Обеденные шлемы Клервикса

00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:20,824

Ты всё сможешь, мой король.

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Получилось, Корво.

Твой человеческий анус сросся.

00:00:25,720 --> 00:00:26,940

Ты снова нормальный.

00:00:26,950 --> 00:00:29,376

Я думал, ты навсегда останешься человеком.

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Особенно учитывая, что я, Джесси

и Терри за секунду снова стали шлорпианцами.

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Да, приятно снова стать синим,

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хотя из всех людских приблуд,

по анусу я буду скучать сильнее всего.

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Прощай, мой друг.

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Не понимаю, мы были людьми,

а теперь мы снова шлорпианцы. Как так? Ну серьёзно?

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Терри, угомонись.

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Нет! Я хочу знать ответ! Мне нужен ответ!

00:00:48,160 --> 00:00:51,064

Никаких тебе «ранее в сериале»!

Я не понимаю, в чём дело.

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Я новый зритель, я вообще не в курсе!

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Он «Отчаянно Задомохозяился»! Хватайте!

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Отстаньте! Отпустите меня!

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Я спокоен, ладно? Всё нормально.

00:00:59,940 --> 00:01:01,328

Честно?

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Да.

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Но правда, как так вышло?

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Если вкратце,

Пупа так долго не терраформировал Землю,

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что ваши шлорпианские тела начали

адаптировать вас к среде и превращать в людей.

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Но почему мы больше не на Земле?

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Я-то знаю, но вдруг Терри так и не понял.

00:01:17,340 --> 00:01:22,144

Чтобы трансформация не стала перманентной,

вы покинули Землю и прилетели на Клервикс-3.

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И в новой атмосфере

ваши тела трансформировались обратно.

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Значит, можно вернуться на Землю?

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Наверное. Если вы правда хотите обратно

на эту паршивую планетёнку.

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Трансформация случается только раз.

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Мы туда не вернёмся!

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Блин, нафиг так орать?

Да ещё и туда, где у меня были уши.

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Я нечасто говорю так бесцеремонно,

но эта планета — настоящее сисяо.

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Да, эта планета крута,

как парочка натуральных стоячих дынек.

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Это место буквально как рай.

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Нет штрафов за парковку,

их аналог «МакРиба» продаётся круглый год,

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экология не засрана,

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и тут нет уховёрток и сороконожек, как на Земле.

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И всем кажется,

что у меня крутой и эротичный голос,

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особенно, когда я говорю

что-то экзотическое, типа «Шебойган».

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Клервикс-3 рулит!

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Самый популярный спорт тут — прятки,

по сути, это охота за головами.

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А значит, тут я крутой спортсмен.

И вы, задроты, не забывайте об этом.

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Даже Пупе тут нравится.

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Он вернулся в свой цвет,

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перезапустил процесс терраформировАния

и, кажется, учится читать.

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Миленько!

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Терри Энн, ты согласен, что эта планета С-И-С-Я-О?

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О да, малыш. Эта планета офигенная, вообще без б.

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В ресторанах только кабинки, никаких столиков.

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Есть книжные, чтобы листать журналы,

а «Звёздные войны» тут реально были войной.

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Так что я теперь не просто задрот,

а выдающийся историк.

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Когда мы прибыли,

местные даже дали тебе прозвище.

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Как там было? «Пропеллер»?

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Да, я Пропеллер.

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Я всегда мечтал о прозвище, и вот.

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Пропеллер.

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Полный ништяк.

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Тогда решено.

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Солнечные противоположности остаются

на Клервиксе-3.

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Ура!

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Планета Шлорп была просто идеальной,

пока на неё не грохнулся астероид...

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Сотне взрослых особей и их репликантам

выдали по пупе и отправили в космос,

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на поиски необитаемого мира, нашего нового дома.

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Мы рухнули на Землю, планету, кишащую людьми.

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Потом натворили кучу фигни и улетели.

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И теперь мы живём на Клервиксе-3,

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замечательной, идеальной планете.

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Да-да, это мой голос.

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Я держу Пупу, меня зовут Корво.

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Я уронил Пупу, но это ничего,

потому что планета — огонь.

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Мне реально не на что жаловаться.

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Терри тоже тут нравится.

Больше мы не противоположности.

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Но название осталось.

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СОЛНЕЧНЫЕ ПРОТИВОПОЛОЖНОСТИ

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Так, время презентации.

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Мы живём на Клервиксе-3 уже несколько месяцев,

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было много забавных приключений.

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Но сейчас всё серьёзно.

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Сегодня к нам придёт верховный судья,

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чтобы решить,

достойны ли мы постоянного гражданства.

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Я в жизни часто встречалась с судьями,

но на этот раз ставки реально верховно высоки.

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Да, он решит, сможем ли мы тут остаться,

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и чтобы всё прошло гладко,

я разработал подробный план.

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Наша задача — выкрутить своё обаяние на максимум,

00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:07,464

но самое главное при этом

не быть чересчур «экстра».

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Всё потому, что три столпа

клервиксианского общества — это...

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Простота, обыденность и средние способности.

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Быть «экстра» на этой планете — преступление,

поэтому нам придётся себя сдерживать.

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Корво, милый, не хочу указывать,

но тебе не кажется, что это кринж?

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Я думала, это ту мач.

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Экстра — это не кринж и не ту мач.

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Эта планета в восьми световых годах

от Земли, так что по трендам мы впереди.

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Экстра — это типа круто.

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Зашибись!

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Не смейте! Давать пятюню — тоже экстра!

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У каждого из вас будет важное задание.

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Джесси, ты приготовишь

традиционный суп из морга.

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Это безвкусная жижа

комнатной температуры без комков.

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Если там будут комки, нам кабзда.

00:04:45,710 --> 00:04:52,040

У меня куча идей, потому что я смотрела «Медведя»

по FX на Hulu по подписке Disney Interstellar.

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Всё это чересчур! Готовь чётко по рецепту

и ни в коем случае не упоминай про Hulu.

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Да, шеф.

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Ямюляк, ты выучишь и исполнишь

акапельную версию

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традиционного клервиксианского

планетарного гимна на средней громкости.

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Не вопрос!

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И наконец, Терри, ты купишь обязательные

клервиксианские обеденные шлемы.

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Эти ребята во время еды с безопасностью не шутят.

00:05:12,610 --> 00:05:15,620

Я живу, чтобы шопиться, и шоплюсь, чтобы жить!

00:05:15,630 --> 00:05:19,650

Сегодня жизненно важно выполнить

все эти задания. На этом всё.

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Всем спасибо, хорошего дня и удачи.

00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:22,780

ВЫ ПОСМОТРЕЛИ ПРЕЗЕНТАЦИЮ «СИДЕТЬ, КОРВО, СИДЕТЬ»

00:05:22,790 --> 00:05:24,570

Ладно, по местам, по местам.

00:05:24,580 --> 00:05:26,816

Неделя была сложной, но у нас получилось.

00:05:26,820 --> 00:05:28,320

Снимем отличный сериал!

00:05:28,330 --> 00:05:30,200

Молодец, молодец, молодец.

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Терри, помоги переставить мебель.

Слишком много диагоналей.

00:05:33,890 --> 00:05:35,584

Это считается тут экстрауглом.

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В общем, я промолчал при репликантах,

потому что они сучёныши,

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но тебе не кажется,

что эта планета слишком идеальная?

00:05:42,470 --> 00:05:45,408

Хочешь сказать,

что Клервикс-3 только кажется идеальным домом,

00:05:45,410 --> 00:05:50,640

но на самом деле у него есть тайное двойное дно,

о котором мы узнаем, когда будет поздно?

00:05:50,650 --> 00:05:53,060

Не знал, что так говорят. Но да, я именно об этом.

00:05:53,070 --> 00:05:58,150

Да, говорят, поэтому я внимательно следил.

И будь тут двойное дно, я бы уже его заметил.

00:05:58,160 --> 00:06:02,672

Клервикс-3 — это милейшая планета,

полная противоположность дну.

00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:03,208

Тут круто.

00:06:03,210 --> 00:06:04,536

Но мы даже не осмотрелись.

00:06:04,540 --> 00:06:08,020

Вдруг что-то ужасное откроется

через 8—10 серий?

00:06:08,030 --> 00:06:10,792

Терри, соберись. Твоя задача — обеденные шлемы.

00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:15,260

Ладно, ладно. Обещаю об этом не упоминать

и даже не думать.

00:06:15,270 --> 00:06:17,520

Я на 100% уверен, что тут есть двойное дно.

00:06:17,530 --> 00:06:20,856

Займись делом! Чтобы без перебора.

00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:27,820

ЕСЛИ ВЫ НЕ ПРОТИВ, Я ПОСУЖУ

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Иисус Кристофер Кэттэн.

00:06:30,310 --> 00:06:32,510

Столько барахла — это чересчур.

00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:35,168

Куча брелоков из поездки в Санта-Фе,

00:06:35,170 --> 00:06:37,660

картинки из второго сезона

«Человека в высоком замке»

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и все твои детские игрушки, Пупа.

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Спокойно.

00:06:40,390 --> 00:06:42,440

Я не про развивающего пеликана сейчас.

00:06:42,450 --> 00:06:44,360

Минутку, это что, экстралуч?

00:06:44,370 --> 00:06:47,500

Из всех наших лучей вы бросили тут именно этот?

00:06:47,510 --> 00:06:49,752

Гадство! Нас отдрагонболили!

00:06:49,790 --> 00:06:51,888

Привет, я просто иду. Ничего такого.

00:06:51,890 --> 00:06:52,890

Чмоки. Всё, пока.

00:06:52,900 --> 00:06:54,056

А ну-ка стоять.

00:06:54,060 --> 00:06:56,120

Я что, чувствую запах эстрагона?

00:06:56,130 --> 00:07:00,170

Я просто хотела доработать суп,

чтобы подмазать верховного судью.

00:07:00,180 --> 00:07:02,130

Нет! Подмазывать — это тоже экстра.

00:07:02,140 --> 00:07:02,910

Ладно.

00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:06,190

Но ты сам знаешь, что с тех пор,

как меня укусила крыса из «Рататуя»,

00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:09,216

я проклята всегда готовить с душой.

00:07:09,430 --> 00:07:11,640

Ох! Ямюляк, что ты с собой сотворил?

00:07:11,650 --> 00:07:15,930

Я хочу исполнить клервиксианский

планетарный гимн в стиле Blue Man Group.

00:07:15,940 --> 00:07:18,568

Нет, это перебор. И почему ты красный?

00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:20,536

Да, раз я был синим, то решил

00:07:20,540 --> 00:07:24,360

покраситься в противоположный цвет!

00:07:24,370 --> 00:07:25,820

Судье это понравится.

00:07:25,830 --> 00:07:26,780

Нет, не понравится.

00:07:26,790 --> 00:07:28,150

Я же просил не мудрить.

00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:30,248

Иди вымойся в раковине в подвале.

00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:33,096

Ты не понимаешь искусство!

00:07:34,070 --> 00:07:35,480

Отличные новости!

00:07:35,490 --> 00:07:36,824

Ага, ты купил шлемы?

00:07:36,830 --> 00:07:39,500

Нет, дурашка. Я нашёл признаки двойного дна.

00:07:39,510 --> 00:07:40,580

- Что?

- Зацени.

00:07:40,590 --> 00:07:43,728

На каждом углу деревья

с камерами, они за нами следят.

00:07:43,730 --> 00:07:46,250

Тут явно происходит что-то мутное.

00:07:46,260 --> 00:07:49,460

На Земле тоже были камеры, но что-то ты не возбухал.

00:07:49,470 --> 00:07:52,720

Да, потому что все там превращают

личную жизнь в товар.

00:07:52,730 --> 00:07:54,944

Это ещё не говорит ни о каком двойном дне.

00:07:54,950 --> 00:07:58,080

Это камеры контроля скорости.

А теперь топай за шлемами.

00:07:58,090 --> 00:08:01,712

Ну и ладно! Но дерево с камерами

я оставлю, потому что мне впадлу!

00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:04,840

Тук-тук. Приветствуем,

и приятных вам оборотов, солары.

00:08:04,850 --> 00:08:07,440

Да это же наши соседи, Бликс и Вордженто.

00:08:07,450 --> 00:08:09,740

Приветствуем, и приятных вам оборотов тоже.

00:08:09,750 --> 00:08:11,780

Что это за дичь про приятные обороты?

00:08:11,790 --> 00:08:14,740

Здесь так здороваются.

Ты умрёшь, если начнёшь слушать?

00:08:14,750 --> 00:08:15,120

Чего?

00:08:15,130 --> 00:08:17,184

Поздоровайся, они такие же, как мы.

00:08:17,190 --> 00:08:18,280

Пофигу. Ладно.

00:08:18,290 --> 00:08:19,440

Как ваши обороты?

00:08:20,070 --> 00:08:21,576

О, это же Пропеллер!

00:08:23,930 --> 00:08:26,080

Я чуть не забыл про своё крутое прозвище.

00:08:26,090 --> 00:08:28,550

На тупой Земле у меня такого не было.

00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:33,888

Корво, мы слышали, к вам идёт верховный судья,

поэтому пришли молча и спокойно вас поддержать.

00:08:33,890 --> 00:08:36,390

Даже робота своего взяли, Джей-Кей Севенса.

00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:38,350

Боже, только не Джей-Кей Севенс.

00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:41,040

Ну почему он всегда такой бесячий?

00:08:41,050 --> 00:08:44,480

Простите, мы всё ещё учим его, чтобы не был экстра.

00:08:44,490 --> 00:08:48,384

Он ведёт себя, как надоедливый персонаж,

добавленный в пятом сезоне,

00:08:48,390 --> 00:08:50,896

который просто помогает продавать мерч.

00:08:52,330 --> 00:08:54,840

Скажите своему роботу, чтобы не ломал наши вещи.

00:08:54,850 --> 00:08:56,632

Тогда он устроит истерику.

00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:58,660

Лучше, если он просто сам утомится.

00:08:58,670 --> 00:09:00,696

Его поведение — это перебор.

00:09:00,710 --> 00:09:03,296

Я знаю. Пупа, отведи его в свою комнату

00:09:03,300 --> 00:09:06,792

и покажи игрушечный набор

«Три билборда на границе Эббинга, Миссури».

00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:07,680

Нет!

00:09:07,690 --> 00:09:11,840

А я разрешу почитать

историю революции с точки зрения левых.

00:09:36,690 --> 00:09:39,000

Хорошо, что у меня есть научный топор.

00:09:40,210 --> 00:09:42,560

Верховный судья! А вы рано.

00:09:42,570 --> 00:09:46,580

Приветствую, и приятных оборотов.

Я всегда прихожу рано, чтобы не задерживаться.

00:09:46,610 --> 00:09:48,848

Да, задерживаться — это перебор.

00:09:48,850 --> 00:09:52,170

Приятных вам оборотов,

господин судья, ваше верховенство и...

00:09:52,180 --> 00:09:53,848

Как мне лучше вас называть?

00:09:53,850 --> 00:09:58,072

Зовите как угодно,

только не зовите на поздний ужин.

00:09:58,770 --> 00:09:59,568

Вот это шутканул.

00:09:59,570 --> 00:10:01,240

Верховный судья круче всех.

00:10:01,250 --> 00:10:03,310

Да, что ж, неплохо, сэр.

00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:07,008

Подобные шутки считаются приемлемыми

на Клервиксе-3.

00:10:07,010 --> 00:10:10,064

Главное, чтобы без перебора. Без намёка на экстра.

00:10:10,070 --> 00:10:12,240

Ну, рад, что вы пришли. Надеюсь, я...

