Учебное спринклерное устройство

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Где ты, маленький засранец?

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Отвянь, Корво. Мы тут смотрим «Единоземку».

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Да! Это приквел к «Чужестранке».

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Он единственная причина, почему я до сих пор

не набила карманы камнями и не утопилась в реке.

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Скоро мы наверняка узнаем,

почему они так часто лижут жопы.

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Думаю потому, что в шотландских сёлах холодно,

а так они греют носы.

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Пупа грызёт мои вещи.

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Посмотрите на мою поварёшку! Это тиковое дерево!

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Корво, просто используй приложение «Найти Пупу».

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Я сделал его на курсах разработки

специально для этого.

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Оно бесит. Премиум я покупать не хочу,

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а в рекламе

только сомнительные антидепрессанты.

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Можно найти и с бесплатной версией,

если Пупа где-то в пределах района, придурок.

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Ладно.

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Найди меня.

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Он напротив дома?

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Вперёд, экипаж!

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У бедняжки просто режутся зубки.

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Смотрите, как он сосёт глушитель.

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Малыш любит сосать глушители?

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Да, он очень любит.

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А зачем он всё лезет в эту стрёмную заброшку?

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Да это не заброшка.

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Здесь жил Гленн. Помните Гленна?

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Это его вы отправили в космос после того,

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как случайно прострелили

ему ногу коллекционной пулей.

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Ты эти фанфики оставь своим подписчикам.

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Мы Исключительные парни навсегда,

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для нас нет последствий,

а всё наше насилие мультяшное.

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Лучше бы нам вспомнить Гленна.

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Скорее всего, он планирует отомстить нам.

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Да, конечно, из космоса?

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Ему сильно повезёт, если он выживет.

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Да болтается по космосу,

ведь людишки не могут без гравитации.

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Твой товарищ-репликант дело говорит.

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Этот Гленн нам ничего не сможет сделать,

особенно отомстить.

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Нам никогда, никогда больше не придётся

вспоминать о нём.

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СОЛНЕЧНЫЕ ПРОТИВОПОЛОЖНОСТИ. СРЕБРОКОПЫ

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Ранее в «Среброкопах».

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Гленн улетел в космос, встретил копов.

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И потрахался с копами.

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И его предали копы.

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Нашёл друзей, не копов.

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Предал их и присоединился к копам.

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Это поучительная история!

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СОЛНЕЧНЫЕ ПРОТИВОПОЛОЖНОСТИ. СРЕБРОКОПЫ

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ЛАГЕРЬ СРЕБРОКОПОВ 42

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Шевелитесь.

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Хотите быть среброкопами, вы должны уметь

ублажать, латать и драть свою машину.

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Блин, то есть катать.

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Брали бы все пример с Доджа.

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Парень умеет обращаться со своим болтом.

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Красавчик, Додж.

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Кто? А, да, меня теперь так зовут.

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Есть, сэр, сержант, сэр.

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Эй, Чарджер, вот-вот сядет шаттл с новобранцами.

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Прям как наш когда-то.

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То есть, три дня назад?

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Для моего вида это как десять дней.

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Пошли надерём им сраку.

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Не, я пойду полировать свой глушитель,

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иначе он не будет издавать

этот крутой звук ву-ву-ву, когда гоняешь.

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Типа делаешь вид, что тебе пофиг, я понял.

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Теперь хочется завоевать твою симпатию

на процента три больше, молодец.

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Внимание, сребромусор.

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Скажи им!

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Сегодня начинается настоящая подготовка,

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но большинство из вас,

сопляков, не осилят и учебку.

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Скажи им!

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Среброкопы должны быть несгибаемыми.

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Как титьки моей подружки.

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А как мы определяем несгибаемость?

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Вообще, не знаю.

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Всё зависит от Последнего испытания,

самого убойного соревнования в вашей жизни.

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Только самые лучшие и сильные перейдут

на следующий этап в отборе в среброкопы.

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Всё охренеть как серьёзно.

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А остальных отправят обратно в свои сраные дыры

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к своим сраным не-сребросемьям,

покрытых сребропозором.

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Убейтесь сразу же.

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Уже слишком.

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Ладно, переборщил слегка.

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Привет, я Томблр.

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Крандл Томблр,

но на Ксоратисе так много Крандлов,

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что я представляюсь только по фамилии.

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Ладно, заткнулся. А тебя как зовут?

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Блин, почему я не могу замолчать?!

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Ты ничего не перепутал, новобранец?

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Думаешь, это грузовик мороженщика?

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Воу, он сейчас уест тебя лактозой!

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Да, сэр. То есть, нет, сэр?

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Упал и дал двадцатку.

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Я без кошелька...

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Отжиманий, кусок говна!

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Приветики, Солары!

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В честь чего это сборище, сосед Кевин?

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Почему дети похожи на британцев?

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Они богаты!

Мы с женой устроили детей в Академию Бёрберри.

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А может Буберри?

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Это лучшее дошкольное учреждение

среди трёх штатов.

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Я тут унижаю из слегка.

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Ты посмотри на этих родителей! Милф и Дилф. Бум!

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Солары, познакомьтесь, Алекс и Алекс.

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Их дочь тоже в Бёрберри.

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Наша малышка Алекс расцвела,

как стала ходить туда.

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Она научилась печь тарт Татен

и писать рецензии к фильмам.

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Её отзыв на Милую Френсис был предельно вдумчив.

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Как же это тупо.

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Нашему Пупе не нужна эта хрень.

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Недавно он привёл домой опоссума.

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Но эта Академия Буберри такая классная,

а родители такие горячие. Я не могу успокоиться.

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Да, все заметили твои толчки тазом.

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Но думаешь Пупе нужна ещё учёба?

Он сам по себе суперкомпьютер.

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Боже мой, это что, ваш сынок-уродец жуёт колесо —

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вместо того, чтобы

социализироваться с другими детьми? М-да.

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Просто Пупа у нас такой шутник.

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Наш малыш маленький Джереми Кларксон, согласны?

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Теперь серьёзно.

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Солары отправят Пупу в Академию Бёрберри.

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Даже если вы отвернулись, мы всё равно вас слышим.

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- Чего?!

- Чего?!

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АКАДЕМИЯ БЁРБЕРРИ

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Наш кампус оборудован

по последнему слову техники.

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Здесь сочетаются современность и природа.

Например, как наш пресноводный ручей.

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Или 250-летнее древо мудрости.

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Господи, какие миленькие книжные закутки!

Сейчас яичники лопнут!

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Смотрите, все дети в строю,

делают одно и то же, не ведут себя странно.

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Пупе надо так же.

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Наш Пупа будет ходить к вам.

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Боюсь, у нас строгие правила поступления,

и, к сожалению, вчера был последний день приёма.

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Вы могли сказать это до того, как провели

нам экскурсию и наши промежности намокли.

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Можем внести вашего ребёнка

в список заинтересованных.

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Нам очень интересно.

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Внесите нас в список!

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Это победа, la familia solara рулит!

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Представляете, секси-Алексы,

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теперь мы будем видеться намного чаще.

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Нашего Пупу внесли в список заинтересованных.

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Ох, милые бедолажки.

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Список заинтересованных — чушь.

Туда вносят тех, кого никогда не примут.

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Это неправильно. Это же список!

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Мы уже объявили это победой.

Нельзя отменить победу.

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Нельзя просто прийти и поступить в Бёрберри.

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Например, ты чей-то сын?

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Технически нет, но меня реплицировали

из более крупного шлорпианина Рин Тин Торво.

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В общем, если ваша фамилия

не Джоли-Питт или Ноулз-Картер-Бекхэм,

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то вы навсегда останетесь в этом списке.

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А если ваш ребёнок не ходит в Бёрберри,

то какой вообще смысл жить?

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Она права.

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Прекрати, Терри. Сай-фай решит эту проблему.

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Хорошо, нас не ждут в Бёрберри.

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Откроем собственную школу пришельцев.

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Она будет лучше и вычурнее этой Бёрберри,

и все эти заносчивые ублюдки захотят к нам.

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Они будут так завидовать.

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Да, да, прекрати читать мои мысли!

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А мы с Ямом будем учителями!

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Я надеялся залипнуть на видосы, где едят рамён.

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Нет, а то нам пришлют

предупреждение о разобщённости.

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Ладно... Ты такая Карен.

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Заткнись, это не так!

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Аиша, можно с помощью сай-фая

создать элитную школу?

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Ну да, наверно, можно взять протоколы обучения

в случае ЧС шлорпиан, но они очень суровые.

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Я не просил твой отзыв.

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Давай, давай.

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Итак, возьмём изготовитель школ,

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кое-что поменяем в исходном коде,

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добавим всякую крутую хероту

из других школ, и пам-пам, готово.

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А Гленн точно не будет против,

что мы устроили школу в его доме?

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Да мне насрать. Бежим!

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Бум!

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ЛАГЕРЬ СРЕБРОКОПОВ 42

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Молодец, Чарджер, ты в ударе.

00:07:57,960 --> 00:07:59,740

Я аж завёлся!

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Пообедаем?

00:08:01,990 --> 00:08:04,220

Эй, Додж, пошли, поучаствуешь в травле!

00:08:04,230 --> 00:08:06,966

Салага потом все деньги на психолога спустит.

00:08:09,170 --> 00:08:13,170

Представляешь,

какого-то сраного Голо взяли к нам в учебку?

00:08:19,350 --> 00:08:21,920

Ты отсталый, Чарджер? Решил лизать жопу Голо?

00:08:21,930 --> 00:08:24,734

Завали лицо, Зоберт, а то так отпинаю...

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Грязный приёмчик! Я тебя прикончу прямо сейчас!

00:08:29,060 --> 00:08:32,800

Но я хочу срать,

и пока я на толчке, мне надо с кем-то сплетничать.

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И поэтому я ухожу, а не потому, что страшно.

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Идём, парни.

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Спасибо.

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Они сраные мудилы.

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Я Додж.

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Ого, какое крутое имя. Совсем не выдуманное.

00:08:42,150 --> 00:08:43,260

Я Томблр.

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Тоже классное и настоящее.

00:08:44,630 --> 00:08:47,800

Держись от них подальше

и не высовывайся. И всё хорошо будет.

00:08:47,810 --> 00:08:49,020

Я так нервничаю.

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Будет проще,

просто тренируйся. Скоро Последнее испытание.

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Это среброгора,

тут пройдёт Последнее испытание.

00:08:57,330 --> 00:09:01,250

А ещё там растут ягоды на южной стороне.

Очень вкусно с панкейками.

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Но в основном она для Испытания.

00:09:04,390 --> 00:09:04,620

АКАДЕМИЯ МИСТЕРА КОРВО

ДЛЯ УНИКАЛЬНЫХ И ПРИЧУДЛИВЫХ

00:09:04,630 --> 00:09:07,465

Академия мистера Корво —

лучшее дошкольное учреждение

00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:10,340

во всех четырёх уголках

планеты Земля Дэвида Аттенборо.

00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:12,430

У нас есть современные уроки верховой езды.

00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:15,320

Сухарь покрыли Мэн О'Уор и Джизз Наггет.

00:09:15,330 --> 00:09:16,800

Точные науки.

00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:19,360

Осторожно с чёрными дырами, идиоты.

00:09:19,370 --> 00:09:21,920

А в книжных закутках оживают истории.

00:09:21,930 --> 00:09:24,230

Давай, Иисус, я увезу тебя в Пентагон.

00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:27,630

Не успеем, доктор Роберт Ленгдон.

Я потерял слишком много крови.

00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:30,860

Ты не умрёшь в третий раз, не в мою смену!

00:09:30,870 --> 00:09:32,640

А это наше Дающее Древо.

00:09:32,650 --> 00:09:34,660

Можно яблоко, пожалуйста?

00:09:34,670 --> 00:09:39,120

Я сказал дай яблоко, тупица,

или я срублю тебя и сам возьму!

00:09:40,070 --> 00:09:44,120

И последняя остановка в нашей экскурсии:

офис приёмной комиссии.

00:09:44,130 --> 00:09:46,500

Отлично, берите заявления.

00:09:46,510 --> 00:09:49,740

Одно на одного ученика,

а грамматика важна только для Келси Граммера.

00:09:49,750 --> 00:09:51,487

Привет, Терри и Корво.

00:09:51,500 --> 00:09:55,260

Мы так благодарны, что вы согласились

подумать насчёт малышки Алекс.

00:09:55,270 --> 00:09:58,280

Говорю как звезда приёмной комиссии,

не переживайте.

00:09:58,290 --> 00:10:00,621

Никакого списка заинтересованных.

00:10:00,910 --> 00:10:05,180

Кор-Кор, секси-родители пускают на нас слюни,

как будто мы куски распечатанного мяса.

00:10:05,190 --> 00:10:06,720

Это наша лучшая идея?

00:10:06,730 --> 00:10:10,360

Как-то мы упарывались

с медведями из рекламы, а так да!

00:10:10,370 --> 00:10:13,280

И впервые никаких побочных явлений!

00:10:13,290 --> 00:10:15,177

Выкусите, последствия!

00:10:17,210 --> 00:10:19,060

СТАРТ

00:10:21,290 --> 00:10:26,010

Эта полоса препятствий

определит ваши навыки, силу и твёрдость.

00:10:26,020 --> 00:10:27,410

Скажи им главное!

00:10:27,420 --> 00:10:32,960

Не уложитесь за пять минут,

вас смоет, и вы будете дисквалифицированы.

00:10:32,970 --> 00:10:34,380

Вот это ставки, детка.

00:10:34,390 --> 00:10:37,380

И время... пошло!

00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:47,390

Всё получится, Томблр, давай!

00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:49,900

Вы, блин, чего, скалолазы? Да ладно.

00:10:53,580 --> 00:10:55,990

О, нет, какая узкая перекладина!

00:10:57,850 --> 00:10:59,490

Держись, держись.

00:10:59,500 --> 00:11:02,120

Ты говорил, что я справлюсь, но я сомневаюсь.

00:11:02,130 --> 00:11:03,684

Осталось одно задание.

00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:10,040

Здесь мы их нагоним.

00:11:10,050 --> 00:11:11,530

Не могу, не могу.

00:11:11,540 --> 00:11:13,485

Поторопись, чувак, ты сможешь!

00:11:15,060 --> 00:11:16,410

Ты мне доверяешь?

00:11:16,420 --> 00:11:17,300

Наверно?

00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:18,350

Тогда прыгай!

00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:19,340

Но нас смоет!

00:11:19,350 --> 00:11:20,170

Доверься мне!

00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:21,327

Нет!

00:11:26,990 --> 00:11:28,250

Сработало!

00:11:28,260 --> 00:11:28,709

РЕЗУЛЬТАТЫ

ТОМБЛР 4:15, ДОДЖ 4:16

00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:29,600

Первые? Но как?

00:11:29,610 --> 00:11:32,270

Я понял, что по течению добраться быстрее всего.

00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:34,214

И правил против не было.

00:11:36,210 --> 00:11:38,190

Херня какая-то! Они смухлевали!

00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:40,740

Они использовали мозги. Ты тоже попробуй.

00:11:40,750 --> 00:11:42,040

Вали, чмоня.

