Солнечные противоположности совершают интервенцию

00:00:37,330 --> 00:00:39,143

Ежатина.

00:00:42,570 --> 00:00:43,960

Пошёл, ящер!

00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:55,840

Планета Шлорп была просто идеальной,

пока на неё не грохнулся астероид.

00:00:55,850 --> 00:01:00,248

Сотне взрослых особей и их репликантам выдали

по пупе и отправили в космос

00:01:00,250 --> 00:01:03,000

на поиски необитаемого мира, нашего нового дома.

00:01:03,010 --> 00:01:06,480

Мы рухнули на Землю, планету, кишащую людьми.

00:01:06,490 --> 00:01:10,300

Да-да, это мой голос.

Я держу Пупу, меня зовут Корво.

00:01:10,310 --> 00:01:12,360

Это мой сериал, я уронил Пупу, видите?

00:01:12,370 --> 00:01:17,070

Как же нелепо. Ненавижу Землю!

Отстойная планета! Люди тупые и странные.

00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:19,600

Зачем старпёры-миллионеры

вливают себе кровь молодых,

00:01:19,610 --> 00:01:23,580

если можно отвалить бабки

и вколоть кровь робота прямо в гениталии?

00:01:23,590 --> 00:01:24,772

Рабочая темка!

00:01:24,780 --> 00:01:27,775

СОЛНЕЧНЫЕ ПРОТИВОПОЛОЖНОСТИ

00:01:34,430 --> 00:01:37,285

Говорят, где-то здесь должен быть

дозатор с конфетками.

00:01:37,290 --> 00:01:38,450

Мы же его не пропустим?

00:01:38,460 --> 00:01:39,930

Не знаю. Плевать.

00:01:41,940 --> 00:01:45,293

Интересно,

с каким будет персонажем и вкусом.

00:01:45,300 --> 00:01:47,837

Найдём дозатор,

и я залезу на самый верх, чтобы увидеть...

00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:50,860

Хорош уже.

Тот охотник может быть у нас на хвосте.

00:01:51,010 --> 00:01:53,009

Думаешь, я наивная дурочка?

00:01:53,010 --> 00:01:56,260

А кто разделался

с твоим хиппи-дружком в Песочнице Тауне?

00:01:56,270 --> 00:01:58,030

Тебя чуть не прикончили... Дважды!

00:01:58,040 --> 00:02:01,950

Обошлось же.

А вот ты обдолбался похлеще Мэттью Макконахи.

00:02:02,110 --> 00:02:05,897

«Я Гэвин. Я слабак, которого размазало от грибов.

00:02:05,900 --> 00:02:09,317

Отвезите меня в больничку,

я не чувствую своих старпёрских рук».

00:02:09,320 --> 00:02:12,487

Я должен доставить припасы

к фигурке Нохо Хэнка,

00:02:12,490 --> 00:02:15,420

которую Терри швырнул во двор,

когда «Барри» скатился в драму.

00:02:15,430 --> 00:02:17,400

А приказов спасать тебя не поступало.

00:02:17,590 --> 00:02:18,550

А это что такое?

00:02:19,230 --> 00:02:20,340

Баскетболбург.

00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:22,538

Я слышала о Баскетболбурге!

00:02:22,540 --> 00:02:25,917

А правда, что там американские горки

сделаны из конструктора?

00:02:25,920 --> 00:02:29,587

Ага, но страшно там только из-за мысли,

что они вот-вот развалятся.

00:02:29,590 --> 00:02:31,780

Как подружимся, будем бояться вместе?

00:02:31,910 --> 00:02:35,426

Мы не подружимся.

Я жажду покончить с этим. Пошёл!

00:02:45,090 --> 00:02:46,440

Божечки, вода!

00:02:48,450 --> 00:02:53,170

Это же не мираж? Хотя... похер.

В такое пекло я нырну и в иллюзию.

00:02:53,180 --> 00:02:54,360

Что-то здесь не так.

00:02:54,670 --> 00:02:56,800

Почему воняет, как в отделе с водкой?

00:02:59,810 --> 00:03:02,078

Кто последний, тот лошара.

00:03:04,090 --> 00:03:04,830

Какого чёрта?

00:03:04,970 --> 00:03:05,706

Смотри!

00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:12,338

Мамочки. Стрекоза не умеет плавать.

Спасателей насекомых! Срочно!

00:03:12,340 --> 00:03:13,840

Это не вода.

00:03:16,190 --> 00:03:18,860

Боже, что за срань?

00:03:20,750 --> 00:03:24,183

Дешманский санитайзер,

от которого пасёт вагиной койота.

00:03:24,190 --> 00:03:26,686

В таком масштабе он разъедает, как кислота.

00:03:27,610 --> 00:03:28,950

Господи, я могла умереть!

00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:31,670

Эй, эй. Обошлось же. Ты цела.

00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:33,630

Если честно, мне не нравится Двор.

00:03:33,770 --> 00:03:39,198

Да уж, а мне ничего не нравится.

Кроме Coldplay. Они мочат.

00:03:45,270 --> 00:03:47,540

Ну же, ребята, он вот-вот придёт.

00:03:48,170 --> 00:03:52,170

Я даже гауду достал.

Изысканный сыр для нашего знаменитого друга.

00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:54,922

Аватар! Синий мой!

00:04:00,510 --> 00:04:02,180

Мои закуски!

00:04:02,190 --> 00:04:05,080

Знаешь, сколько тик-токов я посмотрел

ради идеальной нарезки!

00:04:05,090 --> 00:04:06,840

Я велел вам не играть на кухне!

00:04:06,930 --> 00:04:09,240

Зачем вы дерётесь? Вы же друзья.

00:04:09,250 --> 00:04:13,000

Они оба Близнецы с Сатурном

в седьмом доме. Удачки!

00:04:13,010 --> 00:04:17,090

Они родились не на этой планете.

Звёздные знаки отличаются от земных.

00:04:17,190 --> 00:04:19,940

Энергия Близнецов выходит

за пределы галактики.

00:04:19,950 --> 00:04:21,115

Вы, стоп грызня.

00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:23,242

Мы ждём нашего знаменитого приятеля.

00:04:23,250 --> 00:04:25,220

Вот только он не знает, что это интервенция.

00:04:25,230 --> 00:04:31,709

Надо же, можно перебрать с алкашкой, героином

и травкой, если долбить всё подряд без разбора.

00:04:31,710 --> 00:04:36,160

Он с ума сойдёт. Вы должны быть тише воды,

пока он не угодит в нашу ловушку.

00:04:36,170 --> 00:04:41,380

Уже вижу его выражение лица,

когда он столкнётся со своими демонами. Жестяк!

00:04:45,980 --> 00:04:47,016

Чтоб вас!

00:04:47,540 --> 00:04:50,353

Прекратите уже эти сай-фай драчки.

00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:55,540

Успокойтесь, или сунем вас

в мужицко елогово, пока всё не закончится.

00:04:55,910 --> 00:04:57,235

Да вы без башни!

00:04:57,330 --> 00:04:59,760

А мы уверены, что их можно оставлять вдвоём?

00:04:59,890 --> 00:05:04,492

Чтобы освободить место в гостиной,

пришлось убрать всё опасное сюда.

00:05:04,500 --> 00:05:06,077

Лазерную пушку и пуфик.

00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:07,510

Ничего с ними не случится.

00:05:07,750 --> 00:05:10,081

А что насчёт микровселенной в снежном шаре?

00:05:10,090 --> 00:05:13,240

Или персонального диска,

который ты сделал для Терри после «Трона»?

00:05:13,250 --> 00:05:17,463

Точняк, мы записали мою душу

на эту хреновину, чтобы я жил в сети, как программа.

00:05:17,470 --> 00:05:18,860

Я чертовски крут, детка.

00:05:18,870 --> 00:05:20,110

Всё, лишь бы ты улыбался.

00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:22,630

У меня ещё есть цифровая душа? Вот срань.

00:05:25,500 --> 00:05:29,490

Фух, ты чуть не освободил Нечто из «Нечто».

00:05:29,500 --> 00:05:32,812

Это Мисс Нечто,

чтобы нас не осуждали. Всё тип-топ.

00:05:35,550 --> 00:05:37,858

Но даже в доступной пародийной форме

00:05:37,860 --> 00:05:41,779

эта юная леди так же опасна,

как и её экранный сородич.

00:05:41,780 --> 00:05:44,949

Божечки, мы же не оставим их здесь с Мисс Нечто?

00:05:44,950 --> 00:05:46,630

Она сожрёт их и украдёт ДНК.

00:05:46,640 --> 00:05:49,930

Так-так, Джесси, а как же женская солидарность?

00:05:50,030 --> 00:05:52,460

Завидует, что на Мисс Нечто бант лучше сидит.

00:05:52,470 --> 00:05:55,501

Поставим её сюда...

Проблема решена.

00:05:55,710 --> 00:05:58,460

Мамма миа, я же не зажёг свечи в ванной!

00:05:58,910 --> 00:06:03,040

Слушайте сюда, только сунетесь наверх,

оба будете наказаны до конца времён.

00:06:03,350 --> 00:06:08,450

Если же интервенция пройдёт без драк,

мы поедем в вашу любимую французскую кафешку.

00:06:08,460 --> 00:06:09,590

«О Бон Па»?

00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:11,410

Уи. Будьте паиньками.

00:06:12,170 --> 00:06:15,680

Позалипайте на «Шрека»

с режиссёрскими комментариями.

00:06:16,170 --> 00:06:18,816

Первую сцену я видела широким планом,

00:06:18,820 --> 00:06:22,500

но студия настояла, чтобы Шрек выходил

из хижины, почёсывая задницу.

00:06:22,510 --> 00:06:25,781

Многие хотят знать,

как мы заставили Осла говорить.

00:06:25,790 --> 00:06:28,409

Арахисовое масло ни при чём. Это... Компьютеры.

00:06:33,570 --> 00:06:35,140

Знаешь, по чему я скучаю?

00:06:35,270 --> 00:06:37,880

По жизни, где капля дождя не убивает?

00:06:37,970 --> 00:06:42,381

Вообще я про дешманские сэндвичи,

но дождь и правда бесит.

00:06:44,010 --> 00:06:45,980

Ежуля, ты на неё урчишь?

00:06:45,990 --> 00:06:49,263

Мы друзьяшки.

Он обнимает меня лапками, когда мы спим.

00:06:49,270 --> 00:06:50,600

Я называю это ежиняшки.

00:06:50,610 --> 00:06:53,267

А я так просил ежиняшек.

00:06:53,380 --> 00:06:57,120

Мне... с ним хоть и на минутку, но спокойно.

00:06:57,130 --> 00:07:01,170

Во Дворе живётся тяжко,

но всё же лучше, чем на Стене.

00:07:01,330 --> 00:07:03,380

Там хоть ядовитых озёр нет.

00:07:03,530 --> 00:07:06,113

Мелочи. Что я только не пережил.

00:07:07,310 --> 00:07:10,284

Штурм лестницы Герцога в Первую стенную войну.

00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:11,090

«МИР ИГРУШЕК»

00:07:11,100 --> 00:07:15,039

Распродажу секс-игрушек,

когда Тим пришёл к власти.

00:07:16,190 --> 00:07:21,420

Я даже переправлял конфетки через Стену,

когда бантивианцы отделились.

00:07:21,430 --> 00:07:23,440

А тут ни Герцога, ни бантвинианцев.

00:07:23,450 --> 00:07:25,341

Вот-вот. Это обычный двор.

