Учебное спринклерное устройство — Инопланетяне знакомятся с богатыми надменными родителями, чья дочь учится в частной школе. У Корво и Терри появляется желание устроить в частную школу Пупу. Когда Пупе отказывают в зачислении, Корво и Терри создают свою собственную частную школу. Сосед инопланетян Глен, который всё ещё находится в космосе, записывается в академию космических копов. Он хочет отомстить этим копам, но опять попадает в ловушку.

Предыдущая серия S05 E03 Устройство „Живи-умри снова“

Следующая серия S05 E05 Остров бывших

Учебное спринклерное устройство

The Educational Sprinkler Device

Сезон: 05Серия: 04

Описание

Инопланетяне знакомятся с богатыми надменными родителями, чья дочь учится в частной школе. У Корво и Терри появляется желание устроить в частную школу Пупу. Когда Пупе отказывают в зачислении, Корво и Терри создают свою собственную частную школу. Сосед инопланетян Глен, который всё ещё находится в космосе, записывается в академию космических копов. Он хочет отомстить этим копам, но опять попадает в ловушку.

Субтитры

00:00:01,350 --> 00:00:03,120 Пупа? Пупа!
00:00:03,130 --> 00:00:05,193 Где ты, маленький засранец?
00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:07,528 Отвянь, Корво. Мы тут смотрим «Единоземку».
00:00:07,540 --> 00:00:09,489 Да! Это приквел к «Чужестранке».
00:00:09,500 --> 00:00:14,300 Он единственная причина, почему я до сих пор не набила карманы камнями и не утопилась в реке.
00:00:14,310 --> 00:00:17,530 Скоро мы наверняка узнаем, почему они так часто лижут жопы.
00:00:17,540 --> 00:00:21,420 Думаю потому, что в шотландских сёлах холодно, а так они греют носы.
00:00:21,430 --> 00:00:23,500 Пупа грызёт мои вещи.
00:00:23,510 --> 00:00:26,130 Посмотрите на мою поварёшку! Это тиковое дерево!
00:00:26,570 --> 00:00:29,260 Корво, просто используй приложение «Найти Пупу».
00:00:29,270 --> 00:00:32,200 Я сделал его на курсах разработки специально для этого.
00:00:32,210 --> 00:00:34,115 Оно бесит. Премиум я покупать не хочу,
00:00:34,130 --> 00:00:36,650 а в рекламе только сомнительные антидепрессанты.
00:00:36,660 --> 00:00:40,440 Можно найти и с бесплатной версией, если Пупа где-то в пределах района, придурок.
00:00:40,450 --> 00:00:41,320 Ладно.
00:00:41,330 --> 00:00:41,980 Найди меня.
00:00:41,990 --> 00:00:43,130 Он напротив дома?
00:00:43,140 --> 00:00:44,482 Вперёд, экипаж!
00:00:46,560 --> 00:00:49,130 У бедняжки просто режутся зубки.
00:00:49,140 --> 00:00:50,730 Смотрите, как он сосёт глушитель.
00:00:50,740 --> 00:00:52,430 Малыш любит сосать глушители?
00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:54,030 Да, он очень любит.
00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:56,619 А зачем он всё лезет в эту стрёмную заброшку?
00:00:56,630 --> 00:00:58,200 Да это не заброшка.
00:00:58,210 --> 00:01:00,520 Здесь жил Гленн. Помните Гленна?
00:01:00,530 --> 00:01:02,515 Это его вы отправили в космос после того,
00:01:02,530 --> 00:01:05,330 как случайно прострелили ему ногу коллекционной пулей.
00:01:05,340 --> 00:01:07,230 Ты эти фанфики оставь своим подписчикам.
00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:08,925 Мы Исключительные парни навсегда,
00:01:08,940 --> 00:01:11,660 для нас нет последствий, а всё наше насилие мультяшное.
00:01:11,670 --> 00:01:13,630 Лучше бы нам вспомнить Гленна.
00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:15,870 Скорее всего, он планирует отомстить нам.
00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:17,320 Да, конечно, из космоса?
00:01:17,330 --> 00:01:19,020 Ему сильно повезёт, если он выживет.
00:01:19,030 --> 00:01:22,250 Да болтается по космосу, ведь людишки не могут без гравитации.
00:01:22,260 --> 00:01:24,460 Твой товарищ-репликант дело говорит.
00:01:24,470 --> 00:01:27,300 Этот Гленн нам ничего не сможет сделать, особенно отомстить.
00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:31,610 Нам никогда, никогда больше не придётся вспоминать о нём.
00:01:49,110 --> 00:01:54,180 СОЛНЕЧНЫЕ ПРОТИВОПОЛОЖНОСТИ. СРЕБРОКОПЫ
00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:59,850 Ранее в «Среброкопах».
00:01:59,860 --> 00:02:02,120 Гленн улетел в космос, встретил копов.
00:02:02,130 --> 00:02:04,620 И потрахался с копами.
00:02:04,630 --> 00:02:07,160 И его предали копы.
00:02:07,170 --> 00:02:09,250 Нашёл друзей, не копов.
00:02:09,260 --> 00:02:11,710 Предал их и присоединился к копам.
00:02:12,140 --> 00:02:15,800 Это поучительная история!
00:02:15,810 --> 00:02:17,840 СОЛНЕЧНЫЕ ПРОТИВОПОЛОЖНОСТИ. СРЕБРОКОПЫ
00:02:17,890 --> 00:02:21,610 ЛАГЕРЬ СРЕБРОКОПОВ 42
00:02:22,730 --> 00:02:23,890 Шевелитесь.
00:02:23,900 --> 00:02:28,010 Хотите быть среброкопами, вы должны уметь ублажать, латать и драть свою машину.
00:02:28,020 --> 00:02:29,400 Блин, то есть катать.
00:02:29,410 --> 00:02:31,900 Брали бы все пример с Доджа.
00:02:31,910 --> 00:02:33,850 Парень умеет обращаться со своим болтом.
00:02:33,860 --> 00:02:35,260 Красавчик, Додж.
00:02:35,270 --> 00:02:37,450 Кто? А, да, меня теперь так зовут.
00:02:37,460 --> 00:02:38,990 Есть, сэр, сержант, сэр.
00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:41,320 Эй, Чарджер, вот-вот сядет шаттл с новобранцами.
00:02:41,330 --> 00:02:42,280 Прям как наш когда-то.
00:02:42,290 --> 00:02:43,740 То есть, три дня назад?
00:02:43,750 --> 00:02:46,040 Для моего вида это как десять дней.
00:02:46,050 --> 00:02:47,440 Пошли надерём им сраку.
00:02:47,450 --> 00:02:49,668 Не, я пойду полировать свой глушитель,
00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:53,610 иначе он не будет издавать этот крутой звук ву-ву-ву, когда гоняешь.
00:02:53,620 --> 00:02:55,870 Типа делаешь вид, что тебе пофиг, я понял.
00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:59,940 Теперь хочется завоевать твою симпатию на процента три больше, молодец.
00:03:02,070 --> 00:03:04,330 Внимание, сребромусор.
00:03:04,340 --> 00:03:05,120 Скажи им!
00:03:05,130 --> 00:03:07,053 Сегодня начинается настоящая подготовка,
00:03:07,060 --> 00:03:09,420 но большинство из вас, сопляков, не осилят и учебку.
00:03:09,430 --> 00:03:09,930 Скажи им!
00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:11,920 Среброкопы должны быть несгибаемыми.
00:03:11,930 --> 00:03:13,760 Как титьки моей подружки.
00:03:13,770 --> 00:03:15,450 А как мы определяем несгибаемость?
00:03:15,460 --> 00:03:17,030 Вообще, не знаю.
00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:22,330 Всё зависит от Последнего испытания, самого убойного соревнования в вашей жизни.
00:03:22,340 --> 00:03:27,760 Только самые лучшие и сильные перейдут на следующий этап в отборе в среброкопы.
00:03:27,770 --> 00:03:29,530 Всё охренеть как серьёзно.
00:03:29,540 --> 00:03:33,512 А остальных отправят обратно в свои сраные дыры
00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:38,090 к своим сраным не-сребросемьям, покрытых сребропозором.
00:03:38,100 --> 00:03:39,450 Убейтесь сразу же.
00:03:39,460 --> 00:03:40,440 Уже слишком.
00:03:40,450 --> 00:03:42,326 Ладно, переборщил слегка.
00:03:42,980 --> 00:03:44,090 Привет, я Томблр.
00:03:44,100 --> 00:03:46,904 Крандл Томблр, но на Ксоратисе так много Крандлов,
00:03:46,910 --> 00:03:49,070 что я представляюсь только по фамилии.
00:03:49,330 --> 00:03:51,140 Ладно, заткнулся. А тебя как зовут?
00:03:51,150 --> 00:03:53,020 Блин, почему я не могу замолчать?!
00:03:53,030 --> 00:03:54,860 Ты ничего не перепутал, новобранец?
00:03:54,870 --> 00:03:56,640 Думаешь, это грузовик мороженщика?
00:03:56,650 --> 00:04:00,428 Воу, он сейчас уест тебя лактозой!
00:04:00,730 --> 00:04:02,400 Да, сэр. То есть, нет, сэр?
00:04:02,410 --> 00:04:03,610 Упал и дал двадцатку.
00:04:03,620 --> 00:04:04,920 Я без кошелька...
00:04:04,930 --> 00:04:07,685 Отжиманий, кусок говна!
00:04:10,590 --> 00:04:12,060 Приветики, Солары!
00:04:12,070 --> 00:04:14,520 В честь чего это сборище, сосед Кевин?
00:04:14,530 --> 00:04:16,110 Почему дети похожи на британцев?
00:04:16,120 --> 00:04:19,660 Они богаты! Мы с женой устроили детей в Академию Бёрберри.
00:04:19,670 --> 00:04:21,550 А может Буберри?
00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:24,220 Это лучшее дошкольное учреждение среди трёх штатов.
00:04:24,230 --> 00:04:25,600 Я тут унижаю из слегка.
00:04:25,610 --> 00:04:29,560 Ты посмотри на этих родителей! Милф и Дилф. Бум!
00:04:29,570 --> 00:04:31,530 Солары, познакомьтесь, Алекс и Алекс.
00:04:31,540 --> 00:04:32,910 Их дочь тоже в Бёрберри.
00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:35,820 Наша малышка Алекс расцвела, как стала ходить туда.
00:04:35,830 --> 00:04:39,280 Она научилась печь тарт Татен и писать рецензии к фильмам.
00:04:39,290 --> 00:04:43,670 Её отзыв на Милую Френсис был предельно вдумчив.
00:04:44,330 --> 00:04:45,640 Как же это тупо.
00:04:45,650 --> 00:04:47,360 Нашему Пупе не нужна эта хрень.
00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:49,280 Недавно он привёл домой опоссума.
00:04:49,290 --> 00:04:53,720 Но эта Академия Буберри такая классная, а родители такие горячие. Я не могу успокоиться.
00:04:53,730 --> 00:04:55,630 Да, все заметили твои толчки тазом.
00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:58,890 Но думаешь Пупе нужна ещё учёба? Он сам по себе суперкомпьютер.
00:04:58,900 --> 00:05:02,240 Боже мой, это что, ваш сынок-уродец жуёт колесо —
00:05:02,250 --> 00:05:05,080 вместо того, чтобы социализироваться с другими детьми? М-да.
00:05:05,090 --> 00:05:07,470 Просто Пупа у нас такой шутник.
00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:11,690 Наш малыш маленький Джереми Кларксон, согласны?
00:05:11,700 --> 00:05:12,600 Теперь серьёзно.
00:05:12,610 --> 00:05:15,390 Солары отправят Пупу в Академию Бёрберри.
00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:18,350 Даже если вы отвернулись, мы всё равно вас слышим.
00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:18,950 - Чего?! - Чего?!
00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:20,720 АКАДЕМИЯ БЁРБЕРРИ
00:05:20,730 --> 00:05:22,969 Наш кампус оборудован по последнему слову техники.
00:05:22,980 --> 00:05:28,040 Здесь сочетаются современность и природа. Например, как наш пресноводный ручей.
00:05:29,250 --> 00:05:32,895 Или 250-летнее древо мудрости.
00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:38,320 Господи, какие миленькие книжные закутки! Сейчас яичники лопнут!
00:05:38,330 --> 00:05:41,680 Смотрите, все дети в строю, делают одно и то же, не ведут себя странно.
00:05:41,690 --> 00:05:42,590 Пупе надо так же.
00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:44,340 Наш Пупа будет ходить к вам.
00:05:44,350 --> 00:05:51,000 Боюсь, у нас строгие правила поступления, и, к сожалению, вчера был последний день приёма.
00:05:51,010 --> 00:05:55,850 Вы могли сказать это до того, как провели нам экскурсию и наши промежности намокли.
00:05:55,860 --> 00:05:59,690 Можем внести вашего ребёнка в список заинтересованных.
00:05:59,700 --> 00:06:00,970 Нам очень интересно.
00:06:00,980 --> 00:06:02,080 Внесите нас в список!
00:06:02,090 --> 00:06:06,880 Это победа, la familia solara рулит!
00:06:08,010 --> 00:06:09,840 Представляете, секси-Алексы,
00:06:09,850 --> 00:06:11,980 теперь мы будем видеться намного чаще.
00:06:11,990 --> 00:06:14,854 Нашего Пупу внесли в список заинтересованных.
00:06:15,990 --> 00:06:17,210 Ох, милые бедолажки.
00:06:17,220 --> 00:06:21,130 Список заинтересованных — чушь. Туда вносят тех, кого никогда не примут.
00:06:21,140 --> 00:06:22,710 Это неправильно. Это же список!
00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:25,690 Мы уже объявили это победой. Нельзя отменить победу.
00:06:25,700 --> 00:06:28,600 Нельзя просто прийти и поступить в Бёрберри.
00:06:28,610 --> 00:06:30,510 Например, ты чей-то сын?
00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:34,670 Технически нет, но меня реплицировали из более крупного шлорпианина Рин Тин Торво.
00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:38,235 В общем, если ваша фамилия не Джоли-Питт или Ноулз-Картер-Бекхэм,
00:06:38,250 --> 00:06:40,460 то вы навсегда останетесь в этом списке.
00:06:40,470 --> 00:06:44,091 А если ваш ребёнок не ходит в Бёрберри, то какой вообще смысл жить?
00:06:44,900 --> 00:06:45,740 Она права.
00:06:45,750 --> 00:06:48,510 Прекрати, Терри. Сай-фай решит эту проблему.
00:06:48,520 --> 00:06:50,030 Хорошо, нас не ждут в Бёрберри.
00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:52,370 Откроем собственную школу пришельцев.
00:06:52,380 --> 00:06:56,910 Она будет лучше и вычурнее этой Бёрберри, и все эти заносчивые ублюдки захотят к нам.
00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:58,270 Они будут так завидовать.
00:06:58,280 --> 00:07:00,510 Да, да, прекрати читать мои мысли!
00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:02,220 А мы с Ямом будем учителями!
00:07:02,230 --> 00:07:05,790 Я надеялся залипнуть на видосы, где едят рамён.
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:09,116 Нет, а то нам пришлют предупреждение о разобщённости.
00:07:09,320 --> 00:07:10,743 Ладно... Ты такая Карен.
00:07:10,750 --> 00:07:12,360 Заткнись, это не так!
00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:16,600 Аиша, можно с помощью сай-фая создать элитную школу?
00:07:16,610 --> 00:07:22,490 Ну да, наверно, можно взять протоколы обучения в случае ЧС шлорпиан, но они очень суровые.
00:07:22,500 --> 00:07:24,190 Я не просил твой отзыв.
00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:25,200 Давай, давай.
00:07:25,210 --> 00:07:27,147 Итак, возьмём изготовитель школ,
00:07:27,160 --> 00:07:29,140 кое-что поменяем в исходном коде,
00:07:29,150 --> 00:07:33,120 добавим всякую крутую хероту из других школ, и пам-пам, готово.