00:11:42,570 --> 00:11:43,420

Получилось!

00:11:43,430 --> 00:11:45,280

Мы обошли правила себе на пользу!

00:11:45,290 --> 00:11:46,894

Получилось, бро, да!

00:11:50,420 --> 00:11:54,710

Я не думал,

что с кем-то подружусь здесь, раз уж я Голо.

00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:56,420

У меня были друзья Голо...

00:11:56,430 --> 00:11:58,280

То, как к ним относились среброкопы...

00:11:58,290 --> 00:11:59,240

Скверно.

00:11:59,250 --> 00:12:02,400

Среброкопы всю жизнь смешивали меня с дерьмом.

00:12:02,410 --> 00:12:05,430

Столько раз отца избивали без причины.

00:12:05,440 --> 00:12:09,850

Однажды он плакал после того, как ему скормили

столько зёрен, что он наделал в штаны.

00:12:09,860 --> 00:12:10,918

Ненавижу их.

00:12:11,070 --> 00:12:13,730

Тогда зачем зачислился? Хочешь отомстить?

00:12:13,740 --> 00:12:16,040

Хочу поменять систему изнутри.

00:12:16,050 --> 00:12:19,380

Месть бессмысленна,

когда можешь реально что-то изменить.

00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:22,596

Меняй, а не мсти, конечно.

00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:26,240

АКАДЕМИЯ МИСТЕРА КОРВО

ДЛЯ УНИКАЛЬНЫХ И ПРИЧУДЛИВЫХ

00:12:26,250 --> 00:12:30,061

Всегда можно определить,

что звезда из галактики Млечный стояк

00:12:30,070 --> 00:12:33,520

по запаху сверчков и сухого шампуня Обри Плаза.

00:12:36,190 --> 00:12:39,460

Джесси, а человеческие глаза

должны светиться млечным светом?

00:12:39,470 --> 00:12:45,220

Они наверно просто пересмотрели

видео драк на катерах на сабреддите.

00:12:45,230 --> 00:12:49,560

Так, класс, какое созвездие пахнет

как съедобный гель для душа Джессики Симпсон?

00:12:49,570 --> 00:12:51,810

Триклопонц.

00:12:51,820 --> 00:12:53,270

Верно! Видишь, всё нормально.

00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:58,800

Мы клянёмся в верности Серому богу

и обещаем защищать свою станцию.

00:12:58,810 --> 00:13:03,860

Мы защитим Пупу,

терраформируем и уничтожим население.

00:13:04,490 --> 00:13:05,472

- Нет!

- Прекратите!

00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:07,099

- Заткнитесь, детишки!

- Нет! Нет, нет...

00:13:07,110 --> 00:13:08,040

Это ты их научил?

00:13:08,050 --> 00:13:10,352

Нет! Я ни разу в жизни не слышал эту клятву.

00:13:11,300 --> 00:13:14,060

Сядьте все, урок ещё не закончен!

00:13:14,070 --> 00:13:17,130

Убить угрозу, уничтожить немедленно.

00:13:17,140 --> 00:13:19,950

Очень нехорошо. Надо рассказать Терри и Корво.

00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:21,380

Сразу после перекура.

00:13:21,390 --> 00:13:24,930

Убить угрозу, уничтожить немедленно.

00:13:24,940 --> 00:13:26,535

Ладно, бежим!

00:13:30,110 --> 00:13:31,370

Новобранцы, смирно!

00:13:31,380 --> 00:13:32,680

Что-то я не вижу смирения!

00:13:32,690 --> 00:13:34,730

Пришло время Последнего испытания.

00:13:34,740 --> 00:13:37,480

Только самые быстрые,

сильные и умные новобранцы

00:13:37,490 --> 00:13:40,510

смогут дальше претендовать

на должность среброкопов.

00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:42,360

Неудачники поедут к мамочкам.

00:13:42,370 --> 00:13:43,770

Я люблю свою маму.

00:13:43,780 --> 00:13:47,960

Если не справляетесь с напряжением,

у вас на форме есть кнопка.

00:13:47,970 --> 00:13:51,610

Но знайте, как нажмёте — вас смоет.

00:13:51,620 --> 00:13:54,000

Удачи, будущие сребросыны.

00:13:55,620 --> 00:13:56,970

Постой, сынок.

00:13:56,980 --> 00:13:57,820

А испытание...

00:13:57,830 --> 00:13:58,800

Послушай его.

00:13:58,810 --> 00:14:00,350

Мы наблюдали за тобой, парень.

00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:03,710

Лучший на тренировках, первый на соревнованиях...

00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:06,180

Ты уже готовый среброкоп.

00:14:06,190 --> 00:14:08,430

Тебе не нужно проходить Последнее испытание.

00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:10,040

Испытание всё равно херня полная.

00:14:10,050 --> 00:14:11,200

В смысле херня?

00:14:11,210 --> 00:14:13,740

Никто из них не станет среброкопом.

00:14:13,750 --> 00:14:14,980

Они из простонародья.

00:14:14,990 --> 00:14:18,540

Настоящих новобранцев

мы берём из Среброакадемии.

00:14:18,550 --> 00:14:19,800

Так и есть!

00:14:19,810 --> 00:14:21,160

Но тогда зачем это всё?

00:14:21,170 --> 00:14:23,280

Надо же где-то брать сребромясо.

00:14:23,290 --> 00:14:24,200

Живое мясо!

00:14:24,210 --> 00:14:25,280

Что за сребромясо?

00:14:25,290 --> 00:14:26,950

Живая сила, сынок.

00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:28,680

Другими словами, пушечное мясо.

00:14:28,690 --> 00:14:30,974

Среброкопы охраняют галактику,

00:14:30,980 --> 00:14:37,100

но некоторые планеты так не считают,

поэтому их жителей нужно умиротворять.

00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:40,590

Кровавые отвратительные стычки

с огромными потерями.

00:14:40,650 --> 00:14:43,380

Мы же не будем тратить на это среброкопов.

00:14:43,390 --> 00:14:46,360

Поэтому, мы бросим мясо.

00:14:46,370 --> 00:14:47,320

Они сдохнут.

00:14:47,330 --> 00:14:50,040

Господи. Ладно.

Прямо сейчас мой друг проходит Испытание.

00:14:50,050 --> 00:14:52,329

Он не может быть мясом, я возьму его с собой.

00:14:53,490 --> 00:14:55,040

Ты ничего не можешь сделать.

00:14:55,050 --> 00:14:55,560

Факт!

00:14:55,570 --> 00:14:56,917

Нет, могу!

00:14:57,490 --> 00:14:59,650

Эй, парень, вернись!

00:14:59,660 --> 00:15:01,420

Не выбрасывай жизнь в помойку!

00:15:01,430 --> 00:15:03,674

От нас ещё никто не отворачивался!

00:15:14,970 --> 00:15:16,330

Вытащите меня!

00:15:19,630 --> 00:15:20,960

Томблр?

00:15:20,970 --> 00:15:22,484

Томблр, где ты?

00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:23,710

АКАДЕМИЯ МИСТЕРА КОРВО

ДЛЯ УНИКАЛЬНЫХ И ПРИЧУДЛИВЫХ

00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:25,980

Как приятно быть чопорным академиком.

00:15:25,990 --> 00:15:27,980

Дам себе постоянное место препода.

00:15:27,990 --> 00:15:33,950

Я больше представлял себя вдовой

опозоренного главы Фифа, но так тоже неплохо.

00:15:35,740 --> 00:15:37,450

Вы чему учили детей?!

00:15:37,460 --> 00:15:40,650

Нормальным вещам,

а потом они напали на родителей.

00:15:40,660 --> 00:15:42,520

А что сегодня давали в столовой?

00:15:42,530 --> 00:15:43,230

Наггетсы?

00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:47,740

Терри, не отвлекайся. Детям нельзя таскать

родителей по зданию. Нас перестанут уважать.

00:15:49,530 --> 00:15:50,680

Матерь Моби!

00:15:50,690 --> 00:15:52,560

Это шлорпианские сборщики душ.

00:15:52,570 --> 00:15:54,200

Стоп, души существуют?

00:15:54,210 --> 00:15:56,240

А бог, дьявол и всё такое?

00:15:56,250 --> 00:15:59,134

Существуют, это пришельцы,

и у меня нет времени на рассказ о том,

00:15:59,140 --> 00:16:01,580

как они заставили древних трахаться с собой.

00:16:01,590 --> 00:16:05,132

Суть в том, что сборщики выкачивают

жизненную энергию

00:16:05,140 --> 00:16:07,090

и преобразуют в шлорпианскую.

00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:12,750

Аиша, это капец!

00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:14,990

Дети делают из родителей лужи слизи!

00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:16,490

Я пыталась сказать, тупицы.

00:16:16,500 --> 00:16:19,640

Эти протоколы можно использовать только при ЧС!

00:16:19,650 --> 00:16:21,870

Все эти секси-родители и были ЧС!

00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:24,030

Я не мог успокоиться, Терри нужно бум-бум!

00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:26,173

Не для такого ЧС!

00:16:26,180 --> 00:16:29,980

Скорее для случая, когда на вас напали,

и нужна армия, чтобы защитить Пупу.

00:16:29,990 --> 00:16:33,210

Охренеть, мы превратили детей

в универсальных солдат?

00:16:33,220 --> 00:16:37,340

Если вы это не прекратите,

зарвавшиеся детишки уничтожат весь мир.

00:16:37,350 --> 00:16:40,040

Ну сдались нам эти сексуальные родители!

00:16:40,050 --> 00:16:42,370

Терри, репликанты один и три,

должен сказать прямо.

00:16:42,380 --> 00:16:43,896

Я говорил, что основал школу,

00:16:43,910 --> 00:16:47,920

потому что хотел быть крутым

и хотел тусить с секси-родителями, но это ложь.

00:16:47,930 --> 00:16:49,370

Мне срать на родителей.

00:16:49,380 --> 00:16:51,740

Я хотел, чтобы у Пупы было хорошее образование.

00:16:51,750 --> 00:16:54,480

Обычно ты такой же ограниченный,

как я. Что случилось?

00:16:54,490 --> 00:16:59,100

Когда я был юным репликантом, я был ноющей сучкой,

которую все ненавидели, потому что я был тупым.

00:16:59,110 --> 00:17:03,930

Я потратил много лет на самообразование,

чтобы понять, каким я был имбецилом.

00:17:03,940 --> 00:17:05,360

Я хотел лучшего для Пупы.

00:17:05,370 --> 00:17:07,190

Корво, дело было не в школе.

00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:09,470

В детстве все тупые мудилы.

00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:09,960

Правда?

00:17:09,970 --> 00:17:12,900

Ага. И если ты не мудила, то ты конч.

00:17:12,910 --> 00:17:13,980

Или чмоня.

00:17:13,990 --> 00:17:14,940

Точно.

00:17:14,950 --> 00:17:16,750

Нахер эту школу, Пупе она не нужна.

00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:18,960

Он перерастёт мудачество, как будет готов.

00:17:18,970 --> 00:17:20,780

Мне намного лучше.

00:17:20,790 --> 00:17:24,160

Но нам всё равно надо остановить детей,

иначе будет столько похорон.

00:17:24,170 --> 00:17:27,210

Я не могу набрать ещё больше, бежим.

00:17:27,660 --> 00:17:29,236

Берегитесь детей!

00:17:31,140 --> 00:17:32,810

Надо перезагрузить школу!

00:17:32,820 --> 00:17:34,616

У них такие липкие ручонки!

00:17:38,630 --> 00:17:39,420

Томблр!

00:17:39,430 --> 00:17:41,760

Мы хорошо идём, Додж, ещё немного!

00:17:41,770 --> 00:17:42,620

Надо выходить.

00:17:42,630 --> 00:17:43,870

Что ты несёшь?

00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:45,252

Это всё — херня!

00:17:45,260 --> 00:17:47,550

Нам не дадут стать среброкопами.

00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:49,923

Не может быть! Бежим, вон финиш!

00:17:50,330 --> 00:17:52,730

Нам соврали, нас не возьмут в среброкопы.

00:17:52,740 --> 00:17:57,240

Я понял. Думал, мы друзья,

но ты ненавидишь Голо так же, как и все!

00:17:57,250 --> 00:17:58,650

Клянусь, я хочу помочь!

00:17:58,660 --> 00:17:59,850

Тогда ты и выходи!

00:17:59,860 --> 00:18:04,080

Я исправлю среброкопов изнутри,

и никто меня не остановит!

00:18:04,090 --> 00:18:07,210

Не пересекай финишную черту,

это смертельная ловушка!

00:18:07,220 --> 00:18:08,734

Томблр!

00:18:11,890 --> 00:18:12,840

Томблр!

00:18:12,850 --> 00:18:16,350

Я бы не дошёл сюда,

если бы слушал тех, кто говорили: «Даже не пытайся.»

00:18:22,010 --> 00:18:23,999

Дерьмовое дерьмо дерьма!

00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:28,940

Поздравляю, новобранцы!

00:18:28,950 --> 00:18:30,560

Вы прошли Последнее испытание.

00:18:30,570 --> 00:18:32,710

Ваш транспорт отправляется сейчас же.

00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:34,176

Пакуйте их!

00:18:36,330 --> 00:18:37,720

Конец тебе, сынок.

00:18:37,730 --> 00:18:39,097

Твоя вина.

00:18:41,630 --> 00:18:42,420

Томблр?

00:18:42,430 --> 00:18:43,400

Нам не о чем говорить.

00:18:43,410 --> 00:18:45,080

Ты пытался занять моё место.

00:18:45,090 --> 00:18:47,290

Я пришёл защитить тебя. Надо держаться вместе.

00:18:47,300 --> 00:18:48,774

Не можешь перестать врать?

00:18:48,780 --> 00:18:52,350

Когда мы станем среброкопами,

сделай одолжение, притворись, что мы незнакомы.

00:18:52,360 --> 00:18:53,230

Внимание!

00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:55,920

О, да! Среброкопы, ждите меня!

00:18:55,930 --> 00:18:57,600

Обучение окончено.

00:18:57,610 --> 00:19:02,440

С этого момента

вы принадлежите среброармии, сребромясо.

00:19:02,970 --> 00:19:03,640

Чего?

00:19:03,650 --> 00:19:06,850

Ваша первая миссия — зачистить Заб 9.

00:19:06,860 --> 00:19:07,292

ВНИМАНИЕ

ОПАСНОСТЬ

00:19:07,300 --> 00:19:10,003

Это ужасающая сила, но мы их размажем!

00:19:10,790 --> 00:19:15,690

ЗАБ 9

ЛИНИЯ ФРОНТА КАРАТЕЛЬНОЙ ВОЙНЫ

00:19:20,230 --> 00:19:21,780

АКАДЕМИЯ МИСТЕРА КОРВО

ДЛЯ УНИКАЛЬНЫХ И ПРИЧУДЛИВЫХ

00:19:21,790 --> 00:19:26,720

Я горжусь тем, что был с вами провокативной,

нестандартной и родной семьёй.

00:19:27,490 --> 00:19:29,410

Алексы! Бум!

00:19:41,210 --> 00:19:44,540

Спасение в стиле армии мёртвых

во «Властелине колец» в конце трилогии.