00:10:12,250 --> 00:10:14,448

Проверка начинается.

00:10:14,540 --> 00:10:16,872

Ваше обиталище кажется простым.

00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:18,110

Не вижу тут перебора.

00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:19,320

Очень рад это слышать.

00:10:19,330 --> 00:10:21,656

Но не подумайте, не экстрарад.

00:10:22,540 --> 00:10:24,830

А что это за экстрастранный звук?

00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:26,728

А, это я просто чихнул.

00:10:26,730 --> 00:10:28,936

Это всегда похоже на грохот сковородок,

00:10:28,940 --> 00:10:32,760

но я чихаю с закрытым ртом,

поэтому ничего не видно.

00:10:32,770 --> 00:10:33,380

Блин!

00:10:33,390 --> 00:10:35,712

Я вспомнил, что оставил на кухне ложку.

00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:38,896

Оставайтесь здесь,

посмотрите нашу обычную книгу,

00:10:38,900 --> 00:10:41,296

там просто страницы с числами.

00:10:41,980 --> 00:10:43,504

О, число восемь.

00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:45,512

Старое доброе 37.

00:10:45,690 --> 00:10:48,304

733. Вот это число.

00:10:48,310 --> 00:10:49,560

- Джесси?

- Да, шеф.

00:10:49,570 --> 00:10:50,816

Это ещё что за хрень?

00:10:50,820 --> 00:10:54,140

В супе из морга два ингредиента: морг и воздух.

00:10:54,150 --> 00:10:57,032

Я хотела сделать всё идеально

и слегка увлеклась.

00:10:57,040 --> 00:10:58,128

Вот, просто попробуй.

00:10:58,130 --> 00:10:59,050

- Нет!

- Давай!

00:10:59,060 --> 00:11:00,470

- Сказал нет.

- Корво, давай.

00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:01,848

- Нет! Нет, хватит.

- Попробуй!

00:11:01,850 --> 00:11:04,256

Открой хлебало и попробуй суп!

00:11:05,020 --> 00:11:07,080

Джесси... Это потрясающе.

00:11:07,090 --> 00:11:09,330

А теперь вылей и сделай безвкусный.

00:11:09,340 --> 00:11:11,260

- Да, шеф!

- И не говори так!

00:11:11,270 --> 00:11:12,288

Что это там в духовке?

00:11:12,290 --> 00:11:16,728

Я приготовила для верховного судьи

особую закуску — Разрывную сырную бомбу.

00:11:16,730 --> 00:11:18,752

И вкус у неё просто бомба. Ты понял?

00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:19,680

Если честно, то нет.

00:11:19,690 --> 00:11:21,472

Быстро от неё избавься.

00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:23,220

Отличные новости. Я достал шлемы.

00:11:23,230 --> 00:11:24,680

Отлично, хоть что-то по плану.

00:11:24,710 --> 00:11:27,430

Прости, слово пропустил. Я не достал шлемы.

00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:29,352

Но зато достал вот что.

00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:32,480

Ну что это вообще за трындец такой?

00:11:32,490 --> 00:11:35,110

Клервиксианский космический бизон.

00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:38,240

Мне кажется, это как-то связано с двойным дном.

00:11:38,250 --> 00:11:39,592

Нет никакого дна!

00:11:39,630 --> 00:11:43,712

Но этот мелкий засранец был

генно-модифицирован.

00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:44,912

Ахни, если нужно.

00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:45,910

- Дорогу!

- Терри!

00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:48,080

Их кормят химикатами, и они влияют на нас.

00:11:48,090 --> 00:11:51,160

Ты вот чувствуешь себя похотливым,

но стерильным? Я точно да.

00:11:51,190 --> 00:11:53,130

На Земле коров тоже модифицируют.

00:11:53,140 --> 00:11:54,552

Нет тут заговора.

00:11:54,560 --> 00:11:57,000

Просто все пользуются другими существами.

00:11:57,010 --> 00:11:58,896

А я вижу тут какие-то ниточки.

00:11:58,900 --> 00:12:01,380

Нужна только ниточка потолще,

которая их все свяжет.

00:12:01,390 --> 00:12:02,680

И я вот-вот её найду.

00:12:02,690 --> 00:12:06,040

И кстати, Джесс,

что бы ты ни готовила, пахнет очешуенно.

00:12:06,050 --> 00:12:06,912

Спасибо, шеф.

00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:10,144

Терри, единственное, что тебе

надо найти, это, сука, шлемы!

00:12:10,150 --> 00:12:11,280

Чего?

00:12:11,290 --> 00:12:14,150

То, что ты должен был купить. Обеденные шлемы.

00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:16,304

Впервые слышу, но ладно, поищу.

00:12:16,310 --> 00:12:18,650

Обеденные каски на башку.

00:12:22,420 --> 00:12:25,160

Они тут говорят «гу» вместо «му»!

00:12:25,370 --> 00:12:27,976

В этом точно замешаны власти.

00:12:28,470 --> 00:12:30,784

Да какого ж Скриллекса?

00:12:34,070 --> 00:12:36,540

Ямюляк, почему ты до сих пор красный?

И что это такое?

00:12:36,550 --> 00:12:39,456

Я исполню планетарный гимн в стиле Реджи Уоттса.

00:12:39,460 --> 00:12:40,540

Реджи Уоттса!

00:12:40,550 --> 00:12:41,970

Ого, а не перебор?

00:12:41,980 --> 00:12:43,220

Перебор?

00:12:43,230 --> 00:12:45,664

Это и есть перебор! Что ты делаешь?

00:12:45,670 --> 00:12:48,456

Заново открываю искусство. Судье понравится.

00:12:48,460 --> 00:12:50,000

Так, всё! Кыш!

00:12:50,030 --> 00:12:53,384

Так! Нет! Кыш! Кыш! Так! Нет! Кыш!

00:12:54,350 --> 00:12:56,576

Да где же верховный судья?

00:12:56,820 --> 00:12:59,780

Корво, у вас весьма невыдающаяся уборная.

00:12:59,790 --> 00:13:02,860

Напор воды скромный,

туалетная бумага допустимая.

00:13:02,870 --> 00:13:07,450

Ну, если вам понравилась уборная,

то понравится и карманное измерение.

00:13:07,460 --> 00:13:09,344

- Ни к чему, я уверен...

- Вперёд!

00:13:09,500 --> 00:13:10,648

Хватит!

00:13:11,430 --> 00:13:12,896

Моё! Моё!

00:13:23,810 --> 00:13:25,552

Ямюляк, прекрати!

00:13:26,690 --> 00:13:28,800

Все офигеют от моих труб!

00:13:28,810 --> 00:13:30,850

Нет! Это же совсем перебор!

00:13:30,860 --> 00:13:34,690

Сукин сыр! Я случайно подожгла

фитиль на Разрывной сырной бомбе!

00:13:34,700 --> 00:13:35,592

Сейчас рванёт!

00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:37,880

Вы, сука, издеваетесь?

00:13:48,670 --> 00:13:51,024

Мы только что избежали катастрофы.

00:13:52,670 --> 00:13:55,736

Ай, голова. И почему на мне не было шлема?

00:13:57,430 --> 00:13:58,420

Какого тут?..

00:13:58,430 --> 00:14:01,968

Похоже, пока меня не было,

ваш дом превратился в экстра.

00:14:01,970 --> 00:14:03,760

Моя судейская штучка!

00:14:03,890 --> 00:14:04,704

Так, ладно.

00:14:04,710 --> 00:14:10,760

Мы можем весь день притворяться скучными

и обычными, но правда в том, что мы и правда экстра.

00:14:10,770 --> 00:14:12,970

Мы любим эту планету и хотим остаться,

00:14:12,980 --> 00:14:15,368

но если нам нет здесь места такими, какие мы есть,

00:14:15,370 --> 00:14:19,024

то мы найдём другую, не столь идеальную планету.

00:14:19,620 --> 00:14:25,150

Хотя мы, клервиксианцы не любим экстра,

фейки мы не любим гораздо сильнее.

00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:29,376

Быть фейком — это быть экстра, а вы точно не такие.

00:14:29,380 --> 00:14:30,432

Вы понимаете?

00:14:30,440 --> 00:14:31,280

Вообще нет.

00:14:31,290 --> 00:14:34,540

Именно из-за этих странностей

нам и нужно столько судей.

00:14:34,550 --> 00:14:39,480

В общем, я провозглашаю

вас и ваших родных гражданами Клервикса-3.

00:14:39,490 --> 00:14:41,000

Можете скромно отпраздновать.

00:14:41,010 --> 00:14:42,520

- Ура! Огонь.

- Класс.

00:14:42,550 --> 00:14:44,460

Я нашёл обеденные шлемы!

00:14:44,470 --> 00:14:46,880

Они больше не нужны. Мы официальные граждане.

00:14:46,890 --> 00:14:47,608

Круто.

00:14:47,610 --> 00:14:52,192

А ещё я нашёл чудовище, которое тайно управляло

планетой из подземного логова.

00:14:53,070 --> 00:14:55,470

Развяжи меня!

00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:59,056

Поаплодируем Зазлару, повелителю разума!

00:15:04,610 --> 00:15:07,256

Терри, тупица, это обычный повелитель.

00:15:07,260 --> 00:15:09,050

Да? Стоп, ты что, его знаешь?

00:15:09,060 --> 00:15:09,860

Лично нет.

00:15:09,870 --> 00:15:13,620

Это раса пришельцев,

которая славится своей хитростью и коварством.

00:15:13,630 --> 00:15:15,660

Их представитель на Земле — Крис Энджел.

00:15:15,670 --> 00:15:17,870

Ага! Я же говорил, что это заговор!

00:15:17,880 --> 00:15:22,216

Заз, скажи то же, что сказал в автобусе.

Вам понравится. Он отличный рассказчик.

00:15:22,220 --> 00:15:26,504

История Зазлара началась

четыре тысячелетия назад.

00:15:26,510 --> 00:15:31,010

Я был юной, едва вылупившейся особью,

пролетающей у Ориона...

00:15:31,020 --> 00:15:32,090

Тормози давай.

00:15:32,100 --> 00:15:34,408

Есть короткая версия, как ты оказался здесь,

00:15:34,410 --> 00:15:37,010

захватил власть, шпионил с помощью камер,

00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:39,770

усмирял население

с помощью химических бизонов

00:15:39,780 --> 00:15:43,520

и запретил всё экстра,

потому что так проще всеми управлять?

00:15:43,570 --> 00:15:46,256

Виновен по всем пунктам.

00:15:46,830 --> 00:15:48,824

Но вот кое-что ты упустил.

00:15:48,830 --> 00:15:52,700

Раз уж вы меня раскрыли, то обязаны умереть.

00:15:53,950 --> 00:15:55,330

Слава Зазлару!

00:15:55,340 --> 00:15:57,040

Слава Зазлару!

00:16:12,530 --> 00:16:13,860

«КТО ПРАВИТ МИРОМ?» НОАМ ХОМСКИЙ

00:16:19,860 --> 00:16:22,960

Я владел этой планетой целые сотни лет!

00:16:22,970 --> 00:16:27,190

Ну же, мои подданные,

освободите своего повелителя!

00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:28,940

Терри, баррикадируем окно!

00:16:28,950 --> 00:16:31,800

Но тогда будет диагональ,

это разве не экстраугол?

00:16:31,810 --> 00:16:33,740

Теперь тебе на это не насрать?

00:16:33,750 --> 00:16:34,384

Ага.

00:16:34,390 --> 00:16:36,160

Чтоб тебя, Терри, это ты виноват.

00:16:36,170 --> 00:16:40,728

Если бы не стал копать, мы бы жили

в блаженном неведении на идеальной планете!

00:16:41,260 --> 00:16:42,620

Для меня она не идеальная!

00:16:42,630 --> 00:16:45,632

Вам с репликантами тут нравится,

а по мне — это отстой.

00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:49,160

Тупые пришельцы не понимают

моих отсылок к ситкомам

00:16:49,170 --> 00:16:51,010

и ещё прозвище дали это дебильное,

00:16:51,020 --> 00:16:51,960

«Пропеллер».

00:16:51,970 --> 00:16:56,550

Ну повертел я слегка задом в первый день здесь.

Так что, сразу прозвище давать?

00:16:56,560 --> 00:17:00,232

Я просто не очень хорошо вытер

свой человеческий зад после туалета.

00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:02,880

И знаешь что? Вокруг очка очень чешется.

00:17:02,890 --> 00:17:05,760

Так что им стоило назвать меня «Зудящий зад».

00:17:05,790 --> 00:17:08,070

О чём ты? Ты же сказал, тебе нравится.

00:17:08,080 --> 00:17:09,780

Так я просто соврал!

00:17:09,790 --> 00:17:11,016

Я ж офигенный актёр.

00:17:11,020 --> 00:17:13,864

Помнишь, я прошёл мастер-класс Скута Макнейри?

00:17:13,870 --> 00:17:16,184

Да, он отлично сыграл в «Нарко: Мексика».

00:17:16,190 --> 00:17:19,410

Я всегда ругал тебя за ненависть к Земле.

И тут я был бы лицемером.

00:17:19,420 --> 00:17:22,410

Ох, Терри, чудесный ты кусок дебила.

Я ведь это обожаю.

00:17:22,420 --> 00:17:22,980

Правда?

00:17:22,990 --> 00:17:26,432

Отсутствие принципов поддерживает

нашу страсть.

00:17:28,930 --> 00:17:32,670

Народ, может хватит

этой эмоциональной фигни? Помогите нам.

00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:34,720

Одно слово, и я отфигачу его трубой!

00:17:34,730 --> 00:17:37,260

Если я умру, они выйдут из-под контроля.

00:17:37,270 --> 00:17:40,140

Тогда вся эта планета погрузится в хаос.

00:17:40,150 --> 00:17:43,020

В жопу себе погрузи, сучёнок гладко выбритый!

00:17:43,030 --> 00:17:46,080

Ладно, тогда заключим сделку.

00:17:48,090 --> 00:17:49,040

Мы слушаем.

00:17:49,050 --> 00:17:51,856

Вы позволите мне

и дальше тайно управлять планетой,

00:17:51,860 --> 00:17:56,150

а я сделаю вас королями.

И не буду повелевать вашими разумами.

00:17:56,160 --> 00:18:01,248

Телами, возможно, самую малость,

но разумы трогать не буду.

00:18:01,300 --> 00:18:03,584

Хорошее предложение. Остаёмся?

00:18:03,590 --> 00:18:05,710

Мне нравится жить на этой планете.

00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:08,720

С таким эротичным голосом,

я как Рози Перес на Клервиксе.

00:18:08,730 --> 00:18:10,250

Я тоже тащусь!

00:18:10,260 --> 00:18:12,000

Всё, Ямюляк, хватит уже петь.

00:18:12,010 --> 00:18:13,670

Ты не Пинк. Ну что, Теральд?

00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:14,984

Будешь королём?

00:18:15,230 --> 00:18:18,550

Ну, если... все этого правда хотят...

00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:20,512

то я останусь.

00:18:20,730 --> 00:18:23,890

Мы согласны при одном небольшом условии.

00:18:23,900 --> 00:18:25,810

Терри не будут звать Пропеллером.

00:18:25,820 --> 00:18:29,810

Простите, унизительные прозвища —

часть моего великого замысла.

00:18:29,820 --> 00:18:33,230

Считайте это небольшой платой за жизнь в раю.

00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:37,088

И посмотрите на него, его ж только раскрутить.

00:18:37,090 --> 00:18:39,180

Ничего, не страшно. Я в норме.

00:18:39,190 --> 00:18:40,080

Сделке конец!