00:07:36,500 --> 00:07:39,690 А Гленн точно не будет против, что мы устроили школу в его доме?
00:07:39,700 --> 00:07:41,691 Да мне насрать. Бежим!
00:07:47,310 --> 00:07:48,698 Бум!
00:07:51,610 --> 00:07:54,412 ЛАГЕРЬ СРЕБРОКОПОВ 42
00:07:55,860 --> 00:07:57,950 Молодец, Чарджер, ты в ударе.
00:07:57,960 --> 00:07:59,740 Я аж завёлся!
00:07:59,750 --> 00:08:00,960 Пообедаем?
00:08:01,990 --> 00:08:04,220 Эй, Додж, пошли, поучаствуешь в травле!
00:08:04,230 --> 00:08:06,966 Салага потом все деньги на психолога спустит.
00:08:09,170 --> 00:08:13,170 Представляешь, какого-то сраного Голо взяли к нам в учебку?
00:08:19,350 --> 00:08:21,920 Ты отсталый, Чарджер? Решил лизать жопу Голо?
00:08:21,930 --> 00:08:24,734 Завали лицо, Зоберт, а то так отпинаю...
00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:29,050 Грязный приёмчик! Я тебя прикончу прямо сейчас!
00:08:29,060 --> 00:08:32,800 Но я хочу срать, и пока я на толчке, мне надо с кем-то сплетничать.
00:08:32,810 --> 00:08:35,090 И поэтому я ухожу, а не потому, что страшно.
00:08:35,100 --> 00:08:36,537 Идём, парни.
00:08:37,290 --> 00:08:38,030 Спасибо.
00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:39,020 Они сраные мудилы.
00:08:39,030 --> 00:08:39,760 Я Додж.
00:08:39,770 --> 00:08:42,140 Ого, какое крутое имя. Совсем не выдуманное.
00:08:42,150 --> 00:08:43,260 Я Томблр.
00:08:43,270 --> 00:08:44,620 Тоже классное и настоящее.
00:08:44,630 --> 00:08:47,800 Держись от них подальше и не высовывайся. И всё хорошо будет.
00:08:47,810 --> 00:08:49,020 Я так нервничаю.
00:08:49,030 --> 00:08:52,870 Будет проще, просто тренируйся. Скоро Последнее испытание.
00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:57,320 Это среброгора, тут пройдёт Последнее испытание.
00:08:57,330 --> 00:09:01,250 А ещё там растут ягоды на южной стороне. Очень вкусно с панкейками.
00:09:01,380 --> 00:09:03,773 Но в основном она для Испытания.
00:09:04,390 --> 00:09:04,620 АКАДЕМИЯ МИСТЕРА КОРВО ДЛЯ УНИКАЛЬНЫХ И ПРИЧУДЛИВЫХ
00:09:04,630 --> 00:09:07,465 Академия мистера Корво — лучшее дошкольное учреждение
00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:10,340 во всех четырёх уголках планеты Земля Дэвида Аттенборо.
00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:12,430 У нас есть современные уроки верховой езды.
00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:15,320 Сухарь покрыли Мэн О'Уор и Джизз Наггет.
00:09:15,330 --> 00:09:16,800 Точные науки.
00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:19,360 Осторожно с чёрными дырами, идиоты.
00:09:19,370 --> 00:09:21,920 А в книжных закутках оживают истории.
00:09:21,930 --> 00:09:24,230 Давай, Иисус, я увезу тебя в Пентагон.
00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:27,630 Не успеем, доктор Роберт Ленгдон. Я потерял слишком много крови.
00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:30,860 Ты не умрёшь в третий раз, не в мою смену!
00:09:30,870 --> 00:09:32,640 А это наше Дающее Древо.
00:09:32,650 --> 00:09:34,660 Можно яблоко, пожалуйста?
00:09:34,670 --> 00:09:39,120 Я сказал дай яблоко, тупица, или я срублю тебя и сам возьму!
00:09:40,070 --> 00:09:44,120 И последняя остановка в нашей экскурсии: офис приёмной комиссии.
00:09:44,130 --> 00:09:46,500 Отлично, берите заявления.
00:09:46,510 --> 00:09:49,740 Одно на одного ученика, а грамматика важна только для Келси Граммера.
00:09:49,750 --> 00:09:51,487 Привет, Терри и Корво.
00:09:51,500 --> 00:09:55,260 Мы так благодарны, что вы согласились подумать насчёт малышки Алекс.
00:09:55,270 --> 00:09:58,280 Говорю как звезда приёмной комиссии, не переживайте.
00:09:58,290 --> 00:10:00,621 Никакого списка заинтересованных.
00:10:00,910 --> 00:10:05,180 Кор-Кор, секси-родители пускают на нас слюни, как будто мы куски распечатанного мяса.
00:10:05,190 --> 00:10:06,720 Это наша лучшая идея?
00:10:06,730 --> 00:10:10,360 Как-то мы упарывались с медведями из рекламы, а так да!
00:10:10,370 --> 00:10:13,280 И впервые никаких побочных явлений!
00:10:13,290 --> 00:10:15,177 Выкусите, последствия!
00:10:17,210 --> 00:10:19,060 СТАРТ
00:10:21,290 --> 00:10:26,010 Эта полоса препятствий определит ваши навыки, силу и твёрдость.
00:10:26,020 --> 00:10:27,410 Скажи им главное!
00:10:27,420 --> 00:10:32,960 Не уложитесь за пять минут, вас смоет, и вы будете дисквалифицированы.
00:10:32,970 --> 00:10:34,380 Вот это ставки, детка.
00:10:34,390 --> 00:10:37,380 И время... пошло!
00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:47,390 Всё получится, Томблр, давай!
00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:49,900 Вы, блин, чего, скалолазы? Да ладно.
00:10:53,580 --> 00:10:55,990 О, нет, какая узкая перекладина!
00:10:57,850 --> 00:10:59,490 Держись, держись.
00:10:59,500 --> 00:11:02,120 Ты говорил, что я справлюсь, но я сомневаюсь.
00:11:02,130 --> 00:11:03,684 Осталось одно задание.
00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:10,040 Здесь мы их нагоним.
00:11:10,050 --> 00:11:11,530 Не могу, не могу.
00:11:11,540 --> 00:11:13,485 Поторопись, чувак, ты сможешь!
00:11:15,060 --> 00:11:16,410 Ты мне доверяешь?
00:11:16,420 --> 00:11:17,300 Наверно?
00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:18,350 Тогда прыгай!
00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:19,340 Но нас смоет!
00:11:19,350 --> 00:11:20,170 Доверься мне!
00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:21,327 Нет!
00:11:26,990 --> 00:11:28,250 Сработало!
00:11:28,260 --> 00:11:28,709 РЕЗУЛЬТАТЫ ТОМБЛР 4:15, ДОДЖ 4:16
00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:29,600 Первые? Но как?
00:11:29,610 --> 00:11:32,270 Я понял, что по течению добраться быстрее всего.
00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:34,214 И правил против не было.
00:11:36,210 --> 00:11:38,190 Херня какая-то! Они смухлевали!
00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:40,740 Они использовали мозги. Ты тоже попробуй.
00:11:40,750 --> 00:11:42,040 Вали, чмоня.
00:11:42,570 --> 00:11:43,420 Получилось!
00:11:43,430 --> 00:11:45,280 Мы обошли правила себе на пользу!
00:11:45,290 --> 00:11:46,894 Получилось, бро, да!
00:11:50,420 --> 00:11:54,710 Я не думал, что с кем-то подружусь здесь, раз уж я Голо.
00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:56,420 У меня были друзья Голо...
00:11:56,430 --> 00:11:58,280 То, как к ним относились среброкопы...
00:11:58,290 --> 00:11:59,240 Скверно.
00:11:59,250 --> 00:12:02,400 Среброкопы всю жизнь смешивали меня с дерьмом.
00:12:02,410 --> 00:12:05,430 Столько раз отца избивали без причины.
00:12:05,440 --> 00:12:09,850 Однажды он плакал после того, как ему скормили столько зёрен, что он наделал в штаны.
00:12:09,860 --> 00:12:10,918 Ненавижу их.
00:12:11,070 --> 00:12:13,730 Тогда зачем зачислился? Хочешь отомстить?
00:12:13,740 --> 00:12:16,040 Хочу поменять систему изнутри.
00:12:16,050 --> 00:12:19,380 Месть бессмысленна, когда можешь реально что-то изменить.
00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:22,596 Меняй, а не мсти, конечно.
00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:26,240 АКАДЕМИЯ МИСТЕРА КОРВО ДЛЯ УНИКАЛЬНЫХ И ПРИЧУДЛИВЫХ
00:12:26,250 --> 00:12:30,061 Всегда можно определить, что звезда из галактики Млечный стояк
00:12:30,070 --> 00:12:33,520 по запаху сверчков и сухого шампуня Обри Плаза.
00:12:36,190 --> 00:12:39,460 Джесси, а человеческие глаза должны светиться млечным светом?
00:12:39,470 --> 00:12:45,220 Они наверно просто пересмотрели видео драк на катерах на сабреддите.
00:12:45,230 --> 00:12:49,560 Так, класс, какое созвездие пахнет как съедобный гель для душа Джессики Симпсон?
00:12:49,570 --> 00:12:51,810 Триклопонц.
00:12:51,820 --> 00:12:53,270 Верно! Видишь, всё нормально.
00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:58,800 Мы клянёмся в верности Серому богу и обещаем защищать свою станцию.
00:12:58,810 --> 00:13:03,860 Мы защитим Пупу, терраформируем и уничтожим население.
00:13:04,490 --> 00:13:05,472 - Нет! - Прекратите!
00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:07,099 - Заткнитесь, детишки! - Нет! Нет, нет...
00:13:07,110 --> 00:13:08,040 Это ты их научил?
00:13:08,050 --> 00:13:10,352 Нет! Я ни разу в жизни не слышал эту клятву.
00:13:11,300 --> 00:13:14,060 Сядьте все, урок ещё не закончен!
00:13:14,070 --> 00:13:17,130 Убить угрозу, уничтожить немедленно.
00:13:17,140 --> 00:13:19,950 Очень нехорошо. Надо рассказать Терри и Корво.
00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:21,380 Сразу после перекура.
00:13:21,390 --> 00:13:24,930 Убить угрозу, уничтожить немедленно.
00:13:24,940 --> 00:13:26,535 Ладно, бежим!
00:13:30,110 --> 00:13:31,370 Новобранцы, смирно!
00:13:31,380 --> 00:13:32,680 Что-то я не вижу смирения!
00:13:32,690 --> 00:13:34,730 Пришло время Последнего испытания.
00:13:34,740 --> 00:13:37,480 Только самые быстрые, сильные и умные новобранцы
00:13:37,490 --> 00:13:40,510 смогут дальше претендовать на должность среброкопов.
00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:42,360 Неудачники поедут к мамочкам.
00:13:42,370 --> 00:13:43,770 Я люблю свою маму.
00:13:43,780 --> 00:13:47,960 Если не справляетесь с напряжением, у вас на форме есть кнопка.
00:13:47,970 --> 00:13:51,610 Но знайте, как нажмёте — вас смоет.
00:13:51,620 --> 00:13:54,000 Удачи, будущие сребросыны.
00:13:55,620 --> 00:13:56,970 Постой, сынок.
00:13:56,980 --> 00:13:57,820 А испытание...
00:13:57,830 --> 00:13:58,800 Послушай его.
00:13:58,810 --> 00:14:00,350 Мы наблюдали за тобой, парень.
00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:03,710 Лучший на тренировках, первый на соревнованиях...
00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:06,180 Ты уже готовый среброкоп.
00:14:06,190 --> 00:14:08,430 Тебе не нужно проходить Последнее испытание.
00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:10,040 Испытание всё равно херня полная.
00:14:10,050 --> 00:14:11,200 В смысле херня?
00:14:11,210 --> 00:14:13,740 Никто из них не станет среброкопом.
00:14:13,750 --> 00:14:14,980 Они из простонародья.
00:14:14,990 --> 00:14:18,540 Настоящих новобранцев мы берём из Среброакадемии.
00:14:18,550 --> 00:14:19,800 Так и есть!
00:14:19,810 --> 00:14:21,160 Но тогда зачем это всё?
00:14:21,170 --> 00:14:23,280 Надо же где-то брать сребромясо.
00:14:23,290 --> 00:14:24,200 Живое мясо!
00:14:24,210 --> 00:14:25,280 Что за сребромясо?
00:14:25,290 --> 00:14:26,950 Живая сила, сынок.
00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:28,680 Другими словами, пушечное мясо.
00:14:28,690 --> 00:14:30,974 Среброкопы охраняют галактику,
00:14:30,980 --> 00:14:37,100 но некоторые планеты так не считают, поэтому их жителей нужно умиротворять.
00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:40,590 Кровавые отвратительные стычки с огромными потерями.
00:14:40,650 --> 00:14:43,380 Мы же не будем тратить на это среброкопов.
00:14:43,390 --> 00:14:46,360 Поэтому, мы бросим мясо.
00:14:46,370 --> 00:14:47,320 Они сдохнут.
00:14:47,330 --> 00:14:50,040 Господи. Ладно. Прямо сейчас мой друг проходит Испытание.
00:14:50,050 --> 00:14:52,329 Он не может быть мясом, я возьму его с собой.
00:14:53,490 --> 00:14:55,040 Ты ничего не можешь сделать.
00:14:55,050 --> 00:14:55,560 Факт!
00:14:55,570 --> 00:14:56,917 Нет, могу!
00:14:57,490 --> 00:14:59,650 Эй, парень, вернись!
00:14:59,660 --> 00:15:01,420 Не выбрасывай жизнь в помойку!
00:15:01,430 --> 00:15:03,674 От нас ещё никто не отворачивался!
00:15:14,970 --> 00:15:16,330 Вытащите меня!
00:15:19,630 --> 00:15:20,960 Томблр?
00:15:20,970 --> 00:15:22,484 Томблр, где ты?
00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:23,710 АКАДЕМИЯ МИСТЕРА КОРВО ДЛЯ УНИКАЛЬНЫХ И ПРИЧУДЛИВЫХ
00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:25,980 Как приятно быть чопорным академиком.
00:15:25,990 --> 00:15:27,980 Дам себе постоянное место препода.
00:15:27,990 --> 00:15:33,950 Я больше представлял себя вдовой опозоренного главы Фифа, но так тоже неплохо.
00:15:35,740 --> 00:15:37,450 Вы чему учили детей?!
00:15:37,460 --> 00:15:40,650 Нормальным вещам, а потом они напали на родителей.
00:15:40,660 --> 00:15:42,520 А что сегодня давали в столовой?
00:15:42,530 --> 00:15:43,230 Наггетсы?
00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:47,740 Терри, не отвлекайся. Детям нельзя таскать родителей по зданию. Нас перестанут уважать.
00:15:49,530 --> 00:15:50,680 Матерь Моби!
00:15:50,690 --> 00:15:52,560 Это шлорпианские сборщики душ.
00:15:52,570 --> 00:15:54,200 Стоп, души существуют?
00:15:54,210 --> 00:15:56,240 А бог, дьявол и всё такое?
00:15:56,250 --> 00:15:59,134 Существуют, это пришельцы, и у меня нет времени на рассказ о том,
00:15:59,140 --> 00:16:01,580 как они заставили древних трахаться с собой.
00:16:01,590 --> 00:16:05,132 Суть в том, что сборщики выкачивают жизненную энергию
00:16:05,140 --> 00:16:07,090 и преобразуют в шлорпианскую.
00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:12,750 Аиша, это капец!
00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:14,990 Дети делают из родителей лужи слизи!
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:16,490 Я пыталась сказать, тупицы.
00:16:16,500 --> 00:16:19,640 Эти протоколы можно использовать только при ЧС!
00:16:19,650 --> 00:16:21,870 Все эти секси-родители и были ЧС!
00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:24,030 Я не мог успокоиться, Терри нужно бум-бум!
00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:26,173 Не для такого ЧС!