00:07:25,350 --> 00:07:30,846

А мы просто доставляем фрукты голодным людям,

никакой политики. Так и надо жить.

00:07:41,270 --> 00:07:44,110

Моё! Моё! Моё!

00:07:45,070 --> 00:07:45,653

Нет!

00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:07,299

Что за?.. Наконец-то!

00:08:07,300 --> 00:08:09,677

Знаете, сколько я проторчал в цифровом мире?

00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:11,721

Прикиньте, там нет ни одного Дель Тако!

00:08:33,210 --> 00:08:34,300

Ты чего, малыш?

00:08:34,310 --> 00:08:35,120

Перегорожено.

00:08:36,290 --> 00:08:40,624

Обычно Терри выбрасывает куриные кости

ближе к окну на кухне.

00:08:44,030 --> 00:08:45,400

Это охотник!

00:08:45,410 --> 00:08:47,360

Матерь божья, где? А, это я.

00:08:47,730 --> 00:08:49,508

Пошёл, Ежуля, вперёд!

00:08:57,210 --> 00:08:58,450

Он уже близко!

00:08:58,460 --> 00:08:59,910

Свернём с дороги!

00:09:08,070 --> 00:09:08,680

Дозатор!

00:09:08,970 --> 00:09:11,800

Чёрт! Нет времени.

Гони, Ежуля, гони!

00:09:16,330 --> 00:09:19,914

Хороший мальчик! Если оторвёмся —

всю неделю лакомишься букашками.

00:09:21,340 --> 00:09:22,541

Давай!

00:09:22,630 --> 00:09:23,230

Глянь!

00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:26,650

Быстрее, толкай!

00:09:30,950 --> 00:09:32,100

Сработало!

00:09:38,750 --> 00:09:40,450

Уходим.

00:09:40,460 --> 00:09:43,700

В обход будет долго идти.

Должно сработать.

00:09:45,410 --> 00:09:46,420

Мы тонем.

00:09:47,010 --> 00:09:50,340

О нет. Нужно сбросить лишнее.

Ежуля, прекращай.

00:09:50,350 --> 00:09:51,440

Всё будет хорошо.

00:09:51,450 --> 00:09:52,420

Хватит!

00:09:52,830 --> 00:09:53,280

Ежуля.

00:09:53,290 --> 00:09:55,366

Ежуля, нужно успокоиться.

00:09:55,930 --> 00:09:57,130

Ай, сука, как жжёт!

00:09:57,500 --> 00:09:58,680

Наступать можешь?

00:09:58,690 --> 00:10:01,910

Мы всё ещё тонем.

Нужно скинуть груз. Нет!

00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:02,890

Нет!

00:10:14,370 --> 00:10:19,110

Иголки защитили его от санитайзера.

Хороший мальчик.

00:10:19,710 --> 00:10:23,740

Сегодня я узнал до хера нового о ежах.

Дерьмо!

00:10:23,890 --> 00:10:27,523

Мы черпанули много жижи. Погнали!

00:10:28,030 --> 00:10:29,620

Нужно сохранить еду. Подгребай.

00:10:29,630 --> 00:10:30,830

Мы не бросим повозку.

00:10:31,030 --> 00:10:35,322

Сделаем новую. Угомонись!

Что ты делаешь?

00:10:35,330 --> 00:10:39,380

Без еды нам вообще не упёрлась эта повозка.

Всё пропало.

00:10:39,940 --> 00:10:41,430

Чтоб тебя.

00:10:50,890 --> 00:10:54,508

Жду объяснений,

что это только что было.

00:10:54,510 --> 00:10:56,594

Эм... Я разгрузила повозку.

00:10:56,600 --> 00:11:00,347

Ты вообще назвал санитайзер... жижей...

Так что оба виноваты.

00:11:00,630 --> 00:11:02,182

Что с тобой не так?!

00:11:15,390 --> 00:11:16,260

«О Бон Па»!

00:11:17,220 --> 00:11:20,340

Я не злюсь, что ты обдолбался

и переехал меня на кабриолете.

00:11:20,350 --> 00:11:23,621

Сколько бы замков ты не разрушил,

нет такого наркотика,

00:11:23,630 --> 00:11:25,205

который бы вернул тебе тебя.

00:11:25,210 --> 00:11:29,730

Помню, ты начинал как мальчик-геймер,

но с тех пор, как вышел фильм, ты изменился.

00:11:29,830 --> 00:11:32,150

Хочешь сразиться с боссом?

Взгляни в зеркало.

00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:34,924

Ого! Как сладко стелишь, Терри.

00:11:34,930 --> 00:11:38,010

Боюсь, я скажу тебе... Хренушки!

00:11:38,020 --> 00:11:40,400

Думаете, мне нужна ваша жалость,

мелкие шлюшки?

00:11:40,410 --> 00:11:41,347

Это я шлюшка?

00:11:41,350 --> 00:11:44,475

А не ты предложил

Эрику Стоунстриту отсосать за кокс?

00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:48,750

И что с того?

Я теперь грёбаная звезда! Выкусил?

00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:50,160

Ты умолял его!

00:11:50,170 --> 00:11:52,860

Спокойно, Терри.

Пускай выразит свои чувства.

00:11:52,870 --> 00:11:54,193

Не хочу здесь быть!

00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:57,180

Звёзды из «Одни из нас» не должны мириться

с этим дерьмом.

00:11:57,190 --> 00:12:01,750

Ребята из «Одни из нас» не ездят за рулём...

обдолбанные по самые помидоры.

00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:06,680

О чём ты думала?

00:12:06,690 --> 00:12:10,840

Поболтаем об этом позже?

Тот охотник никуда не делся. Надо уходить.

00:12:11,110 --> 00:12:13,810

Куда именно уходить?

Ты похерила всю еду!

00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:15,860

Ладно, дела у нас так себе.

00:12:15,870 --> 00:12:19,190

У нас осталась лишь пустая повозка.

Я никогда не расплачусь.

00:12:19,330 --> 00:12:20,400

Расплатишься.

00:12:20,410 --> 00:12:21,595

Это тебе не «ДорДэш».

00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:25,740

Если нет еды, то и доставлять нечего.

И хера с два тебе заплатят!

00:12:25,750 --> 00:12:27,280

Мы перевозили не еду!

00:12:27,290 --> 00:12:30,080

Чем же тогда, прости, мы занимались?

00:12:30,090 --> 00:12:31,580

Вот что мы везём.

00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:36,710

Настоящее сокровище.

00:12:36,850 --> 00:12:38,630

Сраный кусок железки?

00:12:38,890 --> 00:12:40,823

Это вентиль для крана с водой.

00:12:40,830 --> 00:12:45,510

С ним мы сможем включить наконец-то полив.

И да здравствует урожай.

00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:48,310

У всех будут фрукты, какие они пожелают.

00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:49,490

И ты врала мне?

00:12:49,500 --> 00:12:56,810

Мне пришлось. Трава... всё вокруг умирает.

Кто-то выключил разбрызгиватели.

00:12:57,280 --> 00:13:00,480

Они пытались захватить власть

и контролировать Двор.

00:13:00,490 --> 00:13:03,095

Знай они, что у нас есть вентиль...

00:13:03,500 --> 00:13:07,570

Так этому типу нужен не я.

Он охотится за сраным вентилем.

00:13:07,580 --> 00:13:10,490

Технически... да.

Но у меня не было выбора.

00:13:10,730 --> 00:13:15,500

Тебе всего-то остаётся доставить вентиль

и получить свои дворбаксы.

00:13:15,510 --> 00:13:20,420

Это как раз та политическая срань,

в которую ни Тим, ни Систо не ввяжутся.

00:13:20,530 --> 00:13:22,880

При чём здесь вообще политика?

00:13:22,890 --> 00:13:25,260

Серьёзно?

Не смотрела «Китайский квартал»?

00:13:25,270 --> 00:13:27,340

Я смотрю кинчики на Disney+.

00:13:27,430 --> 00:13:29,680

Да, сука, это как раз читается.

00:13:30,730 --> 00:13:34,850

Что ты делаешь?

Если вот так свалишь, тебе не заплатят!

00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:37,046

А зачем мне деньги,

00:13:37,050 --> 00:13:41,190

если меня прикончит какой-нибудь Герцог

до того, как я их потрачу?

00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:46,472

Давай, Ежуля, прочь от лгунишки,

пока не вспыхнули штанишки.

00:13:47,620 --> 00:13:52,728

Ладно, вали!

Ты мне не нужен. Сама справлюсь.

00:13:55,090 --> 00:13:58,442

Сраный Гэвин. Тупой мудозвон.

00:13:58,450 --> 00:14:01,904

Не хочет он, видите ли, спасать Двор.

00:14:01,910 --> 00:14:03,072

Кретин!

00:14:10,590 --> 00:14:11,720

Ты.

00:14:17,070 --> 00:14:19,060

Ты убил моего дядю!

00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:27,120

Зачем тебе эта улица,

пора обратно в Грибное Королевство.

00:14:27,140 --> 00:14:30,808

Никакого тенниса,

никакого гольфа, никаких звёздных саг.

00:14:30,810 --> 00:14:31,990

Хватит.

00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:34,790

Давай-ка в рехаб.

Сам же знаешь, что так правильно.

00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:36,100

Позволь полюбить тебя.

00:14:36,110 --> 00:14:36,960

- Пожалуйста!

- Задолбали.

00:14:36,970 --> 00:14:38,540

Замутишь мне встречу с Тоудом?

00:14:38,550 --> 00:14:45,130

Боже мой, какой же я кусок дерьма!

Простите, ребята!

00:14:45,470 --> 00:14:48,826

Я просто хочу мочить черепашек

и рубиться в «Одиссею».

00:14:49,210 --> 00:14:52,913

Мне так осточертело вмазываться

в сортире «Лонг Джон Сильвер»

00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:56,291

с типами из Mortal Kombat 2.

00:14:58,470 --> 00:14:59,837

Что за херня?

00:15:00,760 --> 00:15:02,631

Наверное, не так важно для истории.

00:15:03,330 --> 00:15:05,280

Воображение разыгралось.

00:15:05,290 --> 00:15:06,593

Спасибо, ребята.

00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:11,200

Моя игра почти подошла к концу,

но теперь я знаю, что надежда есть.

00:15:11,210 --> 00:15:12,850

Бирдо! Бирдо! Бирдо!

00:15:12,860 --> 00:15:15,435

Господи боже, дело не в тебе.

00:15:24,490 --> 00:15:25,904

Что с тобой, Ежуля?

00:15:25,910 --> 00:15:28,657

Вряд ли ты голоден

после двойной порции червей.

00:15:29,180 --> 00:15:31,869

Нет-нет, не смотри на меня так.

00:15:32,620 --> 00:15:35,010

Знаю, и мне... она начала нравиться,

00:15:35,020 --> 00:15:38,160

хоть она и сказала,

что я одет «зашкварно», что бы это ни значило.

00:15:38,860 --> 00:15:42,060

Эй, куда ты, стой! Я здесь главный!

00:15:46,990 --> 00:15:48,719

Так и быть, вернёмся.

00:15:49,350 --> 00:15:51,889

Убедимся, что с ней всё хорошо, и свалим.

00:15:52,640 --> 00:15:56,226

Идёт.

Нам нужно поторопиться. Двигай!

00:15:59,090 --> 00:16:01,040

Кажется, мы до него достучались.

00:16:01,130 --> 00:16:02,540

Да он и месяца не протянет.

00:16:02,550 --> 00:16:06,670

Парад на День благодарения не за горами,

а вы знаете, как он любит спецэффекты.