00:18:40,090 --> 00:18:43,440

Вы отказываетесь от рая из-за какого-то прозвища?

00:18:43,450 --> 00:18:47,250

Нет, ведь если медвежонок Терри не счастлив,

то это и не рай.

00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:51,056

Это самая дебильная хрень,

которую я только слышал.

00:18:51,060 --> 00:18:54,210

Орда! В атаку!

00:18:57,980 --> 00:18:58,970

Знаешь что, Заз?

00:18:58,980 --> 00:19:02,576

Ты вот всем запрещаешь быть экстра,

но посмотри-ка на себя.

00:19:02,580 --> 00:19:05,620

И вообще, ты кринжовый, что капец.

00:19:05,630 --> 00:19:06,500

ЭКСТРА/ОБЫЧНЫЙ

00:19:06,850 --> 00:19:08,480

Нет!

00:19:08,490 --> 00:19:11,860

Я превращаюсь в противоположность

00:19:11,870 --> 00:19:14,650

того, что значит экстра!

00:19:15,020 --> 00:19:17,690

Ну вы посмотрите. Самый обыкновенный фикус.

00:19:17,700 --> 00:19:18,424

Жестоко.

00:19:18,430 --> 00:19:19,860

Валим, пока нас не замочили.

00:19:19,870 --> 00:19:22,740

Моим разумом больше не повелевают!

00:19:22,750 --> 00:19:25,184

Теперь можно быть мудаком!

00:19:30,300 --> 00:19:33,170

Чёрт, планета мигом превратилась

в настоящую помойку.

00:19:33,180 --> 00:19:35,300

Прямо как сериал «Хор» сразу после пилота.

00:19:35,310 --> 00:19:36,420

В один момент.

00:19:36,430 --> 00:19:38,470

Теперь нам надо найти новое жильё.

00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:41,024

Аиша, подбери планету в секторе четыре.

00:19:41,030 --> 00:19:42,550

И чтобы не было вампиров.

00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:44,180

Так, у нас два варианта.

00:19:44,190 --> 00:19:49,272

Ранее неизвестная планета-утопия,

населённая существами, похожими на На'ви.

00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:50,080

Или Земля.

00:19:50,090 --> 00:19:52,690

На Землю нельзя. Там живут мои бывшие.

00:19:52,700 --> 00:19:55,520

И она на грани климатического

и социального коллапса.

00:19:55,530 --> 00:19:57,696

Значит, выбираем вариант с утопией.

00:19:57,700 --> 00:19:59,780

Народ, готовьте нейронные отростки!

00:19:59,790 --> 00:20:01,272

Я вообще не против.

00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:04,048

Хотя бы не будет постоянной рекламы

00:20:04,050 --> 00:20:06,768

«Парка Юрского периода семь:

Овираптор берёт выходной».

00:20:06,770 --> 00:20:08,896

Стоп, новый «Парк» выходит?

00:20:09,550 --> 00:20:13,290

Не переживай, я знакома с проектором

со студии. Он сказал, фильм — отстой.

00:20:13,300 --> 00:20:17,520

Я думал, фильм «Господство» завершил

шестисерийную арку, как планировал Спилберг.

00:20:17,530 --> 00:20:22,000

Значит, это будет новое приключение,

которого ждали миллионы лет!

00:20:22,010 --> 00:20:23,296

Народ, да ладно.

00:20:23,300 --> 00:20:26,390

Без спойлеров, но они пытались

в комедию, и у них ничего не вышло.

00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:28,270

Давайте полетим на планету получше.

00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:29,184

Значит, решено.

00:20:29,190 --> 00:20:34,016

Солнечные противоположности возвращаются

на Землю и продлевают подписку.

00:20:39,080 --> 00:20:40,940

А я буду скучать по Клервиксу-3.

00:20:40,950 --> 00:20:44,328

Там все мои любимые рестораны.

А к прозвищу я мог и привыкнуть.

00:20:44,330 --> 00:20:46,620

Завали хлебало, Терри, честное слово...

00:20:46,630 --> 00:20:47,550

Я Пропеллер.

00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:47,950

Нет!

00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:48,640

Пожалуйста.

00:20:48,650 --> 00:20:49,080

Нет!

00:20:49,090 --> 00:20:49,600

Терри!

00:20:49,610 --> 00:20:51,000

У тебя ноль принципов.

00:20:51,010 --> 00:20:52,160

Какой лицемер.

00:20:52,170 --> 00:20:54,744

Но я только привык к Пропеллеру, простите.

00:20:54,750 --> 00:20:55,750

Все мы меняемся.

00:20:55,760 --> 00:20:57,960

К любому прозвищу надо привыкнуть.

00:20:57,970 --> 00:21:04,128

Как теперь мне объяснять людям, что у меня

зудит очко, если меня не называют Пропеллером?

00:21:04,130 --> 00:21:09,120

Переведено студией HDrezka Studio.

00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:20,020

You got this, my King.

00:00:21,730 --> 00:00:23,690

You did it, Korvo.

00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:25,567

Your human butthole's finally closed up.

00:00:25,567 --> 00:00:26,943

You're back to normal.

00:00:26,943 --> 00:00:29,237

I was starting to think

you'd be human forever,

00:00:29,237 --> 00:00:31,281

especially since Jesse, Terry,

and I have been back

00:00:31,281 --> 00:00:33,324

to being fully Shlorpian

for a hot second now.

00:00:33,324 --> 00:00:34,951

Ah, yes, it's good to be blue again,

00:00:34,951 --> 00:00:36,369

though of all the human orifices,

00:00:36,369 --> 00:00:38,204

I shall miss le anus the most.

00:00:38,204 --> 00:00:39,372

Fair thee well, old friend.

00:00:39,372 --> 00:00:40,457

I don't get it. We were human,

00:00:40,457 --> 00:00:41,541

and now we're Shlorpian again?

00:00:41,541 --> 00:00:42,709

How did that happen? Seriously!

00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:43,960

What's the deal?

00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:46,087

- Terry! Calm down.

- No, I want the answers!

00:00:46,087 --> 00:00:47,589

Give me the answers!

00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:49,466

There was no "previously on."

00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:51,051

I don't understand what's going on.

00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:53,053

I'm a new viewer, and I don't understand

what's going on.

00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:54,929

He's going Real Housewives. Grab him!

00:00:54,929 --> 00:00:57,182

Get off me! Let me go!

00:00:58,391 --> 00:00:59,934

I'm calm, okay? I'm calm. I'm good.

00:00:59,934 --> 00:01:02,312

You promise?

Yes.

00:01:02,687 --> 00:01:04,397

But for real, how'd this happen?

00:01:04,397 --> 00:01:06,274

So to recap,

y'all had been on Earth

00:01:06,274 --> 00:01:08,026

so long without the Pupa terraforming,

00:01:08,026 --> 00:01:10,612

that your Shlorpian bodies

started to adapt

00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:12,864

to the environment, and you turned human.

00:01:12,864 --> 00:01:14,866

Uh, but why aren't we on Earth anymore?

00:01:14,866 --> 00:01:17,077

I know, but just in case

Terry doesn't understand.

00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:19,621

To stop the transformation

from becoming permanent,

00:01:19,621 --> 00:01:22,332

you left Earth and resettled on Clervix 3.

00:01:22,332 --> 00:01:25,627

The new atmosphere allowed

your original bodies to reset.

00:01:25,627 --> 00:01:27,462

Does this mean we can

go back to Earth now?

00:01:27,462 --> 00:01:29,714

I guess, if you really

wanna go back

00:01:29,714 --> 00:01:31,216

to that trash-ass planet.

00:01:31,216 --> 00:01:33,343

The human transformation

only happens once.

00:01:33,343 --> 00:01:34,469

We are not going back!

00:01:34,469 --> 00:01:36,429

Geez. Aw, you yelled that so loud.

00:01:36,429 --> 00:01:37,889

And right in the place my ears would be.

00:01:37,889 --> 00:01:40,100

I don't often speak

in such an unceremonious manner,

00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:42,894

but this new planet is the tits.

00:01:42,894 --> 00:01:46,147

Oh, yeah, this planet is

a set of big naturals,

00:01:46,147 --> 00:01:47,774

the top of the tatas.

00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:49,943

This place is a literal paradise.

00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:51,986

There's no parking tickets,

the sandwich they have

00:01:51,986 --> 00:01:53,738

instead of the McRib

is offered all year long,

00:01:53,738 --> 00:01:55,615

the environment hasn't been destroyed,

and it isn't full of

00:01:55,615 --> 00:01:57,325

earwigs and centipedes like the last one.

00:01:57,742 --> 00:02:00,245

Everyone here thinks

my voice is hot and sexy,

00:02:00,245 --> 00:02:04,332

especially when I say

exotic stuff like "Sheboygan."

00:02:04,332 --> 00:02:05,583

Clervix 3 rules!

00:02:05,583 --> 00:02:06,960

The most popular sport is a version

00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,044

of Hide and Seek, which is

00:02:08,044 --> 00:02:09,254

basically bounty hunting.

00:02:09,254 --> 00:02:11,005

So that means I'm a cool jock here.

00:02:11,005 --> 00:02:12,632

And you nerds better not forget it.

00:02:12,632 --> 00:02:14,092

Even the Pupa likes it here.

00:02:14,092 --> 00:02:15,552

He's reverted to his original color,

00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:17,387

restarting his terraforming process.

00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:18,721

{\an8}Plus, I think he's

teaching himself to read.

00:02:18,721 --> 00:02:19,848

Cute!

00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:21,224

Terry Ann, you agree this planet is

00:02:21,224 --> 00:02:23,351

B-I-G T-I-T-T-Y, don't you?

00:02:23,351 --> 00:02:26,729

Oh, yeah, baby. It's a couple

sweater stretchers for sure.

00:02:26,729 --> 00:02:28,106

The restaurants only have booths,

00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:29,607

no tables, just the way I like.

00:02:29,607 --> 00:02:30,900

Bookstores still exist, so I have

00:02:30,900 --> 00:02:32,277

somewhere to browse magazines,

00:02:32,277 --> 00:02:34,571

and Star Wars actually happened

as a war here.

00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:36,281

So now instead of knowing

pop culture trivia,

00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:37,866

I'm a learned historian.

00:02:37,866 --> 00:02:40,618

The folks here even gave you

that nickname when we arrived.

00:02:40,618 --> 00:02:41,995

What was it again? Swizzle?

00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,496

Yep, I'm Swizzle.

00:02:43,496 --> 00:02:45,290

I've always wanted a nickname,

and now I've got one.

00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:46,749

Swizzle.

00:02:46,749 --> 00:02:47,834

Me to a T.

00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:49,043

Then it's settled.

00:02:49,043 --> 00:02:51,588

The Solar Opposites are

staying on Clervix 3.

00:02:53,506 --> 00:02:55,925

Planet Shlorp was

a perfect utopia,

00:02:55,925 --> 00:02:58,178

until the asteroid hit.

00:02:58,678 --> 00:03:01,139

One hundred adults and their replicants

were issued a Pupa,

00:03:01,139 --> 00:03:02,891

and escaped into the... space,

00:03:02,891 --> 00:03:05,727

searching for new homes

on uninhabited worlds.

00:03:05,727 --> 00:03:06,978

We crashed on Earth,

00:03:06,978 --> 00:03:08,104

stranding us on an already

00:03:08,104 --> 00:03:09,397

overpopulated planet.

00:03:09,397 --> 00:03:10,481

But then we did a bunch of stuff

00:03:10,481 --> 00:03:11,649

that ended up with us leaving Earth.

00:03:11,649 --> 00:03:13,902

And now we live on Clervix 3,

00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:15,904

which is a wonderful, perfect planet.

00:03:15,904 --> 00:03:17,530

{\an8}That's right, I've been talking

this whole time.

00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:19,365

{\an8}I'm the one holding the Pupa.

My name's Korvo.

00:03:19,365 --> 00:03:22,243

{\an8}I just dropped the Pupa, but it's okay

because this planet is so nice.

00:03:22,243 --> 00:03:24,412

{\an8}I literally have nothing

to complain about at all.

00:03:24,412 --> 00:03:27,290

{\an8}Terry likes it too, so we really aren't

even Opposites anymore.

00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:28,708

{\an8}I hope the title still makes sense.

00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:37,508

Alright, presentation time.

00:03:37,508 --> 00:03:39,052

As you know, we've been here on Clervix 3

00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:40,345

for a couple of months now,

00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:41,679

{\an8}and we've had a lot of funny adventures.

00:03:41,679 --> 00:03:42,764

{\an8}Ha, ha, ha, ha!

00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:44,224

{\an8}But it's time to get serious.

00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:45,934

{\an8}This afternoon, the Supreme Adjudicator

00:03:45,934 --> 00:03:47,310

{\an8}will be visiting our home

00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:48,478

{\an8}to determine whether or not

00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:49,938

{\an8}to grant us permanent citizenship.

00:03:49,938 --> 00:03:51,940

{\an8}I've met a lot of adjudicators in my day,

00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:55,109

{\an8}but this is definitely the highest-stakes

adjudicator yet.

00:03:55,109 --> 00:03:56,277

{\an8}Yeah, well, he's the one who decides

00:03:56,277 --> 00:03:57,654

{\an8}if we get to stay on this planet,

00:03:57,654 --> 00:03:58,988

{\an8}so to make sure everything goes smoothly,

00:03:58,988 --> 00:04:00,615

I've drafted a detailed plan.

00:04:00,615 --> 00:04:02,742

We will be conducting

a full-scale charm offensive

00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:05,495

on the Supreme Adjudicator

with our number-one priority being

00:04:05,495 --> 00:04:07,372

"to not be extra."

00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:11,292

And that's because the three pillars

of Clervixian society are...

00:04:11,292 --> 00:04:14,420

"Simplicity," "blandness,"

and "generic competence."

00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:16,089

Being extra is a crime on this planet,

00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:17,632

and I know we've all dabbled in it before,

00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:19,592

but today we have to lock that shit down.

00:04:19,592 --> 00:04:21,427

{\an8}Korvy, babe, I don't

wanna poke holes in this,

00:04:21,427 --> 00:04:23,137

{\an8}but isn't saying extra kind of cringe?

00:04:23,137 --> 00:04:24,681

{\an8}I thought it was cheugy.

00:04:24,681 --> 00:04:26,891

{\an8}Extra isn't cringe or cheugy

because this planet

00:04:26,891 --> 00:04:28,309

{\an8}is eight light years from Earth,

00:04:28,309 --> 00:04:30,019

{\an8}so we're technically ahead of all trends.

00:04:30,019 --> 00:04:31,646

{\an8}"Extra" is bussin'.

00:04:31,646 --> 00:04:33,022

- Hell yeah!

- Oh, don't do that!

00:04:33,439 --> 00:04:34,607

High fives are too extra!

00:04:35,191 --> 00:04:38,027

I have assigned each of you

important jobs for today.

00:04:38,027 --> 00:04:40,613

Jesse! You'll make the traditional

Clervixian Morg soup.

00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:42,824

It's a flavorless room temperature

lumpless chowder.

00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:45,702

I repeat, if you put lumps in the chowder,

we are fucked.

00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:48,121

{\an8}I've got tons of great dish prep ideas

00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:50,290

{\an8}from watching The Bear on FX on Hulu

00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:52,041

{\an8}on the Disney Interstellar bundle.

00:04:52,041 --> 00:04:53,501

All of that is way too extra.

00:04:53,501 --> 00:04:55,420

Stick to the recipe and whatever you do,

00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:56,587

don't bring up Hulu!

00:04:56,587 --> 00:04:57,672

Yes, Chef!

