,367 Son of a bitch! We've been <i>Dragon Balled.</i>
00:06:49,784 --> 00:06:51,786 Hello! Just walking through. Nothing to see here.
00:06:51,786 --> 00:06:53,955 - Kisses. Okay, bye. - Hold it right there.
00:06:53,955 --> 00:06:55,832 Is that Tom Colicchio-brand tarragon I smell?
00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:57,959 I just wanted to zhuzh up the soup a little
00:06:57,959 --> 00:07:00,169 and impress the Supreme Adjudicator.
00:07:00,169 --> 00:07:02,130 No! Zhuzhing is Jewish for extra!
00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:04,132 Fine. But you know that ever since
00:07:04,132 --> 00:07:06,050 I got bit by the Ratatouille rat,
00:07:06,050 --> 00:07:08,803 I've been cursed to cook with soul.
00:07:09,178 --> 00:07:11,639 Oh! Yumyulack, what the hell have you done to yourself?
00:07:11,639 --> 00:07:14,058 I'm gonna do a Blue Man Group-inspired performance
00:07:14,058 --> 00:07:15,935 of the Clervixian Planetary Anthem.
00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:18,312 No, that's too extra. Also, why are you red?
00:07:18,312 --> 00:07:20,440 Yeah, since I'm blue already, I went with the
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:24,235 <i>♪ Opposite color on the spectrum Mm! ♪</i>
00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:25,611 The Supreme Adjudicator's gonna love it.
00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:26,779 No, he won't.
00:07:26,779 --> 00:07:28,156 I told you to keep it simple.
00:07:28,156 --> 00:07:30,116 Go wash yourself in the basement sink right now.
00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:32,535 <i>♪ You don't understand my art ♪</i>
00:07:32,535 --> 00:07:33,619 - Ah! - [door slams open]
00:07:33,619 --> 00:07:35,121 - Ah! - Great news!
00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:36,664 Ha, ha! You got the helmets?
00:07:36,664 --> 00:07:38,040 No, silly goose. I got evidence
00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:39,500 of the seedy underbelly.
00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:41,419 - What? - Check it out. These trees with cameras
00:07:41,419 --> 00:07:43,671 on them are on every corner, watching our every move.
00:07:43,671 --> 00:07:46,215 There is something sick and evil happening on this planet.
00:07:46,215 --> 00:07:48,092 They had cameras like this everywhere on Earth,
00:07:48,092 --> 00:07:49,469 and you never had a problem with it then.
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:51,429 Well, yeah, but that's because I was complicit
00:07:51,429 --> 00:07:52,722 in commodifying my privacy.
00:07:52,722 --> 00:07:54,807 This isn't evidence of a seedy underbelly.
00:07:54,807 --> 00:07:56,434 It's just for speeding tickets.
00:07:56,434 --> 00:07:57,977 Now get me those dinner helmets.
00:07:57,977 --> 00:08:00,062 Ugh. Fine, but I'm leaving the camera tree here
00:08:00,062 --> 00:08:01,647 because I'm too tired to drag it out.
00:08:01,647 --> 00:08:04,484 Knock, knock. Greetings and pleasant rotations, Solars.
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,194 Well, if it isn't our next-door neighbors
00:08:06,194 --> 00:08:07,445 Blix and Vorgento.
00:08:07,445 --> 00:08:09,739 Greetings and pleasant rotations to you both.
00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:11,782 What is this "greetings and rotations" horse shit?
00:08:11,782 --> 00:08:13,409 It's how you say hi here.
00:08:13,409 --> 00:08:14,744 Would it kill you to pay attention?
00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:16,204 - Say what? - Please just say hello.
00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:18,164 - These guys like you, Terry. - Whatever. Fine.
00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:21,083 - How's your rotaysh? - Ho, ho, it's Swizzle.
00:08:21,083 --> 00:08:22,710 [both laughing]
00:08:22,710 --> 00:08:24,712 Ha. Ha, ha. Yeah, I almost forgot
00:08:24,712 --> 00:08:26,088 about my awesome nickname.