00:16:06,990 --> 00:16:10,040

И что это за дерьмо мы тут смотрим?

00:16:10,290 --> 00:16:14,953

За время съёмок погибли три осла.

Малыши «спеклись» под прожекторами.

00:16:14,980 --> 00:16:17,350

Мы очень вами гордимся.

00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:20,180

Целый день без драк, умнички!

00:16:20,190 --> 00:16:24,020

Скорее бегите наверх одеваться,

мы едем в «О Бон Па»!

00:16:24,030 --> 00:16:25,190

Ура!

00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:33,780

Мне бы чёртову сижку.

00:16:34,810 --> 00:16:36,120

Только Camel с ментолом.

00:16:36,270 --> 00:16:37,950

Дерьмо. Давай что есть.

00:16:39,050 --> 00:16:40,979

Терри, ты гениальный сукин сын.

00:16:40,980 --> 00:16:42,980

Поверить не могу,

что твой план сработал.

00:16:42,990 --> 00:16:45,150

Подстроил,

типа наш друг подсел на наркоту,

00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:48,980

дав повод для интервенции

и предлога закрыть Пупу и Джей-Кей Севенс вместе.

00:16:48,990 --> 00:16:51,820

Чтобы они наконец-то подружились!

00:16:52,100 --> 00:16:52,820

«Подстроил»?

00:16:52,830 --> 00:16:54,380

Так или иначе, я впечатлён.

00:16:54,390 --> 00:16:55,840

Это воспитание.

00:16:55,850 --> 00:16:58,760

Спасибо, Мисс Нечто.

Думаю, ещё не раз поработаем.

00:16:58,770 --> 00:17:00,457

- Мисс Нечто, Мисс Нечто!

- Мисс Нечто, Мисс Нечто!

00:17:00,460 --> 00:17:01,520

- Вот так!

- Отлично!

00:17:01,530 --> 00:17:01,917

- Да!

- Так их, девочка!

00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:02,751

Красотка!

00:17:02,890 --> 00:17:05,560

Малыш задел меня контейнером с порошком.

00:17:05,570 --> 00:17:06,880

Двадцатка сверху.

00:17:06,890 --> 00:17:09,800

Можете идти распространяться по миру, как вирус.

00:17:09,810 --> 00:17:11,160

Пофиг, что вы там делаете с людьми.

00:17:11,170 --> 00:17:12,860

И советик: только без наркоты.

00:17:23,530 --> 00:17:25,983

Похоже, здесь она сошла с дороги.

00:17:26,990 --> 00:17:27,985

Ты чего?

00:17:35,250 --> 00:17:37,786

Следы ящерицы, чёрт!

00:17:44,090 --> 00:17:46,753

Почему именно Баскетболбург?

00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:51,591

Там куча ублюдков,

которые были бы рады меня угондошить.

00:17:52,580 --> 00:17:57,973

Да, знаю.

Как всегда... у меня нет выбора. Пошёл!

00:17:58,580 --> 00:18:01,977

Ставлю десять дворбаксов,

что не буду играть, идёт?

00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:14,970

Что за хрень?

00:18:23,690 --> 00:18:28,520

Американские горки!

Всё такое зелёное.

00:18:29,070 --> 00:18:31,631

Молоток, Литтл Ричард, правда.

00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:33,800

Всё чики-пики.

Держи дворбаксы.

00:18:33,810 --> 00:18:35,886

Угости жену за мой счёт, малыш.

00:18:36,050 --> 00:18:38,700

Мы все одного размера.

Это звучит как-то странно.

00:18:38,910 --> 00:18:41,990

Это из-за крошечного писюна. Довольна?

00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:44,978

Постойте, а я вас знаю.

00:18:44,980 --> 00:18:49,816

Вы были главной стенсовета.

И были неплохим парнем.

00:18:49,820 --> 00:18:52,000

Я им и остался.

00:18:52,010 --> 00:18:56,160

Не знаю, как тебя отблагодарить за то,

что проделала такой путь.

00:18:56,170 --> 00:18:58,742

Ведь теперь,

когда у меня есть все вентили,

00:18:58,750 --> 00:19:05,540

мне подвластна абсолютно вся вода...

доступная даже крошечному глазу.

00:19:07,860 --> 00:19:12,255

Чёрт, уверена, монолог он стырил

из «Китайского квартала».

00:19:14,970 --> 00:19:18,840

ДОБРО ПОЖАЛОВАТЬ В БАСКЕТБОЛБУРГ

00:19:18,850 --> 00:19:23,840

Переведено студией HDrezka Studio.

00:00:31,281 --> 00:00:33,158

Porcupine. No, wait.

00:00:37,328 --> 00:00:38,997

Hedgehog.

00:00:42,375 --> 00:00:43,960

Hyah, lizard, hyah!

00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:53,219

Planet Shlorp

was a perfect utopia,

00:00:53,219 --> 00:00:55,346

until the asteroid hit.

00:00:55,847 --> 00:00:58,308

One hundred adults and their replicants

were issued a Pupa,

00:00:58,308 --> 00:01:00,143

and escaped into the... space,

00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:02,937

searching for new homes

on uninhabited worlds.

00:01:02,937 --> 00:01:04,189

We crashed on Earth,

00:01:04,189 --> 00:01:06,483

{\an8}stranding us on an already

overpopulated planet.

00:01:06,483 --> 00:01:08,109

{\an8}That's right, I've been talking

this whole time.

00:01:08,109 --> 00:01:09,277

{\an8}I'm the one holding the Pupa.

00:01:09,277 --> 00:01:11,071

{\an8}My name is Korvo. This is my show.

00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:12,363

{\an8}Bollocks, I just dropped the Pupa.

00:01:12,363 --> 00:01:14,324

{\an8}Ugh. This is ridiculous. I hate Earth.

00:01:14,324 --> 00:01:17,077

{\an8}It's a horrible home.

People are stupid and confusing.

00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:19,579

{\an8}Why do all these old billionaires put

young people's blood in their veins

00:01:19,579 --> 00:01:22,165

{\an8}when they can be paying

to put Gray 55, the robot blood,

00:01:22,165 --> 00:01:23,583

{\an8}directly into their genitals?

00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:24,667

{\an8}That's the good stuff!

00:01:34,427 --> 00:01:37,263

I heard there was an old PEZ dispenser

out here somewhere.

00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:39,933

- Do you think we'll get to see it?

- Don't know, don't care.

00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:43,394

I wonder what character it is.

00:01:43,394 --> 00:01:44,979

Ooh, and what flavor the PEZ is.

00:01:44,979 --> 00:01:46,189

Ooh, and if we find it,

00:01:46,189 --> 00:01:47,649

I'm gonna crawl up on the top

to get a view of the--

00:01:47,649 --> 00:01:49,025

Stop trying to make this fun.

00:01:49,025 --> 00:01:50,777

That bounty hunter

could still be tracking us.

00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:52,862

You know,

I'm not some naive kid.

00:01:52,862 --> 00:01:55,990

I did pretty good with your hippie pal

in Sandbox Town, didn't I?

00:01:55,990 --> 00:01:58,034

You almost got killed, twice!

00:01:58,034 --> 00:01:59,160

Ah, but I didn't.

00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:01,955

Meanwhile, you were higher

than Matthew McConaughey's kite.

00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:03,414

"Oh, I'm Gavin.

00:02:03,414 --> 00:02:05,625

"I'm a lightweight who can't handle

some mushrooms.

00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:09,170

Oh, take me to the hospital,

I can't feel my old hands."

00:02:09,170 --> 00:02:12,090

I need to deliver these supplies

to the NoHo Hank Funko Pop

00:02:12,090 --> 00:02:15,135

Terry threw into the yard

when Barry turned into a drama.

00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:17,220

Nothing in my orders

about keeping you alive.

00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:18,555

{\an8}Ooh, what's this thing?

00:02:18,555 --> 00:02:20,348

Basketballburgh.

00:02:20,348 --> 00:02:22,058

I've heard about Basketballburgh!

00:02:22,058 --> 00:02:25,645

Do they really have

a rollercoaster made out of K'nex?

00:02:25,645 --> 00:02:27,272

Yeah, but it's the kind

that's only scary

00:02:27,272 --> 00:02:29,399

because you think it's gonna

fall over the whole time.

00:02:29,399 --> 00:02:31,734

Maybe if you get to like me,

we can be scared of it together.

00:02:31,734 --> 00:02:34,487

I don't want to like you.

I want to be done with this.

00:02:34,487 --> 00:02:35,613

Hyah!

00:02:45,081 --> 00:02:46,749

Oh, my God, water!

00:02:48,334 --> 00:02:49,669

This better not be a mirage!

00:02:49,669 --> 00:02:52,630

Actually, I don't even care.

It's so hot, I'll take the illusion.

00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:54,549

Something's not right.

00:02:54,549 --> 00:02:56,801

Why does it smell like

the Smirnoff outlet store?

00:02:59,804 --> 00:03:01,347

Last one in's a shitty wad of shit.

00:03:03,933 --> 00:03:05,685

- What the hell?

- Look!

00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:09,939

Oh, my God.

That dragonfly can't swim.

00:03:09,939 --> 00:03:12,150

Someone call a bug lifeguard!

00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:13,568

It's not water.

00:03:15,987 --> 00:03:18,865

Jesus, what the hell is it?

00:03:19,699 --> 00:03:22,035

Hand sanitizer,

00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:24,204

the cheap kind that smells

like coyote vagina.

00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:26,247

At our scale, this stuff burns like acid.

00:03:27,415 --> 00:03:28,958

Oh, my God, I could've died.

00:03:28,958 --> 00:03:31,669

Hey, hey, you didn't.

You're okay.

00:03:31,669 --> 00:03:33,630

I don't think I like

the Back Yard.

00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:36,299

Yeah, well, I don't really like anything.

00:03:36,799 --> 00:03:38,885

Except for Coldplay, they rule.

00:03:45,183 --> 00:03:47,644

{\an8}Come on, guys,

he's gonna be here any second!

00:03:48,353 --> 00:03:49,729

I broke out the gouda today!

00:03:49,729 --> 00:03:52,106

Only the fanciest cheese

for our famous friend.

00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:54,776

Avatar! My blue!

00:04:00,281 --> 00:04:01,824

{\an8}Ah, my charcuterie board!

00:04:01,824 --> 00:04:03,576

{\an8}You know how many TikToks

I had to study

00:04:03,576 --> 00:04:04,953

{\an8}to get the meat flopped right?

00:04:04,953 --> 00:04:06,788

{\an8}I told you two

to stay out of the kitchen!

00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:09,249

Why are you fighting?

I thought you were besties.

00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:10,333

{\an8}They're both Geminis.

00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:13,002

{\an8}When Saturn's in their

seventh house, good luck!

00:04:13,002 --> 00:04:15,088

{\an8}Neither of them were born

on this planet.

00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:17,090

{\an8}The star signs are hecka different.

00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:19,634

{\an8}Gemini energy is bigger

than galactic star charts!

00:04:19,634 --> 00:04:21,010

{\an8}You two better suck it up.

00:04:21,010 --> 00:04:23,054

{\an8}Our famous friend's coming over

to hang out today.

00:04:23,054 --> 00:04:25,223

{\an8}But what he doesn't know

is that it's actually an intervention.

00:04:25,223 --> 00:04:28,559

{\an8}Turns out you can have

too much alcohol and heroin,

00:04:28,559 --> 00:04:31,562

{\an8}and weed, and all the other drugs

smooshed up into a big ball.

00:04:31,562 --> 00:04:34,357

{\an8}He's going to freak out.