00:04:57,797 --> 00:04:59,048

Yumyulack, you will learn and perform

00:04:59,048 --> 00:05:01,551

an a cappella rendition

of the medium-volume,

00:05:01,551 --> 00:05:04,345

moderately tempoed

Clervixian Planetary Anthem.

00:05:04,345 --> 00:05:05,805

♪ On it! ♪

00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:08,141

And lastly, Terry, you will go purchase

00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,476

the mandatory Clervixian dinner helmets.

00:05:10,476 --> 00:05:12,520

These guys play it safe as hell

at mealtimes.

00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:15,398

I live to shop,

and I shop to live!

00:05:15,398 --> 00:05:18,401

{\an8}It is vital we execute these assignments

perfectly today,

00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:19,652

{\an8}and that's it.

00:05:19,861 --> 00:05:22,238

{\an8}Thank you for watching.

Good night and good luck.

00:05:22,780 --> 00:05:24,574

{\an8}Okay, places. Places.

00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:26,701

{\an8}Look, guys. Tech week was hell,

but we made it.

00:05:26,701 --> 00:05:28,328

{\an8}Let's have a great show, people!

00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:30,204

Got your back,

got your back, got your back.

00:05:30,204 --> 00:05:31,956

{\an8}Terry, help me rearrange the furniture.

00:05:31,956 --> 00:05:33,708

{\an8}We've got too many diagonals in here.

00:05:33,708 --> 00:05:35,418

{\an8}That's the most extra type of angle.

00:05:35,418 --> 00:05:37,628

So, I-I didn't wanna say anything in front

00:05:37,628 --> 00:05:39,380

of the replicants

because they're little bitches,

00:05:39,380 --> 00:05:42,467

but are you at all worried that

this planet's, like, too perfect?

00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:44,344

Are you saying Clervix 3 only appears

00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,387

to be an ideal home,

but it actually has a secret,

00:05:46,387 --> 00:05:49,140

{\an8}evil, science fiction, seedy underbelly

that we won't find out about

00:05:49,140 --> 00:05:50,641

{\an8}until it's too late for us to leave?

00:05:50,641 --> 00:05:51,809

{\an8}I didn't know that was a thing,

00:05:51,809 --> 00:05:53,144

{\an8}but, yes, that's exactly what I mean.

00:05:53,144 --> 00:05:54,771

{\an8}It is a thing, which I've been

watching out for

00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:56,147

{\an8}this whole time.

00:05:56,147 --> 00:05:58,149

Any seedy underbellies

would've surfaced by now.

00:05:58,149 --> 00:06:00,651

Clervix 3 is nothing

but a nice, non-seedy,

00:06:00,651 --> 00:06:02,570

whatever the opposite of an underbelly is.

00:06:02,570 --> 00:06:04,447

- Top tummy.

- But we haven't even looked around!

00:06:04,447 --> 00:06:06,449

How can we be sure something terrible

won't be revealed

00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:07,909

in, like, 8 to 10 episodes?

00:06:07,909 --> 00:06:09,494

Terry! Focus! The dinner helmets must be

00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:10,787

your number-one priority.

00:06:10,787 --> 00:06:12,038

Okay! Okay.

00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:13,581

I promise I'm not even gonna think about

00:06:13,581 --> 00:06:15,083

or mention this again.

00:06:15,083 --> 00:06:17,460

Hundred percent there's a seedy underbelly

up in this shit.

00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:20,088

Stay on task! Do not be extra.

00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:30,306

Jesus H. Christopher Kattan.

00:06:30,306 --> 00:06:32,517

We have so much extra-seeming stuff.

00:06:32,517 --> 00:06:35,061

Look at all these souvenir keyrings

from our trip to Santa Fe,

00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:37,563

these Man in the High Castle

Season 2 FYC screeners,

00:06:37,563 --> 00:06:38,815

and all of your old baby toys, Pupa!

00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:40,358

Relax!

00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:42,318

{\an8}I don't mean your Melissa and Doug

learning pelican.

00:06:42,318 --> 00:06:44,362

{\an8}Wait a sec, is this the Extra Ray?

00:06:44,695 --> 00:06:47,115

Of all the rays to leave lying around?

00:06:47,115 --> 00:06:49,367

Son of a bitch! We've been Dragon Balled.

00:06:49,784 --> 00:06:51,786

Hello! Just walking through.

Nothing to see here.

00:06:51,786 --> 00:06:53,955

- Kisses. Okay, bye.

- Hold it right there.

00:06:53,955 --> 00:06:55,832

Is that Tom Colicchio-brand

tarragon I smell?

00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:57,959

I just wanted to zhuzh up

the soup a little

00:06:57,959 --> 00:07:00,169

and impress the Supreme Adjudicator.

00:07:00,169 --> 00:07:02,130

No! Zhuzhing is Jewish for extra!

00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:04,132

Fine. But you know that ever since

00:07:04,132 --> 00:07:06,050

I got bit by the Ratatouille rat,

00:07:06,050 --> 00:07:08,803

I've been cursed to cook with soul.

00:07:09,178 --> 00:07:11,639

Oh! Yumyulack, what the hell

have you done to yourself?

00:07:11,639 --> 00:07:14,058

I'm gonna do a Blue Man Group-inspired

performance

00:07:14,058 --> 00:07:15,935

of the Clervixian Planetary Anthem.

00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:18,312

No, that's too extra.

Also, why are you red?

00:07:18,312 --> 00:07:20,440

Yeah, since I'm blue already,

I went with the

00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:24,235

♪ Opposite color on the spectrum Mm! ♪

00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:25,611

The Supreme Adjudicator's gonna love it.

00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:26,779

No, he won't.

00:07:26,779 --> 00:07:28,156

I told you to keep it simple.

00:07:28,156 --> 00:07:30,116

Go wash yourself

in the basement sink right now.

00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:32,535

♪ You don't understand my art ♪

00:07:32,535 --> 00:07:33,619

Ah!

00:07:33,619 --> 00:07:35,121

- Ah!

- Great news!

00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:36,664

Ha, ha! You got the helmets?

00:07:36,664 --> 00:07:38,040

No, silly goose. I got evidence

00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:39,500

of the seedy underbelly.

00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:41,419

- What?

- Check it out. These trees with cameras

00:07:41,419 --> 00:07:43,671

on them are on every corner,

watching our every move.

00:07:43,671 --> 00:07:46,215

There is something sick and evil

happening on this planet.

00:07:46,215 --> 00:07:48,092

They had cameras like this

everywhere on Earth,

00:07:48,092 --> 00:07:49,469

and you never had a problem with it then.

00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:51,429

Well, yeah, but that's because

I was complicit

00:07:51,429 --> 00:07:52,722

in commodifying my privacy.

00:07:52,722 --> 00:07:54,807

This isn't evidence of a seedy underbelly.

00:07:54,807 --> 00:07:56,434

It's just for speeding tickets.

00:07:56,434 --> 00:07:57,977

Now get me those dinner helmets.

00:07:57,977 --> 00:08:00,062

Ugh. Fine, but I'm leaving

the camera tree here

00:08:00,062 --> 00:08:01,647

because I'm too tired to drag it out.

00:08:01,647 --> 00:08:04,484

Knock, knock. Greetings and pleasant

rotations, Solars.

00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,194

Well, if it isn't our next-door neighbors

00:08:06,194 --> 00:08:07,445

Blix and Vorgento.

00:08:07,445 --> 00:08:09,739

Greetings and pleasant rotations

to you both.

00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:11,782

What is this "greetings and rotations"

horse shit?

00:08:11,782 --> 00:08:13,409

It's how you say hi here.

00:08:13,409 --> 00:08:14,744

Would it kill you to pay attention?

00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:16,204

- Say what?

- Please just say hello.

00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:18,164

- These guys like you, Terry.

- Whatever. Fine.

00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:21,083

- How's your rotaysh?

- Ho, ho, it's Swizzle.

00:08:22,710 --> 00:08:24,712

Ha. Ha, ha. Yeah, I almost forgot

00:08:24,712 --> 00:08:26,088

about my awesome nickname.

00:08:26,088 --> 00:08:27,465

I never got one of those

on stupid old Earth.

00:08:27,465 --> 00:08:28,549

Pew, pew.

00:08:28,549 --> 00:08:29,634

Korvo, we heard

00:08:29,634 --> 00:08:31,177

the Supreme Adjudicator is coming,

00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:33,679

so we thought we'd come lend you

our bland, silent support.

00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:36,390

We even brought our robo, JK Sevens.

00:08:36,390 --> 00:08:38,351

Oh, God, not JK Sevens.

00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,978

Why does he always have to make

such an obnoxious entrance?

00:08:40,978 --> 00:08:44,357

Ugh, sorry. We're still training him

to not be so extra.

00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:45,900

He acts like

a character who was added

00:08:45,900 --> 00:08:48,402

in the fifth season of a TV show

who's very polarizing

00:08:48,402 --> 00:08:49,862

but has big merchandising potential.

00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:53,658

Could you please stop your robot

00:08:53,658 --> 00:08:54,784

from destroying my house?

00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:56,494

Yeah, if we do, he'll just pitch a fit.

00:08:56,494 --> 00:08:58,663

We found it best to just

let him tire himself out.

00:08:58,663 --> 00:09:00,456

He's just being so extra.

00:09:00,456 --> 00:09:02,500

I know. Pupa, why not take JK Sevens

00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:04,210

to your room and show him your lovely

00:09:04,335 --> 00:09:06,712

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

Playmobil playset.

00:09:06,712 --> 00:09:07,922

No!

00:09:07,922 --> 00:09:09,715

I'll let you read more revisionist history

00:09:09,715 --> 00:09:11,259

from a leftist perspective.

00:09:24,438 --> 00:09:26,691

Ugh.

00:09:36,158 --> 00:09:38,327

Ah, thank God I had this sci-fi ax.

00:09:40,204 --> 00:09:42,373

Supreme Adjudicator! You're early!

00:09:42,373 --> 00:09:44,041

Greetings and pleasant rotations.

00:09:44,041 --> 00:09:46,460

I always arrive early

so I don't have to stay late.

00:09:46,460 --> 00:09:48,796

Yeah, staying late is very extra.

00:09:48,796 --> 00:09:52,174

Pleasant rotations, Lord Adjudicator,

Your Supremeness, Your--

00:09:52,174 --> 00:09:53,759

W-w-what should I call you?

00:09:53,759 --> 00:09:55,428

You can call me whatever you want

00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:57,555

as long as you don't call me

late for dinner.

00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:01,350

- He went there!

- Supreme Adjudicator for the win!

00:10:01,350 --> 00:10:03,311

Yes, well, go-good one, sir.

00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:06,939

That is the caliber of joke

that is acceptable here on Clervix 3:

00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:09,984

Straight down the middle.

Not a hint of being extra.

00:10:09,984 --> 00:10:12,194

Well, it's nice to have you.

I hope we can--

00:10:12,194 --> 00:10:14,030

The adjudication now begins.

00:10:14,530 --> 00:10:16,782

Your dwelling appears simple and tasteful.

00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:18,117

Not extra in the least.

00:10:18,117 --> 00:10:19,327

Oh, I'm delighted to hear that.

00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:20,995

But not extra delighted.

00:10:22,538 --> 00:10:24,832

What was that "extra-sounding" noise?

00:10:24,832 --> 00:10:26,584

Uh, that was a sneeze.

00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:28,878

My sneezes sound like lots

of pans being dropped,

00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:30,296

and I do them with my mouth closed

00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:32,256

with no visual indication

that it happened.

00:10:32,256 --> 00:10:33,382

Aw, shit!

00:10:33,382 --> 00:10:34,467

Uh, I just remembered I left

00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:35,593

a spoon in the kitchen.

00:10:35,593 --> 00:10:37,011

Stay here and, uh,

00:10:37,011 --> 00:10:38,846

look through our

very basic coffee table book

00:10:38,846 --> 00:10:40,473

that's just pages with numbers on them.

00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:43,184

Ah, the number eight.

00:10:43,184 --> 00:10:45,686

Good old number 37.

00:10:45,686 --> 00:10:48,230

733. Now that is a number.

00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:49,482

- Jesse!

- Yes, Chef.

00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:50,816

What the shit's all this?

00:10:50,816 --> 00:10:52,902

The Morg Soup is supposed

to be two ingredients:

00:10:52,902 --> 00:10:53,986

morg and air.

00:10:53,986 --> 00:10:55,529

I got a teeny bit carried away

00:10:55,529 --> 00:10:56,947

trying to make things perfect.

00:10:56,947 --> 00:10:58,532

- Here. You gotta try this.

- No!

00:10:58,532 --> 00:10:59,742

- Come on!

- I said no. No, no, no.

00:10:59,742 --> 00:11:01,452

- Korvo, please. Try it!

- Nope, I won't.

00:11:01,452 --> 00:11:03,913

- Nope, stop it.

- Open that yapper and sip this soup.

00:11:04,372 --> 00:11:07,083

Jesse, I-- That is delicious.

00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:09,335

Now throw it away and make

the flavorless version immediately.

00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:10,836

- Yes, Chef!

- Stop saying that.

00:11:10,836 --> 00:11:12,046

What the hell is in the oven?

00:11:12,046 --> 00:11:13,547

It's a special appeteaser

00:11:13,547 --> 00:11:14,965

I made for the Adjudicator

00:11:14,965 --> 00:11:16,592

called the "Pop Rocks Cheezit Bomb."

00:11:16,592 --> 00:11:18,594

When you taste it, it's "da bomb." Get it?

00:11:18,594 --> 00:11:19,679

To be honest, I don't.

00:11:19,804 --> 00:11:21,138

Just get rid of it now.

00:11:21,555 --> 00:11:23,224

Great news! Your boy got the helmets.

00:11:23,224 --> 00:11:24,475

Oh, thank God. Something's going right.

00:11:24,475 --> 00:11:25,768

Sorry, left out a word.

00:11:25,768 --> 00:11:27,436

Your boy don't got the helmets.

00:11:27,436 --> 00:11:28,896

But look what I do got.

00:11:30,189 --> 00:11:32,483

What in the actual fuck is that?

00:11:32,483 --> 00:11:35,111

This is a Clervixian space bison.

00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:37,029

And I think it's part of that

secret seedy underbelly

00:11:37,029 --> 00:11:38,239

we're all fully obsessed with.

00:11:38,239 --> 00:11:39,532

There is no underbelly!

00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,659

This little stinker here has been

00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:43,577

genetically modified!

00:11:43,577 --> 00:11:44,745

Gasp if you must.

00:11:44,745 --> 00:11:45,955

- Behind!

- Terry!

00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:48,124

Someone's putting chemicals in their food

and it's messing with our bodies.

00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:50,292

Like, have you felt really horny

and really sterile lately?

00:11:50,292 --> 00:11:51,585

I know I have.

00:11:51,585 --> 00:11:53,129

They genetically modified

the cows on earth.

00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:54,422

That's not a conspiracy.

00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:55,756

It's just the soulless pillage

00:11:55,756 --> 00:11:57,007

of a living creature's dignity.

00:11:57,007 --> 00:11:58,801

I'm seeing all the twisted threads here.

00:11:58,801 --> 00:12:00,052

The only part I'm missing is, you know,

00:12:00,052 --> 00:12:01,387

the bigger thread that connects them.

00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:02,680

But I'm close to uncovering it.

00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:04,390

B-T dubs, Jess, whatever you're making

00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:05,975

smells scrumplicious.

00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:07,059

Thank you, Chef!

00:12:07,059 --> 00:12:08,352

Terry, what you need to uncover is

00:12:08,352 --> 00:12:10,062

the fucking dinner helmets!

00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:11,147

The what?