00:08:26,088 --> 00:08:27,465 I never got one of those on stupid old Earth.
00:08:27,465 --> 00:08:28,549 Pew, pew.
00:08:28,549 --> 00:08:29,634 Korvo, we heard
00:08:29,634 --> 00:08:31,177 the Supreme Adjudicator is coming,
00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:33,679 so we thought we'd come lend you our bland, silent support.
00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:36,390 We even brought our robo, JK Sevens.
00:08:36,390 --> 00:08:38,351 Oh, God, not JK Sevens.
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,978 Why does he always have to make such an obnoxious entrance?
00:08:40,978 --> 00:08:44,357 Ugh, sorry. We're still training him to not be so extra.
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:45,900 [Korvo] He acts like a character who was added
00:08:45,900 --> 00:08:48,402 in the fifth season of a TV show who's very polarizing
00:08:48,402 --> 00:08:49,862 but has big merchandising potential.
00:08:49,862 --> 00:08:51,364 [JK Sevens beeps]
00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:52,532 [TV slams on the floor]
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:53,658 Could you please stop your robot
00:08:53,658 --> 00:08:54,784 from destroying my house?
00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:56,494 Yeah, if we do, he'll just pitch a fit.
00:08:56,494 --> 00:08:58,663 We found it best to just let him tire himself out.
00:08:58,663 --> 00:09:00,456 [Korvo] He's just being so extra.
00:09:00,456 --> 00:09:02,500 I know. Pupa, why not take JK Sevens
00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:04,210 to your room and show him your lovely
00:09:04,335 --> 00:09:06,712 <i>Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri</i> Playmobil playset.
00:09:06,712 --> 00:09:07,922 No!
00:09:07,922 --> 00:09:09,715 I'll let you read more revisionist history
00:09:09,715 --> 00:09:11,259 from a leftist perspective.
00:09:11,259 --> 00:09:12,927 - [JK Sevens whirring] - [Pupa groans]
00:09:14,053 --> 00:09:15,721 - [Pupa grunting] - [JK Sevens clanging]
00:09:19,934 --> 00:09:21,561 [Pupa grunts]
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:22,853 [Pupa screams]
00:09:24,438 --> 00:09:26,691 - [whirring] - [Pupa] Ugh.
00:09:31,946 --> 00:09:36,158 - [Korvo grunting] - [ax thudding]
00:09:36,158 --> 00:09:38,327 Ah, thank God I had this sci-fi ax.
00:09:38,327 --> 00:09:39,704 [doorbell rings]
00:09:40,204 --> 00:09:42,373 Supreme Adjudicator! You're early!
00:09:42,373 --> 00:09:44,041 Greetings and pleasant rotations.
00:09:44,041 --> 00:09:46,460 I always arrive early so I don't have to stay late.
00:09:46,460 --> 00:09:48,796 Yeah, staying late is very extra.
00:09:48,796 --> 00:09:52,174 Pleasant rotations, Lord Adjudicator, Your Supremeness, Your--
00:09:52,174 --> 00:09:53,759 W-w-what should I call you?
00:09:53,759 --> 00:09:55,428 You can call me whatever you want
00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:57,555 as long as you don't call me late for dinner.
00:09:57,680 --> 00:09:59,015 [Blix and Vorgento laugh]
00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:01,350 - He went there! - Supreme Adjudicator for the win!
00:10:01,350 --> 00:10:03,311 Yes, well, go-good one, sir.
00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:06,939 That is the caliber of joke that is acceptable here on Clervix 3:
00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:09,984 Straight down the middle. Not a hint of being extra.
00:10:09,984 --> 00:10:12,194 Well, it's nice to have you. I hope we can--
00:10:12,194 --> 00:10:14,030 The adjudication now begins.
00:10:14,530 --> 00:10:16,782 Your dwelling appears simple and tasteful.
00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:18,117 Not extra in the least.