00:19:44,550 --> 00:19:46,060

Что тут за хрень?

00:19:46,070 --> 00:19:48,220

Мы зашли взять батарейки у Древа.

00:19:48,230 --> 00:19:51,621

Долго объяснять, но если активировать

этот сай-фай изготовитель школ,

00:19:51,630 --> 00:19:52,880

то он вернёт всё, как было.

00:19:52,890 --> 00:19:53,930

Погоди-ка.

00:19:53,940 --> 00:19:56,560

Если сделать это, они останутся супер-умными?

00:19:56,570 --> 00:19:59,800

Чё? Нет.

Всё образование исчезнет вместе с безумием.

00:19:59,810 --> 00:20:02,030

Небольшая плата за целую планету.

00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:07,490

Ну да, я люблю эту планету,

я тут родился, но у них такие хорошие баллы.

00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:09,000

Надо оставить мозги.

00:20:09,010 --> 00:20:11,250

Нашу дочь заранее-заранее приняли в Гарвард.

00:20:11,260 --> 00:20:14,040

Но они стали бездумными машинами убийств.

00:20:14,050 --> 00:20:16,840

Да, но разве не это нужно для лучшей практики?

00:20:16,850 --> 00:20:18,470

Как по мне, полезный навык в жизни.

00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:19,420

Проголосуем.

00:20:19,430 --> 00:20:21,800

Кто хочет оставить школу, скажите да.

00:20:21,810 --> 00:20:22,490

Да.

00:20:22,500 --> 00:20:23,010

Да.

00:20:23,020 --> 00:20:23,680

Да.

00:20:24,360 --> 00:20:25,160

Прекращайте.

00:20:25,310 --> 00:20:27,470

Вы, придурки, уничтожите себя и планету.

00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:29,140

Надо раскодировать детей.

00:20:29,150 --> 00:20:30,730

Вынуждены просить вас уйти.

00:20:30,740 --> 00:20:33,295

Вы больше не подходите нашей школе.

00:20:33,530 --> 00:20:35,400

Это шлорпианский учебный центр!

00:20:35,410 --> 00:20:37,110

Спасибо за ваш вклад, пока-пока.

00:20:37,120 --> 00:20:39,440

Заносчивые тупицы, вы не понимаете, что делаете.

00:20:39,450 --> 00:20:41,553

Без Корво вы все сдохните за неделю!

00:20:42,710 --> 00:20:45,200

НЕДЕЛЮ СПУСТЯ

00:20:46,970 --> 00:20:50,830

Я был уверен, что дети захватят мир,

но, кажется, всё нормально.

00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:52,410

А что с детьми-солдатами?

00:20:52,420 --> 00:20:55,443

Мы обнаружили, что можно

использовать шлорпианскую систему,

00:20:55,450 --> 00:20:59,000

если нейтрализовать агрессию через хобби

как ролики или пчеловодство.

00:20:59,010 --> 00:21:02,970

Слишком жалкие для универсальных солдат,

но супер-ум остался.

00:21:02,980 --> 00:21:04,160

Неплохо.

00:21:04,170 --> 00:21:05,550

Ну хорошо.

00:21:05,650 --> 00:21:07,260

Пупа снова может ходить сюда.

00:21:07,270 --> 00:21:10,720

Видите ли, у нас не осталось мест.

Но мы внесём вас в список заинтересованных.

00:21:10,730 --> 00:21:13,360

Ну всё, кусок говна,

я сейчас сделаю из тебя кучку пепла.

00:21:13,370 --> 00:21:16,800

Извините моего мужа.

Он слишком горячится из-за инопланетных штучек.

00:21:16,810 --> 00:21:19,690

Должно быть что-то,

что собьёт с этих Алексов спесь.

00:21:19,700 --> 00:21:23,610

Забей, тебе придётся менять

всю систему образования на планете.

00:21:23,620 --> 00:21:27,120

Давай лучше выпьем по Хард-зельцеру

и полетаем на вертолёте.

00:21:28,670 --> 00:21:29,620

Срочная новость:

00:21:29,630 --> 00:21:33,784

благодаря рекордному пожертвованию

золота и бриллиантов от пришельца,

00:21:33,790 --> 00:21:36,983

во всём мире теперь

бесплатное дошкольное образование.

00:21:36,990 --> 00:21:39,210

Больше никаких эксклюзивных учреждений.

00:21:39,220 --> 00:21:40,654

Какое унижение!

00:21:40,660 --> 00:21:43,760

Мы красивые богатые люди.

Вы не можете так с нами поступить.

00:21:43,770 --> 00:21:47,970

Корво, охренеть! Видел, какой-то пришелец

создал бесплатное дошкольное образование!

00:21:47,980 --> 00:21:50,205

Это же не ты, да?

00:21:50,370 --> 00:21:52,150

Я ничего не скажу.

00:21:52,360 --> 00:21:54,417

Охренеть, это камера?

00:21:54,430 --> 00:21:59,700

Переведено студией HDrezka Studio.

00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:04,921

Where are you,

ya snuggly little shit sock?

00:00:05,046 --> 00:00:07,382

Knock it off, Korvo.

We're trying to watch Inlander.

00:00:07,382 --> 00:00:09,592

Yeah, it's the prequel

to Outlander,

00:00:09,592 --> 00:00:12,595

and it's the only reason

I haven't filled my pockets with stones

00:00:12,595 --> 00:00:14,055

and walked into a river.

00:00:14,264 --> 00:00:15,765

We're just about to find out

the canonical explanation

00:00:15,765 --> 00:00:17,434

for why they eat so much ass.

00:00:17,434 --> 00:00:19,686

I bet it's 'cause

the Scottish countryside is freezing,

00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:21,271

so it keeps their noses toasty.

00:00:21,271 --> 00:00:23,314

The Pupa keeps putting

bite marks in all my stuff.

00:00:23,732 --> 00:00:25,817

Look what he did to my serving spoon.

This shit is teak.

00:00:25,817 --> 00:00:29,112

Ah! Korvo, why don't you just use

the Find My Pupa app?

00:00:29,112 --> 00:00:31,948

I made it in my AP app class

specifically for this reason.

00:00:31,948 --> 00:00:34,034

I hate that app. I refuse to pay

for the premium version,

00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:36,453

and the ads are all for antidepressants

you can only buy in Poland.

00:00:36,453 --> 00:00:37,996

The free version still works

00:00:37,996 --> 00:00:40,248

if the Pupa's within a block radius,

you friggin' dork.

00:00:40,248 --> 00:00:41,791

Fine.

Found me.

00:00:41,791 --> 00:00:43,001

He's across the street?

00:00:43,126 --> 00:00:44,252

Company move!

00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:48,882

Aw, poor little guy

was probably teething.

00:00:49,007 --> 00:00:50,467

Look at him suck

on that muffler.

00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:52,218

Does baby like to suck

on a muffler?

00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:54,012

Yes, he does. Ooh.

00:00:54,012 --> 00:00:56,473

Why does he keep breaking into

this creepy abandoned house, anyway?

00:00:56,473 --> 00:00:58,016

Guys, it's not abandoned.

00:00:58,016 --> 00:01:00,393

This is where Glen lived,

remember Glen?

00:01:00,393 --> 00:01:03,438

The guy you blasted into space

after you indirectly shot him

00:01:03,438 --> 00:01:05,065

in the foot with a collectible

bullet?

00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:07,067

Save these made-up stories

for your Substack.

00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:09,736

We're standalone boys for life,

no consequences,

00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:11,488

and all the violence

is cartoonish.

00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:13,281

We might wanna remember Glen.

00:01:13,281 --> 00:01:15,617

He's probably plotting

a revenge on us.

00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:17,202

Yeah, right, from space?

00:01:17,202 --> 00:01:18,828

He'll be lucky to

survive reentry.

00:01:18,828 --> 00:01:20,288

Yeah, he's probably just

floating around

00:01:20,288 --> 00:01:22,123

because humans are

so obsessed with gravity.

00:01:22,123 --> 00:01:24,292

Once again,

your co-replicant has it right.

00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:25,919

That Glen guy will

never do anything to us,

00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:27,420

least of all a revenge.

00:01:27,420 --> 00:01:30,673

We never, ever have

to think about him ever again!

00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:59,661

♪ Previously on "Silvercops" ♪

00:01:59,661 --> 00:02:02,163

♪ Shot Glen to space, met cops ♪

00:02:02,163 --> 00:02:04,666

♪ Had sex with cops ♪

00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:07,210

♪ Got betrayed by cops ♪

00:02:07,210 --> 00:02:09,254

♪ Met some friends, not cops ♪

00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:11,756

♪ Betrayed them

and joined the cops ♪

00:02:12,382 --> 00:02:15,760

♪ This is a cautionary tale ♪

00:02:22,725 --> 00:02:23,852

I wanna see some hustle.

00:02:23,852 --> 00:02:25,478

If you wanna be Silvercops,

00:02:25,478 --> 00:02:27,814

you gotta know how to fuck,

buck, and work your vehicle.

00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:29,357

Shit, I meant truck.

00:02:29,357 --> 00:02:31,734

Y'all could stand to be

a little more like Dodge here.

00:02:31,734 --> 00:02:33,653

This guy embodies fuckin'

and suckin'.

00:02:33,653 --> 00:02:35,029

Crushin' the game, Dodge.

00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:37,282

Who? Oh, right,

that's my name now.

00:02:37,407 --> 00:02:38,950

Yes sir, Sergeant, sir.

00:02:39,075 --> 00:02:40,994

Yo, Charger, new recruit shuttle's

about to land.

00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:42,078

Remember when that was us?

00:02:42,203 --> 00:02:43,496

You mean, three days ago?

00:02:43,621 --> 00:02:45,874

For my species, that's

like 10 days.

00:02:45,874 --> 00:02:47,208

Let's go haze their asses.

00:02:47,333 --> 00:02:49,252

Nah, I gotta buff

my hover muffler,

00:02:49,252 --> 00:02:51,713

or the hovering won't make

that woo-woo-woo noise

00:02:51,713 --> 00:02:53,423

that sounds so cool

when you drive it around.

00:02:53,423 --> 00:02:55,675

Playing it cool,

I see how it is.

00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:59,304

That makes me wanna win

your favor, like, 3% more. Nice!

00:03:01,764 --> 00:03:04,934

- Listen up, you silver scum.

- Let 'em know!

00:03:04,934 --> 00:03:06,769

Today your real training begins,

00:03:06,769 --> 00:03:09,189

but most of you slime ain't

gonna make it through boot camp.

00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:11,774

- Tell 'em!

- Because Silvercops have to be tough.

00:03:11,774 --> 00:03:13,526

Tough like my girlfriend's

titties.

00:03:13,526 --> 00:03:15,320

And how do we measure toughness?

00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:16,988

I actually don't know.

00:03:17,113 --> 00:03:19,866

It all comes down to

the Final Trial,

00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:22,243

the most brutal competition

of your lives.

00:03:22,619 --> 00:03:25,914

Only the best and strongest

will move on to the next phase

00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:27,582

of becoming a Silvercop.

00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:29,375

That sounds final as hell.

00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:31,377

The rest of you, you

get sent back

00:03:31,377 --> 00:03:33,129

to your shitty little lives

00:03:33,129 --> 00:03:38,051

and your shitty little non-Silver families

in Silver shame.

00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:39,177

Kill yourselves.

00:03:39,177 --> 00:03:42,138

- Too far.

- Okay, little overboard.

00:03:42,138 --> 00:03:44,057

Uh, hi. I'm Tomblr.

00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:46,768

Crundle Tomblr, but on Xorathios,

there's so many Crundles,

00:03:46,768 --> 00:03:48,353

I just go by my last name.

00:03:49,270 --> 00:03:51,105

I'm gonna shut up now.

What's your name?

00:03:51,105 --> 00:03:52,774

Dang, why can't I stop talkin'?

00:03:52,774 --> 00:03:54,817

What the hell you think

this is, recruit?

00:03:54,817 --> 00:03:56,236

A frozen dairy social?

00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:59,906

Oh, shit, he's cookin'

with lactose now!

00:04:00,031 --> 00:04:02,200

Uh, yes, sir. I mean no, sir?

00:04:02,325 --> 00:04:03,826

Drop and give me 20.

00:04:03,826 --> 00:04:07,330

- I didn't bring my wallet.

- Push-ups, you piece of shit!

00:04:10,541 --> 00:04:12,210

Hidey-hey-hey, Solars!

00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:14,379

{\an8}What's the meaning of this

front yard gathering, neighbor Kevin?

00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:16,005

{\an8}Why do all these kids

look British?

00:04:16,172 --> 00:04:19,384

{\an8}They're rich! The wife and I got

our kids into Burberry Academy.

00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:21,386

{\an8}Um, I think you mean Booberry.

00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:24,180

{\an8}Burberry's the best preschool

in the tri-state area.

00:04:24,180 --> 00:04:25,306

Let me rub it in a bit.

00:04:25,431 --> 00:04:26,891

Whoa, look at those parents.

00:04:27,016 --> 00:04:29,519

Now these are a couple

of PILFs. Schwing!

00:04:29,519 --> 00:04:31,271

Solars, meet Alex and Alex.

00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:32,730

Their kid's at Burberry, too.

00:04:33,022 --> 00:04:35,650

{\an8}Our little Alex has blossomed

since she got into the Burb.

00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:38,903

{\an8}She can bake a tarte tatin,

and she has a Letterbox account.

00:04:38,903 --> 00:04:42,615

{\an8}Her review of Frances Ha

was nothing to laugh at.

00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:45,326

{\an8}That sounds stupid.

00:04:45,326 --> 00:04:46,911

{\an8}Our Pupa doesn't need

any of that shit.

00:04:46,911 --> 00:04:49,038

{\an8}Last week, he brought

home a possum.

00:04:49,163 --> 00:04:52,166

{\an8}This Booberry Academy sounds awesome,

and the parents are so sexy.

00:04:52,166 --> 00:04:53,501

{\an8}I can't stop schwinging.

00:04:53,501 --> 00:04:55,211

{\an8}Yes, your pelvic thrusts

are very noticeable,

00:04:55,211 --> 00:04:57,130

{\an8}but does the Pupa really need

more education?

00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:58,423

{\an8}He's already a supercomputer.

00:04:58,423 --> 00:05:01,718

Oh, my God, is your ugly

son eating a car

00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:03,803

instead of socializing

with the other children?

00:05:03,803 --> 00:05:07,307

{\an8}- Scandal!

- Wow, Pupa's got such a sense of humor.

00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:09,559

{\an8}That kid is a, well,

he's a regular Jay Leno

00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:11,227

with the cars, isn't he?

00:05:11,602 --> 00:05:12,854

Okay, it's official.

00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:15,315

The Solar Opposites are getting Pupa

into Burberry Academy.

00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:17,650

Just 'cause you do a little aside

like that doesn't mean we can't hear you.

00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:19,027

What?

00:05:20,361 --> 00:05:22,530

{\an8}Our campus is state-of-the-art,

00:05:22,530 --> 00:05:26,159

with amenities both modern

and inspired by nature,

00:05:26,284 --> 00:05:27,702

like our freshwater stream.