00:16:26,180 --> 00:16:29,980 Скорее для случая, когда на вас напали, и нужна армия, чтобы защитить Пупу.
00:16:29,990 --> 00:16:33,210 Охренеть, мы превратили детей в универсальных солдат?
00:16:33,220 --> 00:16:37,340 Если вы это не прекратите, зарвавшиеся детишки уничтожат весь мир.
00:16:37,350 --> 00:16:40,040 Ну сдались нам эти сексуальные родители!
00:16:40,050 --> 00:16:42,370 Терри, репликанты один и три, должен сказать прямо.
00:16:42,380 --> 00:16:43,896 Я говорил, что основал школу,
00:16:43,910 --> 00:16:47,920 потому что хотел быть крутым и хотел тусить с секси-родителями, но это ложь.
00:16:47,930 --> 00:16:49,370 Мне срать на родителей.
00:16:49,380 --> 00:16:51,740 Я хотел, чтобы у Пупы было хорошее образование.
00:16:51,750 --> 00:16:54,480 Обычно ты такой же ограниченный, как я. Что случилось?
00:16:54,490 --> 00:16:59,100 Когда я был юным репликантом, я был ноющей сучкой, которую все ненавидели, потому что я был тупым.
00:16:59,110 --> 00:17:03,930 Я потратил много лет на самообразование, чтобы понять, каким я был имбецилом.
00:17:03,940 --> 00:17:05,360 Я хотел лучшего для Пупы.
00:17:05,370 --> 00:17:07,190 Корво, дело было не в школе.
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:09,470 В детстве все тупые мудилы.
00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:09,960 Правда?
00:17:09,970 --> 00:17:12,900 Ага. И если ты не мудила, то ты конч.
00:17:12,910 --> 00:17:13,980 Или чмоня.
00:17:13,990 --> 00:17:14,940 Точно.
00:17:14,950 --> 00:17:16,750 Нахер эту школу, Пупе она не нужна.
00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:18,960 Он перерастёт мудачество, как будет готов.
00:17:18,970 --> 00:17:20,780 Мне намного лучше.
00:17:20,790 --> 00:17:24,160 Но нам всё равно надо остановить детей, иначе будет столько похорон.
00:17:24,170 --> 00:17:27,210 Я не могу набрать ещё больше, бежим.
00:17:27,660 --> 00:17:29,236 Берегитесь детей!
00:17:31,140 --> 00:17:32,810 Надо перезагрузить школу!
00:17:32,820 --> 00:17:34,616 У них такие липкие ручонки!
00:17:38,630 --> 00:17:39,420 Томблр!
00:17:39,430 --> 00:17:41,760 Мы хорошо идём, Додж, ещё немного!
00:17:41,770 --> 00:17:42,620 Надо выходить.
00:17:42,630 --> 00:17:43,870 Что ты несёшь?
00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:45,252 Это всё — херня!
00:17:45,260 --> 00:17:47,550 Нам не дадут стать среброкопами.
00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:49,923 Не может быть! Бежим, вон финиш!
00:17:50,330 --> 00:17:52,730 Нам соврали, нас не возьмут в среброкопы.
00:17:52,740 --> 00:17:57,240 Я понял. Думал, мы друзья, но ты ненавидишь Голо так же, как и все!
00:17:57,250 --> 00:17:58,650 Клянусь, я хочу помочь!
00:17:58,660 --> 00:17:59,850 Тогда ты и выходи!
00:17:59,860 --> 00:18:04,080 Я исправлю среброкопов изнутри, и никто меня не остановит!
00:18:04,090 --> 00:18:07,210 Не пересекай финишную черту, это смертельная ловушка!
00:18:07,220 --> 00:18:08,734 Томблр!
00:18:11,890 --> 00:18:12,840 Томблр!
00:18:12,850 --> 00:18:16,350 Я бы не дошёл сюда, если бы слушал тех, кто говорили: «Даже не пытайся.»
00:18:22,010 --> 00:18:23,999 Дерьмовое дерьмо дерьма!
00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:28,940 Поздравляю, новобранцы!
00:18:28,950 --> 00:18:30,560 Вы прошли Последнее испытание.
00:18:30,570 --> 00:18:32,710 Ваш транспорт отправляется сейчас же.
00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:34,176 Пакуйте их!
00:18:36,330 --> 00:18:37,720 Конец тебе, сынок.
00:18:37,730 --> 00:18:39,097 Твоя вина.
00:18:41,630 --> 00:18:42,420 Томблр?
00:18:42,430 --> 00:18:43,400 Нам не о чем говорить.
00:18:43,410 --> 00:18:45,080 Ты пытался занять моё место.
00:18:45,090 --> 00:18:47,290 Я пришёл защитить тебя. Надо держаться вместе.
00:18:47,300 --> 00:18:48,774 Не можешь перестать врать?
00:18:48,780 --> 00:18:52,350 Когда мы станем среброкопами, сделай одолжение, притворись, что мы незнакомы.
00:18:52,360 --> 00:18:53,230 Внимание!
00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:55,920 О, да! Среброкопы, ждите меня!
00:18:55,930 --> 00:18:57,600 Обучение окончено.
00:18:57,610 --> 00:19:02,440 С этого момента вы принадлежите среброармии, сребромясо.
00:19:02,970 --> 00:19:03,640 Чего?
00:19:03,650 --> 00:19:06,850 Ваша первая миссия — зачистить Заб 9.
00:19:06,860 --> 00:19:07,292 ВНИМАНИЕ ОПАСНОСТЬ
00:19:07,300 --> 00:19:10,003 Это ужасающая сила, но мы их размажем!
00:19:10,790 --> 00:19:15,690 ЗАБ 9 ЛИНИЯ ФРОНТА КАРАТЕЛЬНОЙ ВОЙНЫ
00:19:20,230 --> 00:19:21,780 АКАДЕМИЯ МИСТЕРА КОРВО ДЛЯ УНИКАЛЬНЫХ И ПРИЧУДЛИВЫХ
00:19:21,790 --> 00:19:26,720 Я горжусь тем, что был с вами провокативной, нестандартной и родной семьёй.
00:19:27,490 --> 00:19:29,410 Алексы! Бум!
00:19:41,210 --> 00:19:44,540 Спасение в стиле армии мёртвых во «Властелине колец» в конце трилогии.
00:19:44,550 --> 00:19:46,060 Что тут за хрень?
00:19:46,070 --> 00:19:48,220 Мы зашли взять батарейки у Древа.
00:19:48,230 --> 00:19:51,621 Долго объяснять, но если активировать этот сай-фай изготовитель школ,
00:19:51,630 --> 00:19:52,880 то он вернёт всё, как было.
00:19:52,890 --> 00:19:53,930 Погоди-ка.
00:19:53,940 --> 00:19:56,560 Если сделать это, они останутся супер-умными?
00:19:56,570 --> 00:19:59,800 Чё? Нет. Всё образование исчезнет вместе с безумием.
00:19:59,810 --> 00:20:02,030 Небольшая плата за целую планету.
00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:07,490 Ну да, я люблю эту планету, я тут родился, но у них такие хорошие баллы.
00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:09,000 Надо оставить мозги.
00:20:09,010 --> 00:20:11,250 Нашу дочь заранее-заранее приняли в Гарвард.
00:20:11,260 --> 00:20:14,040 Но они стали бездумными машинами убийств.
00:20:14,050 --> 00:20:16,840 Да, но разве не это нужно для лучшей практики?
00:20:16,850 --> 00:20:18,470 Как по мне, полезный навык в жизни.
00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:19,420 Проголосуем.
00:20:19,430 --> 00:20:21,800 Кто хочет оставить школу, скажите да.
00:20:21,810 --> 00:20:22,490 Да.
00:20:22,500 --> 00:20:23,010 Да.
00:20:23,020 --> 00:20:23,680 Да.
00:20:24,360 --> 00:20:25,160 Прекращайте.
00:20:25,310 --> 00:20:27,470 Вы, придурки, уничтожите себя и планету.
00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:29,140 Надо раскодировать детей.
00:20:29,150 --> 00:20:30,730 Вынуждены просить вас уйти.
00:20:30,740 --> 00:20:33,295 Вы больше не подходите нашей школе.
00:20:33,530 --> 00:20:35,400 Это шлорпианский учебный центр!
00:20:35,410 --> 00:20:37,110 Спасибо за ваш вклад, пока-пока.
00:20:37,120 --> 00:20:39,440 Заносчивые тупицы, вы не понимаете, что делаете.
00:20:39,450 --> 00:20:41,553 Без Корво вы все сдохните за неделю!
00:20:42,710 --> 00:20:45,200 НЕДЕЛЮ СПУСТЯ
00:20:46,970 --> 00:20:50,830 Я был уверен, что дети захватят мир, но, кажется, всё нормально.
00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:52,410 А что с детьми-солдатами?
00:20:52,420 --> 00:20:55,443 Мы обнаружили, что можно использовать шлорпианскую систему,
00:20:55,450 --> 00:20:59,000 если нейтрализовать агрессию через хобби как ролики или пчеловодство.
00:20:59,010 --> 00:21:02,970 Слишком жалкие для универсальных солдат, но супер-ум остался.
00:21:02,980 --> 00:21:04,160 Неплохо.
00:21:04,170 --> 00:21:05,550 Ну хорошо.
00:21:05,650 --> 00:21:07,260 Пупа снова может ходить сюда.
00:21:07,270 --> 00:21:10,720 Видите ли, у нас не осталось мест. Но мы внесём вас в список заинтересованных.
00:21:10,730 --> 00:21:13,360 Ну всё, кусок говна, я сейчас сделаю из тебя кучку пепла.
00:21:13,370 --> 00:21:16,800 Извините моего мужа. Он слишком горячится из-за инопланетных штучек.
00:21:16,810 --> 00:21:19,690 Должно быть что-то, что собьёт с этих Алексов спесь.
00:21:19,700 --> 00:21:23,610 Забей, тебе придётся менять всю систему образования на планете.
00:21:23,620 --> 00:21:27,120 Давай лучше выпьем по Хард-зельцеру и полетаем на вертолёте.
00:21:28,670 --> 00:21:29,620 Срочная новость:
00:21:29,630 --> 00:21:33,784 благодаря рекордному пожертвованию золота и бриллиантов от пришельца,
00:21:33,790 --> 00:21:36,983 во всём мире теперь бесплатное дошкольное образование.
00:21:36,990 --> 00:21:39,210 Больше никаких эксклюзивных учреждений.
00:21:39,220 --> 00:21:40,654 Какое унижение!
00:21:40,660 --> 00:21:43,760 Мы красивые богатые люди. Вы не можете так с нами поступить.
00:21:43,770 --> 00:21:47,970 Корво, охренеть! Видел, какой-то пришелец создал бесплатное дошкольное образование!
00:21:47,980 --> 00:21:50,205 Это же не ты, да?
00:21:50,370 --> 00:21:52,150 Я ничего не скажу.
00:21:52,360 --> 00:21:54,417 Охренеть, это камера?
00:21:54,430 --> 00:21:59,700 Переведено студией HDrezka Studio.

00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,086 Pupa? Pupa!
00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:04,921 Where are you, ya snuggly little shit sock?
00:00:05,046 --> 00:00:07,382 Knock it off, Korvo. We're trying to watch <i>Inlander.</i>
00:00:07,382 --> 00:00:09,592 Yeah, it's the prequel to <i>Outlander,</i>
00:00:09,592 --> 00:00:12,595 and it's the only reason I haven't filled my pockets with stones
00:00:12,595 --> 00:00:14,055 and walked into a river.
00:00:14,264 --> 00:00:15,765 We're just about to find out the canonical explanation
00:00:15,765 --> 00:00:17,434 for why they eat so much ass.
00:00:17,434 --> 00:00:19,686 I bet it's 'cause the Scottish countryside is freezing,
00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:21,271 so it keeps their noses toasty.
00:00:21,271 --> 00:00:23,314 The Pupa keeps putting bite marks in all my stuff.
00:00:23,732 --> 00:00:25,817 Look what he did to my serving spoon. This shit is teak.
00:00:25,817 --> 00:00:29,112 Ah! Korvo, why don't you just use the Find My Pupa app?
00:00:29,112 --> 00:00:31,948 I made it in my AP app class specifically for this reason.
00:00:31,948 --> 00:00:34,034 I hate that app. I refuse to pay for the premium version,
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:36,453 and the ads are all for antidepressants you can only buy in Poland.
00:00:36,453 --> 00:00:37,996 The free version still works
00:00:37,996 --> 00:00:40,248 if the Pupa's within a block radius, you friggin' dork.
00:00:40,248 --> 00:00:41,791 Fine. <i>Found me.</i>
00:00:41,791 --> 00:00:43,001 He's across the street?
00:00:43,126 --> 00:00:44,252 Company move!
00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:48,882 Aw, poor little guy was probably teething.
00:00:49,007 --> 00:00:50,467 Look at him suck on that muffler.
00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:52,218 Does baby like to suck on a muffler?
00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:54,012 Yes, he does. Ooh.
00:00:54,012 --> 00:00:56,473 Why does he keep breaking into this creepy abandoned house, anyway?
00:00:56,473 --> 00:00:58,016 Guys, it's not abandoned.
00:00:58,016 --> 00:01:00,393 This is where Glen lived, remember Glen?
00:01:00,393 --> 00:01:03,438 The guy you blasted into space after you indirectly shot him
00:01:03,438 --> 00:01:05,065 in the foot with a collectible bullet?
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:07,067 Save these made-up stories for your Substack.
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:09,736 We're standalone boys for life, no consequences,
00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:11,488 and all the violence is cartoonish.
00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:13,281 We might wanna remember Glen.
00:01:13,281 --> 00:01:15,617 He's probably plotting a revenge on us.
00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:17,202 Yeah, right, from space?
00:01:17,202 --> 00:01:18,828 He'll be lucky to survive reentry.
00:01:18,828 --> 00:01:20,288 Yeah, he's probably just floating around
00:01:20,288 --> 00:01:22,123 because humans are so obsessed with gravity.
00:01:22,123 --> 00:01:24,292 Once again, your co-replicant has it right.
00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:25,919 That Glen guy will never do anything to us,
00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:27,420 least of all a revenge.
00:01:27,420 --> 00:01:30,673 We never, ever have to think about him ever again!
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:59,661 <i>♪ Previously on "Silvercops" ♪</i>
00:01:59,661 --> 00:02:02,163 <i>♪ Shot Glen to space, met cops ♪</i>
00:02:02,163 --> 00:02:04,666 <i>♪ Had sex with cops ♪</i>
00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:07,210 <i>♪ Got betrayed by cops ♪</i>
00:02:07,210 --> 00:02:09,254 <i>♪ Met some friends, not cops ♪</i>
00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:11,756 <i>♪ Betrayed them and joined the cops ♪</i>
00:02:12,382 --> 00:02:15,760 <i>♪ This is a cautionary tale ♪</i>
00:02:22,725 --> 00:02:23,852 I wanna see some hustle.
00:02:23,852 --> 00:02:25,478 If you wanna be Silvercops,
00:02:25,478 --> 00:02:27,814 you gotta know how to fuck, buck, and work your vehicle.
00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:29,357 Shit, I meant truck.
00:02:29,357 --> 00:02:31,734 Y'all could stand to be a little more like Dodge here.
00:02:31,734 --> 00:02:33,653 This guy embodies fuckin' and suckin'.
00:02:33,653 --> 00:02:35,029 Crushin' the game, Dodge.
00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:37,282 Who? Oh, right, that's my name now.
00:02:37,407 --> 00:02:38,950 Yes sir, Sergeant, sir.
00:02:39,075 --> 00:02:40,994 Yo, Charger, new recruit shuttle's about to land.
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:42,078 Remember when that was us?
00:02:42,203 --> 00:02:43,496 You mean, three days ago?
00:02:43,621 --> 00:02:45,874 For my species, that's like 10 days.
00:02:45,874 --> 00:02:47,208 Let's go haze their asses.