00:10:18,117 --> 00:10:19,327 Oh, I'm delighted to hear that.
00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:20,995 But not extra delighted.
00:10:20,995 --> 00:10:22,538 [loud crash]
00:10:22,538 --> 00:10:24,832 What was that "extra-sounding" noise?
00:10:24,832 --> 00:10:26,584 Uh, that was a sneeze.
00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:28,878 My sneezes sound like lots of pans being dropped,
00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:30,296 and I do them with my mouth closed
00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:32,256 with no visual indication that it happened.
00:10:32,256 --> 00:10:33,382 - [loud bang] - [Jesse] Aw, shit!
00:10:33,382 --> 00:10:34,467 Uh, I just remembered I left
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:35,593 a spoon in the kitchen.
00:10:35,593 --> 00:10:37,011 Stay here and, uh,
00:10:37,011 --> 00:10:38,846 look through our very basic coffee table book
00:10:38,846 --> 00:10:40,473 that's just pages with numbers on them.
00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:43,184 Ah, the number eight.
00:10:43,184 --> 00:10:45,686 Good old number 37. [chuckles]
00:10:45,686 --> 00:10:48,230 733. Now that is a number.
00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:49,482 - Jesse! - Yes, Chef.
00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:50,816 What the shit's all this?
00:10:50,816 --> 00:10:52,902 The Morg Soup is supposed to be two ingredients:
00:10:52,902 --> 00:10:53,986 morg and air.
00:10:53,986 --> 00:10:55,529 I got a teeny bit carried away
00:10:55,529 --> 00:10:56,947 trying to make things perfect.
00:10:56,947 --> 00:10:58,532 - Here. You gotta try this. - No!
00:10:58,532 --> 00:10:59,742 - Come on! - I said no. No, no, no.
00:10:59,742 --> 00:11:01,452 - Korvo, please. Try it! - Nope, I won't.
00:11:01,452 --> 00:11:03,913 - Nope, stop it. - Open that yapper and sip this soup.
00:11:04,372 --> 00:11:07,083 [spits] Jesse, I-- That is delicious.
00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:09,335 Now throw it away and make the flavorless version immediately.
00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:10,836 - Yes, Chef! - Stop saying that.
00:11:10,836 --> 00:11:12,046 - [oven dings] - What the hell is in the oven?
00:11:12,046 --> 00:11:13,547 It's a special appeteaser
00:11:13,547 --> 00:11:14,965 I made for the Adjudicator
00:11:14,965 --> 00:11:16,592 called the "Pop Rocks Cheezit Bomb."
00:11:16,592 --> 00:11:18,594 When you taste it, it's "da bomb." Get it?
00:11:18,594 --> 00:11:19,679 To be honest, I don't.
00:11:19,804 --> 00:11:21,138 - Just get rid of it now. - [door slams open]
00:11:21,555 --> 00:11:23,224 Great news! Your boy got the helmets.
00:11:23,224 --> 00:11:24,475 Oh, thank God. Something's going right.
00:11:24,475 --> 00:11:25,768 Sorry, left out a word.
00:11:25,768 --> 00:11:27,436 Your boy don't got the helmets.
00:11:27,436 --> 00:11:28,896 But look what I do got.
00:11:30,189 --> 00:11:32,483 What in the actual fuck is that?
00:11:32,483 --> 00:11:35,111 This is a Clervixian space bison.
00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:37,029 And I think it's part of that secret seedy underbelly
00:11:37,029 --> 00:11:38,239 we're all fully obsessed with.
00:11:38,239 --> 00:11:39,532 There is no underbelly!
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,659 This little stinker here has been
00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:43,577 genetically modified!
00:11:43,577 --> 00:11:44,745 Gasp if you must.
00:11:44,745 --> 00:11:45,955 - Behind! - Terry!
00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:48,124 Someone's putting chemicals in their food and it's messing with our bodies.
00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:50,292 Like, have you felt really horny and really sterile lately?
00:11:50,292 --> 00:11:51,585 I know I have.