00:05:29,078 --> 00:05:32,040

Our 250-year-old Wisdom Tree.

00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:36,210

Oh, my God, these book nooks

are so adorable,

00:05:36,210 --> 00:05:38,004

my zovaries are bursting!

00:05:38,129 --> 00:05:39,464

Do you see this?

All the kids in a line,

00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:41,174

doing the same thing,

none of them acting weird.

00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:42,258

Pupa needs this.

00:05:42,258 --> 00:05:44,302

Our Pupa will attend

this school.

00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:46,095

{\an8}I'm afraid it's a

rigorous process

00:05:46,095 --> 00:05:48,765

{\an8}to get one's child admitted,

and unfortunately,

00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:50,808

{\an8}the deadline was yesterday.

00:05:50,933 --> 00:05:53,644

{\an8}I feel like you could have told us that

before you took us on this tour

00:05:53,644 --> 00:05:55,813

{\an8}and got our mounds

all juiced up, you know?

00:05:55,938 --> 00:05:59,567

{\an8}We could always put your child

on our "interest list."

00:05:59,692 --> 00:06:01,944

- Oh, we are interested.

- Put us on the bloody list!

00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:06,282

Yeah, that's a W

for La Familia Solaropposita!

00:06:07,867 --> 00:06:09,744

{\an8}Hey, uh, guess what, hot Alexes?

00:06:09,744 --> 00:06:11,871

{\an8}We're gonna be hanging

out a lot more.

00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:14,290

{\an8}Our Pupa just got on

the interest list.

00:06:15,625 --> 00:06:17,168

{\an8}Oh, bless your little hearts.

00:06:17,168 --> 00:06:18,836

{\an8}The interest list is a lie.

00:06:18,836 --> 00:06:20,963

{\an8}It's what they put people on

when they're never getting in.

00:06:21,089 --> 00:06:22,673

Well, that can't be

right. It's a list!

00:06:22,673 --> 00:06:25,551

We already declared this a W.

We can't undeclare a W.

00:06:25,676 --> 00:06:28,471

You can't just waltz in

and get admitted to Burberry.

00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:30,473

I mean, are you the

son of anyone?

00:06:30,598 --> 00:06:31,974

Not technically, but

I was replicated

00:06:31,974 --> 00:06:34,435

off a much larger Shlorpian

named Rin Tin Torvo.

00:06:34,435 --> 00:06:36,562

Well, if your last name

isn't Jolie-Pitt

00:06:36,562 --> 00:06:38,022

or Knowles-Carter-Beckham,

00:06:38,022 --> 00:06:40,400

you're gonna be

on that interest list indefinitely.

00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:43,903

And if your kid doesn't go to Burberry,

what's the point of even living?

00:06:44,278 --> 00:06:46,572

- Ah, she's right.

- Stop it, Terry.

00:06:46,572 --> 00:06:48,366

We can solve this with sci-fi.

00:06:48,366 --> 00:06:49,867

Burberry doesn't want us, fine.

00:06:49,992 --> 00:06:52,328

We'll start our own

crazy alien school.

00:06:52,328 --> 00:06:54,247

We'll make it better

and fancier than Burberry,

00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:56,791

and all these snooty fucks

will want to get their kids in.

00:06:56,791 --> 00:06:58,042

They'll be so jealous.

00:06:58,042 --> 00:07:00,211

Oh, yas, yas, yas!

Get out of my head!

00:07:00,211 --> 00:07:02,088

And Yum and I can

be the teachers!

00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:03,756

I was kinda hoping

I could just sit this one out

00:07:03,756 --> 00:07:05,633

and watch ramen-slurping

ASMR videos?

00:07:05,633 --> 00:07:07,510

No, we're doing this together

so we don't get a note

00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:08,719

that we split up too much.

00:07:08,719 --> 00:07:10,680

{\an8}Ugh, fine, you're such a Karen!

00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:12,348

{\an8}Shut up, I am not.

00:07:13,349 --> 00:07:16,561

AISHA, do we have any sci-fi way

to make an elitist school?

00:07:16,561 --> 00:07:18,312

Uh, yeah, I guess you could use

00:07:18,312 --> 00:07:20,857

the emergency Shlorpian

training protocols for that,

00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:22,316

but they're kinda intense.

00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:23,901

Alright, I didn't ask

for your Yelp review.

00:07:23,901 --> 00:07:25,403

Oh, gimme, gimme, gimme.

00:07:25,403 --> 00:07:27,488

Here we go, let me just grab

the sci-fi school maker,

00:07:27,488 --> 00:07:28,948

change some of this

baseline code,

00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:30,491

add some cool shit from

that other school,

00:07:30,616 --> 00:07:32,452

and dah-dah-dah-dah-doo,

we are done.

00:07:36,581 --> 00:07:39,542

Are you sure Glen will be okay

with us building a school in his house?

00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:41,461

Like I care. Run!

00:07:47,258 --> 00:07:48,676

Schwing!

00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:57,768

Good work, Charger,

you're crushin' it.

00:07:57,768 --> 00:07:59,353

I'm sorta hyped out.

00:07:59,353 --> 00:08:00,730

Do you wanna grab lunch?

00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:03,983

Yo, Dodge, you gotta get in

on this bullying.

00:08:03,983 --> 00:08:06,360

This turd's gonna have to spend

a fortune on therapy.

00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:12,533

Can you believe they let a filthy Holo

sign up for Silver training?

00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,584

What's your damage, Charger?

You suck Holo butt?

00:08:21,584 --> 00:08:24,212

Shut the fuck up, Zobert.

Don't make me kick your ass.

00:08:26,714 --> 00:08:29,008

Dirty trick, I should

kill you right now!

00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:30,968

But I have to take a shit,

and you know I need company

00:08:30,968 --> 00:08:32,762

so we can gossip while

I dump one out.

00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:35,056

That's why I'm leaving.

And not because I'm scared.

00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:36,432

Come on, boys.

00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:38,684

- Oh, thank you.

- Those guys are assholes.

00:08:38,809 --> 00:08:40,561

- Name's Dodge.

- Wow, what a cool name.

00:08:40,561 --> 00:08:41,979

It doesn't sound made up at all.

00:08:41,979 --> 00:08:44,398

- I'm Tomblr.

- Also a cool real name.

00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:46,984

Hey, just stay away from those dudes

and keep your head down.

00:08:46,984 --> 00:08:48,861

- You'll be fine.

- I'm just so nervous.

00:08:48,986 --> 00:08:51,948

It gets easier, just focus on training.

Final Trial's coming up.

00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:57,203

Check out Silver Mountain,

where Final Trial happens.

00:08:57,328 --> 00:08:59,288

It's also got some berry bushes

that grow on the south face.

00:08:59,288 --> 00:09:00,957

They're delicious on pancakes.

00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:03,543

But mostly it's for the trial.

00:09:04,585 --> 00:09:07,713

{\an8}Mr. Korvo's Academy is

the best preschool

00:09:07,713 --> 00:09:10,299

in all four corners

of David Attenborough's planet Earth.

00:09:10,424 --> 00:09:12,093

We have cutting-edge

equine classes.

00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:14,971

...Seabiscuit was sired

by Man of War and Jizz Nugget.

00:09:15,096 --> 00:09:16,764

STEM classes.

00:09:16,889 --> 00:09:19,225

Watch out for those black holes,

you little idiots.

00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:21,852

Our book nooks really make

storytelling come to life.

00:09:21,852 --> 00:09:24,188

Come on, Jesus,

I have to get you to the Pentagon.

00:09:24,188 --> 00:09:26,148

I don't think we have time,

Dr. Robert Langdon.

00:09:26,148 --> 00:09:27,650

I'm losing a lot of blood.

00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:30,820

No, you're not dying for a third time,

not on my watch.

00:09:30,945 --> 00:09:32,488

And this is our Giving Tree.

00:09:32,488 --> 00:09:34,365

May I have an apple, please?

00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:36,826

Goddammit, I said an apple!

Give me an apple,

00:09:36,826 --> 00:09:38,786

or I'll cut your ass down

and then take them myself.

00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:44,083

And the last stop on our tour,

the Office of Admissions.

00:09:44,208 --> 00:09:46,460

Okay, get your applications

here.

00:09:46,460 --> 00:09:49,630

One per student, please,

and grammar only counts if it's Kelsey.

00:09:49,630 --> 00:09:51,090

Hello, Terry, Korvo.

00:09:51,340 --> 00:09:55,219

We're so, so thankful that

you're considering little Alex.

00:09:55,344 --> 00:09:58,180

As trap king of admissions,

you don't have to worry.

00:09:58,180 --> 00:09:59,807

There's no interest list here.

00:10:01,058 --> 00:10:03,853

KorKor, all these sexy parents

are drooling over us

00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:04,979

like we're 3D-printed meat.

00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:06,564

Is this the best idea

we've ever had?

00:10:06,564 --> 00:10:08,190

There was that one time

we did needle drugs

00:10:08,190 --> 00:10:10,318

with the Charmin Bears,

but otherwise, yes!

00:10:10,318 --> 00:10:13,237

And for the first time ever,

no weird sci-fi side effects.

00:10:13,237 --> 00:10:14,614

Suck it, consequences!

00:10:21,370 --> 00:10:24,081

This obstacle course

will test your skill,

00:10:24,081 --> 00:10:25,833

your strength, and your grit.

00:10:25,833 --> 00:10:27,376

Hit 'em with the headlines!

00:10:27,501 --> 00:10:30,421

If you don't finish in five minutes,

you wash out

00:10:30,421 --> 00:10:32,923

and are disqualified

from the Final Trial.

00:10:32,923 --> 00:10:34,342

That's stakes, baby.

00:10:34,342 --> 00:10:37,345

And your time... starts now!

00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:47,355

You got this, Tomblr, move it!

00:10:47,355 --> 00:10:49,899

What are you, fucking climbing experts?

Come on!

00:10:53,527 --> 00:10:55,529

Oh, no, a little beam,

it's so narrow!

00:10:57,823 --> 00:10:59,450

Steady. Steady!

00:10:59,450 --> 00:11:02,078

I know you said I got this,

but I don't think I do.

00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:03,245

Just one round to go.

00:11:08,584 --> 00:11:11,420

- This is where we catch up.

- I can't. I can't.

00:11:11,420 --> 00:11:13,547

Hurry, man, you can do this!

00:11:15,007 --> 00:11:17,259

- Do you trust me?

- I think so?

00:11:17,259 --> 00:11:19,178

- Then drop down!

- But we'll wash out.

00:11:19,178 --> 00:11:20,388

- Trust me!

- No!

00:11:27,019 --> 00:11:28,104

It worked!

00:11:28,104 --> 00:11:29,980

First, but how?

00:11:29,980 --> 00:11:32,233

I realized the current was the quickest

way to get to the finish line.

00:11:32,233 --> 00:11:33,859

There tweren't any

rules against it.

00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:38,072

That's zarg shit! They cheated!

00:11:38,072 --> 00:11:40,700

They used their heads.

You might wanna try it sometime.

00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:41,826

Go off, pimp!

00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:43,285

- Woo-hoo-hoo!

- We did it!

00:11:43,285 --> 00:11:45,246

We bent the rules

to our advantage!

00:11:45,246 --> 00:11:46,789

- We did it, bro, yeah!

- Woo-hoo-hoo!

00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:53,254

You know, I didn't think I'd bond

with anyone out here,

00:11:53,254 --> 00:11:54,672

since I'm a Holo.

00:11:54,672 --> 00:11:56,382

Had some friends who were Holos,

00:11:56,382 --> 00:11:57,925

and the way the Silvercops

treated 'em?

00:11:57,925 --> 00:11:59,051

Not cool.

00:11:59,051 --> 00:12:00,261

Well, growing up Holo,

00:12:00,261 --> 00:12:02,263

Silvercops always treated

me like shit.

00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:05,391

Saw my dad get beat up

for no reason so many times.

00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:07,435

One time, I saw him cry

because they made him eat

00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:09,812

so many seeds that

he shit his pants.

00:12:09,812 --> 00:12:11,188

I hate 'em.

00:12:11,188 --> 00:12:13,691

So why enlist?

You trying to get back at them?

00:12:13,691 --> 00:12:16,110

I want to change the force

from the inside.

00:12:16,110 --> 00:12:18,779

Revenge is worthless

when you can effect real change.

00:12:20,114 --> 00:12:22,283

Change over revenge, totally.

00:12:26,203 --> 00:12:29,498

{\an8}And you can always tell a star

coming from the Milky Bone Galaxy

00:12:29,498 --> 00:12:32,877

because it smells like crickets

and Aubrey Plaza's dry shampoo.

00:12:36,338 --> 00:12:39,425

Um, Jesse, are human eyes supposed

to glow with milky power?

00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:43,137

Eh, it's probably from watching

too many boat show fistfight videos

00:12:43,137 --> 00:12:45,181

on the Public Freakout

subreddit.

00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:47,016

Okay, class,

which constellation smells

00:12:47,016 --> 00:12:49,185

like Jessica Simpson's

edible body wash?

00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:51,771

Trycloponz.

00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:53,397

Correct. See, they're fine.

00:12:53,397 --> 00:12:56,233

We pledge allegiance

to Shlorp's grey god

00:12:56,233 --> 00:12:58,402

and humbly protect our station.

00:12:58,402 --> 00:13:01,238

We protect the Pupa, terraform,

00:13:01,238 --> 00:13:03,991

and annihilate the population.

00:13:03,991 --> 00:13:05,367

No!

00:13:05,367 --> 00:13:06,869

- Stop it! Shut up, shut up, kids!

- No! No, no.

00:13:06,869 --> 00:13:08,287

- Did you teach them that?

- No,

00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:09,872

I've never heard that pledge

in my whole life!

00:13:11,332 --> 00:13:13,876

Everybody sit down now,

class is still in session.

00:13:13,876 --> 00:13:17,087

Kill the threats, take over now.

00:13:17,087 --> 00:13:19,840

This is no bueno.

We gotta tell Terry and Korvo.

00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:21,342

Yeah, right after

my smoke break.

00:13:21,342 --> 00:13:24,887

Kill the threats, take over now.

00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:26,430

Okay, let's go!

00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:32,645

Recruits, hut!

I don't see y'all huttin'!

00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,688

This is it, the Final Trial.

00:13:34,688 --> 00:13:36,857

Only the fastest,

toughest, smartest recruits

00:13:36,857 --> 00:13:40,194

will be victorious and move on

to becoming Silvercops.

00:13:40,319 --> 00:13:42,321

Losers go home to their mamas.

00:13:42,321 --> 00:13:43,614

I love my mama!

00:13:43,614 --> 00:13:45,324

If you can't handle the heat,

00:13:45,324 --> 00:13:47,618

your armor has a tap-out button.

00:13:47,743 --> 00:13:51,497

But be warned, once you tap it,

you're washed out.

00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:53,749

Good luck, future

sons of silver.

00:13:55,125 --> 00:13:56,752

Hold on there, son.

00:13:56,752 --> 00:13:58,629

- But the trial!

- Listen to the man.

00:13:58,629 --> 00:14:00,172

We've been watchin' you, kid.