00:02:47,333 --> 00:02:49,252 Nah, I gotta buff my hover muffler,
00:02:49,252 --> 00:02:51,713 or the hovering won't make that woo-woo-woo noise
00:02:51,713 --> 00:02:53,423 that sounds so cool when you drive it around.
00:02:53,423 --> 00:02:55,675 Playing it cool, I see how it is.
00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:59,304 That makes me wanna win your favor, like, 3% more. Nice!
00:03:01,764 --> 00:03:04,934 - Listen up, you silver scum. - Let 'em know!
00:03:04,934 --> 00:03:06,769 Today your real training begins,
00:03:06,769 --> 00:03:09,189 but most of you slime ain't gonna make it through boot camp.
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:11,774 - Tell 'em! - Because Silvercops have to be tough.
00:03:11,774 --> 00:03:13,526 Tough like my girlfriend's titties.
00:03:13,526 --> 00:03:15,320 And how do we measure toughness?
00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:16,988 I actually don't know.
00:03:17,113 --> 00:03:19,866 It all comes down to the Final Trial,
00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:22,243 the most brutal competition of your lives.
00:03:22,619 --> 00:03:25,914 Only the best and strongest will move on to the next phase
00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:27,582 of becoming a Silvercop.
00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:29,375 That sounds final as hell.
00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:31,377 The rest of you, you get sent back
00:03:31,377 --> 00:03:33,129 to your shitty little lives
00:03:33,129 --> 00:03:38,051 and your shitty little non-Silver families in Silver shame.
00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:39,177 Kill yourselves.
00:03:39,177 --> 00:03:42,138 - Too far. - Okay, little overboard.
00:03:42,138 --> 00:03:44,057 Uh, hi. I'm Tomblr.
00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:46,768 Crundle Tomblr, but on Xorathios, there's so many Crundles,
00:03:46,768 --> 00:03:48,353 I just go by my last name.
00:03:49,270 --> 00:03:51,105 I'm gonna shut up now. What's your name?
00:03:51,105 --> 00:03:52,774 Dang, why can't I stop talkin'?
00:03:52,774 --> 00:03:54,817 What the hell you think this is, recruit?
00:03:54,817 --> 00:03:56,236 A frozen dairy social?
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:59,906 Oh, shit, he's cookin' with lactose now!
00:04:00,031 --> 00:04:02,200 Uh, yes, sir. I mean no, sir?
00:04:02,325 --> 00:04:03,826 Drop and give me 20.
00:04:03,826 --> 00:04:07,330 - I didn't bring my wallet. - Push-ups, you piece of shit!
00:04:10,541 --> 00:04:12,210 Hidey-hey-hey, Solars!
00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:14,379 {\an8}What's the meaning of this front yard gathering, neighbor Kevin?
00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:16,005 {\an8}Why do all these kids look British?
00:04:16,172 --> 00:04:19,384 {\an8}They're rich! The wife and I got our kids into Burberry Academy.
00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:21,386 {\an8}Um, I think you mean Booberry.
00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:24,180 {\an8}Burberry's the best preschool in the tri-state area.
00:04:24,180 --> 00:04:25,306 Let me rub it in a bit.
00:04:25,431 --> 00:04:26,891 Whoa, look at those parents.
00:04:27,016 --> 00:04:29,519 Now these are a couple of PILFs. Schwing!
00:04:29,519 --> 00:04:31,271 Solars, meet Alex and Alex.
00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:32,730 Their kid's at Burberry, too.
00:04:33,022 --> 00:04:35,650 {\an8}Our little Alex has blossomed since she got into the Burb.
00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:38,903 {\an8}She can bake a tarte tatin, and she has a Letterbox account.
00:04:38,903 --> 00:04:42,615 {\an8}Her review of <i>Frances Ha</i> was nothing to laugh at.
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:45,326 {\an8}That sounds stupid.
00:04:45,326 --> 00:04:46,911 {\an8}Our Pupa doesn't need any of that shit.
00:04:46,911 --> 00:04:49,038 {\an8}Last week, he brought home a possum.
00:04:49,163 --> 00:04:52,166 {\an8}This Booberry Academy sounds awesome, and the parents are so sexy.
00:04:52,166 --> 00:04:53,501 {\an8}I can't stop schwinging.
00:04:53,501 --> 00:04:55,211 {\an8}Yes, your pelvic thrusts are very noticeable,
00:04:55,211 --> 00:04:57,130 {\an8}but does the Pupa really need more education?
00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:58,423 {\an8}He's already a supercomputer.
00:04:58,423 --> 00:05:01,718 Oh, my God, is your ugly son eating a car
00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:03,803 instead of socializing with the other children?
00:05:03,803 --> 00:05:07,307 {\an8}- Scandal! - Wow, Pupa's got such a sense of humor.
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:09,559 {\an8}That kid is a, well, he's a regular Jay Leno
00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:11,227 with the cars, isn't he?
00:05:11,602 --> 00:05:12,854 Okay, it's official.
00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:15,315 The Solar Opposites are getting Pupa into Burberry Academy.
00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:17,650 Just 'cause you do a little aside like that doesn't mean we can't hear you.
00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:19,027 What?
00:05:20,361 --> 00:05:22,530 {\an8}Our campus is state-of-the-art,
00:05:22,530 --> 00:05:26,159 with amenities both modern and inspired by nature,
00:05:26,284 --> 00:05:27,702 like our freshwater stream.
00:05:29,078 --> 00:05:32,040 Our 250-year-old Wisdom Tree.
00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:36,210 Oh, my God, these book nooks are so adorable,
00:05:36,210 --> 00:05:38,004 my zovaries are bursting!
00:05:38,129 --> 00:05:39,464 Do you see this? All the kids in a line,
00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:41,174 doing the same thing, none of them acting weird.
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:42,258 Pupa needs this.
00:05:42,258 --> 00:05:44,302 Our Pupa will attend this school.
00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:46,095 {\an8}I'm afraid it's a rigorous process
00:05:46,095 --> 00:05:48,765 {\an8}to get one's child admitted, and unfortunately,
00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:50,808 {\an8}the deadline was yesterday.
00:05:50,933 --> 00:05:53,644 {\an8}I feel like you could have told us that before you took us on this tour
00:05:53,644 --> 00:05:55,813 {\an8}and got our mounds all juiced up, you know?
00:05:55,938 --> 00:05:59,567 {\an8}We could always put your child on our "interest list."
00:05:59,692 --> 00:06:01,944 - Oh, we are interested. - Put us on the bloody list!
00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:06,282 Yeah, that's a W for La Familia Solaropposita!
00:06:07,867 --> 00:06:09,744 {\an8}Hey, uh, guess what, hot Alexes?
00:06:09,744 --> 00:06:11,871 {\an8}We're gonna be hanging out a lot more.
00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:14,290 {\an8}Our Pupa just got on the interest list.
00:06:15,625 --> 00:06:17,168 {\an8}Oh, bless your little hearts.
00:06:17,168 --> 00:06:18,836 {\an8}The interest list is a lie.
00:06:18,836 --> 00:06:20,963 {\an8}It's what they put people on when they're never getting in.
00:06:21,089 --> 00:06:22,673 Well, that can't be right. It's a list!
00:06:22,673 --> 00:06:25,551 We already declared this a W. We can't undeclare a W.
00:06:25,676 --> 00:06:28,471 You can't just waltz in and get admitted to Burberry.
00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:30,473 I mean, are you the son of anyone?
00:06:30,598 --> 00:06:31,974 Not technically, but I was replicated
00:06:31,974 --> 00:06:34,435 off a much larger Shlorpian named Rin Tin Torvo.
00:06:34,435 --> 00:06:36,562 Well, if your last name isn't Jolie-Pitt
00:06:36,562 --> 00:06:38,022 or Knowles-Carter-Beckham,
00:06:38,022 --> 00:06:40,400 you're gonna be on that interest list indefinitely.
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:43,903 And if your kid doesn't go to Burberry, what's the point of even living?
00:06:44,278 --> 00:06:46,572 - Ah, she's right. - Stop it, Terry.
00:06:46,572 --> 00:06:48,366 We can solve this with sci-fi.
00:06:48,366 --> 00:06:49,867 Burberry doesn't want us, fine.
00:06:49,992 --> 00:06:52,328 We'll start our own crazy alien school.
00:06:52,328 --> 00:06:54,247 We'll make it better and fancier than Burberry,
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:56,791 and all these snooty fucks will want to get their kids in.
00:06:56,791 --> 00:06:58,042 They'll be so jealous.
00:06:58,042 --> 00:07:00,211 Oh, yas, yas, yas! Get out of my head!
00:07:00,211 --> 00:07:02,088 And Yum and I can be the teachers!
00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:03,756 I was kinda hoping I could just sit this one out
00:07:03,756 --> 00:07:05,633 and watch ramen-slurping ASMR videos?
00:07:05,633 --> 00:07:07,510 No, we're doing this together so we don't get a note
00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:08,719 that we split up too much.
00:07:08,719 --> 00:07:10,680 {\an8}Ugh, fine, you're such a Karen!
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:12,348 {\an8}Shut up, I am not.
00:07:13,349 --> 00:07:16,561 AISHA, do we have any sci-fi way to make an elitist school?
00:07:16,561 --> 00:07:18,312 <i>Uh, yeah, I guess you could use</i>
00:07:18,312 --> 00:07:20,857 <i>the emergency Shlorpian training protocols for that,</i>
00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:22,316 <i>but they're kinda intense.</i>
00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:23,901 Alright, I didn't ask for your Yelp review.
00:07:23,901 --> 00:07:25,403 Oh, gimme, gimme, gimme.
00:07:25,403 --> 00:07:27,488 Here we go, let me just grab the sci-fi school maker,
00:07:27,488 --> 00:07:28,948 change some of this baseline code,
00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:30,491 add some cool shit from that other school,
00:07:30,616 --> 00:07:32,452 and dah-dah-dah-dah-doo, we are done.
00:07:36,581 --> 00:07:39,542 Are you sure Glen will be okay with us building a school in his house?
00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:41,461 Like I care. Run!
00:07:47,258 --> 00:07:48,676 Schwing!
00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:57,768 Good work, Charger, you're crushin' it.
00:07:57,768 --> 00:07:59,353 I'm sorta hyped out.
00:07:59,353 --> 00:08:00,730 Do you wanna grab lunch?
00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:03,983 Yo, Dodge, you gotta get in on this bullying.
00:08:03,983 --> 00:08:06,360 This turd's gonna have to spend a fortune on therapy.
00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:12,533 Can you believe they let a filthy Holo sign up for Silver training?
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,584 What's your damage, Charger? You suck Holo butt?
00:08:21,584 --> 00:08:24,212 Shut the fuck up, Zobert. Don't make me kick your ass.
00:08:26,714 --> 00:08:29,008 Dirty trick, I should kill you right now!
00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:30,968 But I have to take a shit, and you know I need company
00:08:30,968 --> 00:08:32,762 so we can gossip while I dump one out.
00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:35,056 That's why I'm leaving. And not because I'm scared.
00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:36,432 Come on, boys.
00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:38,684 - Oh, thank you. - Those guys are assholes.
00:08:38,809 --> 00:08:40,561 - Name's Dodge. - Wow, what a cool name.
00:08:40,561 --> 00:08:41,979 It doesn't sound made up at all.
00:08:41,979 --> 00:08:44,398 - I'm Tomblr. - Also a cool real name.
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:46,984 Hey, just stay away from those dudes and keep your head down.
00:08:46,984 --> 00:08:48,861 - You'll be fine. - I'm just so nervous.
00:08:48,986 --> 00:08:51,948 It gets easier, just focus on training. Final Trial's coming up.
00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:57,203 Check out Silver Mountain, where Final Trial happens.
00:08:57,328 --> 00:08:59,288 It's also got some berry bushes that grow on the south face.
00:08:59,288 --> 00:09:00,957 They're delicious on pancakes.
00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:03,543 But mostly it's for the trial.
00:09:04,585 --> 00:09:07,713 {\an8}Mr. Korvo's Academy is the best preschool
00:09:07,713 --> 00:09:10,299 in all four corners of David Attenborough's planet Earth.
00:09:10,424 --> 00:09:12,093 We have cutting-edge equine classes.
00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:14,971 ...Seabiscuit was sired by Man of War and Jizz Nugget.
00:09:15,096 --> 00:09:16,764 STEM classes.
00:09:16,889 --> 00:09:19,225 Watch out for those black holes, you little idiots.
00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:21,852 Our book nooks really make storytelling come to life.
00:09:21,852 --> 00:09:24,188 Come on, Jesus, I have to get you to the Pentagon.
00:09:24,188 --> 00:09:26,148 I don't think we have time, Dr. Robert Langdon.
00:09:26,148 --> 00:09:27,650 I'm losing a lot of blood.
00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:30,820 No, you're not dying for a third time, not on my watch.
00:09:30,945 --> 00:09:32,488 And this is our Giving Tree.
00:09:32,488 --> 00:09:34,365 May I have an apple, please?
00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:36,826 Goddammit, I said an apple! Give me an apple,
00:09:36,826 --> 00:09:38,786 or I'll cut your ass down and then take them myself.
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:44,083 And the last stop on our tour, the Office of Admissions.
00:09:44,208 --> 00:09:46,460 Okay, get your applications here.
00:09:46,460 --> 00:09:49,630 One per student, please, and grammar only counts if it's Kelsey.
00:09:49,630 --> 00:09:51,090 Hello, Terry, Korvo.
00:09:51,340 --> 00:09:55,219 We're so, so thankful that you're considering little Alex.
00:09:55,344 --> 00:09:58,180 As trap king of admissions, you don't have to worry.
00:09:58,180 --> 00:09:59,807 There's no interest list here.
00:10:01,058 --> 00:10:03,853 KorKor, all these sexy parents are drooling over us
00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:04,979 like we're 3D-printed meat.
00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:06,564 Is this the best idea we've ever had?
00:10:06,564 --> 00:10:08,190 There was that one time we did needle drugs
00:10:08,190 --> 00:10:10,318 with the Charmin Bears, but otherwise, yes!
00:10:10,318 --> 00:10:13,237 And for the first time ever, no weird sci-fi side effects.
00:10:13,237 --> 00:10:14,614 Suck it, consequences!
00:10:21,370 --> 00:10:24,081 This obstacle course will test your skill,
00:10:24,081 --> 00:10:25,833 your strength, and your grit.
00:10:25,833 --> 00:10:27,376 Hit 'em with the headlines!
00:10:27,501 --> 00:10:30,421 If you don't finish in five minutes, you wash out
00:10:30,421 --> 00:10:32,923 and are disqualified from the Final Trial.
00:10:32,923 --> 00:10:34,342 That's stakes, baby.
00:10:34,342 --> 00:10:37,345 And your time... starts now!
00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:47,355 You got this, Tomblr, move it!
00:10:47,355 --> 00:10:49,899 What are you, fucking climbing experts? Come on!
00:10:53,527 --> 00:10:55,529 Oh, no, a little beam, it's so narrow!
00:10:57,823 --> 00:10:59,450 Steady. Steady!
00:10:59,450 --> 00:11:02,078 I know you said I got this, but I don't think I do.
00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:03,245 Just one round to go.
00:11:08,584 --> 00:11:11,420 - This is where we catch up. - I can't. I can't.
00:11:11,420 --> 00:11:13,547 Hurry, man, you can do this!
00:11:15,007 --> 00:11:17,259 - Do you trust me? - I think so?
00:11:17,259 --> 00:11:19,178 - Then drop down! - But we'll wash out.
00:11:19,178 --> 00:11:20,388 - Trust me! - No!
00:11:27,019 --> 00:11:28,104 It worked!
00:11:28,104 --> 00:11:29,980 First, but how?
00:11:29,980 --> 00:11:32,233 I realized the current was the quickest way to get to the finish line.
00:11:32,233 --> 00:11:33,859 There tweren't any rules against it.
00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:38,072 That's zarg shit! They cheated!
00:11:38,072 --> 00:11:40,700 They used their heads. You might wanna try it sometime.
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:41,826 Go off, pimp!
00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:43,285 - Woo-hoo-hoo! - We did it!