00:11:51,585 --> 00:11:53,129 They genetically modified the cows on earth.
00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:54,422 That's not a conspiracy.
00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:55,756 It's just the soulless pillage
00:11:55,756 --> 00:11:57,007 of a living creature's dignity.
00:11:57,007 --> 00:11:58,801 I'm seeing all the twisted threads here.
00:11:58,801 --> 00:12:00,052 The only part I'm missing is, you know,
00:12:00,052 --> 00:12:01,387 the bigger thread that connects them.
00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:02,680 But I'm close to uncovering it.
00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:04,390 B-T dubs, Jess, whatever you're making
00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:05,975 smells scrumplicious.
00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:07,059 Thank you, Chef!
00:12:07,059 --> 00:12:08,352 Terry, what you need to uncover is
00:12:08,352 --> 00:12:10,062 the fucking dinner helmets!
00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:11,147 - The what? - [Korvo] Ugh.
00:12:11,147 --> 00:12:12,898 The thing you're supposed to get.
00:12:12,898 --> 00:12:14,233 The dinner helmets.
00:12:14,358 --> 00:12:16,152 First time I'm hearing about it, but I'll look into it.
00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:18,654 Dinner hut muts.
00:12:18,654 --> 00:12:20,740 - [Korvo grunts] - [cow bell rings]
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:22,366 [Space Bison] Goo!
00:12:22,366 --> 00:12:24,410 They say goo instead of moo!
00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:25,703 [door slams closed]
00:12:25,703 --> 00:12:27,496 [Terry] Oh, this goes all the way to the top.
00:12:27,496 --> 00:12:30,916 - [♪ electronic music playing] - Oh, what in the Skrillex?
00:12:30,916 --> 00:12:32,501 - [♪ loud electronic music] - [gasps]
00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:36,547 Yumyulack, why are you still red? And what is this?
00:12:36,547 --> 00:12:39,258 I'm gonna "Reggie Watts" the Planetary Anthem.
00:12:39,258 --> 00:12:40,426 ["Reggie Watts" loops]
00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:41,969 Wow, extra much?
00:12:41,969 --> 00:12:43,220 ["Extra, much?" loops]
00:12:43,220 --> 00:12:45,556 It is extra. What are you doing?
00:12:45,556 --> 00:12:48,058 Redefining performance art. The Supreme Adjudicator's gonna love it.
00:12:48,058 --> 00:12:49,810 Ahh, no. Out.
00:12:49,810 --> 00:12:53,063 ["Ahh, no. Out" loops]
00:12:53,564 --> 00:12:55,524 - [Yumyulack shrieks] - Where is the Supreme Adjudicator?
00:12:55,524 --> 00:12:56,817 [toilet flushes]
00:12:56,817 --> 00:12:58,277 Korvo, I commend you on a very
00:12:58,277 --> 00:12:59,779 not extra bathroom.
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:02,865 The water level was modest, toilet paper acceptable.
00:13:02,865 --> 00:13:04,533 Well, if you love the bathroom,
00:13:04,533 --> 00:13:07,453 you'll, uh, love our pocket dimension.
00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:09,038 - No need, I'm sure-- - In you go!
00:13:09,497 --> 00:13:10,498 Stop it!
00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:13,417 [Pupa] Mine! Mine! [grunts]
00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:16,212 - [JK Sevens beeps] - [exasperated groan]
00:13:19,089 --> 00:13:22,510 [♪ "Hedwig's Theme" plays on recorder]
00:13:22,510 --> 00:13:23,677 [Pupa screeches]
00:13:23,677 --> 00:13:25,054 Yumyulack, cut it out!
00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:26,222 No!
00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:28,808 Everyone's gonna lose it for my tubes.
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,851 No! This is beyond extra.
00:13:30,851 --> 00:13:31,936 Oh, cheese.
00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:33,354 I accidentally triggered the countdown
00:13:33,354 --> 00:13:34,688 on my Pop Rocks Cheez-it Bomb.