00:14:00,172 --> 00:14:03,676

Dominatin' practices,

crushin' the competition.

00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:06,136

You got what it takes

to be a Silvercop.

00:14:06,136 --> 00:14:08,389

You don't have to do

the Final Trial.

00:14:08,389 --> 00:14:09,890

Trial's bullshit, anyway.

00:14:09,890 --> 00:14:11,058

Bullshit, what do you mean?

00:14:11,183 --> 00:14:13,561

Nobody here ends up a Silvercop.

00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:15,104

They're too lowborn.

00:14:15,104 --> 00:14:18,399

Nah, we get our real recruits

from the Silver Academy.

00:14:18,399 --> 00:14:19,483

That's the truth!

00:14:19,608 --> 00:14:21,026

But why all this, then?

00:14:21,026 --> 00:14:23,904

- We gotta get our Silver Grunts somewhere.

- Grunt life!

00:14:24,029 --> 00:14:25,239

What's a Silver Grunt?

00:14:25,239 --> 00:14:26,907

Food for powder, son.

00:14:26,907 --> 00:14:28,367

That means cannon fodder.

00:14:28,492 --> 00:14:30,911

The Silvercops keep

the galaxy safe,

00:14:30,911 --> 00:14:33,455

but some planets

just don't see it like that,

00:14:33,455 --> 00:14:36,667

so their population's

got to be pacified.

00:14:36,792 --> 00:14:40,421

Bloody, gruesome fights

with a huge death toll.

00:14:40,421 --> 00:14:43,340

Well, we aren't gonna

waste Silvercops on that.

00:14:43,465 --> 00:14:47,136

- So, we throw in the Grunts.

- They gonna die.

00:14:47,261 --> 00:14:49,722

Jesus, okay, my friend's

in the Final Trials right now.

00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:51,849

He can't be a Grunt.

I have to bring him with me.

00:14:53,392 --> 00:14:55,519

- There's nothin' you can do.

- Facts!

00:14:55,644 --> 00:14:56,979

Yes, there is.

00:14:57,229 --> 00:14:59,607

Whoa, kid, get back here!

00:14:59,607 --> 00:15:01,150

Don't throw your life away!

00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:03,319

No one turns their backs on us!

00:15:14,997 --> 00:15:16,332

Get me outta here!

00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:20,920

Tomblr?

00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,296

Tomblr, where are you?

00:15:23,672 --> 00:15:25,841

{\an8}God, I love being

a smug academic.

00:15:25,841 --> 00:15:27,801

Ooh, I think I'm gonna

give myself tenure.

00:15:27,801 --> 00:15:31,180

Yeah, I was built for more of a widow

of a disgraced FIFA executive,

00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:33,307

but this is pretty cool too.

00:15:35,893 --> 00:15:37,269

What the hell are you teaching

these kids?

00:15:37,269 --> 00:15:38,646

Just the normal stuff,

00:15:38,646 --> 00:15:40,481

and then they started

attacking the parents.

00:15:40,481 --> 00:15:42,358

Do we know what

the cafeteria is serving today?

00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:43,859

- Is it nuggets?

- Terry, focus.

00:15:43,859 --> 00:15:45,903

These kids can't be dragging

away parents on campus.

00:15:45,903 --> 00:15:47,237

People will stop respecting us.

00:15:48,822 --> 00:15:50,574

Mother of Moby!

00:15:50,574 --> 00:15:52,368

Those are Shlorpian

soul harvesters.

00:15:52,493 --> 00:15:54,078

Wait, souls exist?

00:15:54,078 --> 00:15:56,080

What about God

and the devil and all that?

00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:57,957

They exist too, but

they're all aliens,

00:15:58,082 --> 00:16:00,292

and I don't have time to explain

how they mind-controlled ancient humans

00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:01,710

into being their fuck buddies.

00:16:01,710 --> 00:16:03,379

Point is, those harvesters

suck out life energy

00:16:03,504 --> 00:16:04,797

and convert them into

Shlorpian energy,

00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:06,090

which is really just

a different color energy.

00:16:11,595 --> 00:16:13,180

AISHA, we fucked up!

00:16:13,180 --> 00:16:14,848

All the kids are turning their parents

into puddles of ooze!

00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,600

I tried to tell you dummies.

00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:19,603

Those protocols are supposed

to be for emergency use only!

00:16:19,603 --> 00:16:21,689

But all those hot parents

were an emergency.

00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:23,816

I couldn't stop schwinging,

Terry gotta schwing!

00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:26,026

It's not for

that kind of emergency.

00:16:26,026 --> 00:16:29,822

It's more like if you're being attacked

and you need an army to protect the Pupa.

00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:33,033

Ah, shit, we turned all those kids

into Universal Soldiers?

00:16:33,033 --> 00:16:35,703

If y'all don't stop this now,

those entitled-ass children

00:16:35,703 --> 00:16:37,413

are gonna take over

the whole world.

00:16:37,413 --> 00:16:39,748

Ah, why did we have to care so much

about those sexy parents?

00:16:39,873 --> 00:16:42,334

Terry, replicants one and three,

I have to come clean.

00:16:42,334 --> 00:16:43,919

I know I said I founded

this school

00:16:43,919 --> 00:16:46,213

because I wanted to be cool

and hang with hot parents,

00:16:46,213 --> 00:16:47,881

but that was a lie.

00:16:47,881 --> 00:16:49,425

I don't care about the parents.

00:16:49,425 --> 00:16:51,552

{\an8}I actually wanted the Pupa

to have a good education.

00:16:51,552 --> 00:16:54,304

{\an8}But usually you're just as shallow as me.

What happened, babe?

00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:56,640

When I was a young replicant,

I was a narc-y little bitch

00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:58,934

who everyone hated,

because I was stupid and lame.

00:16:58,934 --> 00:17:01,603

It took me years of reading

and educating myself to realize

00:17:01,603 --> 00:17:03,814

what a loser, asshole,

shitbag I was.

00:17:03,814 --> 00:17:05,190

I wanted better for the Pupa.

00:17:05,399 --> 00:17:07,151

Oh, Korvo, it wasn't school.

00:17:07,151 --> 00:17:09,153

Everyone's a stupid little shitbag

when they're kids.

00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:10,821

- Really?

- Uh-huh,

00:17:10,821 --> 00:17:12,865

and if you're not a shitbag,

well, then you're a cumstain.

00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:14,825

- Or an asswad.

- That's right.

00:17:14,825 --> 00:17:16,577

Fuck that school.

Pupa doesn't need it.

00:17:16,577 --> 00:17:18,746

He'll grow out of being a piss-bubble

when he's good and ready.

00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:20,581

That does make me feel better.

00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:22,458

Even so, I still think

we should stop those kids,

00:17:22,458 --> 00:17:24,126

or we'll have to go to

so many funerals.

00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:26,962

I cannot put on more

Shiva weight, let's go.

00:17:27,087 --> 00:17:28,714

Look out for those kids!

00:17:31,091 --> 00:17:32,301

We have to reset the school!

00:17:32,301 --> 00:17:34,595

Blegh, their little hands

are so sticky!

00:17:37,014 --> 00:17:39,224

Tomblr!

00:17:39,349 --> 00:17:41,393

We're doing good, Dodge,

just a little further.

00:17:41,518 --> 00:17:43,604

- We gotta tap out.

- What are you talkin' about?

00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:45,647

All of this, it's bullshit. Huh!

00:17:45,647 --> 00:17:47,191

They won't let us become

Silvercops.

00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:49,693

No way, come on, it's

right there!

00:17:50,277 --> 00:17:52,571

They lied to us, they're not

gonna make you a Silvercop.

00:17:52,696 --> 00:17:54,698

I see how it is.

I thought we were friends,

00:17:54,698 --> 00:17:56,950

but I guess you hate Holos

just like everybody else.

00:17:56,950 --> 00:17:58,243

I swear, I'm trying to help you.

00:17:58,368 --> 00:17:59,578

Then you tap out!

00:17:59,578 --> 00:18:01,705

I'm gonna fix the Silvercops

from the inside,

00:18:01,830 --> 00:18:03,582

and nobody's gonna stop me!

00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:05,959

Listen to me, do not cross

that finish line,

00:18:05,959 --> 00:18:07,086

it's a death trap!

00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:08,462

Tomblr!

00:18:11,548 --> 00:18:12,925

Tomblr!

00:18:13,050 --> 00:18:14,510

I didn't get this far

listening to people

00:18:14,510 --> 00:18:16,053

who told me not to try!

00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:23,811

Agh! Crappity, crap, crap, crap!

00:18:27,147 --> 00:18:28,899

Congratulations, recruits.

00:18:29,024 --> 00:18:30,526

You finished the Final Trial.

00:18:30,526 --> 00:18:33,862

- Your transport leaves now.

- Get 'em, boys!

00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:38,867

- You fucked up, son.

- That you did.

00:18:41,578 --> 00:18:43,288

- Tomblr?

- Don't talk to me!

00:18:43,413 --> 00:18:45,040

You were just trying

to get my spot.

00:18:45,165 --> 00:18:47,251

I came here to protect you.

We have to stick together.

00:18:47,376 --> 00:18:48,877

You can't stop lying, huh?

00:18:48,877 --> 00:18:52,214

When we're Silvercops, do me a favor

and forget you know me.

00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:53,966

- Attention!

- Hell yes!

00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:55,884

Silvercops, here I come!

00:18:55,884 --> 00:18:57,302

Your training is over.

00:18:57,427 --> 00:18:58,554

From here on out,

00:18:58,554 --> 00:19:00,848

your asses belong

to the Silver Army,

00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:02,307

you Silver Grunts.

00:19:02,307 --> 00:19:03,892

What?

00:19:03,892 --> 00:19:06,812

Your first mission is clearing out

the scourge on Zab 9.

00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:09,606

They're a terrifying force,

but we will crush them!

00:19:21,743 --> 00:19:24,246

{\an8}It was an honor being

an edgy, offbeat,

00:19:24,246 --> 00:19:26,081

FX-adjacent family with you all.

00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:29,376

The Alexes. Schwing!

00:19:40,762 --> 00:19:44,183

Ha, ha, an eleventh-hour Lord of the Rings

pirate ghost-style save!

00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:45,809

What the hell is going on here?

00:19:45,809 --> 00:19:47,895

We just came to get some batteries

from the Giving Tree.

00:19:47,895 --> 00:19:50,772

Uh, too much to explain but

if we activate this sci-fi school-maker,

00:19:50,772 --> 00:19:52,649

it'll undo everything

we've done to these kids.

00:19:52,649 --> 00:19:54,526

Well, hold on a second.

00:19:54,526 --> 00:19:56,445

If we do that, they'll still get to keep

their superintelligence, right?

00:19:56,570 --> 00:19:59,531

What? No, all the sci-fi schooling effects

will go with the crazies.

00:19:59,531 --> 00:20:01,700

A small price to pay to keep them

from taking over the planet.

00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:03,619

Yeah, I mean, I love

this planet,

00:20:03,619 --> 00:20:05,120

I was born here, I get it,

00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:07,456

but their test scores

are just so good.

00:20:07,456 --> 00:20:08,957

We need to keep the smarts.

00:20:08,957 --> 00:20:11,210

Our daughter's been pre-pre-accepted

into Harvard.

00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:14,004

But they've been turned into

soulless murder machines.

00:20:14,004 --> 00:20:16,798

Yes, but isn't that what it takes

to get the best internships these days?

00:20:16,798 --> 00:20:19,384

- Yeah, it feels like a life skill to me.

- Let's put it to a vote.

00:20:19,384 --> 00:20:21,762

All of those in favor of keeping

the school, say aye.

00:20:21,762 --> 00:20:22,971

- Aye.

- Aye.

00:20:22,971 --> 00:20:24,056

Aye.

00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:25,724

Ah, come on!

00:20:25,724 --> 00:20:27,434

You piss flaps are gonna destroy

yourselves and the planets.

00:20:27,434 --> 00:20:29,102

We need to deprogram these kids.

00:20:29,102 --> 00:20:30,687

Yeah, we're gonna have

to ask you to leave.

00:20:30,687 --> 00:20:33,482

You're no longer

the right fit for our school.

00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:35,359

This is a Shlorpian

training center!

00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:37,069

Thanks for your input, buh-bye.

00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:39,404

You smug assholes,

you have no idea what you're doing.

00:20:39,404 --> 00:20:41,073

Without Korvo,

you'll all be dead in a week.

00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:49,539

Huh, I was sure these kids

would take over the world,

00:20:49,539 --> 00:20:50,791

but they seem to be doing fine.

00:20:50,791 --> 00:20:52,417

What happened to all

the child soldiers?

00:20:52,417 --> 00:20:54,920

We realized we could keep

your Shlorpian education system

00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:56,922

if we balanced out the aggression

with beta hobbies,

00:20:56,922 --> 00:20:58,966

like rollerblading and

urban beekeeping.

00:20:58,966 --> 00:21:01,218

They're too lame

to be Universal Soldiers,

00:21:01,218 --> 00:21:02,928

but the superintelligence stays.

00:21:02,928 --> 00:21:04,012

Noice.

00:21:04,012 --> 00:21:05,514

Alright, fine.

00:21:05,514 --> 00:21:07,099

The Pupa can attend

school here again.

00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:08,976

See, the thing is,

we're at capacity,

00:21:08,976 --> 00:21:10,727

but we can put you on

the interest list.

00:21:10,727 --> 00:21:13,105

Right, that's it, you yuppy piece of shit.

I'm blasting you to ash.

00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:16,608

Excuse my husband.

He gets heated about alien stuff.

00:21:16,608 --> 00:21:19,653

There has to be something

that knocks those Alexes down a peg.

00:21:19,653 --> 00:21:21,363

Just forget it,

you'd have to change

00:21:21,363 --> 00:21:23,573

the entire way education works

on this planet.

00:21:23,573 --> 00:21:28,495

Let's just chug some hard seltzers

and take the helicopter out for a spin.

00:21:28,495 --> 00:21:31,415

And this just in,

thanks to a record-breaking donation

00:21:31,415 --> 00:21:33,458

of gold and diamonds

from an alien,

00:21:33,458 --> 00:21:36,962

the entire planet now has

free universal pre-K.

00:21:36,962 --> 00:21:39,172

No school is exclusive anymore.

00:21:39,172 --> 00:21:40,549

{\an8}This is a disgrace!

00:21:40,549 --> 00:21:42,259

{\an8}We're good-looking rich people.

00:21:42,259 --> 00:21:43,593

{\an8}You can't do that to us!

00:21:43,969 --> 00:21:45,721

Korvo, holy shit, did you see

the news about some alien

00:21:45,721 --> 00:21:47,931

creating free universal education

for everyone?

00:21:47,931 --> 00:21:49,975

That wasn't you, was it?

00:21:50,517 --> 00:21:52,311

I'll never tell.

00:21:52,311 --> 00:21:54,062

The fuck, is that a camera?

00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:04,921

Where are you,

ya snuggly little shit sock?

00:00:05,046 --> 00:00:07,382

Knock it off, Korvo.

We're trying to watch Inlander.