Everyone needs to be as quiet as possible

00:04:34,357 --> 00:04:36,025

{\an8}while we spring a friend trap

on his ass.

00:04:36,025 --> 00:04:39,112

{\an8}Oh, man, the look on his face

when we confront him with his own failings

00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:42,198

is gonna be tragic!

00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:49,914

Stop it with the sci-fi fight already!

00:04:49,914 --> 00:04:51,165

That's it, if you can't behave,

00:04:51,165 --> 00:04:52,458

then we're locking you two in the Manc Ave

00:04:52,458 --> 00:04:53,960

until the intervention is over!

00:04:55,545 --> 00:04:57,255

You two are like feral cats!

00:04:57,255 --> 00:04:59,674

Are we sure it's a good idea

to leave them alone?

00:04:59,674 --> 00:05:01,968

{\an8}Yeah, we had to move a lot

of dangerous stuff down here

00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:04,178

{\an8}to make room for the intervention

in the living room.

00:05:04,178 --> 00:05:06,014

Like that laser cannon

and the ottoman.

00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:07,515

It's all harmless, they'll be fine.

00:05:07,515 --> 00:05:09,934

{\an8}What about this microuniverse

in a snow globe?

00:05:09,934 --> 00:05:13,104

{\an8}Or this soul disc you made Terry

after he saw Tron?

00:05:13,104 --> 00:05:15,523

{\an8}Oh, yeah, we recorded

my soul onto that thing

00:05:15,523 --> 00:05:17,442

{\an8}so I could live in the grid as a program.

00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:18,860

{\an8}I'm hella bicoastal, baby.

00:05:18,860 --> 00:05:20,111

{\an8}I made that up to make you happy.

00:05:20,111 --> 00:05:21,696

{\an8}So I still have my digital soul?

00:05:21,696 --> 00:05:23,323

{\an8}- Not cool!

- Ah!

00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:25,491

{\an8}Ah!

00:05:25,491 --> 00:05:29,495

{\an8}Whew, you almost released

The Thing from The Thing.

00:05:29,495 --> 00:05:32,040

{\an8}That's a Miss Thing,

so we don't get sued.

00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:33,791

{\an8}Wink, wink.

00:05:35,543 --> 00:05:37,712

{\an8}But even in clearable parody form,

00:05:37,712 --> 00:05:41,382

{\an8}this little lady is just as dangerous

as her big-screen counterpart.

00:05:41,382 --> 00:05:44,719

Ah, geez, we can't leave them

down here with Miss Thing.

00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:46,637

She'll eat them and steal their DNA.

00:05:46,637 --> 00:05:49,932

Wow, Jesse, um, women have

to support other women.

00:05:49,932 --> 00:05:52,310

She's just jealous because

Miss Thing rocks a bow better.

00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:54,937

We'll just put her way up here.

Problem solved.

00:05:56,064 --> 00:05:58,733

Oh, my stars and garters, I haven't lit

the candle in the bathroom yet!

00:05:58,733 --> 00:05:59,817

Listen to me, you two,

00:05:59,817 --> 00:06:01,694

if either of you come upstairs

for even a second,

00:06:01,694 --> 00:06:03,196

you're grounded for life!

00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:05,823

But if you can make it through

this intervention without fighting,

00:06:05,823 --> 00:06:08,451

we'll take you to your favorite

fast casual French restaurant.

00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:11,412

- Au Bon Pain?

- Oui. So be good.

00:06:12,163 --> 00:06:13,498

Here, just zone out and watch

00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:15,583

{\an8}the director's commentary-only

edition of Shrek.

00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:17,418

For this first scene, I wanted

00:06:17,418 --> 00:06:20,046

a sweeping wide shot,

but the studio insisted on starting

00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:22,507

with Shrek coming out

of an outhouse, wiping his ass.

00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:25,551

Now a lot of people wanna know

how we got the donkey to talk.

00:06:25,551 --> 00:06:28,429

No, it's not peanut butter.

It was computers.

00:06:33,476 --> 00:06:35,144

You know what I miss

about the before-fore?

00:06:35,144 --> 00:06:37,772

Being big enough that

a raindrop wouldn't kill me?

00:06:37,772 --> 00:06:39,857

Yeah, I was gonna say $5 foot longs.

00:06:39,857 --> 00:06:42,110

But that raindrop thing

really is a problem.

00:06:43,861 --> 00:06:46,697

- Hedgey, did you just purr at her?

- We're friends.

00:06:46,697 --> 00:06:49,158

He wraps his little arms

around me when we sleep.

00:06:49,158 --> 00:06:50,493

I call them hedgehugs.

00:06:50,493 --> 00:06:52,286

I've been beggin' you for hedgehugs.

00:06:53,371 --> 00:06:57,125

He makes me feel safe,

at least for a minute.

00:06:57,125 --> 00:06:59,168

The Yard's a hard place to live,

00:06:59,168 --> 00:07:01,170

but I'll take it over the Wall any day.

00:07:01,170 --> 00:07:03,381

The Wall didn't have poison lakes.

00:07:03,381 --> 00:07:05,925

Worse. I was there for every era.

00:07:07,301 --> 00:07:09,971

I stormed the Duke's staircase

in Wall War I.

00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:14,600

When Tim took over, I helped clean

and distribute sex toys to the needy.

00:07:16,185 --> 00:07:18,813

I even smuggled Raisinettes

over the wall in the Wall

00:07:18,813 --> 00:07:20,690

when the Bowinians split off.

00:07:21,357 --> 00:07:23,443

No Duke or Bowinians out here.

00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:25,445

That's right, this is a simple yard.

00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:28,865

Look at us delivering fruit

to hungry people, no politics.

00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:30,450

That's the way to live.

00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:43,504

Mine! Mine!

00:07:44,922 --> 00:07:46,132

No! Ah!

00:07:50,178 --> 00:07:51,888

Ah!

00:07:58,060 --> 00:07:59,061

Aah!

00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:07,153

What the... Oh, finally!

00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:09,614

Do you know how long I've been trapped

in the digital world?

00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:11,657

There isn't even

a single Del Taco in there!

00:08:11,657 --> 00:08:12,742

Ah!

00:08:16,370 --> 00:08:17,622

Ah!

00:08:19,540 --> 00:08:21,667

Ah!

00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:33,930

What's wrong, boy?

00:08:33,930 --> 00:08:35,223

Road's blocked.

00:08:36,224 --> 00:08:38,267

Usually, Terry throws his chicken legs

00:08:38,267 --> 00:08:40,144

closer to the kitchen window.

00:08:44,023 --> 00:08:45,399

It's the bounty hunter!

00:08:45,399 --> 00:08:47,360

Jesus Christ, where?

Oh, me.

00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:48,819

Hyah, Hedgey, hyah!

00:08:57,203 --> 00:08:58,454

He's still coming!

00:08:58,454 --> 00:08:59,914

We gotta go off-road!

00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:09,131

PEZ!

00:09:09,131 --> 00:09:11,801

Oh, shit! No time to stop!

Go, Hedgey, go!

00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:19,767

Good boy! Get us outta this

and it's grubs for dinner all week!

00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:23,229

- Come on!

- Look!

00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:26,649

Hurry, push!

00:09:30,945 --> 00:09:32,863

It's working.

00:09:38,744 --> 00:09:40,454

Hyah, hyah.

00:09:40,454 --> 00:09:42,456

It'll take him hours

to get all the way around.

00:09:42,456 --> 00:09:43,708

This is gonna work.

00:09:44,625 --> 00:09:46,419

Ah, we're sinking!

Ah!

00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:48,921

Oh, no, we need to jettison weight.

00:09:48,921 --> 00:09:50,339

Hedgey, quit it.

00:09:50,339 --> 00:09:52,425

- It's gonna be okay.

- Ah, come on!

00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:54,927

- Hedgey.

- Hedgey, please, you need to stay calm.

00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:57,138

Ah, god, it burns!

00:09:57,138 --> 00:09:58,681

Oh, my God, are you okay?

00:09:58,681 --> 00:10:01,309

We're still sinking.

We need to lighten the load.

00:10:01,309 --> 00:10:02,893

- No!

- Hedgey, no!

00:10:14,363 --> 00:10:17,950

His quills protect him

from the hand sanitizer!

00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:19,118

Good boy!

00:10:19,118 --> 00:10:22,246

Ha! I'm learning a shit-ton

about hedgehogs today.

00:10:22,246 --> 00:10:23,748

Crap!

00:10:23,748 --> 00:10:26,375

We took on too much goo. Come on!

00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,211

We can save the food, pass it over.

00:10:29,211 --> 00:10:30,838

We can't leave the cart.

00:10:30,838 --> 00:10:32,882

We can build a new cart.

00:10:33,382 --> 00:10:34,967

Stop it!

What are you doing?

00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:37,595

We don't need the cart

if we don't have the food!

00:10:38,220 --> 00:10:39,388

It's ruined.

00:10:39,930 --> 00:10:41,432

Goddammit.

00:10:50,858 --> 00:10:53,903

You better have a really good answer

for what just happened.

00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:56,322

Um, I did the cart thing.

00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:58,824

You call hand sanitizer goo.

00:10:58,824 --> 00:11:00,409

Let's not point fingers.

00:11:00,409 --> 00:11:01,952

What is wrong with you?

00:11:14,215 --> 00:11:16,092

Ah! Au Bon Pain!

00:11:17,218 --> 00:11:19,053

I forgive you

for getting gacked on blow

00:11:19,053 --> 00:11:20,346

and then running me over

with your convertible.

00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:22,098

No matter how many castles you defeat,

00:11:22,098 --> 00:11:25,059

you'll never find the drug

that makes you you again.

00:11:25,059 --> 00:11:27,687

You know, I remember when you started out

as a simple gamer boy,

00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:29,730

but ever since the movie came out,

you've changed.

00:11:29,730 --> 00:11:32,149

You wanna fight the final boss?

Look in the mirror.

00:11:32,149 --> 00:11:34,902

Wahoo, that was beautiful, Terry.

00:11:34,902 --> 00:11:37,863

But I'm gonna have to say, "Oh, no!"

00:11:37,863 --> 00:11:40,241

You think I need your pity,

you little bitches?

00:11:40,241 --> 00:11:41,325

I'm a little bitch?

00:11:41,325 --> 00:11:44,036

You're the one who offered to blow

Eric Stonestreet for an eight ball.

00:11:44,036 --> 00:11:45,705

So what if I did?

00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:48,749

It's a-me, I'm a fucking a-movie star now!

00:11:48,749 --> 00:11:50,167

You begged him!

00:11:50,167 --> 00:11:52,294

Calm down, Terrance,

let him express his feelings.

00:11:52,294 --> 00:11:54,004

I don't wanna be here!

00:11:54,004 --> 00:11:57,049

The Last of Us people don't have

to put up with this shit.

00:11:57,049 --> 00:11:59,135

The Last of Us guys

didn't drive their Kart

00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:01,804

off the PCH hopped up on PCP.

00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:06,684

What were you thinking?

00:12:06,684 --> 00:12:08,185

Can we talk about this later?

00:12:08,185 --> 00:12:11,105

That bounty hunter's still out there.

We gotta get going.

00:12:11,105 --> 00:12:13,816

Get going where exactly?

You tossed all the food!

00:12:13,816 --> 00:12:15,860

Okay, I know it seems bad.

00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:17,403

All we have is an empty cart!

00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:19,196

I'm never gonna be able to clear my debt.

00:12:19,196 --> 00:12:20,406

Yes, you will.

00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:21,574

This isn't DoorDash.