Ugh.

00:12:11,147 --> 00:12:12,898

The thing you're supposed to get.

00:12:12,898 --> 00:12:14,233

The dinner helmets.

00:12:14,358 --> 00:12:16,152

First time I'm hearing about it,

but I'll look into it.

00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:18,654

Dinner hut muts.

00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:22,366

Goo!

00:12:22,366 --> 00:12:24,410

They say goo instead of moo!

00:12:25,703 --> 00:12:27,496

Oh, this goes

all the way to the top.

00:12:27,496 --> 00:12:30,916

Oh, what in the Skrillex?

00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:36,547

Yumyulack, why are you still red?

And what is this?

00:12:36,547 --> 00:12:39,258

I'm gonna "Reggie Watts"

the Planetary Anthem.

00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:41,969

Wow, extra much?

00:12:43,220 --> 00:12:45,556

It is extra. What are you doing?

00:12:45,556 --> 00:12:48,058

Redefining performance art.

The Supreme Adjudicator's gonna love it.

00:12:48,058 --> 00:12:49,810

Ahh, no. Out.

00:12:53,564 --> 00:12:55,524

Where is the Supreme Adjudicator?

00:12:56,817 --> 00:12:58,277

Korvo, I commend you on a very

00:12:58,277 --> 00:12:59,779

not extra bathroom.

00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:02,865

The water level was modest,

toilet paper acceptable.

00:13:02,865 --> 00:13:04,533

Well, if you love the bathroom,

00:13:04,533 --> 00:13:07,453

you'll, uh, love our pocket dimension.

00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:09,038

- No need, I'm sure--

- In you go!

00:13:09,497 --> 00:13:10,498

Stop it!

00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:13,417

Mine! Mine!

00:13:23,677 --> 00:13:25,054

Yumyulack, cut it out!

00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:26,222

No!

00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:28,808

Everyone's gonna lose it for my tubes.

00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,851

No! This is beyond extra.

00:13:30,851 --> 00:13:31,936

Oh, cheese.

00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:33,354

I accidentally triggered the countdown

00:13:33,354 --> 00:13:34,688

on my Pop Rocks Cheez-it Bomb.

00:13:34,688 --> 00:13:37,274

- It's gonna blow!

- Are you fucking kidding me?!

00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:50,579

We just avoided a total disaster.

00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:55,209

Ah, my head! If only we had our

dinner helmets.

00:13:57,419 --> 00:13:58,420

What the...

00:13:58,420 --> 00:13:59,964

Seems things took a turn for the extra

00:13:59,964 --> 00:14:01,799

while I was gone.

00:14:01,924 --> 00:14:03,300

My adjudication thingy!

00:14:03,300 --> 00:14:06,345

Uh, okay, look, I spent all day pretending

00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:10,349

that we're boring and fit in,

but the truth is we is extra.

00:14:10,766 --> 00:14:12,977

We love this planet,

and we want to stay here,

00:14:12,977 --> 00:14:15,271

but if you don't think we fit in

for who we really are,

00:14:15,271 --> 00:14:18,440

we'll find another planet

that's not as perfect to call home.

00:14:19,608 --> 00:14:22,570

While we Clervixians

don't like our citizens being "extra,"

00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:25,155

being fake is much, much worse.

00:14:25,155 --> 00:14:27,199

Being fake is actually being "extra,"

00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:28,868

which you are not.

00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:30,202

Does that make sense?

00:14:30,202 --> 00:14:31,287

It does not.

00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:32,788

Our confusing ways are why

00:14:32,788 --> 00:14:34,540

we need so many adjudicators.

00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:37,001

Anyway, I now declare you and your family

00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:39,378

to be permanent residents of Clervix 3.

00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:40,921

You may gently celebrate.

00:14:40,921 --> 00:14:42,214

- Whoa!

- Cool.

00:14:42,214 --> 00:14:44,466

I found the dinner helmets!

00:14:44,466 --> 00:14:46,886

We don't need them anymore.

We're official citizens.

00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:48,721

Oh, okay. Well, I also found the monster

00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,389

that's been secretly controlling

this whole planet

00:14:50,389 --> 00:14:51,515

from a hidden underground lair.

00:14:52,975 --> 00:14:55,477

Unleash me!

00:14:55,477 --> 00:14:58,647

Put your hands together

for Zazlaz the Mind Freak!

00:15:04,403 --> 00:15:07,156

Terry, you dumbass, this is a Mind Freak!

00:15:07,156 --> 00:15:09,867

- Right? Wait, you know this guy?

- Not personally.

00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:11,702

It's an alien race known

throughout the galaxy

00:15:11,702 --> 00:15:13,621

for their nefarious and diabolical nature.

00:15:13,621 --> 00:15:15,664

Their representative

on Earth was Criss Angel.

00:15:15,664 --> 00:15:17,875

Ha. I told you there was

an evil conspiracy.

00:15:17,875 --> 00:15:19,960

Zaz, tell him what you told me

on the bus ride over.

00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:22,004

You-you're gonna love it.

He's actually a really good storyteller.

00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:26,425

The tale of Zazlaz

began four millennia ago.

00:15:26,425 --> 00:15:29,261

I was a cocooned hatchling then,

00:15:29,261 --> 00:15:31,013

tumbling through the Orion--

00:15:31,013 --> 00:15:32,097

Let me stop you right there.

00:15:32,097 --> 00:15:34,141

Is the short version

that you landed on this planet

00:15:34,141 --> 00:15:35,559

and took it over and now you use

00:15:35,559 --> 00:15:36,894

the tree cameras to spy,

00:15:36,894 --> 00:15:38,228

keep the population docile

00:15:38,228 --> 00:15:39,772

by putting chemicals in the bison,

00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:41,315

and insist everything be not extra

00:15:41,315 --> 00:15:43,192

because it makes everyone

easier to control?

00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:45,569

Guilty as charged.

00:15:46,820 --> 00:15:48,572

You just forgot one thing.

00:15:48,572 --> 00:15:52,701

By revealing me, you must now die.

00:15:53,661 --> 00:15:54,995

Hail Zazlaz!

00:15:55,412 --> 00:15:57,039

Hail Zazlaz!

00:16:19,853 --> 00:16:22,856

I've owned this planet

for a hundred years.

00:16:22,856 --> 00:16:27,194

Come, my freakies, liberate your master!

00:16:27,194 --> 00:16:28,946

Terry, help me barricade the

window with the furniture!

00:16:28,946 --> 00:16:30,823

But we'll have to put it

at a diagonal angle.

00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:31,907

Won't that be extra?

00:16:31,907 --> 00:16:33,742

Oh, now you care about that shit?

00:16:33,742 --> 00:16:34,827

- Yep.

- Goddammit, Terry,

00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:36,495

this is all your fault.

00:16:36,495 --> 00:16:37,830

If you hadn't fixated

on digging up a conspiracy,

00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:38,998

we'd all be living in blissful ignorance

00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:40,082

on a perfect planet.

00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:41,250

Aah!

00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:42,626

It wasn't perfect for me.

00:16:42,626 --> 00:16:44,294

Clervix was great for you

and the replicants,

00:16:44,294 --> 00:16:45,546

but it sucked ass for me.

00:16:45,546 --> 00:16:47,006

The lame aliens here never laughed

00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:49,008

at my clever references to TGIF sitcoms,

00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:51,010

and they gave me the worst nickname ever:

00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:52,177

Swizzle.

00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:53,762

Just because I swizzled

my butt a little bit

00:16:53,762 --> 00:16:55,264

when I walked around here on my first day,

00:16:55,264 --> 00:16:56,640

I get a nickname?

00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:58,267

And it was only on account

I hadn't done a good job

00:16:58,267 --> 00:17:00,060

wiping my human butt after I took a dump.

00:17:00,060 --> 00:17:02,855

And guess what? It gets a little itchy

around the rim.

00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:05,524

If anything, my nickname

should be "Itchy Butt."

00:17:05,524 --> 00:17:07,818

What are you talking about?

I thought you loved that nickname.

00:17:07,818 --> 00:17:09,778

I was lying.

00:17:09,778 --> 00:17:11,071

I'm just an amazing actor.

00:17:11,071 --> 00:17:12,614

Remember I took that YouTube masterclass

00:17:12,614 --> 00:17:13,741

taught by Scoot McNairy?

00:17:13,741 --> 00:17:15,951

Well, he was good on Narcos: Mexico.

00:17:15,951 --> 00:17:17,870

I always scolded you for hating on Earth.

00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:19,413

If I did it here, I'd be a hypocrite.

00:17:19,413 --> 00:17:20,998

Oh, Terry, you beautiful idiot.

00:17:20,998 --> 00:17:22,416

I love when you're a hypocrite.

00:17:22,416 --> 00:17:23,876

- You do?

- Your lack of principles

00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:25,711

is part of what keeps the flame burning.

00:17:28,922 --> 00:17:31,300

Uh, guys, can you wrap up

your emotional beat

00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:32,676

and help us out over here?

00:17:32,676 --> 00:17:34,595

Say the word and I'll pipe this meat sack.

00:17:34,595 --> 00:17:37,264

If I die, my control is broken.

00:17:37,264 --> 00:17:40,142

This entire planet

will descend into chaos.

00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:42,895

Descend my ass,

you shaved bear-lookin' bitch.

00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:45,272

Okay, then let's make a deal.

00:17:47,941 --> 00:17:48,942

We're listening.

00:17:48,942 --> 00:17:50,110

If you let me go back

00:17:50,110 --> 00:17:51,820

to secretly running this planet,

00:17:51,820 --> 00:17:54,281

then all of you will live like kings.

00:17:54,281 --> 00:17:56,158

I promise to never freak your minds.

00:17:56,158 --> 00:18:00,871

I may rock your bodies,

but I will steer clear of the minds.

00:18:01,371 --> 00:18:03,540

Uh, that was a good offer. Do we stay?

00:18:03,540 --> 00:18:05,709

I mean, I do like living on this planet.

00:18:05,709 --> 00:18:08,587

With my sexy voice,

I'm like the Rosie Perez of Clervix.

00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:10,255

♪ I like it too ♪

00:18:10,255 --> 00:18:11,882

Oh, my God, Yumyulack,

enough with the singing.

00:18:11,882 --> 00:18:13,675

You're not Pink. How about it, Terald?

00:18:13,675 --> 00:18:14,760

Wanna be a king?

00:18:15,219 --> 00:18:18,555

Um, well, if that's what

everyone else wants,

00:18:18,555 --> 00:18:19,932

I'll stay.

00:18:20,599 --> 00:18:23,894

We'll accept on one small condition,

00:18:23,894 --> 00:18:25,813

no one can call Terry "Swizzle" anymore.

00:18:25,813 --> 00:18:29,817

Sorry. Diminutive nicknames

are a part of my grand design.

00:18:29,817 --> 00:18:33,237

Consider it a small price to pay

to live in paradise.

00:18:33,237 --> 00:18:34,321

Plus, look at him.

00:18:34,321 --> 00:18:36,615

He's all swizzle and no stick.

00:18:37,074 --> 00:18:39,910

- It's okay. It's fine. I'm fine.

- No deal!

00:18:39,910 --> 00:18:43,288

You're throwing away paradise

for a nickname?

00:18:43,288 --> 00:18:45,624

No, because if my Tear-bear isn't happy,

00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:47,251

then it isn't a paradise.

00:18:47,251 --> 00:18:51,004

That is the stupidest shit

I have ever heard.

00:18:51,004 --> 00:18:54,216

My horde, attack!

00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:58,971

You know what, Zaz?

00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:00,264

You forbid anyone to be extra,

00:19:00,264 --> 00:19:02,266

but you're the most extra of anyone here.

00:19:02,266 --> 00:19:05,644

In fact, you're cringe as fuck.

00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:08,480

No!

00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:11,066

I'm turning whatever the opposite

00:19:11,859 --> 00:19:14,653

of extra is!

00:19:14,653 --> 00:19:16,196

Well, would you look at that?

00:19:16,196 --> 00:19:17,698

A basic-ass fiddle-leaf fig.

00:19:17,698 --> 00:19:19,867

- Brutal!

- Let's haul ass before someone kills us.

00:19:19,867 --> 00:19:22,744

My mind, it isn't being freaked anymore.

00:19:22,744 --> 00:19:24,621

I can be an asshole now.

00:19:30,294 --> 00:19:33,172

Damn. The planet went

to total shit really fast.

00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:35,299

Like every episode after

the pilot of Glee fast.

00:19:35,299 --> 00:19:36,425

That is fast!

00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:38,468

Well, now we need to find

a new place to live.

00:19:38,468 --> 00:19:40,888

AISHA, survey the sector

for habitable worlds.

00:19:40,888 --> 00:19:42,556

One without vampires.

00:19:42,556 --> 00:19:44,183

Okay, we got two options:

00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:47,019

a previously unknown

utopia planet full of sexy,

00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:49,229

Na'vi-like creatures.

00:19:49,229 --> 00:19:50,814

- Or Earth.

- Can't do Earth.

00:19:50,814 --> 00:19:52,691

Too many of my exes live there.

00:19:52,691 --> 00:19:54,109

And it's clearly on

the precipice of climate

00:19:54,109 --> 00:19:55,611

and societal collapse.

00:19:55,611 --> 00:19:57,613

Sounds like we're going

with the utopian option, then.

00:19:57,613 --> 00:19:59,781

Everyone, lotion up those neural tendrils.

00:19:59,781 --> 00:20:01,116

Sounds good to me.

00:20:01,116 --> 00:20:02,326

At least on this planet,

00:20:02,326 --> 00:20:03,744

there won't be nonstop ads

00:20:03,744 --> 00:20:06,622

for Jurassic Park 7: Oviraptor's Day Off.

00:20:06,622 --> 00:20:08,373

Wait, there's another JP coming out?

00:20:08,373 --> 00:20:10,292

Mm-hmm! But don't worry.

00:20:10,292 --> 00:20:13,295

I know a digital projector

at CAA who said it sucks.

00:20:13,295 --> 00:20:14,880

I thought Jurassic Park Dominion finished

00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:16,173

the original six-movie arc

00:20:16,173 --> 00:20:17,424

that Spielberg had always intended.

00:20:17,424 --> 00:20:19,009

That means that this one will be starting

00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:21,720

a whole new adventure

65 million years in the making!

00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:23,222

Guys, come on.

00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:25,182

No spoilers, but this one

tries to be a comedy,

00:20:25,182 --> 00:20:26,391

and it doesn't work.

00:20:26,391 --> 00:20:28,268

Please, let's go to the nicer planet.

00:20:28,268 --> 00:20:30,979

Then it's settled. The Solar Opposites

are going back to Earth

00:20:30,979 --> 00:20:33,482

and renewing their AMC Stubs memberships.

00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:40,948

You know, I'm gonna miss Clervix 3.

00:20:40,948 --> 00:20:42,574

All my favorite restaurants were there,

00:20:42,574 --> 00:20:44,409

plus I probably could've

gotten used to that nickname.

00:20:44,409 --> 00:20:46,620

Shut the fuck up, Terry. I swear to God.

00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:47,955

- Call me Swizzle.

- No.

00:20:47,955 --> 00:20:49,081

- Please?

- No!

00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:50,999

- Terry!

- You have zero principles!

00:20:50,999 --> 00:20:52,167

Such a hypocrite.

00:20:52,167 --> 00:20:54,586

But I just got used to Swizzle right now.

I'm sorry!

00:20:54,586 --> 00:20:55,754

People can change!

00:20:55,754 --> 00:20:56,838

You gotta give it time

00:20:56,838 --> 00:20:58,048

for a nickname to grow on you.