00:00:07,382 --> 00:00:09,592

Yeah, it's the prequel

to Outlander,

00:00:09,592 --> 00:00:12,595

and it's the only reason

I haven't filled my pockets with stones

00:00:12,595 --> 00:00:14,055

and walked into a river.

00:00:14,264 --> 00:00:15,765

We're just about to find out

the canonical explanation

00:00:15,765 --> 00:00:17,434

for why they eat so much ass.

00:00:17,434 --> 00:00:19,686

I bet it's 'cause

the Scottish countryside is freezing,

00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:21,271

so it keeps their noses toasty.

00:00:21,271 --> 00:00:23,314

The Pupa keeps putting

bite marks in all my stuff.

00:00:23,732 --> 00:00:25,817

Look what he did to my serving spoon.

This shit is teak.

00:00:25,817 --> 00:00:29,112

Ah! Korvo, why don't you just use

the Find My Pupa app?

00:00:29,112 --> 00:00:31,948

I made it in my AP app class

specifically for this reason.

00:00:31,948 --> 00:00:34,034

I hate that app. I refuse to pay

for the premium version,

00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:36,453

and the ads are all for antidepressants

you can only buy in Poland.

00:00:36,453 --> 00:00:37,996

The free version still works

00:00:37,996 --> 00:00:40,248

if the Pupa's within a block radius,

you friggin' dork.

00:00:40,248 --> 00:00:41,791

- Fine.

- [Pupa] Found me.

00:00:41,791 --> 00:00:43,001

He's across the street?

00:00:43,126 --> 00:00:44,252

Company move!

00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:46,254

[Pupa snarfing]

00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:48,882

Aw, poor little guy

was probably teething.

00:00:49,007 --> 00:00:50,467

Look at him suck

on that muffler.

00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:52,218

Does baby like to suck

on a muffler?

00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:54,012

Yes, he does. Ooh.

00:00:54,012 --> 00:00:56,473

Why does he keep breaking into

this creepy abandoned house, anyway?

00:00:56,473 --> 00:00:58,016

Guys, it's not abandoned.

00:00:58,016 --> 00:01:00,393

This is where Glen lived,

remember Glen?

00:01:00,393 --> 00:01:03,438

The guy you blasted into space

after you indirectly shot him

00:01:03,438 --> 00:01:05,065

in the foot with a collectible

bullet?

00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:07,067

Save these made-up stories

for your Substack.

00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:09,736

We're standalone boys for life,

no consequences,

00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:11,488

and all the violence

is cartoonish.

00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:13,281

We might wanna remember Glen.

00:01:13,281 --> 00:01:15,617

He's probably plotting

a revenge on us.

00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:17,202

Yeah, right, from space?

00:01:17,202 --> 00:01:18,828

He'll be lucky to

survive reentry.

00:01:18,828 --> 00:01:20,288

Yeah, he's probably just

floating around

00:01:20,288 --> 00:01:22,123

because humans are

so obsessed with gravity.

00:01:22,123 --> 00:01:24,292

Once again,

your co-replicant has it right.

00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:25,919

That Glen guy will

never do anything to us,

00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:27,420

least of all a revenge.

00:01:27,420 --> 00:01:30,673

We never, ever have

to think about him ever again!

00:01:30,799 --> 00:01:32,592

[♪ Silvercops theme playing]

00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:35,637

[planets whooshing]

00:01:37,388 --> 00:01:40,600

[planets whooshing]

00:01:43,561 --> 00:01:45,396

[jellyfish whooshing]

00:01:45,396 --> 00:01:47,065

♪

00:01:52,403 --> 00:01:55,198

[♪ guitar riff playing]

00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:59,661

♪ Previously on "Silvercops" ♪

00:01:59,661 --> 00:02:02,163

♪ Shot Glen to space, met cops ♪

00:02:02,163 --> 00:02:04,666

♪ Had sex with cops ♪

00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:07,210

♪ Got betrayed by cops ♪

00:02:07,210 --> 00:02:09,254

♪ Met some friends, not cops ♪

00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:11,756

♪ Betrayed them

and joined the cops ♪

00:02:12,382 --> 00:02:15,760

♪ This is a cautionary tale ♪

00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:17,846

♪

00:02:22,725 --> 00:02:23,852

I wanna see some hustle.

00:02:23,852 --> 00:02:25,478

If you wanna be Silvercops,

00:02:25,478 --> 00:02:27,814

you gotta know how to fuck,

buck, and work your vehicle.

00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:29,357

Shit, I meant truck.

00:02:29,357 --> 00:02:31,734

Y'all could stand to be

a little more like Dodge here.

00:02:31,734 --> 00:02:33,653

This guy embodies fuckin'

and suckin'.

00:02:33,653 --> 00:02:35,029

Crushin' the game, Dodge.

00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:37,282

Who? Oh, right,

that's my name now.

00:02:37,407 --> 00:02:38,950

Yes sir, Sergeant, sir.

00:02:39,075 --> 00:02:40,994

Yo, Charger, new recruit shuttle's

about to land.

00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:42,078

Remember when that was us?

00:02:42,203 --> 00:02:43,496

You mean, three days ago?

00:02:43,621 --> 00:02:45,874

For my species, that's

like 10 days.

00:02:45,874 --> 00:02:47,208

Let's go haze their asses.

00:02:47,333 --> 00:02:49,252

Nah, I gotta buff

my hover muffler,

00:02:49,252 --> 00:02:51,713

or the hovering won't make

that woo-woo-woo noise

00:02:51,713 --> 00:02:53,423

that sounds so cool

when you drive it around.

00:02:53,423 --> 00:02:55,675

Playing it cool,

I see how it is.

00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:59,304

That makes me wanna win

your favor, like, 3% more. Nice!

00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:01,639

[shuttle whirring]

00:03:01,764 --> 00:03:04,934

- Listen up, you silver scum.

- Let 'em know!

00:03:04,934 --> 00:03:06,769

Today your real training begins,

00:03:06,769 --> 00:03:09,189

but most of you slime ain't

gonna make it through boot camp.

00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:11,774

- Tell 'em!

- Because Silvercops have to be tough.

00:03:11,774 --> 00:03:13,526

Tough like my girlfriend's

titties.

00:03:13,526 --> 00:03:15,320

And how do we measure toughness?

00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:16,988

I actually don't know.

00:03:17,113 --> 00:03:19,866

It all comes down to

the Final Trial,

00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:22,243

the most brutal competition

of your lives.

00:03:22,619 --> 00:03:25,914

Only the best and strongest

will move on to the next phase

00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:27,582

of becoming a Silvercop.

00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:29,375

That sounds final as hell.

00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:31,377

The rest of you, you

get sent back

00:03:31,377 --> 00:03:33,129

to your shitty little lives

00:03:33,129 --> 00:03:38,051

and your shitty little non-Silver families

in Silver shame.

00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:39,177

Kill yourselves.

00:03:39,177 --> 00:03:42,138

- Too far.

- Okay, little overboard.

00:03:42,138 --> 00:03:44,057

Uh, hi. I'm Tomblr.

00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:46,768

Crundle Tomblr, but on Xorathios,

there's so many Crundles,

00:03:46,768 --> 00:03:48,353

I just go by my last name.

00:03:49,270 --> 00:03:51,105

I'm gonna shut up now.

What's your name?

00:03:51,105 --> 00:03:52,774

Dang, why can't I stop talkin'?

00:03:52,774 --> 00:03:54,817

What the hell you think

this is, recruit?

00:03:54,817 --> 00:03:56,236

A frozen dairy social?

00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:59,906

Oh, shit, he's cookin'

with lactose now!

00:04:00,031 --> 00:04:02,200

Uh, yes, sir. I mean no, sir?

00:04:02,325 --> 00:04:03,826

Drop and give me 20.

00:04:03,826 --> 00:04:07,330

- I didn't bring my wallet.

- Push-ups, you piece of shit!

00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:09,332

[recruits laughing]

00:04:10,541 --> 00:04:12,210

Hidey-hey-hey, Solars!

00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:14,379

{\an8}What's the meaning of this

front yard gathering, neighbor Kevin?

00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:16,005

{\an8}Why do all these kids

look British?

00:04:16,172 --> 00:04:19,384

{\an8}They're rich! The wife and I got

our kids into Burberry Academy.

00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:21,386

{\an8}Um, I think you mean Booberry.

00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:24,180

{\an8}Burberry's the best preschool

in the tri-state area.

00:04:24,180 --> 00:04:25,306

Let me rub it in a bit.

00:04:25,431 --> 00:04:26,891

[Terry]

Whoa, look at those parents.

00:04:27,016 --> 00:04:29,519

Now these are a couple

of PILFs. Schwing!

00:04:29,519 --> 00:04:31,271

Solars, meet Alex and Alex.

00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:32,730

Their kid's at Burberry, too.

00:04:33,022 --> 00:04:35,650

{\an8}Our little Alex has blossomed

since she got into the Burb.

00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:38,903

{\an8}She can bake a tarte tatin,

and she has a Letterbox account.

00:04:38,903 --> 00:04:42,615

{\an8}Her review of Frances Ha

was nothing to laugh at.

00:04:42,615 --> 00:04:44,158

{\an8}[all laughing]

00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:45,326

{\an8}That sounds stupid.

00:04:45,326 --> 00:04:46,911

{\an8}Our Pupa doesn't need

any of that shit.

00:04:46,911 --> 00:04:49,038

{\an8}Last week, he brought

home a possum.

00:04:49,163 --> 00:04:52,166

{\an8}This Booberry Academy sounds awesome,

and the parents are so sexy.

00:04:52,166 --> 00:04:53,501

{\an8}I can't stop schwinging.

00:04:53,501 --> 00:04:55,211

{\an8}Yes, your pelvic thrusts

are very noticeable,

00:04:55,211 --> 00:04:57,130

{\an8}but does the Pupa really need

more education?

00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:58,423

{\an8}He's already a supercomputer.

00:04:58,423 --> 00:05:01,718

Oh, my God, is your ugly

son eating a car

00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:03,803

instead of socializing

with the other children?

00:05:03,803 --> 00:05:07,307

{\an8}- Scandal!

- Wow, Pupa's got such a sense of humor.

00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:09,559

{\an8}That kid is a, well,

he's a regular Jay Leno

00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:11,227

with the cars, isn't he?

[chuckles]

00:05:11,602 --> 00:05:12,854

Okay, it's official.

00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:15,315

The Solar Opposites are getting Pupa

into Burberry Academy.

00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:17,650

Just 'cause you do a little aside

like that doesn't mean we can't hear you.

00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:19,027

[Korvo and Terry]

What?

00:05:20,361 --> 00:05:22,530

{\an8}Our campus is state-of-the-art,

00:05:22,530 --> 00:05:26,159

with amenities both modern

and inspired by nature,

00:05:26,284 --> 00:05:27,702

like our freshwater stream.

00:05:27,702 --> 00:05:29,078

[Solars oohing]

00:05:29,078 --> 00:05:32,040

Our 250-year-old Wisdom Tree.

00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:33,750

[Solars ahhing]

00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:36,210

Oh, my God, these book nooks

are so adorable,

00:05:36,210 --> 00:05:38,004

my zovaries are bursting!

00:05:38,129 --> 00:05:39,464

Do you see this?

All the kids in a line,

00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:41,174

doing the same thing,

none of them acting weird.

00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:42,258

Pupa needs this.

00:05:42,258 --> 00:05:44,302

Our Pupa will attend

this school.

00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:46,095

{\an8}I'm afraid it's a

rigorous process

00:05:46,095 --> 00:05:48,765

{\an8}to get one's child admitted,

and unfortunately,

00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:50,808

{\an8}the deadline was yesterday.

00:05:50,933 --> 00:05:53,644

{\an8}I feel like you could have told us that

before you took us on this tour

00:05:53,644 --> 00:05:55,813

{\an8}and got our mounds

all juiced up, you know?

00:05:55,938 --> 00:05:59,567

{\an8}We could always put your child

on our "interest list."

00:05:59,692 --> 00:06:01,944

- Oh, we are interested.

- Put us on the bloody list!

00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:06,282

Yeah, that's a W

for La Familia Solaropposita!

00:06:07,867 --> 00:06:09,744

{\an8}Hey, uh, guess what, hot Alexes?

00:06:09,744 --> 00:06:11,871

{\an8}We're gonna be hanging

out a lot more.

00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:14,290

{\an8}Our Pupa just got on

the interest list.

00:06:14,290 --> 00:06:15,375

{\an8}[both laughing]

00:06:15,625 --> 00:06:17,168

{\an8}Oh, bless your little hearts.

00:06:17,168 --> 00:06:18,836

{\an8}The interest list is a lie.

00:06:18,836 --> 00:06:20,963

{\an8}It's what they put people on

when they're never getting in.

00:06:21,089 --> 00:06:22,673

Well, that can't be

right. It's a list!

00:06:22,673 --> 00:06:25,551

We already declared this a W.

We can't undeclare a W.

00:06:25,676 --> 00:06:28,471

You can't just waltz in

and get admitted to Burberry.

00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:30,473

I mean, are you the

son of anyone?

00:06:30,598 --> 00:06:31,974

Not technically, but

I was replicated

00:06:31,974 --> 00:06:34,435

off a much larger Shlorpian

named Rin Tin Torvo.

00:06:34,435 --> 00:06:36,562

Well, if your last name

isn't Jolie-Pitt

00:06:36,562 --> 00:06:38,022

or Knowles-Carter-Beckham,

00:06:38,022 --> 00:06:40,400

you're gonna be

on that interest list indefinitely.

00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:43,903

And if your kid doesn't go to Burberry,

what's the point of even living?

00:06:44,278 --> 00:06:46,572

- Ah, she's right.

- Stop it, Terry.

00:06:46,572 --> 00:06:48,366

We can solve this with sci-fi.

00:06:48,366 --> 00:06:49,867

Burberry doesn't want us, fine.

00:06:49,992 --> 00:06:52,328

We'll start our own

crazy alien school.

00:06:52,328 --> 00:06:54,247

We'll make it better

and fancier than Burberry,

00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:56,791

and all these snooty fucks

will want to get their kids in.

00:06:56,791 --> 00:06:58,042

They'll be so jealous.

00:06:58,042 --> 00:07:00,211

Oh, yas, yas, yas!

Get out of my head!

00:07:00,211 --> 00:07:02,088

And Yum and I can

be the teachers!

00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:03,756

I was kinda hoping

I could just sit this one out

00:07:03,756 --> 00:07:05,633

and watch ramen-slurping

ASMR videos?

00:07:05,633 --> 00:07:07,510

No, we're doing this together

so we don't get a note

00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:08,719

that we split up too much.

00:07:08,719 --> 00:07:10,680

{\an8}Ugh, fine, you're such a Karen!

00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:12,348

{\an8}Shut up, I am not.

00:07:13,349 --> 00:07:16,561

AISHA, do we have any sci-fi way

to make an elitist school?

00:07:16,561 --> 00:07:18,312

[AISHA]

Uh, yeah, I guess you could use

00:07:18,312 --> 00:07:20,857

the emergency Shlorpian

training protocols for that,

00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:22,316

but they're kinda intense.

00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:23,901

Alright, I didn't ask

for your Yelp review.

00:07:23,901 --> 00:07:25,403

Oh, gimme, gimme, gimme.