00:13:34,688 --> 00:13:37,274 - It's gonna blow! - Are you fucking kidding me?!
00:13:39,735 --> 00:13:43,781 [♪ suspenseful slow-motion music]
00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:50,579 We just avoided a total disaster.
00:13:50,579 --> 00:13:52,248 [Pop Rocks Cheez-it Bomb explodes]
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:55,209 Ah, my head! If only we had our dinner helmets.
00:13:55,209 --> 00:13:57,086 [portal opens]
00:13:57,419 --> 00:13:58,420 What the...
00:13:58,420 --> 00:13:59,964 Seems things took a turn for the extra
00:13:59,964 --> 00:14:01,799 while I was gone.
00:14:01,924 --> 00:14:03,300 My adjudication thingy!
00:14:03,300 --> 00:14:06,345 Uh, okay, look, I spent all day pretending
00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:10,349 that we're boring and fit in, but the truth is we is extra.
00:14:10,766 --> 00:14:12,977 We love this planet, and we want to stay here,
00:14:12,977 --> 00:14:15,271 but if you don't think we fit in for who we really are,
00:14:15,271 --> 00:14:18,440 we'll find another planet that's not as perfect to call home.
00:14:19,608 --> 00:14:22,570 While we Clervixians don't like our citizens being "extra,"
00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:25,155 being fake is much, much worse.
00:14:25,155 --> 00:14:27,199 Being fake is actually being "extra,"
00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:28,868 which you are not.
00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:30,202 Does that make sense?
00:14:30,202 --> 00:14:31,287 It does not.
00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:32,788 Our confusing ways are why
00:14:32,788 --> 00:14:34,540 we need so many adjudicators.
00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:37,001 Anyway, I now declare you and your family
00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:39,378 to be permanent residents of Clervix 3.
00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:40,921 You may gently celebrate.
00:14:40,921 --> 00:14:42,214 - Whoa! - Cool.
00:14:42,214 --> 00:14:44,466 - [door slams open] - I found the dinner helmets!
00:14:44,466 --> 00:14:46,886 We don't need them anymore. We're official citizens.
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:48,721 Oh, okay. Well, I also found the monster
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,389 that's been secretly controlling this whole planet
00:14:50,389 --> 00:14:51,515 from a hidden underground lair.
00:14:51,515 --> 00:14:52,641 [all gasp]
00:14:52,975 --> 00:14:55,477 Unleash me!
00:14:55,477 --> 00:14:58,647 Put your hands together for Zazlaz the Mind Freak!
00:14:58,647 --> 00:15:01,400 - [electricity zapping] - [Zazlaz groaning]
00:15:04,403 --> 00:15:07,156 Terry, you dumbass, this is a Mind Freak!
00:15:07,156 --> 00:15:09,867 - Right? Wait, you know this guy? - Not personally.
00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:11,702 It's an alien race known throughout the galaxy
00:15:11,702 --> 00:15:13,621 for their nefarious and diabolical nature.
00:15:13,621 --> 00:15:15,664 Their representative on Earth was Criss Angel.
00:15:15,664 --> 00:15:17,875 Ha. I told you there was an evil conspiracy.
00:15:17,875 --> 00:15:19,960 Zaz, tell him what you told me on the bus ride over.
00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:22,004 You-you're gonna love it. He's actually a really good storyteller.
00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:26,425 The tale of Zazlaz began four millennia ago.
00:15:26,425 --> 00:15:29,261 I was a cocooned hatchling then,
00:15:29,261 --> 00:15:31,013 tumbling through the Orion--
00:15:31,013 --> 00:15:32,097 [Korvo] Let me stop you right there.
00:15:32,097 --> 00:15:34,141 Is the short version that you landed on this planet
00:15:34,141 --> 00:15:35,559 and took it over and now you use
00:15:35,559 --> 00:15:36,894 the tree cameras to spy,
00:15:36,894 --> 00:15:38,228 keep the population docile
00:15:38,228 --> 00:15:39,772 by putting chemicals in the bison,
00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:41,315 and insist everything be not extra
00:15:41,315 --> 00:15:43,192 because it makes everyone easier to control?