00:20:58,048 --> 00:20:59,549

How else am I gonna immediately explain

00:20:59,549 --> 00:21:01,301

that I have a itchy butthole to people

00:21:01,301 --> 00:21:03,595

if I don't have Swizzle as my nickname?

00:00:02,919 --> 00:00:07,007

♪

00:00:08,299 --> 00:00:11,970

[♪ ominous music playing]

00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:18,393

[Yumyulack] Come on, Korvo, you can do it!

00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:20,020

You got this, my King.

00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:21,730

- [Korvo groans]

- [flatulence]

00:00:21,730 --> 00:00:23,690

- [cheering]

- You did it, Korvo.

00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:25,567

Your human butthole's finally closed up.

00:00:25,567 --> 00:00:26,943

You're back to normal.

00:00:26,943 --> 00:00:29,237

I was starting to think

you'd be human forever,

00:00:29,237 --> 00:00:31,281

especially since Jesse, Terry,

and I have been back

00:00:31,281 --> 00:00:33,324

to being fully Shlorpian

for a hot second now.

00:00:33,324 --> 00:00:34,951

Ah, yes, it's good to be blue again,

00:00:34,951 --> 00:00:36,369

though of all the human orifices,

00:00:36,369 --> 00:00:38,204

I shall miss le anus the most.

00:00:38,204 --> 00:00:39,372

Fair thee well, old friend.

00:00:39,372 --> 00:00:40,457

I don't get it. We were human,

00:00:40,457 --> 00:00:41,541

and now we're Shlorpian again?

00:00:41,541 --> 00:00:42,709

How did that happen? Seriously!

00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:43,960

What's the deal?

00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:46,087

- Terry! Calm down.

- No, I want the answers!

00:00:46,087 --> 00:00:47,589

Give me the answers!

00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:49,466

There was no "previously on."

00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:51,051

I don't understand what's going on.

00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:53,053

I'm a new viewer, and I don't understand

what's going on.

00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:54,929

He's going Real Housewives. Grab him!

00:00:54,929 --> 00:00:57,182

- Get off me! Let me go!

- [all grunting]

00:00:58,391 --> 00:00:59,934

I'm calm, okay? I'm calm. I'm good.

00:00:59,934 --> 00:01:02,312

- You promise?

- [sighs] Yes.

00:01:02,687 --> 00:01:04,397

But for real, how'd this happen?

00:01:04,397 --> 00:01:06,274

[AISHA] So to recap,

y'all had been on Earth

00:01:06,274 --> 00:01:08,026

so long without the Pupa terraforming,

00:01:08,026 --> 00:01:10,612

that your Shlorpian bodies

started to adapt

00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:12,864

to the environment, and you turned human.

00:01:12,864 --> 00:01:14,866

Uh, but why aren't we on Earth anymore?

00:01:14,866 --> 00:01:17,077

I know, but just in case

Terry doesn't understand.

00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:19,621

[AISHA] To stop the transformation

from becoming permanent,

00:01:19,621 --> 00:01:22,332

you left Earth and resettled on Clervix 3.

00:01:22,332 --> 00:01:25,627

The new atmosphere allowed

your original bodies to reset.

00:01:25,627 --> 00:01:27,462

Does this mean we can

go back to Earth now?

00:01:27,462 --> 00:01:29,714

[AISHA] I guess, if you really

wanna go back

00:01:29,714 --> 00:01:31,216

to that trash-ass planet.

00:01:31,216 --> 00:01:33,343

The human transformation

only happens once.

00:01:33,343 --> 00:01:34,469

We are not going back!

00:01:34,469 --> 00:01:36,429

Geez. Aw, you yelled that so loud.

00:01:36,429 --> 00:01:37,889

And right in the place my ears would be.

00:01:37,889 --> 00:01:40,100

I don't often speak

in such an unceremonious manner,

00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:42,894

but this new planet is the tits.

00:01:42,894 --> 00:01:46,147

Oh, yeah, this planet is

a set of big naturals,

00:01:46,147 --> 00:01:47,774

the top of the tatas.

00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:49,943

This place is a literal paradise.

00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:51,986

There's no parking tickets,

the sandwich they have

00:01:51,986 --> 00:01:53,738

instead of the McRib

is offered all year long,

00:01:53,738 --> 00:01:55,615

the environment hasn't been destroyed,

and it isn't full of

00:01:55,615 --> 00:01:57,325

earwigs and centipedes like the last one.

00:01:57,742 --> 00:02:00,245

Everyone here thinks

my voice is hot and sexy,

00:02:00,245 --> 00:02:04,332

especially when I say

exotic stuff like "Sheboygan."

00:02:04,332 --> 00:02:05,583

Clervix 3 rules!

00:02:05,583 --> 00:02:06,960

The most popular sport is a version

00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,044

of Hide and Seek, which is

00:02:08,044 --> 00:02:09,254

basically bounty hunting.

00:02:09,254 --> 00:02:11,005

So that means I'm a cool jock here.

00:02:11,005 --> 00:02:12,632

And you nerds better not forget it.

00:02:12,632 --> 00:02:14,092

Even the Pupa likes it here.

00:02:14,092 --> 00:02:15,552

He's reverted to his original color,

00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:17,387

restarting his terraforming process.

00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:18,721

{\an8}Plus, I think he's

teaching himself to read.

00:02:18,721 --> 00:02:19,848

{\an8}[Jesse] Cute!

00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:21,224

Terry Ann, you agree this planet is

00:02:21,224 --> 00:02:23,351

B-I-G T-I-T-T-Y, don't you?

00:02:23,351 --> 00:02:26,729

Oh, yeah, baby. It's a couple

sweater stretchers for sure.

00:02:26,729 --> 00:02:28,106

The restaurants only have booths,

00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:29,607

no tables, just the way I like.

00:02:29,607 --> 00:02:30,900

Bookstores still exist, so I have

00:02:30,900 --> 00:02:32,277

somewhere to browse magazines,

00:02:32,277 --> 00:02:34,571

and Star Wars actually happened

as a war here.

00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:36,281

So now instead of knowing

pop culture trivia,

00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:37,866

I'm a learned historian.

00:02:37,866 --> 00:02:40,618

The folks here even gave you

that nickname when we arrived.

00:02:40,618 --> 00:02:41,995

What was it again? Swizzle?

00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,496

Yep, I'm Swizzle.

00:02:43,496 --> 00:02:45,290

I've always wanted a nickname,

and now I've got one.

00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:46,749

Swizzle. [laughs]

00:02:46,749 --> 00:02:47,834

Me to a T.

00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:49,043

Then it's settled.

00:02:49,043 --> 00:02:51,588

The Solar Opposites are

staying on Clervix 3.

00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:52,672

[cheering in unison]

00:02:53,506 --> 00:02:55,925

[Korvo] Planet Shlorp was

a perfect utopia,

00:02:55,925 --> 00:02:58,178

until the asteroid hit.

00:02:58,678 --> 00:03:01,139

One hundred adults and their replicants

were issued a Pupa,

00:03:01,139 --> 00:03:02,891

and escaped into the... space,

00:03:02,891 --> 00:03:05,727

searching for new homes

on uninhabited worlds.

00:03:05,727 --> 00:03:06,978

We crashed on Earth,

00:03:06,978 --> 00:03:08,104

stranding us on an already

00:03:08,104 --> 00:03:09,397

overpopulated planet.

00:03:09,397 --> 00:03:10,481

But then we did a bunch of stuff

00:03:10,481 --> 00:03:11,649

that ended up with us leaving Earth.

00:03:11,649 --> 00:03:13,902

And now we live on Clervix 3,

00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:15,904

which is a wonderful, perfect planet.

00:03:15,904 --> 00:03:17,530

{\an8}That's right, I've been talking

this whole time.

00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:19,365

{\an8}I'm the one holding the Pupa.

My name's Korvo.

00:03:19,365 --> 00:03:22,243

{\an8}I just dropped the Pupa, but it's okay

because this planet is so nice.

00:03:22,243 --> 00:03:24,412

{\an8}I literally have nothing

to complain about at all.

00:03:24,412 --> 00:03:27,290

{\an8}Terry likes it too, so we really aren't

even Opposites anymore.

00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:28,708

{\an8}I hope the title still makes sense.

00:03:28,708 --> 00:03:31,920

[♪ dramatic music]

00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:37,508

[Korvo] Alright, presentation time.

00:03:37,508 --> 00:03:39,052

As you know, we've been here on Clervix 3

00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:40,345

for a couple of months now,

00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:41,679

{\an8}and we've had a lot of funny adventures.

00:03:41,679 --> 00:03:42,764

{\an8}Ha, ha, ha, ha!

00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:44,224

{\an8}But it's time to get serious.

00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:45,934

{\an8}This afternoon, the Supreme Adjudicator

00:03:45,934 --> 00:03:47,310

{\an8}will be visiting our home

00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:48,478

{\an8}to determine whether or not

00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:49,938

{\an8}to grant us permanent citizenship.

00:03:49,938 --> 00:03:51,940

{\an8}I've met a lot of adjudicators in my day,

00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:55,109

{\an8}but this is definitely the highest-stakes

adjudicator yet.

00:03:55,109 --> 00:03:56,277

{\an8}Yeah, well, he's the one who decides

00:03:56,277 --> 00:03:57,654

{\an8}if we get to stay on this planet,

00:03:57,654 --> 00:03:58,988

{\an8}so to make sure everything goes smoothly,

00:03:58,988 --> 00:04:00,615

I've drafted a detailed plan.

00:04:00,615 --> 00:04:02,742

We will be conducting

a full-scale charm offensive

00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:05,495

on the Supreme Adjudicator

with our number-one priority being

00:04:05,495 --> 00:04:07,372

"to not be extra."

00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:11,292

And that's because the three pillars

of Clervixian society are...

00:04:11,292 --> 00:04:14,420

"Simplicity," "blandness,"

and "generic competence."

00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:16,089

Being extra is a crime on this planet,

00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:17,632

and I know we've all dabbled in it before,

00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:19,592

but today we have to lock that shit down.

00:04:19,592 --> 00:04:21,427

{\an8}Korvy, babe, I don't

wanna poke holes in this,

00:04:21,427 --> 00:04:23,137

{\an8}but isn't saying extra kind of cringe?

00:04:23,137 --> 00:04:24,681

{\an8}I thought it was cheugy.

00:04:24,681 --> 00:04:26,891

{\an8}Extra isn't cringe or cheugy

because this planet

00:04:26,891 --> 00:04:28,309

{\an8}is eight light years from Earth,

00:04:28,309 --> 00:04:30,019

{\an8}so we're technically ahead of all trends.

00:04:30,019 --> 00:04:31,646

{\an8}"Extra" is bussin'.

00:04:31,646 --> 00:04:33,022

- Hell yeah!

- Oh, don't do that!

00:04:33,439 --> 00:04:34,607

High fives are too extra!

00:04:35,191 --> 00:04:38,027

I have assigned each of you

important jobs for today.

00:04:38,027 --> 00:04:40,613

Jesse! You'll make the traditional

Clervixian Morg soup.

00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:42,824

It's a flavorless room temperature

lumpless chowder.

00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:45,702

I repeat, if you put lumps in the chowder,

we are fucked.

00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:48,121

{\an8}I've got tons of great dish prep ideas

00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:50,290

{\an8}from watching The Bear on FX on Hulu

00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:52,041

{\an8}on the Disney Interstellar bundle.

00:04:52,041 --> 00:04:53,501

All of that is way too extra.

00:04:53,501 --> 00:04:55,420

Stick to the recipe and whatever you do,

00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:56,587

don't bring up Hulu!

00:04:56,587 --> 00:04:57,672

Yes, Chef!

00:04:57,797 --> 00:04:59,048

Yumyulack, you will learn and perform

00:04:59,048 --> 00:05:01,551

an a cappella rendition

of the medium-volume,

00:05:01,551 --> 00:05:04,345

moderately tempoed

Clervixian Planetary Anthem.

00:05:04,345 --> 00:05:05,805

♪ On it! ♪

00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:08,141

And lastly, Terry, you will go purchase

00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,476

the mandatory Clervixian dinner helmets.

00:05:10,476 --> 00:05:12,520

These guys play it safe as hell

at mealtimes.

00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:15,398

{\an8}[claps] I live to shop,

and I shop to live!

00:05:15,398 --> 00:05:18,401

{\an8}It is vital we execute these assignments

perfectly today,

00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:19,652

{\an8}and that's it.

00:05:19,861 --> 00:05:22,238

{\an8}Thank you for watching.

Good night and good luck.

00:05:22,780 --> 00:05:24,574

{\an8}Okay, places. Places.

00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:26,701

{\an8}Look, guys. Tech week was hell,

but we made it.

00:05:26,701 --> 00:05:28,328

{\an8}Let's have a great show, people!

00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:30,204

{\an8}[all in unison] Got your back,

got your back, got your back.

00:05:30,204 --> 00:05:31,956

{\an8}Terry, help me rearrange the furniture.

00:05:31,956 --> 00:05:33,708

{\an8}We've got too many diagonals in here.

00:05:33,708 --> 00:05:35,418

{\an8}That's the most extra type of angle.

00:05:35,418 --> 00:05:37,628

So, I-I didn't wanna say anything in front

00:05:37,628 --> 00:05:39,380

of the replicants

because they're little bitches,

00:05:39,380 --> 00:05:42,467

but are you at all worried that

this planet's, like, too perfect?

00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:44,344

Are you saying Clervix 3 only appears

00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,387

to be an ideal home,

but it actually has a secret,

00:05:46,387 --> 00:05:49,140

{\an8}evil, science fiction, seedy underbelly

that we won't find out about

00:05:49,140 --> 00:05:50,641

{\an8}until it's too late for us to leave?

00:05:50,641 --> 00:05:51,809

{\an8}I didn't know that was a thing,

00:05:51,809 --> 00:05:53,144

{\an8}but, yes, that's exactly what I mean.

00:05:53,144 --> 00:05:54,771

{\an8}It is a thing, which I've been

watching out for

00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:56,147

{\an8}this whole time.

00:05:56,147 --> 00:05:58,149

Any seedy underbellies

would've surfaced by now.

00:05:58,149 --> 00:06:00,651

Clervix 3 is nothing

but a nice, non-seedy,

00:06:00,651 --> 00:06:02,570

whatever the opposite of an underbelly is.

00:06:02,570 --> 00:06:04,447

- Top tummy.

- But we haven't even looked around!

00:06:04,447 --> 00:06:06,449

How can we be sure something terrible

won't be revealed

00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:07,909

in, like, 8 to 10 episodes?

00:06:07,909 --> 00:06:09,494

Terry! Focus! The dinner helmets must be

00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:10,787

your number-one priority.

00:06:10,787 --> 00:06:12,038

Okay! Okay.

00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:13,581

I promise I'm not even gonna think about

00:06:13,581 --> 00:06:15,083

or mention this again.

00:06:15,083 --> 00:06:17,460

Hundred percent there's a seedy underbelly

up in this shit.

00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:20,088

Stay on task! Do not be extra.

00:06:24,759 --> 00:06:28,388

[objects clattering]

00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:30,306

[Korvo] Jesus H. Christopher Kattan.

00:06:30,306 --> 00:06:32,517

We have so much extra-seeming stuff.

00:06:32,517 --> 00:06:35,061

Look at all these souvenir keyrings

from our trip to Santa Fe,

00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:37,563

these Man in the High Castle

Season 2 FYC screeners,

00:06:37,563 --> 00:06:38,815

and all of your old baby toys, Pupa!

00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:40,358

{\an8}- [gasps]

- [Korvo] Relax!