00:07:25,403 --> 00:07:27,488

Here we go, let me just grab

the sci-fi school maker,

00:07:27,488 --> 00:07:28,948

change some of this

baseline code,

00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:30,491

add some cool shit from

that other school,

00:07:30,616 --> 00:07:32,452

and dah-dah-dah-dah-doo,

we are done.

00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:34,537

[door whirs]

00:07:34,537 --> 00:07:36,456

♪

00:07:36,581 --> 00:07:39,542

Are you sure Glen will be okay

with us building a school in his house?

00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:41,461

Like I care. Run!

00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:44,672

[energy whirring]

00:07:44,672 --> 00:07:46,007

[lasers pulsing]

00:07:46,132 --> 00:07:47,258

[Solars oohing]

00:07:47,258 --> 00:07:48,676

Schwing!

00:07:51,679 --> 00:07:54,557

[recruits grunting]

00:07:54,557 --> 00:07:55,808

[mud splatters]

00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:57,768

Good work, Charger,

you're crushin' it.

00:07:57,768 --> 00:07:59,353

I'm sorta hyped out.

00:07:59,353 --> 00:08:00,730

Do you wanna grab lunch?

00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:02,148

[bullies laughing]

00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:03,983

Yo, Dodge, you gotta get in

on this bullying.

00:08:03,983 --> 00:08:06,360

This turd's gonna have to spend

a fortune on therapy.

00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:09,030

- [bullies grunting]

- [recruit whimpering]

00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:12,533

Can you believe they let a filthy Holo

sign up for Silver training?

00:08:12,533 --> 00:08:14,243

[bullies laughing]

00:08:14,368 --> 00:08:17,163

[♪ tender music playing]

00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,584

What's your damage, Charger?

You suck Holo butt?

00:08:21,584 --> 00:08:24,212

Shut the fuck up, Zobert.

Don't make me kick your ass.

00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:26,255

[Zobert groaning]

00:08:26,714 --> 00:08:29,008

Dirty trick, I should

kill you right now!

00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:30,968

But I have to take a shit,

and you know I need company

00:08:30,968 --> 00:08:32,762

so we can gossip while

I dump one out.

00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:35,056

That's why I'm leaving.

And not because I'm scared.

00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:36,432

Come on, boys.

00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:38,684

- Oh, thank you.

- Those guys are assholes.

00:08:38,809 --> 00:08:40,561

- Name's Dodge.

- Wow, what a cool name.

00:08:40,561 --> 00:08:41,979

It doesn't sound made up at all.

00:08:41,979 --> 00:08:44,398

- I'm Tomblr.

- Also a cool real name.

00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:46,984

Hey, just stay away from those dudes

and keep your head down.

00:08:46,984 --> 00:08:48,861

- You'll be fine.

- I'm just so nervous.

00:08:48,986 --> 00:08:51,948

It gets easier, just focus on training.

Final Trial's coming up.

00:08:52,073 --> 00:08:54,033

[♪ ominous music playing]

00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:57,203

Check out Silver Mountain,

where Final Trial happens.

00:08:57,328 --> 00:08:59,288

It's also got some berry bushes

that grow on the south face.

00:08:59,288 --> 00:09:00,957

They're delicious on pancakes.

00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:03,543

But mostly it's for the trial.

00:09:04,585 --> 00:09:07,713

{\an8}Mr. Korvo's Academy is

the best preschool

00:09:07,713 --> 00:09:10,299

in all four corners

of David Attenborough's planet Earth.

00:09:10,424 --> 00:09:12,093

We have cutting-edge

equine classes.

00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:14,971

...Seabiscuit was sired

by Man of War and Jizz Nugget.

00:09:15,096 --> 00:09:16,764

- STEM classes.

- [portal whirring]

00:09:16,889 --> 00:09:19,225

Watch out for those black holes,

you little idiots.

00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:21,852

Our book nooks really make

storytelling come to life.

00:09:21,852 --> 00:09:24,188

Come on, Jesus,

I have to get you to the Pentagon.

00:09:24,188 --> 00:09:26,148

I don't think we have time,

Dr. Robert Langdon.

00:09:26,148 --> 00:09:27,650

I'm losing a lot of blood.

00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:30,820

No, you're not dying for a third time,

not on my watch.

00:09:30,945 --> 00:09:32,488

And this is our Giving Tree.

00:09:32,488 --> 00:09:34,365

May I have an apple, please?

00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:36,826

Goddammit, I said an apple!

Give me an apple,

00:09:36,826 --> 00:09:38,786

or I'll cut your ass down

and then take them myself.

00:09:38,786 --> 00:09:40,413

- [apple thuds]

- [Korvo groans]

00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:44,083

And the last stop on our tour,

the Office of Admissions.

00:09:44,208 --> 00:09:46,460

Okay, get your applications

here.

00:09:46,460 --> 00:09:49,630

One per student, please,

and grammar only counts if it's Kelsey.

00:09:49,630 --> 00:09:51,090

Hello, Terry, Korvo.

00:09:51,340 --> 00:09:55,219

We're so, so thankful that

you're considering little Alex.

00:09:55,344 --> 00:09:58,180

As trap king of admissions,

you don't have to worry.

00:09:58,180 --> 00:09:59,807

There's no interest list here.

00:10:01,058 --> 00:10:03,853

KorKor, all these sexy parents

are drooling over us

00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:04,979

like we're 3D-printed meat.

00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:06,564

Is this the best idea

we've ever had?

00:10:06,564 --> 00:10:08,190

There was that one time

we did needle drugs

00:10:08,190 --> 00:10:10,318

with the Charmin Bears,

but otherwise, yes!

00:10:10,318 --> 00:10:13,237

And for the first time ever,

no weird sci-fi side effects.

00:10:13,237 --> 00:10:14,614

Suck it, consequences!

00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:16,866

[both laughing]

00:10:16,991 --> 00:10:19,910

[bullies laughing]

00:10:19,910 --> 00:10:21,245

[whistle trilling]

00:10:21,370 --> 00:10:24,081

This obstacle course

will test your skill,

00:10:24,081 --> 00:10:25,833

your strength, and your grit.

00:10:25,833 --> 00:10:27,376

Hit 'em with the headlines!

00:10:27,501 --> 00:10:30,421

If you don't finish in five minutes,

you wash out

00:10:30,421 --> 00:10:32,923

and are disqualified

from the Final Trial.

00:10:32,923 --> 00:10:34,342

That's stakes, baby.

00:10:34,342 --> 00:10:37,345

And your time... starts now!

00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:40,264

[Dodge grunting]

00:10:40,264 --> 00:10:42,224

[♪ action music playing]

00:10:42,224 --> 00:10:44,268

[Tomblr panting]

00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:47,355

You got this, Tomblr, move it!

00:10:47,355 --> 00:10:49,899

What are you, fucking climbing experts?

Come on!

00:10:51,025 --> 00:10:52,943

[Tomblr grunting]

00:10:53,527 --> 00:10:55,529

Oh, no, a little beam,

it's so narrow!

00:10:55,529 --> 00:10:56,697

[whimpering]

00:10:56,697 --> 00:10:57,823

- [flames whooshing]

- [Tomblr yelps]

00:10:57,823 --> 00:10:59,450

Steady. Steady!

00:10:59,450 --> 00:11:02,078

I know you said I got this,

but I don't think I do.

00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:03,245

Just one round to go.

00:11:03,245 --> 00:11:04,914

[flames whooshing]

00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:06,874

♪

00:11:06,874 --> 00:11:08,584

[Dodge grunting]

00:11:08,584 --> 00:11:11,420

- This is where we catch up.

- I can't. I can't.

00:11:11,420 --> 00:11:13,547

[Dodge]

Hurry, man, you can do this!

00:11:13,547 --> 00:11:15,007

[water rushing]

00:11:15,007 --> 00:11:17,259

- Do you trust me?

- I think so?

00:11:17,259 --> 00:11:19,178

- Then drop down!

- But we'll wash out.

00:11:19,178 --> 00:11:20,388

- Trust me!

- No!

00:11:20,388 --> 00:11:23,099

[water splashing]

00:11:27,019 --> 00:11:28,104

It worked!

00:11:28,104 --> 00:11:29,980

First, but how?

00:11:29,980 --> 00:11:32,233

I realized the current was the quickest

way to get to the finish line.

00:11:32,233 --> 00:11:33,859

There tweren't any

rules against it.

00:11:33,859 --> 00:11:35,403

[Zobert grunting]

00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:38,072

That's zarg shit! They cheated!

00:11:38,072 --> 00:11:40,700

They used their heads.

You might wanna try it sometime.

00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:41,826

Go off, pimp!

00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:43,285

- Woo-hoo-hoo!

- We did it!

00:11:43,285 --> 00:11:45,246

We bent the rules

to our advantage!

00:11:45,246 --> 00:11:46,789

- We did it, bro, yeah!

- Woo-hoo-hoo!

00:11:46,789 --> 00:11:48,040

[both cheering]

00:11:48,499 --> 00:11:50,376

[♪ gentle music playing]

00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:53,254

You know, I didn't think I'd bond

with anyone out here,

00:11:53,254 --> 00:11:54,672

since I'm a Holo.

00:11:54,672 --> 00:11:56,382

Had some friends who were Holos,

00:11:56,382 --> 00:11:57,925

and the way the Silvercops

treated 'em?

00:11:57,925 --> 00:11:59,051

Not cool.

00:11:59,051 --> 00:12:00,261

Well, growing up Holo,

00:12:00,261 --> 00:12:02,263

Silvercops always treated

me like shit.

00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:05,391

Saw my dad get beat up

for no reason so many times.

00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:07,435

One time, I saw him cry

because they made him eat

00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:09,812

so many seeds that

he shit his pants.

00:12:09,812 --> 00:12:11,188

I hate 'em.

00:12:11,188 --> 00:12:13,691

So why enlist?

You trying to get back at them?

00:12:13,691 --> 00:12:16,110

I want to change the force

from the inside.

00:12:16,110 --> 00:12:18,779

Revenge is worthless

when you can effect real change.

00:12:20,114 --> 00:12:22,283

Change over revenge, totally.

00:12:26,203 --> 00:12:29,498

{\an8}And you can always tell a star

coming from the Milky Bone Galaxy

00:12:29,498 --> 00:12:32,877

because it smells like crickets

and Aubrey Plaza's dry shampoo.

00:12:32,877 --> 00:12:35,629

[kids moaning]

00:12:36,338 --> 00:12:39,425

Um, Jesse, are human eyes supposed

to glow with milky power?

00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:43,137

Eh, it's probably from watching

too many boat show fistfight videos

00:12:43,137 --> 00:12:45,181

on the Public Freakout

subreddit.

00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:47,016

Okay, class,

which constellation smells

00:12:47,016 --> 00:12:49,185

like Jessica Simpson's

edible body wash?

00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:51,771

[class in unison]

Trycloponz.

00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:53,397

Correct. See, they're fine.

00:12:53,397 --> 00:12:56,233

[class in unison] We pledge allegiance

to Shlorp's grey god

00:12:56,233 --> 00:12:58,402

and humbly protect our station.

00:12:58,402 --> 00:13:01,238

We protect the Pupa, terraform,

00:13:01,238 --> 00:13:03,991

and annihilate the population.

00:13:03,991 --> 00:13:05,367

- [Yumyulack gasps]

- No!

00:13:05,367 --> 00:13:06,869

- Stop it! Shut up, shut up, kids!

- No! No, no.

00:13:06,869 --> 00:13:08,287

- Did you teach them that?

- No,

00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:09,872

I've never heard that pledge

in my whole life!

00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:11,332

[bell chimes]

00:13:11,332 --> 00:13:13,876

Everybody sit down now,

class is still in session.

00:13:13,876 --> 00:13:17,087

[class in unison]

Kill the threats, take over now.

00:13:17,087 --> 00:13:19,840

This is no bueno.

We gotta tell Terry and Korvo.

00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:21,342

Yeah, right after

my smoke break.

00:13:21,342 --> 00:13:24,887

[class in unison]

Kill the threats, take over now.

00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:26,430

Okay, let's go!

00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:32,645

- [Sgt. Argent] Recruits, hut!

- [Hype Man] I don't see y'all huttin'!

00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,688

This is it, the Final Trial.

00:13:34,688 --> 00:13:36,857

Only the fastest,

toughest, smartest recruits

00:13:36,857 --> 00:13:40,194

will be victorious and move on

to becoming Silvercops.

00:13:40,319 --> 00:13:42,321

Losers go home to their mamas.

00:13:42,321 --> 00:13:43,614

I love my mama!

00:13:43,614 --> 00:13:45,324

If you can't handle the heat,

00:13:45,324 --> 00:13:47,618

your armor has a tap-out button.

00:13:47,743 --> 00:13:51,497

But be warned, once you tap it,

you're washed out.

00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:53,749

Good luck, future

sons of silver.

00:13:53,874 --> 00:13:54,959

[buzzer]

00:13:55,125 --> 00:13:56,752

- [recruits panting]

- Hold on there, son.

00:13:56,752 --> 00:13:58,629

- But the trial!

- Listen to the man.

00:13:58,629 --> 00:14:00,172

We've been watchin' you, kid.

00:14:00,172 --> 00:14:03,676

Dominatin' practices,

crushin' the competition.

00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:06,136

You got what it takes

to be a Silvercop.

00:14:06,136 --> 00:14:08,389

You don't have to do

the Final Trial.

00:14:08,389 --> 00:14:09,890

Trial's bullshit, anyway.

00:14:09,890 --> 00:14:11,058

Bullshit, what do you mean?

00:14:11,183 --> 00:14:13,561

Nobody here ends up a Silvercop.

00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:15,104

They're too lowborn.

00:14:15,104 --> 00:14:18,399

Nah, we get our real recruits

from the Silver Academy.

00:14:18,399 --> 00:14:19,483

That's the truth!

00:14:19,608 --> 00:14:21,026

But why all this, then?

00:14:21,026 --> 00:14:23,904

- We gotta get our Silver Grunts somewhere.

- Grunt life!

00:14:24,029 --> 00:14:25,239

What's a Silver Grunt?

00:14:25,239 --> 00:14:26,907

Food for powder, son.

00:14:26,907 --> 00:14:28,367

That means cannon fodder.

00:14:28,492 --> 00:14:30,911

The Silvercops keep

the galaxy safe,

00:14:30,911 --> 00:14:33,455

but some planets

just don't see it like that,

00:14:33,455 --> 00:14:36,667

so their population's

got to be pacified.

00:14:36,792 --> 00:14:40,421

Bloody, gruesome fights

with a huge death toll.

00:14:40,421 --> 00:14:43,340

Well, we aren't gonna

waste Silvercops on that.

00:14:43,465 --> 00:14:47,136

- So, we throw in the Grunts.

- They gonna die.

00:14:47,261 --> 00:14:49,722

Jesus, okay, my friend's

in the Final Trials right now.

00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:51,849

He can't be a Grunt.

I have to bring him with me.

00:14:51,974 --> 00:14:53,392

[both laugh]

00:14:53,392 --> 00:14:55,519

- There's nothin' you can do.

- Facts!