00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:45,569 Guilty as charged.
00:15:45,569 --> 00:15:46,820 [cackles]
00:15:46,820 --> 00:15:48,572 You just forgot one thing.
00:15:48,572 --> 00:15:52,701 By revealing me, you must now die.
00:15:53,661 --> 00:15:54,995 [Blix/Vorgento/Adjudicator] Hail Zazlaz!
00:15:55,412 --> 00:15:57,039 Hail Zazlaz!
00:15:57,039 --> 00:15:58,999 [♪ intense music]
00:15:59,833 --> 00:16:02,419 [grunting]
00:16:13,722 --> 00:16:14,890 [screeches]
00:16:18,102 --> 00:16:19,853 - [Zazlaz cackling] - [Korvo/Terry gasp]
00:16:19,853 --> 00:16:22,856 I've owned this planet for a hundred years.
00:16:22,856 --> 00:16:27,194 Come, my freakies, liberate your master!
00:16:27,194 --> 00:16:28,946 Terry, help me barricade the window with the furniture!
00:16:28,946 --> 00:16:30,823 But we'll have to put it at a diagonal angle.
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:31,907 Won't that be extra?
00:16:31,907 --> 00:16:33,742 Oh, now you care about that shit?
00:16:33,742 --> 00:16:34,827 - Yep. - Goddammit, Terry,
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:36,495 this is all your fault.
00:16:36,495 --> 00:16:37,830 If you hadn't fixated on digging up a conspiracy,
00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:38,998 we'd all be living in blissful ignorance
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:40,082 on a perfect planet.
00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:41,250 - [glass shatters] - Aah!
00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:42,626 It wasn't perfect for me.
00:16:42,626 --> 00:16:44,294 Clervix was great for you and the replicants,
00:16:44,294 --> 00:16:45,546 but it sucked ass for me.
00:16:45,546 --> 00:16:47,006 The lame aliens here never laughed
00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:49,008 at my clever references to TGIF sitcoms,
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:51,010 and they gave me the worst nickname ever:
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:52,177 Swizzle.
00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:53,762 Just because I swizzled my butt a little bit
00:16:53,762 --> 00:16:55,264 when I walked around here on my first day,
00:16:55,264 --> 00:16:56,640 I get a nickname?
00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:58,267 And it was only on account I hadn't done a good job
00:16:58,267 --> 00:17:00,060 wiping my human butt after I took a dump.
00:17:00,060 --> 00:17:02,855 And guess what? It gets a little itchy around the rim.
00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:05,524 If anything, my nickname should be "Itchy Butt."
00:17:05,524 --> 00:17:07,818 What are you talking about? I thought you loved that nickname.
00:17:07,818 --> 00:17:09,778 I was lying.
00:17:09,778 --> 00:17:11,071 I'm just an amazing actor.
00:17:11,071 --> 00:17:12,614 Remember I took that YouTube masterclass
00:17:12,614 --> 00:17:13,741 taught by Scoot McNairy?
00:17:13,741 --> 00:17:15,951 Well, he was good on <i>Narcos: Mexico.</i>
00:17:15,951 --> 00:17:17,870 I always scolded you for hating on Earth.
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:19,413 If I did it here, I'd be a hypocrite.
00:17:19,413 --> 00:17:20,998 Oh, Terry, you beautiful idiot.
00:17:20,998 --> 00:17:22,416 I love when you're a hypocrite.
00:17:22,416 --> 00:17:23,876 - You do? - Your lack of principles
00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:25,711 is part of what keeps the flame burning.
00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:28,922 [Korvo and Terry kiss]
00:17:28,922 --> 00:17:31,300 Uh, guys, can you wrap up your emotional beat
00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:32,676 and help us out over here?
00:17:32,676 --> 00:17:34,595 Say the word and I'll pipe this meat sack.