00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:23,325

When you get paid to transport food,

00:12:23,325 --> 00:12:25,536

you don't get paid without the food!

00:12:25,536 --> 00:12:27,288

We weren't transporting food!

00:12:27,288 --> 00:12:30,082

Oh, I'm sorry,

then what were we doing?

00:12:30,082 --> 00:12:31,584

We're hauling this.

00:12:34,795 --> 00:12:36,714

That's the real payload.

00:12:36,714 --> 00:12:38,632

A stupid metal wheel?

00:12:38,632 --> 00:12:40,760

It's a valve for a water spigot.

00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:44,430

We can use it to turn

the sprinklers back on.

00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:45,514

Crops will grow again.

00:12:45,514 --> 00:12:48,309

Everyone will have

all the fruit they want.

00:12:48,309 --> 00:12:50,394

- So you lied to me?

- I had to.

00:12:50,895 --> 00:12:53,814

The grass, everything is dying.

00:12:54,315 --> 00:12:56,817

Someone turned the sprinklers off.

00:12:57,276 --> 00:13:00,488

They were trying to take

all the power and control the yard.

00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:02,740

If they knew we had this...

00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:05,618

That bounty hunter

isn't even after me.

00:13:06,035 --> 00:13:07,578

He's after this fuckin' valve.

00:13:07,578 --> 00:13:10,498

Okay, technically, yes,

but I had no choice.

00:13:10,498 --> 00:13:13,334

Look, all you have to do

is deliver this spigot to our contact

00:13:13,334 --> 00:13:15,503

and you will get your Yardbucks.

00:13:15,503 --> 00:13:16,921

This is exactly the type of

00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:20,424

Tim and Sisto political bullshit

I will not be part of.

00:13:20,424 --> 00:13:22,885

Controlling water isn't political.

00:13:22,885 --> 00:13:25,262

What?

Haven't you seen Chinatown?

00:13:25,262 --> 00:13:27,348

I only watch movies on Disney Plus!

00:13:27,348 --> 00:13:29,683

Yeah, well, that's pretty fuckin' clear.

00:13:30,726 --> 00:13:31,852

What are you doing?

00:13:31,852 --> 00:13:34,855

If you leave now,

you, you, you won't get paid!

00:13:35,189 --> 00:13:36,690

Ah, what good's money

00:13:36,690 --> 00:13:40,653

if I get killed by some Back Yard Duke

before I can spend it?

00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:43,864

Come on, Hedgey,

let's leave this liar liar

00:13:43,864 --> 00:13:45,783

before her pants catch on fire.

00:13:47,618 --> 00:13:49,245

Fine, leave!

00:13:49,245 --> 00:13:52,373

I don't need you. I'll do it myself!

00:13:55,084 --> 00:13:56,836

Stupid Gavin.

00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,379

Stupid jerk.

00:13:58,379 --> 00:14:00,464

Doesn't even wanna save the Back Yard.

00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:03,467

Asshole!

00:14:10,391 --> 00:14:11,725

You.

00:14:17,064 --> 00:14:19,066

You killed my uncle!

00:14:24,071 --> 00:14:25,781

Look, we just wanna

see you get off the streets

00:14:25,781 --> 00:14:27,032

and back to the Mushroom Kingdom.

00:14:27,032 --> 00:14:28,492

No more tennis, no more golf,

00:14:28,492 --> 00:14:30,077

no more superstar sagas.

00:14:30,077 --> 00:14:31,996

Oh, come on.

00:14:31,996 --> 00:14:34,790

Please go to rehab.

You know it's the right thing to do.

00:14:34,790 --> 00:14:36,959

Let us love you.

Please!

00:14:36,959 --> 00:14:38,544

Can you get me

a meeting with Toad?

00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:42,464

Oh, God, I'm a big piece of shit!

00:14:43,215 --> 00:14:45,134

I'm-a so sorry, you guys.

00:14:45,467 --> 00:14:48,679

I just wanna kill turtles

and go on odysseys, you know?

00:14:49,179 --> 00:14:51,515

{\an8}I'm so sick of shooting up

in the bathroom

00:14:51,515 --> 00:14:53,058

of a Long John Silver's

00:14:53,058 --> 00:14:56,437

with the fighters from

Mortal Kombat: Annihilation!

00:14:57,938 --> 00:14:59,398

Shh.

What the hell was that?

00:15:00,608 --> 00:15:02,401

Huh. It's probably not important

to the story.

00:15:02,401 --> 00:15:05,279

Huh, I guess

it was just our imagination.

00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:06,697

Thank you, guys.

00:15:06,697 --> 00:15:09,074

I was so close to game over,

00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:11,201

but now it feels like I have hope.

00:15:11,201 --> 00:15:12,745

Birdo, Birdo, Birdo!

00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,914

Jesus Christ, this isn't about you.

00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:16,749

Mmm.

00:15:24,214 --> 00:15:25,799

What's the matter, H?

00:15:25,799 --> 00:15:28,385

You can't still be hungry

after that double helping of mealworms.

00:15:29,178 --> 00:15:31,805

No, no, do not give me that look.

00:15:32,806 --> 00:15:35,017

Yeah, I know, I-I was starting

to like her too,

00:15:35,017 --> 00:15:36,769

even though she said I dress "daggy,"

00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:38,479

whatever that means.

00:15:38,854 --> 00:15:40,481

Hey, hey, come on, stop!

00:15:40,481 --> 00:15:42,066

I'm in charge here!

00:15:46,987 --> 00:15:49,114

Fine, we can go back.

00:15:49,114 --> 00:15:51,909

Once we know she's safe, though,

we are gone for good.

00:15:51,909 --> 00:15:53,327

Alright.

00:15:53,327 --> 00:15:55,120

Okay then, if we're doing this,

let's hurry up.

00:15:55,537 --> 00:15:56,580

Hyah!

00:15:59,083 --> 00:16:01,043

I think we really got through to him.

00:16:01,043 --> 00:16:02,544

Eh, he won't last the month.

00:16:02,544 --> 00:16:04,463

The Thanksgiving Day Parade's

right around the corner,

00:16:04,463 --> 00:16:06,674

and you know how he gets

around the Rockettes.

00:16:06,674 --> 00:16:09,885

Okay, I wonder what kind of shit show

we're walking into down here.

00:16:09,885 --> 00:16:12,012

[on screen] Four donkeys died

during the production.

00:16:12,012 --> 00:16:14,974

The stage lights were just

too hot for the little guys.

00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:17,351

We are very proud of you two.

00:16:17,351 --> 00:16:20,187

You went the whole day

without fighting, good job.

00:16:20,187 --> 00:16:22,272

Go upstairs

and get your puffy coats,

00:16:22,272 --> 00:16:24,024

we're going to Au Bon Pain!

00:16:24,024 --> 00:16:25,192

Yay!

00:16:32,032 --> 00:16:33,784

I need a fuckin' smoke.

00:16:34,702 --> 00:16:36,120

They only had Camel Crushes.

00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:37,955

Gross. Hand them over.

00:16:39,039 --> 00:16:40,916

Terry, you brilliant son of a bitch.

00:16:40,916 --> 00:16:42,835

I can't believe your plan worked.

00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:45,170

Pretending to get

our friend hooked on heroin

00:16:45,170 --> 00:16:46,714

so we can have an intervention excuse

00:16:46,714 --> 00:16:48,841

to lock the Pupa

and JK Sevens down here...

00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:52,094

So they would work together

and become friends!

00:16:52,094 --> 00:16:54,388

-"Pretending"?

- Either way, I'm impressed.

00:16:54,388 --> 00:16:55,848

It's called parenting, honey.

00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:57,016

Top work, Miss Thing.

00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:58,767

Looking forward to working together again.

00:16:58,767 --> 00:17:00,436

Miss Thing, Miss Thing,

00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:01,520

- Miss Thing!

- Alright!

00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:02,730

- Yeah!

- You go, girl!

00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:05,566

Little one hit me with

a container of laundry detergent.

00:17:05,566 --> 00:17:06,775

Here's an extra 20.

00:17:06,775 --> 00:17:09,570

You're free to head out into the world

and spread like a virus or whatever.

00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:11,071

We don't really care

what you do to humans.

00:17:11,071 --> 00:17:12,865

Well, here's a tip, don't do drugs.

00:17:22,958 --> 00:17:25,711

Huh. It looks like she stopped here

and went off-road.

00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:27,838

What is it, bud?

00:17:33,010 --> 00:17:34,011

Oh...

00:17:34,970 --> 00:17:37,473

Lizard tracks, dammit!

00:17:43,687 --> 00:17:46,690

Oh, why did it have

to be Basketballburgh?

00:17:47,691 --> 00:17:51,236

There's two dozen bastards down there

who'd love to see me dead.

00:17:52,571 --> 00:17:54,239

Yeah, I know.

00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:57,076

As usual, I don't have a choice.

00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:58,160

Hyah!

00:17:58,577 --> 00:18:01,747

I'll bet you 10 Yardbucks

I won't gamble, okay?

00:18:13,634 --> 00:18:14,968

What the hell?

00:18:22,768 --> 00:18:25,354

The rollercoaster!

00:18:26,396 --> 00:18:28,524

Wow, it's so green.

00:18:29,066 --> 00:18:31,401

Well done, Little Richard, really.

00:18:31,401 --> 00:18:33,612

Tip-top work.

Here's your Yardbucks.

00:18:33,612 --> 00:18:35,864

Treat your wife to a nice meal, on me.

00:18:35,864 --> 00:18:38,700

We're all the same size.

That name doesn't make any sense.

00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:40,744

It's because I have a tiny dick!

00:18:40,744 --> 00:18:41,995

Happy?

00:18:42,913 --> 00:18:44,832

Wait, I know you.

00:18:44,832 --> 00:18:47,668

You used to be the head

of the Wall Council.

00:18:47,668 --> 00:18:49,503

You were one of the good guys.

00:18:49,503 --> 00:18:52,005

I still am a good guy.

00:18:52,005 --> 00:18:55,676

I can't thank you enough for guarding this

as you crossed the Yard.

00:18:55,676 --> 00:18:58,011

Now, with all the spigots,

00:18:58,011 --> 00:19:01,098

I can control all the water

00:19:01,098 --> 00:19:05,602

as far as the tiny eye can see!

00:19:07,855 --> 00:19:11,900

Dammit, I bet this is just like Chinatown.

00:00:09,384 --> 00:00:12,387

[♪ suspenseful Western music playing]

00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:19,811

[shrieks]

00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:25,358

[♪ tense music playing]

00:00:27,944 --> 00:00:29,487

Hmm.

00:00:30,113 --> 00:00:31,281

[slurps]

00:00:31,281 --> 00:00:33,158

Porcupine. No, wait.

00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:35,952

[slurping]

00:00:37,328 --> 00:00:38,997

Hedgehog.

00:00:40,540 --> 00:00:42,375

♪

00:00:42,375 --> 00:00:43,960

Hyah, lizard, hyah!

00:00:45,003 --> 00:00:47,505

[lizard galloping]

00:00:47,505 --> 00:00:49,841

♪

00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:53,219

[Korvo] Planet Shlorp

was a perfect utopia,

00:00:53,219 --> 00:00:55,346

until the asteroid hit.

00:00:55,847 --> 00:00:58,308

One hundred adults and their replicants

were issued a Pupa,

00:00:58,308 --> 00:01:00,143

and escaped into the... space,

00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:02,937

searching for new homes

on uninhabited worlds.

00:01:02,937 --> 00:01:04,189

We crashed on Earth,

00:01:04,189 --> 00:01:06,483

{\an8}stranding us on an already

overpopulated planet.