00:14:55,644 --> 00:14:56,979

Yes, there is.

00:14:57,229 --> 00:14:59,607

Whoa, kid, get back here!

00:14:59,607 --> 00:15:01,150

Don't throw your life away!

00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:03,319

No one turns their backs on us!

00:15:03,444 --> 00:15:05,362

[machinery rumbling]

00:15:05,362 --> 00:15:08,032

- [recruits screaming]

- [lasers whirring]

00:15:09,783 --> 00:15:12,745

- [♪ tense music playing]

- [Dodge panting]

00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,997

[blades whooshing]

00:15:14,997 --> 00:15:16,332

Get me outta here!

00:15:17,791 --> 00:15:19,585

[recruit yelling]

00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:20,920

Tomblr?

00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,296

Tomblr, where are you?

00:15:23,672 --> 00:15:25,841

{\an8}God, I love being

a smug academic.

00:15:25,841 --> 00:15:27,801

Ooh, I think I'm gonna

give myself tenure.

00:15:27,801 --> 00:15:31,180

Yeah, I was built for more of a widow

of a disgraced FIFA executive,

00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:33,307

- but this is pretty cool too.

- [glasses clink]

00:15:33,432 --> 00:15:34,892

- [kids snarl]

- [both yelp]

00:15:35,893 --> 00:15:37,269

What the hell are you teaching

these kids?

00:15:37,269 --> 00:15:38,646

Just the normal stuff,

00:15:38,646 --> 00:15:40,481

and then they started

attacking the parents.

00:15:40,481 --> 00:15:42,358

Do we know what

the cafeteria is serving today?

00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:43,859

- Is it nuggets?

- Terry, focus.

00:15:43,859 --> 00:15:45,903

These kids can't be dragging

away parents on campus.

00:15:45,903 --> 00:15:47,237

People will stop respecting us.

00:15:47,237 --> 00:15:48,822

[♪ dramatic music playing]

00:15:48,822 --> 00:15:50,574

[gasps] Mother of Moby!

00:15:50,574 --> 00:15:52,368

Those are Shlorpian

soul harvesters.

00:15:52,493 --> 00:15:54,078

Wait, souls exist?

00:15:54,078 --> 00:15:56,080

What about God

and the devil and all that?

00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:57,957

They exist too, but

they're all aliens,

00:15:58,082 --> 00:16:00,292

and I don't have time to explain

how they mind-controlled ancient humans

00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:01,710

into being their fuck buddies.

00:16:01,710 --> 00:16:03,379

Point is, those harvesters

suck out life energy

00:16:03,504 --> 00:16:04,797

and convert them into

Shlorpian energy,

00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:06,090

which is really just

a different color energy.

00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:08,425

[parents wailing]

00:16:08,425 --> 00:16:11,261

[all gasping]

00:16:11,595 --> 00:16:13,180

AISHA, we fucked up!

00:16:13,180 --> 00:16:14,848

All the kids are turning their parents

into puddles of ooze!

00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,600

[AISHA]

I tried to tell you dummies.

00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:19,603

Those protocols are supposed

to be for emergency use only!

00:16:19,603 --> 00:16:21,689

But all those hot parents

were an emergency.

00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:23,816

I couldn't stop schwinging,

Terry gotta schwing!

00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:26,026

[AISHA] It's not for

that kind of emergency.

00:16:26,026 --> 00:16:29,822

It's more like if you're being attacked

and you need an army to protect the Pupa.

00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:33,033

Ah, shit, we turned all those kids

into Universal Soldiers?

00:16:33,033 --> 00:16:35,703

[AISHA] If y'all don't stop this now,

those entitled-ass children

00:16:35,703 --> 00:16:37,413

are gonna take over

the whole world.

00:16:37,413 --> 00:16:39,748

Ah, why did we have to care so much

about those sexy parents?

00:16:39,873 --> 00:16:42,334

Terry, replicants one and three,

I have to come clean.

00:16:42,334 --> 00:16:43,919

I know I said I founded

this school

00:16:43,919 --> 00:16:46,213

because I wanted to be cool

and hang with hot parents,

00:16:46,213 --> 00:16:47,881

- but that was a lie.

- [all gasp]

00:16:47,881 --> 00:16:49,425

I don't care about the parents.

00:16:49,425 --> 00:16:51,552

{\an8}I actually wanted the Pupa

to have a good education.

00:16:51,552 --> 00:16:54,304

{\an8}But usually you're just as shallow as me.

What happened, babe?

00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:56,640

When I was a young replicant,

I was a narc-y little bitch

00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:58,934

who everyone hated,

because I was stupid and lame.

00:16:58,934 --> 00:17:01,603

It took me years of reading

and educating myself to realize

00:17:01,603 --> 00:17:03,814

what a loser, asshole,

shitbag I was.

00:17:03,814 --> 00:17:05,190

I wanted better for the Pupa.

00:17:05,399 --> 00:17:07,151

Oh, Korvo, it wasn't school.

00:17:07,151 --> 00:17:09,153

Everyone's a stupid little shitbag

when they're kids.

00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:10,821

- Really?

- Uh-huh,

00:17:10,821 --> 00:17:12,865

and if you're not a shitbag,

well, then you're a cumstain.

00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:14,825

- Or an asswad.

- That's right.

00:17:14,825 --> 00:17:16,577

Fuck that school.

Pupa doesn't need it.

00:17:16,577 --> 00:17:18,746

He'll grow out of being a piss-bubble

when he's good and ready.

00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:20,581

That does make me feel better.

00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:22,458

Even so, I still think

we should stop those kids,

00:17:22,458 --> 00:17:24,126

or we'll have to go to

so many funerals.

00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:26,962

I cannot put on more

Shiva weight, let's go.

00:17:27,087 --> 00:17:28,714

Look out for those kids!

00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:30,799

- [kids snarling]

- [Solars shouting]

00:17:31,091 --> 00:17:32,301

We have to reset the school!

00:17:32,301 --> 00:17:34,595

Blegh, their little hands

are so sticky!

00:17:35,179 --> 00:17:36,889

[kids hissing]

00:17:37,014 --> 00:17:39,224

- [Tomblr grunting]

- Tomblr!

00:17:39,349 --> 00:17:41,393

We're doing good, Dodge,

just a little further.

00:17:41,518 --> 00:17:43,604

- We gotta tap out.

- What are you talkin' about?

00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:45,647

All of this, it's bullshit. Huh!

00:17:45,647 --> 00:17:47,191

They won't let us become

Silvercops.

00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:49,693

No way, come on, it's

right there!

00:17:50,277 --> 00:17:52,571

They lied to us, they're not

gonna make you a Silvercop.

00:17:52,696 --> 00:17:54,698

I see how it is.

I thought we were friends,

00:17:54,698 --> 00:17:56,950

but I guess you hate Holos

just like everybody else.

00:17:56,950 --> 00:17:58,243

I swear, I'm trying to help you.

00:17:58,368 --> 00:17:59,578

Then you tap out!

00:17:59,578 --> 00:18:01,705

I'm gonna fix the Silvercops

from the inside,

00:18:01,830 --> 00:18:03,582

and nobody's gonna stop me!

00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:05,959

Listen to me, do not cross

that finish line,

00:18:05,959 --> 00:18:07,086

it's a death trap!

00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:08,462

Tomblr!

00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:11,131

[♪ dramatic music playing]

00:18:11,548 --> 00:18:12,925

Tomblr!

00:18:13,050 --> 00:18:14,510

I didn't get this far

listening to people

00:18:14,510 --> 00:18:16,053

who told me not to try!

00:18:16,678 --> 00:18:17,888

[Tomblr yelps]

00:18:18,013 --> 00:18:20,641

[♪ dramatic music continues]

00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:23,811

Agh! Crappity, crap, crap, crap!

00:18:23,811 --> 00:18:25,395

[buzzer]

00:18:27,147 --> 00:18:28,899

Congratulations, recruits.

00:18:29,024 --> 00:18:30,526

You finished the Final Trial.

00:18:30,526 --> 00:18:33,862

- Your transport leaves now.

- Get 'em, boys!

00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:38,867

- You fucked up, son.

- That you did.

00:18:38,867 --> 00:18:41,578

[♪ somber music playing]

00:18:41,578 --> 00:18:43,288

- Tomblr?

- Don't talk to me!

00:18:43,413 --> 00:18:45,040

You were just trying

to get my spot.

00:18:45,165 --> 00:18:47,251

I came here to protect you.

We have to stick together.

00:18:47,376 --> 00:18:48,877

You can't stop lying, huh?

00:18:48,877 --> 00:18:52,214

When we're Silvercops, do me a favor

and forget you know me.

00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:53,966

- Attention!

- Hell yes!

00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:55,884

Silvercops, here I come!

00:18:55,884 --> 00:18:57,302

[Commander]

Your training is over.

00:18:57,427 --> 00:18:58,554

From here on out,

00:18:58,554 --> 00:19:00,848

your asses belong

to the Silver Army,

00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:02,307

- you Silver Grunts.

- [door slams]

00:19:02,307 --> 00:19:03,892

- [recruits gasping]

- What?

00:19:03,892 --> 00:19:06,812

Your first mission is clearing out

the scourge on Zab 9.

00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:09,606

They're a terrifying force,

but we will crush them!

00:19:10,816 --> 00:19:12,484

{\an8}[computer beeping]

00:19:12,484 --> 00:19:13,819

{\an8}[spaceship whooshes]

00:19:14,570 --> 00:19:17,281

{\an8}[♪ ominous music playing]

00:19:21,743 --> 00:19:24,246

{\an8}It was an honor being

an edgy, offbeat,

00:19:24,246 --> 00:19:26,081

FX-adjacent family with you all.

00:19:26,081 --> 00:19:27,166

- [door slams]

- [Jesse gasps]

00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:29,376

[Terry]

The Alexes. Schwing!

00:19:29,501 --> 00:19:33,213

[♪ intense music playing]

00:19:33,338 --> 00:19:36,300

- [kids snarling]

- [Kicks thudding]

00:19:40,762 --> 00:19:44,183

Ha, ha, an eleventh-hour Lord of the Rings

pirate ghost-style save!

00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:45,809

What the hell is going on here?

00:19:45,809 --> 00:19:47,895

We just came to get some batteries

from the Giving Tree.

00:19:47,895 --> 00:19:50,772

Uh, too much to explain but

if we activate this sci-fi school-maker,

00:19:50,772 --> 00:19:52,649

it'll undo everything

we've done to these kids.

00:19:52,649 --> 00:19:54,526

Well, hold on a second.

00:19:54,526 --> 00:19:56,445

If we do that, they'll still get to keep

their superintelligence, right?

00:19:56,570 --> 00:19:59,531

What? No, all the sci-fi schooling effects

will go with the crazies.

00:19:59,531 --> 00:20:01,700

A small price to pay to keep them

from taking over the planet.

00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:03,619

Yeah, I mean, I love

this planet,

00:20:03,619 --> 00:20:05,120

I was born here, I get it,

00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:07,456

but their test scores

are just so good.

00:20:07,456 --> 00:20:08,957

We need to keep the smarts.

00:20:08,957 --> 00:20:11,210

Our daughter's been pre-pre-accepted

into Harvard.

00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:14,004

But they've been turned into

soulless murder machines.

00:20:14,004 --> 00:20:16,798

Yes, but isn't that what it takes

to get the best internships these days?

00:20:16,798 --> 00:20:19,384

- Yeah, it feels like a life skill to me.

- Let's put it to a vote.

00:20:19,384 --> 00:20:21,762

All of those in favor of keeping

the school, say aye.

00:20:21,762 --> 00:20:22,971

- Aye.

- Aye.

00:20:22,971 --> 00:20:24,056

[parent]

Aye.

00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:25,724

Ah, come on!

00:20:25,724 --> 00:20:27,434

You piss flaps are gonna destroy

yourselves and the planets.

00:20:27,434 --> 00:20:29,102

We need to deprogram these kids.

00:20:29,102 --> 00:20:30,687

Yeah, we're gonna have

to ask you to leave.

00:20:30,687 --> 00:20:33,482

You're no longer

the right fit for our school.

00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:35,359

This is a Shlorpian

training center!

00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:37,069

Thanks for your input, buh-bye.

00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:39,404

You smug assholes,

you have no idea what you're doing.

00:20:39,404 --> 00:20:41,073

Without Korvo,

you'll all be dead in a week.

00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:42,199

[door slams]

00:20:42,616 --> 00:20:45,035

[♪ horror music sting]

00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:49,539

Huh, I was sure these kids

would take over the world,

00:20:49,539 --> 00:20:50,791

but they seem to be doing fine.

00:20:50,791 --> 00:20:52,417

What happened to all

the child soldiers?

00:20:52,417 --> 00:20:54,920

We realized we could keep

your Shlorpian education system

00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:56,922

if we balanced out the aggression

with beta hobbies,

00:20:56,922 --> 00:20:58,966

like rollerblading and

urban beekeeping.

00:20:58,966 --> 00:21:01,218

They're too lame

to be Universal Soldiers,

00:21:01,218 --> 00:21:02,928

but the superintelligence stays.

00:21:02,928 --> 00:21:04,012

Noice.

00:21:04,012 --> 00:21:05,514

Alright, fine.

00:21:05,514 --> 00:21:07,099

The Pupa can attend

school here again.

00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:08,976

See, the thing is,

we're at capacity,

00:21:08,976 --> 00:21:10,727

but we can put you on

the interest list.

00:21:10,727 --> 00:21:13,105

Right, that's it, you yuppy piece of shit.

I'm blasting you to ash.

00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:16,608

Excuse my husband.

He gets heated about alien stuff.

00:21:16,608 --> 00:21:19,653

There has to be something

that knocks those Alexes down a peg.

00:21:19,653 --> 00:21:21,363

Just forget it,

you'd have to change

00:21:21,363 --> 00:21:23,573

the entire way education works

on this planet.

00:21:23,573 --> 00:21:28,495

Let's just chug some hard seltzers

and take the helicopter out for a spin.

00:21:28,495 --> 00:21:31,415

[reporter on TV] And this just in,

thanks to a record-breaking donation

00:21:31,415 --> 00:21:33,458

of gold and diamonds

from an alien,

00:21:33,458 --> 00:21:36,962

the entire planet now has

free universal pre-K.

00:21:36,962 --> 00:21:39,172

No school is exclusive anymore.

00:21:39,172 --> 00:21:40,549

{\an8}This is a disgrace!

00:21:40,549 --> 00:21:42,259

{\an8}We're good-looking rich people.

00:21:42,259 --> 00:21:43,593

{\an8}You can't do that to us!

00:21:43,969 --> 00:21:45,721

Korvo, holy shit, did you see

the news about some alien

00:21:45,721 --> 00:21:47,931

creating free universal education

for everyone?

00:21:47,931 --> 00:21:49,975

That wasn't you, was it?

00:21:50,517 --> 00:21:52,311

I'll never tell.

00:21:52,311 --> 00:21:54,062

The fuck, is that a camera?

00:21:54,062 --> 00:21:57,190

[♪ dramatic theme playing]

00:22:23,842 --> 00:22:28,221

♪

00:22:38,482 --> 00:22:39,983

[mimicking laser fire]