00:17:34,595 --> 00:17:37,264 If I die, my control is broken.
00:17:37,264 --> 00:17:40,142 This entire planet will descend into chaos.
00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:42,895 Descend my ass, you shaved bear-lookin' bitch.
00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:45,272 Okay, then let's make a deal.
00:17:47,941 --> 00:17:48,942 We're listening.
00:17:48,942 --> 00:17:50,110 If you let me go back
00:17:50,110 --> 00:17:51,820 to secretly running this planet,
00:17:51,820 --> 00:17:54,281 then all of you will live like kings.
00:17:54,281 --> 00:17:56,158 I promise to never freak your minds.
00:17:56,158 --> 00:18:00,871 I may rock your bodies, but I will steer clear of the minds.
00:18:01,371 --> 00:18:03,540 Uh, that was a good offer. Do we stay?
00:18:03,540 --> 00:18:05,709 I mean, I do like living on this planet.
00:18:05,709 --> 00:18:08,587 With my sexy voice, I'm like the Rosie Perez of Clervix.
00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:10,255 <i>♪ I like it too ♪</i>
00:18:10,255 --> 00:18:11,882 Oh, my God, Yumyulack, enough with the singing.
00:18:11,882 --> 00:18:13,675 You're not Pink. How about it, Terald?
00:18:13,675 --> 00:18:14,760 Wanna be a king?
00:18:15,219 --> 00:18:18,555 Um, well, if that's what everyone else wants,
00:18:18,555 --> 00:18:19,932 I'll stay.
00:18:20,599 --> 00:18:23,894 We'll accept on one small condition,
00:18:23,894 --> 00:18:25,813 no one can call Terry "Swizzle" anymore.
00:18:25,813 --> 00:18:29,817 Sorry. Diminutive nicknames are a part of my grand design.
00:18:29,817 --> 00:18:33,237 Consider it a small price to pay to live in paradise.
00:18:33,237 --> 00:18:34,321 Plus, look at him.
00:18:34,321 --> 00:18:36,615 He's all swizzle and no stick.
00:18:37,074 --> 00:18:39,910 - It's okay. It's fine. I'm fine. - No deal!
00:18:39,910 --> 00:18:43,288 You're throwing away paradise for a nickname?
00:18:43,288 --> 00:18:45,624 No, because if my Tear-bear isn't happy,
00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:47,251 then it isn't a paradise.
00:18:47,251 --> 00:18:51,004 That is the stupidest shit I have ever heard.
00:18:51,004 --> 00:18:54,216 My horde, attack!
00:18:54,216 --> 00:18:55,676 - [door slams open] - [Solars gasp]
00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:58,971 You know what, Zaz?
00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:00,264 You forbid anyone to be extra,
00:19:00,264 --> 00:19:02,266 but you're the most extra of anyone here.
00:19:02,266 --> 00:19:05,644 In fact, you're cringe as fuck.
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:08,480 - [Extra Ray zaps] - No!
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:11,066 I'm turning whatever the opposite
00:19:11,859 --> 00:19:14,653 of extra is!
00:19:14,653 --> 00:19:16,196 [Yumyulack] Well, would you look at that?
00:19:16,196 --> 00:19:17,698 A basic-ass fiddle-leaf fig.
00:19:17,698 --> 00:19:19,867 - Brutal! - Let's haul ass before someone kills us.
00:19:19,867 --> 00:19:22,744 My mind, it isn't being freaked anymore.
00:19:22,744 --> 00:19:24,621 I can be an asshole now.
00:19:24,955 --> 00:19:26,123 [Clervixians clamoring]
00:19:30,294 --> 00:19:33,172 Damn. The planet went to total shit really fast.
00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:35,299 Like every episode after the pilot of <i>Glee</i> fast.
00:19:35,299 --> 00:19:36,425 That is fast!
00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:38,468 Well, now we need to find a new place to live.
00:19:38,468 --> 00:19:40,888 AISHA, survey the sector for habitable worlds.