00:11:43,285 --> 00:11:45,246 We bent the rules to our advantage!
00:11:45,246 --> 00:11:46,789 - We did it, bro, yeah! - Woo-hoo-hoo!
00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:53,254 You know, I didn't think I'd bond with anyone out here,
00:11:53,254 --> 00:11:54,672 since I'm a Holo.
00:11:54,672 --> 00:11:56,382 Had some friends who were Holos,
00:11:56,382 --> 00:11:57,925 and the way the Silvercops treated 'em?
00:11:57,925 --> 00:11:59,051 Not cool.
00:11:59,051 --> 00:12:00,261 Well, growing up Holo,
00:12:00,261 --> 00:12:02,263 Silvercops always treated me like shit.
00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:05,391 Saw my dad get beat up for no reason so many times.
00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:07,435 One time, I saw him cry because they made him eat
00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:09,812 so many seeds that he shit his pants.
00:12:09,812 --> 00:12:11,188 I hate 'em.
00:12:11,188 --> 00:12:13,691 So why enlist? You trying to get back at them?
00:12:13,691 --> 00:12:16,110 I want to change the force from the inside.
00:12:16,110 --> 00:12:18,779 Revenge is worthless when you can effect real change.
00:12:20,114 --> 00:12:22,283 Change over revenge, totally.
00:12:26,203 --> 00:12:29,498 {\an8}And you can always tell a star coming from the Milky Bone Galaxy
00:12:29,498 --> 00:12:32,877 because it smells like crickets and Aubrey Plaza's dry shampoo.
00:12:36,338 --> 00:12:39,425 Um, Jesse, are human eyes supposed to glow with milky power?
00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:43,137 Eh, it's probably from watching too many boat show fistfight videos
00:12:43,137 --> 00:12:45,181 on the Public Freakout subreddit.
00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:47,016 Okay, class, which constellation smells
00:12:47,016 --> 00:12:49,185 like Jessica Simpson's edible body wash?
00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:51,771 Trycloponz.
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:53,397 Correct. See, they're fine.
00:12:53,397 --> 00:12:56,233 We pledge allegiance to Shlorp's grey god
00:12:56,233 --> 00:12:58,402 and humbly protect our station.
00:12:58,402 --> 00:13:01,238 We protect the Pupa, terraform,
00:13:01,238 --> 00:13:03,991 and annihilate the population.
00:13:03,991 --> 00:13:05,367 No!
00:13:05,367 --> 00:13:06,869 - Stop it! Shut up, shut up, kids! - No! No, no.
00:13:06,869 --> 00:13:08,287 - Did you teach them that? - No,
00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:09,872 I've never heard that pledge in my whole life!
00:13:11,332 --> 00:13:13,876 Everybody sit down now, class is still in session.
00:13:13,876 --> 00:13:17,087 Kill the threats, take over now.
00:13:17,087 --> 00:13:19,840 This is <i>no bueno.</i> We gotta tell Terry and Korvo.
00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:21,342 Yeah, right after my smoke break.
00:13:21,342 --> 00:13:24,887 Kill the threats, take over now.
00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:26,430 Okay, let's go!
00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:32,645 Recruits, hut! I don't see y'all huttin'!
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,688 This is it, the Final Trial.
00:13:34,688 --> 00:13:36,857 Only the fastest, toughest, smartest recruits
00:13:36,857 --> 00:13:40,194 will be victorious and move on to becoming Silvercops.
00:13:40,319 --> 00:13:42,321 Losers go home to their mamas.
00:13:42,321 --> 00:13:43,614 I love my mama!
00:13:43,614 --> 00:13:45,324 If you can't handle the heat,
00:13:45,324 --> 00:13:47,618 your armor has a tap-out button.
00:13:47,743 --> 00:13:51,497 But be warned, once you tap it, you're washed out.
00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:53,749 Good luck, future sons of silver.
00:13:55,125 --> 00:13:56,752 Hold on there, son.
00:13:56,752 --> 00:13:58,629 - But the trial! - Listen to the man.
00:13:58,629 --> 00:14:00,172 We've been watchin' you, kid.
00:14:00,172 --> 00:14:03,676 Dominatin' practices, crushin' the competition.
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:06,136 You got what it takes to be a Silvercop.
00:14:06,136 --> 00:14:08,389 You don't have to do the Final Trial.
00:14:08,389 --> 00:14:09,890 Trial's bullshit, anyway.
00:14:09,890 --> 00:14:11,058 Bullshit, what do you mean?
00:14:11,183 --> 00:14:13,561 Nobody here ends up a Silvercop.
00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:15,104 They're too lowborn.
00:14:15,104 --> 00:14:18,399 Nah, we get our real recruits from the Silver Academy.
00:14:18,399 --> 00:14:19,483 That's the truth!
00:14:19,608 --> 00:14:21,026 But why all this, then?
00:14:21,026 --> 00:14:23,904 - We gotta get our Silver Grunts somewhere. - Grunt life!
00:14:24,029 --> 00:14:25,239 What's a Silver Grunt?
00:14:25,239 --> 00:14:26,907 Food for powder, son.
00:14:26,907 --> 00:14:28,367 That means cannon fodder.
00:14:28,492 --> 00:14:30,911 The Silvercops keep the galaxy safe,
00:14:30,911 --> 00:14:33,455 but some planets just don't see it like that,
00:14:33,455 --> 00:14:36,667 so their population's got to be pacified.
00:14:36,792 --> 00:14:40,421 <i>Bloody, gruesome fights with a huge death toll.</i>
00:14:40,421 --> 00:14:43,340 <i>Well, we aren't gonna waste Silvercops on that.</i>
00:14:43,465 --> 00:14:47,136 - So, we throw in the Grunts. - They gonna die.
00:14:47,261 --> 00:14:49,722 Jesus, okay, my friend's in the Final Trials right now.
00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:51,849 He can't be a Grunt. I have to bring him with me.
00:14:53,392 --> 00:14:55,519 - There's nothin' you can do. - Facts!
00:14:55,644 --> 00:14:56,979 Yes, there is.
00:14:57,229 --> 00:14:59,607 Whoa, kid, get back here!
00:14:59,607 --> 00:15:01,150 Don't throw your life away!
00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:03,319 No one turns their backs on us!
00:15:14,997 --> 00:15:16,332 Get me outta here!
00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:20,920 Tomblr?
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,296 Tomblr, where are you?
00:15:23,672 --> 00:15:25,841 {\an8}God, I love being a smug academic.
00:15:25,841 --> 00:15:27,801 Ooh, I think I'm gonna give myself tenure.
00:15:27,801 --> 00:15:31,180 Yeah, I was built for more of a widow of a disgraced FIFA executive,
00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:33,307 but this is pretty cool too.
00:15:35,893 --> 00:15:37,269 What the hell are you teaching these kids?
00:15:37,269 --> 00:15:38,646 Just the normal stuff,
00:15:38,646 --> 00:15:40,481 and then they started attacking the parents.
00:15:40,481 --> 00:15:42,358 Do we know what the cafeteria is serving today?
00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:43,859 - Is it nuggets? - Terry, focus.
00:15:43,859 --> 00:15:45,903 These kids can't be dragging away parents on campus.
00:15:45,903 --> 00:15:47,237 People will stop respecting us.
00:15:48,822 --> 00:15:50,574 Mother of Moby!
00:15:50,574 --> 00:15:52,368 Those are Shlorpian soul harvesters.
00:15:52,493 --> 00:15:54,078 Wait, souls exist?
00:15:54,078 --> 00:15:56,080 What about God and the devil and all that?
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:57,957 They exist too, but they're all aliens,
00:15:58,082 --> 00:16:00,292 and I don't have time to explain how they mind-controlled ancient humans
00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:01,710 into being their fuck buddies.
00:16:01,710 --> 00:16:03,379 Point is, those harvesters suck out life energy
00:16:03,504 --> 00:16:04,797 and convert them into Shlorpian energy,
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:06,090 which is really just a different color energy.
00:16:11,595 --> 00:16:13,180 AISHA, we fucked up!
00:16:13,180 --> 00:16:14,848 All the kids are turning their parents into puddles of ooze!
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,600 <i>I tried to tell you dummies.</i>
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:19,603 <i>Those protocols are supposed to be for emergency use only!</i>
00:16:19,603 --> 00:16:21,689 But all those hot parents were an emergency.
00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:23,816 I couldn't stop schwinging, Terry gotta schwing!
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:26,026 <i>It's not for that kind of emergency.</i>
00:16:26,026 --> 00:16:29,822 <i>It's more like if you're being attacked and you need an army to protect the Pupa.</i>
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:33,033 Ah, shit, we turned all those kids into Universal Soldiers?
00:16:33,033 --> 00:16:35,703 <i>If y'all don't stop this now, those entitled-ass children</i>
00:16:35,703 --> 00:16:37,413 <i>are gonna take over the whole world.</i>
00:16:37,413 --> 00:16:39,748 Ah, why did we have to care so much about those sexy parents?
00:16:39,873 --> 00:16:42,334 Terry, replicants one and three, I have to come clean.
00:16:42,334 --> 00:16:43,919 I know I said I founded this school
00:16:43,919 --> 00:16:46,213 because I wanted to be cool and hang with hot parents,
00:16:46,213 --> 00:16:47,881 but that was a lie.
00:16:47,881 --> 00:16:49,425 I don't care about the parents.
00:16:49,425 --> 00:16:51,552 {\an8}I actually wanted the Pupa to have a good education.
00:16:51,552 --> 00:16:54,304 {\an8}But usually you're just as shallow as me. What happened, babe?
00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:56,640 When I was a young replicant, I was a narc-y little bitch
00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:58,934 who everyone hated, because I was stupid and lame.
00:16:58,934 --> 00:17:01,603 It took me years of reading and educating myself to realize
00:17:01,603 --> 00:17:03,814 what a loser, asshole, shitbag I was.
00:17:03,814 --> 00:17:05,190 I wanted better for the Pupa.
00:17:05,399 --> 00:17:07,151 Oh, Korvo, it wasn't school.
00:17:07,151 --> 00:17:09,153 Everyone's a stupid little shitbag when they're kids.
00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:10,821 - Really? - Uh-huh,
00:17:10,821 --> 00:17:12,865 and if you're not a shitbag, well, then you're a cumstain.
00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:14,825 - Or an asswad. - That's right.
00:17:14,825 --> 00:17:16,577 Fuck that school. Pupa doesn't need it.
00:17:16,577 --> 00:17:18,746 He'll grow out of being a piss-bubble when he's good and ready.
00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:20,581 That does make me feel better.
00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:22,458 Even so, I still think we should stop those kids,
00:17:22,458 --> 00:17:24,126 or we'll have to go to so many funerals.
00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:26,962 I cannot put on more Shiva weight, let's go.
00:17:27,087 --> 00:17:28,714 Look out for those kids!
00:17:31,091 --> 00:17:32,301 We have to reset the school!
00:17:32,301 --> 00:17:34,595 Blegh, their little hands are so sticky!
00:17:37,014 --> 00:17:39,224 Tomblr!
00:17:39,349 --> 00:17:41,393 We're doing good, Dodge, just a little further.
00:17:41,518 --> 00:17:43,604 - We gotta tap out. - What are you talkin' about?
00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:45,647 All of this, it's bullshit. Huh!
00:17:45,647 --> 00:17:47,191 They won't let us become Silvercops.
00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:49,693 No way, come on, it's right there!
00:17:50,277 --> 00:17:52,571 They lied to us, they're not gonna make you a Silvercop.
00:17:52,696 --> 00:17:54,698 I see how it is. I thought we were friends,
00:17:54,698 --> 00:17:56,950 but I guess you hate Holos just like everybody else.
00:17:56,950 --> 00:17:58,243 I swear, I'm trying to help you.
00:17:58,368 --> 00:17:59,578 Then you tap out!
00:17:59,578 --> 00:18:01,705 I'm gonna fix the Silvercops from the inside,
00:18:01,830 --> 00:18:03,582 and nobody's gonna stop me!
00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:05,959 Listen to me, do not cross that finish line,
00:18:05,959 --> 00:18:07,086 it's a death trap!
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:08,462 Tomblr!
00:18:11,548 --> 00:18:12,925 Tomblr!
00:18:13,050 --> 00:18:14,510 I didn't get this far listening to people
00:18:14,510 --> 00:18:16,053 who told me not to try!
00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:23,811 Agh! Crappity, crap, crap, crap!
00:18:27,147 --> 00:18:28,899 Congratulations, recruits.
00:18:29,024 --> 00:18:30,526 You finished the Final Trial.
00:18:30,526 --> 00:18:33,862 - Your transport leaves now. - Get 'em, boys!
00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:38,867 - You fucked up, son. - That you did.
00:18:41,578 --> 00:18:43,288 - Tomblr? - Don't talk to me!
00:18:43,413 --> 00:18:45,040 You were just trying to get my spot.
00:18:45,165 --> 00:18:47,251 I came here to protect you. We have to stick together.
00:18:47,376 --> 00:18:48,877 You can't stop lying, huh?
00:18:48,877 --> 00:18:52,214 When we're Silvercops, do me a favor and forget you know me.
00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:53,966 - Attention! - Hell yes!
00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:55,884 Silvercops, here I come!
00:18:55,884 --> 00:18:57,302 Your training is over.
00:18:57,427 --> 00:18:58,554 From here on out,
00:18:58,554 --> 00:19:00,848 your asses belong to the Silver Army,
00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:02,307 you Silver Grunts.
00:19:02,307 --> 00:19:03,892 What?
00:19:03,892 --> 00:19:06,812 Your first mission is clearing out the scourge on Zab 9.
00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:09,606 They're a terrifying force, but we will crush them!
00:19:21,743 --> 00:19:24,246 {\an8}It was an honor being an edgy, offbeat,
00:19:24,246 --> 00:19:26,081 FX-adjacent family with you all.
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:29,376 The Alexes. Schwing!
00:19:40,762 --> 00:19:44,183 Ha, ha, an eleventh-hour <i>Lord of the Rings</i> pirate ghost-style save!
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:45,809 What the hell is going on here?
00:19:45,809 --> 00:19:47,895 We just came to get some batteries from the Giving Tree.
00:19:47,895 --> 00:19:50,772 Uh, too much to explain but if we activate this sci-fi school-maker,
00:19:50,772 --> 00:19:52,649 it'll undo everything we've done to these kids.
00:19:52,649 --> 00:19:54,526 Well, hold on a second.
00:19:54,526 --> 00:19:56,445 If we do that, they'll still get to keep their superintelligence, right?
00:19:56,570 --> 00:19:59,531 What? No, all the sci-fi schooling effects will go with the crazies.
00:19:59,531 --> 00:20:01,700 A small price to pay to keep them from taking over the planet.
00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:03,619 Yeah, I mean, I love this planet,
00:20:03,619 --> 00:20:05,120 I was born here, I get it,
00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:07,456 but their test scores are just so good.
00:20:07,456 --> 00:20:08,957 We need to keep the smarts.
00:20:08,957 --> 00:20:11,210 Our daughter's been pre-pre-accepted into Harvard.
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:14,004 But they've been turned into soulless murder machines.
00:20:14,004 --> 00:20:16,798 Yes, but isn't that what it takes to get the best internships these days?
00:20:16,798 --> 00:20:19,384 - Yeah, it feels like a life skill to me. - Let's put it to a vote.
00:20:19,384 --> 00:20:21,762 All of those in favor of keeping the school, say aye.
00:20:21,762 --> 00:20:22,971 - Aye. - Aye.
00:20:22,971 --> 00:20:24,056 Aye.
00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:25,724 Ah, come on!
00:20:25,724 --> 00:20:27,434 You piss flaps are gonna destroy yourselves and the planets.
00:20:27,434 --> 00:20:29,102 We need to deprogram these kids.
00:20:29,102 --> 00:20:30,687 Yeah, we're gonna have to ask you to leave.
00:20:30,687 --> 00:20:33,482 You're no longer the right fit for our school.
00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:35,359 This is a Shlorpian training center!