00:01:06,483 --> 00:01:08,109

{\an8}That's right, I've been talking

this whole time.

00:01:08,109 --> 00:01:09,277

{\an8}I'm the one holding the Pupa.

00:01:09,277 --> 00:01:11,071

{\an8}My name is Korvo. This is my show.

00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:12,363

{\an8}Bollocks, I just dropped the Pupa.

00:01:12,363 --> 00:01:14,324

{\an8}Ugh. This is ridiculous. I hate Earth.

00:01:14,324 --> 00:01:17,077

{\an8}It's a horrible home.

People are stupid and confusing.

00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:19,579

{\an8}Why do all these old billionaires put

young people's blood in their veins

00:01:19,579 --> 00:01:22,165

{\an8}when they can be paying

to put Gray 55, the robot blood,

00:01:22,165 --> 00:01:23,583

{\an8}directly into their genitals?

00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:24,667

{\an8}That's the good stuff!

00:01:24,667 --> 00:01:27,879

[♪ dramatic music playing]

00:01:30,548 --> 00:01:33,468

[♪ suspenseful Western music playing]

00:01:34,427 --> 00:01:37,263

I heard there was an old PEZ dispenser

out here somewhere.

00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:39,933

- Do you think we'll get to see it?

- Don't know, don't care.

00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:43,394

I wonder what character it is.

00:01:43,394 --> 00:01:44,979

Ooh, and what flavor the PEZ is.

00:01:44,979 --> 00:01:46,189

Ooh, and if we find it,

00:01:46,189 --> 00:01:47,649

I'm gonna crawl up on the top

to get a view of the--

00:01:47,649 --> 00:01:49,025

Stop trying to make this fun.

00:01:49,025 --> 00:01:50,777

That bounty hunter

could still be tracking us.

00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:52,862

[Sofia] You know,

I'm not some naive kid.

00:01:52,862 --> 00:01:55,990

I did pretty good with your hippie pal

in Sandbox Town, didn't I?

00:01:55,990 --> 00:01:58,034

You almost got killed, twice!

00:01:58,034 --> 00:01:59,160

Ah, but I didn't.

00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:01,955

Meanwhile, you were higher

than Matthew McConaughey's kite.

00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:03,414

[deep voice]

"Oh, I'm Gavin.

00:02:03,414 --> 00:02:05,625

"I'm a lightweight who can't handle

some mushrooms.

00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:09,170

Oh, take me to the hospital,

I can't feel my old hands."

00:02:09,170 --> 00:02:12,090

I need to deliver these supplies

to the NoHo Hank Funko Pop

00:02:12,090 --> 00:02:15,135

Terry threw into the yard

when Barry turned into a drama.

00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:17,220

Nothing in my orders

about keeping you alive.

00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:18,555

{\an8}Ooh, what's this thing?

00:02:18,555 --> 00:02:20,348

{\an8}[Gavin] [sighs]

Basketballburgh.

00:02:20,348 --> 00:02:22,058

I've heard about Basketballburgh!

00:02:22,058 --> 00:02:25,645

[gasps] Do they really have

a rollercoaster made out of K'nex?

00:02:25,645 --> 00:02:27,272

Yeah, but it's the kind

that's only scary

00:02:27,272 --> 00:02:29,399

because you think it's gonna

fall over the whole time.

00:02:29,399 --> 00:02:31,734

Maybe if you get to like me,

we can be scared of it together.

00:02:31,734 --> 00:02:34,487

I don't want to like you.

I want to be done with this.

00:02:34,487 --> 00:02:35,613

Hyah!

00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:41,578

[both gasp]

00:02:42,620 --> 00:02:45,081

[♪ uplifting music playing]

00:02:45,081 --> 00:02:46,749

Oh, my God, water!

00:02:48,334 --> 00:02:49,669

This better not be a mirage!

00:02:49,669 --> 00:02:52,630

Actually, I don't even care.

It's so hot, I'll take the illusion.

00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:54,549

Something's not right.

00:02:54,549 --> 00:02:56,801

Why does it smell like

the Smirnoff outlet store?

00:02:58,303 --> 00:02:59,804

[dragonfly sizzles, shrieks]

00:02:59,804 --> 00:03:01,347

Last one in's a shitty wad of shit.

00:03:01,347 --> 00:03:02,557

- [Gavin grunts]

- [Sofia yelps]

00:03:03,933 --> 00:03:05,685

- What the hell?

- Look!

00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:09,939

Oh, my God.

That dragonfly can't swim.

00:03:09,939 --> 00:03:12,150

Someone call a bug lifeguard!

00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:13,568

It's not water.

00:03:13,568 --> 00:03:15,445

[bugs squealing]

00:03:15,987 --> 00:03:18,865

[Sofia] Jesus, what the hell is it?

00:03:19,699 --> 00:03:22,035

[gasps] Hand sanitizer,

00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:24,204

the cheap kind that smells

like coyote vagina.

00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:26,247

At our scale, this stuff burns like acid.

00:03:26,247 --> 00:03:27,415

[leaf sizzles]

00:03:27,415 --> 00:03:28,958

Oh, my God, I could've died.

00:03:28,958 --> 00:03:31,669

Hey, hey, you didn't.

You're okay.

00:03:31,669 --> 00:03:33,630

I don't think I like

the Back Yard.

00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:36,299

Yeah, well, I don't really like anything.

00:03:36,799 --> 00:03:38,885

Except for Coldplay, they rule.

00:03:39,844 --> 00:03:43,723

[♪ intense ominous music playing]

00:03:45,183 --> 00:03:47,644

{\an8}Come on, guys,

he's gonna be here any second!

00:03:48,353 --> 00:03:49,729

I broke out the gouda today!

00:03:49,729 --> 00:03:52,106

Only the fanciest cheese

for our famous friend.

00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:54,776

Avatar! My blue!

00:03:54,776 --> 00:03:57,528

- [Pupa grunting]

- [JK Sevens whirring]

00:03:58,529 --> 00:04:00,281

- [Pupa shouts]

- [tray clatters]

00:04:00,281 --> 00:04:01,824

{\an8}Ah, my charcuterie board!

00:04:01,824 --> 00:04:03,576

{\an8}You know how many TikToks

I had to study

00:04:03,576 --> 00:04:04,953

{\an8}to get the meat flopped right?

00:04:04,953 --> 00:04:06,788

{\an8}I told you two

to stay out of the kitchen!

00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:09,249

{\an8}[Jesse] Why are you fighting?

I thought you were besties.

00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:10,333

{\an8}They're both Geminis.

00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:13,002

{\an8}When Saturn's in their

seventh house, good luck!

00:04:13,002 --> 00:04:15,088

{\an8}Neither of them were born

on this planet.

00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:17,090

{\an8}The star signs are hecka different.

00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:19,634

{\an8}Gemini energy is bigger

than galactic star charts!

00:04:19,634 --> 00:04:21,010

{\an8}You two better suck it up.

00:04:21,010 --> 00:04:23,054

{\an8}Our famous friend's coming over

to hang out today.

00:04:23,054 --> 00:04:25,223

{\an8}But what he doesn't know

is that it's actually an intervention.

00:04:25,223 --> 00:04:28,559

{\an8}Turns out you can have

too much alcohol and heroin,

00:04:28,559 --> 00:04:31,562

{\an8}and weed, and all the other drugs

smooshed up into a big ball.

00:04:31,562 --> 00:04:34,357

{\an8}He's going to freak out.

Everyone needs to be as quiet as possible

00:04:34,357 --> 00:04:36,025

{\an8}while we spring a friend trap

on his ass.

00:04:36,025 --> 00:04:39,112

{\an8}Oh, man, the look on his face

when we confront him with his own failings

00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:42,198

is gonna be tragic! [chuckles]

00:04:42,198 --> 00:04:44,742

[missiles whooshing]

00:04:44,742 --> 00:04:46,452

- [missiles exploding]

- [all screaming]

00:04:46,452 --> 00:04:47,537

[crockery clanking]

00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:49,914

Stop it with the sci-fi fight already!

00:04:49,914 --> 00:04:51,165

- [Pupa grunts]

- That's it, if you can't behave,

00:04:51,165 --> 00:04:52,458

then we're locking you two in the Manc Ave

00:04:52,458 --> 00:04:53,960

until the intervention is over!

00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:55,545

[Pupa grunts]

00:04:55,545 --> 00:04:57,255

You two are like feral cats!

00:04:57,255 --> 00:04:59,674

Are we sure it's a good idea

to leave them alone?

00:04:59,674 --> 00:05:01,968

{\an8}Yeah, we had to move a lot

of dangerous stuff down here

00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:04,178

{\an8}to make room for the intervention

in the living room.

00:05:04,178 --> 00:05:06,014

Like that laser cannon

and the ottoman.

00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:07,515

It's all harmless, they'll be fine.

00:05:07,515 --> 00:05:09,934

{\an8}What about this microuniverse

in a snow globe?

00:05:09,934 --> 00:05:13,104

{\an8}Or this soul disc you made Terry

after he saw Tron?

00:05:13,104 --> 00:05:15,523

{\an8}Oh, yeah, we recorded

my soul onto that thing

00:05:15,523 --> 00:05:17,442

{\an8}so I could live in the grid as a program.

00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:18,860

{\an8}I'm hella bicoastal, baby.

00:05:18,860 --> 00:05:20,111

{\an8}I made that up to make you happy.

00:05:20,111 --> 00:05:21,696

{\an8}So I still have my digital soul?

00:05:21,696 --> 00:05:23,323

{\an8}- Not cool!

- Ah!

00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:24,407

{\an8}- Ah!

- [Jesse gasps]

00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:25,491

{\an8}Ah!

00:05:25,491 --> 00:05:29,495

{\an8}Whew, you almost released

The Thing from The Thing.

00:05:29,495 --> 00:05:32,040

{\an8}That's a Miss Thing,

so we don't get sued.

00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:33,791

{\an8}- Wink, wink.

- [Miss Thing growls]

00:05:33,791 --> 00:05:35,168

{\an8}[Pupa gasps]

00:05:35,543 --> 00:05:37,712

{\an8}But even in clearable parody form,

00:05:37,712 --> 00:05:41,382

{\an8}this little lady is just as dangerous

as her big-screen counterpart.

00:05:41,382 --> 00:05:44,719

Ah, geez, we can't leave them

down here with Miss Thing.

00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:46,637

- She'll eat them and steal their DNA.

- [Pupa gasps]

00:05:46,637 --> 00:05:49,932

Wow, Jesse, um, women have

to support other women.

00:05:49,932 --> 00:05:52,310

She's just jealous because

Miss Thing rocks a bow better.

00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:54,937

We'll just put her way up here.

Problem solved.

00:05:54,937 --> 00:05:56,064

- [doorbell rings]

- [group gasps]

00:05:56,064 --> 00:05:58,733

Oh, my stars and garters, I haven't lit

the candle in the bathroom yet!

00:05:58,733 --> 00:05:59,817

Listen to me, you two,

00:05:59,817 --> 00:06:01,694

if either of you come upstairs

for even a second,

00:06:01,694 --> 00:06:03,196

you're grounded for life!

00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:05,823

But if you can make it through

this intervention without fighting,

00:06:05,823 --> 00:06:08,451

we'll take you to your favorite

fast casual French restaurant.

00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:11,412

- Au Bon Pain?

- Oui. So be good.

00:06:12,163 --> 00:06:13,498

Here, just zone out and watch

00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:15,583

{\an8}the director's commentary-only

edition of Shrek.