00:19:40,888 --> 00:19:42,556 One without vampires.
00:19:42,556 --> 00:19:44,183 [AISHA] <i>Okay, we got two options:</i>
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:47,019 <i>a previously unknown utopia planet full of sexy,</i>
00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:49,229 <i>Na'vi-like creatures.</i>
00:19:49,229 --> 00:19:50,814 <i>- Or Earth.</i> - Can't do Earth.
00:19:50,814 --> 00:19:52,691 Too many of my exes live there.
00:19:52,691 --> 00:19:54,109 And it's clearly on the precipice of climate
00:19:54,109 --> 00:19:55,611 and societal collapse.
00:19:55,611 --> 00:19:57,613 Sounds like we're going with the utopian option, then.
00:19:57,613 --> 00:19:59,781 Everyone, lotion up those neural tendrils.
00:19:59,781 --> 00:20:01,116 [AISHA] <i>Sounds good to me.</i>
00:20:01,116 --> 00:20:02,326 <i>At least on this planet,</i>
00:20:02,326 --> 00:20:03,744 <i>there won't be nonstop ads</i>
00:20:03,744 --> 00:20:06,622 <i>for</i> Jurassic Park 7: Oviraptor's Day Off.
00:20:06,622 --> 00:20:08,373 Wait, there's another JP coming out?
00:20:08,373 --> 00:20:10,292 [AISHA] <i>Mm-hmm! But don't worry.</i>
00:20:10,292 --> 00:20:13,295 <i>I know a digital projector at CAA who said it sucks.</i>
00:20:13,295 --> 00:20:14,880 I thought <i>Jurassic Park Dominion</i> finished
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:16,173 the original six-movie arc
00:20:16,173 --> 00:20:17,424 that Spielberg had always intended.
00:20:17,424 --> 00:20:19,009 That means that this one will be starting
00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:21,720 a whole new adventure 65 million years in the making!
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:23,222 <i>[AISHA] Guys, come on.</i>
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:25,182 <i>No spoilers, but this one tries to be a comedy,</i>
00:20:25,182 --> 00:20:26,391 <i>and it doesn't work.</i>
00:20:26,391 --> 00:20:28,268 <i>Please, let's go to the nicer planet.</i>
00:20:28,268 --> 00:20:30,979 Then it's settled. The Solar Opposites are going back to Earth
00:20:30,979 --> 00:20:33,482 and renewing their AMC Stubs memberships.
00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:34,650 [buckle clicks]
00:20:36,944 --> 00:20:39,071 [spaceship whooshing]
00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:40,948 You know, I'm gonna miss Clervix 3.
00:20:40,948 --> 00:20:42,574 All my favorite restaurants were there,
00:20:42,574 --> 00:20:44,409 plus I probably could've gotten used to that nickname.
00:20:44,409 --> 00:20:46,620 Shut the fuck up, Terry. I swear to God.
00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:47,955 - Call me Swizzle. - No.
00:20:47,955 --> 00:20:49,081 - Please? - No!
00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:50,999 - Terry! - You have zero principles!
00:20:50,999 --> 00:20:52,167 Such a hypocrite.
00:20:52,167 --> 00:20:54,586 But I just got used to Swizzle right now. I'm sorry!
00:20:54,586 --> 00:20:55,754 People can change!
00:20:55,754 --> 00:20:56,838 You gotta give it time
00:20:56,838 --> 00:20:58,048 for a nickname to grow on you.
00:20:58,048 --> 00:20:59,549 How else am I gonna immediately explain
00:20:59,549 --> 00:21:01,301 that I have a itchy butthole to people
00:21:01,301 --> 00:21:03,595 if I don't have Swizzle as my nickname?
00:21:04,179 --> 00:21:06,682 [JK Sevens beeping]
00:21:06,682 --> 00:21:10,394 [♪ dramatic theme playing]
00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:24,366 ♪
00:21:51,143 --> 00:21:52,644 [mimicking laser fire]

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