00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:42,318

{\an8}I don't mean your Melissa and Doug

learning pelican.

00:06:42,318 --> 00:06:44,362

{\an8}Wait a sec, is this the Extra Ray?

00:06:44,695 --> 00:06:47,115

- Of all the rays to leave lying around?

- [ray zaps]

00:06:47,115 --> 00:06:49,367

Son of a bitch! We've been Dragon Balled.

00:06:49,784 --> 00:06:51,786

Hello! Just walking through.

Nothing to see here.

00:06:51,786 --> 00:06:53,955

- Kisses. Okay, bye.

- Hold it right there.

00:06:53,955 --> 00:06:55,832

Is that Tom Colicchio-brand

tarragon I smell?

00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:57,959

I just wanted to zhuzh up

the soup a little

00:06:57,959 --> 00:07:00,169

and impress the Supreme Adjudicator.

00:07:00,169 --> 00:07:02,130

No! Zhuzhing is Jewish for extra!

00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:04,132

Fine. But you know that ever since

00:07:04,132 --> 00:07:06,050

I got bit by the Ratatouille rat,

00:07:06,050 --> 00:07:08,803

I've been cursed to cook with soul.

00:07:09,178 --> 00:07:11,639

Oh! Yumyulack, what the hell

have you done to yourself?

00:07:11,639 --> 00:07:14,058

I'm gonna do a Blue Man Group-inspired

performance

00:07:14,058 --> 00:07:15,935

of the Clervixian Planetary Anthem.

00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:18,312

No, that's too extra.

Also, why are you red?

00:07:18,312 --> 00:07:20,440

Yeah, since I'm blue already,

I went with the

00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:24,235

♪ Opposite color on the spectrum Mm! ♪

00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:25,611

The Supreme Adjudicator's gonna love it.

00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:26,779

No, he won't.

00:07:26,779 --> 00:07:28,156

I told you to keep it simple.

00:07:28,156 --> 00:07:30,116

Go wash yourself

in the basement sink right now.

00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:32,535

♪ You don't understand my art ♪

00:07:32,535 --> 00:07:33,619

- Ah!

- [door slams open]

00:07:33,619 --> 00:07:35,121

- Ah!

- Great news!

00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:36,664

Ha, ha! You got the helmets?

00:07:36,664 --> 00:07:38,040

No, silly goose. I got evidence

00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:39,500

of the seedy underbelly.

00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:41,419

- What?

- Check it out. These trees with cameras

00:07:41,419 --> 00:07:43,671

on them are on every corner,

watching our every move.

00:07:43,671 --> 00:07:46,215

There is something sick and evil

happening on this planet.

00:07:46,215 --> 00:07:48,092

They had cameras like this

everywhere on Earth,

00:07:48,092 --> 00:07:49,469

and you never had a problem with it then.

00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:51,429

Well, yeah, but that's because

I was complicit

00:07:51,429 --> 00:07:52,722

in commodifying my privacy.

00:07:52,722 --> 00:07:54,807

This isn't evidence of a seedy underbelly.

00:07:54,807 --> 00:07:56,434

It's just for speeding tickets.

00:07:56,434 --> 00:07:57,977

Now get me those dinner helmets.

00:07:57,977 --> 00:08:00,062

Ugh. Fine, but I'm leaving

the camera tree here

00:08:00,062 --> 00:08:01,647

because I'm too tired to drag it out.

00:08:01,647 --> 00:08:04,484

Knock, knock. Greetings and pleasant

rotations, Solars.

00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,194

Well, if it isn't our next-door neighbors

00:08:06,194 --> 00:08:07,445

Blix and Vorgento.

00:08:07,445 --> 00:08:09,739

Greetings and pleasant rotations

to you both.

00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:11,782

What is this "greetings and rotations"

horse shit?

00:08:11,782 --> 00:08:13,409

It's how you say hi here.

00:08:13,409 --> 00:08:14,744

Would it kill you to pay attention?

00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:16,204

- Say what?

- Please just say hello.

00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:18,164

- These guys like you, Terry.

- Whatever. Fine.

00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:21,083

- How's your rotaysh?

- Ho, ho, it's Swizzle.

00:08:21,083 --> 00:08:22,710

[both laughing]

00:08:22,710 --> 00:08:24,712

Ha. Ha, ha. Yeah, I almost forgot

00:08:24,712 --> 00:08:26,088

about my awesome nickname.

00:08:26,088 --> 00:08:27,465

I never got one of those

on stupid old Earth.

00:08:27,465 --> 00:08:28,549

Pew, pew.

00:08:28,549 --> 00:08:29,634

Korvo, we heard

00:08:29,634 --> 00:08:31,177

the Supreme Adjudicator is coming,

00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:33,679

so we thought we'd come lend you

our bland, silent support.

00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:36,390

We even brought our robo, JK Sevens.

00:08:36,390 --> 00:08:38,351

Oh, God, not JK Sevens.

00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,978

Why does he always have to make

such an obnoxious entrance?

00:08:40,978 --> 00:08:44,357

Ugh, sorry. We're still training him

to not be so extra.

00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:45,900

[Korvo] He acts like

a character who was added

00:08:45,900 --> 00:08:48,402

in the fifth season of a TV show

who's very polarizing

00:08:48,402 --> 00:08:49,862

but has big merchandising potential.

00:08:49,862 --> 00:08:51,364

[JK Sevens beeps]

00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:52,532

[TV slams on the floor]

00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:53,658

Could you please stop your robot

00:08:53,658 --> 00:08:54,784

from destroying my house?

00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:56,494

Yeah, if we do, he'll just pitch a fit.

00:08:56,494 --> 00:08:58,663

We found it best to just

let him tire himself out.

00:08:58,663 --> 00:09:00,456

[Korvo] He's just being so extra.

00:09:00,456 --> 00:09:02,500

I know. Pupa, why not take JK Sevens

00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:04,210

to your room and show him your lovely

00:09:04,335 --> 00:09:06,712

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

Playmobil playset.

00:09:06,712 --> 00:09:07,922

No!

00:09:07,922 --> 00:09:09,715

I'll let you read more revisionist history

00:09:09,715 --> 00:09:11,259

from a leftist perspective.

00:09:11,259 --> 00:09:12,927

- [JK Sevens whirring]

- [Pupa groans]

00:09:14,053 --> 00:09:15,721

- [Pupa grunting]

- [JK Sevens clanging]

00:09:19,934 --> 00:09:21,561

[Pupa grunts]

00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:22,853

[Pupa screams]

00:09:24,438 --> 00:09:26,691

- [whirring]

- [Pupa] Ugh.

00:09:31,946 --> 00:09:36,158

- [Korvo grunting]

- [ax thudding]

00:09:36,158 --> 00:09:38,327

Ah, thank God I had this sci-fi ax.

00:09:38,327 --> 00:09:39,704

[doorbell rings]

00:09:40,204 --> 00:09:42,373

Supreme Adjudicator! You're early!

00:09:42,373 --> 00:09:44,041

Greetings and pleasant rotations.

00:09:44,041 --> 00:09:46,460

I always arrive early

so I don't have to stay late.

00:09:46,460 --> 00:09:48,796

Yeah, staying late is very extra.

00:09:48,796 --> 00:09:52,174

Pleasant rotations, Lord Adjudicator,

Your Supremeness, Your--

00:09:52,174 --> 00:09:53,759

W-w-what should I call you?

00:09:53,759 --> 00:09:55,428

You can call me whatever you want

00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:57,555

as long as you don't call me

late for dinner.

00:09:57,680 --> 00:09:59,015

[Blix and Vorgento laugh]

00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:01,350

- He went there!

- Supreme Adjudicator for the win!

00:10:01,350 --> 00:10:03,311

Yes, well, go-good one, sir.

00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:06,939

That is the caliber of joke

that is acceptable here on Clervix 3:

00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:09,984

Straight down the middle.

Not a hint of being extra.

00:10:09,984 --> 00:10:12,194

Well, it's nice to have you.

I hope we can--

00:10:12,194 --> 00:10:14,030

The adjudication now begins.

00:10:14,530 --> 00:10:16,782

Your dwelling appears simple and tasteful.

00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:18,117

Not extra in the least.

00:10:18,117 --> 00:10:19,327

Oh, I'm delighted to hear that.

00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:20,995

But not extra delighted.

00:10:20,995 --> 00:10:22,538

[loud crash]

00:10:22,538 --> 00:10:24,832

What was that "extra-sounding" noise?

00:10:24,832 --> 00:10:26,584

Uh, that was a sneeze.

00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:28,878

My sneezes sound like lots

of pans being dropped,

00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:30,296

and I do them with my mouth closed

00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:32,256

with no visual indication

that it happened.

00:10:32,256 --> 00:10:33,382

- [loud bang]

- [Jesse] Aw, shit!

00:10:33,382 --> 00:10:34,467

Uh, I just remembered I left

00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:35,593

a spoon in the kitchen.

00:10:35,593 --> 00:10:37,011

Stay here and, uh,

00:10:37,011 --> 00:10:38,846

look through our

very basic coffee table book

00:10:38,846 --> 00:10:40,473

that's just pages with numbers on them.

00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:43,184

Ah, the number eight.

00:10:43,184 --> 00:10:45,686

Good old number 37. [chuckles]

00:10:45,686 --> 00:10:48,230

733. Now that is a number.

00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:49,482

- Jesse!

- Yes, Chef.

00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:50,816

What the shit's all this?

00:10:50,816 --> 00:10:52,902

The Morg Soup is supposed

to be two ingredients:

00:10:52,902 --> 00:10:53,986

morg and air.

00:10:53,986 --> 00:10:55,529

I got a teeny bit carried away

00:10:55,529 --> 00:10:56,947

trying to make things perfect.

00:10:56,947 --> 00:10:58,532

- Here. You gotta try this.

- No!

00:10:58,532 --> 00:10:59,742

- Come on!

- I said no. No, no, no.

00:10:59,742 --> 00:11:01,452

- Korvo, please. Try it!

- Nope, I won't.

00:11:01,452 --> 00:11:03,913

- Nope, stop it.

- Open that yapper and sip this soup.

00:11:04,372 --> 00:11:07,083

[spits] Jesse, I-- That is delicious.

00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:09,335

Now throw it away and make

the flavorless version immediately.

00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:10,836

- Yes, Chef!

- Stop saying that.

00:11:10,836 --> 00:11:12,046

- [oven dings]

- What the hell is in the oven?

00:11:12,046 --> 00:11:13,547

It's a special appeteaser

00:11:13,547 --> 00:11:14,965

I made for the Adjudicator

00:11:14,965 --> 00:11:16,592

called the "Pop Rocks Cheezit Bomb."

00:11:16,592 --> 00:11:18,594

When you taste it, it's "da bomb." Get it?

00:11:18,594 --> 00:11:19,679

To be honest, I don't.

00:11:19,804 --> 00:11:21,138

- Just get rid of it now.

- [door slams open]

00:11:21,555 --> 00:11:23,224

Great news! Your boy got the helmets.

00:11:23,224 --> 00:11:24,475

Oh, thank God. Something's going right.

00:11:24,475 --> 00:11:25,768

Sorry, left out a word.

00:11:25,768 --> 00:11:27,436

Your boy don't got the helmets.

00:11:27,436 --> 00:11:28,896

But look what I do got.

00:11:30,189 --> 00:11:32,483

What in the actual fuck is that?

00:11:32,483 --> 00:11:35,111

This is a Clervixian space bison.

00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:37,029

And I think it's part of that

secret seedy underbelly

00:11:37,029 --> 00:11:38,239

we're all fully obsessed with.

00:11:38,239 --> 00:11:39,532

There is no underbelly!

00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,659

This little stinker here has been

00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:43,577

genetically modified!

00:11:43,577 --> 00:11:44,745

Gasp if you must.

00:11:44,745 --> 00:11:45,955

- Behind!

- Terry!

00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:48,124

Someone's putting chemicals in their food

and it's messing with our bodies.

00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:50,292

Like, have you felt really horny

and really sterile lately?

00:11:50,292 --> 00:11:51,585

I know I have.

00:11:51,585 --> 00:11:53,129

They genetically modified

the cows on earth.

00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:54,422

That's not a conspiracy.

00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:55,756

It's just the soulless pillage

00:11:55,756 --> 00:11:57,007

of a living creature's dignity.

00:11:57,007 --> 00:11:58,801

I'm seeing all the twisted threads here.

00:11:58,801 --> 00:12:00,052

The only part I'm missing is, you know,

00:12:00,052 --> 00:12:01,387

the bigger thread that connects them.

00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:02,680

But I'm close to uncovering it.

00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:04,390

B-T dubs, Jess, whatever you're making

00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:05,975

smells scrumplicious.

00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:07,059

Thank you, Chef!

00:12:07,059 --> 00:12:08,352

Terry, what you need to uncover is

00:12:08,352 --> 00:12:10,062

the fucking dinner helmets!

00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:11,147

- The what?

- [Korvo] Ugh.

00:12:11,147 --> 00:12:12,898

The thing you're supposed to get.

00:12:12,898 --> 00:12:14,233

The dinner helmets.

00:12:14,358 --> 00:12:16,152

First time I'm hearing about it,

but I'll look into it.

00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:18,654

Dinner hut muts.

00:12:18,654 --> 00:12:20,740

- [Korvo grunts]

- [cow bell rings]

00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:22,366

[Space Bison] Goo!

00:12:22,366 --> 00:12:24,410

They say goo instead of moo!

00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:25,703

[door slams closed]

00:12:25,703 --> 00:12:27,496

[Terry] Oh, this goes

all the way to the top.

00:12:27,496 --> 00:12:30,916

- [♪ electronic music playing]

- Oh, what in the Skrillex?

00:12:30,916 --> 00:12:32,501

- [♪ loud electronic music]

- [gasps]

00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:36,547

Yumyulack, why are you still red?

And what is this?

00:12:36,547 --> 00:12:39,258

I'm gonna "Reggie Watts"

the Planetary Anthem.

00:12:39,258 --> 00:12:40,426

["Reggie Watts" loops]

00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:41,969

Wow, extra much?

00:12:41,969 --> 00:12:43,220

["Extra, much?" loops]

00:12:43,220 --> 00:12:45,556

It is extra. What are you doing?

00:12:45,556 --> 00:12:48,058

Redefining performance art.

The Supreme Adjudicator's gonna love it.

00:12:48,058 --> 00:12:49,810

Ahh, no. Out.

00:12:49,810 --> 00:12:53,063

["Ahh, no. Out" loops]

00:12:53,564 --> 00:12:55,524

- [Yumyulack shrieks]

- Where is the Supreme Adjudicator?

00:12:55,524 --> 00:12:56,817

[toilet flushes]

00:12:56,817 --> 00:12:58,277

Korvo, I commend you on a very

00:12:58,277 --> 00:12:59,779

not extra bathroom.

00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:02,865

The water level was modest,

toilet paper acceptable.

00:13:02,865 --> 00:13:04,533

Well, if you love the bathroom,

00:13:04,533 --> 00:13:07,453

you'll, uh, love our pocket dimension.

00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:09,038

- No need, I'm sure--

- In you go!

00:13:09,497 --> 00:13:10,498

Stop it!

00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:13,417

[Pupa] Mine! Mine! [grunts]

00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:16,212

- [JK Sevens beeps]

- [exasperated groan]

00:13:19,089 --> 00:13:22,510

[♪ "Hedwig's Theme" plays on recorder]

00:13:22,510 --> 00:13:23,677

[Pupa screeches]

00:13:23,677 --> 00:13:25,054

Yumyulack, cut it out!

00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:26,222

No!

00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:28,808

Everyone's gonna lose it for my tubes.