00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:17,418

[director] [on screen]

For this first scene, I wanted

00:06:17,418 --> 00:06:20,046

a sweeping wide shot,

but the studio insisted on starting

00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:22,507

with Shrek coming out

of an outhouse, wiping his ass.

00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:25,551

Now a lot of people wanna know

how we got the donkey to talk.

00:06:25,551 --> 00:06:28,429

No, it's not peanut butter.

It was computers.

00:06:28,763 --> 00:06:32,016

[♪ suspenseful Western music playing]

00:06:33,476 --> 00:06:35,144

You know what I miss

about the before-fore?

00:06:35,144 --> 00:06:37,772

Being big enough that

a raindrop wouldn't kill me?

00:06:37,772 --> 00:06:39,857

Yeah, I was gonna say $5 foot longs.

00:06:39,857 --> 00:06:42,110

But that raindrop thing

really is a problem.

00:06:42,527 --> 00:06:43,861

[Hedgey purrs]

00:06:43,861 --> 00:06:46,697

- Hedgey, did you just purr at her?

- We're friends.

00:06:46,697 --> 00:06:49,158

He wraps his little arms

around me when we sleep.

00:06:49,158 --> 00:06:50,493

I call them hedgehugs.

00:06:50,493 --> 00:06:52,286

I've been beggin' you for hedgehugs.

00:06:52,286 --> 00:06:53,371

[Hedgey groans]

00:06:53,371 --> 00:06:57,125

He makes me feel safe,

at least for a minute.

00:06:57,125 --> 00:06:59,168

The Yard's a hard place to live,

00:06:59,168 --> 00:07:01,170

but I'll take it over the Wall any day.

00:07:01,170 --> 00:07:03,381

The Wall didn't have poison lakes.

00:07:03,381 --> 00:07:05,925

Worse. I was there for every era.

00:07:05,925 --> 00:07:07,301

[crowd roaring]

00:07:07,301 --> 00:07:09,971

I stormed the Duke's staircase

in Wall War I.

00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:14,600

When Tim took over, I helped clean

and distribute sex toys to the needy.

00:07:16,185 --> 00:07:18,813

I even smuggled Raisinettes

over the wall in the Wall

00:07:18,813 --> 00:07:20,690

when the Bowinians split off.

00:07:21,357 --> 00:07:23,443

[Sofia]

No Duke or Bowinians out here.

00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:25,445

That's right, this is a simple yard.

00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:28,865

Look at us delivering fruit

to hungry people, no politics.

00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:30,450

That's the way to live.

00:07:32,577 --> 00:07:35,580

[♪ foreboding music playing]

00:07:37,665 --> 00:07:39,834

[JK Sevens beeping]

00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:43,504

Mine! Mine!

00:07:44,922 --> 00:07:46,132

No! Ah!

00:07:47,091 --> 00:07:48,926

[♪ suspenseful music playing]

00:07:50,178 --> 00:07:51,888

- [JK Sevens beeping]

- Ah!

00:07:51,888 --> 00:07:54,640

[Miss Thing shrieks]

00:07:58,060 --> 00:07:59,061

Aah!

00:08:00,646 --> 00:08:04,609

- [Miss Thing shrieking]

- [objects crashing]

00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:07,153

What the... Oh, finally!

00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:09,614

Do you know how long I've been trapped

in the digital world?

00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:11,657

There isn't even

a single Del Taco in there!

00:08:11,657 --> 00:08:12,742

- [Miss Thing shrieks]

- Ah!

00:08:14,410 --> 00:08:16,370

[weapon whirring]

00:08:16,370 --> 00:08:17,622

Ah!

00:08:17,622 --> 00:08:18,706

[Miss Thing shrieks]

00:08:19,540 --> 00:08:21,667

- [bats shrieking]

- Ah!

00:08:22,668 --> 00:08:24,420

[♪ suspenseful music playing]

00:08:24,420 --> 00:08:25,796

[Miss Thing shrieks]

00:08:25,796 --> 00:08:27,632

♪

00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:33,930

What's wrong, boy?

00:08:33,930 --> 00:08:35,223

Road's blocked.

00:08:36,224 --> 00:08:38,267

Usually, Terry throws his chicken legs

00:08:38,267 --> 00:08:40,144

closer to the kitchen window.

00:08:40,144 --> 00:08:42,146

- [sword swishes]

- [Gavin and Sofia shout]

00:08:44,023 --> 00:08:45,399

- [lizard hisses]

- [Sofia] It's the bounty hunter!

00:08:45,399 --> 00:08:47,360

Jesus Christ, where?

Oh, me.

00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:48,819

Hyah, Hedgey, hyah!

00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:51,697

[grunts]

00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:54,825

[lizard growls]

00:08:57,203 --> 00:08:58,454

He's still coming!

00:08:58,454 --> 00:08:59,914

We gotta go off-road!

00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:03,376

[grass rustling]

00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:09,131

PEZ!

00:09:09,131 --> 00:09:11,801

Oh, shit! No time to stop!

Go, Hedgey, go!

00:09:14,637 --> 00:09:15,721

- [wagon thuds]

- [Gavin and Sofia grunt]

00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:19,767

Good boy! Get us outta this

and it's grubs for dinner all week!

00:09:19,767 --> 00:09:21,185

- [Hedgey squeals]

- [Gavin and Sofia scream]

00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:23,229

- Come on!

- Look!

00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:26,649

Hurry, push!

00:09:26,649 --> 00:09:28,818

♪

00:09:30,945 --> 00:09:32,863

- It's working.

- [lizard roars]

00:09:32,863 --> 00:09:34,365

[Bounty Hunter grumbles]

00:09:38,744 --> 00:09:40,454

Hyah, hyah. [clicks tongue]

00:09:40,454 --> 00:09:42,456

It'll take him hours

to get all the way around.

00:09:42,456 --> 00:09:43,708

This is gonna work.

00:09:44,625 --> 00:09:46,419

- [Sofia] Ah, we're sinking!

- [Gavin] Ah!

00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:48,921

Oh, no, we need to jettison weight.

00:09:48,921 --> 00:09:50,339

- [Hedgey screaming]

- Hedgey, quit it.

00:09:50,339 --> 00:09:52,425

- It's gonna be okay.

- Ah, come on!

00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:54,927

- Hedgey.

- Hedgey, please, you need to stay calm.

00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:57,138

Ah, god, it burns!

00:09:57,138 --> 00:09:58,681

[Sofia] Oh, my God, are you okay?

00:09:58,681 --> 00:10:01,309

We're still sinking.

We need to lighten the load.

00:10:01,309 --> 00:10:02,893

- No!

- Hedgey, no!

00:10:04,228 --> 00:10:06,314

[♪ poignant music playing]

00:10:09,692 --> 00:10:11,652

- [Hedgey whinnies]

- [liquid splashing gently]

00:10:11,652 --> 00:10:13,446

- [Hedgey vocalizing]

- [both gasp]

00:10:14,363 --> 00:10:17,950

His quills protect him

from the hand sanitizer!

00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:19,118

Good boy!

00:10:19,118 --> 00:10:22,246

Ha! I'm learning a shit-ton

about hedgehogs today.

00:10:22,246 --> 00:10:23,748

Crap!

00:10:23,748 --> 00:10:26,375

We took on too much goo. Come on!

00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,211

We can save the food, pass it over.

00:10:29,211 --> 00:10:30,838

We can't leave the cart.

00:10:30,838 --> 00:10:32,882

We can build a new cart.

00:10:33,382 --> 00:10:34,967

Stop it!

What are you doing?

00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:37,595

We don't need the cart

if we don't have the food!

00:10:38,220 --> 00:10:39,388

It's ruined.

00:10:39,930 --> 00:10:41,432

Goddammit.

00:10:43,225 --> 00:10:46,187

[♪ tense music playing]

00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:49,774

[groans]

00:10:50,858 --> 00:10:53,903

You better have a really good answer

for what just happened.

00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:56,322

Um, I did the cart thing.

00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:58,824

You call hand sanitizer goo.

00:10:58,824 --> 00:11:00,409

Let's not point fingers.

00:11:00,409 --> 00:11:01,952

What is wrong with you?

00:11:04,872 --> 00:11:06,666

[Miss Thing hissing]

00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:10,920

- [JK Sevens beeps]

- [Pupa grunts]

00:11:12,463 --> 00:11:13,798

[sighs]

00:11:14,215 --> 00:11:16,092

Ah! Au Bon Pain!

00:11:17,218 --> 00:11:19,053

[Terry] I forgive you

for getting gacked on blow

00:11:19,053 --> 00:11:20,346

and then running me over

with your convertible.

00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:22,098

No matter how many castles you defeat,

00:11:22,098 --> 00:11:25,059

you'll never find the drug

that makes you you again.

00:11:25,059 --> 00:11:27,687

You know, I remember when you started out

as a simple gamer boy,

00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:29,730

but ever since the movie came out,

you've changed.

00:11:29,730 --> 00:11:32,149

You wanna fight the final boss?

Look in the mirror.

00:11:32,149 --> 00:11:34,902

[friend] [in Italian accent]

Wahoo, that was beautiful, Terry.

00:11:34,902 --> 00:11:37,863

But I'm gonna have to say, "Oh, no!"

00:11:37,863 --> 00:11:40,241

You think I need your pity,

you little bitches?

00:11:40,241 --> 00:11:41,325

[Terry] I'm a little bitch?

00:11:41,325 --> 00:11:44,036

You're the one who offered to blow

Eric Stonestreet for an eight ball.

00:11:44,036 --> 00:11:45,705

[friend] So what if I did?

00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:48,749

It's a-me, I'm a fucking a-movie star now!

00:11:48,749 --> 00:11:50,167

- [Terry] You begged him!

- [Pupa gasps]

00:11:50,167 --> 00:11:52,294

[Korvo] Calm down, Terrance,

let him express his feelings.

00:11:52,294 --> 00:11:54,004

[friend] I don't wanna be here!

00:11:54,004 --> 00:11:57,049

The Last of Us people don't have

to put up with this shit.

00:11:57,049 --> 00:11:59,135

[Jesse] The Last of Us guys

didn't drive their Kart

00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:01,804

off the PCH hopped up on PCP.

00:12:02,596 --> 00:12:03,848

[Sofia hammering]

00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:06,684

What were you thinking?

00:12:06,684 --> 00:12:08,185

Can we talk about this later?

00:12:08,185 --> 00:12:11,105

That bounty hunter's still out there.

We gotta get going.

00:12:11,105 --> 00:12:13,816

Get going where exactly?

You tossed all the food!

00:12:13,816 --> 00:12:15,860

Okay, I know it seems bad.

00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:17,403

All we have is an empty cart!

00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:19,196

I'm never gonna be able to clear my debt.

00:12:19,196 --> 00:12:20,406

Yes, you will.

00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:21,574

This isn't DoorDash.

00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:23,325

When you get paid to transport food,

00:12:23,325 --> 00:12:25,536

you don't get paid without the food!

00:12:25,536 --> 00:12:27,288

We weren't transporting food!

00:12:27,288 --> 00:12:30,082

Oh, I'm sorry,

then what were we doing?

00:12:30,082 --> 00:12:31,584

We're hauling this.

00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:34,795

[♪ intense dramatic music playing]

00:12:34,795 --> 00:12:36,714

That's the real payload.

00:12:36,714 --> 00:12:38,632

A stupid metal wheel?

00:12:38,632 --> 00:12:40,760

It's a valve for a water spigot.

00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:44,430

We can use it to turn

the sprinklers back on.

00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:45,514

Crops will grow again.