00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:37,069 Thanks for your input, buh-bye.
00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:39,404 You smug assholes, you have no idea what you're doing.
00:20:39,404 --> 00:20:41,073 Without Korvo, you'll all be dead in a week.
00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:49,539 Huh, I was sure these kids would take over the world,
00:20:49,539 --> 00:20:50,791 but they seem to be doing fine.
00:20:50,791 --> 00:20:52,417 What happened to all the child soldiers?
00:20:52,417 --> 00:20:54,920 We realized we could keep your Shlorpian education system
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:56,922 if we balanced out the aggression with beta hobbies,
00:20:56,922 --> 00:20:58,966 like rollerblading and urban beekeeping.
00:20:58,966 --> 00:21:01,218 They're too lame to be Universal Soldiers,
00:21:01,218 --> 00:21:02,928 but the superintelligence stays.
00:21:02,928 --> 00:21:04,012 Noice.
00:21:04,012 --> 00:21:05,514 Alright, fine.
00:21:05,514 --> 00:21:07,099 The Pupa can attend school here again.
00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:08,976 See, the thing is, we're at capacity,
00:21:08,976 --> 00:21:10,727 but we can put you on the interest list.
00:21:10,727 --> 00:21:13,105 Right, that's it, you yuppy piece of shit. I'm blasting you to ash.
00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:16,608 Excuse my husband. He gets heated about alien stuff.
00:21:16,608 --> 00:21:19,653 There has to be something that knocks those Alexes down a peg.
00:21:19,653 --> 00:21:21,363 Just forget it, you'd have to change
00:21:21,363 --> 00:21:23,573 the entire way education works on this planet.
00:21:23,573 --> 00:21:28,495 Let's just chug some hard seltzers and take the helicopter out for a spin.
00:21:28,495 --> 00:21:31,415 <i>And this just in, thanks to a record-breaking donation</i>
00:21:31,415 --> 00:21:33,458 <i>of gold and diamonds from an alien,</i>
00:21:33,458 --> 00:21:36,962 <i>the entire planet now has free universal pre-K.</i>
00:21:36,962 --> 00:21:39,172 <i>No school is exclusive anymore.</i>
00:21:39,172 --> 00:21:40,549 {\an8}<i>This is a disgrace!</i>
00:21:40,549 --> 00:21:42,259 {\an8}<i>We're good-looking rich people.</i>
00:21:42,259 --> 00:21:43,593 {\an8}<i>You can't do that to us!</i>
00:21:43,969 --> 00:21:45,721 Korvo, holy shit, did you see the news about some alien
00:21:45,721 --> 00:21:47,931 creating free universal education for everyone?
00:21:47,931 --> 00:21:49,975 That wasn't you, was it?
00:21:50,517 --> 00:21:52,311 I'll never tell.
00:21:52,311 --> 00:21:54,062 The fuck, is that a camera?

00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,086 - [TV blaring] - [Korvo] Pupa? Pupa!
00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:04,921 Where are you, ya snuggly little shit sock?
00:00:05,046 --> 00:00:07,382 Knock it off, Korvo. We're trying to watch <i>Inlander.</i>
00:00:07,382 --> 00:00:09,592 Yeah, it's the prequel to <i>Outlander,</i>
00:00:09,592 --> 00:00:12,595 and it's the only reason I haven't filled my pockets with stones
00:00:12,595 --> 00:00:14,055 and walked into a river.
00:00:14,264 --> 00:00:15,765 We're just about to find out the canonical explanation
00:00:15,765 --> 00:00:17,434 for why they eat so much ass.
00:00:17,434 --> 00:00:19,686 I bet it's 'cause the Scottish countryside is freezing,
00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:21,271 so it keeps their noses toasty.
00:00:21,271 --> 00:00:23,314 The Pupa keeps putting bite marks in all my stuff.
00:00:23,732 --> 00:00:25,817 Look what he did to my serving spoon. This shit is teak.
00:00:25,817 --> 00:00:29,112 Ah! Korvo, why don't you just use the Find My Pupa app?
00:00:29,112 --> 00:00:31,948 I made it in my AP app class specifically for this reason.
00:00:31,948 --> 00:00:34,034 I hate that app. I refuse to pay for the premium version,
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:36,453 and the ads are all for antidepressants you can only buy in Poland.
00:00:36,453 --> 00:00:37,996 The free version still works
00:00:37,996 --> 00:00:40,248 if the Pupa's within a block radius, you friggin' dork.
00:00:40,248 --> 00:00:41,791 - Fine. - [Pupa] <i>Found me.</i>
00:00:41,791 --> 00:00:43,001 He's across the street?
00:00:43,126 --> 00:00:44,252 Company move!
00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:46,254 [Pupa snarfing]
00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:48,882 Aw, poor little guy was probably teething.
00:00:49,007 --> 00:00:50,467 Look at him suck on that muffler.
00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:52,218 Does baby like to suck on a muffler?
00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:54,012 Yes, he does. Ooh.
00:00:54,012 --> 00:00:56,473 Why does he keep breaking into this creepy abandoned house, anyway?
00:00:56,473 --> 00:00:58,016 Guys, it's not abandoned.
00:00:58,016 --> 00:01:00,393 This is where Glen lived, remember Glen?
00:01:00,393 --> 00:01:03,438 The guy you blasted into space after you indirectly shot him
00:01:03,438 --> 00:01:05,065 in the foot with a collectible bullet?
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:07,067 Save these made-up stories for your Substack.
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:09,736 We're standalone boys for life, no consequences,
00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:11,488 and all the violence is cartoonish.
00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:13,281 We might wanna remember Glen.
00:01:13,281 --> 00:01:15,617 He's probably plotting a revenge on us.
00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:17,202 Yeah, right, from space?
00:01:17,202 --> 00:01:18,828 He'll be lucky to survive reentry.
00:01:18,828 --> 00:01:20,288 Yeah, he's probably just floating around
00:01:20,288 --> 00:01:22,123 because humans are so obsessed with gravity.
00:01:22,123 --> 00:01:24,292 Once again, your co-replicant has it right.
00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:25,919 That Glen guy will never do anything to us,
00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:27,420 least of all a revenge.
00:01:27,420 --> 00:01:30,673 We never, ever have to think about him ever again!
00:01:30,799 --> 00:01:32,592 [♪ Silvercops theme playing]
00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:35,637 [planets whooshing]
00:01:37,388 --> 00:01:40,600 [planets whooshing]
00:01:43,561 --> 00:01:45,396 [jellyfish whooshing]
00:01:45,396 --> 00:01:47,065 ♪
00:01:52,403 --> 00:01:55,198 [♪ guitar riff playing]
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:59,661 <i>♪ Previously on "Silvercops" ♪</i>
00:01:59,661 --> 00:02:02,163 <i>♪ Shot Glen to space, met cops ♪</i>
00:02:02,163 --> 00:02:04,666 <i>♪ Had sex with cops ♪</i>
00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:07,210 <i>♪ Got betrayed by cops ♪</i>
00:02:07,210 --> 00:02:09,254 <i>♪ Met some friends, not cops ♪</i>
00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:11,756 <i>♪ Betrayed them and joined the cops ♪</i>
00:02:12,382 --> 00:02:15,760 <i>♪ This is a cautionary tale ♪</i>
00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:17,846 ♪
00:02:22,725 --> 00:02:23,852 I wanna see some hustle.
00:02:23,852 --> 00:02:25,478 If you wanna be Silvercops,
00:02:25,478 --> 00:02:27,814 you gotta know how to fuck, buck, and work your vehicle.
00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:29,357 Shit, I meant truck.
00:02:29,357 --> 00:02:31,734 Y'all could stand to be a little more like Dodge here.
00:02:31,734 --> 00:02:33,653 This guy embodies fuckin' and suckin'.
00:02:33,653 --> 00:02:35,029 Crushin' the game, Dodge.
00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:37,282 Who? Oh, right, that's my name now.
00:02:37,407 --> 00:02:38,950 Yes sir, Sergeant, sir.
00:02:39,075 --> 00:02:40,994 Yo, Charger, new recruit shuttle's about to land.
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:42,078 Remember when that was us?
00:02:42,203 --> 00:02:43,496 You mean, three days ago?
00:02:43,621 --> 00:02:45,874 For my species, that's like 10 days.
00:02:45,874 --> 00:02:47,208 Let's go haze their asses.
00:02:47,333 --> 00:02:49,252 Nah, I gotta buff my hover muffler,
00:02:49,252 --> 00:02:51,713 or the hovering won't make that woo-woo-woo noise
00:02:51,713 --> 00:02:53,423 that sounds so cool when you drive it around.
00:02:53,423 --> 00:02:55,675 Playing it cool, I see how it is.
00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:59,304 That makes me wanna win your favor, like, 3% more. Nice!
00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:01,639 [shuttle whirring]
00:03:01,764 --> 00:03:04,934 - Listen up, you silver scum. - Let 'em know!
00:03:04,934 --> 00:03:06,769 Today your real training begins,
00:03:06,769 --> 00:03:09,189 but most of you slime ain't gonna make it through boot camp.
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:11,774 - Tell 'em! - Because Silvercops have to be tough.
00:03:11,774 --> 00:03:13,526 Tough like my girlfriend's titties.
00:03:13,526 --> 00:03:15,320 And how do we measure toughness?
00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:16,988 I actually don't know.
00:03:17,113 --> 00:03:19,866 It all comes down to the Final Trial,
00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:22,243 the most brutal competition of your lives.
00:03:22,619 --> 00:03:25,914 Only the best and strongest will move on to the next phase
00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:27,582 of becoming a Silvercop.
00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:29,375 That sounds final as hell.
00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:31,377 The rest of you, you get sent back
00:03:31,377 --> 00:03:33,129 to your shitty little lives
00:03:33,129 --> 00:03:38,051 and your shitty little non-Silver families in Silver shame.
00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:39,177 Kill yourselves.
00:03:39,177 --> 00:03:42,138 - Too far. - Okay, little overboard.
00:03:42,138 --> 00:03:44,057 Uh, hi. I'm Tomblr.
00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:46,768 Crundle Tomblr, but on Xorathios, there's so many Crundles,
00:03:46,768 --> 00:03:48,353 I just go by my last name.
00:03:49,270 --> 00:03:51,105 I'm gonna shut up now. What's your name?
00:03:51,105 --> 00:03:52,774 Dang, why can't I stop talkin'?
00:03:52,774 --> 00:03:54,817 What the hell you think this is, recruit?
00:03:54,817 --> 00:03:56,236 A frozen dairy social?
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:59,906 Oh, shit, he's cookin' with lactose now!
00:04:00,031 --> 00:04:02,200 Uh, yes, sir. I mean no, sir?
00:04:02,325 --> 00:04:03,826 Drop and give me 20.
00:04:03,826 --> 00:04:07,330 - I didn't bring my wallet. - Push-ups, you piece of shit!
00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:09,332 [recruits laughing]
00:04:10,541 --> 00:04:12,210 Hidey-hey-hey, Solars!
00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:14,379 {\an8}What's the meaning of this front yard gathering, neighbor Kevin?
00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:16,005 {\an8}Why do all these kids look British?
00:04:16,172 --> 00:04:19,384 {\an8}They're rich! The wife and I got our kids into Burberry Academy.
00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:21,386 {\an8}Um, I think you mean Booberry.
00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:24,180 {\an8}Burberry's the best preschool in the tri-state area.
00:04:24,180 --> 00:04:25,306 Let me rub it in a bit.
00:04:25,431 --> 00:04:26,891 [Terry] Whoa, look at those parents.
00:04:27,016 --> 00:04:29,519 Now these are a couple of PILFs. Schwing!
00:04:29,519 --> 00:04:31,271 Solars, meet Alex and Alex.
00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:32,730 Their kid's at Burberry, too.
00:04:33,022 --> 00:04:35,650 {\an8}Our little Alex has blossomed since she got into the Burb.
00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:38,903 {\an8}She can bake a tarte tatin, and she has a Letterbox account.
00:04:38,903 --> 00:04:42,615 {\an8}Her review of <i>Frances Ha</i> was nothing to laugh at.
00:04:42,615 --> 00:04:44,158 {\an8}[all laughing]
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:45,326 {\an8}That sounds stupid.
00:04:45,326 --> 00:04:46,911 {\an8}Our Pupa doesn't need any of that shit.
00:04:46,911 --> 00:04:49,038 {\an8}Last week, he brought home a possum.
00:04:49,163 --> 00:04:52,166 {\an8}This Booberry Academy sounds awesome, and the parents are so sexy.
00:04:52,166 --> 00:04:53,501 {\an8}I can't stop schwinging.
00:04:53,501 --> 00:04:55,211 {\an8}Yes, your pelvic thrusts are very noticeable,
00:04:55,211 --> 00:04:57,130 {\an8}but does the Pupa really need more education?
00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:58,423 {\an8}He's already a supercomputer.
00:04:58,423 --> 00:05:01,718 Oh, my God, is your ugly son eating a car
00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:03,803 instead of socializing with the other children?
00:05:03,803 --> 00:05:07,307 {\an8}- Scandal! - Wow, Pupa's got such a sense of humor.
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:09,559 {\an8}That kid is a, well, he's a regular Jay Leno
00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:11,227 with the cars, isn't he? [chuckles]
00:05:11,602 --> 00:05:12,854 Okay, it's official.
00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:15,315 The Solar Opposites are getting Pupa into Burberry Academy.
00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:17,650 Just 'cause you do a little aside like that doesn't mean we can't hear you.
00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:19,027 [Korvo and Terry] What?
00:05:20,361 --> 00:05:22,530 {\an8}Our campus is state-of-the-art,
00:05:22,530 --> 00:05:26,159 with amenities both modern and inspired by nature,
00:05:26,284 --> 00:05:27,702 like our freshwater stream.
00:05:27,702 --> 00:05:29,078 [Solars oohing]
00:05:29,078 --> 00:05:32,040 Our 250-year-old Wisdom Tree.
00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:33,750 [Solars ahhing]
00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:36,210 Oh, my God, these book nooks are so adorable,
00:05:36,210 --> 00:05:38,004 my zovaries are bursting!
00:05:38,129 --> 00:05:39,464 Do you see this? All the kids in a line,
00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:41,174 doing the same thing, none of them acting weird.
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:42,258 Pupa needs this.
00:05:42,258 --> 00:05:44,302 Our Pupa will attend this school.
00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:46,095 {\an8}I'm afraid it's a rigorous process
00:05:46,095 --> 00:05:48,765 {\an8}to get one's child admitted, and unfortunately,
00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:50,808 {\an8}the deadline was yesterday.
00:05:50,933 --> 00:05:53,644 {\an8}I feel like you could have told us that before you took us on this tour
00:05:53,644 --> 00:05:55,813 {\an8}and got our mounds all juiced up, you know?
00:05:55,938 --> 00:05:59,567 {\an8}We could always put your child on our "interest list."
00:05:59,692 --> 00:06:01,944 - Oh, we are interested. - Put us on the bloody list!
00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:06,282 Yeah, that's a W for La Familia Solaropposita!
00:06:07,867 --> 00:06:09,744 {\an8}Hey, uh, guess what, hot Alexes?
00:06:09,744 --> 00:06:11,871 {\an8}We're gonna be hanging out a lot more.
00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:14,290 {\an8}Our Pupa just got on the interest list.
00:06:14,290 --> 00:06:15,375 {\an8}[both laughing]
00:06:15,625 --> 00:06:17,168 {\an8}Oh, bless your little hearts.
00:06:17,168 --> 00:06:18,836 {\an8}The interest list is a lie.
00:06:18,836 --> 00:06:20,963 {\an8}It's what they put people on when they're never getting in.
00:06:21,089 --> 00:06:22,673 Well, that can't be right. It's a list!
00:06:22,673 --> 00:06:25,551 We already declared this a W. We can't undeclare a W.
00:06:25,676 --> 00:06:28,471 You can't just waltz in and get admitted to Burberry.
00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:30,473 I mean, are you the son of anyone?