00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,851

No! This is beyond extra.

00:13:30,851 --> 00:13:31,936

Oh, cheese.

00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:33,354

I accidentally triggered the countdown

00:13:33,354 --> 00:13:34,688

on my Pop Rocks Cheez-it Bomb.

00:13:34,688 --> 00:13:37,274

- It's gonna blow!

- Are you fucking kidding me?!

00:13:39,735 --> 00:13:43,781

[♪ suspenseful slow-motion music]

00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:50,579

We just avoided a total disaster.

00:13:50,579 --> 00:13:52,248

[Pop Rocks Cheez-it Bomb explodes]

00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:55,209

Ah, my head! If only we had our

dinner helmets.

00:13:55,209 --> 00:13:57,086

[portal opens]

00:13:57,419 --> 00:13:58,420

What the...

00:13:58,420 --> 00:13:59,964

Seems things took a turn for the extra

00:13:59,964 --> 00:14:01,799

while I was gone.

00:14:01,924 --> 00:14:03,300

My adjudication thingy!

00:14:03,300 --> 00:14:06,345

Uh, okay, look, I spent all day pretending

00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:10,349

that we're boring and fit in,

but the truth is we is extra.

00:14:10,766 --> 00:14:12,977

We love this planet,

and we want to stay here,

00:14:12,977 --> 00:14:15,271

but if you don't think we fit in

for who we really are,

00:14:15,271 --> 00:14:18,440

we'll find another planet

that's not as perfect to call home.

00:14:19,608 --> 00:14:22,570

While we Clervixians

don't like our citizens being "extra,"

00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:25,155

being fake is much, much worse.

00:14:25,155 --> 00:14:27,199

Being fake is actually being "extra,"

00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:28,868

which you are not.

00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:30,202

Does that make sense?

00:14:30,202 --> 00:14:31,287

It does not.

00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:32,788

Our confusing ways are why

00:14:32,788 --> 00:14:34,540

we need so many adjudicators.

00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:37,001

Anyway, I now declare you and your family

00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:39,378

to be permanent residents of Clervix 3.

00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:40,921

You may gently celebrate.

00:14:40,921 --> 00:14:42,214

- Whoa!

- Cool.

00:14:42,214 --> 00:14:44,466

- [door slams open]

- I found the dinner helmets!

00:14:44,466 --> 00:14:46,886

We don't need them anymore.

We're official citizens.

00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:48,721

Oh, okay. Well, I also found the monster

00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,389

that's been secretly controlling

this whole planet

00:14:50,389 --> 00:14:51,515

from a hidden underground lair.

00:14:51,515 --> 00:14:52,641

[all gasp]

00:14:52,975 --> 00:14:55,477

Unleash me!

00:14:55,477 --> 00:14:58,647

Put your hands together

for Zazlaz the Mind Freak!

00:14:58,647 --> 00:15:01,400

- [electricity zapping]

- [Zazlaz groaning]

00:15:04,403 --> 00:15:07,156

Terry, you dumbass, this is a Mind Freak!

00:15:07,156 --> 00:15:09,867

- Right? Wait, you know this guy?

- Not personally.

00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:11,702

It's an alien race known

throughout the galaxy

00:15:11,702 --> 00:15:13,621

for their nefarious and diabolical nature.

00:15:13,621 --> 00:15:15,664

Their representative

on Earth was Criss Angel.

00:15:15,664 --> 00:15:17,875

Ha. I told you there was

an evil conspiracy.

00:15:17,875 --> 00:15:19,960

Zaz, tell him what you told me

on the bus ride over.

00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:22,004

You-you're gonna love it.

He's actually a really good storyteller.

00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:26,425

The tale of Zazlaz

began four millennia ago.

00:15:26,425 --> 00:15:29,261

I was a cocooned hatchling then,

00:15:29,261 --> 00:15:31,013

tumbling through the Orion--

00:15:31,013 --> 00:15:32,097

[Korvo] Let me stop you right there.

00:15:32,097 --> 00:15:34,141

Is the short version

that you landed on this planet

00:15:34,141 --> 00:15:35,559

and took it over and now you use

00:15:35,559 --> 00:15:36,894

the tree cameras to spy,

00:15:36,894 --> 00:15:38,228

keep the population docile

00:15:38,228 --> 00:15:39,772

by putting chemicals in the bison,

00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:41,315

and insist everything be not extra

00:15:41,315 --> 00:15:43,192

because it makes everyone

easier to control?

00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:45,569

Guilty as charged.

00:15:45,569 --> 00:15:46,820

[cackles]

00:15:46,820 --> 00:15:48,572

You just forgot one thing.

00:15:48,572 --> 00:15:52,701

By revealing me, you must now die.

00:15:53,661 --> 00:15:54,995

[Blix/Vorgento/Adjudicator] Hail Zazlaz!

00:15:55,412 --> 00:15:57,039

Hail Zazlaz!

00:15:57,039 --> 00:15:58,999

[♪ intense music]

00:15:59,833 --> 00:16:02,419

[grunting]

00:16:13,722 --> 00:16:14,890

[screeches]

00:16:18,102 --> 00:16:19,853

- [Zazlaz cackling]

- [Korvo/Terry gasp]

00:16:19,853 --> 00:16:22,856

I've owned this planet

for a hundred years.

00:16:22,856 --> 00:16:27,194

Come, my freakies, liberate your master!

00:16:27,194 --> 00:16:28,946

Terry, help me barricade the

window with the furniture!

00:16:28,946 --> 00:16:30,823

But we'll have to put it

at a diagonal angle.

00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:31,907

Won't that be extra?

00:16:31,907 --> 00:16:33,742

Oh, now you care about that shit?

00:16:33,742 --> 00:16:34,827

- Yep.

- Goddammit, Terry,

00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:36,495

this is all your fault.

00:16:36,495 --> 00:16:37,830

If you hadn't fixated

on digging up a conspiracy,

00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:38,998

we'd all be living in blissful ignorance

00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:40,082

on a perfect planet.

00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:41,250

- [glass shatters]

- Aah!

00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:42,626

It wasn't perfect for me.

00:16:42,626 --> 00:16:44,294

Clervix was great for you

and the replicants,

00:16:44,294 --> 00:16:45,546

but it sucked ass for me.

00:16:45,546 --> 00:16:47,006

The lame aliens here never laughed

00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:49,008

at my clever references to TGIF sitcoms,

00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:51,010

and they gave me the worst nickname ever:

00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:52,177

Swizzle.

00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:53,762

Just because I swizzled

my butt a little bit

00:16:53,762 --> 00:16:55,264

when I walked around here on my first day,

00:16:55,264 --> 00:16:56,640

I get a nickname?

00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:58,267

And it was only on account

I hadn't done a good job

00:16:58,267 --> 00:17:00,060

wiping my human butt after I took a dump.

00:17:00,060 --> 00:17:02,855

And guess what? It gets a little itchy

around the rim.

00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:05,524

If anything, my nickname

should be "Itchy Butt."

00:17:05,524 --> 00:17:07,818

What are you talking about?

I thought you loved that nickname.

00:17:07,818 --> 00:17:09,778

I was lying.

00:17:09,778 --> 00:17:11,071

I'm just an amazing actor.

00:17:11,071 --> 00:17:12,614

Remember I took that YouTube masterclass

00:17:12,614 --> 00:17:13,741

taught by Scoot McNairy?

00:17:13,741 --> 00:17:15,951

Well, he was good on Narcos: Mexico.

00:17:15,951 --> 00:17:17,870

I always scolded you for hating on Earth.

00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:19,413

If I did it here, I'd be a hypocrite.

00:17:19,413 --> 00:17:20,998

Oh, Terry, you beautiful idiot.

00:17:20,998 --> 00:17:22,416

I love when you're a hypocrite.

00:17:22,416 --> 00:17:23,876

- You do?

- Your lack of principles

00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:25,711

is part of what keeps the flame burning.

00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:28,922

[Korvo and Terry kiss]

00:17:28,922 --> 00:17:31,300

Uh, guys, can you wrap up

your emotional beat

00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:32,676

and help us out over here?

00:17:32,676 --> 00:17:34,595

Say the word and I'll pipe this meat sack.

00:17:34,595 --> 00:17:37,264

If I die, my control is broken.

00:17:37,264 --> 00:17:40,142

This entire planet

will descend into chaos.

00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:42,895

Descend my ass,

you shaved bear-lookin' bitch.

00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:45,272

Okay, then let's make a deal.

00:17:47,941 --> 00:17:48,942

We're listening.

00:17:48,942 --> 00:17:50,110

If you let me go back

00:17:50,110 --> 00:17:51,820

to secretly running this planet,

00:17:51,820 --> 00:17:54,281

then all of you will live like kings.

00:17:54,281 --> 00:17:56,158

I promise to never freak your minds.

00:17:56,158 --> 00:18:00,871

I may rock your bodies,

but I will steer clear of the minds.

00:18:01,371 --> 00:18:03,540

Uh, that was a good offer. Do we stay?

00:18:03,540 --> 00:18:05,709

I mean, I do like living on this planet.

00:18:05,709 --> 00:18:08,587

With my sexy voice,

I'm like the Rosie Perez of Clervix.

00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:10,255

♪ I like it too ♪

00:18:10,255 --> 00:18:11,882

Oh, my God, Yumyulack,

enough with the singing.

00:18:11,882 --> 00:18:13,675

You're not Pink. How about it, Terald?

00:18:13,675 --> 00:18:14,760

Wanna be a king?

00:18:15,219 --> 00:18:18,555

Um, well, if that's what

everyone else wants,

00:18:18,555 --> 00:18:19,932

I'll stay.

00:18:20,599 --> 00:18:23,894

We'll accept on one small condition,

00:18:23,894 --> 00:18:25,813

no one can call Terry "Swizzle" anymore.

00:18:25,813 --> 00:18:29,817

Sorry. Diminutive nicknames

are a part of my grand design.

00:18:29,817 --> 00:18:33,237

Consider it a small price to pay

to live in paradise.

00:18:33,237 --> 00:18:34,321

Plus, look at him.

00:18:34,321 --> 00:18:36,615

He's all swizzle and no stick.

00:18:37,074 --> 00:18:39,910

- It's okay. It's fine. I'm fine.

- No deal!

00:18:39,910 --> 00:18:43,288

You're throwing away paradise

for a nickname?

00:18:43,288 --> 00:18:45,624

No, because if my Tear-bear isn't happy,

00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:47,251

then it isn't a paradise.

00:18:47,251 --> 00:18:51,004

That is the stupidest shit

I have ever heard.

00:18:51,004 --> 00:18:54,216

My horde, attack!

00:18:54,216 --> 00:18:55,676

- [door slams open]

- [Solars gasp]

00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:58,971

You know what, Zaz?

00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:00,264

You forbid anyone to be extra,

00:19:00,264 --> 00:19:02,266

but you're the most extra of anyone here.

00:19:02,266 --> 00:19:05,644

In fact, you're cringe as fuck.

00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:08,480

- [Extra Ray zaps]

- No!

00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:11,066

I'm turning whatever the opposite

00:19:11,859 --> 00:19:14,653

of extra is!

00:19:14,653 --> 00:19:16,196

[Yumyulack] Well, would you look at that?

00:19:16,196 --> 00:19:17,698

A basic-ass fiddle-leaf fig.

00:19:17,698 --> 00:19:19,867

- Brutal!

- Let's haul ass before someone kills us.

00:19:19,867 --> 00:19:22,744

My mind, it isn't being freaked anymore.

00:19:22,744 --> 00:19:24,621

I can be an asshole now.

00:19:24,955 --> 00:19:26,123

[Clervixians clamoring]

00:19:30,294 --> 00:19:33,172

Damn. The planet went

to total shit really fast.

00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:35,299

Like every episode after

the pilot of Glee fast.

00:19:35,299 --> 00:19:36,425

That is fast!

00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:38,468

Well, now we need to find

a new place to live.

00:19:38,468 --> 00:19:40,888

AISHA, survey the sector

for habitable worlds.

00:19:40,888 --> 00:19:42,556

One without vampires.

00:19:42,556 --> 00:19:44,183

[AISHA] Okay, we got two options:

00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:47,019

a previously unknown

utopia planet full of sexy,

00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:49,229

Na'vi-like creatures.

00:19:49,229 --> 00:19:50,814

- Or Earth.

- Can't do Earth.

00:19:50,814 --> 00:19:52,691

Too many of my exes live there.

00:19:52,691 --> 00:19:54,109

And it's clearly on

the precipice of climate

00:19:54,109 --> 00:19:55,611

and societal collapse.

00:19:55,611 --> 00:19:57,613

Sounds like we're going

with the utopian option, then.

00:19:57,613 --> 00:19:59,781

Everyone, lotion up those neural tendrils.

00:19:59,781 --> 00:20:01,116

[AISHA] Sounds good to me.

00:20:01,116 --> 00:20:02,326

At least on this planet,

00:20:02,326 --> 00:20:03,744

there won't be nonstop ads

00:20:03,744 --> 00:20:06,622

for Jurassic Park 7: Oviraptor's Day Off.

00:20:06,622 --> 00:20:08,373

Wait, there's another JP coming out?

00:20:08,373 --> 00:20:10,292

[AISHA] Mm-hmm! But don't worry.

00:20:10,292 --> 00:20:13,295

I know a digital projector

at CAA who said it sucks.

00:20:13,295 --> 00:20:14,880

I thought Jurassic Park Dominion finished

00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:16,173

the original six-movie arc

00:20:16,173 --> 00:20:17,424

that Spielberg had always intended.

00:20:17,424 --> 00:20:19,009

That means that this one will be starting

00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:21,720

a whole new adventure

65 million years in the making!

00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:23,222

[AISHA] Guys, come on.

00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:25,182

No spoilers, but this one

tries to be a comedy,

00:20:25,182 --> 00:20:26,391

and it doesn't work.

00:20:26,391 --> 00:20:28,268

Please, let's go to the nicer planet.

00:20:28,268 --> 00:20:30,979

Then it's settled. The Solar Opposites

are going back to Earth

00:20:30,979 --> 00:20:33,482

and renewing their AMC Stubs memberships.

00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:34,650

[buckle clicks]

00:20:36,944 --> 00:20:39,071

[spaceship whooshing]

00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:40,948

You know, I'm gonna miss Clervix 3.

00:20:40,948 --> 00:20:42,574

All my favorite restaurants were there,

00:20:42,574 --> 00:20:44,409

plus I probably could've

gotten used to that nickname.

00:20:44,409 --> 00:20:46,620

Shut the fuck up, Terry. I swear to God.

00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:47,955

- Call me Swizzle.

- No.

00:20:47,955 --> 00:20:49,081

- Please?

- No!

00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:50,999

- Terry!

- You have zero principles!

00:20:50,999 --> 00:20:52,167

Such a hypocrite.

00:20:52,167 --> 00:20:54,586

But I just got used to Swizzle right now.

I'm sorry!

00:20:54,586 --> 00:20:55,754

People can change!

00:20:55,754 --> 00:20:56,838

You gotta give it time

00:20:56,838 --> 00:20:58,048

for a nickname to grow on you.

00:20:58,048 --> 00:20:59,549

How else am I gonna immediately explain

00:20:59,549 --> 00:21:01,301

that I have a itchy butthole to people

00:21:01,301 --> 00:21:03,595

if I don't have Swizzle as my nickname?

00:21:04,179 --> 00:21:06,682

[JK Sevens beeping]

00:21:06,682 --> 00:21:10,394

[♪ dramatic theme playing]

00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:24,366

♪

00:21:51,143 --> 00:21:52,644

[mimicking laser fire]