00:12:45,514 --> 00:12:48,309

Everyone will have

all the fruit they want.

00:12:48,309 --> 00:12:50,394

- So you lied to me?

- I had to.

00:12:50,895 --> 00:12:53,814

The grass, everything is dying.

00:12:54,315 --> 00:12:56,817

Someone turned the sprinklers off.

00:12:57,276 --> 00:13:00,488

They were trying to take

all the power and control the yard.

00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:02,740

If they knew we had this...

00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:05,618

That bounty hunter

isn't even after me.

00:13:06,035 --> 00:13:07,578

He's after this fuckin' valve.

00:13:07,578 --> 00:13:10,498

Okay, technically, yes,

but I had no choice.

00:13:10,498 --> 00:13:13,334

Look, all you have to do

is deliver this spigot to our contact

00:13:13,334 --> 00:13:15,503

and you will get your Yardbucks.

00:13:15,503 --> 00:13:16,921

This is exactly the type of

00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:20,424

Tim and Sisto political bullshit

I will not be part of.

00:13:20,424 --> 00:13:22,885

Controlling water isn't political.

00:13:22,885 --> 00:13:25,262

What? [sputters]

Haven't you seen Chinatown?

00:13:25,262 --> 00:13:27,348

I only watch movies on Disney Plus!

00:13:27,348 --> 00:13:29,683

Yeah, well, that's pretty fuckin' clear.

00:13:30,726 --> 00:13:31,852

What are you doing?

00:13:31,852 --> 00:13:34,855

If you leave now,

you, you, you won't get paid!

00:13:35,189 --> 00:13:36,690

Ah, what good's money

00:13:36,690 --> 00:13:40,653

if I get killed by some Back Yard Duke

before I can spend it?

00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:43,864

Come on, Hedgey,

let's leave this liar liar

00:13:43,864 --> 00:13:45,783

before her pants catch on fire.

00:13:45,783 --> 00:13:47,618

[♪ poignant music playing]

00:13:47,618 --> 00:13:49,245

Fine, leave!

00:13:49,245 --> 00:13:52,373

I don't need you. I'll do it myself!

00:13:55,084 --> 00:13:56,836

Stupid Gavin.

00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,379

Stupid jerk.

00:13:58,379 --> 00:14:00,464

Doesn't even wanna save the Back Yard.

00:14:00,464 --> 00:14:01,841

[panting]

00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:03,467

- Asshole!

- [grass rustling]

00:14:04,051 --> 00:14:06,679

[♪ suspenseful Western music playing]

00:14:09,181 --> 00:14:10,391

[lizard growling]

00:14:10,391 --> 00:14:11,725

You.

00:14:11,725 --> 00:14:13,060

[lizard snarls]

00:14:17,064 --> 00:14:19,066

You killed my uncle!

00:14:19,066 --> 00:14:20,276

[shouts]

00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:21,861

[Sofia screams]

00:14:24,071 --> 00:14:25,781

[Korvo] Look, we just wanna

see you get off the streets

00:14:25,781 --> 00:14:27,032

and back to the Mushroom Kingdom.

00:14:27,032 --> 00:14:28,492

[Yumyulack]

No more tennis, no more golf,

00:14:28,492 --> 00:14:30,077

no more superstar sagas.

00:14:30,077 --> 00:14:31,996

[friend] Oh, come on.

00:14:31,996 --> 00:14:34,790

[Jesse] Please go to rehab.

You know it's the right thing to do.

00:14:34,790 --> 00:14:36,959

- [Terry] Let us love you.

- [Yumyulack] Please!

00:14:36,959 --> 00:14:38,544

[Jesse] Can you get me

a meeting with Toad?

00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:42,464

[friend]

Oh, God, I'm a big piece of shit!

00:14:43,215 --> 00:14:45,134

I'm-a so sorry, you guys.

00:14:45,467 --> 00:14:48,679

I just wanna kill turtles

and go on odysseys, you know?

00:14:49,179 --> 00:14:51,515

{\an8}I'm so sick of shooting up

in the bathroom

00:14:51,515 --> 00:14:53,058

of a Long John Silver's

00:14:53,058 --> 00:14:56,437

with the fighters from

Mortal Kombat: Annihilation!

00:14:56,437 --> 00:14:57,938

- [crying]

- [Miss Thing snarls]

00:14:57,938 --> 00:14:59,398

- Shh.

- [Korvo] What the hell was that?

00:15:00,608 --> 00:15:02,401

Huh. It's probably not important

to the story.

00:15:02,401 --> 00:15:05,279

[Terry] Huh, I guess

it was just our imagination.

00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:06,697

[friend] [sniffles]

Thank you, guys.

00:15:06,697 --> 00:15:09,074

I was so close to game over,

00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:11,201

but now it feels like I have hope.

00:15:11,201 --> 00:15:12,745

[guest]

Birdo, Birdo, Birdo!

00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,914

[Terry]

Jesus Christ, this isn't about you.

00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:16,749

- [JK Sevens whirring]

- Mmm.

00:15:23,130 --> 00:15:24,214

[Hedgey groans]

00:15:24,214 --> 00:15:25,799

What's the matter, H?

00:15:25,799 --> 00:15:28,385

You can't still be hungry

after that double helping of mealworms.

00:15:29,178 --> 00:15:31,805

No, no, do not give me that look.

00:15:32,806 --> 00:15:35,017

Yeah, I know, I-I was starting

to like her too,

00:15:35,017 --> 00:15:36,769

even though she said I dress "daggy,"

00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:38,479

whatever that means.

00:15:38,854 --> 00:15:40,481

Hey, hey, come on, stop!

00:15:40,481 --> 00:15:42,066

I'm in charge here!

00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:45,819

[Gavin shouts]

00:15:46,987 --> 00:15:49,114

Fine, we can go back.

00:15:49,114 --> 00:15:51,909

Once we know she's safe, though,

we are gone for good.

00:15:51,909 --> 00:15:53,327

- [Hedgey purring]

- Alright.

00:15:53,327 --> 00:15:55,120

Okay then, if we're doing this,

let's hurry up.

00:15:55,537 --> 00:15:56,580

Hyah!

00:15:59,083 --> 00:16:01,043

I think we really got through to him.

00:16:01,043 --> 00:16:02,544

Eh, he won't last the month.

00:16:02,544 --> 00:16:04,463

The Thanksgiving Day Parade's

right around the corner,

00:16:04,463 --> 00:16:06,674

and you know how he gets

around the Rockettes.

00:16:06,674 --> 00:16:09,885

Okay, I wonder what kind of shit show

we're walking into down here.

00:16:09,885 --> 00:16:12,012

[director] [on screen] Four donkeys died

during the production.

00:16:12,012 --> 00:16:14,974

The stage lights were just

too hot for the little guys.

00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:17,351

We are very proud of you two.

00:16:17,351 --> 00:16:20,187

You went the whole day

without fighting, good job.

00:16:20,187 --> 00:16:22,272

Go upstairs

and get your puffy coats,

00:16:22,272 --> 00:16:24,024

we're going to Au Bon Pain!

00:16:24,024 --> 00:16:25,192

- Yay!

- [JK Sevens beeping]

00:16:32,032 --> 00:16:33,784

I need a fuckin' smoke.

00:16:34,702 --> 00:16:36,120

They only had Camel Crushes.

00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:37,955

Gross. Hand them over.

00:16:39,039 --> 00:16:40,916

Terry, you brilliant son of a bitch.

00:16:40,916 --> 00:16:42,835

I can't believe your plan worked.

00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:45,170

Pretending to get

our friend hooked on heroin

00:16:45,170 --> 00:16:46,714

so we can have an intervention excuse

00:16:46,714 --> 00:16:48,841

to lock the Pupa

and JK Sevens down here...

00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:52,094

So they would work together

and become friends!

00:16:52,094 --> 00:16:54,388

-"Pretending"?

- Either way, I'm impressed.

00:16:54,388 --> 00:16:55,848

It's called parenting, honey.

00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:57,016

Top work, Miss Thing.

00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:58,767

Looking forward to working together again.

00:16:58,767 --> 00:17:00,436

[together]

Miss Thing, Miss Thing,

00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:01,520

- Miss Thing!

- Alright!

00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:02,730

- Yeah!

- You go, girl!

00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:05,566

Little one hit me with

a container of laundry detergent.

00:17:05,566 --> 00:17:06,775

Here's an extra 20.

00:17:06,775 --> 00:17:09,570

You're free to head out into the world

and spread like a virus or whatever.

00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:11,071

We don't really care

what you do to humans.

00:17:11,071 --> 00:17:12,865

Well, here's a tip, don't do drugs.

00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:16,368

- [Solars laughing]

- [Miss Thing coughs]

00:17:21,206 --> 00:17:22,958

[sniffing]

00:17:22,958 --> 00:17:25,711

Huh. It looks like she stopped here

and went off-road.

00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:27,838

- [Hedgey squeaks]

- What is it, bud?

00:17:28,547 --> 00:17:31,425

[♪ somber music playing]

00:17:33,010 --> 00:17:34,011

Oh...

00:17:34,970 --> 00:17:37,473

Lizard tracks, dammit!

00:17:38,599 --> 00:17:41,602

[♪ epic music playing]

00:17:43,687 --> 00:17:46,690

Oh, why did it have

to be Basketballburgh?

00:17:47,691 --> 00:17:51,236

There's two dozen bastards down there

who'd love to see me dead.

00:17:51,236 --> 00:17:52,571

[Hedgey squeaks]

00:17:52,571 --> 00:17:54,239

Yeah, I know.

00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:57,076

As usual, I don't have a choice.

00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:58,160

Hyah!

00:17:58,577 --> 00:18:01,747

I'll bet you 10 Yardbucks

I won't gamble, okay?

00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:08,712

[♪ eerie music playing]

00:18:08,712 --> 00:18:10,005

[gasps]

00:18:13,634 --> 00:18:14,968

What the hell?

00:18:22,768 --> 00:18:25,354

{\an8}[gasps] The rollercoaster!

00:18:26,396 --> 00:18:28,524

Wow, it's so green.

00:18:29,066 --> 00:18:31,401

Well done, Little Richard, really.

00:18:31,401 --> 00:18:33,612

Tip-top work.

Here's your Yardbucks.

00:18:33,612 --> 00:18:35,864

Treat your wife to a nice meal, on me.

00:18:35,864 --> 00:18:38,700

We're all the same size.

That name doesn't make any sense.

00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:40,744

It's because I have a tiny dick!

00:18:40,744 --> 00:18:41,995

Happy?

00:18:42,913 --> 00:18:44,832

Wait, I know you.

00:18:44,832 --> 00:18:47,668

You used to be the head

of the Wall Council.

00:18:47,668 --> 00:18:49,503

You were one of the good guys.

00:18:49,503 --> 00:18:52,005

I still am a good guy.

00:18:52,005 --> 00:18:55,676

I can't thank you enough for guarding this

as you crossed the Yard.

00:18:55,676 --> 00:18:58,011

Now, with all the spigots,

00:18:58,011 --> 00:19:01,098

I can control all the water

00:19:01,098 --> 00:19:05,602

as far as the tiny eye can see!

00:19:05,602 --> 00:19:07,855

[laughs evilly]

00:19:07,855 --> 00:19:11,900

Dammit, I bet this is just like Chinatown.

00:19:11,900 --> 00:19:14,862

[evil laughter continues]

00:19:18,949 --> 00:19:21,952

[♪ dramatic theme playing]

00:19:44,099 --> 00:19:47,102

♪

00:20:03,327 --> 00:20:04,828

[mimicking laser fire]