00:06:30,598 --> 00:06:31,974 Not technically, but I was replicated
00:06:31,974 --> 00:06:34,435 off a much larger Shlorpian named Rin Tin Torvo.
00:06:34,435 --> 00:06:36,562 Well, if your last name isn't Jolie-Pitt
00:06:36,562 --> 00:06:38,022 or Knowles-Carter-Beckham,
00:06:38,022 --> 00:06:40,400 you're gonna be on that interest list indefinitely.
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:43,903 And if your kid doesn't go to Burberry, what's the point of even living?
00:06:44,278 --> 00:06:46,572 - Ah, she's right. - Stop it, Terry.
00:06:46,572 --> 00:06:48,366 We can solve this with sci-fi.
00:06:48,366 --> 00:06:49,867 Burberry doesn't want us, fine.
00:06:49,992 --> 00:06:52,328 We'll start our own crazy alien school.
00:06:52,328 --> 00:06:54,247 We'll make it better and fancier than Burberry,
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:56,791 and all these snooty fucks will want to get their kids in.
00:06:56,791 --> 00:06:58,042 They'll be so jealous.
00:06:58,042 --> 00:07:00,211 Oh, yas, yas, yas! Get out of my head!
00:07:00,211 --> 00:07:02,088 And Yum and I can be the teachers!
00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:03,756 I was kinda hoping I could just sit this one out
00:07:03,756 --> 00:07:05,633 and watch ramen-slurping ASMR videos?
00:07:05,633 --> 00:07:07,510 No, we're doing this together so we don't get a note
00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:08,719 that we split up too much.
00:07:08,719 --> 00:07:10,680 {\an8}Ugh, fine, you're such a Karen!
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:12,348 {\an8}Shut up, I am not.
00:07:13,349 --> 00:07:16,561 AISHA, do we have any sci-fi way to make an elitist school?
00:07:16,561 --> 00:07:18,312 [AISHA] <i>Uh, yeah, I guess you could use</i>
00:07:18,312 --> 00:07:20,857 <i>the emergency Shlorpian training protocols for that,</i>
00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:22,316 <i>but they're kinda intense.</i>
00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:23,901 Alright, I didn't ask for your Yelp review.
00:07:23,901 --> 00:07:25,403 Oh, gimme, gimme, gimme.
00:07:25,403 --> 00:07:27,488 Here we go, let me just grab the sci-fi school maker,
00:07:27,488 --> 00:07:28,948 change some of this baseline code,
00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:30,491 add some cool shit from that other school,
00:07:30,616 --> 00:07:32,452 and dah-dah-dah-dah-doo, we are done.
00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:34,537 [door whirs]
00:07:34,537 --> 00:07:36,456 ♪
00:07:36,581 --> 00:07:39,542 Are you sure Glen will be okay with us building a school in his house?
00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:41,461 Like I care. Run!
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:44,672 [energy whirring]
00:07:44,672 --> 00:07:46,007 [lasers pulsing]
00:07:46,132 --> 00:07:47,258 [Solars oohing]
00:07:47,258 --> 00:07:48,676 Schwing!
00:07:51,679 --> 00:07:54,557 [recruits grunting]
00:07:54,557 --> 00:07:55,808 [mud splatters]
00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:57,768 Good work, Charger, you're crushin' it.
00:07:57,768 --> 00:07:59,353 I'm sorta hyped out.
00:07:59,353 --> 00:08:00,730 Do you wanna grab lunch?
00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:02,148 [bullies laughing]
00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:03,983 Yo, Dodge, you gotta get in on this bullying.
00:08:03,983 --> 00:08:06,360 This turd's gonna have to spend a fortune on therapy.
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:09,030 - [bullies grunting] - [recruit whimpering]
00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:12,533 Can you believe they let a filthy Holo sign up for Silver training?
00:08:12,533 --> 00:08:14,243 [bullies laughing]
00:08:14,368 --> 00:08:17,163 [♪ tender music playing]
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,584 What's your damage, Charger? You suck Holo butt?
00:08:21,584 --> 00:08:24,212 Shut the fuck up, Zobert. Don't make me kick your ass.
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:26,255 [Zobert groaning]
00:08:26,714 --> 00:08:29,008 Dirty trick, I should kill you right now!
00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:30,968 But I have to take a shit, and you know I need company
00:08:30,968 --> 00:08:32,762 so we can gossip while I dump one out.
00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:35,056 That's why I'm leaving. And not because I'm scared.
00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:36,432 Come on, boys.
00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:38,684 - Oh, thank you. - Those guys are assholes.
00:08:38,809 --> 00:08:40,561 - Name's Dodge. - Wow, what a cool name.
00:08:40,561 --> 00:08:41,979 It doesn't sound made up at all.
00:08:41,979 --> 00:08:44,398 - I'm Tomblr. - Also a cool real name.
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:46,984 Hey, just stay away from those dudes and keep your head down.
00:08:46,984 --> 00:08:48,861 - You'll be fine. - I'm just so nervous.
00:08:48,986 --> 00:08:51,948 It gets easier, just focus on training. Final Trial's coming up.
00:08:52,073 --> 00:08:54,033 [♪ ominous music playing]
00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:57,203 Check out Silver Mountain, where Final Trial happens.
00:08:57,328 --> 00:08:59,288 It's also got some berry bushes that grow on the south face.
00:08:59,288 --> 00:09:00,957 They're delicious on pancakes.
00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:03,543 But mostly it's for the trial.
00:09:04,585 --> 00:09:07,713 {\an8}Mr. Korvo's Academy is the best preschool
00:09:07,713 --> 00:09:10,299 in all four corners of David Attenborough's planet Earth.
00:09:10,424 --> 00:09:12,093 We have cutting-edge equine classes.
00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:14,971 ...Seabiscuit was sired by Man of War and Jizz Nugget.
00:09:15,096 --> 00:09:16,764 - STEM classes. - [portal whirring]
00:09:16,889 --> 00:09:19,225 Watch out for those black holes, you little idiots.
00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:21,852 Our book nooks really make storytelling come to life.
00:09:21,852 --> 00:09:24,188 Come on, Jesus, I have to get you to the Pentagon.
00:09:24,188 --> 00:09:26,148 I don't think we have time, Dr. Robert Langdon.
00:09:26,148 --> 00:09:27,650 I'm losing a lot of blood.
00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:30,820 No, you're not dying for a third time, not on my watch.
00:09:30,945 --> 00:09:32,488 And this is our Giving Tree.
00:09:32,488 --> 00:09:34,365 May I have an apple, please?
00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:36,826 Goddammit, I said an apple! Give me an apple,
00:09:36,826 --> 00:09:38,786 or I'll cut your ass down and then take them myself.
00:09:38,786 --> 00:09:40,413 - [apple thuds] - [Korvo groans]
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:44,083 And the last stop on our tour, the Office of Admissions.
00:09:44,208 --> 00:09:46,460 Okay, get your applications here.
00:09:46,460 --> 00:09:49,630 One per student, please, and grammar only counts if it's Kelsey.
00:09:49,630 --> 00:09:51,090 Hello, Terry, Korvo.
00:09:51,340 --> 00:09:55,219 We're so, so thankful that you're considering little Alex.
00:09:55,344 --> 00:09:58,180 As trap king of admissions, you don't have to worry.
00:09:58,180 --> 00:09:59,807 There's no interest list here.
00:10:01,058 --> 00:10:03,853 KorKor, all these sexy parents are drooling over us
00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:04,979 like we're 3D-printed meat.
00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:06,564 Is this the best idea we've ever had?
00:10:06,564 --> 00:10:08,190 There was that one time we did needle drugs
00:10:08,190 --> 00:10:10,318 with the Charmin Bears, but otherwise, yes!
00:10:10,318 --> 00:10:13,237 And for the first time ever, no weird sci-fi side effects.
00:10:13,237 --> 00:10:14,614 Suck it, consequences!
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:16,866 [both laughing]
00:10:16,991 --> 00:10:19,910 [bullies laughing]
00:10:19,910 --> 00:10:21,245 [whistle trilling]
00:10:21,370 --> 00:10:24,081 This obstacle course will test your skill,
00:10:24,081 --> 00:10:25,833 your strength, and your grit.
00:10:25,833 --> 00:10:27,376 Hit 'em with the headlines!
00:10:27,501 --> 00:10:30,421 If you don't finish in five minutes, you wash out
00:10:30,421 --> 00:10:32,923 and are disqualified from the Final Trial.
00:10:32,923 --> 00:10:34,342 That's stakes, baby.
00:10:34,342 --> 00:10:37,345 And your time... starts now!
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:40,264 [Dodge grunting]
00:10:40,264 --> 00:10:42,224 [♪ action music playing]
00:10:42,224 --> 00:10:44,268 [Tomblr panting]
00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:47,355 You got this, Tomblr, move it!
00:10:47,355 --> 00:10:49,899 What are you, fucking climbing experts? Come on!
00:10:51,025 --> 00:10:52,943 [Tomblr grunting]
00:10:53,527 --> 00:10:55,529 Oh, no, a little beam, it's so narrow!
00:10:55,529 --> 00:10:56,697 [whimpering]
00:10:56,697 --> 00:10:57,823 - [flames whooshing] - [Tomblr yelps]
00:10:57,823 --> 00:10:59,450 Steady. Steady!
00:10:59,450 --> 00:11:02,078 I know you said I got this, but I don't think I do.
00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:03,245 Just one round to go.
00:11:03,245 --> 00:11:04,914 [flames whooshing]
00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:06,874 ♪
00:11:06,874 --> 00:11:08,584 [Dodge grunting]
00:11:08,584 --> 00:11:11,420 - This is where we catch up. - I can't. I can't.
00:11:11,420 --> 00:11:13,547 [Dodge] Hurry, man, you can do this!
00:11:13,547 --> 00:11:15,007 [water rushing]
00:11:15,007 --> 00:11:17,259 - Do you trust me? - I think so?
00:11:17,259 --> 00:11:19,178 - Then drop down! - But we'll wash out.
00:11:19,178 --> 00:11:20,388 - Trust me! - No!
00:11:20,388 --> 00:11:23,099 [water splashing]
00:11:27,019 --> 00:11:28,104 It worked!
00:11:28,104 --> 00:11:29,980 First, but how?
00:11:29,980 --> 00:11:32,233 I realized the current was the quickest way to get to the finish line.
00:11:32,233 --> 00:11:33,859 There tweren't any rules against it.
00:11:33,859 --> 00:11:35,403 [Zobert grunting]
00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:38,072 That's zarg shit! They cheated!
00:11:38,072 --> 00:11:40,700 They used their heads. You might wanna try it sometime.
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:41,826 Go off, pimp!
00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:43,285 - Woo-hoo-hoo! - We did it!
00:11:43,285 --> 00:11:45,246 We bent the rules to our advantage!
00:11:45,246 --> 00:11:46,789 - We did it, bro, yeah! - Woo-hoo-hoo!
00:11:46,789 --> 00:11:48,040 [both cheering]
00:11:48,499 --> 00:11:50,376 [♪ gentle music playing]
00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:53,254 You know, I didn't think I'd bond with anyone out here,
00:11:53,254 --> 00:11:54,672 since I'm a Holo.
00:11:54,672 --> 00:11:56,382 Had some friends who were Holos,
00:11:56,382 --> 00:11:57,925 and the way the Silvercops treated 'em?
00:11:57,925 --> 00:11:59,051 Not cool.
00:11:59,051 --> 00:12:00,261 Well, growing up Holo,
00:12:00,261 --> 00:12:02,263 Silvercops always treated me like shit.
00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:05,391 Saw my dad get beat up for no reason so many times.
00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:07,435 One time, I saw him cry because they made him eat
00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:09,812 so many seeds that he shit his pants.
00:12:09,812 --> 00:12:11,188 I hate 'em.
00:12:11,188 --> 00:12:13,691 So why enlist? You trying to get back at them?
00:12:13,691 --> 00:12:16,110 I want to change the force from the inside.
00:12:16,110 --> 00:12:18,779 Revenge is worthless when you can effect real change.
00:12:20,114 --> 00:12:22,283 Change over revenge, totally.
00:12:26,203 --> 00:12:29,498 {\an8}And you can always tell a star coming from the Milky Bone Galaxy
00:12:29,498 --> 00:12:32,877 because it smells like crickets and Aubrey Plaza's dry shampoo.
00:12:32,877 --> 00:12:35,629 [kids moaning]
00:12:36,338 --> 00:12:39,425 Um, Jesse, are human eyes supposed to glow with milky power?
00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:43,137 Eh, it's probably from watching too many boat show fistfight videos
00:12:43,137 --> 00:12:45,181 on the Public Freakout subreddit.
00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:47,016 Okay, class, which constellation smells
00:12:47,016 --> 00:12:49,185 like Jessica Simpson's edible body wash?
00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:51,771 [class in unison] Trycloponz.
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:53,397 Correct. See, they're fine.
00:12:53,397 --> 00:12:56,233 [class in unison] We pledge allegiance to Shlorp's grey god
00:12:56,233 --> 00:12:58,402 and humbly protect our station.
00:12:58,402 --> 00:13:01,238 We protect the Pupa, terraform,
00:13:01,238 --> 00:13:03,991 and annihilate the population.
00:13:03,991 --> 00:13:05,367 - [Yumyulack gasps] - No!
00:13:05,367 --> 00:13:06,869 - Stop it! Shut up, shut up, kids! - No! No, no.
00:13:06,869 --> 00:13:08,287 - Did you teach them that? - No,
00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:09,872 I've never heard that pledge in my whole life!
00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:11,332 [bell chimes]
00:13:11,332 --> 00:13:13,876 Everybody sit down now, class is still in session.
00:13:13,876 --> 00:13:17,087 [class in unison] Kill the threats, take over now.
00:13:17,087 --> 00:13:19,840 This is <i>no bueno.</i> We gotta tell Terry and Korvo.
00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:21,342 Yeah, right after my smoke break.
00:13:21,342 --> 00:13:24,887 [class in unison] Kill the threats, take over now.
00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:26,430 Okay, let's go!
00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:32,645 - [Sgt. Argent] Recruits, hut! - [Hype Man] I don't see y'all huttin'!
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,688 This is it, the Final Trial.
00:13:34,688 --> 00:13:36,857 Only the fastest, toughest, smartest recruits
00:13:36,857 --> 00:13:40,194 will be victorious and move on to becoming Silvercops.
00:13:40,319 --> 00:13:42,321 Losers go home to their mamas.
00:13:42,321 --> 00:13:43,614 I love my mama!
00:13:43,614 --> 00:13:45,324 If you can't handle the heat,
00:13:45,324 --> 00:13:47,618 your armor has a tap-out button.
00:13:47,743 --> 00:13:51,497 But be warned, once you tap it, you're washed out.
00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:53,749 Good luck, future sons of silver.
00:13:53,874 --> 00:13:54,959 [buzzer]
00:13:55,125 --> 00:13:56,752 - [recruits panting] - Hold on there, son.
00:13:56,752 --> 00:13:58,629 - But the trial! - Listen to the man.
00:13:58,629 --> 00:14:00,172 We've been watchin' you, kid.
00:14:00,172 --> 00:14:03,676 Dominatin' practices, crushin' the competition.
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:06,136 You got what it takes to be a Silvercop.
00:14:06,136 --> 00:14:08,389 You don't have to do the Final Trial.
00:14:08,389 --> 00:14:09,890 Trial's bullshit, anyway.
00:14:09,890 --> 00:14:11,058 Bullshit, what do you mean?
00:14:11,183 --> 00:14:13,561 Nobody here ends up a Silvercop.
00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:15,104 They're too lowborn.
00:14:15,104 --> 00:14:18,399 Nah, we get our real recruits from the Silver Academy.
00:14:18,399 --> 00:14:19,483 That's the truth!
00:14:19,608 --> 00:14:21,026 But why all this, then?
00:14:21,026 --> 00:14:23,904 - We gotta get our Silver Grunts somewhere. - Grunt life!
00:14:24,029 --> 00:14:25,239 What's a Silver Grunt?
00:14:25,239 --> 00:14:26,907 Food for powder, son.
00:14:26,907 --> 00:14:28,367 That means cannon fodder.
00:14:28,492 --> 00:14:30,911 The Silvercops keep the galaxy safe,
00:14:30,911 --> 00:14:33,455 but some planets just don't see it like that,
00:14:33,455 --> 00:14:36,667 so their population's got to be pacified.
00:14:36,792 --> 00:14:40,421 <i>Bloody, gruesome fights with a huge death toll.</i>
00:14:40,421 --> 00:14:43,340 <i>Well, we aren't gonna waste Silvercops on that.</i>
00:14:43,465 --> 00:14:47,136 - So, we throw in the Grunts. - They gonna die.
00:14:47,261 --> 00:14:49,722 Jesus, okay, my friend's in the Final Trials right now.
00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:51,849 He can't be a Grunt. I have to bring him with me.
00:14:51,974 --> 00:14:53,392 [both laugh]
00:14:53,392 --> 00:14:55,519 - There's nothin' you can do. - Facts!
00:14:55,644 --> 00:14:56,979 Yes, there is.
00:14:57,229 --> 00:14:59,607 Whoa, kid, get back here!
00:14:59,607 --> 00:15:01,150 Don't throw your life away!
00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:03,319 No one turns their backs on us!
00:15:03,444 --> 00:15:05,362 [machinery rumbling]
00:15:05,362 --> 00:15:08,032 - [recruits screaming] - [lasers whirring]
00:15:09,783 --> 00:15:12,745 - [♪ tense music playing] - [Dodge panting]
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,997 [blades whooshing]
00:15:14,997 --> 00:15:16,332 Get me outta here!
00:15:17,791 --> 00:15:19,585 [recruit yelling]
00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:20,920 Tomblr?
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,296 Tomblr, where are you?
00:15:23,672 --> 00:15:25,841 {\an8}God, I love being a smug academic.
00:15:25,841 --> 00:15:27,801 Ooh, I think I'm gonna give myself tenure.
00:15:27,801 --> 00:15:31,180 Yeah, I was built for more of a widow of a disgraced FIFA executive,
00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:33,307 - but this is pretty cool too. - [glasses clink]
00:15:33,432 --> 00:15:34,892 - [kids snarl] - [both yelp]
00:15:35,893 --> 00:15:37,269 What the hell are you teaching these kids?
00:15:37,269 --> 00:15:38,646 Just the normal stuff,
00:15:38,646 --> 00:15:40,481 and then they started attacking the parents.
00:15:40,481 --> 00:15:42,358 Do we know what the cafeteria is serving today?
00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:43,859 - Is it nuggets? - Terry, focus.
00:15:43,859 --> 00:15:45,903 These kids can't be dragging away parents on campus.
00:15:45,903 --> 00:15:47,237 People will stop respecting us.
00:15:47,237 --> 00:15:48,822 [♪ dramatic music playing]
00:15:48,822 --> 00:15:50,574 [gasps] Mother of Moby!
00:15:50,574 --> 00:15:52,368 Those are Shlorpian soul harvesters.
00:15:52,493 --> 00:15:54,078 Wait, souls exist?
00:15:54,078 --> 00:15:56,080 What about God and the devil and all that?
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:57,957 They exist too, but they're all aliens,
00:15:58,082 --> 00:16:00,292 and I don't have time to explain how they mind-controlled ancient humans
00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:01,710 into being their fuck buddies.
00:16:01,710 --> 00:16:03,379 Point is, those harvesters suck out life energy
00:16:03,504 --> 00:16:04,797 and convert them into Shlorpian energy,
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:06,090 which is really just a different color energy.
00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:08,425 [parents wailing]
00:16:08,425 --> 00:16:11,261 [all gasping]
00:16:11,595 --> 00:16:13,180 AISHA, we fucked up!
00:16:13,180 --> 00:16:14,848 All the kids are turning their parents into puddles of ooze!
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,600 [AISHA] <i>I tried to tell you dummies.</i>
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:19,603 <i>Those protocols are supposed to be for emergency use only!</i>
00:16:19,603 --> 00:16:21,689 But all those hot parents were an emergency.
00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:23,816 I couldn't stop schwinging, Terry gotta schwing!
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:26,026 [AISHA] <i>It's not for that kind of emergency.</i>
00:16:26,026 --> 00:16:29,822 <i>It's more like if you're being attacked and you need an army to protect the Pupa.</i>
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:33,033 Ah, shit, we turned all those kids into Universal Soldiers?
00:16:33,033 --> 00:16:35,703 [AISHA] <i>If y'all don't stop this now, those entitled-ass children</i>
00:16:35,703 --> 00:16:37,413 <i>are gonna take over the whole world.</i>
00:16:37,413 --> 00:16:39,748 Ah, why did we have to care so much about those sexy parents?
00:16:39,873 --> 00:16:42,334 Terry, replicants one and three, I have to come clean.
00:16:42,334 --> 00:16:43,919 I know I said I founded this school
00:16:43,919 --> 00:16:46,213 because I wanted to be cool and hang with hot parents,
00:16:46,213 --> 00:16:47,881 - but that was a lie. - [all gasp]
00:16:47,881 --> 00:16:49,425 I don't care about the parents.
00:16:49,425 --> 00:16:51,552 {\an8}I actually wanted the Pupa to have a good education.
00:16:51,552 --> 00:16:54,304 {\an8}But usually you're just as shallow as me. What happened, babe?
00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:56,640 When I was a young replicant, I was a narc-y little bitch
00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:58,934 who everyone hated, because I was stupid and lame.
00:16:58,934 --> 00:17:01,603 It took me years of reading and educating myself to realize
00:17:01,603 --> 00:17:03,814 what a loser, asshole, shitbag I was.
00:17:03,814 --> 00:17:05,190 I wanted better for the Pupa.
00:17:05,399 --> 00:17:07,151 Oh, Korvo, it wasn't school.
00:17:07,151 --> 00:17:09,153 Everyone's a stupid little shitbag when they're kids.
00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:10,821 - Really? - Uh-huh,
00:17:10,821 --> 00:17:12,865 and if you're not a shitbag, well, then you're a cumstain.
00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:14,825 - Or an asswad. - That's right.
00:17:14,825 --> 00:17:16,577 Fuck that school. Pupa doesn't need it.
00:17:16,577 --> 00:17:18,746 He'll grow out of being a piss-bubble when he's good and ready.
00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:20,581 That does make me feel better.
00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:22,458 Even so, I still think we should stop those kids,
00:17:22,458 --> 00:17:24,126 or we'll have to go to so many funerals.
00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:26,962 I cannot put on more Shiva weight, let's go.
00:17:27,087 --> 00:17:28,714 Look out for those kids!
00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:30,799 - [kids snarling] - [Solars shouting]
00:17:31,091 --> 00:17:32,301 We have to reset the school!
00:17:32,301 --> 00:17:34,595 Blegh, their little hands are so sticky!
00:17:35,179 --> 00:17:36,889 [kids hissing]
00:17:37,014 --> 00:17:39,224 - [Tomblr grunting] - Tomblr!
00:17:39,349 --> 00:17:41,393 We're doing good, Dodge, just a little further.
00:17:41,518 --> 00:17:43,604 - We gotta tap out. - What are you talkin' about?
00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:45,647 All of this, it's bullshit. Huh!
00:17:45,647 --> 00:17:47,191 They won't let us become Silvercops.
00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:49,693 No way, come on, it's right there!
00:17:50,277 --> 00:17:52,571 They lied to us, they're not gonna make you a Silvercop.
00:17:52,696 --> 00:17:54,698 I see how it is. I thought we were friends,
00:17:54,698 --> 00:17:56,950 but I guess you hate Holos just like everybody else.
00:17:56,950 --> 00:17:58,243 I swear, I'm trying to help you.
00:17:58,368 --> 00:17:59,578 Then you tap out!
00:17:59,578 --> 00:18:01,705 I'm gonna fix the Silvercops from the inside,
00:18:01,830 --> 00:18:03,582 and nobody's gonna stop me!
00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:05,959 Listen to me, do not cross that finish line,
00:18:05,959 --> 00:18:07,086 it's a death trap!
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:08,462 Tomblr!
00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:11,131 [♪ dramatic music playing]
00:18:11,548 --> 00:18:12,925 Tomblr!
00:18:13,050 --> 00:18:14,510 I didn't get this far listening to people
00:18:14,510 --> 00:18:16,053 who told me not to try!
00:18:16,678 --> 00:18:17,888 [Tomblr yelps]
00:18:18,013 --> 00:18:20,641 [♪ dramatic music continues]
00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:23,811 Agh! Crappity, crap, crap, crap!
00:18:23,811 --> 00:18:25,395 [buzzer]
00:18:27,147 --> 00:18:28,899 Congratulations, recruits.
00:18:29,024 --> 00:18:30,526 You finished the Final Trial.
00:18:30,526 --> 00:18:33,862 - Your transport leaves now. - Get 'em, boys!
00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:38,867 - You fucked up, son. - That you did.
00:18:38,867 --> 00:18:41,578 [♪ somber music playing]
00:18:41,578 --> 00:18:43,288 - Tomblr? - Don't talk to me!
00:18:43,413 --> 00:18:45,040 You were just trying to get my spot.
00:18:45,165 --> 00:18:47,251 I came here to protect you. We have to stick together.
00:18:47,376 --> 00:18:48,877 You can't stop lying, huh?
00:18:48,877 --> 00:18:52,214 When we're Silvercops, do me a favor and forget you know me.
00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:53,966 - Attention! - Hell yes!
00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:55,884 Silvercops, here I come!
00:18:55,884 --> 00:18:57,302 [Commander] Your training is over.
00:18:57,427 --> 00:18:58,554 From here on out,
00:18:58,554 --> 00:19:00,848 your asses belong to the Silver Army,
00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:02,307 - you Silver Grunts. - [door slams]
00:19:02,307 --> 00:19:03,892 - [recruits gasping] - What?
00:19:03,892 --> 00:19:06,812 Your first mission is clearing out the scourge on Zab 9.
00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:09,606 They're a terrifying force, but we will crush them!
00:19:10,816 --> 00:19:12,484 {\an8}[computer beeping]
00:19:12,484 --> 00:19:13,819 {\an8}[spaceship whooshes]
00:19:14,570 --> 00:19:17,281 {\an8}[♪ ominous music playing]
00:19:21,743 --> 00:19:24,246 {\an8}It was an honor being an edgy, offbeat,
00:19:24,246 --> 00:19:26,081 FX-adjacent family with you all.
00:19:26,081 --> 00:19:27,166 - [door slams] - [Jesse gasps]
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:29,376 [Terry] The Alexes. Schwing!
00:19:29,501 --> 00:19:33,213 [♪ intense music playing]
00:19:33,338 --> 00:19:36,300 - [kids snarling] - [Kicks thudding]
00:19:40,762 --> 00:19:44,183 Ha, ha, an eleventh-hour <i>Lord of the Rings</i> pirate ghost-style save!
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:45,809 What the hell is going on here?
00:19:45,809 --> 00:19:47,895 We just came to get some batteries from the Giving Tree.
00:19:47,895 --> 00:19:50,772 Uh, too much to explain but if we activate this sci-fi school-maker,
00:19:50,772 --> 00:19:52,649 it'll undo everything we've done to these kids.
00:19:52,649 --> 00:19:54,526 Well, hold on a second.
00:19:54,526 --> 00:19:56,445 If we do that, they'll still get to keep their superintelligence, right?
00:19:56,570 --> 00:19:59,531 What? No, all the sci-fi schooling effects will go with the crazies.
00:19:59,531 --> 00:20:01,700 A small price to pay to keep them from taking over the planet.
00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:03,619 Yeah, I mean, I love this planet,
00:20:03,619 --> 00:20:05,120 I was born here, I get it,
00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:07,456 but their test scores are just so good.
00:20:07,456 --> 00:20:08,957 We need to keep the smarts.
00:20:08,957 --> 00:20:11,210 Our daughter's been pre-pre-accepted into Harvard.
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:14,004 But they've been turned into soulless murder machines.
00:20:14,004 --> 00:20:16,798 Yes, but isn't that what it takes to get the best internships these days?
00:20:16,798 --> 00:20:19,384 - Yeah, it feels like a life skill to me. - Let's put it to a vote.
00:20:19,384 --> 00:20:21,762 All of those in favor of keeping the school, say aye.
00:20:21,762 --> 00:20:22,971 - Aye. - Aye.
00:20:22,971 --> 00:20:24,056 [parent] Aye.
00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:25,724 Ah, come on!
00:20:25,724 --> 00:20:27,434 You piss flaps are gonna destroy yourselves and the planets.
00:20:27,434 --> 00:20:29,102 We need to deprogram these kids.
00:20:29,102 --> 00:20:30,687 Yeah, we're gonna have to ask you to leave.
00:20:30,687 --> 00:20:33,482 You're no longer the right fit for our school.
00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:35,359 This is a Shlorpian training center!
00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:37,069 Thanks for your input, buh-bye.
00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:39,404 You smug assholes, you have no idea what you're doing.
00:20:39,404 --> 00:20:41,073 Without Korvo, you'll all be dead in a week.
00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:42,199 [door slams]
00:20:42,616 --> 00:20:45,035 [♪ horror music sting]
00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:49,539 Huh, I was sure these kids would take over the world,
00:20:49,539 --> 00:20:50,791 but they seem to be doing fine.
00:20:50,791 --> 00:20:52,417 What happened to all the child soldiers?
00:20:52,417 --> 00:20:54,920 We realized we could keep your Shlorpian education system
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:56,922 if we balanced out the aggression with beta hobbies,
00:20:56,922 --> 00:20:58,966 like rollerblading and urban beekeeping.
00:20:58,966 --> 00:21:01,218 They're too lame to be Universal Soldiers,
00:21:01,218 --> 00:21:02,928 but the superintelligence stays.
00:21:02,928 --> 00:21:04,012 Noice.
00:21:04,012 --> 00:21:05,514 Alright, fine.
00:21:05,514 --> 00:21:07,099 The Pupa can attend school here again.
00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:08,976 See, the thing is, we're at capacity,
00:21:08,976 --> 00:21:10,727 but we can put you on the interest list.
00:21:10,727 --> 00:21:13,105 Right, that's it, you yuppy piece of shit. I'm blasting you to ash.
00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:16,608 Excuse my husband. He gets heated about alien stuff.
00:21:16,608 --> 00:21:19,653 There has to be something that knocks those Alexes down a peg.
00:21:19,653 --> 00:21:21,363 Just forget it, you'd have to change
00:21:21,363 --> 00:21:23,573 the entire way education works on this planet.
00:21:23,573 --> 00:21:28,495 Let's just chug some hard seltzers and take the helicopter out for a spin.
00:21:28,495 --> 00:21:31,415 [reporter on TV] <i>And this just in, thanks to a record-breaking donation</i>
00:21:31,415 --> 00:21:33,458 <i>of gold and diamonds from an alien,</i>
00:21:33,458 --> 00:21:36,962 <i>the entire planet now has free universal pre-K.</i>
00:21:36,962 --> 00:21:39,172 <i>No school is exclusive anymore.</i>
00:21:39,172 --> 00:21:40,549 {\an8}<i>This is a disgrace!</i>
00:21:40,549 --> 00:21:42,259 {\an8}<i>We're good-looking rich people.</i>
00:21:42,259 --> 00:21:43,593 {\an8}<i>You can't do that to us!</i>
00:21:43,969 --> 00:21:45,721 Korvo, holy shit, did you see the news about some alien
00:21:45,721 --> 00:21:47,931 creating free universal education for everyone?
00:21:47,931 --> 00:21:49,975 That wasn't you, was it?
00:21:50,517 --> 00:21:52,311 I'll never tell.
00:21:52,311 --> 00:21:54,062 The fuck, is that a camera?
00:21:54,062 --> 00:21:57,190 [♪ dramatic theme playing]
00:22:23,842 --> 00:22:28,221 ♪
00:22:38,482 --> 00:22:39,983 [mimicking laser fire]

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